The Frank Skinner Show - Mellow Frank

Episode Date: January 13, 2024

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been battling a manual car and has been working on his New Year's resolution. The team also discuss Andrew Lloyd Webber's ghost, Masked Singer and Zorro.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. So this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215, follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk All lowercase. People don't even say that anymore. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. All lowercase. People don't even say that anymore. I never assume.

Occasionally you get a capitling on a name and you know. Does case make any difference online? I never know if it does. I think if ever I put in a password in, say, a hotel. Oh, password, I give you. Then I think, oh, I bet I've missed a capital or something. Do you still try to get online on a train? Oh, there's nothing more charmingly naive than believing the train when it tells you it has Wi-Fi.

Yeah, I don't even try anymore. I just think that's like saying that we've got bacon and egg sandwiches like you know just at 11 15 we're just having science just one more carriage away i was on a train once they just pulled out of manchester literally like four minutes before and i said oh can i get one of the blood and they said oh so we don't have any bread with yeah i said you just left one of the biggest cities in the country. You could have got bread. I could have got bread.

I would have run out with you. I would have brought bread, if I'd have known. They don't have Wi-Fi. What they've done is they've sellotaped one of their mobile phones to the top of the train. And if that can get reception, then you can connect to that. But if that can get reception, then you can get reception. Can I just say, guys,

anywhere that has a franchise called Upper Crust on the back, get reception, then you can connect to that. But if they can get reception, then you can get reception. Can I just say, guys, anywhere that has a franchise called Upper Crust on the platform... Yeah, that's misleading people. Yeah. It is. So look, don't get me wrong, probably my favourite form of travel is train travel.

What about that? Someone's got a new little gig. Yeah, no, I do, I like it. And I stand to gain nothing from this praise. And also, I'm glad of it at the moment because I'm on my second courtesy car. You know, my car got stolen. Oh, yes.

Oh, back in... When was it? November? I still haven't got it back. I've got the car back from the thieves. Yes. But the garage have held on to it much longer. It's quite 70s for repairs to take that long.

What about this for a 70s? We're waiting for a part. What? Who is this? Christopher Biggins? So they gave me a nice BMW as a courtesy car. I love the idea of the courtesy car. Yeah.

Car, sir. Oh, what do I do? Courtesy car, that's not even from the 70s. That's from the 40s. Yeah. Anyway, so this week they got in touch and said, we're going to have to take your BMW back. And I said, well, I haven't got my actual car back yet.

And they said, well, I know, but you've had it for, it's like six weeks. I sort of got used to it now. There's stuff in the door shelf. shelf and they said you know i had my travel suites in there yeah my driving suites you've built a whole new life anyway uh they said we're gonna have to take it away and i said what am i supposed to do then and they said well we can give you another courtesy car but it won't be as nice as that one i said look i just any car will do me so they've given me a fiat 500 which is i've always looked at those and thought what they are the cutest car and this car has come and it is cute i want to embrace it yeah it's beautiful

it's a well it's called something green but that's a mistake on their part. What would you say it is? I'd say it's twilight blue. Oh. I don't think there is a colour called that, but that's what it looks to me. But it's nice. It's not a discourtesy car.

No, it's a beautiful car. It has one basic problem. I can't drive it. Why not? Yes, I can see how that would be a problem. Well, yeah. My problem is I've completely forgotten how to drive a manual car. So I got in it and I looked at the pedals and I thought,

I know there's a clutch accelerator and a brake. That much I remember. What order they're in? And I thought it's bound to be CAB. They would have made it something spellable so it could be remembered. It wasn't. It wasn't that way around.

So I got in the car, started the car, took the handbrake off, get the accelerator. I just started rolling back very quickly towards the car behind me. I haven't dared try it since. So I've got this beautiful, cute car outside, and it's like a monstrous threat in my life.

I have to say, if Frank Skinner learns to drive again, I'd watch that. Well, I drove a manual for the first... When I say a manual, I don't mean the Sylvia Christel role. I drove a manual for the first 20 years of my driving, but the second 20 years an automatic and 20 years a long time. Ruth Jordan, Frank, has been in touch. Is she offering me a driving lesson? Yes. Her father is offering you a driving lesson.

Oh, really? She then goes on. She said, could I offer you my dad to give you some driving lessons in your new manual car? He taught me and my siblings, using the phrase, just raise the clutch the thickness of a penny. Wise words. Wow, that's not... The thickness of a penny. Wise words. Wow, that's not...

The thickness of a penny. That is... You see, the thing is with this car is it's got... Could I offer you a courtesy, Father? Yeah. Teach you to drive? It's got... I could have done with one of those.

Do you think he's a bit Richard Courtesy? I bet he is. I'm imagining he is. So I've got, like, there's DAB radio in the car You think he's a bit Richard Courtesy? I bet he is. I'm imagining he is. So I've got like, there's DAB radio in the car. And then there's like a USB socket. And then suddenly there's the 60s. A manual.

What's it even doing in that car? Why do they make them anymore? What's the point? We experimented early on with the manual, but now we've found out how to do automatic. Why still mate them? Yeah, something you'd know. Yeah, come on.

Tradition. Oh, come on. Respect. Well, why have cars at all? Let's have horses. I think you can achieve some better driving with a manual than with an automatic. That's the vaguest answer you've ever given me to any query. I think...

You can achieve some better driving. What's that mean? I think you can control your acceleration better, yeah. I can never control my acceleration. What about those... It's a whole fault of mine Frank what about those some people who only take

the automatic test do you know those ones? I know someone who recently just took the automatic they've absolutely committed I think that's risky do you? I would never do that if they'd come up with automatic first

they'd never have bothered with the manual, would they? No. They'd never have bothered with it. No. It was a prototype, the manual gearbox. I don't know these Steve McQueen types like. Anyway, I'm still not 100% on the pedals. Oh, yeah.

You know these magazine, consumer magazines? I need one called Witch Pedal, which basically just runs. It's not C-A-B, is it? It must be C-B-A. I think it's C-B-A. Are you supposed to remember that? Yeah.

Well, it's a rouge phrase. Is it? When you C-B-A, you can't be bothered to do something. Oh, I'll remember it like that. I C-B-A to remember which pedal is which. Thank you. I amBA to remember which pedal is which. Thank you. I am a step closer to driving. Can I?

