The Frank Skinner Show - Monkey Picture

Episode Date: February 12, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank went to the Black Country Museum and it was Alun’s Birthday. The team were also joined by Tim Key to chat about his new book, Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is, I sound a bit shaking so I just put my hand, you know you have to raise the faders on a desk and I just put my finger on the fader and there was something on it and I don't know quite what it was. I'm hoping it was a crumb of bread but it could have been something else. But now I feel that I have to go and wash that finger. Anyway, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cockrooney.

You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk Incidentally, we are doing that rarest of rare on the frank skinner show this morning we've got a guest oh yeah he's not going to be speaking on air we've just put up a bed in the corner and said he could sleep no he's more of a lodger, really. It's Tim Key. Tim Key will be with us later.

I mean, you know, God willing. Yeah, we're all fans. We only have people we love on the show. We have a bit of Key. Can I share this with you just to kick off from Ruth Jordan? She just has a brief question, Frank. Yeah. It's not really a question. She just has a brief question, Frank. Yeah. It's not really a question.

She's pondering something. Hi, Frank, Emily and Alan. I was wondering if Frank has been watching any of the Winter Olympics. I can't decide if it's something he'd like or whether he'd be a bit of a git about it. I'll tell you something. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive, actually.

No, indeed. Very well said Al I I had a bit of a moment with the Olympics because I was quite cynical generally about the Olympics be they on ice or on ground and then just before

the London Olympics which I was also being quite cynical about and doing jokes about it what a waste of time it was Gabby Logan was on Room 101 and she gave a bit of a speech about the kind of people who were cynical about the Olympics

and I thought, you know what Gabby you're absolutely correct from now on I will embrace the Olympics of both kinds and I have done so Gabby, you're absolutely correct. From now on, I will embrace the Olympics of both kinds, and I have done. So Gabby Logan changed my life. That's good. She changed all our lives in so many ways. I love that woman.

Whereas I've been using it to do what I think people lazily call dad jokes. You know when they say dad in front of stuff now, it's rubbish. Every time I've walked into the living room and they're watching the Winter Olympics I've said oh it's a slippery slope very good

and almost every time it is like it's surprising how often they need one see that's a classic example of a dad joke because I would define a dad joke

not as bad but something which improves with repetition yeah well I've certainly been repeating it many years ago i don't know if you remember we talked about dad jokes on the show and someone talked about a dad joke that had been handed down yes and the joke was whenever his dad got in the car with the family, whenever he put the car into reverse, he'd say, this takes me back.

And now his son was saying the same thing to his kids, which was brilliant. My dad didn't have a car, so that wouldn't have worked for us. It didn't work for us either, because my dad made jokes about Ozymandias. My dad made literary references that were handed down. About my kingdom.

Yes, I know, but they're not very portable. I don't know if I can tell you anything my dad said. So we might have to leave that one there. I tell you what, speaking of... I was listening to Ross Buchanan on Before Us this morning and he said Goetia in sort of slight unironically I thought and it reminded me this could be it might be a text in songs that you only know one line of I used to sing Gurcha by Chas and Dave and there was a line that went

Gurcha when the Poles knocked England at the Cup Gurcha when the Poles knocked England at the Cup Gurcha when the Poles knocked because I the cup Gertrude, when the Poles knocked England at the cup Gertrude, when the Poles knocked Because I didn't know any of the other lines. And in the end people would say please stop. Please stop saying that. They still say that to David.

Also Frosty the snowman. I'm lost after that. I know we had a very something. Yeah. I know he had a very something. Yeah, well, we all had a very something. He had a very something. If there's anyone out there who hasn't got a very something, 8.12.15.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. 7.88, Frank. Frank said, I don't know the words to Frosty said I don't know the words to Frosty. I don't know the words to Frosty either. I always sing Frosty the snowman was a very frosty snowman. Oh well there you go.

Well stay Frosty as I think was Justin Topa's goodbye to people. Stay Frosty. Justin Topa, I don't know if he still is, is a famous long-haired astrologer. Yeah?

Well. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I've ever had him described quite like that, Al. A famous long-haired. Yes, he had... There was a bit of Billy Ray Cyrus going on, wasn't there? He sat in the mullet chair, by the way. He was more Joni Mitchell.

Oh, OK. He had that long, straight hair. And something of the Wendy Richards in Extenders. I'll tell you what he was. Dave Hill. If Dave Hill from Slade had discovered New Age beliefs, he would have become Justin Topher. Anyway, enough, enough. Now, listen, it's Valentine's Day on Monday. beliefs he would have become Justin Topa anyway enough enough

now listen it's Valentine's Day on Monday and I do want to think about have you ever had or sent a Valentine's card that's actually achieved a relationship or done anything

do they work do they work do they work because i not not for me that i can think of i've only ever i know what you mean so have i received a valentine's card where it's not from a partner that's actually you know it's a mystery something's happened yes i did receive one once and it was terribly embarrassing because i thought it was from someone, I must have been about 16, who I genuinely liked, and it turned out to be from someone I had no interest in at all. Did you speak to the person you liked

as if they'd sent you a Valentine's card? No, it was so embarrassing, I don't know what I'm like. I remember. I discussed the card with this person who I saw quite regularly because they were quite a close male friend. And I said, I got this card, it was a bit tacky. I honestly didn't know it was him. Oh, no.

I know. Well, I was... Disassociate from it. I was going out with this woman and I sent her a card. I didn't put my name on it. She never mentioned it. And I thought, that takes a bit of unpacking. Doesn't it?

Because she must have thought that was from someone else and decided not to bring it up just in case. Someone she fancied at work was getting a little more. I think that's great psychological warfare, though, which is obviously how I view relationships. Well, I send Kath one every year. She's never mentioned any of them. No, that's not true.

You send, well, I don't know if I should be that personal, but can I just say, you do well on the flowers front. I've seen this on Valentine's, don't know if I should be that personal, but can I just say, you do well on the flowers front. I've seen this on Valentine's, don't you? Oh, I go the dozen red roses. But I told you, I had a conversation with some male people, and they were saying, I reckon you could get away with nine. They're not going to count them, are they?

Save a few, Bob. I love the way your PA does that. I'm going to have that chap off air, actually. Anyway, oh, listen. So, yeah, if you've got any sort of Valentine's card, yarns, drop us a line. I remember what he did. That's a proper radio text in that, isn't it?

