The Frank Skinner Show - Not The Weekend Podcast - 3 Nov

Episode Date: November 2, 2010

Description - Frank, Emily and Gareth chat about the topics they never got chance to talk about on last weeks show, including Pedestrian Walking, Emily's Puddings and Maison Blanc.

I've got about 10 seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top draw comedy nights near you thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there too. I've run out of time though. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Sponsored by Treeball Soft Mints. Absolute Radio. Don't walk about when I'm about to do the intro,

because you can hear the creaking floorboards. It's like, you know in Moby Dick, when they're sitting below deck and they hear Ahab going for his evening inspections? Do you know that? Do you remember Ahab's evening inspections? That's not a bad title for a band. Write that down.

Oh, hello. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio, Not The Weekend Podcast, you know, and I'm with Emily and Gareth. Hi, Frank. What? I said Beau. Beau. Good on you. It was a mistake in retrospect. That's alright.

I thought, what were those sheep just going past the window? I put two and two together and got five. Yeah, so I'm here with Emily and Gareth and also Ed Hoare from the BBC's Buy or Not to Buy. What? He's not here. Oh, no, sorry, that's a trick of the light. You're obsessed by him.

Well, I met him the other night. I know. Name-dropping him is desperate. We did a pop quiz together. I had an embarrassing moment in the dressing room. There was him and Nick Helm and Andy Osho, the comedians. Oh, Nick Helm, I love him. I tried to tell them an anecdote from an episode of Cagney and Lacey I saw,

which I was trying to explain, made me feel very emotional. Why were you doing that? I actually cried in the dressing room. They all looked a little bit, is he messing about, realised I wasn't, and then looked uneasy. What I did, I created an atmosphere. If only Ross Abbott had been there,

he'd have been utterly delighted. He'd have loved it. What was the thing that made you cry? It was a storyline in Cagney and Lacey, wasn't it? Well, don't make me retell it, because I can't retell it without... No, it's very... Honestly, the thing is, one day I'll tell it and I won't cry,

and then I'll think I've hardened. It'll ruin it. Yeah. You know, I hate that when you suddenly realise you've hardened. So, look... I've cried in some dressing rooms. I bet you have, yeah. So have I.

Yeah. I've cried at your gigs myself. OK, so... From laughter. Yes, from laughter. I admit it. I admit it! So we had an email

from William Gilson. I'm like him. See, it's a pity about the William because Gilson sounds like he should have played for Brazil in 1970, I think.

Can I say, Frank, I like that he hasn't shortened it to Will, because I respect him more as a William. Well, Will Gilson is Bill Gilson. There's no way out. Willie Gilson. Willie Gilson sounds a bit like the country in Western. Yeah.

Go on, then. It's the title. I like an email with a title that you don't always get it's called pavement racing now what he's referring to is pedestrian racing which is this thing that i do quite a lot when i because i walk fast i i let people try and overtake me and then i burn them off is what i do and Yeah. You can smell, similar smell to when I'm past. He said, this is what William Gilson says, WG, we'll call him, I had to slow down my pavement speed

or risk looking ridiculous when I moved from Premiership Pavement Racing in London to Third Division Premiership Pavement Racing in Luxembourg 20 years ago. Of course, when you're pavement racing, pedestrian racing, as I call pavement racing in Luxembourg 20 years ago. Of course, when you're pavement racing, pedestrian racing as I call it, in Luxembourg, the secret is to pass the dodgy on the left-hand side. So he says, however, the one trick I've learned that has kept me unbeaten in 20 years, I love the fact that people take it as seriously as I do,

is to let fast people overtake you and for the first 10 metres or so, let them think they've whipped you, then come back at them hard and fast, move past them and don't look back. Never fails. Oh. I like his technique. You see, I can't,

I don't have the ego to let them pass. I have to just keep them in my... You do have the ego, that's the problem. Well, yes, I do have the ego. Or I meant I didn't have the diminutive ego that would have been required. Oh, I like him, though.

