The Frank Skinner Show - Only Franks

Episode Date: March 18, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been on Sunday Brunch and had a top hat mishap. The team also discuss that Hugh Grant interview, resolutions and celebrity memorabilia our parents had.

This is Frank Skinner and Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215. Why don't you? People do, you'd be surprised. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, cheaper. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk free morning morning morning

how best I beg your pardon it's a black country oh I love that how best I think it comes I think there were many Germanic

settlers in the black country and so best is of course a German word it means how are you when you say of course I German word. It means how are you.

When you say of course, I mean, Pierre would have known that clearly. Well, I imagine that you knew a German actor. You're not wrong. When you were a kid. Yes, I had an uncle. You were friends with Erich von Stroheim. I had an uncle Uncle Klaus. Oh, did you?

Okay. Oh. Yeah, he lived in Hamburg. Thank you. Well, that seems like the right place for him. Back to Frank Skinner in the studio. Talking of which, Pierre, I had a little treat this week. Oh, yeah.

Sunday. Thinking, what shall I do? Turn on the TV. Who's there? Only Frank. Mm. Only Frank. That's a the TV. Who's there? Only Frank. Only Frank. That's a new website. I don't know the website.

Only Franks. Yeah, only Franks. You were great on it. Thanks. I'm waiting for the payoff. No, there's no payoff. Sunday brunch. There's no payoff. brunch but what I like about Frank is he says

this is what he said Pierre he's being interviewed by Simon and Tim isn't he your mate Simon yes Simon he's my mate now Emily was on a train and Simon was in her seat.

We've become very close pals now on social media. The reservation king. Yeah, exactly. Well, what I liked was that Frank said at the end of the interview, can I just say, and I thought, what's he going to say? I do a brilliant podcast. No, I shouldn't say. I shouldn't have said brilliant.

Some things you have to keep in the head. He said, can I just say, I do a brilliant podcast. It's called The Poetry Podcast. And they went, oh, yeah, yeah, sure. He said, honestly, you really should listen to it. It's really good. No, well, they forgot to mention it. And sometimes people just need a little geop.

But that's good. That justifies any number of words like brilliant, though, just for the sheer joy of saying, you've ruined this, you forgetful fools. No, it's easily done. Rubs it in. No, it was a very pleasant interview, but, you know, I mean, I'm there to sell my wares.

Yes, much as you love brunch and sundaes. Yeah, exactly. The food was great, actually. We've not been on it before. The food has been, I think, mediocre. But on this particular week, it was splendid. Well, can I tell you what else Frank said? Please. Is when they said, well, Frank, you've, you know, when you've been, you've dated, you know, people a lot in the past.

And Frank said, yes, of course I've been out with a lot of women. I'm old and famous. That was a reasonable explanation, I thought. How did you find, he made some friends. He made a lovely friend Spencer, didn't you? Yeah well I've worked with Spencer recently on the One Show

Spencer what's his surname? Don't ever ask me that kind of thing on air He's from Made in Chelsea And he's teetotal Four years he's done And he's He's used it as a springboard to launch a non-alcoholic spirits range.

Yes. I never thought of that. I don't know if I could have done that in 1986 when I packed up because I was unknown. Maybe a fragrance. Why didn't you launch a non-alcoholic drink, Frank? Oh, no. Why not? Because ultimately...

Some sort of Bovril. Even I think that's boring. You know, I remember being... I remember drinking as being brilliant, mainly. That's why I didn't do it... Michael Parkinson interviewed me once, and it was one of those, when you're on the Parkinson show,

there was a moment when the camera used to really close in on your face, and then he would ask you questions that he hoped would make you cry. And he said, so you had real terrible problems with drink, didn't you? I said, well, there was problems, but obviously, mainly, it was brilliant,

or I wouldn't have kept on doing it for so long. And he was saying, no, no, but you did have problems. And I said, yeah, you know, but I mean, you know, everything, every brilliant thing you do has, like, side effects. And he got really angry, really, like, Yorkshire angry. Will you join in with us or not? I got, oh, dear. And there's a terrible moment.

I'd love it this week on Yorkshire Angry. When I watched it go out, there's a terrible moment when the camera widens again and they've given up on me. No tears today. Oh, no tears. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, can I just say we've also had a lot of people getting in touch. They saw, including Jim, James 5 Egbert, as he calls himself.

Oh, yeah. When you say, oh, yeah. No, I don't know him. Can we please hear more about Frank's recent meeting with the legendary and much-loved Stato? There was a photograph this week posted of you, David Badd-loved Stato. There was a photograph this week posted of you, David Baddiel and Stato. It was a reunion photo. Had a lot

of people getting in touch about that. Enjoying that moment. Yes, well it was, me and Dave were all set to go to Stockport on Monday to go and see Stato. And then fate would have it. He was asked to

do fantasy football this week. Fantasy football, as you know, goes on without us. Like a riderless horse. So we were not dragged behind it though. You know when that happens in the films, when you've still got your foot in the stirrup.

Oh don't, that's a real phobia foot in the stirrup. Oh, don't. That's a real phobia of mine. Horrible. Yeah. So anyway, they asked him to do the last one. So thank God we hadn't bought the tickets in advance for the train. Yes. So, yeah, so we went and seen him,

and we had a fabulous lunch, me, Dave, and Stato, like the old days. It was brilliant, brilliant actually and I remember how much I loved him, not that I'd really forgotten but there was lots of man hogging going on and stuff it was great but it has not changed one iota

in that every story he tells you has a sport thing in it so he's saying, yeah, so went to uh portugal i'll tell you what it was it was when um do you remember peter hustaus had that fantastic round in the open it was it was no i don't remember that and everything is tied to that i remember um yeah i was i was with um i was with a friend of mine. It was just after the Usain Bolt. It's incredible.

So his life is through the prism of sport. He's like a sports almanac. He's measured out his life through league tables. And there's nothing wrong with that. No, he knows. He does know a lot. By the way, one thing I didn't say on air, which got perhaps my best laugh of the day.

Was this on Sunday brunch? On Sunday brunch. There was a bit where two chefs, Simon Rimmer and... Tim Lovejoy? No. Oh, the other chef. Fred, the French, the handsome French man.

