The Frank Skinner Show - Platty Joobs

Episode Date: June 4, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Chloe Petts. The team discuss the Queen’s Jubilee, Fabulous the horse and what’s behind the baggage carousel curtain.

This is Frank Skinner and Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Chloe Petz is with us this morning. Wait for applause, doesn't come. Text the show on 8-12-15, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluter.co.uk welcome chloe thanks for having me back welcome back i was applauding myself you know i tell you what when you do when you do programs like um and you've i'm sure you've done a load of these like um steve right in the afternoon they say uh frank skinner's with us this day and him and his mate who are in there they both clap like that and i clap as, just to thicken it up a bit. Yeah.

I'm not actually clapping myself. It's an audio aid. You see, I don't... I feel I was remiss there, because I think that would have fallen to me, really. You were saying it. I was listening to it. You're the guest.

I didn't do it, because I think one person clapping sounds terrible. And also, I haven't earned your applause, if we're honest. But any sort of applause, any applause under ten, yeah, it feels patronising, doesn't it? My favourite one in an audience. Single to third man, as they say. Yeah, yeah. Village green.

The one in the audience where you do a joke and then you just get one woman slapping her thigh and you think, oh, applause break going, and you go, oh, no. No, I've never... I was presumptuous. I've never had that kind of a response, ever. I'm sort of anti-applause in comedy shows.

Oh, really? I do reprimand them sometimes. I'm not here for applause, I'm here for laughter. People get applause for blowing candles at. Whereas laughter is a very difficult thing to achieve. Unless, of course, you know, you're on the Jubilee coverage where everyone goes,

and everything that's said about... Do you know, they laugh a lot, the Jubilee coverage. Oh, well, we'll talk more about that later. But, oh man, the Jubilee coverage. I quite like the fact there's a Jubilee, but the coverage. Something, the Queen's there's a Jubilee, but the coverage. Something, the Queen's coming on the balcony

at 11 o'clock. Let's not start talking about it at 3am. Also. What's it going to be like, do you think, when the Queen's on the balcony? Oh well, you know, it'll be so marvellous. And then the Queen's on the balcony. That'd be nice.

Great to see the Queen still out there. And then four hours saying, what did you think of the Queen on the balcony? No, we nice great to see the Queen still out there and then four hours saying what did you think of the Queen on the balcony no we saw it we saw it with our own eyes you fools it's like sports coverage

you're getting and let's get an action replay of the Queen and then you've got Jamie Carragher zooming in on her hand or something like that it's like that

it's like when it used to be the FA Cup when you used to get FA Cup morning news and FA Cup it's you used to get FA Cup morning news and FA Cup, it's a knockout. Yeah. FA Cup Garfield.

Anyway, it's nice, but not too much water with the rye bean. That's my advice generally in life. Also, can I ask a question? I will. How do they get all those... That was my moment. It didn't last long. I didn't even get the in-breath of the response.

It's gone. How are the glass booths set up? How many glass booths are there? What glass booths? I will get to it. Okay. Outside Buckingham Palace, they've all got their commentary boxes.

But they've all got commentary boxes. BBC's got one, ITV's got one, GB News I imagine has one. Right. How do they all get access? Do they erect these booths? These boxes? I suppose it's like busking. You have to

get a special licence for your glass booth. There's three people in interviews and then there's a living statue who booked earlier. You get a special licence for your glass booth. How do you have it yet? Three people did interviews and then there's a living statue who booked earlier. Do you think we could sort ourselves out a glass booth and head down to the Marl now? We could do that.

It's first come, first served. We've missed it. I'm not doing it, though. No. Well, I'll tell you what. In slightly darker news, I was watching the result of the Amber Heard Johnny Depp. Well, I tell you what, in slightly darker news, I was watching the result of the Amber Heard Johnny Depp thing this week.

Disappointed that he wasn't there. I call it the result. Yes, I was going to say, it's not Westbrook. I'm fresh from Eurovision. Johnny Depp now, who looks... He looks like a bloke who might manage tribute bands. He's got that sort of low rent... Anyway, there was a bit where they said, I noticed that the judge called Amber Heard misheard.

Which made it sound like a murder mystery night. Because she had like the... Oh, man. And here's my question for anyone listening. Has anyone here ever done a murder mystery and was it exciting? And also, is murder the only crime that they do mystery evenings for?

Could you do an embezzlement mystery evening? Okay. Bigamy mystery evening. Why murder? I mean, it's so awful. There's some crimes that are, you know, lend themselves more to a themed night out with the friends. Yeah.

If anyone's ever got, if anyone's got answers to those questions, I'm dying to hear from you. Not dying in a murder mystery way. No. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, this week, guess who I met this week. Here's the clue.

How do you like it? How do you like it? Glenn Moore. No, very good. That was going to be my turn. If you expand that. Moore. No, I've got nothing.

Here we go. Michael Moore-Purgle. Michael Moore-Purgle. Moore-Purgle. Michael Morpurgo, Michael Morpurgo. Morpurgo. Now, I'll tell you why I was excited. How are we meant to go now? What? How are we meant to go to Michael?

If you're, I mean, I... Well, it scans. I just thought the scan would... No, but guess who I'd met? I mean, love Morpurgo, but on the list of Mores, I think Glenn's up there, a relative of Roger's.

Bobby's not up there. That would have been hard. That would have been hard, Bobby. Not up there with Morpurgo. The reason I'm excited about it is because I've only ever seen Morpurgo from before. In case you don't know who Michael Morpurgo is, he's a children's...

Well, he's not a children's writer. He writes books that children read, including War Horse, which is a massive hit. War Horse, one of the examples of why films usually aren't very good, I think. Because someone from the film industry, which is where people aspire to go, but in fact must be the home of the profoundly stupid,

they saw the theatre production of War Horse, the whole excitement of which was the poppies, these amazing horse poppies. And they said, you know what? What if we made a film, but I'd like real horses instead of these? Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. Well, take away the thing that's most important. But it was exactly the same thing as cats, where it was like...

But they didn't use real cats in the film. No, no, they didn't. No, really? They didn't, but they tried to sort of replicate the thing from stage on screen and then added CGI. So it was like, you either go like CGI cat or human dressed as a cat, whereas they went in this sort of weird hybrid thing.

It's pick a lane time, isn't it? Yeah, pick a lane. But the horses, it's like someone's going to the Louvre and saying it's great, the Mona Lisa. Wouldn't it be better if it was just like a real woman sitting there? Why bother with like a painting? We could get a real woman. Wouldn't it be great if Pinocchio was actually a real boy?

Yeah. No, anyway, that's nothing to do with, that's no blame on Michael Morpurgo, Michael Morpurgo. So disrespectful to this literary giant.

