The Frank Skinner Show - Purple Rinse

Episode Date: October 10, 2020

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been on the Graham Norton show and made a faux pas. The team also discuss words that are becoming extinct, line dancing and that fly.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text us on 81215, I love it when people do that. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I do really like it. I know you do, but for one of the most sincere people I've ever met, you sounded awfully insincere. Well, it's commercial radio. I think there is a certain amount of insincerity in my contract. Frank, we're having a lot of response to your appearance last night.

Yes, I think my haircut has overtaken my... I think she meant your appearance on Graham Norton, but yeah, you're right. We're also getting some hair correspondence too. It is linked, yes. I can't think of many people who have genuinely gone on television knowing that their haircut is terrible

and done nothing about it. But I felt I needed to take it to... It's almost anti- pop star, isn't it, what you're doing? Because they go on with terrible hair not knowing that it's terrible. Yeah, there's that. Or footballers. And also, you know, when I used to do a chat show myself,

there were people who came and went into make-up, but it was a great many people who arrived with their make-up and wardrobe, their own people. And they're in the room for, like, three hours being prepared, you know. And give us a chance to keep up. Well, what I enjoyed last night was Ashley Banjo openly laughed when your hair was mentioned, but... Yeah, did he?

Well, yes. Well, his is meticulous, of course. He looks like, you know, people's hair looks like daily maintenance hair. Oh, right. I can't be doing that. Daily. Well, evidently not. Did you see our esteemed leader?

I might watch it another time. I just didn't know it was on. He plays his cards close to his chest, doesn't he, with his other professional engagements. You think I'm going to text you and say, by the way, I'm on Graham Norton tonight. I mean, what kind of scoundrel? Our esteemed leader did a brilliant thing, Al.

Did he? When they introduced him, you know when Graham Norton does a do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- And Frank Skinner. And Frank, I think it's the only time I've ever seen anyone do this, when, yeah! And cheered himself. Well, as you know, I thought I'd been banned after the Flying Ant Day incident on there. We've had a missive about that, actually. OK.

Don't usually watch Graham Norton, but was gripped to see Frank wondering if he'd bring up Flying Antgate, see if Miley Cyrus's insect know-how was better than Fassbender's. That would have been quite a challenging thing. I was a little bit frightened of Miley Cyrus as well. She wasn't in the studio, I should say. The way it worked out was that Ewan McGregor and Miley Cyrus was on Zoom. Oh, yeah.

And me, Shirley Ballas, and I'll get back to, I made a terrible faux pas, but anyway, me, Shirley Ballas, and Ashley Banjo were in the studio, which gave me a feeling, God bless all of us, is that the policy, because there is some risk involved in going into the studio and being made up and having people around you. Right. And I feel we were categorised as people who showbiz could afford to lose. Right, I see. Those who are actually in the studio.

It's a tier system. Yeah, whereas Miley and Ewan, you know what I mean? They need to be looked after. Showbiz gold. Now, my terrible faux pas was all evening and I didn't realise until I got... I think I know what it is. Oh, go on.

Well, I don't want to raise it in case you don't realise it. No, go on, I wouldn't mind another faux pas to take the edge off this one. Displacement of anxiety. I'll tell you what I picked up on. Go on. Frank's face is actually contorting. Yeah, I'm close to that.

There was a moment where Shirley Ballas had been talking about her, and she was very open, God love her, wasn't she? I thought she was brilliant, talking about her relationships and how many times she'd been married. And it was sort of becoming a bit of a joke and she was all laughing, it was all very good-natured.

Ewan McGregor popped up and talked about he was promoting a show on a motorbike and Shelley Ballas said, oh, I'd like to go on the back of your bike. And Frank said, I see another marriage coming on. Right. And I suddenly, for a minute, I thought, are you referring to the fact that Ewan McGrath got divorced

quite recently? Oh, no, I don't. No, I missed that one. I'm alright with that. It takes the edge off it when they're on Zoom. Yeah. Now, the problem was that on and off air, from arrival to leaving, I

called Shirley Sally oh yeah that is bad yeah I did that and this is a woman on probably the biggest

show on television yeah so I got back and I said to Kath I said oh no it's really nice Sally Ballas

was on she was like a night and she said Shirley Ballas and I went ahhhh too late And she said Shirley Ballas and I went... Too late.

Stevie D talking of the terrible hair. It's not the terrible hair. Stevie D of the Romford robot. I'm not sure about that. That's what they call Steve Davis davis oh is that right stevie d says i loved the graham norton show last night you've inspired me to try something new with my hair okay is that it is that the end yeah i thought i thought there's something new was nothing no i mean we've had some other, you know, cool Papa Bell has said

he noticed similarities with Max Wall. Oh, yeah. He said, is it just an arty... Or art. Is it just an arty haircut since he went, all poetry, please? All poetry, please. He's channeling Emily Dean there, went all.

Yeah. Well, maybe it is, yeah. Maybe I've become terribly op myself. Can I say it's overall very positive reviews of the hair, though? Oh, really? Yes. I don't review it positively and it's mine. Well, a strange thing has happened to my hair.

The last time it was long, which was sort of midlife crisis, about 40-ish, something like that, it was curling. It's always been in my life. When it's been long, it's been curly. But now it hasn't curled in length. And my hair went straight, but inside my head.

It looked like there was an internal straightening of my hair. It's really, you know, what goes... It makes you wonder if you grew hair, you know, after a long period of time, what might come out. I didn't realise it changed internally. Well, Andy Bush has said on Twitter of Absolute Radio... What, Bush? Yeah, Bush.

Don't ever use that Andy part again. Did you not get the memo? Bush says, I'm obsessed with Frank's hair on the Graham Norton show. He looks like Jürgen Klinsmann's learned older brother. Oh, yeah. Bush! That's good. Thank you, Bush.

We enjoy that. We've also had... Oh, we had something in about the Fonz, didn't we? I haven't seen that. Oh, great. Sorry to reveal the innards. I'm always happy for a text about the Fonz in 2020. Andrew Fulia says, we were discussing,

he was listening to some old podcasts, and apparently we'd been discussing the Fonz's jeans. Jeans as in his blue jeans? Yes. Okay. And it got me thinking during all your chats about who is in what chair. I don't think you've ever talked about who is in the cool chair.

Surely it's still the Fonz, continues Andrew. I can't think of a single celebrity since Fonzie who could possibly replace him in the sentence, look at him, he thinks he's the Fonz. Yeah, I suppose it's harder to be cool unironically nowadays. I thought you were going to say it's harder to be cool in such a fragmented media landscape for a second. Yeah, I wasn't. I was never going to say that. I didn't even see that.

