The Frank Skinner Show - Pink Tape

Episode Date: April 20, 2024

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been to the Gibson Garage and has had the worst meal he's ever eaten. The team also discuss the collaboration with Pringles and Crocs and The Lambton Worm.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215. Follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk Morning boys. Good morning. Very good. What is it called? Super bra. email via frank at absolute radio dot co dot UK morning boys good morning very good yes what's it called super bra what was that bra bra bra bra bra bra bra was the superhero character super yeah that'd be like from the hood yeah super

bra they didn't have those, but now things have improved. Here's the thing, you know, it's been a strange time for us all. We've been dismissed and all that from the radio station. I like the military sign, dismissed. But spring is in the air, you know what I mean? It makes you think about new beginnings and that about green shoots and what raised me up higher than anything this week. It's series three of Is It Cake?

It's back, thank goodness. Suddenly life seems pretty good. I noticed they got recommissioned. Yeah, they did. And deservedly so. If they'd asked me to choose between us and them I might have chose them. Always go is it cake? So what happens in, I mean seriously it's the same premise, no big changes I assume. modifications. But there was a woman this week, she made carrots sprouts out of cake. They really look like carrots and sprouts, but they tasted like cake. And I remember thinking, why didn't God think of that? People would really, there would be no kids saying

I know what my sprouts if it was cake. I wish they'd bring it to england and say wouldn't it be interesting if we had a really old bloke presenting it because they like cake and then a nice step yeah i don't think it's gonna happen yeah but i'd recommend it it's on uh netflix and um it's about making things out of cake so well that you can't tell they're cake. That's the premise. Are there sort of guesses on the show? Or is the guessing entirely in the mind of the viewer? They have guests. They have guests.

They have great guests. Judges who aren't allowed too close to the cake, obviously, but give people a chance. But there might be, let's say, this week, for example, there was a big water pistol. Oh, yeah. And there's three big water pistols or four big water pistols. And one of them is a cake.

And you have to guess which one it is. That's how it works. This is like a kid's version of the movie Saw. But there's a lot of, I've never seen Saw. You mustn't. Is it s-o-r-e you will be after watching it oh no that's the pensioner version there's a lot of knives though in is it cake And it's sore. I don't know if that would be allowed over here. I don't think it would work with British people guessing

because we're so pessimistic compared to the Americans. They'd say, is this cake? We'd say, no. Every time, no. Oh, I don't know. I think everyone used to joke about the Americans being stupid, but I think we've caught them down as it were, as opposed to catching them up. No, we've joined them, haven't we?

Yeah, I think we've joined them. We're all in the gutter now. Oh well, I think there's a certain warm glow to stupidity. From the street lamps, yeah. We're getting the street lamp glow. Yeah, I did a fab thing last Saturday after the show. I walked into town with Emily Dean for a start off and my child had my child with me, who is 11 in case you don't know, and my partner.

And we headed for a place that my son has wanted to go ever since it opened and uh i'll i'll explain this um to you uh after this frank's absolute radio this is still frank skinner yes so we went to the gibson garage This is still Frank Skinner. Yeah, so we went to the Gibson Garage. And the Gibson Garage is a massive guitar shop. They opened just, I don't know, seven or eight weeks ago. And there were many Gibson guitars there.

I would hope so. And my child plays guitar with some fervour. Yeah. And so I took him in and, man, he was... I think the phrase is in his element. Yeah. But I always think of those horrible furry things you get in electric kettles. He wasn't in that. But I tell you what, he played a couple of guitars, obviously.

There was a very helpful guy. If anyone goes there, there's a guy called Sam, who's one of the most helpful shop assistants I've ever worked with. He's probably called something grander than that, but I'm an old man, Commander. Anyway, he tried a flying V. He's been hankering for a flying V. Are you familiar with these guitars?

No. It's V-shaped. Okay. And it looks quite dynamic in that respect. Surely Y-shaped. Surely they're mismarketing these. I suppose it is. Oh, that's an interesting point.

Flying Y. Flying Y. Is it quite... More philosophical. Yeah. Well, the body of it is a very... Yes. The painted bit.

Is it the sort of guitar that Slash would have? I... Yes. The painted bit. Is it the sort of guitar that Slash would have? Um, I... Yes. Your son can probably help us out. But not maybe all the time. I'm trying to remember if he played one when I saw him live. What surprised me is they first came out in 1958, the Flying V. I thought they were a real, like, 70s thing.

Although I think Hendrix played one. They're quite glam. They have a glam vibe to them. But I was... Albert King, who was a blues guitarist, and I don't know about you, I hate the blues. Da-na-na-na-na. Oh, no.

No. I tried jazz. Every now and again I have a go at jazz. And I was having a shower and I thought I'll put some jazz on. You never know, I might get into it. And I was in the shower, so you kind of trap, I could get out of the shower. And the phone, you know, sometimes you're on Apple Music, it just cuts out. Yeah.

And it cut out and I said out loud, thank you, old friend, to my phone across the bathroom. Old friend. Because I was hating it. But I thought, I'm not getting out. The phone is not liking this. Trapped in a sort of wet cube of jazz. I know what you mean about jazz just makes me think of mean men in the 70s. Oh.

I just don't like it very much yeah well you know we all like different stuff and that's one of the marvelous things about music if you're a massive jazz fan I surely you'll be listening to jazz FM if that was the case anyway Albert King had a flying V called Lucy and there used to be a bit of a tradition of people especially blues men calling their guitars by lady names i don't like that friend no i don't like it do you remember people used to do it with cars it's a bit she's a cruel mistress did you have a car a name for a car if i am no i did people. I know they did. Did you? It's from ships isn't it?

A ship is always female. A ship isn't a Fiat Panda. No. When a ship has a big masthead thing of a lady on the front it all kind of makes sense but apart from Surely if I go to Gibson Garage I could get a guitar with a

mermaid on the prow of the guitar. someone must have pirate themed rock and roll you'd have to make it customised you couldn't just buy those I tell you what, remember you said on this show, whatever happened to I tell you what I haven't seen for a long time

whatever happened to this show we can do that, but how are we going to do it if the show's done but we what happened is... Sorry. Sorry, that's my new ringtone. Let me just get that. Trying to G yourself up.

