The Frank Skinner Show - Running Backwards

Episode Date: January 23, 2021

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week the team have Birthday presents for Frank and he wants to know what’s happened to Lembit Opik. The team also discuss Biden’s inauguration, sweets from New Zealand and the most exciting thing we’ve seen out of our window. Come on!

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Oh yes, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215. Do that. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Morning boys. Good morning. Morning Jim. Morning, boys. Good morning. Morning, Jim. Morning, Peter.

How are we doing? I'm good. I was driving this morning listening to Absolute Radio. Did you? That's the kind of guy I am. Company man. How did you find it? It was tremendous.

I'll tell you what I thought this morning. Matt Berry came on. And you know Matt Berry does occasional links, regular links on the show. And he did one about I Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts. I can't do the voice. No. I Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts.

Can you? Can you do Matt Berry? No, but I can do Ray Parker Jr. Oh, no, no, this is... So, yeah, but I don't like those really... But those big wasps you get on the continent are terrifying, right? Or words, I've probably spotted a bit. And I really laughed out loud in the car

and I thought, how lucky we are to have Matt Berry doing those things. Genuinely funny. He is. Those links are normally just mundane fillers. Yes, you're right. And he's made them a little artful. Yeah. Well done, Matt Berry. That's how I'm starting the show. What about that?

How lovely, with a bit of a tribute. Exactly. Well, we've got some tributes to you coming in, Frank. Would you like to hear? What you talking about, Willis? I mean, I say tributes. Okay.

When it's a loose interpretation of the word tribute. Our sort of a tribute. Paul Hughes from Gateshead. That word's never been said that way. Gateshead. Hi, Frank, Emily and Alan I've just listened to your podcast so that'll be from last week's show

and I have a query about the second series of Frank's sitcom, Shane Ah yes You may recall we were discussing that, Frank Yes we were, we were discussing I don't know, I'd love to hear from any broken down writers or actors who've ever filmed a whole series that was edited and never put out.

I think it must be fairly rare. According to someone on YouTube, it was eventually broadcast on the Paramount Comedy Channel. Have you got your manager on the phone? Supposedly, Matthew Kelly's character had an affair with Shane's mother-in-law and there was an episode where Shane gets stuck in a lift at the cinema. Does any of this check out Frank Skinner? Well, the Matthew Kelly is incorrect. Oh.

There was one where we got stuck in, but I don't know if that was first series or last series. It was a while ago and that was well next. I remember there was a reference to the Pink Panther's pelt in that. Good alliteration. See, it was dense with good jokes, that show. That's why it didn't make television. Well, Gary Godwin has... Gary Godwin.

Gary Godwin. More alliteration. He'll be a nice friend for Frank. GG, we call him. He's got some good news. He says Trump has pardoned Shane Doohan. That would have been... We don't do much breaking news on this show, do we?

That would have broke the internet, that would do. Just people thinking, hold on, what does this even mean? You in there with all those wrestlers from the 90s. Oh, man, that would have been really something. And, of course, retrospectively, it would have completely changed my view of his four years. Yeah. Of course, absolutely.

We've also had a lot of feedback on the celebrity pilot front, haven't we, Al? Oh, we have. We've got... What was... Oh, yes. Do you remember? Yes. Yeah, celebrity aviators, I think we called them.

But it was basically famous people who've got a pilot's licence. Yeah. I don't think it would work quite so well with non-famous people who've got a pilot's licence. Why is it called a pilot's licence? Yeah. I don't think it would work quite so well with non-famous people who've got a pilot's licence. Why is it called a pilot's licence? They would just be called pilots, wouldn't they? But we all have a driving licence. It's been a speak for yourself.

We've got a driver's licence. I think it's also called driver's licence, though, isn't it? Is it? Yeah. Not in our house. All right. Never. Well, Susan Smith has cited

she says one celebrity pilot who used to have a half share in a small plane is Lembit Opik. Really? The former MP who briefly became a stand-up comedian. Now I'm surprised because Lembit Opik, if I remember rightly, was a paraglider.

And that's how he got, you know his chin is... Didn't you also see him on a Segway? I did see him on a Segway. He's on all the transport. But the way I saw him... Cheeky girl. I saw the Segway in the distance

and I thought, what kind of a... would be on a Segway coming over? And there it was, Lambie. Touch my bum, this is life. I think... I think... I think, yeah, he fell out of a paragliding thing.

You'd think that would put him off all the aerial sports, but no, he kept going. What's he doing now, Lemby? What's Lemby Opik doing, 8.12.15? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio we were discussing celebrity aviators you'd also

come up with one of your most extraordinary textings ever which is what is Lembitopic currently up to

oh yeah what is he up to but we know don't we the person most likely to answer this is Lembit Alpick. Do you think he'll be in touch?

I think someone will text him. I mentioned him on stage once at the Lyric Theatre in Shaftesbury Avenue and by the time the interval had come round, he'd arrived. Someone had texted him and he'd hot-tailed

over town to be at the show. That's the joy of the Segway. You can get there quick. Oh, man. Gabriella, wasn't it? Yes. Yeah. You looked at me then as if I knew exactly what you were talking about.

I did think you'd know the names of the cheeky girls. I didn't actually, but... Did you not? Hermia and Gabriella. Oh, lovely work. And the cheeky girls. I didn't actually, but... Who's your aunt? Ermia and Gabrielle. Oh, lovely work, Frank. And the mother is Margaret. OK. They're still working.

God bless them. Yes. Surprise celebrity aviation. Very nice ladies, can I say. I've worked with them. They were lovely ladies. You've worked with them all. I spent a televised New Year's Eve with them once.

Did you? Yes, you know those New Year's Eve, you know those sort of shows when you're there, the friends working, and you have to pretend it's New Year's Eve. Have you ever done that? Oh. I'm sure they do.

Well, I'm presumed the Hootenanny is pre-recorded, isn't it? My normal tactic is to pretend it isn't New Year's Eve when it is. Yeah. So I go to bed at half-night. Yes. The Hootenanny this year wasn't...

I mean, I know there's a bit of boogie-woogie piano always. He went absolutely over this year. It was mad for him. Did he really let it go? He did, yeah.

Maybe he thought it was his last. It's interesting because he played piano with... Of course. He played piano with Rick Waitman. Oh, did he? Oh, he didn't.

Did he ever keep Waitman? And I thought, that's what it is. I've often listened to Jules Holland playing boogie-woogie piano and thought, there's something missing here. And I tell you what it is, it's the right hand. He needs another hand. It's what I can... It's basically...

