The Frank Skinner Show - Russell Kane on Absolute Radio

Episode Date: July 10, 2010

This week comedian Russell Kane stands in for Frank Skinner. Russell, Emily and Gareth talk about the male/female divide and Prince's technology predictions. Gareth has a personality change after a fizzy drink incident. This week's guest is Holly Walsh.

I've got about 10 seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top draw comedy nights near you thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there too. I've run out of time though. Russell Cain on Absolute Radio. Hey, this is Russell Cain, this is Absolute Radio. I'm so excited to be in the driving seat for one morning only. I'm joined by Emily, as always.

Hello, Russell. Welcome to our home. Are you feeling, because you're looking, the lockets are lined up or any other over-the-counter prescription medication you might want to... Some non-over-the-counter, but that's another story. I'm feeling a little bit throaty, but it's good. I think it's quite sexy. What do you think? Yeah, apart from the mucus you sprayed me with. Sorry about that. I always get on the Barocca

if I'm feeling, uh, drier than the night before, but the first time I took it, there was no warning on it about how yellow your wee-wee goes and it absolutely terrified me. Thought I'd developed a superpower. How are you this morning, uh, Gareth? I'm very good, yes. Not bad at all. I can just imagine you never get a cold and just look at infections

and go, don't bother bother I won't be interested in them so well we've got lots going on this morning lots of things to talk about lots of lovely music but I thought we'd kick off

by the first of all I was just about to go on air for the first time at Absolute and what was my final message before we went on good luck Russ

have a great show it's great to have you as part of the team no it was Daisy who's here helping get the show together said it's like being at a swingers party and a stranger's turned up what a lovely way to welcome someone part of the tea it was no it was daisy who's here helping it show together said it's like being at

a swingers party and a stranger's turned up what a lovely way to welcome them like i've walked in naked going who wants it and everyone going not us i know so uh on that note because that's about as much masculinity as i can carry off people often mistake me uh for being a bit more feminine than i am yeah sometimes play you're what I like to call metrosexual, Russell. Right, some people don't know whether I'm gay or straight, and I like to keep that air of mystery going right till I get behind a skip. And so I thought, how masculine and how feminine are you?

How masculine and feminine do you like your partners? You might be in a heterosexual relationship. If you're a girl, how girly do you like your men? A lot of these younger girls like a feminised male. Some of them find that vulnerability in a man sexual. I can't put a shelf up. Come over to mine. You can borrow my GHD ceramics.

Oh, I don't like that, Russell. I can tell Emily she likes a man's man. Oh, I do. I do. I like, well, Henry VIII is my ideal man, which gives you a little ballpark there, something to go on. So I like, for example, a man's got to order a pint. Don't like him messing about with vodka tonics.

That's a hairdresser's drink. Don't like man who doesn't like sport gotta like sport see this is the complete opposite I'm now safe I can disable my sex attack alarm I'm fine I won't pounce on you, you're safe that's quite weird to like Henry VIII

to want to be dominated and then beheaded I mean I like fetishes but that's a bit over the top no it's a problem my therapist and I work on it weekly. Is he dressed as a Tudor? Is he council ship? Lay down on the couch, Emily.

Oh, my neck's so vulnerable. Gareth, do you like... I mean, not in a way, in a kinky way, but I like a woman to be a bit dominant. I do like a... You know, Sadie often insists that I've given away my heterosexuality. That's your other half, isn't it? Yeah, Sadie will often insist on carrying all of the shopping bags while I mince in front on my

iPhone, and I like that as a man, to be pampered. I'm quite, well, I think, because we're all a mixture of masculine and feminine traits. But what are the ratios? The particular feminine thing that I do is that I have to talk about an argument. And if there's a tension or if there's been crosswords, I have to deal with it before I can move on.

Where Laura can just carry on and find, no, I need to talk about this. Safety is exactly the same. Let's just leave it. It'll go away. You said in the second minute of the argument that my hair was Lego shaped. What did you mean by that? You two are going to have to man up. It's ridiculous.

You are quite... But, Gareth, I've noticed Laura does wear the trousers. I don't know, Sadie, but I'm guessing she might wear the trousers as well. This skirt really suits me, though. Yeah. You look lovely. It does look good. It tends to be a more...

How can I put this? A more... A woman of distinction who prefers a man's man. It tends to be a more... Sometimes a more mature woman. Sorry, I still like a man to be a man's man. It tends to be sometimes a more mature woman saying, sorry, I still like a man to be a man. How very dare you. I meant emotionally mature. Oh, I like that now. That's good, Russell. Well saved. Someone like my mum

would do. You're like Calamity James. Someone like my mum would say I like a man to be protective. I do like a man who can put a shelf up. I know it's old-fashioned. In a fight I want to be protected. That's what you want. I want the head of Bernard Manning on the body of Bernard Manning. There we are.

That's essentially what I want. Well, if that's you, why don't you text in to 81215 because Emily could be yours if you're willing to behead her. You can also get us on the email. Head to the website. Go to absoluteradio.co.uk

forward slash Frank Skinner. How masculine do you like your women? And how feminine do you like your men? So, Gareth, have you got any anecdotes of your woman manning up to protect you? I've been protected. I've actually been protected by Sadio. Really?

Leave Prince alone. That was a good segue into one of your anecdotes, Russell. Yeah, yeah. I think one thing is when I'm because I'm not into sport but I think if you're a man then if you're not, like because I'm not into sport, really when I think about it is when I'm, because I'm not into sport. Me neither. I think if you're a man, then if you're not, like, because I'm not into sport, really when I think about it is because I realised I wasn't any good at sport.

So I thought, well, I'm not even going to try if I can't win. I'm not so used to sort of become competitive in other ways. Yeah. Because stand-up's quite competitive. Emotionally competitive. I'm more upset than you. Absolute Radio. This is Absolute Radio, and it's a station.

All aboard for the next train. That was the police, spirits in a material world, or as I call it, getting drunk at the carpet centre. Very good. Eh? You're on fire this morning. This one I'm on radio, because I'm not afraid of the audience going, rubbish, get off, this is Russell Cain,

changing genres like nobody's business, here on Absolute Radio, joined by a sedate Emily. The gods have sent her a cold so that I can be protected. And a razor-sharp whip, lest it cut me. And Gareth as well. Hello. You just said and Gareth as well.

And Gareth as well. I don't like the tone of that. I don't need to big Gareth up. It's like saying Prince. See, I keep getting Prince in there because we're eventually going to talk about Prince. We're quite obsessed by him, aren't we? We're trailing Prince.

