The Frank Skinner Show - Rhino Pasty

Episode Date: December 30, 2024

Frank reveals his plans on Rhino adoption and the team discuss where you can 'Jet off' too. Frank also recounts testing out a VR experience involving Aliens and they trio share their thoughts on motion sickness. Email the podcast [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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You can follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradioatavalonuk.com. People do. They do. We'll read some out later. We will. We like, we like. We like people. I wouldn't go so far as to say that. 48%. We like the 48%. That is true. I'm drinking coffee on air, so to speak. Just talk for

a bit while I finish this. While I finish this, wait for it, Americano Bianco. Oh, has mishearbed into the continent, recently. It's funny you should say that actually because, well this is a roundabout way of getting into it, but we were, me, my child, Bas and I, are thinking of adopting a rhino. Oh, that's lovely. We've got space. Pierre's the man to talk to about that. He's going to say the houses are bigger than hamster,

aren't they? They are. They are. When you said that, Frank, Pierre genuinely thought you were going to actually adopt one. Yeah, why not? I mean, the dog might be alarmed when you first arrive. It'd be an intimidating anti-burglar sign.

It would. In fact, just to put off unpleasant people everywhere, I might ride it. That's how I might travel around. A guy angrily staring at you and the rhino as you fail to merge. No, I even. Have you seen a rhino, Pierre? I have, I fed a rhino.

Wow! Have you ever had a rhinoplasty? I don't know what that is. Nose job. Have you ever had a rhino-pasty? No, I haven't had a rhino-plasty or pasty. Next question. I love rhinos because I feel I'm reaching back into the depths of the history of the earth.

You know when you see... I heart rhinos. I saw one being hosed clean once at Whipsnade and it did look like... I got quite close to that. It did look prehistoric. They're brilliant. What are their teeth like these days? These days?

Turkey teeth. Brilliant. Do they get their teeth like these days? These days? Yeah. Oh turkey teeth, brilliant. When a rhino smiles you can see it across the entire plane. You're thinking of Rylan O'Neill. Thinking of Rylan. But no they're brilliant and we saw an advert, me and him, and we were both very honestly moved by it. What's the? It was about the horrible, the poachers. It was really very upsetting. So we resolved we were going to. They've got very bad eyesight. Not that that should also be tugging your heartstrings. There's no appeal for that. What the rhinos have.

Very poor eyesight. The smell is more important to them. But I wouldn't put one through the indignity of having to wear spectacles. I don't want to turn. I feel that rusted. But the horn is perfect to keep them in place. Can you imagine the shock as I go into cubits across the rhino? Holding up a sort of succulent looking plant and saying, better or worse? Towards and away from that exactly. But anyway, we're gonna we're gonna do it and It cost you give a certain amount of months. It's not very much about three quid a month

I mean we should all do it. Sure. Yeah. Yeah anyway, um So the Jarvan rhino, the 76 left in the world was what it said, which is pretty awful news. So we were watching this and we were both, we were genuinely moved by this advert. Even though it's very generic, World Wildlife Fund do exactly the same advert and they say, would you like to save the tiger? And they use the same format for about eight different animals.

Never the mind. Anyway, Kath came in and we were just still reeling from this 76 Javan rhinos statistic and Kath came in and boss said how many Jarvan rhinos do you think there are left in the world? It's a great greeting yeah and Kath said more 20 and he went, oh, she's ruined it. And he went, ugh. And you know when people do, you know when you've got a figure like that and this is going to really shock you and then they go, look. Yeah. How much do you think I got this for?

50p? Oh, sure. I hate that. Exactly that. Always go, you've always got to play the game with that. Yeah. There was a friend of ours who went to Barbados recently and she said to Bos, strange Michael Wynner friend, she said to Bos, come to that actually in

a minute, because she said to Bos, guess how much I paid for a packet of crisps at the airport of Barbados. She said, bear in mind it was a grab bag, I'll give you that. Okay. But, and Boz said, er, £100 and she went, oh, so he'd done exactly the same thing to her, he'd gone high and shot her. See I would have, yeah, I would have, you've got to go high there to show you're playing along, but you've got to pitch it right. But not two, I would have gone £6. You've got to let them have the punchline.

