The Frank Skinner Show - Not the Weekend Podcast - 16 Feb

Episode Date: February 16, 2011

Frank, Emily and Gareth talk about their favourite ghosts and Frank reveals the inner workings of his new John Wayne clock.

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This is the Not The Weekend podcast. I'm Frank Skinner and I'm with... Emily and Gareth. And Gath. No, no, no, leave. It's done now. We don't have time to go back. I'm sorry. Why did she say my name? Why not?

So this is the... Yes, you know what it is. We talk about what a shock. What about the Denise Van Outen shock? What's happened? I don't know. I forgot all about it. She's supposed to be, you know when I was interviewed a few weeks ago for OK TV

and I said it was being hosted by two good looking people. That, Matt Matt Johnson. Yes. And him and Denise Van Outen. He goes out with the lady from the one show, Alex,

thingy me Bob. Does he really? Yeah, yeah. She's done well for herself. Yes. Beautiful face, thin legs.

So anyway, he, she, Denise. She's gone, she's out. She's out. She's Van Outen.

Why? That must have been a headline in the tabloids, was it? It must have been. Yeah. And she'd said one of the great quotes. You know when they have a quote setting it up? She'd said one of the great quotes of all time. They asked her about the fact she was in

OK TV and she said, I have a huge appetite for all things showbiz. I know how she feels, but that's another story. Well, it seems she's gone on a very sudden diet. Oh, I love that quite a lot. It's the best thing ever. So did you feel like they were down, like, underselling it? Because, you know, calling it OK TV.

OK TV. Yes, I know you may. That's what they're going for. But there's never been one that's been called Brilliant TV. Do we really know why she's left, though, Frank? Well, I don't know yet. I thought you'd have some insider info. She's going to be your waxer.

She's going to be my waxer, but we haven't spoken beforehand. I think you don't speak to your waxer beforehand. It's like seeing the bride the night before the ceremony. And Daisy, who works for us, was just saying before we came on air that now Kate Middleton has to go through with the marriage because they've made a coin. As if that's going to be... As if that's the only reason.

That's the deal-breaker. But then, as I was saying to her, they did say that apparently Princess Diana's sister did say that to her the night before the wedding when she was suggesting she might have some reservations. She said, it's too late now, your face is on the tea-tail ducks. Oh, dear. Which I think was a rather brilliantly bitchy thing to say

and I think I had to get along with her very well. I think you would. I imagine she always had reservations. No problem, she'd always get in. Yeah. Well, obviously what OK TV should have done is they should have had a coin made with Matt Johnson and Denise Van Outen. I'm not saying it would have been a big seller.

But at least they'd have... Funny profiles. I don't think I would have liked that. You think they've got funny profiles? Well, no, not... I just don't think they look regal enough. They look a bit like OK TV presenters. Not right for coinage, Frank. Well, I don't know why Denise Van Outen look a bit like OK TV presenters. Not right for coinage, Frank.

Well, I don't know why Denise Van Outen would look like an OK TV presenter. Because she ain't one. Maybe she wanted to be heads and not tails and that's why she's walked.

Do you think that was the old head-tails argument? I bet that split up a few on TV teams. Yeah, apparently that's what happened with Adrian Charles at the one show. He wanted to be Tails.

Big thing about it. Still, this one put Rob Bonnet on the baby. I've got the clock set up. That's the big news of the week. Of the John Wayne alarm clock. Well, cuckoo clock. I'm not aware of any alarm

facility on it. We should explain, Frank. We should explain, shouldn't we? Just a bit of back-reffing here. You're going to give the back-story on the John Wayne cuckoo clock. It's not a lengthy back-story. All I'm saying is... You say that.

Go on. No, I'll just tell some of our listeners who may not know, we bought, we being the team, bought Frank a John Wayne cookie clock for his birthday. There you go. It was something I'd seen in one of those magazines that you get in the free tabloids at the weekend. We've all looked at them, you know,

like with a cat on and stuff like that. Crying baby Amy. Yeah, exactly. You have the option to pay in instalments. Yeah. Over time. like that. Crying baby Amy. Yeah, exactly. You have the option to pay in instalments. Yeah. Over time. All that. By the way, did you pay in cash or did you pay in instalments?

Why do you think it was a bit late? That's what I'm saying. It was a bit of a, you were the first ever cash buy for one of those things. I spoke to Annora this week. It was her birthday. 70 this week, would you believe it? God bless her.

