The Frank Skinner Show - Rave People

Episode Date: January 6, 2025

On today's podcast Frank talks about raving, the circus and why he once made up a younger sister. The team also discuss the latest Rees-Mogg reality TV show. All of this plus at a reader's request Frank retells a story involving David Baddiel and 'The Hat Game'. Email the podcast [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or adding that extra quality to your own shoots, Canon's got you covered. Shop the Level Up sales event today at canon.ca. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him in that Parsh radio and the one with the French name, from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by, I was trying to get the music running underneath this was very hard to do it and talk at the same time

This is Frank off the radio and and and I'm joined by Emily Dean and piano And and and and Lee followed by the podcast on X and and and and Instagram That you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio Avalon uk.com. I don't know they do those things with music under them on the radio. You don't know how? No, they must have like a separate music thing going on rather than the person trying to sing it. That sounds far-fetched.

I just went to the toilet. There's only one toilet available. What a lovely opener. There's one... Sexy, everything about you. I didn't do anything elaborate. Okay. No. Well, there's only one toilet available at Spiritland. There's some sort of plumbing crisis. Someone flushed something too cool down the loo. I don't know what, yeah, I don't know what that could have been. Oh, what do you think it was? I think a French scarf. A French scarf and a load of headphones.

Yeah. And a lit Galois. Galois? There was a, I got to the only available toilet and there was a man leaving it in a duffle coat. Of course there was, it's Spiritland. And I thought to myself, I'm absolutely 100% confident that this won't smell because people from Spiritland just don't defecate. No. They just don't.

It'd be too basic for them. Is that like Frank Don't Dance? It was. They just wouldn't though. I just cannot imagine that happening. Once a month they remove a sort of heavy cube from their mouth. Yeah. And place it.

I think they go to the hospital and have a Watergate sweep as it were, and they need to rather than defecate. Yeah, but it turns out that that cube- As I call a colonic. Yes, yeah. That cube they have removed is actually doubles as a Bluetooth speaker. Oh, it's the coolest place I've ever been. Oh yeah. It's the coolest place we'll ever go to in our whole lives.

Yeah. Possibly not Pierre. I went to like a rave thing once in a room that was like total darkness. Sorry? Yeah. You went to a rave? I know, it was a mistake. What happened?

I felt like someone was thumping me and my solar plexus over and over and it was like the baseline. Yes. Where was the, what hotel were you? Oh, I don't know where it was. Somebody just said, shall we, you know, let's pause having an event. And I thought, God, we need to get a doctor, don't we? But no, we were in a, it was a totally dark room

and people just slightly moving about to this thumping house music. I must have been there for like two hours. Just lost. Very frightened. Did you take drugs? I've never felt more alone. Did you take drugs at the rave? No, of course I didn't take drugs. All right

Did you drink alcohol? It was at his post all that. Oh, was it? Yeah, exactly. I just I lay back and thought of England They must have thought you were one of those guys who went too hard with rave culture in the 90s And is now one of those clean ravers. Well, I couldn't they could couldn't, but we couldn't see anyone. So, you know, they probably thought I was some young guy who was in there. With a shop of blonde hair. Yeah, very white blonde hair. Mr. C, I would say you've got something, now looking at you, I'd say you've got something

of the Norman Cook about you. Don't you think? He could have been a 90 90s DJ? Well he's been to a few raves I would have thought. Yeah but you've got that vibe about you. Oh that's not the vibe I want at all. If you were spiking your hair up. Norman Cook's very cool and very nice man. No but you could be mistaken for that in the dark? Well I couldn't have been mistaken or Mount Batten in the dark. You couldn't see anything. What are the odds do you think that anyone else at that rave would mount Batten? Oh what of Burma? Absolutely. Teddy? Oh he might have already been dead by then, I can't remember. Not now about Noboma, I believe it was, I'm gonna go 81. Oh yeah, he would have been gone then, so that would have been a stupid mistake for

people to make. Yeah, and he missed out on rave culture, which he would have loved. Do you think? I think he would have actually, that's another podcast. I think that's why. He probably on rave culture which he would have loved. Do you think? I think he would have actually. I think he would have. That's another podcast. I think that's why. He probably did rave.

