The Frank Skinner Show - Not The Weekend Podcast - 16 March

Episode Date: March 15, 2011

Frank, Emily & Gareth discuss a right royal fashion incident & a rather awkward celebrity insult.

I've got about 10 seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top draw comedy nights near you thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there too. I've run out of time though. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Sponsored by Treeball Soft Mints. Absolute Radio. Hello and welcome to Not The Weekend Podcast with Frank Skinner, Emily and Gareth.

Hi Frank. Hello. On to the auspices of Absolute Radio. There you go, I've already said auspices and no one noticed. Yeah, I'm so pleased they've opened some auspices. It's really lovely work they've done. I think it is a nice thing. and hospices. It's really lovely work they've done.

I think it is a nice thing. Because they pump it all into the 38-year-old man in the black t-shirt, but what about the elderly that listen to them? Yeah, and once you've got them in, they can't turn it off. That's the good thing about them. Yeah. Well, I've always said that. So have I.

So we've arrived. Well, actually, talking about the elderly, we have had a text in haven't we during the week out from someone who i think sounds like he could be quite elderly yes well you're guessing yes from the nature of his well partly from his name um his name is bobby nickel bobby is a very old school name frank okay sounds like he might be a gangster bobby nickel from but it is though isn't it you'd call yourself rob now yeah i suppose you would yeah not many bobbies nowadays bobby uh bobby brown yeah it won't be from him though i don't think so no he's got other fish to fry i see

is that what he does now i wonder what happened to him i wonder if he could do me a couple of scallops. Bobby Nickel tells a tale. A few years ago, whilst at the local rubbish tip, dump or whatever you want to call it, I saw a little black square box. Oh no, that'll be the flight recorder. Oh no. When I got home, I couldn't believe it. When I opened the box, inside was an old gramophone and a collection of old 78 records,

including Glenn Miller, Al Jolson, Jimmy Shand and numerous other artists. Also inside was a... Jimmy Shand. At last, Jimmy Shand has been mentioned on an Absolute Right to You podcast. Do you know who Jimmy Shand is? I bet you don't.

There used to be a Scottish programme called the White Heather Club I think it was called. And it all used to be people singing things like, well I've just come down from the ale, I've skated, I've and Jimmy Shand was Oh, I vaguely remember that. I think he played the accordion.

But I could be wrong about that. But how marvellous. That's a great find. As a setting to this, I should say to any But I could be wrong about that. But how marvellous. That's a great find, though. As a setting to this, I should say to any new listeners that we talked a few weeks ago about things we've found in skips and on tips. On the dump, yes. On the dump.

Trawling through rubbish. Also, inside was a tiny tobacco-type tin and inside a few dozen needles. It's got the whole set. It's all gone a needles oh got the whole yeah I put the old crank handle in and turned it around a few times she wouldn't call his wife then all of a sudden I was listening to an original recording of in the mood by glenn miller oh why would someone that moment in the glenn miller story oh that's that's it oh that sound that's it why would someone want to throw this out is beyond me but it's my game because as they say finders keepers losers weepers well as they did say 45 years ago. Oh, Bobby.

Do you think it's the black box from Glenn Miller's plane? No. I don't think you say finders, keepers, losers, weepers about stuff at the dump, though. No, you don't. You don't lose stuff. They've fallen into my trap. They'll miss this.

Yeah, dumpers, weepers. That just doesn't work. Oh, I'm quite pleased with Bobby, though. It's a great find. Great find. Great find. That happened in 1936. Oh, well, fair enough.

With the absolute system, that's how long it takes for our text to come through. Well, they must have put it there pre-eBay, because who'd be foolish enough to cast aside a Jimmy Shan 78? Yeah, Alec Lone Miller. Yeah. And who was the other one? Was Al Jolson. Al Jolson.

A bit much loved by Ava Braun. Yeah. Nice costume. Adolf Hitler's wife. Yeah. I said it wouldn't last. Yeah. Well, it's a lovely story.

Well, actually, Bobby's not the only one. What worries me... Yeah, can I just say, is there any chance that flying over that rubbish tube, say, in a helicopter, a week or two before, was a DJ who was on his way to a Remembrance Sunday disco. Oh. And that dropped out and he's looking for that. And Bobby telling us now, Bobby's going to have to hand it back.

He's in danger of that. It might have been Noel Edmonds. Yeah. Because he likes a helicopter. Yeah, that's true. He does like a helicopter, and he plays a lot of Jimmy Shams. Otherwise, quite a high-budget disco for veterans. Hold on, this box, did it say £5,000 on the inside of the lid?