Yes, yeah. Frank, I remember what he did. He cut up newspaper letters. Oh, like a ransom note. What do you think of that? That would qualify as a whatever happened to, I think, is the newspaper ransom note. I think it's because people don't buy newspapers anymore.

You don't want to print out something off the internet in order to cut it up. Also, it all changed when they went colour the newspapers. Yeah. It lost the drama. Yeah. Eddie Shaw really dragged down

the ransom note quality. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Now, listen, I... This week, you might have seen this as a very horrible video of Kurt Zouma, the West Ham player, being nasty to his cat. I'm not a cat person, but I watched the video, rightly or wrongly. Ironically, probably curiosity. And it was unpleasant. That's it.

And that's it. I don't have anything to say about it other than that. Oh, yeah. And it was unpleasant. That's it. Yeah. And that's it. I don't have anything to say about it other than that. It was horrible. But I was at the Black Country Museum this week. There you go, Bart. Now, do you know the Black Country Museum? Let me think.

Absolutely not. Okay. It's a living museum. I don't know if you're familiar with that term, but it means you can walk around and see people making chains at a forge and stuff like that. Oh, right. Oh, here we go, Al. Like you could have done in the black country in the old days.

People down Cradley or Neverton making chains. I'd stay out for you in the SNL community. I was just going to say. Well, I took a few orders while I was there. Anyway, one of the great black country... The black country, if you don't know, is an area of the West Midlands, not including Birmingham. There's some debate what it includes.

The areas people are always fighting to say, well, is West Bromwich. There used to be a bloke went around black country schools called um the reverend wesley perrins the black country preacher i don't know if he was a reference yeah it is uh the black country preacher yeah i wonder if that's anyone's got that domain name and anyway he used to say um oft quoted me and my anyway, he used to say, oft quoted, me and my friends at school used to say this a lot, now some people say as black,

as West Bromwich is in the black country, but you'll mark my words. And then he would lean forward and go, it's I, which meant it isn't. Anyway, one of the black country heroes was the Tipton Slasher. Oh, right. What? I don't know. I just don't like the sound of this.

No, no, the Tipton Slasher was a bare-knuckle boxer. Oh, I thought it was a man with a weak bladder. Oh, no. So it's called Bill Perry, and I don't know if you know anything about sort of 19th century bare knuckle fighting but it was actually business. Do you know, oddly, my great-grandfather was one, I believe.

Oh, really? Yes, in the valleys. He was all I heard. He was a bare knuckle fighter and weirdly, then he also, there was a rumour about him that he'd fought an actual bear as well. Well, that's where I'm moving with this, not to a bear. He was also called Old Kay Legs because one of his legs turned inwards at the knee.

And so he looked like a K, he looked like a letter K when he stood. Anyway, I'll just tell you one other fact about him. anyway I'll just tell you one other fact about him he once had a fight against an American guy

who was who was six foot ten and a half inches the other guy Bill Perry was about six one and it went

to twenty seven rounds and in the end the referee stopped the fight because it was too dark for him to see what was going on.

I love you. Anyway, listen, so I was at the Black Country Museum and I said, have you got any Tipton Slasher memorabilia? You said whilst people were making chains. You came across as normal. And the woman said, well, we have got his monkey, that he had, his monkey, but it's not on show. It's in storage, but we might be able to get you in

to go and have a look at it. And I said, I didn't know the Tipton Slasher had a monkey. Tell me more. I didn't either. No. Well, I'll be back with the story a little after this. Great cliffhanger. It is.

I mean, the Tipton Slasher's monkey cliffhanger, I think, is quite a moment in our show's history. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio So the Tipton Slasher had this baboon and he used to spar with it

you know a bit of jab and a bit of right cross bit of uppercut and I'm never quite sure. Obviously, some of these things are lost in the mist of time. I'm never quite sure whether he literally just sparred with it to get better at boxing, because they're quite agile,

whether it was betterment he was after, or whether people would pay to see him spar with a... I think they would pay. I think my great-grandfather, they would pay to see him spar with a... I think they would pay. I think my great-grandfather, they would pay to see him fight the bear. Yeah, well, anyway... I mean, he would. It all went a bit wrong. And this is why I thought of it this week.

It's that he hit the monkey. Oh, God. And the monkey staggered backwards and fell down a flight of stone stairs. And I'm afraid the monkey passed. Oh, dear. So the Tipton Slasher was horrified and upset.

And so he had the monkey stuffed so that he could keep it. Hardly makes you afraid. No, but what can you do? You can't take back that punch. And the monkey is just on a shelf now with tissue paper around it in the storeroom of the Black Country Museum. Did you get to see it?

I did get to see it. It was quite exciting. And there is a bit of a controversy because there is a rival monkey skull, which claims to be the skull of the Tipton Slashers. It's been painted gold, and that is in a pub somewhere in the black country. So no one's quite sure what's going on.

Frank, you and your broad material. It's a great story, though, isn't it? Do you know what? I like the sound of this. I mean, I did take a picture. I don't know whether we can make a judgment about whether we should put it up or not. It is a stuffed monkey.

For locals listening, 789 has texted, the Tipton Slasher has a statue in Owen Street, Tipton. Yes, yes. Choose your own adventure day today, isn't it? Do you remember the old joke about a bloke who had two monkeys and they died and he took them to the taxidermist

and said, I'd like to have these monkeys stuffed, please. And the taxidermist said, do you want them mounted? He said, no, just hold it and we'll do it. Oh, God. Oh, man.

For God's sake. Yeah, it's a classic. Classic. I mean, I love old jokes anyway, but old jokes that I haven't heard, I really love. No, no, it is. It is. Can I just pass on this from Councillor John Paul Stevenson?

Oh, yeah. John Paul, that'd be a nice friend for you, Frank. You love people with that name. Good to hear Frank on the radio talk about his visit to our friends at BC Living Museum. That's the black country living museum that Frank was referring to. You're very welcome to come to see us at the Beamish Museum, which is the living museum of the North,

telling the story of the people in the North East England during... I said the North East England, even though I'm not that bad, in North East England, during the 1820s, 1900s, 1940s and 1950s. When you're next in this neck of the woods, the new 1950s town opens next week hashtag excited yeah I like the way museums start getting closer they start getting to things I remember

which is because they're doing 60s and 70s now at the Black Country Museum they're catching me up I can see museums in my rear view mirror they're doing 60s and 70s now at the Black Country Museum. They're catching me up. I can see museums in my rearview mirror. They're getting closer. I said I hope one day to be an exhibit at the Black Country Living Museum. One day?