The reason I mention him is I, I don't know, I said this on air, I think, I watched him on telly years ago and thought,

oh, I don't like the look of him at all and he's quite snooty. Right. Yeah. And did you open with that when you met him no I didn't I didn't I thought I'll give him the benefit of the doubt of course he did and then when I met him he was great yeah I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for having a slightly dislikable face bless him but at the end of the interview I actually this is the it was like it was like a televised thing. The cameras went,

you know, the cheers went up at the end. I took his arm and I said, I love you. And it was from the heart. I just thought he was so fat. Because sometimes,

like, when you have such a bad first impression, if someone wins you round, it almost makes it even better. I know, Chloe. Because you think this is a bonus friendship. I know, but listen, I love better. I know, Chloe. This is a bonus friendship.

I know, but listen, I love you. I mean, strange love rival for Kath. I know, but I think it was because I'd come from a dark place with more pergo and then gone into the bright sunshine. How did he respond? He seemed happy with that. Were you sort of, what were you doing as you said, I love you, stroking his hand?

No, I was holding his forearm in a, I wouldn't say a vice-like grip, but firm, firm but fair was my grip. Can I ask a question? Does Morpurgo,

is he the type to favour a Panama hat, maybe? Well, he didn't have one on, but if he doesn't have, I'm hoping he has a wardrobe with about 15 and he goes... I'm hoping he's got Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, like bibs, like children's bibs.

Just to let you know, I'm now learning that any time Emily starts with I've got a question for you, I am never going to be able to predict what that question is. Does Michael Morpurgo wear a Panama hat? Where the hell has that come from? I think that's fair enough. I saw him once when he was all in purple from head to foot. All right, you're going to have to stop now.

You're getting really over the top, Michael Morpurgo. Michael Morpurgo, this is for you. I had a driver this week and he said to me something along the lines of, you're the second nicest celebrity I've ever had in my car. And I thought, I'm going to leave it there. Did you? You didn't quiz him? I'm not going to come back on the...

Did you not? You know when people say that? That's the second time it's happened to me this week. I always go, oh, really? And then change the subject. I will not be led. Well, I worry that... But he told me.

He did tell me. Did he? Can you say? Is it more pergo, is that? No. You won't. If you know this woman, I will dance around absolutely no clothes on. Okay, the nicest celebrity.

Is it Lorraine Kelly? No. Well, I've heard of her. Someone that I haven't heard of who's lovely. Oh, you're not going to guess

someone you haven't heard of. Why are you even rubbing your chin in that way? Can I ask a question? Someone that I've never heard of, Geraldine Cartwright. You know what? You're so close

with the initial sounds of that. Go on, Gemma Collins. I'm going to give it you. Oh, I know. Julie Covington. Oh, yes. Don't cry for me, Argentina. You're thinking of Madonna, Frank.

No. Julie Covington had the hit before. Before then. Julie Covington. I used to have a massive crush on Julie Covington because she was sort of androgynous, short hair, rock folly chick. And he said, not only was she nice to him in the car,

but she sent him a postcard after thanking him for his work. So this week, frankly, you sent two. Are you trying to... No, I've never done that. I mean, to send a follow-up postcard, that's something for all us celebs to aspire to, that level. What, the driving? Yeah.

That's really kind. Very kind. I'm pro-Covington. Not as much as I'm pro... Michael Pergo, Michael Pergo. You know, when you meet more Pergo, you just want to go, come here, come here. Oh, Codley.

I think I gave you two rungs briefly. He's got a sort of bagpuss feel. Oh, Codley. Codley. Sort of nestling under the Panama hat. And when Morpurgo goes to sleep, what happens? Do all the other animals come to life? All of his friends go to sleep.

Okay. Again. Isn't it lovely having an evening out with your parents, Chloe? You've heard of Bagpuss. Yeah, I've heard of Bagpuss. You haven't. You haven't. Stop showing off.

I have heard of that one. Julie Covington, not a clue. No. But, you know, I'm trying to keep up with the references. I've just got a Google tab open on the laptop at all times. Exactly. Get your own back. Start talking about no woes.

No woes. I'll talk about Stormzy. I'll talk about the weekend. Stormzy. The weekend. The weekend. If only Stormzy had been a weatherman. That would have been great. Now over. Stormzy. The Weekend. The Weekend. If only Stormzy had been a weatherman. That would have been great.

Now over to Stormzy. It's going to be lovely today, actually. Is it Stormzy? Ironic. And then a big laugh from Naga Munchetta. He could do... That might make the sort of weather a bit more accessible now. I think we're a bit bored of watching the weather.

But if he did it in Grime style yeah then i'd watch it well i'd watch it for a couple of minutes and i'd get fed up what i like about the weather people yeah is that they really haven't moved on in time in every respect and i love that in their in, in their clothes, in the way they deliver the bulletins. I love their bants. Their bants with the presenters. Really low-rent bants. I mean, bants that are barely... If you wrote the word bants,

you'd have to put it in inverted commas. It's the sort of bants that you only know is funny because of how hard they're both laughing at it. Oh, that was a joke! I love that. But I think that's okay, because when we talk about the weather, for example, on this show, we don't know what we're talking about, and we just do it and say, oh, it's been a bit cold today.

And I think if we're treating weather like that, the weather people can treat comedy like that. I think that's fair. So that sorted that out. Another thing solved here on the Frank Skinner show. Frank-er Skinner show. That just lost it for a second. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Can I ask you both something? What do you think of this? This has caught my eye this morning. It's going to be a bit left field, I have a feeling. OK. Wait and see. What do you think of this? This has caught my eye this morning It's going to be a bit left field I have a feeling Okay, wait and see What do you think of this? Manchester airport passengers climb through baggage carousel curtain I mean I'm in already

To find luggage as armed cops step in Thanks again, reviews Well, it's not a thing I'd ever do, certainly I think the baggage carousel Bank skin of use. Well, it's not a thing I'd ever do, certainly. I think the baggage carousel... I always imagine you might meet a drug dog coming out the other way. Imagine, it would be startling to have your Adam's apple out before it had really thought it through. We know what breed it would be, don't we?

What are the drug dogs, generally? You're a dog correspondent. They're normally called the drug dogs just everywhere I know they're called sniffer dogs oh wow

same thing I'm going to say Alsatian lovely Chloe thank you I like you I've absolutely smashed that one

if I'm honest I think this lady is incredibly brave that's gone through because I think how long did it take for her to make that decision

because I think you're at the end for her to make that decision because I think you're at the end of your tether because there are there are a couple of places in life where you do not go one of them baggage carousel what I would never like to go

behind the bowling the bowling pins oh no do you know what I mean yeah but I'd read that novel I've seen oh yeah I've seen people

moving about down there behind the bowling pins have you yeah I think there seen people moving about down there, though, behind the bowling pin. Have you? Yeah, I think there's a small hut down there that one of the lesser paid workers lives in behind those. Oh, I think it's... You get that thing that's a ball that's just rolling at the side of the pins, just rolling.

