The Frank Skinner Show - Mr. Shirt

Episode Date: May 28, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Sara Barron. Frank has seen see Alice Cooper at the O2, Emily has been to the Chelsea Flower Show and the team discuss a pricey espresso.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Sarah Barron's with us again this morning. Hurrah! Hurrah! Thanks for having me back. Have you got a little jingle for Sarah? Did you have one last time? I have, but I've got a big announcement to make first. We are not live, so do not text the show. So honest. So true. We don't want your, we don't want you throwing money into a hole.

So that's why people buy houses. So look, you can follow us on Twitter and Instagram. They're still at Frank on the radio. So that's all right. Or you can email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk Not everything stops. We just don't want to embezzle.

We've got an anti-embezzle policy at Absolute. I don't know if you knew about that. Some decent of you all. Yeah, it's good. So look, I'm still throbbing. I'm still throbbing. I'm still throbbing from last night.

Sorry, Sarah. Is that a classic Frank Skinner verb choice? Throbbing? I went to the O2 to see the King of Shock Rock, Alice Cooper, last night with my 10-year-old, who is the biggest Alice Cooper fan night with my 10 year old who is the biggest Alice Cooper fan I know. It was really weird to see other people

in Alice Cooper t-shirts. I've only seen him in the last 10 years whatever it's been. He's been into them about two or three years. But anyway, you know what?

He was brilliant. Alice was? Yeah. I thought, you know, I've seen Alice Cooper before and he was brilliant but I thought he's 74 now. Alice was. Yeah. I thought, you know, I've seen Alice Cooper before and he was brilliant, but I thought he's 74 now, you know. And I went down and we took a tube and boat. That was how we got there.

Romantic arrival. Oh, yeah. When you're a parent and you're taking your kid to Seattle, okay, you're taking your kid to Seattle, it's Cooper. But if you're passing HMS Belfast and the Cotty Sark, you can still do a bit of marine history on the way. Don't waste your educational opportunities. When you say you can still,

I mean, does anyone other than a school trip ever go to the Cotty Sark? Much as I love it. I had a physical experience underneath the Cotty Sark. Absolute radio. Saturday morning, absolutely. It could have been anything. You could have sneezed. That's a physical

experience. Exactly. So, yeah, I sighed slightly as I saw its treble mast. You felt the journey of life. Yeah. The circle. So, it's also, it's impossible to go down the river, for me, without imagining an overview of the EastEnders map.

I can't, because if you remember, there is a little white O2 tucked away in one of its little snaky bends. Oh, I love that I've always thought they missed a trick on the merchandise in Forest Enders they should have had

a 3D yeah they should have had like the sort of land in the background and then maybe six inches ahead of it

the Thames touch sensitive River Thames and one of those things you know at the fair when you go round that bendy wire thing and it goes... Every time you touch it.

That could have been the Thames. What a piece of merchandise. And every time you touch the Thames, it goes... Oh, I would have bought that. Oh, speaking of merch, I bought bars an Alice Cooper baseball cap and an Alice Cooper T-shirt last night.

Lovely. 60 quid. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Where were your seats? You're a man of means. How good are these seats? Well, can I just tell you something about the merch?

Oh, please. There's a slogan that he used on the cap. Yeah. And it's a reworking of an old slogan used by another musician. And I thought this was a beautiful thing. And you can have a guess if you like, but I don't know if you'll get it. So hang on, Alice Cooper has incorporated someone else's... He's took someone else's slogan and made it his own.

I'm having that. Can you give a hint and made it his own. I'm having that. Can you give a hint? Is it a bit of I'm having that? Let's be honest. But really, what he's done with it is special. I laughed when I... Is it related to poison? It's related to a famous crooner

who is no longer with us. I mean, if someone says famous crooner, immediately I go Sinatra. Yeah, what was Sinatra's... Something about my way? His slogan. I'm going to tell you a bit. Okay.

It's Alice Cooper's slogan. His old black eyes. I love it. It doesn't get any better. It's good. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is still Frank, Emily and Sarah, and we were talking about the Alice Cooper gig I went to at the O2. Can I just say, Frank, you know, Sarah,

how I discovered that Boz was a fan of Alice Cooper? Go on. I was on a dog walk with him and we were just chatting about music generally. Boz, it's my 10-year-old son, in case you're new to the show. And he just suddenly said, quite brilliantly out of nowhere, you know, Alice Cooper's had the vaccine. One of the best things I've heard.

Normally you need some sort of trigger to drop something like that in a conversation. No agenda. That's not normally a paragraph beginning, is it? You know what I mean? It's a response. But I was very happy when you told me that. Yeah.

But I saw Alice Cooper about 20 years ago. Was that the last time you saw him? Yeah. Wow. And there was things, last time I saw him in concert, certainly, I've interviewed him and he was on Room 101, would you believe? And? One of the things he put in was balloon modelling.

And someone, a guy made him a fantastic balloon model of Alice Cooper and we presented him and he's going oh man this is great and all that stuff and the guy came in the guy was really proud and then as we was leaving we said Alice do you want to take the balloon modelling

and he said didn't you hear me I hate balloon modelling it wasn't an act so i didn't take it was he the one frank when you interviewed him you had that profound experience and you felt great love for him i experienced agape i don't know what that i don't know what that word means it's it's a greek term and it's a sort of, pure feeling of love and it doesn't have to be for a loved one. There is a theory that it was

that's how we'll feel about each other in the afterlife. That's a good idea. Anyway, I have had it. I once was in a cafe and Emily went across the road for something and as she walked back I had it for her. But that makes more sense because obviously I do love him. I'd just been to the cash point at that point.

Yeah, that could have been that. Agrape. Agape. Agape. And so would you, is it most noteworthy, I guess, when you feel it for someone you don't know at all? And you just, a pureness fills your little heart. It's a weird thing because you just honestly,

they feel like you're, you know, part of you. It's really odd. And I was halfway through an Alice Cooper interview and it happened with Alice. He had Agape for Alice. Yeah. That's a good album. I would buy that.

Agape for Alice. Yeah, old Agape's back. And it was odd because I like every, you know, I grew up in the 70s, Alice Cooper was on the cover of all the Melody Makers and he was big, you know, but I'd never been like a mega fan and it was just an unusual random bloke, but now my kid is in love with him.

