The Frank Skinner Show - Portable Hobby

Episode Date: October 26, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank's bumped into Boiler Man who has a shocking revelation! The team also discuss Kylie Jenner's 'Rise and Shine' and judging people's houses.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 8-12-15. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Didn't go as well as I hoped. It felt a bit like you lost your commitment to the Instagram.

You know what? It surprised me. I didn't see it coming. I'd forgot that we had an Instagram thing. And then it came up on the... You know when people overtake you on the inside and you think, I'll pull in there. You think, whoa, whoa. I didn't see them there. That's right. It's a very dangerous

move and we should avoid undertaking. Undertaking? There used to be a caption about if you undertake, you'll meet the undertaker or something like that. Oh, that was sophisticated. Yeah. Well, you know. Tarchies.

Different times. Different times. So, Leicester City won 9-0 last night. Oh, I know. Away from home. Spoiler alert, we taped it. I've taped it. What, are you going to get Dickie Davis announcing the results to you?

It was like the old glory days. The olden days. Oh, I wonder what Claudio Ranieri thinks when he says that. I always imagine Claudio, you know, he's got that sort of very sad, downturned mouth. I always imagine Claudio Ranieri walking around the streets somewhere in Italy going, Pinocchio, where are you? He's a bit, hey there you with the sad face. Pinocchio, come back. Why you leave me, Pinocchio? Anyway, that's my...

Frank, Reiki Dreams has been in touch. Oh, is it Reiki or Reiki? Oh, I think it's texting. You know what? I'm going to let you have this one. I don't know. I wasn't voting for either. It feels...

No offence, it feels more my world. It's like Reiki massage things. Yeah, Reiki or Reiki. Is it head massage? Is that what it is? Is it the scalp? I don't know. I know.

Yes. I pray... Is it or isn't it? Yes, it is. Oh, okay. I don't know. No, it's more of a body... I've done Reiki, actually.

Okay. Well, I do a lot of Reiki now. It's autumn. Hey! I enjoyed that. I loved it, because it was very 70s in so many ways. And it's a fabulous comedy item, of course, because if you step on the Reiki, of course,

you get the smack in the face, which is perfect. So Reiki Dreams has said, Do you remember the old shoemakers in Cobbler's Windows? I really like those. I still see those. Do you? Is this a contribution to our automaton conversation? Oh yeah, well yeah but they

weren't animatronic. There was no moving facial expression. True. I think for an animatronic you've got to have the eyes rolling and things like that. For the shoemaker then, what happens? They just, they descend onto the shoe. I think the right arm just goes up and down.

I see them in an apron descending onto the... Old guy, spectacle, Spalding. Pinocchio. Why are you leaving me? Yeah. Yeah. Pinocchio. Why are you leaving me? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, yes, I don't know what... They're still around. Great news. If I see one, I'll take a photo. I did like that when you had that with the shop, though. Lovely, Al. Thank you, thank you.

When you had a sort of... A piece of iconography, if you like, that you knew that was that kind of shop, like the swirly barber's thing outside, do you see? And grass in the front window of a butcher's, that's gone as well, hasn't it? You're so right, Al. Well, I went, do you remember I spoke recently of Boilerman?

I do. Yes. And Boilerman, in case you don't know out there, is a man dressed as a combi boiler who is one of the mascots for West Bromwich Albion. And I was a big fan of Boilerman and then they added stripes to him this season to make him look more like the West Brom shirt

and I spoke out about this and then someone if you remember texted in and said well they've took the stripes aren't on him anymore so maybe this is, I think they called it an Andrew Lloyd Webber because I'd already changed an encore to sound of music by my enormous

influence. You wield such great power opinion for me. So I went to the match on Tuesday night against Barnsley. Who should I bump into but Boilerman? Head off. Shut up. Head off. No way.

Yeah. Because they've, as you know, Quite a big spoiler, that. But also the strict rules, Disney. I mean, instant dismissal. Because Baggy Bird also head off, was I mean instant dismissal. Baggy Bird also head off was talking to me as well. Baggy Bird, oh yeah. So anyway

That wasn't me. By the way. That wasn't Frank promoting an interview we once did saying Baggy Bird was talking to me. Besides, you've had all that sorted haven't you? Yeah, I know. I've got the bandages.

One shit to the pelvic floor exercise. It's absolutely fine. Anyway. You're taking it disgustingly. I have, I have. Always do. Always. Always!

Anyway. Meanwhile. So, he said to me, I said, so you've took the stripes off? And he said, yeah. He said, we heard that you'd talked about it on the radio. Oh, shut your boiler. And he held up this blue, like, spaghetti-type mask,

and it was the stripes that they'd peeled off him. Are you joking? So I had my photo talk with him and the discarded stripes, which I will put up on social media. So am I to understand the stripes were removed from the mascot as a direct result of you? Well, that's what he intimated to me. I don't think Bileman would lie.

Great power. Well, can we talk about Garnasaurus Rex next? Because I have some words on him. Oh, I don't even know what that is. That's the Arsenal mascot. Oh. He's a dinosaur with, but I have some words on him. Oh, I don't even know what that is. That's the Arsenal mascot. Oh. He's a dinosaur, but I don't like the shirt, it's all cropped. You can't have a dinosaur in a

cropped shirt. Well, okay. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, you won't like this. Oh. Oh. Don't read those ones out. Yeah, I've. Oh. Don't read those ones out. Yeah, I've told you not to ever read those ones out.

Yeah. Well, I don't know. I mean, I feel... If you don't know. Well, no, I do know, actually. I'm just going to do it. He won't like it because it's praise. Oh.

But someone just said I just left the God. Frank, someone thinks you're a God. I can't accept that. Yeah, but they haven't seen you for 20 years. Oh. And they... No, you don't lie. This is why I didn't know how it would go

if I read that to you. Right. But they loved you anyway. And they're going to see you in London, apparently. That's how much they loved you. Okay. That's a strange they loved you. Okay. That's a strange, mystical message, that. They just saw me where?

Doing what? They saw you in Leeds doing your show. Oh, okay. As good as I wish. But they said, just left the god, Frank, in Leeds. And I didn't know what to make of it. They loved you so much, they're going to see you in London, apparently. Which is at the Garrick Theatre please in January so you

should go and see it. Thank you. Yes I shall be appearing at the Garrick Theatre in London in the new year. Yeah but these men are coming to the front row Frank. They say look forward to Gentle Abuse I'm concerned. Well they're doing a there's a front row prize that Absolute are doing that you can

win I think they're basically one night Absolute are having the front row. The whole front row? I think that's their plan. Oh, I'm going to be on that. Now you have to win. There are ways, love. We can probably rig that, can't we?