And she said to me, I said, we were talking, and suddenly in the background... And she said, what was that? I said, that was the John Wayne cuckoo clock. She said, oh, our Amanda said she wanted one of those. No. Yeah? You actually know someone who wants one of those.

Exactly. We were on the verge of purchase. I said, it's a bit plastic here, I'll be honest with you, but I love it. Who's our Amanda? Is she friends with our Trish, your pretend sister? No, no, she exists. Our Amanda is my niece. Oh, okay. I finally found my niece. Oh, good. Yes, anyway, it's a beautiful thing, the John Wayne alarm clock. One of the first things I noticed that really excited me is I set it up and I was waiting for the hour. Because it only goes on the hour. It's not a quarter horse.

And I sat there and it went I don't know that. I don't like that car be right. I thought, you know, I had a look. I thought maybe a bit of polystyrene left in the throat. Or Daisy's gone down the market to get it. Rubbish. So anyway, then I spotted a look, I thought maybe a bit of polystyrene left in the throat. Or Daisy's gone down the market to get it. What's happened?

Rubbish. So anyway, then I spotted a volume on it. So I cracked it up. The next time it went, oh, my God. I mean, it was like I felt like that suffragette that ran in front of the King's Wharf. It was like, absolutely, changed the whole thing. So what happens is, before it goes, you hear...

Oh, it's all got a bit Kenko. Then the thing goes. John Wayne, he stands at the bottom, he lights up. There's a little John Wayne figurine. Yeah, he doesn't come out, though. Well, that's not what I've heard. Well, not on my clock. He lights up, so he's silhouetted in a saloon.

Oh, I love that he's silhouetted. That's so romantic. But the saloon itself is sort of strangely dark. It's almost like John Wayne owned a saloon. Everyone had left and he's just clearing up at the end of the night on his own. Having a nightmare. And suddenly the horse turns up. It's like he's heard the horse

and he's come out to see what's spooked him. Anyway, and then... Does the horse go into the saloon then? It's like my big fat gypsy wedding. It has a separate door. But it also looks like a saloon door. It looks like it might be coming into the living quarters after a night out but um i mean i don't i love john wayne which is where obviously all this john wayne i think when i first realized he was my kind of guy

i discovered that he had his car customized so that he had the section over the driving area raised by eight inches so that he could wear his Stetson when he drove. And I thought, now, this is my kind of guy. And the closest I ever got to John Wayne is I went out with a very attractive California girl. Oh. And she was actually formerly a surf gymnast. Oh, dear. Do you know what a surf gymnast is?

No. I didn't when she told me. Is it a meal with prawns and gymnasts? Surf and gymnasts. No. Gymnasts, they do like this synchronised surfing. And they hold girls in bikinis above their heads as they surf. Oh, like when the World's Strongest Man picks you up.

A bit like that, but they're on surfboards. OK, yeah. And I think they have handles on the bikini bottoms to avoid any mishandling. Yeah. But what a marvellous image of youth, freedom, burgeoning sexuality that the surf gymnast is. Anyway, I went out with this surf gymnast, and she was telling me that she and a fellow... Oh, I've gone that underwater mark still.

Throat. She said her and a fellow surf gymnast were coming back from a display in a speedboat, making their way along the coast, both still in their bikinis. It's a hot California day. And they said, oh, that's John Wayne's place over there. And there was a jetty and some people getting into a boat, leaving. John Wayne there seeing them off.

I mean, imagine the excitement. And they watched the boat go away and John Wayne was still standing there. And my friend, Kath, I was going to say, it's a very attractive... Ice Blue Eyes. It didn't go that well for us. No. It was a difficult moment.

Ice Blue Eyes sounds like The Terminator or something. Yeah. Now, she was lovely, but she referred to Nick Hornby's fever pitch as a novel. Oh, no. I understand. That was the end. But as they went past, he said they went, Hi Mr Wayne. And he went,

Hiya girls. And I've always lived with that moment of him standing on the jetty in the sunshine with two bikini babes going past in a speedboat and him waving. That's the cuckoo clock I'd like ideally. Instead I get dollar, as he's called. I don't even know which dollar it is.

Oh, was there more than one? Well, there was a dollar spelt D-O-double-L-O-R that he used to write in films. Oh, OK. And that's Spanish for pain and misery. Is that right? And then there was another one, D-O-double-L-A-R. So I don't know.

