The Frank Skinner Show - Paddington Puma

Episode Date: December 9, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Buzz stayed up late to watch the last ever KISS gig. The team also chat about the word of the year, Santa Paws and beige flags.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215, follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio or you can email firefrank at absoluteradio.co.uk It's done. I've said it all and i have arrived so last week you may recall i was setting myself up for a night of um kiss on um not a night of if anyone's tuning in for the first time i don't mean a night of kiss that's not how i describe a night of... If anyone's tuning in for the first time, I don't mean a night of Kiss. That's not how I describe a sort of love nest. No.

No. I'm on about... Kiss, the band, were doing their last ever gig in New York and it was... I went pay-per-view. Yes. How much? It wasn't much.

It was about 16 or 17 quid. For all the family, bargain. Yeah, I could have got everyone in the street in the house. Well, they wouldn't have come. I was going to say, good luck with that. People might have come to see what my house looked like. Like a sort of photo of the coronation in the 50s. Yeah.

Everyone crammed around the one TV to watch Kiss. Exactly. Well, my son in particular, Boz, is mad about Kiss. But I've come to love them as well. And I first saw them in 76 at the Birmingham Odeon. That is mad. And some of the stuff's still there. Including the hair.

Yeah. They've still got it. Well, they had a countdown. They had a big countdown to the broadcast, which was quite exciting. We literally, because Cat stayed up as well for about three songs, but Cat stayed up. So we did the countdown out loud

and then we realised it was a countdown to a 15-minute countdown. And then there was 45 minutes of people being amongst the crowd and stuff. There was a lot of, are you having a good time broadcasting going on, which is the worst broadcasting ever. I would rather people came on and dealt personal abuse to me down the camera than went, are you having a good time?

I just wish people would just go, well, I don't know yet, really. I always feel like American crowds are so, they've got such an endless reservoir of good time that in order to open the taps to this reservoir, you have to shout and encourage it. But it's not just an American

thing. There's lots of it. Oh no, we're guilty as well. It's the charity concert as well. I mean, I love a charity concert, but it does happen. Are you having a good time? I would say, though, the difference is that in America, there's this infinite reservoir of that and you want to open those taps, whereas in the UK,

if you ask too many times, you've used the reservoir. The taps have run dry. I don't know about you. People are angry now. I would never go to the audience halfway through a gig and say, are you finding this funny? I mean, I'm just, if they aren't, they're going to have to keep that to themselves.

It's the first rule of law, isn't it? Don't ask a question you don't know the answer to. Well, you know, if I can hear them and it's laughter, I'll just assume it. There'll be people who aren't having a good time. But I don't want like 20 voices in a thousand-seater going, no, not really. You know, that'll be enough to ruin it for me. Would you ever do a rhetorical one and sort of say,

are you laughing? And sort of raise a hand? No. No, not that either. Would you have a countdown? I think large gatherings of people where they're raising hands is something that's failed in the past. I don't like that, no.

No. Would you have a countdown, Frank? I'd like that. 10, 9, 8. I suppose my walk on music is a sort of a countdown, but it doesn't last long, because I always think I'll be back in the bar if I don't get out quick.

So, anyways, it was more or less, it was the same show that me and Boz saw in Birmingham earlier in the year, but still tremendous. Gene Simmons spat fire and gobbed out blood. Oh. Gene Simmons, the bass player, is going to find out.

Is that just an age thing? You know? Touching family Christmas scene round at yours. Well, it's interesting that because there was a rumour back in the day that he had had a cow's tongue grafted onto his tongue. But I don't

know if you've ever seen a cow's tongue in isolation. It's like the size of a laptop. No one is going to have that grafted on. And if you've ever seen a cow's tongue in isolation, it's like the size of a laptop. Yeah. No one is going to have that grafted on. And if they did, they wouldn't be singing. No. Or even playing bass.

Or even asking if you're having a good time. Well, he didn't. I don't think the band. Oh, actually, maybe Paul. You remember Paul? Yeah. Who swings above the crowd. Paul is my absolute favourite.

He still did that. I thought, is this... At the end of it, the health and safety must have thought, we've done it. We've gone through it. Just the crane slowly moved over to an ambulance. But he's still swinging above the crowd

just on a metal ring with no harness, no support, no wires connected to him. I have a question for you. What snacks, I'm thinking of one in particular, did you have laid out for the concert? Well, we did have some tackies. Yeah, but I had some healthier stuff, you know, stuff that isn't really snacks.

Late at night for a tacky. Lentil crisps. Buzzard chocolate. Lentil crisps while watching the Kiss concert. I love it. It was pretty, yeah. You know what? That's what rock stars are all like now. Okay.

But there was odd stuff. I'm going to be straight with you. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, I thought you said, will you be my girl at the end? That's the

in excess one, isn't it? No, he says, yeah. He said, I'm happy with yeah. Where would rock be without yeah?

Anyway, that was Lenny Kravitz with, are you gonna go my way? Question mark. Not in that scarf. Oh, there we go scarf we had to mention

the scarf we had to Frank I'm sorry a lot of questions in rock you can go my way you're having a good time Buzz cried at the

kiss thing because it's their last ever gig and when they played do you love me he cried I think because he does but he also cried

there's a very weird thing that happens in a Kiss gig. Kiss's first hit wasn't really a Kiss song. It was the drummer of the time, I think then was a bloke called Peter Criss. You know, he wears cat make-up. The rest wear, like, exciting demon stuff,

and he's a cat at the back. Anyway, they brought him on to do a song of his own at the gigs called best and it's all about you know best you know i love you it's one of those when he sits with a tiny piano they found him some piano from um from toys the ross to sit down and this the the And the current cat, who's a bloke called Eric Singer, confusingly. Does the cat identity get traded between that? Yeah, so if someone leaves... The cat mantle gets inherited. Yeah, I think Paul and Jean own the identities.

Yeah, of Kiss, generally. They own the band, basically. The rest are hired hands. A rotating cast of cats. But I think the original ones gave up. They didn't think it was worth much. What, the cat identity? What is it, the cat identity?

