The Frank Skinner Show - Remote Sandwich Bag

Episode Date: February 17, 2024

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Emily is in the host seat and is joined by Pierre and Steve Hall. This week the team discuss the TikTok accent, missed calls and the best dungaree wearers.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. We're without our supreme leader and respected comrade this morning. Does that sound alright? That's lovely. That's good. Our benevolent dictator. The great helm. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, Steve. I like this job. He will be back very soon, but the good news is today, guess what?

Or as I call you, you know what I'm going to call you instead? The boys who get bullied into having their homework copied back in town. Would that be reasonable? The boys are back in the library. Boys are back in the Buddle Boys are back in the badlands. Break time was too loud. That was the original version of the song. Yes.

Guess who cried in the toilets today? Steve. I am joined, of course, by the marvellous Mr Novelli. Oh, yes. In cinemas now. He's a very heavy boy. That's the catchphrase now. And the splendid Steve Hall.

Do you like that? I like that very much. Oh, you sounded so grateful, Steve. I'm not used to such charity. You arrived with a flat cap this morning. It's all coming together. You can text the show on 81215. You can follow us on x still not

working that is it um if you're going to rebrand think about the verb follow us on x and instagram at frank on the radio or you can email us via frank at absolute radio.co.uk um i enunciated that in quite an old school TV presenter way I loved it it was real you could have done the voice of

the talking clock after the tone it will be I like that crisp enunciation yes boys I'm not going to lie

we all miss the king of comedy when he's not here that's Frank by the way not you two sorry I love you both if there's any one daddy in this studio We all miss the king of comedy when he's not here. That's Frank, by the way, not you two. Sorry. I love you both.

If there's any one daddy in this studio. I worry a bit sometimes, and I hope Absolute Radio won't mind me saying this, I worry a bit that, are we a bit like the sort of slightly less glamorous animals in the zoo having to raise their game when the monkey enclosure is shut? Do you know what I mean? Like when it rains and everyone goes, oh, we was all gonna have to go and see the bats now i don't make the

most of it or the sort of palace of grasshoppers what's your worst zoo what's it what's your absolute i will only do this in an absolute code red emergency situation animal that you will see oh it's it used to be because i used to live near london zoo Oh, it used to be, because I used to live near London Zoo. It used to be? What, it's evolved? When the kids were small, we'd go there quite a lot. And it'd be the ones where you couldn't see anything. It's like an animal that sleeps 23 hours.

Yes, yeah. And the kids are insistent they will not move until they spot it. It's going to come out. It gets nocturnal. They shouldn't even have it available. I hate the ones that sleep. Play the game. Because the zoo's shut when they spot it. It's going to come out. It gets nocturnal. They shouldn't even have it available. I hate the ones that sleep. Play the game. Because the zoo's shut when they're awake. It doesn't make sense. Is that like the

student enclosure? Exactly. They're just sleeping now. The goths. Obviously every day at one o'clock it's the goth feeding display. I'm actually seeing, you see I think we are quite batting closure Steve, if you don't mind me saying

Pierre, bit more bear Oh yeah, what sort of loping out of a kind of concrete tunnel to pick up fag ends. Spectacle bear don't get me wrong, you're a very literary learned bear Now listen, I need to tell you something

I went to see Frank's show this week 30 Years of Dirt I never tell him what night I go because I'm a woman of mystery and I like to keep it that way but what I will tell you is that firstly, Pierre who was his support act

was phenomenally funny and brilliant I was so proud and relieved There's always a sense of relief, let's not lie. It's always a relief. Because you've said to your friends, I took my best friend and her husband, Jonathan, and my goddaughter, and you build these people up. Come on, deliver. Oh, he delivered.

And Frank's show itself, and I'm honestly not saying this just because I work with him, it was so hilarious. I'm going to go comedy masterclass, Steve Hall. Fantastic. My friend Jane, who I went with, she said, I honestly haven't laughed that much in a

year. And I think her husband, Jonathan Ross, actually took that comment very snarkily. Jonathan thought it was brilliant. My goddaughter, Honey, said it was brilliant my goddaughter Honey said it was brilliant, it got five stars from the whole family we absolutely love it so I do urge you to go and see it it's on tour at the moment is that right? It will be yes I'm keeping your cards a bit close to your chest

it will be yes I think we're finishing up the West End run and then we're off around the country in a week or two. OK. We're everywhere. In a week or two. Let's all scarlet pimple out over there. Love it.

Frank's Case Gimmons on Absolute Radio. A little distracted by the weatherman's jacket on TV. I appreciate this isn't very professional of me, A little distracted by the weatherman's jacket on TV. I appreciate this isn't very professional of me, but it's just, it's an odd fit, is all I would say. Yeah, that's a spilt something on himself. Oh, do you think he rushed in? He's had to borrow something from someone else.

I need to tell you something briefly. I will stop talking about Frank's brilliant show, but I need to tell you something else which is that when I was uh there's some music that Frank comes on to which you'll be familiar with yes yeah I would describe it as it's very peak Frank it's kind of why I love him but it is essentially a very 70s or slash 80s man shouting yes it's that kind of. And when I was sitting with my goddaughter Honey and she said, oh, what's this music? There was no shade there

or tone, but she was intrigued. And I said, well, I was looking for a way to describe it and I think she kind of nailed it. She said, oh, I know the kind of thing you mean. Is it when an angry man shouts, I grew up in an old shoe? And I said, yes, it sort of is that, really.

I think that's fair enough. I think you've pretty much nailed it. Can we talk about the song? Can we identify the song? Well, Jonathan Ross filled me in on this, because he loved it. He said, are you talking about Jonathan Richman, is it? Am I right there?

Road Runner. Road Runner by Jonathan Richman. It's one of the best songs of all time. I love that song very, very, very much. Jonathan Richmond's really happy, so most of his albums are incredibly upbeat. I grew up very happily in an old shoe. I grew up in an old shoe.

It's just about loving driving. In an Espadrille. Because I know Frank passionately loves that song. So I sent him an article once. There's a brilliant music writer called Laura Barton who did the drive that is described in Roadrunner.

Steve is all getting a bit mojo now. Yeah, it's a beautiful song. She drove, she did the Route 128 in America and it's through the desert. Nevertheless, it still sounds like someone singing I Grew Up in an Old Shoot. Well, it's like oi oi. Yes.

People shouting oi. Yes. 70s punk English. Oh, they love an oi? Now listen, an unusual way to start a discussion on a breakfast radio show, but I never said I was usual. I know, do you may recall I was banging on about my hatred of WhatsApp groups last week.

Do you recall? Yes. I'm not done. OK? With my middle-aged rants about modern communication. I'm keen to know where both of you stand on the phenomenon of the missed call. Because I don't know exactly when this happened.

