The Frank Skinner Show - Man Bat

Episode Date: November 19, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. Today Frank and Emily are joined by Angela Barnes. This week the new Three Lions has been released and David Baddiel upstaged Frank on the One Show. The team also discuss bad nicknames, Fray Bentos pies and train seat incident.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Angela Barnes is with us today. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or you can email the show via Frank at Absolute Radio. Morning. How about that for my new warm, friendly voice? I'm working on that. I quite like it. Like treacle.

Can I tell you a story? Let me tell you a story. I went to pick my child up from school yesterday. And his classroom is on the ground floor very glass fronted as classrooms sometimes are so you can see in and as i approach from the front gate i could see they got uh the big telly on in their classroom as i got a bit closer they were watching the new Three Lions video, the whole class. So I went up and just stood against the glass with my hands raised. And the children started pointing at me. Hold it.

Yeah. And... Thank goodness they recognised you. I know, yeah, exactly. I was already being carried away by security before I... No, no, that's... Don't you see that? So anyway, then the teacher called me in. I went in and watched it, and at the end of it, everybody applauded. Oh, that's so lovely. It was so sweet, and I felt really up and excited.

And then the whole thing was brought down by as I walked back to the car with my child. He said, that was great. He said, he said it was like you're a big celebrity again. Oh, out of the mouth of babe. Oh, no. It could have gone the other way. At least he was proud of you.

Because I don't know, if my dad was coming to my classroom, I might have been embarrassed. He was proud of me temporarily. Angela, that's so kind of you. Yeah, it was. But I'm not convinced. That was lovely to try and lift me up. But this is the cowboy film where I say,

no, no, I'll go on without me. I can't. It was only rescued by, in the car journey, he said to me, he said, I won't name the charts, but one of his friends said, I think your dad's got an amazing voice. She said, but I don't like that other man's.

Oh! That helped a bit. Did he mean David or Ian? I'm sure he meant Ian. Do you know, I found it oddly reassuring. I quite liked it. When it kicks in... Kids, they don't appreciate the sort of Lee Marvin growl.

When it kicked in, David's voice, I loved it. Because I thought, will it always be the same? Will it be the same as it was? And it was, and I loved it. Absolutely true. When I first heard it playing back and his voice come in, I just thought all is well with the world. So did I.

I felt it made me happy and reassured. When I watched the video, it took me a while to realise, because the video's quite clever. It's got the sort of old original video and you guys now superimposed on it. And at first I hadn't realised... It's a terrible example of, like, two young men and then they're all diverged. I tell you what, it's the sort of...

It's our version of the Johnny Cash hurt video, the sort of last will and testament. Sorry, Angela, carry on When I first saw David on it, it was young David, but I hadn't realised that's what it was and I just thought, gosh doesn't he look young now he's shaved his beard off and then the old David Cat was like, oh no

Oh no Sorry David, I didn't mean it like that Oh no Oh no Frank, what about when we watched it with your cat, oh come on David, I didn't mean it like that. It's out now. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, but that... Frank, what about when we watched it with your cast? Oh, come on. Frank showed it to me.

I can reveal this now. I gave Emily an unpolished version that we watched together at our house. What did I do? What was my reaction? Emily really cried. Oh. I mean, the tears were flowing.

She hates bad CGI. she just can't handle it i've seen young david and we watched it and i was sobbing it was very moving actually tablo frank took a picture of me crying a bit strange and sent it to david i've got a big collection of women crying from over the years. And Kath's first reaction, she said, wow, David looks amazing. Yeah, and then we waited and nothing else came out. And then she said, well, I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about David.

I said, I think that's maybe the issue. Yes, exactly. So it's been an emotional ups and downs thing. I was going to say emotional rolling coaster, but I thought if I ever say that, take me outside and shoot me through both knees. But yeah, so that thing. It was brilliant walking into the room. What's the chances of that happening?

Timing everything in this business. There's some lovely acting in there. Three lions. My personal favourite moment is the bucket of custard. How many times did you have to stick your arm in that bucket of custard? That question to Frank Skinner. That's a good question. Don't ask me anything that involves remembering on air.

I think that might have been the second go. Because we weren't... You know, it's a repeated thing. I did it originally with a cantaloupe. But because this was a Christmas thing, we couldn't resist the spherical Christmas pudding. But the big debate was with or without Holly do I have to take the Holly off before you know what we just let the Holly be

goes in a Christmas pudding and god damn it comes out of Christmas yeah what I like there's a little it's a lovely it's I should say by the way, that everyone is talking... This is... I did a football song 20-odd years ago, and we've just re-released. We're just a new version of it, and the video came out yesterday. In case you're thinking, what is all this about? OK.

There's a bit at the start, and it's a lovely... It's almost Mike Lee, the subtlety of the performance. I like it. Frank is... It's a lovely, it's almost Mike Lee, the subtlety of the performance. I like it. Frank is, it's a beautiful little, there's an England jacket on the, something on the coat, you're putting it on the hook, aren't you?

And he just touches the fabric and looks to camera very wistfully as it starts. And, oh, thoughtfulness. That apparently is actually Roger Hunt's England jacket. Roger Hunt, who played in the 66 World Cup final. I don't know who Roger Hunt is. Yeah, well, he played in the 66 World Cup final. Wow, and that's actually his jacket.

That was actually his jacket brought in by somebody. And can I say, attention must also be paid to David Baddiel's door-answering face. Beautiful, very authentic. It's exactly how he looks when he answers the door to me. Attention must also be paid to David Baddiel's door-answering face. Beautiful. Very authentic. It's exactly how he looks when he answers the door to me. Yes. Not frailed. He doesn't... The only thing that I'm anxious about in the whole video

is when Dave gestures in the carol singers. There's a slight element... Do you remember at school when you used to scratch your face with two fingers? In a sort of a, this is a rude gesture but I'm hiding it. There's a slight element of that which unsettles me. Other than that. Now I'm going to have to look for that next time I watch it. But I'm glad you like it because we got interviewed by The Guardian on Thursday

and The Guardian Man tore us apart because the song wasn't more political. Oh, did he? Why should it be? It's a Christmas football song. I know, but you know. Well, Ruth George. And then I looked at, hold on, so I looked at The Guardian first page today. Massive thing, will Qatar ruin Bran Beckham?

Because Beckham's going to Qatar so I thought yeah top third of the page World Cup 2022 your definitive guide free 36 page supplement in the Guardian the cake has arrived and it is also

being eaten yes sounds like it yeah what is the Guardian the Guardian of nowadays hypocrisy the Guardian the Guardian of nowadays? Hypocrisy!