And then Rick Waitman's like... And then when we're singing... And I thought, oh, yeah, that's the other bit. But then you're like your brother, Keith, you like a bit of prog rock. Yeah. Well, I never really got into prog. Ah, Keith did, big time. But he liked the dirtier end.

He liked things like Bloodwind Pig and the pretty things and stuff. I don't know if they did. He never went down the yes route. Did he not? It was a bit vanilla for him. Surprise celebrity aviators, Frank. Go on.

Dave Roberts puts forward Bruce Dickinson, lead singer of Iron Maiden. We heard him last year. He's one of the main ones. Being a qualified airline pilot is just one of his many talents. And then uh did we mention we're gonna get a list then no he did bargain hunt didn't he yeah he does a really good spaghetti volunteers just a list of talents um chris ancliffe and apologies i don't know if

we shared this uh last week too but I once flew to Corsica on Astreus Airlines and Bruce Dickinson was the pilot I once speaking of my failed sitcoms I did one called Blue Heaven and we had a thing where that went out, it was alright

if we measure success by it being broadcast it was broadcast Blue Heaven open brackets broadcast close brackets Success by it being broadcast. By broadcast, yeah. Okay. It was broadcast. Blue heaven, open brackets, broadcast, close brackets. And one of them, I pretend that I'd had a breakdown and I thought I was Napoleon. There was a time when mental health was sort of synonymous with thinking you were Napoleon. Oh, right.

It was a cliché. It was a cliché, I accept that. And a guy said, the doctor said to my friend, who was speaking on my behalf, can he speak French? And my friend said, of course he can. He said, OK. He said, no, no, of course he can.

He speaks of course he can. I don't think there's a language of course he can, but even so, there is the language of comedy, and let's speak that I was thinking about your musing what is Lembit O pick up to now

oh yeah and pre-pandemic I would have automatically guessed after dinner speaking oh maybe yeah yeah but

it's gone hasn't it nobody talks after dinner speaking. Oh, maybe. But it's gone, hasn't it? Nobody talks after dinner now. They go straight to bed. Yes, John, do you know what people do now is they leave the major parties, is they join new parties. Oh, yeah, there was a period of that, wasn't there? Little cozy parties.

Yes. And then those parties kept changing their names so nobody could keep up with it. Oh, yeah. It's like the Every White championship of the world alphabet. Sue. Can I say, it's Faye's birthday today

who is our assistant producer I think. I believe it's on Thursday the birthday. I think she's the red haired girl in the spectacle. Is it Thursday the birthday? Oh yes, well it's this way. A lot of TH in there. It's actually the same day as mine. Yeah. You both, you share a birthday. Oh yes, well it's this Thursday. A lot of TH in there. It's actually the same day as mine. Yeah.

You both, you share a birthday. Or birthday. Yeah, with Nicholas Sarkozy as well I think.

Oh really? Yeah, I think so. I think that's what she said on her card message. My card

message to Faye was who are you? Hmm. Because. Blunt. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it's just that because of Covid we don't go out for our brunches and stuff anymore so I don't really get to know the staff anyway that's my idea of Russian roulette a man of my advancing years spends three hours in a small studio

with a young person on their birthday weekend she, I mean the Friday night illegal rave 600 people in a small room that must have been irresistible it all seemed fine out so I got my

gifts this morning and there was a lovely moment when the producer did the thing that my partner does, he said I started opening a gift and she said, no, no, no, open that one first. You know, you've got the running order of gifts, and the person decides which one you... Oh.

Yeah. I mean, I felt under stress, but I have got... One of the things I've got is shower gel. Now, I'm told by the producer, Sarah, that this is cheap shower gel and expensive shower gel. Now, I'm told by the producer, Sarah, that this is cheap shower gel and expensive shower gel. Well, do you remember you discussed this as one of the comedy links on this very show where you were using expensive shower gel? One of our comedy links.

Or as I call it, one of our little comedy links. One of our skits. little comedy ladies one of our skits I believe you you were using expensive shower gel for whole body and then

cheap shower gel for the the darker the darker areas the dark meat yeah yeah oh

right yes absolutely gross yeah cheap stuff for the dark meat well the stuff that she got me two little things

they're called original sauce and it's zesty lemon and tea tree and tingly Yeah, cheap stuff for the dark, mate. Well, the stuff that she got me, two little things. They're called Original Sauce, and it's zesty lemon and tea tree and tingly mint. Can we just clarify, Al? It's got to be quite tingly. The way Frank pronounced that, it's Original Sauce. You said Original Sores. Oh, no.

And that's a very different thing. Yeah. Okay, and it's not going to get rid of those. They've been collected from medieval beggars and blended into this. OK, and it's not going to get rid of those. They've been collected from medieval beggars and blended into this. But the thing is with original sources, she's given me this as the cheap stuff.

Now, I remember being sent some original, a display case of original source in the 90s when people used to send me nice stuff. And I still get it to the radio show, but it's a trickle compared to a torrent. And I remember thinking, whoa, this is posh stuff and they've sent me this free, I must be doing really well.

Now, retrospectively, I discover it's the sort of stuff you get off on the market next to the slightly cloudy white chocolate. Well, can I give you my... What do we call it? Not tenuous celebrity claim to fame or something. Sorry, the arm's gone on my chair. Mine is...

What do we call that, Frank? We did it once. Not tenuous claim to fame. No, it was... I'll tell you what, it was... I'll let you ruminate. It's a left field claim to fame. Something, yes, left field claim to fame.

I know the man that designed the font on the original sauce bottle. Oh, do you? And he is the son of Law who designed the spitting image puppets. Thank you very much. Roger Law. Wow. Would you get him to sign this?

Do you remember Do you remember When a few weeks ago We had a text in about the Most interesting thing You've ever seen happening in a park Oh yeah Do you remember that? BSF of course

Keep it daytime if you're going to suggest anything BSF as I say breakfast show friendly oh yeah I'm not suggesting we go back to it but I was on

Hampstead Heath this week oh there we go doing one of those hour walks and I saw a man um

running backwards now I'd look to Al for this because he's our... Norman Hunter. Yeah, he's the exercise correspondent. He was... I mean, he was... He wasn't like a man in a suit running backwards. He was in the running gear.