Yeah, so they sort of, I think they sold it or something for cheap. I'm not sure about that. I think it was any Kiss historian. Any Kiss-storians. I think you're right. I think they got bought out because they thought, why are we dressed like goth clowns? And also, Kiss went through a whole period

mid-career of not having makeup. Not wearing it. Really? Yeah, it was horrible. Well, I went through that. It was horrible. Yeah, it did last long though, didn't it? They stuck it out for a few years. And I don't recommend it, Kiss. Well, it didn't suit them though, didn't it? They stuck it out for a few years. And I don't recommend it, Kiss. No, well, it didn't suit them, and they weren't doing it now.

Anyway, so he came on and played Beth, sitting next to his little pihalla, and Buzz cried at that. Hang on, is he dressed as the cat one? Of course he's the cat. Buzz does have a cat allergy. He could have just been that but oh man

so yeah it was it was it was lovely it was a lovely um dads and lads things but then

at the end two things happen first of all they always play out to God gave rock and roll to you which is like it's a cover version of the original. Was it Argent or something?

Anyway, so you just, when you walk out, when the fans go and collect their souvenir confetti, which has covered the entire auditorium or whatever, that plays. But this gig they played it, and suddenly this incredible thing, basically they've gone the ABBA route and had Kiss, what are they called, avatars? They're probably called abatars. Might be a big class to abattoir. Yeah, they've got into an abattoir.

You don't want that with the cat on stage either. It's not appropriate. Once they smell the whatever, what is it that animals smell and know that other animals are being executed? Blood, I suppose. Yeah, okay. I thought you were going to have a really good chemical.

Ferromazone or something. Anyway, so, oh, they've gone down the holographic. Yeah, so they're going to now to La Cabra. Oh, wow. Virtual kiss. How, so they're going to now tour like ABBA. Oh, wow. Virtual Kiss. How are they going to do the spinning round? I'm just going to holler at this because the producer's looking at me daggers.

Oh, yeah. Then Gene Simmons came off stage, still in makeup and everything, and the woman said, how did it go? And he said, oh, man, I've got a bladder stone right there now. I need to go and pass it. He said, right in the end.

And then he used a Yiddish word to describe his gentleman's excuse me. And then someone said, Gene, Gene, you know this is being recorded? He went, oh. Oh, it's like a terrible plan of stuff what kind of a finale is that stupid girl garbage

I'm just coming up with nicknames for these pair quite happy with that Garbage! I'm just coming up with nicknames for these pair. Quite happy with that. Frank, Christopher John Stephen. Oh, yeah. I like that. I don't know why it sounds like... It sounds like he might have had a best friend who was a bear. Yes.

I would have gone with American Assassin. God, I had a bear incident this week awkward did you go to that club again I thought you'd moved from the Vauxhall area awkward bear incident I was in a car

and the driver Uber the driver said something about blah blah football and he said I'm from Peru I came here in the blah, blah, you know, and it was a struggle at first. And then I sort of found a place.

I said, it's a similar story to Paddington Bear. Right, that's quite rude. Is it? Yeah. He said, there are no bears in Peru. I said, what? I'm just saying it was. He said, there are no.

Why is it a bear? There are no bears there. You accidentally hit the skies. Yeah, he said, if it had been a... And then he said... He said to a Peruvian, yes, you remind me of... No, I said you had a similar experience.

And he said, if it had been a puma, it would have made more sense. No, it wouldn't. You can't have a puma living in a house with Jill. But you're a bear, to be fair. Also, you can't have a puma wearing a duffel coat. It's the wrong look. Puma in a duffel coat.

I know. I know. It's serious. How many times a day do you think he gets that? I wouldn't have thought. how many times a day do you think he gets that I wouldn't have thought I moved here from Peru

and found it hard to find somewhere to live he must get it he's expecting sympathy and every time people just go like that bad do you think he gets it a lot really well if he won't hang out outside Paddington station all the time

what does he expect with his hat full of sandwiches. I feel bad about it. I bet he wears a hat and plays on it a bit. It's got a red beanie on and a blue jacket. Why? It's just clothes. It's just clothes. I can't believe you're making this Paddington reference.

It'd be called Paddington Puma as well. It sounds like Sir Geoffrey Paddington Puma will be here this afternoon. Now, who knew? It was so easy to say the wrong thing to people. I thought you couldn't go wrong with some Paddington chat. Yeah, it's lovely to have people who smile, you know. It's just such a warm-hearted thing.

So they don't have bears. I'll send him some marmalade. Just furious. Smashing the glass against the walls. Whatever happened to the customer is always right. Anyway, sorry, I interrupted. Do they not have bears in Peru then? That's what he said.

No bears in Peru. He said, Puma was his first choice. He said, if it had been a llama, it would have been all right. He said, but there are no bears. I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with him. We can't have a llama in a duffel coat either. Spitting at the children. Spitting at Mrs. Brown.

It would look like a hooligan. Llama in a duffel coat spitting on the street. Also too tall for houses, llamas. But bears, I mean actual bears, are enormous, aren't they? Yeah, Paddington never grew. No.

I think they gave him injections. I remember that. It was like an addendum in one of the books. Appendix. Mrs Brown insisted. Appendix. Growth reduction injections, it was called. It was all about that.

I didn't have to go to the doctors. Yeah. Anyway, a little tip. If a driver ever says, I'm from Peru, get your trap shut. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Christopher John Stephen, you may recall. Yes, sorry, I got into an Uber off through his text. It happens.

Christopher John Stephen has messaged us regarding your viewing of the Kiss concert. He has a suggestion, Kiss version of Abbatars. What about Kissagrams? Yeah. How do you feel about that? Yeah, I mean mean it could be confusing i mean gene simmons would do a kissagram if the money was right yes he bought a solo album

there was a thing when he bought a solo album he off he bought one out and he said that he would deliver it personally to people's homes for something like $20,000. That's insane. You know, I told you his symbol is like a sat with a dollar sign on it. He's copyrighted that symbol. You know what I told you last week? He's copyrighted the dollar symbol and cats.