I have this news, Justin. Yeah. Don't call me Justin. I've told you that. I know. It's a Bieber thing. It's my stage name. 208.

Frank. The car colour is dew green. Oh, is it? Do you know how this person knows that? Is he the person who brought me the car? From John the Fiat salesman. Oh, right. What a medieval-sounding name for such a modern job.

Dew... John the Fiat? John the Fiat, sir. It sounds like someone from Happy Families. John the Fiat. I must drive it, because I'll regret the chance of having driven a little cute car. Because when you get a family,

your little cute car days are behind you. I used to have a Nissan Figaro. It's the only car I've had that I had an emotional relationship with. Hang on, you still haven't driven it yet? No, I'm too frightened. How long has it frightened of the Fiat? I've had it about six days. Oh, Frank, this is getting embarrassing.

I know. It's like a beautiful lady who I am crazy about, but too frightened to approach. You're just not sure about her pedals. Yeah, exactly. Can I read you an email thread? You may. That I had this week.

I thought you might like. Only yesterday, I had a list. Some of you may know that Pierre Novelli and I are, well, we're doing a London run at the Gielgud Theatre and then we're off everywhere, all over Gross Britannia and Ireland. And I was... Oh, hold on, we've just been told.

It's so nuanced now, the time's up on the link. It's like being at Christie's. You know, when you think the auctioneer, you think, how do you spot those bids? Little nose rub. Oddly, yeah, just a slight shrug. Oh, talking of auctioneers, I know it's niche, but I think that's my new crush. I love an auctioneer.

Do you? Something about them. Masterful, but in a slightly low-key, educated way. Yeah. When I watch Antiques Roadshow and see the antiques experts in their canary yellow blazers and cravats and monocles and all that, I always think if there was any sort of dark crimes happening locally, I'd just round them up as a matter of course. Why can't you just have a suit and tie and be an antiques expert, eh? Why do you have to dress like a fool? We've just been talking and we've just had a hardcore music conversation.

There isn't enough of that on this show. We all love hardcore death metal. Yeah, no, we were all talking about whether it was a big, which one we should go for, Spotify or Apple Music. There were representatives of both teams speaking passionately. And I liked it. I can't go with Spotify out of loyalty to Metallica. Oh.

Neil Young. Anyway, here's my, I got an email yesterday. I say me and Pierre are going on a tour. Yeah. And I got a list of all the venues. We're going to start a fight in every Greg's in the country. We're going to, yes, so I got a list, and it's got the percentages of ticket sales so far.

I've got to say, it's looking pretty healthy. What, you're sharing this with us? Yeah, but there was one that was a bit... Extraordinary. There was one that was down a bit. OK, fine. No, it's all right. So I had a look at it.

I'll be up front. It was the white rock theater hastings so i looked at it and it has the capacities to be fair it's a late switch so it's why it hasn't sold as many as the others yeah but um if you're in hastings come anyway so i got it i looked at the capacity to see you you know, and it's not giant size. It's 1,066 is the capacity. You're kidding. No.

So I thought, so I sent an email back. It's not. And I said, the Hastings capacity is, and I didn't, I took the comma out to help them. 10-1-0-6-6. And then I put four question marks and five exclamation marks, something I never do. Yeah.

So then I won't name the people. I'll protect the innocent. Someone from marketing says, yeah, I'll pass this over to blah, blah, to confirm. Pass this over to Norman. To live. He knows the man. To live.

So then I heard from live, yes, we changed the original gig, which was 1,000 capacity to Hastings due to, you know, it being a bit bigger, availability, et cetera. And I thought, are they gaslighting me now? I didn't even put the... I've written Hastings capacity is 1060. I've written that. 1066.

So I then sent back... Oh, no. This is when I have to leave. No, you don't. Because I was worried, well, everyone knows the Hastings. It's a famous thing, the Hastings Theatre is 106 East. Yeah, I can't listen to this. So I said, is it just me?

Question mark. Oh, no. And then I heard nothing for, I mean, I can tell you exactly, but it was like an hour. With me thinking, what? What has happened? Yeah. Anyway, eventually I heard from marketing,

I can't use all the language, ah, just got it, 1066 hyphen, the battle, amazing. The battle. And then live, and then live joined in, oh, ha ha, thanks, Connor. Now, ha ha I think means I'm laughing, but I always think, all right. Oh, ha ha. Thanks, Connor. Now, ha ha, I think, means I'm laughing, but I always think, all right, when I read it. Yes, I always...

The thing is, the young people do ha ha or a ha. Yes. Even pa ha, I've had. But it was a... The people of the white... That is what it's called, isn't it, in Hastings? It is the White Rock, I'm sure. Yeah, the White Rock Theatre.

Can they... It must have been especially built to make the capacity 1066. They've carved out 44. It can't be. They've incinerated 44. What kind of a coincidence? Hastings and the capacity is 1066, and that's an accident, that's impossible

Do you know what I would say? Move on I mean come on, they should move on You know what I mean It's like Graceland Pranglo-Saxonians like me and Pierre, we're still talking about 1066 The Normans came

and ruined everything So yeah, if there's anyone from The Normans came and ruined everything. So, yeah, if there's anyone from Hastings, is it a thing that everyone knows? Or if I've discovered this, that would be above Einstein splitting the atom, in my opinion. That's my opinion.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, read your email, That's my opinion. Frank, read your email, which did make me quite tense. I won't lie, that story. Just because... Well, it made them tense, apparently, because afterwards I got called up by who I'm calling marketing and he said, oh, man, poor old life's been pulled in his hair. What have I done wrong?

What is he complaining? I can't tell what he's complaining about. But, Frank, it's because you just said, is it just me? Well, yeah, but I didn't want to, like I say, I thought maybe everyone knows that the White Rock Theatre has a capacity of 1066. Yes.

It's a, you know, theatrical. I didn't want to do a big Mo thing where everybody knows it except me. You didn't want to get caught pointing out the obvious jokes that everyone had grown up with. Yeah, exactly. Like when I was with my publicist at Chris Evans and she said, it's a funny thing, isn't it, Marmite?

Some people seem to really like it and I don't like it at all. It really divides people. Yeah, yeah. And you had to check the... I wasn't sure if she was falling... Now, listen. Yes, I just said now listen.