But it feels like, what would you say, maybe ten years ago? Everyone collectively decided that the voicemail was phased out. That was done with. And you're deeply uncool and out of touch if you leave a voicemail. If you leave a voicemail now, it's the equivalent of saying, do you take traveller's checks, my good man? Would you agree?

I would agree because it's like a sort of a voice note that I can only hear if I have to ring a different number. Yeah, yeah. Yes. And I find the way that people leave voicemails... Voicemail? We're not on voice notes. No, no, no. But voice notes are immediate, whereas a voicemails... Voicemail? We're not on voice notes. You and your new fangirl things.

No, no, but voice notes are immediate, whereas a voicemail is like a voice note that I have to telephone a robot to get access to. Yeah, which is so insane. There's 20 seconds of dead time. Yeah, yeah. And it's usually to discover that it's half of a recorded message about have you had an accident.

Yes, and also, even when it's a real one, I think that the way that people leave voicemails, their tone of voice, I find it very embarrassing. Do you? Give me a classic voicemail tone of voice. So like, this is Pierre, I'm not in, please leave me a message. So first of all, there's that long gap where people worry that they're not being recorded.

And I hate that. Because it goes, boop, and then the voicemail goes, you have one message oh yeah hi yeah I'm just calling because we and there's people

trying to think like oh god what were the details of my call what was my plan and you can hear them trying to do it and you just think

oh just text this just text this to me but a missed call is the worst of all worlds well I was just going to say you're right the voice note has clearly replaced the voicemail to some degree but when did we all decide that the missed call was an acceptable way to leave let's face it a frankly passive-aggressive message it's kind of well you'll never know will you look what you could have won you loser or i'm at the bottom of a ravine and this will haunt you forever it just seems odd that that's become okay that we all think that's an acceptable form of communication people treat people will say to

me well i left i left you a missed call. You left me a missed call. You may as well say, well, I walked past your house and swore. If any readers have an opinion on this, they can phone the show. Can't promise we'll pick up. But I tell you what, just hang up on us. It's a lovely way to communicate. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Can I tell you something quickly? I don't know if this is too much. TMI. I hate people

who say that. I'm one of them. But I really had a terrible anxiety dream last night about hosting this show, which I've never had before. The producer rather patronised me, just went, oh, I heard you. There's a lovely lady called Daisy, who sort of, how would you describe her, Pio and Steve? She's the major domo of the show. Yes, I would say she is. She's the godfather.

She is. She runs things from behind the scenes. And I had this awful anxiety dream that she'd called me. I woke up in an absolute cold sweat thinking this had happened, saying, I'm afraid it was an absolute disaster. Honestly. And it was about, she used the word absolute. Absolute disaster.

I thought, she's making a joke at my expense. She said it just didn't work. So I'm really sorry. I hope Daisy's listening live because she knows the text that she needs to send you at the end of the show. That's the text you sent. It really upset me.

And I'm really fond of her, but I felt really angry with her this morning. Do you ever get that with dreams? You get angry when you dream about someone. Oh, yeah, particularly the number of partners who have woken up furious at me. I beg your pardon. Because of a thing I did in their dream. Yeah, my girlfriend's done that.

I've not done it. Maybe we're discovering a new gender difference. Oh, ladies, eh? I tell you what, we take ages to get ready as well. It's a bit more abstract, isn't it? If you saw an old school comedian going like, the thing about the ladies is they're haunted by their dreams. This is an odd tone for this guy to be taking.

How can I move on from this? Because I just don't think she should have said absolute disaster. I just think that was a bit off. It was rude. Yeah. I got in trouble once for dream misdeeds. Oh, did you? What did you do in your

dream? I think I kissed someone who wasn't my girlfriend in her dream. And you liked it? And then I paddled away in a canoe. And then I sort of slowly slipped over the horizon. Can I just say that is the most peak dream way to exit a scenario.

And then I got on the back of a giant shark. Why don't people ever use doors in dreams? It's always a thing that a canoe will be like, oh, it's a canoe, that means she had money concerns. Yes, exactly. I want to apologise for telling you about my dreams. I do, you know my views usually on dreams. More boring than listening to your problems.

But I had to make an exception, because it's really, it's been sitting, it's been weighing heavily on me. Anyway, let's return to the subject of the missed call. Possibly the rudest. I mean, I honestly, when I think what I, I don't mind if someone calls me, oh, you're not there, I'll try you later.

It's this unspoken sort of contract we've entered into that that is the equivalent of leaving a message and the onus is now on me to respond to that person. It's like writing where were you in paint on someone's door. I don't like the let them wonder suckers aspect of it as well. And I do it because if I don't, people will think I was born around the time of the abdication crisis and I don't want them to think that.

But it is the passive-aggressive aspect of it that I take issue with. I had one recently. I had someone leave, I think it was between 5 and 6, let's call it 5.5, missed calls in a row within

probably a 15-minute period. Oh, that's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Now, these's bad. Yeah. Now, these people don't care. They'll keep going. That's I am at the bottom of a ravine level. Well, they better have been. Well, yeah.

If they weren't... I hope so. I was going to have a problem with them. You'll find out what happened. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Boys, I want to actually, before I get on to the subject of missed calls again, I want to say to you that you can text the show on 81215. You can follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio

and you can email us via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. By the way, thank you so much Steve for being with us this morning because and you Pierre, don't fall out you two, because you dashed here from Birmingham. Am I right? Yes, that's correct. I'm in Birmingham last night

and tonight as well on tour with my good friend Steve Williams. I like my good friend. And we've sold it out as well. We don't even need to plug it on air. We've sold them both out. Getting a bit cocky. I mean, London Leicester Square Theatre, March 9th,

needs a lot of help. You were in... You had a hotel. I did, yes. We put them up in a hotel. I say we. I had no involvement. I want to ask a question.

Did you get involved in robage? I'm always interested if people get involved in robage for the night or whether they think, no, that's more of a weekend thing,

the hotel robe. I'm presuming you mean hotel robage. Again, I'm so out of touch. Robage could be some new thing that young people are doing. Have you never tried robage?

All right, granddad. No. No, no, I've never worn a hotel dressing gown. Well, you see, Frank hasn't either. I've never worn one, ever. Why don't you wear these robes? Well, partly, number one, I'm a naked walker. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Steve.

I mean, not through the corridors, but, you know. Naked walker? Why are you getting the throats? Yes. Too offensive, even for Georgeorge rr martin i don't like that that's like a game of thrones late night special the naked walkers sorry the first action i ever do any hotel room i am straight with the do not disturb sign yes because things are gonna to be easy no i don't know i think that's right i don't like yeah not in a sleazy way just in a naked walker yeah

just in a you know i need the world to be just gonna leave me alone yeah yes no i agree with that do you yeah if i if i'm in a hotel and they have a bath i like to have a an evening bath and you don't need people knocking on the door telling you things about, I don't know, there's a fire. You're naked walking and you leave me alone and you have weird baths. You're sounding more and more like a Netflix documentary is about to be made. But I think wearing a robe in a hotel room if you're a man is more perverse than not. Because I would be so worried. The only people who would wear that gown.