The Guardian, a.k.a. Picker Lane, will you? Yeah, come on, Picker Lane! Well, Ruth Jordan, one of our regulars... Good morning, son. Lovely when you switch on breakfast radio and hear, how many times did you have to stick your arm in that bucket of custard? Yeah. That is quite a non-secretary. I realised soon as i said it anyone who hasn't seen the video no yeah because you've never seen it so this is the thing i've done before is if you put a spherical object like a cantaloupe in one hand and dip it in custard when and then hold it upright

when it comes out it looks looks like the World Cup. Yeah. Very effective. Yeah. I'd try it at home. But check with mum. No, you're all dad. Okay, whatever you've got.

A parent. A guardian. A ward. If you're their ward. If you are the ward of a guardian. Not a guardian, please. Not the guardian. They get confused.

Check with whoever pays for the cantaloupe. Friendship on Absolute Radio. So, look, Angela Barnes is with us this morning, and she did me a big favour recently. But I promised we'd keep that between ourselves. Don't sell the papers. Exactly. No, she tipped me off to a good hearing aid company.

Yes, old people, this section is for you. No, it's not. It's not all old people, obviously. Shall we have some music for this section? I like this section. Okay, but it's going to be loud. section okay but it's going to be loud um i'll tell you what happened is that um is that angela recommended a company to me and i took my mother-in-law in and i thought 80th birthday i'm gonna get a i'm geared up with some hearing uh hearing tools when you say geared up

you're making it sound a bit Whitesnake. Man, if you saw the gear, though. They had like a giant table with all sorts of equipment on it. It was brilliant. It was a little bit early Doctor Who, which I like. And so I went along and at the moment, previously with my mother-in-law, previously with my mother-in-law, previously with my mother-in-law, previously on with my mother-in-law,

the British comedy drama, the nice thing about her hearing issues is that we could criticise them without having to leave the room. And we can't do that anymore because the hearing aids that we added on with were so good. And there's these lovely people, all love Angela Barnes. It was Angela Barnes this and Angela Barnes that. And so we went and got done and it was brilliant.

Anyway, I should say that. Shall I say the name of the company? I mean, that's very much up to whether it's in the rules or not. I don't know. I don't know, but they did such a great job. They're called GN ReSound. They're lovely, lovely people. Fantastic.

Anyway, that's the point. I like them because they're quite J.R. Hartley as well. Yes, so I got my ears tested, and they said, right ear only medium. I don't need a hearing aid. Apparently all I need to do is cop my right hand

and hold it just behind the ear. When's your birthday? I'm going to get you an ear trumpet. Oh, that would be I would love the ear trumpet. I think it would suit you, fam. Yeah, I think it would as well. I think it would suit you, fam. Yeah, I think it would as well. Because I think you could use it,

maybe you could go up to an ice cream van and say you wouldn't mind slopping one in here, would you? Because I'd have it eaten before it reached the smallest spout. Are the ear trumpets, are they like sort of cornets or something? Are they long? Yeah, sort of a long cone shape that you stick in your ear. I don't know if they still use them. But I actually said to the lady, I saw it to, because there were three ladies,

and diddly-diddy-diddy. Did they like it? And I said, look, I'll be honest, it's not such a problem with me a bit of hearing loss because when i'm in company tends to be me who's doing the talking and i said if anyone else does talk you know and i don't catch it it's fine because generally what other people say i can take it or leave Wow. And I said it like that and they both, I let them sit for like 20 seconds and completely accepted that as me being serious before I said, no, no, I am. I am joking.

But obviously there is some truth in it. Yeah. So, yeah, thank you, Angela. They're working great. She's not picking up a local cab company, which I always imagined happened with hearing aids. It makes me so happy because, you know, we have such a sort of stigma about hearing aids.

Like, if you can't see, you wear glasses. People don't really think about it. But get your ears tested and make your lives better. Well, Johnny Ray, who's a singer I love from the 50s, he had a hearing aid and he decided it was getting him quite a bit of sympathy from the females in the audience. So he had a big one made

that was about three inches across that he wore because he was worried that the females in the cheap seats weren't catching up his hearing aid. And I tell you what I was thinking about Johnny Ray because he had some of the worst nicknames of anyone because he used to cry on stage. Oh, is that poor old Johnny Ray? Yes, it's the same guy.

So he was known as the Neighbob of Sob, which is great if you know what a Neighbob is. What is a Neighbob? It's a sort of Middle Eastern ruler, so not a great one. Oh, OK. And the Prince of Wales, but you had to see it written down because it was Wales as in wailing. Oh, Wales.

Right, yes, of course. And I just thought I'd ask, what's the worst nicknames that our readers have ever heard? Just rubbish nicknames that didn't quite work and it was hard to understand. 8.12. 15 and relax. We were talking about poor old Johnny Ray off air. Yes.

Johnny Ray was a 50s singer who some people think, although he wasn't a rock and roller, he invented on stage rock and roll with a sort of sensibility. So he would cry, drop to his knees, sometimes writhe on the floor singing songs. And I was familiar with it. I hadn't... Frank, maybe you could do the honours as the singer of the group.

Well... He was made famous to me by the line in the Dexys song... In Common Eileen, begins... He was made famous to me by the line in the Dexys song. In Come and I Lane, it begins, Poor old Johnny Ray Sounded sad upon the radio Broke a million hearts in Mano In my mother's day So that was, yeah.

It's coming home I'd never made that connection. I love this show. I always learn something can I tell you that I I did Johnny Ray on Stars in the Rice

did you? I did I thought you did Costello no I did it twice I did Costello the first time Johnny Ray second year

you did it twice and the great thing of course is that no one in the audience knew what Johnny Ray sounded like. So I got tremendous applause on the off chance. Yes, I've actually got, I think I can say this on air.

I've got a framed letter that Johnny Ray wrote to a fan explaining the terrible mistake that had happened when he'd been arrested in a gentleman's lavatory. Oh, really? Absolute radio. Well, I mean... Rock memorabilia, Jarns. Here.

I love your strategy there, doing someone that there's no... Well, I did him because I love him. I love him. I know, but it's a great idea. It never occurred to me that no one else knew who he was, but it soon became very apparent, certainly. Did you win?

I like the idea of doing an impression show and say, oh, tonight I will be Geoffrey Chorster. I think Boy George won, I think, doing David Bowie. Wow. Frustrating, because he didn't read it. He just did a lovely singing job. Wow. Frustrating because he didn't read it. He just did a lovely singing job. Yeah. But he wasn't as David Bowie as I was Johnny Ray, let's put it that way.