It's sort of made it quite cosmic. Anyway, he does these things that he did then. He comes on in a straight jacket, slightly bending the current acceptability. He does his things. You sound like a tolerant nana. He's doing his things.

Have I spoke about straight jackets on the show before? I only recently realised. Shall we ask the producer? Do you remember there was an Absolute Radio Victorian Asylum-themed publicity campaign? Can you believe that?

It was one of the great marketing eras of all time. And it was us looking through... It's like Ian Wright in a straitjacket looking through a barred window. Absolute Right Faces for right. Oh, my God. Anyway, straight jacket. I always thought it was because it was a straight piece of canvas.

But it's not A-I-G-H-T. It's straight as in. In a straight. When you're in a straight. Right. A straight jacket. Yeah, exactly. Oh, God, I love to learn.

Don't you just love a little bit of learning? But who knew? When I think of how many times I've written straight jacket in letters to, you know, partners, exes, and I've spelt it with a G-H all those times. They must have laughed at me behind my back.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. They must have laughed at me behind my back. Anyway, I'm just, I'm eating, Emily has given me one of her brunch bars to keep me going. So that you don't faint on air? Yeah, I hate fainting on air. Do you have a little like blood sugar? Are you kind of a blood sugar susceptible kind of guy? I'm just, I'm just like, like sweet stuff. Oh, okay, you just get a little sugar kick. I've started to, I'm just like, like sweet stuff. Oh,

okay, you just feel a little sugar kick. I've started to, I've started to get into that. You know, the old guy, sweets, cakes thing.

You are, can I just say, it's not showing on you though. I should, full disclosure, Sarah and I, how did you feel about that this morning? Oh yeah.

I think we should raise what happened when we came in this morning. The strangest thing, now there'll be people listening to who this is a common, yeah. I think we should raise what happened when we came in this morning. The strangest thing, now there'll be people listening to who this is a commonplace, but I walked in and Emily said to me,

Frank, you look great. Really great. Oh, very good. She said, now that is a great look for you. And honestly, I had made no effort. I have shoes, which they are...

What are they, kickers? No, they're campers. I like that I've seen your shoes once for seven seconds and I know what they are and you don't. No, I think they were a Christmas gift. We're not being paid. Campers Christmas, that was the celebration. And we...

Don't spit that on the desk Emily. That's my catchphrase. So anyway, we, I never know whether I love these shoes or hate these shoes. I really look at them sometimes and I think, oh I've actually been out in those.

And then times when I think, ooh. I do think a camper shoe, and just to prove that we're not being sponsored, I think a camper shoe does generally accentuate width. Yes. But I like that. You like a wider foot

on a lady as well. Because I'm afraid of drowning. You're afraid of drowning? I think if I fall into water with these on, I've got a chance of just flipping my way. They're going to just bring you up to the top. No, it'd be like flippers. They're so big.

Oh, I see. Okay, fine. Man from Atlantis. Exactly. Oh, we suck into that swim. You remember man from Atlantis used to sort of undulate. That's what I'm calling his swimming style. Okay, all right.

Do you do breaststroke or front core? No, I undulate. Do you do breaststroke or frontcourt? No, I undulate. Do you really? And by the way, just a word to the wise, you've got seaweed on your ear. Man from Atlantis. The camper, I know what you mean, Sarah. They are white.

These are very white. No, they're potentially polarising. Let's be honest about this. I hesitate to say this because I think it'll look too whatever it's going to look I've never liked a camper and today it was

because where this story is going sorry to blow the end of it it's just that I also walk in and was like Frank hello yeah I know and that's wonderful

two women saying that two women saying it which was so brilliant Sarah said I really love that look you've served served oh I did say served it's watching a little too much RuPaul and a little bit Two women saying it. Which was so brilliant. Sarah said, I really love that look you've served. Served. Oh, I did say served.

It's watching a little too much RuPaul and a little bit too much of the show Pose. But anyway, I want to say that Emily responded largely to shoe. She felt almost strangely like the shoe was the crowning glory of the look. I felt that it was a neutral and an otherwise spectacular but understated look. I don't know how this has happened. Perhaps everyone has one day in their life

when they get their look right. Look, guys, I just want to say, I think you're neglecting something, Sarah, here, which is the thing we really, in some ways, in the Venn diagram... I see where you're going. You see where I'm going? It's the jean. It's the soft black.

It's a soft black on F Skinner. Well, okay. Maybe I'll just be like the old Doctor Who's now and just wear this as my uniform. Just wear it all the time. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is still Frank Skinner, Sarah Barron and Emily Dean. I was talking about the Alice Cooper gig.

I can't think of anything else. He still gets guillotined, which he did when I saw him 20 years ago. Ah, way, way, way, way, guillotine. Yeah, I don't think, I think one of the things that's chopped off is the L in guillotine. When you say he still gets... Is that a signature move?

When I saw him 20 years ago, his wife is the MC of the guillotine section. His wife? I have questions. Yeah, I've got questions too. Is it a lot of eyeliner maybe? What's her look? She's quite gothic looking.

I was surprised. As you wash her. She's very power dressed, sort of office look. No, do you know, I wish she was. I wish she was quite Amish in her clothing.

Yeah, that would be good. Yeah. How did she carry herself with that thing? She comes out in a cart. Instead of giant Colas. Sorry, what was the question, Sam? I was curious.

When you're watching her, a family member comes on stage, for me, is always an uncomfortable moment. Because I don't want to watch someone on stage who doesn't deserve to be there. So did she carry herself in a way that said, no, no, this lady's got it? Or were you like, get the wife off stage. She lacks the charisma, which was it?

Well, I think, you know, a 74-year-old man, he doesn't want to, there's no reason to tour without his wife anymore. Yeah, there you go. So he takes her along. They're a very, you know, he's like the king of shock rock, but they've been married, I think, 46 years. I'm very conservative in as much as if I find out

that someone famous has been with their partner through the whole... I become... Morning radio, but I... Oh, no, it's alluring. It's alluring. That's the word I want. Oh, see, Kath.

Oh, I am drawn in. Yeah, Kath, it's alluring. It's alluring. That's the word I want. Oh, see, Kath. Kath and I are the same. Oh, I am drawn in. Yeah, Kath, my partner, if she finds out someone's been... As soon as I... When I found this out about Alice Cooper, I couldn't wait to tell Kath. Yes.

That would cement him in a litany of saints. Yes, completely. And what Kath... Kath, especially, if she sees the wife and they're not very attractive, she loves the guy then. Oh, she loves him. Anyway, that's not true of Cheryl Cooper.