Oh, Fred Sirius. Yes. He's a sommelier, yeah. They're both, well, yeah, but they both talked about, you know, about being a chef, about being a restaurateur. But they sort of interviewed each other, the way it worked. And I said to those who could hear me I said this is going to be BTEC hospitality management for me which got went well on the table but I didn't feel

I could say it on air it seemed a bit undermining. Well when you say it seemed a bit undermining about three minutes in when people were asking each other questions, they were asking the guests, when were you first on TV? Frank interrupted and said, well, this is good television, isn't it? Oh, well. People just talking about when they were first. And I got a bat for a pier at that point. I nearly turned it off.

It's just helping people. Ruth Jordan, sorry, I won't go on about Sunday brunch all morning, but just to say Ruth Jordan has been in touch. Gordon, sorry, I won't go on about Sunday brunch all morning, but just to say Ruth Jordan has been in touch. On Sunday brunch, it felt like Frank had the other guests hanging on his every word. Well, that wasn't... Giving advice on things like packing to go on tour.

Perhaps he could turn these tips into a new book called Old and Famous. Yeah. Yeah, well, I like the title, but I don't like the content. Tips. It's like those people who write to me and say, I'm writing a book about stand-up comedy. Could you write a chunk for me to put in it about your views? And I say, hold on, who's writing the book again?

Really? Yeah. And people often write to you and say, can you write a thing for the book I'm writing? I'm going to send emails to the various heads of physics at university, so I'm writing a book about physics. Yeah, exactly. I'm compiling.

Compiling is the word they're reaching for. By the way, there's something I've noticed from my appearances on Sunday Brunch. There's something that I do that I've never seen another guest do. More of that later. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, yes, I'm the only person I've seen on Sunday Brunch who always takes a toothpick. You are?

Yeah. And I think that's madness. Because to eat food, often with green stuff in it, and then be interviewed, seems to me a dangerous game. Yeah. Well. Why is the UK so under-toothpicked? I really don't...

I mean, when you get... I've had a lot of um teeth removed i don't know if i've told you this before my first three trips to the dentist i had 16 teeth out and um i don't have i didn't even know one had 16 teeth yeah well some of them I think must have been milkies, but if the whole right side of my head I'm chewing on gum. Nevertheless, my teeth over the years have noticed that their comrades haven't just gone for a toilet break, they've gone forever and they've moved over. They've moved over a bit.

Yes, yeah. You know when you get a half empty bus and school children will sometimes sit on a double seat each yes yes yeah it's like that i'm still recovering from you referring to your teeth as comrades well no they're comrades so um yeah so i've got my my teeth are sort of operate like a toast rack. They've made neat little slots for the food to sit snugly in. And so I have to have, and if I'm on a programme like that, I have to toothpick after every little snack, eh? Did the others?

No, they don't. Maybe with young people they don't have the gaps. There aren't many things. Well, they've all got the veneers now as well, you see. That's true. Do they not have gaps? 8, 12, 15. They close them in.

I'm intrigued. Does it make a difference? Yeah, you close all your gaps down, Frank, with the faux teeth. They close them in, your teeth and gaps. That's what you need. No food packing. Maybe you should get veneers. It might save you on the toothpicks

I don't know I can't get I might get a Vermeer why can't you get veneers Frank why why wouldn't you just out of interest

because as it says in the New Testament you don't put old wine in new wineskins nor do you patch an old robe with new material. Because it will just tear at the joint.

You also, actually, I remember you once said, well, that's bad news for me. Frank, I remember you once said, I wouldn't do it because I think comedy is truth. Well, yes, I think there is something in that. I can't think of any comedians on telly who've had things like air transplants or their teeth whitened. And there's a reason for that. Because comedy is truth.

Speaking of truth, I went to Moss Bross this week to get measured up for my investiture outfit. Ah, tails. Yes. I'm going to, if you'll give me a chance. As I beckon to you, tails, tails. Yeah. Occasionally. You're like a medieval feudal tails.

You're like I'm the bard. The bard has arrived. Tails. More tails. I think you'll find the fool. The bard has arrived. Tails. More tails. I think you'll find the fool. I occasionally nowadays have to use a prompt. Forgive me. Tails, come.

So, yes, I went into Moss Bros to get measured up for my... Yeah, my investiture being the day I get my MBE, which is approaching quickly. I'll tell you what happened after this. Frank, could you please tell us about your investiture? Well, not the investiture so much. That doesn't happen until next month. However, I already had a thing to say.

I can park at Buckingham palace come through love it any road up um you have to photocopy that i as i've spoken about this on the show before i've got a big head yeah i mean a big head and uh you may recall a wardrobe woman said to me that along with me and Benny Hill had got the biggest heads in show business that she'd worked on. And she'd been in it for years. So I went to Moss Bros

and I said, there's going to be a problem with the hat. He said, there won't be a problem. Don't worry. We've got a large range of hats. I said, there will be there will be a problem he said now we have all shapes and sizes in here i said okay yeah just remember this conversation so we tied the other stuff on all fine and then we got to the hat and they all they just sit on top of me like, you know those men that used to, little animated figures that used to laugh at seaside resorts?

You ever see them? You press a button and they laugh. And they used to have like a tiny hat that just sat on the top. Just at a sort of jaunty angle. Yeah. Yeah. Porky Pig, I think, occasionally. Yes, Porky Pig.

And also, I think there was a vogue for ladies wearing them with sort of tutus in a slight sort of rock video. Oh, I like the sound. Hazel O'Connor kind of a set-up. No, it was more, do you know what I mean? It's a bit more pussycat dolls. Oh, I see. It's a bit Don't You Wish.

Okay. So anyway. Anyway. What did they say when you put the hat on? He said, the guy said to me, okay, so, well, I've measured your head. Anyway What did they say When you put the hat on He said The guy said to me Okay So Call Well I've measured your head

He got the tape measure out Did he go footballers tense So he's measured the head And he said to me Right Your size is 71 Stroke

2 Yeah That's your size I said 71 stroke I said I think that's says seven and a half. And he says, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I said...

The face drains from you like water from a shocked barrel. I've got concerns. Yeah, I'd shot pretty low as well. Yeah, and shot pretty low as well. So I said, seven and a half, I said, that won't be big enough. He said, no, that's the size to call. I said, well, look, here's the seven and a half. I've already tied it on and I put it on.