Not when I'm living, obviously. I could be when I'm living. Was it Tilda Swinton who lay in a box in a museum exhibition, an art gallery thing? Do you remember that? Are you in Madame Tussauds? I'm not in Madame Tussauds now, unless I'm Spider-Man or something. You know, they might have made me and then thought, oh, things have gone off a bit. You should be in it.

Get the masks out. If Crippen's in it, you should be in it. Yeah, Crippen, though his career was shorter, seems to have lingered longer in the public memory. It's a terrible injustice to celebrity. Now, I've been discussing the Tipton Slashers monkey this morning.

Someone will text in and say it's an ape or something, but they won't get the chance to define it exactly because both Emily and the producer have put their foot down and said that I can't put the picture up. It's disgusting, that photo. How could you even take a photograph of that? Well, it's from, you know...

Al likes it. Have you seen it, Al? I think it sounds like he's just seen it. Have you just opened it? Yes. I mean, what was he thinking? Oh, let's put that on social media. I just thought it's history, you know. It is history.

What is this, Saturday? I've got no problem. I think you should put it up. Al, what's wrong with you both? I don't know what's made me more worried about it. Emily's disapproval, Al's approval. I've actually got my arms folded. I'm so disgusted that you would even consider that. What is this?

Did you think too soon? I'm literally crying with laughter. I couldn't even look at it. And when we were discussing this, can I share with our readers, so I'm sure at least 94% will agree with me if they could see this horrible image six percent legends audience i said we were talking about debating it and i said well alan hasn't seen it yet and i'm sure when he sees it i had far too much confidence in you yeah so alan is in manchester in case you don't get it. So I texted Alan the picture so that he could make his own judgement and that shrieking laughter was the moment the picture arrived.

What about Al? When I said, well, I'm sure Alan will agree. I thought the monkey had risen from the... And guess what Frank said? We'll see. We'll see. And by the monkey corpse, it's... Let's not call it that.

It's an exhibit. Frank was showing me a picture Alan. He was doing a close-up of it with his thumb saying look at the tooth on it. No, but listen look at the tooth on that. I'm really in on that now. Bear in mind this used to be on display. It's not like I

haven't exhumed it. It was formerly on display. We're not like I haven't, you know, I haven't exhumed it. It was formerly on display. We're getting a lot of people. Your celeb status got you backstage to see. I know, it's one of the great privileges of the celeb you get back to see. Oh, great privilege.

And the woman said to me, do you want to see the Tipton Slash? Another woman came and said, am I taking you to see the Tipton Slash's ghost monkey? I said, ghost monkey? Have I missed something here? Does it walk? Does it walk at night?

Imagine it going from shelf to shelf in the storeroom. Oh, my God. hot gold this is Frank Skinner this is Absolute Radio this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran you can text the show on 8 12 15 many have and we'll be reading some of those in a minute

follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the radio email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. And just a little reminder, Tim Key, poet slash comedian, will be with us later. And a fine actor, I would say. Oh, sorry, I forgot. And a writer and all that, you know. He really straddles

the journalism category he straddles like there's no Tamara Beckwith can I can I take a moment during the show

to thank you guys for my as Frank would call it birthday gifts I do not call it that that's a myth anyway but yes

I was mortificado as Emily would say I do not call it that i know actually i do i i had received a parcel that said on one wall of the cardboard box uh for alan open on saturday but that wall of the box had been put against an actual wall. And then I thought that that gift was from somebody else. And so I hadn't seen that side of it. And so I think it either arrived last Saturday or after the show last Saturday. Anyway, I saved it for my birthday, my birthday. And it was from this radio show.

And it contained many wonderful offerings, including a tub of chocolate limes, which I don't remember ever telling you guys that I liked, but I do. And it must have been something that I've said on the radio. You know what? When it was mooted as a gift, I couldn't remember you mentioning it. I'm wondering if someone's had a bit of a... As they used to say, if ever there was a strange event, remember people did that?

That was one of my date deal breakers. Was it? A man saying, oh, yeah, we thought of the same thing. In fact, David Baddiel once did a very fine, I think during the Mary Bright's House experience, I'm sure he'll remind me, he did some great comedy on that. Oh, no, don't tell me I've trod on the toes of David Baddiel. the mary white house experience i'm sure he'll remind me he did some great comedy on that oh no don't tell me i've thrown on the toes of david the deal i never excuse me i got it wrong i just

remember badil doing a funny mary white house sketch on it oh i'm starting to wish i hadn't written that book about anti-semitism now we're coming out this way. Well, David will tell me if he did. I received a cookery book type thing that is beautiful and I think is a sort of extended version of a joke that Frank once made on the television when talking to a chef when I think you said, I don't know which chef it was that you said this to, but you said, isn't all cookery basically making food hotter? You didn't say that. That's a fair summary.

It's a very rude summary. Who did you say that to? No wonder Heston Blumenthal jumped on your back. I don't think it was him. I think it might have been Kerridge. Oh, yes. All right. Which, interestingly, is an anagram of Kedjorie.

Yes. I don't know if it is. I don. Which, interestingly, is an anagram of cagury. Yes. I don't know if it is. I don't know if it actually is. But it feels vaguely like a food. I hope he's put something on the menu. If there was a cagury and porridge mash-up, I'll have a carriage. I'll have a nice bowl of carriage.

Yeah, he should have that one. Carriage sounds like a very posh person talking about what they arrived in. That's what you have on the invitation, not invite. Carriages at 11pm. Sorry, my only posh voice is Lord Charles, the ventriloquist. Well, you're a pretty little thing, aren't you? That's all I've got in

my posh voices box. No, you've got, and I insist you do it, the doctor you saw who said of his, and you complimented him on his handwriting, and what did he say, Frank? Oh, of course. He said, yes, when I did handwriting at school, I rather tried. and he also said i was taught handwriting actually by a traitor blunts brother which is again bit of history uh anthony blunt the queen's art advisor turned out to be a communist spy absolute radio absolute radio what about if it wasn't generally now i hadn't realized that's something'd just heard on the grapevine I've just exposed it I mean

I mean that would that's the last thing Prince Charles wants this week Covid and the spy in the spy in the house

spy in the ointment very good have we got to end on that Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio can I just connect briefly with our readers in the outside world? We've got a couple of things going on at the moment. We've got when you can only remember the first line of a song.