You can't say how much for a bag of cris, 100 pounds. I mean- Or you have to play the naive reasonable person. Yeah. Well, I surely know more than one pound ten. We all know our roles. We do though, but I honestly do that. If someone had asked me about the job and right now I'd have said, what, you know, a

thousand and then we can all enjoy it. No, I say enjoy it, obviously it's not great news. But anyway. You can enjoy a solemn nod when you hear the number. But this friend of ours, Molly, I don't think it'd be bad to name her. When she told me she was going to Barbados, she said, yeah, I'm, end of November, I'm jetting off

to Barbados. And I thought to myself, how many places can you say jetting off? You wouldn't jet off to The Hague, for example. There has to be some suggestion of Campari. There has to be a Campari possibility. I think also it's distance you're right. I don't think you can jet off to anywhere in Europe. Sounds a bit embarrassing. You wouldn't jet off to Beijing though, would you? Yeah. I have done. What's the chance to get Campari there?

A whimsical politician. Yeah. Now, you wouldn't buy Campari there, because when you get back you realise it's been spying on you for two weeks, the bottle. God. Anyway, and then are you in, if you've done it, if you have jetted off, are you then in the jet set? Do you remember people always talked about the jet set as the coolest place to be? And the Mile High Club? Well, we won't go into that. Every now and then you'll read in the news about some people being arrested for trying to do that because they've taken it seriously.

What, the Mile High Club? And they just get arrested on land somewhere. What do you mean they've taken it seriously? What do you see? It's a bit like the conga. Whimsical. Yeah. Up the aisle. Oh, oh.

Frank, that video is horrible. Sorry, sorry. Oh, Harry met Sally. Everyone thought it was a magical moment. Oh, that was Meg Ryan. I think I mean more like they've thought it's a real thing that happens often enough that they could get away with it as opposed to. Do you know whenever I hear these stories.

I hear about celebrities doing you know dastardly things under blankets. You know I never believe that. No me neither. Frank pulled a very odd face then and we're going to leave it there. When you said celebrities doing dastardly things under blankets, I thought they were going from the cell to the police van. Okay, well I've just got my answer to whether celebrities really do dastardly things. Yeah, but I was a younger man then. I had a lot of dastardly things when you were there. Yeah, but I was a younger man then.

I had a lot of dastardly things to catch up on. But also, crucially, was it pre-9-11? What difference does that make? It's more tasteless. No, a lot of the... I don't think it would be appropriate given the circumstances. Have you no respect? Why did everyone change?

Well, it's just because the security, like if a friend of mine and I were discussing it, I didn't go, despite its name, I didn't go in the cockpit. No, I just mean the level of vigilance and seriousness and fear and this staff of an aeroplane and the security and things. It's a different... You watch the movie... A friend and I were discussing this. Home Alone. Yeah. Classic Christmas film.

They're all bundling the family into the big people carrier when they forget that Kevin at home. The child. Yeah, they forget that. It's quite a disturbing premise if you think about it. Yes, neglectful. The most neglectful Christmas film. Can I tell you, just as a footnote on that, I was once walking along the south bank of

the Thames with my partner and we saw a tiny little girl looking a bit lost and bottom lip quivering. So I said to Kathy, let her go over and talk to her because middle-aged men can't. So she went over and spoke to her and she said, oh, my mom and dad and my brothers and sisters have got on the London Eye and they'd gone on and noticed she was in the pod. Really? You're kidding. So they could see her talking to these strangers. So they'd have had a sort of bird's eye view of her being bundled into a van.

Well exactly, I mean, and you're trapped on the wheel. Anyway, luckily there are security people there, so we handed her over. But I'm just saying it can happen. I know it sounds far-fetched, but it can happen. Well, David Cameron? Yes. Left his daughter at the pub, I believe. She was in the toilet or something.

Oh. Oh. She was in the toilet or something. Oh. Yeah. I thought he meant when he let Nigel Farage in. Accidentally. Got into government, looked around, and there was Nigel Farage. It's a remake of Home Alone, where it's David Cameron rushing around the houses of parliament, bolting doors. We've accidentally brought Brexit onto the plane with us.

David Cameron clutching his ears. Farajah's face pressed against the window, brown leather driving gloves on. Smelling faintly of cigarettes always. But when they bundle into the car, they're saying, we're late, we're late for the flight. And bearing in mind, they're just driving to the airport from their suburban home. They're going back to home alone. Yeah, yeah. And they say, the flight, quick guys, we'll just make it.