There it's sat on top of my head. Mr. Monopoly. Yeah, exactly. Like a sort of cabaret. I might as well have watched it. Exactly. My, my, republic. Yeah. Mr Monopoly exactly sort of cabaret I might as well have watched exactly Viva Republic yeah more like a

hair slide than a hat yeah fascinating so I said there's a seven and a half that it will not do oh we've all said that and he said

well look you know we can get anything in Moss Bros and I said my personal assistant was with me and she said well I've got I've got a note

from the last show he did where he wore a hat it says call the police do not sell this man a hat he will ruin you it says eight people are now living in that hat

no it says in a fairytale It says eight people are now living in that hat. No, it says in a fairy tale grotto in the north of England. But anyway, they said, he said, oh, she said, she said, he said, she said, according to my records, they say eight and one eighth to eight and a quarter. And he said, well, we only go up to eight. That's the maximum at Moss Bros. And I said, well, I'm going to have to sleep in a Von Toos on the lead up.

And I don't know if you know what it means for Hayden I suggested I might need to tighten my fontanelle if I've got any chance of getting it on all barren land he was a lovely man but what could he do

he wanted to help me but there was a glass ceiling of size 8. So what's going to happen with the hat? I'm going to go for size 8. You're not. I am. I'm stepping in. But here's the plus.

What? I was looking a little ahead, if you'll pardon the pun, to Ascot when I tried the hat, because I've now discovered that at the investiture, you don't wear a hat. You just wear the lower regions. So I've now discovered that at the investiture you don't wear a hat. You just wear the lower regions. So I've got time...

I've got time to steadily tighten the bandana. The way Victorian women used to develop a trim waist. Is there sort of a no hat thing to save the sovereign's arm? Sort of an extra foot of effort?

I think it's when you bow, you must get fed up of being banged on the toes by falling top hats. So no, I'm off with that one. Ascot, well, we'll see how it goes. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Here's the thing.

A very good friend of mine was telling me that her rather close friend resolved that this year she was not going to get out of the way of anyone in the street. No. That was her. I was not expecting that to be where you were heading.

I love this friend, whoever they are. It's a woman, and she said she just got fed up of people just walking straight at her, and she felt, and I don't know about you, but I've had this feeling that it's always me who moves out the way, and no one else ever seems. And some people, they don't even about you, but I've had this feeling that it's always me who moves out the way. Yeah. And no one else ever seems. And some people, they don't even give you the angle.

You know you get the angle when there's two people passing each other. You go slightly diagonal to. You've got to open it up. Some people, they just keep walking straight, wide-shouldered, face on. And in the end, you have to sometimes do a very last-minute further swivel to let them through. And I don't just mean, like, you know, thick-necked men.

Obviously, they do it. But I mean a lot of people. Yeah. So she has resolved that that's it. This year, she's going to do that, walk directly through for a year and see what happens. I love it.

Wow. Well, do you know, interestingly enough, I mean, I say interesting. We all be the judge of that. Well, quite. I will deliver it with such confidence that I might sell it. I'm confident too.

What I would say, I did this, I didn't make, there was no resolution involved. No. I just did it. Yeah. Yeah. Every time I get a gentleman or a lady, noisy runners.

Oh, yeah. I feel it's gratuitous. I feel it's a performative noise they make. They go, ah, ah. Yeah. I react with a slight shriek. And I've heard him. Come on, give us slight shriek. And I've heard Emily.

Come on, give us your shriek. I did it the other day. So can you be the jogger? Pierre, if you don't mind, I suspect you can do it. What, sort of overexerting? Yes. I've heard Emily do that in all sorts of occasions. I did it the other day and I realised I was doing it quite regularly because there were a lot of joggers.

It was early in the morning. And I thought it felt so liberating. I thought, you're giving me noise. I'll give it you. It's like when you... I've seen that happen in professional tennis, is that one person serves with a grunt and after a bit the other one thinks,

oh, two can play at this game. Especially in the doubles. Yeah, so that's a good idea. Oh, OK. Are you going to stick with it? Anyway, look, what interesting regimes have you committed to? 8, 12, 15. I don't mean things like the National Socialists in 1930s Germany.

Nothing impressive. No, things that you've resolved to do, like the year of not getting out of the way. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Text this show on 812 15

follow, oh no, 8 and a half. No, sorry. Text the show on 812 15 follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk if you didn't get that joke you should have tuned in earlier

na na na na na okay have we heard from Lamond Alfresco lovely Kirsty Eastwood has been in touch like it so far

you would bet she's had that her whole life old Eastwood reference yeah but with Kirsty sort of Clint's English cousin. Yeah. You can get American Kirsties, do you? What about Kirsty Alley?

The late Kirsty Alley. Kirsty Alley. Frank, you were referencing things you've resolved not... And don't forget her brother, Chemical. Frank. Anyway, carry on. her brother, Chemical. Right. Anyway, carry on. I mean, heaven's sake. You talked about a friend of yours

and her resolution, just to recap, was... Yeah, she's entered into a regime of a year of not getting out of the way for people because she's fed up of people just walking into her. Do you know, that's a good book, I'd read that, The Year of Not Getting Out of the Way. Can I say, if anyone's thinking of doing it, she has met some antagonism already,

especially men, angry men who mark their status by making people get out of the way. Furious blokes. Woman, woman, get in my way. I have a regime to shriek in response to any joggers yes who are performatively huffing and puffing so kirsty eastwood has been in touch i resolve not to move too much like your friend frank after i did it for a family of five who took up the full path and weren't budging I tripped

down a pothole and tore the ligaments in my ankle oh my please don't tell me that this text is from that pothole where she still resides on help Kirsty says it didn't last long.

I'm now back to moving out of the way again. But a lot of people texting in or messaging in about not just a regime, the very same regime. This is clearly a national plague. It's interesting. The thing I've talked about before

is that when you talk about something like this, you never hear from the people who don't get out of the way. You only hear from the people who do. Well, we've also heard from Emma543. Oh. And she says, Morning Team, I've resolved to stop bringing my neighbour's bin in as it's never reciprocated. Liberating and petty. That's the name of my solicitors. That is...

I like it. I can absolutely see how one arrives at that. I get it, Pierre. I've took their bin in three weeks, not a thank you, and then my bin was left out. I can see that. Really? That bin was left out. I couldn't see that. Really?

That's a thought process. Mine wasn't. I get my bins in fast. I was going to say. I don't like them. I'll tell you why I don't like them out there. It's because passers-by seem to think they're little bins. Yes.

Oh, when I see a rogue pizza box. Well, I don't mind a pizza box because... You don't mind a pizza box? That'd make me sick. I've had... I've had... Get this. I've had non-recyclable things put in my recycling bin. I mean,

no wonder the planet's on fire. I'm going to put a dead polar bear on the bin and say, OK, go ahead and, yeah, your hand is on this beast's jugular. Look in its lifeless eyes before you consider this crisp packet. I tell you, it wouldn't make any difference. No.