For all I know, I might be celebrating pain and misery on the hour. But, Frank, has it been a nice... David Vendee could come out. To raise bazaar. So I don't know. For all I know, I might be celebrating pain and misery on the hour. But, Frank, has it been a nice... David Van Dyke had come out. Therese Bizarre. Has it been a welcome addition to your life? Oh, it's been brilliant. Do you like it? I love it.

I get... It always, you know, I'm still surprised by it. That's what I like. It's still, when it happens, I'd kind of forgotten it was going to happen. Yeah. So, no, it's brilliant. I've been woke up by Ethan.

Well, generally I'm woken up by Ethan, because he comes in that morning. What, on some sort of cuckoo attachment? The door's open and he comes in. No, he woke up on Wednesday, woke up at quarter past three in the morning. Right. Which was...

Isn't that normal for babies? No, that's really early. Normal for me. And that's really early. And because Laura had to work, I had to take him away to get him back to sleep. Well, he's woken up, so he's jumping on us. So what I do in that situation is put the telly on and try and, you know...

Oh, there's bad telly on at that time. It's all QVC and things, isn't it? Well, I have, like, Sky Plus' Charlie and Lola. That's his favourite. That's a bit depressing, Frank. Charlie and Lola's really good. Four in the morning, kids' TV on. Oh!

It's not. Is the kids' TV not on early in the morning? Nickelodeon and all that it doesn't start i think it starts at six or something like that well they haven't done their research of that surely yeah um but that was keeping him awake so then i tried the antics roadshow because that's really good for getting him to sleep because i can say that yeah it's very lulling didn't that didn't work so eventually i put Wally on the film I know it and that was like

interesting enough to keep him sat down because he wasn't interested in the Antics Roadshow no but sort of I'm going off just hearing about it

it's really surprised it didn't work it's yeah he went to sleep with Wally on right it was good

well we've had a text in actually Frank we haven't had one Frank with Wally on. Right. It was good. Well, we've had a text in, actually, Frank. We haven't had one for ages. We haven't had a Gareth Doakes. Fully deserved. I'm getting sleepy. That was really sending me off. It's quite warm in here, to be honest.

I don't know. Do you want to hear about Andy? Oh, it's hot in here. Do you want to hear about... It's getting hot in here. Don't sing the next bit. I'll just have a little nap. Okay. Andy, oh, it's hot in here. Do you want to hear about... It's getting hot in here. Don't sing the next bit. I'll just have a little nap.

OK. Frank, Andy Robinson, talking of sleep and clocks, Andy Robinson has texted into the show saying... Well, here's to you, Andy Robinson. Apparently Jesus is very fond of him. Is that right? Yeah. Hi, Frank, Emily and Gareth. I've just finished listening to the Midweek podcast

and you mentioned about the snooze button being the work of the devil. I completely agree with this, as the snooze button entered my life at the same time as my wife, who was a snooze fiend. I am now addicted to snooze. Well, Frank, you'll take a dim view of that, I've no doubt. Wasn't there a Robert Palmer song called Addicted to Snooze? That would have been good, wouldn't it?

If it had all beautiful girls lying in beds just hitting their alarm things. No, I think it's a really bad, dangerous thing. It brings about a lazy mind. It brings about the urge to put things off. You know, you can put too many things off in this crazy old life of ours, and the next thing you know, you're dead.

Well, Frank, I took your advice last week. No, not that. I decided to put... Did it give you hiccups? Yeah, it was fine, though. I decided to plug the phone in on the other side of the room. Oh, my God, Frank, it's brilliant. I shot out of bed.

I bet you did. Oh, I did. And then there was no point going back. I tried to go back to bed. After I'd done that, I was up. Oh, no, don't ever do that. No, but I felt so full of self-loathing. But once you do that once, that will always be an option. Going back to bed, you have to see, it's as a dog returns to its vomit.

It would have been literally me returning to my vomit in the old days because the bed was covered in it. It was like hundreds and thousands on a cream cake. Oh, that's good, though. Now I think you've improved my life. I'm so glad I've improved. If we could all just improve each other's lives just a little tiny bit, just imagine what a wonderful place this would be.

And I don't know much about history. I don't know much about biology. No, a little tiny bit. Just imagine what a wonderful place this would be. And I don't know much about history. I don't know much about biology. No, a little bit. I know that osmosis is the passage of a solution. Well, what do you know? How are you on trigonometry? Less concentrate solution. I don't even know what it is.

So I don't know. What is trigonometry? It's a mathematical formula. It's about triangles. Yeah, it's pi and all that stuff. It's not the study of cowboy horses. Trigonometry is sine, cosine and tangent. Sure are.