That's very professional. Later we'll be talking about Prince. Moving on. So, I think we should all send our congratulations out to Danny Minogue. Oh, yes. Who's giving birth. And as we know, when a celebrity gives birth,

it is empirically more meaningful than when a normal has a child. Yeah. So well done to Danny. It means more. Yeah, but you know something bad's happened, Russell. What is it? Well, I don't know if it's bad,

but she has called her kid Ethan, which is the same name as Gareth's little boy. Now, first of all, before we even go into the debate of naming a baby, we've had a quite distinct Ethan there, whereas I would say Ethan. It's a problem. It's an ongoing issue.

Emily says Ethan, but she's called her baby Ethan. I thought there was like a code of conduct in the celebrity world. Well, you know, if a big gun like me has already used that name, it just makes her look cheap and like she can't know the reality. Do you feel like she's copied your baby's name? How dare she? I mean, you know, the nerve of the woman. The nerve. Everyone's going to think you've copied her now

as well. Oh no. Sorry, but it's true. The good thing about the name Ethan is quite hard to abbreviate. You can go for an Eeth, but that's just being petulant. Or E. That's an unfortunate nickname. That's what my niece calls me. E.

Yeah. There you go. If I just reduce you to a letter, it's like you almost don't exist, aren't you? Goodbye, E. I like shortening names, though, Russell. Like, you're Ruh. Ruh. You'll always be Ruh to me.

There's a thin line between abbreviation and impediment. But there is this, you hear a lot of my friends are starting to pop sprogs and stuff with the emotional maturity to do so. And there's the hunt for the name that cannot be abbreviated. Some people are really paranoid about it. It's really hard to think of a name

that can't be abbreviated. My other half, Sadie, she hates her name being abbreviated to side. There's something so Essex-y about it. Side! You can still get about four syllables. Side! Into it, if you really go for it. Sad. But you would think you can't abbreviate Gareth's name,

but I've managed to. Yeah, but Gareth, you were saying you get called Gary sometimes. Gary is not appropriate. Oh, that's not good. You couldn't look less like a Gary. No, Gary's not. Gary! Where's my stella artois and my undercar lighting?

I call him... I've got a good nickname for Gareth. I call him Lady Gaga. He seems to quite like it. That is an elongation, isn't it? I know. That's the Aussie mode, isn't it? That's the title.

That's the thing you can't get away from in Australia. They'll make names longer. Gareth Boy Garrio. But, Russell, if you had kids, have you got any names? Sorry, I'm just scratching my eczema rash, which has come up. It's developing into psoriasis, don't say that again. What would you call them? Well, I've got this thing, it's quite snobby,

where I wouldn't want the name to be in the top 100. I understand. I can't bear that thing when one of the mums walks into the nursery and goes, Olivia, and all the tiny heads turn round. You don't want to get trampled in the rush. Jack and Ruby, forget it. Sadie loves the name Ruben. We often name our hypothetical child Ruben.

Now, every few months, we have a hypothetical child. What you mustn't do is what lots of people, 30-somethings, I'm not casting aspersions on it, but 30-somethings do, is they get a dog and then they call it Lola, or the name they were going to call a kid. And I don't like that. We've already got...

I think a lot of people... No, dogs aren't called Lola.'ve already got, I think a lot of people, no dogs aren't called Lola. I think a lot of people, this is something we can move on to talk about in the next section, when is a good time to breed, specifically for men, there's not many people who talk about that. And when you get that phase where you're having pets but you're slightly in denial and treating like a baby, you go, we don't need children, I'm just enjoying my single life and then you're lactating in the toilet going, I my dog like a baby fine i never want to have kids i just need my money in my flat what is your dog called russell cooper cooper i was never gonna call my child cooper russell kane on absolute radio so uh it was all going lovely in the studio

and we were just to tackle the tender age of what when men should breed when gareth drunk an orangina and his personality completely changed he's gone weird can those bubbles hit the blood you're all criticizing me that's the problem firstly russell can i point out he did say you've got to shake it to wake the drink i asked if it had been shaken you have to shake it to wake it it says on the can shake it to wake it listeners can you hear the can, shake it to wake it. Listeners, can you hear the difference in his voice? It's a man at breaking point.

And then I poured it and Emily was like, look how he's poured it. Why is he pouring it so high? And by the way, when you have a latte, you don't need to swizzle it round. I can drink things however I want. Yeah, but that doesn't mean we won't laugh at you That is true And also FYI Don't say to lovely Emily who works on the show

Have you shaken this drink like Mariah Carey Jesus You have to shake it to wake it Also works with people Depends what sort of evening you've had I suppose Sometimes the shaking's not enough. So we all love orange, we all love bubbles, but a lesson there in what can happen if you mix them too, daringly.

It's quite an ironic drink to have as well, the orange gin. You can have a game of Guess Who and Kaplunk going. Maybe some chinos. He's in Sicily with his parents, age nine. That's the last time I had orange gin. It's on holiday. Got to shake it to wake it, Dad. Gareth, be reasonable.

I want an Orangina before I go swimming. Well, proof there that you can have a talking point out of whatever's just arrived in front of you. No, but we were about to, we were talking about Danny Minogue's had her baby. How old's Danny Minogue? 36, 37? Oh, that's kind. No, I really like Danny, actually.

Still spiteful looking little baby. Well, exactly. Welcome to our world, girls. I think she's about 38. Okay, so these days, a perfectly acceptable age for a woman to have a first child. A few eyebrows sometimes go up if it passes the magic 35. But what is the correct age for men to breathe? There's all this patriarchal,

if I may use that term, this time in the morning, focus on when a woman should use her body to bear a child. When's the optimal age for a man? Because we don't have the rules of biology dictating, we sometimes think, oh, any age is okay, but is it? We don't really want to be having a toddler running around when I'm 80. I don't want one running around unless I've got staff,

but that's another story. Emily has children. Her nanny is going to be exhausted. Well, exactly. So, Gareth, what do you think? Because Gareth's got kids. I was 29. That seems like a good age.

Or a little bit young. Maybe you should email in with their suggestions and we can get a mean average. That's absoluteradio.co.uk and you'll get there via the website. Or Twitter, indeed. Is the text working yet? Because the text wasn't working.

I don't think that's it. But maybe they could hit us on Twitter instead. That's Twitter easy. If you just shout. Yeah, shout loudly if you're in the area. Thirty-six! Thirty-six! What do you think, Russell?