We work here. Well, look out on the front row for Dominic Strangeways. I don't know if he's connected with the prison. Yeah, it could be like an old fashioned I once got Dominic from Strangeways Dominic comma Strangeways

Al comma Dartmoor Or it could just be What he's nicknamed Anyway I once got a letter From the Reader's Digest Oh what year was this? Many years ago, saying I'd been invited to take part in their prize draw,

but I hadn't replied to any of their letters. Yeah. And the guy who supposedly wrote it said, he said, no, I work for Reader's Digest, so I'm not eligible to take part in the prize draw. He said, my family are constantly going on to me. Oh, why can't we be in the prize draw? He said, and then I remember one paragraph begins.

So imagine how us ineligibles feel when someone who's invited to take part in the prize draw does not reply to our letter. It was surreal. A bit passive-aggressive. It was, yeah. From the Reader's Digest. Still going, I think.

I think it's moved online. No, no. I think. I think I've seen it in motorway services, WH the flesh. It's W.H. Smith's. All right. Yeah. I'll take it back. Is Reader's Digest still available in hard copy, 8, 12, 15?

When you say hard copy, Frank, I always remember it having very flimsy covers. Do you not recall? Not very... Well, it's a magazine, though. It's supposed to have a soft cover. I remember such classics as Sued's Corner. People always had them in the bathroom.

I Am John's Pancreas. Yeah, there used to be a lot of that. I Am Susan's Aorta. And then it would be written as if it was the aorta writing it. Yeah. Oh, there was a lot of organ prose, organ-based prose in there. I haven't seen one for a long time, but I bet it's still rocking. We've had a missive in from Chris, which I'd like to share with you.

Oh, yeah. He's actually given a name to our pain, Accidentally Improved Lyrics, he calls it. Oh, yes. Do you want to recap on this, Frank? Yes, basically. To clarify what it's not. Well, one of the worst things you can do on any radio show

is misheard lyrics, where people say, oh, I thought he said spares him his life from his hot sausages. Or me ears are alight. You say one of the worst things but it doesn't stop people doing it, does it? No, nothing. But you can say one of the worst things about all sorts of things and people still carry on

doing it. Please don't send us those. Yeah, whilst there are other worst things people can do, can people stop trying to lift their suitcases with the extended handle bit? Well, can people stop having suitcases with extended handles? But if they have, don't use the extended handle because things get heavier at the end of a lever. It's so much easier if you hold the actual...

All right, Pythagoras. Thank you, thank you. A great insult. Such a Pythagoras. This you, thank you. A great insult. Such a Pythagoras. This old chestnut of an insult. Such a Euripides. Sorry, go on. So, yeah, but occasionally, like,

I don't want to do the example every week, but, like, with Rhinestone Cowboy, I misheard a lyric, and my version was better than the real lyric. And a couple of people have sent in lyrics. There are definitely improvements. So Chris Banner, I don't know if he's a relation to the Incredible Hulk. Bruce.

Yes. David Banner, was that the change for the TV show? Yeah, for some reason, they thought Bruce... I remember they did a joke in Mad Comic, which I used to love. Remember Mad Comic? Yes, Alfred Ian Newman. And they did a joke saying,

they can't have Bruce for the Hulk's name because it's not masculine enough. And then in the background, they had Bruce Jenner on the telly winning a gold medal in the thing. Oh, OK. It's a joke that's gone through many changes since. Interesting how that's panned out, isn't it?

Yeah, exactly. Anyway, Chris Banner... Comedy, it's got a fierce shelf life. I don't know if Chris Banner is related to Dr David slash Bruce Banner. No. However, I like the cut of his jib. Hi, Frank, Al and Emily.

All sorts of praise emitted for all three of you. Books and stand-up, etc. A very subtle, mistakenly improved lyric that I was disappointed to discover this year was in Toto's Africa. I always thought... Is Toto's Africa the one that goes we're gonna go something down in africa is it that one it makes it sound africa sound like luton because when are

you down in africa i think it's like an enormous content it sounds it makes it sound a bit like the bullring shopping center yeah i, I might nip to Africa. Anyway, I always thought it was, it's going to take the lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that 100 men or more could ever do. Oh, yeah. Implying that it's going to take absolutely everything they've got. They're going to have to throw the lot at me to drag me away from you.

The kitchen sink. Imagine my disappointment that the real lyric is the rather weak a lot. Hence, it's going to take a lot to drag me away from you. Yeah. Implying that I can be dragged away. It's just going to take a little bit of effort. It's a very subtle, but so often,

real joy is found in the nuance. Thanks, guys, Chris. Love you, Chris. I mean, it could have been worse. It could have been shallot. It's going to take shallot to get to drag me away from you. I'm in a series of gifts, fenticing away gifts. You know, the carrot on the stick, but I love a shallot. Frank, that wouldn't be true of me because as you know,

that's an absolute deal breaker for me, people that eat onions and shallots. It's going to take shallot to drag me away from you. Or maybe what could put him off the woman

is if she wore calottes and he really didn't like them. He preferred it sans calottes, as I think was the name of the... Weren't they a French Revolution group, the sans culottes? Sans culottes. I believe so.

Yeah. Yeah, because they didn't wear culottes. No. Yeah. Anyway, there you go. Thanks for that. And, yes, I've actually got an improved lyric of my own, but it'll have to be after this message.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Al, you were talking about suitcases earlier. Mikey, who I believe is one of our regulars, has been in touch. On the subject of suitcases, if you check out of your hotel in the early morning, please carry your suitcase if the pathway is cobbled. Some Victorian advice there from Mikey.

More advice from me. Don't have suitcases with wheels on them. That would be a problem. I do agree with that. But those that have got the wheels, they're carrying them wrongly. What do you do though? You'd rather strain your back just because you think they don't look cool? No, I'd rather strain my back because I think we're in the middle of a national obesity crisis.

And we're saying to people, it is a good idea. You don't have to carry your own luggage anymore. So people pack more than they need to pack. Yeah. And then they take luggage with wheels on as hand luggage. It's a contradiction. Next week on Puritans Weekly.

I really hate it. Whenever I see anyone with one, I always think a little bit less of them. I always think a bit apprentice candidate. Being booted out the house. Or maybe arriving at take me out

I've got a misheard lyric email but I believe that you've got one that you were going to explain to us oh no but I always the reader always

comes first I mean it's not about me can you make a note of that I'm surprised to hear that because I wasn't aware of that

oh no hold on no it is about sorry it is about me sorry I misread that it is about I've got, I misread that. I've got a thing on the wall here, a lovely sampler that was done by an old lady I know, beautiful needlework.