Sock a tower. Sock a tower. Sock it to me. That's what I say. I say, that's what I say. Frank, let's talk about ghosts. Let's talk about ghosts, baby. Let's talk about you and me.

Shut up, it's disgusting. He's going all funny again, Frank. Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that. No, but did you read this thing about Thorpe Park? I really enjoyed that story. They're building a new water slide at Thorpe Park and apparently they've had to move it because there's been a ghost. There've been headless monks.

What? A flume? Yeah. Do you mean a flume? Do you mean a flume? I don't know if it's an actual log flume. I love a flume. That's what Diane and I used to see. She was always on the flume with the boys. When they were called the boys. Yeah. With the Planet Hollywood jacket. Love those. I've got a planet hollywood jacket have you yeah brown

leather london london you can get them it took off anywhere i had helsinki people think they want to be different you know what i mean yes i mean this there was love the one time I cried at Diana's funeral was they played the Christopher tribute, which was lost in the great wash of the morning in a way that Elton John's wasn't. And they had a shot of her on the log flume at Thorpe Park with the boys, really, really laughing. It brought tears to my eyes.

It made me very sad, that. If there's a ghost on the log flume, I know what my vote would be for. No, it's a headless monk. Oh, well, it's not her. No, that's not her. A headless monk on the log flume? Was he headless when he got on?

Have they cleared up that overhanging girder, which I warned them about the last time I went on the... Is it the Benedictine log flume? I've been on that one. If you're going to have a ghost, let's have a headless monk every time. Because at least I think there's a strong sense of identity. I don't like the sheet ones, the white sheet ones. They're rubbish.

They're rubbish. Cheap old sheet. That's a mad idea to hold. I don't know about the headless monk. It's a terrible waste of a tonsure. I like the monk with a head. But I suppose, you know, we're all different. Maybe in the hot weather. Did you say tonsure?

Yeah. Oh, what a great word. I love that word. Is it the first time it's ever been said on anything to do with absolute radio? First time in my life I think it's ever been. Someone's actually said it to me and I haven't read it. An old script. I think I had once heard Ben Jones

say, you know, the reason I always wear this baseball cap. I don't know. Maybe I've made that up. I like a little girl ghost. Oh. You know, when you're exploring the old house. Oh, no. When you're exploring the old house oh no when you're exploring now yeah okay you explore in the old house and the little girl says oh don't go in there it's haunted and then you go

in and she's with you and showing you around so we're not your therapist it's an odd thing for a ghost to say it's haunted as if that's uh as if that you know as if it's none of their fault of course it's haunted. You're here. But then you don't know she's a ghost. But then at the last minute she disappears. And then she was a ghost all along. And then you find out that a little girl died there

and the ghost was the little girl who died. They all say things like, Mummy, Daddy, Mummy. I know, I don't like that. I like scratching Fanny. What? Scratching Fanny was a famous 18th century... It was all fun while it lasted.

It was a famous 18th century ghost. A talk sport looking for DJs. Have you not heard of Scratching Fanny? I've heard of it, but I think we should talk about it. Yes, he used to. I can't believe it's a well-known 18th century ghost. It was a well-known 18th century name, Gareth. I lost out on a role as Fanny by Gaslight.

That's another story. Yes. Frank, shut up, Frank, and just carry on. Fanny Burney was a famous 18th century writer. Yeah, Gareth absolutely lost it. He's actually moved his chair over by the door to get away from us. Fanny Burney should have tried the cranberry juice.

That's my advice. Shouldn't have gone so near the gaslight. No. It's all gone wrong. Anyway, this woman had died, they thought, from, I think, smallpox or something. Or scratchy fanny. Scratchy fanny.

Then she came back, ing, not e, I-N-G, not Y. And she used to communicate with this young girl by scratching the sort of masonry. Are you all right, Gareth? Carry on. OK. Sorry, Gareth. She was scratching at the masonry. Yes, exactly.

So the girl would say, Fanny, were you poisoned? Two for yes. And they'd get... Oh, like a chef on lino. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly like... He had, exactly. Yeah. Exactly like...

He had more clicking. Oh. But, yeah, so... And it got to the point where the whole of the house, all outside the house, the street would be full of people. I'm not going to tell you now what the name of the street was. Oh, you couldn't tell?

No, you have to tell. No, I can't. You have to. It was cock lane. It honestly was. You can look have to. It was cock lane. It honestly was. You can look this off. It's all authentic. The reason I know about it is because they called in Dr. Johnson.