I think the Twitter address is at Frank on Absolute. Oh. Because I think you should be Russell? I think the Twitter address is at Frank on Absolute. Got it? Because I think you should be about... I think 36, 37 is good for a guy. He's 42 late for a man. No. So you're 45, you've got a 15-year-old son. Is that cool?

That's fine. You still hang out? You don't want to be like Des O'Connor when you have a hernia, when you bend down to pick them up. That's not good. But I think... You actually get more injured during the birth than the woman. Push!

Oh God, that's gone again. This is Absolute Radio. That's right, just put it up there. Absolute Radio. People just tuning in, Garrett has drunk some Orangina earlier and making my first show, Russell Cain's, very risky. There's an air of violence and there was the bubbles leap from it into Garrett's crazed mind. We've had an show, Russell Cain's, very risky. There's an air of violence, and there was the bubbles leap from it into Gareth's crazed mind.

We've had an email, Russell. But the thing is, the sentence doesn't just mean we've had an email, it means we've had an email. We've had a single email. Due to technological problems with the tech, which I was so excited about hearing you guys in tech, you have to go to the website and go to absoluteradio.co.uk forward slash Frank Skinner,

which means we've only had one email, and it's from the furthest possible country on the globe. It's from New Zealand. Please share. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, has it disappeared? No, I think actually it's an email for someone else. That's nice.

So not only was it from New Zealand to start with, but now it's for someone else. I think it's actually for Absolute Classic Rock. But I'll read that anyway. We need to take what we can get. Don've got to patronise me, Gareth. I can take that. It's from Roxy. It's quite, like, there's no reference to us at all.

So it's from Roxy and it says, hi there, I'm in New Zealand listening to your station. That could be us. Yeah, it could be us. Cool accent you got there. That could be any of us. It's definitely not you, Emily. Is my accent like totes cool? You leave Emily alone! Sorry, it's the original. It's definitely not you, Emily. Is my accent like Toots Cool? You leave Emily alone!

Sorry, it's the Orangina. It's the Orangina, sorry. You should see Gareth. What's wrong with a bit of privilege? Anyway, Gareth. Cool accent you've got there. Can you play some Pink Floyd, please? No, we can't.

We've decided what we're going to play now. It's good to know we've connected with one mistaken email from New Zealand. She says it's 7.30 Saturday night here and the All Blacks are about to play some rugby and kick some surf. How long is this email that's not for us? I don't get out the house much. Help me.

Well, there we go. Maybe people have got busy breeding because I've asked them to think about breeding age. Well, there you go. So you didn't tell us what age you thought was the best age, Russell, to have kids. Well, I kind of like the idea that when they're teenagers, you're still, you know, your youth is in the distant path,

but you can still see it. It's there. It's at the end of the tunnel. So I would like to pop out my first ones by 35, 36. You would have thought. I would literally pop them out. I'm not like Predator with a boy womb or something. But do you know what I mean?

Have someone pop it out for me. Why not? Well, that's my age. So text them in and we'll divide them by the number of emails, not text, because we can't get it to work, can we? No, we've had our first text. It says Jamie Test. Oh.

No. That was one of the IT people testing. Does that mean it's working? The total communication I've generated is Jamie Tess and is this classic rock from New Zealand. Marketing kryptonite Russell Cain here on Absolute Radio. Well, talking of technological failure, how about this link? Prince has declared the web is dead.

Yeah, he's declared war on the web. Let me give you the exact quote. The internet is completely over. I don't see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won't pay me in advance. He added. He wants money up front. He added.

This is the best bit. All these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can't be good for you. Let's unplug your guitar and see what you've got. Cream. Ticka-ticka-ting-ting. Ticka-ting. Cream. I like that he's crossed they won't pay him in advance. Let's unplug your guitar and see what you've got Cream, ticka ticka ding ding, ticka ding, cream

I like that he's crossed they won't pay him in advance He wants his money in a little brown envelope at the end of the week Like his wage packet, that's what he wants Can you pay cash? He doesn't have a credit card or anything It's from the 70s I think Prince's problem is that he, you know In the olden days he wanted to party like it was in 1999.

It was the future. And now that's like 10 years ago. He'd rewrite the lyrics to 97 before the birth of the internet. Yeah. It's probably like it's 97. So we can still send each other letters, but it's the future. Are there any other technologies then, do you think, that might be, you know, that we're using now,

that we go, oh, how could it be dead? We use it every day, that we'll laugh at in 10 years' time. We go, oh, gosh, I can't believe we thought that was so that we'll laugh at in ten years' time and go, oh gosh, I can't believe we thought that was so... DVDs, you can already see DVDs Yeah, oh, DVDs, well that's the thing, but you know, it's that weird thing, do you remember I was going to say, do you remember Blu-ray? That's how in the future I am. Do you remember those things

laser discs? Oh, I thought they were great. They were huge. Yeah, I adopted those. They were like posh frisbees, that's probably what you thought it was, Emily. Mama, these fly fantastically. I'm always an early adopter, Russell. I might well end up adopting if I don't get breeding soon. Russell Cain on Absolute Radio. It's Russell Cain on Absolute

filling in for Frank Skinner and that was the farm with All Together Now which I learnt in German to annoy my German teacher and it went Alle zusammen jetzt in Niemannspiel Alle zusammen and it went, Alle zusammen jetzt. In Nichmannspiel, alle zusammen.

Oh, very good. Gareth and Emily here, as always. I like that. This is sounding like some Eurovision entry. I'm a mere stranger as a swingers party, close quote. Let's recap what we've been talking about, because I have excellent news. Bad news for Prince, who denies technology,

but excellent news for us. The text is up and running. Hooray! So why don't you text us on 8-12-15 about any of the things we've been talking about. We've been talking the male-female debate. How feminine do you like your men these days? How masculine do you like your women?

We talked about babies' names. Danny, Minokes, Ethan. What's a good name that cannot be abbreviated? Not Ethan. And when should men breed? Everyone goes on about Danny's age. What about men? When is it responsible for men to breed?

Whenever I like them to. Right, exactly. Now, Quentin, now. Put the men? When is it responsible for men to bring them? Whenever I like them to. Right, exactly. Now, now, Quentin. Now. Put the pheasant down and go for it. Oh, I haven't had a Quentin. Anyway. So, but, of course, we're talking about technology. In that very moment, text has come up. And also,

Gareth has had some interesting emails proving that people are hearing us all over the UK. Where's the first one from? Don't worry, guys. It's Israel. Oh. Don't worry, guys. I'm listening in the south of Israel. Play whatever music you like. All sounding good. That's from Leon Scholten.