And it says, it's all about me. Now carry on with the readers. Hi all, I know you have a feature where lyrics have been misheard and sometimes improved. No, they have to be improved. That's the point. Well, this is probably not the case in this instance.

Okay, I want to be told. Can we check it? It's not a misheard lyric, is it? I think it does. And it's got an interesting bit of vocab. But is it a misheard? Yes. Oh, but you see, it's concerning.

But I think it is improved and is interesting. Go on then. We can ditch Steve. We can drop him like a hot potato if you wish. I don't want to ditch Steve. If not now, you've teased him. On The Joker by the Steve Miller Band, I've always heard him sing because I speak of the properties of love.

Whilst listening to sounds of the 70s on a rival station, Bob Harris revealed that they are singing The what? Pompatus. P-O-M-P-A-T-U-S. Nearly everyone I've asked on the matter have said they thought it was properties, except one who said he thought it was prophecy, which may count as an improved lyric. Have the gang been singing properties,

or did you know of the word pompatus, which apparently means splendid? Really? Wow. Pompatus. Low me down with a leaf blower. I would say I've always said... I'm going to have to come back to this, because I can't quite hear it at the moment.

I can't. I can't hear what context. I can't quite hear it at the moment. I can't. I can't hear what context. I can't. I speak of the properties of love. So he's speaking of the glories of love. No, it's properties. In its pompous. Yeah.

Also, the properties of love sounds like those flats that Benny Hill used to buy for Hills Angels. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Well, we've already had 656 text in saying, I've always sang Pompadour's but never knew its meaning. Thanks for the information.

So, Frankie Miller, is he? Steve Miller. I speak of the pompadours of love. Yes. But we don't know what that is. It's a good rendition. Well, it means...

As he said, it means splendour. Splendid. Does it? It sounds a bit more like your lot over in the Vatican. It sounds like it's connected with them. I like it a lot. I might change it to Pontifex. Yeah, that would certainly be good.

Speak of the Pontifex of love. Speaking of the Pontifex yeah that would be certainly speaking of the pontifex of love oh speaking of uh the pontifex and uh rome in general is that his latin name sorry were you in the midst of sorry al no it's fine i went to um chedworth roman villa this week wow do you know it no i don't it's uh I don't. It's, I had an idea there. Is it one of Abramovich's properties? No.

It's, I think it was owned by Rich Romano Britton's. Oh, I don't know him. You remember Firm Britton's husband. He sounds a bit more like he'd be on the opening credits of Hawaii Five-O. It's an incredible place. And we had, the guide we had was brilliant because he did actually know a lot about archaeology, but he also said stuff like, so then beginning of the 5th century,

the Romans left to, oh, what was that then? A voice, a strange voice came in. You did hear that, didn't you, guys? That's not the voice of some elderly relative of mine calling me. That sounded like me. I

I so yeah, so he said yeah, so the Romans had to leave because they had to go around beating up the French. He said, obviously I don't have a problem with that. And I thought, okay. And then there's another thing he said,

he says, you know what it is? He said, because they had on the floor heating at this Roman villa. He said, you know what it is? He said, you girls, you went off to someone else's villa, you saw that they had on the ground heating, you come back. You know, you give the guy a bit of this.

Wow. And he has to get underground for his dinner. Next thing, you'll be nagging him for an electric carving knife for Christmas. I know what you ladies are like. It's a lot of you girls. Yeah. He was very good, though, I must say. But I had an idea while I was there.

It was based on staring at the mosaic stones. Oh, do you remember we talked about oxo cubes? We did. Can I just say something? Do you know what I did as a direct result of that? Go on. Bought some oxo cubes. And then what?

I tried them with an orange. And then I thought, I'm going to have a little eat of this. And I peeled off the silver. Oh, I can smell it now just saying it. Oh, Frank! I couldn't get through the whole thing, I'm not going to lie. No, it's a lot of salt. I had about three bites of the Oxo Cube and I thought of you.

And did you... Don't be jealous, it doesn't look good on you. Just because we've got our Oxo thing and you're not involved. See, I think if you let the saliva form in your mouth, it's like making your own gravy. I'm calling it mouse gravy. Yeah. Frank, isn't it weird?

It just sounds horrible. Mouse gravy sounds a lot worse than it is. Oh, my God. Now, I had the idea whilst looking at these different coloured mosaic stones, why couldn't you have, like, strawberry cubes, tea cubes, milk cubes, and just add hot water to all of them, and there's your drinks.

Or an entire meal in the cube. Not an entire meal, but it'd take... It's a bit Apollo 11. No, but I think drink cubes all different colours and you could sell them in a mosaic design. You could buy a display case of them. Well, I mean, anyone out there, you can have that idea. I don't

want your royalties. I'm alright, thanks. That's handy. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, or email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

So, oh, I got sent a book. I got sent a couple of books actually I got sent a book called Tragedian by a guy called Ryan Day who I have to say wrote me an accompanying letter completely done in block capitals no need to shout

yeah and Ryan Day ends his letter have a nice day. Is that a pun? Oh, I think so. Oh. It doesn't quite work, does it? Have a nice day. Well, it does, but you know.

If you were about to have a more intimate experience, it would work. But I'll tell you something about this book and I can't quite work it out it's got a lovely velvety, it feels like a mole's pelt. It's like velour. It's a pelt. It's like a velour book. Velour but slightly clammy at the same time.

Children's book. Can I hand it over to you? Yes, please. Do have a go. Oh yeah, that is smooth. Clammy velour. Actually, wasn't clammy velour the character that Anna Blackman played in Goldfinger. Either that or she was one of those Hills Angels that Benny bought a flat for.

I'm going to hand it around now. Now, I'd like to talk to you boys about Kylie Jenner. Are you familiar with her? She's one of the Kardashian group. She broke up with her boyfriend recently, Frank, Travis Scott. Is that right? Children? Yeah.

But she's still co-parenting. What does Travis Scott do? What doesn't he do? He's a rapper. Oh. Okay? Okay. She's co-parenting...

Was he named after Dave Lee Travis? Have a look at that. The hairy cornflake. I don't think so. No, he probably wasn't. No, I don't think so. And Scott Mills. The parents were fans of both.