When I arrived at the crossroads, which represented the completion of that sentence, there wasn't even a sign for that road. So, no, I wasn't going to say that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. 938 has texted a joke about your hair. I think it might be an old joke, but I don't know it, so I'm enjoying it.

I don't mind an old joke. I hope it's not somebody who is well actually nobody's using their jokes in stand up now at the moment I suppose they're all

free to use well no terrible logic from Alan Frank if the barber asks do you want it cut round the back

the answer shouldn't be no I want it cut in the shop cheers rich I like it I mean it cut in the shop no but it's cheers rich i like it i mean it sounds like an old joke but i like it what about that time i went for a haircut and he said how do you want it and i said like that and i pointed at a poster of me across the road oh did you yeah that's not the story i thought you were going to tell. No, I can't tell that story again. Yeah, I mean, funny life could always be that.

Well, now you'd be pointing at posters of someone else. We've had suggestions. The scientist in Back to the Future has come up. Mike Coe, I don't know if he's any relation. Please, I'm thinking of Seb. Yeah, he's in the co-chair I was thinking of Jonathan Coe he's a novelist, you've changed look at you, oh no, he's a

sort of West Midlands, now you've gone all poetry please, yeah Mike Coe Frank, you are without doubt one of the finest comedians this country has ever produced, there's a bot coming I know, there's a bot coming I was worried about one of the finest comedians this country has ever produced. There's a bot coming, I know, there's a bot coming. I was worried about one of the...

OK. But please sort your barnet out. You're starting to look like Quentin Crisp, love. I saw it. Quentin Crisp. I saw Quentin Crisp live. Did you? Yeah.

Quentin Crisp was... He was one of the first, I would say, celebrity homosexuals. When it was a difficult and dangerous even thing to be, he was their wife in the flag. And I saw him in his off-Broadway show. And he was an interesting individual. You don't see many people who actually have dust on them yeah he actually needed to be dusted um and he was because he did he famously said this thing that he never he never ever cleans his flat he said if you if you never clean your flat after about four or five

years it never gets any worse it reaches a point of ultimate and then it doesn't get any worse. As he said, it's all a case of keeping one's nerve. But it was amazing. I was introduced to him after by some guy and it was like someone had been... You know that Adam Adamant Lives was a TV show, Gerald Harper, where they found a Victorian gentleman that had been in a block of ice since the 19th century.

It was like that. Not so much in a block of ice as in a cupboard where they'd left the door open so the dust had got in. But, yeah. So I don't mind looking like Quentin Criss. His hair was purple, if I remember rightly, but you know. Yes, he had a purple rinse. What happened to that purple rinse thing that old ladies used to have?

Does that still exist? Did any of your mum's friends have that, Frank? I thought it was more slightly old. Older ladies, yeah. One of our dinner ladies, Mrs Bissica, she had a purple rinse. But it used to be, young people might think, no, oh, he's saying purple, what he means is a slight tinge. I mean absolutely lavender-coloured hair.

It was Ian Lavender-shaped. And you may recall, I remember Molly Sugden from Are You Being Served. It was definitely Sugdanian. I don't think there's any doubt about that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Well, that was always, my parents, it was always, that was considered such a faux pas to refer to a Shakespeare play by

its full name. I mean, the exchange of looks you'd get, it would always be the shrew or Henry V. I love that. Hank Sank was Henry V. Obviously. Yes, you had to call it Hank Sank. Well, I love all that. I must say. I was in

an office once at the BBC with this guy called Tony, who was a director that I knew. I know it sounds like one of the... I really need a silk, a patchy scarf. Of course he was called Tony if he was a BBC director. And the phone went and he said, Hello, fools.

And it was the Falswood Horses office. But I love all that. Oh, actors. Frank Channel and Ronnie Corbett with this showbiz anecdote. Exactly. the Falswood Horses office but I love all that. Oh, actors. Frank channeling Ronnie Corbett with his showbiz anecdotes. Exactly. Well, of course,

I've got a Ronnie Corbett anecdote. Have you? Go on. Is it broadcastable? Well, I was in the ITV pantomime with Ronnie Corbett.

He was one of the ugly sisters and I was Bottons. Mm-hmm. And I was, I used to hang around with Lisa Tarbock quite a bit at a time and she said to me are you working with Ronnie ask him about he makes bread ask him he'll bring you he'll bring you a loaf in I said he what she said no he'll be fine with it she said he'll bring you

a loaf in I said he won't bring me I don't know if I've ever met him, you know, once before. Anyway, first day, I said, I was with Lisa. He goes, oh, lovely Lisa. And I said, yeah, she was telling me you makes bread. He said, I'll bring you a loaf in. Sure enough, he did. And there's something special about eating Ronnie Corbett's bread. Do you know what I mean?

It's a tiny, tiny loaf. No, it wasn't. It wasn't. I said to the... Sorry, carry on. Just whilst we're on the subject of stars that may or may not be with us, he's no longer with us.

No, no. The bit of last week's show that I heard, actually, I was in a hire car, and I heard you wondering aloud on the radio if Nick Robinson from the BBC was still with us I'm sure he's still with us, well you did ask yeah, so I feel like I should

excuse me I feel like I should bring it to your attention that Brendan McKinney messaged the show, just listen to the podcast there doesn't seem to have been a response to your question, BBC Nick Robinson, dead or alive. I'm glad to report he is alive and well

and regularly presenting the Today programme on Radio 4. All praise redacted as is customary. Well, you know, once people go onto radio, you sort of forget they exist. Oh, that's true. Awkward. Oh, need a jingle for that. Around her neck

She wore a yellow ribbon She wore it in the springtime And in the month of May I know it's irrelevant to what we're talking about. I had that jingle put together by the producers there. The reason I got it was at the time when Pep Guardiola was very

much tying himself to Catalan independence and was wearing a yellow ribbon every week, which the FA fined him every week for wearing it. Should have fined him for that cardigan he used to wear. Oh yes that thick grey, it was a sort of

a, if if Starsky and Hodge had been in pencil, if the show had been in pencil. That's a really good description of that cardigan. Absolutely first class description. What's he called John Paul Glazier was he called?

Michael, there was a Michael in there, there was a Glazier, was he called? Michael. There was a Michael in there, there was a Glazier. Paul Michael Glazier? Paul Michael, maybe. That could be an anagram of his name. But anyway, the man in the cardigan. That's what his cardigan would look like in pencil. Glad we've cleared that up.