But he was running backwards quite quickly. And he'd occasionally look over his shoulder, but I think the idea was we just got out the way because, you know, he was running back. Bold move. But I was looking to you, Al, is this an exercise thing? I've never heard of it as a thing,

and I think it's quite high risk with the kids off school because surely they're just... I wouldn't say they were off school. Somebody's going to crouch behind him right in the path that he's going in and topple him. And hilarity ensues. That would have been a bad... When I was a schoolboy,

I would have loved to have seen someone running backwards because we would have just immediately done that. Well, that's died out now. When I was a schoolboy, you would work in pairs and one of you would kneel behind someone and then you would talk to the person they're kneeling behind and then just push them over. Yeah.

It's a great early example of teamwork. Team judo. Oh, really? But no, so you're not aware of it as a fitness regime? I'm not aware of running backwards. Hill sprints are a thing. Hill running, that's a thing.

And sprinting is a thing. But they're still running. But they're still running in a relatively normal fashion. What, backwards? No, I'm saying Al's heel. Yeah, exactly. Also, there was this noise.

Oh, really? That gives a lot away. Maybe his name was Laurie. I associate it with... I heard it. I associate it with football referees. Oh, yeah, they do a lot of running back. Oh, yes.

Maybe he was in training to be a ref. No, he looked too old. The only other people who do it are paparazzi photographers do it. Oh, yeah, that's true. Occasionally, I believe. But, yeah, you're right, it's very much... This could be another niche texting. Who runs backwards?

Who runs backwards on a professional basis? If anyone's aware of it as an exercise, then I'd be interested to know. Yeah, I'd like to know. But I tell you what, because we talked about interesting things, I watched a couple of weeks ago, because my son supports Tottenham Hotspur, I watched Tottenham Hpur i watched um tottenham hotspur

versus marine yeah i don't know if you're aware of marine but they are um i don't mean this disrespectfully but a small non-league club right and tottenham played at their ground and marine at marine it was quite shocking seeing it on the telly. People's houses are literally, you could just sit and have your dinner and watch an FA Cup tie. You could be watching Gareth Bale. And I thought you could have a text saying, again, BSF, Breakfast Show Friendly,

what's the most interesting thing you've seen from your window? Yeah. Because this this I mean it was incredible just seeing it was incredible it was like someone had

juxtaposed an ordinary street next to a big football match I said juxtaposed I know in case there's

anyone out there we're proud of you wondering that we got through it congratulations Frank Skimmer Absolute Radio one out there wandering that we got through it congratulations Frank Skinner Absolute Radio we're talking about

most interesting thing you've seen from your by the way on the subject of the FA Cup it's less it's this weekend again the FA Cup

yeah the thing that was always said about the FA Cup, I mean, this is a non-football thing, is that there was a major jolt to the national grid at half-time in the FA Cup final because everybody made a cup of tea. Now that the cup final has been slightly demoted,

I think it's fair to say. So that whereas league managers used to be asked about an upcoming league game and they'd say, oh, it's like a cup final for us. Now I think they're in a cup final and they say, God, it's like a league game. It's just another game. For us. Do they still get the jolt?

Where does the jolt happen now? Well, the National Grid? Yeah. Well, you're absolutely right because it was more when TV events were a thing before the youngsters were streaming. You would get that. I remember Who Shot JR also had a National Grid search.

Did that ever? Yes. I believe when the Beatles were on one of those talk shows in the States, the crime went down and everything. Yeah, they used to say when Hancock was on, the Tony Hancock, Hancock's Half Hour, whatever, that the streets were empty and pops and everything. And when Shane 2 was on.

When Shane 2 is on. Frank, imagine it. We've got it brought back after all this I can't imagine it would you be proud of it I don't know there'll be some good jokes in it

I don't really know and it'll be interesting to see some of the older actors who are no longer with us working again can I say I didn't just get cheap shower gel, I also got expensive, what I'm told is expensive.

And this is quite fancy looking stuff. This one is called, this is the name of the shower gel. It's got a name, the Ritual of Jing. Oh. Which I think is what they call Christmas in Japan. It's based on jingle bells, they don't want to go the whole hog on it and it looks lovely and it says your path to inner peace

which I don't normally associate with that I thought we got you the ritual of the samurai oh no we got that as well the ritual of samurai groomed to perfection I'm sure you'll know and I've mentioned it before that I once when i lived alone in a bed seat and um you know there were strange times i was unemployed i tried living by the samurai code oh yeah and did it for about probably a couple of months well that was why we got you samuel i don't know how jing found its way in there no i don't mind a bit of jing i think it's again

it's the noise that a japanese um um microwave acts when it's done um yes i tried living by the samurai code you did including famously their um the samurai make all their decisions within the space of seven breaths. Wowee. I've tried that. Have you tried it? I've tried it since you mentioned it. It's quite a long time

if you take your time breathing, isn't it? Yeah, but the interesting thing is it's an approach to decision making so that you put all the effort into living with that decision rather than making it. So you just make it and then whatever it is, because often you don't get to make decisions, things just happen, you live with them, so than making it. So you just make it and then whatever it is,

because often you don't get to make decisions, things just happen, you live with them. So you do that. It's a very clever idea. I know we've got to go, but quickly,

strangest thing you've ever seen outside the window, let's just have this as a little taster, John Candyman, five black rabbits sniffing at a drunk lying with his head

on the pavement. Brilliant. Wow! Five black rabbits! Back in a bit. Freaking. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215. Many have. We'll be reading some of that in seconds. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio for the more moderns. And email the show via the Absolute Radio website for you, Molly and Roger, number 37.

I've been pondering what you said about what's the most... One of the text-ins that you've said about um what's the most in one of the textings that you've got running is what's the most interesting thing you've seen out of your window and i thought it's probably an indication that i like my street and my current home i don't think i've seen anything particularly remarkable outside of the window because it it's just, you know, everything's going fine. But two properties ago, I did see a violent assault through a peephole in my former flat. I heard some, you know... Oh, in the corridor?

Yeah, it was out on the sort of entranceway, so it's better to not have anything interesting compared to seeing that. And what did you watch it and then go to bed? I think the authorities had been called. Oh, I like the idea that you'd suddenly reach to a cat flap and grab one of them by the calf. No, I wasn't going to do any of that sort of thing. Oh, OK.

We've had the dock has been in touch. One of our neighbours, this is the most interesting thing seen, or unusual thing seen outside my window. One of our neighbours running up and down the road dressed in a full size costume of Captain Barnacle's Bear, leader of the Octonauts. Oh yes. Wow.