It's a Frank Skinner's radio show. That's alright, that was a very Simon Cowell moment. Now listen. 314 has some car information. Oh, okay. Hi, Frank. Mercedes have stopped selling new manual cars in the UK. Others may follow suit.

Quite right. Eventually. Can I just say, great use of follow suit. Yeah. A phrase you don't hear enough of. I presume it's a card playing term. Yeah. Yeah, it must be. enough of. I presume it's a card playing term. Yeah.

Yeah, it must be. I'm a manual gearbox person myself. Okay, yeah. But automatic... Is that a Spanish name? Manual gearbox person. Manual gearbox. Scandinavian, half Spanish, half Scandinavian. Manual gearbox.

Gearbox person. Manual gearbox. It's son of gearbox parent. Yeah. Manuel Gearbox. Manuel Gearbox. It's son of Gearbox Power. But automatics have improved enough. We don't need them anymore, really. Plus, with electric cars becoming more common, which don't have gears, Manuel Gearbox.

They don't have gears. Well, listen to this, Pail. Manuel Gearbox's days may be numbered. Yeah. Oh. I'mes' days may be numbered. Yeah. Oh. I'm afraid I... Watch out, Manuel. Yeah, I'm afraid I just caught the back end of the terror.

Oh. The terror of the manual gearbox. It's like learning to drive all over again. You know, I'm going to be doing that kangaroo starts and all that stuff. Yeah, lead foot. And a banana. Oh, yeah. Onefoot. Anna Banana has got in touch. One of our regulars. Anna Banana. According to Wikipedia,

the seating capacity used to be 1066 after the Battle of Hastings, but in early 2019, the capacity and layout was increased to allow more flexibility to the venue well it's still 1066

it did say that if they have a standing gig it's more oh when Anna Banana says after the Battle of Hastings she means in honour of I thought she meant immediately after that's an old venue

well we need to expand capacity. All the Normans are here now, so there's more people who can come see things. If it's a standing gig, the capacity is between 1939 and 1945. Here's the thing. I made a New Year's resolution. Okay.

To listen more. To Absolute Radio? Yeah. No. Okay. Well, I couldn't listen any more than I already do. Listen more? Wherever you get your podcasts.

To listen more, yeah. Because I find I'm quite... I don't know what Ray is like, your dog, but my dog, when the tennis ball comes out, the face changes. The hair seems to rise on the face. It's... Ready for the ball to be thrown. That's what I'm like in a conversation.

Oh, yeah. Looking forward to my next bit. Yeah, you're chomping at the bit in fact yeah uh yeah and i'm i'm that's what i'm like and as i've got worse as i've got older because i think i've got something really valuable to add to this conversation and if i don't say in four seconds i'll have forgotten it forever someone have to barge in and I've stopped doing it and it's been interesting for me I saw some friends just after New Year's and they started two two guys they started talking about the NHS in some detail I just sat and listened to them how How was it? It was fine until one of them said, you all right?

I said, yeah, I'm just listening, you know. I thought that you were as well. Yeah, that's why we asked if you were all right. And I tried to tell them it was my New Year's resolution. Really? And then I had a thing. I had an argument with a female friend about Taylor Swift. Oh, well, the producer's... She's poised like your dog because...

My argument was that Billie Eilish... I love Billie Eilish because she just... Green hair and things. I'll tell you what, I'm being really shoved by the producer. I'll come back to this. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. I was talking about my New Year's resolution to listen more.

Yes. Now, people who listen to this show might not think that's in operation, but this show is a bit like when you get to a break dancing thing somebody steps forward and spins around on their head and the other guys all go yeah yeah whoa yeah and then they come back and then one of them steps into that that's how we work i think nevertheless so i was talking uh about taylor swift and i, I think if Taylor Swift, if the Lord, the good Lord appeared to Taylor Swift and said, you can give up all your singing and songwriting abilities, all your physical beauty, she'd say, I'm going to have to ditch the songwriting and singing. The producer's shaking her head. This is a very provocative statement.

Yes, it was, yes. And it was, you know, so I said that. I like the fuse. Yeah. So then off we went into the argument. I started to look like my dog with a tennis ball and we were away. And then about, I guess, four or five minutes into the...

And people, you know when people start to gather around to watch the... Oh, the Fireside Dwellers. And I said, hold it. I said, it's just occurred to me that I actually have no convictions, no opinions about Taylor Swift of any kind. Yeah.

I don't have any dislike for her. It got round from the fact that Billie Eilish, someone else who I like everything about her except her music, but I like the fact that she wears trousers and a baggy top on stage. She doesn't feel she needs to sell it that much. Faith in the material.

But I don't care what Taylor Swift wears or what songs she does. People like her. God bless her. But I don't care what Taylor Swift wears or what songs she does. People like her. God bless her. And I just stopped. I would have carried on in the old days. And I said, sorry, I've lost heart in this debate. I've realised I've started a war for the sake of...

But I realise it, yes. We've all done it, dear. But it's a war, but I have no part in it. I don't care. I don't dislike her. You know, she looks lovely. Can you imagine? Sorry if a leader said that.

Wouldn't it be great? I'm so sorry, guys. I don't even want to. I realise I've started a war just for the sake of it. But then my friend said, well, I'm not. You know, I'm not saying I'm a massive fan. I said, why are we even talking? It doesn't matter, does it?

None of it matters, all that. Let's talk about things that matter. And we moved on. It was quite healthy, I thought. That's great. That's like a scene from the music video for a song like Imagine. But it's difficult. The war is over.

Do you know, I love Mellow Frank. Mellow Frank? You know, it's running down a steep hill and suddenly trying to stop. It hurts the knees a bit. You know, because I was off. I was off on the argument. How is Kath enjoying Mellow Frank? Well, I don't get much of a word in any way at home.

Well, that's changed as your expression. I just think maybe it's... When I was listening to this long conversation about the NHS I was thinking it's a lot easier this isn't it? Well that's what a lot of people do, yeah. Yeah, but I've always condemned people who don't join in.

Well you know my father's friends view on this. If you didn't say anything and you were at a dinner party with my parents what would happen Frank? I would say yeah, you were at a dinner party with my parents, what would happen, Frank? I would say, yeah, you've contributed absolutely nothing. To this conversation. You've drunk our wine.

You've listened to our... I mean... Well, I once said to someone, if you want to ride tandem through my social world, seeing the sights, feeling the wind in your hair, you're going to have to somewhat contribute. Some peddling. Yeah, do some peddling. They didn't like it either.