Well, I have schoolchildren walk past my house and they leave terrible sweet packets everywhere. As Frank said on... Can you write, Grandma? I know. We're going now. As Frank said...... Can you like Grandma? I know. We're going now. As Frank said. How dare you?

If I'm Grandma, what does that make you for pity's sake? Well, I know, but I don't like children eating sweets. I do. I do.

That's because you've got one. I know. I think I'm your Bob Cratchit. I mean, I'm sorry. They throw them on the floor, these people. Do they?

I don't like that. I don't like it. I don't approve of that. I mean, I'm sorry. They throw them on the floor, these people. Do they? I don't like that. I don't like it. I don't approve of that. I mean, some of the... I mean, and you never know on those things. Can you recycle a Hello Panda packet? I couldn't find anything on it. Hello Panda next to my goodbye polar bear.

Frank. Oh, I'm sorry. We're going to go now. I know we're going to go to the break, but just briefly Howard Greater yeah I won't be going to any destination weddings

none others nuptials will not decide this is all in caps where and when my holiday will be and I'm sorry but I will not

budge on this wow that's Howard Greater no I can say that I can say that I'm very angry about having to go to Egan. That's where the producer's wedding is, in case you're wondering.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Regarding, Frank, your comment that we never hear from the people who don't get out of the way or do these terrible things. I did a comedy club gig the other day, as I'm wont to do. And I saw people in the crowd pointlessly filming bits of the set, sort of very ostentatiously, sort of in the way of the people behind them. Fully turning around in their seats to chat to some of the people who they came with

who were sat behind them during the show and cackling loudly in the middle of setups, not at the comedian but about things that they were just whispering to each other. And I realized throughout the course of the evening that this was all the same person or the same two people doing these things. I think the reason we don't hear from them is that all of this behavior isn't spread it's concentrated in these sort of um nodes yes of anti-socialness i wonder if they uh that sounds like another comedian i always think if someone's filming the show it's another comedian trying to get some gold. Yeah. But these people were just doing it for themselves.

Like the people who film fireworks displays. Yeah, that is... Have I done that? I don't think I have. I'm not going to tell you now anyway. I know you've said that. It'd make me look stupid. I don't like fireworks displays.

No. As you know, I laugh like a drain at fireworks displays, and I've never quite worked out why. But I really... Can you imagine me with my feelings about noise? It's just me standing in a field going, Ah! Ah! Ah! What about that noise?

Under fire. Did you watch Nolly? I did not. No! It was a drama about Noel Gordon, who was a woman who starred in a Midlands-based soap opera called Crossroads, which we never missed when I was a child. And when I saw it advertised,

I had a flashback to our mirror that was over the... We had a mirror that had sort of Regency ironwork around it, sort of curling metal things. When you said our mirror, I thought that was a sibling I didn't know. No, no. It's a mirror we had over the fireplace, the central family. It might have been the only mirror we had in the house. Nevertheless, it had, like, leaves as part of the decoration metal leaves and it

meant that you could tuck things behind it and there was two things tucked on our mirror one of them was a signed black and white postcard of noel gordon which where my mom had seen her opening a supermarket and she'd signed this thing. And the other one was a pound note signed by Ginger Baker, the drummer from Cream. And it just made me wonder, as a text in, what celebrity memorabilia did your parents have when you were growing up? 8, 12, 15. I'm optimistic. Frank, you asked what I thought was quite a fine question,

which was what memorabilia, celebrity memorabilia specifically, did your parents have? Yeah, I wouldn't ask you that question. No, we don't have seven hours. I once saw your dad's address book which was pretty remarkable.

So, and we had a rule, as my mother said, never ask friends for autographs. No, quite right. So, 7 ask friends for autographs. No, quite right. So, 747, two Frank Skinner programme. Nice. My dad had a cigarette from Hugo Gagarin. Yuri Gagarin. Yeah, he said. I thought it was. Is that Yuri Gagarin?

He kept in the China cabinet for years until it finally fell to bits. Was it smoked by him? Was it a dog end? I mean, he's Russian. He probably smoked on the mission, didn't he? You probably could smoke in the Russian spacecraft. He's up there for days. Exactly.

He's got a smoke. Is it spelled? I thought it was spelled. It's not spelled Hugo, is it? No, it's Yuri. Yeah, I thought it was Yuri. Yuri Gagarin. We might be in autocorrect territory there.

Yes, I think maybe. I think maybe that's what's happening. I suppose brother Hugo. It could be Hugo. Maybe it's not Yuri Gagarin. Yuri Gagarin's possible. Maybe it's not Yuri Gagarin. Maybe it isarin's possible. Maybe it's not Yuri Gagarin. Maybe it is Hugo. Yes. Yeah, it's not so good.

The jealous tobacconist. So we've also heard from... I would be very happy to own a cigarette smoked by Yuri Gagarin. Well, you've got other astronaut memorabilia, haven't you? I've got a signed picture from Buzz Aldrin. And he was very happy to take that, I seem to recall. Astronaut memorabilia, haven't you? I've got a signed picture from Buzz Aldrin. Yeah. And he was very happy to take that, I seem to recall. 725 has been in touch.

Hi, Frank and team. My parents used to go to a club called the Double Diamond in Caerphilly, South Wales. Have I said that right? Yes. For cabaret evenings back in the day. I remember a black and white glossy photo of anita harris which was quite beautiful she was beautiful other acts such as jean pitney and ackerbilk

performed there too wow i think they're all dead now that's from tr Estrade Minech. I've just done a made-up Welsh accent. I'm allowed I'm half Welsh. South Wales. We're getting all sorts of these. We've also had, what about this? I like that, though.

Acker Bilk. We've heard from Lanny. I've never met, I've lived a long time, I've never met another Acker. No. Rare. I think it was an abbreviation of something

I think he had a name that was a bit too formal for a jazz clarinetist yeah so I don't think he was christened Acker

this is from Zero isn't that Johnny Cash song and if I have a son I'm gonna name him Acker I mean Bilk we're ignoring Bilk as if that's a normal name If I have a son, I'm going to name him Acker.

I mean, Bilk, we're ignoring Bilk, as if that's a normal name. Pierre, did your parents have any celebrities? Any South African people, maybe? Really, any celebrities? Didn't you have celebrities in South Africa? If we did, they'd be completely incomprehensible to me and the listeners. I think so. I met Ackerbilk's arch rival, Kenny Ball. A jazz rival.