Are you familiar with the Octonauts? I am familiar with the Octonauts. I haven't seen it for a long time but it's basically on the sea exploration adventurers. Yeah. But they have things like pandas and stuff like that. I don't want you thinking they're human beings. They're not.

We've also had a tweet from I Read Books. Good handle. Yeah. CB radio driver a filthy teddy strapped to the grill of your truck i at i read book says i was on the number nine bus by bearwood oh yeah man in quinton Oh, yeah. Man in mini. To go to Quinton. Bearwood, thanks for the tip. Man in mini, outside lane, getting dressed as he drove along.

Wow. Very Mr Bean. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm no expert on the highway code, but I think that is outwith its advice. You'll probably find that's one that slipped through the net, isn't it? You can't be on your mobile phone, but you can get dressed. It's probably illegal to be naked in your car, is it?

Oh. Do you think so? So maybe, you know, getting dressed becomes... Well, that's... Yes. Anyway, listen, I had a post... Painful with the seatbelt. The worst... I mean, the most extreme I've gone. Am I OK to say this?

I don't know. Let's find out. We'll edit it out. I have worn a bikini top whilst driving. Were you in a convertible? No. It would have fit, wouldn't it? It fits the convertible.

Yeah. I tell you what, the strap. The strap on that seatbelt. Well, you need the beaded cover. I want the seatbelt. You'd probably get caught on the beaded cover. That's a carry-on joke waiting to happen. Well, that's it.

The bikini top. Yeah. The bikini top anecdote. That'll be looked back on. So, yeah, by all the wrong people. Now, I had a card, a parcel, actually, from Johnny Andrews. Johnny Andrews

lives in Auckland in New Zealand. And he was, I was talking about, if you remember, the swazzles that Punch and Judy operators put in their mouths to sound naughty, naughty.

I can't do it, but you know that. I've got one for my birthday, actually, from the team. So soon I'll be able to do that live. I'm going to work at it. Looking forward to that. Although someone texted in a Punch and Judy guy who said he swallowed many of them. Oh, yeah. So it's a risk.

What if I choke to death on a swazzle? It's the terrible thing about it is that not only that you die, but your last words are likely to make... I'm trying to do it. Anyway, Johnny has sent us some of the... I spoke about the whistling bird whistles. Oh, is that what these are? Yeah, so you put a little bit of

water in and they sort of chirrup. Does that pedigree now do? So, yeah, that do. So, we've got one each and I'm suggesting that we say in the next link we'll give them a try and see if we can get a lovely

dawn chorus. Okay. Do you remember dawn chorus? He used to work at the Stag. Very lovely. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've filled our birds.

I hope no one isolates that and uses it as a trailer. That would be a nice trailer for Shane too. So at the count of three, you ready Al? Oh hang on. M? Yeah.

Okay at the count of three, here we go. Okay. I mean, do you know when you see a starling swarming over the West Pier in Brighton at dusk? That's the sound that you hear. I thought it sounded rather beautiful. You know, whilst we were doing that, I saw the producer, who's behind you.

She's behind you, Frank. Yes. Oh, no, she is. And she was waving, you know, like if a policeman was flagging down an errant motorist on the motorway, waving frantically her hands in a stop this now gesture. I think it's, what I'm saying is,

I think it sounded atrocious. Oh, did it? I think she's probably worried that people will switch on at that moment and think, oh, this is just static. Country part. Yeah. I was just concerned that you said on the count of three and then started.

I was expecting on the count of three, one, two, three. Oh, did I not do the count of three? No, well, you know what? You threatened to and then didn't. So much to do, so little time. I feel like I was thinking about that instead of listening to the bird song. I'm sorry, Al. So often the way I'm distracted.

By the way, is country file a pun on people who like the country? And the file on the country? Oh, like, let's be careful. Yeah, what file can we use? Oh, thank you, Frank. Yeah. I'm relaxed. It's all right, we're? A handler file. Oh, thank you, Frank. Yeah. I'm relaxed. It's all right.

We're through it. We're through it. I know. I know. I just felt stiff with stress. Yeah. Country file. Is that?

No. I'll tell you what I think. Well, what does it mean? The various meanings. File about the country. I know, but a file is a weird thing because it's an office thing. The last, the opposite of the country. Yeah.

I think it might be a pun. Can anyone tell us if there's a double meaning to country file? If Chris Packham is listening, he won't be. He'll have switched off after the bird song. I think he's thinking to himself, well, it won't get any better than that. He's just voted that for best radio moment of 2021. And now he's listening to Eaton Rifles

in his country home and very carefully rearranging his stuff. You know, we filmed at his house and we moved his stuff a bit. Oh. And we said,

we took a photo so we can put it back in exactly the same place and he said, it's all right, I'll remember exactly where it goes. Good man. Lovely man though, but likes animals better than people. Oh yeah, a lot of that.

Now, Johnny Andrews of Auckland, who sent us the bird things, also sent us some traditional New Zealand confectionery. Oh really? I'll put one on your desk. Have you got it? What is it? I've got a cherry ripe. There you go. Sorry to hear that.

Sounds all right. You should give it a try. I don't know what a cherry ripe is. I've got ripe juice, cherries and coconut in old gold rich dark chocolate. Oh, results. Sorry, I was just practising my voice over. No, that could be it.

If anyone's listening to this, remember there's advertisers listening to this. Yeah, we'll drive self. That's what we want, yeah. I've got, do you want to know what I've got, Frank? Urban but not stupid. That's the voice we've been searching for. Thank you.

Finally, I've got a sort of quote. What's yours? I tried to... Mine's pinky. There you go. What is it, though? It's marshmallow and caramel covered in... Sorry, I'm going to do it again,

as if I'm doing the voiceover. Pinky. Marshmallow and caramel covered in milk chocolate. That's good. OK. 50% less fat. Than what? Oh, does it say 50% less BAT?

Oh, no, it's fat. I'm not going to try and top that. I'll do mine after the break. Let's go out on that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Hey, we've lit up the switchboard with the confectionery from New Zealand conversation. Oh, yeah.

We really have, Al. Turns out my voiceover audition description of Cherry Ripe, a lot of people are angry. Well, maybe we're superimposing the anger onto the text message. But see if you think this sounds angry. 654, for instance. Yes. Cherry Ripe is Caps Lock Australian.

Wow. Okay. We've also, yeah. Cherry Ripe is an Australian chocolate bar. This Kiwi is an imposter. Oh, man. A true Kiwi. What an interesting thing to...

