The Frank Skinner Show - Not The Weekend Podcast - 23 Nov

Episode Date: November 23, 2010

Frank, Emily and Gareth chat about James Blunt saving the world....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 I've got about ten seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-draw comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave, at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Sponsored by Treeball Soft Mints. Absolute Radio. Hi. Hello, and welcome to Not The Weekend Podcast with Frank Skinner. Passed by Treball Softments. Absolute Radio. Hey.
Starting point is 00:00:26 Hello and welcome to Not The Weekend Podcast with Frank Skinner via our... I want to say via Absolute Radio. I don't know if that's quite the right terminology. I'm with Emily and Gareth. We're sitting in a radio studio. There's two other people in here. Emma, the producer,
Starting point is 00:00:42 and Daisy, the associate producer. Associate or assistant? Eva. Oh, I like the way she went about it. Eva. Yeah, exactly. Now people think she's an extra on EastEnders. Yeah. Or she's a bit more Holby. A bit more Holby.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Eva, leave it. Speaking of television classics, I... They're the know the triffids no this is just just because i was watching um i'm a celebrity get me out of here where is there a special ant and deck shop where they get their clothes from because nobody else wears those like short grey slate grey jacket type things we'd like where do they get that from that's you know it's always like a black shirt like a grey yes see my waistcoat i've never seen anyone else dress the way they dress very buttoned up in a strange way way too buttoned up trussed trossed up like some sort of Christmas turkey.
Starting point is 00:01:49 I know what you mean, Frank. You're spot on. And they'll wear a sort of a baggyish dark jean with a big white train. I mean, a big white train. That's for height. Yeah. Is that what that is? Yeah. It's the Mick Jagger syndrome. But then, almost as if... I'm wondering if if they have um an
Starting point is 00:02:07 upper skeleton or if they're just um essentially just a robbery mass and they have to be so skeleton yeah and i'm wondering if they have to be held basically held together by these tight this collection of tight shirt stroke waistcoatats, a thorax of clothing. Of slight grey outer skeletal support. They tend to have an asymmetric seam of some sort running through them. And a combat theme. Combat?
Starting point is 00:02:34 Slightly fatigue, aren't they? But combat, monochrome combat. Completely grey. Why? What's that about? They seem to... It's their clothes shop. It's called Decanter. Is that what it is?
Starting point is 00:02:50 Yeah. Hints of fatigue. Well, they look like they've gone into All Saints, which sells a lot of grey and black. Yeah, gone into All Saints. Only the shop. I'm not starting any rumors. It's what I call apocalypse chic.
Starting point is 00:03:05 Yeah, and gone in there and said, do you have a children's section? And they've said yes, and they'll say, right, well, these jackets are too small for us. If we just bought them. I don't understand it. Two of everything. Yeah. She's got two of everything. It's the George Formby song.
Starting point is 00:03:21 So, look, we cannot go any further without mentioning the glory that is the announcement that there's been a royal wedding announced. Not good news in my house. Oh, God. Bad news. Why? Big bad news. Well, Laura, it's part of Laura's plan.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Her risk, her wife. People who are new listeners. Her lifelong dream to be a princess. Oh. And it's not looking good basically you managed that quite early didn't you i didn't need no prince to do that no exactly no um it was the plan that if laura ever had the opportunity to get together with prince william i would step aside to let that happen. Oh, that's very reasonable. And then we would I would be employed in some manner. Physically step aside? Yeah. And then step back again when he's gone?
Starting point is 00:04:11 Well, I would be employed. I'd be employed as some sort of help around the palace. Like as a stable hand maybe. Maybe a butler, although I'm not good at carrying things. No, I think you're also heterosexual, aren't you? You stand out like a sore thumb.
Starting point is 00:04:27 And then we would continue... Make a nice page. Can you turn a page? I don't know. Oh. And, yeah, so... And now that's not going to happen. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Starting point is 00:04:41 She's very upset. Well, there's the other one. There's Harold. Yeah, she's not into him. Harold? Yeah. Harold. Oh, Harold. sorry to hear that. She's very upset. Well, there's the other one. There's Harold. Yeah, she's not into him. Harold? Yeah. Oh, Harold. Wouldn't you?
Starting point is 00:04:50 1066. Don't you think Prince William gets him in the morning and goes, Eric! Eric! And he comes out looking a bit, how hot is it, Prince William? I can't get away from you. You dirty old prince.