Yeah. because I would be so worried. The only people who would wear that gown, it's a bit like, you know, you're meant to wipe down the remote control because it's the thing in a hotel room that never gets cleaned. Is that right? Yes, I've heard that, yeah. So I know people who bring transparent pouches to put the remote control inside so they don't have to physically touch it.

I also know some very, very insane people. Transparent pouches. Did you bring your remote sandwich bag? Damn, I've forgotten the remote plastic bags. I always leave something at home. This would be like being a crime scene investigator in every hotel. Bag it up. This is a marketing idea for hotels.

People have to bring their own, the remote sandwich bag. Here at the Hilton, we have our own creepy little bags for the objects in the room. Let's draw attention to how unsanitised our bedrooms are. Don't worry about our filth. It's in the bag. Dear sir, consider how disgusting you know yourself to be when you think there's been 10,000 people in the same room as you, all equally as mucky. Or worse. Do you know what to be, then think there's been 10,000 people in the same room as you, all equally as mucky.

Or worse. Do you know what the good thing is? I might try that, Steve. I don't always have plastic bags on me. Unlike you, it seems. But I do always have the dog. Yes, that's the thing. The dog bags.

Do you think one of Ray's... One of Ray's bags will... I call them his comfort break bags. Yes. Do you think that would work for the remote control i think it would work absolutely and then you could still use it ray could still use it later on and they're not see-through so it would lend a pleasing air of mystery to what channel you were going to put on aren't they

frank skimmer absolute radio We were talking earlier about the phenomenon of the missed call. The very rude phenomenon of the missed call. The warning of it. Yes. You said you'd gotten five or six in 15 minutes. Five or six. And do you know what happened? Well, you're going to find out whether you like it or not.

And they were one of those, I call them the sort of, I'm not going down without a fight, miscallers. They wouldn't let it lie. So by the sort of fifth call from the same number, didn't know who these people were, they weren't stored, not in contacts, one of the most insulting things that can ever be next to your name in a phone. Not a contact.

NAC, you don't ever want to be NAC. And so after the sort of fifth time, I thought this must be urgent. This must be an emergency. I'm going to have to pick up. So I picked up and a woman said, hello, is this Emily Dean? And I was so stunned at the lack of urgency in her voice. I was absolutely livid. Do you know what I mean?

I wanted her to be saying, help! Or just the sound of distant gunfire. Ideally. And I said... I kind of did this intentionally. I said, sorry, what's happened? Because I wanted her to know that she'd interrupted my life.

And she'd created an air of emergency. Yeah. And she said, happened? I said, well, you've called me five times in the last... I mean, it was a very aggressive start to a conversation. I said, you've called me five times in the last 20 minutes. What's going on? And she said, oh, it's Lisa from Mercedes-Benz sales room.

We just wanted to invite you to our special customer event unacceptable wow it was in april oh lord and at that point were you like well that's that's fine then i understand that was an emergency thank god you called if it had been bmw i'd have been furious i said lisa by this time, I was giving it for Lisa. Lisa, why did you call me five times in a row? And do you know what she said? Lisa said, well, I just didn't want you to miss out on our exciting new deals. Someone's getting a promotion.

I was so floored, and it was getting quite, I felt the emotional levels were rising. I suddenly felt... It was like talking to an ex or something. I said, which was quite an odd response, I actually said, I said, it's just quite full-on, Lisa. I honestly said that.

Bit needy, Lisa. I thought, where have we ended up, me and Lisa? Lisa, I'm just not that into you. It was. And I said, it's just ended up, me and Lisa? Lisa, I'm just not that into you. It was. And I said, it's just quite full-on, Lisa. And there was a pause. And do you know how Lisa responded? She said, aw.

Goodness me. Which, again, floored me. But I kind of respected her. Because then she said, OK, so can I put you down as a yes then that is so great and you know what I ended up feeling so guilty and responsible for her feelings and like I'd maybe snapped at her and shamed her that I think I might have to go just go tap her on the shoulder five times but walk away before you speak to her.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. You are listening to The Frank Skinner Show. There's no Frank this morning, but there is myself. There is also Piano Valley. And there is myself. There is also Pianovelli. And there is also Steve Hall. Hello. We're all here.

Oh, I liked hello. Lovely little lunchtime news programme. You can text the show on 81215. You can follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio. Or you can email us via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. And we're very sad that Frank's not here, but we're going to do our best. Absolutely.

What about when someone said to me, never look online, never look at what's said about you. But I did. Whose was that? It was mine. Okay, I do apologise. That was my phone. And someone said... I hope it wasn't a missed call.

Oh, can you imagine? It'll be the Mercedes-Benz woman. Saying, I just didn't want you to miss out. I know you're presenting the radio show, but I didn't want you to miss out on one of our fabulous deals. And someone had said, I think you were very capable. Oh! What do you think of capable? It's in the same realm for me as safe pair of hands.

I mean, only a goalkeeper wants to be described that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really. Or a jeweller. Yes. Can we please let us... I would like to delve into our reader correspondence because I do love our readers.

Absolutely, yes. Let's face it, they are really the chief content providers for this show, particularly when Frank's on. So have we been hearing from the outside world? Yes, well, on the subject, you were talking about missed calls in the previous hour. I was. And we've heard from Julie from Bognor Regis, who's asking the opinion of the team. She says, I wondered what your views are on high being replaced with hay on emails and texts why was this necessary high was fine and did the job perfectly in my 50s i've now got the dilemma of whether to stick with high and immediately put myself in the old git category

or to embrace the hay which feels unnaturally am i too old to hay? Your advice would be much appreciated. Great question, Julie. Too old to hay? What do you say, Pierre? I'm not sure. Do I think high is old? I don't think so. Hay is more casual than high. And I know that sounds mad,

because they're both obviously casual abbreviations. Oh, absolutely. I mean, hay, for example, if you had to write to your local councillor, and you strike me as the type that would, Steve, if you don't take that the wrong way. That's fine. What would I preface it with?

I'd preface it with word up. Yes. You wouldn't. You see, dear feels odd. It feels very archaic. It feels a bit Jacob Rees-Mogg, dear. In an email it feels odd. Doesn't it?

It feels a bit like writing, from the desk of Mr. So-and-so. It's a bit signing off the text, Jules, sincerely. Yeah, whereas I think I would not mind if I got an email from a bank that said hi, but I would find it weird if I got an email from a bank that said

hey. Yeah, you would immediately think that's a scam. I'd go, scam? Yeah, it's up there with if they prefaced it with, dear, dear sir, wagwan, your bank account is overdrawn. You'd immediately think this is not real. All right, fella. I always think if I get a hey, I always think it's going to be bad news.