He found it by mistake. I think you'll find. No, Dr. Johnson was, as you know, is a great hero of mine, Samuel Johnson. He was called in to adjudicate as to whether it was a genuine haunting or not. Scratching Fanny. Yeah, and he decided that the girl was doing it with her foot. What's that? That's quite a trick.

Well, the other thing is, well, the girl had said... Look, this has all gone a bit Chris Moyle. The girl had said that she'd seen Scratching Fanny. Yeah. And that she said she had a shroud on. Yeah. And she also had one classic error.

She said she didn't have any hands. Oh. Well, if you're going to do a hoax... Yeah, get some hands. I'm always confused by the shroud. You know, you get... I think my all-time... Well, a mummy ghost.

It's a mystery. Is a mummy's not a ghost, though? Do you get mummy ghosts? I don't think they're... Well, I suppose they are. They're just mummies. They're risen spirits. But you don't imagine them walking through walls.

Mummies are a bit like a zombie, aren't they? Oh, yeah, OK. Yeah, a bit like a zombie, exactly. I'm putting them in the zombie category. I think Gareth's right there. Sorry, Frank, as you were. I think my favourite ghost is the Victorian gentleman velvet frock coat. Oh, yes.

I mean, the generic ghost. Yes. Takes scratching fanny as the individual. My favourite. But I never understood... You know when we talked about invisibility the other week, and I said you'd have to be naked because your clothes wouldn't be invisible. Yeah.

What happens? The velvet frock coat, how is that returned somehow from the dead? And also, he only gets to wear one outfit all the time. I mean, I know Gareth's worn that cardigan six days in a row now, but still. I think it smells to a point where he could

walk through a wall. Just the vapour would do it. No, I don't think I'm so much a ghost, more a zombie. More like a mummy. No, but how does his attire... Why did the clothes come back from the dead? Well, that would imply that the attire itself was ghostly. Yeah, it doesn't

make any sense. You need something as a signifier that you're from the past. Well, the problem is, if your clothes weren't ghost clothes, you're a ghost and you're wearing real clothes, you're trying to walk through a wall, you're able to walk... If you can walk through a wall, you could... If you suddenly bolted for any reason, you could run through your own clothes.

They'd end up behind you in a pile. I mean, it's... Now I know why they go for the sheet. It just makes life a bit easier. I'm getting to a point now I'm starting to think they don't exist. But, you know, they used to get people there that when they got loads of people

and they all would look at the little girl to make sure she wasn't doing anything. And obviously sometimes she couldn't scratch without being seen. No, the girl that used to say she could communicate, she was the Okora figure in this. And she used to say, oh no, Miss Fanny's angry.

Which meant that she was sulking. Very convenient, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah. That's true. Well, this will calm us down. I've spent a lot of time on the train this week. Well, this will calm us down. I was, I've spent a lot of time... Is it value? I've spent a lot of time on the train this week.

Oh, OK. And all the things you see on the train. I was, there was a lady sitting in front of me. And she was, she had a, she was probably about 50 years old, wearing a big fleece, tracky bottoms. OK. And seemed like she was... Was this a train thatce, tracky bottoms. Okay. Was this a train that was moving sheep? No.

Okay. That makes you admit a terrible error. Okay. And she had a sticker book out. Sorry, you sound strangely distant. Is your microphone on? You talk about ghosts and then you get a bit of a sound thing. It's a bit unnerving. Yeah.

Yes, so she had a sticker book out. How old was she? She's 50. I like that you're so definite. How did you know how old she was? She's 50. Yeah, between 50 and 60. 50 and 60, she had a sticker book.

Yeah, she had a sticker book, which is odd. Well, there's something funny about it. Let me a sticker book. Yeah, she had a sticker book, which is odd. Well, there's something funny about... Let me gas. Pokemon. No, not Pokemon. Was it Susan Boyle? Let me gas, I said then. That's a Freudian slip.

Honey, my gas light. Yeah, I'm still thinking about the gas light. No, it was the second Harry... Well, it was the most recent Harry Potter film. Oh, right. There's a sticker book of that. Yeah, there's sticker books of everything, isn't there? Sticker book of an Harry Potter film. Oh, right. There's a sticker book of that. Yeah, there's sticker books of everything, isn't there? Sticker book of an Harry Potter film.

I don't know, I've never done a sticker book. Do they cost a quid each? I say a quid each. Yes, I think it's awesome. I'm still getting over it, how good it is. Appreciate it. And I was a bit cross, because I haven't seen that film yet. And she's just flashing lots of screenshots of the movie in front of me.