The flight leaves in 45 minutes. And you think... Wow. And then you go, ah, right, pre-911. Right, yeah, yeah. Just now. When you show up, hand in your AK-47, they go, that's fine. Ten cigarettes.

There was never a point you could turn up for a flight that late, was there? Yeah. We used to cut it pretty fine with my family, though I do vividly remember running along the tarmac, like you could do in those days. Running along the tarmac? Yeah, we did. God, did you pitch the Beatles? It was a bit Shea Stadium game. It was much, I remember as a child, it was like, this is in the 70s, it was a bit more

chaotic. There weren't these rules in place. We did as we pleased. So when you read about like sort of a 70s hijacking, they go, well, of course he hid the pistol in his blazer. And you go, well, how could you have known? That's not fair for him to hide it in his pocket instead of walk on waving it and screaming. At least I hid mine under a blanket. Oh Frank, it's really disturbed me now. Well you brought it on. Well I didn't know what I was going to find under the blanket.

Yeah, anyway. Hi Jean, not your light under a bushel. That's my motto. Yeah. I hope you've heard enough about your bushel today. Exactly. Oh dear. Anyway, it's been a long time ago, as they say. So yeah, so does that mean I'm in the jet set? Yeah. No, you're not. I think you have to be a bit, you would habitually have to jet off In the jet say I would say to be in the jet set you would have to be someone who actually bought Condé Nast Traveler magazine

Well, I might have because I had a friend of mine, obviously, who worked on it, who was the art director of Condé Nast Traveler. So I used to buy it as a supportive gesture. I do quite like Condé Nast Traveler. Do you? Don't you like doing the roundup of the most bougie hotels in the world? You know Condé Nast is Italian for no condom. No, it's not Frank. It is. Condé Nast Traveler was a

program I did on Roman Catholic Community TV. For some reason I don't see that in my sky package. No condom travel. The riskiest reality shown history. Yeah it's another one that's changed a bit in the light of certain global events. Anyway, this is something, Bos's friend had a birthday and Bos said, obviously I'll get you a present. They started buying each other presents there with their own money. I was in the present loop, it's a nightmare. Well I think it's quite nice that it's not my money, even though it was started out as my money, but it's far enough away down the path for me to think it's his money. It's money you've disowned. Exactly, yeah.

An early inheritance. You know you can't claim tax on pocket money. It's not something I've looked into. No, you can't. Anyway, nevertheless, so his mate said, well I'm going away with my family, obviously, his mate's 12, for my birthday. So I'm going gonna be at the airport for two hours just sitting around so what would be great is if you got me a massive bag of wine gums this kid has mixed up the concept of travel sweets like travel chess. You're not supposed to use them to kill the time. Also. Get on a plane.

It's not going to be about two hours of that. You're going to eat all of them in two hours and then get on a plane. Also bringing a massive bag of winegums to an airport waiting room is very cult in New castle, isn't it? Just wait till this kid sees WH Smith. Yeah, but then he has to pay. This way it's a gift. Oh, I see. Can I ask you about winegums? Can I ask you about travel sweets?

You go first. Oh, thank you. The thing about winegums, I've never understood why are they called winegums because there's green ones. There's no green wine and there's no yellow wine. Well, I suppose there is yellow wine, but what is the principle? What are they based on? What is the idea behind wine gums? Is it the color of grapes? Oh, I love this Okay, Frank, that's clever. I just came out with that As well, what about that? I'm really happy that our listeners witnessed that. Yeah. I think you're right. Well, it's the monk in you.

Mmm. Yes. I associate them with watching greats. Yes. It's been a while. Anyway. Okay, you may ask about travel suites now. No, I don't know if that's true, that's totally a theory. I think you're right. Don't go away and quote me on it and then someone's going to pull me up on it on public transport one day.

If any manufacturers of wine gums want to get in touch. Rowntree jabbing his finger in your chest. Yeah. It's not the colour of grapes. Yeah, and I'll say to you mind, I'm being fumbled under a blanket? It's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats.

