The Frank Skinner Show - Publicly Oiled

Episode Date: May 6, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Sara Barron. The team discuss the Coronation, the Producer's wedding and haggling.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. And I am with Emily Dean. And I'm with Sarah Barron this morning, special exciting guest presenter. And you can text the show on A1215. You can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. And guess what?

You can email the show via frankatabsoluteradio.co.uk. The closed roads do not stop any of that communication. I like the way we've gone a bit regal with the Baron. Oh, of course. For the Cosa. Of course. I've gone straight in with Cosa. Can you pass me my bag, Sarah?

Or shall I call you Mrs. Spracklin? Sarah got married. We were all at the wedding on Sunday. Well, Sarah wasn't. Did you feel that you all sort of nailed it sartorially? Well, Emily did, obviously. Well, obviously. Thank you, that was the right response.

Of course you did. I've got to get this to fit with my headphones but many years ago I talked about the only hat that really suits me is those paper crowns you get in crackers and I said I wish I'd got one that was a bit more heavy duty that I could wear throughout the years and somebody sent me a leather

one which I know I've got friends in those kind of that I could wear throughout the years. And somebody sent me a leather one. Oh. Which I know. I've got friends in those kind of... Friends in high places. Well. I can only apologise for what you're currently seeing. Yes. Which is Frank Skinner.

So I'm wearing my leather crown this morning. That's leather is what I'm looking at. Yeah. I know, it doesn't look like it. And do you know how... Was this friend a he or a she? Well, when I say friend, it was an admirer.

Oh. Who then went on to say, and could you, we've decided that they look so good, we're going to make them and market them. Would you give us, you know,

can we use your name? And I said, well, and what do you, and it got a bit awkward. So, it ends badly, this anecdote. But Sarah pushed me on it. She pushed me into the dark fringes. Do you wear this every...

I wear it every coronation. So far. That wasn't what I was going to say. Do you wear it every Christmas instead of your papier hat? Well, I like to combine the two because at the table, when the family's round, if everyone else is in paper and you're in leather, you know what that feels like. Oh, no.

Yeah. So as we're on the day, I mean, it's quite a unique bit of billing that we're on the day before, you know, we're actually on before the coronation we're sort of big coronations little coronation you're the opening act yeah we're the spin-off show i think when look when the fa cup final was still taken seriously the whole morning's tv programming on the bbc was fa cup final versions of things so i I'd be like, FA Cup Final, it's a knockout. And Cup Final, Blue Peter.

And they'd all be on before. So it feels a bit like that, I think. Yes. Now. Yeah. What about, what about, what about Corrie Waddles? Oh, is this what we're going to call it? I've already gone straight in with Cozza. Oh, okay. Because I like Corrie Waddles? Oh, is this what we're going to call it? I've already gone straight in with Cozza.

Oh, okay. Because I like Corrie Waddles, and I think Corrie Waddles, or Corrie Waddles, I quite like as a coronation short term. Did you hear, I quite like Chazzle Dazzle. Chazzle Dazzle.

Chazzle the old. Chazzle Dazzle. Do-doom. Chazzle Dazzle-em. You seedoom. Chazzle dazzle them. You see, when Sarah did it, it sounded proper chorus line. We should say that Sarah's flown over all the way from Wisconsin this weekend just to see the coronation, and she's wearing an American flag stitched to a Union Jack flag

as a dress. We all know those people. They exist. You laugh, but they exist. What do Americans make of all this? That question to Sarah Barron. I thought you were asking me. You're wearing a crown currently.

Yeah, you are. Yes. I think it bears mention because if someone had just said to me leather crown, I'd be picturing it in black and it would almost have a sort of S&M feel to it. But in fact, this is a gold. And so it is, there's a childishness. Yeah, well, that's good. A sense of whimsy almost.

I try to embrace the child within myself. That's beautiful. Thank you. Anyway, I think if I may be, I fear ageist, I think like some, the friends of my mother's

who she doesn't think much of, got it? So her friends who she doesn't hold in high regard are... See my friends. Exactly.

Yeah. Are dazzled by this coronation and everyone else is a neutral observer I mean I'm really pulling this information out of very little evidence but that's my instinct

well I asked I was on stage at the Soho Theatre last night and I asked the audience if they were excited about coronation and everyone went

like that. Yeah. And that made me think I'm really quite excited about it. So I follow the Mark Twain thing that if you find yourself on the side of the majority, it might be time to reassess your position.

Ah, yes. So I thought they were all being a bit cool for school and the ones who were excited were too scared to say so. Well, you've already ruined it for Georgina, because Georgina says, I'm at work, the radio is on, the news is very Coronash-based. Right.

She's on Coronash. Yeah. But I'm hopeful that Frank Skinner won't be. Don't be down, Frank. Frank? Well, look, we've got other things to talk about, but it'd be a bit weird not to mention the Coronation. For goodness. I mean, if it's that bad have a week off do you

Did I tell you I tried a bit of AI the other day? What did you have to do for you? I had it and this is genuine because I think I can't remember if I mentioned this to you back I'm not sure if I did but I I said please can you write if I mentioned this to you, but I'm not sure if I did, but I said, please can you write a letter to Frank Skinner congratulating him on his MBE? Oh, how was it?

Do you know? It was better than anything I could have come up with. I'm sure that isn't true. I might send it to you. Did it have jokes? It didn't have jokes. No, I'm holding out, but so far, comedy and poetry, I can't see how I get very far. There was a lot of esteemed. There was a lot of esteemed in there.

Oh, was there? Oh, no, we don't have esteemed. And someone with your very long, successful career, highlights of which include... See, that's what it's going to be like. I think politicians and the royals have been using it for years, for their condolences and stuff. Now that you have your MBE and considering the occasion of the day with all these celebrities there,

is this the kind of, if you'd wanted to go to the coronation, could your manager have made that happen for you? No, I could have been one of those people in the giant Canada flag. But I couldn't. I'm only saying because I saw a woman today. This is what made me think about you with the American flag. I actually saw one of those women that you only ever see on the telly who's wearing a giant Canada flag and waving two coronation little Union Jack flags.

And I wrestled her to the ground. Uh-huh. No, I didn't. But it's great. I'm glad those people exist, but I don't want them to live in my road that's the bottom line I think What do you think of Hattie Noobs?