Starting point is 00:05:03 I'm trapped. They're quite a sweet couple, though, aren't they, really? Who? Not Harold. William and Kate. Catherine, we have to call her now. Oh, yeah, she's gone for... Catherine hasn't taken her long, has she, to get out, to get airs and graces.
Starting point is 00:05:17 Good girl. She will get airs and graces. She will. Frank, what are we going to have? You know we need a portmanteau word for them, like Brangelina. Because you've got Catherine and William. Yeah. Cat-will.
Starting point is 00:05:27 Cat-weasel. Cat-weasel. Cat-will. Cat-weasel. Cat-weasel. White. White, it could be. William and Kate.
Starting point is 00:05:36 White. That's good. Terry. Could we make Terry white? Would that work? Killiam. Killiam. Cat-willie.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Not Killiam, they don't know. No. Cat-willie, did you say? Oh, no, no, aren't they barbed? I've heard they're barbed. No, that's Foxy's. Oh, is it? Foxy's.
Starting point is 00:05:52 No, I think that part of a cat is barbed. Oh. It's like, have you ever put an umbrella down a golf hole? No. You can't get it out. Anyway, I think there's an into bald panic. What? You know when men start to go bald, they think,
Starting point is 00:06:10 better get married quick or no-one will marry me. And I think he's done that, William. Do you think so? Well, he is going a bit. Well, they are in that family. They go bald and quick. Funnily enough, doesn't seem to have affected Harry. Almost, does it?
Starting point is 00:06:25 Yeah, so I think he's thought, I'm going a bit bald, best not hang around. Who's that girl I went out with? Yeah, who's that, Kate? Whitey Kate, they call her, don't they? Well, they did split up, so there was that slightly awkward thing during the press conference. I thought, oh, don't mention the break-up. You can't do that when they've
Starting point is 00:06:41 announced the engagement. Makes me feel ill. People talking about their feelings, people who clearly shouldn't talk about their feelings or have never talked about their feelings. It's made me feel a bit... I say Gareth looks genuinely distressed. It was awful. You know... Surely everyone's in touch. Any man will tell you you need to
Starting point is 00:06:57 build up a bit of a head of steam before doing it. Any man. Because I'm just a normal man like anyone else. He was good looking of course course, for eight months. I think it was eight months when he was at pin-up. Yeah. I wonder if we don't all have our perfect eight months in our lives. Yeah, some people peak in their teens and he peaked in his teens.
Starting point is 00:07:18 I peaked in my teens. What was your age, Frank? And, you know, I've never peaked since. That was an offer, mate. I went grey overnight. I said grey. No, Frank, what age would you say you were at your best in terms of being attractive to the opposite sex?
Starting point is 00:07:33 Oh, I'm still waiting. I think probably when I was... The eight months I was most attractive to the opposite sex was, I think, after I won the Perrier Award. Right. Not because of any change in me, but just because it became a bit of a brag to know me. Very cool. Not too mainstream yet.
Starting point is 00:07:58 Yeah, exactly. Cool. Still flying for the month before I spiralled into some bitter old. And do you know, I could have been a very, very good comic, but these people... Before I turned into that. So anyway, what amazes me is in the news reports of the royal wedding, the word commoner is still regularly used. She's not even the tiniest bit common.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Yes, she is. She is not. They don't know what common is these people. I could introduce him to some whip. Well anyway. What would they say if R. Keith married into the royal family? Oh I'd love that. I wish R. Keith had married into the royal family. Oh I'd love it.
Starting point is 00:08:38 I would absolutely. R. Keith and Princess Michael of Kent. Nothing wrong with that. I don't know. R. Keith would have to marry. You know occasionally like the Queen Mother had got a... She got a cousin or something who was actually locked in a secret asylum. I think, by some chance, our Keith would have to... Maybe if he got some cleaning work at the asylum, that, you know, it bumped into her.
Starting point is 00:08:59 I must say, I wouldn't mind going to the royal wedding. I'd be a bit of a... I'm sure you wouldn't, but you ain't going to get invited, are you? No, I think it's unlikely I'll get invited. But you never know. I think Ben Jones is giving away tickets next week. He'll be there, definitely. A competition.