Well, not necessarily the first line, because I can only remember when the Poles knocked England out of the cop, really, from Goetje. True. A line from a song, one line. Mrs M has tweeted us for Auld Lang Syne, my dear. I think I know the words to

Auld Lang Syne, but a lot of people don't. Yep. I found it harder to get it going in recent times. I remember in my youth, it was just something that happened at New Year's Eve, and now people have... Seems to have died out a bit. Well, I think the reason that you can't remember the second line

is the inebriated aren't strong on accuracy when it comes to song lyrics, and I won't tolerate that. Frank White, golden brown, Texture Like Sun. Yeah. I'm not sure I would have got Texture Like Sun. I think I'd have got Golden Brown. It's texture, by the way, not text you. They didn't have text then.

No. Zombie Steve, We Need To See The Monkey. I don't remember that track look like if it was up to me Steve Paddy McGuinness would say I'll take you if it was up to me the monkey would be out there you know

there's no mention of a new contract it could be part of our new scorched earth approach to the show what have we got to lose now? I like it. Anyway. Daydreamers says

there is a YouTube video of BCLM does that stand for Black Country Living Museum about the history of Slasher shows the monkey wrapped in tissue. Yeah, well,

I got it. This is the monkey unwrapped. The fight scenes in the video are rather Chaplin-esque. Okay. Okay. There's no actual footage. There's no film cameras then, so... Ultra Magnus, please can we see the monkey on Frank After Dark?

He's called it. I mean, all I'm saying I can't read them all out but we're getting a hell of a lot of requests well I think you see you've done that thing

a bit like Mary Whitehouse used to do in the old days oh thanks a lot what a charming comparison for a woman of my age it's it's your outrage

makes people think oh I wouldn't mind being outraged by that and we've had uh brunkle hiro a lot to unpack i haven't i can't quite unpack it right now but uh one one lyric only past the duchy on the left hand side yeah i wouldn't. I agree with that. Okay. Did I tell you when I flew to... Oh, we're now getting Show Us The Monkey.

We're getting inundated. Bilbo Bakewell has just got in touch. What I don't like about it is it sounds like a euphemism, doesn't it? It's a bit of a Tom Cruise. Come on, show us the monkey. It's becoming a bit more singer. Take it off. Take it off.

We're going to get people with placards outside. Show us the monkey. But it'll be very much like when they had a demonstration in Brookside with only three extras holding very well-painted protest signs. Yes, maybe so. I love that. I love a fake protest in a film. Favourite fake protest in a film.

Favourite fake protests in a film? 8, 12, 15. Laugh and Let Die has suggested... You asked rather serially, Frank, before the break. You asked the readers, what is their favourite fake protest in a film or TV show? As you said, with people where the placards have been made by a professional

props maker. And there's four people and their coats look too clean and box fresh. So, Laugh and Let Die has tweeted us, fave protest in a film, Michael Winner's The Games. Sorry,

this concept of Michael Winner makes me laugh. I'm sorry. Calm down, dear. That needs something. That needs a jingle of something.

That was good, Frank. That was good, what you just did. Okay, I'm going to give it, I'm going to give it, yeah, one, it's like to be random. You all right with that? I love it. frank that was good what you just did okay i'm gonna give it uh i'm gonna give it yeah one i'd

like to be random you're right with that i love it michael michael winners the games uh he was using mannequins in the crowd instead of human extras to save money. Oh, that is... When the camera started to roll, the extras in the crowd threw off their fur coats and were wearing underwear. So I don't quite understand. Hang on, I thought he was using mannequins in the crowd.

There's a lot of thoughts going on here. This is very complicated. What I liked is when he said they use mannequins in front instead of extras, is it he? Do we know? Yes. When he said they're using mannequins, I thought that is a real insult to extras. That's suggesting that they can be replaced by mannequins.

And then I remembered that I was a football fan recently replaced by cardboard cutouts and sound effects. So, you know, we're all expendable, let's put it that way. 904 has also suggested favourite fake protest. Father Ted, who... There's a placard that says, down with this sort of thing, which I've always liked. And another one says careful now

i very much like down with this sort of thing yeah it's great i'm a big fan so um boys we need to talk can we talk about the brits please oh yes of course did you go for it you're something i didn't go as i say no contract term, no invite to the Brits. Oh. Uh-oh. It's all right. I might start going away weekends again. Oh, don't, Frank.

Do you know, it's not been the same for you anyway since Little Mix split. You've never, there's a hot... Little Mix? Well, there is a, there's a helpline you can find. Oh, no. You've never got over it. Well, I saw them at the Brits, if you remember,

and I was surprised at how impressive they were live. Yeah. I believe you repeatedly said, who knew? Who knew? I did. Who knew?

I did. But they weren't there this time, were they? It's changed since your day because Jack Whitehall... Yeah. No longer does it. It's Mo Gilligan. I wouldn't say Jack Whitehall no longer does it. It's Mo Gilligan.

I wouldn't say Jack Whitehall was my day. In my day, I think Malcolm and Wise were hosting it. In my day, you were hosting it. How did that go? I don't think... When I'm on my deathbed, there won't be many things I truly regret. But? I thought that was best left with a dot, dot, dot.

No, no, it was fine. It's a lousy gig, the Brits. It's a lot of, you know, drunk... That is when you do it. Drunk, et cetera, people who don't want... Apparently this year it wasn't. Do you remember? Apparently it wasn't drunk enough.

People weren't partying enough. The youngsters don't drink now. No. Well that's a good thing. I love that about them. I respect them for that.

Yeah. And also hold them in slight contempt for it. I guess so. It's quite difficult isn't it to know what your feelings are on things.

Anyway it was I thought Mo Gilligan played it right this week. I think it's better not to do it you know like loads of crafty gags be sort of part of the thing

and genial and likeable is a big that's the way to handle it you know I don't really do likeable so that was just a bad booking right right speaking of voices we're talking about the Brits

weren't we yeah so they've they've changed it up a bit and I would say one thing that

struck me this year and I appreciate I am at risk of sounding like the most broadly drawn lazily written middle aged dad in a sitcom

but I am quite shocked that there is a pop star called Dave that's his name. I'm quite shocked there's a TV channel called Dave I mean who saw that coming? But it is an age thing because my best friend Jane,

literally she was saying to me, Dave! I mean, you can't call yourself Dave if you're a pop star. It doesn't really go with the job. You've got to make an effort, is what I'm saying. Well, I think what's happened is that all the good names have gone now. You know, Johnny Fury and... Alvin Stardust. Billy Fury, actually.