Yes. I think it's their way of sort of softening me and trying to butter me up. I'm a deeply suspicious character. Hey, you missed our Mercedes. Sorry. Hey, Emily. Hey, Emily.

I'm afraid the news isn't good. It's time to use one of the best phrases. You once shared this with me, Steve. Would you like to share this again? I don't think we touched on this last week, but whenever I see Steve, I am reminded of... Yes, I think it was a cab driver, I think, who there was some sort of lengthy delay or diversion,

but it involved the journey being a lot longer. And he used the phrase, he said, well, that's the way it crumbles, cookie-wise. He said, I'm afraid that's the way it crumbles, cookie-wise. He said, I'm afraid that's the way it crumbles, cookie-wise. And do you know what? I've never forgotten it, Steve. That's great. Well, a long time later, I found out fairly recently,

it's a line that Jack Lemmon says in the film The Apartment. But I love that at some point this character will have watched Jack Lemmon and gone, I'm having that. Or just heard it. Yeah, yeah. And gone, well, that's the phrase. You see, so when I get an email, the reason I wanted you to remind us of that

is because it needs to be shared with the world. But whenever I get an email beginning, hey, I think it's going to be, hey, Emily. And the tone will be, I'm afraid that's the way it crumbles cookie-wise. Do you see? Yeah, that makes sense. Cookie-wise, the clown. We could celebrate it, the Hay Festival. It could be a new...

Yes. But I don't think Julie needs to change. I think she can stick with high. I think if it's formal or an email to someone who doesn't know high, anything else, hay. I like that you two have laid down the rules for her. It's the rules, Julie. Yeah.

Get on board. So you would, and how do you sign off? Best? All best? Nothing at all? Yeah, nothing at all. You say thanks, regardless of whether or not I feel thankful. Oh, don't do thanks. No?

Thanks is worse than a missed call. Is it? I remain your faithful servant. Your humble, obedient servant, Stephen Hall. Yes, witness my hand this day, the year 2000. You do actually say that. A little JPEG of a wax seal. Yes.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Let's share with the group some of our readers' correspondence. Yes, so... That question to Piano Belli. Last week we were talking about, we'd had some correspondence sent in about fictional tourist sites. People in Verona can go and visit Romeo and Juliet's balconies, graves, etc. Yes, I seem to remember I got very angry about the Harry Potter platform. Yes, in King's Cross there is a trolley embedded in the wall

and people like to queue up and take pictures of themselves as if they're about to fly through the wall holding the trolley. And it's always got a long queue and it never doesn't freak me out that there are people queuing in a section of railway station to stand next to a wall does anyone ever just appear and say it's not real go home stop stop it waving their hands it's fake yeah well i might start because they block the way to the loo. Do they? Yeah, they do, yeah.

But yeah, you can go to Verona and visit Romeo and Juliet's fake graves and things, which is mad. And as we said last week, very English teacher. Yes. Very person laughing at Shakespeare jokes. Yes. So Becky writes in,

following on from Fictional Tourist Sites chat on last week's show, I wanted to let you know that when I went to Dubrovnik, we were on a walking tour around the walls, and an American woman asked the tour guide, when did the events of Game of Thrones happen? I like the events of Game of Thrones. Yes, you know, the historical events depicted in Game of Thrones. The poor tour guide just responded in a very lovely and measured way that the TV show was filmed in the city

from 2011 onwards. Very diplomatic. A good... That's a difficult tennis ball that's been thrown at that tour guide. Yes. And they've hit it back with some grace. Because you don't want to humiliate the customer. Don't you? Okay. Thanks for that.

We're not an American customer because they will tip you if you're nice. So I definitely wouldn't if I was a tour guide in Dubrovnik. But the American woman wasn't having any of it, insisting he committed to hard historic dates on when a woman on a dragon destroyed the city. Oh. This happened in 2021, and my friend and I laugh about it every time we see each other.

You see, it's interesting because I never believe that. Whenever I hear about, I think it may have been Frank. I think, in fact, this is a Frank thing. Frank says he never believes it. You know when soap stars say, people came up to me in the street and tried to punch me because of my storyline. Frank says, I never believe that actually happened. I don't believe people are that stupid. They believe the soap.

I never believed that someone would actually think the events of Game of Thrones happened. But now I trust Becky. She sounds like a trustworthy, reliable, honest source. I believe this 100%. Speaking as someone who has been, a lot of the times when I'm back in South Africa, I've been travelling surrounded by Americans or I've done things with our Americans there. And the questions they ask about Africa are along these lines.

Really? Absolutely, yeah. And it's not an American thing. It's a person who, I imagine the woman would defend herself and say, well, obviously not the dragon bit, but, you know, the rest of the events. The white walkers, or should I say, naked walkers, as we've rechristened them this morning in honour of Steve Hall's revelation. Robeless antics.

His habits. Just one more word on the naked walking. I don't wish to be indelicate. Obviously, it doesn't bother you. Do you, with the naked walking, do you make sure you close the blinds? Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, absolutely. Yeah. But also, I mean, the blinds are quite high up.

So, as you... Well, these days everything's hanging quite low, so it'd have to be a very low... It'd have to be a very... It'd have to be a picture window. It'd be like Jason Bourne trying to snipe you. It's the only way he'd see. I don't imagine Jason Bourne... Do you think Jason Bourne leaves a do not disturb?

I don't... Does he wear the robe, though? I guess he could use the robe. Jason Bourne hasn't got... I'll tell you who wouldn't wear the robe. Reacher. No. Reacher's not a robe man, is he? No, he's in his boxers.

Reacher's not an anything man. Because all Reacher has... I only discovered this recently, so it's just a toothbrush, isn't it? Do you know about this? Oh, yes. Do you know about this, Steve? I don't know this detail.

Jack Reacher. Are you familiar with Jack Reacher? I am familiar with Jack. Okay, I think why men like him is that he only carries a toothbrush around with him. Yes. That's it, is it? That's all he packs or something. If any of our readers are Reacher fans, that's all right.

We're all God's children, I forgive you. What does he carry? I think it's just a toothbrush. I think so. No toothpaste? No, because he can buy that. But apparently... Salt.

That's the bit you don't see where Jack Reacher's got. I've just got to go to Boots. Yeah, yeah. There's a meal deal as well. Do you know what? If it was a bit more like that, I might get involved. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. If it was a bit more like that, I might get involved. I nearly fell off my chair then. I don't mean that as I was laughing so much.

Or as the so delighted with Sheryl Crow. Yeah, maybe that's how much I like her. So what's happening with the outside world, please, boys? Simon has got in touch, and he says best wishes from Simon on the Black Isle. Oh, OK. The Black Isle, which I like. What's the Black Isle?

