The Frank Skinner Show - Pitt Closure

Episode Date: February 1, 2020

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank had his Birthday and has wonders whether he was a victim of a crime. The team also discuss Brad Pitt’s name badge, the candy desk at Trump’s impeachment trial and who’s in The Handsome Chair.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. You got it. More and more. Oh, you got it. I feel like that's an advert,

but I don't know if it is. It sounds like it ought to be. No, it sounded jingly to me. I think I know... Oh, you got it. Is it Burger King or something? Anyway, I-12-15, what is? Oh, you got it.

I hope it's not the new World Health Organization coronavirus jingle. I don't think so. I don't like it when they sell out to adverts. The new World Health Organization? No. You were talking about the song being used for an advert, potentially. No, the thing I'm singing, I don't know where that came from, though. It's not any of it.

Anything You Need, You Got It. Oh, yeah. Yes, yes. Oh, okay. It's not Travelling Wilburys, I believe. We're going to cancel that text, then. Oh, I know what you mean. Thank you so much.

You got it. Is it, I'm so tired of being lonely Is it that one When the big O suddenly comes in And cuts through it Like a beautiful slit In a sheet of silk I feel like we've now got a text in running

That people are not going to know That we've cancelled Because you've asked them What you got it from No but I don't know if it is from that We'll find out are not going to know that we've cancelled. Because you've asked them what you got it from. No, but I don't know if it is from that. We'll find out. This is Emily's. I'm saying it's anything you need.

You got it. I also want to know what their avatar is. Sorry, well, this is dragging on. We've already lost 70% of our potential crowd just going on and on. That's one person. Yeah, true. It'll be fine.

Frank, Dr. Rachel Gibbons has been in touch. OK. Everything's fine. Medical doctor. Yes, I believe so. Lovely end to Frank's show at the Garrick with cake and the audience singing happy birthday. Really?

Because it was your birthday, we should say. Yes. Last week. This was on Tuesday. What happened was I finished the show. Can I just interject? I do apologise. Dr Rachel Gibbons is actually a medieval historian.

Oh. Well, that's much more impressive. Do you know what I liked? Your face lit up like I'd said. She's a Victoria's Secret model. I'll bet I'm much more interested in that. Exactly. Exactly.

No. When I went off stage and when I came back on for the encore, they sang... Did you see that, Al? Did you see that? The crowd sang Happy Birthday, but incredibly they hadn't quite got the melody. You'd think it's a song that one might pick up over the years, but it was a sort of a weird, like Frank Sinatra.

You know when Frank Sinatra sings a song but doesn't quite sing it? So it had that kind of, Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. It was all over the place. Do you think your pre-show big band music had kind of Derren Browned them into just going a bit weird? Maybe.

Was it a bit like how we imagined they'd be singing Three Lions on Strictly that time? The football, it's a coming home. Exactly. So they'd done that, and then I did the encore. And then at the end of the encore, a lady came on who I'd never seen before who worked at the theatre and carrying a cake with one candle,

which was, you know, I think you're not going to go... Save them a few quid. Exactly. And, yeah, I think you can't like too many in a theatre. Right. And the crowd cheered and she whispered to me, this is on behalf of NIMAX theatres, and I thought, OK, I won't tell anyone.

I don't know why, it's an odd way of keeping it secret, you're bringing it out here. And then they sang um happy birthday again the crowd showing no benefit whatsoever from their previous rehearsal so it was lovely but um what was the cake like it was like it was a fabulous cake. It was sort of raspberry and cream type set up. It was tremendous. That'll be red velvet, Al. Yeah, sounds good.

Community singing, though, it's not... You know, before the FA Cup final, they used to have a man in a white suit who used to stand on a raised platform. And everyone had song sheets which came inside the programme and they would do like a good half hour of community singing.

Can you imagine trying that now? The white suit element. Yeah, but just the way the audience would be so horrible now, the crowd just abused the man and his life would be ruined.

And also you'd have to think stuff like, you know, players are going to play, play, play. They just wouldn't. Oh, no. That's a thing we've lost. Maybe it'll come back now. Now we're out of Europe. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

It's like, first, 192. Hi, team. Sorry for the semi-praise, but did you hear Chris Moyle's heaping praise on Mr Radio's live show this week? No, I didn't hear that. There you go. No, I didn't know he was in, even. No.

Nice, though. Yeah. Also about your theatre show, your live stand-up show. Are you allowed to mention Chris Miles' show? Good question. Well done it now. Our drivers. 212 has texted, the lady is Gail.

She's the assistant manager, two exclamation marks. She was dreading doing that, two exclamation marks. Can we say, for anyone who's just tuned in, don't get alarmed. When you say she was dreading doing that, she did bring on a cake for Frank and that was it. I think it was the public speaking that made her whisper because some people don't want to be on stage talking. I know it's baffling.

What's wrong with that? I find it baffling. Absolute weirdo. I should have given her the microphone, I suppose. It goes against everything that I know and understand. But no, I've never met the... I don't meet anyone who's sort of out front, really. I meet men in headsets.

Well, we've also had some guesswork, I think. 755 has said, Hi, Frank, that slogan that you're singing is from an old Burger King advert from the 1990s, I think. It was Burger... I said Burger King. Full lyrics, at BK, as you say, you got it, and then they go caps. Okay. But then

Ultra Magnus, Magnus, one of my favourites. Ultra Magnus? Yes, he says... I suppose Magnus Magnusson is Ultra Magnus. Yes. He has confirmed it's the Travelling Wilburys. So I think what we're saying is there was a Travelling Wilburys. So I think what we're saying is there was a Travelling Wilburys song

with everything you want, you got it. And there was also the Burger King. Yeah, I think they're different songs. Oh, really? But is that the one that has, I'm so tired of being away from the big O. I love the big O. I love the O.

I get a tingle every time I hear his voice. Great sideburns. I don't remember him having sideburns. Oh, I thought you did have a lovely sideburn. Oh, I'll check. I'm disputing. Okay. You often do.

Next. Well, I have a sizeable. Why? Oh, sorry. Email to discuss. Oh, yeah. I don't know if we've even got the time, but let's crack on.

We've got three hours. Oh, right. Okay, great. Dear Frank Allen and the Divine Miss M, as we all know, Frank signs off at the end of each show with one of his sayings, such as,

if the good Lord spares us, or bring on the feathers, which was actually a quote of... Well, they're all quotes. Of course. Has Frank considered employing this method to exit social situations more generally? Allow me to explain.

When my grandfather, no longer alive, would visit us, I remember him telling many jokes, extravagant anecdotes and tall tales. When he was ready to leave, he didn't bother with the kind of approach that many of us use, like, well, this has been lovely and I should probably leave now to avoid traffic, blah, blah. None of that fluff.