It's all fallen into place, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, no. Poor old... Poor old Noel Edmonds. I'm sure Noel listens. Spent all that time on his beard. Now he's not on very much

except for Deal or no deal Deal or no deal is what I would say If I was flying over Kent With a nuclear bomb in my aeroplane Oh, anyway He does cosmic ordering, doesn't he? He's got everything he wants On the internet, is that how you do it?

No, but he must have his life. He says it's exactly what he wanted. How do you do that? He's got a new wife, makeup artist, 37. He's got a... I think everything's in order. I bet she has to put some work in on that beard. Well, it makes sense. Marry the makeup artist.

I love the fact, though, that as he's aged within, the hair and the beard has remained exactly, I mean, exactly the same. He's going to get older and older and the hair and the beard will stay fabulously the same. I wonder, if he does use a dye, and I'm not saying he does, but let's say he does,

I think it might say on the packet, Golden Retriever, because it's that sort of shade, isn't it? Don't you think? I think Golden Retriever is one of his cosmic orders. I told you before, I'm sure, when he was staying at our flats and I saw him when I left. I don't remember that. He stayed at your flat? He's not in my flat, in the same block.

And I left and I saw him going across the car park with a holdall all dressed in black like the dairy box man, whatever they call him. Oh, yeah, yeah. He had a box, did he? He looked like he had a bit of a... Oh, yeah, he had a black box and he was homie. By the way, when I left this morning, when I left my flat,

I left at six o'clock. No, actually, I did. I left at quarter to seven quite early. OK. And Mohammed on the front desk says to me, no, it's not fair. You look nice in the morning. Not like on those pictures.

Did he say that? Talking about the faces for radio. Oh. Yeah. Even he's seen it. Yeah. He often sees me first thing in the morning. I've seen it.

You're very prominent around Waterloo, I've noticed. Yes. I must go on a diet what else well we had another on the subject of dumps we had a we had um a text or email it's actually an email i think in from kathy who said um the best thing i ever got out of a skip was a monsoon maxi dress. Sorry, Emily, but I couldn't resist. As a result, I can't wear it anywhere in our neighbourhood for fear the dumpy might recognise it on me now. Would that be a bad thing, though, if they're dumping? Yeah, she'll just have to keep it for special occasions. Yeah.

Like weddings. It's a bit like when, I think my mum got my sister something and then she gave it to Cancer Research, and they decided to put it on the dummy in the window. So she couldn't run from that. No. Although I think what she didn't mention is when she found it in the skip, it was on a human being.

With the head missing. Sewed up the slash down the side. It's all perfect. Yes, exactly. Well, that came off with the J-cloth and up the slash down the side. It's all perfect. Yes, exactly. Well, that came off with the jaycloth and a bit of dental. Yeah. Well, that's a great find, though, isn't it? Yeah.

Would you wear a maxi dress out of a skip, do you think? No. Is it the skip or is it the monsoon? What's putting you off? There's an awful lot going on there that worries me, to be honest. No, monsoon I have no problem with. Okay. Actually, there's some nice pieces.

The skip, not so much so. No. Not loving the skip. It wouldn't put me... If I saw something in the skip that I really liked, it wouldn't put me off. I don't like second-hand shops, though, Frank. No, I don't.

I'm a bit phobic about other people's odours. It's not so much that. They make me think of death. I always imagine that someone's died in those clothes. Yeah. Yeah. Absolute. Absolute mortality.

That's the new station. They just talk about death, play a lot of death-based records. Frank, I know we've had a lot of texts and emails that we're just reading out that's all right i love it but there's another one that i just think you have to hear because well gareth and i liked it which is there's um been an email in from ben scott oh yeah and the subject line of the email is celebrity caught me slagging him off well you can imagine my delight yeah i'm liking the title a lot so ben scott says was in a hotel in london and andy taylor from duran juran was at the bar oh yeah dressed like a bit of a plonker okay when was this set 1975 1936 the first one this one

these have been lying around quite a while, these emails. They were originally sent to the Light Programme. Yeah. So he was dressed like a bit of a plonk. This is the BBC in London. Oh, actually, no, they're not emails, they're telegrams. Oh, that changes everything. OK, Andy Taylor.

And he was being a bit of an idiot. OK. The next day, unspecified, the idiocy, but nevertheless, the next day I was sitting in the hotel bar telling a mate about how ridiculous he was, using some fairly fruity language, and really slagging him off.