Care about. Yeah. No, but good, it's good to know. Maybe it's across the two countries, that's possible, isn't it? It might be. Yeah. I'm chewing on a perky nana. Are you?

Yeah. Goodness sake. It's very much my catchment area nowadays. And that's what it's called, Perky Nana. And it's got a chimpanzee on it. What I believe Harry Hill used to call the chimpanzee. Yes. And it's a banana flavoured chew bar.

Ooh. Covered with... And I've got to tell you, it's really nice. Is it? You know, there's a certain flavour in sweets called banana, which in fact bears no resemblance to anything I've ever tasted from a banana. But you'd know it. You'd know it's supposed to be.

It's better than banana. I'll be straight with you. Have we... Why don't we get those, though? Pardon? Why don't we get those? I find it weird that there's a market for them in Australia and New Zealand, but we're not getting off of them here. Why is that? I think Perky Nana would be... And it weird that there's a market for them in Australia and New Zealand but we're

not getting off of them here why is that I find think Perkinana would be and it's Cadbury it's not some obscure um Kiwi it's a very different catchment area we're probably going to get a call from Joanna's people interested there'd be plenty of interest, I think, in Perky Nana. Wayne Rooney would be straight in. Have we mentioned the cake, Frank? Oh, yeah. Did we give it its propers? It's R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.

We can't be talking about shop bought confectionery when there's this. Our assistant producer, Fai. We've got the real Sylvester McCoy in the studio. Yes, Faye, whose birthday is on the same day as mine, which is the upcoming Thursday, has made a cake. So she's had to make her own birthday cake, which is slightly tragic,

but she's also made mine, which is slightly sycophantic. It's a double loser. No. But it's a beautiful... Is it beautiful, Bernard Matthews sycophantic. It's a double loser. No. But it's a beautiful... Is it beautiful, Bernard Matthews? I've tried it. It's lovely. It's top end cake. I've scraped the icing off. I tell you, the icing has

got a meringue element to it. It's beautiful. Even though Chrissie Hynde said don't get meringue. But no, it's's great she's a great baker you can say that now about

females I think because baking has become a universal thing they're doing some drilling upstairs at Absolute Radio can you tell them to stop yes there's a dentist rented the upstairs. Now that less presenters are coming in live. They're renting out rooms.

Yes. And I might have to go up there. I've got a perky nana just wedged. Oh, for God's sake, put the music on. Is it that time already? I'm sorry. Am I the last one to know? Is all the time thing happening behind my back?

Oh, it's the way, dear. Sorry, I'd have gone rattling on for ages. Anyway, back to the PN. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Anything else happening in the... What happened to Lembe Opik?

Well, I don't know. I don't have info about that. I do have some info about that. Do you? Yes, we heard from one of our... I'm going to call them show correspondents. Oh, yeah. Apparently, he is now working for BBC Radio Kent.

Oh. Is he really? Apparently so. Well, they all end up in radio in the end when things go wrong. That was from Neil Francis. Neil Francis? What, he used to work here?

Yeah, I believe he used to work here, yeah. How lovely, he used to be on Before Us, I remember. Yes, I do remember. Hello, Neil. Welcoming and friendly he was in our early days. So, yeah, informative and friendly. Something I'm hearing a lot on the telly, I don't know if you hear this,

but people talk about things, British things, that are envied all over the world. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Recently, I've heard it said of the Premier League and also about our financial services. Is it? Yeah.

Is the British things are envied all over the world? I think you've just said them. Of those things. Yeah. I think our parades do very well. You reckon? They're not as good as the North Koreans. I knew he was going to say that. I so knew. I think our parades do very well they're not as good as the North Koreans I knew he was going to say that

but I wouldn't swap them as soon as you mentioned parades I thought massive North Korea missile, Frank loves it I can see that sort of half-soakedness and general personal freedom being envied across the world but do people honestly think you lost me on that personal freedom being envied across the world. But do people honestly think, oh, man.

You lost me on that personal freedom thing. Oh, calm off it. You try living in one of them places, matey. Anyway, when I say one of them places. North Korea. North Korea, our example. Do people say, oh, man, them financial services in Britain, they're amazing. Wow.

Do they say that? No, they don't, Frank. It's the bearskins they like. Yes, I think you're right. Anyway, sorry. Barney regularly sees a bloke riding a penny farthing outside his window. He says, I wish I knew who he was,

so I could throw... I wish I knew, I'm sorry, when he was on his way, so I could throw a spear through his spokes. It's all got to be Ben-Hur. And he refers to them as sort of inoffensive, but nevertheless, I'm not going to share it, some sort of category of swear word, and then hipsters.

Oh, OK. I see. It's a very hipster thing, the penny farthing, isn't it? Well, David Baddiel told me a story about, you know Nick Hancock, who used to host Room 101? Very funny bloke. Very funny man. Very funny bloke. And they were playing football, I think,

in a park in Battersea, and a guy went past in the full tweeds and the, you and the plus fours on a penny-farthing bike, cycling really, really quickly along the thing. And Nick Hancock immediately turned to Dave and said, well, he's very late for work. Tremendous work by Hancock. Do you want to know a couple of things that people have seen outside their window?

Yes, I do. Michael says, I saw a car fall off the back of the top deck of a car transporter. Oh, I've never seen that. I've dreamt of that happening. Well, this happened in Birmingham, 1998. I'm afraid you'd moved on at that point. I was sat in my uni digs revising

and my desk by the window overlooked a roundabout for the A38. Oh, yeah. Bristol Road. Can I just say... Spot the ex-comedians. That was the most brilliant ex-comedian scene you've ever seen. Simultaneously.

Oh, yeah. I believe there's a Wurzel song called Rockin' Around the A38. It goes right down to Bristol, I believe. I must get that from me Apple Music. Can't wait to hear that. On the Birmingham front. Side of Apple Music, it'll be on. Oh. On the Birmingham front... Cider apple music, it'll be on.

Jordan Gregg, 1980. Wonder when he was born. Morning, Frank, Al and DME. Ree Frank's comment recently about rag and bone men no longer being around. Do you remember mentioning that, Frank? Yes, I was talking about in Tipton, in the West Midlands, there used to be um a lot of people used to have a horse in the garden they were like rag and bowman but um it was a regular

feature when i was a kid and it's it's i think it's gone okay here in stourbridge oh yes stourbridge they still come around most weekends tatting they have speakers on the van. Speakers now. Playing an old black country bloke calling out scrap eon, any ode scrap eon. Frank will need to translate all items. Praise redacted, all the best Jordan.