But she's co-parenting... I don't think you can be fans of both. I'll be straight with you. I think they're mutually exclusive. I've never met one person who likes DLT and Scott Mills. Really? No, they're very divisive. Oh, interesting.

The demographic divides. But she's still co-parenting Stormy with her, their child. Stormy. Stormy Scott. Yeah. I don't know if it's Stormy Jenna or it should be Stormy Scott. Yeah. I don't know if she's if it's a Stormy Jenner or it should be Stormy Scott. That's a better name. Yeah. Stormy Scott. Sounds like

one of your relatives. Sounds like many of them. Sounds actually like Al. Very Stormy Scott. That's true. So she posted a video of her the other day going into Stormy's room and she was singing a song. How old is Stormy now?

I don't know why you seem like she's 75. How old is she now? The youth's a year maybe, 18 months. 1.5, the boffins are telling me. Okay. And it was a video of her entering stormy's room wearing an interesting choice of clothing for just shrubbing around the house looking after the baby which was a chanel mini dress okay and a perspex heel and exactly the same as i do a lot of my parenting in

maybe just maybe just going out or maybe just got in you know when you get in from partying and you go into the sleep although the perspex hill has always worried me it looks so sore I always seeing the squash toe

yearn for live goldfish moving about inside I can't bear it anyway she wandered into the room and and I think it was an eight-second clip of her singing to the child, rise and shine. She said it in English, rise and shine. Is Rise and Shine a well-known popular song? She gave it a tune. She got over a billion views this video.

Oh, so it wasn't at night. A billion! It couldn't have been at night. You wouldn't sing rise and shine at night no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no That's brilliant, isn't it? Why aren't we killing ourselves writing jokes? I mean, literally, all you need is a prank. It's good.

Rise and shine. There you go. Al, can we hear your version? Rise and shine. I can't really connect to it. I like it. What I liked is that yours combined it with an element of bleating. Yes.

Like a sheep. Angsty. Rise and shine. I like that because one associates lambs frolicking early in the morning. That isn't shame. Well, what's odd though, well, we'll get on to this, but they're never one, to be fair to the Kardashians, to avoid a marketing or a merch opportunity.

No, they're very business minded. Yes. Are they though or have they got business people who do all that for them? Oh, this is true. Brilliant either way. Well, she's the world's youngest billionaire, I believe, isn't she? She is not. She's 21 or 22 and she's a billionaire.

Yeah. That is a lot. What are you talking about, Willis? I mean, when I was 22 or 21, I wasn't even a millionaire. Well. Just for context. If I had been a billionaire when I was 21, I almost certainly wouldn't have made 22.

Raz and Sian, that would have been a priest talking to me as I lay in a gutter. But well done, her. That's what I say. Yeah. We'll come back to that. I've become ever more just before we break off here

what is her relationship to Kim Kardashian I see Kim Kardashian as the sort of hob of the wheel in the vampire ram she's the universal if Kim is the bullseye is she a treble

she is well I'll tell you what she is. She's obviously the half-sister. But interestingly, her and Kendall, it's interesting how it's happened. I think she's overtaken the rest of the family now. She hasn't overtaken KK. Financially, I believe she might have, yes. Go, girl!

Yeah? financially I believe she might have yes go girl yeah that was sorry that was an exorcist well well done again well done Mazel Tov if you're listening

kindly Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio so Frank I feel like you seem like you have a renewed respect for Kylie since you discovered she was the world's youngest billionaire. Well, I only really, I mean, I only really became aware of her specifically reading this story. What, Raz and Chad?

And I googled her to find out more, but then I was so shocked that when I put in Kylie, her name before Kylie Minogue, I was so taken aback I never went any further. I had to have a sit down. So, yeah, you know what? I know what one is supposed to be unkind about these people. Yes.

But I... I think you're unlikely to because of your previously stated position about the resentment that people that have earned their money get compared to lottery winners. So I think you're predisposed to be a fan of the young billionaire. Yes. Well, I also think that fame has always been a side effect of talent.

Yes. And because people with talent have things to do, like, you know, the thing that they're talented at. Creating. And they're at rehearsals and they're writing and stuff. It means that fame has already always been sort of half done you know what i mean it's done as a side effect it's just saying well look okay i'll do some interviews but

i know i've got to finish this book whereas because they don't do anything other than be famous they can give it proper time they give it their all these people and um it's it's nice to see fame done really well. It makes me think if we'd have given more time to fame, we'd be richer people. We should explain, really. Talent is so time-consuming. Yeah.

Well, the whole creating thing. And let's face it, you know, the bottom line is I think we all feel a bit more secure in the shallow end. Yeah. At the ball. And there's some very threatening and very sort of, you know, oh, it's the Kardashians. Careful about the bottom line,

because I think she may have trademarked that name. I see that as well. Well, I don't know. She's asking to trade. She's applied already to trademark Raz and Shan as a phrase. Raz and Shan. I must admit, I've never heard it before. Never heard rise and shine?

No. I'll tell you what, there's a lot of kids' TV presenters that are going to have to pay some back pay on that. Well, do you know where it's originally from? Rise and shine? The sun? I believe. Is it from the sun?

It's from his lot. Oh. I believe it's in Isaiah is it really the original yeah but it's arise they put a twist on it in the bible

arise and shine yes okay I believe so it's about doing God's work on one of those I'm able to wiggle out of it on a technicality

yes I discovered where the references were prior to her it's your lot and then also Tennessee Williams, I believe. Right. Rise and shine. Yes. I remember when Gareth Bales,

there was a story that he was going to patent that, you know when you do that heart thing with your fingers, you make the shape of a heart. Do you owe him money now that you've done that? Yeah, and he... I don't think... Mate, I think this has become a showbiz trope, the theory that people are going to patent things

that are very unpaintenable. She is, though, because they have... The paperwork, I've seen the paperwork. I'm doing it on how-do. She's not stupid, Frank. In Yorkshire. paperwork. I'm doing it on how do. She's not stupid, Frank. In Yorkshire. No, I'm not saying she's stupid. She is going to release, she wants to release,

we should say, have you seen the Rise and Shine hoodies? Raz and Shan, can you do yours, Al? Rise and Shine. Well, £65 they are. Is that all? Dollars, I apologise. So what's that? £65 probably are. Is that all? Dollars, I apologise. So what's that? £65 probably these days.

They've sold out. I should say the spelling is cure. She's spelt it rather like the former Liverpool player John Arnie Reeser. Oh, yeah. With three I's. So he could always use them. Three I's?