Yeah, Kenny Ball and his jazz men. Sure. In a pub when I was in my drinking years. Yes. And I don't know if I should say this or not, but I'm going to. I took down all my lower clothing and danced a singing Midnight in Moscow, one of his big hits. And the other, the jazz men, thought it was hilarious. Kenny looked uneasy, I thought.

He thought, where's this escalating to? Yeah, exactly. He probably did. He probably thought this is one of my big hits here. And, of course, I must tell this. I went to see Wes Brom play Dynamo Bucharest in the Cop Winners Cop, and they were unable to obtain a copy of the Romanian national anthem. Oh, yes.

And so they played Midnight in Moscow because they thought, you know, Vagley's European. So the men stood there with their hands on their badges. Too relaxing. Yeah, it was an odd thing. We've heard from the outside world. We're talking about celebrity memorabilia. I don't know if this quite counts as it's not endorsed or signed or personalised, but I enjoyed it, so it's going in.

This is from Bev. Bev says, when I was a kid, my mum and dad had a Kevin Keegan rug on the floor. That's great. That's great. That's great. Coach, you don't know Kevin Keegan was a very famous footballer in the 70s. He's got a rug. I mean, there's all sorts of footballers I like, but I don't have a Zinchenko rug in my house.

He was one of the pioneers of the curly perm. He was. We weren't allowed to walk on the kevin keegan rug and we got done if we did or does that mean they got hurt no there would be some sort of parental punishment getting done was was slang on the isle of man growing up for being reported to the authorities was it well it's a version of that. Eventually, they got fed up of telling us and they hung it up on the wall as a picture. It's still hung up in their house. I'm 55 now.

Like a tapestry. Well, there used to be a very... Thank you, Ben. I enjoyed that enormously. There was a very lovely old man who used to go to the Albion, no longer with us, sadly. The Albion are. And he used to go to the albion no longer with us sadly the albion i and he used to make rugs and he made one for adrian charles to commemorate um relegation one year which i didn't i didn't see coming i thought i would love to see a punk band called adrian charles's relegation rug

i would queue up to see them it It will come, it will come. It's very East London. It will surely come. It really is. What about this? This is from Alistair. Hi, Frank et al. Long-time reader, first-time contactor.

I'm currently cleaning the handrail of the spiral staircase in the Elizabeth Tower, which is more commonly known as Big Ben. Oh, OK. This is making me feel like I'm in some sort of dystopia with the long and winding stairs and constant clanging of bells. It made me think... OK, OK.

OK, Aisha painting. Yes. Well, Alastair says, it made me think... Okay, okay. Okay, Aisha painting. Yes. Well, Alistair says, it made me think of a question for Frank which has been on my mind for years. Is his favourite dystopian novel The Road or A Canticle for Leibovitch, both of which he's given that accolade?

Mine's the latter, but neither as good as Tiger Tiger? I haven't read Tiger Tiger. So do you have a response for as Tiger Tiger? I haven't read Tiger Tiger. So do you have a response for Alistair? I would say... Cleaning Big Ben at the moment? I would go Cantercourt for Leibovitz. There was bits in The Road which I found

so disturbing that I had to go out for a walk to remind myself there were people... Someone in EastEnders? That there were ordinary people doing ordinary things. Yes. Oh, gosh. Okay.

I like that he's in big, I meant that mainly because I, what a great thing to be doing on a Saturday morning. Yeah, that's best dystopian novel. Yes. But then again, Russell Hoban's novel, novel which is a sort of punch and judy exist into the post-nuclear future as gods i can't remember what it's called it's absolutely fantastic okay we've got bill uh whitmore hi frank on parental autographs when clearing my dad's stuff out i found an old autograph book with names of people i barely recognize and i'm not able to decipher there is bernard breslau oh yes but i've

no idea on any of the others okay one of them could be albert einstein i would know would you care to i think bernard breslau is a good one. Would you care to explain who that is? Bernard Breslau was a large, lumbering actor who always played the sort of heavies in films. He was in quite a few carry-on films. Yes, he would always play... He'd be a bit soppy with women. He'd say, I really love you, darling. I could be wrong.

I might have gone in, but I think he was the prisoner who had his brain wiped by the master's mind-cleaning machine in the John Pertwee story. Oh, here we go. I think... It might not have been Breslau. You have to mention him every single week. No, I just...

You asked me about to identify... It might not even be him, but it's... And you somehow managed to get Pertwee in. I did. He will always find a way. I used to be on the door at Claridge's. I always managed to get Pertwee in. Sorry, you were going to say?

I think Piers, do you have some communique? You're poised to read something. Well, further to your inquiry, I'm so sure that my parents would have no celebrity memorabilia. They didn't possess it, but my dad says there was reputedly a photograph of his uncle meeting the Queen and Peter Merritsburg at some stage. Well.

He was caught unawares and had an ice cream behind his back. Oh. I'm surprised he wasn't shot by security. Oh, man. I wouldn't take on Monsieur Novelli. No, but if someone approaches the Queen with an ice cream behind their back, you're going to be anxious. Embera Ken.

Bernard Breslau played Varga in The Ice Warriors. Oh, God. With the second Doctor Who, Patrick Troughton. Oh, so it wasn't him who was the brainwashed prisoner. No, thank God we've established that. Neil McCarthy, apparently. Oh, thank you. Boys.

I had my doubts. Before we continue with the show, I need to discuss something with you Because I've actually been dying to discuss this with you both all morning I'm anxious, how are you? I'm getting there Okay Okay

Hugh Grant Oh yes Now we need to discuss this because he's been accused of something How can I put this? I feel this might be a hard relate As the kids would say for you, Frank. Okay. Just because

there might have been a little bit of gittishness. Is that a very bad couple counselling session? I think it's fair to say some thought he was wearing the bit of a git crown this week. Oh, right.

And this is to do with his behaviour at the Oscars. I should say, I've struggled to remain impartial on this, because I don't know if you know this, Pierre, Hugh Grant is in my top five men. In the world. Yeah, you know the others. Henry VIII, Tom Cruise, Vince Cable, and the son of John Darwin disgraced canoe man

who faked his own death. I based this on one Sunday Supplement picture I saw of him seven years ago. No, but sometimes you see a picture like that and it really touches something. It really did. It's a motley crew. Oh, OK.

