The Frank Skinner Show - Sixty-Two Per Cent

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

Frank shares his problems on being the keeper of seats. They team also discuss their thoughts on driving etiquette and learn a new, controversial statistic. Email the podcast FrankOffTheRadio@avalon...uk.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 70,000 people are here and Bob Dylan is the reason for it. Inspired by the true story. If anyone is going to hold your attention on stage, you have to kind of be a freak. Are you a freak? Hope so. And starring Timothy Chalamet as Bob Dylan, he defied everyone. Turn it down!
Starting point is 00:00:18 Play it loud! To change everything. Make some noise BD. Timothy Chalamet, Edward Norton, L. Fanny, Monica Barberow. A complete unknown. Only theaters Christmas Day. We interrupt your holiday listening pleasure to bring you an important bulletin. You could be doing exactly what you're doing right now, but with bottomless bevies on a beach in paradise. With Sunwing's big Boxing Week savings, you can choose between literally hundreds of all-inclusive vacation packages that offer big value for low prices. Take
Starting point is 00:00:50 it from us, we've been here since last year's sale. Hey! Get away from my fries! Oh yeah, book with your local travel advisor or at... It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o, and the one with the French name, from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today! Hiya! This is, uh, oh god I'm hitting the thing. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean who's just spilled a cup of hot tea. This is very second. But it was Earl Grey as well. Oh, bergamot on upholstery. Who knows what could happen? Emily Dean and Pierre Navelli follow the podcast on X and Instagram.
Starting point is 00:01:41 You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at HaveLonUK.com. Hi boys. There we have it. I've realised as I reached into my tote a little earlier that I bought the dog's lead with me, which means when Kat takes the dog out today, she'll have to take her in her arms. What's she going to do? Have you called her and told her? If the cat takes the dog out today, she'll have to take her in her arms. What's she going to do? Have you called her and told her? No, she'll work it out. I think we've got another lead somewhere.
Starting point is 00:02:12 You can take them out on a string. I've seen people doing it in central London. Well, in your day, you could just let them out in the morning. Yeah, you can't do that anymore. Unfortunately, they get run over. You get reported. I found that the invention of the automobile changed many of our childhood habits. Yeah so we can't let the dog out that's a definite no no. Okay. It's a horrible feeling isn't it? Spilling a drink. It was awful. There's a second when you know someone's caught your cough or something like that and you know it's going, that is a test. It's alright once it's gone in a way.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Do you know what was awful? The first notification I had of it was feeling, suddenly my bottom was very warm indeed. You'll get used to that when you're my age. I was thinking of seats. Well, can I first of all ask you a general thought? What's your view? There's the Cafe Neros and... Cafe Nero. No. It's not that Nero. I'm not going to Cafe Faro at my age. I'm not going to Cafe Faro at my age. I've never got my freedom pass. Frank's doing a discreet read for Cafe Nero. Yeah. It's not my favourite, is it?
Starting point is 00:03:34 The nook? No, no. It's on Hampstead Heath. Okay. And I tell you what happens a lot there, and that is that families turn up and one person goes to get served and the rest take a table. And if you're there on your own consequently, you, it's as if it, as if loneliness isn't a bad enough thing to suffer with. You have to stand lonely, like a child leaning on the railings in the playground, it doesn't have anyone else to play with.
Starting point is 00:04:10 So you arrive alone, you watch people way behind you in the queue, having their tables chosen by their family. And then you queue up and you have to eat a millionaire shortcake and a cappuccino standing up. Yeah. An Italian builder. Do you think it's fair? I think there's got to be a limit placed on the table colonization.
Starting point is 00:04:35 It's a bit German sun lounger. Well, but you're right. Why should you be penalized? Because you haven't got seven relatives hanging off you. Exactly. And you were their first. Snow White was saying exactly the same thing to me the other day. LAUGHING
Starting point is 00:04:53 But she's a wind jar at the best of times. Do you think the dwarves get different coffees? Sleepy can't be on anything too strong. No, that's true. Sleepy should be on something strong. Oh, that's true. No, that's a truthful expression of the sleepy. The sleazy just does a lamsip. The sleepy just on tramadol or something.