She looks great. When you mention someone, Frank, you'll say, Frank will say, oh yeah, I met so-and-so and I met his partner. And Kath will say, her sort of eyes will narrow and she'll say, how long have they been together? Yeah. Yeah, a hundred percent. She wants to know the age difference and all that. Which is

interesting because you and Kat, there's a bit of a... 31 years? Not really. Lied about that. I didn't know. I was trying to neither insult nor compliment anyone. What I loved about that is you just moved

through it, whereas obviously the, I just got a peril. Whereas obviously the correct response was, what? Get away from me, you monster. No, no, no. Because I would never express

a real opinion if it meant someone would like me less. Okay. But what? You'd make a great politician. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was

what I was born for. But so what is, what is for Kath her cut off, where she says this is appropriate and this grosses me out? What, in terms of the age difference? Yeah, so is 10 years fine? Is 20 years horrendous?

Is 5 years fine but 10 years grosses her out? I don't know if she's got a formula. Do you know what? You're right, she's 13 years younger than me, which there would have been a period when I met her. If I'd met her when I was 30 and she was 17, that would be disgusting. But then you all get to a certain age

where it just blurs into an amorphous gray oldness. Frank, would it just blur if you were with someone who was 13 years older? You see what I'm saying? Oh, no, yeah. It doesn't always work the other way. I was once mocked on this show because I talked about how good a model in a swimsuit looked in a magazine advert. And she was stepping into a walk-in bath.

So I've got, I aim up as well as a little down. Okay, that's fantastic. I'm one of the lucky ones. Okay, okay. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio.

So there was a lovely moment off air when Emily and Sarah both looked up Cheryl Cooper, the wife of Alice Cooper. Desperately. And both said, she is exactly...

Whatever you think Cheryl Cooper looks like is to the T what she then does look like. Okay, you know what I think it is? I'm going to go, if Tim Burton directed an episode of Sex and the City... Oh, my God, Emily! She's got to turn a phrase. She's got to turn a phrase. She's got to turn a phrase.

It's exactly it. Yeah. Can I, I'll tell you what I also loved is that one of you said, and of course she's got one of those black leather studded bags. And what's great is in the corner of this studio is the producer's black leather studded bag.

Well, can I say, Sarah, your producer, I think also, oh my gosh, she's holding up the bag right now and Sarah also looks like an episode of Sex and the City if it was directed by Tim Burton. Okay, fair enough. She's the Samantha.

A bit more Hitchcock blonde, I would say. But can I win you over? Because I read, I mean, obviously I already love her because she's Alice's wife, but she said a thing that I really liked. And this, if you're American, this might seem like a commonplace, but I really liked it because there was a...

Alice, I think quite sweetly in an interview, had said, well, you know, if Cheryl died, I wouldn't want to carry on anymore. And because it's Alice Cooper, the headline became Alice Cooper death pact. So they asked Cheryl, is it true that you and Alice have got a death pact? And she said, no, that's not, forgive me. She said that is not what he said. It was just an expression of love.

And she said, I could not enter into a death pact because I'm booked through 2028. So I think she's good. My husband asked me once if after we both died, we would mix our ashes together. And I felt fully unprepared for that level of commitment. I was like, my whole life is enough. No, I don't want the ashes together. No, I don't. Give me some space after death.

I think that's a nice thing to put on a card. And also, you want your ex to be able to come to your grave. Yeah. And just say, oh God, I never appreciated her. The one that got away. Not you. She's mixed up with that guy she was with for 40 years. So there was something unique about this gig.

I don't think I've ever been to a gig quite like this. It was a double-header gig. So not a support. They had a support act called Creeper. Okay. Who did the standard 20-minute support app so creeper i think i've met him yeah okay and um so the other it means that the other act which was the cult yeah do you know the cult can you can you just sing for me as is no i can't because i don't know

their work i don't know the most famous song from the cult? I don't even know that. I might be able to tell you I dated one of them. Did you? You're a lot... Oh, Emily Dee.

Who did you date? Are you prepared to say? Yes. It was brief. When I say dated... Yeah. Please tell me it was lead singer

Ian Asprey. No. It was Billy Duffy. Oh, was it Billy... Okay. It was a central figure in the cult. I'm now, of course, at some point going to Google him and see if he

looks as much like I think Billy Duffy will look as Cheryl Cooper did. Yes. Well, let me tell you something about that. So, it means that when you see a band who you really like, i.e. Alice Cooper, you'll put up with 20 minutes of someone else, blah, blah.

But with a doubleheader, you're getting 75 minutes of another band. Okay, all right. And I didn't know their stuff, and Boz, you know, is 10 after all. And they were certainly good, but it was just unfamiliar. But the lead singer, I've got to I can't tell you now, this will have to be a Ian Hasbury cliffhanger.

I've got to tell you about the lead singer because me and Buzz were kind of looking at each other with our mouth agape. So more to come after this. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio

with Emily Dean and Sarah Barron. We are not live, so do not text the show. You'll be wasting your money and we don't want you to do that. Follow on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, though, and email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. I was talking about a double-header gig I went to this week, which was The Cult and Alice Cooper. Now, I once proposed, by the way, doing...

No, not proposed in that way. I once it's the only way how else do you propose at the Alice Cooper comedy thing if you'll just let me complete this sentence

I proposed a tour and I thought you know when comics sink off I've only really got about 45 minutes I can't tour yet

yeah of having three comedians but like like this all names on the same bill, and call it the three tellers. Oh.

Because they tell jokes. I know. I know. But I didn't get any takers. I don't like it. The title doesn't matter, does it? You've got three top comics. Did you sort of put feelers out and got nothing back?

I remember I said to Jack, what do you think about it? He said, no, I wouldn't want to do that. I wouldn't want to do that. So that was that. That's terrible. So anyway, this was a doubleheader, The Cult and Alice Cooper.

And I don't know how, but The Colton just passed me by I know I just sent not Emily but Ian Asprey the singer I sort of knew the name but didn't know anything about him but he was one of these guys there's a lot of tambourine abuse he was one of those guys and um a lot of chewed a lot of mega chewed from uh from ia and one of the he started having a go at the audience in quite i mean there's a bit where he said what you you call that dancing oh my god to this guy and i thought that And I thought, well, that's a bit. And he said, that's it, that's it, though, isn't it? We're gigs in the 21st century.