But, you know, Cristiano Ronaldo has copyrighted CR7 because that's his number and all that stuff. But to copyright a bag of money with a dollar sign on it, something really horrible about it. There's something Scrooge McDuck. Yeah. So you can get Jane Simmons vodka which comes in a bottle that's the shape of

a money bag with a dollar on the side of it. For goodness sake. I know. Listen, I want to ask you something. I did the Chris Evans show a couple of weeks ago, whatever it was. And I met a lady on there and she she's a mate of our producers Sarah what she called Jane I believe

they call her Aussie Jane for you know obvious reasons she She's Australian. But she collects secondhand jigsaws. All right. And I said, that is the most optimistic hobby I've ever heard of in my life. And I asked her, I put her on the spot. I don't think this wasn't on air, I don't think. I put her on the spot I don't think this wasn't on air

I don't think but I said what is the percentage of second hand jigsaws that are incomplete she said I've written complete ones

about three in ten really that's low that is yeah and I had low expectations yeah well I just

I would assume everyone had got that's why it went to the second hand shop, because a piece had gone missing. How do pieces from jigsaws even go missing? Dogs. Yeah. Oh, of course.

They're terrible at jigsaws. Yeah, they are. And then their frustration, they throw pieces away. But, you know, there is such a level of trust, and trust, let's face it, is almost disappeared. I always feel a bit sick at that bit on Countdown when during the maths thing you have to show your bit of paper to the other person to show that you weren't just copying.

You didn't just say, oh, yeah, I did the same thing. Did you? Well, show him your bit of paper. Oh, just trust me and often the person won't even look at the paper just say no I trust you honestly no no look at the paper

oh people used to trust each other didn't they it's all gone now yeah Frank Skimmer Absolute Radio anyway here's the thing here is the thing Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. Anyway, here's a thing, here is a thing.

I watched a film. You know, I never watch films all the way through, but Boz said I'd like to watch a Christmas film. So the way I sort a film out now is I go on, say, I don't know, whatever it is, Netflix, Sky Cinema, and go, oh, 88 minutes, that sounds good. Is that how you select? Yeah, that's how I choose my films nowadays. Well, there are.

Do you think there's a place for me in the commode? Who is he? Who's the other one? Oh, I can't ever remember. Sam Mayer. Yeah, well, it's Sam Mayer. Oh, God, don't tell me he doesn't hear about that. Remember, I'm an old man, Commander. Anyway.

There are some content websites where they will helpfully list the length of the article, won't they? They'll see three-minute read or seven-minute read. I never read a whole article on anything. No. Never. But what would you do?

I do three paragraphs, maybe. I can't remember the last time in a newspaper or magazine I've got to the end of an article. You just sort of go I get it. I've got it now. I've got the kernel of it. I suppose there are very rarely suddenly twists at the end of a piece of journalism.

Well it could be but you know I can live without them. Anyway what we ended up watching was Santa Bodies, The Legend of Santa Paws. Oh, my word. That's like from Kiss, isn't it? It's a talking dog-based movie.

This sounds like a tax write-off movie. This sounds like I'm in. Well, apparently it's a franchise, The Bodies. Is it? They are a group

of talking dogs. Are they? I think it's Donnie and Post. I'll be straight with you. Can I just say, is this... But they love a Post. They're fascinated by them. Sorry, you were saying?

Is this animated or...? No. Because you don't have a very low tolerance for the animation. No, I'll tell you who's in it. Christopher Lloyd. Oh, I like him. Christopher Lloyd, you wouldn't like him in this. He's a dog, an evil dog catcher. Keeps them in squalid conditions. I've gone right off him.

And doesn't like Christmas. Oh, he's going off on my estimation. Doesn't like, and hold on, his name is Stan, wait for it, Crooge. Oh. Now, hold on. Ring any Christmas bells? That's a faint memory.

So we watched this, one of the dogs is called Buddha in the bodies. Is that okay, Frank? I don't know about that. How would you feel if it was your... If it was called Pope Francis, I wouldn't be that glad about it. Do you think there's a Buddhist monk somewhere saying, there are no dogs in Tibet? Well, the...

I'm sick of people asking about this. I've never got in an Uber driven by a Buddhist monk to this day. You know what I say? If he says, where are we going? You think, oh, this is going to be a long conversation. Anyway. Raymond's Tibetan. Yeah, there's a dog called Buddha

and it says things like namaste and talks about like karma. A very well-rounded non-cliché. Yeah, exactly. Karma and namaste. It's sort of implying that if it was the Buddha, he's screwed up so badly he's been reincarnated as a dog, which is an enormous punishment.

I suppose. What, is he? They looked happy enough to me. They're all kept by very rich children, the bodies. How was it? The miller's houses they lived in. Well, the bodies have done well for themselves. If anyone else

has seen a bodies thing, I'd love to. You know when you're watching a Rob, do you ever get this? I was watching

this, it's a rubbish film. I was watching it and it's like being in a dysfunctional relationship. You know you

should get out but you just keep going with it. Oh man. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Anyway, this is Frank Skinner.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Nivelli. Text the show on A1215. Follow us on X and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. UK. Oh, I should say, by the way, I had a lovely gift arrive. Do you know that I sometimes play on this show Jodie and the Germs.

Does that ring any bells with you? Well, Robert, the keyboard player from Jodie and the Germs, has written a new book. And so he sent me a copy of that, and it's written in biro on a printed thing, Merry Christmas! Nice. So I think you guys would like this book.

It's called Damp Squids and Card Sharks. And it's about sort of... It says a compendium of commonly confused phrases. So, for example, I'm opening at random. Chomping at the bit. It's champing. Trust me, that is literally what horses do. They grind their teeth together and champ, champ, champ, champ.

And so, not chomp. Do you know, I love this book already. Yeah, well. You know what the young people would say, love islanders would say? It's a little bit of me. Yeah, well this bit ends. Don't start telling me that you googled it and found millions of hits

for chomping at the bit. And in fact more hits than for chomping at the bit. Because then I would tell you that in 1933 millions more people voted for Hitler than any other candidate. Does that make them right? It sounds a bit like you, Frank. It sounds a bit like all of us.

I wasn't expecting Hitler to pop up in the phrasebook. So there's several. I love her, this person. Disinterested, of course, is a big deal one. Oh, yes, that was my dad's big bug. Uninterested and disinterested. If you're disinterested, you don that was my dad's big bug. Uninterested and disinterested. Yeah. Don't get it wrong.

If you're disinterested, you don't stand to gain anything from it. Yeah. If you're uninterested, you're not bothered. I think that's a fair summary. May you remind me of the name of this book again, please? You can. It's called Damp Squids and Card Sharks.