I think that's why they won't let anyone read his diaries. To give us an insight into the sort of raving he enjoyed. I mean those are the diaries called redacted. Yes, I've seen them. But if Matt Batten was a rave person. Yeah. Imagine the medals he would have lost in those dark rooms with all those bodies thrown together. He wore about 40. He's never going to get home with them all.

Oh, he was packing, all right. They could have just hung them up from the ceiling and used them like a sort of disco ball. Yeah, exactly. If they played any Sgt Pepper, of course, the spotlight would be on him. But they don't play Sgt Pepper at raves, I find. No, they play, what do they play, Orbital? When I went once to a rave, I stayed about seven minutes. Well, I didn't recognise anything. What do you mean anything? I didn't recognise, I didn't think, oh I love this one. Oh, I see. That's not really the point

of a rave, Frank. You don't go, oh I love this one. I love this one, the 12 minute Ibiza Megamix. And they don't have, they don't go, oh I love this one. I love this one, the 12 minute Ibiza megamake. No, I didn't talk about that. They don't like lyrics rave people, do they? No. Well they do like every now and then. A few, like half a sentence. What sort of thing do they say in that lyric? A very ethereal.

It's like something like, love is everywhere. Yeah. Love, love, love, love is everywhere. Yeah. Bum-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b Or a very ethereal lady's voice saying something in Spanish. Yes, exactly. Oh, they love Spanish. Yeah. It's never the person, is it? It's someone who they've sampled or stuff like that. What a talented person who can sing, that's what it normally is.

Well, I wouldn't say I didn't like the music. It was just so dark and frightening in there. Frightening? Frightening is frightening. Yeah, I was expecting that. You know, lit up skeletons on the wall like you get on Pirates of the Caribbean at Disney. Lots of xylophone music. As the skeletons dance around you. Did you expect to see a man in a sheep with reed box poking out underneath?

A man in a sheep? In a sheep frame. Oh, okay. No, I didn't. I couldn't see anything. Anyway, enough about my rave. I was only one night. I only went one night. One night. And I got about eight minutes out of it on a podcast.

Yeah. Phew. Okay. So, you know what we were going to do for homework? All right. We were going to watch some of that Reese Mogg. I did watch it. I don't think Pierre did it.

It's not his world. We discussed but never. We set it up as homework, let's face it. This is awkward. I just couldn't wait. I had to get involved. I only watched one episode. I don't know if I'll ever watch another.

Really? And I find the part of fascinating phenomenon. Well, tell me why. It's like watching a David Attenborough, you know, beneath the ocean. Yes. How do they get into it? Do they sort of set it up in that kind of channel five? Look at these weirdos.

There's lots of that music. They do what every documentary does now. They show you all the best bits at the beginning and then you see them again at least once. You probably see them again after another commercial break. So there's no surprises left. And it starts on, the thing is Rishi sort of foiled his plans really with this documentary because obviously they started it on election and then it all goes a bit,

oh well, I appear to be out of a job now. So I don't know, so he's just milling about in the house all day. I suppose I'll go down to the spoons and have breakfast there. Isn't it like, well there's one bit. Yeah, what about, and he's going, okay, come on everyone, happy birthday dear sixters. Yeah, it's great that he's got okay come on everyone happy birthday dear Sixtus

yeah it's great that he's got a kid called Sixtus I do love that what did you think? very few of the birthdays quite work because you want it to be 6 16 yeah yeah it was alright I've been watching quite a lot of reality TV what did you think specifically of Meet the Reese Morgues? I thought, I worried that I might start liking some of his fans. This is what I worried.