Then we suddenly heard from the next door booth a really slow, loud hand clap. We looked around to find Mr Taylor less than impressed. I'm loving the slow hand clap. We looked around to find Mr Taylor less than impressed. I'm loving the slow hand clap. What a weird response that is. I haven't heard a slow hand clap, in fact, probably since the 80s.

Andy Taylor thought, well, I need a response that's suitably 80s. Was he drinking a Tia Maria? What a weird response that is. How brilliant. But also, what a weird person to take objection to. I mean, he's all right. He's got that funny little ponytail. No, but if you do, I mean, if you saw a celeb misbehaving,

you wouldn't be able to resist telling the story. I don't know about you. I never check the next booze. I just go for it and open the desk. No, exactly. I tell you what I really want to know there from Ben Scott is what happened next? Please, please tell me now.

How did Scotty respond to the slow hand clap? Did Andy Taylor say something? Well, he leaves that mysterious. He says it was very embarrassing and funny at the same time. But that makes me think... That's life, though, isn't it? Well, he leaves that mysterious. He says it was very embarrassing and funny at the same time. But that makes me think... That's life, though, isn't it? Well, exactly. Perhaps they both saw the funny side.

But was the Sir Hank and angry? I'm assuming it was. Oh, yeah. Yeah, very angry. I don't think he was saying, can you speed up this criticism a little bit? I'm desperate to get to the end, the coup de grace. No, I think, No, I think he was

expressing disapproval. It was his contempt, yeah. Totally. I went to see Blind Spirit last week at the Apollo in Shaftesbury Avenue. And a man came up to me after and he said Oh Frank, Frank, can I

have your ticket stubs? He said, They're great for autographs. And I said, OK. So I gave him my ticket stub and he went off with them to get them autographed. Oh. I didn't ask for mine. Can you believe it? He's actually got something to get signed from me.

Did he ask for a pen? He did ask for a pen. I thought I would have put it right up his nostril. That would have done some damage. I wouldn't be surprised. So what were you saying, Frank? You got lost or something, or you were giving someone directions?

Why do you even try? No, but I think I've said on absolute before that I have no centre direction. It's really quite bad. And I spoke to, you may know, a psychologist about it who said it's because I didn't crawl when I was a baby.

I don't believe that. It's like David Baddiel says he's got insomnia because he was born in New York. Yes, he says that. He's got jet lag forever. Exactly. That's his theory. He does look like someone who's got jet lag forever, though.

He does, doesn't he? He is. He's laid back in the extreme. Yeah, he is. But, no, that's probably... I mean, I crawled a lot in the 80s. Yeah, you did, yeah. But I never got that sense of direction back. But anyway, a very attractive woman came up to me in the centre of London

and said to me, I'm sorry to bother you, do you know where Chinatown is? And honestly, it was, I mean, I bet it wasn't half a mile away, perhaps not even a quarter. And I said, you go over there, then you go right, and then you turn left. And she went away and i went off and i thought well i was i was actually going to walk through chinatown on my way somewhere but i she was a bit too nice looking for me to say oh well i'm going that way walk with me it would have looked like i was being salacious yes i know what you mean. So I didn't feel I could do that. But as I walked back, I

saw her just seeing her walk off. So she's striding confidently. And she was on the phone, so she's probably saying, I'll be with you in a minute. It's just, oh, and she was going completely the wrong. And I thought about running after her, but I thought I might get

maced. Yeah, you might have. So I thought, well, if that's your attitude, get lost. But I felt properly guilty. I wish I'd have just said, follow the lanterns. Looking back. But it's irresponsible of you to give directions. I know, why do I do it? Can I just say, Gareth, isn't it true,

when we come out of here, every Saturday, we come out of Absolute Radio, and Frank doesn't know where he's going and whenever you say goodbye you pretend that you know you go bye-bye bye-bye and then you walk into a basement it's flat it is are you well the times i've been in the car and eventually the passenger will say are we um are we lost and i'd say yeah oh yeah we've been lost for like half an hour no idea at least you know the sat sat-nav has stopped there. But I don't, I've got used to it.