I think I might end up with more friends from listening more as well. Do you think? Is that the risk you're willing to take? Yeah. I just think I've if you don't say very much, you've got less chance I think. It's like the great blues guitarists. It's the notes

you don't play that move people. Yeah, but I worry about the quality of the friends you're going to attract. Yeah, well I don't have that long to worry about it. Oh my god! Frank! Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We got an email. Do people from North Korea, people say, where are you from? Do they go, mm, Kai? Mm, Kai. I suspect not. I think the people who ask people from North Korea where they're from tend to be border guards. Yeah, maybe you're right.

As opposed to cocktail party guests. And they're not famous for their sense of humour. No. No. I think they filter out sense of humour in the hiring process for border guards. Sense of humour, please. Anyway, carry on. We had an email that I quite like from Lee in Kent.

He said, Dear Frank, Emily and Pierre happy new year and thank you for mentioning the book Ridley Walker on the show the other day which you did Frank and Lee says I'm reading it now and what a cracker any other post apocalyptic recommendations from the team and which of you would thrive best in a post Armageddon

scenario, thanks Lee I'm going to go a canticle for Leibovitz. Yes. Frank. Yeah. There you go, Lee. Frank, I'd like to delve back into the recent archives. Okay.

Just because I wanted to share with you some correspondence we had during the week. Our readers do get in touch. Yes, I know. We should do more of people correspondence we had during the week. Our readers do get in touch. Yes, I know. We should do more of people getting in touch during the week. It gives the whole thing a fabulous continuity. And I might be able to get across to Absolute that we're a sort of daily show, if it works like that. And that could affect the contract negotiations.

Come on, then. Oh, yeah, sorry. Anything else you'd like to tell us about the ticket sales and the exact capacity? Ticket sales are doing all right. They can always do better. What is it your manager sent you along with those flowers? Straight in at number one, 56,000 units sold. OK, we've received this from David Clements.

Do you remember Shaken Stevens came up not too long ago on the show? Yes. I can't remember why now. Oh, because I was talking about Elvis as being one of the great guitar holders rather than players and they suggested that um Shakey was the same but I think that was because he played Elvis and I'd seen him my parents had taken me to see that one yeah very good I saw Martin Shaw play Elvis in Birmingham how was he lovely Lovely. Strange review. Shake and Stephen's turn-ups

this email has got, and I immediately thought that's got Frank written all over it. Is there a tribute act, and would it be called The Fake Shake and Stephen's? The Fake and Stephen's. Do you remember The Fake Shake? Yes, yes. Of course I do.

Yeah, Fake and Stephen Stevens would be good. Faking Stevens. Hi, Frank, Emily and Pierre. Lovely to hear Shaken Stevens getting a name check on last week's show. Reminded me of when a music producer friend of mine worked with him many years ago. The first day of recording, he came into the studio, spotted my friend's jeans, and immediately knelt down and gave him massive turn-ups, finishing by saying,

That's better. He had to keep his turn-ups for the rest of the session. Best wishes, David Clements. Wow, that's funny. Well, that's one for the books. What? A turn up for the books. Oh, is it just me you're about to say then?

No, that's a great story. I love stories. I don't like ones from the dark side, but the sort of lesser aspects of abuse of power. Yes. I love those. And also, it's shaking Stephen's doing exactly what you want him

to be doing. Yeah, exactly. Imagine the fear, standing there and shaking Stephen's approaches you and you think, is this a handshake? And then he kneels. He kneels. Then what? What next? What on earth? And then as he's touching your trousers, you just have to stand there and think,

well, I suppose this is today then. Oh, God. Shaping, Stephen. That's what he was doing. I love that story. That, for me, is right up there with Gawain and the Green Knight. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I had a little parcel arrived with the Fortnum and Mason symbol on it. And a note.

Dear Frank, I hope you enjoy the gift. From one lemon curd lover to another. Annalise. And it's lemon curd lover to another annalee's and um it's um lemon curd biscuits oh it's like test match special today people sending in biscuits we've already yeah we've already talked to him very lemon curdy that's how i'd describe them yeah very tart and i love that in a biscuit 597 good news sim Simon of Sudbury that is do you know him one of our medieval

regulars of course hi Frank Emily and Pierre I hope your new listening policy doesn't apply when I come to see you both at the Gilgud on the 6th Simon of Sudbury yeah but isn't it great Simon of Sudbury in a personal appearance

wonder what he'll wear maybe medieval executioner chic Yeah, but isn't it great, Simon of Sudbury? Doing a personal appearance. I wonder what he'll wear. Maybe medieval executioner chic. A smock. Yeah, I see him in a smock. A tabard? Yes, yeah. He'll have a tabard.

And a little trumpet. Well, I was on a show with Davina McCall yesterday, and she said, I'm coming to see you. And I said, oh, great. I thought, obviously, she's been invited to. She said, yeah, I bought four tickets for the Gale Good. I thought, what a lovely woman she is. That's what you want.

Humble. She also wore a fantastic hat. Oh? Did she? Like a bit... Like some sort of Spanish Don Pueblo. I've just made that up, the last bit, but it sounded vaguely... It sounds feathered, this hat.

No, no, it was like... Like Zoro would wear yeah you remember zoro i do i know he's a long haul through the phone book before you reach him but it's worth it he's the original banksy jeff zoro i think his name was he takes a long scroll to get to i think he carries a long scroll as well that's his CV he's actually a vandal wasn't he because he would do stuff and then he would just scratch a massive great Z in the war

was he like Banksy he was a bit what was his job if he was travelling and they said profession immigration what was Zorro's job he would just slash a Z into the form. Well, that's not a job.

He was a sleep therapist. He would slash several Zs over the bed and then go away. What was his job? I put it to you again. Was he a spy? I believe he was an aristocrat. That's not a job.

So he didn't have a job. He didn't need a job. There are two things. So he was like a nepo baby. In the world of the action hero. Well, I don't know who he's done. Nudging someone and whispering his dad's sorrow. The classic nepo baby was the phantom.

Yes. What's he? Why? Because the local people believed that the phantom was the ghost who walks who'd live forever. But what happened was they just passed it on to their son when they finished it. And because they wear a mask and that, no one knew.

