The Frank Skinner Show - Spinal Ribbon

Episode Date: October 3, 2020

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week the team are joined by Steve Hall. Frank has had a moral dilemma and the team discuss the Presidential Debate, misophonia and ribbon bookmarks.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner, speaking of sunshine and the warmth and goodness that comes from me. I'm on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Steve Hall is with us this morning. I wish, what have I, what have I, here we go. Sorry, I had to move quick, Steve. Text the show on 8-12-15, please do. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio and email the show via the Absolute Radio website

and then it becomes an interactive experience rather than a spectator sport, which we don't want it to be. OK. Can I say, Steve, welcome. welcome thank you good to see you frank you and i have already descending a bit into the winter woolies steve very summer summer time yes he's in a t-shirt he don't care i like the people that hold on to summer. Yeah. It's like I like to start it off a bit early. So round about like April, I'm starting to wear, I might put my first shorts on.

It's almost like trying to give it a few ideas. This is the first time I've really embraced baldness and started shaving the head. And I'm feeling it up top. I think that was a good decision. It's what they do nowadays. I always thought if I went bald, I would absolutely go for the Philip Larkin and keep it long round the back and the side.

Like Nick Robinson from the BBC. Yes. I haven't seen him for a long time. Is he all right? I think so. Nick Robinson, dead or alive, 8, 12, 15. Where's he gone? Fired? He moved on.

Oh, he moved on. Oh, no, he's pursuing other projects. Did he go to ITV? He's spending more time with his family, David Mellor. I think he changed channels. I haven't seen him. Well, you've changed channels. You don't have to leave your job.

I think pursuing other projects always means 1,000-piece jigsaw at home. But, you know, God, I've pursued a few in my time. So, anyway, it's lovely to have you here. It's lovely to have you here, Em, but you know what? I can't say that every week. Get on your nerves. It's like a whole comfortable pair of slippers. Of William.

Novelty slippers, maybe. Thank you. get on your nerves like an all comfortable pair of slippers of william novelty slippers maybe thank you i'm in the shape of zebedee i used to have a pet i used to have a pair like that david badil bought me i think really yeah david badil bought me some zebedee slippers frank i can't i just can't picture david in the shop saying these zebedee ones. I imagine he got them free from somewhere. I was on a cliffhanger from listening to last week's show where you were saying that you and David were going to go and see the Chelsea-West Brom game together. Well, go and see. Sorry, watch out.

You can't go and see. And then obviously it was a pretty dramatic game. It was. He took it he started off taking it pretty well and philosophically then there was a bit in the middle where I thought there was some tension and then as Chelsea came back

of course he mellowed but it was lovely in many ways a point now is that's enough for me only 39 to go that's the for me only 39 to go so i look at my uh my dreams have shrunk like a little dried pea oh do you know what i think it's best that way sometimes yes um so have we had outside world um interference we have you were do you remember frank we were talking about inventors last week

oh yes favorite inventors we got onto the subject steve of um who's your favorite inventor um which i appreciate is a very overcrowded text subject did it start from who's in the inventor's chair was that was that the oh i can't remember how it started. It may be. I mean, regular listeners will know that we think that every chair for comedy references is occupied by someone. So if you want to do a joke about someone getting drunk, you then refer to whoever is currently in the drunkard's chair. Who would you say that was?

I probably... Whichever one of Ant and Dec. Oh, yeah. I say it with the utmost sympathy, but that is in comedy clubs. Don't worry, I've been in that chair. Yeah, it was George Best for a long time. There are rarely positive figures in that chair. It's not like best looking bloke chair.

That's where you want to be, obviously. I don't even, that chair isn't even in the same postcard as me. Postcard, postcode. We always discuss the best-looking bloke chair because, as Frank says, for so long it was Brad Pitt, wasn't it? Well, we're not even convinced he's still not him. No.

You know how you'd say, oh, all right, Brad Pitt, in a scornful way to someone? Yeah, exactly. We thought... I mean, I think Frank's right, Ryan Gosling is a pretender to this frame, but he's not moved over, Frank. Now, Ryan Gosling isn't known by the masses, I don't think.

I always think of Anne Nora. Anne Nora wouldn't know Ryan Gosling, but she'd know, actually, she'd probably say Rock Hodgson. And then there's a difficult conversation. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. and then there's a difficult conversation. Now, I was reading a book this week, I know, and I'll tell you what it had in it. And it had one of those ribboned bookmarks,

you know, the ones that are actually connected to the spine. It wasn't a Bible or anything. It was just a book book. And I find that occasionally I'm surprised by a ribbon spine bookmark. And I'd like if there's anyone in publishing with any experience, what's the criterion what book has the has the right to have a ribbon bookmark built into the spine because like i read um e.h gone bricks the history of art which is a little fat paper book which you would not think lo and behold i was reaching for a bookmark and i thought oh whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. There's the old ribbon. Just, you know, they tuck it in randomly somewhere.

One thing I was thinking of doing is buying books with ribbon bookmarks deliberately and start from there to see if they're trying to tell me something. So if you have any friends or if you're in publishing, who makes that decision? How is that worked out? Yeah, it's like you're fascinated to know that it gives the book an element of flair well there's a kind of a stuck a feather in its hat and called it macaroni suggesting it has a ribbon i tell you what my problem with this

i have read books where i thought they were quite cool books and then i've realized there's a ribbon bookmark and i thought oh it's a bit severe. Because you obviously get them in Bibles and prayer books and stuff, but I'm on about random books where they appear. I'd like it if it was in one of those Christmas humour books. Oh, but it might, but it could. It could be uses for a dead cat. And then suddenly there's the ribbon bookmark built into the spine. Oh, I'd love that.

Makes it feel like it's the book's birthday. The book is celebrating reduce it to spinal rib spine yeah the trouble is the spinal ribbon someone will start talking about spinal tap which is one of my worst things in society when people say oh god it's like i've been in spinal tap yeah yeah i think think it's quite a good dividing. I mean, I often use the reference, very daunt books, as you know. Yeah.

But I think now, very... Very Spinal Ribbon. Very Spinal Ribbon. And I would say Frank Skinner's How to Enjoy Poetry, which I do recommend, Steve, if you're a fan. It's a cracking read. Oh, you're in Like Flynn?'s a crack and read. Oh, you're there. You're in Like Flynn.

Yeah. Wow. Absolutely. Have you done it already? Because, obviously, the Stevie Smith was your first episode

of the poetry podcast. Sorry about this, guys. This is like a late night art show. There's a singer called Starting off with Spinal River. There's a singer called Vic Chestnut who turned... Oh, yeah, I've played him on here, actually.