Oof. But you're not bitter? No. Johnny Ray probably was a bit. So, yeah, Prince of Wales, the nabob of sob. I mean, that is asking a lot of people, isn't it? They don't even have Google then.

How do you find out what nabob? Okay. Frank, we've heard from the outside world. Good. Haven't we, Ange? We have. We've had some lovely tweets. How are you with Ange or Angie?

I don't mind. Well, I'm an Angie, really, because I was named after the Rolling Stones song. Oh, I love named after. Yeah. So you say named after Angie. I don't mind that. Well, I'm an Angie, really, because I was named after the Rolling Stones song. Oh, I love named after. Yeah. So you say named after Angie. Yeah. You don't say named for.

You know, some people say that. I'm named for. Of course, one of the most famous now, Suella Braverman. Yes. Who brilliantly was named after Sue Ellen from. From Dallas. From Dallas. From Dallas.

And got a bit embarrassed about it as she got older and decided to be called Suella instead of Sue Ellen. But yeah, she's actually Sue Ellen Bravham. That's brutal. J.R. would have been better, wouldn't he? Yeah. More apt. And Frank, I was named after...

Oh, I don't know you were named after... Emily from Bagpuss. No. Famous Emily, I think. Emily Dickinson named after. Oh, I don't know you were named after. Emily from Bagpuss. No. Famous Emily, I think. Emily Dickinson. Yes. Oh, good one. Of course, yeah.

Is there any listeners who were named after celebrities? I'd love to hear about it. I like that my celebrity is Emily Dickinson. Yeah? Well, so all the bravado was stretching it. Well, I mean, Angieman was stretching it. Well, I mean, Angie Bowie,

technically. Oh, I'll tell you another story. Can I tell another? Is there a... No. No, I know.

Is the Fez out? Where did Fez came out? Yeah, the Fez came out. And then it went away again. Yeah. You can't tell any more stories. In case you don't know,

the producer puts down a Fez to say that, shut up. But, I don't know why she takes it away again. she say I've changed her mind let's not do the adverts I love the adverts I know some people

don't it's what I live for Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio So you've been asking for our readers I suppose just you know some examples of nicknames which are specifically... Not very good nicknames. Like the nabob of sob, which is a good nickname if nabob was a commonly used word, which I would say most people's homes it isn't.

I don't know if this one, we might have to disqualify this one on account of it being rather good. I'm going to share it anyway. We might have to disqualify this one on account of it being rather good. But I'm going to share it anyway. Steve Burgess, we used to call a bloke called Michael Rowe, DeBotashaw. It sounds like a posh surname. So I'll just name it DeBotashaw.

You know Hamish DeBotashaw. Yes, exactly. Of the DeBotashaws. Yeah, Re De Beutishore MP for Chichester. It would be, wouldn't it? Chichester East. Nice. There is such a thing. I think some of these are a bit too good, aren't they, Em?

That's the problem. There's one from Welshie who says, I work with someone we call Wheelbarrow because he only works when pushed. OK, you know you're too good. Let's reconsider. I give you Simon. I was a large baby when I was born.

£12, 10 ounces. That is a large baby. And my nickname was Baby Elephant. OK. Which I objected to greatly. So long as well baby elephant simon continues but unfortunately i was unable to voice my displeasure at the time i wish you'd said simon continues i had a nickname i was given from birth that stuck to my teens, which was I was known by my parents as Pudding.

So I was a premature baby and they wrapped me up in, like swaddled me. In pastry? In pastry, yeah. Oh, the old ways of dying out, Angela. They just stuck a bit of holly in my head. They still looked like a little steamed pudding. And that stuck through my entire childhood. You don't really want it in your teens, do you?

No, no. I had to just go, please, can you stop calling me that in front of my friends? You don't want to be a steam pudding. Frank will be dunking you in that custard. What a party that could be. What about Eddie? I had a friend at school called Magazine Head.

He looked very much like his head didn't match his body, as if he'd been cut out from a magazine and stuck onto his body. I bet you that that bloke's children now are called Photoshop Head as time moves on in bullying remarks. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. That is... It's good, though. I like it. Angela, what about this? What about Nicky Burke? Oh, have I missed one... It's good, though. I like it. Angela, what about this?

What about Nicky Burke? Oh, have I missed one? I missed a good one. A family who lived... A family who lived on the road was referred to as the Americans because they holidayed once in America in the 1980s.

My husband had... His friends still take the mickey out of him every Christmas my husband had his friends still take the mickey out of him every Christmas because one Christmas in the early 90s

his parents decided that they would instead of having a traditional Christmas dinner that they would have an Italian meal

right and that they would have Italian Christmas and his dad like made beautiful Italian food and his friends to this day still every Christmas

go oh we're having for Christmas dinner a lasagna it's great how these things stick can I say some of these

I mean Josh Carr when I was a teenager I wore a white t-shirt and light blue jeans once I was called Homer Simpson

for six months. He did also have terrible jaundice, though. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. May me, may me. May me. May we share with you. May we.

May we. By the way, we? Oh, may we? By the way, someone said to me of the Three Lions video, how did you get Noddy Holder? He looks great. I said, that's me as Noddy Holder. Do you know, I thought it was Noddy Holder on the first watch, so the second watch I realised it was you. Yeah, maybe it's the sort of West Midlands thing.

We all look basically the same. Especially a big, great, big lamb chop sideburns. Sorry, Emily. We have some examples of nicknames. Oh, yeah. Sort of unsuccessful nicknames or slightly questionable nicknames. Liam McGrath, sensor light.

They only worked when somebody walked past. Oh, nice. I work with people like that. I quite like... George, old George the labourer. George's thing was incredulity. That's how he got away with working. Someone would say,

George, do you mind moving those pallets to the third floor the factory he'd go what them pallets they'd go yeah

me you want me to move and in the end they'd give up and go it was disbelief was how he

that was how he got through life anyway sorry we have some others I've got I found it might be too good again but I really like it it's Paul from Liverpool That was how he got through life. Anyway, sorry. We have some others. It might be too good again, but I really like it. It's Paul from Liverpool. He says, my mate was nicknamed Toast.

Now, I should say no one was hurt, but he said he was nicknamed Toast because when he was young, he got knocked down by the bread fan. Oh, wow. He was fine. I love that. Oh, bread fans. We have another Paul. I have a mate whose nickname is Petal

because he took a red rose to his only blind date he's ever been on over 40 years ago. Oh, they won't let you forget, Frank, will they? It's tremendous, really. That's a sort of oral tradition in action. People get a nickname and then it lasts forever. And I'd just like to round off this section with Gary Schlesinger. I bet he's got some nicknames.