Is he WG Gilson? Just WG? Just WG, yeah. Thank you, WG. Yeah, I'm enjoying that. Frank, I had a bit of a divine revelation this week. Do you want to hear about it? He's done a Bette Midler album. I got that wrong. Yes. Yeah, I'd love to hear about it.

Well, I'm always fond of a sweet treat, to be honest. Yeah. It's my favourite snack of the day or meal of the day. It's good that you've kept that up, because as someone who works at the very top end of the fashion industry, it must be tempting to live on rye beaner and half a jelly tot. I know. Well, you just eat sweet things,

nothing else. So, no, I do. I eat quite healthily, don't I? Considering my fashion lifestyle. Considering the pressures. But anyway, so, obviously, I'm very bound by convention. You know, you have your savouries. Corned beef you like. Is it corned beef that you like?

I don't like corned beef. Do not. Oh, OK. I've never even eaten it. I could barely ID it in a police line-up. I think I've mixed you up with Tommy Dean, who I did national service with in 53. He loved it. Bully beef, he called it. For the easy mistake to make. He put it away. Gingerbread chap from Manchester.

Is that like Spam? I've never had Spam. No, no, it's more piebald. Oh, OK. Spam is very mono... Very pink. Monotoned. The blamange of the savoury world in colour. Anyway, sorry.

They're not in texture. So anyway, so I bought my meal. Nice meal it was too. And then I bought this pudding. And it was a lovely icey sort of caramel confection. And, you know, I was so looking forward to it, I thought, I don't want this chicken and spinach meal I'm going to cook, I want this caramel swirl.

And I thought, why do I have to wait? Why am I bound by convention? So do you know what? I ate it. I ate the pudding first, Frank. Oh, you've dined with the devil. No, you have, because that chicken and spinach had genuine substance to it. Yes, but I did come to it later. I didn't completely forsake it.

I just thought, I want my pudding first. And from now on, I thought, why am I doing this? It's only because my parents used to say that to me. I can do what I want Frank now. I mean it's a bit lembit opic though. Do you know what I mean? You had Sian Lloyd the intellectual. I'm calling her the scientist from a metrological point of view

and then you thought now I want the cheeky girl. Instant gratification. That's my bag. You chose frothiness over substance. Well I did and can I tell you I love that froth. And this was at home was it? This was at home. You see this is I have to say it's one of the great joys of being single

is that. No judgement. I remember I was completely naked once on my sofa and it wasn't the sort you could wipe and I lay there, I lay there naked eating baked beans out of a tin with, watching Bilko.

And I remember thinking, this is what's great about me. I'm seeing a lot of women wouldn't tolerate, or a male partner, you know, wouldn't tolerate it. And I think that's a nice thing. If you want the pudding first, have the pudding first. Exactly. Savories, you've had your turn. There's a new kid in town, and he's called Pudding. Yeah. They're going to have to up their game if they're going to keep up. Exactly. Savories, you've had your turn. There's a new kid in town and he's called Pudding. Yeah. They're going to have to up their game if they're going to keep up. Exactly. When I first moved out of my parents' house, the stuff I ate, I mean,

I thought, no, I don't have, I don't have everyone saying, oh no, you've got to eat, you know, you've got to have greens. As my dad used to say, have them dumplings, stick to your ribs. But I just ate anything. I used to... Basically, the food I ate was little more than a vehicle for pickle. What sort of food was it? Say if I had a bit of steak, say. I'd put so much pickle on it, the steak would just... It'd just be a holder for it. Wow.