Instead, he would quote Lewis Carroll in grandiose tones, well, the time has come, the walrus said, to speak of many things. He would arise from his seat as saying this, and we would unquestioningly arise with him, would exchange a quick goodbye, and he'd be out the door within seconds.

This is an approach that I think Frank could pull off, though his current radio sign-off may need reworking. It really streamlines the goodbye process. Thoughts, and that's from Irene in Oxfordshire. Yeah, the problem is he sort of says the time has come to talk of many things as if he's about to do it there. Yeah.

And then he leaves. He doesn't make it clear if he's about to do it there. And then he leaves. He doesn't make it clear that he's going to do it in a different venue. I should tell you this after but I had a friend who had a sort of anecdote fail safe that he used to use. Oh yeah, hold on, I'll just telling you about my friend.

My friend was listening to the radio and he switched it on and when he switched it on he heard and that man was Robert Dougal. And then the show said so that was blah blah blah produced by and that was all he heard.

And whenever he told an anecdote that didn't work. So he'd tell me when he told an anecdote that didn't work, so he'd tell me when he'd get nothing, he'd say, like, when I turned up, they hadn't got my trousers ready. And they'd all look at him and he'd go, and that man was not a do-gooder, really.

It's a great ending for anything. I may have mentioned this before, but I once walked into a restaurant in Bristol and there was a table of about eight people sat around chatting and somebody was regaling with an anecdote and as I walked in they said anyway it turned out they were Buddhists and it got a huge laugh and I've spent half of my life since then wondering what that anecdote was oh that should be... If I was you, I would move to some island in the Orkneys for a year and piece together the preamble to that punchline.

It's plagued me ever since. What a tremendous gift that would be. Code break. It'd be like being Alan Turing. Yeah. That's what we need. We need the sort of comedian's Bletchley Park.

Yes. Where we're given a series of punchlines. That's all that's. We need the sort of comedian's Bletchley Park. Yes. Where we're given a series of punchlines. That's all that's been found was the punchline that we have to put together the rest of the stuff. Frank, the Mojito Man has been in touch with whatever happened to... The Mojito Man? Yes, that's just his Twitter name. Are you OK with that?

No, I'm fine with that. I've only been part of a mojito session on one occasion and that was with Peter Cook. Oh, really? Did he like a mojito? Well, he liked them when they were free, which they were that night. He was a thirsty

individual, Peter Cook. I liked him a lot. So they kept bringing, I'd never heard of them before and I couldn't drink them, obviously. I love a mojito. So I was having, I don't know... Well, these days. They wouldn't even have been trendy then.

I was drinking pop. No, he was... Well, they went through a lovely period they had, and now I think they've gone a little bit GC now. Oh, have they? Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's just a statement of fact.

Yeah. Can I say Emily's referring to Gemma Collins' possible reality stuff? The Mojito Man has said, whatever happened to, we haven't had one of those for a while, so I just thought I'd see how this went with you. The ribbons of cloth that lorry and coach drivers

used to tie above their wing mirrors to keep them clean. Now, I'm reading that because he's not specifically... I know we've done toys before, I think, you know, when they have the grubby teddy bears. Toys! They have the grubby teddy on the front. Did I ever tell you about toys? No.

It's a slight digression, but we're not strangers to them on this show. No. I went to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. And, you know, in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang... The stage show, this is. Yeah, the president of Moldova or whatever it is. I can't remember.

And he's obsessed with toys. Yes, Benny Hill, the toy maker in the film. And he was played by Brian Blessed in the thing. And his wife was played by... I'm going to hate myself if I can't remember her name. He'll come back to me. Oh, I love that. At the end of the thing, they were getting off the stage

and there was all these kids. They sort of exit through the audience. And she said said this is your fault this wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for your stupid toys and he didn't hear her he obviously didn't hear his cue so he didn't say it and she just went toys

and he said it he said it like Pavlov's dog he just instantly said it but she didn't even repeat the line she just gave him the word it will come to me

her name because I think she deserves full credit for that it was Nicola McCall if I've remembered the actress. Yes, and she was in Surgical Spirit.

She was in Surgical Spirit. Oh, I remember Surgical Spirit. It's lovely when it just comes, when you give that little bit of non-Google effort. Yes, Smells Like Surgical Spirit was the title of her memoir. That's right, yeah. I'd forgotten that. Why wasn't it?

Is she still operational? I don't know. That wasn't a surgical spirit shock. I was going to say. I'm pretty sure that's not how you phrase it. No, but let's hope so. I'll always love her for that moment. What was...

That was an interruption. I interrupted you with telling me something else. Sorry, it was toys. It was something interruption. I interrupted you with telling me something else. Sorry, it was toys. It was something about toys. Mejito. Oh, yeah. That was lovely. We had an intervention.

We work with a prompt. There's a small box under the desk where Faye sits. Some weeks the show is more elegantly scripted than others, isn't it? Yes, it is. And what I like is that when a young when a young person shouts mojito at me now um they're not asking me to get them in no no they're reminding you of an anecdote they're reminding me because my memory's failing you were uh whatever happened to the ribbons of cloth that lorry and coach drivers use to tie up their wing

mirrors to keep them clean and i'd referred to the the grubby toys often the lorry and coach drivers use the tyre bar, their wing mirrors to keep them clean. And I'd refer to the grubby toys often the lorry driver has on the front. Oh, yeah. Mr. Michelin. Well, they have the teddy, don't they? The sorry-looking teddy, which makes me feel... Like a chewing gum grey. You'd think it started as a colour.

Is there a more poignant sight than the dirty lorry teddy? I think not. What a rubbish job for a teddy that is. You can be in the arms, the loving arms of a small child every night, or you can be tied to the grill of a filthy lorry going down the motorway. Would you rot? Although I don't know. No, I'm saying what they look like. Barron Trump's teddy or I'm going to go Laurie. Apparently it started in the west of America.

A bear was hit by one of those old trains with the big grid on the front and was stuck to that and that's where the teddy bear. Is that right? No, I've completed that. Do you know how I believe that? That must have happened, hadn't it? They must have hit a bear on one of those big... Yeah.

I think what it's designed to do, when I have seen the teddy... What, the bear? Yeah, the bear. Let's discuss the bear. I think, oh, he's got a soft side, that lorry driver. Mm-hm. He's in touch with his emotions. I think he's got a cruel side.

I used to ask a thing on stage to people, is that could you knock a nail through the face of a teddy bear? And anyone who could do that, I'd be wary of them, even though I know it's, you know, fabric and stuff. I don't think I could do it. That was your system of filtering out who you would speak to in the front row. Who I would trust, who I'd really trust with my heart.