I thought I need to get out of here fast before I start sympathizing with them. His wife seemed alright and she's worth, apparently she brought 46 million quid into the marriage. Yes, I believe it is even more than that. Gosh. Yes, he said about their first date, didn't he? And she's going, well, he turned up. And he said, well, I thought... Was it in a hot air balloon? No, he's wearing a top hat like Phileas Fogg on a penny farthing. Yeah. Part of a larger wager. What about when they talk about the gift he brought and he says,

well I wanted to bring along Veronica Wedgwood's excellent biography of Thomas Wentworth, but they were all out of copies. It wasn't the third date. I thought I'd observed the third date rule. But there is later on, Frank, they get to a bit where they go on holiday and the kids are going, yes, we can go to Disneyland, Alfred. Yay, Sextus. And then he says, luckily I'd rather like to go to the French battlefield so we can

go to the Somme and the trenches for our holiday. And they do. But a lot of people do that. There's a lot of middle-aged women get dragged to battlefields from first and second world war by men who don't care what their wives think about anything. Yeah, but they don't say, come along, we need to be up at nine to be in the cathedral for the Assumption.

Well, I might say that. Well, that's the sort of thing we'd say on tour. Yes. That's a direct quote. It actually is. My tour manager Omar actually finds out local mass times on Sundays and holy days of obligation and comes with me as support. It's not like working for Whitesnake is it? No exactly. I agree with you Frank, this is what troubled

me is that the deeper in I got I thought oh, again, I don't want to like this. It's like when I met Krister Berg in the pits at Silverstone and I thought I was actually quite a nice bloke. Was he supposed not to be? You wanted him to be a bit of a penis head, but he's actually a really nice friendly very good company kind of guy. Why did you say that? Why did you want Christopher to be a penis head? I don't even say this word like it's normal.

Because all sorts of mainstream music you want. Anthony Blunt's another let down, he's very funny and smart. Anthony Blunt? Not Anthony Blunt. The traitor Blunt. Which Blunt? James Blunt. James Blunt. Yeah, Anthony Blunt? Not Anthony Blunt. Traitor Blunt. James Blunt. Yeah, he was less good company after he betrayed us to the Russians. Oh, old age. Yeah, I find now that I've, because I gave up sort of reality TV. You do jungle though. Yeah, what I'll do is I'll watch...

Because it does jungle, it goes to raves. Yeah. I like acid jungle. I don't think that's really a thing. You can say any one of those. Yeah. Yeah. I like high lot high-energy acid jungle

When I'm in heaven So I'm in heaven I I Don't mind watching reality TV if it's like celebrities Hmm, but I I won't go back to watching like ordinary people on reality TV. Right. I can't, I can't. Love Island or whatever you wouldn't see that. I can't, I think now a celebrity sitting at home watching ordinary people on the telly, it's the cart is leading the horse. Oh my god. I can't be party to that. I do what I've noticed a lot on that what I've watched recently, which has been like strictly the jungle celebrity race around the world.

I enjoy that though, do you? A lot of it. What do you mean? My real problem. In case you've never seen celebrity race around the world, the idea is that you have to set off on a route, make your own way to celebrities or a celebrity and their partner. And when they get to the hotel, there's this moment where they open the signing in book and you find out whether you've won that leg of the race or whether you've come last or

where you are, because you don't know, you've no idea. So there's this tension and the book opens and they go, oh yes we won! Were we first to get here? But what I find, and I don't know if this is a modern phenomenon, but I cannot watch people writing when they don't hold the pen properly. You know when their fingers are all over the top of it. It's like a parrot is sliding in. You know, it's all the fingers all bent round.

Prince William does that. The wrists are up high. Prince William does that. Does it? Oh. And that put me off the whole programme. Really? Who is writing like that? I thought, oh, give them a stamp. But don't make me watch them writing. Why do you think we're writing like that? There might be a reason behind it. Is there? It's all bad.

Oh, don't say it's a thing. What's the same as a thing? It's a thing. I think it is a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing.