Yeah, sorry about that, guys. Yeah, what was I talking about? Yeah, whatever happened to the eyelashes on ladies' cars? I haven't seen that for ages. Remember on their headlamps? I do remember those. I remember thinking, I was on the motorway once, and I could see them in my rearview mirror,

and I thought the way I would have designed it is, why bother having indicators? The headlights could just wink literally their lash going up and down but yeah if anyone listening has got um has got the old eyelashes on the headlights i'd love to hear from them on absolute radio frank 398 has got in touch. Could Frank mention some of the other shop assistants he's worked with, please? Well, I don't always remember their names, but if they're very helpful, I do.

Oh, yeah, I was talking about Buzz playing a flying V. I tell you what, I don't realise if you play one sitting down. I've never seen anyone play one sitting down before, it sits on the thigh like a clothes peg. It's kind of perfect, yeah. Very good. I'll tell you what it made me think as well, and Pierre will back me up on this.

I, as you know, have got a terrible sense of direction. I mean, to the point of a psychologist who I met said you almost certainly didn't crawl when you're a baby because that's when you develop your sense of direction. I crawled quite a lot in the 80s, but it was too late then. So now that's what she told me. So on the stage there's this pink tape all over the place, which is with arrows pointing where I go off stage and where I go on stage. Does everybody have that?

No. No. Just Frank. Don't tell us they're belligerent. No. Just Frank. We have special, Omar has a special roll of pink tape that we take to every venue to ensure the arrows can be manifested. Hang on, can I just establish, you literally forget how to get off stage?

Yes. I once went off stage. It's 50-50, surely. It's 50-50. But there are many curtains with many little gaps and sometimes you're behind a speaker. I once walked off stage and I should have gone off stage right and I went off stage left and I pulled the curtain aside and there was just a wall.

And there's like 1,500 people in the theatre and I couldn't come back out. I just stood facing the cold wall, just a slight lump in the curtain. Like a dance. Until, well, yeah, exactly. And waited till they all went. I just stood there with my, I remember the sort of war cold against my cheek.

Like a character in a video game that's done their bit. But I was thinking that if I ended with a song in which i played a flying v yeah you know you can get reverse flying v as well so the v is pointing in the other direction and omar could hand me the guitar which points me off stage in the right direction it's depending on the night yeah exactly that exactly. That'd be great. I've never seen anyone use a flying V for visual abuse. I've never seen them do a V sign to the audience. Like holding it up like a sort of... Yeah, never seen that. Never seen one used as a rod rest whilst angling.

Regarding my idea for a guitar with a sort of mermaid on the prowl, Matt Davies says, the idea of a pirate guitar really struck a chord with me. It would be great to play the… Was that a pun? Let's hope so. It would be great to play the high seas with. Oh, very, very good. Very nice, Matt Davies.

I'm going to fret about that joke all day. Have you seen Martin Gardner's correspondence, Pierre Novelli? He says, I knew it. This is regarding the stage. I posted this to Pierre last night. Exit stage left slash right. He's taken an overhead photo of the stage. When you can see the arrows.

With the arrow. And I'm going to describe it as a little bit humiliating. Martin sent that to me and I thought, I don't know if I'm allowed to reveal the secrets of the trade. I find that humiliation is my spiritual food. That's a great back tattoo you can get. Massive gothic lessons. People really worry about humiliation, but I wallow in it.

Do you know what? I love that, Frank. I think that deserves to go on Instagram as an inspirational quote. Yeah, people let it stop them from doing all sorts of things. Someone with a cheek microphone and perfect teeth could yell that in America at a crowd. A cheek microphone, or as the kids call it, a microphone. As I call it, a Madonna microphone.

So I think Kate Bush preceded. Well, the next gen will call it the Britney. Will they? Yeah, they'll call it Britney. They will remember Britney. Okay. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. That is a weird coincidence, by the way,

that I was talking about those pink arrows and someone has actually sent in a photograph of the arrow from above. I would say in mitigation that once on this tour I have walked, often on the right hand side of the stage say there'll be several potential exit holes. Exactly. Multiple curtains. And I went for the middle one instead of the far left one.

Yeah, you walked into equipment. I walked into the desk where Omar was sitting. Yeah. Sort of standing looming over his desk for a bit. They're helpful. That's what I think. Okay. So it can happen to anyone.

They're quite small your arrows. Yeah, well I what I think. Okay. So it can happen to anyone. They're quite small, your arrows. Yeah, well, I'm quite close to them. I'm about five foot ten away. They're a bit bigger for Pierre. He's higher up. Omar does bigger ones, and then in the interval, he comes and removes some of the excess tape. They're always to scale.

Love it. I was in the Oxfam bookshop this week. I'm a big fan of the Oxfam bookshops. When we go on tour, I look them up in the town we're in to check them out. There's always about four. Yeah, well, not always, but on a good day. But if you, you know, it's that thing about you buying books but also you're helping. So I was in my local one the other day and I bought... Normally when people say I was down the local they don't mean Oxford Bookshop. I don't say I'm down the local. I was down the local watching fat men drink enormous glasses of beer. Though I wasn't. Why are they so big, those beer glasses? I still don't know.

I don't know they even carry them. How can they drink them? A pint is a lot of liquid. I'm surprised in the modern world they're not on wheels, those pint glasses, now that people can't carry a small attaché case without putting it on a trolley. Nevertheless, so I was buying, and it's called an Oxford Guide to Chaucer, I was buying, and the woman behind the counter said,

three pounds, well, that's a bargain, isn't it? You were a bit lucky with that, she said. She said, I'd have thought it was more than that and I thought hold it yeah I didn't put the sticker on you know what I mean I'm not the villain here no it sounds a little bit dodgy that she might have said you know by the way you're robbing Africa you do know that oh I just have to call Africa and let them know not to expect as much this month. And you being a millionaire as well. No, but what was I being accused of?

Because a greedy boy called Frank Skinner wanted the Oxford. And bought the Oxford guide to the Chaucer. Also, it's the idea that you're buying something horribly extravagant and decadent. It's really quick. Oh, 10 bottles of vodka. Three pounds, though, she says.

Three pounds, how dare you! I mean, what is the going rate for Chaucer? Eight, twelve, fifteen? It's not that much. If a waiter in the restaurant is sort of going, oh, dessert, is it? Well, I don't know. You offered.

I go in there, they've got a Chaucer in there, a Trilis and Cresta by Chaucer. It's 35 quid. Completely random. It will be there forever. It'll be like, you know when you read about poor lonely people who've been found conjoined to their mattress. It'll be like you know when you read about poor lonely people who've been found conjoined to their mattress it'll be like that yeah it'll be like that though and occasionally

they're all three quid and occasionally there's a book that's 10 quid for no apparent reason at all and i avoid those yes i do but um honestly i've never been made to feel such a heel for buying the Oxford Guide to Johnson. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. I was about to be picked up by Omar and PA yesterday to go off to Brighton. And this is our life on the road. Very George Orton play. It's quite a diverse mob bus.