I have a similar thing with the, remember the eyes? Remember the fashion for the eyes? The eyelashes on the headlamps? Oh, yes. I was talking about that just the other day. Yes, I still see it. I saw one like ten days ago. That's probably, that's like a,

I will never give you my phone number if someone has those. Yes, I think that's... I have a theory about the lorry driver's wing mirrors, though. I think those rags used to be for wiping, like, water off. But now I think most lorries have probably got the heated wing mirrors, you know, like... I didn't know there was such a thing. Can I say...

I think my car has heated wing mirrors. Me too, Al. Yours will have. I have to say... You're the richest of everyone. No, I don't. Everyone, categorically. But I don't like cars, so I've never bought a fancy one.

No, but they come as standard. Is that what they say? Do they, Al? It's fancy to have warm wing mirrors nowadays. No, I think I have to wind my window down. No, you don't. I do. What, with like a little handle? Like, ee, ee, ee. No, no, no. You're pulling out the choke. I think you've my window down. No, you don't. I do. What, with like a little handle?

Like... Stop pulling out the choke. I think you've got a button. Did you have a problem with the choke earlier? I don't have a rear windscreen wiper either, which I find annoying. That depends on the shape of the car, though. Well, you say.

It does. I found it very alluring when Alan said that. Yeah. It's funny, isn't it? What excites. Steady on. 8, 12, 15. No.

Oh, no. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. So, look, is this a thing? Have I been involved in a thing? I was walking through Camden Town, which is an area of North London, I think famous for its vitality and...

Goths? Yeah, goths and there's a drug culture, we'll be straight about that. vitality and Goths? Yeah, Goths and there's a drug culture, we'll be straight about that. And I was Is this a witness statement you're about to make? No, no, well we'll see. Tosh lines from the bill.

There's a drug culture, we'll be straight about that. Well I was it was my birthday actually, I was walking to the through there through Camden did you text on his birthday Al?

no sorry why bring that on oh sorry I just don't know whether we're meant to I thought it was over the top I did I sent a

I sent a Tom Baker gif oh nice so I I was crossing the road and there was a man crossing in the opposite direction. We sort of walked into each other

and I felt my headphone, what do you call them, your plugs headphone, whatever, you know, things that stick in your ears through which you listen to stuff. Yes. I was actually listening to a series of lectures on the Old Testament. Of course, weren't we all do?

Natural. So, you know, sometimes you sort of wave your arm about and your headphones get pulled out. So I reached down and thinking they'll still be in my phone, which they weren't. And I looked on the floor and couldn't see them. I couldn't see the bloke. And I don't know whether... I couldn't see the bloke. And I don't know whether I just walked into this bloke

and they got caught on him or something. Or is it a thing, grabbing people's headphones? What do they call, what do you call those wires with ear things? Earbuds? Headphones? I don't know what you call them. Earbuds is just the end. I think interesting as this bit of it is, I would like to get back to...

Is it a popular crime? Well, what I would like to establish is, firstly, I would say the fact that they were yanked out of the socket is suspicious to me. Yeah, agreed. Over to Alan in the incident is suspicious to me. Yep. Agreed. Over to Alan in the incident room. I agree.

I think, I don't think you've been pickpocketed. I think you've been earpocketed. I do. You've been earpicked. You've been a victim of crime. Do you think I have?

I do. I'm not. Oh my word. He didn't look. Breaking news, finally, on this show. I was mugged on my birthday.

Oh mate. I think I was scratching it there. I mean,ged on my birthday. Oh, mate. I think you're stretching it there. I mean, I'm not... And to put the icing on the cake, I didn't text you on the day. I'm really sorry now. You put the icing on the cake? Birthday imagery. I don't know. I shouldn't

have brought that up, Al. I'm sorry. I think... I just didn't know whether it was over the top of me. This might be me being a bit Camdenist though. You know, if it happened to me somewhere else, I'd have sort of been more inclined towards accident. Do you know what I mean? You're saying if it had been a gentleman in Chelsea... Well, no, I don't know, really.

I mean, in Camden, I think it wouldn't be altogether shocked if someone pulled your spinal cord out as they passed you in the street. 020 has texted earphones. Still no verdict on the crime, but at least we know the name of what we're dealing with. I still think it could be an accident. And this is how optimistic I am. But did you look on the floor?

I did, I looked on the floor, yeah. But they could have been hanging on his button. Did you look on the... Then there were no pockets at all when you got home? No, I checked. It's definitely not on me somewhere. OK.

I don't know, it was... I mean, they're worth, what, 20 quid? Oh, yeah. That's all I'm saying, but, you know. It's... The next night, when I walked in again, I was looking on the pavement as if they were still I mean pathetically looking as if

they were on the floor, someone wouldn't have picked them up. I was reminded of W.H. Auden when he was a child he was frolicking across fields on his birthday with some other children they'd been given a fiver for his birthday in the days when they had to fold them

up and he dropped it and it was a major crisis and they'd been given a fiver for his birthday in the days when they had to fold them up. And he dropped it, and it was a major crisis. And he said, no, don't worry, I'll get it on the way back. And sure enough, on the way back, there he was, and he just picked it up, and that was that. And I think I was thinking that was going to happen. Different times. It was.

I mean, I imagine they've been sold for a fiver, and that's been spent on something that is very good for you. But who knows? One of those monster drinks. They love a monster drink in Camden. I would love to discover that. I was going to guess he'd spent it on I would love to discover that it was an accident because it was such a lovely

and perfect birthday. I want it to be just a bit of a human folly that it was pulled from me I'll probably never know but let's know that guy might be

listening it's a bit early a bit early I know he'll have his Cure albums on he'll be listening using those headphones this is Frank Skinner

this is Absolute Radio this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215 or follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

Again, a lot of messages saying win as if they think they're in a competition now, so just to be clear, why not? Is it Charlie Sheen? Winning, hashtag winning. Do you remember that? Dayco has been in touch. You were talking

about an incident. You'd been a victim of crime, perhaps, on your birthday. Maybe. When your earphones were either stolen or just got hooked on someone or snagged

I mean I probably never know unless the bloke says you know what I got home from Camden the other night and there was a pair of earphones

we can have the wax DNA and I can establish them as mine or they might listen to this show and then or they might be one of those do-gooders

that end up in the news of tracing one of those do-gooders that end up in the news of tracing... Oh, one of those do-gooders. Tracing whose earphones they were. You know there was that story about the cyclist do-gooder recently, wasn't there? It's one of my favourite things. We should collect this would be a good text

in. Positive, seemingly positive adjectives that are used negatively. I was doing it firmly talking to you. No, I know that, but when people say, oh, they're one of those do-gooders. It's also, it's a real know-all. It's not a bad thing to know a great amount. But anyway, busybodies as well. Busybodies. That's a bad amount. But anyway. Busy bodies as well.