Oh, thanks, Leon Scholten. And Richard Connemaker, I think that's how you say it, said, I'm not quite as far away as New Zealand, but I'm listening from Los Angeles. Do you see the reach of Russell Cain's fan base? Yeah. You're all over the shop. You're rocking out of the Eskimos this morning here in Nunavut.

Love your show and your station is one of my favourites in the world. Isn't internet radio great? Well, we think so, but Prince might not agree with us. Isn't that right, Russell? Prince is definitely not listening to us on the internet because according to Prince, as we've been saying, the internet is dead, the web is dead. Yeah, but I don't

think he's got a computer, he's got an Amstrad word processor. That's what he does all his comp's got an Amstrad word processor that's what he does all his composing on Amstrad that was something that at the time thought this is the future someone's got an Amstrad

whatever happened to Amstrad do you remember there was another one that was fruit there was an apricot there was apricot at the same time as apple that was like

works for apple let's name ourselves after a fruit I don't remember that I don't think we had that in London I don't remember that information was brought

to me on a tray. Oh, apparently the capital of Liechtenstein is Verduz. Thank you, dismissed. Miss Emily, we have some computers here for you to approve. Apricot. That's what Steve Jobs said to me, and I told him, yeah, go ahead with it. It was fine. It's all worked out well for all of us.

So my dad was still, my dad had the 8-track thing wired up to his car battery in the transit. Love that. But the 8-track's such a weird concept, you have to listen to whichever track is currently on you. And there's four possible choices

and there's four songs playing at the same time. Usually Supertramp in our car. There were so many ABBA 8-tracks not given. Loved 8-track. Sounds the best.

This is Absolute Radio. This next song is dedicated to all of you men called Ken. Russell Cain sitting in Frank Skinner's chair for the morning. I can't believe it. Absolute Radio. Emily and Gareth are helping me out there, so I feel very safe. And it's brilliant, because although Prince has declared the internet is dead, we've been

having your texts have been flooding in during Crossfire. Not that you weren't engaging, Brandon Flowers. Yeah, it's working now. So, Gareth, what's going down in tech town? You liking that, Prince? We've had a text saying, my name is Quentin, what are you doing later? Oh!

I think that is for Emily. The terrible thing was, on reflection, was that Emily said, I've never had a Quentin. She said, there's this matrix of to-dos. I'm Quentin, I'm Quentin, I'm Quentin! Yeah, we need to see a birth certificate, Quentin, before we can go any further. Quentin's a good name that can't really be abbreviated. Yeah, Quentin, I'm Quentin. Yeah, we need to see a birth certificate, Quentin, before we can go any further. Quentin's a good name that can't really be abbreviated.

Yeah, Quentin. I think Quentin might be nice for me. You never really hear a Quent, do you? No. Quenty. Q. Q, I'd call him, yeah. Maybe that's what James Bond was all about.

Yeah. Quentin. His name was Quentin. It's so uncalled, just call me Q. Seriously. And M was Malcolm. Yeah. Quentin and Malcolm. Malcolm Seriously. And M was Malcolm. Yeah. Quentin Malcolm.

Malcolm Morris. I'm 35 and my partner's is a text. I'm 35 and my partner's 41. One of Gary's personalities have just taken over. The orange gene has transformed him. That would be really rubbish, multiple person. I'm 35 and I live in Cambridge. It's slightly different to who I am and a bit older. I'm 35 and I live in Cambridge. It's slightly different to who I am and a bit older.

I'm 35 and my partner's 41. We're having our first child too old. So she's 35 and he's 41. Everyone has them when they're 15 like you, Kerry Katona. Sorry, Kara.

All benefits to you, Dave. I think the good thing is you have to imagine yourself with a 16-year-old kid, what would it feel like? So if you're going to be 50... Don't think about what a 16-year-old kid feels like. Garrett, I'll tell you, or a dungna, also sexually warping, what was formerly a brilliant young man. No, but I mean, some 55, 56-year-olds are dead cool, and a 16-year-old, you know, you could interact. So maybe, I reckon reckon we're looking like 40 could be the boundary

for 40, 41 that text was from Claire on the M11 I forgot to say that hey Russell you know I hope you called over to declare your working age we were talking about

sort of metrosexuality and whether you were a female acting male etc go for it we've had a text in saying my daughter who is now 16

was wrongly recorded as being a boy when she was first born. Don't worry, it's not going in a horrible direction. It's got a comedy ending, hasn't it, Emily? Speed up, speed up. This is due to the position of the cord. So she went from being James to Verity after about half an hour.

Needless to say, her brother does mention this occasionally, from Russ and Hazelmere. Now, not only is that a touching and lovely story, but it is rather worrying that a doctor could be so inept. Actually, that's the umbilical cord. What's that mean? Her liver's hanging out. It's a leg. It's quite fundamental things to muddle up on.

As parents, I think it would have been nice to never mention that again. Let alone to text international radio and have it broadcast. Ooh, umbilical between your legs. How does it feel? How does it feel to have an umbilical swinging there when you're a girl, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl? Right, any others?

They're my kind of parents. I like the sound of them. Life is cruel. You've got to learn that early on. Hi, I'm Quentin. Hi, I'm planning to have a baby with my girlfriend who is 22 and I'm 46. Oh, dear. She's 14.

I already have an 11-year-old. Oh, God. So they already have an 11-year-old or he has from a previous he has an 11 year old. He's got all sorts going on. You got this didn't you get another message about that? Because men do seem to

get in this second breeding phase some men don't they? As the electric guitars come out of the garage. Yeah I had a tweet saying men seem to like two sets of families

one before and one after the midlife crisis that's from Dobby29. That is true. Are you going to have another one then Gareth with Laura? I think I'll have

another one later with Laura another family but the good thing about starting young you could have two phases couldn't you

you could have two now get them to 10, 11 to score and then you could breed again when you're in a new wave well it's like

Michael Douglas he does that he does it every sort of 15 years or so doesn't he I'll never forget the shot of his buttocks when he passed his prime

oh they just went oh I hated the cashmere v-neck jumper with the slight chicken giblet neck oh forget the shot of his buttocks as he walked away in one of the movies when he'd passed his prime. Do you know they just went... Oh, I hated the Kashmir v-neck jumper with the slight chicken giblet neck. See, I like that. Russell Cain on Absolute Radio. This is Russell Cain. I'm stealing Frank Skinner's throne

for the day. A puppet leader. Seizing control with the aid of my dukes and duchess, Emily and Gareth. I actually pluralised you there, Gareth, after you had so many bubbles from Regina. For those of you who didn't know it, shame on you, but it was the cure Friday, Emily and Gareth. I actually pluralised you there, Gareth, after you had so many bubbles from Regina. For those of you who didn't know it, shame on you, but it was the cure, Friday, I'm in love. We've been getting some more response on the text, 8, 12, 15.