Is it lead nowadays, or some sort of bauxite that you get in a... Oh, what, in the pencil? Yeah. I don't know. I've got an idea. 12.15, what's in a pencil? I've got an idea. Hey, what's in a pencil?

The new game show with Frank Skinner. Hi! What's in a pencil? And everybody does a scribbling thing in the air like when you're calling the waiter over to ask for the bill. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. I was having a shave this week.

Cool story. When... Sorry. It gets better. Sound like the Irish Rowers on Graham Norton. It gets better. And Achy Breaky Heart came on.

Oh yeah. I say came on. I was listening to Now That's What I Call Country Music. So when I say came on I shouldn't be shocked by that. Miley's dad. Yes. I believe, yeah.

Yeah, Billy Ray. Small world, innit? Billy Ray Surrus. And it... I started line dancing, even though I was shaving. You know when people talk about dance as almost like a spiritual thing? I remember, what's Tim Vine's brother called? Jeremy.

Jeremy. Jeremy Vine. Jeremy Vine. Love a bit of jazz, eh? I met him after he'd done Strictly, and he said it was the centre of his spiritual world now was dance which I thought

wow I think WB Yates said that and now Jeremy Vine's saying it post Strictly and I couldn't stop it I used to go line dancing in Hendon, do you know that? No. A woman with a Stetson and

Can't say I've ever been there. I'm living to Hendon. What people of my generation call a Madonna microphone. Yes. And young people call a microphone. But you were shaving and line dancing. Yeah, I mean it's a dangerous thing. It's lucky that you had the budget in the

bathroom decor for a full mirrored wall, isn't it? Well, there's always that ceiling in the bedroom in the bathroom decor for a full mirrored wall, isn't it, really, when you look back on it? Well, there's always that ceiling in the bedroom if I was stuck. But I honestly believe, and I'm not saying this for comedy purposes, that unless I was really trying hard, I don't think I could listen to

Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus without line dancing. I mean, it's almost like a Pavlov dog thing. What a brilliant thing to be able to control people like that. I totally relate to that. I have the same thing. I'm feeling it now, Frank, thinking of the song. Yeah.

If I hear Madonna's Vogue. Oh, yeah. Strike a pose. Oh If I hear Madonna's Vogue... Oh, yeah. Strike a pose. Oh, I'm about to vogue. I have to do a bit of voguing. Oh, it's a brilliant... It's honestly like Billy Ray has taken me by the hips and started moving the mirror.

You know, I was taught to line dance by Lionel Blair. You're so sure of this? Yeah, I was, genuinely. Please tell me he was wearing a bootcut trouser at the time. Well, he'd got a DVD out, which was a revolutionary piece of tech at the time, called Lionel Dancing. Oh, that's good.

So that is a good title. Yeah, in which he explored the art. Very good. I mean, it strikes me as a thing that could continue through all the government restrictions because all you have to do is loosen up the line a bit and you can keep this... Go hands extended kind of thing.

You want a sort of battlements formation. Right, yeah. So, you know, you get one person and then a gap and then, like, you do on top of a fort. Yes. Is Achy Breaky Heart the only... I mean, that's obviously the governor when it comes to the line dance,

but that's the only song I associate with the line dance. Oh, no, no. When you go... I mean, when you go, I mean when you go to classes, you get, I mean there's loads of stuff, but that still is felt like the night, you know when you go and see

par example if you went to see that guy who did I Am The One And Only Oh yeah. You're waiting Chesney Hall. Yeah, what else he comes up with at that gig, you're waiting, you're waiting for I Am The One. Yeah, what else he comes up with at that gig. You're waiting. You're waiting for I Am The One And Only. And that's how it was with Achy Breaky Heart.

But it was a brilliant night out. I just wonder if it's still... I never hear of it now. And then... Line dancing. Yeah. It's like it's gone. Yeah.

Nick Robinson, line dancing. What's next? Freedoms. Yeah, and then they came for us. Lots of things are going on, aren't they? But I had some terrible news about Achy Breaky. Oh, no. What?

Well, I'll tell you after this. I can't wait. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio

or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I'm always worried they might say Taringo Starr and he'll take offence. Oh, yeah. Very luckyence. Oh, yeah. Very lucky man. Oh, yeah. Oh, dear. Oh, we were talking about...

Haven't we got some plates spinning? Are you mid-anecdote? You left us. I found out something about Achy Breaky Heart. Oh, go on. Which, whatever, you know, your tastes are, you just have to respect a song that can make people dance. Yeah.

And it's a song that makes me very happy. Anyway, I discovered that it was number two in VH1's 50 most awesomely bad songs ever. Well, that's just wrong. That's seems wrong. What's it? That is, that's just, it's wrong. Well, obviously, you've now left us with a giant questione there, which is... What? What's number one?

Thank you. I did that on purpose. Who of the H1? You know, I have a thing that if people say to me, oh, God, that's the second worst thing that's happened to me this week, I always go, oh, really? Do you see the match last night? I delight in not taking.

And the hook, it's actually tickling my top lip, the hook, but I will not bite it. I will not swallow it. I need to go full on for the Peter Hook, so come on. Emily asked. Hand over the goods. Do you not know? Okay, I do know. Because I knew you'd do that

and I knew I'd enjoy drawing you in. Yeah. In fact, that's the second most enjoyable thing I've done this week. Now, I... We will ask that one. I, no. Oh, no, you're alright. You're on safe ground there. I did once say that post.

Oh. I said to someone, that's the second best. You did it? Yeah, it was supposed to be a joke. I wouldn't have laughed. No, they, um. Well, not then. Anyway, they didn't, neither of them.

So, um, yes, the worst one, any, I'll, any... I mean, you won't guess it. Well, I'll give you a clue. Is it... Sorry to sound like Mock the Week. Is it a novelty song? No, it's a song... I would say it's a rock song about architecture. Ooh.

Architectural techniques. Is it? Well, it can't... Oh, architectural techniques. You know that old theme that runs through rock music? Architectural techniques theme. Well, we built this city.

You've got it. No. Very good. We built this city. It's not that. We built it. It is by Starship, is it? Yeah, Starship.

I didn't realise that was considered a bad song. I think, I'm going to go this far, I think it's a great song. So do I. I think the one or two of this bad songs list are good songs. Yeah, I think that. I mean, if that was in the top ten of the most awesomely good songs, we built this city, I'd be happy with that. Yeah. In fact, I now that. I mean, if that was in the top ten of the most awesomely good songs, we've built this city, I'd be happy with that. In fact, I now want to dance. It's in my head, Frank.