Yeah, I bet he has. I'll rack it. Yeah. Worked with John Plowman. He was fondly known as Pub Lunch. OK. Also heard of a guy known as Man Bat, as his real name was Wayne Bruce.

He was known as what? Man Bat, as his real name was Wayne Bruce. Oh, that is very good. There ain't no following there. That's sensational. Yeah. There we go.

Oh, God, that's really raised me up. Has it? Oh. Anyway, what have you been up to, Angela Barnes, in your crazy comedy life?

Well, I thought about you this week, Frank, because I did a gig at a school. That's not why I thought about you, but it was called Christ's Hospital.

Have you ever been to Christ's Hospital school? It's in Sussex. I haven't been, but I think it was significant in my TV watching history. Ooh. Do they wear long robes and yellow long socks? Mustard. Yeah, so it's called the Halsey, their uniform,

and it's this Tudor-style uniform they've worn since the 1500s. I mean, presumably, you know, not the same ones. This is a weird coincidence. Right. Because this just has a little preamble. This week, me and my 10-year-old son watched School of Rock with Jack Black. And that's a good texting. Rhyming celebrity names.

8, 12, 15. Jack Black. And then you're struggling. There was a Steve Naive who was in the backing group for Elvis Costello. Oh, he played on Jonathan Ross's show as well.

Yeah, he was one of the attractions. I think he was Naive. But Steve Naive, not like Jack Black. Anyway, so we watched that, and it's a brilliant film. I don't know if you've seen it, but it's brilliant. And then I said to boss,

you'd love Tenacious D, that's Jack Black. So I said, there's that one, Beale's a boss, when the devil's in it, you'll love it. It was on for 20 seconds. There was about eight class A swear words and me oh man it was one of that couldn't i'm like fumbling with the control gotta switch it off but we start boss is a massive kiss fan i will get there a massive kiss fan and the kiss bass player is uh Simmons, Long Tongue Blood. Gene Simmons did a reality show called School of Rock in which he went into a school.

And it was Christ's Hospital. It was Christ's Hospital and he built a rock band from all these kids in robes and things. The band are a big deal. They march everyone into lunch every day. But it's not a brass band he started. No, no, it's a rock band. Yeah. We'll come, anyway I want to know what happened to AB

in CH. Barnsley. Hello. Barnsley's been talking about Christ's Hospital. Can I say, I've gone online to have a look at some of the alumni. Hmm. And, I mean, it's pretty impressive, Frank. It's already kicked off with Samuel Taylor Coleridge and Samuel Richardson.

Oh, wow. Oh, it's old, then. Pretty old, yeah. 1500s, I think it goes back to. There's a tale of Samuellor coleridge being so lonely and um dejected at school and he used to go and sit on the roof at break times on his own okay sorry about that dragged it down i mean i feel like i can tell that story because of my own situation. Only internally.

Anyway, how was it? It was really lovely. It's got a very nice theatre. Do they have a lot of comedy gigs? They do one every term, apparently. It's not for the students, it's for people in the local area. There's a couple of the sixth formers, I think, are allowed to come.

And a few parents, a few teachers. The head of classics was there. We had a bit of banter with the head of classics. Nice. Yeah. It's a beautiful... I mean, it's got a Hogwarts sort of vibe to it, the school, you know. And I always...

I find when I go into a place like that, the council estate girl in me just turns up to 11. Do you know what I mean? Like, I really, the posher the environment I'm in, the more common I am. To be fair to him, it's not just about rich kids, is it? No, it's very much not. It's 75% of their students are bursary, apparently.

You know, that's what it was set up for. So, yeah, I learned, speaking of the classics, teacher, I learned an amazing classics fact, which I liked, which I suppose is also going back to Kiss and Gene Simmons in a way. Sappho, have you heard of Sappho? The poet? The poet, yeah. Famous.

I know where she lived. Gay poet, yeah. And there's only a few tiny bits of her poetry left. She seems to be utterly amazing. And she played, she accompanied herself on The Liar. Oh, wow. Yeah. And she invented something which Gene Simmons will have used on occasion.

Can you get this? Sappho, famous gay poet of ancient Rome, invented the plectrum. Wow. Oh, strange facts. Anyway, sorry. Carry on. No, the gig was lovely.

It was hosted by Ivo Graham, who, if you're not aware of his work, is very at home in a posh school. Yes. Well, I was going to say he, well, he went, I was going to say he went to the other place, but he didn't, as they call it. He went to the place.

Went to the place. What's the place? So Eton boys call Harrow the other place. Oh, do they? Yes. Oh, okay. I think he's a Newtonian. He is indeed a Newtonian,

and he really lent into that. It was good fun. We really enjoyed ourselves, yeah. So it wasn't just you. It was like a... It was like... So it was Ivo Graham and it was me and Angelos Epithemiu. Okay.

And there was quite a nice touch. In the little room we were using as a dressing room, there was a plaque on the wall that said Barnes A on it. I thought, that's quite a welcome. I've never had a welcome like that. Oh, wow. Turns out that's the name of one of their houses. It's called Barnes A.

Barnes A? Yeah, there you go. There's certainly... That'll be named after something like... John Barnes, Barnes A. Yeah, could be John Barnes. Yeah, could be. Barnes Wallace.

Barnes Wallace, yeah. But wouldn't he have been upset that they wouldn't put the Wallace? Put the Wallace. Perhaps they've got a school policy about hyphenation. Maybe. I doubt it. Barnes Wallace, in case you don't know, invented the bouncing bomb, ladies and gentlemen, for which the Dambusters were famous.

Ooh. Okay. Apparently he skimmed the stories, he skimmed the stone across a pond or something and thought, wouldn't it be brilliant if this was a bomb? Great. Yeah. We've all had those thoughts what's going on

how can I get out of this link this damn link help Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio anyway what else is flooding in?

Michael Stone, a deviant work colleague of my father. Mike Stone must die. Yeah. Do you know that, Angela? Do you know that, Angela? Mike Stone... Mike Stone was Priscilla Presley's karate instructor and he ran away with her

and Elvis stormed around Graceland shouting, Mike Stone must die. Wow. Yeah. A deviant work colleague of my father who bought, used to bring Fray Bentos pies to work, it was the 1960s, was known as Snake and Kidney. Oh, they were lovely, those pies.