Hattie Noobs? Hattie Noobs because he's wearing a hat Well it's a play on Plattie Jubes Oh I see Do you see? I'll tell you my first thought and you might think this is too elaborate but it's Charlesii's public ordination

is what's happening today so i thought it could be called c3po c3po thanks for that girl beautiful harmonies we sounded like surrendered wives c3po-3PO. Yeah, exactly. That was a great moment. This is what it was like when the Charles Manson family sat around in the evenings. He's trained as well. So I'm just going to rattle some off. Crownton Abbey.

Okay. Wait, we have to... Crownton Abbey. Thrown Alone. Oh, I like that No? I don't know if you can have that Because Chamilla They're both getting

Chamilla Chamilla as I like to call them That's my poor man That sounds a bit penicillin-y I don't like it Chamilla Chaz and Wave Oh I like Chaz and Wave

What about Or for the Abbey Chaz and Knave What about Off of the Abbey, Chaz and Nave? What about Charlie's Changels? Oh, enough, enough of that. What about My Corona? Shun, the air.

Shun? They should have used that. You need Shun, I worry about My Corona. They should have used that. And then stop and he'd have gone, my corona. And then someone else would have gone, Sean, at the end. Yeah. Yeah.

Effortless. Can they look at it? My coronation. My coronation. Yeah. If he'd done that, that would have really endeared him to the people. The people. Look, I think we should have a break from the coronation

and talk about the more important thing that happened this week, which was our producer's wedding. Yep. So we'll do that. We'll do that. And if you really just want a coronation stuff, this is that point like the FA Cup final half time when you all make a cup of tea

and the national grid strains onto the sudden input. So yeah, so Sarah Barron's with us this morning. Sarah didn't, she wasn't invited to the wedding, which is, I think, you know, you can't invite everyone. Oh, no, no, I think it's socially very understandable that I wasn't there. So we'll tell you a bit about what happened. Please, please do.

But thanks for making it potentially awkward. No, I don't think that's awkward. No, I think he's addressing the issue head on, which is an American. I, of course, appreciate the directness. Exactly, that's important. So, yeah, so we went to Egham. Egham. I've never heard of

Egham. Egham is sort of, it's west of London, not far from the river. It's that sort of, you know, the Henley Regatta and all those things. It's out there. Okay. Sounding scenic so far.

Yeah, it was fairly. It was pretty scenic, I thought. Yeah. It was one of those. Can I say beautiful location? They chose. Did the weather behave? Yeah.

Ooh. It did. And also. Which was good because I had a silk suit on. I had silk. Oh, yeah. Big pink silk suit. What did you think? Fantastic.

Oh come on Emily, you make good choices in that department. She knows what she's doing. I get excited if I'm going somewhere nice with Emily because I just see what is going to come out today. That is such a nice aspect of your friendship. It is though. That's so sweet. It's like turning the

page on Vogue. You don't know what's going to be on the next. It's true turning the page on Vogue. You don't know what's going to be on the next. It's true. And the way you're like, right now she's all sort of curled up in her chair with her knees up, like she's a 16-year-old with that flexibility and that jacket over her. Oh, no, it's amazing. Wow. Anyway.

What else happened? Well, so you should picture these two. So Sarah is in all in white, like the bride, you know, with the veil and all that. And Matt, the groom, is totally all in black. Massive black beard. He had like a ring on his... Massive black beard? A ring on...

He was like marrying a pirate, you know? Can I say a very slim pirate? I know, but I think pirates were generally slim. No, they were portly a pirate, Sarah. No, I think... I think... You know, there is no coincidence that people now do that climbing thing to get fit and healthy,

and they use the rigging. You see, you and I have different pirates in our mind's eye. I have more of a Brian Blessed figure. Oh, I see. I think you've gone a bit more rangy Johnny Depp, haven't you? I'm thinking like scrawny, you know, we haven't eaten for three days. That's what you see as a pirate. Who do you see as a pirate?

I'm seeing... You're fat shaming pirates. I'm not fat shaming anybody. I'm trying to... How can I say I'm fat shaming pirates? You're fat shaming pirates. I'm seeing a strapping Or a woman Can there be women pirates

I think Are you taking it A whole different direction I've got a whole different direction But I'm seeing strapping Yes okay And hair full Hair full

How many legs You're doing How many Legs How many legs on the pirate Yeah Because often It's a tradition isn't it I like one and a half One and a half You're going. How many? Legs. How many legs on the pirate? Yeah. Because often it's a tradition, isn't it? I like one and a half.

One and a half. I like the long paws when you ask that question. Well, it's a tricky one because you get asked a question like that in 2023 and you think, is it okay to answer this? But I think with the pirate, I don't think pirates are one of the minorities who we feel that we need to, you know, we we owe i think pirates are seen as pretty negative you see i felt the groom less pirate i felt he looked more sort of jacobian oh okay oh what do you think about that well um the plot of this wedding yeah anyway they looked amazing they looked like

they'd been like Baz Luhrmann had cast them oh my gosh Sarah this is so that's what you'd want someone to say about you

on your wedding day although have you seen Baz Luhrmann recently no no okay I'm not saying they look like Baz Luhrmann

I'm saying he cast them I'm just saying Sarah if someone ever said about me have you seen Emily recently? No. That would worry him. You know, what if Baz is,

I don't want him to feel bad, but I'm just saying, if someone needs a thing to do on the Cornish, Google Baz Luhrmann, 2023. Sarah Barron is doing clickbait on the radio. Oh, aren't I? Yeah, you know those clickbaits that say things like, you won't believe what Tiger One's wife looks like now.

How have we gone that long? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'll tell you what, I've decided I've got a slight problem without weddings, and that's the first dance. Why? It makes you feel uncomfortable having to watch standard attention? Yeah, I think we'll all agree that the most awkward moment on television

is when someone leaves Strictly and they have to go out onto the dance floor on their own and improvise a bit of a dance. I thought you were going to say you presenting the bridge you've always cited that i wouldn't say i think awkward would be a i think you're coming at it from the wrong i think excruciating um but do you know what i mean i do but i've i've um not gone to as many weddings as i would like okay no pressure sarah that's okay we don't know each other that well. But I like the, I wouldn't like to do a first dance

and I omitted that component from my wedding because I didn't want that pressure on me. But if I'm just getting to sit there and watch people manage that level of attention, I do enjoy seeing how they do it. And are they talking? Did they seem to rehearse this? Did they, how much effort have they put in?

Well, they went, the tune was, I think it was You're My Best Friend, Queen. You're My Best Friend by Queen. How does that go? Can you sing it? Fine. Oh, you're making me live whatever this world can give to me. Everybody, come on. You, you're all I need.