I think the point being that it's damp squibs and card sharps. Yes. Is this, okay. So even in the title, we are being reprimanded. We live in the age of the reprimand. I think that's true. I feel that most people I talk to now tell me off four or five times. It is so, the age.

or five times. It is so. The age. If I were to symbolise the first quarter of the 21st century, it would be a 3D wagging finger. It would be a calloused tip of the nose

from all the times. Yes, I think the stained glass window for this decade would read, shame on you. Yeah. Hands on hips frowning. Now listen.

David Ivor Price. David Ivor Price. We've all got a price, David. Don't feel bad about it. A person who collects jigsaws is a dissectologist. Is that right? As early jigsaws were dissected maps.

Are you aware of that? No. Why were they being dissected? Boredom. Long voyages. What a clear setup. Boring boredom, boring boredom. Maybe hiding treasure chests and things.

That's quite a classic reason to cut up a map. Oh, yeah, cut up a map, yeah, for the big treasure. And then a bit goes to Pew. A bit goes to Alan. I wouldn't do a geographical jigsaw. They bore me. Well, I met a jigsaw enthusiast and asked her if she'd ever done a white one.

And she said, I did one that was just blue. And I thought, no, I could never. Why? I don't like those ones. Just turn it over. What's my favourite jigsaw? The one that's just grey Just turn it over. What's my favourite jigsaw? The one that's just grey? Yeah.

Frank, guess what my favourite jigsaw is? Your favourite jigsaw. Is it... Is that a weird question? Bronte Contri. No, but you know what? I'm going to write that one down, because I think there is a Bronte.

No, I saw one the other day. Is it? There must be. World of Dogs. World of Dogs. World of Dogs. It's all the breeds and little fact about them. Second favourite,

World of Shakespeare. I was on one, the one show with Claire Balding not long ago. Love Balding. And she plonked

her new dog book. Read it. Which is called Art of Dogs. Yes. Now, what I meant to ask her and forgot, is it a pun? Yes.

Surely. On? Yes, because having read the book, I'm assuming, she doesn't explain the pun. That's not Walding's way. No, no, but I think it's a double pun, isn't it? Well, I'm assuming it's because we are the British Isles and are obsessed by dogs. Sorry, I sound a bit Nigel Farage,, I'm assuming it's because we are the British Isles and are obsessed by dogs.

Sorry, I sound a bit Nigel Farage, but you know what I mean? We are the British Isles. Yeah. Is it Isle as in we're the Isle of Dogs? Well, there is a place called the Isle of Dogs, obviously. No, but I think there's a... Isn't it...

Oh. I love dogs. Oh, Frank, I didn't even get that. I don't know if Claire's got it. I love dogs. You need to ring up the people. I'm going to ask her. Do you know her?

Oh, my God. Ask her if that was part of the pond triangle. I love dogs because we are an island that loves dogs and there's a place called I Love Dogs and I love dogs. Triple. I think that's very clever. I didn't even realise that. I am very clever. Do you know who you are?

Yeah. It can be a burden. We've got some missives I'd like to share with you. Right. From... What about if you just read that Merry Christmas thing card? I saw Gene Pitney live.

Do you know Gene Pitney? No. Gene Pitney was an American singer. Something's got a hold of my heart. Oh, it's a great song. Anyway, I saw as a kid, he headlined at Sunday night at the London Palladium. The big variety show of the week everyone watched was Sunday night at the London Palladium. The big variety show of the week everyone watched was Sunday night at the London Palladium, live show.

And they used to get American stars to headline it. And as a kid, I was allowed to... I was never sent to bed. I was up till all hours when I was a kid. But anyway, I watched it and he sang at the end. And when the crowd was applauding, he leaned into the mic and said, now that's what I call singing.

Brilliant. Anyway, I saw him live at the Palladium on one of them Sunday night Palladium shows. And about getting on for 15 minutes of the show was him reading out all the cards that he'd got in his dressing room. This is from Susan from Barb and she said, Jean, I'm really looking forward to seeing you.

It was like, you know when they read out too many cards at a wedding? You think, I'll just do a Sue song. Don't do them all. Don't read all the people that can't be here. It was that. That's proper mad dictator behaviour. Yeah, I know.

Something. 24 Hours from Tulsary. Did you know that one? Oh, yes. I have. Divas, darling. Was he a bit Orbison-y? He had that vibe.

I liked him. I liked him. I don't like him as much as I like the big O. But, I mean, that's a personal thing I don't talk about on Breakfast Radio. You could have started ending sets by saying, now that's what I call stand big O. But I mean, that's a personal thing I don't talk about on Breakfast Radio. Are you going to start ending sets by saying, no, that's what I call stand-up? Yeah, no. I'm not.

Frank, I hate that. People sometimes ask me if that's what I call stand-up. Frank, don't you hate that thing at weddings when they tell you you can... I don't hate anything. My life's all about love. Well, this is going to be a short show. I mean, we live in a society where it's easier to say I hate than it is I love.

What's gone wrong? 8, 12, 15. The show's taken a strange turn. I'm sorry, darling. I hate that bit at weddings, Frank, when they read out who can't be here. Well, you should have turned up. Yeah. It's like when you go to a shop and you're at the counter physically and they answer the phone to someone

who isn't there what hey there's got to be some precedent for actual press physical presence sometimes you go to the shop and they're on the phone the entire time throughout the business transaction don't like that. Parting with money. They shouldn't even have a phone. That's my thought. We've had some missives. For example, these people contact us during the week.

And I like that. They keep it going for us. I think a lot of them are podcast things. They don't get a chance to text in live. Benny Trickett. Yeah, Benny Trickett, for example. I'm not lying to you. Yeah.

Benny Trickett, he had exactly the same experience listening on the radio with Dad. Hearing you talk about listening to Muhammad Ali on the radio with your dad. Yeah, I used to. My dad would wake me up at two in the morning. I only just gone to bed wake me up and say sometimes it was cassius clay originally that's how old i am and we'd go down and listen to boxing uh on the radio yeah in the kitchen well benny said my dad i was comparing it with getting up to watch kiss okay i mean i went to bed this is the most rock and roll thing I've done for years. I went to bed after the Kiss gig,

looked at my phone. It was 4.28. Oh. Crazy. Crazy nights. Yeah. These are crazy. Everybody.

Watching the cat. My dad did this. Then I remembered I'd forgot to put the cat out. They should have litter instead of confetti at the end, falling into the audience. If you lift the lid on that little piano, there might be a tray. Anyway, sorry.