Starting point is 00:05:13 It's a liability on the mind. Who's the one that hasn't got a doc? What does doc, what does he do? Is he a medical professional? I think when you get seven older men together like that, you need some sort of medical person. He's the only one with a qualification, Doc. Was Dozy just a bit... That was a bit cruel, wasn't it?
Starting point is 00:05:34 Dozy, he needs a double espresso as well. Oh, I thought that meant he wasn't very smart. Well, I think it was different times. They didn't know. There was a lot of things they didn't know. No, he wouldn't be called that now, certainly. I don't know how they operate now with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. It's complicated.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Well, they do CGI now, don't they? Well, it's quite controversial. Well, not at all. But what about in Panto? They can't do CGI. How does it work in Panto? I sort of think Pierre would know. Last I heard the real deal, but it's controversial
Starting point is 00:06:06 because they're making Snow White again and they're using CGI dwarves. But then if I was an actor with dwarfism, I would be pretty against that. When else am I gonna get the chance to be in a major film? This is it, you're doing people that, that's dwarf face. That's it. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:27 Not a phrase I use that often, can I point out? Anyway, on the seating front, I went to an event with, you know when you just, I forget what they call it now, but the seats don't have numbers. You just sit where you sit. Unassigned. And then I had one of my worst things that ever happens to me is the people I was with said, we're going to go and we're going to the toilet and stuff.
Starting point is 00:06:56 And I'm keeping like four seats. I'm like a bench. And you know, people come up, people get near to start time, people come up and think oh great there's something and you say actually there's someone sitting there and they really look at you like you might not be telling the truth for a start off. And also like you know you're deliberately spoiling my night, is that kind of, I hate it, I get so anxious. But then a guy came and just sat there. Now
Starting point is 00:07:27 when a guy does that, there's only one reason. He's looked at me, the keeper of the seats, and thought to himself, if it comes to it, I can physically overpower this guy. Because you would not sit in the seats being kept by Pierre, for example. No way. You'd be too anxious. Yeah. No one's going to try it on with Novelli. So he is insulting me. He's saying, that wimp can't keep these seats.
Starting point is 00:08:00 I can just go and sit there. And then I had to say to him, you know, someone sit in someone's sitting there mate and he like he didn't hear me at all what is it with those horrible men but it was a bench. I've been asking myself that for a long time. That's much worse though because seats you can at least they're divvied up so a coat a scarf. When you said there's someone sitting there? Well first he didn't hear me deliberately. Didn't he though? Well exactly he didn't hear me. I don't know I mean when you get to that level of stupidity maybe even hearing becomes complex. It's hard to guard a bench I find. Oh really. I had to persist and said, I had to say, you know, whoever excuses me can be weaponized.
Starting point is 00:08:49 Yeah. How did you say? Excuse me, mate, mate also suggests I'm from the working classes, so don't make any big assumptions. I might be tooled up even if I'm an old, withered being. And I said, excuse me, somebody's sitting there. And he said, how many? I said, well, the whole gap, they've just gone to the time. He was like that. But he went, I felt victory was mine. But I just waiting for the next one. When they came back, I was so resentful. I didn't speak to them for the rest of the evening.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Yes. Didn't you? Yeah. It's infuriating because you think, well, where have you been? Yeah. It seemed like they were away at age. Yeah. And it's like, I've been, I've gone through hell here. Yeah. I've been out at Agincourt and you were just off, what were you doing?
Starting point is 00:09:39 Buying Skittles. Chatting to people in the ladies. But exactly. That's exactly what they said. Oh yeah, we met Steve, and the thing. You met Steve, I was an inch away from mortal combat. And you're chatting. Thank. I really, man, I struggle. You know, I used to, I remember when I was on the night bus
Starting point is 00:10:02 and letting a couple of people get on drunk and it all gets a bit menacing and they're saying nasty things to people and stuff. And I used to think there's more of us. There's more good people don't rise up against the unpleasant people is That there's actually is more of them It's just going out at Christmas It's just true. I you know listen to not Christmas message Listened when I there was a what what do they call us you goff? Yeah, you go thing that says 62% of the population of Great
Starting point is 00:10:47 Britain are unpleasant. How did they get that data? Well, I don't know. I'm not a statistician. Unpleasant? How did they ask? Their word, not mine. Frank, how did they ask the question, are you A, unpleasant, B, not that unpleasant, but I have my moments?