Do you know what it gets stuck? It just keeps rolling in some terrible trap. I like the idea of someone having to reassemble. That's their job. No, no. I wonder about when something goes wrong. But I feel like the bowling thing is where we're at the seams of reality. Behind it is like the Truman Show and they're pulling all the strings.

And when one of those balls just consistently rolls, it's like they all go into panic mode. It does leave them bare thinking. Skinner's going to see that we're not living in the real world, kind of, this isn't reality. Can you imagine the panic, there's an alarm, and they say, we've got a rogue one. Yeah.

A stern alarm? Yeah. I should have told you both. I hate that, and you press the reset, and you've missed a turn, and everything's out of sync in there. I think what I don't like. Stupid bowling hours. The silly nicknames people give themselves on that computer screen. Just call yourself your name.

Yeah. Have you seen that one? I used to call myself I. I get bored after that. There was a number of holiday makers. Okay. Who I believe, it's saying here they were fed up. And they're clambering through.

They call it the curtain. I think curtain is being generous. It's six strips of leather. It's one of those industrial, when I worked in factories, all the doors were like that. Just strips of plastic hanging down. So you could push a sack truck through it with stuff on and that would

have to open the door so it's like that I think there's a technical name probably for it and I wonder the extent to which

the armed police got involved like how how relevant is the armed bit like I can't imagine them getting a gun out I can just imagine

no I mean if they'd shot two or three of them down just fire just fire into the curtains oh man that would have been terrible no i um i would have been frightened that if you step off there you step into machinery i tell you what you would have done frank knowing you as i do i think you would have got up on that carousel and you would have done what I like to call a Cliff Richard at Wimbledon.

I would have. You would have done a bit. But you know what? You would have entertained them. I'd have been walking backwards. I'd have been standing in the same place. I'd have had to slowly walk backwards. Can we all just calm down, guys?

I know it's been a difficult day and I've been sort of moonwalking, as I suppose. Oh, that would be a moment for them all to treasure. Yeah. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. May I share something from one of our readers with you? Harry in Brooklyn.

Wow. He's one of my regulars actually. Hi team. Frank is incorrect. No, I won't hear it. I won't hear it. Go on, what is it this time? I've got my finger

on the correction-y button. Frank is incorrect when he says he has never threatened to call the police. Do you want to, do you remember when you said that?

I did, yes. I was talking about that last week. We were talking about, I can't remember what the context was. Someone had called, oh, a man had called the police because he was overcharged for an espresso. An Italian gentleman. Yeah.

On a 2015 episode of the show, this very show, Frank and Emily recount their date, I mean date, really, to see the James Bond film. Spectre. Yes. When ordering popcorn, Frank asks the attend... Sorry, I've remembered this.

I don't remember it. This is the great thing about getting old, is that things you've done become fresh new jokes that I've never heard before. Frank asks the attend... Oh, this was mortifying.

Frank asks the attendant, Oh, this was mortifying. Frank asked the attendant, is that small or medium regarding the sizing of the popcorn order? Frank then said, because if that's a medium, I'm calling the police. No, but a threat to call the police. You did say that.

You did say that. OK. And it was awful. No, but that's... It's not that dissimilar, is it, to have been advertised for an espresso? Come to think of it, I did empathise with that guy. I know I see why.

Okay. Yeah, I didn't actually call them. Very busy, obviously. That's from Harry Kidd. In Brooklyn. Yeah. My question is, has he got sort of an encyclopaedic knowledge

of the back catalogue of Absolute Radio? Well, it's all available. I mean, if you tuned into this show today and you liked it, you could literally go back 13 years and listen to every episode. Which you absolutely should. I'd recommend it.

But I do think Harry here is accusing you of being a narc, but I think he's, the only narc here is him. Yeah, you're right. Stepped up. She stepped up. Lovely, sorry.

Look, I'm defending my darling little Frank. My little Franky. That's very straight of you. Are you having a more Virgo moment? I love you. I'll tell you why I did this.

It is a question. I'm actually asking you the tissue. Emily's wiping right. I'd like to ask a technical question. I did a bit of cycling this week

and I'm a bad cycler. Oh, you know, Frank only learnt to, embarrassing mother, Frank only learnt to ride a bike recently oh that's lovely well done but what i learned i was at some fancy hipster hotel when

i learned and it was one of those bikes with no gears and a lovely upholstered saddle oh so this week i got in like what you might call an ordinary bike. The saddle? Why do they have to be like that? They are vile. Why? Did you get your lycras on? No. I think you should get yourself a padded short. Honestly, I felt like I was being opened like a clam.

It was... Thank you for that. It was... It was... Why would you make anything that uncomfortable? Is it part of this macho thing now from bike riding? Why? Just to be in pain or it doesn't count?

They like it being uncomfortable. It's ridiculous. This is why I'm afraid. I love the concept of cycling. I love it. I can't ride a bike really either. Right. And that saddle, I'm out.

Exactly. It's vile. I mean, someone, there's a basic error there and people who ride bikes now are so butch, they will not say, oh that's a bit uncomfortable, so they all have to stick with it. Well I'm speaking up from the gentle

people. It's very uncomfortable. Uph I'm speaking up from the gentle people. It's very uncomfortable. Upholstery was invented many years ago. I want the equivalent of a lovely leather Chesterfield on the top. Of course you do. Outrageous. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Chloe Petz is with us this morning. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. We've been talking about cycling and how Frank's not really, you're not much of a cyclist, are you? No. I'm not. Now I've tried a normal cycling saddle, I don't know if I'll ever

cycle again. I'm interested, Chloe, are you a cyclist? You strike me as someone who'd know your way around a bicycle. Well thank you, I do take that as a compliment actually. Yeah, look, I could jump on it. A bit thin on the ground, are they, generally?

Compliments? In this studio. Look, I'll take anything at this point. No, yeah, I could ride a bike, but I'm not sort of, I do think it's a quite specifically middle-aged man thing of you get yourself your little hobby, you get all your light careers. Awkward.

You get yourself your little hobby you get all your lycras you get yourself a good bike and then you leave it in the garage never to use it again but I think they purposefully put

the uncomfy seat on the bike because then they can charge a premium to get yourself a comfy one you can upgrade to a comfortable

seat yeah you haven't just sort of made your bed and now you have to lie in it you don't have to have that same I Yeah, you haven't just sort of made your bed and now you have to lie in it. Like, you don't have to have that same... I wouldn't mind that if it hadn't been a bed of nails. It's horrible.