My dad did exactly the same. And I stayed up to hear The Rumble in the Jungle. Ah, fabulous. And The Thriller in Manila. Yeah? I was only eight or nine years old, and I loved listening with my dad, so Benny enjoyed hearing about it.

You know, there's another one of those. What? There was The Drama in the Bahamas. I thought that was a holiday I went on. It probably was. I think most of your activities begin the drama. Anyway. What about Mark from Cheltenham,

who's contacted us with regards to KISS and has come up with virtual kiss. Mm-hm. Because he mentions the virtual avatars, similar to the other shows. Is virtual kiss a phrase? Virtual kiss? I don't think so.

OK. What do you mean, is it a phrase? Well, I meant, was it some sort of a pun or something? Is it something I'm missing here? I don't think so so unless you can do a virtual kiss on you know well that's what i'm thinking or one of those sites or something you know the one oh not one of those i don't there's anything virtual about those sites or virtuous might i add the, that's how they like it now. Websites, you know, Frank. Now, we've had a few occasions on this show. You've had a few.

I haven't had a drink since 1986. You speak for yourself. What you refer to as those big drinks. Oh, God, that was enormous. What do they call them again? Pints. Pints, yeah. Oh, just carrying them.

I'm actually consuming one. They're always wet. The sunglasses are always wet. You've got to try and hold on. Normus heavy soaking massive drinks. They're sick. They always did. Eventually.

They're too big, aren't they? Too much liquid. Well, we've had a few occasions on this show where we've had to defer to the producers when it comes to new language. Oh, yeah. Wistful, the guardian. And I was wondering, Frank,

if as a wordsmith yourself, you saw any of the new words. Well, I always look out for the new words because I'm not although i'm um what's the word old um i actually like the idea that the english language is a living growing expanding thing so i love it i love it i don't know of every new word but every day there's a new word you think oh yeah i yeah, I like that. I'm going to embrace. Yeah. I don't say things are sick, like my son says,

unless... Unless you're revolted on a moral level. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I might say it there. But I don't say, oh wow, this looks sick. I don't say that. I'm glad you don't say that.

I think it would be a bit funny if you said that. Yeah. Unless, again, you're revolted on a month. This Western production looks sick! I remember a friend in Birmingham telling me he'd been going back out with his ex for a bit and hadn't told anyone because he said people can be disapproving.

And I said, you know, the Dr Johnson thing about a dog returning to its own vomit. So sometimes it's best not to have remarks. No. Just let things be. That's what I find. I've gone off mic. Help me, I've gone off mic.

That's all right, I'm back on. I just leaned for a second there and the whole thing went into counterbalance. What happened? That's a word I've just made up. It doesn't mean anything to me at all. It sounded like I knew what I was talking about. Physics? Don't think so.

I think the producer, judging by the fact she's pinching that fatty deposit at the back of my armpit, wants me to go to a break. And then we'll be back for these new words from the... Is it the OED that's belching them out? It is. Okay, I hope they're not doing it in any kind of promotional PR kind of way. Or they'll be hell to pay.

Riz, well, this is it. The main new word, word of the year for the Oxford English Dictionary is Riz. Now, have you come across this in the wild, Frank? I hadn't. I hadn't heard of Riz. And I'm a little confused still as to what exactly it means because I looked into it this week and it said it was um i looked into it an abbreviation of charisma but then it said that it was to do with attracting romantic partners yes it's a verb

as well you can but charisma is a lot it's it's different from attracting i think it's yes it's different from attracting I think it's if it does come from charisma in the middle of the word which is unusual I think it's from a simple understanding a much more relations based understanding of the word charisma as opposed to leadership I think

charisma in my mind is slightly changed in its meaning. It's gone a bit darker over the years. So, do you know what I mean? It's less Ryan Gosling and more Rasputin charisma. Yes, you're right. You're right, actually. The cult always had a charismatic leader.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's cult leader, isn't it? It's not the kind of riz you want to be. Specifically, it's very Netflix cult leader. Yes. He obviously Riz'd up his followers, and now they all live in a compound. Yeah, exactly.

Because of his Riz. Yeah. Rizputin, I would have called him in his day. Oh, Frank. You've just accidentally named some sort of DJ or artist. Someone out there's got to be called Rizputin. You've just broke the internet because that's going

to go viral Rasputin come on they call me Rasputin those are lyrics now if I was a DJ that would be my name

yeah because I'm attractive to whoever my chosen sexual target is but also somewhat slightly

unsettling about me and too compelling. Yes, and I'm immune to little poisoned cakes. Yeah. That would be the third one. Although I've seen that picture you showed me of Asputin you got from the dark web. Man, he looks cool.

I've got to be honest, it shouldn't but would. Yeah? I mean, he was lovely. Is that the one where he's wearing sunglasses? Yeah. He looks great. He does. He looks really cool.

Yeah. Do you think Russian people are worried that Putin is within Rasputin? Do they believe in omens? It's like it's an abbreviation. His mates called him Putin. The clue was there all along. It's because he's got no wrist.

They just call him Putin. That's another there all along. It's because he's got no reeds. They just call him Putin. That's another... You've made an incredible diss track. Well, I don't want to diss Putin. Okay. It's all coming together. Yeah. This is Christmas number one.

But do you know what I mean? I'm going to call Putin no-riz now. But going back to my original point, charisma has got a bit of a darkness to it now. Yes, you're right. It has acquired something malign. Yeah. I would agree.

Yes, it comes with intense eyes now as opposed to just the general... Why do they save the syllables, though? Why save our syllables? Why can't they say charisma? Because they say it's too long, maybe. Well, we're all very busy now. I like the idea of riz for charisma,

but I don't think that's what it's supposed to be. It's more directly... Romantically linked. How would you use it in a sentence, Pierre? You would say someone's got no riz. Or you would say you could riz someone up. Frank, give it a go. See how it works for you.

I'm out on the riz tonight. How's that? No, it's not right. Needs to have a target. Try it again. Try it about yourself. Do you think Rasputin's, I'm out on the riz tonight. An needs to have a target. Try it again. Try it about yourself. Do you think Rasputin's about on the wrist tonight? Anastasia will be waiting.