But I suppose the problem is, sometimes, by the way, I'll be out walking and I'll get lost. I phone my girlfriend, Kat, and she's on there saying, right, what shops are you near to? Can you see anything of a distinction? And she, you know, like in the old films when you're on a plane and they say there's a green lever to your left it's like that she talks me down well daisy and i did that to you in edinburgh we were going river island keep going no it's it's pathetic i just can't do anything about you need toddler reigns yes didn't he play the invisible man but? But I... When they ask me, I don't want to appear to be so stupid

that I don't know where Chinatown is, for example. So I can't... I think if I say I don't know, it'll look like I'm being deliberately unhelpful. No, I think it would look like you don't know. Yeah, and I can't tolerate that. Being honest. I won't be party to that. Who knows where that woman is now?

She wasn't wearing a maxi dress, was she? The terrible thing is, I think it's all right. She was Chinese as well. Oh. So, I mean, at least I didn't say, well, if you don't know, I didn't, you know, I wasn't like that. But that felt worse. It felt like I'd sent her away from her people.

Do you know what I mean? I felt like I'd exiled her. I think in future, Frank, if someone asks, you're just going to have to fess up. You have no sense of... Honesty is the best policy, I think. Yeah. What about if I carry a series of maps with me?

And if anyone asks me, I'll pretend I'm a mute. That would be a good thing for you. You could have a little selection of, you know, one of those little plastic holders for leaflets. Just have those on your belt. No, I haven't seen those. What are they? You know, like in a tourist office where they have a pile of leaflets and they're all... You know, when you're in the tourist office.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I'd go in the tourist office. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I go in the tourist office to find the place half a mile away. No, well... But I know what you mean about the sort of, oh, I'm going that way anyway. Yeah. Because I do that a lot. She'd have thought you were not going that way.

You've just seen me. I do do it a lot. You're an opportunist. Well, and I am an opportunist. Are you? You're joking. If someone's nice looking, I'll say, oh, I'm going that way anyway. If they're not, nah, no deal. Has it ever worked?

Deal or no deal. No, I've never actually been on a date. No. As a result of it. Have you been in an alley? We've had fun. Excuse me, miss, I'm trying to find my way home. Well, I was going that way anyway.

excuse me miss i'm trying to find my way home well i was going that way anyway so frank um i did a tv interview this week did you well i did why don't you i love to watch it when you're on telly well there's a reason why i didn't tell you there's a reason why i didn't tell both of you there's a reason why i haven't told anyone. Oh, dear. Did it not go well? Well, you could say that. Did they say, how do you sleep? At the end of it. How on earth do you sleep? And I said Xanax. No, they, I was asked to do, it was a kind of, you know, like, I think it's Associated Press and they syndicate this.

All around the world, apparently. Really? America, Canada, Europe. Oh, for dear. All around the world, apparently. Really? America, Canada, Europe. 440. So a crew came into the InStyle offices, and I'd been asked to talk about Kate Middleton's style. Because there was a few stories have been going around about her wedding dress and who she might use,

and there was a suggestion it might be the house of Alexander McQueen. OK. So who better to ask than In than in style's very own deputy editor indeed well obviously so got my blow dry always get a blow dry when you're going on telly thank i i do as well oh no sorry i carry on i got mixed up so what i meant was always get a seven pound haircut yes always get a blow dry um did my own, but it was fine. Carefully chosen outfit. Everything good to go. When I got waxed for Comet Relief,

Jimmy Carr brought his own wardrobe person, and all we had to put on was a white tailing robe. All she did was hold it and put his sleeves in. She just tucked in the collar a bit, and that was it, good night. Well, there you go. So, I chose, you know, I had everything. I was very planned. I was very prepared.

Of course. I spent some time thinking about the questions that might come up. Had sort of structured my answers, as one does. Sat down, did it. They love me, if I do say so myself. We laughed. I kept it formal and respectful, with the odd little joke. Yeah. Did you use my Kate Middleton looks a bit evil bit? No. Okay. No. Probably the best.

Everything was great. They left. I was still glowing. You know the afterglow when you've done a good little performance like that? Oh, do I? Yeah. You think great. I talked very knowledge...

I mean, it's been a while, but I still remember it. I talked very knowledgeably about her fashion sense, because I know a lot about this. I know. Sat down and realised my top was on Inside Out. Oh. There were exposed seams. No.

Yes. A bit of a label. You're joking. No. Not a label. No, a bit of a label. Yeah, but everyone now will think, well, that must be the way it's...

Well, I'm thinking that's why they didn't question me. Because the label was halfway down. It was halfway down, you know, in my sort of torso area. So it was... Oh, it was that one? Yes. Oh, you're talking about something to do with fashion and the royal family and everyone's reading your washing instructions.

