The Frank Skinner Show - Monsieur Frites

Episode Date: June 10, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has taken Buzz to see KISS. The team also discuss the live seagull scarer, animals on flights and rituals at gigs.

This is Frank Skinner and Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. We're not live today, so don't text us. I know, I'm embarrassed to tell you, but you know, one has to be upfront about these things. However, you can contact us on twitter and instagram at frank on the radio we might well be putting stuff out on there to draw you in and um you can email us of course via frank at absolute radio.co.uk and if we don't do them today we'll do them another time maybe i love that you were so honest about that. Took open courage. Well, I'm generally disapproving of DJs pre-recording.

Yes. Get out of bed. It's got a lovely job that a lot of people are killed for. Get in there and do it. That's my view. But obviously I'm not referring to anyone at Absolute Radio. I don't want to make myself some sort of local beast speaking of beasts the man who drove me in this morning

no no no no i don't mean him um you know sometimes if you get taught to a drive you get a bit of a backstory yeah in the other in other words like what'm driving now, but I used to, and then you get that. And this was a guy who worked for BA on the cargo side of things. Oh, I'd be fascinated by that. So my first question, I was once on an American Airlines flight, internal flight, small plane, about 40 minutes. For the whole flight, there was a dog barking from the hold. Yeah.

And I said to him, people were getting genuinely concerned for this dog. It was really going for it. And he said, oh, yeah, somebody must have left the door open. He said, there's a door. Full technical reply. Yeah. He said, there's a door. For no technical reply. He said, there's a door in the cockpit that goes down into the hold. He said, you can't access it from the passenger area.

Oh, like I was at a Batman. So I said, so is it a normal thing transporting animals? And he said, oh yeah. He said, I've done lions, tigers. I said, okay. And there's a door you say from the hole into the cockpit and he said now they knock them out he said the thing is he said uh the lions and the tigers he said they they not come out they wouldn't let them travel i said what about when they travel long distance?

He said, just give them a bit more. Yeah. Aesthetic. Let's hope there are never any mistakes made on that job. No, exactly. Especially if they find the door to the cockpit. It'd be quite an astonishing thing to see a plane hijacked by a lion. Well, if there was a plane, God forbid a plane went down,

if the black box showed that a lion. Well, if there was a plane, God forbid, a plane went down, if the black box showed that a lion had attacked the pilot, you'd be surprised at that outcome. But they'd be just as calm, I think.

Oh, the gentleman's just a king of the jungle has made his way up to the front here. Yeah. We're about to land a little

a little bit a little bit than I anticipated. You're about to land a little... Actually... I anticipated. You're right, the lion does have the energy of a pilot, whereas, what would you fear most

if you were a pilot? Chimp. Yeah. Straight away. Oh, I'd quite like a chimp. No. I don't know. I think a Komodo dragon

would want me. Judging by, as I was saying on the last show, it might be that the chimp could actually make an announcement if he decided to break its eternal silence to the human beings. Of course, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one that I think would struggle the most would be the grizzly

because they have a lot of junk in the trunk. You wouldn't be able to sit on the chair, on the pilot's chair. Well, they're in... No-one is down is down there he was telling me so there's no they don't travel with keepers or anything like that no they're just conked out and some sort of imagine the size of the carrier case for a lion yeah huge is it sort of animal green room down there yeah stage having a cigarette recording a podcast but you imagine those. You know when you see the luggage people look a bit indifferent to your suitcase.

You can imagine the lion like pushed in so the bars are facing the wall. Imagine the lion coming out on the conveyor belt. Casually reclining. As long as it's in its case I'd love to

I'd love to see that I'll say in its case as if it's one of those constructed rifles that you see assassins take out in films Clipping on the cloth So you open a suitcase, there's a lion shaped

indentation that it fits into perfectly Open a suitcase, there's a lion-shaped indentation that it fits into perfectly. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is still Frank Skinner. Yes. Frank, John Skelton has been in touch. Not John Skelton, the poet laureate of Henry VIII. No.

Okay. If it is John Skelton, hi. John Skelton says, I hope you enjoyed Kiss last night in Birmingham. Your son sounded like he did. I was the chap in front. My missus shook your hand. And we had another,

we had someone else get in touch, Pierre, didn't we? Yeah, Jamie got in touch and said didn't we yeah jamie uh got in touch and said uh hope you enjoyed kiss last night i was there with my nephew and we spotted you and decided coming decided against coming for the selfie right i love that film yeah nephew asked why and i said sam there are many situations in which you may be successful in getting a selfie with a well-known person and the queue for the toilets is not one of them. I love Jamie. I would have happily done a queue for the toilet selfie.

So, kiss in Birmingham, eh? Yes. So what I did... What a father. Yeah, I picked my son up from school, four o'clock, and off we went, M1. And, yeah, you know, kiss. I mean, you really are. four o'clock and off we went M1 and yeah you know

Kiss I mean you really are that's such a fabulous dad thing M1 yeah exactly you're telling us the road

it was yeah it was it was you know the last time I saw Kiss the only previous time I saw them

was also in Birmingham at the Odeon in 1976. So my expanse of Kiss watching is quite... Have the fashions changed? Not much for Kiss, to be honest. Kiss are eternal in many ways. This is, I mean, officially

really, really the last tour. That's the idea. Oh, they always say that. But they're very consistent look-wise. No surprises for the Kiss Makeup Lady. No, exactly. Can you imagine if she turned up? Same as every year.

Oh, we're thinking of doing something. Did you do smiley faces this time? Well, the theory is they do their own. Ah. I wish I loved that. I love the old theatrical in the mirror in the hair. Well, the theory is they do their own. I wish I loved that. I love the old theatrical in the mirror in the hairnet. It reminds me of that William Hartnell interview when he was in Panto and the guy said,

is this what you're looking for now? And he said, no, not front of cloth. He said, I'm a legit actor. I mean, I love it. No, I think I'm told they do their own. That's the word on the street. And what do they wear, Frank? Is it a sort of jump pantsuit?

They wear, I would say, face armour. Yeah, it's armoury, isn't it? There's knee pads and elbow pads. So there's like black tights underneath. There's enormous eight-inch platforms. But they are, well, in some cases clawed rather than just, but they have actual claws, silver claws on them. Really?