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Are they saying that they'll help you with? Because I remember Buzz said to me, I feel a bit sick in the car and I said I blame Waze by the way. Waze are drawn to a speed bump. They really are. Like a bee to a flower. Do you know they've changed the Waze voice? Have you noticed? I don't use the voice. Do you not? Well you know it used to be. I've got enough people in the car telling me how to drive. And outside. Yeah, exactly. There used to be a man who sounded a bit like the speaking clock in the 80s, you know, who would say, the time sponsored by Echidist will be... He used to be a bit like that and they said recently, we've changed ways to update the

voice and it's now a young man who's a bit more casual. Take a left! As a sort of kids presenter. Yes, he's a much more casual. Take a left! Is this a kids presenter? Yes, he's a much more kids presenter. I wonder if that meeting at Accuris, when they said, what should we sponsor? To get our name about... What about the time? A bit abstract, Dave. One of the more dramatic members of the boardroom.

Time itself, gentlemen. Too abstract. They'll never... No, let's not dismiss it out of hand. The very concept of time. Out of second hand. What else do you want to sponsor? The oceans. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Fear. What to sponsor fear. Oh man.

Anyway, they're changing the voice. Is there any suggestion that there's some medicinal benefit? Do they stop you being travel sweet? Do you mean by travel sweet? So I know the ones in olden days that would come in, it's sort of talc. There was sort of a white powder all over them. Yeah. Do you know those ones?

Yeah, I think it was icing. I think it's now been decided that talc is very, very dangerous. Oh yes, oh yes. But anyway, I know those ones in a tin you're talking about. If I was a more flexible man I'd check any previous damage done. Anyway carry on. What's wrong with you today? Michael Flatley is being bedammed there. I mean his own, not mine. Is he still the Lord of the Dance? Oh he'll always be the Lord of the Dance. I didn't realise. Is it a hereditary period? I think he's ill now isn't he? I think my corporal mind is. I think he's alright. I don't know. We should check. You know I once shared, well the film came out that I wanted to see. Yeah. Yes. You know, I once shared a dressing room with him at the Royal Variety performance. And he stood in a sort of a sumo stance in front of the mirror

with no shirt on. And he's in tremendous shape, as you can imagine. And he had a hairspray can in each hand. And he just stood and emptied them onto his head to the point where at range the people who were sharing with him I remember there was me the comedian Jim Tavere and I remember Jonathan Price dressed as Fagin we all had to we all had to move into the corridor so we couldn't breathe in there. Meanwhile, Flatly's still emptying these cans onto his perm.

I love him for that though. If someone punched him it would be like punching a toffee apple. Just cracking this kind of machine. Flatly observes the Parton rule, the higher the hair the closer to God. Not only that but when you're dancing that physically, I think you've got it, your hair needs a lot of holding in place. Yeah. So anyway, back to the travel sweets. Yes. They're for ears popping on planes I suppose. Oh is that what it's for? I thought also for, it is a lot of people get motion sickness.

Also, a lot of people get motion sickness. I never believe it. But apparently people do get it. I've had it. I tried out some rides for Time Out magazine. And they said, you've got to try out some rides. Was it so weak in your career? You're a very successful comedian. You've made a lot of money.

Why were you accepting gigs like that? Will Frank Skinner try out some rides for us? No, I think you pitched it. You saw the big sign saying the circus is in town and you thought, ah, fine. No, they were simulated rides. That's worse. You didn't even try out real rides. What was that place called at Piccadilly Circus? Yes, I remember that place. That place where you went in for events. Trocadero. Trocadilly Circus. Yes, I only remember that place. That place where you went in for events.

Trocadero. Trocadero, exactly. And I went to the Trocadero and they said, what we want you to do is two simulated rides. It's such a depressing part of your career. And alien invasion. So I said, okay, I'll do those. And they said, okay, we need you to get there at 8am.

So it's a bit early for alien invasion. Were you paid for this? Picking sleep out of your eyes. No, I don't think I was paid. He wasn't even paid! Yeah. Hang on. Hold on.