It's a thing. It's a thing. It's be a reason behind it. Is there it's all oh don't say It's a thing. What's this? People got there's not a charity set up for it or anything. Yeah, it's it's not parrot parrot etchery. How do you? How do you feel about people who hold their knife like a pen? Well, you know my views on that. I have to leave the restaurant. Well I was late to eating irons generally. Irons? I ate with my hands for years and when I left home I went back to eating with my hands. No you didn't, seriously. So I've eaten mashed potato with my hands on many occasions. Hang on, did you really eat with your hands? Yeah. As a child? Yeah. Oh.

Did they not have knife and fork? Yeah, we had knives and forks. Just a shame to dirty them. There's more work for yourself. Can I say, Frank, you have immaculate table manners, I would say, with you. Hold a knife and fork beautifully. If I'm in a restaurant now, I will still eat a salad with my hands because a salad was not made for a knife and fork.

It's a ludicrous combination. Well, that's when you switcheroo and you do the Californian, the American. The fork stabbing. That's when you do the fork switch. Yeah. Do you not know this? No, I don't know what that is. That's what Americans do.

You aren't really meant to use a knife and fork for salad, so you switch your fork over into your right hand. Yeah, but even that doesn't work for salad. Okay us, let us is not no friend to a fork. Stop quoting the Bible. My uncle moved to, to America and he had, you know, strict. Yeah. That's the sort of thing that's showing off at primary school. My uncle moved to America and he had, you know, strict South African table manners. Oh, enough. Yeah. That's the sort of thing that's showing off at primary school. My uncle lives in America.

You find out they don't have an uncle. Yeah, we never did that. I knew one person who'd been abroad and he was at the National Service. He was in Tripoli. That's quite exotic. What about when I came back to this country from living in Australia and the girl had lied and they said oh you should talk to Victoria because she lived in Australia and I said oh really you'll have to introduce me and she kept putting off meeting me while it all became clear because I said oh where did you

live in Australia Sidney? Oh no. Hard lies No, we talked about odd pride on this show. What about when I pretended I had the younger sister because I didn't want people to think I was weird? Why did you think that would normalise you? I don't know. I remember, you didn't want to be the youngest. Yeah, so this mate of mine at school, he's talking about his sister, Trisha. He said, have you got a younger sister? I went, yeah. He said, what's she called? I said, Trisha. He said, that's weird, isn't it? It was like, I went into the world of female names. All I could see was the name Trricia, like multiplied by a thousand. There were no other names in the world. And I just said Tricia. So not only did I claim

a younger sister, which is what he had, but I named it the same. And then I had to drop her into conversation, calling her Tricia. Oh, you didn't. Oh man. And in. Oh, man. And in the end, I just stopped mentioning it, and he never asked. And it was never even a moment when I first stopped. It was like that moment in the American sitcom when the man goes out for wood and the character's never mentioned it.

He might still be watching. Can you imagine him now? Yeah. He might be... Who, Ogre? He might be watching you on telly thinking, I wonder how Trisha's getting on. He never talks about her these days. It's probably the terrible that must have happened.

Yeah, that's why you never asked me. I looked into the mid distance and bit my lip a little bit. Yeah. She cropped up and that was the end of it. Did you lie when you were a child? I'm trying to think. No, you never did. You don't know the world of lies. I would just pretend to know what football teams were.

I didn't know what they were. Let's have a go. Ah, yes. Liverpool. I pretended I'd lost my virginity when I was about 12 to a woman I'd met and we'd gone into a derelict house together. And I kept that up for ages. You didn't say her name was Tricia, did you?

No. Oh, yeah. What, did you? No. Oh, yeah. What was her name? No. Oh God, not this again. It was, it was fashionable. Gonna have to fall back on the Tricia clause.

It was fashionable in the West Midlands in those days not to ask names. So no, I did that lie. And I think we all... Did you make up the... you said you'd gone into a derelict house. Yeah, well, there was no other context one could have intercourse. I suppose... We all lived with our parents. We didn't have cars, you know.