What other little meals did you rustle up? Well, obviously my pie sandwiches was my big one. Pie sandwich? Yeah. What's that? You make a cheese sandwich and then you write a normal cheese sandwich you know butter cheese and then you microwave a pie and then you put the pie inside the sandwich and that's not a sandwich because how can you hold it of course you can hold it pie's too thick no not if we're talking a gins and the hot the hot pie melts the i prefer a pocket i're talking a gins, and the hot pie

melts, I prefer a pocker, I'll be honest with you. The hot pocker, it melts the cheese, and it's beautiful. Really? Yeah, I'd recommend that to anyone who's listening. Pick a lily, if you had, pick a lily to that. I would

say it's the icing on the cake, but it's such a mixed metaphor, I'm not going to even Have you ever eaten on your own, Gert? You don't Laura cooks your meals No, she doesn't I do all the cooking Oh, okay, calm down

Oh, Jesus Christ Please don't blaspheme There's things I won't tolerate on this show I won't be hemmed in by your borders I live outside the box I do the cooking in our family and Laura tells me what to do in every other respect. Oh, OK.

Yeah, but I like nice stuff. Laura's quite, as a student, she would have spaghetti or noodles in a wrap, which is layering carbs in a way so very similar to how Frank was doing. Who makes these rules? Who makes these rules that if I get up... Sane people. My granny, Granny Holt, right, whose maiden name was Polly Stocking.

Frank, I had a Granny Holt. You had a Granny Holt as well? Yeah. Oh, my God, we're related. We're cousins. Oh, my God. I'm the country mouse. Now it's like Star Wars where you, we're related. We're cousins. Oh, my God. I'm the country mouse. Now it's like Star Wars, where you realise they're related

and it's all gone too far already. Well, there was a squire with a chambermaid in our back catalogue. So no offence, but I think that's what happened with Manny Holt. She was poor, but she was honest. Victim of a squire's whim. First he loved her, then he left her, but she had a child by him. It's the same, the old

world over. It's the poor what gets the blame. Anyway, we can't. I mean, what is this? So, yeah, my granny, she used to have shepherd's pie for breakfast. And people would say, you can't have shepherd's pie for breakfast.

But who decreed that it has to be cereal or toast or egg and bake? There's no reason, no logic to it. Same when I used to have Perno. No, Frank, that's not the same. No, it's not quite the same. But I like cake for breakfast. I had an absolute radio cake for breakfast. Do you remember that cake?

I've got a confession now. Remember that cake? There was a picture of us three on it for our first birthday. Yeah. I had an absolute radio cake for breakfast. Do you remember that cake? I've got a confession now. Remember that cake? There was a picture of us three on it for our first birthday. Yeah. I took it home. I ate it

and I had it for breakfast for about seven mornings in a row. That was my breakfast. Gracious me. Oh, I loved it. The reason I didn't have any of that cake

is I felt Ben Jones looked a bit bitter that he said to me I didn't get a cake for my first anniversary and I thought he might have left a trail of wee on it. That's a guess. I'm not saying he didn't, I'm saying he didn't.

But let's leave it there. For breakfast, my favourite is leftover takeaway. Leftover Chinese for breakfast, nothing better. I used to do that when I used to wake up on Central Reservations in Birmingham. I'd often have a leftover takeaway. Never mind naked on the sofa with the baked beans. Yeah, well, that was... That's an image I can't erase.

It's, um... Why should you? Save it. Press save. That's my advice. Um... I used to know a guy. He's a bit of a legend in the northwest of England

called George... Perhaps I shouldn't say his surname. Oh, go on. George Borowski, he was called. He was sort of a singer-songwriter character. He was the professor on fame, I don't hear. He was. And he...

I was on tour at the time with Steve Coogan, and George used to join us on occasion. And we'd go to a motorway services and say if me and Steve had three courses he'd have three courses but they'd all be puddings. That's all he would have. I'll tell you what he loved.

Are they called tonnets something cakes? Oh, tonnets tea cakes. Oh man, he loved them. So do I. He used to have, sometimes he'd say, oh I'll just have a coffee I think and he'd them. So do I. And he used to have, sometimes he'd say, oh, I'll just have a coffee, I think, and he'd have seven sugars in it. And he was quite thin. But he was, I'll tell you what you might know him.

Do you know Sultans of Swing, that song? Oh, yeah. There's a bit in there when he talks about Guitar George who knows all the chords. Is that him? Well, that was George Borowski. Wow. He was a legend.