Starting point is 00:11:06 Well no, because I suppose unpleasantness can be communicated without getting an answer. How did they gauge it, Pierre? I don't know if people are thinking, no I am unpleasant, yes. Next question, Vyce. Well I think some people would be very proud of me. They are. Let me say something, I was driving. I'm still getting over 62% of the population are unpleasant.
Starting point is 00:11:28 I couldn't believe it. I thought it was higher. It'd be a very funny thing to say after some awkward audience interaction on the stage. Oh, okay. Right. Then to the rest of the crowd, 62% of Britain is unpleasant. And they all seem to be in this room. Yeah. And I draw them in, let's face it. So, go on, you were going to say something. I went to a Tim Key gig recently. Oh, we love Key.
Starting point is 00:11:51 And the audience in the men's toilet, everyone was so polite after you. What we used to call it was after you clawed. Used to be a saying that we had, suggesting that only posh people were polite. After you Claude. And Tess Daly probably says it all the time now when they get to the Claudatorium as they call it.
Starting point is 00:12:16 Which they shouldn't really call it that. Why not? I like it. I don't because it's not technically an auditorium. No it's a Claudatorium. But it's not. If you're going to use auditorium it's got to be in the shape technically an auditorium. That's the... No, it's a Claudatorium. But it's not. If you're going to use auditorium, it's got to be in the shape of an auditorium. Oh, no. OK? Thank you.
Starting point is 00:12:32 Back to you, Frank Skinner, in the studio. I'll stop liking it. So I'm driving. It's probably eight o'clock at night. And it was one of those moments when when as I think the Spice Girls put it, two become one. You know when two lanes become one lane. So relieved. Yeah so I started going forward this guy decided he was gonna get in ahead of me and I thought you know no way Joe say and I thought this is clearly I should be this is my lane has continued your lane has dwindled anyway he caught right in front of me and then he looked
Starting point is 00:13:12 at me with the most horrible stare you've I mean really like he's oh He's horrible. I thought he was gonna get out the car. I reached for the lock. But the lock he gave me and you know it was it was clearly he'd done the bad thing. I got about I would say five minutes in further in the journey and now this time a guy gave me another killer macho stare. You know what I was doing? What? I was waiting at a side road to join the traffic of the main road.
Starting point is 00:13:56 I wasn't even edging out, I was just sitting, sitting stationary and he looked across at me with contempt. Look at you with your seatbelt. Absolute venom. Frank, how do you know? Because just you know what an expression. That he was looking at you with contempt. He could have had something on his mind.
Starting point is 00:14:16 No. He could have been listening to something. No, no, I know. Talk sport. I've seen these expressions my whole life. Is your car covered with a fence of slogans and logos? No, he'd have probably liked me then. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Yeah. What is it? Why do you think people look at you like that? Well, both these guys, I thought if I invited either of you gentlemen to the theatre, to come to the theatre, they would no doubt reject it. All right, Oscar, why? They'd reject it. Oscar why? They'd reject it scornfully.
Starting point is 00:14:47 But they're happy to use the methods. They're happy to use the flared nostril and the lowered... It would be a bit strange if you suddenly extended an invitation to two voices. I know, but they use all those melodramatic techniques. The lowered brow. Not that their brow wasn't low to start with, but that's sort of, you know, when the eyebrows sort of, they call it knit, they knit together.
Starting point is 00:15:14 I don't know, I have bow talks, but I've heard about that. Okay, well I don't think either of these men had bow talks. It's a good thing for you to shout at them from your car window though. If I invited you to the theatre, I no doubt think you'd say you'd reject the invitation. Excuse me young man. I wouldn't have done that. Why don't my father said to someone who tried to barge in front of him at the tube station, you illiterate swine.