And yeah, that one. All right. Everybody, come on. You, you're all I need. Woo! And yeah, that one. All right. So that's nice. That's upbeat, but not too upbeat. Yeah, and also they didn't go for

I can show you the water. No, that would be strange. Those trouble me. When I saw that Jacobean look that Sarah's new husband was in, I thought that's not a man

who's choosing a song from the Aladdin soundtrack for his wedding dance. No, it should have been that da-da-dun-dun, da-da-dun-dun, da-da-dun-dun, da-da-dun-dun, da-da-dun-dun. Oh, you look very like that. Yeah. That would have been great.

I'd have loved that. So, yeah, I just think it's hard. I think unless you've gone away and choreographed a first dance, you get up there and you think, oh, it's great, we're married, i'm in love what do we do now for the next four minutes of the song i like watching people manage that pressure yeah you would i would right or i like i like that's why when i like any speech ever because

if it goes wrong fabulous yes if it goes great fabulous it's just whatever it will be is inherently entertaining. Well, here's the thing. Someone told me that if you do a civil ceremony, it is illegal to say the word God during that ceremony. You cannot actually by law say God yet. Really? Wow. You are banned legally from saying God, yeah. Really? Wow. Banned legally from saying God. Yeah.

I think I learned that when I got married. There was like some piece of music that I wanted to, like a Eurasia song or something. And it was like, oh, it has the word God in it, so we can't do it. I'm not letting that go. A Eurasia song? What was the, what was the...

Oh, yes. Yes, I... No, I'm not sure. Is that got God in it? No, I'm messing. That's why I just said I'm cracking under the pressure of what the song was.

But there was some song where I thought, oh, this is cool. And then it turned out it says God, we can't use it. No, but I think it's just during the ceremony because in Sarah and matt's wedding they

had the ceremony and then someone come up and talked about god for a bit yeah after it but in the same like was that the official thing ended and they said okay we've got the law out the way god you're on come on buddy what i like though is that you met the woman, is it the registrar who comes up? Oh, yeah. I enjoyed her. She was very, I said, and I say this in a very loving, caring way,

it was very Jackie Weaver, you have no authority here. They have that energy to them. No, they do. Do you know the Jackie Weaver, you have no authority? No. It went sort of viral.

It was a local council Zoom meeting that got really into that. Oh, yes, I do. Yeah, that was wonderful. They've got the bosses. They have an air of authority. They're very formidable, those women. Yes.

Thank you. Yeah. Well done, you. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. So we've got a bit of extra information on God at the wedding. The way it was with Sarah and Matt's wedding is that the registrar has to have left the room

before God comes out. Makes you wonder about the registrar. As you said, very, very in control and efficient and never seen in the same room as God. Suspicious. So God's in an ante-room until the... I wondered where you'd gone. What if someone, like, you know,

stubbed their toe during the set of me and said, oh, my, OMG, or something, would that be? Would the G be? What counts? What crosses the line? Oh, man, I mean, it's really something. I didn't know that.

I think that the Jackie Weaver figure, I think she's a cruel mistress. She is. I don't think she'd be tolerating. I'm not suggesting. I didn't get invited to the wedding. It's a bit, it's a didn't, James. Lord is Sarah, orcs.

When Natalie Wood got married, didn't James Dean sit outside the ceremony revving his motorbike to spoil... I've got a memory, a vague memory of that. Did he say thanks for the tip? That's why God should be outside on his motorbike, trying to spoil the... Vroom, vroom.

Exactly. What a bike that would be. A bike of fire, like the one that Nick Cage drove in that film. Can I say Frank's son looked very, so dapper. Oh, what did he, did he participate in the buying or the choosing of his outfit? He did, particularly the shoes. What were they like?

They were a, what do they call those? Patent. Patent. Patent leather brogues. So they shone. They shone like the sun. Oh, gorgeous. He had rock star quality.

Yeah, I can see that for him. Well, he's obsessed now with rock music. And the careful table placement. We were on a table with a woman who works at Dreamland in Margaux, which is a big music venue and most other things, and a guy who's got a record label and then a guy in a band. So he just talks about guitars and stuff like that.

It was joyous. Yeah. Yes, it was brilliant, truth is. I've noticed, by the way, the last couple of weddings I've been to, I think there's less gags now in the speeches. It's a bit like the way stand-up comedy has gone. Less gags and more heartbreak.

More sentimentality. Exactly. It's a theme running through society, I think. How teary or not were the speeches? I think some of them were a bit on the teary side, a bit of a teary-on-ree. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I think that's a general trend.

Sure tiara? Sure tiara. What did you think of the tiara, Francis? I said to her, she's the only person I've seen who I just thought, that's what you should wear all the time. Yes, yes, yes.

A tiara. I said, don't put that in a cupboard. No. Come to work in that tiara. Her head came alive. Honestly. I've never had a tiara. No, you didn't.

Are you lying? For real? I've never given it to her. You owned a tiara. There was just a tiara that you had. And suddenly you went, I've been waiting for this moment for the right woman. Yeah.

Who was meant to be in a tiara. I can't wear it. I look like Queen Marguerite of Denmark in it. So it was time it was handed over to Sarah. It was great. Someone did say to me, you had a tiara. Wait, you had a tiara lying around. I mean, it's not often that tiaras feature that in modern life.

No, but Sarah had a, if I may, what I'm guessing is, there wasn't enough contrast between you and the tiara, whereas Sarah was bringing a bit of a punk aesthetic that made the tiara sit in the right way. It's so beautifully handled. Is that right? Unfortunately, we then discovered that the tiara was a horcrux, and we had to destroy it. Sorry, it's a Harry Potter reference,

but it's the only place I can think of where tiaras feature. And it talks about like this. But she really meant, some people, I've discovered, suit a tiara. And that's the producer. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Sarah Barron is with us this morning.

You can text the show on 8-12-15, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. We should have a little jingle really that would represent Sarah. I do. It would be something. Don't hurt my feelings. Don't hurt my feelings. I don't know if it's still on here,

but I used to have the theme from the 70s TV series, The Baron. Oh, that's a lovely one. I see where you're going. But I think it might have been. Well, I don't want to put you on the old. We'll go for something sort of with an American theme. Around her neck, she wore a yellow ribbon. She wore it in the springtime and in the month of May.