Okay. I'm afraid he went on to say come on you wolves and that was last week. That was a bit of bad luck for him. Well I only read that knowing the result. Indeed. Scrappy yarn, any old scrappy yarn. Over to you, Frank Skinner, how it should be done, the real pro. Well, I mean, you could never tell what they were saying

but it would have been, Scrappy yarn, any old scrappy yarn. It was always that. And you knew it was them but you didn't know what they actually were after I've got, now here's an old friend of the show, do you remember Nicholas Hemingway?

Yes, pencils Yes, he sent us some lovely stainless steel propellant pencils well he sent me for my birthday alright, take it, he sent me for my birthday. All right, take it easy. He sent me, hope you like my new Traveller pen, the newest edition in my collection.

Small enough to carry with you on the go. Yeah, because some pens, I mean, they're so big, you wouldn't want to be travelling with them. Not that we're going anywhere at the moment, he says in a little bit of social comment from Hemmers. Good stuff. But then,

don't worry, Alan and Emily, you both receive one on your birthday too, smiley face. Excellent. So a big happy birthday from everyone at nicholashemmingway.com. Now, as for plugging stuff, I've got to tell you, that propelling pencil I still use,

and it's a very, very fine writing implement. So try nicholashemingway.com if you like a nice pen or pencil. It's the top end. Really good stuff. Do you know Robert Frost, the poet, he bought a holiday place in Florida, and he called it Pencil Pines, is what he called the land that he bought.

And he thought they said, because every dollar I've ever made in my life involved using a pencil. Oh, I love that. Isn't that brilliant? Yeah. There's one for you, Hemmers. Put that on your quotes.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner, by the Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner, by the way, on Absolute Radio, where real music matters. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, or you can email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Did ye see, you boys,

I'm sure you must have caught some of the proceedings, the, I'm going to go, I'm going to call it something quite horrible. Let's see how this catches on. The Anorgs. Oh. Did you see the Anorgs this week? I don't like the Anorgs. I watched the highlight programme.

Oh yeah, match of the Anorgs. It sounds like Doctor Who. Oh, yeah, match of the Anorgs. Yeah. It sounds like Doctor Who. He got it the wrong way. He thought it was an old Doctor Who. President Joseph Robinette Biden. Robinette? Is that like a small Robin?

I saw somebody calling him Joseph Biden Jr. and I was thinking, at his age, are we still distinguishing between junior and senior? You find that when those plays, mate. When someone funds the house. Is that you or your dad? Come on. I would say, if I'd never heard or seen Joe Biden,

and he was interviewed on an end-of-the-news item as the world's oldest man. Yeah. I wouldn't question it for one second. They said 168-year-old Joseph, but I think, well... If he was one of those Guinness World Records that I have stored away. I think it's quite possible he's the oldest man on the planet.

So, Joseph Robinette Biden. Robinette. Can I say, I watch the highlights instead of doing Joe Wicks. Oh, do you only do Joe's? Because I find embarrassment is a great cardiovascular exercise. And also, I don't know about you, Al, you're an exercise man. I get stiffness around the shoulders and neck, and I find squirming really loosens it up. What did you squirm at?

Well, look, I love America in many ways. I've had great times there. Many of my heroes are Americans, poets, writers, actors. You live next door to some Americans. They're very nice. I love Americans, but there is a part of American culture, when they get mawkish and embarrassing, they don't seem to have that, hold on, is this a bit naff? They don't have that.

They don't have a, is this a bit much, or is this a bit naff? They don't have, is this a bit dot, dot, dot? They don't have that. Is it that they don't have a sentiment alert? Do you know what I mean? That you think, OK, I'm going to rein this back in and I think... And like I say, I love so much about America,

but that I find, I love so much about America, but that I find... I just get embarrassed on their behalf. And when you say that, you mean specifically the music, the songs? There's a lot of it, isn't there? Well, let's take... The way they emote over a song, for example. Oh, yeah, they do that.

Yeah, although I must say, if there's one thing I enjoy watching, it's a bunch of atheists getting all misty-eyed about Amazing Grace. Hey, you got Professor Brian Cox. Yeah. Can I just say, though, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., one of your lot, Frank. Yes, second Catholic president.

Is he on JFK? JFK was the first. Is he really only the second? Only the second. That's remarkable, isn't it? That makes you wonder, don't you? Oh, he's one of them. I'm trying to keep him out.

You got one of your rosary crew in there. It's all good. Doesn't have had an atheist yet. Or at least one that confessed. One who admitted. Yeah, exactly. Sorry, Frank. You were saying Amazing Grace.

Yes, because Garth Crooks as a lot of people said on Twitter yes well I really made that mistake thought that is a surprise booking

yeah Garth Crooks came on and picked his team of the week hold on the producer's going absolutely barmy

we'll come back to Garth Crooks country superstar yeah do they play him on Contry Hits? Huge. They do. Huge buckle. The producer works on Contry Hits as well. Oh yeah. Which is one

of ours isn't it? One of our stations. Very good actually. Yeah. On Absolute Radio. So we were discussing the Anorgs. Yeah. Still not loving it. I don't like the phrase sworn in either.

They said Joe Biden was sworn in. I think, yeah, my kids are every time we go out on a dog walk. Get in the house. Anyway. It started, we should say, with Lady Gaga. Oh, yeah. And she had quite the dress. I mean, it was a huge... I noticed...

Do you know how you get... You probably get irritated, Frank, when you hear, let's say, poets' names being mispronounced. I have a similar thing with fashion designers. Oh. And one of the CNN, I think it was, correspondents said, and she's wearing a beautiful dress by Schiaparelli.

Oh. It's Italian, dear. It's a hard C. Schiaparelli. Schiaparelli by Schiaparelli. Oh. It's Italian, dear. It's a hard C. Schiaparelli. Schiaparelli. Schiaparelli. He probably grew up on the high Schiaparelli series. I have a theory about her dress. Go on.

I don't know if you noticed, because I think it sort of set Twitter alight, that she was wearing a big brooch, wasn't she? Massive. Oh, yeah. A dove. A dove. And people were saying, oh, it symbolises peace or something.