And all that, yes, So all those are gone. So people are dead. They really are now. You know, it's a well-combed field. I love it. You can't say, what music are you into, Dave? Right, yeah. That's a bit weird.

I just assumed that everything would be called Dave eventually after the success of the TV channel and the pop star. I'm assuming that, you know, houses will be called Dave and furniture will be called dave and furniture yeah dave land that's where we're gonna live what are you driving these days one one thing that's changed about the brits is when you go up to get an award now you have to be accompanied by an adult yes that's uh that's different they have a grown-up with them little sims who um kath i have to say is has

become quite a fan of you know what some you often watch the brits and think oh might check them out they have a little everyone that just gets passed around that now there's little mix now little sims yeah so little sims went up with her mom took her up to get the award, which I felt... I had mixed feelings. Why? I felt she was robbing us orphans' noses in it a bit. Yeah, it's not fair on us. Come on. Come on.

I mean, who am I going to take up? I just felt it was a bit intellectually inconsistent because Little Sims was massive compared to her mum. Yeah. If someone on the stage is called Little, I want them to be the littlest. Now that's a good point.

They were doing a whole Eddie Lodge match-up. She should be called even littler mum. That's what she should be called. Perhaps they're big Robin Hood enthusiasts because Little John,

if you remember, was the tallest man in the, of the Marys. Yeah, of the Marys. So, yeah,

I'd love to find out whether Little Sims was a real mad fan of watched all the old black and white Richard Greens as well as the Jason Connerys. Was there a Big John? No, I don't think there was a Big John. You see, I had a teddy bear I called Big John. And I think I'd maybe got it wrong.

I think I'd got it wrong from watching Robin Hood. Well, you don't think it was actually called John. You'd misheard it when you first asked its name and you're too embarrassed to ask again. Yeah, I've had that with Teddy Bear. What I like is the mum went straight on stage and kissed Tom Daley, and then what you could see,

you could see she was just licking her lips. You could taste the chlorine. Oh, no. Oh, I hate that. You could taste the chlorine. I hate that when you can taste the chlorine yucky do you think

he had a little whenever he goes out he's got the black tie and then he remembers oh I've left the little locker the locker key

on my wrist I hope so I imagine he always has one of those I hope so Tom you kept your locker on yeah I wouldn't

have wanted to follow Tom Daley on what with the Veruca danger no bombing no diving no heavy petting oh man I um well I'll tell you in a minute what I I this and I that I me me mine etc etc Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.

We also have 5, 2, 3, Unknown Second Line, Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann. Blinded by the light. Rattles around in the night. Is it night? Sometimes I know the rhyming word. There's always night in there in the 70s. Once you're going light, you're heading towards night inevitably.

That's your motto, isn't it? Wouldn't it be good if there was rules on who you took up to get your award? If there was like, just to make things, because obviously we all love an award show and the Brits is great because there's loads of music in it, but often at an award show you think, oh, it's a bit long this if you had to say in order to get an award you had to take up a neighbor that you've never spoken to before what about if you didn't accept people who won didn't accept their awards they

were always picked up by an ex so you got you've got the balance of glory and malice, which is always a beautiful combo. I like that. And then you're having to pay a public tax on the award. You pay a tax on success, which seems fair to me. An ex, a mortal enemy, someone who fired you. Yeah, I think exes are usually pretty... I'm trying to give them a nice big catchment area to work with

in case I run and have a string of success. Yeah. They don't have to double up. And they always play shout-out to my ex as they walk up. I like the idea. I think that could work. Did you see Anne-Marie had... She had one of her falls, Frank.

She did. I have to say, I'm of an age where when you mention Anne-Marie, I think Anne-Marie who... Well, she's one of yours now. What do you mean? Is she? Yeah. She's...

Oh, she kung fu fights? She's a karate expert. Is she? I've got this right, haven't I, Anne-Marie? I mean, like, black belt. Oh, she'd be a lovely friend for you. Yeah, write to her, Al. Yeah, I will.

Write to her. I'm on about someone who's been in world championships and stuff. I'm not on about someone who goes down the local wreck. I mean, in fact, it was a little bit frightening, I've heard. I think you'll find it's called a dojo. I love Anne. There's something that really... There's something I find immensely likeable about Anne-Marie.

I don't know her, but her manner... 23-year-old blonde pop star, Anne-Marie. No, but I don't mean in that way. Even when she fell, her voice wobbled a bit because she fell. But it still wobbled really nicely, I thought. It had a bit of Mariah about it. That sort of thing. I felt sorry for the dancer

because there was someone sort of helping her, aiding her down the stairs. And I did see a meme with his eyes, which widened. Yeah. And I was worried for him. But remember when Madonna fell over? It was like a big, I can't believe I'm... But with Anne-Marie, there was an element of, oh, gauze about it, which I really liked.

I do. I think she's a good laugh. What they need to be pop stars is less... They need to put less focus on cool. Because the thing is, if you fell over, no offence, Frank, no-one would care. No. But it's true, though, isn't it?

Because it'd be incorporated into your act. I think if I fell to my death, there'd only be a handful. But let's not dwell on that at this stage. Anyway, we've had another 83 Where's the Monkey text. I mean, frankly, that's all we're getting now. Where's the monkey? Show us the monkey. Look, this is you. You people wanted to censor me. Stop taunting us with songs about the monkey.

What? Didn't someone... What was the thing you read to me? Someone else has... The reference to Johnny Vegas, so you refer to that. Yeah. We've had 984,

please stop broadcasting the message, we need to see the monkey. If Johnny Vegas is listening, it could be reminiscent of many an aborted gig. Oh, did you get that post PG Tips? I think so. Oh, well. They should have stuck with the live creatures.

Keep monkeys live, that's my... Well, actually, that's not what they say at the Black Country Museum. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is The Frank Skinner Show with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio.

Email the show via... Get your pens and papers ready. frank at absoluteradio.co.uk OK, Tim Key is in the house. Oh, I'm really excited. It's not actually, it's not a house, obviously, but you know what I mean, it's like a terminology. I've started off with a nickname.