Yeah, mine is motley crew. You want a glass? I'm actually seeing soon at Wembley. It really did. It's a motley crew. Okay. Yeah, mine is motley crew. You want a glass? I'm actually seeing soon at Wembley, so that'll be exciting. So, and Hugh Grant makes up. I know he does. But I've just always loved him. I've always loved him, so I have to be honest.

Obviously, I saw nothing wrong with this. We should say something about quite what happened. Do you want to explain what happened? Well, Hugh Grant was at the Oscars to present one of the... I got the impression it was... I can't remember. Put it this way. I can't remember the category of Oscar.

It was one of the ad break ones. Okay. Not one of the biggies. It'll be cinematography. Something like that. Something underappreciated. Animated short. Yeah.

That's what I'm like, really. I thought you were describing Hugh Grant. I'd have said more wine sleep if I had to come up with a pocket description for that. He looks fabulous. He was stopped on the red carpet by an interviewer. By the police. Well, she's...

What, again? Oh, my God. Well, we should say this is the police. Well, she's... What, again? Oh, my God. Well, we should say this is the thing. This is the key thing. She's actually... She's not a professional interviewer. She's a body... She's an influencer.

She's a model, isn't she? She's a model and a body positivity activist. Yeah. And a model. Yes, and a model. I would argue that they are working at cross purposes. Oh, well, she's quite a a model. Yes, and a model. I would argue that they are working at cross purposes. Oh, well, she's quite a successful model. She is, she's very successful.

But as you say, that doesn't make her. Andrew Neil is a good interviewer, but he doesn't feel that sexy, but for catwalk work. Ludwig Kennedy, I didn't see, yeah. Ludo? He was in your dad's address book, yes, certainly. We'll come back. We haven't really got to what happened yet,

but we will, Oscar. We will. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Navelli. Text the show on 81215. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at12-15. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio.

Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Bit of Latin mass in my announcement. Actually outlawed by the Pope, so I won't be doing that again. No. Absolute radio. John Hopkins... Hopkins? Has got in touch regarding celebrity memorabilia.

Ah, yes. One of my dad's rugby pals was adamant that he owned a... Was adamant? That's good. Has adamant ever been described as one of my dad's rugby pals? No. No, definitely not. One of my dad's rugby pals was No, definitely not. One of my dad's rugby pals was adamant that he owned a dressing gown

which used to belong to the Bishop of Bath and Wells. That is a fabulous piece of memorabilia. He claimed he found it in a hotel. Before big matches, he would wear said dressing gown as a good luck charm. Do you think he got mixed up with the phrase bathrobe? I think that's quite a nice sort of medieval issue. This was the robe of a bishop.

It will bring us luck in the coming fight. Bishop of Bath and Well. I like that. That's a great piece of memory. And then Ultra Magnus. I mean, our regulars are really delivering. They always do. It's in the details.

Ricardo. Ultra Magnus. My wife's grandparents I mean I'm already in my wife's grandparents have a newspaper cutting from when Ina Sharples came to visit Witness

full stop it's not signed you want signed it's like when you you know when you get to the Hard Rock Cafe yeah and it's all about

the neighbourhood they put you in and the last time I went I was led past the Lou Reed guitar not cafe. Yeah. And it's all about the neighbourhood they put you in. And the last time I went, I was led past the Lou Reed guitar and sat underneath a black and white unsigned, I think it was meatloaf. Mm. No. Well, I remember...

Unsigned. I wasn't allowed, as you know, to get autographs, because my mum said we weren't allowed to ask friends for autographs. But once I went rogue at our school fete, and on the same day, which was lovely, at my school, I got the autographs of Kenneth Williams and violinist Yehudi Menuhin. Which I like to think summed up in some ways.

The many different faces. May I return us to Hugh Grant? You went very high then. Did I? I saw an Alsatian in the street jolt and turn. Well, I'm a lady. I speak high. I'm sorry.

It's fine. Remember that in The Odd Couple when Walter Matto says, I just want to spend some time with people whose voices are higher than ours. They're so desperate for female company. Hugh Grant.

And that was The Cuckoo Pigeon Sisters, if you remember the film. It's a great film. Carry on, darling. Hugh Grant, he's got in trouble. I suppose if I'm

completely honest, Frank, I really was very interested to know your take on this. He said, as we've established, it didn't start well because the interviewer said to him, you're a veteran of the Oscars. And I'm not sure how that went down. I don't think that's a compliment, isn't it? OK.

Then, well, I think she intended it to be. I'm just not sure how it was received. And then the big thing was that she says, well, you know, what do you make of tonight? And she said, what do you love about the Oscars? He said, yeah, he said, well, it's fascinating. The whole of humanity is here. Not true, of course. No. Very select. Completely the opposite.

And then he paused and he said, it's all about Vanity Fair. To which she replied, oh, yes, it's all about Vanity Fair. That's where we let our hair down and enjoy ourselves later. Yeah. So that was awkward, wasn't it? Well, I thought, to be fair to her, the trouble is with saying Vanity Fair is you're either talking about William Makepeace Thackeray's novel, which exposes the triviality

of that kind of world, or you're talking about the celebrity fashion mag, Vanity Fair, which is at the complete opposite end of the scale. And crucially, they're Oscar's after party.

Oh, well, there you go. So, I mean, he confused her early. He's laid something of a trap there, conversationally. It was like when Vinnie Jones took out Steve McManaman early in the FA Cup final. That's exactly what I was thinking. The idea was to throw him.

That's exactly what Hugh was thinking. He's a bit of a football fan. Yeah, but he's a Fulham fan. Is that real? Yeah, that's what celebrities who are too frightened to go to Chelsea tend to support Fulham fan. Is that real? Yeah, that's what celebrities who are too frightened to go to Chelsea tend to support Fulham. Frank Skimmer. Absolute radio.

So we're back with Hugh Grant on the red carpet. Yes. And the interviewer then said, have you got your hopes up for anyone? He said, it's only one you're looking forward to seeing, he said. To which he said, not particularly. Yeah, exactly. Quite Scunerian.

Yeah, but while he... Maybe she says, what are you wearing? And he says, Frank... My suit. Yes. Did she say what or who? She said what, but everyone knows that what means who. Yeah.

And then he said, my tailor, my tailor, tell you. Yes. That was perfectly reasonable. It all got very awkward. She referenced the movie Glass Onion, is it? Yes. When he said, I was in it for about three seconds. Which, if anything, that's probably an overestimation.