Which I believe was a US cavalry marching song. Okay. If horses march. Well, I worry about her wearing the yellow ribbon from springtime. I mean, every month it seems she wore that grubby yellow ribbon. She's always wearing that yellow ribbon. That would get dirty real fast. It would, but I think it's chosen because fading in a yellow ribbon

is less apparent than when a red one starts to go. Yeah, a soft yellow is more appealing than a soft red. In the ribbon, certainly in the ribbon world. Although I prefer a scarlet ribbon as favoured by Harry Belafonte in his song Scarlet Ribbons. How does that go? Well, it's about a man who walks past his daughter's bedroom. You don't get songs like this anymore.

Walks past his daughter's bedroom on Christmas Eve and he has her praying for scarlet ribbons. That's what she wants for Christmas. Can I say this is after the registrar has left, so it's okay. Does she have no authority there? No, no. And he thinks, oh, no, and he goes into town and as he says, all the doors were barred and shuttered,

all the streets were dark and bare, and he can't get, obviously, the shops are shut, you know, it's night time. And so he can't get her any, so he's absolutely gutted. All she wants is these scarlet ribbons. And the next morning, you guess it, he goes into the bedroom, and on her bed in gay profusion. Gay profusion.

Yeah, exactly. With all these scarlet ribbons. Yeah. That's a great story. I'd like the registrar to explain that. We've heard from Daniel E. Adams. Oh, yeah. He says, today of all days, has Frank whipped out his MBE?

I haven't, actually. I stopped out last night. I wasn't in the same building as my MBE. You stepped out? I stopped. I didn't go home last night. You know what it's like, rock and roll. Hey, man.

So, you know, some people wake up and think, oh, God, I haven't brought a toothbrush. I woke up and thought I haven't put my MBE. I like, I wasn't in the same building as my MBE. I know. Can you imagine what that feels like? Oh, man. And Danny T

has got in touch to... I know him. Do you? Yeah. Could be a different one. Congratulate our producer.

Oh, yeah. And her Jacobean groom. Congratulations. However, I'm a little disappointed that neither is wearing a fez. Oh, can you imagine

if they got married in fezes? Do you think that would be allowed? I think it would in Vegas. Oh, they let anything go there. Yeah. Did you go to Vegas? Can I be honest?

I will. You strike me as quite a Vegas type. What, what, what, what? You seem quite cool and rock and roll. No, no, no, no, no. I don't seem cool. I don't seem rock and roll. No, no, no, no, no. I don't seem cool. I don't seem rock and roll. But I don't think of Vegas as cool or rock and roll.

I think of whatever unflattering stereotypes one might have about an American. Yeah. This is who is going to Vegas and gambling and staying at those hotels. Party people, man, what's up? I'm averse to gambling. Yeah, me too. I'm averse to drinking a lot. Like, I'll have a wine, then I'm done,

and I am one of the tightest people you'll ever meet. So I just, I don't think my spirit is Vegasian, if you know what I mean. It's seen as, don't you think it's got a little air of glamour? In our country, it's got a little air of glamour here. No, it does not. It's seen as... Don't you think it's got a little air of glamour? In our country, it's got a little air of glamour here. No, it does not. It doesn't. I don't know if it's got glamour,

but you know sometimes when you want to really embrace that side of life, you want to be on a gondola indoors at two o'clock in the morning eating burgers. I think if you embrace it like that, it can be really, it can be a marvellous place. Have we heard outels from Alfresco? Andy Wood.

Do you know Andy Wood? Do I know know andy wood no but thanks for the tip sorry sarah he likes to do that every time someone's called word or may or do you see do you know samuel peeps no but i won't be standing next to him at the urinal again i see yeah okay it took me till that one, but then I got it. I thought I went broader. Yeah. You saw what I needed. Exactly. You accommodated it. I don't think I've heard Samuel Peeps before. I'm actually really

excited. Yeah, that was a fun one. Anyway. Oh, dear. Does the registrar wear glasses when they leave the ceremony, but not during it a la Clark Kent? Oh! That's from Andy Wood, Bronte country. Well they'd have to get outside wouldn't they? Yeah. And go into a phone booth and put the glasses on was the way

it would work. We also have from 987. Good morning. I am a registrar. Right. OK. Hello. Yeah. Oh, my. Oops.

Really? Don't mention anything like that during this little bit. Go on. I am a registrar. On my way to work listening to you talking about the word God in a civil ceremony. Oh, she said it.

You're fired. You can have an incidental, are we all clear on that? Yeah. Reference to God. Yes. But we're not allowed religious content.

No. Uh-huh. So we would have allowed, Sarah, the Erasure song. That's from Rebecca in Somerset. Because presumably, I don't know what the song was. Oh, I think I've got to remember. I was cracking down to the pressure. It was a Beach Boys song.

God Only Knows. Oh, God Only Knows. Which, by the way, I actually think is sort of said with respect for anyone who might have made this choice. I now think it's a little bit too cheesy. I think too many people have done it. But however long ago I got married, it seemed. It's a great song. Oh, I think the love actually.

Yes, it pushed it a bit over the edge. Was that in Love Actually? Yeah, the airport scene. Oh. Doesn't it begin, girl, I won't always love you? I may not always love you. And I thought that was a great way to start a wedding song. Yeah, but then he turns it, doesn't he?

Turns it on a sixpence. Turns it on a sixpence. But I forgot about the love actually inclusion. Oh, well, never mind. We've also had a coronation correspondence. Okay. I said coronation. What are we officially

calling it, people? I like coronage, but I don't think that feels very frank to me. I like curry wobbles. Alright. Curry wobbles, okay. He's the big man.

I like chazzle dazzle. Who wins? I mean, does Frank win if you do have a showdown? I actually don't mind coronation. That's my problem. You know, it's not such

a big, formal, difficult thing, is it, to say? Yeah. 597, hi, Frank, Emily and Sarah. Is there any call for fountain pens today? Could be a banana skin every stinking time. Well, I'm guessing. That's the timing of Sudbury, one of our regulars. I'm thinking it's a bit like a wedding.

I don't know why, because it probably isn't. But you know when they have to, you know that real weird bit in a wedding when they have to go off and sign stuff at the side? I'm hoping there's one of those, because then imagine being the keeper of the pen. You'd be terrified. I hate that bit when they run into the ante room. Yeah, exactly.

It feels like an early honeymoon. We're excluded. They go into a different room? Yeah, well well you know generally I haven't been to a lot of UK weddings sometimes they just step behind a Japanese silk screen now we're talking

so look I don't know if I imagined this but you know when you look at a big event and you think, wow, how amazing do you have to be to be invited to this? And then you think, oh, God, they're there. I think I just saw Dynamo. I don't know who Dynamo is.