And the seams, it was seams akimbo. It really was. But why didn't they say anything? Well, they thought that was, this is the new fashion. This is what everyone's wearing at InStyle magazine. I'm tumbling my cardigan inside out as we speak. I feel embarrassed that it's the right way around now. Do you think I should just style it out?

If it is shown in Wyoming, which it might be. I mean, the embarrassment. I've rung her off. I said, where is this being shown? She went America, Europe, Canada. It's going to be everywhere. Oh. Oh, it's a shame it wasn't shown in Ghana

where it seems Akimbo is quite a big star. I mean, he's done 17 movies. Well, that's quite traumatic. I know. So, Kate, what is Kate's style in a nutshell? In a nutshell, Frank, she's quite feminine. She's very... Oh, she's proud of her waist. She'll always accentuate that waist.

Right. She's got quite a trim figure, hasn't she? Wouldn't you say? She's narrow. She's narrow. She's got a long leg as well. Like our producer. I was telling her only earlier she had a long leg.

Does our producer have a long leg? She does. I've never noticed that. The problem is one short one as well. That's why she always walks in the gutter. I had no idea. Actually, our producer has quite a Kate Middleton figure, I think. Is that right?

Athletic. Oh, I don't know. I don't look her in those terms. I see her as a professional colleague. It's not Sky Sports, you know. I'd never ask her to talk in my headphones. Because it not Sky Sports, you know. Well, I give her a thumbs up. I'd never ask her to tuck in my headphones because it wouldn't be quite so sexual.

Anyway, so Kate's style... So what's my style? If somebody said to you, why is Frank Skinner's style? OK, let's do this. Let's do this thing. Do you want to go there? I think that's one of the questions

where you just don't ask something. Well, I don't think... Is it middle-aged crisis chic? No. It's Redbrick University sociology professor. Is that what it is? That's not a bad thing. Oh, not for one second. But, see, my point is that I don't have any continuity in my style.

Some days I might go for the Redbrick professor, but another day I might be sort of, you know, a bass player with the small faces. Can I just say, I think in your later years, you found your look, which is a good thing. You never want to... Well, it's not a good thing for your early years. No.

Well, then I sort of went, I think it was... Homeless alcoholic was my look in those days. Which has got, you know, which has got its own style. No, but you'd sometimes appear, I felt, in the earlier years, there'd be a loud jacket or something. Well, you remember, I was pressured... There was a fireman's jacket once, I seem to recall. Remember that high-vis thing?

I was pressured into a sports shirt as well on a regular basis, and that's never good. I do have... I mean, I like to think... Nowadays, I feel like I'm's never good. I do have, I mean, I like to think, nowadays, I feel like I'm going for a kind of a 1960s British novelist. I'm thinking I might just wear white shirts forever. Never wear, and with a tie, with a slim tie, what are you thinking? Yeah, I like that.

Good. So, let's do it. How would you describe my style? Well, Frank, I might need your assistance on this. I mean, definitely... Isn't it Blur Rhodey? No, it's a lovely... You know when Rhodey's dressed like a poor version of the band

to look like they can hang around with them and people think it's all right? They know they're not the same hotel, but they want to be at least in the same sort of Venn diagram. It's kind of... No, he could wear... It's one of the last remaining vinyl shops in camden town he works in yeah maybe yeah i can see that are we talking bondage clothing or music music he likes he likes a cardigan though yeah yeah doesn't doesn't mostly this card yes or it's an element

of clive don or trendy it I'm just putting it out there. I think he could work in a comic shop. Yes. Oh, that'd be good. That's a nice thing. That's a compliment coming from me. Yeah. Because I think they're gentle and interesting people.

I do take that as a compliment because I do look like the sort of person who would collect. But I just don't have, you know, the stickability to do it. No. No. You look like you might collect scurf. Scurf? I don't know what that is. It's that sort of white wedgie stuff that you get on your scalp. Oh, I thought it was one of David Baddiel's magazines. No, it's not that.

I think that's called surf. That's women dressed as 15th century peasantry. I never liked it myself. I can't cope with the scrofula under the breasts. It makes me feel ill. But we're all different. I don't cope with the scrofula under the breasts. It makes me feel ill. But we're all different. I don't think anyone would argue with that.

I'm scratching. It's going to be all right. Oh. That explains the scurvy. That's good. I'm loving the royal wedding season, though. Do you know what I mean? Love it.