Oh, there's a lot. We've got to unpack this. Are these like those things that when you're a kid, you go to Disneyland or something and you're all in a sort of bank of seats. Yes. And the projector shows you going through a volcano but in reality you're just being virtual reality. I went on one of those with Fergie. Sarah Ferguson? Yeah, the Duchess of York. I went on one of those. Yeah, I think I went to the Trocadero. I did one of those. I talked to you. No, I'm not. But you're not really, you're just sort of shunted hydraulically sort of from left to right. Yes, but also what I was on, and I think we'd all recognise

this, I was on a rail track in a mine. Oh of course you were Frank. They're so steep those mines. You would think it'd be pretty flat ground down there. There was drops of like 50 feet in a mine. It's one of the things that old prospectors like to keep to themselves. Exactly. We don't let people know how fun it is down there. Man, I got passy off a nosebleed from that rail track. You think they'd have got them fixed and repaired after all these years? Yeah, so rickety. real trick. You think they'd have got them fixed and repaired after all these years?

Yeah, so ridiculous. They're in a vomit, and you took my head off. So I did that, and then there was one where we are on a race track going round. By now I'm starting to feel a bit queasy. Are you on your own? I'm on my own, yeah, there's lots of people, but I didn't speak to any of them. And it's always best if anyone's listening, strangers, not all they're cracked up to be. So then... Finally a public information campaign. It's anti-strangers. Well, stranger danger, you know. I don't say it's dangerous, it's more tedium.

Danger tedium, everyone. So then we were taken into a very dark room and now by now there's ten, there's probably a dozen of us and we're in an incredibly dark, you couldn't see a thing, and then I hear, what are you guys hanging around? Get moving now." And this American soldier appears and starts shock physically, shock in the, I already feel sick. I've been shocked around by a military person. And then he says, you know, the aliens have already arrived and all that sort of thing. They're early. They'll have to wait, you know, we haven't laid the table. Anyway, we got in, he was a very shouty American soldier. And he pushed us all into a lift and we were crammed in this lift and he said we need to get out of here.

Well he said we need to get out of here fast, really. And the lift started moving and suddenly the back of the lift was torn away and an alien, you know the aliens from the film, well, aliens, they appeared, or one of them appeared, grabbed this woman who was screaming like deafening and dragged her off out into the darkness. Was she ever seen again? And I'm just thinking, I'm going to be sick. I'm absolutely going to be sick on the Alien. They'd be delighted. You can't pay for that kind of part of the experience. I know, but I don't know how they'd clean the alien.

If it had picked me up, I would have drenched it. Pre-emptive acid spray. So yeah, so motion sickness definitely exists because I think I'd have been alright in the alien attack thing if I hadn't been on the two Precarious journeys before I wouldn't mind if this whole thing I'd move 20 yards Yeah, it's being shunted left right forward God I just remembered it now makes me feel a bit queasy. Does it? Anyway, you were questioning motion sickness. Well, I don't really. It's just sometimes, I do believe it because a lot of my, you know, some of my favourite

God children get it and my friends get it. So I understand, I'm not denying their experience, but what I don't understand in the car is why they need to sit in the front. They say it helps them if they sit in the front. I think why does it make a difference because you're one meter It does you can see you can see the turns and things. Oh, there's always one Very car sick child. Oh constant. Yeah, I do Wow

25 well Isle of Man roads as well. That's like But I suppose it's just because I don't get motion sickness, Pierre, it means I always have to be the one in the back peering through the two seats going, Hi! And I feel so left out. You know what they say about the Isle of Man symbol? What? Where soever you throw it, it still won't laugh. Yeah, I'm surprised. Pierre looks too big and strong to be car sick, doesn't he? It's not, do you know what? That's like Samson's hair being his weakness is the last thing you expect.

It's like finding out when Andre Agassi had a hair piece. Like when Delilah traps Samson on a sort of rickety mine shafts in the middle of the turn. Exactly. It's his strength. Oh, oh. And. Yeah. And that's what... Exactly. It's just strength. Oh, oh. And then three weeks later she's in a lift. Suddenly the back's ripped out.

Samson appears furious. Absolutely. And now looking more like a hooligan because he's got no hair. Yeah. Oh. I'm quite shocked by that, Pierre. Yeah, that's really classic all the time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It classic all the time. Yeah.

It's quite reassuring to know there's some vulnerability here. Yeah, I mean I always imagine that Pierre would have peddled the family car. Like a red flinster. Why have Petro and we got this monster in the family? You can't say monster! I mean monster from a size and strength point of view. I find him quite amiable below the surface. Oh yeah. You know he lives below the surface. That's where he dwelleth.