Also, I had to send back, I won't mention it, because why should I? They've given me nothing, but a particular kind of exercise bike. You're familiar with these bikes that you have at home. Yeah, there's a few pretend ones now, if you've noticed that. Yeah, I like the pretend ones called Smell-O-Ton. Yeah, basically a person on a bike with, like, a laptop,

gaffer tape to the handlebars, saying, oh, you can get these ones, these are a bit cheaper. The market. I like that you said, I won't mention who they are. And then I've done a rhyme. Yeah, you've done a rhyme, and sort of even before the rhyme, I think we were all sort of... But I've tantalised them, but not given, and I like to do that.

I think it's all right mentioning if it includes you sending it back. Yeah, well, it didn't... Well, I said to them, excuse me. I'd like to say excuse me. Excuse me, but I'm a small person, and this isn't designed for people of my height. Don't tell me you couldn't reach the pedals. OK, well, then I won't continue the story.

I couldn't reach the pedals. You could have worn a pair of 1970s Elton John platforms, surely. Do you know, I nearly considered putting platforms on. I couldn't reach... And they're built-in, the shoes, as you know. You can't take your feet out. Oh, can't you? You put your feet and they're built in your platy shoes yeah so i couldn't i couldn't live with it because i was too short

and i said well can't you adjust the seating they said yeah we've had a few ladies saying that really and then that was it and that was it yeah so you know i don't have one of those I would say 813 has got in touch with us Hey up you three Is it Freddie Truman? I don't think I said that right Hey up Now let's hear your hey up Chloe

Is that me? How would you say hey up? Oh sorry I say I think I put on a Yorkshire accent. Yeah, I think you have to. I think you have to. Am I allowed?

Okay. Hey up, you three. Now that you've experienced the agony of a regular bicycle saddle, Frank, and I'm assuming you were attired in some kind of under and outerwear. That's a bold assumption to make. You don't know what Frank likes to do on his weekend.

I just had a pyjama jacket on. Pyjama jacket, no trousers? Yeah. He's Winnie the Poohed it there, hasn't he? He favors the top cap brooch. That's what he calls it. Money I save on bicycle clips. Oh, God.

Especially in the cold weather. All right, all right. You must now understand why that chap howled weirdos when you encountered the mob of naked riders on a London bridge. Oh, yes.

That's from Andy Wood. Yeah, do you know Andy Wood? Thanks for the tip. Bronte country. Always from Bronte. Oh, yes, of course. The Bronte country. Yeah. Yes, I saw the naked, the Bronte country. Yeah.

Yes, I saw the naked bike ride going over Waterloo Bridge, Chloe, and a man, it was a lovely sight. There was people of all shapes, sizes, ages, everything else, all naked. I don't know what the aim was. I don't know if it was a protest, but it just looked free. Yeah. And a man standing with a wife and three kids said, weirdos.

And I thought, this is the decision one has to make in life, whether you're with that bloke or whether you're with the people on the bikes. But as you say, now you mention the saddles, I'm starting to see why he might have been appalled at the very image of it. Yes, don't cycle. that's the slogan of the show chloe what's what's happening

well thank you thank you for your very specific question. No, I think, basically, I really like being a comedian because it's essentially like I've always wanted the life of a retiree. And I think I've sort of got a bit of that because in the daytimes I can just, you know, potter and go to the cinema in the day. And then you just have to go off and do your work in the evening. But the other day I went to the cinema to see Bob's Burgers.

I don't know if you... Oh, no, I don't know that. It's just sort of a nice cartoon. Or is it? A cartoon! Yeah, a cartoon. You went to the cinema to see a cartoon? Yeah. Alright, alright. Sorry. Did you go on your own? Well, I went on my own.

I love it. I love going to cinema I think it's absolutely wonderful what's good is that I'm not worrying what the other person's thinking of the film that's always nice and I also like to

I really like having popcorn at the cinema but I do feel sort of quite conscious of the of the morality and the sort of you know etiquette around

eating your popcorn what i tend to do is i'll grab myself a medium i'll threaten to call the police frank skinner um and then i like to hoff it all down during the adverts so that i'm not worried about making sort of any crispy crunchy noise i have a rule i have a rule that i can't start the popcorn until the film starts. But what if you're going to see A Quiet Place Part 2 and there's not a sound and it's just you going... No, but what cinema are you... Most people are on the phone nowadays when you get to the cinema. Well, this is the thing.

So I was going to see Bob's Burgers, which obviously sort of probably... What is it about? It's about a man called Bobby... It's about a fast food outlet. Well, that's what I'm imagining, a cartoon fast food outlet. It's sort of like an animated sitcom.

He owns this burger restaurant, he's got a wife called Linda, he's got three very funny kids that always get themselves into hijinks. That sort of thing. So, I think it's probably we've made much of the fact that i'm sort of maybe the younger voice on on the radio today but i felt okay middle-aged i felt middle-aged for the first time because in bob's burgers there were three girls sat three rows back and they were

conducting a full conversation at sort of room temperature, I would say the conversation was. And I didn't know what to do. What would you have done in that situation? Would you have stepped in or would you have just sort of bit your tongue? Well, there was a time when I would have turned and complained. I mean, three girls sitting behind me, I'd have probably quoted from the earlier scenes in Macbeth and seen if they got the reference but um nowadays i i find i'd just be doing it all the time i think cinema i just accept now that people are gonna also i get to quite a lot of like kids films and stuff where

everyone talks and superhero ones ones, I do... I mean, when I watch films, I do do quite a lot of, oh, man, and stuff like that, which I think is fine as part of my... That sort of adds to the live aspects of the cinema. One of the best times I've been to the cinema was I saw the last Harry Potter film in Belgium and everyone was clapping and cheering

and getting up, whooping, waving. That was great. But I have to say to these girls, I did turn around and say, can you please be quiet? And I just felt sort of like a... That's good. How did they take it?

Did they like it? Yeah, they really responded well. Yeah, they gave me a little round of applause. What did they say? Did you assume... You see, the thing is, I think everyone... Sometimes you need to unleash your inner Lady Bracknell.

Yeah. I mean, I do it, as you know. But if this story had been based at Chloe going to Verdi's Requiem, fair enough. But at Bob's Burgers, I think you have to allow for a certain amount of... Shut up, I'm trying to appreciate this art. They must have thought,

oh, we got told off at Bob's Burgers. Wow, that's strict, isn't it? So I'm a middle-aged lady now. Just call me Karen. But it worked, they stayed quiet. They stayed quiet. And I regretted it. I felt bad because I'd gone in too hard.

No, but come on. I remember Frankie Ball talked to me about the confidence of the tall man. It obviously works for the tall woman as well. That's what you want. I mean, you were sitting down, Ethan. Or did you stand to tell them? Oh, no, I want to...

Let's keep at the Montana hooks because I have another question to ask, which is what your opener is when you're rebuking. Okay, it's going to be Chloe Rage Cliffhanger. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Now, we're in a cinema. Bob's Burgers is on. There's three girls

sitting behind Chloe Pets. They're chatting. She's told them off. Yeah, and before Chloe, just, I don't want to, well, I'm going to share this with you There's three girls sitting behind Chloe Pets. They're chatting. She's told them off. Yeah. And before Chloe, just, I don't want to, well, I'm going to share this with you so you can compare anecdotes. Briefly, 583, very similar situation. This week, my brother confronted a group of chatty lads. Oh, Alan Carr, I don't like that.