I like your style, Borowski. Yeah. I remember on his website, because he's sort of well-known there, but not really known anywhere else, he's described on his website as Mr. On Song personified. George Borowski See, you won't be able to say that anymore because he's been song

Do you see? Very good I was moved this week not Pickford's, if that's what you're thinking Did you see the couple who are a bit ugly? Yes How dare you? Oh yes, I did see that The couple who are a bit ugly. Yes.

How dare you? Oh, yes, I did see that. They met on a dating website. Called Ugly Bug Ball. Yeah, which I like the sound of. Yeah. And they're the first engagement. The first engagement, yeah.

First engagement from Ugly Bug Ball. And UglyBugBall.com, by way of celebrating, have offered them a week away in Borth in Wales at the Uglybugball Company Caravan. Now, what they've done there, Uglybugball, is they've thought, well, what do ugly people like? Oh, no, they like a caravan holiday somewhere, you know. And I think that what they've done is they've mistaken the surface appearance of the ugly people with their inner hearts. And I think often, if you turn an ugly person inside out... Look better.

Well, sometimes they look better. Sometimes they just spill. But you'd often find more beauty in there than you'd find, say, if you turned Naomi Campbell inside out. Yes, I would agree with that. I don't think we want to be encouraging absolute listeners to go around turning people inside out. I don't think they need any encouragement. Well, you suggest they do it anyway. Is that what you're saying? Some people. Can I just say, I think...

These people are our life's blood. I'll do a bug ball, though. I reckon you'd meet nice people quite genuinely on there because they'd be self-deprecating, which I like. Yes. GSOH, which I like. Or would they be very, very bitter and angry at the universe for being so ugly? You know Richard III in the Shakespeare play?

In Bananarama, yeah. The feeling that he's so angry with the world for making him ugly and disabled and just, you know, not liked by anyone, that he becomes bitter and vicious and murderous. So I'm not sure about that theory. Well, I know power in the hands of ugly people can be dangerous. Well, indeed.

Because then they go a bit mental. Look at Gordon Brown. Yeah. And also, I um with ugly people it's a slight myth that they fancy other ugly people can i just say i like the fact that we're all arrogantly discussing them as an abstract group that we're not part of how do you know we're not considered well i'll be absolutely honest i thought the woman the ugly woman who's got engaged i'm calling her ugly because that's you know that's the name of the website thing,

I think she's cute as a button. Do you? Yeah. Let me have a look. Excuse me, I'll just have a look. She's got quite a cute nose. Oh, she is rather sweet. Yeah.

Like a little piglet. He's... No, not like a little piglet. A little cute piglet. He, on the other hand, not so much so. No, but, you know, I bet... He looks like David Cameron in eight years' time. Yeah.

Because I think that man is going to balloon. Do you? He does look a bit like David Cameron with long hair. I think he looks a bit like that James Make. Anyway, as no-one here can see the photo... Well, exactly. That's maybe not as good, but... Yeah, I feel, when I see that couple, I'd happily have a night out with them. Well, exactly. That's maybe not as good. But, yeah, I feel, when I see that couple,

I'd happily have a night out with them. Oh, dear. I don't think we want to know about that. Yeah. Cut to you with the baked beans naked on the sofa. Well, I love the sofa. What took you so long?

I can just lie on them. And you don't go out with them, you go out amongst them. Anyway, I think she's, I think she's uh i like i think she's i find with people well let's what what shall we come and they're obviously they're all right with they wouldn't join ugly ball ugly bug ball let's just say i mean i don't know about i i would say i unquestionably i'm the ugliest of us three oh that's fair. No, that's fair, isn't it? No. No, but, well, I thought I'd say... Thanks for taking the bullet on that one.