Yeah. And then their make-up, they each have their own specific make-up. So there's the demon and the star child. And, of course, the cat. The cat. The drummer is a cat with whiskers drawn off. Yeah, that's the left field one of the four. That's the short straw. Yeah cat the drummer is a cat with with whiskers drawn on yeah that's the left field one that's that's the short straw yeah why is he a cat i don't understand the narrative there is no narrative okay he just is the cat but he's been the cat since 76 well it's

not actually wasn't him then if a new drummer comes in they just adopt the same makeup i mean it's it's a great how far does he have to take the cat persona? Is he allowed to use normal toilets? No, he doesn't bury his own excrement. He doesn't have a litter tray. No, no. He's got green eyes in the make-up thing. Oh, OK. Oh, yeah.

But, yeah, I mean, I would describe the clothes as sort of glam rock space warriors. Yeah, that's reasonable. They're very much like comic book characters. Yes. And in fact, they are also comic book. And when they first brought out a comic book in America, they had a big moment when they all went and gave a pint of blood

and it was poured into the ink vat so that their actual blood would be in the cup. That's cool. That's metal. What Kiss are not low on is self-publicity ideas. So yeah, they've aged well, is my point with Kiss,

is that they could carry on forever and they look pretty much like they did in 76. It's another advantage of the heavy make-up. It is, it's perfect. Tell me about it, dear. I mean, the man in the iron... I'll wait till I've left the room. But the man in the iron mask could carry on working into his 80s.

That's true. Yeah, who would know? It's the reverse of Andy Warhol getting his sort of grey hair so people couldn't be contemptuous of his youth. Well, that was where the Phantom was so clever, I felt. Oh, the Phantom. He knew what he was doing. Yeah, the Phantom is...

I'm actually wearing a Phantom T-shirt today. But the Phantom was a comic book hero whose dad was the Phantom and his granddad was the Phantom. And the locals um in those days but it being assumed they weren't as clever as the phantom assumed that he lived forever of course right the problem with the man in the i am has working forever of course is there's gonna be a bit of a gap on his cv yes when the guy guy says, hold on, there's 20 years. Well, yes, I was in the Bastille.

That's not going to help, is it? Yes. Oh, that's what everyone says. So he's finished. But they were, I have to say, they were amazing. Did they have any support? Yes, they had.

I don't mean Zimmer Fraser. They had, they're only in their early 70s. Skindred was the, I didn't see the first support act because, you know, I was driving. We were at the merch. One thing that is big at any Kiss thing, they leave no capitalist stone unturned. So I bought my son a T-shirt, 45 quid.

The programme was 35. I know. You could have got Gucci for that. I know. But that's Kiss. You know, that's how they do it. It's interesting because when I saw him in 76, I bought a Kiss badge.

And I don't remember how much it cost, but I remember it looked, the more I looked at it the more I could see the lines of what we used to call a felt pen or you'd now call a sharpie in the design and I noticed that it was there was something slightly raised from the badge so I peeled it and it peeled and it peeled and underneath it it said Manchester United Kings of Europe.

So someone had just drawn some Kiss logos and put them on old badges. Oh, that's disappointing. But that's changed. That has. Yes, anyway,

the support act I saw was Skindred. Oh, so they've done a play on Kindred is what they've done. They have. It's quite clever and they've got a play on Kindred is what they've done. They have. It's quite clever and they've got skin. My family could call themselves Kindred.

Yes. But Kindred are famous for a phenomenon known as the Newport helicopter. Oh, right. Oh, do tell. And when I first heard the, I saw an interview with the singer and he spoke of the Newport helicopter as if it was an elaborate ritual which takes place at their gigs.

And I thought, I'm looking forward to this. What you actually do is you take your shirt off and wave it above your head. Oh. Like a helicopter blade. Wow. But it looks great when there's thousands of people. I get, I believe Duncan Ferguson, I saw him do that once at

Goodison Park. Well, of course, the lead singer is Welsh in Skyndred and Ryan Giggs did it as a famous celebration but before it was the Newport Helicopter. Oh, right. I really yeah, the phrase Newport Helicopter

to me implies pyro or winching or... Pyro as in... Well, just it sounds like an astonishing stage craft as opposed to just, you know. No, no, it's that. It got me thinking about gig. We'll come back to this, but gig rituals, things that people do at gigs. I'll give you an example. If I saw a gig in the 70s, 15 or 20 minutes before the gig,

people would start going, Wally! Wally! And that would continue right up to when the band came on. Different times. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You were talking, Frank, about the sort of rituals one sees at gigs. Do you like one sees at gigs?

Yes. So shouting Wally, the newport helicopter yeah obviously at rock gigs there was a bit where um i think it was uh gene simmons the bass player of kiss who said let me see your horns he could have been the lead singer anyway let me see your horns and then you hold up that hand that rock hand with with two central fingers folded and the two outer fingers erect. Yes. To celebrate, I think, the horns of the devil.

Yes. Let's not. Let's celebrate, maybe, is the right word. His patronage, his generous patronage of the arts. Is he a sponsor? Has he taken over from Live Nation? I mean, I don't think it was Gene Simmons who made that call, but the reason I... Is he a sponsor? Has he taken over from Live Nation? I mean, I don't think it was Gene Simmons

who made that call but the reason I... Is it Ozzy? The reason it would have come... No, I mean, on Monday night but the reason

I would have thought it was him is that Gene Simmons once did that thing and Gareth Bale tried something similar once, the footballer.

He tried to patent the horns which, of course, it's another capitalist stone something similar once, the footballer. He tried to patent the horns, which, of course, it's another capitalist stone, which Gene saw. But people didn't like him doing that. No. Gareth Bale used to celebrate by making the shape of a heart with his fingers and thumbs.

You know, that thing that people do. And he tried to copyright that. Really? He would have been sued immediately by all the 14-year-olds on MySpace. Would he? That's a very common sort of teen thing to do at once. Yeah, unless it was Whitby weekend,

they'd all be up there. Yeah, the goths. You see, it used to be the lighter in the air. You'll be too young to remember this, Pierre, the lighter in the air days, but now it's the mobile phone. Yeah, we did a bit of mobile phone. Did you?

Yeah, because the cat gets his own song when he sits at the tiny silver piano. A tiny silver water bowl. Yeah, a tiny piano comes out of the stage. Does he wear a cat suit then? Does he have a tail and things? He doesn't have a tail, no. He doesn't sound much of a cat, if you ask me.

So he has whiskers. Well, you know, he's obviously, there's a human element to him. He's a manx cat. Yeah, he could be a manx cat. Anyway, he does a song called Beth. Oh. And it's a soft, you know when they do a soft song at rock bands? Beth, I hear you calling.