This is what they're like. Oh, my God. All right. So anyway, then he went on a bit. And then he, I don't know quite what had happened, but he said to this guy, I need an apology from you. Come on, apologise. And he went right to the edge of the stage.

Oh, my God. we're all a bit frightened but the thing that got me is that he said oh look at this we're gonna go to guy in a shirt he said this is a rock and roll gig mate you're in a shirt yeah well thanks for coming he said he said thanks for coming mr shirt what has he done wrong this guy i don't think he had like a dress you know a shirt with a collar and cuffs and all that and it it really robbed us bring up the wrong way. Also, I think, Ian, things have changed a bit, love, since the 80s.

Not everyone goes to concerts in black vest tops and studs on them. Could you tell if the audience was on his side or if they were like, dude, calm down, he's a middle-aged guy trying to have an old time? Yeah. I mean, I couldn't really... I mean, they weren't booing or anything like that. I think there was a lot of love in the room for him. Yeah, I mean, I couldn't really, I mean, they weren't booing or anything like that.

I think there was a lot of love in the room for him. Okay. I think there were people who'd come to see them. You know, we'd come to see the AC. But it was, and then at the end, he finished the gig and said, thank you for supporting live music. Well, okay, but what should we wear next time we support it? Seeing as you're the one with all the answers.

Mr. Shirt. Oh, Mr. Shirt. Must have woke up this morning and thought, oh, it's kind of, oh, Mr. Shirt. Must have really shook him up. How was Billy? Was Billy playing? Billy Duffy?

Probably. Oh, OK. No, I think, yeah, I think they are the central. He didn't wear a shirt. No, they were all... You know, Asprey had a jacket, you know. What do you wear if you don't wear a shirt? A T-shirt?

Like, what's acceptable? I get the T-shirt. I get no top, I think, is the idea. And then you have to sit... Although you say that, how old is he? About 17 then you have to see... Although you say that old, is he about 70? No, I don't think he's that old. What I like is that Alice has grown into the role of like risen corpse thing.

You know, it used to be a bit unbelievable in the old days. I know he's really embraced it. But I have to say this. To summarise, Alice Cooper has got like the tightest band. They are brilliant. Oh, wow.

His voice is still there. Made me a bit nervous. No, it's all right. It was actually, he was brilliant. I don't know if he's got any shows left here, but honestly,

I went to support my child and I like Alice Cooper. I came away thinking, you know what? Still got it. I've got a very key question here to your experience with Alice. Okay. I want to know who these days, broadly, is attending an Alice Cooper concert. So there you are, a gentleman of a certain age with your 10 year old son who else is there I'll tell you what's interesting about

me and Buzz is that people three different people said oh you've dragged him along to an Alice Cooper gig and I said no if you're looking at the drag marks check out my campers. Yeah. No, I didn't have them on. Yes, there was a lot of middle-aged, if you're going to live to 120, couples, husband and wife teams. Okay. Wife in Alice Cooper t-shirt or maybe dyed black hair. Bit of purple?

There was the odd... A bit of purple. There was the odd... A bit of purple. There was the odd, like, fairly standard outfit and then you just pick out a skull earring. Yeah, okay. Okay. You know, it's a little bit,

it's a whiff of Camden Town. A whiff of it and nothing communicates, nothing communicates more about the rest of someone's life than the choice of the color purple not in the not in the the film and novel sense but in a lady who likes to wear a little purple yeah as a grown adult is saying some things about herself now i say this is a woman who has a purple

jumper but this is the exception that proves the rule. No? Do I seem like a purple lady? There used to be a woman who owned a paper shop, a newspaper shop, when I was a youth, called Trudy. And she always wore a purple jacket. In those days, you didn't identify people by their looks. You'd say, you know him, he wears a brown leather jacket. Everyone just wore the same.

It was like everyone had a Doctor Who uniform. And there was a load of paper kids, as we used to call them, delivery boys. And there was a couple of West Indian kids who, from the days when they were first generation, so they still had the West Indian accent. And they used to call her Trudy La Purple which I always thought was lovely yeah Trudy La Purple says and it's just because she always saw the boat it's a beautiful poetic description of her Trudy was not very um aging goth at all I'm not so let me let me be clear i'm not saying that purple is always aging goth i'm saying that you never find and i hate to genderize it but this is it tends to be more of a

female thing than male i i have seen many a woman whose thing is that they wear purple okay but i've never encountered a woman whose thing is i'm always in green it's it's always purple okay and then of course there's that poem like when i'm an old woman i show wear purple which is sorry not my favorite piece of poetry well old women when i was a child used to have purple hair quite um you know the purple rinse was a well and now it's coming back but but in a kind of I'm aging but aren't I cool way. Yes. A light pink, a light purple. I'm good for that.

There was a woman I met as we got off the boat. It was a woman who had come up from Birmingham with her. A woman I would say was probably, what, late 30s, maybe. She had totally totally totally pink hair of course she did but she had the Alice Cooper t-shirt and she was talking about you know she'd been to see

Motley Crue not long ago so he does fit into that rock crowd but he brings the nannas along with him well he brings adventurous nannas that's Frank's demographic just FYI adventurous nannas along with him? Well, he brings adventurous nannas. That's Frank's demographic, just FYI.

Adventurous nannas? There is a... Do you want to explain it, Emily? I believe it was a woman. Did she once date you, perhaps, Frank? No, I don't think she did. One never knows. She was a friend of yours.

But she sent in... She'd been to school with you or something. She sent in an email about knowing me in the past, enigmatically. Hello.

And her email address was Adventurous Nana. She's probably just stepping into a walking bath as we speak. Now, we're not live today, so don't text us, but we have a whole archive of recent things that people have sent in about the show, because some people listen to the show on the podcast and stuff. So, Sarah, what's in our archive? What we've got here, Frank, is last week we were discussing,

I believe you brought up the old ghetto blaster, which I heard that phrase fresh for the first time, which was fun. Well, you didn't even know it had reached England. Yes, of course. It feels like such a sort of urban American moment, delighted to hear that it had crossed the proverbial pond. So we heard from Colin, who wrote in to say,

Dear Frank, no sooner... Can I stop you? I wish you'd said Colin. Because that's an American thing, isn't it? No. Colin Powell. Colin. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm glad we're getting into this Colin Powell exception. Really? Okay. Colin is the rule. Okay. Colin was doing his own thing. Can you imagine? And then what would you have done? Would you have made fun of me? Well, I've never made fun of you.