Starting point is 00:09:17 That means he's going then. Well, you go to some pretty posh... Were you not at Jonathan Rossi's 50th birthday party? I mean, that's a thing that a lot of people would like to... Yes, I went last week. It was lovely, actually. It was just a nice dinner. And I saw
Starting point is 00:09:33 David Baddiel there. No. But I saw David Baddiel there. Nogget Bucket. You know, get sweet things with it. It's for your birthday. I thought you said Nogget Bucket. said nugget bucket nugget bucket anyway i thought that was your nickname for emily but i realized frank i was sitting opposite david deal and i sorry to name drop and uh i realized how blind i am because i didn't have my glasses on and i said to mawena his partner i said i like
Starting point is 00:10:02 david's shirt and i said like david's jumper she partner, I said, I like David's shirt. And I said, I like David's jumper. She said, oh, what do you mean? I said, oh, it's lovely, alpine, chunky knit, really nice. And he was topless. She said, Emily's got a black shirt on. I thought he had a chunky knit jumper. Oh, that's a bit weird.
Starting point is 00:10:19 They got Jonathan's feel quite a lot of food, don't they? Not at that stage in the evening. Guess what I got Jonathan, though, isn't this brilliant? I got him... What do you buy the man? There's just a lot of food down here. No, not at that stage in the evening. No. Guess what I got Jonathan, though, isn't this brilliant? I got him... What do you buy the man? Well, he does have everything. He does have everything.
Starting point is 00:10:31 But David got him a white top hat, which I thought was very cool. I... L-tonic, isn't it? L-tonic, it was brilliant. I got... Because Jonathan got a dog for his birthday from Jane. I understand you're not supposed to give people animals. If it's your partner, you can.
Starting point is 00:10:49 This is for his wife. Oh, no. I've given... I mean, I bet I've given Kath, my girlfriend... Well, there was a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, I remember, which was just left on the balcony to waste away. A slender loris, again ignored. And a tapir.
Starting point is 00:11:10 So never again. Three strikes and you're out. That's how it is with animal buying in our house. This dog's lovely. It's a French bulldog that he got. So I felt sorry for the existing dog. A burl dog? I felt sorry for the existing dog because I thought he'd be a bit jealous.
Starting point is 00:11:24 So guess what I got him? A mirror? A day in the Harrods Pet Spa. He gets a facial, an oatmeal scrub, and a pedicure. Oh my God. This dog has a higher quality of life than me.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Yeah. Well, that's not hard. Oh, no. I mean, I grew up with dogs. When I grew up, we didn't have leads in our house for the dog. That was the key. Because we never took it for a walk.
Starting point is 00:11:50 We just used to put it out. I think leads was founded as a corporation in the 19th century. You didn't even have leads? We didn't have a lead. We just let it out. We didn't buy dog food. It had scraps. What did it eat?
Starting point is 00:12:04 Scraps. Or it would go and bark outside the butchers until he threw it a bone. So you never gave it an oatmeal facial scrub? Not deliberately. The idea of dog pampering gives me the shodders. It's like when you see pictures of them dressed up. You know those pictures?
Starting point is 00:12:24 Those are my favourite pictures in the world. Dogs dressed up? Yes. Oh no. Well sorry. But anyway it was a lovely, it was a special evening. I'm sure it was a special evening but Anton Dexey's pictures of dogs dressed up I'm thinking oh where could we get that outfit?
Starting point is 00:12:40 Perfect size. Yeah. Little tutus. Keep your degree out of this. So, um... Oh, hold on, I'm having another scratch. I've started scratching a lot on air just lately. What is that, do you think?
Starting point is 00:12:56 Oh. OK. So, there was a thing in the paper about only, only... Is it children? Children? Children? Only child? What's the plural for only only, is it children? Children? Children? Only child? What's the plural for only child? Children.
Starting point is 00:13:10 Only children? Only children. You can't have only children. That's like what it says on the invitations to birthday parties. Only children. Only children. Okay. Do they still put the balloons on the door? Yeah. Good. No, they can't Do they still put the balloons on the door? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Good. No, they can't because that attracts bad things. Does it? Mm. Well, garlic. They fill them with garlic. So anyway, apparently there's your only child and your only child. I want to know the plural now.