Sort of two foreigners looming as we kind of escort you to the car in your suit. Do they bundle you into the van? Anyway, I've told you about the fish man, haven't I, who delivers fish to our house. Have I told you about him? No. Who, whenever he rings the bell, says, I've got some nice fish for you.

Where do you live? Balamore? It's a very threatening sounding thing. Oh, no, it's lovely. And the fish is great until this week. I tried a thing called Icelandic hot smoked cod roe. Okay. Now, I used to have cod roe. I used to get it in, like, supermarkets.

It's a sort of squidgy, pale thing. Have it on toast. Very, very nice. So it's different to caviar, cod roe? Yeah, caviar's black and very big eggs. What colour's cod roe? Orange? It's, I'd say it's a very pale... Gold.

Grey, pink. Oh, dear. But this one was not like that. This one, I couldn't believe it. It said on it, good for making tarama salata I thought you're trying to put me off eating this aren't you as it is and it says you can have it sliced

very thinly they might as well have said do not eat on the packaging anyway I started eating it for my lunch oh my god it was the saltiest, fishiest thing I've ever...

I can't tell you. And afterwards, I thought, like, my body was rejecting it. Not like I was going to be sick, like I was going to... You know that film, Pods? Have you ever seen that?

I felt like I was going to open up into... Oh, my goodness. I took a picture of it for our social media. Hang on, Frank. How much of this roe did you eat? I ate way too much of it. Where are you going? It's not the roe's fault. I think this was roe for eight. And I just ate it.

But I couldn't believe it. Oh, you ate too much and you felt sick? I just ate it. But I couldn't believe it. Oh, you ate too much and you felt sick? No, I thought I'd have had a tiny slice. I would have still been talking about it now. Did you have it on toast? How did you prepare it? No, I microwaved some rice for two minutes.

This is a horrible meal. It was. It's the worst meal I've ever had in my life. Honestly. I thought you seemed distracted I've ever had in my life. Honestly. I thought you seemed distracted when you opened the door. No. I'm very invited to someone who's... I'd forgotten there were other people in the world when I was eating this meal.

Is this the cod roe? I thought it was like The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I was eating my own flesh. Can we hear more? Poor old Joe Biden's granddad. It turns out this week was eaten by cannibal i know it's awful i mean keep that to yourself joe that's one for the family parties this thing yeah um well i want i'm keen to know more about the worst meal you've ever had so it was rice white or brown white rice and it's microwavable You put it in for two minutes in the packet and it comes out.

It comes out in like one lump. A packet rice? Lump of rice. And then I ate, well, I don't know what this thing was. It said hot, but you eat it cold. I didn't understand that. Any butter, any seasoning? No.

Pepper? No. It didn't need seasoning. No. It was salt. A bit of Provence? It didn't need seasoning. No. It was post-salt. Imagine that salt was renamed salt light. Yeah.

This would be what salt was called. This is the Ribena. You've done the Codro equivalent of drinking neat Ribena. Yes. You were supposed to dilute it. So listen, what are you going to say to the fish man now? I'm going to say no more cod roe, thank you. And then shut the door on his face. I don't know why this

week he didn't say, I've got some nasty fish for you. But the rest of it, I mean it's great. The fish generally is great. But oh man, I can't even, I want to show you a picture. We'll put it on. It's a terrible, just to look at it. I don't want to see your salty roe. It looks like it Oh anyway, I to see your salty row it looks like it

oh anyway I can't tell you what it looks like I'll tell you when we're off air put it this way didn't look like it was on the way in this is Frank Skinner this is Absolute Radio

this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215, follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio, email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. I've just noticed we're in the lantern. I mean, I haven't just noticed that. We're in the lantern and there's all this posh new equipment here. And I've noticed something, Frank.

There's a lot of panels and buttons for us to push. Yes. And I've just noticed guest control. There's a big pink button, and it says guest control. Now, if we'd have had that, we might have continued having the guests on. Every time they said something that wasn't funny... Yeah, I don't think it's like... It's not like Graham Norton's red chair.

Do you think it would be great if you could press guest control and there was a funniness, like a sort of volume meter. It's like an AI thing that improves their anecdote. Or interestingness. Yeah. They were allowed both. I gave them two options and some would take neither. And that's why they had to go.

They would say, I decline to choose. Let me see. Interesting, funny. No, I don't fancy either. Oh, well, then get out. Frank, Clive in Sheffield has been in touch. Oh, we're in Sheffield on Sunday night. Sunday night.

Okay. Frank and friends, perhaps the Oxfam assistant who described the £3 bargain of the Oxford Guide to Chaucer had been reading the merchant's tale. Very good. Lovely. I mean, they're volunteers, you know, God bless them in there. So don't judge me. It is quite rich, isn't it? Were you not tempted to say yes if only there was someone in this shop

responsible for what things cost? Yeah. It's like you'd drawn the £3 sticker on yourself. I thought there was a suggestion that I bought my own sticker. Or that you transferred a £3 sticker from, say, a Peppa Pig anthology. Yeah. I do think there was a suggestion. The Oxford Guide to Peppa.

I think there was a slight suggestion that, well, you should be giving, often to give a bit more. Yeah, I think there was, a mistake has been made. I don't think you should be taking advantage of it. That was the message. As though you found, when you found the Oxford Guide to Chaucer for £3, you should have immediately gone,

excuse me. I think it's been a mistake. Please. Just waving frantically in the aisle. Can somebody call the police? Shut that door. I mean, I could have easily gone up with Troilus and Cressida and said, excuse me, it's been a mistake. It says £35.

What are you talking about? Is it signed? If it was signed, I'd have bought it. Now that's a Netflix show I'd watch. Is it signed? Yeah. Is it signed? Yeah. Is it signed? Frank, you showed me a picture of your Cods row earlier.

Oh, goodness. Are you reading my texts again? Yes. What would you like to, I mean, what was my reaction? I don't think I've ever had such a strong reaction to any image in my life. No. I don't know if anyone listening remembers the movie Signs, but there's a bit where one of the characters sees an alien flash up on the screen of a CCTV

and he recoils with such horror, he propels himself into his own sort of wardrobe. Oh, no. And that was the level of horror that you displayed. I'm still getting intrusive thoughts about it. It made me ill. That would have been a much better start to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe if C.S. Lewis had come up with that. Someone just lurching back.