Starting point is 00:15:36 Yeah, there are certain, I wouldn't have had the courage to do that. I wish I had. Obviously in my revisiting mentally of both of those incidents, I've got out the car, dragged them out and gave them both sound thrashings in various ways. But in reality, I did none of that. I just sat there. You say that Frank. When I've been walking with you with Poppy and I remember the dogs were kicking off a bit, there was another dog. And I liked, I saw the sort of inner West Brom come out when you were splitting up the dogs. You went, alright, alright, we've had enough, come on now. Yes, but in a case like, when someone's in their car, I always think they've got, there
Starting point is 00:16:25 are things they can use as, you know what I mean? They're a particular set of skills. I don't know what a crankshaft is, but I know you could do a lot of damage with one. I saw exactly the kind of guy you mean in these interactions, a sort of furious, often necklace man. I was crossing a pedestrian crossing near where I live. It's sort of built up area. You know, you can't. It's not like anyone's losing time.
Starting point is 00:16:51 It's a slow part of London to drive through. And he beeped us as we were going across the pedestrian crossing. Why? Not being fast enough for his liking. I just stopped and flicked the visa to him. Oh, yeah, but that's that's the difference. enough for his liking. I just stopped and flicked the visa at him. He went mental but he couldn't get out his car because he was going somewhere. He couldn't get out his car because you are gargantuan. He didn't fancy the car's chances against you. What if he had driven
Starting point is 00:17:23 straight at you? Well I think the car would be a right off. I think it would as well. Would you ever do that? Would you flick the V's at someone in that situation? I've done things but when I do them I can feel the pulses pumping in my neck so I think this could go either way now. Often I've done it and then I've thought, I remember a bloke telling me, given a real big v's to this guy who'd caught him up on the motorway. I don't think he'd even caught him up on the motorway. And then when he pulled into the services later, the guy was there.
Starting point is 00:17:55 And you've got to be careful of that. But Pierre, I'm glad I'm not built like Pierre. If I was built like Pierre, I would have taken lives. I love I'm glad I'm not built like Pierre, because if I was built like Pierre, I would have taken lives. I love I'm glad I'm not built like Pierre. Taken lives? I was, if I had the tools. Some people sit home... Strewed with corpses. David's sitting here, I'll show you who's sitting next.
Starting point is 00:18:19 I would, I would have been in those cars. Those cars would have just been a theatre of blood when I left them. Do you think maybe that's why the Lord has given him quite a calm personality? I think that's why the Lord's given me a scrawny, inadequate phrase. Why? Because... Because inside these people... ...beat us the heart of a violent man. I won't say they need a lesson because they've probably never been to one. You tell them Frank, you
Starting point is 00:18:47 take them on on the podcast. Exactly, well that's because I'm too frightened to do it in the real world. I went out with a woman once and she was quite upper middle class. Okay. And she was very after you Claude. And she said to me, after we'd been out for a bit, she said, you know, you're the first non-rugby player I've ever been out with. And I thought, oh, oh. And I said, oh, okay. So where does that manifest itself? And of course I had to explain what manifest And then I said
Starting point is 00:19:33 Education isn't what it was. I said what's the difference? Well, they don't need to try. Oh, yeah. No, they don't I think she played lacrosse for the county Gosh, what a sentence. That's it. That sentence comes with an Argo doesn't it? No, it sounds like it comes from a John Fetcher poem. Anyway, so she said to me, yeah, you're the first. I said, so whatever does that differ going out with me? And she said, well, I feel less protected when I'm out with you. I mean, I am Catholic. Fine. No, but she said, I feel less, when we're in like a bar or something, I feel less protected,
Starting point is 00:20:12 which is a hard thing to hear. That must have been really hard. And I think she saw the pain in my face. And she said to me, don't get me wrong, I feel, when I'm with you, I feel sort of intellectually protected. And I said, okay, so if it's a pop quiz, you've landed on your feet. Well, if you get challenged and rhetoric. Yes. This is one of those philosophers at the bar.
Starting point is 00:20:40 Alliteration brawl. Yeah, I try to put her down and I step in. Hey, let me handle this. I think you'll find you've misquoted that. Yes. You want to take it outside? Oh, but it was such a car, the pain and anguish of it. Intellectually protected, it's like copyright.
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Starting point is 00:22:18 That's what Canon's Level Up sales event is all about. With awesome deals on their range of cameras and lenses, you can grab everything you need for that shot or scene you've been dreaming of for less. Whether you're helping that special person take their content up a notch or adding that extra quality to your own shoots, Canon's got you covered. Shop the Level Up sales event today at canon.ca. I tell you what, I think these staring men, it hasn't been helped by weigh-ins, you know, boxing weigh-ins. Oh, the boxing weigh-ins, yes.