How do you think it's going? Well, what's the nickname? Kiki. Yeah, I like Kiki. Kiki was the name of the kangaroo in the children's TV show The Tinger and Tokerslom. Well, I mean, it's good to be here. How are you all?

In which show, sorry? Frank? No, leave. There was a very popular TV show, which was all, I don't know why, but it was Australia themed. Called? Called The Tinger and Tucker Club.

I'm sure there's been more popular TV shows, haven't there? Yeah. Four, I think. Neighbours. Neighbours was popular. And I'll tell you what bird was represented on it. I'll give you a... Oh, oh, oh.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Oh, oh, oh. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Chimpanzee. Yeah, the chimpanzee bird. It was a kookaburra. I thought it was quite a good... Oh, yeah.

There'll be kookaburras throwing themselves at the windows any time now. Yeah. It was amazing. Cool. So, Tim, you've written a book. I thought it was quite a good there'll be kookaburras throwing themselves at the windows any time now it was a mating call so Tim you've written a book written a book yep now last time you were on you'd written a book

and it was that was about lockdown yeah it was and about the experiences of lockdown what's this one about yeah this is about lockdown yeah

yep and my experiences of lockdown yeah the first one was about lockdown. Yeah. Yeah. And my experiences of lockdown. Yeah. The first one was about lockdown one. Yeah. And then, yeah, did it again.

Are you hoping for a relapse? I wouldn't mind. You're doing, I see you're doing pretty well, aren't you? The old global pandemic. I'm squeezing it dry. Man, you and a cardo. You're sleeping up. And Zoom. Zoom having a good time.

Oh, Zoom, yeah. Joe Wicks did well. Yeah. That's it, really. Now, the last book our readers may recall had me in it. Yeah. But Tim gave me the book and I couldn't find me. Yeah.

I was a bit disgruntled. You were mortified. I've never been to me. Yeah was a bit disgruntled. You were mortified. I've never been to me. Yeah, I did. I mean, it's one thing to not be in it, but to be told you're in it, and then you're not in it. But then, I think Tim in the end gave

me a page reference. And I was in it. Well, because I think I heard you talking about it afterwards on the radio, saying you couldn't find yourself in it, so I had to sort of nudge you towards it. I found it. It was a lovely depiction. Yeah. Emily found it.

Whereas this time, I'm all over it like a rash. And Cap was in it. Yeah, this time I went all out. There's a big sort of, you know, tribute to you, really, Frank. It's fabulous. Yeah, there is. It's a tribute with a little edge. How do you mean?

Well, I think you've made me sound... Oh, my God, I'm going to be sick. Like a sort of slightly difficult elder statesman of comedy is what you made me sound like. Well, I didn't want to sort of... Do you, Tim? Well, I do a bit, but I didn't want to sort of create a kind of 2D kind of fun guy.

No. I thought I tried to get, well, with the whole book, some element of truth flowing through it. No, I thought... Oh, I, with the whole book, some element of truth flowing through it. No, I thought... Oh, I feel sick. Can I say? Absolutely sick. And my partner said to me,

I would never allow you to call me babe. That was her one note. We should say, can I explain that Frank and Tim writes about an encounter going round to Frank's house and having a door... door-stopping him, essentially. They have a door-stop conversation. And then we go for a walk.

Yes, you do. I loved the depiction. I thought it really captured the spirit of you. Make of that what you will. Yes, well, I'll settle for that. I think it's a really good book. What about that? Well, I think that's a really good book. What about that? I think that's very flattering

considering the hit job I did on you. Yeah. I mean, aside from that, I mean the version I have, which doesn't have those pages in it anymore. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. And we're talking to Tim Key whose new book I should say is called Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush

and it comes out on Valentine's Day. It does actually, yeah. Oh, Kiki. And it's available in all bookshops. Wow, that's sort of stretching a point. What about Bookmarks, the Mark Six bookshop? I don't think it's available in all bookshops. Well, that's sort of stretching a point. What about Bookmarks, the Mark Six bookshop? I don't think it's there. No, it won't be there.

Also, we're struggling to get it into Daunt, but it's in some bookshops. We probably should have put... Yeah. It's a beautiful-looking item as well. I mean, I appreciate that's not the reason. Well, who's to thank for that? Emily Juniper.

Emily Juniper. Oh. Now, what do you know about emily juniper um emily juniper did the last book that tim she did yeah and she oh man she's very good at um making a book look like a beautiful obj you see this is the thing this that stuck in her head for the last year since you last called the last book an objet d'art you did call it an objet d'art

wasn't it both objet d'art it's fair what's the plural for objet d'art I think it's objet d'art I don't know but it's quite

object d'art I think your main thing is sort of you're mainly sort of fantasy football and calling my book an objet d'art I think that's what

you'll go down as there you still live in. Yeah. Okay. Well, you don't think three lines will get in there? You tell him. You tell him. Can't believe he did that hit job on you in the flesh.

I know. I thought you were trying to get away from that. I'll tell you what, sir. Get away from that. I'll tell you what, sir. It's a shameful period what about this week Emily interviewed

Rhys Stevenson do you know who that is oh he's no who's that I've got such a crush on that man he's a CBBC presenter

but he was on Strictly this this season as well fantastic and Buzz became a fan of his on CB

his Charleston or something else and anyway he he i said he was talking about the fact that emily was very excited that emily was going to interview reese he sent me a text saying can you let me know how the interview goes thanks so she asked she asked boss my my child if um if if he had any questions he wanted to ask right and and he said he said to me he said the thing is i don't, I don't know how she'll explain who I am because, I mean, he won't know who you are.

I thought, well, I used to have to go out to get remarks like that, and now I'm getting them at my very hearthside. I know, and now you're getting it in the studio as well. I'd like to go on record as saying I think you're absolutely fantastic, Frank. Always have, and now you're getting it in the studio as well. I'd like to go on record as saying I think you're absolutely fantastic, Frank. Always have, always will.

Thank you. And just for that, I'll just say, on the book, ISBN number 978-1-916226-6-3. Yeah, we had to fight hard to get that one. I bet it's a good thing.

Recommended retail price, 15 quid. Yeah. We were trying to... A cardo thinking, oh, we'll be underselling ourselves here. You don't get this on the Graham Norton show, do you? You've got to look out. I was going to say,

have you opened the book? He doesn't read out their ISBN number. Your ISBN! What about when I plugged my prayer book on there? He was so horrified that it was a prayer book. He just said, and you've written a prayer book, Frank, and it went up on show, and then it went, and we talked about something completely different.