Really? Yeah, it really is just a sort of brief visual joke, really. Does he play Daniel? Oh, we don't want to spoil it, actually. Because that's quite a nice moment. No spoilers. So, what do you overall think of this? Well, my motto, I've been interviewed many, many, many times

over the last 30-odd years, and my motto became quite early on, I think just shortly after doing the word for the first time, that don't let a bad question get in the way of a good answer. So it's a bit like when you do an exam, you know what, you've got good, interesting stuff to say. It's only that first sentence that needs to twist that into what you've got to say. I think he could have played, if you're at the Oscars you've got to expect some frippery. You can't go to a Premier League game and

say yet another player feigning injury, why isn't something done about this? You have to just allow nonsense. No, I'm going to defend Hugh. I'm sorry. I feel that you can't ask these generic questions. As a 62-year-old man, you don't ask... No offence, but you don't say, what are you wearing? You don't ask the same questions you'd ask Kim Kardashian.

But Hugh Grant once asked me one of the most clichéd questions. Did he interview you? No, he said to me, how did you get my number? Which is a very clichéd showbiz question. Which is a very clichéd showbiz question. What happened was he'd been involved in an incident in his car. Well, we know. Yeah, I think the story was that there was... We know the story.

His passenger was scratching about for loose change in the loose change dish. Yes. So she could unchain a supermarket trolley. Oh, okay. But the police didn't see it that way. And I'd been to church, been to mass. I was in America. And I went to church and the priest's homily was all about how

Hugh Grant was an example of the moral corruption of the modern world. So I thought, I'll tell him this. So I was trying to get him on my chat show to come and do his mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa thing. So I phoned him up and he

said, look, I'm in my house here. The curtains are drawn because there's paparazzi outside. How did you get this number? I said, ah, it's fine, just somebody. And we had a bit of a chat. He was all right, actually. Yeah. But he said no to the show.

It wasn't his first trouble with phones. No. Well, they were saying it sort of provoked this huge debate. I think in the Washington Post there was an article and the headline was, was Hugh Grant being rude or just British? Oh, I like that. That's a very fine line. Not taken, dear. Imagine if we said that. Well, we do say quite a lot of things about the Americans, to be fair.

I think it's sort of a mutual thing. I saw it described... Is Donald Trump vulgar or just American? But what about this? I saw a description of it as the worst interview of all time. Did you? No. Which is in direct refutation of a letter I got

from the actor Gene Wilder, who said that my interview with him was the worst interview of all time. Do you know that? Do you not know about the letter? No. Gather round the fireside, frankly. Let's come back to that. Oh no, let's not. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. We discussed the notion of smoking on space stations. Oh, yes. And the proliferation of smoking in, say, the 70s, and we've got a good email about it. Hi, Frank, Emily and Pierre. I thought I'd share with you the most 70s story ever. Big claim.

Oh, I'm going to enjoy this. My dad went to the doctor with a bad chesty cough. The doctor, who had a glass ashtray on his desk... Love him. Or her. The doctor then said, Different times. Yours healthily, Eddie from Colston. I love Eddie.

Is he from Colston? Frank. Colston. Eddie from Colston. Oh, yeah. Do you know about this, Pierre? Frank says... Oh, God.

We'll be used for cool, you know. Colston for cool. Frank says it as an expression and he's trying to make it take off that you'll say oh Coolston yeah oh Coolston oh I see

I see I had an old Charlie Buckins football monthly with an advert by Stanley Matthews who's a big star player of the day

saying I'm a professional athlete so I smoke these new tipped cigarettes. He's an extremist, one of those health nuts, Stanley Matthews. Applied till he was 50. Wow. Yeah, I know, exactly.

Frank, I want to take... Yes. Actually, very quickly, could you just remind, let's just round that up with Hugh Grant. I won't have a word said against him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if anyone was offended, but I don't love the man. I didn't have a problem with it.

It was funny. Yeah. How often do you say that about the Oscars? Yeah. Exactly. Frank, could you briefly, though, just for anyone who's unaware, let's end this with the moment Gene Wilder contacted you. I used to send out a standard thank you letter to people.

Thank you. I really enjoyed the interview and stuff. And I got a letter back from Gene Wilder. Was it personally written? From the desk of Willy Wonka. Was he handwritten? Handwritten. Saying, I cannot believe you have the audacity

to write and thank me for what was the worst interview I've ever done in my life. You showed three film clips, no, two film clips, none of which I was in. You blah, blah, and it gave me a systematic destruction of the thing. So you didn't get the factory in the end? He said to me, no.

He said I didn't get the golden ticket. Just before I did that interview, he said, by the way, I'm an actor. I'm not funny. Unless there's a script, I'm not funny you know unless there's a script i'm not funny oh and i thought well leave this to me gene but uh yeah it was a rubbish interview to be fair i hadn't learned how to do it in those days did you i was a bit ashley graham um but it takes you don't you know you don't learn it overnight. You say, what are you wearing? Yeah, I didn't say that to Jean.

But I just... It's not her fault. It's a difficult job. All my favourite bits from his films didn't include him. But I thought I'd show him anyway. I thought he'd be OK with it. He seems a friendly, warm-hearted kind of a guy. Anyway, no longer with us.

OK. We'll leave it there. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, you have been talking about Lenny the Lion. Well, I was last week. Was it just the one show? It feels like more. No, well, I went on a bit. Well, I'd never seen him, and I wish I hadn't.

Right. Terrifying-looking thing. Well, I went on a bit. Well, I'd never seen him, and I wish I hadn't. Terrifying looking thing. Lenny the Lion was a... Terry Hall and Lenny the Lion was a ventriloquist act from the 60s and 70s. And as I said, I think he went on into child literacy. So, like so many performers nowadays, he became an activist. But you say he went on.

Well, Lenny. How much control he had over his career. On his Twitter feed, it says, Lenny the Lion, actor and activist. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. It's like Ashley Graham.

Maybe, I don't know. Lenny the Lion. I hadn't heard of her before this week. Lenny the Lion, it turns out, is something of a favourite with our readers. Really? Hmm. Okay. What does that tell you? Well, we'll soon find out. Okay. Lenny the Lion, it turns out, is something of a favourite with our readers. Really? OK.

What does that tell you? Well, we'll soon find out. OK. Paul Pinfold Jr. has got in touch. Yeah. I bet he gets a lot of down-to-mouth remarks. Whiz! Annoying.