Busy bodies. That's a bad thing. That's if you report crime essentially, isn't it? You can't steal like you used to with all these busy bodies. Not minding their own beeswax. Frank.

Yes. Re-earphones. You need to speak to Adrian Childs Okay He accused a friend of mine Of stealing his earphones He was jogging past her And the wire caught on her coat button

And removed them from his ears Oh okay You can share experiences Hang on So Adrian I can imagine him now Going for his jog. Yeah.

He leans, caught on her coat button. Where was the button on the coat? Well, you know, why was he running so close to her? Yeah. I mean, sometimes you do. Oh, it stings. Well, sometimes you do have to slalom a bit if you're running. She might have been wearing like an open trench coat,

sort of flapping. When he says he accused a friend of mine. Double-breasted, maybe. Or one of those, what do they call those ones that are very common in the catering industry? Oh, yes. They're like a complete rectangle that goes up and across the top. Oh, good.

8, 12, 15, what are those codes called? Sometimes you used to see them in, like, American cavalry movies. Oh! I don't know what you mean, but I don't know the name. Yes, I know what you mean. But sometimes stuff catches on stuff. It does. You would be surprised that that happened.

Like, I don't expect my dressing gown to catch on a door handle, but every now and again it does. Yeah, well, that's your story. Sorry, you end that with darling. Well, I mean, it's like... Sorry, darling, it caught on the door handle, Frank. It's like the way you see those training shoes that get caught on telegraph wires.

What's the chances of that happening? Exactly the same thing. I just... The bit that disturbs me about this is he accused a friend of mine of stealing his earphones. Now, I just don't like the idea of this poor woman, mind her own beeswax, walking down by the canal side and Adrian saying, excuse me, you've stolen my earphones.

I'm so sick. I feel confident he was extremely apologetic when he realised but it does show that it is possible for it to happen accidentally I'm still trying to hold on to my rather tatty and flailing faith in human nature

it's so adorable when people do that it would make me genuinely I tell you the other thing about it it's like I've lost a piece of the jigsaw that was my sort of brilliant birthday and if that bloke said oh yeah it was me, I'll put him in a

jiffy for you I would feel I could put that place in and I'm back to 100, which is always something to aspire to, wouldn't you say? Yeah. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

I'd just like to say something. I am loving Brad Pitt's energy at the moment. I want me some Brad Pitt energy. He has good energy. I'm anxious about the Jennifer Aniston stuff. What, he's hankering after her again? I'm worried he's going to break her heart all over again. No, she's fine.

I'm quite pleased about it because they used to be called Brad and Angelina were called Brangelina. But if he gets back with Jennifer Aniston, I think there's a possibility of us calling them Braniston. Oh, that would be good. They'll be in a pickle. Yeah, exactly. I'll set them up, you knock them in, Frank.

But isn't it supposed to be the first... If you go Brad, don't you have to go her first name? Yeah. There was a rather brilliant one on Twitter. It doesn't lend itself as well to a joke. No, OK, you were right. You were right to break the mould. I think he's the one who's going to have the heart broken, I'm afraid.

Damn. Yeah, well, I think he's... As I believe a woman pointed out on Twitter, he got seven kids and, like, too much alcohol. She good. She's a free agent. He's got a lot of baggage, Brad. He's not as appealing as he was from that point of view.

I thought he had six. It's hard to... I think we're splitting hairs at this point. We know the point we're making. He's splitting hairs as far as his inheritance is concerned. Well, this is true. Six or seven, still a bit too much baggage. But, um... Anyone listening with six or seven children, can we say we think it's a lovely warm family thing i envy your christmases speak for yourself

we're all different um so when all the runners and riders get together for you know for the oscar noms they have the oscar nomination lunch. Can I ask a question before we go into this? And I think we've had this debate before, but I think it changes, so I just want to be kept up to date. For many years, you know, I have this series, there's a series of chairs, and people sit in those chairs.

So if you do a joke about someone being a drunk, there's someone who's in that chair at the time and they are seen as the drunken person. Or the dodgy person or the womanizer or whatever it is. And he was in the best-looking bloke chair for, I mean, ten or more years. When I'm talking about these chairs, I mean, people would say, well, you know, he's a bit of a Brad Pitt.

I mean, it would be absolutely the word for it. I am guessing he's a 56-year-old man with six kids. He's no longer in it. Who is, who now sits, who is the byword for good-looking maleness? Well, it was Ryan Gosling for a while. I think it was Ryan Gosling last time we discussed this. But he never got to Brad. I mean, I think Ann Nora would say Brad Pitt.

I don't think she'd say Ryan Gosling. Right. Is she the benchmark then? I think she's a benchmark for things. Should we just ask her? Yeah. How many kids has she got? I think...

How many children has Lady Macbeth? That was quite a big debate, a literary debate. He's still good looking. I looked at pictures of him this week. He's got that different kind of getting older guy, rugged. But I don't think he's in the, anyone got any clear views on who's in that chair? I'd love to hear it.

But, yes, sorry I interrupted the story. You're forgiven. He decided to wear... You know you're given these name tags on the table when you often come into these events. And he decided, rather brilliantly, I think, to wear his name tag. So it said,

Brad Pitt, Best Supporting Actor nominee once upon a time in Hollywood. Now, obviously, none of the others sported their name tags. It's like when, I don't know if you've met Madonna, but she introduces herself by saying, Hi, I'm Madonna. And there's that weird thing of,

Oh, well, I know. So, I mean, you must... Have you met people, Frank, where you've thought... Because you've met Elton John, and I can imagine it would be very strange if he said, Hi, I'm Elton. No, he didn't. And when I saw...

I recently went to an audience with the Pope. Did he say, Hi, I'm the Pope? When he came on stage, he didn't say, hello, I'm the Pope. I'm sure he didn't refer to it as stage either. No. On stage at seven. I respected him for that because he backed himself. Right.

Yeah, he thought they'll know. And I thought that was brilliant. I mean, forgive my question, but had there been a compere that said, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the pub? There's no intro. He came in like a game show host through the back door. So that's confidence. That is real confidence.

No intro required. And I don't know about you, Al. When you go on, do you say, hello, I'm Alan Cochran? No. No. I want to see how it's going before I tell them who I am. You've lit up the switchboard with who's in the handsome actor chair that Brad Pitt occupied for so long.