That is my favourite thing when the rockers do a ballad. Yeah. It makes me a bit emotional. Even Ozzy, you know. I'm going through changes. Then he did it with his daughter. A song about the menopause doesn't happen often. Oh, there aren't enough songs about the menopause.

I've always thought that. In terms of gig rituals, can I ask more? Heaven's on Fire is a kid. That would work. That was a kid's song. Sorry. Can I ask more about the Wally thing? Yes, people started shouting Wally.

There was another one. People would shout Albatross, but that was a reference to a... Oh, Agent Mariner. No, yes. Coleridge was massive when I first started going to gigs. Kuvla Khan. Yeah.

No, it was a Monty Python sketch with a man sold albatross from one of those trays that people sell ice cream from. Someone shouting albatross. Do you know that Rimeme of the Ancient Mariners and Iron Maiden song? You could heckle them with Albatross. Oh, yeah. Of course, my favourite is apparently people,

and I've been to a lot of Bob Dylan gigs, but in America, apparently, people used to take harmonicas and play them. Now, that to me... That's heckling. That's intrusive. I like a gig ritual, but that is just intrusive. Yeah.

I'll tell you Joan Baez. Joan Baez used to go to... She's a famous American folk singer with a very loud voice. She would go to... Did she date someone like Leonard Cohen? No, I've got that wrong. Well, she dated Bob Dylan for a long time. Oh, Bob Dylan, yeah. But she used to go to she date someone like Leonard Cohen? No, I've got that wrong. Well, she dated Bob Dylan for a long time. But she used to go to

gigs and someone would start singing and she'd hit them with a harmony from the stalls. Oh, God. Imagine if you got a comic. That's the sort of thing I'd do. Shout out alternative punchlines. Top us.

Yeah, you get a sort of multiple choice gig. Frank, did you bring any food to Kiss? Did you have beverages? I had a sandwich in the car for my child for the journey. Oh, that launched a kiss. It was, exactly. Bottle of pop. Crisps.

Sorry, I'm just seeing a picture of the cat. Oh, okay. Yeah, the cat. Let's not mock the cat. No, he'll sulk upstairs. Listen, I love the cat. Don't get me wrong. But, I love the cat. Yeah. Don't get me wrong, but he does have the hair in this picture.

It does have something of the sort of Dorian from Birds of a Feather about it. Well, they've all got a bit of that because, you know, they've been around. I mean, he's not, he wasn't an original member, but he's still, he's not a young buck. He's got a waistcoat with no top under, and I'm a fan of that. What a good name for an Oasis tribute band be, a waistcoat. And they all wear waistcoats.

They all wear, like, fur trib... waistcoats with fur hoods. Is there a Kiss tribute band? And if so, what would they call it? Well, there's Kiss Kids. Oh. Which is, as you can imagine, 12-year-olds who dress up in Kiss make-up. And there's girls in that band as well.

Smooch would be a good name for a Kiss cover band. Peck. Any of the other... Oh, yeah, I get it. Snog. There we go go I'm there I've joined you we've got a festival

line up here we're actually kissing cousins there was I don't think you gave that enough respect oh sorry

I'm sorry I was distracted can you give it to me again for everyone for all of us who missed it this morning I don't know if it's going to stand up

to this kind of scrutiny frankly kissing cousins I liked it thank morning. I don't know if it's going to stand up to this kind of scrutiny, frankly. Kissing Cousins. I liked it. Thank you, Frank. I knew you'd rehearse that, but anyway. I liked it. There's a great deal of... When I first saw Kiss in 76, I lost the front bit of my

hair because these flames shot from the stage and they were very, very near the front of the stage. And this was in the days when health and safety was in its infancy, shall we say. And I really felt the thing of it. And then I've touched my hair and it was brittle

and breaking away at the front. Yeah, it was... Oh, Frank. I know. know there's a lot of fire on monday night i nearly i nearly buried my cheese but that's another story samuel peeps buried his cheese here in the great fire of london because he wanted to protect it when he saw it was a big enough fire yeah oh you'll like this but you, my nephew is obsessed with the Great Fire of London. And my son was saying, wouldn't it be good if me and you and Elliot,

Elliot's his cousin, if me and you and Elliot did a Ramones tribute, just for the family, did a Ramones tribute gig. And I said, yeah, we don't look much like the Ramones tribute just for the family did a Ramones tribute gig and I said yeah we don't look much like the Ramones and he said

well Elliot can wear his Samuel Peeps wig has anyone ever said that at the meeting for a Ramones tribute gig has anyone ever

said that before now do any of you have any Samuel Peeps's wigs that maybe you could wear? Of course, yeah. So anyway, this is the big... Speaking of health and safety, this was the amazing thing.

Now, the lead singer, Paul Stanley, right? Yeah. There's a bit where he... It's not much of a rock star's name. Well, this is a weird thing, because he does a gig, Rick Shaw. Paul Stanley! And he says, right, I'm coming now, I'm coming to meet you all, he said, but

you're going to have to shout my name. So there's like 10,000 people going, Paul! Paul! It's just not right. Like a wife at a garden centre. Paul! But there's something about the name Paul, there's like a wife at a garden centre Paul

but there's something about the name Paul there's just a coincidence it's just not right for a big group show it's quite airy manager Paul I'll be with you in a moment Martin

so you have to show it's like when Steve Booksteam won the X Factor the winner is Steve that guy used Booksteam on The X Factor, the winner is Steve. Yeah, that guy used to do that on The X Factor, to go, and now Andrew. And you think, no, that doesn't need that kind of voice. But Paul, yeah, Paul. Anyway, what happens next is the bit I want to discuss with you after this.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Anyway, what happens next is the bit I want to discuss with you after this. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. You've been talking about, well, you were actually telling us about kids. And we'd got to the point where everyone was shouting Paul Stanley's name. Everyone was shouting Paul. Paul! Paul Stanley's name. Everyone was shouting Paul.