And he's turned a few Stevie Smith poems into songs. So I was going to ask you this on fair, in fact. I don't approve of that, but never mind. Oh, OK. But, you know, I've read your book as well, Em. Well, look, it's not all about all of our books. I'm just saying, Spine would work with the Skinner book, I feel. Thank you.

I'll happily read Alan's book when it gets published, if he's writing one. That won't happen. He won't stand for that. He will not stand for any of those. No, it'll be at Black Belt. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, can I share some outside world views with you?

Firstly, 181, that's Dave from Coventry. That's my old house number. Small world, isn't it? Some people say, what was that bit on Love Island, Frank, when someone said, my lucky number's A. So is mine! Oh, my God! They weren't both fat ladies, by any chance. I couldn't possibly comment. Dave from Coventry, you know, you were talking earlier,

we were talking a little bit about the chair, Steve. Yes. As in... Who's in what chair? Brad Pitt is in the best-looking man chair. Dave points out, I think of it as the, who do you think you are dot dot dot chair.

The best one ever, do you see what I mean? As in who do you think you are would always be seated. The best one ever was Sinbad on Brookside. It's genius lay in the fact that it only worked in a Scouse accent. Someone drove into the close really quickly and nearly knocked over Sinbad. Let me guess, Sterling Moss.

Nearly. Sinbad said, who does he Sterling Moss. Nearly. Oh. Sinbad said, who does he think he is? Ayrton Senna? Oh, that's... Now, Sinbad, I have to say, has not gone straight down the line.

He's slightly gone into the rough. Can I... He's not on the fairway with that reference. Can I tell you what Sinbad followed with, though? Go on. It'll be Ayrton

and someone else in a minute. That's it. Come on. But'll be it and someone else in a minute. That's it. Come on. But that's overwritten for one of those. That's four people worked on that. It was Sterling Moss. That's a good question. Who's in the fast-driving chair?

Lewis Hamilton doesn't have... There's too many syllables. Yeah. Yeah, I think also it's not a distinctive enough name. Sterling Moss. You just didn't get many Sterlings. There was a story once that I think also it's not a distinctive enough name. Stirling Moss. You just didn't get many Stirlings. There was a story once that I think a policeman pulls over someone and says exactly that, says,

who the hell do you think you are, Etten Senna? And the driver rolls his window down and says, no, I'm Nigel Mansell. And it was actually Nigel Mansell. He was a Birmingham legend, of course, Nigel Mansell. And one of the great celebrity moustaches in recent. Who's in the celebrity moustache? Celebrity moustache is,

who's the golfer who married Suzanne Danielle, the 70s Dolly Bird? Oh, yeah. Dolly Bird. Sam Torrance. Sam Torrance. He was definitely celebrity. We have so many chairs going on.

This needs some social distancing. But now it's been slightly messed up because there's some hipsters and stuff that have gone. But there was a period when very few people had moustaches in the public eye. Yes. Yeah, it was like Ian Rush, it was sort of sportsman. Yeah, lovely reference Mark Lawrence and Frida Kahlo

of course there weren't many though there weren't many it was a small group I think it's

there it's harder for us brunettes okay have some sympathy we've also Steve have you

seen we've had a lot of responses to the well I'll hand over to lot of responses to the... We've had a deluge of responses. Oh, I love a deluge. Well, I'll hand over to you with regards to the ribbon, Frank, which you were discussing. The ribbon bookmark that comes built into some books.

What's the criterion for that? We've not had a sort of definitive criterion. We've had lots of good examples. Liz Gates has said the Reader's Digest condensed novels had ribbon bookmarks attached. Yes, they did. They did. And also they had the kind of covers that were almost quilted.

You thought... I've stayed in people's houses where I've looked at the sofa and I thought I might be better off getting all their Reader's Digest condensed novels out into a rectangle on the floor and sleeping on them. They're slightly cushioned, slightly upholstered, the covers of the Reader's Digest.

The sort of person who thinks, what I need is a compact novel. I don't want to read full length one. Yes, that's a very good example. And Phil has said, and I remember this from my childhood, Dungeons & Dragons books often had ribbons in.

Oh, well, I never did them. I never did D&D. I'm surprised you did, Steve. I once took part in a, as a 13-year-old, I took part in a sponsored 24-hour Dungeons & Dragons role-playing session. I sold it all on eBay from my mum's shed. Is that what they play in Stranger Things? Yes.

Is that one of the upside-down world? It's had a massive resurgence, Dungeons & Dragons, because of Stranger Things. So it goes for a fortune, old stuff on eBay now, because Stranger Things has revived the love of Dungeons & Dragons. I didn't know there were books or spin-off books, though. Oh, there's a whole... There's mountains of the stuff.

You can go deep. If I ever go to a Dungeons & Dragons convention, I'm going to wear one of those Australian hats and take all the corks off, and I'm going to have to spin off books dangling by their spinal ribbons to show that I'm part of the group. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We've had a few more comments on book ribbons. Tam's in his head cookbooks. Oh, they have them, do they? I don't know if I've ever opened a cookbook. They have them. They do. Well, that's a wee. I would not have guessed that.

Are they wipeable? And Ewan McCauley says the Bible. Oh, yeah, the Bible and prayer books, I agree. I think they're the sort of, they're the way you expect it. But there's some where, like a cookbook, I would never have got that. And Catboy says diary, journal, ledger or Hogwarts register. Catboy. Catboy's on fire this morning.

Hogwarts Register. Who'd be on that? I could name a few. So, yeah, yeah. I wanted to also return to the show last week. And I think we nearly did. And then we took a turn, didn't we? Who's your favourite inventor was a question we asked last week and I think we nearly did and then we took a turn, didn't we? Who's your favourite inventor was a question we asked

last week, Frank. Yes. I went for Wilfred Makepeace Lon. Oh yeah, Wilfred. I don't know if he really invented stuff but he was like a kids TV, not even kids TV, a TV presenter.

An idea, it was the idea of a bloke who sat in his shed making stuff that would slightly change the world. Yes, because I've got a feeling that it was quite a, it was something of a career, it felt more of a career ambition in the 70s because I wanted to be a professor of sweets when I was a child. But I think that felt like an achievable, sort of desirable thing to do.

We've had Louise Lombard. Not Lombard. Not Lombard. What was it called, that programme? House Valiant. House Valiant, yeah. Yes. I knew Louise Lombard.