It was like a flash frame. Wow. Are you going to describe the barcode? No, I don't think I will. It's like the back end of the Z-donk that used to be at Colchester Zoo. Can I ask? I don't think we're really getting under the skin of this book, are we? Tell us what it's about, Tim.

Well, the first book I wrote, which... Are you plugging both books now? No, no, no, no, no. I'm just sort of giving a bit of a summary of where we've come from. Okay. That was called He's Thought as a Wife, and we discussed that on air. And that was about me being in my flat for three months.

And then this book is the third lockdown which I characterise as more of a sort of a walking lockdown because we were allowed out a bit more. So in this book

all of the action It was sort of on the latch down. Yeah. It was a fantastic lockdown. But yeah, so this one I'm out and about which explains why the two scenes or chapters in the book about you,

one is on your doorstep and another one is us roaming around the Heath. Because Kath recommends that I take you for a walk. Yeah. I think Kath feels she's depicted as a harridan. Does she? Yeah, she does a bit. Haven't you done enough to her? I took her to your super spreader gig

and she came back with COVID-19. I mean, are you grinding that woman into the dirt? Your gig? I mean, that was basically Epsom, wasn't it? Yeah, Cheltenham Gold Cup. Yeah, Cheltenham Gold Cup. I do apologise. Tim's answer too.

Yeah. Go on Tim Timmy's responding to the producer telling him to stop talking I didn't expect Kiki to be so rule bound

no no no I am rule bound but look let's if we need to go somewhere then you know hit the music and let's have a look at

the monkey you haven't said that to me for years you're cheeky... Oh, stop it. You two... I'm going to show Tim a photo of the monkey

because he hasn't... I'm fairly interested in the monkey. In the meantime, while you're looking at this, Tim, we've also had... Oh, dear. Oh. Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. There you go.

I've not seen a photo. Wow. I mean, you know, I was walking in, listening to the show, and, you know, you try and build some kind of picture up of what the monkey looks like, but... It's in storage, remember? No, I can see it's in storage. I can see the tissue paper. I was wondering how that fitted in. At least the tissue paper is now,

I mean, I don't know. What can I tell the reader? I mean, it's got a metal, there's some blue metal underneath it. Well, it's on a shelf. Can I ask you a question, Tim Key?

Love is like monkey on a shelf. Do you think my reaction was over the top? I think it was under the top. I mean, this is the refit.

Nowhere near the top. I it was under the top i mean this is nowhere near the top i i'm most interested in alan's reaction now now he's shrieked with laughter i know i heard i heard him with laughter i'm interested in sort of um you know but i'm picking that up he said post it on he said post i still think yeah we've also had mich had Michael Lawrence has said, show us the Tim Key. Oh, the Tim Key? What, like a monkey? Oh, I see. By the way, when you wrote your book about lockdown... Can we stop going on about that book? Did you...

No-one ever says that when they're plucking stuff, do they? Oh, right, no, enough. Enough about the book. You didn't do a pun on Key and Locke in the Tim Key lockdown book. No, I know. That's a missed opportunity, isn't it? Third book. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, I see. Simon McCarthy has a question. What does Tim Key have on you guys that makes you break format? That question to Tim Key. Well, I don't know what it is, but I always feel very welcome here, and I feel like the format can absolutely accommodate a guest,

but weirdly, it's that your guests are me approximately every two years. Yeah. Well, we have a few others. David Baddiel. Baddiel's allowed, yeah. Neil Gaiman. Stephen Moffat. Stephen Moffat. And I think we've had Alex Horne wow

yeah Alex Horne and Stuart Lee once on the phone yeah Stuart Lee on the phone that's in about five or six years I think it's

the thing is I don't feel relaxed with many people no in fact any people but I still have them in the studio anyway I think the main reason

is love yeah I love you and you sense that and you need me in I think the main reason is love. Yeah. But I love you and you sense that and you need me in. I think the test is who would you feel comfortable showing the monkey to? Well, yeah. I'm starting to think if they want that picture of Tim Key instead of the monkey

if we can get some tissue paper. You'd have to be naked and develop a fang. I know I'd have to be naked. Alright, I'm just making it clear before you commit. Why do you think I'm taking my jeans off? I don't think you've got the right shape feet. The feet are extraordinary.

I've seen Tim's feet. What are they like? He got them out on Taskmaster. What are they like? Well, I think the monkey's feet look like Kylie Minogue's compared to Tim's. Oh, really? But Tim had deliberately grown a nail to an extreme length. Oh, like a parrot paw.

Yeah. So, Frank, can I just ask, have you seen Kylie's feet? Yeah, Kylie does her barefoot work, doesn't she? She does. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Does that one of her climbing up a fireman's pole

and she takes her takes a pair of espadrilles off to give herself a bit more purchase oh yeah what is that I remember that video

is that a music video yeah okay I thought you were sort of talking about images that you'd seen no I never talk about images I like that you've used

the euphemism of fireman's pole I could have called it something else. Oh, come on. Now you. Stop showing off, because Tim Key's here. Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. So, Tim, as well as having, here we go, around the mulberry bush, available from Valentine's Day in... All bookshops. All bookshops. Pretty much. Dawn, yeah, go on.

You've also got a live show called Mulberry. Yeah, not much thought went into that. No. And that's at the Soho Theatre, running... Is it... Are you on tonight? I'm on tonight, yeah and it runs till the 26th of February what is

I will say now just in a brief professional interlude that I've seen Tim Key well don't sigh a dozen times more and he is consistently brilliant

and hilarious so there are there are really we're not there's not many tickets left if you can go and see Tim Key and get in I would really

if you've never seen him go what about that that was much better can I also while I'm on it saying this is nothing to do with you, I saw a musical this week

at the Southwark Playhouse called Operation Mincemeat. Oh, now, I heard someone talking about that, but it was just sort of eavesdropping, so I don't have much on that thing. Can I tell you, it's one of the best things I've seen. That's what I heard. It was absolutely brilliantly...

You're plugging something else. Yeah, I'm plugging something else. I think that's also sold out. No, I'm going to try and watch that. That's brilliant. Brilliant, funny. I cried twice. It's funny and the songs are great.