Starting point is 00:22:50 Where people feel that they have to do that thing where they stand and stare at it. Doesn't anyone ever think it's a bit don this now, isn't it? Yeah. Well, the theatricality of it all. You know, when Muhammad Ali started doing that, he said after the reason he did it is because when he was nervous, his knees used to jump up and down, his knee cap, so he would stare them out so they wouldn't look down. I don't know if that was him being modest. But I love Muhammad Ali, he still is a hero of mine, but the fact they're still doing it.
Starting point is 00:23:25 Yes. It really... It's sort of comedy malagression. Do women boxers do it? No. I don't know. I doubt it. Also, you see some doing it and they haven't, there's what, you can tell they're sort of
Starting point is 00:23:38 thinking, can I blink? No, I should have found this out before. I haven't, I don't know, someone should have debrief brief me on the staring. Is it alright to blink? Have you seen the one where the guy just, they get close enough that the guy just gives him a little kiss? No. That's very funny. You've got to be really confident. Apparently, I read there's a thing that, you know when they, you know that thing, that knitting of brows I was talking about, that the man did in the car. You really sort narrow your your brows. I don't know how to describe it in the audio way Clint Eastwood maybe Clint Eastwood, but
Starting point is 00:24:15 They do that. There's points where they do that in those big pre fight stairs And then I read that they do that deliberately fight stares and then I read that they do that deliberately because it makes your eyes water and one thing that happens when you stare without blinking is your eyes start to dry up so it's a technical thing to make your eyes get a bit more teary to keep your staring going. Can you believe it? How many of the hours a week of boxing training is devoted to eye moistness? If I was being stared at by one of those men from that range my eyes would definitely be moist as would my gossips. The best one I ever saw you know those
Starting point is 00:25:02 MMA guys. Do you know the MMA? Why does he say things like that? Do you know the MMA? What does it stand for? Mixed Martial Arts. I knew he'd know. Do you like mixed martial arts? You see, I looked at Pierre then, he'll know. I know, he'll know. Is that the Andrew Tate? The brute, I thought. The great brute, or none.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Does Andrew Tate do mixed martial arts? Some sort of kickboxing man. He's a guy who'd stare at you from a car. Well, he's their god. These men you've encountered, they worship at the altar of Tate. I'm going to get a neon sign that I can hold up that says, I'm 67, you should be ashamed of yourself. LAUGHING
Starting point is 00:25:40 Or maybe a country that doesn't respect its elders. Yeah. It's a country underneath. I might get that said. Anyway, I was watching an MMA thing. Why were you watching that? Because I'm only allowed to watch YouTube by my 12-year-old son. He does like whole programs of things.
Starting point is 00:26:01 Fair enough. And this guy there doing the... And and this Emmet, you need real confidence to this, he starts doing scissors, paper, stone. But with real scissors, no not with real scissors, I made that bit up. So anyway, it's difficult, it's difficult. I have been bullied in the past, but you hope it will stop when you're 67. I'm so sorry Frank, you've had these... Don't worry about it. Perhaps I shouldn't have talked about it on air, because if I do kill someone with a crank shaft, they're going to play this in court. We'd all have to sit and listen to this in court. And there'll be people up in the jury thinking, oh, I'd much rather have parenting hell.
Starting point is 00:26:51 And then I'll have to say, I'll have to say all of them out. It'll be even worse than that. You'll have a humorless prosecution lawyer read out the transcript in a damning tone. I would have killed them all. Isn't that what you said? Did you not say that? It's a good job I don't have your tools. Theatre of blood.
Starting point is 00:27:12 I prefer those ones though. I don't like it when they're barristers, when they try and make jokes and references to popular culture. That annoys me a bit. There was one who did that in the back of the Christie trial. Oh. He said something about the phone, saying, am I right in believing it is now in Davy Jones's locker? Oh. The phone, would you speak? And she said, I don't know what that means.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Well, who would know that I know it? Exactly, he didn't have to say it. I think he was saying it intentionally to sound clever. God, he didn't mention to say it. I think he was saying it intentionally to sound clever. God, he didn't mention George Roll Bank. He'd have been cast out, driven out of town like a dog, killed like a dog. What if he was the country's first pirate lawyer and we're just misreading the transcript as part of... The Davy Jones' locker. The Davy Jones is lucky.