I think it's in Scotland, but I like it. It's quite piratical. Do you know what the Black Isle is? I'd never heard of it. I was wondering if it was connected to the Game of Thrones. It's another American who believes it. Well, it is. So Simon says, regarding people believing fictional things,

he says Peggy Mount was doing an Evening With Peggy Mount tour. And she said that theatres reported people requesting refunds ahead of some shows because she'd played a character on Casualty Who Died. So they thought that she had actually died. I don't know. I only know the name Peggy Mount from a half-man, half-biscuit song. I don't actually know who Peggy Mount was. I believe Peggy... Where is Frank Skinner when we need him?

I've got a feeling, when I think of Peggy Mount, I think of her saying her name like this, Peggy Mount. That's all I can tell you. That's all you've got from the mists. I see her sitting in the chair, spilling out of the chair perhaps, of the sort of slightly cantankerous, powerful woman who takes up space.

But you know the woman on the sitcom who's a bit like, what, you're coming round here? I won't have any of that in my nice boarding house. A lot of gesturing with a cigarette. Yes. So she's a Nora Batty type figure. I believe so.

I may be wrong, isn't it? Perhaps our readers could give us a pracey of peggy mount we don't rely on wikipedia or google here we rely on our readers peggy mount pracey please yes um but i i think that a reason i believe the fictional things concept especially i'm afraid with an american tourist in dubrovnik is that on a few occasions i've seen seen Americans in South Africa become overwhelmed and start to rely on things like the Lion King as a source of valuable information for what's going on around them, openly and with no embarrassment.

What do you mean? So to give you an idea of the attitude, we landed once at Johannesburg International Airport, which is a very normal airport. There aren't elephants on the runway. It's a very boring airport and if you look out the window, you could be anywhere. Sort of scrubby grass, tarmac.

And I had shared the 10-hour flight. Hazy horizon? I love the hazy horizon. Sure, but still you know, the hazy horizon, the same when you get in Spain or Greece or anywhere else. And I'd shared the 10-hour flight with a large group of American evangelical Christian teens who had, at one point at what would have been 3 a.m. UK time, began rapping about Christ. It was a lot.

It was a bad flight. And when we landed, and the rap was good. Was it, it was a bad flight. And when we, when we landed, and the rapper's good. I'd love to hear that rap. Was it? It was very 80s. Yes. Do, do, do, do, do,

Jesus. You know, it wasn't quick. I'm MC God, I'm here to say. Yeah, very much in that oeuvre, yeah.

They were all extremely white, by the way. They were very obedient, the 80s rapper. They never strayed from the rhythm, the basic rhythm. Anyway, yeah.

And as we walked down from the tunnel on a plane. Oh, I know the tunnel. With the little windows. They just looked out at the tarmac and some brown grass. And they all stopped and went, we are so in Africa right now. And I thought, what is different about this to anything you've ever seen? Just a tarmac. I love that.

They were enchanted by the runways. It's their version of we're not in Kansas anymore. We are so in Africa right now. That's the unwritten verse from Toto's Africa. As the tarmac rises above the Serengeti. We're so in Africa right now.

Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. We're so in Africa right now. So regarding hi and hey. Oh, yes. Somewhere where people say hey a lot, especially hey, guys. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I don't like hey, guys. No.

Somehow it's pass ag, even though it's a greeting. I immediately go, why? What is it? I lean back. like hey guys. No. Somehow he's pass ag even though it's a greeting. I immediately go, why, what is it? I lean back. Hey guys. Ah, ah, what? What are you selling? What kind of multivitamin is this about? Well, there's a real flatmate complaining that someone's been stealing the milk from the fridge. Hey guys.

Hey guys, just want to say that whoever... Now you're sounding quite influencer. Well, so I was going to say there's an article recently about the TikTok voice, which I think is also the YouTuber voice and the Instagram live voice. But it's big on TikTok. It's an entire accent, isn't it? In its own right. It's sort of half Valley Girl, half informational YouTuber.

Because it's not full Valley Girl, because it doesn't have that sort of Orange County-like, sassy reality show voice. No. It's a bit crisper than that. They enunciate very clearly, but it does have vocal fry, which I hate and makes me upset. Well, we should say, it's called the TikTok accent,

they're calling it, and I don't go on TikTok very much at all. I think I've been on it once and it was quite extraordinary. Oh, it's awful. It was people, I couldn't believe it, Steve Hall. These people were live broadcasting themselves whilst fulfilling retail orders in shops. Not that there's anything wrong with doing it,

but I don't want, there was a woman in a takeaway pizza place doing it. There were like a million people watching this. She was going, Hey guys, just had an order in for a deep pan with extra cheese. So, busy busy. Keep subscribing. Just have a millionth follower.

What? It's monetised nihilism. It's fascinatingly bleak. And they're all very, very loud, the videos. A lot of music and screaming. There was someone working in a warehouse of a clothing factory just going, yeah, so I've just had some new orders in. It was extraordinary.

Anyway, yeah, this phenomenon is the TikTok accent, essentially, which is, I call it the hey guy's voice. I think that's a good way of describing it. TikTok-ing,-talking. Tick-talking. And apparently it's the future of the English language. And we should also say up-talk is the rising inflection at the end of every sentence.

That used to be a sign that you just watched Neighbours too much. Yeah, that was... Because it's an Aussie thing. That was exactly it. It's funny, it kind of resurfaces as a story every couple of years. And yeah, it used to be that you just wanted to move to Erinsborough or Summer Bay. That was what it meant. Yeah, it used to be that it meant that you watched Neighbours.

I think what's interesting is that there was a linguistics professor talking about this and he said uptalk can actually be a sort of politeness strategy. Yeah. He said we often reach for it when we have to break challenging or difficult news to someone. I'm not sure I agree with that. Because I don't really want, say, a neurologist saying to me, we've got your test results in. I'm afraid it's really bad news.

Hey, guys. Bad news on the x-rays? No, I would immediately say I need a different... Hey, guys, bad news on the prognosis. Just out the window. Then you throw some vocal fry in there as well. You've got totally got... My friend is pretty bad news.

Actually, I've got to be honest. It's a fungus, man. I'm quite liking the sound of this consultant now you come to mention it Frank Skinner Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Boys we're discussing

this morning, I should say by the way you can text the show on 81215 you can, what else can you do? you can follow us on X. X is never going to happen, is it? Frank on the radio. Why did you jump in?

I'm trying to do the up talk. Oh, I see. I thought you felt you were saving me because I'd forgotten it. I was a little bit offended, if I'm honest. No, no, I was just diving in on the vote. I thought you'd had a text from Daisy, the person who runs the show,

in reference to my dream, saying this is an absolute disaster. You can follow us on X. Follow us on X and Instagram, at frankontheradio, or you can email us via frankatabsoluteradio.co.uk, and please do. So we are talking about, yes, this whole phenomenon of the TikTok accent and uptalk and vocal fry. Yeah, and vocal fry. Do you think that's what they call, that was Stephen Fry's nickname?