Yes, I think he had two or three. That's copying out. That's why I did it. Guess how many eyes Shine has got? Three. Okay. She's copied you, Al. It is...

I call it Risa and Shani is how she's spelt it. But there's an audience. They seem to have lots of money, the audiences of... Fool's gold, we might call it yeah the thick pound i think it's worth pursuing because um we often read about people yeah people who um remember the um the advent calendar of um zoella so people have got the money this is a market

the fools is a market worth pursuing I say fools in the kindest possible me and David Batil you said this distinction between fools and idiots idiots were people who actually weren't very nice

but fools are just fools they don't hurt anybody. Yeah. They're just fools. And they sound to me like they're in this, I mean, they may have hurt people, but we all laugh, you know,

I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. I've been asked to on several occasions, but that is a different story altogether. So we're talking about Kylie Jenner, she of... Rise and Shine fame.

Yep. TM. What's the tune to it again? Al? Rise and Shine. He's changed it. No, what's he changed it? I don't keep the tune. Frank, I'll. Rise and shine. He's changed it. No, what's he changed? I don't,

I don't keep the tune. Frank, I'll do this. Rise and shine. Can you do it please, Frank? Rise and shine. There you go.

You see that should be trademarked. It's not much of a get up, is it? I need to be startled awake nowadays. I basically need,

yeah, jump leads to get me out of bed. Clear. People shouting clear in the background. I just cuddle in to, you know, Rahas and Sha... Just ignore it.

Yeah, it needs to be abrupt and alarming. Well, I've got the neighbours, fortunately, playing a little bit of Monica for my life. Oh, that's a shame. Yeah. It gives me a chance to tell a story I'm sure I've told on this show before, but, hey, it was when I did that show, The Bubble, when we were all locked away.

And I asked the runner to get me an alarm clock because we had to get up at 8 o'clock. And he went out and I never saw him again. Didn't come back that night. So I went to get to bed with no alarm because we didn't have our phones. At eight o'clock, he knocked on my door to wake me up. And when I opened the door, he gave me the alarm clock.

Anyway. Anyway. We should say Travis Scott, who is... Travis Scott. It was sort of a conscious uncoupling, one of those. Oh, yeah. They're co-parenting Stormy together. I found this rather sad.

Travis Scott used to have a dollar bill sign at the end of his first name instead of the S. Oh, like UKIP. What do I bounce? No, UKIP on the pound sign. Always a mistake. I think they were never properly taken. It makes them look like pound stretcher

or something like that. Well, what I found rather poignant is that he withdrew it. He changed it. He did it for about a year and then someone obviously said, I don't like that pound sign. What I found rather poignant is that he withdrew it. He changed it. He did it for about a year, and then someone obviously said, oh, I don't like that pound sign.

I think I've seen other people use the dollar sign. Maybe he just wanted to widen his market. He was thinking, I'm not going to crack Europe with this. He should have gone for a Bitcoin. Who was the guy who went into... What about old school? He could have gone for CETA. Didn't they allow cool, Jay? Wasn't he on 50 cents or something

was involved with Bitcoin? Yes. I think it was Fiddy. Oh, was it Fiddy? Oh, Fiddy was. Fiddy made a fortune. I think the irony appealed to us all. But the dollar bill sign

has now been removed from the name, just subtly. Be careful, you'll lose the thick pound if you start thinking like that. That'll be the... They've got to look after the gene pool, you know. You don't want, like, an Arthur Miller coming in and marrying one of them

and the whole thing will come down like a house of cards. You've got to keep fools... You've got to have a very strict fools-only policy with the family and all their environs god i tell you one intellectual in there is so i'm warning you ladies on the subject of the rise and shine thing this might be a bit of a left turn, but I've recently deliberately changed my greeting that I give to people as I'm walking the kids, or my daughter nowadays, to school.

My son walks himself, he's a big boy. But yeah, I was walking to the school and I realised that I thought I was saying, are you alright? Or alright? Like that. But because it was morning and I don't think people hear the consonants I was basically grunting at people.

I was walking past going That doesn't sound like you, Al. I heard myself a couple of times and thought I need to make a change here. And so now I say, hello. That's nice. Which is a bit sing-song unhappy, but I'm considering that the work I've done... It's a bit teenage Japanese girl.

I like that, because they're always often very jolly. I'm figuring that I won't give them the false impression that I'm like an upbeat teenage Japanese girl. I'm thinking they'll think, oh, no, he's still a misanthropic dad. He's just saying hello. And you don't want to cover your mouth with your hand and laugh. No.

No, exactly. But I used to do a thing about this. I need a warning if someone talks... Because people sometimes say to me, all right, Frank, and because I don't know them, I don't know what's going to happen. And I will go, oh, and they've gone. And I just, I wasn't ready.

I didn't have my vocal cords ready to speak. So I just, I made a noise. Yeah. Well, I had a moment of, I'm having that the other day, with the driver who is familiar with our work and was talking specifically about that song not raz and shan the other famous song uh three lions and i was telling him the story about during the the white heat of it was last summer wasn't it and when someone you passed

by someone having a heated conversation over the phone and they broke off their conversation to say, hang on a minute, and then they said... Yeah, well, he was sort of saying, am I going to get there at that... It's coming home, Frank. Yeah, am I going to get there at that time? I told this driver that and he laughed. He went, that is brilliant, that is brilliant,

I'm going to use that. But in what capacity? It's coming home. In what capacity? He said, no, I'm going to do what he did. I'm going to use that. But in what capacity? It's coming home. In what capacity? He said, no, I'm going to do what he did. I'm going to do what he did. Well, you're depending on a lot. What, you'd have to know?

I don't know if he meant he was going to react like you did or like the man did. But anyway, thanks for your support. Yeah, you're welcome. Mm-hmm. As they say in the southern states of America. The dollar sign, by the way, did he drop the dollar sign

after he split up with Kylie Jenner? Was it a sort of, oh, that's not really relevant. No, I'm not married to the youngest billionaire on the planet. I'll have to go, maybe a cent sign. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio.

Quite a few people are getting in touch with us telling us that Rise and Shine was originally from a 1979 Kellogg's advert. It was a sort of Sunny Delight drink, wasn't it? I believe, yes. But I think Corn Flakes might have used it. Ah, okay. I hate trademarks.

Yeah, it doesn't work. I'll tell you what I like. I like when you get to the fairground and despite Disney being one of the most enormous organisations in the world, you get those paintings of Disney characters that the fairground people have done and they're not quite right. And obviously not cleared any of it,

paid any rights whatsoever. So Mickey Mouse, often the snows on Mickey Mouse is a bit too narrow. And you can't quite work out, Frank, if it's Pamela Anderson or Bonnie Tyler. No, but can you ever? Yeah, this is true. We're having a few people have just got in touch just to ask, Frank, people listening on the Decade stations.