These VH1 people seem really bad at making lists of stuff because it's the opposite of what they think. I remember when I was on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire last, I mentioned casually that I thought Imagine was a terrible John Lennon song. Melodically it's strong, but lyrically it's all over the shop. It was the obvious of asking the audience, front the audience, I'll front the audience option.

Yeah, and they really took like I'd said something about the royal family or something like that. Yes, it's considered sort of sacrilegious, isn't it? I think the tide is turning against that song, though. I built this city. No, no, you see, it's typical. You've gone, I built. It's we.

Oh. OK, it's a common... I was talking about my career. I didn't build it on rock and roll, actually. The idea of building a city on rock and roll as well is fabulous yeah you know you think of all the shoddy builders and that in the 60s all that concrete and breeze block but these guys they put you on rock and roll the very heart of our souls and there's i can remember there are some great lyrics in that. Oh, it's brilliant. I wish I could play it. They say, call us irresponsible.

I mean, come on. I'll have to play something else brilliant instead. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I was watching The Claws of Exos this week, which is a third Doctor adventure. Oh, is it? Oh, here we go. And there was some debate about where they were going

to carry out some experiments between the third doctor, John Pertwee, and another scientist. And the doctor had already suggested that his facilities were sparse. Right.

And then later he said, well, we could do it at my laboratory. And the guy said to him, I thought you said yours was US. And I'd completely forgotten that in the 70s people used to say US for useless. Did they? Yeah. And I sort of thought it was a west midlands thing and then there it was on on dr yeah the people say oh god he's absolutely us i don't know why and i don't know i don't know where it came i mean if it's from useless it's a funny abbreviation you think they would have gone for UL. Yeah. Useless.

I wondered, is there any sort of anti-American element? Oh, possibly. Possibly. Maybe. I did tell you I saw one of the John Pertwee Doctor Whos and they were sort of shop dummies that came to life. Ah, the Autons. Oh, OK. Yes, Hobbs. were sort of shop dummies that came to life oh they had the autons oh okay yes yeah it was quite um extraordinary yeah late review it was the nasty i don't know for the envy but it was the nestines

who uh who did he oh that's my saturday night ruined hugh Burden. Hugh Burden was a 70s actor who might well have known your mum and dad. He's a brilliant actor. He was in a thing called Inside the Mind of J.G. Reader. I think it was called. Oh, of course he was. Easing that, looking a bit plastic, because they are...

Plastic is their thing. You should check it out, Al. It's very fine, actually. He shouldn't really. I'm just telling you you because he likes that. I'm not going to put it in the notes of my phone like I do some of the other

recommendations I get here. It's interesting because they... US. There's a thing that they burst out of shop windows where they've been hiding and posing as mannequins.

Sorry, again. And then the front part of their hand falls and there's guns there. Oh, that's good. And they did exactly that in the Avengers with, I think, the Cybernauts. So, I mean, come on, guys.

Oh, 840 is saying, Frank, it means unserviceable. Oh! Oh, OK. US, unserviceable. Tell me, I want more. I want more information. Yes, an 8H. More, please, as Paul McCartney once emailed me when I more. I want more information. More, please. As Paul McCartney once emailed me when I told him I was in love.

Oh, that's nice. Email back more, please. And also, possibly your biggest name drop of the show is an email chat with Paul McCartney. Stick around. I was told, and I've never researched this, but, you know, we use the phrase bog standard. Apparently it started because it was British or German standard, meaning good. Like, that's a good standard.

Yeah. That's a... I love a little bit of fact like that. That's a good fact. I enjoy that. Where were we? Words. Words, words dear Words

There was a words thing wasn't there in the papers about words that have disappeared Yeah I'm still using loads of them Oh yes Apparently people are not called Gary anymore and then there are Garys around that are going No I'm still a Gary

I feel a bit like that when I look at this article and it says millennials aren't using these words. And I think, well, this guy still is. Hold on, I've got... He's got them there. Yeah. So Jen said as and millennials, we should make a distinction between these two people.

I don't really know what the... I do. OK. Millennial is around 1981. I'd say millennials now are sort of, they're people born in the 80s, essentially, I would say. Oh, so you're not born on the millennium. You're not people who are under 20 or under.

No, no, no, those are Gen Zers. Are they? Gen Zers are people who've never known life without Apple technology, I would say, without an iPhone. Oh, okay. Interesting. OK, thank you for your time. But, yes, what are these words, then? There are words that they're unfamiliar with,

so they're in danger of being... Yeah. Well, let's... The fez is being pushed in my face to a point... That's one of them, fez. ..where some of my snot has been smeared across my face from the brim of the fez. And so I need to clean up a bit.

So we'll come back with these. All right. We'll come back with these words. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'll tell you what, Frank. I didn't expect you to light up the switchboard with your discussion of useless... US.

US. Because I think you were incorrect there. Many people have messaged us saying that it actually comes from um uh let me i'll read you um uh emissive because it's unserviceable a lot of people are saying uh hi frank emily and alan us is abbreviation for useless well that's not true many are saying that it's uh unserviceable. OK is originally from overlook. When running through a check sheet, the mark would either be tick or check in America if the thing met the standard, unserviceable, US if it was rejected,

or OK if it had faults that could be overlooked. Yeah, it's an American military thing. You wouldn't think the American military use the term US as a negative thing. You wouldn't think the American... The American military use the term US as a negative thing. Well, it means that they can't fix it, basically. I know, but they're using US. You'd think that would be their most positive abbreviation ever. Well, like, go USA.

Hmm. Maybe. Yeah. I think that sounds a sort of self-loathing that perhaps they haven't recognised consciously. Maybe. So, um... Now, these words here...

When I use GB for gore blimey... Sorry, these words. Yeah, so the theory is that some words have basically died out through misuse. Some of them, to be fair, I think... I mean, I've got the list here. They include cad, nincompoop, bounder and balderdash. I think what it means is that...

What they're actually saying is P.G. Woodhouse is dead. Or Stephen Fry. Yeah, exactly. I don't think... He's not dead, is he? No. He was driving the taxi. Oh, exactly. I don't think... He's not dead, is he? No. He was driving the taxi. Oh, yeah, of course. I...

So those ones, there were some that I was genuinely shocked by. Ones that I still think of as quite modern words. Boogie. Oh, you don't think that's modern? That's recently been on film posters, though. I imagine youth using, you don't think that's modern? That's recently been on film posters. I imagine youth using, you know... Do you want to go for a boogie? Just boogie generally.