Exactly. Although they were all right with Timness. It's called Tomness. Mr. Tomness. If you can cope with thatness, was it called Tomness? Mr Tomness. Yes, you can cope with that, you can cope with an alien on CCTV. Oh, Mr Tomness! But whether you can cope with the Cod Rat. Very large hips, Mr Tomness.

Yes, yes. Huge hips. Yeah, I don't know if we can say that anymore. Why? It was all a bit men was Mr. Tomness. Frank, the people have spoken. Oh, yeah. It's a bit early. They are demanding to see your Cods row.

Yeah. Well, it's on. It should be. Bruce Jordan, we need to see the picture of the Cod row. This is the Tipton Slashers monkey all over again. Show us both pictures, Frank. Yeah. Well, it's on. It should be. Bruce Jordan, we need to see the picture of the cod roe. This is the Tipton Slashers monkey all over again. Show us both pictures, Frank. No, no, I've given it to Jenny Foot to put on, but she's gone out for coffee.

Don't bring Jenny. That's our life. Don't bring Foot into it. Okay. What's the worst they can do? Sack you? Oh, dear. Oh.

Then we have Chris Armstrong. Would just like to make you aware that there is a horse running at 3.35pm today named Gitmaker. Oh. Thought that. I don't know why. Just thought that might appeal. I haven't had a bet for a long time. No.

Yeah. Maybe I'll start doing that. Did the fun stop? Saturday mornings. Yeah. Saturday mornings I'll get up and just look at the uh look at the racing page sounds like a lovely healthy life choice exactly um my dad had a bet every weekday and saturday without fail really and he would have like 10 five penny

doubles and 10 five penny travels i remember once he won 14 quid and it was like the biggest thing that had happened to us. Different times. We have some other updates from Graham Tubbs regarding roe. The little grey brown pieces of roe that Frank liked to fry and eat on toast are herring roes. Cod roe is sometimes found on fish and chips menus. Is it? No, but I love that cod roe on fish and chip menus, but it was nothing like this.

Graham Tubbs isn't quite done. Sorry, Tubbsy. I don't know if you're on those terms yet. If we was on Five Lives, that's what I'd be calling it. Over to Tubbsy. Cod roe is sometimes found on fish and chips menus, lives that's what I'd be calling it. Over to Tom J. Cod roe is sometimes found on fish and chips menus and as he now knows

is quite different. Your witness. Yes but I love the cod roe on fish and chip menus. I've been eating that my whole life and it comes in like a big like imagine a very large pound coin battered.

It's that kind of dimension. But this didn't look anything like that. The Icelanders have been salting and smoking it down into a compressed paste. I love that. That would be my first. I'd choose that before a card. You ate a tube of salt. A big lovely bowl of salt.

I just couldn't. Whatever that thing is, you showed me. If Erling Haaland had been there, he might have liked it. It looked like something he might eat. Andy Wood has sent in a sort of a Chaucerian poem for us. About your experience in the Oxfam bookshop. Oh, wow. The old comedic fellow entered Oxfam bookshop. The old comedic fellow

entered Oxfam for a look. He robbed yon poor Africans with an underpriced Jeffrey book. Very fine. I really like yon poor Africans. That's a sort of phrase you might find in Chaucer.

I'm starting to actually feel bad about it now. I paid three quid for the Oxford guide to Chaucer. That makes me a bad person. It's an unspeakable sin in the eyes of the Oxford and Bookshire. Oh, man, that woman. If ever a man was hong-drawn and quartered, visually, that was it. Did Kath have the cods right, Frank?

I'm sorry, I'm a little bit obsessed with it. I tried to get Pierre. I said to Pierre, it turned up. Frank tried to trap me into having some. He just didn't. Why would... That is so cruel. But wouldn't this have been a better feature

if you'd tried it as well? And if I'd felt as sick as you did for the ensuing two hours. Because people think, oh, he's probably right. He's such a wimp, skinner. Whereas if...

Oh, key man. If Mr. January from the Firefighters' Gallant had tried it, then people would think, truly, it was a salty fish. That would be the last line of the film.

Like, it was beauty. Beauty killed the beast. It was salt killed the comedian. Like a citizen cane, and as you drop it, you just, God, wrong. We'll put the picture up. Brace yourselves.

Oh, yeah. Brace yourselves. Oh, yeah. We're getting a lot of feedback regarding the cough drive. I tell you, it... Go on. If only there'd been some sort of visual clue that it might not be delicious. That's some reason.

That's very good. I mean, she's right right it is extraordinarily horrid um yeah it i didn't expect it to look bear in mind that one of the picture we've put up i've i broke it into two halves so i ate almost all of that amount of the other half. Yeah. So that half is untouched. That's how it looks in the wild. Art and Hugh. Oh, my.

Oh, it looks like mad kidneys. Frank wasn't exaggerating. Oh, my. I believe that was Morris's response to someone dying in his gang. First in the gang to die. Oh, my. Third in the gang to die. Oh my. Third frame looks like evidence. Hold on, who witnessed this death?

Bertie was that? Oh my. George Takai. Third frame looks like evidence from a murder trial. Yes. They just keep coming. I mean, it is. You should check it out.

I've just Google image searched what it looked like before you broke it in half and it looks like the after picture in Warnings About Smoking where they show lungs. Yeah, I think I've got... Good lungs, bad lungs. I think I've got a picture of the complete thing because Kath sent it to me because I said, could you fry a bit of cod roe up for me for when I get in?

All right, the sultan. And she said, apparently it's ready to eat with a picture of it. And I thought, it doesn't look ready to eat, does it? I mean, if you were a wild animal or a zoo animal. Hang on, maybe this is where we got it wrong. Was it just not cooked? You're not supposed to cook it. No, it says that.

It's smoked. It's smoked so much it's sort of been cooked by smoke. Okay. Okay. Cooked by smoke. I'd love to see the salt.

It's one of my reviews. What would you say when the fishmonger says, Frank, how is... I'll be the fucking fishmonger Morning Frank No he never does that, see I just answer the door Got some nice fish for you This is very creepy

You've never seen this person It sounds like you're talking about a ghost when you describe him I've never seen him, I just hear him Got some nice fish for you And that will be the end line When your body's found Got some nice fish for you, buddy. And that will be the end line when your body's found. Got some nice fish for you.