I'm a guest. I'm here. I want to be liked and you would have just thrown me under the bus for a giggle. At least it would have been a greyhound boss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would have been a greyhound boss. But, to be fair to Colin, Colin, sure. I think if I was going to be fair to Colin. Colin, sure.

I think if I was going to be, he was like the head of the US Armed Forces or something. You don't want to be called Colin Powell. Because Colin Powell is that slightly older guy in sales who's been at the company for ages. He's got quite, he's a nice bloke, he's got quite bad dandruff. Oh God, nothing worse.

That's so interesting. Why Colin, now that dandruff. Oh, God. Nothing worse. That's so interesting. Why Colin, now that I'm thinking about it, fresh? Yeah. Because I've never heard it independently of Powell. Yeah. It is a... He's just a tension seeker. I think...

Didn't he pass away recently or have I completely invented that? Well, like you say, a tension seeker. Oh. I think Colin probably thought... Look, I know it's Colin, but it sounds a bit like Conan the Barbarian, if I make it... Because you'd never have got... It's clever, isn't it?

There would never have been Colin the Barbarian. No, no, there would never have been. It is clever, though, because it makes you... When you do that with your name... Yeah. ..add a little quirk like that, it It's clever because it makes people have to think twice when they say your name. When Harry Webb adopted the stage name Cliff Richard, he was very careful not to have the S on the end.

So when people said Cliff Richards, and he'd go, no, no, Cliff Richard. And so he got an opportunity to say it twice, and so it stopped. Although nannies still say Cliff Richards. Yeah, they do. But, you know, you can please some of the people all the time, et cetera.

Okay. Anyway, what's Colin got to say? I'm going to tell you what he's got to say. Dear Frank, he begins, no sooner had you mentioned the former trend of carrying a ghetto blaster on your shoulder than I see and hear a man walking across the square today outside King's Cross Station in London,

lugging his huge stereo player and belting out his favorite song. It's back? Baby, baby, it's back it is back please tell me this guy had a purple rinse oh if only he had but no what what colin continues to say is either your psychic although i'm not sure the catholic church allows that or he listens to your show life imitating art cheers colon well i i think know, there was a theory, a critical, literary critical theory in recent times of the death of the author, that you don't need the author. That if Shakespeare hadn't written his plays, someone else would have written them was the theory.

I'm not into it. Are you into it? I think in this, I think I'm just feeling the return of the ghetto blaster zeitgeist. And then I'm expressing it and now this guy is just getting the wave a little bit later than I am. But it's happening. It is becoming acceptable to listen to your music without headphones. That we can all share in whatever moment it is that you've decided you want musically yes i have a theory that masks and headphones were a tangly difficult combination and that's how this began all right mr shirt exactly There'll be more social theorising from Frank Skinner after this.

We're just sharing some previously dot dot dot topics we've covered last week actually on the show. We and some of your correspondents, we talked last week, do you remember, guys, about embarrassing sort of inadvertent phone calls?

Yes. Yeah, it's that, for example, when you think your phone is off and it isn't, you carry on talking. That kind of thing. Ali. Hold on, I'm just checking my phone now, just in case. But that's what it's like. As soon as someone mentions it, you have to check your phone.

Yep. Ali has messaged us or written to us I should say I was once accidentally caught singing along

to I was born under a wandering star in full Lee Marvin voice when my hands free in the car answered an incoming call without my noticing

okay apparently it was impressive when played to the office on speakerphone in the car answered an incoming call without my noticing. Okay. Apparently it was impressive when played to the office on speakerphone. See, I wouldn't have a problem with that. That unlocked this memory that I genuinely had suppressed, which was approximately 20 years ago. I was riding a bike home

down one of the bridges in New York City. So just having this moment, I'm 23, I'm riding my bike, and the Liz Phair song, I think it's Liz Phair, where she goes, I am extraordinary if you'd only get to know me. And I'd been rejected by some dude, and I'm riding my bike down this bridge just being like,

I am extraordinary if you'd only get to know me. And someone else rode right past me. And that very private moment was overheard. And I blocked it. And it just came back. Oh, wow. I'm sorry about that. Thanks so much.

I was, this isn't quite a phone call thing. But it is a phone thing. I was in 1130 Mass one Sunday morning. And my phone went off. My always treble tip. We won't be in there. I haven't finished. I haven't finished my phone went off. My always treble tip. We've all been there. I haven't finished. It went off and at the time my ringtone was

three lions. Oh my god. So you was all going a bit Colin Powell. I don't often get embarrassed but it was like I was being folded and then folded again. You know that how many times can you fold a piece of paper? It's like I felt being folded and then folded again. You know that how many times can you fold a piece of paper? It's like I felt like that.

I wanted to grow small. Oh, man. Just pathetic. I changed my ringtone on the strength of that experience. I can see why you would. Emily. We've also had, well, we've had an Emily get in touch with us. Emily Jane Smith.

I was once put on hold on a work call and started to tell my colleague how gorgeous the man's voice was and guessing what he might look like. Suddenly he said, Emily, when you're on hold, you can't hear me but I can hear everything you say.

Oh, wow. Yeah, that could have been the start of a beautiful romance. Yeah, that could have been like that David Niven film, A Matter of Life and Death, when the pilot's crashing and he's talking to this woman on the thing and then when he goes to heaven he says, I want to go back because I just fell in love and they send him back.

Oh, spoilers. The whole film is about whether or not they send him back. A matter of life and death. I'm going to get the Niven estate. Oh, awful. back i'm sorry i'm gonna get the niven estate will be uh oh awful frank skinner frank skinner this has been a long thing of mine that songs that have things in parentheses or brackets afterwards i always find that why why did they bother having interesting it's like that lack confidence in the entire concept what they've done if they've missed out on the it's um Cliff Richard actually they've missed out on that opportunity because if they'd have called it LSF people who've

been saying what is the other Kasabian's on LSF what does that stand for and then it got a bit they'd have got a bit of a buzz going on. But no, they give us the whole thing. Yeah. Showed us the working out. They're over-explaining. That's why, you know, you never see them anymore. Is it?