They heard last week's episode earlier. So would you like to clear up? Yeah, there's been. Oh yeah. So would you like to clear up? Yeah, there's been a technical error and the Decade stations that is like absolute 80s, 90s. Naughties. Zeros. 80s, 90s.

80s is mine. That's all I listen to. Love 80s. For some reason, which we don't know, the first link of last week's show went out instead of the first week. But we're back on now, I understand it. So I'm sorry about that. But, you know, sometimes they're so good, they're worth hearing twice.

I'd say so. I think that's true. The Devil Made Me Do It has got in touch to say they... I thought that was going to be something else she'd she's going to patent the devil made me do it suggests crumbling oxo cubes into baked beans now i can see that working really yeah because it's the poor man's balsamic vinegar literally yeah i think i would say so can i, by the way, I mentioned Disney there briefly. There is a book out called Abject Quizzery by Carl Shaw.

And we've been going through this book in the travel section of my tour, me and Pierre and Omar, my tour team. I mean, what a triumvirate that is. And I won the first quiz with a question about Walt Disney's association with the Nazis. So that was a moment. Well done. That's a lovely thing to get right.

It's got lots of... It says the utterly depressing quiz book. So it's sort of some of the darker quiz questions. So it's a pun on abject misery. Yes, I think it is. Abject quizzery. Exactly. But and its slogan is no fun for all the family.

Quite good. But yeah, some good testing questions. If you like a quiz, you might want to check it. Check it out. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 812

15. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I have spoken of late about... There's a thing I've started doing now, is that if I'm on my own in, like, a cafe, or if I'm waiting, basically,

I don't do... I don't look at my phone. I just sit and stare straight ahead. I like that. I think it creates attention in the whole place. I don't think people like it. And I was doing it yesterday. I was being picked up by my tour manager, and I went to a cafe.

Is this Omar? Omar, yeah. I went to a cafe in Harbour in Birmingham called Paul at Number 41. Paul's at Number 41, which I like a lot, actually. Is he there? Yeah, Paul's there. And I was just sitting.

In fact, I was staring into space to the point where Paul came over and gave me another pot of tea. And he said, just while you're sitting there, like, please do something. Did you have any reading material whatsoever? Well, I'd say at one point I took out a notebook and wrote a few things down, and that seemed to alarm people even more. Like a copper.

They might have thought I was with the social. You might be hearing me scribbling. I'm just writing, if you stare vacantly for long enough, you get free tea in a cafe. You know be hearing me scribbling. I'm just writing, if you stare vacantly for long enough, you get free tea in a cafe. You know I'm quite frugal. So it was one of these cases where Omar had said to me, we'll be there at 10.30.

And then they came at like 10.40. Now I think people do that because they know they're not going to be there at 10.30. But what they want to do is they don't want to break your heart straight off. They want to give you a bit of good news. And so because then they'll think, well, the disappointment will slowly drip in. It won't be a big blow. Personally, I would rather someone said to me

I'm going to be there at 11 and then they turn up at 10.40 and you think, oh, what a lovely surprise. I thought you weren't going to be there until 11. I deferred gratification. I agree. Give me the bad news first and then I get a lovely surprise. Yes.

Also, it's very nearly Lombardi time, isn't it? If you're not 15 minutes early, you're late. Although him

and Kath are very laid back, I find, about the arrangements. Often you say they'll be there, you can't, it's a stress-free

household, that's why I like it. Well, I, this sitting and staring is something now I've come to really like. Okay. Okay.

It's new hobby alert. I'm talking about making no attempt, not even looking at my watch, just looking, just sitting and staring on my own. Okay. Brilliant. Can I just say, do you ever stare at people, or is it just a point in the middle distance? No, I'm not interested in it. I'm just thinking.

Tell you what I like about it, it's such a portable hobby that you've got now. Yeah. No charger, nothing. No. And it's... Brilliant. It's very basic, yeah. But I'm thinking, you know, I have ideas and stuff.

Anyway, last night I was watching a TED Talk. OK. Left to the party on TED Talks, but anyway. Anyway, last night I was watching a TED talk. Okay. Led to the party on TED talks, but anyway. He was ordering his trousers from VHS. Online. By a bloke who I'd never heard of before called Gary Leonard. Right. And he was talking about the way waiting rooms have got televisions

and magazines and everything to stop it from looking like you're waiting. Interesting. See, I like to absolutely play the I am waiting card. And this is why I wrote this down because it fitted. I thought this is exactly what I was thinking. He said, waiting is an awareness of being brought on by an absence of doing.

Right. Well, yes, I like this. That's why people, it frightens people because they've become aware of being. We should probably explain when Frank says that he wrote that down, it's tattooed on his forearm, which is interesting.

But also... What I like to call Robin Hood writing, we used to call it. It's that medieval time. Well, is that a bit like when I did my own Magna Carta and I said to my mum, I need to burn the edges, and she threw a lighter at me, and I burnt the edges of the paper to give it that medieval look. Ealdy.

I call it Ealdy writing. But Frank, I agree with you on that. You see, the endless distraction is what I believe the Buddhists call it the monkey mind. Jumping from tree to tree endlessly. They think my phone will get me through this. You don't. It's all right.

You're on your own. You're all right. Trust me. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Can I say a quick thank you to Mark Booth, who sent me a football review from 1968-69. Lovely. What a late review.

Quite literally. He sent Sydney the sailboat books for Buzz ages ago thank you Mark the thing I'm most proud of ever buying Buzz it was a toilet training book do you remember that thing? Pirate Pete went down so well

if anyone at home is struggling with potty training their child, Pirate Pete is the way for them life changer can't recommend the system struggling with potty training their child. Pirate Pete is the way for them. Life changer. Can't recommend the system we use, which is just give them a chocolate button every time they do it properly. It's not the advice, but it did work.

I can't do that with my Ray. No. We had a text in earlier from 689. You may remember that we were discussing the lyrics of Toto's Africa. Somebody had done a bit of Toto's Africa. Somebody had done a bit of lyrical improvement. Frank and Emily,

I can't mention lyrical confusion and Toto's Africa without me pointing out that Kilimanjaro does not rise above the Serengeti, as is suggested by the song, a fact that became apparent to me when I climbed the mountain for my 50th. Shame on you, Toto. Oh, yeah.