Oh. So, yeah, people say, let's put a bit of white on the phantom. Come on, son. For a while, the phantom seemed to have very little joint mobility. But now he's very springy. Oh, the phantom. I don joint mobility. But now, he's very springy. God, the Phantom. I don't know.

To me, he looks a foot taller. I don't know what he's... You've got to be very careful with the Phantom that you keep to the base of the same kind of partner. And build. Yeah. It's like, do you remember that carbon mating they used to talk about? You go out with people who look the same, like Rod Stewart.

The old Stewart. Rod Stewart went out with all those tall blondes who didn't want to change the girlfriend avatar on his Wii. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Okay. All right, we've been talking about Brian Prothero.

Yes. Well, I've recently got obsessed. Mm. Late review. Yeah. Because you don't know him, would it be 60s, that hit? He had a song called...

70s, I'm going to go. 70s, yeah. No one will know, one of our readers. He had a song called Pinball. Yeah, 70s, actually. It's peak our readers. It's called Pinball. Which i recently discovered apparently noel gallagher's a fan as well huge fan well i would say it's a great track but i don't know if he ever did anything i don't remember him doing anything else i i found it completely through the algorithm the robot showed

me it and um i immediately thought this is great and just never, I looked at the other tracks and I thought, I've never heard of this person and unusually for me, I didn't look him up. I didn't learn that he was an actor until he came up in this conversation right now. You didn't look him up? I never heard such a talk. I must have had the flu.

I've remembered, he was one of, do you know when you're a child and you have odd crushes? Yes. And you don't quite know that it's a crush. You just look and you think, oh, I like that person. And he was one of mine.

Because he would pop up occasionally in dramas. What did he look like? That should have sort of stayed as Radio 4 plays, but they ended up on the BBC. Lots of sighing in rooms. Unfunny sentences. Martin, why don't you...

Oh, come on. You know I've... Yes, but eventually we... Yeah. That's acting. Well, sometimes when in one of the plays, Play for Today,

as I was in, Frank... Oh, yeah. There'd be... What was that? It was called Don't Be Silly. OK. OK? Yeah.

It's a good... It's actually my martyr. It was a direct quote. It was the husband talking to the wife, saying, don't be silly. And he wants to... Gaslighting. It was a bit of gaslighting, I'm afraid. Very English gaslighting, don't be silly.

But said about someone sort of crying at a funeral or something. Don't be silly. Some sort about someone sort of crying at a funeral. Yes, exactly. Some sort of incredibly cruel context to it. Don't be so silly. Don't be so silly. Goodness sake. So carry on. So he would say things to his wife,

and I remember listening to this and going, oh, that's not very nice. Some of his dialogue was things like, can you stop looking at me with those cow eyes? Okay. Okay. Should they say that on the arches most weeks? his dialogue was things like a can you stop looking at me with those cow eyes okay okay so that was should they say that on the arches most weeks it's perfectly acceptable as well as uh repeatedly going

so what do you know what i was saying he was played by prothero no but that's the sort of thing prothero turned out here that's what I'm saying. Yeah, he was up to. I'm going to throw another one-off song that has the same wistful, poetic... Go on. ...weird love story, and that is Where Do You Go To My Lovely by Peter Sarsted. Lovely.

Who was Sarsted? Well, I found out that Sarsted's brother was the 60s heartthrob Eden Cain. What about that for a stage name? So made up. The most made up name ever. He could have at least come for Eden Abel, not the one who did the killing.

Eden brings up Eden. What's she going to bring up Eden? You've got to bring up Abel, not Cain. Yeah. What do you think, I think he probably killed somebody and that was his way of telling us

how he did in plain sight. Like when, like when Phil Thingy saw somebody being drowned. No, Phil Collins, he didn't know, it was urban myth. No.

What do you think our younger listeners will be thinking of this link? The jury might have accepted that, not Frank. Mark Kane would be a good name. Yeah, it would. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. What do you think our younger listeners think of this link? I think they've learnt a lot. I don't think there's any age limit on the stories of the Old Testament. It's not like you had to be there. any age, on the stories of the Old Testament. It's not like you had to be there. I don't think this is a time for pics or it didn't happen. Frank Skinner.

Absolute Radio. What? What's happened now? There's a problem going on. Apparently some people are losing the last end of our links because the adverts are coming in early. I hate that. I think the back end of the links have probably had some of the best jokes of my career.

You've revealed so many high-level secrets as well in those last few minutes. Exactly. Lost forever now. The truth behind the various murders. Now, Frank, you're a big West End fan. Well. You've seen more West End shows than anyone I know, I think.

Really? Yeah. Okay. You're a dedicated follower of theatre. Yes, that's fair. How do you feel about Andrew Lloyd Webber and his legacy? I think I wouldn't put him... He wouldn't be in my top three musicals, but one has to respect his enormous contribution.

And you do respect him, and you respect him so much that you give him what I like to call assistance. Yes. Creative assistance. Yes, I did give him a suggestion on how to improve the encore once. I've never heard from him since. He literally approached Andrew Lloyd Webber

and gave him helpful notes. But I once had dinner at his house with David Frost and his wife and Terry Wogan and his wife and then we were joined by Melvin Bragg. Oh my word. All interviewing each other in a

big loop. Exactly. Basically Parkinson 1979. Yeah, it was occasionally as an old white guy's night. And we all turned up and it was a lovely lovely night. We sat under I think a matisse.

Or was it a mattress? Was it raining? Yeah. And anyway, now that very home is in the news. That place where I went. You hate ghost stories. I do. I get frightened.

So thank God you didn't know. I'm more frightened of ghosts than I am of a manual gearbox. Well, it turns out that Andrew Lloyd Webber had to call in a priest to deal with a poltergeist in that very home. But I love that. Because I don't think, I don't believe, I believe he's an Anglican. He looks like an Anglican.

What I like about this ghost, his poltergeist, I'll say that again, what I love about Andrew Lloyd Webber's poltergeist is that it's a really posh ghost. No, but my point was, he didn't call the vicar because he thought, no, supernatural, you've got to call him the experts. We'll get the Catholics in.

Who are you going to call? Yeah, the Catholics. Catholics. Catholics. Hostbusters. Hostbusters. Yeah. So he got a priest in for his poltergeist.

Now, here's the thing. When I say the word poltergeist, what kind of thing springs to mind as far as their behaviour is concerned? Oh, they're very active. Chairs being flung across rooms. They throw things, don't they? Yeah. And they're very reactive to an adolescent presence.