Well, I work upstairs, I see. I work on the top deck. And Kath works downstairs. He's getting very fish-based. Top deck? Fire the top deck. You're not actually casting birds, are you? And so I answer the door in case it's an intruder. And if it's a friend rather than foe.

A hulking great type like you would see them all. Yeah, exactly. I've got, you know, an old armoury of weaponry. But if it's friend, then she actually lets them in. So I've never actually seen the fish man. Has Kat seen the fish man? Oh, I've never actually seen the fish man. Has Kat seen the fish man? Oh, God, Kat's seen the fish man. You ate some smoked roe from an unknown fish man.

Well, unknown to me. How do we know it's a fish man? It could be David Baddiel trying to make a few extra balls. Some sort of prank, do you think? Something he found on Hampstead Heath that he sold to me. You'll never believe Frank's fallen for it again. Frank, I would like to return to some of our prior correspondents on this show. They contact us throughout the week.

I love that. We've heard from, for example, Jamesy from Leeds. Okay. Jamesy got in touch. Do you remember we were talking about Harry Styles followers and how we didn't think, unlike the Swifties, they'd come up with, they hadn't nailed the name. Well, I like Belieber.

I think he's clever for Justin Bieber. But the Harry Styles followers. You liked it so much you started to call him Justin Belieber. Did I? Yes. You said Belieber. What are the Styles fans called again? Harry's.

Yeah, not good enough. And they're just not adequate. So, James E. from Leeds. What a meeting that was i know come on these people jamesy from leeds says uh hi everyone oh oh okay very sad this is a bit awkward but you know i'm gonna share it yeah uh very sad that frank has been fired okay thank you yeah i quite like i quite like jamesy so it's what I best try and get a mention on the show before it's too late. It's practical.

I like Jamesy. Jamesy continues. You were discussing the collective noun for followers of Harry Styles recently, and I thought that with Frank being such a devout follower of the Nazarene, then what about this guys apostiles apostiles i mean it's a little bit unwieldy but you know yeah it's got an element of postules about it so maybe appropriate it's a good try i think as roy's slow talker walk Walker used to say on Catchphrase, it's good but it's not right. It doesn't trip off the tongue. But you know, good on him.

Okay. He had a go. And you know what, he got his mention on the show before Frank was fired. Yes, before the curtain closes. Very practical. Do you think on the last day Absolute will put pink arrows all the way down the stairs to the job centre? All the way to a big skip. Exactly. Or climb in and go to sleep. We've heard from also Hog 83. Oh, okay. Okay. Is it a coffee shop? I don't know. It sounds like maybe they'd be a fan of Cods Row.

Wasn't there a thing, wasn't there a coffee called something like Cafe Hog? Yes, there was, Frank. There was. Hog 83 would definitely, you know, he's the only, because you didn't eat it, right? Very offended about the Cods Row. Hog 83 sounds like he might have just signed for chelsea is that my favorite mythological creature i like it so far okay is the lantern worm partly because well it's a worm and partly because i can just about see its residence of choice pen

shore monument from my house an easy view view then, should Mr Worm return. Now, I have no idea, I love the sound of this, but I have no idea what any of it refers to. Well, the lantern worm was a large creature, some sort of, a bit Loch Ness monstery, which was from the north-east of England. I know of it because my dad used to it was from county durham he used to sing northeastern songs to me when i was a child i don't know those and it begins with um forgive

the accent but well gather or no and i'll tell you a story about the worm and then it used to be about the last jamaica the lambton oh god he's done that, he's done that thing. He's done that thing. Yeah, you've done it. You've done the thing we don't allow. Oh, how terrible. You've done that thing. What was he well? Yes, I did apologise for the accent in advance.

So then there's a song about the worm that terrorised the local area of Lambton. A song about the worm. What did it say? There was a worm. And what did he do? He terrorised the local area. Did he do anything else?

No, that's an offer. How did he terrorise the worm? It's a worm. What do you think he did? He opened a small second-hand bookshop. And charged 35 quid. How, can I ask, how could a worm terrorize because it's a big giant all right it's like a massive lot less monster worm oh has anyone ever seen a picture of the lantern well i

don't think it was a possibility that it didn't exist right oh god it's very controversial i don't know if there's the the surgeon's photograph of the Lambton worm as there is with... Locky. Nessie. Was it called Nessie? Lock Ness, yeah. Although it turned out that the surgeon was actually a gynaecologist, but they couldn't put that in the paper because they thought people would be appalled such a person existed. And who'd trust one of those, I think, was the thing. It's true.

Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio. Go on. 351. I will miss Frank. I'm from the black country and know all about Cod Row.

Yeah, but it's not that. Don't think it's that thing from the chip shop. It isn't like that. Really? No. People who look at the picture I posted will think it's the Lambton worm. Yeah, so as Rory has said... And we wonder why our show's not coming back.

Yeah, as Rory... The Lambton worm. I still haven't seen the Lambton worm, and you know what, I want to keep it like that. I don't know if you'll see it. Yeah, but Frank, what do you... But you, you know, I mean you can't see it, but you can still believe in its existence, if you know what I mean. Certainly.

Okay. Like me and mermaids? Yes. Your optimism that one day... I don't know if I'd be terrified if I saw an actual mermaid. What if one got dredged up by a sort of Indonesian trawler or something? What if you got a Cods Row mermaid? Oh, no. Anyway.

Well, regarding the Cods Row, the picture of which is on Twitter, Rawley has said, it looks like the shinbone of a man frozen during the last ice age. Yeah. Shank Masini's going to write a poem about it. It reminds me of when I was on a plane once and I ordered shank, and I didn't really know what shank was. Okay.

Oh, that sounds nice. It's disgusting. I thought someone had put a foot on my plate. Oh, I've had the lovely lamb shank. Sometimes they fall off the bone. They're so tender. It was... I thought, why is there a foot on my plate?

I couldn't get purchase. I didn't know what to do with it. It felt like a British Museum exhibit. Did you not... Were you not tempted to just Henry VIII it and just grab the leg bone and have at it right there on the plate? Really?

I didn't like it at all, Frank. Do you know, I've never had a shank since then. Frank! Time is it? Yeah, no. Oh, well, that's something. I am... Come on, Pia, say something.

I don't mean it. We've had an email about... I'm so sorry. We've had an email about the Lambton Worm film. Oh, I didn't mean it. We've had an email about... I'm so sorry. We've had an email about the Lambton Worm film. Oh, I didn't know there was such a thing. Is it an old black and white whiskey galore type thing? No, and in fact, it's something you should know about because it stars a former doctor of the Who variety.