It probably did. I thought, that's so big, there's no way she chose that. I think she'd spilled a bit of yoghurt on that dress. Yeah. That'd be a handy thing to have, a big brooch for that. Yes, I think she's prone to a Muller fruit corner, maybe the chocolatey flakes ones and the banana. Well, she's off German stock

I think, so she probably does enjoy a Muller. Yeah. Just a theory. She's one, of course, of the fancy dress stars. You know, Lady Gaga. I imagine if she'd worn the meat dress to the inauguration

not this inauguration maybe the last one would have been fine still with that weather I mean it was freezing out there would have been you know what I mean Paloma Faith

oh yeah Boy George fancy dress used to be Elton John before he I think he finally settled on the shell suit as his default look

so I think there's a certain obligation with her finally settled on the shell suit as his default look. So I think there's a certain obligation with her. She thinks, I can't just go up and think, well, it's a form of a cage and I've got to be a bit wacky. I did notice, I have to say, you know, she did very well, but I did notice, notice I sounded like Donald Trump there, my voice on up, she did very well, very well, very well. Very well. But I did notice, Frank,

we've discussed the taking the elevator down instead of up syndrome with the live performance before, haven't we? Oh, yeah. Can you briefly remind people what that is with the high notes? Yeah, I saw... I hate to call out David Bowie,

who's obviously something of a genius, but I saw him doing Young Americans and there's a bit where it goes, what, there's one damn song that can make me, and then he goes, break down, that bit. Yeah. And when I saw him live, he went, there's one damn song that can make me,

break down and live. And I thought, no, I want the high note. Yeah. He took the elevator down instead of up. He did, he did. Now, I noticed Gaga did that. Did she? Because...

I thought she took it higher than she needed to take it. She didn't. There's that, I believe it's the top C is the Land of the Free is the highest note in the song, the Free, which Whitney Houston famously nailed. She said, the land of the free. I think there was a high C in there, though. I think it was rough weather.

She took it down for free. She took some of it that she needed to talk about. I believe Pavarotti was known as the king of the high Cs. But she took some of it that she needed to talk about. Well, that's it. I believe Pavarotti was known as the king of the high seas, as in, you know, like a pirate. Yeah. What did you make of... Well, that is a point, you see, about the Americans not thinking, oh, I'm not sure about this.

If I was asked to sing the national anthem at a thing, I know I'm not a singer.. If I was asked to sing the National Anthem, I'd have to think, I know I'm not a singer. That's going to happen. But I can only sing the National Anthem in my football voice. Si, di, fi, ci. If you start singing the National Anthem seriously, they're all a bit National Anthem-y. Yeah. You know what I mean?

You've got to give yourself the... If she'd used the football voice, it gives you a bit of distance from it. Oh, yeah. But she was all sincere and... No.

There's no one pointed out that it is the last refuge of the scoundrel. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were talking inauguration. Did you notice J-Lo?

I mean, how could you not? She slipped in one of her own songs. Did she? Yes. Cheeky. She slipped in... She did a song. I'm sure you're familiar with it.

Let's Get Loud. Let's get loud. I don't really know her. Let's get loud. I don't know her oeuvre. No, JLo wasn't on the match of the inauguration highlights reel that I watched. Was she not? She didn't make it.

She didn't make it. Gar Gar did. And Garth Crooks slash Brooks made it. Garth Brooks finished his song and then in a complete forgot Covid existed hugged Bill Clinton and George Bush

well he hugged, I think he went to hug all of the former presidents and then did a brilliant comedy double take when he realised he'd forgotten to hug the one he voted for which was Bush and he stopped and he ran back when he realised he'd forgotten to hug the one he voted for, which was Bush. And he stopped and he ran back and gave him a bit... It was rather touching, actually.

I should just say that apparently he had had a negative COVID test three days in a row. I mean, a lot of people have reacted on the internet thinking that he was like a one-man biohazard or something, but I don't think he was. I think he was fine. And with that, Stetson, you can't get within a country mile, if you know what I mean. Very good.

I think what will happen is that Bush and Clinton will both get COVID. Oh, God. He'll get the blame. And then someone will say, no, no, I'm the one. And they were hogged by a bloke on the grassy knoll. It won't be anything to do with him. Yeah. I hope not.

I love that hat he wears, though. Oh, I do love it. I think he used to be flown, didn't he, on stage? Did he? Did he? Yeah, he used to go up on the wire. Did he? I'd like to have seen that.

Must be on the... You'll know, you work on country hits. You didn't know that, Sarah? Unbelievable. So, the other thing that everyone was talking about was Bernie. Can I just say that wasn't the best moment in J-Lo's set? She suddenly stopped singing and started talking Spanish. Yeah.

I assumed she was having a go at the sound man. It had that kind of, it made me think, God, if you went out with JLo, this is what it'd be like if you got in a bit late. Right. It did. It had the air of when I saw Russell Grant in Edinburgh shouting offstage at the stage manager, leave that, please.

Yeah. About to throw the boa on a headstand. I don't know, I'm sure she was saying very noble things, but it really sounded like, what the... Has it been on translate she also she looked suspiciously

like she was wearing a Nazi cyanide ring did she you know those ones that you just press the

side thing and you can if you're captured you can take the side just in case Donald changed

his mind and did show up yes it was oh that's the A-Rod engagement ring. Oh, is it? Oh, God. He's put cyanide in an engagement ring.

I mean, A-Rod's got a few quid. Let's be honest. I shouldn't think J-Lo is... No, she's not cash-strapped. I remember she was one of the people who did... Remember that big charity thing when people perform, you know, the night of I'm tilt-handing? She was in like a, I thought she'd gone to the park,

we'll do it in the park, it was in a garden, Jailor. See, I would have, I'd have a few Rye Vita in the ring if you're going to go that far from the house, get peckish. But check it out. It does look like it's a last resort piece of jewellery. Yeah. Sorry, you were just talking about Bernie Sanders and his lovely mittens.

Yes. And his coat. Bernie Sanders. He really wrapped up for it, didn't he? Yes. And his coat. Bernie Sanders. He really wrapped up for it, didn't he? Yes. I think I called him Saunders earlier. Why did I do that? I think I was thinking...

He's 79, so you've got to be careful. Well, I'll tell you what. He had one of those coats, Frank. Do you... It can be best described thusly. I went to an outdoors shop with you once. Oh, yeah. And Frank spent so long trying on clothes, Alan.