Paul! So what Paul does, what he's encouraging them to invite him forward. By the way, Paul, I have to say, made a real point of saying Birmingham every time he said it. He didn't say Birmingham or none of that stuff. He's obviously done his research. Anyway, this is where I think the health and safety thing,

it's like they did something in 1976 which nobody minded with the fire. And just because they're doing it in 76, no one has questioned them about it. I know it's an example. There are lots of men in the media who put forward a similar argument. But in this case, what happens is that there's a stage right at the back of the auditorium, a small stage, where Paul is going to do a couple of numbers from on his own. So a thing comes down that's just got a metal ring on the bottom a cable thing and Paul puts one mighty platform boots on the ring holds on to the thing and then just goes the full length of the arena no clips

harnesses just a bloke with his foot in the ring holding on to it. Oh, dear. It's kind of over the crowd as well. A bloke in his 70s. Yeah, 71, guitar on his back, massive platforms. I'll put a picture up on social media of Paul as he went past us. I caught it like when you get a bird in flight. Yeah. So no harness to speak of. No, I mean, literally.

Oh, my God. And I think this is why piracy became a more corporate thing, is that kind of thing got outlawed generally. Yeah. Health and safety and stuff. So pirates went a bit, you know. They've got to sell the T-shirts for those prices to cover the insurance.

I was going to say, do they have insurance? What does an insurance company say? He just puts his foot in the ring and, yeah, that's fine, and then goes over the cloud. Do you think that they say, how is the platform shoe so long that it forms a kind of a brilliant hook? Maybe the insurance company hear the word platform

and think he's on a platform. Yes. There's also a bit where Gene, who's 73, the bass player, where he stands goes about 30 feet into the air above the stage. There's no rail, nothing. Gene's just up there with even bigger platforms playing his bass. That name and age together

sound so old lady-ish. I couldn't believe the compensation I got for being injured at work. Gene, 73. Well, I'll say this for Gene. And obviously I do love Kiss and they were amazing. But Jean has... There was something that Jean did

which you don't often see in public from celebrities. Yes. And that was draw. Physically draw. Are you sure that wasn't the cat? No, physically draw till it was dripping off his chin There's a bit where he put a mic

in his mouth and it was pouring off him like bile Did you see a sort of stage hand kind of thwipping where there's originals in there throughout the show to keep him going? No, the stage hands were all on with squeegees going round him. Unless they should become dangerous.

Window cleaners. Frank, I have a question for you. That is a, Kiss seemed to be one of the rare examples where the other members of the band, in the case of Jean, they sort of slightly outshine the lead singer. I've heard of Gene, but not Paul Stanley. No, well, Gene is the one everyone knows because he eats...

It's the Bez syndrome. He eats fire. Well, not eats, he blows out fire on stage. He does the tongue thing, doesn't he? Yeah, he's got a very long tongue. There was a rumour about Gene that he had had a cow's tongue grafted

onto his own tongue. But I don't know. A cow's tongue. My name used to be... Do you do that operation? Do you go to a vet? Or do you go to a surgeon? You decide. It'd be great if that became a thing, though, for celebrities. I always had a tongue job, you know.

Yeah, so I don't know if they do animal grafts. Front row, Eric Harland, gruelling as well. If I could just get up there and eat it. Erland Harland. Yeah, so that was the rumour that he'd had cow extensions. Cow extensions? Tongues and eyelashes, I guess. I don't think it's true.

Could one have an animal extension? Is that allowed? Age 12, 15, don't text. Could I legally have a pig's tail put on me? Hello? Don't look at me like that. I was expecting an answer. Just staring blankly with your mouth open.

Frank, yes. Oh, sorry, darling. No, no, I was only breathing in. You've been talking about, well, we've been talking about gigs, specifically the Kiss gig, and you've been showing us pictures. I really like their look. I've put a picture of Paul in his completely unsafe travelling.

I hope I don't... Well, they've only got... This is their last tour, apparently, so it's all right. End of the road. I would hate to be the man responsible for Paul having to wear a harness. Oh, imagine. Oh, man, I'd hate to be the man responsible for Paul having to wear a harness. Oh, imagine. Oh, man, I'd hate myself. Getting a shout-out from the man himself as runners slowly clip him into the high-vis netting.

I don't want to contain him at this stage. Well, it's become a slight badge of honour. It's a bit show-offy at these gigs, isn't it? The Tinkerbell harness. They all do it now. But the way that he gets on the flying thing badge of honour. It's a bit show-offy at these gigs, isn't it? The Tinkerbell harness. They all do it now. But I don't... The way that he gets on the flying thing

is I don't think it even occurs to him that there's anything... It's like the old window cleaners. It's extraordinary. It's honestly like getting... You know those bosses

that used to have no doors on? He just grabbed the hand. He just gets on like that. Just like an escalator. Yeah, yeah. Frank, Joe Bowles... No, I'm more reticent getting on an escalator

do you ever get that thing on an escalator does everyone get that what would happen if well do you get the fear every time you step on one i do i i'm always careful i don't want to end up on a crack and suddenly um i'm half on a step and a step. The step that was supporting my heel is gone. Stato did a popular, once popular programme. Oh, it's still popular. It's still popular. It's back now. You're right.

Well, yes, fantasy football. Back now, not with you. No, no, but still good. Yeah. And Stato, who used to work with us on there, who was a football statistician, he's the only guy I know who actually got the sole ripped off his shoe in a...

Oh, no. But Stato was a man who things happened to. Was he a bit of a universe victim? Well, there are some people who things do happen to more than other people, and he was one of those. He was very absent-minded, so he's not a man who'd be thinking, I need to step off now. But I didn't know it could really happen,

but it actually ripped the sole right off his shoe. And I remember he came in, and we were talking for about 40 minutes before he mentioned it. That's the other amazing... That wasn't the headline. For me, I'm polishing up that anecdote on my way to the door. You know what I mean? I've got four or five fairly surefire punchlines

and some stuff I might try, I might not. You're polishing it up as you limp soulless on one foot. Yeah, he come in and started talking about some game in the Dutch second division the night before. Then someone might have even brought up there was no bottom on his shoe. I mean, that should have been front page, then see pages two, three, four, five, six and seven.

Frank, Joe Wells has... Can I say this, buddy, just to sum up on the Kiss thing? That I would very... They are on tour at the moment in the UK and Europe. I'd really recommend seeing them because they might not come again. And there's nothing else quite like seeing Kiss. Not with that harness activity,

they might not come again. At the end, they put up a big thing that says, Kiss loves you, Birmingham. No punctuation whatsoever. And I thought, it's that freedom, it's that free approach to life that I met Kiss. Kiss loves you, Birmingham. We're less interested in punctuation

as what they should have had underneath in brackets. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, we've been talking this morning about rituals at gigs and specifically your Kiss gig.