Oh, H1. Good morning, Frank and team. Your chat about said worm, Milad, reminded me of a formative film-watching experience of the Ken Russell movie, The Lair of the White Worm. Oh, Hugh Grant's in that. Yes, I've seen that film. Isn't Hugh Grant in that, or Liz Hurley?

Based in Part of the Legend, it starred Amanda Donahoe, Hugh Grant, and indeed Peter Capaldi. Did he? I've seen that. I had made no connection to The Lambton Worm at all. But Ken Ross, they took a bit of following his films. Oh, were they obscure?

They were, you know, avant-garde is what they were. Oh, yeah. But we mainly went for the nudity, I'll be honest with you, in those days. Charming. But that's how we got into art, you see. It's all about having a sort of... Gateway. Yeah, a gateway drug. There you go. Charming.

So you could sort of alternate, Chaucerie and academic insight between nudie postcards. Yeah, exactly. You're wandering around, rubbing your hands your hands with glue looking at the Manet Dagenais. So, look. It's great morning, mate. Come and have a look. It's the whole concept

of the lost leader. Just get him into the shop. Just with anything. For Rubenesque. Just get him into the Louvre. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio

with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli You can text the show on 8 12 15 You can follow us on X and Instagram at Frank on the Radio Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk Okay The other day Frank

we were letting the great British public have their say on your shoes your Bruegel sort of Dutch peasant shoes. Oh, yes. Well, it came, didn't it, from Rishi Sunak Sambas. Yes. Mr. Sunak was trying to destroy something fashionable, and you were worried that your shoes were too wide at the tips. I've never felt comfortable in them. I feel like people might be pointing as I go past. And muttering. Yeah. Did you see his shoes? They look like Weetabix. They look like the shoes in Man Milling Grain. 1597. Yeah, exactly. It's just not a bad look. Don't get me wrong.

And apologies if anyone can hear drilling. I can hear looking real strange, homie. I think they're doing all the work. They like to plan it when we do our show. I think they're still building our gallows. I think you'll find we like things ship-shaped here at the lantern. Oh, don't mention that. You things ship shape here at the lantern

oh don't mention that you know what I like the lantern I find it all modern clean yeah I'm just going to get used to it I'll just find the toilet and then I'll have to go not to the toilet

regarding shoes there's a new collab do you like collab strings a new collab. Oh yeah. Do you like collabs, Shrek? Oh, a new collab just dropped. Well, I'm always amazed that collabs happen. Yeah? Because I've longed for a collab for years, but I just wouldn't ask anyone because I can't cope with the rejection. What about Kodrow? You've done work for them. No. I mean... Frank Skinner's finally collaborating with Srejkovic Codro

to bring a new flavour. Imagine if he sold out and did a Codro campaign. Tacky's Codro. What I always think of is the Dobbles at Wimbledon. Oh, yeah. Actually approaching a major tennis player and saying, do you fancy being my Dobbles partner? And I'm going, no.

What a horror. You did have that before with alan bennett yes when i wrote to alan bennett saying let's write a play together he did what did he say frank he said i generally write on my own nowadays but he said of course i know who you are but um no. You know what? I kind of like that. Yeah, fair enough. It's a longer letter. It's a nice letter, actually. Oh, wow. But what was I thinking? I wrote to Alan Bennet and said, shall we write a play together?

It must have been out of my mind. Don't ask, don't get? Yeah. Well, do ask, don't get. Well, this collab should excite you, because you're a fan of Crocs. I am. I think they're much maligned. Yeah.

They're the underdog of the shoe world and you champion them. I've just seen people thought they were great. They thought it was like the Russian Revolution. You know, it was fabulous. And suddenly they got naff and I have no idea why. Someone decided.

Chefs. But chefs wear them with uh dosta to actually use it with check trousers always with the check the old double-breasted tunic why does the chef still wear the check trouser sort of napoleonic uniform they haven't updated their look chefs and i love that for them i love the double breast with a flap another flat well they have that extra um padding on the elbow so they can lean on the bin while they're smoking outside the restaurant yeah they've got like the alsatian dog display yeah they're always out there up in the fact that they might as well smoke some cod roe while they're at it. Anyway.

So Crocs finally collaborated with Pringles. Oh, I mean, that is it. Two of your favourite things. Do you like Pringles, Frank? It's like when that film Cowboys and Aliens, and I thought, I just cannot, I cannot believe this is happening. Come to daddy. So brilliant.

Do you like Pringles, Frank? Oh, yes. I really like them. Calm down, dear. What's your favourite flavour? I like the old traditional, but I like cream, cheese and chive. Oh, God. I know, I know.

Sour cream. Yeah, that thing. The only one I don't like, and I don't like this in anything, is barbecue. Why does that exist? Oh, I like a BBQ. Oh, no. Why not? I like a barbecue.

But if I see, like, you know, hula hoops, barbecue, I'm like, it's all right. I'm all right. Hang on, do you not like a frazzle? I love a frazzle. It's bacon, though, isn't it? on, do you not like a frazzle? I love a frazzle. It's bacon, isn't it? Yeah, I don't like a frazzle either. I don't like that. That branch of snack world called barbecue.

I just don't like it. Okay, all right. Have we got that? Yes. Don't ask me again. Okay. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were talking, Frank, about the Pringle collab with Crocs.

Yes. Which has just dropped. And they've joined forces essentially to create footwear. Yes. So we have the... One of them is very on Croc-like. One of them is a sort of high top. It's the crush boot, I believe it's called.

But I wouldn't have recognised that as coming from the croc family. I would describe it as more of an astronaut's, a goddamn astronaut boot. Yeah. It has a sort of crocky toe, doesn't it? It has a crocky toe, but croc do do those boots. Do they? You can buy a croc crush boot.

I wasn't aware that they'd branched up the calf. And you're very across their output normally. Well. I've seen at least four lined up in your hallway, if you don't mind me saying. Each of the family has got them. Of course, I had that traumatic moment when I took Boz to Cobb's shoe shop in Hampstead. And a woman measured him on one of those Clark's width things. She said, oh, I'm ever so sorry.

I'm afraid you're between Crocs. Too big for one and too small for the other. Why? You have to, why? Terrible. Purgatory. What size is Boz now? Just thinking we could do some.