Starting point is 00:28:05 So it's in Davy Jones is lucky is it? I don't know what that is. Sorry, sorry. The old job sometimes you know. This just can't stop drifting back to pirate. No, I just think he was intentionally using that hoaxing. Did he splice the main brace? Sorry, did I splice the main brace? Did you not hear me?
Starting point is 00:28:34 A woman on board shipped me bad luck. Can we have a slight adjournment? Oh no. They don't say that in court, do they? I don't think... Do they say order? No, I think it's House of Commons. Have you ever been in court Frank? I went as a, you know, in the public gallery once. How did you? To record things.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Okay. Yeah, it's alright. Thank you. Thanks for that review. Thanks Trip Advisor. Yeah, it didn't kill all of them as it turned out. Frank. No it wasn't. Do you know I think you probably were with some serial killer you went to look like a nosy neighbour. No I couldn't cope with that. You know I don't like the true crime. No I know. By the way on the subject of vehicular vehicular activity I did like this from Rupert Carleton-Jones who sounds
Starting point is 00:29:27 charming. Yeah he does. I bet he's very after you Claude. He's played lacrosse on the count. He's definitely a lacrosse player. Hello Rupert. You know do you remember ages ago we were talking about odd things that make you feel proud? Yes. You know, like specifically, I can't remember one of the examples that you had given. Well one of them was when people cross on the red man and they look at the people waiting for the green man to come up as if to say, I don't follow the crowd. I should go off my own instincts.
Starting point is 00:30:01 Yeah, I don't work for the man. Rupert Carlton-Jones says what makes him feel proud, he's also refers to himself as prisoner 967, moving out of the way properly for an ambulance. Oh yes. And he's got properly in quotes. I know exactly what you mean Rupes. Whenever I'm driving and I make a really ostentatious show of it, don't you? Yeah. Well, but there are people, I've seen, I remember seeing a woman near West Bromwich Albion football ground, and there was a police thing behind, but it had the emergency stuff on. And I didn't even know, this woman was just hadn't noticed, she's obviously thinking about
Starting point is 00:30:42 other things, and the car just couldn't get past. And then some know where they're like, will you move please? I didn't know they could do that. What was it, a tannoy thing? Tannoy! They have a tannoy option available. Will you move please? How humiliating. And eventually she got it and pulled out. Frank, that's like, do you remember when you were at the petrol station? I still tell people this story. People don't believe me, but this genuinely happened to you.
Starting point is 00:31:12 I was doing an interview in a car. I was being driven by my tour manager. I was doing an interview for some press thing and he stopped to get petrol, so I got out the car to stretch my legs. And I was talking to this interviewer and I could hear this voice saying, I didn't know there was a power out and I said, sorry I can't hear there's some stupid tannoy. And then I go power out and I said, she said, where are you? I said, I'm on a, I've never heard it on a garage before, I don't know what it's about.
Starting point is 00:31:45 And then I actually tuned in and it said, get off that phone immediately. And apparently there was a theory that Sparks or something, come off a mobile phone. Yes, it was a very 90s idea. And blow the whole garage up. It's the most embarrassing thing ever. Sort of medieval superstition that your phone would awaken the petrol. You know when you're on the phone and sparks start coming up? When you answer the phone and it's like in Star Trek when they get hit.
Starting point is 00:32:14 When I've been camping sometimes I'll just dial long distance just to light the bonfire. I just put the phone underneath the kindling and just quietly sparked up. Just ring the talking clock. Yeah I'd love to know if anyone knows if a garage has ever gone up as a result. You'd love to know. I'm hoping obviously I don't want to hear anything tragic. Not at my age. I've got my own. I bring my own tragic. What else we heard from the outside world? We've heard from Sean, who signs off 984 from our old lives on the analog systems, who has suggested in the vein of you doing your research by looking up and reading about
Starting point is 00:33:06 but not listening to other podcasts. And you were coming up with some names. Frank Off the Shoulder was one. Yeah. I'll find a new spinoff from this because there are ones like I was saying like the Resties and there's lots of the Resties. So Sean says- So what you were saying is, yeah, the franchise.