I haven't had a queer... Do you have more to say on motion sickness? Because I could talk motion sickness all day. No, over to you my friend. It's a big thing now. You've both convinced me of it. You've convinced me of it. And people I like and respect get it. And surely they wouldn't lie to me, these people. Well we have to have the window open. Really? because that makes a bus feel a bit better. But also if we've got the dog in the car we have to have the window open

so the dog can put his head out. My favourite thing ever. Which always unsettles me. Really, why? Well because I think what if we go next to a car that's, you know, maybe a large length of wood has slid sideways and it just, it just takes the dog head straight off. Or if it's being driven by one of the 62% of unpleasant people in this country. Well exactly, but then you know, then I won't need the lead.

I of course can't... I could still be on the head. Oh, horrible, what a horrible thought. I tell you what is funny though, is sometimes I'll be on the motorway and I'm doing, let's say 70, and I look in the wing mirror and I can just see the dog's face looking at me with G force pulling its cheeks and ears back. But still with its head out the window, it's insane. Hang on, you have the windows down on the motorway?

Yeah. Wow. Well you've got windows down on the motorway. Wow. I would never do that. Well I've got to let Bossy's vomit go out one winter and the dog's stupid head out the other. The dog's face is just getting longer and longer with every journey it's stretched out. I can't do that because Ray won't, he's very noise intolerant and he doesn't like it. When we get out the dog looks like Andrew Lloyd Webber? I want to ask you a question. I should have asked maybe David Baddielmiss, but every time I see him I just never remember it. I bumped into Ezra, who's Dave's son. Charming. Yeah, he's a great bloke and I see him on our road and we have a little chat.

And he said, oh, we're off to Italy tomorrow. This is going back a bit, but it stopped with me. He said, we're going to Italy tomorrow. And he had a massive parcel with him. And I said, what is that? So I'm just going to just take it to the post office. And I left him and suddenly occurred to me that that was his luggage. He was posting it ahead.

To people doing it because I thought what a brilliant, in all the lumping around of your... It's old fashioned. It used to be done. Did it? Well you would stand on your trunk ahead of time, wouldn't you? Yeah, well I travelled with the Elephant Man once. No, but I hadn't heard of it. I didn't know. Ezra is exceptional.

It's a lighter Heshian sack for the weather. I don't know. Ezra is exceptional. It's a lighter Hessian sack for the weather. I don't know if you can do the other one. I'm looking up. He was doing John Hanks. It's a dry area. I don't know that he was doing that. It was just a coming, we're going to Italy tomorrow. He's going to the post office.

It was a massive pass. I don't think it was his trunk being forwarded. I just thought I'm going to do that because it's such a... You know I won't use wheeled luggage. So it's very... Why don't you ask him what is the objection? Is it the way it looks or the way it sounds? What I'm not going to say, there's one thing that people say which really makes me want

to slap them and when they say,, don't start me on that. And I always think, well, why not? Like what you're going to do is going to be so, oh, it's going to blow me away so much that I won't be able to cope with it. And start you on it. Well, you've got something important to say, no. Sorry, but I really, oh, don't start me.

Yeah, I don't don't start me. I don't want to start you at all on anything. Don't start Frank on don't start me. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'll say. Anyway. You hate wheels. Yeah, I never, I have recently, I carried my mother-in-law's, I call her my mother-in-law, I carried her

suitcase which is wheeled for about 80 yards and it was quite heavy and awkward to carry because they're not designed to be carried but I would not put wheel to ground. No way, just say. There is a... And is it just a, sorry, yeah I was just saying, is it... You know what? I've always been a great lover of luggage. Just say. There is a... And is it just a... Sorry, I was just... Is it... You know what? I've always been a great lover of luggage.

I think luggage can be so cool. I once bought luggage at Christie's at an auction. Did you? Who did it for you? There was a man, he was called Bonnie something. He was a society homosexual. And he had amazing old leather. He sold all his... They sold all his stuff when he died.