How about the Massey you're spoiling us? We built dens, but you couldn't have sex in a den. It's too much of a childhood thing. Sure. I don't know. There was a guy who trapped a pigeon in a den. It's too much of a childhood thing. There was a guy who trapped a pigeon in a den. It wouldn't feel right. It wouldn't be seemly in a den. You can't kill your own innocence like that by fornicating in a den.

That's not the kind of swallows and amazons I was after. But there was a guy who trapped a pigeon in a den in order to teach it to speak. I remember one of the kids. Some of the things you say are medieval. I know. I'm not so sure. But it's all true. What are you talking about?

Was this pre-the peasant's revolt? This is the 70s. 1370s. It was the 70s. The West Midlands was a different plane. To be fair, depending on the age of the person, ideally they're not 38, but you sort of think as a kid, well, parrots speak, I'm not being ridiculous, there are birds that can talk. Well that's true, some birds speak.

I believe the citizens of Hartlepool hung a chimpanzee that had escaped from a local menagerie thinking it was a French spy. So, you know, don't come mocking us, it's just in the West Midlands. It was smoking. That's why they thought it was French. It was a louf. It wouldn't even talk to anyone. Exactly.

Smoking and ignoring everyone. It's got to be French. And tolerating affairs. It was a loof. It was a loof. They wouldn't even talk to anyone. Exactly. Smoking and ignoring everyone. It's got to be, Frank. And tolerating affairs. Yeah. Turned his nose up at the local cuisine. It certainly wasn't monogamous.

It seemed very laid back about that. Oh, man. Anyway. Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started I tell you what something that crops up a lot on the reality is the phrase strong woman Was it it wasn't on race market was on it's on the jungle a lot She's a really strong woman tells it like it is no, but it means I'm capable

Tells it like it is. No, but it means capable, unflappable, well sorted, whereas they never ever say he's a really strong man. Ever. That's because you think of a Victorian with a moustache and a stripy sweat. Yeah, someone who goes, ho ho! Yeah, because you wouldn't say strong man, you'd say strong man. If you say strong man, well people don't say that because they don't want to know if men are capable.

No. That's a bit unsafely. But a strong man, as you say, is wearing an animal skin leotard. Exactly. And he's also got one of those non-adjustable barbells. Not one that you can take weights on and off. One that stays the same. Does it have a big globe on the end of it?

Yeah, a big globe that says £100. Yeah. It's passed into it. It suggests the dark fatalism of circus people. To get a barbell that they cannot make heavier because they think nothing will improve. I am in perpetual stasis. I will not get stronger. The only celebrity that... That is the the worldview of the circus entertainer, we're stuck in this

darkness. The bleak. The only celebrity on TV you could have who you could say he's a strong man would be Charles Brunson. He's got the bald head and the curly mustache. Oh, that guy. Charlie Brunson. Yeah, but people don't really say it about criminals. No, but at least he would look the part. Hard man, they'd say.

Hard man. But strength is a different... He's been in his most dangerous prisoner. I don't know if he still holds that title. There was a strong... Barnum and Bailey had a French-Canadian strongman who used to lift a horse. And my dad told me that he had an uncle called Tom Shanks who carried a horse, wore it like a scarf. I think the idea is you get underneath it and then you stand upright. I mean mean you're going to get wee on you.

Like a fireman. It might look like that. Is it like when the world's strongest man picked me up? That's sort of what it is. Well I wasn't there. Oh yeah. I can only imagine how that was done. Leg and arm. But with picking up a lady you've got to be careful where you're putting your hands.

Oh he knew what he was doing. But with a horse. Bill Fister knew what he was doing. Yeah, I'm sure. So yeah, that's how they lifted it. So that was a regular sort of strong, the ultimate strong man test is if they could lift a horse. Oh, is that right? But when people talk about a strong woman, I never picture them with a horse held aloft. Not alone a moustache. No, I just don't even think about it.

Did I tell you I went to Zippo's Circus? You didn't. You know I'm a regular at Zippo's Circus. Is it even real? What's Zippo's Circus? What's their slogan? Keep it lighter. And they're not even sponsored.