It's Adrian from Solihull. I don't remember Dorothy ever saying that. No, exactly. Shame on you, Toto. That would be a good text. Wouldn't that be a good text in factual inaccuracies in songs? Yes. You know where Roger Whittaker's

I'm Going to Leave Old Durham Town? Yes. And he says, When I was a boy I'd spend my time Sitting on the banks of the River Tyne. Well, you might have, but you weren't in Durham, if you were. Well, I had, I think not a factual inaccuracy, but more sort of from an eat, shoes and leaves grammar point of view.

She eats, shoots and leaves, wasn't it? But it was, I believe it was All Saints, who sung Never Ever. And the first line, I couldn't listen to it because it's a few questions that I need to know. It's spoken, isn't it, the first bit? She says, a few questions that I need to know. It should be a few answers, surely. first bit? She says, a few questions that I need to know. It should be a few answers, surely. Yeah, you can't know a few questions.

You don't need, can I know a few questions, please? Unless, I suppose, if you're cheating in the exam, you might need to know a few questions. I suspect they were. I think she was also a late replacement on a pub quiz host a couple of times. I love that you're both coming up with exact, this is good, you would need questions for that.

Or if you'd encountered Bob Holness. Yeah. Or if you'd been called in standing for someone in a grilling. Yes. Yeah. You're drafted in as bad cop. Last minute griller replacement.

Griller, I say. Yeah. Yeah. Again, there's questions that you'd need to know. But not to address a cheating boyfriend. No. I mean... Which is how the song continues.

Don't make your pain worse. No, by being grammatically... Foolish. Yeah, exactly. I think that's a good motto for life. I would say. If someone said a few questions I need to know, they'd be out the door anyway.

Okay? Okay. Just mean, if someone said a few questions I need to know, they'd be out the door anyway. OK? OK. Just relax, then. Now you've got to say you're making a fool of yourself. I mean, I take your point. You're going absolutely... I mean, you're going off the edge with it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We just did a quiz out of Abject Quizzery, that book I mentioned by Carl Shaw. It was great. It's a very good idea. It was songs that only got to number two, and you have to say which kept them out of the number one slot. Yeah. I did pretty badly.

You didn't. You did okay, but I did better. Yes. My response, I screamed so loudly at my victory. You did, you went crazy. Every one you got right. One of the producers turned around and said, shush, to me. Just for context, that means she thinks that you shouted so loudly, even when the faders were down, she was worried about it going out on the radio.

I like winning. I'm like Charlie Sheen in that respect. The great news about this, though, is though is that this is a slight spoiler but there's many many quizzes in the book is that what one learns is that Robson and Jerome kept not only Wonderwall off number one but also Common People by Pulp off number

one. What does that tell you? It's better to be Buzz Aldrin than Neil Armstrong. Yeah that is pretty much. I hope you don't think that we've finished with Kyle Jenner. Is it Kyle or Kylie? No. It's Kylie, isn't it?

Kylie. Kyle is the... Come on, get it right. Is Kyle a different person? Kyle is the mother who seems such a nice person. My apologies. Anyway... Is she the momager?

Kylie. Kyle. Oh, I thought she was called Kyle. You got it all wrong. What's her name? Chris. She's Chris. Anyway, Kylie also tells us is on the cusp of releasing a Kylie Jenner microwave.

And coasters, Frank. That would be nice for you. That would ring a bell. Very good. I mean, it does make you... And coasters, Frank. They'll be nice for you. That'll ring a bell. Very good. I mean, it does make you... And coasters. Like, a bit of fun. If you were to do a kitchen product, what would you be?

I'd go straight slow cooker. I'm definitely a slow cooker kind of character. Well, kindly, Jenna, presumably that only goes up to a minute, that microwave has the attention span of the thick pound people. Well, maybe 15 you could have for some of her partners. They have 15 minutes. And then I could have, I would say, if you were going to introduce a kitchen item, Frank,

based on, well, you have the master pan. Oh, yeah. That's very... I wouldn't mind a fresh ginger shaver. Oh, really? Because they're very... There's lots of crevices on fresh ginger. It's hard to get a good straight run.

Yeah. Yeah. If you freeze yours, it's worth freezing it. Freezing... Fresh ginger. Really? If you freeze fresh ginger, it's worth freezing it. Freezing? Fresh ginger. Really? If you freeze fresh ginger, you can still grate it. I can't even say freeze fresh ginger.

Let alone do it. But if you do, you can still grate it in and it cooks. It's actually a bit easier to use. Hairy bikers. Hold on. Freeze. Fresh. Well, I like a copper-bottomed pan.

Who doesn't? But Frank said he wouldn't be able to have those in his house. Is that right? Well, Kath, my partner, and her mother, when she stays, I would say they burn a pan a week. Oh. And I mean burn black and the whole room full of smoke. Even in the dead of winter,

we have to open all the doors and windows and everything. You know when dinner's ready in Frank's house? Smoke alarm. Exactly. But that is, you wouldn't believe how often it happens. It sounds like I'm exaggerating. I really am not. I don't even moan about it now, I don't think.

It's just part of my life. Always replacing pans well I don't replace them we just eat them eat out of black pans oh yeah 8, 12, 15

if you've got a tip for it's probably baking soda I think people say leave them overnight I think someone will tell me they leave them overnight on the hob. Well, they can't

anymore because this survey Al, we were talking about Kylie, but there's been an interior survey suggesting the things by which people judge you when they walk into your house. Well, I'm going to leave that as a cliffhanger

because we've got the faith. I'm worried about you. How do you judge someone when you go into their house? Have you seen Prick Up Your Ears? Yes. OK. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.

You were just talking about how we judge people's homes. Yes. Well, not you in particular. Apparently the top ten impressions when visiting a home, the first one is the smell, which, as a fan of the slow cooker, I don't know if I like this. People come around and they go, is that meat? I'm highly sensitive.

Well, in my house they say, is that burning? Is that a pan in the background? Well, of course, we are always told, aren't we, if you're trying to sell a house. Yeah. I know not everyone owns their own home, but I'm just talking in a general thing, that you're supposed to make bread when people are coming round,

which seems elaborate. Baked bread. What is this, Chaucer's Britain? Or coffee. Fresh coffee, which seems elaborate. Baked bread. What is this, Chaucer's Britain? Or coffee. Fresh coffee, yeah. Yeah. It wouldn't work for me. It takes people 38 seconds to make up their mind about your home.