Dynamo is a magician, famous magician. There shouldn't be such a thing as a famous magician. No, but he does proper tricks. No, I'm not sold. He's a pretty amazing guy. See, now, Frank, now are you starting to get interested in the idea that you should have been there? No, I don't.

We've just seen Ant and Dec. We'll find that Dynamo's done some big charity thing and that's why he's there. Not that he, you know, I'm happy for Dynamo. He's a nice man and a brilliant magician, which I like. Again, I never feel that those two words belong together, but that's my feeling and not yours.

Listen, reserve your judgment until you've seen the D-man. I'll tell you. Okay, all right, you're right. I'll tell you something that I read about the, do you know that he gets anointed, Charles, with oil? Where do they put the oil? Well, where don't they?

8.12, 15. He is oiled on the head, on the hands, and on the breast. He's oiled. So hold on, what's he going to do? On the fabric?

Or they're actually going to expose? I don't think they'll reach inside his tunic. There's no oil on the fabric. I don't know. I don't know how they do that. Also, they're going to put oil on the hand. And then isn't everyone supposed to kiss the hand? Well, I suppose you oil.

You know the old saying, oil one hand, kiss the other. That's what we say in the S&M community. Oh, for God's sake. The coronation day. Have some respect for that. But this is what I like about it, is that we won't see that if we watch the coronation on the telly. Well, you have to press the red button, you will.

You have to press the red button for the king's anointing. No, but listen, the king will be, he'll be behind an anointing. Oh, I bet he will. He'll be behind an anointing screen. So there's a special anointing screen, Amazon, £ 39.99 and um you can go um you'll go behind that so we

won't see the oil being the shadows oh there's no shadow i don't i don't even see it's not like a shower shower curtain it's not a puppet show no we'll visit the shadows that would be brilliant it's like an eastern european puppet show yeah that's sort of what i'm picturing now

headline in the daily mirror what oily royly it wasn't but you've been moonlighting it should have

been but here's the thing. I'm still laughing at the silhouette. I want to see this silhouette of the anointing. But when Camilla gets anointed. Console. No screen. Sound screen, as Baz Luhrmann said in his one-off hit.

Oh. Yeah. I've Googled him, FYI. Do you remember Baz Luhrmann had a song called Sonscree? Oh, I remember. Imagine if they played anointing screen,

a version he'd specially done, like when Elton did a version of The Candle in the Wind for Diana's funeral. If he'd done, use an anointing screen as his thing. But she's going to be publicly oiled, the Queen. Oh, Mike, please.

It says she'll be the first Queen of England to be publicly oiled. But hang on, how come she doesn't get the respect of a screen? I don't know. I think she's completely oiled as well. He won't be able to get a good grip on her on the way out. I'm trying to carry out a big fish. Yeah, so we should say this way. The Princess Royal, she really comes into her own this week.

She gets quite good billing in the coronation. And you know what comes with publicity is always the dark side that people start going through your bins and stuff like that. And it turns out this week that Princess Royal, Princess Anne as we used to call her, for breakfast likes a banana. Not so controversial. But she likes them as black as midnight on a moonless night. She likes them when they have rotted into oil.

You know when they just become phlegm, bananas? Forgive me, everyone. But that's how she likes them. Now, that's an ideal banana for the baking of a bread. And so you're sure these aren't getting baked into a bread? She's going raw dog with these? No, apparently one of the things that comes with being the Princess Royal is you are able to bake bread within your very being.

No, that isn't true um no that apparently they're sweeter like that and easier to digest and she's you know busy busy woman and has she never gotten ill do we know she's gotten ill after that she doesn't get it she doesn't get it oh she doesn't get ill she never misses a day no wow so she just. She likes an overripe banana, but apparently, I think the royals, am I right in thinking they always use cutlery, so she would cut it rather like... She doesn't cut it.

It has to be sliced into little... So they're not allowed to cut something. Well, I think they're allowed to cut things, but if someone's there to do it for you, we all say, oh, no, no, we'd do it, but give it a couple of weeks. And you say, oh, yeah, slice my banana. Well, you can slice this, basically,

just do it. Figure out a way. There was a former royal chef who revealed that it's not appropriate to reveal, to serve pointy foods to the royal family. So what's an example of all I can think of if you say pointy foods to the royal family. So what's an example of all I can think of if you say pointy food

is I can think of like a toast point. What else is pointy? I'm thinking starfruit. Starfruit? If you went near them with a starfruit, I think you'd be wrestled to the ground. I thought you got anywhere near. I don't know. What's the point of his food?

I ate 12.15. Oh, a pineapple, absolutely out of the question. No seeds either. Oh, is that right? They can't be given a seed. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What about a seed and a strawberry? I'm not some ecu...

I don't know everything. I mean, that is minutiae we've got into. We've got Sarah Barron saying, hold on, what about a seed on a straw? I mean, where do we look that up? Where is the line? The cucumbers have to be, the seeds are taken out of the centre. Well, what's left in a cucumber then? A 12.15.

It's like eating some terrible vegetable polo mince. All the centre's gone out, they've been sliced. Do you know the reason for the point thing?

No. What sort of thing do you know, Frank? Is it for danger purposes? Yeah, traditionally it's a historical thing that the idea

is that they're trying to overthrow someone who's attempting to overthrow them. I don't know the point reference. I suspect it probably is a danger thing. I don't think the pineapples came to England until the 18th century. So that must have been quite a bit of a fault at customs. Letting those in, I would say. We'll find out more later, perhaps.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So we were talking about some of the... No-one at the coronation today is going to say we don't stand on ceremony here. But that's fair to say. We've been talking about pointy foods. Oh, yes. Because the royals, as obviously everyone knows, aren't allowed to be presented with pointy foods oh yes because um the royals as obviously everyone knows aren't allowed to be

presented with pointy foods so 245 has been in touch with uh an example of food that royals simply could not touch yeah pointiest food Toblerone yes that's uh that would be... I have actually physically hurt my mouth eating a Toblerone. Did you draw blood? No, but I felt bruised and knocked... My gums felt knocked about. Yeah. Oh, do you know? It's like eating an Afro cone.

It's like a really pointy, difficult thing. 813, if pointy foods are off the royal menu, I'm guessing no royal event ever tasted an asparagus spear. Also, does a shish kebab count, as it involves a pointy prop? No, why would you have a shish kebab? The temptation then for a

courtier who's gone wrong to reach for that. Or a disgruntled MBE who hasn't been invited to the... On the subject of pointy, what about this? When he comes in, Charles,

he'll be accompanied by the sword of state, the sword of mercy, the sword of temporal justice, and the sword of spiritual justice will all come in with him. And then, that's why Dynamo's there.