Starting point is 00:13:42 Somebody can you send in and let me know the plural? Only children. Only children. Only children? It doesn't work, does it? Yes. So if you met two people and one was an only child in one family, you could say they were only children.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Yeah, we're only children. No, I'm not having that. You think it should be only childs, but it's only children. I think it might be only childs. Doesn't need a day break. That's a new ITV show, Only Childs. Pardon? It's his new... He's doing a Sunday night TV show, isn't he?
Starting point is 00:14:12 I believe he is. I'm doing it in January. Don't tell everyone. Sure off about it. So apparently they're happier anyway. Only Childish people. Is this because... So they don't have to,
Starting point is 00:14:26 they have no competition? Well, that's the idea, I think, is that you get all the attention in the house. I mean, I had two brothers and a sister. And that's not counting the whippets. No, but because it was a three-bedroom house, obviously my mum and dad had one room.
Starting point is 00:14:42 My sister had to have a room on her own because she was a girl. So there was three of us in one room. Was our Keith in there? I was in bed with our Keith until I was about... I know, until I was about seven. And then we got bonks, which I must say was a very special... You got what? Bonks.
Starting point is 00:14:58 B-U-N-K. Yeah. So was that a language barrier? Goodness me. Yeah, we got bonks. What do you call them we don't say the o like the u ok we got we got banks
Starting point is 00:15:13 we got banks but I had the feeling Frank bonksy they called me forgive me for saying this it's not a bad thing because I think I'm the same as you in that I think you can have an only child oh I know what you mean now doesn't feel that. I think you can have an only child. Oh, I know what you mean now.
Starting point is 00:15:27 It doesn't feel right, only children. But the personality of an only child without necessarily being an only child. So, for example, like, I don't like sharing my sweeties, if I'm honest. No, well, that's not what I've heard. I love attention. It's one of my favourite things. Well, I know that and I'm thinking of a third quality
Starting point is 00:15:49 well that's alright but yeah I think there's no rule of three on the only child discussion oh okay but I generally think and I think you're similar in some ways
Starting point is 00:15:57 yeah I well because there was quite a big gap you see my brother was well not when we slept together but there was a there was a he used to
Starting point is 00:16:03 he used to snuggle I didn't like it, but he was the biggest. We had another UO problem then. There was a, no. No, I'll tell you something about the bunk beds. I got the top bunk. Oh. And so I had ladders.
Starting point is 00:16:22 And, you know, that was quite a big deal. That, to me, was the most elaborate toy I ever had. Ladders up to the bunk bed. Whenever I went up, I never, ever got into bed up the ladders without doing a soundtrack. So I'd say, I knew I'd go to bed now. When I went up the ladders. And still now, as an adult, if I ever climb ladders,
Starting point is 00:16:44 I find myself... the ladders. And still now as an adult, if I ever climb ladders I find myself... But I did have the rather horrific experience of the urine slammer. What?
Starting point is 00:16:58 Well, we had a bocky in our bedroom. What for? Well, because we had outside toilet. Right. And in the night... I don't like the way this is going we had outside toilet right and in the night i don't know the way this is going that's a long walk in the night right so um i once told tony blair actually that we had a bucket in our bedroom and he said what for and that was an awkward moment anyway my brother and and my both my brothers well, the oldest one started drinking. And obviously, when he started drinking, he'd go out and have like 10 pints.
Starting point is 00:17:28 That's not our case. As men in the West Midlands do. Now, this is our Terry. Our Terry. And by then, the bucket was, well, it runneth over. So one night, I think I can tell this story. I'll keep it as clean as I can. I got up and I wanted to use that bucket.
Starting point is 00:17:43 And I picked it up. And it was a bit on the slippery side. I'll be straight with you. And full heavy. So it slipped out of my hands. And you know a tequila slammer, you hit it on the thing and there's like a... So a ball,
Starting point is 00:17:59 a ball of... a swirling ball of urine was emanated from the surface and hit me straight in the face. Now, had I been an only child, that wouldn't have happened. No, that's true. So, there's a plus. This article was about saying that only children are often happier. Only children you're happy with.
Starting point is 00:18:22 But it's not, that's not the question about only children. It's not how happy they are. They are weird. Really? But you've got a brother, haven't you? Yeah. I know you were run over.