I'm a silly actor. I mean, public figure. 391, Tom Hardy's in the chair. He's been in the chair for a while now. Has he? Again, do people say Tom Hardy? Of course he's a bit Tom Hardy. Do people say that?

I would say we've had our... There was a bit of Ryan, a bit of Bradley Cooper for a while. Was he in the chair? Yeah. See, I can't quite picture who he is, so it wouldn't work for me. I know, but then there is the sort of people who men think is good-looking. For years, it was Pierce Brosnan. Oh, yeah.

But also, he's a handsome man, and no woman ever fancied him. No, I agree, I agree. I think it works both ways. Of course there is. Of course it does. I think women have this idea. Yes. The women that you think...

Yes. Exactly. Zero Two always suggested Idris Elba and Jason Momoa. I thought that was going to be Manfred. We were all on the edge of our seats. But no, Jason Momoa, I don't know. Oh, he was in Game of Thrones. The one with the very striking eyebrows.

Someone mentioned in the studio, mentioned Harry Styles. I think that, to me, is the closest dart to the bullseye so far. To me, as I think I've said before, he looks a bit like he's on the school run in Hampstead. Looks like one of the mums. I don't mind that. I know. I still think of him flying in that video.

I mean, it's one of the best things ever. It's his birthday today, apparently. Is it? Harry Styles? 26, is that right? Was David Beckham not in the chair for a while? Yeah. In the handsome chair. I'm just going to give Beck some.

He might still be. I think that's another good dart. a while. Yeah. In the handsome chair. I'm just going to give Bex a... He might still be. I think that's another good dart. Good errors. Okay. Styles and Bex, good errors. Yeah. But the reason we're discussing Brad Pitt... Styles and Bex is what they call, of course,

Victorian days and mechanisms in there. The reason we're discussing Brad Pitt is that he wore this name badge. Now, I have a theory that may be somewhat polarising. I think Brad Pitt might actually be, like me, a bit misanthropic, and I think he might have put on the name badge because anybody seeing Brad Pitt wearing a name badge

would assume that it's a lookalike who's not that self-confident and therefore not want to talk to them. But it was at the Oscars launch. I mean nobody's going to expect Brad Pitt to wear the name badge. You'd expect a look alike.

They might think oh we've got like 10 for this year. There are two main interpretations of this. One you could say he's such a lovely bloke that he doesn't know how famous he is now i think that's a quite a hard one to uh take on board yes i remember arriving at the bbc once and no one came out to meet me and rather than phone anyone or make a farce i just walked found went

into the you know my sense of direction but i in, asked a couple of people on door, and I found my way to the production office I was heading for on my own. You will know that you're my hero. Well done. I like that. But the thing is, it was what I would call getting people to sack humility. Because, yes, it was me saying, oh, it's fine,

but really it was me saying, I have never, but in the lovely still keeping, what a nice guy, but where is Gavin? He was supposed to be there, ease for the high jump. And I felt there's an element of this.

Sorry about that if you're listening, Gavin. I think it's humility delivered jump so and i felt there's an element of this sorry about that if you're listening gavin i think it's sorry gav humility delivered with a double-handed sword like i think the person who said to brad p is your name tag at oscar luncheon go on moment i thought it was very you know when the teachers go very last day of term and it's the sort of high status person taking their hair down for the day. It was very... Because I think he has been a bit like that,

this Oscar, this awards season rounds. He's been making a lot of jokes in his speeches. And I thought he was having a little bit of a joke at everyone's expense. I liked it. Was he? I think so. Because, you see, it made everyone else look bad

that they didn't have their name tags. It made the others look a little... So you say a joke, but in fact it was a bit of... I mean, I looked at the people who didn't wear them. Now, this is just me, but Margot Robbie and Greta Gerwig, I wouldn't be confident that I would recognise either of those two. So they didn't wear their name things.

No. DiCaprio didn't, but I think that's fair enough. That's interesting. You go DiCaprio. I'd go Leonardo. Oh, okay. Oh, you'd go Leo.

Yeah, yeah. Once you say Leonardo, I'm thinking turtle. Oh, yeah. Not artist. No, I'm thinking turtle. Not artist. No, I knew he wouldn't be there. No, yeah, you're right. Imagine asking him to wear a name.

I am actually a big fan of the wearing name tags in genuine name badges. Oh, you're not. No, I am. You're not. I wish that it was a legal obligation that we had to wear them all the time. Yeah. Why?

It's the one area of totalitarianism I'm up for. Yeah, it's a bit like papers, please. It's got that element to it. But it'd be much harder to steal someone's earphones if we all had name badges. Hey, Jeff, come back with my headphones. Yeah, exactly. And name and profession, I think

that would make life so much sweeter. No, no, I think Another word, another, and also I would never have chatted up that plainclothes policeman in Wigan in 1994. I just, I think

I'm almost phobic about them. I've always refused to wear them and I think I mean, firstly I object to them because I don't think they're very chic but secondly Good first objection. Yeah, I mean do I need to even

come out with another one? But I think my other objection is they feel a bit mercenary and I don't like that at a social setting. It's like when people say, oh I'm going to a networking event. Yeah. I just think, well what, can't you just talk to people? The last thing we want

is the Oscars to be polluted by commerciality. I just think the mercenary nature of it but you have to keep up the pretense, Al, don't you? Yeah, you're right. You have to have the facade. No, you are right. And I don't like someone coming towards me, looking at my chest and telling me my job title.

Well, that is the problem, you see. Because I've always been a big fan of the name badge, as I say. But now, when I speak to any woman I haven't known for at least 15 years, I just look straight into the air, often into direct sunlight. Right. Because I've got a career to think about. I can't be going searching their chest for name badges. I mean, that way madness lies.

How long have we known each other? More than 10 years. That would explain it then. But you don't. You don't wear them anyway. I mean, I was 63 this week. I actually need one for me with my own name on. Yes.

I mean, upside down like a nurse's watch. So I can look down and check my hat. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. We've really got into this conversation about who's in the handsome chair.

Can I say I've really enjoyed it? So have I. I feel like we've both on and off air. We've really objectified men and I've loved it. Yes, I've enjoyed it. It's been really good fun. I think Al's on tenterhooks thinking, are we going to mention him at any point?

Oh, no, not at all. Not at all. But it's really good fun. When I was a kid, the man in the handsome chair was Rock Hudson. And people would always say he's a bit of a Rock Hudson. We didn't know. No, we didn't know.