At the cinema. By demanding his 25 quid back for his tickets or for them to shut up. Shocked lads took latter option. Oh, I like the Sun journalist way. Shocked lads, comma, took latter option and he received a round of applause

from other irritated cinema goers. That's Phil from Essex. That's lovely, that. So that's stuff of dreams, isn't it? The round of applause is good because then there's a bit of applause from other irritated cinema goers. That's Phil from Essex. That's lovely, that. So that's stuff of dreams, isn't it? The round of applause is good, because then there's a bit of solace. If it goes off, you're hoping that they might back you up. And so we're over to Chloe. My question, if I may put it to you, was, what's your opener?

Because mine is very antiquated. I'll hold my hands off in any situation. It was, excuse me. Really nice, yeah. You did it with a smell-it-on earlier. Yeah, excuse me. You've grabbed their attention. You've been polite, but you've showed them

that you're being assertive. I like that. I tend to go with the... I think I'm a bit annoying with it because it's that I sort of go in with the like... Like the sort of open-hand, call-to-reason kind of thing in with the like like like the sort of open hands call to reason kind of thing of like I'm being the reasonable one here you can't argue with what I'm about to say do you get a bit more you're getting a bit more London yeah a bit more London

oh Frank I get the geezer out the geezer comes out geezer pets is. I'll turn around and go, girls, come on now. Girls. Come on now. We're all just trying to enjoy Bob's Burgers. Please will you be quiet? And then if they ignore me after that, that's when I get a bit, hang on a minute now.

That's when you get, yeah. That's when I get really sad. A bit Ray Winston. Yeah, a little bit Ray. A little bit Ray, yeah. I like that. Well, see, I've noticed what I do, if there's a group of youths,

which is, frankly, anyone now, I will use, I'll invoke the guys clause. Because it makes me sound very young and trendy. Down with the kids. And it's a similar thing, I'll say, hey guys, really sorry guys. Yeah, guys. Frank, what's your opener for that?

I did it at an Adam... Adam Buxton used to do this thing at the BFI, the British Film Institute, where he would do videos. He'd show videos, recent videos. Oh, Bug, yeah. Yeah, Bug, it was called. It was a brilliant night, and I did it,

and he was featuring this work of this particular director. And this guy behind was really talking during this video. I said, mate, you know what? This is a BFI, and you're going to talk through the videos. Anyway, when he introduced the director, it was the bloke i'd so uh that was i thought well you know what i'm not going to apologize to this but he was talking he's obviously saying yeah i did because it happened to me i went and see dr no and um

what was his name the guy who guy who designed the early Bond films. Ken. Ken Adam, is he? And he was saying, yes, well, of course, in this bit we had to... And I was going to tell... And I thought, oh, hold on a minute. This bloke's talking.

This must be Ken Adam. And sure enough, it was. You know, one's bitten. Maybe the girls behind me were like, you know, the animators of Bob's Burgs and they were just giving me a free director's commentary. Maybe that, yeah. Bless them.

They were probably, yeah, they were recording a video extra and you interrupted them. Shut up, gays. That'd be great, wouldn't it, if they had a video. You know, the director's commentary. And in the middle of the director's commentary, you're, excuse me, I haven't time to watch the film, please. Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. to watch the film, please. We've just heard from, he is one of our regulars, but I think you'll enjoy this. This is from Andy Wood, Bronte Country. Again, it's a cinema-related thing. I know.

But he says, me and my girlfriend went to the 110-year-old Keith Lee cinema to see the Laurel and Hardy biopic with Steve Coogan and John C. Reilly. There was only one other couple in the whole theatre, an elderly duo. That might have been us, Frank. Sure. There was a leak and rain was sputtering in from the ceiling.

And rather than move to one of the other 96 vacant seats, the old chap opened an umbrella and sat beneath it for the entire duration of the film. Two sources of comedy for the price of one. I mean, they obviously are Leonardi fans. They've done that, haven't they? But they carry the umbrella around. I bet they always sit in that seat and get the umbrella out.

Did you hear him saying, hmm? Do you think they do it for every film? They've gone to see 12 Years a Slave and they've gone, do you know what would be funnier? Pop the umbrella out. Let's hope they don't do appropriate props for for each film you don't want the manacles coming out oh gosh i went to laurel and hardy um it was they called it an all-nighter it ended about 8 30. but it was it was uh seven hours of laurel and hardy um. And it was hosted by the Sons of the Desert,

the Laurel and Hardy Appreciation Society. And they... Well, I mean, I know a lot of the dialogue. I've seen those films many, many, many times, and I love it. But these guys couldn't resist saying the dialogue about a second before Stan and Ollie said it. So there was this weird sort of reverse echo and people were saying to them,

can you not do that, please? And they'd say, I'm really sorry. Fresh fish, just before Ollie said it. And two guys had to go out. They just couldn't stop themselves saying what the dialogue was in the film i mean it was that's interesting it was in deep usually it's like a point of ownership thing when people are sort of great i know i know this so well that i can say all of the words but for them it just seemed like a sort of involuntary yeah they couldn't help it yeah

oh man no i'm going to do loads of clips from oral Lennardi dialogue. I'm not. I'm not. I heard a great quote from, I believe, from the Queen Mother this week who's supposed to have said ironically to someone, what's it like? It must be hard work being a royal family person. And she said, well, it's fine. We never get tired and we love looking at hospitals. That was her.

Such a great... I thought you were going to tell us that she'd come up with the phrase platy jubes no i don't i don't think she um i think she had platy jubes but she didn't use she didn't use the fries sake frank skinner frank skinner Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio. Guess what, Chloe?

What? We've had... Marisa has got in touch. Separated at birth. Hashtag, she's given it. Oh, I didn't know they were still a thing. Hashtag separated at birth. At random flowers. At Frank on the radio.

The killers. You've got to be happy with that, Frank. Lead singer of the killers. That is a handsome man. I to be happy with that, Frank. Lead singer of The Killers. That is a handsome man. I went to see them last night. How can that possibly happen? I went to see them last night. I didn't notice it.

I'm not going to lie. No. It's never come up before, I must say. No. It must be one photograph. You see it? No, I see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I really see it. I do see it in this photograph. And I think you've got a similar sort of frame and mannerisms as well. I think it's probably the whole package. Frame? Thanks. We put up a photo last week on the show of me. I accidentally wore my look, which I've never worn before in my whole life.