Are they done now? It's because they've been done? I've no idea. It's quite a statement. I'd better not say it. There might be a rush on their shares. Also, we're Absolute Radio. No, no no they'll always

be big on absolute right they may be massive i don't know it's you know it's been a strange time for us all oh sorry i played my it's been a strange time card which should get you out of anything nowadays you can't that's what i was thinking about when we got when we were talking about mr shirt before i was like is the rage that led to Mr. Shirt just about the strangest of the time? Yeah, everyone stayed in. So now he's yelling Mr. Shirt at a fan who paid money to see you. But you know what? The legacy of that, I will now be yelling Mr. Shirt for the rest of my life.

But Mr. Shirt probably dashed from work. That's why he was in a shirt. Oh, I know. That's the thing. It was so innocent for him. It's hard to get to at the O2 for a lot of people. It's expensive. Let's be honest, Ian. I feel I can call you Ian. I think you can.

Quite intimately acquainted with one of your colleagues. True. I feel it's not true. I'm taking your word for it. You're not at the Underworld or one of these gigs now. It's expensive, an O2 gig. People are going to wear shirts. Because, yes, people are coming from their job in the city, perhaps.

Exactly, yeah. And they've got a shirt. And the guy's took his tie off and his jacket. Thank God. Oh, my God. If Mr. Shirt had had a tie on, are you kidding me? I tell you, if Mr. Shirt had become Mr. Necktie. Oh, God.

I think he would have leapt from the stage. Like a full body tackle. Craziest animal. Mr. Necktie! As he said, this is what gigs are like now in the 21st century. All right! The 21st century. The 60 and all.

Late review of the 21st century. Yeah, Ian, the rest of us have sort of, you know, we've become acclimatised, mate. I'll be straight with you. See, can I ask a quick question? I will. Ian Astbury. Astbury, yeah.

Does he... What's the hair like now? Well, that's a good point. And I have photographic evidence of this because I was so shocked. Because I thought he was a short-haired guy for about eight songs. Oh, boy.

And then he started messing with what I thought was a microphone, what we used to call a Madonna microphone, but what young people call a microphone. And he started, I realised he was adjusting a man bun and then suddenly there was a cascade

I feel ill I feel physically nauseated while behind you your producer is sort of like fanning herself as though she finds

it quite attractive she likes the bun no no no no no no well he looked very you know Neil Oliver

the historian, Scottish guy who has those very long black hair, does lots of shots standing on mountains. Yes, not doing it for me. No. He's on our, because I recorded one of his series and Buzz saw it. He said, what's that thing with Loki? I said, no, that's not, it's not Loki.

It's a historian. When the hair came down, I mean, no, that's not... It's not Loki. It's a historian. When the hair came down, I mean, I just... How can I ask this delicately? Was it an Andre Agassi vibe you got from it? It was... It was luxuriant. I just...

It's not... I'm going to show you the pictures, but really, it was like a different... You know, I got excited about that quick change artist at the circus the other week. It was like that different... You know, I got excited about that quick change artist at the circus the other week. It was like that. Similar thing. But from a sort of barber's point of view.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Sarah Barron. We are not live, so do not text the show. You've been told. I've got two exclamation marks on my announcement sheet. Follow on Twitter and

Instagram. That's okay. At Frank on the radio. We put a picture of me the day I looked good. The one day I looked good. And also email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk We've had a response by by the way, Sarah, to Frank's looking good.

Yes, we have. Oh, yeah. Really kind people have been, Frank. Oh, that's nice. I like kindness. Pauline Atkins. I think it might be my age, but my first thought was,

those shoes look comfy. Yes. Well, it's the width, you see, as has been established, the camper width. I'm going to start saying, oh, it was a camper width, so why? It was a camper width shoe. I'm going to start, when I was in the car this morning,

the driver said one of those, you'd get a bosh through there, this guy was sick in a long time. I'm going to say, wait, that's a camper width. Either side there. The best unit of measurement we've ever heard was on, do you remember Frank? Big Brother. When Lady Solve,

what did she say, Lady Solve? She said, a cat's paw. What was it she was talking about? It was food and someone said,

how much of this do you want? Just a cat's paw. Just a cat's paw. Yeah. An elegant use of language. Frank, I also, you know,

from a place of love I want to correct you. I don't think this is the only day you've ever looked good. Okay. I think it's a day you nailed a new look. Okay, fair enough. Okay? Okay.

None of this self-deprecation. Come on. You know, this is a new experience for me. There are people actually, when they walk in the room, going, wow. Hey. Yeah? So I have a little story that I wanted to get into, a little something I saw on the news, if I may, Frank and Em.

So in daylight robbery news, classic, classic category of news story, a customer at an Italian cafe got so angry about the cost of his espresso that he called the police. So this customer, he tells the police. So this customer, he tells the police, and I've really practiced this pronunciation. Are you ready? Dita Artigianale.

That's good. The Dita Artigianale Cafe had charged him two euros, so this is a pound seventy, after making his decaf espresso, but didn't display the price clearly on the menu at the bar. So this is where the rage comes from.

The owner of the cafe, which is in Florence, where the local price on average is one euro, so it's almost double the average price, was handed a thousand euro fine by the police, and his comment, his defense, quality has to be paid for. Yeah. Okay? And he's not wrong.

What I love about this is that the call to the police, he actually followed through on making that call. Because for me, we've all been in a rage. I'm an enraged lady, so it's a very familiar feeling to me to be like, the rage is checking. But by the time I'm hitting the second nine out of 999

or whatever the Italian equivalent is, by that second nine, I'm going, all right, I need to calm down here. But this guy's like, no, no, no. We're powering through. I'm calling the police. I want this guy. He goes that far. And I also anticipated the police would say, yes, yes, sir. Well, we'll powering through, I'm calling the police, I want this guy. He goes that far. And I also anticipated the police would say,

yes, yes, sir, we'll look into it. Put the phone down and say, honestly, people. They arrived and they find him. But what I liked was the man, the cafe man, did what I would call a rant on social media. And the gist of the rant was, I opened this cafe and it's very highly priced coffee

because I'm going for the very, very best stuff. He said, this coffee that I got the man was from a small plantation, 1600 metres in the Chiapas region of Mexico. Right. Don't reveal the magic, mate.

I don't want to know how it's done. But he said, I started that. He said, and now this man has gone to the police. And I've had to, can you believe, he held up the form he'd been sent. And I thought, let me get this right. We're supposed to, in this battle, we're supposed to side with the guy

who was met a feature, a feature out of overpricing. That's his thing. That's what he's going for. We're supposed to think, oh, what a shame for that guy who's met a feature out of overpricing his goods. He's been caught out.