There you go. Oh, yesterday when I was young So many, many songs were waiting to be sung Carry on. Louise Lombard... Okay. ...says it reminded me of my... You guys discussing my favourite inventors

reminded me of my all-time favourite. The Kenwood chef was invented by none other than Mr Kenneth Wood. Was he really? Then it gets better, guys. Reply from John Wood. Correct. My stepdad. Oh, what?

That's brilliant. And I've checked out, he checks out John Wood, and he even has in his bio, Stepdad started Kenwood. Fabulous. That's really good. I think I met the dad, the stepdad at a party. He's a very good mixer. Was there any love for Heinz Wolff last week?

That's who I think of. It's sort of similar territory as Wilf Lund. He used to host the Great Egg Race. Oh, yes. They're not on any more. They're probably on CBBC now or CITV,

aren't they? I think that would be the home for your populist inventor. Tony Stark, of course. He's made it sexy, the inventing business. Mickey Hole 11 says Trevor Bayliss, no question. Trevor Bayliss? It's the wind-up radio, is that...? Yes, do you remember that?

Oh, man. Wind-up radio, is that Ian Lee? Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Oh and then here's a question now you know the moral maze is on Radio 4 this is a little mini version of that

my son who's 8 supports Tottenham Hotspur but no you've got to let them you know you've got to let them make their own mistakes yeah

so I let him watch the first half of the League Cup game on Tuesday night against Chelsea so we watched that

and then it's too late it's a school night you know that's absolutely that's already beyond his go-to-bed time. So I, then he goes to bed at half-time. So he's gone to bed. I carry on watching.

It goes to a penalty shootout. What do you do? Oh. Do you? Eight-year-old, school night, but penalty shootout. What would you do, Steve? It's tricky.

I would, it would be very dependent on whether my wife was in the house or not. If it was just me, I'd wake him up and kind of go, this is a part of life. You've got to get used to this knife edge, the disappointment or the glory. Let's face it, there's not

much theatre available at the moment the penalty shootout is all we've got is that the game where Eric Dyer had to nip off to use the facilities that's right

I'd have woken him up for that this doesn't happen very often I feel very quick to do that it's this and Jason Punch and they're the only two

who have done it oh I didn't know Jason so yeah anyway I went and got him up. Fantastic. It's a penalty shootout. Respect.

And also, what did you get your child up for at 12.15? I, as a child, it just didn't apply in our house. I went to bed, I mean, when I was his age, I was going to bed 11 o'clock at night. I would be at school talking about a hard-hitting kitchen sink drama I'd seen the previous night on television at 9 o'clock, and the kids are saying, what are you talking about? There is no 9 o'clock at night.

Well, this is where our childhoods converged, I think. And they don't in many areas. No, but similarly, my parents weren't fans of the bedtime observation. I think they thought it was a bit sort of small-minded to give a child a bedtime. They thought it was a little bit, what do you mean? Just live and let live was their approach. My dad allowed me to stay up for the Dennis Taylor Steve Davis final in

1985 and that was, it felt like this is a real treat and it was very, very late. But it was, I'm always grateful I think they had to let me stay up for that because I was 28. Eurovision results, children are always allowed

to stay up for those, I think. But I think it're staying up is one thing. Waking a child. My dad used to we used to watch, listen to the Muhammad Ali fights, even the Cassius Clay fights. He would get me up. But we'd

plan that. He'd say, you go to bed and I'll come and get you and we'd sit on the radio. But this was I'd do it again what about that Do you want to hear this from Dan from Chester I'd like to see if you can finish this in response to what you've just said finish this

text as a Forest fan I'd wake my child up if we got a corner congratulations alright wind up radio here on Corner. Congratulations. All right. Wind up radio here on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text us on 81215. Many have. Again, it's a rich, rich tapestry of text from our fabulous readers you can follow the show on twitter and instagram at frank on the radio there's one or two bright people there as well and then email the show via the absolute radio website that's for the old

the older listeners thank you were not really you had a bit of a poser uh before we went to the commercial break what would you wake up a child for or what were what sort of tv event were you woken up for right we've had we've had people in their droves okay milton not for milton what some sort of reading of paradise he's regained it now it's all right um milton red shoe diaries that this you wouldn't get someone up for red shoe my kind of parents milton's parents wow i didn't see that coming. I gotta say. Is everyone familiar with the Red Shoe Diaries? Well, I

see in the listings regularly. What's the nature of it? Can you sum it up? I believe, are you familiar with it, Steve? I believe it to be some form of Well, I know it's a Powell and Pressburger film as far as I'm... No, that's

The Red Shoes. Oh, what's The Red Shoe Diaries? I don't know what that is. The Red Shoe Diaries, I think it's... Isn't it not some sort of erotica? Oh, is it? I don't know. I don't think it's erotica. I thought you were laughing. No, we don't know what it is. I'll be honest, I wasn't going to read it. I thought it was a flippant response, a slightly cheeky response

from someone. Oh, no. I could be getting this totally wrong. I think it's David Duchovny. But I might be... Oh, well, he's respectable. It can't be. I don't know who that is. My internal IMDB could be getting me wrong here. Oh, well, he is.

Yeah. I thought it was a late-night softcore. Oh. Well, I think it says so much about us, if you don't mind me saying that, I thought it was the Powell and Pressburger film, and you thought it was the late night erotica. Frank, what did you think it was?

I thought it was a documentary about Pope Benedict, who famously wore red Gucci slip-on shoes when he was the Pope. Were they Prada? Prada slippers, that's what he used to wear, red Prada slippers. Okay. Listen, I've had something which I've been holding back,

but I was sitting at home and thinking to myself, you know, I need to be a bit more radio presentory and a bit less ridiculous. So I've gone in touch with my producer. I sent her something. I wanted to turn it into a jingle. If this isn't quintessential commercial radio, I wanted to turn it into a jingle. If this isn't quintessential commercial radio, I've

finally arrived. Brace yourselves. Good, good morning. Good, good, good good morning. Good, good, good, good morning to you. Come on. That's the radio jingle. That's what

they want. That's amazing. That's what they want. That's amazing. That's what they want. They don't want the Red Shoe Diaries debates. I love that you can just have that done. They won't. How would you ideally, once you played that... I suppose I'd do ideally. Once you played that jingle,

would you come straight in afterwards? How would you do it? Yeah, I'd say, let's try it, shall we? Yeah, let's give it a go. Good, good morning. Good, good, good morning. Good God! Good, good morning to you.