I might as well say, because you guys are thinking it. I don't think that's true. Oh, come on. One man's meat is another man's ton of teat cake. Right, I don't like the way this is going, Em. No. Let's face it, you're next for the chop. I'm feeling vulnerable. I didn't come in here especially

to talk about one man's meat. No, Frank. No, it's Gareth is the ugly. No, no, no. Thanks, Em. Anyway, I'm all right. I didn't come in here especially to talk about one man's mate. No, it's Gareth is the ugly. No, no, no. Thanks, Sam. Anyway, I'm all right with it, see, because I think it's made me a better person. I think if I... For a start off, I have always said

that if Laurel and Hardy looked like Brad Pitt and Paul Newman, then they wouldn't have been funny. Frank, you have the cloak of celebrity, which has given you... What I need is the cloak of invisibility. Well, yeah, but the cloak of celebrity, which has given you... What I need is the cloak of invisibility. Well, yeah, but the cloak of celebrity has given you confidence, I think. No, I think that was the perno.

Gave me tremendous confidence. The lever can fly. I'm improving with age. I haven't peaked yet, I don't think. Some people peak and I look like a mess in my teens. I think you've gone down even in the time off now. How dare you. There's something, your hair looks a bit singed at the front.

I haven't mentioned it before. It looks like you... Well, if you're saying that this show has aged me, well... Well, I don't think it's aged you, it's singed you in some way. Singed? I've been singed. Have's singed you in some way. Singed? Did you... I've been singed. Have you had a very close look at the coal fire? Just like this.

Hello? Do you think it back? Are you running that through? Okay. I mean, I think he was a very good looking lad. He was a bit singed. Too late for that. Too late for that. You can tell you're good looking because when you look at your brother, you realise that you must be good-looking a bit.

Well, he's not seen it. That's not how it works. That's not how it works. Yeah, when you look at my brother, you think, yeah, he probably is ugly. Come to think of it. No. I think an ugly person is like, you know, you get some albums. You know when you buy an album and you play it and you think,

oh, I'm not keen on this. And then you go away and then something slightly sticks in. You think, oh, I'd love to listen to that. Oh, yeah. And those are the albums you listen to for the rest of your life. The album you like instantly. Often you're three weeks late, you don't want to hear it anymore. And I think that's how it works with the very beautiful and the ugly.

Can I say something rather nice? I think that the more you get to know someone like Frank... I'd be very grateful for that. Yes, excuse me, you're going to feel very guilty. Because I was going to say, you've got better looking to me as I've come to know you as a person. Because I think when you get to know someone and you like them, they can get nicer looking.

Yes. Is that a nice thing to say? It's a very nice thing. When is that contract meeting now Frank um you know we're talking about pavement racing earlier because someone had uh sent us an email about it I'm calling it pedestrian racing I won't have it renamed oh I'm sorry oh dear um well Martin Kahn corner Martin corner yeah which I think's a rather good name. Well, I won't scotch anything he says.

Yeah. Subject, speedwalking. Would you like to hear? Oh, God. Hello, Frank. I, like you, am a famous fast walker. Indeed, so fast, I find. Famous?

Never heard of him. He might be in fast walk. Oh, my God, my voice. Listen to that. I'm tempted to just hold on to that phlegm just for that effect, but it's gone. It's gone. Baked beans on the sofa.

Those of you who listen to that, you'll never hear that voice from me again, probably. Carry on. Indeed, so fast am I that it was only about six years ago that I first experienced the unusual sensation of being overtaken. Yes, well, I agree with that. This week, however, came the only serious threat of my entire naturally fast walker career.

A man breezily slunk past me. Now, I had something of a hangover, but I rose nonetheless to the challenge. I picked up my pace and saw him off. Suddenly, he caught back up with me again. What? Why ate it when they'd come for a second bite? I lifted my pace to what you might call one step behind running and overtook him. At last I'd done it.

A cautious look to my left proved otherwise. He had crossed the road and was level with me on the other side. The race was on. I summoned all my powers and zipped off. He was maintaining his speed and we were level. I sped up the street and looked to my left. He had gone into a shop. How dare he take it so seriously up to then

and then just blow it all on a panda pop. It was a pit stop, I reckon. Probably stopped for new trainers. Well, he says, defies to say that, I walked extremely slowly and breathlessly for the duration of my walk to work. I'm proud to say that I've still only ever been overtaken once. Martin.