That's how they teased him at school. Vocal fry. Which never shuts up. Oh, vocal fry. I would have called him that. That's a great nickname. He should call himself that. He should do a podcast.

Yes, vocal fry. This week podcast. Yes, Vocal Fry. This week on Vocal Fry. Vocal Fry. Well, the idea was, in the articles about Vocal Fry, I didn't realise, apparently it was first recorded in British broadcasters in the 60s. A performer, so that was where it was originally from. But because it was men, it wasn't frowned upon.

So apparently Sean Connery had elements of it in his acting. And George Sanders, who's the voice of Shere Khan in The Jungle Book, was renowned for his vocal... And then you listen to it and you go, oh, that's exactly... It's an early... But because it's a man doing it, it's absolutely fine and carry on.

Oh, I see. So vocal fry we should just establish in case we weren't clear. That's the, I call it the Kardashian voice. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really awesome. It's the crackliness of when the sound

goes into the back of your throat. And I think, I don't mind it in the middle of a word, but it's that, what you just did there, where it elongates the end of a word or when people use it in that California way to lapse into incomprehensibility. But they say things, they sort of go,

the thing is, I went on the show last night and I wasn't pretty good about it. And it just becomes like nothing. Sorry, what was that? Could you speak up, please? At the end of the sentence, they've gone over a cattle grid.

Yeah. It's just a noise at this point. Yeah, yeah. And I want to, I feel like I'm sort of hosting a university challenge. Sorry, could you repeat that, please? It makes makes me feel insane there is an element of you about that all the time and that's no bad thing i do find i think the thing that i take issue with when it

comes to vocal fry is that it sounds so sort of eternally bored and uninterested, rather than disinterested, but uninterested, bored. I just wish you'd go away and shut up. It's got that energy to it. Yeah, it's I'm not listening as well. It is a bit, yeah, I guess that's just the way it's gone. There's a contempt, I feel, with it. The thing, vocal fry's distance, isn't it? And then up talk is like softening

because you're almost saying that everything's a voluntary question. Yes. What are we going to do is we're going to put you in jail? Because it goes up at the end. You feel like you could go, but I don't want to go to jail. And they'd go, okay. That would change every film if it was delivered. You're a veteran attorney.

You will come to the dark side. I'd love it if there was a rule because they do say that language is evolving and I appreciate language does evolve even I accept that things change however I do think I have no problem with young people talking like this

that's yours, you have that enjoy, where I struggle with uptalk is I think over 45, 50. It's a bit undignified. I don't want to hear anyone on the Antiques Roadshow saying, OK, I think I can value that for you. This vase was my grandfather's.

The King's Christmas speech. I'd like to wish Happy Christmas to the Commonwealth. Also, I don't. Really sassy. And also, I think once you get

to the pensioner's age, I don't think you can be walking into a sort of, you know, a transport office saying, I'd like to apply for a pensioner's freedom pass. Yeah, yes.

I'd like totally need a new mobility scooter. There's just a lack of dignity. And also, save our news. I don't want any uptalk on my news. Do you? No. How's that going to work?

I don't want the newsreader asking me what's going on in the world. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You can text the show on 81215. You can follow us on X and Instagram at Frank onute Radio. You can text the show on 81215. You can follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio or you can email us via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. I should say, I'm Emily Dean.

That's very important information, yes. Well, I realised I haven't said that. I mean, how arrogant. I played your jingle earlier. What did I go for? I went for the boys are back in town and we established that you could not be less like the boys are back in town. Yeah, the boys are back from hospital.

The boys are back from their experimental asthma treatment. The boys have got a sick note, excusing the games. The boys are back at home. They're back at home. The boys have cried off school today. The boys are back at home. They're back at home. The boys have cried off school today. The boys are watching Nightmare. What else? What's been happening?

Do you know, I feel a great, tremendous sense of power when I say that because I realise Frank says it sometimes. Yes. I've copied Frank. He'll sit back and he'll say, what else? And it's kind of the equivalent of saying, over to you. Deal with it. We've heard from the outside.

We have quite a few people, including 056 on the texts, we were discussing Vocal Fry. Quite a few people. There's a brilliant TV show called Louder Milk starring the magnificent Ron Livingston. I've seen it. My wife loves Ron Livingston. Burger from Sex and the City.

Yes, that's how we know him. But it was also in Office Space, one of the finest comedy films of all time. He is very well known to us ladies. We know him best as a character who broke up with Carrie using a post-it note. No one does that to Carrie. He broke up with her on a post-it note.

It said, and I'm sure your other half will back me up, it said something like, sorry, just can't do this. Oh. Okay? Even the boys

are shocked. Anyway, so he's gone on to be in this show loud and loud. Someone has even identified series two, episode one, has him berating

a girl in a coffee shop for using vocal fry. In fact, that clip has gone viral but it crops up quite a bit. How dare he, after breaking up with people on a Post-it note. I like the sound of that person. When they say Series 2, Episode 1, that sounds like a nice friend for you, Steve. It's natural.

Yeah, or with the abbreviations. They say, oh, it's in S2E1. Ah. I like you. The code. I think sometimes when people refer to seasons it sounds a bit grand though so for example i do a podcast in addition to this as you may know and uh sometimes people say yeah so what season you are oh come on. What season? What is this, Succession? It's a dog podcast. For goodness sake.

I know Frank's Poetry Podcast is on something like Series 9 now. It's really had a magnificent run. Series I can live with. Series is the British one, isn't it? Season, I think, sounds a bit delusions of grandeur. Because series is British and season is American, isn't it? Correct, yes. What do you do with Bud?

Because obviously last week someone let us know it was the 900th show of the Frank Skinner show with Bud Pod. Do you count how many episodes you've done? We count them.

Sorry, this is the podcast you do with the magnificent Phil Wang. With Phil Wang. I'm turning into this into some sort of commercial. Hot chat. What is this?

I'm advertorial. We've only missed a few weeks in the years we've been doing it, so it's just constant. It's like the news. It's never not on. It never stops. It's never-ending nonsense, yeah.

You just never stop. You're like Vocal Fry. Why doesn't he do a podcast called Vocal Fry? Someone should have suggested it, don't you think? Yeah, definitely. And there'll be a lot of sort of Latin puns. Yeah, but he won't be using the vocal fry. No.

Because he's one of the few people. I like the producer. He noticed this week. I think she's just edging in a bit. She's just coming in quite a lot. There's been a lot more. You know what she's felt like a bit? And I do love her dearly.

It's felt a bit this week, like, you know, you've got that friend in the group of friends and you all say something and she'll go, I know, disgusting. It's awful. I know he did. I know. I know. The validator. It's a really valuable part of any group.

Oh, you need a validator? It's a bit like the equaliser. Except all they do is... And I like those people. I know. That's exactly what I said. Where are we? I don't know where I am.