I think he's about four and a half bigger than me lovely is he really wow okay anyway we should say these croc boots have what i would call pringle holsters yes on the side where you put your small you know the the small stout Pringle tube. The travel Pringle. Rip-off. Absolute rip-off. Grab and go. We'll get back to that. Absolute rip-off.

Oh, yeah. Don't you think? I'm sorry. I thought that was our new channel. No. It will be. Yeah. You only get about 10 Pringles, innit?

With your shoe size, you'd get about one Pringle in these holsters. Well, what I've noticed about the Croc Pringle collab crush boot is that on the heel, have you noticed this? There is a bit of detail which I was all over. Three Pringle shaped. Have you seen it? It's sort of jutting out out the back like on the back of a car when you get those go faster things when you get those fins yeah all those things that dangle down onto the ground to stop people getting travel sick to remember those things it's like it's a jutting out fin from the back of the boot and it is three pringles God, like fungi on a log. Exactly what it is. That's exactly what it is, right? It reminded me of the way the Pringles are tucked in. I don't know if this fashion still exists but men in t-shirts used to put a cigarette packet and matchbox in the sleeve of the t-shirt.

In a sort of rolled way that kept it secure. Yes. It was very Marlborough Man, that, wasn't it? You needed big biceps because you had to be like pushing. You had to be sort of snogging to the sleeve just so there's enough room. Well, I know, but that's why you did the Mr Universe you sent off with. I know, but if I did it, I could carry a family-sized pack of shredded wheat in the sleeve of my t-shirt and it'd still be rude. But also they must have had

quite long t-shirt sleeves, like down to the elbow more than halfway down. No, no, they sat high. Can I tell you what I loved? There was one thing I particularly loved about the blurb for the Pringles collab, which was it said of the Pringles pouch, this allows both fashionistas and snackers to carry the crisps on their favourite shoes. And I love their acknowledgement that those two groups are mutually exclusive. Those who eat and those who like fashion. There were some very good quotes. I don't often enjoy a press release, but they really did go for it. More of that to come. Frank Skinner.

Absolute Radio. We've had a few visitors, Frank. Yes. My partner, Kath, is here. My son, Boz, and my dog, the dog, is here, my son, Buzz, and my dog, the dog, is here. No, Poppy's here. Oh, she looked round when I said that.

Yeah, they're coming to have one last look. Well, bear in mind, Buzz is nearly 12. His entire life I've been doing this radio show. That's true, yeah. I announced his birth on this very show. So, you know, 42% potato. I beg your pardon? Pringles.

I am. They avoid some sort of tax thing, if I remember rightly. Because there's an extra tax on potato-based snacks. They're not crisps. Yeah, so they kept their potato content down to 42%, which means they don't have to pay.

We all do our best to keep our potato content down. Yeah, exactly. But not for financial reasons. I'm not doing great at the moment. These boots, the Pringle Crock Collab, they said... Pringle Crock Collab. Yeah. They said... Pringle Crock Collab. Ooh.

Pringle Crock Collab. Ooh. Might leave you with a scab. Ooh. Extraordinary. You'll have to jump a cab. Ooh. So, the Pringle Crock Collab, they were saying they were already a huge hit with celebrities.

Okay. Are they? Well, then they showed a picture, celebrities such as Chris Olsen. Have you heard of Chris Olsen? No. I haven't heard of anyone. Is it a man or a lady? It's a man.

Okay. But I like the way that I did your accent as as well i don't know why i had a sympathy who was who were those weren't there some sisters called the alston twins but this isn't them frank this is i googled this man the only thing i could find on record about this character he was voted tick-tock sexiest man by people magazine in 2020. oh well well, respect to Mondo. And he's famous for his coffee delivering videos. Oh, good. Is man but this.

Or is he a barista? Coffee delivery. Some kind of a barista. I've got some nice coffee for you. Do you know what? I don't want to ever see the videos. I like imagining what they're like. What does he deliver them to celebrities or something?

It just said his famed coffee delivering videos. Perhaps he delivers them in a sort of athletic or surprising way. Beaming through the window. He wore the boots and he really likes them. So say, guys, check out my new Pringle Crocs. I'm not suggesting he was paid. No, no. But, you know.

If you're suggesting a man who's only famous for doing stupid things on TikTok could be paid to wear silly shoes, well, how dare you, Madeline? The thing about the cigarettes in the sleeve, when I was growing up, women sort of moms and beyond into grands never went out. Women, mums and beyond. I love that show. That's that magazine full of all the candles for the... It's actually a magazine I used to read when I was a teenager.

Oh, you are disgusting. But anyway, they always had a handkerchief up the cardigan sleeve. Do you remember that? They used to have that little lump. They had a handkerchief up the cardigan sleeve. Do you remember that? They used to have that little lump. They had a Murray Mint and a hanky. Did they have a Murray Mint? Don't you remember that Murray Mint in a nana's pocket? No, I don't.

Always, Frank. What about novel ways of carrying? Oh, yeah, there's the pencil behind the ear. Yes. I really miss that. Yeah, what are other novel ways? We've had cigarettes up the sleeve. Let's have 8, 12, 15 novel ways of carrying things.

Knife in the boot. Yeah, the dirk. We get lots of Scottish ones saying, what about the dirk? But just put the light on. Frank Skinner. Frank Skin you were talking earlier about unconventional places for carrying items. Well, just ways of carrying things. Pencil behind the ear, cigarette pack, you know, the T-shirt sleeve. Okay.

Don't tell me that a drugs mule has texted him. I don't know if we can read this one out. Tying the shoes over the telegraph. 482, dinner money in your shoe. Oh, in your shoe. Yeah, no, it is a poem as well. When we moved to the Isle of Man from South Africa, we were introduced to the concept of dinner money. Right. And the school, the primary school, local primary school, said to my parents, your kids will need dinner money tins.

And my parents said, and what is that? It's like a tiny sort of biscuit tin for your dinner money. And they went, right. Where do we buy tiny tins? Like for sewing kits. They said, yeah, all the news agents and stuff nearby will have dinner money tins. My parents thought, I don't think they will.

And they walked into a shop, incredibly South African, on the other end and went, we've been told to come here and ask for dinner money tins. And the guy went, yeah, yeah, yeah, and just brought a whole tray of them from another counter. Which one would you like? These real rattly tins. I was in Mississippi once,

and I went into a sort of a corner shop, and they had 13 different types of chewing tobacco. I mean, wow. That is... Look, my partner has arrived with the other half of the cod roe, and I'm trying to persuade Emily and Pierre. Pierre, who I think of as my Mr. January,

he'll take on any challenge. No, he's being a little bit like, well, I don't want to possibly have that. I've had come over. I'll peculiar. You didn't see Frank when he answered the door. Really? It was like one of those sky mummies they find in Peru. Is that dehydrated?