What's happening with all the provocative topics we've been throwing out there? We had the text from Quentin saying his birth certificate's in the post. See you soon. Oh, very 70s way of getting the information to me. For those of you who have just woken up, this is in response to Emily declaring, I've never had a Quentin.

I won't tell you how we got there. We didn't. She just came out and said it in the middle of a topic. Do you know what? I've never had a Quentin. Well, it's true. Not even Tarantino. We had 15 listeners.

That's quite a cool use of the name Quentin. I forgot about that. Exactly. I had my daughter. This is a lit text again. I had my daughter at 44 she is now 9 and I am now loving it

Andy now loving it sounds like he hasn't enjoyed the first night I've made a massive mistake you're 8 I hate you hang on a second

it's alright now I've emotionally warped you by losing her 8 years of hurt also we were talking about metrosexual men and Kelly from Godalming has said

I love men like Noel Fielding Russell Brandt and Brian Molko from Placebo. The problem is unless you, that's a bit like you Russell though, you've got something of that going on. I'd put you in that, in the Venn diagram I'd put you in that little circle.

I'd be in the slightly pink section to the left. The problem is unless you live in London, which I don't, you don't see those guys. I'm in the UK though. What would you say to that? Well, I mean Gareth, you'll agree with me, we gig all over from blinking Inverness all the way down to plymouth i think when you get to the town center there's lots of ghg straight and i mean all the way on the motorways these days it's quite a common sight to see a you know a guy with a bit of silver foil around him rocking back and

forth and only a flat tire to fix going i can't fix it sometimes even a dominant female sometimes on the phone going stay dry prince i Prince, I'll call the RAC. Well, let's see if there's a metrosexual man from Godalming who can get in touch. My name's Barry, I love skinnies, I live in Godalming near the post office. Excuse me, guys, it's Godalming. Sorry, Godalming. Godalming. Oh, God.

Godalming. Do you think, I sometimes think they make posh places hard to pronounce to keep people like me out. Yes, that's exactly what we do. It's like in Yorkshire. We do do it. In Yorkshire, where no one says their H's, the poshest town is called Harrogate.

I think you'll find it's Harrogate, and if you can't say the H, please leave immediately. Harrogate. Oh, exciting stuff, I believe. Holly Walsh is in the building, and she's coming up next. She's going to come in and talk to us about her exciting upcoming projects. Latitude. She's going to come in and talk to us about her exciting upcoming projects. Latitude. She's working on a pilot.

She's also taking a really exciting different type of show to Edinburgh which I think you guys are absolutely going to love. Have you ever worked on a pilot, Emma?

Karen! I have actually but that's another story. His name clearly wasn't Quentin. Any other messages? I'm saying now I'm worried this is from Leon

Sholton from Israel I grew up listening to 8-track Top of the Pops mixes not even the original artists oh yeah

really so what is it like songs by the different people to what it was yeah and they had dancers on Top of the Pops called Legs & Co and then you could

get albums and they had like Legs & Co they weren't just Legs though no it was like ladies like sort of 70s ladies just legs and sevco

the camera is so sexist the camera didn't even show their torsos just focusing on her legs that's all it is anyway 70s are so messed up i can't just take objection to the word mixes on an 8-track but you can't even choose which single song you want to play, let alone mix them in. Clank. Andy says his first computer was an Amstrad. What does all this mean? He had so much.

I bet he had a bronze Manta Opal car as well. I like the sound of him. A Manta Opal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Amstrad. It really did. The futuristic. I had a Spectrum.

Did anyone have a rubber-keen Spectrum? Oh, ZX Spectrum. I was so destructive, I couldn't help picking the space bar off. Oh, I loved that. So my words were joined together from an early age. That's why I speak so quickly now. Absolute Radio. This is Absolute Radio, and it's a station.

All aboard for the next train. Just don't let me down. This is Russell Cain filling in for Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. That was the kooks being utterly naive. How in touch with his feelings, Emily and Gareth. It's the kooks, dude. Please don't let me down. I'm naive, baby.

Please, I'm crying. I think he's putting that on just to pull. Yeah, probably. Yeah, he's pretending. Then he puts his Tudor outfit on as soon as that bedroom door's closed. Put your rambling mask on. That's got me going. I wore a Tudor outfit for seven years.

Oh, Holly, you're making me get all sad. I should just explain. Chipping in on our kinky Tudor roleplay chat was Holly Walsh, ladies and gentlemen, in the studio. How about that? How are you doing? That was a half-hearted clap. I'll take it. Mine was full. We didn't join in, but only because we don't.

You've got wrong. It's not in Gareth's. I'm surprised Gareth didn't clap. He's had Orangina and been acting up ever since. What? If he clapped, he'd probably break his wrists. Orangina. Oh, God. Holly, what have you been up to?

I'm hearing lots of... I don't know, but you name-checked Godalming earlier and I went to school there. Oh, did you? Oh, you're a nice girl, Holly. I like you. Yeah, this is the Tudor uniform. I went to a school where everyone wore Tudor uniforms.

I know that school. I'm obsessed by it. Yeah, that's where I went. It's not Christ's Hospital, is it? Yeah, Christ's Hospital. Oh, my God I went to a school where everyone wore Tudor uniforms. I know that school. I'm obsessed by it. Yeah, that's where I went. It's not Christ's Hospital, is it? Yeah, Christ's Hospital. Oh, my God, I love that school. Christ's Hospital. Yes, they wear the best uniforms ever.

Please don't tell me there's a school called Christ's Hospital. Yes, I went there. I seem to have got this injury in my side. Is there anything to do with it? We'll name this school after you. Holly, tell me about the school. It was amazing. I had a great time. I found out that Tayo Cruz went there, I think.

Wow. So we have pretty impressive R&B credentials. What age did you go? I was 11. Were you sad going away from home? Well, yeah, I was to boarding school, but it was a 40-minute drive away from my parents' house. I thought you were going to say 40 grand.

It was 40 grand. Don't be silly. It doesn't come that cheap. Wisen up, Emily. You dropping a clanger like that, this is the kind of school we're talking about. I A lot of my aunties go, I would never send a kid to bowling school. It's cruel. The kid should be with you within reach of Asda at all times. So do you think it's... Well, I mean, honestly, though, it was really... It was within driving distance of my parents' house, so you can't take it offensively that they couldn't even bother to do the school run.