I've suddenly lost all sense of what's happening in this show. Oh, yes. I want to talk to you, Pierre. Yes. About what's been going on in your life. Well, as a cultured highbrow man, I did a cultured highbrow thing. A friend of mine has published a book of poems,

a poetry book. Really? He is a poet, I will say. He hasn't had a massive breakdown. He's a proper poet. And self-published an enormous book of mad poems. Although I would also enjoy that if that happened.

No, he's a proper... I've got to be honest, I'd prefer that in some ways. They'd certainly be outsider art. Authentic. That's interesting then. So is he a professional poet? Would that be on his passport? Poet? I'm not sure, actually. What do you put when you're a poet? Do you just sort of put writer?

No, I think you should put poet, wouldn't you say? I mean, I would say It's definitely his main, his only, his thing Yeah, the implication would be if you are a poet, you're on your job applications, it would say I stack shelves or I'm a barista. I think if you're a poet, you should know it

by definition. You should own it. The rhyme tells us a lot of people are unaware. You wouldn't want it written anywhere where someone would question if that was a customs and someone goes oh you're a poet, give us a poem. Or harder to get a visa in one of those countries where they go right

and you're going to meet the income requirements are you for living here in America? With your poems, are you? That was some advice I think my father, my late father may have said that to me once, which was, never date a poet. I think he might have been right. Or a foreign correspondent.

Yeah. I think for other reasons, that's very good advice. Yeah. Anyway, back to the poet who does know it. He does know it because he is a proper poet he's licensed he's a fully licensed and insured poet he's not just a freelancer

he'd published a pamphlet before but this was a big deal you got your book coming out and he had a book launch in a pub rented out a pub for it him and the publisher and it was a whole thing. And after I opened for Frank at the

Gielgud, I went from a West End theatre to a poetry book launch. And I was walking there, and I worried that they wouldn't let me in. Why? But you, presumably, you had the Novelli signature jacket

of the, well, it's a velvet smoking jacket. I can't think of anything more poetry. Well no, see I wouldn't have worried if that was the case. You're right because I'm dressed like the king of poems. I'm commission seven on the way here. That would have been good. But no, I left that at the theatre. I left that in the dressing room.

I was dressed exactly as you see me now in a big grey hoodie. How would you sum up Pierre's look today? He looks a bit South African fitness instructor. Yes. Would you say? Yeah. Maybe you're a South African fitness YouTuber.

Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Hey, guys, what are we going to be doing today? Some weightlifting? Going up for that? Yeah. doing today? Some weightlifting? Going up for the end? Yeah. Horrible. Some weightlifting?

It doesn't work in the South Africa accent, I don't think. Anyway. I'm dressed like a bully. That's why I thought they wouldn't let me in. Because I'd show up and they'd go, Sorry, Hans, there's a poetry... Sorry, Corbus. Sorry, Fafteclerk.

There's a poetry event on here. You can't come in here and start fights like you normally do in your little workout hoodie. Yes, you don't look very poetic. I don't look poetic, and I'm a very large bearded man. And I just thought they're going to say, well, we can't let him in. He's going to take everyone's lunch money.

I'm sorry, Pierre. I just want to sit with this for a bit longer. The fact that you just said, I am a very large bearded man. The greatest thing you've ever said. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were talking, I should say, we were having a lovely time,

which we do sometimes off air, reminiscing about, do you remember that time I went to Wimbledon? And I sat with Frank. One of my greatest moments... One of the greatest moments in my entire life was when Frank Skinner turned round. We were sat in between Example.

Are you familiar with his work? I'm not. Could you give me an example? Well, I couldn't, but could you? He's some sort of rapper, I think. And Serge from Kasabian, you're familiar with his work? Yes. And Frank turned to Serge from Kasabian and said, Palmer Violet, Serge.

What about you, example? I said, I don't know if you should actually call him example. It's a bit weird. He said, these are the names I've been given. Yeah. Would you like a mint, the thin white du duke it had something of that about it yeah anyway on the subject of uh the king of comedy you we were talking about poetry that's it yeah well i i went to a poetry launch you can't say that about a. That won't go down well with the poetry people. No, well, I thought I wouldn't because, as I said,

I showed up in my grey exercise hoodie and my jeans and with my... Let's face it, rugby vibe. You had the look of someone who would be interrogated, as you often point out yourself, by Louis Theroux. Yeah, well, yeah, there's a survivalist aspect to my appearance sometimes. Well, it's interesting because obviously there is a physical resemblance to Jurgen Klopp. It's like if Jurgen Klopp played rugby rather than football,

that would be... Jurgen Klopp ate a lot of beef. I've never heard that before. I think there's a... How good are my teeth looking that I get to be? Yeah, but he's got real teeth. He's not saying, I went to an amazing dental clinic and if you hey guys if you want to get a discount a white gum shield and just um but i did get in i got i got some glances you got into the poetry thing yeah

i got in and i looked around and everyone there I was right to feel out of place to an extent because everyone there, very, not just stylishly dressed, but a bit alt, a bit alternative. What sort of clothes are we talking? A lot of sort of like statement scarves. Some dungarees. Some dungarees. That's a word it's impossible not to say with uplift. Some dungarees. That's a word it's impossible not to say with uplift. Some dungarees?

Yes, you don't, it's impossible to sound like you have any gravitas when you say the word dungarees. You can go up with dungarees, but vocal fry doesn't work, it's some dungarees. Question. Question. I'd like to put this out to our readers.

Who knows if it'll work and they'll enjoy it, but let's give it a go. Favourite dungaree wearer. Yes, that's good. Favourite dungaree wearer. I'm going to go in. I've forgotten his name. Our readers can help us.

Leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'm sorry, but you know what that's going to call for? Too dark for breakfast. OK? I'm not going to call for. Too dark for breakfast. OK? I'm not going to sing it. That's a Frank Skinner trademark, but it had to be said. No, you know my favourite dungaree wearer?

Who was the man, or the old man, he was like in the Dukes of Hazzard or something, or am I getting confused? He was like an old grampy figure. Yeah. With a gun. Porky or something.

I don't know. Grandpa Hogg or something? Boss Hogg? Boss Hogg. Yeah, Boss Hogg. And where was he from? Dukes of Hazzard? They're from sort of Mississippi or something, aren't they?

I don't know, but this sounds like a sort of conversation in a pub, not national radio. Kevin Rowland. Dexys Midnight Run is best on Greece. Please tell us about your poetry, your little poetry evening. Well, so it was...

Sorry. I've just seen something, Pierre. I'm sorry to interrupt, but why have you got two very large packets of Haribo on your desk? Some days are a two-pack day. Wow, okay. When producers... That's what they wear. They bring them to poetry.