Yes, it is a very good morning here on Absolute Radio. We've got some great music for you. But first of all, an Aubrey Beardsley conversation. So you get the best of both worlds, if you know what I mean. Well, what I like about that, Frank, is... Aubrey Beardsley was a 19th century illustrator. It's, er... It's some... You're luring them in.

Yes. It's the slightly withered hand with the occult ring on it. Yes. In the crocodile-shaped oven glove. Yes. How did you explain what you wanted for that? Because it's got a bit of Harry Nilsson. I'll be honest, I discovered the song

and I thought this would make a terrible jingle. And I went from that. So it was Chance, me a Chance. I live like the dice man, Luke Reinhart. That's how I find my jingles. Buy me a Chance. I love saying, I never get the chance to say aye like that. Chance, just a Chance, you see. aye like that. Chance, just a chance.

Adam Chance. Adam Chance was in Crossroads. Adam Chance was in... He was in Crossroads. Fabulous character. He had a good moustache. He was in the moustache. He was, he was.

He was also in Doctor Who. Anyway, they all were. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. talking about getting woken up for sort of tv events 577 the miss world contest in 1974 i was eight years old my dad gave me a piggyback down the stairs so as not to wake my six-year-old brother. Was it for the announcement at the end or the whole contest? Well, this is Linda from Cambridge, by the way. Thank you, Linda. I'm assuming...

It wasn't for the feminist invasion. That wasn't 74, was it? It might well have been. No, she says I love the glamour of it all. There's no reference to that. So I suspect it was more... You always wanted to know the winner. Yeah.

You know, that's the thing. Can you believe that people, I mean, who is, what country is the current Miss World, Emily? Trinidad and Tobago. See, we don't know. Venezuela always started to ace it in the last few years. Yeah, but you'd get like Miss Guam and stuff. See, it was educational.

It was geographically educational. And Bruce Forsyth's Wilnelia was... Was she a Miss World? I don't know if she was in it. I don't know if she won it. I don't know which country she represented, but, yes, she did. I don't think she was his first Miss World, though.

I think there was... He went out with another contestant. He might have even gone out with Anne Sidney, the English Miss UK. To date, he looks like Careless Nurse. The last one, I interviewed a Miss World.

How was it? Not so long ago. Perhaps ten years ago or something. It was Christa Berg's daughter. She won Miss World. Yes, I remember. And I'd was Christa Berg's daughter. She won Miss World. Yes, I remember. And I'd met Christa Berg. I'd bumped into him in the pits at Silverstone. He told me, he said,

he'll never forget the way you look that night. Yeah, yeah. But he's very short, God bless him. That's not a bad thing, I'm just telling you. But she is statuesque. She's, like, God bless him. That's not a bad thing, I'm just telling you. But she is statuesque. She's, like, multi-tall. So, what about that? How did that happen?

Genetics. Hey, what do you make of it? It's a Bernie Eccleston. James Mott has said that he got his children up to watch the SpaceX Falcon launch. Wow-y. Because we'd had someone else who'd said that they'd been woken up by their dad to watch the moon landings. A lot of moon landings. Wow-y. Because we'd had someone else who'd said that they'd been

woken up by their dad to watch the moon landings. A lot of moon landings. I fell asleep during, they let me stay up all night for the moon landing and then I fell asleep during the actual walk.

Certainly the SpaceX, that's the first one that's been as exciting for a long time. In fact, Elon Musk feels like he's kind of in the event. No, stop talking,

stop talking, it's making me uneasy, you've got a frog in your throat. You're battling it. Okay, you deal with the frog. I'm going to quote Bilbo Bakewell. Oh, that's good. My dad, who is a huge cowboy and westerns film fan,

once woke me up to watch the John Wayne film The Shootist, which was John Wayne's last film before he passed away. Yeah, did his dad think it was live or something? No rushes. Can't let record stop these people. And Gerry Armstrong used to get woken up to watch The Hitman and Her. Well, Gerry Armstrong played for the Republic of Ireland.

The Hitman and Her, though. Oh, The Hitman. By the way, that guy's dad should listen to my poetry podcast this week, which is about the wild... a woman who wrote a poem about the Wild West. And can I say, what about this for a poetry podcast? You know, I don't know if you're into poetry at all,

but people think... Well, I am now, Frank, because of you. People think poetry, oh, yin-yin-yin-yin-yin-yin, that's what they think. I actually had contact from my Lords and Masters at Bower, asking

if I could put a warning on this week's one for disturbing images on a poetry podcast. That's got to be a first, hasn't it? Howie. Poetry too hot for broadcast. You know, people expect

it to start with like acoustic classical guitar. Hello. Welcome to disturbing images. Oh my goodness. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Can I just share with you the work of Tracy Cliff?

Mainly because, respect Tracy, she's managed to incorporate two text themes for consecutive weeks. Roger's Thesaurus was mentioned briefly, you may recall, Frank? Yes, it was, what would it be like being at school with Roger? Cool. It's hot in here.

Well, is it hot or is it... What would it be? Torrid. Yeah. Tracy says, I meant to message the other week to say I still have my beloved Roger's Thesaurus that I think I received for my birthday about 38 years ago. Does she mean cherished?

Roger, give it a rest, mate. And it definitely warrants its spinal ribbon. Oh. It's a Roger with a ribbon. Roger with a ribbon, I know, I know know there's a companion tweet to that i think it was paul earlier said that his copy of uh roger's profanisaurus from viz came with a ribbon see that was the one that was random random spinal ribbon and a lot of people can i just say have been tweeting to say oh lots of olympics

people a lot of people allowed to watch the um los angeles olympics oh okay yes uh okay that concludes the results for the uh swedish jury okay thank you steve hall steve hall now is going to be the one that comes on and goes, hey, having a great night. You guys are doing a brilliant job. And then maybe does a joke and they're saying, yes, yes, can we get to the results, please? And when they get to the 12 point, they go, and the 12 points go to, it's kind of tense.

And you just think, please, say. There's a brilliant, when Ulrika hosted, went after Britain had won in 97 or 98, they go to Switzerland or something like that, and the woman reading the Swiss results says, I did what you're doing, Ulrika. When Switzerland won, I presented as well. And Ulrika Johnson replies,

that must have been a very long time ago. And it gets this kind of astonished response from the crowd. It's a laugh that rolls and rolls and rolls. Meaning that she was old. Yeah, and I think it was meant as a friendly joke that ended up having way more force. Yeah, I couldn't see that as a joke, thinking, oh, Switzerland, they don't win it very often.