Starting point is 00:33:29 Yeah, so this- The franchise is Frank Off. Frank Off, yeah. Yeah. Which sounds like abuse. So Sean says, Dear Skinner the Sacked, Dean the Dismissed and P45 Novelli. Oh, wow. That's quite good.
Starting point is 00:33:44 After Frank's brilliant idea to roll out the Frank Off format, I haven't been able to stop thinking of titles that could go into production immediately. I give you these the best under one proviso. Should any of these take, I am to be recompensed. I am not to be Linica'd. Oh, okay. Which is a good funny verb. I think Linica'd probably is heavily recompensed. No, yeah
Starting point is 00:34:06 I can't possibly comment That he can walk away from a major TV show suggested he's not impoverished No, he's he's he's been suitably enriched by Lisa mattress or don't get me wrong. He's done. Well, yes garage Frank off the charts. So that's you reviewing unknown B sides of hit singles. That sounds good. I used to do a thing called the Credit Crunch Cabaret. I remember it well. The country fell into economic crisis. So I did a show at the Lyric Theatre in Shaftesbury Avenue and it was five quid a ticket to help people get through this tough time. And I'll take this opportunity now to say a special mention to people who were selling them for about 60 quid on eBay.
Starting point is 00:35:00 Anyway, so one of the people we had on was Hugh Cornwell from The Stranglers. Oh yes. And he, just him and an acoustic guitar, and he did three Cliff Richard B-sides. Did he? I love that. It was brilliant. That's great. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Well, that kind of thing, that would be perfect. Yeah, he could be like in the live lounge. The other Frank off the charts that Sean suggests is each episode documents Frank's bids to achieve unheard of results in a series of medical tests, hearing, BMI, bleep test, blood pressure, et cetera. What's it called? Off the charts. Frank off the charts, like the medical charts.
Starting point is 00:35:44 Frank off the wall, I like this one. Frank tracks down and interviews the many people who have unwittingly destroyed, cleaned or painted over the works of Banksy. Oh, do people do that? It happens, yeah. Sometimes even knowingly they'll just go, ah, and they'll just paint over it and smash it up. Who does that?
Starting point is 00:36:03 Is it the kind of men Frank encountered on motorways? Yeah, it's exactly those men. And with their children who tend to be apprentice beasts and are being trained up so that when that man is too old to take people out, he's sort of a... Do you think you can see it in them when they're young? Well, you can see them in training. I see that all the time. Do you think you can see it in them when they're young? Well, you can see them in training. I see that all the time.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Yeah. Do you? Son, I don't ever need to be unpleasant anymore. It's up to you. To carry on. Family business of being a horrible, horrible man. Step into the dark. Son, it's up to us to continue the work of the 62%. It is though, it's hereditary.
Starting point is 00:36:48 Justice for the 62%. Who are the 62%? The unpleasant. Oh they get plenty of justice. Many of them get official justice in the justice system eventually. They receive it, yes. Yeah, exactly. Frank Off the Scent, and that would be you training to be a nose. No, he doesn't like perfume. Can you train to be a nose? Yes, I've told you I met a nose.
Starting point is 00:37:16 I met one of the most high profile noses in the world. In case you don't know, a nose is a person who works in the perfume industry and they have very very sensitive noses and they can make I mean they'd be it suffering intolerant of the smell of a burger mutt would be driving them up the wall. Someone told me that a dog if you put a cup full of sugar and empty into a Olympic swimming pool, a dog would be able to smell the difference of it without the sugar. I was hoping that you were going to keep, if you get a cupful of sugar and throw it into the swimming pool, the dog will jump in.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Yeah, maybe. Maybe, yeah. The dog would just drink it. Of course, mine has to stay in because I've got the lead. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode.
Starting point is 00:38:32 And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradioatavalonuk.com. Did you know that if you're 60 or older, RSV can be serious for you? Help protect yourself with ArexV, Canada's first RSV vaccine. Ask your health care provider about ArexV. ArexV is a vaccine that helps to protect adults 60 years of age and older from lower lung disease caused by respiratory syncytial virus, RSV. One hundred percent protection cannot be guaranteed. Adverse events may occur.
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