In the circular tin. It was a sort of hard tin, was it? As opposed to a soft tin. Well, no, but what I mean is it had a ring pull. It was like a sort of sardines affair, wasn't it? Which is unusual for a pie. I think a pie in a hard... It's quite unusual.

I think you had to... You needed a tin opener with a fry bentos. I bow to your knowledge. I've got to be honest. I think that the Frey Bentos corned beef had the key. Oh, the key. They're dangerous. I'll be honest.

I've never had a Frenet beef. Def Aids Johnny Ray and Frey Bentos State Fires. Enjoying this, kids? Whatever happened to Lombago? Anyway, oh, you look very confused. Have you heard of Lombago? Oh, the assistant producer, Faye, knows nothing of Lombago. Bert's Lombago.

What song's that in? Bert's Lombago. It sounds like blur. It sounds like blur trying too hard. It's a kink song. Something about... It ought to be. I'm going to have to Google that later.

We also have the reels, Morgan. Oh, yeah. We named my ex-boss Paddington because of his hard stare. Oh, gosh, I forgot. Paddington's hard. He has a hard stare. I love Paddington's hard stare. And I think he slept on a hard stare at King's Cross Station.

He did, didn't he? That's probably where he got it from. Yeah. This is quite a nice sort of rubbish one from 9482. We've got a mate called Sausages because he famously hid a pack of sausages at a barbecue. I've got questions. Can I say that's a rubbish thing to hide at a barbecue

isn't it I can understand why people hide beer at a party but what are you going to do eat raw sausages yes what's your favourite thing

at a barbecue Frank my favourite thing at a barbecue is if you're queuing up for the offering you know

and they've got the tongs poised and they say oh what can I do you for yeah I just want the burger with some of that cheese that's already for the offering, you know, and they've got the tongs poised and they say, oh, what can I do you for? Yeah, I just want the burger with some of that cheese that's already cut rather than grated. You know, cheese that comes like a coaster. Oh, yeah.

Shiny cheese. Shiny slices. Yeah, slightly plastic. Shiny cheese. Yeah, that's the best. Interesting choice. I'm glad i know that about you what would yours be uh none of your business um it'll be something like salmon a herring yeah stop laughing at me uh i would actually surprise you both okay bye

i probably would go for a sausage saucisson how are you with um the severely burnt offerings of many barbecues i live for them yeah people used to say it's quite dangerous eating the burnt that's why i like to live on the edge yeah for me yeah it's just a bit of contrast in life bit of nice food and a bit of not so nice food. I'll tell you what I've started. Oh, I don't know if I have time to tell you. The fez has come out. So many things in between the chats on these shows.

You can see why people go to LBC. I just can't cope with the right-wing politics. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I just can't cope with the right-wing politics. And? Okay. Or as they say in Germany, und. Oh, it sounds so much more confrontational. Yeah, I suppose I added a bit of confrontation as soon as I said it in German.

I like that about you. Ultra Magnus. Oh, yes. You're familiar with his work. I had a Frey Bentos this week. confrontation as soon as i said it in german i like that about you ultra magnus oh yes you're familiar with his work i had a fray bentos this week it definitely needed a tin opener at the very i like at the very least as opposed to what else you're just ripping it apart that's a frustrating aspect of life when you get a tin opener that doesn't, it just does the lap of honour, you know what I mean? It doesn't actually pierce. Oh, yeah, just sort of grooves slightly. Sometimes the wheel bluntens.

I like grooves. What about when I had an ancient history teacher and she was talking about the wheels of ancient Rome and she was explaining them to us and she said, and it needed to get into the groove, as it were. And then she laughed at her little Madonna joke. Oh, no. Teachers don't do that. Oh, don't do a joke.

Can I say I love and respect all teachers? Well, not that strange bloke who teaches you up for six, but everyone else. Well, that bloke puts his hands up against the plate glass window. I wasn't a teacher, I was a visitor. Well, can I say, point of order, you were a teacher at one point in your life. I was. A very good one, I hear.

Well, if you ever try it, you'd have tremendous respect for the profession. It's much harder work than being a comedian. I agree. I still didn't like the get into the groove joke. Ultramagnus continues, Frank, as well as a spoon. So, you know, he said it needed a tin opener at the very least. As well as a spoon and two knives. It took longer to open than it did to cook it.

What was he on? What do you do with a spoon? It will do if you use a spoon to open a tin. Is Ultramagnist doing Taskmaster. That's the strategy. A spoon. That's someone who's got in their head that they'll be using a spoon at some point

during the pie attack. And they've gone early before it's un-lidded. Yeah, no, a spoon's not going to help you. He's gone for the... Stephen sent a picture of it because he went for the all-day breakfast. Are you familiar with that? In a can?

The all-day breakfast in a can? No, in the Frabentos. There's a Frabentos pie, all-day breakfast? I can see a couple of beans. Oh, OK. Oh, dear. I don't like the sound of that pie. I don't like breakfast in a pie.

Do you not? What about that can you see, all-day breakfast? Have you seen that? No. Yeah, you could get a tin of all day breakfast. It's a fried breakfast in a tin. I mean, let's go smoothie. Let's go the whole way. I'm just not sure about

it. It's like pot noodle. Do a Christmas dinner pot noodle. There'll be someone out there, probably a great many of our listeners who are glad of that. Oh, dear. I had a big family argument one Christmas and I stormed out and I realised all the shops were shut and there was no buses running.

I eventually found a shop. My Christmas dinner was roast chicken crisps. Oh, fun. That was it. Not even turkey? No, I don't think turkey crisps. Oh, fine. That was it. Not even turkey. No, I don't think turkey crisps existed then, if they exist now. Do they?

Actually, what about when I went round to Frank's on Box for Boxing Day lunch and he gave me a packet of poppadoms? That traditional Boxing Day packet of poppadoms. I liked it. Why not? Yeah. Yeah.

Just in case anyone... I hope I gave you something else, did I? No. Oh, okay. of poppadoms. I liked it. Why not? Yeah. Yeah. Just in case anyone... I hope I gave you something else, did I? No. Okay. Just poppadoms. Yeah, I quite liked it. Well, you know what they say, once you pop a dom, you can't stop it.

Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Oh, I like this woman, 033. Did you see that, Angela? Oh, have I missed her? Morning all. I'm named after a celebrity.

Yes, I did see. Lovely. My name is... Enya. Ooh. Yeah, now that's one. You see, that's one that people are going to pick up on, isn't it? It's a nice name, though.