That's how much they wanted to get rid of us. But I did... I loved it after the first year. It was great. So I think send all your children away. Who needs parental help? You went to a great uni. You've had a great career.

And you're seeing you crop up on lots of different programmes at the moment. You're developing a pilot. Is that right? How exciting is that? I wrote a pilot with my friend Sharon Organ. Is it all hush-hush? No. We're right in the middle of it now.

Are you still at brainstorm? There's a blank A3 sheet in the next one. What will it be? It's going to be a Christ Hospital musical. Will it be? What will it be? A musical, sitcom, panel show, sketch show? It's a sitcom about a women's prison. Oh, I like the sound of that.

It's like Prisoner's Cell Block H with irony type thing. Basically, that is exactly it. The tune, can anyone remember? Oh, I love that song. And now, you're taking a show up to Edinburgh. Now, normally at stand-ups, we sort of write an hour and egotistically ejaculate it into a microphone for an hour, but you're doing something completely and utterly different.

Popcorn comedy. Pitch that to us. We are taking up... Basically, there's so many people who make funny stuff who don't want to be stand-ups, or are stand-ups but want to do other stuff. And so we're trying to do this show where we're taking the best comedy films, like short comedy films, putting it together.

The kind of stuff you'd find on YouTube but not really things like cats falling off the back of bins. I love that. Sorry, carry on. But more... Obviously the cat doesn't have a clue. The look on its whiskers. But more like proper sketches and stuff. And then we do that with live comedy.

Like a bespoke screening time. Yeah, exactly. Do you have live performances in between as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. So we're doing that in Latitude next week. Oh, so you're at Latitude

as well, or Latitude as I call it. Very nice. The festival for the discerning people who want to spread out a rug and have dips while they imbibe thinking.

Oh, that sounds like my kind of, I like the sound of that. I'm doing a stand-up. Yeah, I'm doing a stand-up as well. Are you? Yeah, but we're doing popcorn after Sunday. Oh, I'm there on the Fridayup as well. Are you? Yeah, but we're doing popcorn.

After Sunday. Oh, no. What day are you on? I'm there on the Friday. Oh, you two just compare your diaries. No, but you're GHD. I won't be at Latitude, no. No, because I'm having a party at a private members' club. But anyway...

Gareth, it's only you invited. Don't turn up. Welcome, Gareth. Lock the door, Quentin. That's so exciting. I think people from my family will love this. So you can go to the theatre, but you. That's so exciting. I think people from my family will love this. So you can go to the theatre, but you get to watch telly as well. Yeah, exactly.

That's exactly it. But we're doing it in Latitude, we're doing it in Edinburgh, and we've got nights all over the country, so we're trying to make it as big as possible. Latitude's really exciting, because you have lots of different spaces. You have the stand-up tent, but you also have a theatre tent. Which tent will Popcorn be in? I can't remember which tent it's in.

It's not in the stand-up tent. But I love Last Jude. It's a great festival. It's sold out completely. And Popcorn, Plopcorn, when it goes... Plop, plop, mummy! When Popcorn goes up to Edinburgh, it'll be in the Pleasant Stone at 11pm.

Yep. Good. Russell Cain on Absolute Radio. I'm joined in the studio by Holly Walsh, fantastic comedian, talking about all her exciting projects, and of course, flanked. The old regulars. Giving Russell Kane a thorough flanking is Emily and Gareth. Now, we've had a few texts come in.

People are still texting 8, 12, 15. A lot of provocative topics we've been throwing into the mix this morning. Holly, feel free to pitch in. Well, we had a really sweet text in from someone called Julie, who says, I'm 54 today, my son is 15, and we're going to Latitude next week together in our classic Bedford camper van, and we're going to Sonisphere and V this year.

I'm his mum, but we share a love of live music, and I love it. Oh, how nice is that? That's cool. So she was 39 when he was born. Yeah. Oh, well worked out. Thank you. I go to maths, mummy. Do you go to Christ's Hospital? You probably calculated that algebraically.

Yeah, Christ's Hospital, maths. So that's quite hopeful, isn't it? I wouldn't go to a festival with my parents. Personally. Wouldn't you? No. But I do actually. Actually, it's a good point, Ollie.

I get slightly sometimes irritated by those. Well, Sadie, for example, would go, hey, when I was 16, 17, my mum and I were just best friends. I never went through a phase where I wanted to rip her face off and shut her in the... But most of us go through that phase where you're supposed to loathe your parents between approximately 14 and 21. But some people have these really cool relationships,

and I think it's envy on my part when I see them sat on a rug together. Hey, daughter and mother, what's the difference, man? We're just cells on a planet. I'm one of those. If I was 15 and I went to a festival with my parents, I guarantee I would have thrown some sort of wobbly and locked myself in the car and not got out.

So it would have ruined it for everyone. My mum so much has looked at me when I was 15. You're so uncool. The direction of your gaze sucks. She just could not get anything right. Were you a best buddy with your mum? I was a best buddy. But then that's just sort of, my mum's an actress,

so it's all kind of, you know, arty-farty, that's how we do things. Oh, darling, you look wonderful. Well, maybe that's the thing. I mean, if they're going to a music festival together, there are people from our text message, what are their names again? Forgotten, how rude. Julie. Julie.

Julie. Maybe Julie does something cool. Text us, let us know what you do. Maybe that's it. Because, you know, I'm not suggesting my mum wasn't cool, but she is a cleaner. You're brilliant at it, mum. And, but, you know, she dropped off at the cinema at 15.

I'd rather have bust it. What about you? Well, she's going with her 15-year-old son, and she thinks it's really cool, but we haven't had a side of the story. Hey, your flares look great. I'm glad I put a crease in the front of them. This techno is great. Is anyone else here taking zambuca mom sit down

what were you like did you have a year of shame well i was i used to hang out with my parent we were we were all christians so we used to go to christian festivals That sounds cool. My dad was in charge. And you know we can't say a thing. You cheat. I did that. My mum's a vicar, so I went to a... Is your mum a vicar? Yeah. What's going on here?

Holly is one of those guests that as the interview goes on, the bigger stuff comes out. In a minute, she's going to reveal she was obsessed with badges and went on the really wild charge and feel it coming.