You see, Martin, my view on this is once they cross the road, you've won. Oh, yeah, you're right, Frank. Because they can't go and... You could be on a very busy section of pavement. I mean, if I'm in the Olympics and the slalom and a bloke comes down the side where there's no sticks, obviously he's going to get down there first. Can that be classed as a race? No.

I don't think the slalom Is the slalom a race? I think it's timed. Oh, all right, Winter Olympics. I've never been so insulted in my life. Talk me through the luge, then, if you know so much. Talk me through the luge. A novel by Beryl Bainbridge. Yeah, I love it, though.

I'm loving the pedestrian racing. I'm loving it. But I agree with what you're saying. Essentially, Martin, if he's gone into that shop, disqualification,

he's out the race. You see, what he's doing, that bloke, he's pretending he wasn't aware of the race, and they're always aware of the race.

He's gone into that shop because he thought, I'm on a loser. I'll pretend I wasn't racing at all. Yeah, rubbish. Yeah. That's what I say. he thought I'm on a losey. I'll pretend I wasn't racing at all. Yeah, rubbish.

That's what I say. Anyway, I'm thinking about the new foundation garment for men. Oh, I know what you mean. Have you seen this? Spanx? Spanx for men? No thanks, I'm okay. Are they called Manx? Manx, I don't know.

That's why there's no tail on them. Gareth, would you? I don't know. I think it's dishonest. I think you have to accept how you are. Oh. We have to accept how you are, do we? Thanks. But you say that, Gareth, but, you know, you put gel on your hair,

you shave sometimes. Thank you, Frank. Do you wear nice clothes? No. Yeah? There's that cardigan we bought him for his birthday. Oh, yeah, he looks nice in that. Right.

I'm going to throw my whole face in that fire next time I'm near it. No, I like your look. It's like if a member of Blur had been cast away on a desert island. That's the look. Anyway, the idea with Spanx for men is that men with a bit of a belly can wear these very tight. That's what my mum...

My mum used to wear a thing called a roll-on. Oh. Which was like a sort of a robbery corset thing that she used. But with women, you kind of accept that, you know. Well, exactly. But I... I don't know, I wouldn't feel... I wouldn't feel good accept that, you know. Well, exactly. But I, I don't know,

I wouldn't feel, I wouldn't feel good about the same. It's essentially, what it does then, it's like a t-shirt, so it gives you a sort of slight Simon Cowell silhouette.

It hides the beer belly, doesn't it? Yeah, but eventually, if you meet someone, that's got to come off, hasn't it? Yeah. I presume it's got to come off.

It's like the same with women. This is the thing, you see. Yeah. You know, I'll wear a jacket with a padded shoulder, but I know eventually, hasn't he yeah i presume it's like the same with women this is the this is the thing you see yeah you know i'll wear a jacket with a padded shoulder but i know eventually that person's gonna think he's got a nice set of shoulders i'll take it off and they'll see my arms join at the neck women are very forgiving though more forgiving than men if you don't mind me saying yeah well i'm not i'm not i'm not against um you know i'd wear a teddy a teddy, I'd wear a teddy.

A teddy? Yeah, I'd wear a nice teddy, you know. How do you mean? You know, a cami knicker. I'd wear that. Oh, my God. I'd wear a corselette or a merry widow, but I would draw the line at Spanx. Because a corselette, you see, I've got a nostalgic attachment to. I remember they used to be in the newspapers when I was a child,

you'd get an advert for the Corselet. And they had an elegance about them. There was a pretense that they weren't just to hide their curves. They had their own style. Yeah. And I did. And if you saw someone in the Corselet in the boot, well, you'd be quite excited by all the straps and trappings.