I know this because my neighbour, who also, I'll tell you who she got in, was the chief exorcist of the Church of England. Oh, they're doing it as well. They're doing it as well. They dabble. No one calls Dawkins in for this when they're in trouble. He's going to logic away this ghost.

Well, she called in the chief exorcist of the Church of England. This is Lindsay DePaul, who, you know... Oh, God, Lindsay DePaul. What a great juxtaposition of worlds. It gets better. Do you know? In case you don't know, Lindsay DePaul was a big pop singer lady in the 70s.

What did we say? She was also my neighbour. She was in Eurovision. She was. And she called in the chief exorcist. Of the Church of England. Please say that he knocked on the door and she opened it and he was carrying a small suitcase and he said,

you sent for an exorcist, please. No, he knocked on the door and standing next to him was Michael Benteen from The Goons. Oh. What? Unfortunately, the people in the next link won't get this because they're listening to adverts as we speak. But I think we need to come back to Michael Benji.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were talking about Andrew Lloyd Webber, who had a ghost. Yes. A ghost, a poltergeist in his previous Belgravia home who used to move around theatre scripts. That's my kind of ghosts. What I liked about that,

if you want an insight into how big Andrew Lloyd Webber's house is, what he actually said, he'd leave the scripts in a neat pile in, wait for it, some obscure room. Who's got an obscure room in their house? A big enough house that you feel able to denigrate

some of your own more fine-flat rooms. They went in that room. What a weird ghost. Anyway, I mentioned to you, Frank, that I... Also, taking the scripts away. Isn't that a case of the ghost saying, right, enough. You've had a good run, now stop it.

I'm putting these away. In some obscure room. In some obscure room. It's probably locked. It doesn't bother the ghost, obviously. No, no. How did it get the scripts? Through the ghost, obviously. No, no. How did it get the scripts through the door, though? Through the wall.

That's the problem. Were the scripts heavily rewritten to feature a ghost? If a ghost is see-through, if a ghost is like, you know, like steam, they're essentially steam. How does it carry a script? Well, you say it's steam. I've seen them at the fairground,

and as we know, they do wear Reeboks. Yeah, they do, Reeboks. I have the a script. Well, you say it, Steve. I've seen them at the Fairground, and as we know, they do wear Reeboks. Yeah, they do, Reeboks. Under the white sheet. It'd be a nice thread to count the sheet in Andrew Lloyd Webber's That Ghost Will Have, Frank. What, oh, I was telling you about the exorcism. Is it the Phantom of the Obscure Room? Oh, the Phantom of the Obscure Room,

moving scarabs. I feel sick because, you know, Frank will suggest this to Andrew Lloyd Webber when he next encounters him. Do you want to know about Michael Benteen? Yes, Michael Benteen, who's one of the goons. Yes. And the chief exorcist of the Church of England

and Lindsay de Paul, my neighbour, and the exorcism that happened next door to me. So he turned up with a, and the exorcism that happened next door to me. So he turned up with a comedian, the exorcist. Mum said to me, I said, why is Michael Benteen on the front lawn with a priest? And my mum said, I've told

you, Lindsay's having an exorcism and Michael's helping her out. Okay. And Michael Benteen was apparently, he was quite, my mum said said he's very into the paranormal darling he was into sort of supernatural things I believe I don't know

I think he has an interesting ghost the things that, the story that the goons, in case you don't know about the goons they were like a massive radio post war strange surreal comedy bunch with Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan

and Harry Seacombe anyway and Michael Benteen and they used to say that the strangest people you've ever met would turn up at the BBC and say I met Michael Benteen and he told me I was a genius

and that I should talk to someone at the BBC. It was happening every week, the oddest people you've ever met. Yes. So he did that. But Lindsay's ghost would, it was a poltergeist and she called Michael Benton because it used to jangle keys in her ear

and crash mirrors to the floor. That's all I knew about that poltergeist. I mean, that's actually dangerous. Yeah. Irresponsible. It is, yeah. The ghost... Frank's public information film on ghosts,

that's actually dangerous. Seven years bad luck for that ghost. Yeah. As if things weren't going badly enough for that ghost. How do they measure bad luck? Ghosts. In the ghost community. Measure it. Bad luck. Ghosts. In the ghost community.

Michael brought over the chief exorcist of the Church of England. Yes. And all I remember is he said repeatedly, exit, exit. And that was pretty much it. So I'm just saying, nice work if you can get it. Right. Okay? Was he from Switzerland?

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. One of the reasons Andrew Lloyd Webber thought his house was haunted was that he happened to glance in a mirror. Oh, that is so unkind. He is a ghostly-looking man, though. I always jump a little bit whenever I see him. Is there such a thing as ghostly looking though? Aren't they just living people who are now dead people?

There's got to be more to them. No, there's variety. I'm not trying to denigrate them. I think, you're not throwing style shade at ghosts. I'm saying they're a bit past tense. I think their golden years are behind them is what I'm saying. You're saying their look is a bit retro.

Yeah, I'm saying that. Yeah, I think so. What's your favourite style of ghost, Frank? I think Victorian lady walking through a wall and not acknowledging anyone, just getting on and being about her business. Busy. Yeah.

Oh, I've got a lot on Ghost. Yeah, exactly. I like... You know the way dogs, you take a dog for a walk and the dog's like, oh yeah, I need to go in that bush over there. Then I need to...

They're really busy. And you think, what's the point of being a dog if you're busy? Chill out. I like Tudor, Headless Tudor Man with Ruff. Oh, Harry Potter. That's a very rude one for you. Holding the head under his arm. No, I like Tudor, Headless Tudor Man with Ruff. Oh, Harry Potter. That's a very rude one for you.

Holding the head under his arm. No, I like it. It's quite sort of ITV beer advert. That's the kind of ghost that would crop up in an ad. Yes, yes. Friendly ghost. Even I like this drink. Some stupid thing where he's pouring it down his neck.

Yeah. I like the, in Sixth Sense, I like the hanged religious dissenter ghosts that were still on rope. Absolute radios. Sorry, was that... Too dark for breakfast! Too dark for breakfast!