Then it suddenly becomes... I know someone who was doing auditions in Soho for a sitcom. And I don't want to go into too much details, but... I'm asking for a friend. It was on the top floor, so it was about seven o'clock. Anyway, so they were running behind time and there was a very large lady turned up for the audition and she came in and said,

oh, God, I'm sorry about your weight and uh clearly it was the the woman wasn't sure and it was it was just a terrible tense but i think it can for complete good intentions i think those things can occur i'm thinking of one another one i had I was at a test match with a person who was the wife of a senior cricket administrator I might have to leave the room while you tell this story

yeah she was the wife of a senior cricket administrator and she was you know a full full figured woman and we were having a cream tea and I said I bet you've had a few cream teas in your time meaning that you're in cricket it can be so innocent not always obviously

It's nice to see you both I haven't seen you in some time lockdown notwithstanding I'm glad that you're some time, lockdown notwithstanding. I'm glad that you're saying that 90 minutes into the show. Can I thank Ross Buchanan for this morning? Yeah. That's the latest ever thank you on commercial radio for the previous presenter.

How's it going? Because we used to be near neighbours. Yes. And I have now moved out of London for the first time in 20 years. Oh, have you? So I'm now living in Oxford. Oh. Dreamy, spired. Yes, indeed. Endeavour Morse. My wife is a... My wife. My wife is... I am very much punching with my wife. She's an extremely intelligent lady. What does that mean, I'm punching with my wife? Punching?

I'm doing well for myself. I want to clear that up. Yes, that's a very good point. Oh, you mean you've... OK, yes. That's a very good point. Yes. We've moved, so she has started a research fellowship. She's a psychologist.

Goodness. And she's pioneering research into a thing called misophonia which is the disproportionate hatred or reaction to certain noises and I'm fairly sure this is something that you've said in the past, Emily, that you have. I think it's in the Laurel and Hardy film when he gets something like tromphophobia because he's frightened of tromphophobia because he has a different feeling. Whenever Oliver Hardy hears a Trumpy, he goes on the

rampage. Right. I'll have to get them to watch it. So does it start with the basics like fingernails on a blackboard? Can you explain it to us because I think I've got it so I'd like a proper diagnosis. It's more extreme than, because fingernails on a blackboard is a thing that most people

would probably have a reaction to, whereas it's kind of an irrational or disproportionate reaction to. So it could be the sound of someone breathing or the sound of a clock ticking or someone eating popcorn in a cinema. So my wife has it, and that's why she wants to research it. So when she'd first moved over from Australia, the first time we slept in the same bed,

the next morning she went, do you always breathe like that? That's because I think they breathe the other way around. Like the plug hole thing. Something to do with the hemp. Steve Ball's wife is Australian. How have you sorted that out? I've gone under the surgeon's knife.

I'm pretty sure I broke my nose playing football. Comedians football on a Tuesday, I blocked a cross from Milton Jones with my face, and I'm pretty sure I did something to it. So the good old NHS sorted that out and basically saved my marriage. She said the noises I make repulse her, which I think some absolute listeners feel the same way.

Wow, so you had an operation. Wow, so you guys are in operation. Yes, I underwent an operation. But what are your triggers, Em? What are the things that you... I have... Whenever I'm in... I find it difficult if I'm in... Sorry, it's so hot in here

that no-one else seems to have noticed. I feel like I'm in the Raj. Where's my red tunic and will I have high tiffins? Sorry. I have sort of everything. I mean, I can't really sit in cinemas anymore or theatres because people's noises. Just people crossing their legs,

hearing the rustle of trousers. Wow. I was once at a ballet, my relatable anecdote, I was once at the ballet and I could hear the principal dancer's shoes hitting, I could hear the ballet shoes hitting the wooden slats. And I found that unbearable. I've got to say, I've only ever been to two ballets in my time. It didn't grab me. But I remember that moment of thinking, oh, God, I didn't think you'd be able to hear them. I imagine they barely touch the ground. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I think it's one of the shabbier aspects of ballet that I can't do it quietly I do, I mean if I hear, if I'm working and if I hear street noise, children shouting in the street you know what, they're like the school children I will sometimes go out

I mean, I don't actually I've not turned into that person. Well, it's just when they're all shouting, Frank. They go, oh, oh, oh. People do that in the street. They're not just children. How can they do that? Well, I don't know.

And you live in London. I can't bear it. Well, there's different responses to it. We can probably go into it in a bit more detail. There's different responses I can tell you about soon. Well, there's a cliffhanger I wasn't anticipating this morning. Different responses to what's he called? Misophonia.

Misophobia. Stick around. Now, those of you, you can move away from the edge of your seats. We're back to misophonia. Misophonia is when there are noises that really, really upset you big time. Yeah, and it's not necessarily hate. It's just like a disproportionate reaction, whatever that might be, whether it's disgust.

And it sounded like from yours, Em, disgust might be... Could it be joy? I guess it could. I mean, it would be... Like dogs' toenails on linoleum always reminds me of my childhood. Yeah, the sound of a tram going over... car wheels going over tram tracks. I thought he was going to say car wheels going over a tram. I thought he was going to say car wheel's going over a tram.

I thought he was going to say that. We're talking about memories of our childhood. Thank God. For me, it's rustling of any sort. It is pretty much any noise at all. We'll keep you out of the Wild West. Wow, it sounds awful. I'll thank you, it's awful.

And I'm aware that the problem is mine. I'm aware that other people go about their lives and they're happy to hear these noises. So this is one of the interesting things they're trying to work out. Is your response, I find that disgusting, what is wrong with those people because they don't know that they're being disgusting? Or is your response, what's wrong with me

that I'm the only one who gets affected by it? No, I feel shame over it, yes. That's interesting. Okay, what does that mean? Well, it's called... Bear in mind this is commercial radio comedy. It's called Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome. Oh, very much alliteration for people who don't like sounds.

What if you don't like alliteration? Exactly, well, the sibilance... I've got the four S's. Oh! But the idea is that therapy can fix it, What if you don't like a litterer? Exactly. Well, the Sibyl, it's... I've got the four S's. Oh. But the idea is that therapy can fix it. So this is... Therapy has worked. Oh, I've spent enough on that, love.

And they're trying to work out... So we could cure you. Or you could move out of London. He's trying to sell a service. I think my partner might have this. We've been in hotel rooms where she's gone, God, can you hear that? And I literally, all I could hear was what I would call silence.