Yeah, well, saying someone's got... It's so complicated now, because you used to say a bit of a ladies' man and stuff, but obviously now they're all the... You can pot any poor ball you like regardless of what you've potted before I yeah I think I like it

it's brief and but I like it better as a shortening of charisma but you can't give cult leaders little punchy things like Riz as a description I don't think as they they're not very nice

some of them. Frank Skinner Frank Skinner Absolute Radio 597 Happy Charisma to you all Simon of Sudbury. Very nice very good. Couldn't we just say

Happy Riz now? That would get too confusing. Merry Riz. 2-4-0. What a result. In reference to your pun, I think. What a result. We've set off a whole army of punners out there. They can't wait to get their claws into this.

Before we move on, what does riz mean yeah yeah uh riz is to sort of charm it is it it is charm and it is to charm but it is to do with getting romantic partners rather than just like me charming you yes yes it's romantic partners okay fair enough right you you were saying? Well, we've had some other new words. Riz's word of the year, but we've also got Swifty for a big Taylor Swift fan. Oh, Frank, you knew that.

We've got one in the studio. No, we used to use the word Swifty, but they've cleaned it up a bit. Oh, Frank. We were busy. Oh, come on, Frank. You're a lovely man. I'm just saying, when I saw that one,

I thought, that one's come back, hasn't it? One that I thought that you would be interested in is beige flag. Must be rude, yeah. Do you know what that is, Frank? Well, I don't know if I do, and I'll tell you why. Because, like I say, I'm really interested in new words, language generally, to the point of obsession. So I thought beige flag, and when I first read it,

it said, so people who are boring, they sort of fly the beige flag. And I thought, I love that. Because being boring, but having some mighty standard with pride about it you might not know it's there but even so there's something great about it and then I thought oh hold on though can you still call people boring is that allowed is that one of the things is fair to say about someone because that's more hurtful than most stuff and then I thought of a term which explained why it was wrong

to call people boring it would be chat shaming anyway am I wrong it doesn't it comes from the big discourse around red flags and green flags and potential relationships can you tell me red flags a green flag is an insurance company it's not that oh frank i know red flags it's not

that i know what it is what is it it means warning signs when you're getting involved with someone it's red flags so it's things to be aware of that's a red flag things that may indicate a bad personality on yes they can or they were very rude to a waiter at a restaurant. Yeah, big red flag. Oh. And a green flag would be... An insurance company. So a red flag for me was when that woman described fever pitch as a novel.

Got it. Yes, exactly. For you, that would be a red flag. Okay. For others, it may be beige. Or didn't laugh at a specific point in a Laurel and Hardy film. Yes. That's a red flag. Or you caught them at a specific point in a Laurel and Hardy film. Yes.

That's a red flag. Or you caught them hammering a nail into a teddy's face. Yes, that is unforgivable. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Text the show on 81215. Follow us on X, oh no, and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk.

Okay. Or you can write to us through, what was that thing that the post office became when it did a silly name change? Oh, it called itself... Insignia. Oh, very good. Insignia.

As we said, it's a very apprentice team name. Yeah, yeah, called itself... Insignia. Oh, very good. Insignia. As we said, it's a very apprentice team name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Team Insignia, Sir Alan. We've sold over 17 postcards. So we were just talking about... Beige flag. The beige flag.

Beige flag. It's not about being boring. Not necessarily. The trait itself may be boring, but it's not the point. But what is the trait, then? So, let's say you're going out with someone and a red flag would be if they're horrible to a waiter. I can see that

flag. Yeah. And a green flag might be they volunteer at a charitable organisation. Oh, so they're... Oh, that's a nice person. Oh, I see. Green flag is like positive. See, I green flag emails that i want to keep yeah okay there you go to go back to but they're not necessarily nice emails some people think i might

need in court they could end up being green for you yeah okay um so i kind of get that so a green flag means it's something to like about the person. A red flag is something to worry about. But a beige flag? A beige flag is a not necessarily positive or negative, but still noteworthy trait, like ironing your socks. Oh. Always asking for something to be changed on your order when you order food in a restaurant.

What, it means they're pernickety? No, it's just a quirk. It's a quirk. I'm not happy with beige flags. The reason it became a debate... Do you know, I love the concept. The phrase has got so much potential, but when you dig a little deeper, there is nothing.

It's rubbish. It's absolutely rubbish. Well, the reason that a lot of debate exploded online about beige flags is that people were offering up beige flags that many other people took to be red or green. Oh, I see. So if your beige flag was being cruel to animals, it should have been red.

People would go, what do you mean beige? Yeah. There was one I saw. What's your beige flag? My beige flag? It's all gone a bit tinned. Probably the compulsive reading of facts and figures. There was one I saw. What's your beige flag? My beige flag? I was talking about Tinder. Probably the compulsive reading of facts and figures.

Pierre is my fact check. So everything I say, Pierre looks at me like, I don't believe that. And Googles it. We hear the typing. You still think it's to do with scepticism as opposed to a desperate compulsion. He's keeping me honest, Mr. Holmes. He can't help himself.

I think one of the beige... He's a keyboard warrior. Yeah. One of the beige flags that was being debated was a lady said her partner's beige flag was... You know, sometimes if you're eating out at a restaurant or even at a pub, you could see what you've ordered

gets put on the sort of kitchen service shelf. I think you'll find it's called the pass. The pass. There you go. Oh. So it sits there on the metal counter. And you can see it, but no one's quite getting around to bringing it to you.

Oh, yeah. My God, it's there. Right. She said her partner's beige flag was that if that happens and it doesn't move quickly enough please tell me he goes and gets it he just goes and gets it

fantastic serves himself why is that beige though no that shouldn't be beige it should be a more garish colour everyone was saying that that was a bright

red flag of a food hungry loon no but I why did she file it under beige she thought it was a quirky fun

kind of this is a fun this is a noteworthy but completely fine thing that my partner does. So Frank liking Doctor Who would be a beige flag. Unless you think Doctor Who.

I'd like to be... Yeah, it might not be. It could be a very greasy... I'd like to be the flag of Gallifrey. What about if you had a beige Swifty? I don't like the sound of that. Well, they're not always as exciting as you think they're going to be. Especially if the beige flags are half-mast.

Frank, stop it. Free Skinner on Absolute Radio. Okay. on Absolute Radio. OK. I watched that again the other day. It's that time of year. It is, it's endless. And then there's like the rubbish sequel. Oh, is there a sequel?