And then the king goes into a sealed cabinet and Dynamo pushes the swords into it. And we'll see what happens. What about that now? So many, you can't get, you can't be near asparagus but they can bring four swords in. That's the prestige.

Actually, Sword of Mercy apparently has been blunted because I suppose mercy is sort of kind. A gentler spear? A gentler sword, yeah. May I ask a question? Thank you. What about the section of the ceremony

where, which calls for, doesn't call for, requires joyful cries? Yes. Do you want to, how would you do, how would you personally

perform a joyful cry? I'm very glad you asked me that question. Yes. Uh-huh. I think, I will be asking this to both of you. I think my joyful cry, I'm imagining, you asked me that question. I think, I will be asking this to both of you, I think my joyful cry, I'm imagining,

let's say, would it be your friend Frank, the Archbishop of Canterbury? The IBFC, yes. That's one of Frank's good friends. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know. A great guy. Big celeb.

Great guy. He is a great guy. Yeah, but he would be a great guy. Yeah, well, not necessarily, but he is, as it turns out. What colour cassock does he wear? I'm not prepared to reveal that. But I have stood on his parapet with my son blowing an Alpenhorn,

which was fitted on the wall. And me, the Archbishop of Canterbury, and my good friend Chris, who's one of his right-hand men, we all had to go and we couldn't get a note out of it. My son, who was about eight, was like, ooooh. And it echoed across Westminster.

It was an amazing moment. Do you have the Archbishop's mobile number stored in your phone? No, I don't have that. Oh, okay. I think if I if my parish priest found out

that I'd got the Archbishop of Canterbury's number well gel we'd be well gel we'd be jelly bags I might get it communicated

that's what ok so first there is a bit in the ceremony where Charles where they say that Charles is a great

that he represents Protestantism and is a champion, that he represents Protestantism and is a champion of the Church of England. Uh-huh. At which point I'll be putting the snooker on. Friendship on Absolute Radio. Milton Tweets has got in touch. Milton Tweets, okay.

Okay. Does he now? Yeah. And what's Milton got to say? Good morning. Ree the Sword of Mercy. Oh, yeah. Don't often get emails like that.

That's the blunter of the swords. I'm concerned that it is blunted. Okay. In days of executions, the axe wielder's mercy was demonstrated by how sharp he kept his axe. A blunt sword is surely not merciful. Milton, you sound like my kind of guy. I think, Milton, it's blunted because when the royals used to eat ripe bananas that used to be sharpened,

but since Anne has moved to the phlegm-based banana, there's no need for the cotton edge. So I think that's when it comes out. Also, I think mercy, you know, kindness. I know what he means. He was supposed to be merciful. Mary, Queen of Scots, I think that they did a bit of a, I think they made a mess of that

execution. Is this true or am I falling for a cruel J? 7-3-2 or 8-2 who knows. Good morning Frank and company. There's a passage in Prince Harry's autobiography where he says the very first thing he did on leaving the royal

family was buy one of those massive Toblerones from the airport duty free. Really? As he'd been forbidden from eating them presumably. That cannot be correct. I don't know that is correct. Do you think it is?

I once used one in my more show busy days. I bought a white one and I more show-busy days. I bought a white one and I used it as a toast rack. And it melted some of the chocolate and the toast had got some of the white chocolate. I went for the white. How come?

I just grabbed the first one. Okay. When you have an idea like that, you're in a rush. I would say, speaking of, when after the coronation, when they go back to the palace, they go on the balcony, there's a six minute fly past of aircraft. Six minutes. It'll be like that bit at the end of King Kong. We'll just get lost now?

But apparently it includes... Brian May on the roof, Nat. In a single-seater aeroplane, Prince Harry with one of those banners out the back advertising his new video game, World of Sparecraft. Oh, God. He would do it, though, wouldn't he?

There'll be an advertising thing today. Gobbling Toblerones. It'll be like, who was he who got that chocolate bar out at their wedding? Oh, it was Anthony O'Tooney and Grant... Anthony O'Tooney and Grant Bovey. Yeah. Who, on their wedding photos, they were sponsoring a chocolate bar. And it was seen... It was on the cover of OK! magazine I believe, and it was a deal and neither of them ever, I mean it was a, it was career.

No it was an error, as it turned out it was an error. Yes, it was seen as, you know, they took the dollar. Are they still together? No. Sadly no. May I return us to the subject of joyful cries? Oh yes, joyful cries. You were supposed to do a performance. What would you actually

do if you were there, though? Okay, what I would like to do because it's... What's that? He'd be a bit sheepish about it. Archbishop of Canterbury, firstly there's the recognition, which is people going, oh my God!

There's the recognition, people asking for selfies. Then there's joyful cries. Well, first of all, he has to announce, Charles, and I quote, the undoubted king. Does the word undoubted not just make you think of doubted and question it more? Well, I think... I think it's just a counterproductive word in that way.

I think he's taken out of context. To be fair, he follows it with undoubted king. He's got the crown and everything. It's a sort of like a little rap line. Well, I think we should do the joyful cry simultaneously to give the audience a flavour of what it might be like in the Abbey. Let's do it after this. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We were discussing earlier, Sir Elton John, who I don't think he's at the coronation. Are there people... I'm just being loud. I don't think he's I don't think he's at the coronation Are there people Who think That he's just kept his hair Really well and not gone grey Or anything It's officially 100% a wig

Yeah it's a weave I think But there must be people Who think Elton John that's amazing He's really kept his hair I don't ever want to be a voice of dissent. That's not my vibe or my spirit. But I feel that that looked relative, like a little bit natural.

I think his hair looks slightly more natural than you think his hair looks. Yeah, so I think there'll be people who have never questioned that they think that's the hair. I feel afraid to say this to you, but I don't think I've ever questioned his hair. You've what? I know, and I feel afraid, and I don't want to be attacked,

but I don't think I've ever questioned it. I love that for you. It's innocent for me. Yes, it's very pure. I had a mate of mine, his dad, he had a book which was about the ocean. And he used to say... That's such a 70s book.

I know, it was. The ocean. It was. And he said he used to open it up to the front page, point at the seabed and said, remember in life, there's people people there's life even down there and that's what and i used to think that was a bit um fascistic but you know when you watch pointless and one of the questions is name the capital city of england and they say don't go for that one because that's going to be a really big one.