They just like the pun. I think their slogan is, the abandoned shop near you's favourite circus. Because that's where the posters go. They're always in those. Blowing in a sinister wind off the bit of a hard shoulder near a roundabout. Zippo's circus, eternally in town, never visible. I find circuses, what's the plural Pierre, of Cirqueye. Cirqueye?

I find them quite depressing if I'm honest. I'm sorry Frank. What about when Kath told me off for clapping in the wrong way? Panam at Cirquem. What is it? Panam at Cirquem is bread and circuses. So it's Cirquem. In that context, but Latin's weird isn't it? It's got all sorts of cases

Oh, that's weird. I discovered that on Duolingo. The owl was going crazy Can you still say Latin's weird? Yeah look into it Reese Mogg won't want to hear it. I Totally love the circus because Kat said to me I said let's get tickets for Zippos and I can't believe you went. Why? I've been loads of times. That's as crazy to me as going to one of the club nights advertised on poles near junctions.

Oh yeah, with photoshopping posters. With a sticker that says text for Bud and it's like a weed logo. And you go, yeah, I'll be friends with it. It's like when you rip off the piece of paper with a mobile phone number. It's like doing that. Yeah, DJ Edgy, they're all called stuff like that. Featuring, and you kind of want to know who these people are. Yeah.

Why do you like services? Meltdown. Why do you like going live? Are they less... Steve Meltdown. No, it's great. I said to Kat let's get tickets and she said I don't know if Bob still wants to go, he's 12. I said I'll go, he doesn't need to come, I'll go on my own. You like Slipknot Frank.

Yeah I like Slipknot and circuses. There's a clown aspect to Slipknot. Yeah? There is a clown. There is a clown aspect to slipknot. Masks and fireworks and things. There you go. It's a clown, isn't it? Yeah. And so are they a bit less cruel circuses, aren't they, these days? They're much more... Yeah, but you can't... I still like them, though. Yeah. What's your favourite part of Zippo's? I mean, I like to see an elephant

standing on a very, very small table. They don't do any... They don't wear tutus now, do they? They... Do they't wear tutus now do they? Do they not wear tutus? I don't think they're allowed. The elephants? Yeah it's cruel. Oh there's no elephants, there's no animals now. Really? Yeah we had the animal rights people standing outside making us feel bad about stuff. We now? You're part of the circus people. I see myself as part of that. The only thing, the old problem I have is occasionally an actor will put on a safety wire and then I just look at my phone until that's over. Who cares if they're on a safety wire?

I mean, there's still people really high up with no safety wire, no net, absolutely risking it and that's brilliant. I will tell you what, you know what? A tradition that's formed on this podcast is things that we think are really difficult and hard to achieve, like mattresses. We thought, you know, I slept happily on a yoga mat and I thought we've been conned into thinking we need mattresses. And then there was the art of the optometrist and I went into a cafe and it says if you

need some prescription spectacles you can borrow some of these. There was a woman doing ballet on point on a high wire. What about that? So you see ballet and you see them on point, you think that's absolutely, how can they do that? They're superhuman. Then you see someone doing it on a tightrope and think, oh, those ballet people, they're doing it really easy, child practice, soft centre. On the floor? Yeah, exactly. Just on the floor? On a big massive floor, whereas this woman's doing it on a tiny tightrope.

She's properly up there, no safety wire. Would you be excited to see someone clip on a safety wire when they were still on the floor though? Because then you're thinking, are they going to get yanked into the sky or something? No, the safety wire, it's not what circus is about for me. Not risking death? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I want, I don't want them to get hurt, but I want it to be a chance that they might. Did they have a sort of sinister ringmaster? They had... They have a woman now sometimes. Oh yeah. Now this was, can you still say dwarf? Yeah. I would say little person. Is it? Yeah. Oh I think dwarfs better isn't it? Okay. I'm not sure but anyway he was a sort of comedy turn the first time I saw him. And he's also, he's like Mr. I do everything in the circus, this guy.