Starting point is 00:18:34 I can only remember the reason. You were run over, weren't you? Oh, well, that's fair enough. But also, with a brother like yours, don't take this the wrong way. You almost are a lonely child. No, but just because he's not of this world the looks are talking about my good looking brother yeah he's not of this world looking
Starting point is 00:18:52 brothers oh i don't know the other they're a bit older they're both i thought you only got one brother there's another one i didn't know that oh god is this like the is this like the Queen Mother's coffin. Joel. Where is he housed? Where is he housed? He lives with my parents in the attic. How old is he? He lives in the attic. He does actually. Oh, no, he doesn't.
Starting point is 00:19:13 We used to live in the attic, me and Laura, when we lived with my mum and dad. Did you? Well, the nuts is occupied. Sorry, so he does live with your parents? He does live with my parents. How old is he? But he's married.
Starting point is 00:19:24 He lives in the room. He lives in the room. He lives in the room? Joshua's old room. They've moved up from Penzance, my wife and his... Joshua's old room? And Jericho? Sorry, you're telling me lots of information but not answering the question. Joshua didn't have a room in Jericho.
Starting point is 00:19:42 How old is he? How old is he? How old is... No, I think he got a room there after. Did Answering the question. He destroyed Jericho by marching around lots of times. How old is he? How old is he? Oh, I don't know. No, I think he got a room there after. Did he? Yeah. That was why he did that. He turned up there.
Starting point is 00:19:51 There was no room at the inn. Room at the inn. Wait, this is getting very confusing. Yeah. So, your brother is married, but he lives in the attic of your parents' home. Oh, it's like the Waltons. Well, it's more like Anne Frank, isn't it? Why does he live at home?
Starting point is 00:20:06 Because they've moved up from... Did he stage his own death? Is it like that canoe? You know that canoe bloke? Who was the canoe bloke who staged his own... Oh, he's one of my favourite people. Did he do that for tax purposes? He didn't move in with his parents, though, when he died.
Starting point is 00:20:18 No, he had a bit of class. South America. No. Or something. Yeah, where did he go? I'll tell you something. Panama, was it, or something. Or something. Yeah, where did he go? I'll tell you something. Panama, was it, or something. He went to Panama, and then she met him over there,
Starting point is 00:20:30 and then, oh, they made a terrible mistake, and they got rumbled. Did they update their Facebook status? Yeah, they did on the internet. They took a picture when they bought a house, and they said, can we take a picture of you to show a new client how much you like your new house? And they went, yeah, And then the police found it.
Starting point is 00:20:46 And did they say, aren't you that transsexual, I think, brother? Honestly, though, I don't ever recall you mentioning a second brother. Yeah, but I mentioned myself being run over three times before any of you actually remembered that I'd ever said it. You've been run over three times. No, I wasn't run over three times. And then go after you again. Yeah, but Gareth, I'm with Frank here. Every time I go out of the absolute studio, I get Frank. I'm with Frank.
Starting point is 00:21:10 I've never, I don't think you've ever told us you've got another brother, especially not when he lives in an attic with your parents. Well, they've recently moved up from Penzance, him and his wife Kezia, Joel and Kezia, and whilst they find their own place, they're staying with my parents. In the attic? Not in the attic.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Oh. They've moved. In a room downstairs. A room downstairs. That's got to be Fritzl. I'm old, don't say that. Well, oh, okay. He's older than you.
Starting point is 00:21:39 He's a carpenter. No room at the inn. Yeah. He's not older than you. No. How old is he? He's 26. It's not older than you. No. How old is he? He's 26. It's his birthday on Wednesday. I don't know how old my brothers are exactly, you know.
Starting point is 00:21:51 No. But, um... He's around 26. 18 months between him and Josh. What's the name of the brother? Joel. Joel. Is he in witness protection scheme?
Starting point is 00:22:01 Not as far as I know. Okay. Well, I look forward to hearing more about what's he called josh joel joel joel josh is the um other one it's a good looking one yeah they're both good is he good looking yeah he's not bad he has good looking he's not is he well josh has got a certain something oh my god frank and keith in the bunk yeah So would you say you were the least attractive of the three? Oh my God. That's a fair question, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:22:30 See, I can answer that easily. My sister's better looking than me. Well, look, you shouldn't feel bad about it. You know, you're doing a radio show and the other one's living in a room. There's no winning situation in that room. Let's stop listening to me. If you notice, I've completely stopped listening. I'm just talking to you now, mate.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Yes, you. You with the iPod. Yeah, don't look over your shoulder. I can see you. Okay, I'll tell you what. I had a flashback this week. Did you read about the Eat and Run thief?