Yeah. And sure enough, when they pick it, it's like 93% and they think, wow, I always think of that 7% who didn't get it and who think Elton John's hair is totally au naturel. I'm not saying that's a man's

like completely untouched, but I just didn't read it as, I also don't know the difference between a wig and a weave. Really? Well. Oh, okay. Well, what do I think? I think you sleep in a weave.

You sleep in a weave. And the wig goes on that head. So that's permanent. That false head. Yeah, that's permanent. Well, weaves are pieces which are stitched on to existing hair. Whereas the wig, but it're not it's not an extension extensions and weaves are then still different yeah what a world can i also say that's

a whole other category his hair though speaking of the joyful cry that i was at the queen's 92nd birthday party really yes and and and prince Prince Charles as he was then called for some hip hip hooray things but when Prince Charles did it he went, well you Sarah how would you do, how would you call for the hooray thing, you know when you lead it

with the hips Am I just saying hip hip hooray or am I leading it in hip hip hooray? He said hip hip hip and we went hooray. But I think everyone was thinking, where did the extra hip come from? Did you feel that in a disjointedness of the hooray? I didn't like the rhythm of hip hip hip. I didn't think it scanned as well as hip hip.

No, it doesn't scan. It doesn't scan. But I wondered if it was a posh thing that they have an extra hip. I don't know about that. It's a hip replacement thing. Maybe it's an age thing. Yeah, maybe they'd added an artificial hip.

Do you know that Elton John has had a hip replacement or something done? A friend of mine saw him recently at the O2 or somewhere. I know, I believe it's his real hip.

Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Botters has got in touch Botters, okay You're looking concerned, it's all above board I'm fine with it Westminster Abbey looks impressive but to be honest, it's not the Pope's grotto No No, exactly The Pope's grotto. No. No, exactly.

So I know about the Pope's grotto. The Pope's grotto. I don't. Yes. I think I've seen my first, you know, at every big royal occasion, you have to have the unruly horse moment. Oh, yeah. When one horse bloke,

oh, no, not today. Not today, Dobbin. Oh, can I see? And then the horse just gets a bit jittery. There are some blue-haired Dobbins as well. Yeah, blue hairs amongst them. You'll be glad to know I've had an alert, a coronation-themed alert,

which says to celebrate the king's coronation, there is 20% off everything at the West Brom club shop today what would you buy? I like the green and yellow shirt I think that's a good colour combo it's nice that he gets to go with his partner partner?

why are you making them sound so cool? his wife is she still consort? by the way when he leaves the Abbey, Queen, not Queen, the Princess Royal basically rides shotgun. Well, she's the aide-de-camp. That's what I am to you.

She follows him. Yeah, but her official title, she's a sort of bodyguard basically her official title is and this is I'm not making this up she's the gold stick

in waiting aren't we all dead honestly though the gold stick in waiting and there's a silver stick in waiting but she is the gold stick

in waiting who's the silver stick oh he's some military guy some guy yeah some like a proper bodyguard. So hold on. He's got the sticks,

gold and silver, at his side. I don't know if they actually have the stick. But she is the stick. Well, no. Well, hang on. I thought she was the aide of camp.

Well, she is. But she is the golden stick in waiting. The gold stick in waiting. Honestly, this is official. Really? I mean, it might turn out to have been a banana. A mushy banana. Will she be wearing

those glasses? Apparently, she has to be painted completely gold, like Shirley Eaton in Golfing. That'd be fantastic, wouldn't it? I was at the Palace a few weeks ago, Sarah. It's the goldest place I've ever been in my life.

How did it smell? I'm obsessed with how it smells in there. You know what? I don't remember it smelling of anything. So it wasn't either, like, lovely or a little musty. No, no. It was slightly mustier in the back room. Uh-huh.

Well, then imagine how much mustier it gets the further in you go. That's often the case. Apparently, she put a gold stick down in the palace. That's often the case. Apparently she put a gold stick down in the palace. Couldn't find it for 45 minutes. The whole place is so gold. It's really every wall, every chair. Oh yeah.

Do you know what I keep wondering though? Because I can't, I've been thinking about this a lot. I wonder how Princess Anne is going to have her hair today. Because you never know with her. I think she'll be wearing a hat, won't she? She's not a loose lady.

She's not, I mean, how much variation is there in her hair, really? Well, there isn't. Well, she goes for a sort of little Richard look. Like pompadours, I used to call them.

But I think... Like a big sponge. I think it'll be a military hat today. That's my guess. Oh, yes. If you're the gold stick in waiting. Frank, do you like a woman in uniform? Oh, yeah, I think so.

You seem like you would. Yeah, I very much like... Was it G.I. Jane? Sure. With Goldie Hawn. Oh, wasn't it Goldie Hawn? Wait, G.I. Jane? I'm thinking Private Benjamin.

But this is one of the great performances of all time. Private Benjamin. He's gone for the madcap comedy. Yeah, that's what I like. You bet your sweet BP. You see, I loved her on Rowan and Martin's Laughing. I'm old enough to remember that. Oh, yeah.

She's an icon, Goldie. I think so. Who'd have thought we'd be singing the praises of Goldie Horn here on Coronation Street? Listen, I want women in uniform. Everything gold

is the theme today. Julia Lancaster, sorry, has just said it's basically just a posh old fella trying a new hat on. Your move, Frank. Okay.

Yes. I think, you know what, it's fine, isn't it? It's tough to look at people watching. It's great. Just enjoy. Relax.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. We've got Sarah Barron with us this morning. Sarah, Sarah. And thanks, Barb. Thank you, Frank. us this morning and thanks bob thank you frank and we haven't sorry we've all got you know we went to a wedding we've got a coronation we haven't really what what's new you've got just the two of you frank and em have their coronation yeah like i've got a lot on i thought i had a wedding the producer had a wedding You two had a coronation.

I went to Marrakesh for three days. Wow. Because my husband had a 50th birthday a couple weeks ago. So this was our little mini break to celebrate. Can I ask you a question? Please. The Marrakesh Express of the song. Do you know that 60s song? I'm going to make you sing again.

Go for it. You like to love me on the Marrakesh Express. You like to love me on the Marrakesh Express. They're taking me to Marrakesh. No? Well, no, but Frank and I made very direct eye contact through that song. Yeah, we did.

I thought I was okay with it. I was okay with it as well. You get to a certain age, that doesn't happen anymore. And I'm American, so I'm comfortable with that kind of thing from the off. And I'm old, so to me, you're a blur. I was very awkward with the whole thing. You didn't like looking at us looking at each other.