Sounds like that might have lived on into the modern age. Very John Travolta. Where will we be without... I mean, who are the sunshine, the moonlight and the good times going to blame it on now? It's one of the big questions of the day. Yeah, they're in trouble. That is fabulous. And what about Jools Holland? Is he just going to play Woogie?

As if it isn't bad enough. He's going to be reduced even further. I mean, Boogie was a struggle, but I don't want woogie sans boogie. No, no, you need... Yeah, boogie nights, that's gone. Yeah, that's gone. Nights. I also noticed,

because it specifically says it's people under 30, isn't it? Okay, but aren't using these words. Yeah, who would be unfamiliar with them. I think there are four people under 30 who listen to this show. Yeah. According to how we've heard from them. Well, the producer is one of them and she's familiar with all of these words,

but I have a theory on that, why the producer knows all these weird old words. OK. Because she hangs out with weird old people like us. Oh, yeah. And she's become like one of those children raised by nannas. Oh, yes, you might be. Who use a slightly sort of odd vernacular,

like, oh, must go and spend a penny. Yes, I think working on... Certainly working with me, I don't want to drag you in on this. No, I'm in there, babe. It's a bit like visiting Miss Havisham. Yes. For a younger person. There's my career

in the middle of the table, covered in cobwebs. The word disco is on the list, which I think if people... Disco's gone as well. Disco is on there. And as soon as I saw that, I had a flashback to when I was a teenager, still living at home, but going out.

And I went to a nightclub. And, of course, back then, mobile phones didn't exist. And a friend of mine phoned my house to see what I was up to. And my mum said, oh, he's going to the disco with Malk. So that's where I was. I was at the disco with Malk. When your mum says it, does she mean milk? Can I say also, Frank,

Yonks and Brill are now obsolete. I mean, what's Chris Tarrant going to do? Oh, that's... Give the man a break. Now that is... He's finished. Still alive? I think so.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you think he watches Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? With bile. Mine has been yonks since he was on it. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.

37% of people under 30 didn't know the word Wally. Wow. Whenever I went to gigs in my youth, there used to be people shouting, Wally! Before it was a tradition, people would start shouting it. But to be fair, he doesn't make it easy on himself. I blame him on the visibility problem. Because he always hides it. It's fair to say he keeps a low profile, Wally.

What was he expecting? Yeah, his PR people are rubbish. I've been using it. I shout it when the Covid press briefings are on. I shout, well, hey! Oh, here we go. And balderdash when they do their fake stats, you know. Of course, that's a new word.

COVID-y up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fiance is also dying out. Fiance. Fiance is dying out. If someone has just switched the radio on, that would be terrifying. Fiance, oh,

that's one of my, that's such a fabulously, Why is that dying out? People are still getting hitched, aren't they? I'll tell you why. It sounds a bit, um, Mr. Bennett, he is worth 300 a year, because it's rather, it sounds a bit

monocle wearing wearing I think is the idea. I think fiancé is a sort of carry on film thing I would put fiancé very much in the same box as negligé those French words that people used

in the 70s. We know dear Frank Skinner would put fiancé in a negligé in the same box I mean know, dear. In order to sound very... Frank Skinner would put Fiance in a negligee. In the same box. I mean, who wears a negligee anymore? Emily. Awkward. Not me.

Over to our negligee correspondent. Not me. I'm just on the bottoms as we've discussed before. I think it said Randy has gone as well, speaking of...

Oh. Speaking of Carrie Arnfield. Thank God for that. It'd been absolute radio too long. I used to have a... Let me just think through this joke and make sure I can say it on air. Oh, yeah.

We'll play some music. Love changes everything. I used to do a joke. There were sayings. Brandy makes you Randy and whiskey makes you frisky. And I used to say, what I need is an alcoholic drink

that rhymes with totally impotent. But Brandy, frisky and i used to say what i need is is an alcoholic drink that rhymes with totally impotent um but um brand brand randy randy was a very used um i'd say it's a fine joke and also the you know the the target is me self-educated well-constructed it's not some sort of male trumpeting by anything punching neither up nor down but inwards yeah i'm yes i'm punching whenever my own punching okay yeah what about frank sometimes they get swapped as well so salty has replaced testy i would say i was a bit someone's that was a bit salty i don't know what what are you talking about oh foresty, is that like a bit fighty? Yes.

Oh, when I studied in Cardiff, they said chopsy. Chopsy? Chopsy? He's getting chopsy in here. Chopsy around here? Also, Frank, we used to say, oh, get out the violins. Do you remember that one? Now they say the struggle is real.

Do they? I like that. You see, there's a lot of the new stuff I love. What has replaced... Causton, for example. Oh, no, Frank, that's not replaced anything. It's never going to take off, mate. OK.

I heard a man say, an American man on the telly, instead of desperation, he said desperality. And I did. I like that. I did like it. I heard a man say, an American man on the telly, instead of desperation, he said desperality. And I did. I like that. I did like it. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner.

Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Emily. Oh, thank you. To me in the studio, in the That's Life studio. Well, I had a few things I want to mention. Anthony Lewis has been in touch. Or just call him Tony L.

Yeah, or R. Yeah? Tony Lewis, who was a cricketer, whose initials were A.R. Lewis. He was at Glamorgan in England. They called him R. because A.R.LL was the initials. Right, yeah. Just saying.

OK. So, Anthony Lewis. People are worried about millennials not knowing Wally. What are they going to make of that little lot? Frank, how about the term crash the rocks? We're talking about phrases which might become obsolete. This is a Brummie saying. I have cleared it, by the way.

Let's check it's clean. Which means passing out sweets to your mates. Crash the rocks, of course, yeah. It's a very 70s saying, not used or understood to date. Did you or have you ever used the expression crash the rocks, Frank Skinner? I've certainly heard it, yeah. Have you? Crash the rocks. When you said I've certainly heard it yeah have you

Crash the Rocks when you said it to me it meant nothing to me but once you said Crash obviously to share not obviously I say obviously

not obviously it's not what the word means no to crash crash out you might say to get the stuff out anyway so yeah

Crash the Rocks see my family if somebody had a big bag of sweets, we'd probably say share the wealth, but I think that's quite obvious, isn't it? I like that as well. We would have said, I'm sorry my mother doesn't let me have sugar.