And he even goes in the motorbike thing at the end when they all drive around inside this big sort of sphere. He takes a motorbike and does that. And he joins in with all the acrobats and he's the ringmaster and he does comedy. He's like, he's become the circus, this guy. But it used to be, Zippos, when I first went, was a very old man, he used to do a fabulous bodgerigar act in which they...

He got in a cage and messed it. No, no. Sat on a load of newspaper. Saturated newspaper. He didn't do a bodger. Berlin version of Zipporz. I didn't really get it, it was full of tension. He was looking in a mirror a lot of the time.

And then he'd get a microphone and go... Very, that's very good. Thanks. Was that his act? No. He had lots of bodgery guards. And one would pull another one in a little cart. And they would go on a big wheel that went round and they'd do a tightrope. They'd sing the wheel.

Yeah, I don't think they'd speak. Oh. They went... It's because no one locked them in a den in the West Midlands for long enough. Yeah, but it was a brilliant act. I think he once did it on the Royal Variety performance back in the 70s. Really? But I haven't seen him since, I don't know if the animal rights people have

secured the bodgerigars somewhere. Maybe they've been released. Yeah, now they're just confusing people in parks. Yeah, if you ever see a bodgerigar on a branch, push in a small wheelbarrow. Don't panic. I think he's a retired circus performer. But I absolutely love it, I must say it's the best. Do we have any externale? Yes we do. That's what I like to call it. Yes. We had, and I don't know how you feel about this Frank, but we'll soon find out. How can you without telling me? Well quite. Darren from Alpington has got in touch. Dear Frank, Emily and Pierre, long time listener of the show. I will now redact this praise. A request. A long time ago, Frank told a story about playing Trivial Pursuit with David B. and a woman-

That's David Baddiel, not David Baldacci. David Bowie. David Bowie. David Bowie. Yeah. And a woman who couldn't get the Gandhi clue that Frank was giving. I've never laughed so much and I would love to hear it again. Would Frank mind telling it again? Well, there's a couple of things.

Firstly, do you mind telling it again? No, as you probably know, I don't remember it the first time. Oh, okay. Yes, I the first time. Oh, okay. Yes, I know the story. Okay, fine. It was Christmas. Gather round the fireside, children. David Bowie and I were sitting down to a game of trivial pursuit.

And he said, Frank, why don't we? No. So it was Christmas and I was due to spend Christmas alone. Okay. Okay. And which is a deeper, I remember I spent New Year alone once and I went out onto the balcony and I could hear all the old langsines going up all around and I was there on my own in total darkness.

Quite poetic though. Yeah. So go on. Anyway, so David Baddiel said to me, I'm going to a Jewish Christmas party in North North London. Do you want to come with me? And I said, I know, it's fine. He was being nice and he said, no, I've asked and they don't mind you coming. And I said, now, I've asked, and they don't mind you coming.

And I said, that's really sweet. So it's a bunch of about 12 Jewish men and women all in there, like, you know, all youngish. And we got there and we played that, we had a fabulous meal. Everyone was really friendly. It was a lovely festive, there was crackers and it was great. I accepted that it was a Roman Centurion. So we sat around and someone said,

let's play the hat game. Now the hat game is that game where you have a name on a piece of paper. So for example, if it says William Reese Mark, you cannot say, if you say William Reese or Mark, you've lost, but if you say a Tory politician looks like Charles Hortry as a reality TV and they get William Reese Mark,

or you can do other types of clue But that's basically so we played that game and I was playing with this guy who I don't think he wasn't Jewish He was the boyfriend of one of a young woman that was there And he was a kind of a hippie guy very sort of chilled and I had Dandy on my piece of paper Mahatma, not David. Yes, and I said, very famous Indian leader and he said, is it like chief sitting, I said no, actually Indian, from India, famous like peace, peace loving and there's a big film about him. Right, at this peace, peace loving, and there's a big film about him.