Oh, God. And I don't think you should, you know, have pictures of a film that people might not have seen. What you wanted was a spoiler alert. Yeah, a spoiler alert for the sticker book. Fair enough. But, you know, I got over that. I just decided, because I saw some characters I didn't know were in it, and I thought, you know. But then I got over that I just decided Because I saw some characters I didn't know were in it And I thought You know

But then I got over it And then I was confused That this older lady Was doing stickers Why was she doing stickers? And she was doing it In a very organised way Which you're like

A grown up Doing a child's activity She might have been An ex-con Because they do things Like that in prisons Don't they? Oh do they?

Sticker books No but just things like that Instead of passing I think you've got sticker mixed up with wicker. I think they make a lot of baskets. Is that the... Yes, I think... Okay.

And she had... So she had a pencil case. She had a pencil case full of the stickers that she kept the stickers in. Yes. And she had a sheet of paper with the stickers, the numbers of the stickers in. Yes. And she had a sheet of paper with the stickers, the numbers of the stickers she needed. Were you in the luggage rack above her?

No, I was sitting... A lot of details. I was sitting opposite on a table. You know, you share a table. Oh, you were on the same table. Did she have it all laid out on the table? Laid out. Was it slightly encroaching in your half of the table?

I don't like it when that happens. Oh, I hate that thing. No, she wouldn't dare. Oh, a big old man like you. No, she wouldn't dare. Oh, a big old man like you. No, the first couple of screams, she kept away. And eventually

she filled in the whole book. Blimey. It was all full up. Then she got some wrapping paper out and wrapped it up. Oh, well, that explains. Oh, it doesn't. Who would you give that to?

A child. A filled-in sticker book. There's no point filling up a sticker book and giving it as a present. It's like giving an empty pen. Yeah, the fun is putting the stickers in. Well, is it not? The child wouldn't even know there'd been stickers. So, you know, just think, oh, she's bought me a look.

Well, that's nice. It's a nice bought me a lot well that's nice that's a nice present a book well just buy an actual book then don't do a diy book made of cheap old stickers i'm worried i mean i'm worried about this story there might be a reason the child couldn't do the stickers and then you know i hope you feel pretty proud of yourself about that could have been like did you say she didn't have any hands, the scratching fan here? Yeah, but she's not going to be doing... The chances of her doing sticker book gifts to an 18th century ghost is slim in the extreme.

Well, a ghost couldn't put stickers in. Maybe it was a present for a ghost. That's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. Or maybe Emily's right, it's for a convict or something. It's for a convict? That's an Australian turn of the century prank. It's for a convict.

Who uses that word anymore? A convict. What, an old lag? Are you? They use sticker books as currency in jail. If I was going to buy one for a convict, I wouldn't put the stickers in. Stop saying convict like it's normal. You said it and it was a bit weird.

For long time I didn't mean. Because they'd be glad there's something to do with the stickers. You don't want to have given them all that. Well, exactly. It's an odd thing. It's like giving someone a colouring book that you've coloured in. It's true. But again, they might not even notice.

Yeah, a crossword puzzler book and you've done all the crosswords. What about that? What about that for a nightmare gift? I must admit, I played with Action Man till I was about 16. Did you?

So I do know the urge to hold on to one's childhood activities. And I still have my mittens on a length of wool from one sleeve to the other to this day. No, but I used... I still put money in my glove, do you? I do, I put money in my glove. You do? I do, yeah. I do play...

I did play childhood games until I was quite old. Like I played agents. You'd ring up. You'd pick up the phone and you'd go, yes, I think we've got a lovely actor here. We used to do that all day, me and my sister. Sorry, that is not a childhood game. And we'd pretend to smoke as well on the phone. It was terrible.

We pretended to smoke. Yeah, we pretended to have a cigarette going, I think I can get her for the audition for three o'clock. Bye-bye, thank you. And we played agents. Did you have your spectacles on a lanyard? You could have played journalists and then there would have just been a crossover where

you just actually became a journalist. There you go. Are you a journalist? I'm a journalist. I'm a deputy editor in Star magazine. I learn something new about you people every week Deputated of Insult and Star magazine. I learn something new about you people every week. You called it Insult magazine. How dare you?

That's me scratching. That's not Hanny at the door. I ordered it for an hour later. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Working towards a mintier world with Dreamer Soft Mints. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Working towards a mintier world with Dreamer Soft Mints. Absolute Radio.