I like Nico Mode, who suggested Prince Charles. I think that's incorrect. Well, he was handsome in his youth. Has that been stuck in the system for a while, that one? You know these letters that you get in the paper occasionally who were posted in 1938? Somebody listening to one of the Decade stations, maybe. We've decided on, in the handsome chair,

just in case anyone's interested, I think we all seem quite, there seems to be vague agreement over David Beckham. Yes, I suggested Emily's friend David Gandhi, but maybe, I don't think Annora would know David Gandhi. She'd know Gandhi, but she wouldn't know David Gandhi. I don't think Gandhi was in the handsome chair as such. No, for all his merit. But David Gandhi, DG, yes.

Terry Wogan used to say to me when we worked together. Clang! But David Gandy, DG, yes. Terry Wogan used to say to me when we worked together... Clang! ..that there was only a... You've got the hoover, Al. He said there's about... At any one time, there's only ever about five people in Britain who could walk into any room anywhere and they would be recognised. That's a great theory.

And he said, I am one of them, of himself, which was certainly true at the time. Brilliant. Yeah, there aren't that many. I would say... That is really good. How do you deal with introducing yourself? And there doesn't need to be false modesty because, well...

Well, why start now? Yeah. Exactly, Hal. And there doesn't need to be false modesty because, well... Well, why start now? Yeah. Exactly, Hal. However, there must be situations where you're conscious that everyone knows who you are. So do you say, I'm Frank? Yes, I do.

Do you? Yes, because then I give them the chance to confirm that they knew that already. Yeah. Which makes me feel good that i've been both humble and it's been proved that i'm well known so you've been humble and it's been proved that you're humble it's great it's a double win yeah you know it's a it's a it's a well it's it does work can i say this failed once i went i still look back on this with some

surprise at myself but i went into a there was a hospitality event at this football game and I walked in and the guy on the door said, have you got your pass? And I reached into my pocket pretending and then took out my right hand with a pointed finger and just pointed at my face. I mean, it was outrageous. And he said, oh, yeah, all right.

But really, it wasn't a good thing to do. You could have done both hands and drawn a box around your face. If you think I'm doing that and Brad Pitt is wearing a name badge, the world is upside down. It's a potentially high-risk strategy as well, Frank. Can I ask a... I mean, Brad Pitt has just been nominated for the Best Supporting Actor.

Yes. He... See, I thought he was fading away a bit. Was that wrong, or is this a comeback? Oh, I think it's... No, he's... I think it's a resurgence, is it? I think he's much loved, Pitt, isn't he?

I'm just thinking, if he hadn't have had the nomination, would he have dared got a name badge that said on it Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, as if it was the beginning of explaining who he was? Yes. If you turn the badge over, it's got a little bio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner

on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran Text us, we love that on 8 12 15 Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or of course, inevitably you can email the show

via the Absolute Radio website 265. We've been talking a lot this morning about who's in the handsome chair. Gone through Messer's Pit, Messer's Beckham, Stiles, Gosling. I love the use of Messer's. Alan Shearer, what it would have been called. Messer's Sotterland Shearer. Or That Man Shearer.

Yes. 265. Surely in Frank's day, the man in the chair, close quotes, which I like, was Omar Sharif. He ain't no Tomton Omo Sharif. Omo Sharif, actually. Omo Sharif. Yeah, I suppose he was certainly up there.

He would have been... Who was in the chair in your... Oh, I think mine is incarcerated, actually. Remember, this is only... Sadly, yeah. Oh, really? Oh, dear, yeah. I believe so, yeah.

Oh, OK. A couple of them are, actually. Never mind, the 70s was a difficult time. It was. We didn't know. We didn't know. We didn't know. For those that have just arrived,

we're discussing Brad Pitt wearing a name badge at an event, an Oscars event. Oh, it sounds like there's some drilling. It's probably not audible on the radio. Oh, it's upstairs. Don't worry about it. Could it be that it's the beginning of the descent for Brad Pitt and that in 10 or 20 years we'll be seeing him

with his whole jacket covered in badges and just walking the streets barefoot? Oh, I hope not. Do you think it's that? Oh, yeah. Descent into the pit. Well, he has got that... Actually, if Jennifer asked,

Erniston is over him, has she got pit closure? Oh, lovely. She's closed down pit. Frank, that pit has got that... That was my shoulder, by the way. Sunburnt, gentleman of the road complexion. I wonder what he was going to say there.

He's got a sunburned... Go on. No, it's the gentleman of the road complexion, which is, he's got that look, don't you think, of handsome... I don't know what the correct term is but I'm going to stick with gentleman of the road When would you say he looked at

his absolute Thelma and Louise, thank you Thank you, good day Correct me if I'm wrong but there's one when he plays a sort of Irish street fighter. Oh yes. Old Guy Ritchie film. Yes. Snatched. He looked good in that. Oh, yes. Oh, Guy Ritchie film. Yes.

Snatched. He looked good in that. Oh, I thought that was his worst look. He looked like you could do a brass robin of his stomach. Yeah. Yeah. I thought, imagine a group of school children doing... Yeah, very lean. That's how I like it.

Incredibly low body fat. You see, can I just say, you know, we'll talk about the handsome men for as long as we need to. Yeah. Thank you for allowing me to indulge myself, gentlemen. We're doing it because obviously we can't talk about women like this. Oh, not on my account. I'd talk as much as you like.

I'd like to run a text in, what's your favourite badge? Mine's baby on board. I'd properly grin if I see a baby on board. If somebody smiled, I'd really smile at baby on board. If somebody smiled I'd really smile. I like baby on board. Baby on board badges. I love them for some reason. And you know it works, Al. I genuinely reduce my speed and

don't honk them quite so much. Which is good. Don't swear. I mean the people on pregnant ladies. Oh, the actual people. People who are pregnant who I think are called now. You only see that on public transport, which is why Emily is confused. Oh, I see.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Orcs. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that was orcs. I know not where of you speak. Hey, I read an article about a badge that is starting to be released that says something on it like, prepared to move.

So if you're able-bodied on a train seat and somebody might need it, you know that you can go up and ask them. So I want one of those. That's a good batch. What does it say, prepared to move? Something like that. I can't remember the exact thing,

but whoever makes it, if you do, I'll have one. See, that's another thing. That thing about the humility. I always feel so good about myself when I get up for someone in public transport. So do I. I really think, you know, I feel like...

It's good of you to admit that. Oh, man, I'm just thinking, yeah, just, OK, just sit down so they can all see me. And how good I've been. I like doing it as well. I've heard that. God's sake. I like doing it and then just smiling in a very passive-aggressive way

at the other people stood near me as if to say I did it. If it hadn't been for me, look what would happen to society. I think something that's changed quite drastically is when I was a kid, it was absolutely, if an adult of any gender or health came on you had to get up a kid always goes off that's totally gone

totally gone and they're all on the space anyway what the can I say... Well, I'd like to ask this. When you see someone in a shop or a bank or whatever with a name badge on,

do you use their name? Oh, not generally. I used to with, like, cashiers at supermarkets. I would say, you know, Hiya, Susan, how are you doing? My brother was once with me and he said, it's a bit embarrassing that you do that. Ah, see, I do it.