You know, we're all different, dear. I, we used to call it sock as well. Have you got any sock? Made in sweets. We've really pared it down to the absolute core meanings. Apparently the word swat is not being used now. You know, swat.

That's a shame. I don't mean to swat a fly. I mean like a kid who's studying hard and they're not calling each other swats. That makes me sad. Yeah, what's happened to bullying? Yeah, I know. It's makes me sad. Yeah, what's happened to bullying? Yeah, I know, it's not like it's... It's all online

now, yeah. It's progress, that's what we've got to ask ourselves. We used to keep us fit when I was at school, running away from these big kids. Now it's all... Frank Lamentsia, the halcyon days of bullying. Yeah, the national obesity crisis,

side effect. This is is true my son had a challenge from school and he had to come up with some what he had to come up with i think 10 words that were two syllables and included a double letter oh in them so things like willing and i don't need to give you examples you can balloon balloons very good that's a double double letter thank you i think you've gone into the development too early. You need to establish the theme first. Anyway, one of the ones he chose was spiffing. And that can only be because he's an avid Beano reader.

He could not have seen that anywhere other than the Beano. I worry that the teacher will think he got it from me, but no, no. So he'd know SWAT, which still crops up in the Beano. I worry that the teacher will think he got it from me, but no, no. So he'd know SWAT, which still crops up in the Beano. Thank you. Well, 223 says SWAT's are now try-hards. Oh, that's quite Aussie. I'm not sure. I don't mind it, though.

I don't mind. See, I like the new stuff. I like it. And an update from a text in that I created earlier on, 389 has said, Pencil is a mixture of graphic powder and clay binder. Graphite, please. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Did I say graphic? You did, but I like it.

What is it, graphite? Graphite powder and clay binder. I'm going to... I think I went to school with clay binder. Both of them. Yeah. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio I am Frank Skinner and I'm on Absolute Radio

with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran I love being texted but in order to do that you need to use 812 15 you can follow this show on Twitter and Instagram

also at Frank on the Radio and you can email the show via Twitter and Instagram also at Frank on the Radio and you can email this show via the Absolute Radio website. Do it. We've been discussing words and I've just remembered, I just had a flashback to this week walking home from dropping a child off at the school. A retro thought.

And I overheard a kid say the word anti-disestablishmentarianism and for a brief moment I wished that it wasn't in the context of this is a long word. But I suppose if I wanted that to happen, I should have sent them to a faith school, really. You're so right. It's the only context in which that's used. If someone used that in a sentence... Probably on some of the blogs Frank reads, maybe.

What? Why is it anti-disestablishment here? It's a religious thing, isn't it? Is it? It's about the disestablishment of church and state. Oh, is that one? I didn't know. Let's not go into the blogs we read. We're going to Al's Dark World.

I'll tell you what. That's on channel 5 actually I'll start world I'd want to I tell you what I thought was a very clever compound word was cankles do you remember that one?

but that's gone I think I haven't heard anyone refer to cankles for a long time it's that moment when the calf and the ankle are one. I think people went with fancles as well for, you know, chunky, you know. Fancles? I think it's now...

Oh, no, fancles is a bit unkind. It is a bit. I think it's considered a bit, yeah, because it's sort of out of someone's control sometimes. Yeah. But it's 082. It could be a bicycle clip. 082. What about this

from Jimmy the Face? Hey Jimmy, have you come across fossil words which are obsolete words which have survived in modern usage because they are part of idioms? For example. Oh wow.

Well, he cites a few, doesn't he, Al? I like it so far. Well, we'll take turns. Kith and kin. Just desserts. Spick and span. These are good. Running them up.

What do you think? So the words themselves have only survived due to their relationship with the idiom. Yeah, so kith, for example, which I think... Didn't Chris Eubank cover that Prince song? Yeah, it's a good point, that, though. What was the other ones? Kith and kin?

Spick and span. No, so speak is the word, and that means clean, presumably. Yeah, spick and span. I like clean, presumably. Yeah, speak in Spanish. I like that, Jimmy. Yeah, I think it's clever. I do think it's clever. We've done some ones on this show over the years.

Remember carbon dating? There was carbon mating we had. It was when you keep going out with women or men who looked the same as the previous one. Oh, that's good. Rod Stewart was the classic example of carbon mating. Yeah, yeah. I thought he just didn't want to change the girlfriend avatar on his wee.

And then there was, we had the sorbet relationship was one of my favourites. Oh, that was good. The idea that you have a big relationship, then go into something a bit more frisky to cleanse the palate for the next one. Is there more? Yes, there was one. I'm just thinking of the ones we've done on the show.

We're doing the greatest hits. The one about people who, working so hard, they don't go out for lunch. They just eat where they're sitting. People who, working so hard, they don't go out for lunch. They just eat where they're sitting. And it was called eating al desco. Oh, yeah. I think that might be my favourite.

But I love all that stuff. What about men's engagement ring as well? Oh, yeah. Engagement rings worn by men, very rare as well. One of the last real vestiges of sexual difference left i think you're right women wear engagement got some breaking news 561 has texted just to say that i loved your hair last night on graham norton i retired in january haven't cut my lockdown hair growing old disgracefully yeah i like someone saying i retired in january and i loved you i mean it's lovely you're him with one

hand and take it off. I thought he might need a bit of like some of the people saying hey this is alright. Yeah I love your hair. I'm writing from an 8th century monastery. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

Frank do you know you were trending on Twitter yesterday? That seems ridiculous, doesn't it? It's because of your hair, I think. Yeah, I don't think you're anything else. Wouldn't it be great if somebody said you're so funny on... But no, it's the hair. Well, you were funny. Wasn't it an untucked shirt last time that we went about? I know, people are very...

They're appearance-driven, aren't they, these people? They are. They're holding you to a very high account. I'm doing my best. Expecting you to be the sort of Bo Brommel at all times. You have to wonder what... Still in the chair, Bo Brommel, still in that dandy chair. Oh, yeah.

Bo Brommel is, I'm afraid. Well, I only know it from Annie. Bo Brommel was a... He was a Regency dandy. Oh, OK. He was... I think he operated in London and Bath. Well, I know it from Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

because Annie says, Frank... Um... Your clothes may be Bo Brummel-y You stand out a mile But, brother, you're never fully dressed without a smile. Fabulous. I used to play that at the end of my gigs. Did you? Did you?

I did. Oh, back when gigs were a thing. Annie lost me at, she had me, and then she loses me at who cares what you're wearing. I can't be doing any truck with these people she's not checked twitter everyone on twitter turns out how your hair is yeah you're yeah beau bromley the um the mascot for birmingham city used to be a bulldog in a birmingham city called Bo Brommie. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that.