And Emily and Sarah Barron, who was on last week, both said, oh, man, that's your look. So we put a photo up. So I, oh, man, that's your look. So we put a photo out. So I thought I'd look, see if people agree. Oh, how was it? It was all about, what's wrong with the shape of his head? Wow, he's got a massive forehead.

Look at his forehead. That's weird. It was only just that one after the next. Yeah. Just saying. So I won't be doing that again. in a world where you can be unkind go for it exactly

that's that motto exactly so or any other social media pics we put up I'm wearing an absolute radio bandana well just go at it

go at it with your head I want to say Chloe he found his look yeah you know it happens

we saw it at different stages in our life it's the mecon from Dan Deer that's my look and may I say, will you be getting it out for this Platydubes weekend?

What, my forehead? Get your forehead out for the Queen. I'm actually one of the official beacons. They just shine a spotlight on my forehead and I light up most of North London. Well, I've said Platydues a few times across the show now, and I would like to know what you guys think of the phrase platyjubes, as well as the listeners.

I've done a bit of... I kind of see myself as a bit of a thinking man Susie Dent. So I have done the etymology... I thought Susie Dent was a thinking man Susie Dent. No, she's classy, but I'm classier. OK. So I've done a bit of an etymology of platy-jewbs, if you'd like to hear the history of it.

You betcha. I'm all ears. So the first reference that I can find to it on the internet is early May, it's Kiel Smith-Bino, the actor in Ghosts, Stafflets, Flats, references platy-jewbs. OK, we'll go on to that at the break. This is like Johnson's Dictionary

when you get the first time it's been used. Also, she's so specific, Chloe. Early May, I love it. I've done the research. My first encounter with the phrase platyjubes online was four days ago. It's someone on Twitter called Experimenting with Emotional Heft,

and her tweet was just saw someone referring to the jubilee as the platy jubes and it sent me over the edge okay um now i think that the i think that the foundations of platy jube are even before this personally i think you can see their foundation in in uh latlow, Panny D. Fetty Wap. So I think, Fetty Wap, yeah. No, but I think what we've done as a nation is everything is so inexplicably awful that we've just tried to dress it up with a cute name.

So I think we could sort of be looking down the neck of an apocalypse and we'd be going, how are you going to spend the ninky winter? Yeah. Yeah. Have you got your prizzos, Hinty, coming up? You think there might be an ackee pee? Yeah. There we go.

Okay, well, that's a fabulous start. I don't know if we can top this. I learnt a new word from reading about platydupes, a phrase I didn't know was around and which I've already used in a text since discovering it. I'll tell you after this. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Anyway, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio

with Emily Dean and Chloe Pett. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and instagram at frank on the radio email the show via frank at absolute radio.co.uk oh a bit of a saliva build up there guys yeah people aren't gonna like that no i don't think sorry anyway i was reading about platy jubes this new phrase that had taken over the nation and it listed and other well-known phrases that have appeared in recent times and i you'll mock me i'd never heard of why no clock as a phrase it's why no clock so i congratulate you on your very fortunate existence well i i like it oh you don't i do and i thought oh i don't drink this is a bit hard on you you're alcoholics

what i'm going to say it's crisps o'clock or something um and then um my a very good friend of mine sent me a picture of her drinking we bought her a bottle of wine for a birthday and um she'd say well and flowers and she sent a picture of her drinking the wine and i said back is it wine o'clock and i just thought i'm i'm very i've used it in context it's mine it belongs to me i think it's great wine o'clock are you ready to move on and it's great, wine o'clock. Are you ready to move on? And it's a big are you. Are you ready to move on to rose o'clock? Oh, I don't know about that. The ladies like that.

You see, wine o'clock, what I like about it, it sounds like nine o'clock. Yeah. But rose o'clock doesn't sound like any time I'm aware of. But that's what they've done, you see. They've taken it on and it's not... No, rose o' clock's a big thing. Oh, is it? No.

Yeah, I just love anything that's a bit basic that sort of comes into common parlance. It's just like Huns culture, you know, the ladies, the gals out on the town. Can you explain to Frank what Huns culture is? Huns culture... It's not a tiller. OK.

Huns culture is like you know it doesn't happen in London so much but you know if you're

sort of out after a gig in say Manchester or Leeds for example and it's

the lovely ladies that have dressed up in their high heels they haven't got a jacket on they've

got sort of a boob tube dress on and they're just going around and they're just the

Huns in the Birmingham context it would be Broad Street after about 10 o'clock at night. Yeah, bringing true...

Did it start with you okay, hon? I think I did, which was an online phenomenon. Okay. If someone sent a slightly attention-seeking post or something, thinking about Pete tonight and all the great times we had or whatever. Or maybe what they might more likely say is if you can't handle me at my best etc etc um then someone will post you okay hun okay yeah whereas i think we should sort of be like we're reclaiming the the hun culture i think it's absolutely lovely um my favourite thing is when something starts off ironically,

like wine o'clock, and then you say it so much that it becomes common part of it. Did it start ironically then, do you think? No, I think it started unironically. I love it. By one of the Huns. And then we picked it up using it ironically. And now, Frank, you'll be using it unironically.

I'm going to think of any other ones that rhyme with numbers. Okay. If someone's dying, is it Heaven O'Clock? For example. Optimistic, I know, but there you go. Stay away from certain times of the day. I worry about some of them. Look, if we're going to talk about platydupes,

can I start with something... The Royal Hollywood. There's something I watched on the telly this week with my partner, the end of which he said, well, that is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. And what it was, it was EastEnders, which we haven't watched for a long time. Yes. which we haven't watched we haven't watched for a long time

yes but this week they announced there would be a special I think it was Rocky I'm not familiar

with the new characters but Rocky says I've got surprise guests oh no it wasn't him it was was it Danny Dyer Danny Dyer

what's he called Harvey Moon or something he's called Mick Mick he says we've got special guests coming and they're all guessing which West Ham player it's going to be. He says, I can't say who it is, but...

It was a very big build-up. I wish it would have been grey if they hadn't put it in the papers who it was going to be. Well, I still don't know who it is, so give me the surprise. He says... Cliffhanger. Cliffhanger opportunity. Cliffy Han

So yeah I haven't watched EastEnders honestly for such a long time and there's people in it like Sonia and stuff

still in it which was that was heartening that I recognised some people and they did a clever thing Sonia was stuff still in it, which was, that was heartening that I recognised some people. And they did a clever thing. Sonia was watching the telly and they'd done a green screen thing,

so she was watching the coverage from earlier that day. So they had the planes spelling out the 70 and stuff. Very clever. And then there was a bit I thought might have died out, what I call EastEnders lying. Because people I find in every we've all been cheated on in relationships and stuff like that and people are actually brilliant at lying

generally there was a bit where Rocky really wanted Sonia to turn up to this talent contest and she hadn't turned up. And he said, I think it was Cathy Beale, the last time I watched, was dead. I didn't ask.