But what I call silence is not what... The earth, industrial Britain, homes, there's a general... Yeah, yeah. Just emanating from everything. I like it, I find it reassuring. Well, that could be... Like, my wife has physically ripped... My wife!

She's physically ripped a donut out of my hand and thrown it in the bin because she was so furious with the way I was eating it. And I thought I wasn't eating it. Are you quite a noisy eater? No, no, no, I'm... Well, how do we know, though? It's all right.

It's all right when they do it. We've only got your word for it. That is true. No one thinks they're a noisy eater. I work with a guy whose wife wore industrial ear protectors at the meal table because she couldn't stand the noise that he made. Wow. I think we have to try and encourage a bit of tolerance.

Yeah. Well, it's interesting. One of the things that happened is people didn't know this was a thing, so there are certain people who hear the word misophonia for the first time and go, oh, right, there's a word for it. This isn't just lunacy. This is something that can be worked on. But at the same time, you're exactly right.

I've tried to argue with my wife, like, at what point is it just hoity-toitiness? Yeah. Oh, we can't help it. I mean, thanks for your sympathy. You're welcome in the bin. I can't help it. I mean, thanks for your sympathy.

You woke up in the bin. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner with Emily Dean and Steve Hall who's with us today. You can text the show on 812.15, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. What a week it's been on the old world event stage.

We were talking about things we stayed up to watch as children. Of course, there was something that we could stay up to watch this week. Yes, I watched a bit, not live, but I watched a bit of the presidential debate. We should say, of course, but I watched a bit of the presidential debate. We should say, of course, that President Trump is ill in hospital and we hope he's all right. As a fellow human being, we wish him his best. I can honestly say I hope he's all right.

Have you seen Mike Pence? Mike Pence has got the eyes of someone who could press the button without a second thought. Yes. I'm hoping. He only calls his wife Mother. Is that right? My dad used to call my mum Wife, which I always thought was fabulously sort of Chaucerian.

Yes. Why don't I imagine it? Because Trump is still tweeting and all that. And he walked to the plane when he went to hospital and all this. So I'm guessing everything suggests that he hasn't got one of the bad ones. Yes. The image that I want is him watching Mike Pence be president, like Larry Sanders watching that one when Hank takes over the show.

And when it's going well, Larry Sanders, you just get a shot of him. Absolutely. Not looking horrified, just looking, but you know he's horrified. And then he goes wrong for Hank. And he's based on the same expression,

but you know he's absolutely delighted. We should say as well that this was predicted that Donald would get COVID by the Bulgarian mystic, Baba Vanga. Is that right? Do you know Baba Vanga? No.

Oh, you've got to get involved, Frank. I mean, she's no longer with us, sadly. She was a blind mystic. Okay. She was kind of the Balkan Nostradamus, and she predicted all sorts. Baba Vanga? Yeah, Baba Vanga.

I've just got oasis. Don't look Baba Vanga? Yeah, Baba Vanga. I've just got Oasis. Don't look Baba Vanga. I would say she had... What did she predict for 2020? She would always say things like... When did she die then? If she's doing 2020 predictions. Oh, she died about 25 years ago.

Oh, I see. I thought she was like a Paul the Octopus type. No, she predicted, she said he'd fall ill with a mysterious illness. Who did she say? Baba Vanga said Donald Trump would. But she didn't say Donald Trump, did she? I don't know. I'll need to check with her admin team.

She said something like, I'll enjoy it. She said you need to check with the Vanga boys. Oh, my goodness. Anyway, I'm sorry. I could talk about Baba Vanga for ages, I'll enjoy it. You need to check with the Vanga boys. Oh, my goodness. Anyway, I'm sorry. I could talk about Baba Vanga for ages, but I won't. But the world is going to end, I think it's 5079. Well, that's not too bad. We're OK, then.

I'll settle for that. I'll take that. Thank you, Baba Vanga. I'll take that. People's estimates coming in. I've looked at a few, and you're the one i'm uh i'm going for when can you start okay well there's talk now the presidential debate was one of the hardest pieces of television i've

ever watched because i'll tell you what many years ago i used to work at uh i used to do a show called fantasy football which you may have heard of, and we filmed it at these studios where they also filmed 15 to 1 in the days when William G. Stewart was there. And I was talking to one of the guys who worked in the edit, and he said, we were 90 seconds over on this thing. We have to get it down to time. And this episode of 15 to 1 was 90 seconds too long, so we tried

we just couldn't cut anymore because you've got to have questions and answers you know, to get the scores, we just could not cut another thing, so what we did is we speeded it up a little tiny bit to get rid of the 90 seconds and it worked, and he said

you'd hardly notice it when you watch it and I thought, what an idea and it's like like this they've thought we've both got a lot to say let's just talk simultaneously and we can get it all done in half time but oh god it was hard to hard to watch that it felt like a cattle auction at times the way they were talking over each other yeah it was it was uh and unkind unkindness it was harder harder to watch than Medusa's face. It was exhausting, depressing stuff, given how important it was. What I do like, though, on a lighter note,

is how I love that Donald Trump does the Spice Girls moniker for everyone. So Crooked Hillary, Sleepy Joe. He always proceeds himself as Crooked Hillary. He never just says Joe Biden. He never just says Hillary. He's got to describe them in some way. So I'd like us to all think about what our Donald Trump moniker would be.

You would have to be Gittish Frank, I'm afraid. Oh, goodness. I would have been skittish in the old days. You might not have that. You can choose your own, OK? OK. What about anxious, Steve? I'll take that.

What would I get? It's a step up from empty hall. Yeah, I wouldn't say that again. Not in the current climate. Socially distanced hall. Let's call it that. Oh, dear. I'd get obnoxious, Emily, I think.

Oh, no. No, but I'm saying how Trump would... Well, you've given yourself... You are the divine Miss M, so you've given yourself a nice one. The point about the Trump moniker is it can't be filled with praise. No, it has to be a sleepy Joe. Something sweet about sleepy Joe.

Well, it's not as good as Crooked Hillary. I think Joe Biden's teeth are whiter than Donald Trump's. What about when Donald Trump said, I've done more in 47 months than you've done in 47 years? I think he wasn't in power for 47 years. He was the 47th vice president. Oh, is that what it was? I think he got it wrong.

He made a mistake. No, I don't. I can't accept that. Friendship on Absolute Radio. I think Paula Bailey says, my mother used to bring me downstairs for the Saturday night Hammer Horror double bill. Oh, all right.