They've got rid of our mascot, Arsenal. Cost saving, sadly. I heard that. I think he's paying the wedge. I think he might be being a little bit silly-billy over that. Well, I think he should be keeping a closer eye on the outgoings

during this difficult time for him. I'll tell you what I think is a word that I, and I loathe to say this, but I'm mansplaining. I'm not happy with that as a word. No. It doesn't quite make sense. If you have like al desco or Men Engagement Ring, usually rhyme.

You take out one thing and put in a rhyming thing, which changes it. But mansplaining. Yes. I don't think it's good enough. It's not. If it was your ex. If your ex was doing it and they were ex-splaining,

because that would be hard to distinguish. No, I know what you mean. It's not... It feels sloppy. Yeah, I think... Sorry if Jürgen Klopp's listening, but it feels slightly sloppy. Like, you've got to work hard at these things. Yes. It's a

condemnation of somebody for being patronising, and I think that's why the word itself should prove that you are someone who doesn't need patronising. But if you can't put together one of those words, then maybe you do need a bit of help. Wow. So, you know, fab there.

Morning, everyone. And what could it be? Man slate. Let me man slate that for you. What do you think? I don't know. Illumane. I'm going to leave it to you to come up with something for you. What do you think? I don't know. Ilu-man. I'm going to leave it to you

to come up with something for me. You want us to he-cipher it? I'm going to go to you, man. Here, explain for me. I'd like to know what Alan Cochran has been up to, Frank. Well, unfortunately,

the first has just landed, but I had a chat with Al, and he told me about his weekend. What's happened? Well, we'll find out in a minute. Okay. It was great. Great stuff.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were talking about... No, I thought owl was on holiday last week. Oh, yeah. Did he fill in his worksheet? Well, I thought he did. You know what, in what they call a staycation, which is another new word, I think. I'm often misused, the staycation word.

Is it? Why? Well, people use it to describe holidaying in the country that they live in, but actually what it's meant I think it was originally was where you stay in your own home but you do all the things that you would do if you were on vacation near your home, so you visit your local museums and go to the local

parks and do all that stuff. I did not know that. Yeah, that's what the staycation really is. Anyway, it wasn't a holiday, was it? So what was it? Well, last week. Yeah. Where was it? Yeah, that's what the staycation really is. Anyway, it wasn't a holiday, was it? So what was it? Well, last week. Yeah. Where was it? I had the weekend off because I went to that kettlebell course.

Do you remember? Remember a year ago I went to a kettlebell training course and I think when I came back the main thing that I wanted to talk about was seeing a man with three perched eggs on a bed of scrambled eggs. Wow. Hang on, he wasn't on the bed of scrambled eggs. He was in the cafeteria canteen thing, and I thought, oh, wow, he's got eggs and rice for breakfast.

That's a good combo, and it turned out it was eggs on eggs. If you've got to use them up, though. Well, it's like when I went on holiday with the World's Strongest Men. They wake up in the middle of the night, don't they? 14 boiled eggs what for breakfast wow it's a lot isn't it

it was a long week it is if you're only in one minibus exactly one of them actually broke the toilet Marius he broke the toilet

too big sitting on it I was in a a small construction in the Sahara Desert with an international rugby player. I'll go on.

He's Victor Abugu, yeah? Oh, yeah. And he said, oh, I'm going to have to go to the toilet. There's a tiny, tiny toilet in there. So he went into the toilet. Anyway, the post experience of it was so bad that me and him both just slept out on the sand with a mosquito net just pulled over us like a duvet,

which wouldn't really help with a mosquito, but we couldn't be in that. Oh, well, I've no stories of Daring Do to that level, but I did... So what... And this was a... It's sort of a... It's more sharing poo than Daring Do to that level, but I did So what, and this was a It's more sharing poo than Daring Do Is it

sort of a mini break? No, they teach you how to do some of the fundamental movements. Do you go away to it? Yeah, it was a Lillishall National Sports Yes, yes, yes.

But I didn't do the residential thing this year. I stayed in an Airbnb nearby, and I just drove there and back. I hired a car for it as well, and I did. There was a slightly strange moment. The woman that was doing the, here's the car, she said, oh, sorry, it's smaller than the one that you thought you were getting. It's a Fiat 500. I mean, I'm a big guy.

And then I'm driving there in a tiny little car like Mr Bean or something. Especially with all your kettlebell friends. Well, most of the kettlebell guys arrive on those. You know those railway things when you pop those handles up and down? Look at the silent movie. Yeah, they all arrive on those.

Just warm up. She said, do you want to take out that extra insurance so that it's 15 quid a day and then that way if you have any kind of claim, you don't have to pay. And I said, no, I've got that. I get it yearly. You know, what's it called?

Excess cover. Oh, yeah. I said that. And she said, well, are you sure? Because it means that even if it's somebody else's fault, the first £1,000 or something, you'll have to pay. And I went, no, no, no, I've got it. I got home, and I think that was like three years ago

that I had that. I don't think I really have that. Oh, wow. You didn't have any scrapes. Well. Not with the kettlebells. We'll come back to that. Oh, no.

I think we've just got the fence, so maybe I'll keep that as the kettlebells. We'll come back to that. Oh, no. I think we've just got the fez, so maybe I'll keep that as the cliffhanger. That bit when you were holding the car above your head. In the bar. In retrospect, I should have done that with a car I owned rather than a hire car. Exactly. Could you pick me up, like the world's strongest man did,

I know we've got to go to the fez, apologies, Could you pick me up, like the world's strongest man did, I know we've got to go to the Feds, apologies, could you pick me up and hold me aloft with two hands above your head? Under normal times, absolutely undoubtedly, but not because of the social distancing. Are you furtively auditioning pallbearers? So we were in Lillishaw I've hired the Fiat 500

although I didn't want a Fiat 500 but I got it I've driven to Lillishaw terrified because I'm paying the first £1000 of any damage that somebody else might do to the car and

I come out one day and it really does alter the way you drive and the way you park everything suddenly filtered through this oh i've got to look after this car which you don't necessarily with your own um and i come out and i look at the car door and there's a tiny little dimple in the metal above the door handle, almost as if, this sounds ridiculous, almost as if a conqueror's fallen and just left a little, like the size of a penny. And I know what a penny looks like, trust me. That's all I've got now, thank you, Rishi, anyway.