Starting point is 00:23:02 Oh, yes. They left the restaurant without paying, basically. This bloke did it. He was a serial. Quite a few restaurants. Yeah. He'd go in and order a flash meal and then disappear. Well, they said he was an international student or something from somewhere else. And then they said he had quite a posh, demanding girlfriend who he felt under pressure to go to.
Starting point is 00:23:23 Why did you both look at me? I just wondered if you were going to say yes. I was there. If someone did that for me, I'd be touched. Actually, I wouldn't be touched. That would be a very basic expectation. Not actually during the meal. Well,
Starting point is 00:23:39 have you ever done it? No. The closest I've got to that is maybe they forgot to put something on the bill and I didn't draw their attention to it. It's a kind of white-collar crime version of it I've done. Well, when I was at school, I was out with my mate Fez at Pizza Hut. Was it Pizza Land? Oh, yes, Pizza Land.
Starting point is 00:24:03 Pizza Land still exists. No, but i remember i think it was i think it was discovered by fernand and magellan anyway i was in uh pizza land and uh we decided we're going to do a runner and it's quite an exciting when you met the decision it's quite exciting and i thought we'll be all right here because we're up. We've just had pizza and garlic bread. So... How old, Frank? We'll be 15. No, maybe a little younger. Maybe, say, 13, 14.
Starting point is 00:24:31 So anyway, we... Oh, in the restaurant. So we didn't... Well, pizza, Latin. Sophisticated evening. Yeah, exactly. But it was cheap. The way we was planning it.
Starting point is 00:24:41 Anyway. So anyway, we didn't run. We walked briskly to the door. And then we run absolutely flat out down Birmingham New Street. I mean, it was so, so exciting. And we looked. They weren't following us. We were free.
Starting point is 00:24:56 We had a free meal. And in those days, a free meal was very special. So we got around the corner about probably half a mile away and we were sort of, you know, jumping up and down with excitement and then Fez said, hold on a minute, where's my satchel? Oh no! Oh no! And he'd left it
Starting point is 00:25:16 in Pizza Land. Did he have to go back? So we had to go back. What happened with the police waiting? I remember there was a sort of waiter guy there, whatever you call them, and he was Scottish. They're still called waiters despite the fact that they work in Peterham. I thought they might be baristas or something. And he was Scottish and he said,
Starting point is 00:25:33 yeah, there was a barrister working in there. It was a recession at the time. And this guy said, you're fast, but we are faster. And I thought, well, no, no you are faster we've come back you didn't pursue us in any way so i was resentful about that but you know he'd let all his his books was in there with his name and the school on so we had to go back and everyone was staring at us you know and it's so you have to pay then oh we had yeah funnily enough yes but did the man not sort of apprehend you or call the police in any way?
Starting point is 00:26:05 Oh, no, there was none of that. Or he knows we would have burnt the whole place down. But let's not go into that. Have you never been tempted, Gareth? I imagine you've walked out of quite a lot accidentally. A place without panic? I don't think so. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:18 I don't think I have, no. My manager, he went into a local supermarket and... Oh, was he going to go Richard Madeley? No, well, sort of. He got home and he was reaching for his keys and so he put one shopping basket down, one metal supermarket shopping basket down on the steps and he thought, I'm not supposed to have that.
Starting point is 00:26:44 And he had one in his other hand as well. And he just filled off and just walked out of the supermarket. Don't want to say a thing. Everyone who saw him will have known what he had done. You're right. You're right. Speaking of amazing achievements, did you know that James Blunt stopped World War III? Really? Yeah. Did you know that James Blunt stopped World War III?
Starting point is 00:27:05 Really? Yeah. Did you read that? How was that? He said that an American... You know, he was an officer in the army. Oh, yeah. I think he was in Kosovo or something like that.
Starting point is 00:27:16 He's quite posh, isn't he, James Blunt, I believe? Well, he's a James. He's a Blunt as well. Not a Jimbo. I've heard that. No, I've heard he's very nice, actually. Really? I hate that, when you meet people you want to hate and then they're nice.