Yeah, we started off talking about the newport helicopter which is a thing that skindred get their fans to do which is take their shirts off and whirl them above their heads a la helicopter blade well there's a very specific uh arm action for the take that song never forget oh obviously i, I'm a favourite there. And I was interested to watch at the Coronation concert, which members of the Royal Box would be doing that.

Did some of them know? Sophie did. Oh, yes, Sophie did. Sophie proved to be quite a mover. She really was. If you were King Charles, and you were into skinnered it would take a lot of unbuttoning to get ready for the uh the helicopter skin drud skin drud sorry i want to suggest that king charles is into leonard's skinner sweet home alabama yeah some worry about the flag

the amount of the amount of buttons and medals to get sorted before you can whirl your tunic. I just say, flag usage. Just take a footman by the ankle. That's my advice. The royal shirt. That's the name of that position in the household. Is it really? Fantastic.

Pick up a man called the royal shirt and whirl him around. I'm still loving how much heavy lifting the phrase flag usage was doing. It's a comment about Lynyrd Skynyrd. We know what you mean, it was brilliant. It's what I call a breakfast radio pricey. Anyway, Joe Wells... Does it? It should get less emotional.

Go on Please Joe Wells has sent in his favourite gig ritual Okay I make sure I'm stood by

the sound desk I also make sure that I tell whoever I'm with that this is the best place to stand as that is where

the sound engineer is hearing the music I've heard that theory before but Is that like the bloke on the bus Frank who tries to be the best friend understand as that is where the sound engineer is hearing the music i've heard that theory before but is that like the bloke on the bus frank who tries to be the best friend of the driver well do you remember when i went to that ed sheeran gig and i was there oh yeah you were there and the sound went and i looked across at the sound guy and gave him a real oh no i thought it wasn't

it was on the edge here in a guitar and a loop machine that was it and the sound went I mean come on yeah that's not a yeah but I've heard

that theory if the sound man needs to hear but the sound man's got like headphones and stuff I don't think it quite works as a theory

surely yeah surely he's more focused on the headphones and also I don't want to be... I sat in that box. Either I'm watching Kiss or I'm watching an episode of Thunderbirds. I don't want to be sitting looking at buttons and switches and stuff and they're in the background.

And when you sit in that box, and I have, at the Killers, I sat in that box. Oh yes, I remember. And I had to wear ear defenders anyway. Well, yeah. I don't want to hear, it might ruin some surprises, because I don't want to hear a guy in a sort of T-shirt on a swivel chair saying, OK, cue pyro.

Yes. OK. It is a bit like that. Go to. I want it to happen naturally. No, I agree with that. Audience member. I agree with that.

Yes, otherwise you can bury your cheese before the fire's actually happened. That's what the cat's doing. He's burying all sorts back there. I don't know what he's getting up to with that litter. He had a small spangly shovel. Does he ever wear a flea collar? A glittery flea collar? Imagine how many cat jokes he gets.

Oh, we must get sick of it, Frank. Well, he loves it. He's like the cat that got on. Oh, God. Frank, do you remember last week we were talking about Colombo? Do I? Never ask me if I remember anything. Do you remember we were talking about Colombo? Yes.

I don't know how it came about, but we had a long conversation. Well, my theory is that he stinks, Colombo. It's because I wondered whether he had any other clothes. I thought he had a slight Paddington approach. I think you said to me, does he wear the same coat? And I said, no, he wears the same everything every show. And he's also, he's in California in intense heat. And he wears suede shoes.

And most people, when they go indoors, they take the raincoat off and he keeps it on. So we thought perhaps he might have issues. Yes. And Kevin Barnes has got in touch to say Columbo was asked about his private life in an interview. When asked about his mansion in Beverly Hills, his response was simple. I've got a nine-bedroom mansion

overlooking the ocean. Nine beds, no baths. Don't need them. Never use them. That's what Peter Falk said rather than Columbus. Yes. I was going to say, those police wages. It's mainly bravery, of course. I presume he's referring to Peter Falk.

Yes. He must be. Yes. But, I mean, nine bathrooms, presumably he was saying that was an excessive amount, and I'd be inclined to agree. Well, because of my love of Colombo, a producer I worked with once got in touch with his agent asking if Peter Falk would sign a photo for me as a gift.

And she said, I'll ask him. She said, you know, he can be difficult. And I thought, that's what you want your agent to say. And anyway, I got the photo and it was signed in block capitals. And I thought, is that Peter Falk's signature or is this woman just thought, I'm not asking him? Yeah. I'm not having him having a go at me for asking.

It's a bit soft, that. Yeah, so if anyone knows, if anyone out there listening knows, don't text us because we're not live today. But I'd love to know by an email whether it's Peter Falk signs in block capitals. Perhaps it's the I. Yeah, it could be the I. Yeah. I think I read somewhere that a glass eye restricts joined up writing.

I didn't. I didn't. Just convincing. God. Yeah. I want to discuss something with you boys. Well, that. I didn't. Just convincing. God. Yeah. I want to discuss something with you boys.

Well that's just as well. I'll tell you what it is. Go on. You don't have a choice whether you want to discuss this

or not because I'm a little obsessed. The professional seagull scarer. Have you heard about this? Yes in Open Whitby.

Oh well done. His name is Corey Greaveson. He's been hired by a chip shop owner, as you say. Alex of Mr. Chips. Yes. Mr. Chips frequented by James May, the kindly one. Really? Oh, I hate the idea, though, of gravy from the pie dripping onto his floral shirt.

His horse fit special, QI special. Oh, terrible. He loves a QI shirt. He goes to the QI shop. Who else goes there, Frank? At the QI shop. The QI shirt shop. Andy Hamilton.

Yes. Oh, that's a lovely choice. Yeah. Frank, have you ever been there? Maybe once or twice. I think I have, yes. Can I ask you, do you think that Alex, who owns Mr Chips,

do you think he named it after the novel play and film Goodbye Mr Chips? Absolutely not. Featuring Robert Downey. Or did he name it after Mr Chips, the perennial figure in Catchphrase? Yes, yes. That's impressive.

It's good, but it's not right. The sort of hideous... Which one? Yeah, he looks like a Weetabix. Well, I'm afraid I associate him with a viral clip of rather disturbing content. Oh, yes, I remember. We're all familiar with that.

But, you know, we've all had those career moments we regret. And that is Mr. Chips. Why is he called Mr. Chips? It's never been explained. I think he spent a lot of his youth in Monte Carlo on the roulette wheels. No, it's the way he's presented to us, as if we accept this. We never agreed to the Mr. Chips thing. We never asked.