Yes. Anyway, you asked me my favorite ghost and there you have it i once asked an audience how many people in the crowd there's like a thousand people or so and i said how many of you have seen a ghost and there was like i think it was eight people who said they'd definitely seen a ghost. And then I asked how many people had seen Papua New Guinea. There wasn't one. So from my statistical research, it is more likely that ghosts exist than Papua New Guinea. And ghosts from Papua New Guinea, the less said.

Yeah, who knows? So you both like the historical... Well, I'll tell you what I like. I like Malevolent Child, Malevolent Victorian Child. Oh, yeah. Like, ring-a-ring-a-ring. Oh, no, bouncing a ball on the landing. Yeah. And you think, how do you bounce a ball if you're permeable?

Maybe some sort of a hoop. It's the ghost of a ball. Of course. Maybe some sort of a hoop. It's the ghost of a ball. Of course. Maybe some sort of a hoop involved. Oh, no. Let's see when they're in one of the obscure rooms. Yes, giggling and running. They're always giggling and running.

Do you think he always called it the obscure room, ALW? Could you, I don't know where my bag is. Well, maybe it's in the obscure room. No, I think he forgot they existed until the search party of servants came back and said, we've found them. They were in one of the obscure rooms.

Me lord, your scripts were in one of them. Oh, in the low profile wing. Yes. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, I would like to refer you again. Sorry, I've gone a bit legal on you. That's okay. I hope you don't mind, Frank, when I go legal on you.

No, I quite like it. Oh, okay. I'd like to refer you again to our, we discuss characters who get in touch mid-week and I love these correspondence. And we've had someone getting... Mid-week matters, maybe we should call this section.

Yes. Because it suggests that it matters that we're discussing the week, but it also discussed that the people who send in mid-week matter. They matter. I believe, is that an Alan Partridge? Midmorning matters. Oh, midmorning, yes.

Oh, if it's close to that. I don't want anyone saying, oh, yeah, that's like on Alan Partridge. That is worse than saying, weren't you a war criminal? Not that I don't like Alan Partridge, but the idea that everything is based on it is an error. Yes. So this is from Ryan...

So we're not going to call it that. No. Get in. OK. This is from Ryan in Twickenham. Hi, Frank and team. Long-time reader. Praise, therefore, redacted.

Right. I was watching ITV's Masked Singer recently and was thrilled to identify Chicken Caesar as the one and only Mr Frank Skinner. Right. There's a character called Chicken Caesar, FYI. Yeah. Chicken Caesar.

Yeah. As in the salad. Yeah. Okay. Not as in Hail Caesar. It's my favourite salad, and I hate salad. But chicken salad, I like those, the modern things. It's odd that you hate salad.

Well, salad is like, it's more like taking an aspirin. People only eat it because it's healthy. It's not really fine these days. That's not true these days. Well, the reason is... The salad has evolved since your day. Yeah, but it's evolved in a very odd salad way. So now you think, oh, I'll buy salad.

And you go to that, and it's like Mars, Mars salad. Yeah. And you think, well, it's got the word salad in it. I won't look at the fat and sugar content. But the salad has evolved into a dish in its own right. Yeah, that's because everybody wants to be thin, not because they like salad. Oh, OK.

Well, they've covered it in cheese. So Chicken Caesar. Oh, OK. Well, they've covered it in cheese. So Chicken Caesar... Oh, beckon, Mal. Ryan in Twickenham... Yes. ..says all the clues for Chicken Caesar pointed to Frank. Mm-hm. 1966 was mentioned, so he thought... OK.

..three lines. Yeah. The Brits came up. Sorry, Frank, he says in parenthesis i like the brits sorry i say 1966 i believe is the capacity of wembley stadium it should be it should be imagine if that was an absolute stipulation yeah you had to do stuff like that. You had to prove the relevance of your capacity to your venue. Yeah, the Munich Olympic Stadium

1933. Yes. Royal Albert Hall would have to be related to something in Victoria's Reign, presumably. It would be 1812. For the Tchaikovsky. I know the Overture. Tell Tchaikovsky. All right, come with me. I know the overture.

Tell Tchaikovsky the news. I know. Well, your grandmother was probably alive at the same time as Tchaikovsky. Indeed. Anyway, Ryan continues. The third clue that pointed to Frank, Chicken Caesar itself. He's put a lot of work in.

Yeah. CEC, the initials,opher collins oh i see yeah that's my birth name in case you don't know i felt so clever as i declared to my family that it was definitely frank but then lo and behold and i'm allowed to reveal this because it has gone out already so everybody knows the mask came off and it was... Rebecca Vardy. No, it was... Alexander Armstrong.

Oh. OK. What did he do at the Brits? What did he do in 1966? Well, he's done it. Has that contribution to music, Frank, with the, are you going to Scarborough Fair? He certainly did a TV advert

when he walked through a cornfield with his collar turned off. Going Golden brown texture like wine. With a pea coat on. No, I believe he said Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

And Frank said Not if you are, mate. Which wasn't very kind. What about in that interview, they asked him about doing Golden Brown and he said, Strangler's light, it ain't. It's a nice bloke, but that was terrible. Frank Skinner. Frank Skimmer.

Absolute Radio. You were recently on Emily Dean's podcast. Yes. Very wonderful he was on it, can I say. And you discussed something that I'd never heard of before, but is being referenced by the nominatively determined Scott in Edinburgh. Right.

Or it's anonymous. I can't tell. But Scott in Edinburgh says, Hi, Frank and team. I was watching Charlie Chaplin's The Circus and was reminded of Frank's father when Chaplin is cooking and scoops a teaspoon of salt from his waistcoat pocket.

Oh. Was this the birth of the salt-in-pocket defence utilised by the Skinner household? I always thought it was a ninja thing, but it might have been Charlie Chaplin. Well, I mean, they're both silent. Yeah. Was it from

the film The Circus? Well, apparently it happens in the film, so maybe it was such a widespread... What if we found out that's where your dad dog was from? You know what was on about laughing fits last week? Yeah. There's a massive, there's a bit, and I'm not going to pretend that I watch Charlie Chaplin films and fall about,

but occasionally you'll come up with such a brilliant, and there was clearly one that couldn't fully be controlled. And he is on a tightrope with, you know, when they have the stick, they hold the big stick for balance and he's got a monkey climbing on his shoulder and then going round. And at one point, it really bites his nose.

I mean, really quite hard. And, oh man, it's just... I mean, it couldn't possibly have been set up, but he goes with it, of course, because he's thinking, this will be great. This is funny. I don't care if he utterly defaces me. It's going to get, and you should check that out.