There's one when he's got a dog and stuff. Well, what happens? They've done the walk in the air. Oh, no. Big wow, what are they going to do now? Yeah, I think he just stands with his arms folded and just levitates. What, that snowman? Yeah, that terrible snowman character.

The other boy, of course, murders. I was thinking about Rizzo in Greece, who is very, very attractive to young men. Rizzo has the Riz. Yeah. It's almost like she was named before the word came along. Yes. Premonition.

She's, well, see, I would say, what would you say for that, Frank? Instead of Riz, what are the phrases? I like Smoke Show, Stone Cold Box. Well, there was a few. Remember in the 70s they'd say, umph, she's got a bit of umph. You know Rizzo's thing, There Are Worse Things I Could Do,

you know the song, There Are Worse Things I Could Do. That could have been one of Rasputin's New Year's resolutions. No, in our sort of amour, our adventures d'amour, when I was growing up in the West Midlands, people used to talk about, oh, I think she gave me the glad eye. Do you know that?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Which meant someone had given you a look that suggested there was potential. It's quite medieval-y. Is it? The glad eye. The glad eye. It sounds like some terrible witchcraft advice. Glad as well, is it unusual?

Yeah, I'm glad to see you. What a glad. Oh, glad to see you, yeah. I guess, but that's quite a formal, that's what you'd say when you're trying to discipline an employee. I was at Polytechnic with a woman from Yorkshire. And she, if anyone gave her the glad eye, who she didn't like and thought was what Emily used to call a filthy creep, she'd say, oh, I don't like him, he's leet-geen.

Leet-geen? Yeah. And it means sort of creepy and a bit, you know, a bit slimy. But I've never heard... I assume it's a general Yorkshire thing. She said, oh, no, I don't like him, he's Leet Geen. But I kind of like him. She might have been saying he's late again, that's Scottish.

Oh, yeah. If there's any Yorkshire connected people I think it would be L double E T yeah lead if anyone's heard of it

I'd love to find that out now we've gone completely linguistic there was a very I found myself rewriting a lot of these to try and improve them. Yes, yeah, the comedian's instinct. That sounds unlike you. Because there was a thing called de-influencing.

Oh, yeah. What would you have gone for? And what we should say, de-influencing, what exactly does that mean? Well, it says it's trying to, people, instead of selling people things, it's trying to stop people buying things in a more material. It's a ranty consumer.

Yeah, in a sort of, you know, a sort of a Buddhist way. You don't need all that material stuff. But you're not de-influencing them, are you? You're re-influencing them. Because you're giving them another influence. You're not taking influence away. It is interesting, isn't it? Because it's such a sign that there's so many people see the word influencers inherently meaning salesperson yeah but i i

thought that if you if your message is don't buy these things because you don't need all these material things you could call that a zendorsement. Come on. That's good. I should be, the OED should call me up. I'll make some up for it. The OED should call me up. I could do this all day. Just make up new words.

I'd love that. Frank gets the dictionary. We've got a little blank page. We've got no new words this year. Call Skinner. We've heard from Andy Wood. Bronte Country. One of our regulars, Andy. I bet he's got the jigsaw.

Yeah. And if you weren't listening earlier, we're not being rude or anything. It was in relation to, what is it called, World of Brontes? Bronte. There is a, I think it's called Bronte World. It's a jigsaw. Yeah, yeah.

I think you can go Dickens World. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's all sorts. Yeah. 813, that's his moniker that he goes by. As I'm from Barnsley originally, I'm aware that leet is the pronunciation of light.

This is in reference to leet, gee. Leet, gee, yeah, for someone who's a bit creepy. So Andy continues, and gee would be our interpretation of given. So this lass found her glad-eye giving paramours lightly given. What? I'll leave it up to you to decipher her implications.

They're lightly giving their affections. They don't really mean it. They're just after one thing. Oh, I see. Lightly given, lightly taken. So what you're suggesting is they're after a situationship. Another word on the OED list.

This was another word I didn't really understand. Using their riz to attain a situationship. That's because you're a man of honour, Frank. No, but I used to. I think I was doing situationships before they were called situationships. I thought they were supposed to be sort of shortening and making them more handleable. Well, situationship's one of those words you see

disappearing into the distance. You know when I said I don't always finish an article in a magazine? I mean, this is a word that I'm giving up on syllable three. Situ and then done. A situationship got anything to do with Mike the situation? Situationship's a bit of a tongue twister. You want to say it five times quick on Breakfast Radio. I've got a question.

What's the difference between a situationship and friends with benefits? And other questions I never want to ask a man. I believe a situationship is by definition undefined. It's ambiguous. Whereas a friends with benefits is very much an agreed upon So the difference is one, you could say you knew what you were getting into

Yeah, I think I seem to remember having situations with Friends on Benefits But you know, different times I've watched that sitcom, Friends on Benefits That would be good if their careers had really gone down. Oh, you do. If their careers had gone down the toilet,

the Friends reunion could have been called Friends on Benefits. Yeah, or live in one of the many. The paint's peeling on the walls. Anyway, let's not sit in our ivory tower doing benefits jokes. No, let's not. HTTP, that's what i was talking about earlier has anyone ever typed in http three obliques or slashes as people like to call them now yeah and all that i saw an email address the other day for um a place where you could get rid of electrical goods. You could get them recycled.

Oh. And it had the full HTTP slash slash slash. And I thought, really? I'm going to type that in? I don't think so. I'll just leave them in the drawer forever. When some people say, we used to say full stop instead of dot when giving a web address.

Oh, did they? For a little while, until they became fluent. I don't mind that, but HTTP slash slash slash. Frank, Ruth Jordan. Talk of Rizzo reminded me, isn't there a song from Greece that always makes Frank cry? There is. I cannot sing Hopelessly Devoted to you all the way through without physically producing tears. And I once did it in front of Ian Wright, who didn't believe me.

He was astonished when tears ran down my cheek. Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. Discuss. Shall we take a trip? Can I? I just had a beige flag thought. Oh, yes.

I still don't quite understand. I was on a trip. I think it might have been in South Africa. I went on a coach trip. I think we might have been heading for Robben Island. Oh, yeah. And they passed a house with a camper van, you know, those VW camper vans outside.