It depends on your surname. But I like Enya. She continues, My dad was a big fan and listened to it on the way to visit my mum in hospital when she was having me

to calm his nerves. It could have been worse. She could have ended up being called Orinoco. Yeah. No, but Enya is... It makes you think your life's going to be

a bit mystical. It's going to be a bit like that. It's maybe to be a bit like that. It's maybe sort of a six-form drama project. Oh, harsh. Do you know what I mean? John Hopkins.

Hopkins? I used to work in a warehouse with a bloke who in a moment of weakness told us all that he once sent

in a drawing to take heart. Oh, yeah. For the next four years he was known as Caravaggio, which is exceptionally highbrow for Chorley. Yeah.

I like that they picked Caravaggio, because you know what? That's not a first thought. They didn't go for Picasso, or they didn't go for... I would say... Would that be the first thought? I think it would be Picasso, Leonardo da Vinci.

One of those. They didn't go for a turtle, basically. I had an idea for a reality show about artists. Oh, here we go. No, seriously, called Keeping Up With The Caravaggios. And it was about people trying to strive. There is a seaside resort which is basically sort of owned by Saga. And Mr Saga bought a road and just gave the houses cheap rent to artists.

So he's created an artist quarter just like that. It's like Michael Owen buying the street for his family. It's a bit different. Oh, OK. OK. I feel a bit scorned now. That was mainly a bit different. Oh, OK. OK. OK, I feel a bit schooled now. That was, yeah, mainly a gambling den.

Excuse me. I'm a big fan of the Owens, as you well know. Frank, can I tell you something that happened to me this week? I will. I was on a train travelling to Manchester.

OK. I had my seat reserved. I just want to know what you two think of this. OK. I had my seat reserved. 7K, I believe you two think of this I had my seat reserved, 7k I believe it was or k7, either will do I had Ray with me

he always comes with me when I'm working now no Ray no me, they know the rules anyway, get into the carriage, I look at 7k there's a man sitting in 7k was it very busy? Yes.

OK. The man had his face slightly to the window. I could see there were two spare seats, but I thought, I need to put it out there that that is my seat, should these fill up. Yeah. So I said, excuse me, I'm just looking here, and I think I'm in 7K.

And he turned round, and it was Simon Rimmer, the Sunday brunch. Oh, okay. And he said, or as I call him, 7K. Yeah. And he said, oh, this is my seat. Oh. Did he have the ticket?

Well, we'll get to that. Oh, we'll get to that. Now, I quite liked Rimmer for that because it was very bold. He was very assertive. It depends how this unfolds whether I like it or not. He said, oh, this is my seat. I said, oh. I didn't say oh, but you know what I mean.

So I thought at this point, this is when the evidence comes out. Let's leave it there because this seems to be like, who wants to be a millionaire? Here comes the £500,000 question. We'll find out whether you've got it after this break. OK. whether you've got it after this break. Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Angela Barnes. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk.

Just had a lovely review in from Al, from Alan, we should call him, of Three Lions, Three Lions' Xmas song. He calls it Decent Nostalgia Feels. OK. Decent. Decent, lovely. Now, where were we, Frank?

Well, you were about to decide between you and Rimmer of the Year, Simon Rimmer, whether he should be sitting in 7K. Was it K7? Well, I don don't know angela you strike me as a trained professional i think it'd be 7k i think it's 7k should we stick with 7k yeah okay so i just to recap for anyone who missed yes the earlier episode i had produced my phone i'd sort of waved it around. Oh, it's the ticket on the phone. The ticket on the phone, the QR code.

We thought they wouldn't take off. We were wrong. And I sort of waved it as evidence in a sort of your witness fashion. But I'd adopted a slightly passive-aggressive voice. I said, oh, that's weird, because, yeah, I... It's really odd, because I'm 7K. It says here. Yeah. And there was a woman sitting between me and Rimmer.

She responded. Rimmer didn't. He'd said initially, this is my seat, as you know. Yeah. And then the woman said, oh, that's strange, isn't it? Not a word from Rimmer. OK. Not a word from Rimmer. OK. Not a word from Rimmer. So I said it again.

I said, yeah, don't worry, because there's another seat I can sit on here. But I just can't work out. What I wanted, habeas corpus. You know, produce something for me to have a look at. Yeah. Rimmer looked over. He said, no, this is my seat. Oh, Rimmer. See, that's not. No, not having that. No, that's not's not good i used to like him you know what he said no

it is my seat i quite liked it listen so it so in the end i felt okay to the victor the spoils because of his confidence there's confidence and there's I couldn't even be bothered to prove the validity of my argument. There's confidence and there's entitlement. Well, almost. And I think that was entitlement. I'm going to be rumours defender here and I'll tell you why. I feel he does that journey a lot.

I could tell that because the train inspector came round and they were talking about the match and, you know, he's a regular. So maybe he does always sit in 7k and he feels in a way it is it's not it's not like granddad's chair is it public transport come on i always sit here what do you mean you always sit here well then you should have booked it, shouldn't you? Yeah, exactly. That's what you want to try doing. Maybe he did.

And look, they could have got it wrong. If anyone works on a train and that does happen, it might have happened. The double book. It might have been. What do you say to the double book? And what say you? Well, I was on Eurostar and I said to this guy,

hey, that's my seat. And he said, there's plenty of seats. Oh. And I said, yeah, but that's my seat. Oh. You're sitting in my seat. Why are you sitting in my seat if there's plenty of seats? Yeah.

And he said, God, don't believe this. He said, I've been travelling on trains for 35 years. And I said, surely you should have reached your destination by now. And a bloke behind really burst out laughing, which made him even angrier. But I honestly, if he'd have pulled out an automatic rifle, I would not have gone away from, I was going to sit in that seat. And I was with my partner and she was doing that tug in the sleeve. She's going, there's other seats. No, no.

Not the point. There is other seats, but they're not mine. Yeah. Anyway, he moved. You had a bit of a rimmer. I just think that is just arrogance. not mine. Yeah. Anyway, he moved. You had a bit of a rimmer. I just think that is just arrogance. If someone comes and says,

that is my seat, it's fine, or something like that, you know, I'll move so someone can sit next to their friend, but I'm not having that. Oh, okay. No.

Okay. Well, I didn't, I decided not to have beef with rimmer, as it were. No, very wise. I've had beef with Rimmer. It's very chewy. Yeah, Saturday morning kitchen,

that's who you want to have beef with. Ruth Jordan, got to admire Rimmer's confidence. I've had the same season ticket at a popular Midlands football ground, make your own jokes, for nearly 30 years. And yet I still feel the need to check my ticket if someone arrives insisting it's their seat for a game. I just think it's, I think it's called, begins with P, police, Pilates Pelham 123 politeness that's what it's called

I must admit he's gone down in mine I don't want to hate on the Rimmer but it was it was surprising I am but then you didn't know on the celebrity encounter front It was surprising. But then you didn't know.