What a mum. And then you had to go back to bed after that. My brother, Keith, stopped up to watch The Outer Limits on his own. I don't think he was very old either. And that was quite a scary programme. It used to be on late at night. And my other brother, Terry, went upstairs to bed ha ha what he actually did was got his fishing rod put a matchstick on the end not a matchstick a match box on the end and tapped on

the window from outside of the room where keith was watching the outer limits and uh my dad was aware of someone being on the landing, so he went out, there's Terry fishing out the window. So he goes downstairs, Keith is under the table, terrified, that someone's knocking at the window. We've also got from... It's a comedy family.

Daniel McMurty, Frank, has given us confirmation on the Red Shoe Diaries. Oh, yes. I thought it was the Power and Pressburger film. Steve Hall thought there was some eroticism in it. Indeed. Frank, where were you on it? I thought it was a camp musical theatre kind of a thing.

I like to think it sums us all up in some way. Daniel McMurtry says, Red Shoe Diaries, Defo a bit naughty. David Duchovny introduced it, like Roald Dahl in Tales of the Unsurprising. Oh. Unexpected. I know, but he said Unsurprising. Oh. Unexpected. I know,

but he said unsurprising. I don't know if he's being unkind or what is going on. Oh, okay. So he's one of those, like Michael Winner's true crimes.

One of my, Michael Winner would be holding a big book sitting in a chair. With, very much with a red ribbon down the middle, Frank. Yeah,

oh, that was a ribbon book. And he would begin the one that sticks in a chair. Very much with a red ribbon down the middle, Frank. Yeah, that was a ribbon book. And he would begin, the one that sticks in my memory, I've probably made it up, but it's the one I always think of, is they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. That was certainly the case for Eileen Willis

on the 17th of March, 1959. Then he just wobbles into the drama. Oh, man. No, they think so. What they reckon will happen is the next president, because they were talking they'd have to change things so this couldn't happen again, so they didn't talk over each other.

I was thinking, do you remember the sort of there used to be a barometer and this is again me going back to my childhood there used to be a barometer which they called a weather house yes and there were two doors and when it was damp the man the little man would come out to one of the doors and when it was warmer he'd go in and the lady would come out so i wonder if they could have something like that so they couldn't talk over each other at any point yeah yeah well this would be suited to a zoom debate because you could then mute them if they uh well of course the next one might have to be on zoom if if because of the quantity i believe they said yeah they might are there two more i'd love to see a Donald Trump Zoom.

If Donald Trump really wanted to reassure his hardcore followers, he could do a Zoom one with a completely empty bookcase behind him just to reassure them that he's their man. Maybe a cobweb or two. It's weird though, Frank. There's no...

The difference between these American debates and when they have the leadership debates here, there's no ramp into them, I find. You know how normally there's a sort of British pleasantry? Like, and welcome. So, hello everyone. And they just go straight in. I mean, it was pretty hard.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, when Biden said he was the worst president America had ever had, I mean, why bring that up? We're talking about the presidential debate. I'll tell you what put me off Joe Biden and why I won't be voting for him. There's some reason. There's your lack of American citizenship.

He called President Trump a clown. And I don't like clown used as an insult. I take that as a personal. I am part, let's face it, of the clown community. Yes. You are, Steve. Indeed, yes. And I don't like it used as a derogatory term

because clowns' ridiculousness, it's deliberate. You know, it's crafted. I suppose Trump's facial colouring could be considered a clown make-up. You know, if those clowns have... I thought he looked a bit pale in the debate. Oh, really? Because I could see the signs of the illness.

I agree with you about clown. I feel sort of wrecking ball is more appropriate. Yeah, but... Well, he apologised. There was one point where he said clown, he went, I'm sorry, person, and sort of walked it back a bit. Because he went, stop yapping. It of walked it back a bit because he went

stop he went stop yapping it's been a tough year for clowns they don't need any extra and what's happened is the Northampton clown

alright am I done about him I don't think he's a bona fide clown what's happened to him do you remember I wanted to go out with him Frank

I really wish he'd call me well he's not orange of course because he wears the best block in the world. I don't know if you remember the Northampton clown. It was a man, I think it was a man,

it would appear in full clown make-up just in the middle of the night in Northampton. And I sort of had a slight shouldn't-but-word about him. Yeah, I thought he was a dangerous... He was in the inappropriate crush chat. I was worried about him. I'll tell you what I thought might have got... I'm sorry to go off topic briefly,

but did you see this week, there were some pictures of you, Frank, in the press media, dressed as Samuel Johnson... Oh, yeah. ..for the fourth... When is it on that documentary, please? It's on the 6th of October.

It's a three-parter. It begins on the 6th of October. Well, a three-parter. It begins on the 6th of October. Oh, wow. You say that like it's a far-off date. I mean, that's some three days away, man. Oh, is it? Wednesday. She is flying by. Wednesday, 6th of October. What time, please? I don't know.

I think it's on Sky Arts. Anyway, this is you retreading the steps of Samuel Johnson. Yes, into the western islands of Scotland. Very, very fine. Did you see the pictures? With my associate, Denise Minor, the writer. Who's fabulous.

She is. I did see the pictures. What did you think? Because I've got to say, I mean, Frank and I have, as you know, we've always avoided any walks down uh amorous lane but i've got to say those pictures frank it's working it worked for you that well i thought you know what i might have found my look and that's a slight problem as it's sort of 18th century literary figure chic which you can't wear on an everyday basis. Well, because I've been looking forward

to seeing the Aubrey Beardsley hair. Ah, yes. What do you think, Steve? I think it's great. I mean, speaking as an outsider on hair. And I'm envious, yeah. It's mainly envy these days. Yeah.

Whereas the Boswell and Johnson one, it's sort of the missing link between Samuel Johnson and Slade. Yes. Johnson one. It's sort of the missing link between Samuel Johnson and Slade. Yes. Obviously I'm a bit slim for Samuel Johnson.

I have to say though, it was, it just you know what, sometimes it all comes together and you've found your look. Yeah, but I can't adopt that as a regular. What about if I was coming in here Saturday morning dressed as an 18th century literary figure?

Yes, it would probably stray into specialist interest, but it's working. Well, it could catch on. You get Bush and Ritchie will be turning up as Charles Dickens. Well, that's a bit light. But yeah, Birkin hair. Yeah. Maybe.

Maybe. Frank, could I just mention something? Did you, I think you may have referenced last week, something through local news stories. Yes, I was on about recurring local news stories that every now and again they come up on local. The one that stuck in my mind was gurning competitions where they'd have people looking through a horse's collar pulling a terrible face. People not having teeth was a big plot in gurning.