Starting point is 00:27:31 I was once in the pits at Silverstone. Right. And I met Chris de Burgh and I thought, oh, Chris de Burgh. And he was really nice. Well, you see, it's not his fault, it's just the name makes you think, oh, Chris de Burgh. Yeah. Well, you see, it's not his fault, it's just the name makes you think, oh, Christopher. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Well, also, Anne. When he ran, he's dancing. So he was a lovely bloke. I was wrong about him. James Blunt I've never met, but James Blunt was told by an American officer that he had to go and take over this airfield, which was already occupied by the Russians. And he said he wouldn't do it,
Starting point is 00:28:08 and he went to his English officer. And the English officer says, you've prevented World War III. Now, James Blunt is trying to sell an album at the moment, but even so, it's an amazing story. I mean, you know, how close to World War III were we thanks to... So he saved us. It's like when I...
Starting point is 00:28:28 I must have told you when I fired that ink pellet at Gorbachev. I mean, it was touch and go there for a minute. The thing is, even though he saved us from World War III, when I hear that it's beautiful it's beautiful and I start going and people say yeah but you know
Starting point is 00:28:54 he did save us from World War 3 I'm thinking in my heart he did but it's not quite enough yeah to compensate on the scales if in World War III,
Starting point is 00:29:06 somehow something happened that meant that song was never written, maybe that would have been an okay price to pay. If someone said to you, it's a straight choice here, Gareth, you can have World War III, or you can have that song come out, I don't know about you, I'd have World War III.
Starting point is 00:29:25 What do you think? That's a little bit harsh, Frank. A little bit harsh, you think? Well, you know, what would be the field of conflict? I guess the world. What? I said, what would be the field of conflict? You know, we need to know what sort of shape World War III would take.
Starting point is 00:29:40 You know, what's going to be the cost of World War III? Is it going to be all-out nuclear destruction? Well, generally you don't know that when you enter into a war you don't find out until afterwards no but i think that's also true when you enter into a james lunt album what does that think about the world i saw i was on the tube the other day oh yes i'm keeping down with the Joneses. And I saw a poster. Do you ever travel on the tube? Yeah, it's happened. There's a skiing company.
Starting point is 00:30:12 Skiing? Skiing. Oh, yeah. And I wrote down the slogan. It's an enormous poster, and it says on it, it's got a picture of the boss of the skiing company, and he's saying, I want to bring affordable skiing to the people.
Starting point is 00:30:26 The rest of the world is Bono's problem. Oh, dear. And I thought, that's wrong, isn't it? Well, it sounds like he's saying affordable skiing to posh people, basically. No, but what he seems to be saying, I want to bring affordable skiing to the people. The people is basically more or less everybody, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:30:46 It's everybody, apart from the royal family. The rest of the world is Bono's problem. But if you take the people, there is no rest of the world. It's not the people versus the rest of the world. It's skiing. Skiing is what he's bringing. And Bono has to bring the other things that aren't skiing
Starting point is 00:31:06 that's the point he's trying to make Bono's got his work cut out then? yeah what he should say is I'm bringing affordable skiing the other things that the people need I'm leaving to Bono not I'm doing it for the people the rest of the world is Bono
Starting point is 00:31:20 that doesn't make any sense Bono is not there is no rest of the world is he including boot rental in what he's going to sort out? Or does Bono have to work on the boot rental? No, I think he includes boot rental. Whether he's snowboarding, he's thrown in, I don't know. Bono takes care of the accommodation.
Starting point is 00:31:37 I'll text Joe Wiley. No, flights and accommodation is Bono's area. If you take Bono's specialist geographical areas, do you think there's a lot of skiing goes on there? Oh, I see what you mean, yeah. Too dusty. Yeah. There'll be no skiing in Africa.
Starting point is 00:31:57 Well, there might be some skiing, but not in the flatlands. So what he's saying is that the starving people of the world leave to Bono and the rest of us, you know, we can ski. But it's badly expressed is what I'm pointing. And we all make, you know, grammatical errors, but we don't then put it on an enormous poster. You check it and ask someone if it makes any sense. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Are you with me? Yeah, definitely. I've never skied myself. Well, this has gone down now fairly quickly this is the closest i've ever had there's been no slalom i haven't even swerved i've just gone down straight you're listening to frank skinner on absolute radio the softest mintiest show in town sponsored by tree bar soft mints absolute radio

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