That does sound like it's got slightly more to it than mine. Yeah, but they haven't got Tim Key. No, that's true. the songs are great. Yeah. Okay. It does sound like there's got slightly more to it than mine. Yeah, but, you know, they haven't got Tim Key. No, that's true. I'm the lead. So what, is it a sort of a live manifestation of the book? Very good question. Yeah, you're fantastic, Frank. Thanks.

So basically... It's not that. He did ask you, what is the ISBN number for the book? I didn't ask him. I told him. It was warming into the interview. I wouldn't give him that kind of hospital pass. OK, sorry, back to Kiki in the studio. So basically, whenever we unlocked from those lockdowns

and, you know, you were allowed to do a little bit of stuff, live stuff, I just did it about... Because I'd been writing lots about lockdown and poems about lockdown. I always did it about that. So gradually, as we were unlocking more and you were allowed to do a bit more, writing lots about lockdown and poems about lockdown i always did it about that so um gradually as we were unlocking more and you're allowed to do a bit more i sort of built it into more or less an hour and then did an hour and then since we've unlocked from the second from

the third lockdown i've just been doing that and then i kind of got the chance to do it at soho so made it i gave it a title mulberry and now I have like a show. But it is, yeah, it's 100% lockdown. It's not escapism. This is, I do not shut up about lockdown. I just go at it. Sounds like me in real life, but anyway. It's not very political, though. It's more about, you know, the madness of the situation, really.

And it's a real hour of knockabout fun. And it's very kind of... But, you know... Will you be drinking cans of beer on stage? Yeah, I do have a couple of beers on stage, yeah. Do you eat any fruit during it? Don't eat any fruit. No, I think the only things that go in

is a bit of Cronenberg and then these poems coming out. I think that's more or less it. I think I saw you live once and you pulled out a tomato from an inside pocket and ate it. I forgot that was fruit. Yeah, easy to forget.

But yeah, I did do that, Alan, and actually if that reminds me, I maybe should do that again. That's quite a funny thing to do on stage. I'd be careful because Jonathan Swift who wrote Gulliver's Travels, got Meniere's disease from eating 100 golden pippin apples at Richmond. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I'm talking about having one tomato maybe on Thursday or Friday. I'm just saying, you know, it sounds to me like... Can I just say it? That's Frank with his 3am references, hot news just in. Jonathan Swift. Tomato ises gateway drug that's how I'm seeing it to 100 golden pippins

Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Anyway you've also got The Highwayman and the Lady coming out soon What are you talking about? Oh yeah I knew

I had it in my head that Tim had this costume drama and I'd remembered it as the Highwayman and the Lady. It was actually called. It's the Witchfinder.

Very close. It should definitely be called the Highwayman and the Lady. That's filmed, isn't it? That's filmed.

When's that out? I'm not sure but quite soon I think. Is that out already? No, no. I've become one of those people who see you filming in the street

and say when's this come out? The pensioner question. Can I ask a question to Tim Key? Yes. With your book Yeah.

you write a lot about people you know. Almost all about people I know, yeah. Right. Has anyone ever been offended by anything you've written and what's people's reaction to it? Put a hand down.

You mean other than Frank? Kath is screaming at the radio now. Well, I'm troubled that Kath isn't happy with that depiction. No, Kath loves you. Yeah, well, I love Kath, actually, FYI. Yeah, well, watch yourself. Yeah, okay, mate. Well, yes, FYI. Yeah, well, watch yourself. Yeah, OK, mate. Well, yes, in terms of noses put out of joint,

yeah, Frank, I mean, I try to sort of run it past people or at least say, do you want to have a look at it before it goes out? Well, you did say that to me. Yeah, and you said no. Yeah. Did he? I thought, I don't want to read it twice.

Or, to be fair, once. My PO pricied it. The most Simon Cowell thing you've ever said. No, there's one guy who is, you know, I say, do you want to read it? And he says, but he's quite threatening. He says, look, publish it, send it to me, and then we'll see.

There's a threat of legal action constantly from that guy, but most people are fine with it. Oh, now I'm dying to know who that guy is. John Kearns. Most people are like... Oh, marvellous. But it's not made clear in the book that it's him. No, well then you're safe, legally.

Yeah, exactly. Well, look, can I just say that Tim has got a new book out which is on sale from Mundy called Here We Go Round the Mulberry Brush. It's fantastic. It's very funny. It's more than funny, though. Yeah.

It's got a bit of the heart in it. And, of course, it's put together by Emily Juniper. She is my rock. Can I just say quickly, Frank, Rachel Brown, we had a couple of people just also getting in touch about Tim's amazing performance on Afterlife, which I personally recommend. What a performance, Rachel Brown says.

I still haven't got over the urge to punch him in the face after his appearance. Yes, I've had some stuff on Twitter where they've got a bit muddled as to whether it's me acting or me. Oh, that's, okay, awkward. You can bring that to any role. So yeah, all those soap opera people used to say, yeah, people stop me in the supermarket and say, why don't you leave Sharon alone?

And I thought, no, that doesn't happen. Anyway, that's you trying to say I'm so convincing you are mate nobody could believe that that is an acting of some form anyway

not you I haven't seen Afterlife sir what do I know oh dear I haven't seen it yet but hey not long to wait

anyway oh yes Tim's at the Soho Theatre currently until February the 26th and The Highwayman and the Lady is imminent. He doesn't know when it's coming out. I don't know what it's called. Okay. But it's fantastic. Hurry. It's very good. It's got Daisy May Cooper in it who is... She is absolutely... Hurry! Well, excuse me, I will not hurry. I want to just say that Daisy May Cooper is absolutely fantastic. Well, you're not the first.

I won't be the last, actually. No, you won't be the last. OK. We need to start thinking about wrapping it up, Frank. I'm going to wrap it up. If you'll wrap it up. What about that? So, Tim Key, that's him.

And that's all his wares available at the moment. All high quality. And speaking's all his wares available at the moment, all high quality. And speaking of high quality wares, my poetry podcast will be available on Wednesday. I'm doing Wordsworth this week. Good for you. I've done Wordsworth before, but I went and did a three-part documentary on Wordsworth.

I was so Wordsworth-ed up after I had to say more. And all the previous episodes and that are all available, as they say. Tim, it's been a joy as ever. And do try and catch Tim at Soho Theatre. He's brilliant. And incidentally, if you can get into Operation Mincemeat at Suffolk, I really... You know when you see something and it's so good you want to evangelise?

It was like that. And there was a Ringo store. Now you're alright. So that's all from us. I think Ponch has done dancing. If the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out. Now get out.