Because you get on, like, stewardesses on planes and stuff. Yeah. And if they've got a name badge or wherever in shops, I will generally use the name. I want to know how you do it. So let's say I'm serving you in Argos. Okay. And I've got the badge.

And I say, hello there, can I help you? Yes. Have you got an even shorter pencil than this one, Louise? I'll do it that way. Do you just use it like that? Yeah. And they always, the weird thing,

they always look at me like, how on earth do you know my name? Like they've completely forgotten they were in a name badge. Yeah. The thing is though, if I did use... For fact fans,

I think Argos has been largely automated so you don't really deal with a person as much as you might once upon a time. No, you've got to pick up the thing from the desk i went to get uh buzz's harry potter uh what did i get him on the lego hogwarts yeah it went down well go well oh god i'll say oh lovely good and it had sold out on argos um i had to go to argos it was absolutely marvelous experience and do you know, I'd never done it before I'm going to go back, I loved it I missed I've seen them with catalogue

still in there but most people don't use the catalogue, they go on the screen and I miss the catalogue it's a plastic catalogue it's a plasie catalogue I like that more durable though what about then, is I like that. Yeah. That was it. More durable, though.

What about then, is Brad Pitt wearing a name badge at a Hollywood event any more ridiculous than the President of the United States wearing an American flag badge? I mean, you just think alright alright we get it we know what team you're on yeah you know

we absolutely don't have to hammer it home you're the president of the United States it's enough

although when you do a gig surely Frank if you're doing a gig I went to see Robbie Williams Robbie or Robin?

Robbie okay and with David Baddiel who is friends with Robbie they have a bit of a bromance don't get jealous and what I liked he was charming

but what I liked was I had a lanyard David Baddiel? yes no I think you're Ben Elton. How dare you? And Robbie, even though I had a lanyard on with his face on

saying Robbie in big letters, he introduced himself afterwards and went, Hiya, I'm Rob. And I like that. He draws a distinction, I think, between the public and the private persona, hence Rob. That's what he does. He draws a distinction, I think, between the public and the private persona, hence Rob. That's what he does. He's Rob in private.

So with you, if someone came to your gig with a VIP lanyard with your face on it saying Frank Skinner, would you say I'm Frank or would you just go higher? I'd assume, probably assume their name was Frank Skinner if I get more and more confused in life. I have met Robbie Williams many times. I would no sooner call him Rob than fly in the air. Would you?

I think that is like saying, oh, I know you a bit, don't I? Rob. Oh, I went straight in with Rob. Oh, no. I was in there. So was David. Jerry Halliwell used to call him Robert. Oh, no.

I think, oh, come, relax. Relax? You're so keen for everyone to relax. I wish they would Oh, calm, relax. Relax? You're so keen for everyone to relax. I wish they would. The President of America. I will turn... Robbie Williams. Who else should relax?

Well, he calls David Baddiel Dave. People are constantly trying to say this is who I am, and it's all right, we know. You know, it's like when you have celebrity questionnaires. They don't never tell the truth in those. I agree. it's all right, we know. It's, you know, it's like when you have celebrity questionnaires, they don't never tell the truth in those. I agree. They say, what's your favourite music?

Calypso. It isn't. It just isn't. You want us to see you in that light. I don't mind that I want you to see me in this light questionnaire that's up fronted, but one that's actually true. Where and when were you happiest with my

wife on the beat oh shut up where and when was I happiest

on a central reservation in Birmingham in the 1980s don't ask me any

more about it Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. On the handsome man front, I was once with, I was at the

apartment, I think, of now I can't remember who this was, I feel bad about it, but he was either in the communards or one of those. He was a gay man who'd been in a quite high profile gay band okay jimmy somerville and he asked me what celebrity male i thought was the best you know the hottest oh yeah and i said for me it would either be muhammad ali 1966 or elvis preston. And he looked at me and says, all that proves is that you're not gay.

Now, are they not both as handsome as it gets? Also, I would say that's not the only thing that proves you're not gay. No, well, I mean... I would say Elvis Presley Comeback Special, what year? 68? 68. That, to me, is you don't get more handsome than that. OK.

OK? Somewhere on my lip. That's when he goes, somewhere on my lip. Oh, don't. And the guys in the back go... Somewhere on my, I did 27 pictures with their lip. That's the kind of crowd I still dream of yeah um 306 shares your agony frank you were saying that you thought you may have been um mugged on your birthday yeah headphones stolen

uh 306 on my 40th birthday whilst out having a meal i had a missed call on my phone long story short as i was celebrating my bank account was being drained of my money on anything from Netflix films to Nintendo games consoles. I can't remember the exact amount, but over 40 transactions were made. That kind of soiled my birthday. Malcolm in Essex. Sorry to hear that,

Malcolm. Is crime worse if it's on your birthday? 8-12-15. Last night I mentioned the radio show on stage and this bloke in the front row went woo and I said do you listen to it he said no I was just thinking like you know good on you

that I can do such a thing I don't know why I... Anyway. Can I say one last thing about the name badge? I do, and it's something that, picking up on something Emily said about they don't look that cool.

I do, I worry about like a jacket wound. Oh, yeah. From pins pins and stickers as well. You go into a gig sometimes and if you're on the list, you get a sticker and I think, oh, I don't really want to put it on this coat. No, that's the thing. I mean, it's not fabric friendly often. When I saw Brad Pitt's...

Silk blouse with a safety pin. I thought, Brad Pitt's, I wouldn't have a safety pin. Yeah, I thought Brad Pitt's, I wouldn't have put a pin through that jacket, Brad. No. He's probably got others. I'm sure he's got others. Well, so have I, but I don't want to waste them. No.

And for what? Yeah. For nine badges. What a lousy way to waste a jacket. Yeah. There you go. You know why I like Brad Pitt, though? Go on.

Why do you like Brad Pitt? I know why you like Brad Pitt. No. But let's hear the false reason. Okay, here's the false reason. Here's the pretend reason. Okay. That I feel is socially acceptable and doesn't make me look shallow.

I like Brad Pitt because he's been doing a bit of material during his various acceptance speeches. Oh, has he? Which I like. He said to Leonardo DiCaprio, he said in a Titanic reference, he said, you know what, I'd have shared the raft with you. Oh, yeah. Oh, nice.