Wow. 38? Apart from the smell, what else? Some people have some really small homes, don't they? What else are people looking at, exactly? What do they get upset about? They don't like well they judge you by your the smell they also judge the temperature i think that's second on the list

i do that so many places i go to someone's house and i go just wish i'd worn shorts well obviously it won't surprise you to know i think the opposite. Yeah. I think it's like... But the smell, when I was, when I lived back in Worley, in the West Midlands, people's houses had incredibly distinct smells. You could have took me blindfolded to someone's

house and I could have told you what house it was just from the smell. Whereas now in sophisticated London, people have eradicated their individual smells and replaced them with some synthetics. Yes. I used to have a bit of material that I really enjoyed about a TV advert where there was

an air freshener for sale that had six different scents and one of them was open window. Wow. Yeah. I mean, you can imagine how much fun it was to make fun of that. Yes, indeed. Also on the list... Open window air freshener. I won't do it.

Also on the list, Al, was whether it's been vacuumed and there were some strong views on washing up being done. Yeah, I'm surprised about that in the edge of the dishwasher. I look for things like, if there's a black and white photograph framed of Marilyn Monroe, I write them off as human beings. So do I. You do seem to judge people's framed photographs a little bit.

Well, also, I did walk into John Coulshaw's flat and he had a signed photo of the Red Arrows. I still haven't quite worked out what a signed photo of the Red Arrows. I still haven't quite worked out what it told me about the Great Impressionist. A man who doesn't want to make a bad impression, it has to be said.

Yeah, but even so, I'd go for that over a black and white Marilyn Monroe. Where do you stand on black and white photo of men working on the skyscrapers? Oh, no. Oh, nice.

Nice. No, I like that. What about coffee table book? I'll give you Frank. What might win me over? The Ladies Finish. World of Classic Cars. Come on.

Any car books? Out. Any coffee table book, it's always out for me. Interiors books, out. I think what might win me over on the wall is dogs playing pool. Oh, yeah. I might think, oh, they might be all right, these people. Matt Goss, of Bross fame, had a painting done of his bulldog drinking a pint.

Brilliant. Now that I can go with. It's personalised. Real classy. Yeah. I'll tell you what I like as well in a home. A vibrant cork board.

Oh yeah. You know, photos, business cards, aide de memoirs. Really sort of overflowing cork board. It looks like a real family life to it there.

No, that makes me stress. I think sort of Claire Danes in Homeland or Murder CSI. It looks like a book-pleased board. I always think Douglas Copeland. You know Douglas Copeland, the generation? Oh, yeah. You know how he got his writing started? Yeah.

Someone, this woman who was a friend of Douglas Copeland's his she had a friend who was a magazine editor and he went round their house and Douglas Copeland had sent this woman he wasn't a writer Douglas Copeland he'd sent her a postcard which was on the corkboard. And this magazine editor read the postcard and he thought it was so brilliantly written.

He said, who wrote you this? I'd like to offer him a job. Wow! And that's how he got the job. That's good. I mean, come on. So get those postcards going, you would-be writers. That's how you got Doctor Who. Oh, no, you didn't.

You asked for it on the radio show. I begged publicly. That's what I did. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Can I just tell you one thing I loathe in houses? Just FYI. People?

That would be me. No, they're about number three. But dark bedsheets. I can't enter dark bedsheets. Black, navy, purple, forget about it. Yeah. I like to know what's happening. Yeah.

I like full transparency. Okay. I like a white shower curtain actually wouldn't see through bed sheets be quite see through bed you know everything see through duvet and stuff that's only because it's quite Doctor Who and you like that

something Doctor Who would have but I can't bear dark bed sheets one of my problems is mog trees if I saw a mog too precarious. Oh, you think? I always think they so look like they're going to go over. The flat I stayed in in Edinburgh had a mug tree

and I quite enjoyed it, but it was only for a month. I don't mind a hook. I don't mind suspending, but not... So I've heard. I think the thing we can all agree on, though, is anyone that has a sign in the kitchen saying, but first coffee oh yeah yeah okay we borrowed a friend's house in uh in september whilst they were away and did you pay them no okay

uh they didn't know about about three nights in i said to my wife i'm presuming that they've got an ensuite bathroom with a bath in it and she she said, oh, no, they haven't got a bath. Their house didn't have a bath. And it was a beautiful house, but I did say to my wife, how can they live like this? That wouldn't bother me, I don't think. Oh, OK. Can I say, though, Dan in Lancs has said, I have the picture of MM and others eating lunch

on a skyscraper construction site. The pic is called Shooting Break, and I love it, so there. I would say to you, Dan, I think that's fair enough. We're all different. And I do worry a bit about this good taste epidemic. Yes, it is an epidemic. Stop obsessing over people's houses, OK? Judge them by the content of their character,

rather than their front room. What about if they've got Big Mouth Billy Bass? Well, they're legends, aren't they? Or the dancing sunflower. I'd love it if someone had that on their coffee table. You cut to by their house and they'll say, hold on a minute, have a look at this, as if no one's ever seen it before.

There will be people who see their sunflowers and it's completely new to them. We had an answer to Pan Gate, didn't we? Yes, some good advice from 113. Frank, leave pan on low heat for about 30 minutes to one hour with clothes wash powder. Pan's come up like new. I am a weekly pan burner, lol.

Wow. I'm a pan burner. Weekly pan burner. Yeah. It wouldn't have been such a big hit, would it? I'm a pan burner. Weekly pan burner. Yeah. It wouldn't have been such a big hit, would it? I'm a pan burner. Also, Siobhan Kay, who's at Crusette, put water in the burnt pan, put it back on the job to boil.

The black should scrape off easily. But what about the outer black on the outside of it? If you boil it... Is this from someone from La Cruze? No, I believe that's just, that's her handle. Oh, okay. What is La Cruze? It's a pot manufacturer. Ah, expensive.

Okay. But brilliant. Well, I don't want them calling the pot black. Okay. I remember I went to a mate of mine's house team it was got it they had a bit more money than the rest of us I'll be straight with you Tim Burton and we went to you know that was actually his name it was was it the actual Tim Burton no it wasn't the actual of course it wasn't he't born then. And went to their house and in the middle of the table, they didn't have salt, pepper, tomato ketchup and all,

because everyone I knew just had that perpetually in the middle of the table. It never left. There was a little island, like a New York skyline, of malt, vinegar, salt, pepper. Oh, really? And it's my first experience of zen I think a table that didn't have that in the middle of it

completely blew me away high aspirations they can be painful anyway thank you for listening to us and if the good lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week.

Now get out.