That actually happened. What? Nearly happened. So your mum's a vicar? Yes, she got ordained a few years ago But I went to a lot of Christian festivals I never went to proper festivals I only went to Christian festivals

So I was quite shocked when I saw what happened at real festivals Yeah, I mean Why isn't everyone singing at all? I'm not singing anything against a vicar I'd love it if my mum was a vicar But I can't think of anything worse than being dropped off In an illegal warehouse rave that I attended. I'm opening the door with a dog call

and I remember, it's Jesus who rocks. See you later. This is Absolute Radio. That's right, just put it up there. Absolute Radio. Actually, Russell, you know, Holly was saying she's from Godalming. Yeah. There's a text in saying, Emily just said that Godalming was pronounced Godalming. Well, she's wrong. It's actually Godalming. Check your facts. Gordon of Godalming. Yeah. There's a text in saying, Emily just said that Godalming was pronounced Godalming.

Well, she's wrong. It's actually Godalming. Check your facts. Gordon of Godalming. That sounded the same every time you said it. What's the difference in any of the Godalming? I don't know. How do you say it?

I didn't go to... Let's clear this up. I didn't live there. I went to school there. How do you say it? You were transported in a plastic sheet. I'm from Guildford. Guildford.

Guildford. Wellford. Guildford. Well, I always say Godalming, but things might have changed since I was there. It's a long time ago. Hey, the Godalming pronunciation movement's always evolving. So we'll just clear this one up quickly because Gareth has a brilliant pitch to put to all of us, but is it true you were once fixated on badgers?

Well, I was obsessed with them as a child, absolutely obsessed, Is it true you were once fixated on badgers? Well, I was obsessed with them as a child. Absolutely obsessed. And then I think ITV or someone called me up and said, we've heard that you're six and you're obsessed with badgers. Would you like to be on a documentary about children that are obsessed with badgers? And I was like, bring it on. Did you say, I think you should probably talk to my parents? I don't know why I'm making calls.

I don't even remember. I had a mobile at that age. I had one of those 80s and mob mobile at that age yeah no so that happened and then uh i did a documentary about i was like it part of a documentary about um children that are obsessed with animals and uh that's amazing they rung you i was obsessed by the fons but no one rung me up would you like to do a documentary about the farm henry vinkler's waiting for me you have to pronounce it vinkler so uh during m79 gareth revealed something rather this is very this is very exciting for me being um together with holly and russell on the radio because oh thanks um yeah sorry i'm with you all the time i'm with you all the time it's just got um but holly was one of my first gigs i did with holly so she was

one of the first people i knew when i started doing stand-up and russell was one of my first gigs I did with Holly so she was one of the first people I knew when I started doing stand up and Russell was one of the first people to say I think you're really good was I? that's nice to know in fact the only person I ran back to the people that managed me you've got to see this guy he's absolutely brilliant I did I did

and that's where the anecdote ends no it doesn't and I had this idea right of a radio sitcom i don't know why it was radio maybe i should have aimed higher but um and it was us no no no no no i love it here just give me let me stay um and what it was so right it's called shallow friends yeah it Yeah. It was Shallow Grave Meets Friends. Yeah. And a little bit of Weekend at Bernie's.

Me and Russell lived in a house with the landlord. The landlord died. Yeah. And was a slightly older man. Who played that part? And because... That's not Frank, is it? Well, I don't know. Oh, my God, it is.

We're still casting issues. Casting issues. And we, to live in the house rent-free, we pretended he hadn't died. We put him in the freezer in the basement. That's a good idea. So Holly was looking for somewhere near her work where she could, because we were on her bus route,

and so she was spying on us. She realised what we'd done and had the landlord's room. So we were stuck in this kind of house where we were all lying to live there. What do you think? Guys, I know this sounds like rad. Why don't we brainstorm this and write it up after this? Definitely.

What is the maze? Just because I was on your bus route, how much did you talk about murdering your boss on the bus? I mean, not your boss, your landlord. That seems... Yeah. We didn't murder him. We didn't murder him.

He died of natural causes. It could almost fit under the title, My So-Called Life Sentence, if we could just piggyback your whole pilot. I could do a woman prisoner, Holly. It could almost fit under the title, My So-Called Life Sentence, if we could just piggyback your whole pilot. I could do a woman prisoner, Holly. You could do... I don't know. Be very careful of your emphasis. There'll be short work of you.

Why can't I put batteries in the back of Gareth? Holly, so one last time, don't forget you can catch you doing popcorn comedy. That's up in Edinburgh at the Pleasant Stone, 11pm, but also at Latitude. Next weekend you're there all weekend doing popcorn? Yes, yeah, we're doing popcorn and then I up in Edinburgh at the Pleasant Stone 11pm but also at Latitude next weekend you're there all weekend

doing popcorn yes yeah we're doing popcorn and then I'm doing the stand up show on Sunday fantastic and do we have a website

if people want to find out where they can see you live or go to popcorncomedy.com for all the details and we've got a app and a twitter thing so go on that

do you notice though Russell the way that you and Holly have definitely changed the subject from the sitcom radio and pilot because you don't want to do it it was a bit weird what are you saying I'm just making some notes Garrett threw himself Notice, though, Russell, the way that you and Holly have definitely changed the subject from the sitcom radio pilot, because you don't want to do it. It was a bit weird.

What are you saying? I'm just making some notes. Garrett threw himself into a cell with some ravaged female prisoners. I thought it was time to say thank you very much, Holly Walsh. Have a nice day. Bye-bye. Russell Cain on Absolute Radio. Russell Cain standing in for Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. It is a wonderful, summery Saturday morning. We're loving the music on email Saturday morning. We're loving the music

on email and text. People are loving the music. That was Martha and the Muffins on Echo Beach. I love people with food in their names. And...

Annika Rice. Annika Rice. Brilliant. Very versatile. Savory or sweet. Tim Curry. Tim Curry. They should get together.

Now we have just... That is an 80s joke. A talking point has just arisen. Text in. Text in your favourite foodie celebrities on 8, 12, 15. Why not? Martha and the Muffins. Well done. Let us just gently butter the moist

loaf of that talking point and leave it sitting there. Any other messages coming in via the email or text, Gareth? Well, Russell, I'm 49 next week. That's how it starts. I'm sorry. I thought you were speaking to me. Well, Russell, I could carry on with my... Very good, didn't it? Oh, Ben Jones has arrived.

I get excited when he arrives. Oh, Ben's pressing his naked... What's he got? I think he's got an 8-track. Yeah, what's he doing? Oh, he looks good today. Oh, Ben's wearing a hat. I fancy Ben Jones today.