And he said, oh, I really wish she were here. That'd be great. If only she was here. He said that about eight times. And then she said, I'm just popping out for five. Would you look after the, I'm just popping out for five... Would you look after the... I'm just popping out. And I thought, people lie better than that, don't they?

She might as well have said, I'm going to go and ask her to come over now. But anyway, that all happened. And then the special guests turned up. And it was Charles and Camilla. Stop it. I thought this was going to be an absolute anti-climax, but that's cracking.

Can't be, yes. On Albert Square. Yes, but this is what they did, and this is what worried me, and this was always the weirdest thing my partner had ever seen, is I don't know for sure if Charles and Camilla knew

these people were actors playing parts. 100%. Having seen it myself. Yes. And similarly, Frank, I haven't seen it since Dr Legg. Yeah. Which is some time ago. Now I remember Dr Legg.

Who was, he played, he was lovely, Dr Legg, played by the late Leonard Fenton. Well remembered. Friend of your parents? Yes. Of course. He was a Beckett actor. And my mother's friend, stage manager friend,

let's call him a gentleman of the theatre, glasses on a lanyard. Yeah. I thought that was just code word for gay. No, no, just very much a sort of theatrical. A lovey, a darling. Glasses on a lanyard, I know. Anyway.

He did say to Leonard Fenton, he said, I'm afraid I haven't had the pleasure of your leg, dear. Brilliant. He said afterwards, the first time he met him. But yeah, I haven't been near EastEnders since then, and it's quite a revelation, Frank. It was. So what did they do, Camilla and Charles?

Well, what they did, they were either hoaxed into believing that these characters were real people. Yes. So they went around and spoke to them and it's a, oh, this is my, how long have you been on this stall? And he said, oh, I've had this on me long to my father and to my grandfather. He said, that's the marvellous thing about London, is that people inherit these businesses.

And I thought, the problem with this is this is what you say to real people. And you have the same level of sincerity that when you talk to people that you actually meet. And if you have the ability to put on mock sincerity like this, best keep that under your hat, really, because everyone who speaks to you now will think, well, yeah, but you spoke to an actor pretending to be a character.

What about there was one character? I totally agree, it was too confusing. There was one man who said, he said, yes, I actually did The Prince's Trust. Yes, so did he? Yeah. Or did the character do The Prince's Trust? And Charles went, did you really? How fascinating. And how was it for you? did he? Yeah. Or did the character do the Prince's Trust? And Charles,

did you really? How fascinating. And how was it for you? Did he? I don't, where are we now? No, that really, that threw me.

It's not a worry that I have. Like, I think if I ever met Prince Charles, I wouldn't be thinking that he was genuinely interested in what Chloe Petz had to say. No, but, you put yourself down,

I think. Frank did meet him, didn't you? Oh, yeah. Do you remember Frank? I'm worried that the royals have been scammed by the BBC into thinking that they were real people because they think if we tell them it's acting,

they won't be able to pull it off. They've gone away thinking they've just done a normal visit. They've done a good job. It was incredible. It was like, you know, one of my worst things is people interviewing Miss Piggy as if she's a real creature. It was like that. I can't bear it when people enter into the conceit.

Yeah, Michael Parkinson interviewing Miss Piggy. That's what it was like. Is that how we want to celebrate 70 glorious years? Not Frank. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is still Frank Skinner with Emily Dean and Chloe Petz. We were talking about platyjuice, which is this week's big event, obviously.

My quote of the week, you know when people get given an honour in the honours list and they say things like, oh, it's amazing and all that. I saw a Bonnie Tyler um near to a beacon and she was saying uh you know i'll just so please you know like that don't say is she indian no um but um bonnie tyler and justin hayward from moody blues um won it light review and um great but stephen howe who i didn't know was a classical pianist who familiar with his work absolutely not his quote was um the award implied acknowledgement that classical music is something of continuing relevance and importance in British cultural life. Oh, come on, mate. Lighten up.

Join in, Stephen. You OK, hon? Stiving a bit. You know what, Steve? I'm going to go Steve if that's all right with you. I don't much care whether it is. But what I would say is it's Plassy Jubes. Get into the Plassy Jubes vibe.

Yeah, exactly. It's one o'clock. My son actually started dropping hints as to why I wasn't in the list with the likes of Justin Hayward. What did he say? He said, how come you never, I don't know, he said,

then he said to me a quote which has often been asked, he said, do you qualify as entertainment? It's a big question. Commissioning editor for Channel 4. Exactly. I liked it when, sometimes, Bas says things like,

what was it he said when I was interviewing Reece Stevenson? And I said, oh, you know, I'll mention, he said, but will he have heard of you? I don't think he'll have heard of you. No, exactly. It's good to keep your feet on the ground, though. But not a ten feet underground. It's good to keep your feet on the ground, though. Yeah. So, yeah, it's been... But not a ten-feet underground.

It's been a week, I think it's fair to say. It's actually only been two days. It seemed like a week. Macron, I like this, that President Macron bought the Queen a horse. Or as they call it in France, of course, a ready meal. No, he bought her a big horse from the Republican Guard. Now, I'd be suspicious if somebody buys a 96-year-old woman

a horse from the, and I quote, Republican guard, what are they up to? It's not so much a gift as a hint. It is. Also, if I owned a kingdom and I bought a horse, I'd wonder what they'd want in return. Yeah, exactly. You know what? We all know what the deal is. Yeah.

Can I, I, as well, you heard that the horse is called, I don't know what it's called in French, but the English translation is it's called Fabulous. Oh, is it? I do know what it's called in French. Go on. Fabuloso. Fabuleux.

Lovely. I'm not done. Fabuleux de Mocourt. So, Fabulous of Mocourt. Yeah? Yeah. Fabulous of MoCourt. That's what I will be known as from now on. But I just think it's like part of this.

We were saying as well about like the trooping of the guard. Is that what they call it? And it's meant to be the sort of this quite big manly display of, you know, you know, prestige. But it's just the campest thing I've ever seen in my whole entire life.

A little horse trotting around called Fabulous, doing his little bit of dressage. Fabulous! It's a gelding as well. What's a gelding? You know a gelding. No. It means that it's been,

it's had things removed. Oh! Let's call it the gif that doesn't keep giving. You don't look in the mouth. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. So this horse, Fabuleux.

Oh yeah. A second horse in three weeks. Do you know that? The president of Azerbaijan also bought her a horse. They're like buses, aren't they? Not that much. Well, they are if you're the queen. Four legs and stuff. But if you're the queen, I mean, I'm sorry, I'm going to be bold here.

I think it's a terrible, actually quite thoughtless gift. And I like Macron for all sorts of reasons. How are you with the president of Azerbaijan? I'm not as familiar with his work. No, no. But I just feel there were, I believe there were 250 horses, and that was just on the drooping of the colour the other day. One thing she doesn't need is horses.