Photographic evidence, which I will be showing you. Hi, Frank, Emily and Pierre. Really funny. Oh, sorry, he gave some praise. I do apologise. I won't read that out. Re-Lenny the Lion. I love an email. Subject line,

Re-Lenny the Lion. Here's a photo, which is enclosed, of my little brother Lee and myself with Lenny. It's a marvellous photo. I'm the one at the back and my brother is holding the hand. Lol. Oh, he's holding the human hand. Terrifying. Single human hand. The terrifying, single human hand. The human hand on the lion.

Some of them he don't eat, he just strangles. That was like a sentence from the book of Revelation. And the lion shall have a human hand. And he shall teach the young of the tribe to read.

Oh dear. This was in 1980 in Coventry at the Dun Cow pub in Dunshash. Alright, we're not the police. I was nine, I'm 52 next month. Interesting facts.

Terry Hall from Olden... OK. ..originally... Didn't know that. Yeah, that was Lenny the Lion. He was called Terry Hall. Terry Hall was the operator. Yeah, the operator.

His friend. I didn't know about operator. Yeah, who suspiciously had exactly the same ring size. As well as the lion. LT lion. Letter for Mr. LT lion. Lieutenant lion. Go on, please continue.

Are we ever going to get through this one? Stop being so funny, okay? Anyway, Terry Hall was Mr. LT lion. Yes. going to get through this one stop stop being so funny okay um anyway terry hall was mr lt lion yes he was his best friend i believe oh i didn't know it was that kind of relationship i remember i said i was i was on after the sooty show and i said do you operate um sweep and the woman said no i'm his best friend that was him um he's no longer with us, obviously. What's he really like? Yes. Who's no longer with us? Terry Hall, no.

Lenny, I think, is still... Is Lenny still working with another... I don't know, I have to find the zoo. Another best friend. He was the... Oh, you don't think so. Did they get a new friend? Slutty got a few new friends, as did the fox.

Oh, was it like that? Brosh. He was the first ventriloquist to use a non-human puppet. Did you know that? I didn't know that. I didn't realise any of them were human. What did they use? Grave robbers.

It was a very controversial art form. Yes, I like the ventriloquist, but the cadaver Had seen better days The disemboweling Aspect of it I didn't like We all remember Burke and Hare's

Music hall act Oh yeah Knock knock Oh man I went there I had a box At the theatre You know they were Buried on the same day Man, I went there. I had a box at the theatre.

You know, they were buried on the same day. Were they? Executed on the same day. They were worried if they didn't, they'd keep digging each other up. I've underluckish to keep digging. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We're still... Well, I'm saying I'd like to stay in the area of this show we called Previously.

Yes, people send us stuff about things that happened last week. Now, do you both remember we talked about tribute bands quite a bit? Yes. Specifically, a Rod Stewart tribute. Oh, yes, Odd Stewart. Yeah. We've had this in. Having listened to Frank's latest programme, I like Frank's latest programme.

Yeah. Quite points of view. I thought he might like to hear from... Odd Stewart himself. Goodness. points of view. I thought he might like to hear from dot dot dot, Odd Stuart himself. Goodness. My name is Peter O'Donnell hence Odd

Stuart. Oh, O-D. O-D. Do you get it? It's much more intricate than I thought. Sort of Da Vinci code. Yeah. I can't believe we've heard from the actual OD himself. I've been a fan of Rod since the early days of The Faces when I had a band called Casino.

Nice. I've met Rod several times as I was the resident band at the Ritz for 12 years. Oh, come on. Which Ritz, though? I don't know that. Surely. There's only one.

There can be only one. I think you'll find that's incorrect. Well, it's incorrect in some ways. But anyway, it's still great to be the resident band for that long. It's clearly one. Imagine how friendly you'd be with the front of house. I'm not talking about Ritz-Carlton's here. No.

These are vulgar. And I even had him join me on stage to do a number. That's really something. He continues, in terms of tribute acts, I also do an Everly Brothers act as O'Donnell and Sapsford, although we could be called the Neverly Brothers. I think play together and sing in harmony, but are not brothers. OK. I don't think the Everly brothers were

ever in harmony. They despised each other. I think they're in the chair. They're in the double chair for double acts, people who don't like each other. Simon and Garfunkel as well? Lots of double acts, but brothers when they get it, they really, like the Davis brothers in

The Kinks. Cain and Abel? And of course... They didn't get on, did they? No. They're great singers, though. No, but at least, you know... I mean, the Gallagher brothers made a bit more of a go of it than Cain and Abel. Did they? I think so.

Liam never being lured into a field as easily. Did he lure him into a field? Who was the villain, Cain or Abel? Cain killed Abel. Oh, that's a shame. Well, they didn't kill in alphabetical order in those days. Breaking news. Listen.

Exactly. Listen, Peter O'Donnell just finishes up. I like this Peter O'Donnell, charming man. He sent some lovely photographs of him with Rod. Oh, nice. Okay, so I'll show those to you. Well done, you. Thanks for the mention, Frank.

I love watching repeats of you on Room 101. And I'm glad, listen, I'm glad to discover you're now on the radio. Yeah. That's from Peter. So, a little sting in the tail. A shot across the bowels from Bob Stewart. Wow.

He didn't mean it. Wow. But it's quite an ending. I thought I was out of range, but he got me in the shoulder. I thought I went over the horizon. P.S., Frank. Oh, God, there's a P.S. Don't hit a man when he's down.

Go on. They have a meat raffle every Sunday at 5.30. There was an interval at the show at the Nags Head. They have a meat raffle every Sunday so if you want to enter that now you're not on the telly maybe it might be a nice thing

for you so thank you Peter Rod Skeward well anyway thanks thanks Rod it's not Rod it's Rod

oh it's Rod thanks Rod do you think Sean Connery said that at the end of Goldfinger thanks Rod good working with you cheers Otto Connery said that at the end of Goldfinger? Thanks, Odd. Good working with you.

Cheers, Otto. You don't get to keep the hat. I don't get to keep... No. So, episode seven of Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast is out on Wednesday. It's Kay Ryan this week. Kay Ryan believes that we all carry with us an invisible ladder that we don't know about,

and that's why we cause so much chaos and damage and hurt wherever we go, but it also gives us the power to ascend and reach that fruit we wouldn't otherwise reach listen to that download it from wherever you get your podcast episode two of um swift and pope is on sky arts eight o'clock me and denise uh minor brilliant Me and Denise Minor. Brilliant. And I'm on loose ends tonight on Radio 4. So you know what? I'm everywhere. Hear that, Odd?

And anyway, if the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. What if there'll be a meat raffle on loose ends scrag ends maybe