And I think when I was a youth, everyone had their teeth at age 40. It was just the norm to have them all out because they were so rotten by that point. Oh, is that why they had them out? Because, you know, it is a bit whatever happened to false teeth. Yeah, so everyone... I didn't know anyone over 45 who had their own teeth. So, I mean, this might just be the West Midlands, I don't know. But so then you can, when you gurn,

you can get your jawbone right up by your nostrils. But now that people have got teeth, I think it's killed them. Did they have to put a collar on? My memory is that there was a thing. You look through a horse's collar. You look through a horse's collar, right. Do you like Frank saying, I mean, now that people have got teeth. I know.

It's a letdown. Frank, well, 646. It's killed. I mean, one thing people don't say about the improvement in dentistry and orthodont... Dentistry? Dentistry? Orthodontistry? Or orthodontics, I'd go with.

Oh, when Steve, you're always there for us. You know, teeth whitening and all that. They don't talk about the damages done to the gurning industry. It's almost wiped it out. Anyway. I just wanted to pick up on 646, who says, regular local news stories.

I always look forward to the mid-December story on East Midlands Today, where there's been a house burglary and all the kids' Christmas presents have been stolen from under the tree. Cue video of glum-faced kids staring at an empty space. I always suspect the parents are cooking up the

story as they've blown the extra tongue on alcohol and are hoping the viewers will donate presents. Or maybe they actually put like phony presents under the tree so the kids there's no danger of the kids letting the story out at school or anything. Yeah,

that is true. I've seen that one a time or two. My mum was interviewed on local news once. Which one? On Newsroom South East. Oh, OK. Because she was a dinner lady at my old Catholic primary school and they would often run stories about changes,

really obscure changes to like coach routines or coach schedules. So it was about busing kids to this Catholic school that we went to. And my mum was a concerned resident talking about how, why should Catholic kids miss out? Quite right. Patrick Stewart, guys, was woken up to see, and I can tell he's one of your brethren, Frank,

White Smoke from the Vatican. Oh, that's a good one to be woken up for. That doesn't happen at night, though, does it? Well, it depends what part of the world you're in. Maybe it does. That's a good point. Would your parents have woken you up to watch White Smoke from the Vatican?

I don't think so. No, I think they could have. I think it's John Lennon's birthday this weekend, and I remember getting up and my mum had left a note saying, John Lennon shot outside his flat in New York. And then she'd written dead in block capitals and underlined it about five times. I mean, it was the worst possible way to find out.

She should never work on a newspaper. I remember thinking that. Yeah, well, that's a lovely light one to go into the music. Hold on, there's only one way to follow that. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.

Can we just share with you some outside... Absolutely, yes. The noise is really... I can hear it. Can you step away from the mic? Thanks. 1-8... It's horrible. 1-8-2. Morning, guys.

Talking about waking up for a special event, we woke up our seven-year-old daughter, Adelina, on New Year's Eve 2019 so she could watch Craig David see in the new year. She was not impressed as he was a little bit before her time. That's Ed from Barnet. Was he in their house or something? Imagine being gone up for that.

I'd be very upset if anyone got me up for that. I mean, God bless him. He refers to his own name enough that if she didn't know, he refers to his own name enough that if she didn't know who he was, she would very soon. Yes, exactly. We've also heard from Cruet, who said, My mum's neighbour had all her teeth removed for her 21st birthday. Yeah.

Apparently it was all the rage. I think my sister-in-law was 26 when she had all hers out. What? Yeah, that's what they, you know, it was, they'd think, oh, that's got them out, though. Nuisance, that was. Frank, I'd also like to share this with you from 344. You were referring to your podcast having a warning of some sort on it.

Is that correct, your poetry podcast? Yes, my poetry podcast this week has actually got a warning of disturbing images on the front. I think the first ever poetry podcast to have a warning. Respect. 344 has commented on this. Doesn't disturbing imagery just mean you're doing poetry right? What a guy.

I think they could expand the range. Parental guidance for implicit metaphor may contain iambic pentameter. Fabulous work. Love it. Who was that? 344, you know what? He's anonymous. He's a man of mystery because he's poetic. I love it. We've had Kate Strang on the

subject of Things Woken Up. That's a good name. It's a brilliant name. Things Woken Up in the Night. She said that her mum introduced her to The Young Ones when it first appeared in Australia she woke her kids up saying you have to get out of bed and come and watch this

wow that's a really and she said they were hooked for life would you see I love that mum yeah that's really great that's great

if I was Kate Strang I would have gone into medicine wouldn't you just to be Dr Strang oh man I'd love that so much irresistible I wonder what Kate Strang does man I'd love that so much irresistible

I wonder what Kate Strang does what do you think oh well anyway let us know Kate I'm interested yeah

we quite a few people have woken up to see Halley's Comet as well which I thought I believe is it

do you say Halley's I well if I called it Hawley's Comet it would appear possessive of me I think it's. Do you say Halley's? Well, if I called it Hawley's Comet, it would appear possessive of me. I think it's Hawley's. It used to be Hayley's when I was a kid. It is Halley's now, I think.

I can't quit Hayley's. No, but I think it's only because of Bill Hayley and the Comets, the old rock and roll band. I don't think I'll ever cross over, Frank. It's a Jose Jose Mourinho thing for me. Oh, yes. OK. I think that's OK.

Frank, tradition, I should just say, Torval and Dean Bolero. Oh, the late night version. Oh, OK. Yeah, but that was in a different country, wasn't it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Sarajevo, 84. Sarah who? Yes.

Frank! 84? Sarah who? Yes. Oh, I always think of her lying on her side at the end in the ice. You know, they end it with the lying on the side thing. Hold it two seconds too long, they have to come and get you out of the kettle.

Very fine line. And I tell you what, I've got a slightly more orchestral version of Good Morning. Shall we stick that in? Oh, go on. Go on. It's been filled out. Oh, wow.

Come on! To who? Oh, thanks. That's lovely. So, look, thanks for listening. Steve, it's been lovely to see you. Lovely to see you. Thanks for having me. I had no idea. I thought you still

lived near me. I thought lockdown, I haven't seen him about. It's been an absolute pleasure, Steve. Oxford, Steve, he's in. Oh, he's gone so posh now, isn't he? Good for the likes of us. Anything to get away from the extraneous noise. Don't talk about me like that, Frank.

So it's lovely to see you. Thank you, Steve. And thank you for listening. If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.