No, you'd think so. But also at 96, I'm thinking maybe a horse is an appropriate gift. Also, seven years old, guys. I really hope they left the receipt in the bag when they gave her the horse. In the nose bag. What would you get the queen, though? What would you get the lady that's got it?

Maybe something that's not seven years old. Like an iPad. Maybe something nude. Yeah, get her. Often it's like an elaborate ornament, you know, made from a walrus tusk from the 18th century or something like that. Yeah, but she's probably got tonnes of those as well. She's got tonnes of everything.

Do you know what I'd get her? I'd get her some new sunglasses, just because I love the Queen. Yeah. But I'm just not sure those... She's been really faithful to those shades and she's committed to them. And I love her for that. She's a traditionist,

but I'm just not quite sure they're quite right for her. Well, I presented some Duke of Edinburgh awards, if you remember, with Princess Anne and she got a pair of shades on that looked like you could weld, you could safely weld in them. I mean, they were fab. She should get some of those, like Cyclops from the X-Men.

Maybe we could get her, you know, the new Top Gun films out, get her some aviators. She'd look lovely. Yeah, mirrored aviators. That'd be a great shot, though, her looking at the two horses, Azerbaijan in the left lens, France in the right. I feel the need for speed. One thing I would say about a horse is that it's not a gift.

It's admin you're giving someone. It requires a lot of admin. But she's not doing the personal admin, is she? She won't notice if she's got 250, just slip Fabuloso in the back. Craig Revel Hall. But, you know, it is a gift horse and there are certain conditions. Listen, I've been looking to what's happening in the parade. Now, have I been misled?

You know the big grand celebrity parade that people are going to travel in bosses which represent... What? Which represent the period they are most associated with. So Noddy Holder is in the 70s boss. Gary Lineker's in the 80s boss. That's cruel. Gary's a perennial. If I find out David Baddiel is on the 90s That's cruel Gary's a perennial If I find out David Baddiel is on the 90s bus

There's going to be trouble The 50s bus Well I think it's a smart car The 50s Who's going to be in the 2010s then? Imagine how insulted If you got the call That you lied about your age a bit

That you're on the 70s bus But honestly If there's one thing I love, it's having my heyday nailed down. Hang on. Set in stone. No comebacks for you guys. Here's your decade.

Next up on the parade, it's the now irrelevant Frank Skinner from the 90s. Hey. There he is. You have to drive behind it to do that. I haven't even got on. I will do it after this. But what about this?

The National Treasures Choir. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, yes, there's going to be a National Treasures Choir tomorrow. Can we please return to the slightly tricky subject of the decades, bosses? Hell, yeah. The heyday. Because celebrities included Got Kwan. Yeah. What?

Sorry, I don't know why that was so funny. What would he be, 2010s? 2000s, I'd imagine. 2000s, OK. I mean, isn't it terrible? Now now this is what we're going to be saying about these people I hope he's wearing glasses with 2000s so they perform 2000 two at one end zero at the other no but you're really saying that was it for you you're saying it

finished yeah I mean Cliff Richard was he 1940 well good he's 60s 70s I mean Cliff Richard was he 1940 well he's 60s 70s I mean he'll be jumping from

boss to boss I hope oh I hope there's someone doing that like in Footloose I hope there's someone

doing that I'll tell you what I've been doing a lot this week which has given me great pleasure as well as great stress

and anxiety there's been a lot of and we know we're going over to um to karen at buckingham palace and there's a person standing just looking at the camera waiting for the cue and they just look and they just look and they don't and i'm going say something so i'll give i'll give you any money, please say something. And they're just looking at the camera. Please say something. And then eventually, oh, the stress of it. It's not that difficult, is it? Thumbs up from the cameraman.

Yeah. Are you doing, are either of you doing any kind of platy-dupe thing? I'm afraid not. No bunting in the pet's household? No bunting. Kind of platy-dupe thing. I'm afraid not. No bunting in the pet household? No bunting. The first time I saw bunting was during the... When was the Jubilee in the early 2000s? Don't ask. Don't ask.

I don't know, dear. I remember 1977. 2012 was... That was the queen when she went down the Thames on a barge I mean you're describing that no she did

I was living on the Thames at the time I've got a shot of my partner breastfeeding our baby with the queen in the background not a composition you get that often ok she was on a bar. She was still there. Yeah.

I had a letter from a friend saying congratulations on your baby. I've sent you a flotilla. I hope it's the right size. And it went. It was great. But I don't think

I'm going to anything at all. No street party in our road either. It's just one of them where, like, I feel like it gets a bit like a festival where you just think, oh, am I going to be able to get a drink?

Am I going to be able to go to the toilet? And it just all becomes a bit sort of, a bit of a faff. Do you know what I mean? It's going to be busy. And then, you know, it's Brian Adams after all that. Oh, look at this. Well, Brian Adams,

but I'm not interested in that, Bryan, because there's only one Bryan I want to see involved. Is it Mayo? Yeah. Will he be on the roof? Do you know about this? Who's Bryan Mayo? No, Bryan May. Mayo's his nickname in the dressing room.

I mean, it's not really. Frank's just decided that. Bryan May was on the roof of Buckingham Palace once playing electric guitar as part of a celebration. Oh, I thought you meant as like a fathers for justice kind of thing.

Get Brian down. Do you know what he likes? Lead guitarist for justice. He's more, he's more badgers for justice. He is, yes. He's very, Is that why he's got one on his head?

He's very, Oh, I can't believe you. Ageism at its very worst. Is that, is that the line that's just been crossed? And what would our lady Anita say about that? You've gone too far. He's the love of my life.

That's what she'd say. Did she? I know someone who met them and she said that. He's the love of my life. Do you know they found each other? That's great. They really do seem like a genuinely happy couple. Yeah.

Cut to. It's just so nice that we're getting towards the end of the show and you've had the first conversation which I found

completely inaccessible. What, Brian May? Yeah, I know who Brian May is, but who's Anita? That's the wife. Old Ma May. Old Ma May.

Well, Anita Dobson in our end is our beginning or something like that because EastEnders. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Oh, Marmé. Oh, Marmé. Well, Anita Dobson, in our end, is our beginning or something like that, because EastEnders. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Oh, fantastic.

Okay. And thanks for listening to us today. Episode two of my poetry podcast will be out on Wednesday. It features Leoncia Flynn, who is a fabulous poet. Fabulous. Catch up on all previous episodes. I'm reading this. Can you tell?

Catch up on all previous episodes now reading this can you tell catch up on all previous episodes now from wherever you get your podcast chloe thank you so much for joining us i feel like the two children in the back seat of the car i should be reaching back saying will you two i'm telling you two now we've had a bit too much harry but we've done honestly if i do i have to stop the car anyway if the good lord spares us and the creaks don't rise we'll be back again

this time next week now get out