And why so formal? Yeah, exactly. What's his first name? What do you think, Eric? Eric Chips. Oh, man. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner.

Absolute Radio. I tell you, you boys are eating a lot of pastries this morning. You know what it's like? It's like being with two cops on a stakeout. Yeah. If only we'd got polystyrene cops. Yes, yeah.

And marriage problems. Yeah, exactly. That'd be perfect. You always want that one sort of American-style Chinese takeaway box. Oh, yeah. It's like the lawyers always as well. When they crack the case, they're always dipping into the box. See, Colombo, Columbo, when he dines.

He's got the shorty over there. Just because he doesn't smell quite bad enough for his own taste. He always has chilli. Yeah. Columbo. And he does that thing that I've never seen English people do. He gets those crackers and then crumbles them. Yeah, onto the top.

Over the chilli. It's a style. I think his stench is an interrogation technique and I think he works on it quite carefully. Now, we're talking about the eagle, the seagull scarer. We got onto the subject. The place he's scaring the seagulls outside of is called Mr Chips.

The idea is, just briefly, that Mr Chips' boss, Alex, has a lot of trouble. A lot of his customers, they walk out of the shop with chips and they are bombarded by seagulls. Yeah. And so in a strange transaction, he met a local youth and said, how would you like to dress up in an inflatable eagle outfit and frighten off the seagulls? Up until the bit where he explained it was to frighten seagulls, it was quite a scandalous story.

Well, exactly. I googled that costume, Frank. I was intrigued. This is the kind of thing I do. Is it commercially available? Yes, it was on Amazon. It was £49.99. And it was listed as funny bird dress-up. Oh, OK. No eagle reference. Someone's footballer slid into my DMs.

Funny. I was going to say Tarzan seeing a hen do. What I would say is he spent 50 quid on the costume, Alex from Mr. Chips. It's not, I mean, what I didn't like about the costume, there was one thing that put me off, there was sort of a ventilating hole in the breast. It's for the inflation. I know, but hide it. Put it in the rear or something.

No, but it's for the... I think you'll find that that is the wind beneath his wings. Is he a bald or a golden? I don't think he was. Actually, there's no feathers on the top. He could be a bald. There's no feathers on the top he could be a bald eagle if you're trying to put feathers in an inflatable eagle you've got a problem

just a heads up to any twitchers looking to go to Wikipedia and add this guy to their book well he here's the thing he Alex said I tried putting fake eagles on sticks he says fake eagles but I think we all

know it was roadkill you said I try putting fun this is an actual quote so I was impressed by this I tried putting fake eagles on sticks they got wise to it it, is what he said. Oh, the eagle. And then he said, of the seagulls, they knew it wasn't a real bird. They're really clever. Okay. So then you hired a man

in a flightable eagle suit and that fooled them completely. Yeah, it's the inverse. Scale. Do they have no sense of scale? Do they believe it? Well, they must think, if he's the bird that's got access to the chips,

no wonder he's so massive. Do you know how I would say they're very gullible, Frank? Oh, that's absolutely excellent. I don't think we're not going to follow that in a rush. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. We're not live today. I know, it's embarrassing.

So don't text. Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the radio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk Choices, choices, choices. No, regarding gig Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Choices, choices, choices. No, regarding gig rituals.

Oh, yes. E.g. displaying the rock horns. Joelle said stand by the sound desk. And we've got a message in from Paul. Not that Paul. No. Paul! Paul.

Oh, my god Paul Paul says wearing a Frank Turner t-shirt at any gig guaranteed to get a comment and meet the best people that's interesting I sometimes dine at the Wagamama in Cheltenham town centre

and a man who serves there has got Frank Turner, often wears a t-shirt but he's also got Frank Turner tattoos I'm not familiar with Frank Turner's work I'm really sorry but excuse my ignorance. He's a musician but

it's just one who I've not investigated Frank Turner tattoos? Yeah. Oh. And he this guy's a very interesting, very nice guy. So it might be that that's a good way of spotting nice people. Yeah, a bit of filtering. Some sort of Frank Turner signage. Equally, would you say there's a band that would almost be a bit of a telltale giveaway that

perhaps you wouldn't get on with that person and could you give that some thought please mat lads really well i know someone who managed the mat lads and he said it was the night where the drummer was hit by a paper towel machine from the toilet that was thrown the full length of the gig. Gosh, that's a mistrunchable sort of throw. Yeah, he said that was the night I decided enough was enough. A friend of mine, when travelling all round the world, he did a sort of Gapier thing, but later in life. And in order to better meet other English speakers, but specifically sort of British English speakers,

he got a Gregg's Bakery baseball cap. Oh. And wearing that to these busy raves and concerts would guarantee immediate interaction from any homesick Brits. Also, a nice cap if you've got very bad dandruff, because it's a suggestion of crumbs. Although, I would put dandruff as getting a bit whatever happened to. You never see the Dandruff like you used to.

I miss Dandruff, the philosophy professors. It was everywhere. There's a lice outbreak at my son's school, if that helps. Retro. That'll suffice. Frank, can we return to the seagull scarer, Alex of Mr Chips, and the gulls themselves, indeed. He's getting £15 an hour, this chap who's scaring seagulls.

Well, you say he's getting £15 an hour, but that's what the boss says, if I may. Monsieur Frit. But the boss says he gets £15 an hour, but Alex, is Alex the eagle? No, Alex is the owner of Mr. Chips. His name is Corey Greaveson. I thought it was Eddie, but it isn't.

He says that he gets £400 a day. £200. £200 a day. But you're nearly at £4,000 a month. Okay, so £200 a day. Isn't that about £13 an hour? If he gets £15 an hour, is he working 13-hour days? No, but he's raking in the tips.

I think that's so useful. That was your maths. No, he said plus tips. Did he? Yeah, plus tips. So they can't be every month of the year. But what's 15 into? How much a day does he get? 200 a day? He gets 200 a day. 15, isn't

that 13? What is this, countdown? That would be 10 that's, yeah, that would be more than He can't be working 13 hour days. Not in that costume. Trapped in it. Where is he? 13 hours and a sort of 20 minutes.