But the Spanx, they're so based. They're so functional. They're just there to do that they have no look to them you say that Frank but by Jove do they make a difference I won't have blasphemy on this show I've not made that clear um but how do they feel don't you feel all squeezed yeah we will every day we feel squeezed in some respect. Oh goodness. In the current economic climate, I think that's true. But this has all gone a bit Chris Moyles. Don't mind me saying it. There's a man who could take on a bear of Spanx. No, he's lost quite a bit of weight. Or has he? Or has he bought some Spanx? With his dwindling wages. That is what we ask ourselves.

A friend of mine was in a film with William Shatner. Who's that, David Baddiel? No, he wasn't in that film. I think he was in a lift with William Shatner. It's not quite the same thing. And William Shatner used to arrive au naturel and then he'd disappear. Naked? No, not complete

then he used to disappear into his what he'd call the make up and costume section, he'd come out with a corset and a wig oh god and you know I would have worn the wig in I think to cover the singeing

no fair to him he travelled without the wig. I respected him for that. Oh, did he? I suppose he didn't want it, you know, losing its sheen against the car ceiling. Oh, yeah. And it's not every day you can have the sunroof open.

Let's be sensible about that. So, it's been half term this week. Not in our house. I've been out and about. Laura's a schoolteacher. Oh, of course. that gives us something. Does she not have marking to do? She had some marking to do.

I think she's got to, over the weekend, I think she's left until the last minute, to be honest. She's got reports to do. And so one day we went to Winchester. And Laura... Winchester Cathedral, da-da-da-da-da, you're bringing me down.

Just giving it a bit of incidental. OK. And Laura had... Well, Ethan had a play date, so Laura took him round to play with him. Oh, with a Winchester boy, lovely. And so I was left to wander round Winchester by myself. Well, this can only go one way. So I went to the Maison Blanc.

Oh, that's exciting. I had a lovely mocha. Oh. And I thought, I just, I wonder if Raymond is going to be here. And was he? You should have dropped him a text. Was he there, Frank? No.

No, he wasn't there. But something else... Oh, well, you've... Something else... You've tricked me with a codex. Something else happened. Or is it Coda? It's Coda, isn't it?

Coda. Sorry, everyone. It was quite a busy... Could we do that again, Geoff? Live, you say? I should have been told. It was quite busy. Some people arrived

and they said, no, you'll have to come back in a minute. There's no tables free. You're on your own. I'm by myself, hogging a whole four-person table. Oh, dear. I don't know if Raymond's coming. He could arrive. He could arrive with a couple of beauties. Yes, I've heard he's got a couple of beauties.

Serves him right for standing too close to the oven door. Are you still there? I'm laughing. Gerard's laughing. Oh, my God. I was laughing. But that wasn't all. There's more?

Lady, I don't know if you know the Maison Blanc, but between... No, but you do. Tell us about it. Between the area where they sell aprons and Raymond Blanc books... They sell aprons in their front. And jams. They sell a variety of jams. And there's a till.

There's a till in the cake area. A till in the cake area. A till and the cake? Was that a pastry chef that invaded most of Asia? What a rubbish, rubbish nickname for Tyra. That'll be a till and a cake coming over the hill. Oh, well, that puts the icing on the... No, really. I'm sure you can think of a better name.

I'm also a hun. Isn't a hun better? Yeah, I know. Let's stick with the cake. People don't know what a hun is. Meanwhile, over at the Choux Pastry... Yes, and between the two areas, and then there's the area where there's tables and people sit down,

there's two steps. Oh, two, yeah? Two steps. And a lady walked down the steps leaving, and there was quite a bang as she left. She dropped a purse. She bangs. I hope you broke into a chorus of people.

She dropped a little purse that had some money in, but she didn't realise. Oh, I do that all the time. So I picked up the purse and went over to her, ran quick as a flash over to her, and she said, I said, look, the word reward anywhere in your mind at that time? Well, it wasn't a very... No, no, I was...

Honestly, I was doing it out of altruism. And I ran it over to her, and she said, Oh, thank you. I thought I'd heard something drop, but I looked and I couldn't see it. True story.