I'm thinking, what, you've been to Marrakesh and you haven't heard the Marrakesh song? No, and I could tell you were doing a very clear rendition of it, but I don't think I do know that song. Okay. Anyway, what's it like? I've never been. You've never been. Well, so the thing that they tell you is that, have you been, Em? Yes.

The haggle is very key to the Marrakesh experience. Okay, I imagine you'd be good at that. This is what people say, and it's, let's be clear, not a compliment, but I accept that it's true about me. Yes, you're right. So we go, we're going to go in a taxi, and we're going to go out to the desert and have some tagine while we look at the sand. Oh.

Great. And on the way, the taxi driver says, let's go into the shop. And my husband goes, oh, let's go. The point is, I'm not,

I needed to like prep myself for the haggle and I don't do it and I figure out that I pay 30 pounds for two bars of soap because I wasn't, I wasn't quite ready. £30 for two bars of soap because

I wasn't quite ready. There was too much pressure on me to show the side of me that could probably be a haggler. Fine. So the last day we're there, we decide to pick something up for our son. We're going to buy him a fez. So we go to the souk. Oh yes. Can I just say

our fez is from Marrakesh. Is it? Do you have an authentic Fez? Yes In studio now? Yeah we do I see No not really It was about that

Because do you remember My friend Jonathan Attempted to haggle Close quotes Right And I'm afraid He asked for A Fez poor and putty shah

For a little cat? A small Fe, yeah. Anyway, I want to hear what happened to your haggle. Well, so I went, okay, I'm doing this. And it was as though the most natural part of my personality came out. Because I went from not being willing to do it to being so traumatized that I paid $15 for one bar of soap. That my husband said, and the men said, give me, give me for the Fez, give me 30 or whatever, whatever.

And I went, nope, nope. I'll give you, I'll give you, I'll give you 10. And he went, nope. And I went, and I remember going, I'm walking away. And I started- Were you actually walking away while you said it? I was facing him, but I was like, I'm walking away. I'm walking away. And he goes, 20. I go was like, I'm walking away. I'm walking away.

Brilliant. And he goes, 20. I go, 15. I'm walking away. I'm walking away. What a great catchphrase for haggling. But while looking at them. So you're not turning your back.

You're open. Arms are out. You're going, I'm walking away. So I wound up getting it for half price, which is apparently the standard. It's embarrassing if you fall over a goat. Oh, yeah. Or a petit chat, which was what was actually... What a great catchphrase, full stop.

I'm walking away. Yeah. I'm walking away. I'm walking away. That's good. We couldn't pull it off like that. No, I don't know. You try it.

It's not going to work on us. I tried a guy, when I was in South Africa at the World Cup, a guy tried to sell me an England scarf for something like 30 quid. I said, no, no, no, I'm not paying that. And he said, you people are supposed to be helping Africa.

And I thought, oh man, he must have seen me on Comet Relief. So, I mean, I was guilted into... So you bought it for full price?

No, I got him to, I think it was 15. Good. Get that money out of Africa. Come on, don't help. I'm not helping him that much. Don't help Africa. You know, you can help people. I just gave him a fishing rod.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, um... Marrakesh. Yeah, we're still in Marrakesh with Sarah Barron. So, then of course because we went to celebrate a momentous birthday, there had to be some little bit of a marital dispute. And this was our big one that featured on the three days we were there. We were in these sun loungers.

My husband spent the, you know, the sun lounger stretch looking at his phone, which is his prerogative. Like, I guess do what you want to do. But I felt like in a sun lounger in Marrakesh, I either want to be like staring outward, taking in the scenery, or reading my book. Because the outside world enters in while you read a book in a way that it doesn't if you're scrolling on your phone.

So fine. So he sat there, scroll, scroll, and I'm like, I don't really feel he's taking in the experience, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut because you choose your battles. Fine. We say, we're a little hungry.

Should we get up and walk this short distance to the poolside cafe? Poolside cafe. I get a work-related text. We sit down. We order drinks. I think, I'm going to respond to my work-related text. He goes, oh, are you? In a very passive, aggressive way, he's like, oh, what are you?

Who needs to hear from you? And I go, you've been on your phone for an hour and a half. Just, just. And he goes, no. There is a difference between being on your phone for an hour and a half

if we're curled up on a sun lounger because you're not trying to engage me. I say, I'm just trying to set, he's like, he feels that there is different phone etiquette in a sun lounger than there is in a lunch. Now, I think that alone is correct. I think that you should behave differently at a table than a sun lounger with a phone. You don't want to start anointing at a table.

No, indeed you do not. But I also felt a little like I kept my mouth shut for an hour while you didn't absorb the scenery and now I want four minutes and I'm hearing it from you? No thank you. I'm walking away. I'm walking away.

I'm walking away. Was it resolved? It wasn't but I said I said the I said, this is what I said, the reason my back is getting up, that's how I, the reason my back is getting up,

and what they tell you, they, is in a marriage, you've got to concede, oh, Sarah, okay, for your future, you concede a point, that here's what I've done wrong,

here's what you've done wrong, here's how we move forward. Oh. You see, what I do is just give in. Yeah. I think that if you self-nominate as the doormat, I think you can really make a relationship rock. And you feel that you're the doormat?

I give in to, I'd say, occasionally I'll think, no, I don't think we should do that. I don't think that's right. But almost never. And it's okay. You get used to it. This is the problem. That is what's crazy.

You need a, people say you need like a gardener. You need the rose and the gardener. Like in a marriage, someone needs to be the flower and someone needs to be the gardener. The kisser and the kiss, as they say in France. Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour. They say in French. I don't want a gardener. The kisser and the kissed, as they say in France. Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour. They say in French. I don't want a gardener.

You do, though. But it sounds like calf is the flower and you're the gardener. Yeah. I guess so. I want more of a gamekeeper. That's more my thing. Yeah, well, that's all very well. But that comes to the end of the show.

Sarah, it's always a joy to have you on. Thanks so much for having me, guys. Can I say, and this is from the heart, if you are a comedy fan and you see on any listings anywhere that Sarah Barron is doing a show. Oh, Frank. No, but this is not because I really recommend you go and see and you won't be disappointed.

And the final episode of this series of frank skinner's poetry podcast is out on wednesday and i'm finally doing war poetry because that's what people who don't like poetry like um but i found some good war poetry and it's uh amazing so listen to that and then there'll be a break before the next one. You can download it from wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you so much. If you are into The Coronation, enjoy the rest of it. If you aren't, you know, it's a day off on Monday. If the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise,

we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.