Is this when you ate Kendall Mink cake in the shop? I disappeared downstairs to get Kendall Mink cake to keep me going. Yeah, exactly. Endurance. He turned round and he put a coat... He looked up in the sports shop. He tried on a coat. He said, what do you think of this, Em? he's looked up in a sports shop he tried on a coat, he said what do you think of this I said I don't mind it

desperately clamouring for the Kendall mint cake he said I just worry it makes me look a bit like that bloke who leaves the match early and I thought it was such a brilliant observation and that's what Bernie's coat was

along those lines for me Well Bernie of course, by American standards, quite, he's like Mr Left Wing. Yeah, yeah. And the mittens, apparently, were made from old, the re-knitting of old jumpers that had been cast out. Yeah. And the inside was lined with material made from recycled plastic bottles.

Yeah. Have a day off. It's all right to have a day off. They can't. You're 79. A lot of people were tweeting us, referring to the late Michael Foote, of course, at the Senate Hall. I did think also of what I believe was called

Jeremy Corbyn's communist cap. Yes, remember that? And he said, it's not a communist cap, it's a cap. But it was very light-worn by Lenin in the old days. It reminded me of when Carlos Tevez refused to get off the bench and just sat there in his anorak. Do you remember that? No, I don't remember that. I do remember. There was a sort of

belligerence about the anorak, wasn't there? It was like, well I'll come. It's like if someone goes to a wedding and really doesn't want to be there and turns up in what I call grudge clothes. We've all done grudge clothes. Well, I'm very strict

on weddings that I wear the suit and tie. I remember having a debate once with Noel Field and he was at a wedding and... Let me guess, t-shirt with a tie motif on it? He had a kit bag on his back that was like a tube of refreshers and I said, look, it's not about you.

It's not your day. Frank was in a white of refreshers, and I said, look, it's not about you. It's not your day. Frank was in a white dress at the time. We got past it. Bit of a clash. Frank was a fishtail. I'll tell you what I noticed about Bernie. He was carrying a big brown envelope. Was he?

Yeah. I saw him in George Graham. Well, it was absolutely made for... You know, this is, I would call this, a genre of news reporting, and it is the close-up of the carried document. Oh, yeah. You know this?

They zoom in on a carried document. If anyone... 8, 12, 15, your favourite carried document story? Good texting. I particularly like, there was one of the England cricket coach carrying, and when they went in close, it was things to say to the Australians that will annoy them. And they'd written that down and discussed it in a meeting.

How embarrassing is that for that to come out? We're talking about Bernie's jacket at the inauguration. Can I give you my quote of the week from the inauguration? Please do. It didn't happen at the inauguration but it was from a woman called Jen Ellis who made Bernie's mittens.

Oh, yeah. And she's had thousands of people contact her on the internet saying, can I get some of those mittens? I want them as well. They probably want them free, don't they? Because they'll be socialists. Anyway, she said

look I'm a teacher and a mum I don't have you know I've met those I've met about

10 pairs I can't I can't start she said I've had like 80,000 and this was her quote she said sometimes in this world

you just can't get everything you want good point what about people trying to buy mittens from you? Well, she's right. Anti-retail. Mick Jagger

was telling me that only several decades ago. Through song, yeah. Through the medium of song, Al, yes, you're right. But at least he added a little optimistic proviso. He tries sometimes. Apparently I get what I need. We should discuss who wasn't at the inauguration, which is the Donald.

The Donald himself. And I think, I mean, I think the press might be interested in division and mischief here, because they wrote it up as if, like, Donald Trump is not attending the inauguration, as if all the people that were attending would be even remotely bothered.

And I think everyone that was attending thought, good, I don't want him to come anyway. I'm glad he didn't attend. I'll tell you what it reminded me of. When Bob Monkhouse was sacked from the Golden Shot. It's very similar, Frank. The popular game show. On his last episode, and he'd been removed from the show,

I think he'd done removed from the show, I think he'd done an advert or something which went against guidelines, and he was being replaced by a comic called Norman Vaughan, whose catchphrase was, and seriously... He doesn't sound great. No, he was all right, but he wasn't Bob Monkhouse. But they had the great idea.

Well, he elaborated it. In the end, you would go, dodgy Elsie Tanner. That was his catchphrase. Different times. Anyway, on Bob's last episode, although they did have to give him and bring him back years later, they had the two of them doing the show. He's sort of shadowing Bob Monkess.

Can you imagine the angst? And Bob kept saying things about getting sacked and stuff. It was really dark, difficult, brilliant. But that's what it would have been like. But Donald's playlist was inspired. I have to say, we had Eye of the Tiger, we had House of the Rising Sun, and then YMCA...

House of the Rising Sun was a strange choice. Yes. In that it's about a house of what they used to call... It's been the moon of many a poor boy. Yeah. And Lord, I know I'm one. And then... Sorry, Frank.

When the plane... When the plane took off. To? The final plane, sorry. To the strains of? To my way. But what was amazing is it went along and you could hear, but what is them and all that.

And it went along. And then at the end he goes, I did it my way. And then there's a da, da, da, da. And it just, when he comes back in, I did it my way. And then there's that... And just when he comes back in, I did it my... And as he says, why? The wheels leave the tarmac. It was absolutely perfect.

Really good. And whatever you think about Donald Trump, I don't think there is any American president more entitled to leave to my way than he did. I think the whole world heard that song and thought, yep, you certainly did. Fair enough.

Fair enough, mate. We're not going to argue with that. No, but the timing on those wheels leaving the tarmac. It was extraordinary. Man. Can I say, I know we've got to wrap up quickly, Trump style.

However, Lee Thomas has sent in, you were talking about Zudin. Favourite magnified private documents. Let's leave this. If anyone has any during the week, do text and email. VMPM. No, VMPD. VMPD, okay. No, FMP.

This isn't working. Favourite magnified private document. That's good. Lee Thomas has sent us in a screen grab and referred to Paulince's notepad when manager of Blackburn, which simply says shoot on it, you may recall.

Tactical genius. That's brilliant. Thank you, Lee. I remember Dave Gorman told me that he'd had a bit of a falling out with a publicity guy who'd done a terrible job on his tour or something. And he said, you know, you didn't do this, you didn't do that, and I want to work with you,

but it's really upsetting when you don't work with me. And as he left, he looked at the guy's pad, notepad, and all he'd written in the top left-hand corner was, Do better. Aww! Look, I would give you a little whistle to go out, but the water's come out my bird. Oh, that was awful.

Sorry. I've ruined the whole show. No, no, no. It's all right. Most people are long gone. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week.

Now, get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.