On the celebrity encounter front, I did the one show this week. How was it? With David Baddiel. He's not a celebrity, I'm bringing up. That's a bit hot. There was two other celebrities who joined us. Gabrielle Union.

Oh, yeah. And, well, this is my point. A man who for years I've been calling Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal? It's Gyllenhaal. It's Gyllenhaal. Oh, you didn't get it wrong to his face. Aye.

Well, happily, as he was brought... I mean, I didn't have... I called him Jake. I decided not to adopt a sort of public school but what say you Gyllenhaal there was none of that so it's Gyllenhaal

or Jake Jake is it Jake Gyllenhaal Jake anyway he was he's not a hard G

no anyway he's very friendly and... Lovely, handsome boy. I have to say, Dave completely won. He owned me on The One Show. What did he do? Well, first of all, they had the children in need feature, which is always very sort of slightly heartbreaking

and moving and inspiring. But they were all building this special, like, pleasure room that was built by the kids for the kids, which is a brilliant thing. But it was filled with David Baddiel's books, which he never warned me and donated to them. So, of course, he starts off with rose petals scattered on him by the presenters for his generosity. I'm sitting

there at the end, what have I given them? Nothing. And then Jake and Gabrielle comes on, Jake, and they're talking about, they're just done a new Disney cartoon, and they're talking about the art of voicing over animation. So then Dave says, oh, my wife is mommy pig. Oh man, they're blown away by this information. Are they? What have I got? Nothing. I thought of saying,

oh, my partner is the voice of doom. I mean, just generally around the house, not in any professional capacity. Yes, because Peppa Pig isn't quite big in America, isn't it? Oh man, Gabrielle was saying in my house that. There was a thing in the newspapers a little while ago about how Americans were complaining that their toddlers all suddenly have British accents

from watching Peppa Pig, which I think is lovely. It's about time for a bit of payback, isn't it? I was talking like a Wild West old-timer until I was 14. We are the one who go to school today, sure. Oh, man. Anyway, he was nice, Jake, as was Gabrielle. Yeah. So what did you have to offer?

Nothing. I had nothing. I hadn't given any free books to children in need. And I'm not related to anyone who's done exciting animation voice work I mean to be fair your books aren't really suitable for children well I did make that point and that went down like a lead balloon

as anything slightly grown up on the one show does I said I would have given some more but I don't want the police raging and that was like anyway moving on we'll move on now, shall we? You know what it's like? The one show is like the very last bastion of decency.

Decency at its most, like, ridiculously decent. So, yeah, there's no reality on the one show. Thank you very much. Yeah, anyway, I got through it. Oh, man, Dave owned anyway, I got through it, but oh man, Dave owned me. I got through it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

I tell you what, you know we have this thing, it's a sort of continuity idea that we like to, because a lot of people listen to the show on podcasts, is to go back to references to things from last week's show, for example,

and see what people have added to that. In a, well, I've got a jingle for this section of the show. See what you think of this. Previously on this show. What do you think? Nice!

To get the clangers to do backing vocals, to phone their agent. Who's doing the previous reel on this show? That was made by Sarah Bishop, our producer. No input from us, just arrived randomly. What do you think of this as a jingle? Who's the lovely voice saying previously on this show? Is that you, Sarah?

No, it's me. It's you saying it. It's Emily D. You knew that, didn't you? Yeah, I did. Let's hear it one more because I hadn't picked up on that. Previously on this show. Oh, I can hear it now.

I sound a bit like... Did you phone it in from a phone box? So it sounds like... My tempi ran out. I thought it was a very old extract from Listen With Mother. BBC, sort of the home service. And now... Anyway.

I think I sound quite love and boundaries. More on the boundaries, but, you know. Look, it's good. Anyway, what is on the previously menu? Previously on last week's show, would you remember we were discussing Jill Scott's coffee shop? Yes. Proposed coffee shop.

Do you want to just refresh our readers? Yeah, Jill Scott is currently on I'm a Solariac. Get me out of here. Just keeping in mind we have a lot of vegan listeners. And I have to say I was loving Jill Scott. And then she said, we're going to do I was loving Jill Scott, and then she said, we're going to do a song what we like, what the lay-in-us is like doing,

and they did Sweet Caroline. Oh. So I thought, you know what, I'm not sure. Gone off Jill a bit. Oh, thanks. But anyway, Jill's got a coffee shop with her partner, and it's called Box to Box, because she's that kind of a midfielder.

I mean, she worked hard, Angela. Again, you're looking confused. A lot of running, a lot of running. She runs from our penalty box to their penalty box and then back again with tremendous stamina. I believe she was a long-distance runner as a teenager. Anyway. Oh, yeah, I can see that.

We weren't up. We didn't think Box to Box was good enough. It hasn't got any coffee sort of connotations, really, has it? No, exactly. There you go. It's not a pun. There you go. It's just, it could have done with some workshopping.

Unfortunately, that's what we're here for. Because you may know Angela, Frank loves to give a little bit of advice. He often does it to comics after a gig. I've met a number of people he's gone up to. Yeah, I've tried to stop that. Yeah, I like that. I just had a few thoughts. He's done that to me, but I don't know, that makes me think now maybe he just thought I was just a lost cause. No. He's not worth the time.

Why gild the lily? That's what I thought. You have got, who's been in your, who have you given advice to, Frank? Oh, too many people. I once suggested that Tim Key dressed as a baked bean for the encore. It was all in context. Did he take that advice?

No. He also went up to Andrew Lloyd Webber and gave him a bit of advice for the curtain call. I thought the curtain call was a bit mistimed. Can you just tell us briefly what you said? This was at the opening night. I said, can I just, this was at the opening night, I said, can I just say one thing I thought would make the show better?

He said, oh, please don't. Not often I say this, but I think I'm Team Lloyd Webber in that one. Yeah. It wasn't like I was going to say, yeah, someone else should have written it.