Also, he's legal more often than he's a human. I think Monsieur Afrit would let him off with the 20 minutes. If he's at a 13 hour day. Sprinting. I mean, imagine the wing. Flapping. It doesn't look I mean, imagine the wing. And flapping. The flapping. It doesn't look well-ventilated, that costume. He'd smell like Columbo by the end of the day. Well, he could put cold air through it.

Every time he walks in, the eagle has landed. Smell him a mile off, Frank. I like, in one bit of the article, it says, dressing up like an eagle might seem like a laugh and I enjoy the conditional term there. Yeah, it didn't seem like a laugh to me. I mean, to be fair to him, there's footage of him in action and he does sort of all that stuff.

I don't know if it's actually an eagle sound but how many eagles do the goals come into contact with other than him 8 12 15 no don't we're not we're not live on absolute radio frank we're still discussing the eagle but i'd just like to have a brief pause in the proceedings to share this with you from Philip Bellamy, who says, I've just been told that I've won a small obscure poetry competition and I wanted to thank Frank personally

as it was listening to his poetry podcast that inspired me to try and write the poem in the first place. Fantastic. Show the winnings, mate. Well, that's... Dry your eyes, mate. What ever happened to him Frank? Oh I think he's still around

what street? Mike Skinner Mike Skinner he was called what street then? you know people have about four names do they? that's their real name but they have like a sort of

a name like Blemish you like Blemish. Was he Mike Streetskinner? You know Blemish, the rapper? Yeah, Blemish. I don't know if there is one called Blemish. There's got to be by now. That's what it would be.

They've all got names like that. But it wasn't Mike, open brackets, The Streets. But it's like the name of the group, right? Like a band name. Okay, don't get so defensive. Yeah, Paul Stanley, not Kiss. No, anyway. Anyway, come on.

I read an interview where he said he's often called Frank Skinner and it gets on his nerves. But I'm often called Streets. No, I'm not. I'm really not. Frank Skinner in the streets. Right, what we are... By the way, when I was talking to the man who used to work for BA,

I was talking about flying to Australia once with a mate. I was in opera and he was in economy. And I went back to see him and... Poor David. Did you hold a perfumed cloth over your face? I wish I had. I wish I had because at the back of the plane, it was honestly like there was dry ice at the back of the plane.

It was where the smokers sat. I was back in the day. And we were just having that conversation that, yes, people, it wasn't supposed to be people smoke, but people on a plane would get out a cigarette lighter or a box of matches and light a naked flame. Didn't none of us at any point think, is this a good idea? Is this safe?

It feels as insane as discovering that there's a fireplace at the back of the plane where you can just put a log on and put your feet up. You could light a match or a lighter on an aeroplane and there's an ashtray in the back of the seat. In fact, I just won hundreds of them. It's not that long. Was it 25 years ago or something? Well, I can remember. Can you imagine

what this was like? I was on an Alitalia flight. Oh, wow. Well, this was Air Malaysia, so there were smokers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. In fact, when we got I remember to Kuala Lumpur, I was a sm, so there were smokers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. In fact, when we got, I remember, to Kuala Lumpur, I was a smoker then, and I said to this guy, can you smoke in the first-class lounge?

He said, I think you have to. When they open the door when you land, it must be like stars in their eyes. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, dear. Okay, so shall we return to Corey Greaveson,

Corey Eagle Greaveson and Alex Mr Chips. I don't know his surname. Monsieur Freed? We'll come back to it after this baby, I think. So, Corey, the seagull scarer. Yes.

He says he has a quite, well, Alex said, Mr. Chips, M. Freed said, he has quite a bit of banter with customers. And when they say customers, people in the street, when they come and speak to him, he makes bird noises at them. And he says, I don't speak English, I speak Eaglish. Yeah. I quite like that. He's making an effort.

He's rocking. I like the idea that he has a banter with them. The idea that he might have been a very sort of serious character hadn't occurred to me. Yeah, he would hold up a wing and say, not while I'm on duty. I'll tell you something, though. He's very upfront about his earnings.

Yes. Oh, yeah. I think that's... Well, when I first started work... Can land revenue get in touch with those teams? Yeah, they might do. I mean, you would have thought, wouldn't you? Coastal revenue.

You would have thought that. They got their own. And then there's the offshores. Steadily. It's like the seven circles of hell in Dante. No, but when I first got a job, my first job was 1974, even before I saw Kiss for the first time. And I was 17. What were you doing?

I was working in a drop forging factory in Langley Green in the West Midlands. What does that do? They take very hot pieces of metal and pound them into shape. I used to see documentaries about it. I think that's quite fascinating. Yeah, maybe for the first 20 minutes. Anyway, they used to physically bring your wages round on a Thursday. This was a revolution because Friday was always a payday.

But a woman would come round with a wooden tray and it would actually have your wage packet and there'd be coins in it as well as notes. And you'd get your wage slip. So the first time I ever got one, I took the wage slip out and just threw it in the bin and this bloke went, Oi, oi!

And come over to me and picked it out of the bin and put it in my hand and he said, Put that away. You don't want people knowing what you're earning. Oh. I was on £6.50 a week. I just didn't think that was going to foster resentment from anyone. Envy is the thief of joy, he said.

But it was a really big thing that you did not let other people know what you were earning. But Corey, he's come out with it in the national press. To be fair, there isn't another eagle to come and do that to him. No. Well, not that we know. Not yet. Not yet, yeah. But when they hear what the money's like.

No, there is. Because I think Blackpool Zoo are going to employ one. Oh. A real one? No, a real one. One of these ones in the suit. Everyone's doing it now. Channel 4, I don't know if they still do this,

but Channel 4 used to have a man come in with a sparrow hawk once a month to clear out the pigeons. Yeah. It's not something you associate with Channel 4. It's more GB news. But they, I imagine that they... They do that to their homeless.

Yeah. I imagine... A falconer attacked them. I imagine that they feast on raw carcasses as a bonding exercise as the presenters of GB News. But yeah, Channel 4

would actually got in and that was a real not an inflatable Sparrowhawk but the the real McCoy now we spoke in the last show

about people making things at work and if people still made things at work yes we were talking about I knew people that used to make razor sharp kung fu stars on their lathe at work and then sell them in the pub health and safety really wasn't as infancy no i had one but a dog ran off with him oh it was in his back no i, I made that up. I made that up. Go on.

As my mind immediately switched from the charming image of a dog dressed as a ninja to a harrowing... No, no. Of course, that would be terrible. We've got a message in from Chaz, alias Charlotte Daly from Reading. He says, hi, Frank and team, way back in the 1970s. When I was about 10, my dad made me a type of early skateboard. And I like that phrasing.