Strange Lincoln buyer. I love an older man, I love an older gentleman. As you can imagine he chose great luggage. So I bought like three or four suitcases. I mean they're heavy but they are so cool and it's so cool. I mentioned the Beatles earlier. You know when the Beatles in those BOAC bags? It just looks great. I'll tell you what I love as well. The arrival of the Windrush generation. You see those guys, I can't remember what the women wear,

but the guys are in like suits and ties, hats off Trillby, Portpite hat, but they've got a neat, cool suitcase. But I've never ever seen a suitcase on wheels and thought oh that's cool, ever. No. No. Okay. So the main objection is it's not cool enough. Well it doesn't look, it's a very, it can be very beautiful luggage and that isn't. I also don't like the noise pollution of I heard one this morning. I thought what is that? It's just a woman with a bag that I could have carried in my mouth. It was that small. It was like a purse. You bought a purse on wheels.

It's one of the reasons they crack down on Airbnbs in places like Amsterdam is because for residents it was like there being a never ending thunderstorm on cobbles. Yeah. People constantly getting lost. Horrible. Also people forget they've got them. I must have said this to you, my worst thing is people at airports will walk straight across you. And I always think, is this what centaurs were like? They just forget they've got all this stuff behind.

Well my big thing is, twice it's happened to me. Keep your big thing out of this. Sorry, I'm just this, to smoke. Honestly. We're allowed to smoke anyway. It's when people have them on escalators, Frank, and they reach the bottom. I've tripped over one the other day.

I said, for God's sake. I was racing along a railway platform with Martin Jarvis once. How was 1973? He completely went over his suitcase on wheels and it could have killed him. What a way to go. On that bombshell, Frank can I just share something with you, a foray you go. This is from Dylan and we get a lot of people getting in touch saying... Does it say, I'm not a big fan of the suitcase on wheels. Mountain Jovi, Sonny's Mac. What's going on under the blanket? No, even he doesn't want to know that.

Hold on, I can only think of one rhyme and I'm not going there. Okay, let's get back to the safety of Dylan. Lovely Dylan, Dylan McGinty, who's got in touch, because like a lot of people that get in touch, he's a huge fan of your poetry podcast and I feel we're allowed to make an exception for praise. No, I'm all right for praise for the Poetry Podcast because it's a struggling passenger on the podcast world. It's not a struggling passenger. Well, you know, it's Poetry Podcast.

It's never going to get the big numbers. I'm fine with that. Dylan says, I just... You know what Mark Twain said, when you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to reassess your opinion. Dylan says, just a note to say thank you for your poetry podcast. It's brilliant. You have a gift for communicating the depths of love of poetry. And Dylan listens to your show during his daily commute and is very grateful. That's nice.

Yes. Isn't that lovely? Robbie Sherrads, according to Elton John, that's what he told me. Bob Dylan? He said the worst Sherrard's player he's ever played with was Bob Dylan. How bad could it have been? I love celebrity gossip. Imagine going to Heat magazine without, I don't think we can, I don't know where we'll fit there. Does it still exist, Heat magazine? Just about, yeah.

I imagine it has cooled somewhat. Yes, well they've stopped doing... Tempered magazine. They've stopped doing the circle of shame. What was that? So they would take a photograph, there was a paparazzi picture of a celebrity, say a woman out at night, and if she had a slight... Sweat stain or something.

Or just like a mark on her leg or if you had anything wrong with you they would do a red circle. An unideal knee. Yes. Anything. Very thin justification for those circles. That's awful. Bullying.

Yeah. Well it's just as well that they are perishing. Anyway. That was lovely about your poetry podcast. Are you going to mention anything about it? It is the last one of the series this week. It's a poet called Mona van Dyne who is an exceptional poet. And this particular poem, I'm just doing the one poem this week, and it's all a bit tied up with American art. Robert Rauschenberg got a drawing from

William de Kooning, these are both, and he robbed it out. He robbed it out and then exhibited it so you can just see bits of lines of it here and there But it's basically been erased You can just make out the odd detail and Mona van dyne van dyne she Wrote a poem a friend of hers Friend of the speakers has died and She steadily tries to erase the memory as if

she was robbing out this portrait. A portrait. It's very very clever but very moving. It's a real tear-jerker one. So change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com. My car needed repairs, but I could only pay for half of them. An easy loan through lamina.ca made the difference between stressed out driving and a smooth ride to work. Mark went the extra mile on his repairs with a loan from Brokers Lamina at 1-800-NEW-CREDIT. It's easy to apply over the phone or online at lamina.ca. Load up to $1,500 and get funds in an hour with no documents or credit checks,

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