And they said to this woman, Sue, Sue, you'll be all right living here, won't you? She went, oh, yeah, yeah. And I realised that the camper van was sue's beige flag i know see it was that she defined herself by her love of camper van there you go yes so that was a part of the definition that we she was so delighted that they you know that they'd recognized her identity and were enforcing it by pointing out things you might like. Yeah, this is a thing you like. Well, that's one of the, part of the definition is a character trait or habit that's viewed as, quote, extremely characteristic.

Yeah, but the trouble is with those is they become the theme of every gift and birthday and Christmas card you'll get for the rest of your life. Oh, another model of a camper van. Yeah. Well, that's why I never take up a musical instrument because you will always for the rest of your... Oh, another model of a camper van. Yeah. For Sue. Well, that's why I never take up a musical instrument, because you will always get the piano tie.

Oh, the piano tie is really... I don't think I've ever had a ukulele-based... Write that down. Giving me little ideas. A ukulele... The producer is actually writing it down. Don't get me a ukulele tie. Because I won't wear it.

I worry about themed, sort of, you know, like personalised things. There was a real... Do you remember this vogue for vases with... And inscribed on it was all things that people associated with you. No. But that sounds good. Depends what they are. Kat's my partner.

She did... Obscenities all over well i did get that jonathan ross gave me an ironic version of that on a mug with things i didn't like now kath drew a fabulous tree and then on every branch there was hanging something that I loved. That's lovely. So there was like Johnny Cash on one and a man sitting on... This was pre-Tackis. How would she have got the purple shake? Cass is a talented artist, but that purple is a hard one. She used actual small photos of the things. She only drew the tree.

It's a beautiful thing. I should bring in a photo of it. It's my mind. This is basically my mind 20 years ago. Was there a Doctor Who? There was a Doctor Who thing. There's Marky Smith hanging from a branch. Now that I'd like to see. Well,

I'd just like to see him again. I know. Anyway, what was we talking about? Not a thing you want to hear on a radio show. What was that? What is it? I want to return to some of the... We all want to return.

Well, yes, some of the correspondence that's been sent to us from our readers throughout the week. Do you remember we were talking... Can I just tell you quickly i did a photo shoot this week and we went to the wrong studio in the building and this helpful um young woman said well you can nip through this i said i don't want to nip through someone else's photo shoot she said it's okay they're just looking at um at the whatever they look at light box probably not anymore but as i walked through there was like all the you know the the the artistic director and that was a guy who looked like

he was in charge yeah and as i went past he just leaned in and said i'm a reader it's lovely and through we went they went. They're everywhere. Sorry. Pray continue. We were talking recently on the show about sort of dad remarks. And I don't think there was a sort of projective. Not dad jokes. Not dad jokes. It's not a negative. Things that I... Here's an example.

One was that when Cary Grant ever appeared on the telly, my dad would stand and present it like, you know that thing that Jules Holland does on Later when he sticks out one arm? Says, and now arm, and the next, and now camera, that. And it was, my dad would point at it and say, from the slums of Bristol carry Grant.

And it's just the thing, it's not a joke, it's the thing that my dad did. And dads do repeat stuff over and over. That was what it was about. Oh, they do. Well, we've heard from Marek. Oh, yeah. Marek has been in touch to say as a child I recall having my first

unsupervised bath at home. And I now leapfile that. That's always, that's a moment, I recall having my first unsupervised bath at home. And I now leapfile that. That's always, that's a moment, isn't it? Do you remember your first unsupervised bath, Hank? I don't remember my first bath. Well, I wouldn't remember that. But we didn't really bath in our family. No.

Wasn't it your dad who said, who got angry when a toothbrush was introduced? Yeah. Yeah. Your dad who said, who got angry when a toothbrush was introduced. Yeah, yeah. He said of my brother when he brought into the first ever toothbrush into the house, we've lost him. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.

Frank, I was reading you Marek's communique to us. You were. I'm sorry, I am inclined to interrupt. I mean, it would be not much of a show without it. So Marek says he was having, do you remember, he was having his first unsupervised bath at home? Yes, yes. And my father would stick his head into the bathroom as any responsible parent would well is that unsupervised oh should have come to my house if you think that's unsupervised and just to check how i was getting on the next thing i remember is dad shouting to mum

it's like the poseidon Adventure in here. 40 years or so later, I repeat the line with my kids. Oh, brilliant. Although they have no idea what it means. No. As they haven't seen the film. It's just nice to say it for a bit of nostalgia and a nod to the old man. Regards, Marek.

I love that, Marek. Poseidon Adventure, yes, it was one of those, anything where there was a lot of water spillage, that was the 70s touchstone. What was the one, see, I'm getting mixed up. What was the one when... Shelley Winters, I believe, or Shelley, is it Shelley Winters? Shelley Winters, okay.

Going slightly berserk. Oh, I thought it was, what's the one when Raquel Welsh is going through someone's bloodstream in a submarine? Anyway. Could have been a dream. That was your dream. Yeah.

That was his fantasy. Your reader who you encountered has actually got in touch. Oh. It's Chris Kelly. He says, so there I was on Thursday shooting a commercial for a high street supermarket. Oh, okay. And I look up and notice that the stage door through to the corridor has opened. I see a

figure being led through, being given a sneaky shortcut. It's only Frank holding a ukulele case. Indeed. I can't lie, I was taken aback. I instantly introduced myself as a long-time reader, and thankfully I was given a positive reaction. So your stories

line up. You get away with it this time. I was made up especially as I've been there right from the beginning. I told you Piano is actually contacting the people to see if things happened. If you can't Google it. It's like points of view. We got in touch

with them to see if this happened. What else does he go on to? Well, he says, can you imagine how gutted I was last year? Because he's always, he says he was a long-time reader, so he's always hoped that something like this would happen.

And was gutted last year when his daughter worked with you on the video for Three Lions Christmas. Oh. But now he's had his moment. He's got his fingers in all sorts of parts. Truly. It's a small world after all.

What's the tune to that? It's a small world after all. What's the tune to that? It's a small world after all. Oh, yeah. It's a lovely ride, that is. Oh, you see all the cultures of all the world. It's a very gentle ride. I like it. And I prefer it to the roller coaster.

Do you? I don't really do roller coasters. I'm very frightened of things. Absolute radio. Sorry, was that too dark for breakfast? Too dark for breakfast! Too dark for breakfast! So, Sarah Champion is up next.

Do listen to her. And thank you so much for listening to us this morning. If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out! This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Now get out!