For one day only, but I do fancy him. Do you know what Ben's middle name is? Now's your chance, Ben. Get it while it's hot. Oh, he's doing something unspeakable. I'm now going to dare Ben to do a midnight express against the glass. Well, Russell, I'm 49 next week and bringing my 15-year-old

and her mate to see you in Derby in October. Is that sad or okay? Well, that's okay, isn't it? Didn't we decide 34-35, ideal breeding age? Yeah. That's from Maisie's Mummy. Yeah. Probably referring to yourself from Maisie's mummy. Yeah. Probably referring to yourself as Maisie's mummy. Mummy has just totally ruined it.

At the end there, I'm whole, we hang out together, don't we? Doesn't mummy hang out with Maisie? Doesn't mummy? Come here, you're not too young to suckle. Come, go. Mummy, don't touch me! I also have an eight-year-old. How's your maths to work that out?

So, right, she's 49. There's lots of hopeful messages. Gareth's still mumbling, muttering, doing the calculations. Look at that. This is what happens when the orange genie comes down. He goes rain man. He goes a bit rain man. Okay, so we'll be talking about technology according to Prince. The web is dead. But what about Twitter?

Twitter is thriving. Gareth, your missus is not too keen on you overusing the Twitter. Well, this week, what she doesn't like is when I'm in the house and she sees... Just end the sentence there. Yeah, that's it. When I'm around. Back in the garden, Gareth.

And clean up your poo-poo this time, please. Sorry, wife. She doesn't like it when I tweet something when I'm there and I haven't said it to her. She's like, what's this on Twitter? Why didn't you... I was in the house. why didn't you tell it to me? That's kind of reasonable though. If you're living together

and you thought of something witty or nice or warm and you do it first digitally to strangers there's something a little bit up. Also, it depends who you're communicating with. If it is some lap dancer woman which I'll be bound it was. No, it was not. Okay. I'll be bound. I haven't heard that phrase in about 20 years. I'll warrant and be willing to wage a threepence on the fact. I don't know. I'll be bound. I haven't heard that phrase in about 20 years. I'll warrant and be willing to wage a threepence on the fact.

I was privately educated. It's what happens. You learn things like that. Yes. Well, but she, so she was cross with me already. And then she walked in on me in the toilet. What? And I was just checking while I was on the toilet.

Curiously knocking a tweet out in the toilet. Oh, my God. Send, send, send. Sounds the best. This is Absolute Radio. This next song is dedicated to all of you men called Ken. This is Russell Kane on Absolute Radio. For the first ever time sitting in Frank's chair,

and I've absolutely loved it. Emily and Gareth have made me feel very much at home. And Emily is glowing even more than usual because during REM... I had a Saint-Tropez tan. Yeah. We sprayed her with some orange spray gun. No, a cake arrived because it's your birthday. Happy birthday to you.

Oh, thank you. And I got some cards and I got... OK, and the card is signed by Clive, who's the big boss here. Oh, I love it. I love it. I've spent the last 20 minutes counting the here. Oh, I love it. I love it. I've spent the last 20 minutes counting the candles. Sorry. How do you?

You've made me lose count. I'm going to start again now. No. This is a band subject. You know it is. And any plans? Share your plans, Em. Emily.

Just abbreviate it to Em. Oh, I like being Em. I'm going to get to my own text. Well, I'm having a party, aren't I, Gareth, next week? But everyone's going to be Exclusive party. Yeah. So anyone who's hoping to network and latitude, forget it, they'll all be in my party. Anyone's hoping to get discovered as attitude.

I think you're going to be lowered on a smoky platform at the main stage of Latitude. It is me. I am Emily. And it is my birthday. M-M-M-M-M. That would be awesome. That would be brilliant. All hail. Well, it's a good weekend for M, M, M, M, M. That would be awesome. That would be brilliant. All hail.

Well, it's a good weekend for it, lovely and summery. But is it? We've just got two minutes to quickly have this out before I leap out of the window into the sunshine. Summer or winter. We have all these platitudes, all these annoying truisms. I love the sun. Summer makes me happy.

I love being in the sunshine. Is that a new festival? Yeah, platitude. That's where you can hear some of the stand-up you'll be hearing from me. Men and women, aren't they different? What's that all about?

That's the platitude festival. But, Gareth, you're like me, come on. I like the autumn. The autumn? I'm a bit of a winter guy. I like wearing a coat. You're winter, aren't you?

I like a woolly jumper. Don't you love wearing a coat? Oh, man. No, I don't like it at all. It's romantic. More accessories, Emily. More accessories. Think of it't you? I like a woolly jumper. Don't you love wearing a coat? Oh, man. When you have to wear a coat. No, I don't like it at all. It's romantic. More accessories, Emily. More accessories. Think of it.

No, I like summer. I'm a summer girl. It's my season. Yeah, but as soon as you walk anywhere, you're sweaty. It's fine if you're by a pool with a cocktail, chilling out. Yeah, that's where I normally am. Why aren't you? Most of us have to work.

And, you know, comedy clubs are hot and the audiences go down. Yeah, but even for comedy, it's not pleasant when the numbers dip in know comedy clubs and the audience and the audiences go down yeah but even for comedy it's not pleasant when the numbers dip in the comedy club people don't come when it's sunny outside they're all at barbecues i love that and the excuse my barbecue yeah the excuse to stay in and watch movies and you can actually have fully darkened cinema setting in the movie room instead of having light coming you can see the reflection of yourself in the tv i hate that when you're trying to watch a movie in the summer like terminator and you can see the reflection of yourself in the TV. I hate that when you're trying to watch a movie in the summer like Terminator and you can see your face next to it and reflect from the sunlight. You see there is something

goth-like about you in a good trendy way. What a lovely way to finish this. Stranger and orgy stroke goth. There's something about a depressive sexual predator. There's something at the night about you, Russell. I like a goth but I always find in Camden Town in the sun it doesn't work when you're in London's Camden Town, because that's where

the goths all hang out. And they all look a bit bemused when the sun comes out, all baffled and they're black. It's just something else to be miserable about. It's so hot. My white face make-up's running. We'll have to leave for summer versus winter break. Hanging, hanging

in a kind of autumnal glaze. We've come to the end of my temporary tenure. Thanks very much for letting me speak in your ear holes. Thanks very much for Emily and Gareth for supporting me. Happy birthday again, Emily. Thanks very much to my guest, Holly Walsh. You've got Ben Jones coming up straight after the ad break. Next week, Frank Skinner's back.

I've been Russell Cain. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Russell Cain on Absolute Radio.