Why does he want us to feel like he felt? No, because I ate a massive, massive amount of it. Why should we suffer? You should be thinking, oh, I'm so glad my dear friends were spared the Cods Row incident. No, you want us to suffer. Do you know when American cops find powder in a bag and they just lick their finger? Or with a little flick knife. and they just put just lick their finger

or with a little a flick knife but often they'll just lick their PCP is it coke? actually so it won't it won't I would watch that

I think most shows on streamers are is it coke in a way plenty of shows. By the way, Frank, bring on the Cods Road. Come on, let's do it. That's the spirit. Come on, Jenny, have you got the Cods Road?

Bring on the Cods Road. Meanwhile, can I read you something from the Bible? Frank, sorry, what I like is, as soon as the Cods Road, your dog started prowling in a very menacing way. She knew the road was on its way. Yeah, it's like a barracuda is surrounding the island. Come on then, what were you going to read? I'll read a little bit.

No, I'll read this. I'm just talking about as well as the croc boot, can I point out there is another more croc-like croc. Jenny Foot, by the way, I just give them small bits or they're just pronounced. Oh my God, what's that smell? Is that the smell?. Oh my God, what's that smell? Is that the smell? What do you mean, what's that smell?

There's a woman cutting Conroe over there. How quickly the worm turns, Emily Dean. So keen. That's what they say in Lambton. It doesn't turn that quickly. Shall we take a break and then, you should eat it on air rather than in the break. I just don't want you to lose your nerve. You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm talking about? Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio. Before we go into this, 742, as we go to the break before the cod roe eating, it feels like Frank has decided to end the show by

killing the team off on air. It's like a World War II spy drama where they all take a cyanide pill together. Goodbye all. You'll all be buried at the lantern of the highest honors. I don't want to die. Bury my heart at the lantern. And their names

are on the wall of honor in the atrium of the lantern for this very day. We're getting a lot of its very final days of World War II. Yeah, come on, guys, get it down. Are we going over the top, sir? Yes, and I'll have a bit more as well. Okay.

My body has got used to it now. All right. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, the smell of it. Oh, God. Oh, there goes my God. Oh, my God. The smell of it. Oh, God. Oh, there goes my microphone. Don't be... Oh, what?

Can you pass me some... Okay, I'm going in, guys. I'm going in. It's really making me ill. Frank's son, Buzz, is going to... We decided to do this together in a... Come on, Buzz. Let's do it.

One, two, three. Oh, my God. It tastes like low tide smells. Oh, my God. They should use that on the packaging. I wish you could see the faces on. Oh, my God. Can you take a... Oh, Frank, what have you done to us? What have you done?

Very old tuna very old and that's it I said I'm not I will not walk out of here alive all together now

it ends on my terms all together appreciated oh the dog is uh the dog's um refusing you no no she's eating it no she's dead too i don't know if this is great right here to be honest but um who cares at this stage yes To be honest. But who cares at this stage?

Yes, it takes... No, I care. That's not true. It's one of the worst taste bud moments I've ever had in my entire life. Yeah? And you've lived. The level of salt. I can see why when you open the door...

Frank, the dog has rejected it, just FYI. Yeah. No, the dog won't eat it. And the dog was trying to eat my mascara earlier, so that gives you an insight into how disgusting it is. Or how little salt is in your mascara. Yeah. Yeah.

The salt has just hit me now. Yeah, there's an aftertaste of the salt. Oh, there's an aftertaste? Having said that, I wouldn't mind a bit more. Oh, my God. Can I have a bit more, please, Jenny? Yeah. As I say, this is not bit more please, Jenny? Yeah.

As I say, this is not really radio, is it? No. This is Saturday Morning Kitchen. I don't know. I don't think they would allow this sort of thing on Saturday Morning Kitchen. Do you know what, Frank? What? You want a bit more as well. I quite like it now.

There you go, you see? I think the salt has really turned me. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Oh, okay. I've lost most of the water content of my body. Oh, you, I've really, I've never been so let down. Why, do you think he's been whimped?

They should see the tiny, tiny, like three eggs. Yeah, I can't believe him. It's something, are you still paying attention? Yeah, he's still paying attention. Oh, OK. Sorry. OK. OK, shall we go back to Pringles? Yeah. I like all the rules going out the window.

Can I say, the Pringle... Julius? The crocs that look most like Pringles. Yeah. The strap, you know the strap on a Pringle is the moustache of Mr Pringle. The strap on a croc? The Pringle doesn't have a strap. No, sorry, the strap on a croc is Mr Pringle's moustache. Julius Pringle, yeah.

Now, I always have the strap on a croc at the back as a way of keeping the croc on. Yeah. I don't think it should be worn at the front, which is what they're suggesting. Oh, I see. Well, I'm afraid Hair Pringle disagrees at the front, which is what they're suggesting. Oh, I see. Well, I'm afraid Hair Pringle disagrees. I know, but Hair Pringle. You call him Hair Pringle, but where is his hair? Because Julius Pringles did have a sort of Victorian strongman parting,

I distinctly remember. Yeah. And then overnight, he was bald. Is that right? He's old now. Why have they made it... Julius Pringle has lost his hair have you ever known i've known some hairy people in my life i've have i ever known anyone hairy enough to have an ankle mustache

which is what if i wore my pringle my croc strap in the normal position, that's what I would have. Stop saying Croc strap. Sorry, sorry. It makes me feel a bit ill. Very fine. Dogs here and family members. Sickening. Oh, my moustache-themed Croc strap.

Is it the end of the show? Oh, God, I'm sorry. It sounded so badly everyone Oh with moustache themed crockstrap Yes and people eating stuff That you can't see Yes it's all slightly gone down The plug hole

Yes Me and Pierre are in Stoke Tonight live in Stoke on Trent Robbie Williams hometown Yeah Is he actually Stoke? I think he's one of the five towns I think he in Stoke-on-Trent. Robbie Williams' hometown. Yeah. Is he actually Stoke? I think he's one of the five towns. I think he's Stoke.

Is he? I think so. So, look, thank you for listening this morning. I'm sorry I've poisoned everyone, but you know what I mean. It's the last days of Rome. Yeah. And if the good Lord spares us

and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week now get out