I like that. And he also said, he was talking about his recent role in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, is it called that? Yeah. He said, let's be honest, it wasn't exactly a stretch. A guy who gets high, takes his shirt off and doesn't get on with his wife. Wow, good one. I thought it was Skinner-esque, level of honesty.

I'm liking Pete. I mean, you do get on with your partner, but you know what I mean? Well, let's not go over the top. Yeah, you're right. That wouldn't do you to him. I am warming to him, definitely. Okay, just sort of put that out there for Pitt. Okay, we're pro-Pitt.

Yep. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Absolute Radio. We should also perhaps do some serious news about the American impeachment. I don't know if you know about it. Serious news. It's not that serious.

I know, I'm only kidding. They've been drinking milk and eating what they call, and I find this difficult to say, candy. Candy? Yeah. Basically, it's chocolate in it. Don't you think that... No, I think it covers a wider brief than...

Yeah. I think Skittles are candy. They're not chocolate. True. Are they on the list? There's quite a lot of things on the list for candy. There's a draw there apparently apparently there's a tradition that they don't

have like snacks it's a terrible tradition many are many traditions are really bad yeah like that one when they throw a donkey off that bell tower in Spain can I tell you my worst one worst tradition 8, 12,

15. That terrible tomato festival in Spain. I can't bear that, or Italy. Do you know that tomato? I see every year the pictures of people covered it. Oh, the pips. Where are all the pips? Right, you're going for that rather than the bull running. Oh, no, the tomato festival

I find really upsetting. No, it's not as bad as throwing the donkey off the bell tower. Yeah. Each to their own. I know. Just what sound does that make? Yeah, not nice. Anyway, let's not dwell on it.

Good for anybody that's doing a sound effects album there. Exactly. The... The milk. Yeah, so the idea is that this impeachment thing of the president, which obviously won't happen, is they meet and they have to sit for hours every session. And the Democrats apparently don't eat at all.

Right. But the Republicans on their side have got a big drawer full of candy. And American Hershey's and Reese's peanut butter and Tootsie Rolls, which we once established on this show. I remember I read, I read recently that someone eating a Tootsie Roll from 1938. Oh yeah. You know there's a theory

that Tootsie Rolls last forever. That's it. If there's a nuclear attack there'll be cockroaches and Tootsie Rolls that's basically it. Right. Oh it sounds quite nice.

I've never had one. You ever had one? I know it's breakfast radio but nothing lasts forever. Sorry to bring us all down. Wow. I'd be all right with Tootsie Rolls. Yeah, I've never had one.

I don't even know quite what they are. Oh, I think they're sort of slightly cake-based. Oh, it sounds like they must be. It's hard to imagine a cake I'd fancy from 1938, but, you know, we're all different. So the milk on the Senate floor rule... Yeah, that's another one that's weird, isn't it? You're not allowed any drink. You can only imbibe water and milk.

Yes. Well, what about the President's Orangina, which I presume he drinks gallons of? With the Ron Seal chaser. Terrible withdrawal symptoms. I was once behind the glamour model Maria Whittaker in a queue at a refectory. Can I just say, excellent anecdote so far. I'm already enjoying this. Well, I think you've had the best opener today

when Al said to me this morning when we sit around looking at the papers, it's not often I see... What was it? Not often I see a photograph of Margaret Thatcher and think I'd wear that. You have a really good jumper on. Anyway, Maria Whittaker ordered a large orange juice and mainly carrots for this meal.

And I thought this was in the egg before fake tan, and I think she's just keeping up her... That works. Carotene, is it? Yes. Yes. So there you are a little tip for anyone

listening sometimes what we do as I did just now is give Frank a little Doctor Who quiz question and his little face, he gets

so excited. Of course, I can't even think about the show now. I know, I knew he wouldn't be able to. One of the things, you know you say this thing that they can only drink milk or water. Apparently, in a tremendous break with tradition, on one occasion, a

Wisconsin senator drank eggnog. I mean, rebel. On occasion, a Wisconsin senator drank eggnog. Oh. I mean, rebel. Eggnog, am I right? Is Advocar and eggnog one in the same thing? I don't know. Well, there's egg white in eggnog.

I mean, I love an eggnog. Do you? But you know Advocar. I don't really like alcohol now, but I mean, I'd like a non-alcoholic eggnog avocad yeah the snowball well avocad was part of a snowball sure avocad was always in if you if you went into um the parents of your friend's liquor cabinet they uh john wayne yeah sounded a lot worse than I meant it to

There would always be Advocat which was a sort, I think it was eggnog, possibly It was from Holland I think, it had a double A in it so probably from Holland Does that mean it's got a shelf life? Is it quite perishable? Well it seemed to be, it didn't stop us

drinking, I mean there was an advert it was made by Warning mean, there was an advert. It was made by Warninks. All right. And there was an advert where, like, a fat, red-faced Dutch man would say, evenings and mornings, I drink Warninks. You're an alcoholic, Clinton. It's all right being on here talking about it as if it's all good fun. Yeah.

Evenings and mornings. Is this an advert or a cry for help? Exactly. You need to be stopped. What I like is that the milk tradition in the Senate, I like it when the Americans try to sort of create ye olde

traditions. It's quite sweet, isn't it? It's kind of like, well, they're thinking, well, they've got that. They're called the GO sweet, isn't it? It's kind of like, well, they're thinking, well, they've got that... Well, they're called the GOP, aren't they? The Republicans. The Grand Old Party. As if they've been, you know,

for about ten minutes. But it's the idea of, we've got the old Royal Mace, Charles II, they'll have milk. They've got to have something. But I do like, there's something about the Americans and the Australians to this, is they sort of bring things, they take some of the stuffiness,

they burst the bubble of these things. And I kind of like, apparently they've been using, during the impeachment hearings, they've been using fidget spinners. Oh yes, because we got caught. Yeah, exactly.

And blokes had their pictures on Twitter of themselves fidget spinning. I mean, it's really... And in a nice clash of modern and vintage, they've banned the cameras from the rooms, so they're doing those sketch artist drawings. Oh, yeah. There's one of somebody with a fidget spinner.

I saw it, yeah. You know, the old pastels. I like what the... The pastels are out. Yeah, yeah. The whole pastels. The pastels are out. I like the Wisconsin senator who said, we were talking about that, who said, I eat plenty of dairy products, trust me, but I'm more into cheese

curds and cheese than milk. Yeah. Cheese curds? I'd bring all that up. Apparently some of the Democrats were pretending to eat candy and they weren't eating it at all, they were pretending to eat candy and they weren't eating it at all. They were just to annoy the president. Oh.

Fake Jews. So thank you so much for listening to us this morning. We'll be back again this time next week if the good Lord spares us, of course, and the creaks don't rise. Look forward to that. Now, get out.