It's quite archaeological. Yeah. An early skateboard. This consisted of a couple of sawn-off planks of wood, all rough edges and splinters. The wheels were four-bed casters, so the contraption was completely impossible to steer. It went all over the place.

Despite my youthful exuberance and trying it out in a kneeling position, after a few goes on our dodgy paving slab paths in the garden, I decided to retire it. Dad did his best, bless him. Keep up the great work, Chas. Yeah. Yeah. But it's somewhat lovely about that as well though yeah unless you're paying his wages yeah but yeah it does

sound a bit dangerous speaking of dangerous i saw in that eagle article we're talking about before there was one of those things you can click on and it said weird job no qualifications needed and which is that was the theme of the eagle story yeah and it was

they're looking for window cleaners to do the gherkin the enormous building oh you don't want to get kissed

up there without the harness they'd be they'd do that poor Stanley just scurry up there like a monkey up a tree. Like a cat.

Yeah, there's a platform thing to stand on. Oh, no. What? I just need a hoop. We don't need any of that. We don't want to get bogged down. Where's the hoop? There's one condition.

They have asked for a makeup room. Yeah, exactly. And can everyone who works in the building shout, Paul! When they see a smudge. Paul! Pointing at a mark left by a bird strike. Oh, dear.

You were saying about the eagles. Oh, no, you weren't. No, I wasn't. You were just talking about that job. Yes. Yeah, weird job, no qualifications needed. It's just a sort of... I had something I quickly...

Just a picture of some stand-ups. Just a picture of us. Exactly. I wouldn't knock anyone for having a weird job with no qualifications needed. You were feeling seen when you saw that. Indeed. Can I just say something?

I will. One thing that Corey Grieveson, a.k.a. the eagle, said, was he said he thinks that the seagulls are trying to get revenge on him by pooping, is that okay, on his car. But I think you might know this, Pierre, a sort of thing you'd know. As I understand it, the only birds to genuinely have a sense of, to have a sort of vengeance, Gina, are crows.

Is that right? They will remember you, Frank. They don't forget. They remember faces. They remember human... She didn't get mixed up with elephants. If an elephant took revenge by doing that on your car, you'd... That would be...

They can hold a grudge for 15 years, a crow. Wow. Gosh. What I... Does that sound like any of us? Kath is a crud I find out after all these years Of course when I read that story about him pooping on his car

I immediately thought of Toby from the Old Testament Who fell asleep in the garden And didn't realise there were birds And they pooped in his eye and he was blind for four years. Try the Bible. It's great stuff. Well, we've been hearing from our loyal, esteemed readers. Regarding Michael Morpurgo. Oh, yes.

Do you remember? Frank's a fan of his. He invented a song about him. Yes, well... Remember that, Frank? Are you referring to... Michael Morpurgo, Michael Morpurgo. Yes.

Michael Morpurgo, Michael Morpurgo. Yes. Michael Morpurgo, Michael Morpurgo. Wearing a Panama hat. Yes. On a good day. Always the man from Del Monte. He loves it. Claire gets in touch regarding that very aural meme. Okay.

And says, dear Frank Pierre, Divine Miss M, I recently had the opportunity to meet that other national treasure, Michael Morpurgo, only to be distracted by Frank's Michael Morpurgo song. Okay. I can see why that would be in your head. Yeah, sort of creating a slightly glazed

look in the eyes as you think, don't sing it at him. I think he'd be alright to hear it, wouldn't he? Surely. He's got a nice it, wouldn't he? Surely. He's got a nice reputation, doesn't he? He's a nice man. You've met more Pogger. I interviewed more.

In fact, we danced the Zorba the Greek. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I did not know about that. In the pale moonlight. I danced with a man. We danced the Zorba the Greek. You know the Zorba the Greek. Yes, I know the song.

I just didn't know that you'd had some strange dance with Michael Morpurgo. Yeah, me and... Just the two of you. Him and him, as I like to call him. Can I ask you a question? What shoes does Michael Morpurgo wear? Well, the first time I saw Michael Morpurgo, he was dressed completely in purple.

Oh, I see that. Which was unsettling, because I think he'd pick purple randomly, but it used to be the colour of various... Well, David Icke, I think, was a purple wearer. Yes, the purple made him immune to the alien rays or whatever. Yeah, exactly. But Morpurgo's branched out into various...

He's a man who likes corduroy and that kind of thing. I see him in a deck shoe. Yeah, maybe. Quite a battered one on the Norfolk Broads. Yeah, well, he's got that kind of writer, you know, I haven't met too... I'm not a dandy. I'm a man who sits in a room on his own writing. He's got that thing.

But I have a problem with this, as I've spoken to Emily about before, certainly, is when I'm in a company of people associated with any kind of music, it keeps coming out of me. It's awful. Remember that night, Frank? You know who I'm thinking of.

We're both thinking the same one. I think you were in the Ivy having dinner. Do you remember it? I remember the Eric Clapton one. Do you know this, Pierre? No. I was having lunch with Eric Clapton and I went to the toilet

and when I came back, I hadn't thought I was going diddle-iddle- you know, it's just an enormous aide de mémoire sitting at the table. It was very, he was all right with it-ish. Oh, no. But obviously, if people start looking round

and there's me singing that riff to him, it's a bit of a... And he's there stony-faced. Yeah. He wasn't, yeah. Would it be worse for him to be stony-faced or sort of giggling and clapping, sort of delighted? Well, I think it's nice that people...

It's nice that I know that. Well, you don't want him to start screaming, you've got me on my knees and getting all into character. No, no, I don't want him screaming that. It wasn't that... It wasn't that kind of a party. No, it was in a restaurant, but it wasn't the one

With the Boris Becker No so Oh dear Yes I was It's like a woman Came up to me At the kiss gig And said

Pointed at Boz's feet And says Where's his kiss shoes Because I talked about him On the show Do you remember Oh right And I think that's great

That that That woman knows That he's cocky as shoes. The problem was I was supposed to bring them when I picked him up from school and I forgot, so it was a bit of a sore point, but we got over it. 45 quid T-shirt, that's all it needs to calm an 11-year-old. Anyway, read Tobit and see what you think. Thanks for listening this morning. Read Tobit. Read Tobit and see what you think. And thanks for listening this morning. Read Tobit.

Read Tobit. I'm going to get a T-shirt with that on. Cheaper. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.