I'm with the pedantic angry guy. I think I am with the pedantic as well but what I really also like to picture how long has it taken for those police to come? And what is the dynamic and the small talk and the energy between cafe owner and angry patron as they wait for police to arrive? The question that haunted me

was this guy phoned the police right? How angry would he have been if he'd had a caffeinated espresso? SAS. Now, I really, we were talking about this Florence, well, it was in Florence, wasn't it? It was Florentine. It was Florentine. And what I liked, I mean I loved everything

about the man that called the police, as you can imagine Frank and as you may be going to learn so I identified with the man that called the police It sounds like all three of us are sort of more into the pedantry than the overpricing But as you said it's the following

it through, the whole thing going that far so wild he committed respect he called the police and imagine how thrilled he was when they turned up oh was he though you see that would be when i think oh should i have called the police no but but this this is the guy who does it and the guy who does it i think and i again i say this with some bit of respect and and being on his side self-reflection which is what you just sort of gave us frank is not part of this guy's makeup you're not thinking a lot about your choices you're following through on your it's a question to you both.

Have either of you, I'll ask you first, Frank Skinner, have you ever invoked the I'm calling the police? That question first to Frank Skinner. Oh, so dark, potentially. You know what? I don't think I ever have. Okay. I think the worst thing I've done in that kind of, a thing that when I heard myself say,

I felt I immediately went from in the right to in the wrong was I was at a I had a party this is a long time ago but I had a party at my actually not that long ago a guy was just

drunk and annoying and was annoying some people who I liked and weren't really able to cope with his annoyingness and I'd said look you need to go you've just got to go and I knew him a bit and as he just get out and it was really got quite heavy and as he left

and I said yeah you know what I'd never never come back that's how it had got by the time we got to the door and then as he went I I said, get this. This is when it switched for me. And I said, and that applies to my other properties as well. And suddenly I went from the good guy to the bad guy.

In a breath, Frank. Oh man, I'm ashamed. And that applies to my other properties as well. In a breath, Frank. Oh, man, I'm ashamed. I'm truly ashamed. And that applies to my other properties as well. And were you overheard by Kath? I was overheard by God. That was my problem. Do you know what I like?

It's very Lord Grantham in Downton Abbey. It's how he'd see off some ruffians. Clear off! Oh, it was bad. Anyway, so I've never threatened to call the police. You're not the type to say I'm calling the police because it's a big crisis, BK. Also, in Italy, I'd be worried that they...

You know, if you see the police in Italy, I'd be worried they might steal my partner or something. Mafioso. You're saying mafioso? No, I'm not. I'm saying they're all like really sexy and that the Italian police. Oh, in that way. Where was I?

Oh, I recently, I did for the first time, I did stand up on a cruise ship a couple of weeks ago, which was its own thing. But for this reason, I flew into Lisbon. And let me tell you what.

Okay. The people, the gentlemen's working in like airport security in Lisbon, holy mackerel. I mean, I'm not saying they've got anything on Frank Skinner and his new look today, but those are some cutie patoots. Yeah.

Well, good to know. Nevertheless. You should do a traveler's guide. I'm not saying there was a great joke at the end of that sentence, but I'm just informing people lest they want to know. Nevertheless. You should do a traveler's guide. I'm not saying there was a great joke at the end of that sentence, but I'm just informing people lest they want to know. I have never, ever called the police, Em. Have you said, I'm going to? No.

Have you threatened? I've never. I'm not a threater. I rage. But I'm more likely to repeatedly slam a door than threaten. I'm feeling in the old comedy rule of three that Emily has at least threatened to call the police. Emily, have you yourself threatened?

Hold that answer and we'll find out after this. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were talking earlier about whether we were I'm calling the police types. And something tells me both of you feel perhaps that falls to me, that label. I was guessing. I can feel it off you. Can I tell you what I used to do when I was younger?

Again, I'm not proud of this. There's a habit. I'm not proud of this. But I would say at a horribly precocious young age, I think I might have heard this in a film or something i would say i'm oh no i would refer to a lawyer because i thought that sounded i think on some level i think i'd heard it or something in dallas or something yeah so i would say um i will speak to my parents lawyer i would say i don't even know if they had a lawyer.

That's like the girl in the John Wayne version of True Grit, which is my favourite film of all time. He's always threatening people with, like, lawyer daggered. Who is this? And he turns off at the end eventually, but she's always saying I will get lawyer daggered to come and sort it out. Yeah, I just think, I thought that sounded more frightening.

Yeah, well it does. Just at sort of parties. It's terrifying. Teenage years, if anyone was misbehaving. It didn't really work. But generally with the police, I have actually called, I think, I remember we called the police when a friend of mine was staying at our house

and we had a tent in the garden and some local ruffians, they stole something out of our tent. We called the police then. Oh, OK. So that was for... I think that's... They stole our Walkman and our pink dungarees. My father!

Oh, really? Pink dungarees. Were they making a children's TV show on the cheap? Play school presenters down on their lot. Well, I'm sure there's plenty of them around. Yeah, there you go. I was going to say, and this story takes a slightly dark turn, but I'll try and get it out of the hole.

My father called the police once, and I know I'm talking to a very dog-friendly crowd. My father is not a dog person. And when I was like 12 years old, I was rollerblading from the end of the road. A lady called out like, get off the pavement. My dog hates rollerblades. And I sort of as a child, you know, a 12 year old sort of pivot onto the grass to stop myself. The dog charges at me, jumps out of my stomach, bites through my T-shirt. So I have like a little scar to this day.

Wow. And I'm sobbing and there's an adult yelling at me and I'm a child and, you know, and I'm like, I'm not hurt. But in fact, skin was broken. My father finds this out as someone who already doesn't love dogs, which we now understand my dad does like dogs. What he doesn't like is a certain kind of dog owner, which we now understand. My dad does like dogs. What he doesn't like is a certain kind of dog owner, which obviously this lady personifies that kind of thing,

and went knocking door to door within like a two-mile radius until he found this woman and the dog and got the dog taken away. Oh, what? Can I just say, thank God we're using the youthism taken away. Yeah. No, it was taken, I think.