Right, at this point, come on. And he said, is it like, running water, is it one running water? I said, no, no, it's an actual Indian, an Indian, not, the people you're talking about are not from India, that was a mistake, that was a a geographical I said I'm talking about an actual Indian statesman and he said like a chief or something, I said it's from India, from India in the Asian subcontinent a man he rose up against the British Empire and refused to have like cotton imports and stuff and he was going Indian as well. And I said, oh, why are you such a thick fuck? And the whole room, the whole room went utterly silent.

And I had been invited to this thing. I said, outside now. Happy Hanukkah. I had broken bread with them on Levin, but nice. And then- Those were the crackers you mentioned. In this lovely game we had, and I had completely ruined the evening and we just had to go. Everyone, the girl, his girlfriend, the lovely Jewish lady, she just burst into tears.

She literally burst into tears. This is like, as Pat once said, you ruin lives. And Dave said, come on, we better go. And we went and Dave, I went sort of out, I could hear Dave saying, I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry. I mean, it was awful, awful. And you know, I'd said it, there was no point in going back. No. And you were right. There's no point apologizing. I think I mentioned that to Dave on the way home. You'd think that would take some of the edge off it, but no. It was a bad thing to do. I shouldn't have done it. Would you have felt better if they'd framed it as, no, Frank, we consider it very bad

form to point out how stupid this man is. We agree, but you simply mustn't say it. It was, I sort of, as I look back on it now, I'm thinking, well, you know, the fact that he was making in a way a very un-woke mistake about the Native Americans. It more than makes up for your behavior. Yes, totally. I realized I was one of the woke pioneers. I was in early on putting people right on these matters.

It's very odd to be a bit of a hippie and to not be aware of... Honestly, I'm not exaggerating. I could not, unless I'd have just turned the paper around and gone, look, I don't think I could have made it any clearer who it was. Did you ever get to the bottom of this man's ignorance? Why are we focusing on this man's ignorance? It's all one of the bit about how he's the playmiss. It's a very Pierre thing. Pierre thinks I was utterly justified.

He is right. I mean, come on, how is... He shouldn't have shouted. It's all one of the bit... I think you should have hissed it into his throat. Bear in mind... it was like... Just so you and him could hear. It was like... You know that...

You know, Bokkeroo? Yeah. Where you put so many things on the plastic horse, it suddenly kicks out wildly loud. That's what I was. I was the horse. If he was doing it to mess with you, that's very funny. Oh no, he wasn't doing it to mess with me. Can we stop focusing on this man's behaviour? If he was doing it to mess with you, that's very funny. Oh no, he wasn't doing it to mess with me. Can we stop focusing on this man's behaviour?

Frank called someone a thick fart at a dinner party in a home that he was invited to. You know I don't like swearing on. You swore earlier. I know, but I was quoting someone. And I'm quoting you. Well I was quoting me. Our lady's not allowed. No.

Well, you know what else? We'll lose all the Debrete sponsorship if we let you swear. You know that Elvis thing about, there was this guy who went over to give, from the English Elvis fan club, to give him this award. And when he arrived, he had this massive award for Elvis, and the Memphis Mafia, Elvis' sort of protecting friends, put him and his wife in a hotel room for two days. They weren't allowed to leave the hotel room. And eventually he got to present the award to Elvis on a car park as Elvis, it just stopped Elvis. And the husband said, Elvis, you know, I'm a massive fan of yours I'm from the Elvis

appreciation Society of Great Britain we want to give you this award and you must remember very much and then just handed it to another one of the guys and the wife lost it and she slapped Elvis across the face his shades you know those shades with the holes in they were hanging off and she said, you fucking wank. My husband has come, he's loved you, you're treating him like shit and all that. She went crazy and there was a pause and Elvis said, I sure hate to hear cuss words on the lips of a woman. And then left.

Anyway my New Year's resolution to not swear on the podcast has gone somewhat awry today but thank you so much for listening to us and bye bye. It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.

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