Zara's getting married. She's not. I met Zara. I liked her. I thought she was nice. She was sort of down to earth. Was that your question of sport? Yeah, she has a Slavonic look to her.

Do you know what I'm saying? She does, Frank. Yeah. She came out well, let's be honest. She did, yeah, considering what she had to battle with. I mean, the royal family genes are not always... No. But I'd say Kate Middleton's going to up the gene pool a bit.

I think she's an attractive woman. Although, did you hear about what Princess Anne apparently had been suggesting that Mike Tindall, who Zara's intended, should get his nose fixed for the wedding? It's a bit... Have you seen his nose? I mean, it really is all over.

I think that when they throw rice, it may settle on his nose like snow on the eaves of an old house. I mean, who rattled her cage? I think that's a disgrace. Let's be honest. If we're going to talk about getting things fixed for the wedding, have you seen her wedding photos? Queen Mary hair, anyone?

She looked awful. I don't think his nose is recoverable well then if he'd said that Frank everything's fixable darling if he'd have said it's no good closing the stable door after the horse she'd have raced out into the yard in absolute panic so it's a good joke we didn't say that

it's hard to tell about his nose from this picture because do you have a picture? yeah I've got a picture here because it looks like his sort of... His head's like he's looking slightly to the side, but then his nose is looking further to the side than the

rest of his face. Yeah, isn't it? Sort of going round a corner. He puts play to that theory that as you get older you move towards the right. His nose is his head in... If you look at his face, his nose is his head in east. You can imagine like in a cartoon that he can smell bacon like at his face, his nose is heading east. You can imagine, like in a cartoon,

that he can smell bacon, like, over there. And the nose is... And the nose is going... Eventually, he'll follow the nose. And that thing where the feet leaves the ground. Yeah, it starts floating. They're just travelling on vapour. Oh, I'd love to see that happen in the royal household. Yeah.

I imagine she does a nice full English, Zara. I bet Princess Anne doesn't oh no well i mean if if that um if that hair got under the oven canopy especially when the extractor was on take the top of her head off but what would you say honestly if so you got advice let's say sandy mason gave you advice about your clothes what my girlfriend's mom yeah we don't need to introduce sandy mason she's a friend of the show and she's like it she's like a spiritual mother-in-law to me she never really i don't think you see she's lovely she's a lovely lovely woman but she does she does dress like a jedi jedi chic tattooing chic yeah and uh and uh so i i don't think she'd advise me on fashion. No.

I can't think of any. She did once say to me that I must go and see Feast of Fiddles. I didn't. It's a band, apparently. Is it? Yeah. She loves all that sort of stuff. She's very new age, but I can't imagine her telling me to get my nose fixed up.

No, she's not full of the personal. She's full of love. People get funny about weddings, though. When we, me and Laura, when we first got married, we lived in a Cardiff. We lived in a Cardiff? How many Cardiffs are there? We lived in a Cardiff.

I, look, anyway. We lived in Cardiff. We lived in Cardiff. What's the matter, you? Lived in a Cardiff. We lived in Cardiff. What's the matter, you? Lived in the Cardiff. We lived in Cardiff. Oh, poor guy. And a couple of Laura's friends, in fact,

invited only Laura to their wedding. What? They only invited Laura. So, were you married at this point? Yeah, we were married at the time. That is outrageous. That is genius. You know when someone...

Terrible. You know when someone invites you only to part of the wedding? Yeah. They invited only part of us to the wedding. That's really awful. Did you consider moving to another Cardiff? That's awful. And Laura went. Did she go? Oh, yeah, she left. Did she go? What an act of terrible disloyalty well i was appalled for a bit and then i remember how much

i hate weddings yeah and then another wedding and i mean this may explain part of it is that i killed somebody with an axe oh i hate it no i axe. Oh, I hate it when that happens. No, I was so... I felt awful. I felt really ill, so I went and sat in the car. Mm-hm. But it did turn out I had gastroenteritis, so Laura was like, ugh. But I was very ill.

But then another time, Laura just did send me out to the car again. Well, so two weddings, you sat in the car. Yeah, two weddings, I sat in the car, yeah. Why did she send you out to the car again. What, so two weddings you've sat in the car? Yeah, two weddings I sat in the car, yeah. Why did she send you out to the car? I think I was just clearly not enjoying it. Oh, party animal. Yeah, no, I'm not. Did you have a car, Tiff?

Rob. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Working towards a mintier world with Dreamer Soft Mints Absolute Radio