Oh, maybe it wasn't taken away, but that's what I was told as a child. Of course you were. Dark turn of a story. The tortoise is hibernating. Okay, okay. Okay. Yeah, let's do that on Absolute Homicide,

our sister channel. Wow, that's, yeah. My partner came in and said, I've been rot, rot, cat. She said, I was running on hamster teeth and a dog has just bitten me. And I thought, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she lowered her running trousers. Those were the days. Oh, there we go.

And there was blood running down her leg from this bite. And I said, oh, God, what did the owner say? She said, it was a woman. And I showed her and she said, well, he's never done that before. Oh, my. I said, imagine trying that. Imagine. If you were a defence lawyer.

Yes, this man killed a man with an axe in a McDonald's. But to be fair. To be fair. He's never done that before. First on. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. So this comes from Tom, who has written in to say,

Good morning, team. I was listening to this. Good morning, Tom. Good morning, Tom. I was listening to this week's podcast whilst reading an article about the Queen being shown around Chelsea Flower Show by the president of the Royal Horticultural Society, Keith Weed. Oh, come on. Oh, man. No.

He's very unwanted in our circles. As I read this, I thought, what a strange name for the role. And then you were discussing nominative determinism does mr weed have to resign now this has come to light i think if anything he digs his heels in and says i'm the only one for the job um yeah the nominative determinism of course is as we've often mentioned on the show and your name seems to have some effect on what happens to your life so he's the president of the it's called the bomber harris was a good example yes the rhs i believe it's called and i know this because i came in this morning and i

had a tag on my bag and the girls on the show i think they thought I was being a bit... I was sort of being a bit boastful. Oh! I had, you know, one of those tags, like the Ascot tags? Have you seen them on bags? And it said on it, Royal Horticultural Society Chelsea Flower Show, here's the killer, after hours. Nice.

Emily, you're so fancy. Here's the weed killer. If only they said after flowers. Oh! I was invited. I went to... I was invited via a charity called St Mungo's, which is a wonderful charity, but I went there...

This is the Chelsea Flower Show. Chelsea Flower Show. It's a wonderful charity opposed to some quite rubbish charities. There are some rubbish ones, I've got to be honest. Let's not go there. We'll put them on our website. They do horticultural therapy for homelessness, which I approve of.

Anyway, I've never been. It was my first time and I, oh, I loved it. There were a lot of men which I liked. Interesting. With those sort of Panama which I liked. Interesting. With those sort of Panama hats. Oh, yeah. You know?

They love a Panama. Oh, it's a no from me, but can you say a no? The thing is with those Panama hats, there's a certain, you look inside and the label says Panama hat. It's a real brand. It's a copyrighted brand. I thought it was a sort of genre, but it's a real brand. It's a copyrighted brand. I thought it was a sort of genre, but it's a brand. There was a gentleman with a pink shirt, of course.

Mr. Shirt? What a week he's had. That well-trodden path from the Chelsea Flower Show to Alice Cooper Live. I've got to be off in a second. Can you keep an eye on the delphiniums?

Yeah, I'm seeing the cult at 7.45. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio. So, me one. Anyway, Chelsea Flower Show.

Over at the Chelsea Flower Show, with the elderly gents in the Panama hats and the pink shirts and the delphiniums, I ran into Kerry Godleman there. Are you familiar? Brilliant. Huge fan. We love her.

But her mother... I'm obsessed by her mother. She started... Old Mar Godleman? Old Mar Godleman? I love Old Mar Godleman. She's saying to Kerry, you and me, we should do a podcast. Kerry's like, no, Mum, no.

Okay. And then she starts... She's picked a moment, actually, to ask you, Chelsea Fowler. So, you know, when she's got the pollen in her... I loved her. Because she was, she had the Frank Skinner approach to honesty. And she said... I'm nervous.

It's okay. I think this is okay. What did she say? I think this is okay. Kerry said, oh, you know, Emily does the show with Frank Skinner, Mum. She's a fan. But what she said, she put a little caveat in there, which I liked.

She said, do you know, I really started to like him once he started playing that banjo. You know, I said, I've never found the police. It's a ukulele! I know, I know. But I like the fact that it was that. It's that, yeah. And Kerry said, oh, she likes all those George Formby stuff.

Oh, well, see, I've... But I think the phrase, I really... I think I can hear the creaking door of her bath. I got the sense that she thought you'd cleaned up your act. Yeah, I think that, yeah, she should not maybe not come to my edinburgh show oh no you're not doing the blue well you know it creeps in i look i mean i'm fighting it no i don't think it should be fought no i should be embraced i can't listen

to it i um oh i'll tell you you know why um i said i went to the O2 to see the AC this week. That was my second visit to the O2 in consecutive nights. What? I know. Can you imagine that? No, I can't imagine. That much travel. It's just too much. Did you take a boat both times? I did, and I'd actually written in my diary, O2 times 2,

which sounds like something that Einstein would write in his diary. But my son was in a thing called Young Voices. Shut up. Which is half the O2 is school children in these white T-shirts singing. Okay. And there's a stage in the middle, and the rest is just adoring parents. Okay, that's sweet. And if you hear, like, whatever it is,

a few thousand schoolchildren singing like that, you know the sound effect they use for a locust attack in old films? You know that sort of... It's like... Honestly, I was rushing to throw a tarpaulin over the crops when they first started. I was waiting to hear. See, the tears coming down. You know when you hear children's voices.

It was great. Yolanda Brown was on, you know, the sax player, and they did Lovely Day. Lovely Day. Bill Withers. Do you know Bill Withers? Yeah. Oh, but thanks for the tip.

Thanks for the warning so the yeah the kids did the day so you can go lovely day lovely day

and yeah oh man and at the end of it I lost three fields of corn anyway it was great it was great. It was great.

Did you feel moved? I was going to say, did you cry? Did you cry? I think I did cry at one point. Yeah. You didn't cry. Yeah, it was very, very moving and really good. And no one shouted, you and your Mr. White T-shirts?

No. No, no one shouted that. I'm glad to say. So look, anyway, can I say, and I'm going to, series five of my poetry podcast starts on Wednesday. You can download Frank Skinner's poetry podcast wherever you

get your podcasts. Sarah, it's a joy having you in as ever. Thank you so much. Emily, it's always a joy having you in. And thanks to our readers for listening to us this in. And thanks to our readers for listening to us this morning. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise,

we'll be like... And if the creeks don't... Oh. You can do it. I can't do it. Goodbye. Goodbye. This is Frank Skinner This is Absolute Radio