So then I'm like, oh, what if he notices? What if I take the car back? And he says, yeah, that's £1,000 for that tiny little dimple. And so I drive back home thinking, oh, God, he's going to spot it. And then on the day I was taking it back, it had rained in Manchester. So I drove it back and there was still quite a lot of water on the vehicle. And all the way I'm driving there, I'm trying not to go so fast that the drops go off the car because I think these will help him not see it.

They'll camouflage the little dot. And then the guy comes out, you know, they assess it with a little clipboard. I really put on a show. I was so charming and friendly to that guy, which is how you know that it was incentivised, because charming and friendly is not my usual shtick. I was like, yeah, yeah, they're fun, these little cars, aren't they? Oh. They're not bad.

I actually feel a bit ill. I was like, I didn't think I was going to enjoy a Fiat Fiat. I mean, I still don't like it on the motorway, but it's actually quite nippy around town and all that. And he was like, yeah, yeah, chatting away. And honestly, when he said, yeah, yeah, that's fine, the rush I got, it was like David Blaine going up in those balloons. I feel exactly the same adrenaline shot as he had.

Couldn't you have got one of the guys at the kettlebell thing to headbutt it flat? Well, I was worried about creating more damage. All they do is give it a little flip with their nail. I wonder if you could just press it with your thumb, maybe, if you have that kind of stuff. They could. The capes, you know.

Uri Geller. He apparently got very strong thumbs. That's how he did that. Is that true? That's what one of the theorists, yeah. Is it really? Very strong thumbs. God, he actually,

hitchhiking, he could go transcontinental. So, but the thing that Al was telling me about is there was a, what's it, the snatch challenge. The snatch test is, the snatch is an exercise where you basically, you sort of, you propel a kettlebell from between your legs to above your head and catch it there. So we're on about from between your knees, 24 kilos.

Yes. Which is like a bag of spuds for the elder. No, it's 53 pounds-ish, or 3.78 stern. I've done some maths on it for you. We used to get 56 pound bags of potatoes. Oh, really? Because we had chips four times a day.

Brilliant. Sounds great. And you lift it up. I've seen a video of Al doing it. You sort of swing it up from between your knees, and you hold it absolutely aloft like Bobby Moore with the Jules Rimet. And then it comes back down. And how many... So that sounds, I think, oh, that's good.

When he told it me, I thought that was the challenge. No, the challenge is to do that 100 times in five minutes and beat the standard. And I got 87. I got 87. Sorry, everyone. 87? I couldn't do it. Loser got 87. I got 87. Sorry, everyone. 87? I couldn't do it.

Loser! I couldn't do it. How many times could you do it? Well, I asked Al to look me in the eye and tell me if he thought I could do it at all. Look me in the... If I'd have walked in with you two talking about kettlebells

whilst maintaining firm eye contact, I couldn't have handled the testosterone. It's very difficult to socially distance during that chat because I could tell Frank just wanted to hug me. We were completely naked. We had steak tartare. We were just eating with our hands out of a bowl.

And I had one small stick-on transfer of a dragon. And did you have Jason Statham in Crank playing in the background as a film? I wish, but we're now. I think we actually had BBC breakfast. Nothing's perfect in life.

Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Can I ask you both something? Thank you. Oh, by the way, Frank, I've just thought of something. I agree with you about mansplaining.

It doesn't quite work. We're just talking about it as a word. I think you... I've thought of one. Oh, good, because you are exactly the sort of person who should come up with it. Well, it's not very good, so give me a while, but just, what about, um,

chatronising? I like it. Instead of patronising? Yeah. I mean, it's not quite there, but it's better than mansplain. At least it rhymes. No, mansplain they haven't. Chatronising. Don't chatronise. They've put out the rough sketch and not waited for the oil painting. Yeah.

With mansplain. Can we discuss the vice-presidential debate this week? I think it's legally binding that every radio show discuss the fly on Mike Pence's head. It's become the big story of the week. I mean, I felt sorry for Jeff Goldblum, waking up, hearing the fly was trending.

He's going, honey, buy that house in Malibu all our problems are over but if Mike Pence had been in the teleportation unit it would have had the same thing and let's not forget the inside out baboon how risky it can be that teleportation

can I say Mike Pence, very grandpa in Lego the hair yes, very good wouldn't you say yes it is super white isn't it i mean come on do you think the fly because it was two minutes that it stayed on that hair it's a long time for a fly next time we see him his head will be a swirling maggot has anybody raised the possibility that the fly was stuck for a while? Like it just landed and thought, oh, there's more brill cream or hair wax

or whatever it is in here than I expected. And the fly was thinking... Oh, a horrible trap. Like quicksand or something. I was lost in pence, in love. My dad, I can still see my dad getting ready to go down in the pub. He used to do a thing of standing slightly sumo thing so his trousers didn't fall down,

stand by the sink and have a wash. And no one has a wash anymore, do they ever share a bath? And then he would scoop into the butter dish, take out a piece of butter and just smooth his hair back. And I wonder if Mick Pence had been using... Mick Pence? I like the way he's like... He's a scaffolder in West Bromwich.

It reminds me of the way he calls Cristiano Ronaldo Chris. He's called Mike Pence Mick. If Pence has been using something like... You know that white chocolate spread you can get from Tesco? Oh, yeah. Frank, was that a common thing? Because I remember staying with some family friends in Scotland when we were children,

and I saw the dad in the morning go down and put his comb in the chip fan. Yeah. And he put it in his head, and I didn't know people did that. Now, it's probably not hygienic um my dad always went out with butter on his head i this may be a story that indicates some gentrification but uh a long time ago i lived in east dulwich fashionable south london uh with a man who put olive oil into his hair so yeah, I mean, you know, my brother, Keith, used to wash his hair with 1001 carpet cleaner.

And I know someone who used Febreze as a deodorant. Well, he had read that Peter May of the Pretty Things used it. And so, you see, you've got to be careful what you make public. Speaking of words, this has been Words Week on the show. We're talking about unusual words. He was a governor for a long time, Mike Pence, as most people who get to that level

in American things. And I have always loved that anything to do with being a governor, like the elections of a governor are called gobernatorial with a B. That is a great... Why?

I don't know why, but I love... I think it's the original Latin. Surely it's Germanic gubernatorial. Gubernatorial. Yeah, I think it could be right. Well, we'll find out during the week. Yeah, exactly. I'm back in Latin, but I've been wrong before.

So anyway, look, thank you for listening to us. Mucho appriciatum, as they used to say in ancient Rome. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we will be back again this time next week. Now get out!