When I say I'm a two-pack a day man, I'm actually talking about Haribo. I have Tangfastics in the morning to wake me up. Really? Fizzy energy. And then I pace myself with the star mix. Oh, I love a tangfastic. Yeah.

Who is the character attached to Haribo? Is it a little bear? Oh, is it a bear? I thought it was a man. No, it's a little bear. Oh, okay. It's a bear. A gourmet bear.

Oh, okay. Haribo is German, and I think they might be the least German-seeming sweet. Yes. But they are very German. Anyway, back to the poetry reading. Yeah. Pierre, stop reading the Haribo ingredients.

Put it down. I snuck in. I snuck in like a bully, and I eavesdropped on some poems, and I talked to a lot of people with some very thickly-rimmed glasses. Did you? And collarless shirts buttoned all the way up.

Yes, I can imagine there was a lot of that. Yeah, was there sort of a lot of Mandarin collar action? Yes, and some very high shoes. Like platform, like the brothel creepers. Yes, but with an ankle sock rolled down. Of course. Of course, of course. It's poetry after all.

I feel like we should name your story. It's called Absence by my friend Ali Lewis. It's very good. I've shared it on my Instagram story, if you'd like poetry. What I like is that Steve, I feel, is the sort of PR. He's always chiming in saying, can we please make sure that all the credits are given?

Can you imagine how quickly you'd go bankrupt if you went into poetry PR? Also, your Instagram feed has power. You mentioned my wife's misophonia book this week. Yes. Steve, you're getting over the top with the PR. She's mentioned it, but no, it's right to bring up misophonia, because you and I, Emily, are terrible sufferers.

Are we? Of misophonia. Yeah. I always think we're normal, but apparently you think that we're abnormally sensitive. We're like Spider-Man. Okay. We can hear these sounds no one else can hear. I've been on the tube with Pierre.

That's my story. No, I've been on the tube and I've said, what is that? Why is everyone behaving like this is normal? Like there's no sound happening. Well, sometimes a noise has happened and you turn to me in alarm and I immediately know the sound you mean and I just say,

it's that pram. It's that pram's wheel. And you go, right. So did your friend do a reading? Yes, but I missed the reading because I was opening for Frank. Oh, I see. So I turned up late to the poetry party. As so many listeners...

Because that would be a misophonia nightmare because it needs silence. Yes, that would be bad. I wouldn't have liked that. Were there any... Can I ask if there were any capes in attendance? Don't take that... Well, of course, Dracula was there. Jeff. No, no, but I do see the poetry community. Jeff Dracula, Nepo Baby.

Don't ask him how he got his castle. Yeah. We all know about where you got your fangs. Your mini fangs. Oh, Lil Drac over there. Lil Drac. Were there any capes, though? Because I do...

That's my idea of the poet. What was the most eccentric thing I saw? Well, I think there would have been a cape. Somewhere there would have been a cape. If you're a poet and you don't wear a cape, I don't want anything to do with you. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Have we been hearing from our wonderful readers?

We have. We have a correction to make. It wasn't Boss Hogg in the dungarees. It was Uncle Jesse. Okay. To be fair, I didn't commit hard to boss hog in any way. I'm not going to say shape or form because I know people that say that.

Few have. When you see someone's sent a picture of Uncle Jesse and immediately my childhood comes flooding back because he sort of looks like a redneck Uncle Albert. Played by Denver Pyle, someone has told us. I've just got a rather alarming question. I need this clearing up immediately.

Did Uncle Jesse... Did he wear a top under the dungarees? He's wearing a top, but it's a... Stripey? It's a long john sort of looking thing. I can work with Uncle Jesse. I like a long john top. Any other dungarees? Yes, there's a few.

Anna Banana has X'd the show saying her favourite dungaree wearers are all the minions. Yes, and she points out... Do they wear? They do wear dungarees. Are they denim? No, they're the sort of doll denim, aren't they? Yeah.

Do you know what I mean by that? It's a slightly cheap, too blue denim. Yeah, and thin. No, yeah. But Anna also points out, one of our favourites on this show wears dungarees, it's Disney's Pete. Is he a dungaree wearer?

In early incarnations, he does tend to be wearing dungarees. Does he? Obviously, in the Goofy movie, he is dressed as a suburban dad. Yes, quite. And behaves very much like one. But early Pete, sure, dungarees. And 844 has said, best dungaree wearer has to be Geoffrey from Rainbow. Well, yeah, I mean, now you're getting into icon territory.

Clearly no one comes close to Geoff, as I called him. That was his security team's policy. Yeah. I never met the Rainbow presenter. I did get to, well, you won't be familiar with this, you were on the Isle of Man or in the, you know, the Toto areas. Foreign. Yes. I was so in areas. Foreign. Yes.

I was so in Africa. Yeah. We had real rainbows, actually. Didn't need rainbows filled with puppets. Or you guys. I did get to tour some of the children's programme studios as a child because I made it there. There were so many.

There was Play Away. But I don't think I ever met Geoffrey from Rainbow, sadly. In South Africa, we almost exclusively had the very sort of Hollywood, sterile American kids' TV. And when I moved here, I found the slightly homemade kind of stitched-cloth puppet aspect of a lot of British kids' TV absolutely harrowing. Did you?

I don't know how I feel about that description, Steve, of our TV. Terrifying. Stitched cloth? Yeah. All these things that were made in a sort of hobby craft class going, and I've never thought about the idea of bagpuss being an object of terror. But also just going like, wait, has a man done this in his shed? Yes.

What's the budget for this 4P? The answer to your question is yes. Yes. We're the power r Yes. What was the budget for this 4P? The answer to your question is yes. Yes. We're the power rangers. We're the robots. That's what I said. I know you're subtweeting Oliver Postgate

at this point who made Vagbos. What I also liked about British Kids TV was it was always a sort of gravelly voiced 70s actor who smoked

40 Marlboro a day. Yes. And the Vagbos went back. Vocal fry in acceptable form. Yeah, from Hamlets. Too many Hamlets vocal fry. And sort of remonstrating with a cloth puppet. Oh, don't do that.

That's not how you make an egg. Or whatever. It's so oddly aggressive, these cartonies. Yeah, they're always being told off. So, any more? Who are we going to go for? Who are we going to vote? Because, you know, time is ticking on.

Who is our absolute top dungaree? I'd give it to Geoffrey from Rainbow. All right, Steve. But I'm not the judge. I'm not judge and jury. OK. I'm a big fan of Disney's Pete, just for how much he bullies Goofy.

Hey, Goof. I'm going to go for Uncle Jesse, just because I like being a contrarian. You know what? I like to think it's what Frank Skinner would approve of me. It's what he'd want me to do. We have so... Hey, guys.

We have so enjoyed having you with us this morning. Thank you so much for joining us. Frank will be back very soon. Up next, Sarah Champion. We'll be seeing you. This is Frank Skinner. This is, Sarah Champion. We'll be seeing you.