But I don't remember the salt in pocket, but it sounds right. Do you think that that was just a sort of pre-war version for men of going to a UFC class or doing boxing? Just put some salt in your pockets. I think, if I remember rightly, in the Laurel and Hardy, Hal wrote, short county hospital. Stan Laurel

who's delivered hard-boiled eggs and nuts as a gift in the hospital. Okay. And why didn't you get me some grapes? They cast too much. So it's a bit where he takes a salt cellar out of his pocket to put on a hard-boiled egg.

That's definitely a thing, isn't it? Maybe people did carry it about. Because we should clarify, your father carried salt in his pocket as a kind of flung self-defence mechanism. If anyone tried any sort of assault in the street... To pardon the pun. If they asked for the time, he says, any sort of assault in the street. To pardon the pun. If they asked for the time, he says that's how they get you.

Yeah, that was it. But, I mean, I'm not, you know, we on Absolute Radio do not propose have-a-go heroes of any kind. We don't condone assault or assault. Oh, very good. Oh, come on, that's good. Assault, assault. Mm-hmm. Yeah? No, we don't condone that. But my dad, come on, that's good. A salt, a salt. Mm-hmm. Yeah?

No, we don't condone that. But my dad, you know, came from different times. Saltier times. Mm, but you got him. You said a mouthful. Ruth Jordan. Ruth Jordan has asked... How's her dad getting on?

I don't know. Okay. Ruth Jordan has said... Well, she said her two things. Her two things? Oh, don't chase her off with your face., she said two things. Two things? Don't chase her off with your face. She said two things. It's gone from chaplain to the Marx Brothers.

Two things. For me, that is a no sanity clause. Firstly, she says, I really hope someone switched on the radio when Emily said, what's Michael Bentine doing on the front lawn with the priest? Secondly, she says, I wonder if all this talk of ghosts will lead to Frank having one of his disappointingly route one scary dreams, like

the Dracula one. Yes. Oh, I do hope so. I hope not. They wake me up and then I can't get back to sleep. Really? I make the old mistake of sleeping with the light off. Yeah, but she's right, Ruth. It's going to be a Tudor ghost clutching the head.

Oh, I can laugh about the ghost thing now, but when I'm in bed and the lights are off. Do you really get scared with these things? Yeah, yeah. I've got an 11th Doctor dressing gown hanging on the door. That suddenly becomes some hovering spook. If there was never any darkness, if there was no night, I don't think it would bother me.

I mean, that dressing gown only scares me depending on which actor playing the Doctor is wearing it, because some might terrify me. Well, I never wear it, of course, because I can't find a window. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, we have some other

bits of correspondence. Okay. Has anyone from Hastings come in and said yes? Well, not the insurance company, we should say. No, but have they said that the capacity of the White Rock Theatre Hastings was deliberately made to be 1066? Has anyone said that?

Because if it hasn't, I feel like I've discovered the riddle of the sands or something of... sands or something. I think you have. I think somewhere out there is a clapping architect. I mean, it would actually work for most venues. Millennium Dome, we know what that should be. Yeah. Thousand Capacity.

Yes. They'd all have to get a lot smaller, wouldn't they, most of them? Yes. Some bigger. Hitler's Bunker, 1945. Whoa! There'd be a lot of people to fit in there. Yeah. So we ended up in Hitler's bunker, 1945. Oh, what happened there? We ended up in Hitler's bunker?

I was doing a nice breakfast show. Stanley Kubrick theatre. Just got the edge on the dome. Do you know, yeah, we're very proud. It's just that little bit more. Well, I need to know. Imagine if it's just accidentally happened that it's

that it's 1066 are we sure so they weren't joking the venue and pulling their legs it's official no no it's official

really are you going to talk about this when you do the gig there you'll have to well yeah if they

once I gather the few people that have arrived... Stop, Frank! Stop putting yourself down! I think it's 23% at the moment. Let me check that. Frank, don't share so much. OK. Frank, you're sharing too much.

Don't share so much. Yeah. It's such a funny thing to say to someone. Yeah, you've got to see the flip side of caring is sharing. Or is it sharing is caring? It works both ways. Yeah, exactly. No, I just, you know...

No Hastings news, that's what you're telling me. Silence from Hastings, as someone said to the Anglo-Saxons. I was just going to say. They've turned a blind eye to it. Oh, my God. It's a battle of hastings. It's topical stuff. It's a battle

of ages. It's topical stuff. It is. Do you know I love your bear jokes. In the days where the paparazzi had to turn up with needles and cotton. I wonder if they still shouted Harold! Harold! Yeah.

Prime Minister! Are you going to resign, Prime Minister? Has politician ever said, oh, sorry, I didn't see you there? What was the question again? Or just turned round exasperatedly, yes! Yes, if you give me a second. If you let me get there. I'm having a go to go soon, Frank,

but can I just quickly share this from Paul Jones? In Holland, the word for a wet wipe for your spectacles is pronounced bril poets, but it says bril poets on the packet, which I always read in the voice of Frank in his excellent poetry podcast. Thank you, Frank, for introducing me to so many real poets. That's lovely, isn't it?

You know those sort of pop little figurines that people collect? Buzz has got one called, I think it's called the Dryden Warrior, which I always like to think was representing the 18th century poet John Dryden in some sort of battle against Philistinism. Anyway, Sarah Champion's up next. Over to you, Sarah. Speaking of poetry, episode two of Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast is this week.

I had a lovely moment on Zoe Ball yesterday where I said that this week's is The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. And Matt Smith, so that's my favourite poem, and recited about 12 lines from Heart. That was lovely. But he won't do it this week, because this week it's Sappho, the ancient Greek poetess from the Isle of Lesbos.

And there's tiny fragments left of Sappho, but I find glory in it. And that'll be out on Wednesday from wherever you get your podcasts. Download it from wherever you get your podcasts. See, I thought I spontaneously did a bit, and then I read a bit. It was the same thing.

Okay. But you can't tell people enough times. Remember those Bruce Forsyth leads up to the Pontchartney Island? I was in my living room the other day. I was in my living room the other day and I was in my living room. In other words, I have to tell you people three times and you won't remember.

Anyway, we need to go. Thanks for listening this morning. If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now buy a ticket for Hastings Now get out