Yeah. All right. He's done so many, he's got so many. Ross Noble oh really Ross said oh yeah

last time I saw him Frank you give me a bit of advice I'm so sorry but you know you know you think oh you could have gone to so and so

there and then you think yeah you think do you know what I mean you think you shouldn't say for the record I welcome advice

you know constructive criticism from comedians I respect Not from randoms on Twitter No, you don't want that kind of advice Okay, I'll see Maybe we can talk at the end of the show Oh, here we go

Frank, we were talking about Jill Scott's coffee shop. And we've got some suggestions, haven't we, Ange? Yeah, there's some really good ones in here. There's, yeah, so her, Matthew Hartness, Bean Me Up Scotty. Oh. That's nice. See, I like the reference, but I wish there was a bit of football in it I suppose yeah

ok well continue to wish Graham Cardy oh I like him bit David Biddy it's coming home for Christmas Graham Cardy Jill's got coffee Jill's got coffee

he's handily put in parenthesis Jill's got coffee my He's handily put in parenthesis, Jill's got coffee. My only issue is when anything requires parenthesis, think again. Oh, that's an interesting life maxim you've got there. Hmm. And? There's a very football-y one. Here we are. This is my favourite.

At Dental 73 has come up with cafe ole ole ole ole oh but how long

is the sign going to be pretty long very long it turns out but it is good I like that one it's got all the elements and it requires an exclamation point

at the end which is a bit you know it's a bit chef exclamation mark. You had to do that as well as parentheses. I mean, what is this? You're really down on punctuation this morning.

What's wrong with you? You used to love it. No, Mr. Butler. He exclaimed. Mr. Butler. Oh, who could? I hate you, Butler. Yeah, okay.

Mr. Butler has said she should have opened a rival chai shop and called it the Chai and S. Over to you, Frank. Oh, that would have been good. What would the S have been? Because really you want it to be chai and S. Sort of an S. Chai and soup. No, that's sugar. Sugar, sugar. Yeah, yeah. Now of N, S. Try and soup.

No, that's... Sugar. Sugar, sugar. Yeah, yeah. Now, that's good. I mean, try out her. It's in Withenshaw in Manchester, so check it out. Is it?

I have to say, apart from her Neil Diamond slip, she's been lovely. I hope she wins it. He doesn't like it when people... Yeah, it's like... I understand that, Frank. It's been lovely. I hope she wins it. He doesn't like it when people, yeah. It's like, I understand that, Frank. It's just, it's not, it's just, how much of a percentage, Frank, would you say goes off them? Seven?

Eleven. Oh, okay. Seven, eleven, that'd be a good name. If it was open from, oh, right, you're right that day. What do you mean? What do you mean it's been done? Does it even, does it exist still, 7-Eleven? 7-Eleven.

I don't know. Anyway, what else is in our previously document? Previously on this show. Who is this? Well, we've got a few areas. Do you remember we were talking about the current celebrity horse? Oh, yes. In case you didn't hear it, Angela,

the idea was that there isn't a celebrity horse at the moment like Arkel or Red Rom. Or Alderney. Mr Red, Champion Fury Black Beauty obviously I mean that was the original

but we had horses, they used to be a much bigger deal they were kind of a big deal and they were sort of, you'd get all the supermodels were there yeah and then you'd get

the horse named as well the premier now there'd be gossip about them not so much no you're right there isn't is there they've lost their currency

so Jack Graham Leonard yes still champion never surpassed still champion the wonder horse a wonder horse

oh I don't know. Is anyone under 30? No. I'm going to ask, did you know champion the Wonder Horse? Girls. They have just shaken their heads. A bit like a horse does.

Exactly. What if they've both gone? No. Elisa McCormick. Yes. I mean, I like her. Because she's thinking no

you come up to my level she said Vallejo champion dressage horse ridden by Charlotte Dujardin super famous I beg to differ

I love that confidence is a great thing it's very admirable but no sorry this is Frank Skinner this is Absolute Radio It's very admirable, but no, sorry. We've got some, just to return to the new world, the brave new world,

Linda Denningham has got in touch, Frank. When my youngest brother was born, Dad came home from visiting the maternity ward and when we asked what our new brother looked like, he said, Baud. 55 years later, he's still known as Baud by everyone. Do you remember Baud? Baud's the farmer Barney Moe. Baud was a children's TV character, was he? Yeah.

I can't picture him. It's like a little triangle shaped. Yeah, it's a triangle shaped. Lovely. Oh, that sounds like a worrying description of your job. Yeah, it's like a triangle shape thing. Oh, damn it. Oh.

I like this one from 766. It says, hi, Frank and team. My dad worked with a man called Minty because he only came in after eight. Oh, gosh. There's lots of things about how people work, isn't there? Have you noticed? Yeah. There's, oh, this one is someone my friend went to school with

was called Campbell Baxter, so he was known as Two Soups. Oh. That's good. I like it. And then we've got Luciencian sanchez 82 brian apparently i look like a brian to my new co-workers at a new job so that's it i mean i think that's not i think great yes why should we be limited by the birth certificate yeah uh rachel in the 90s, just to go on to another topic we're

coping with, I suppose, this morning, which is Frey Bentos, Rachel says in the 90s, the laundrette by me had Frey Bentos tins as ashtrays. That's beautiful. They were the perfect size. I mean, broken Britain for you there. I love that. We haven't had one rhyming celebrity,

am I right? Well, we had Evil Knievel, somebody tweeted. Oh, very good. That's very good. Somebody did tweet in Evil Knievel. God, that took a bit of finding. It was like looking

for a Knievel in a haystack. Hey! What was his real name? Lee Mack told me that because he's rather obsessed by it. Is it Jeff Knievel? No, it's something like Roger Knievel or something.

Was he a Knievel? I don't know. Lee Mack knows this. He's obsessed by it. Well, Jeff Knievel? No, it's something like Roger Knievel. Was he a Knievel? I don't know. Lee Mack knows this. He's obsessed by it. Well, he's not here, Lee Mack. Okay, don't be jelly bags. Lee Mack is hosting the Royal Variety performance, at which we are performing Three Lions, can you believe?

How are you? How exciting. I don't manage to wangle a ticket to that. I built Dave's hopes up because we had a Zoom with the people from the variety show. And I said, I think they're going to offer lip sync. Dave was. And then they said, oh, no, no, we want you to do it live. Did they?

Cruel. Cruel fake. Took a hand. Anyway, they'll be sorry. That moment. I mean, I sort of come in on the first note, you know.

We've got to ease us in. Of course you come in first. We've got to ease us in. I know, but even so, having to hit that note, I'm always, there's always, you'll notice on the note, if I hit the note, a little sparkle comes into my eyes. I'm all right now.

Otherwise it's... I'm doing a bit of searching. You know, we're not singers. No. Anyway, that's that. And Angela, it's lovely as ever to see you thank you for having me

thank you for coming in and you know what thank you a lot for listening if the good lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week now get out This is Absolute Radio.