The Frank Skinner Show - Teddy Doffing

Episode Date: February 6, 2021

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has a question about the etiquette of greeting runners and had the gas man round. The team also speak to Stewart Lee about his film, King Rocker.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215. It's great when people do that. You can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or you can email the show via the absolute radio website and i'm going to do a trailer are you a tease listen this is my tease paper oh yeah um stewart lee the comedian will be joining us at 10 a.m to talk about his film king rocker which is on sky arts tonight at 9 p.m very slickly done you're in a real professional groove this morning.

I am. I'm rocking. In a minute, I shall say where real music matters. I'll tell you something now. Now, I think Absolute would class this as real music. I'm not sure quite what their classifications are. I'd like to see that. But it's different from Stuart Lee's.

Is there an absolute brochure of what... Oh, I hope so. ...of what constitutes real music and fake music? I'd love to know where that line falls. Some would say it's subjective, not absolute. No. Anyway, I was driving in this morning, and George Ezra, I was listening to Absolute,

obviously Ross Buchanan, morning and um and george ezra i was listening to absolute yeah obviously ross mccanon and um george ezra he played george ezra paradise you know that and i'm in my car and sorry can i just say the producer started dancing at the mere mention well i gotta tell you i gotta tell you it's a great song paradise yeah and you know it's not normally my kind of thing but there's a bit I don't know the words but there's a bit

where I would call the deep bit which just keeps going and there's a bit then he's going to come in you know the high bit is going to come in and my god

he makes you wait for it right you know when you used to get clubbing guys and you wait for the beat to come in and my god he makes you wait for it. You know when you used to get clubbing guys and you wait for the beat to come back in, that moment. It was like that. And I'm in the car and I thought if it doesn't come back

in on in a minute I'm going to have dislocated both shoulders with just tension. And then he comes in and I thought thank god George never did that to me again. I once saw the band Gomez who I think are real music. Oh, wow, yeah. Let's have a look.

I think they're real music. They definitely count. And they have one of those moments where it comes back in with a thump, but when they were playing it live, they didn't do it. So everybody was like... Oh, that's terrible. No, no, they just teased people. They stood on stage and shuffled them out for like,

it felt like it aged you. Oh, I see. But then they did it. And then they did it and it erupted. I thought they hadn't been, you don't want to leave there without having combat. You can't tease the drop. Oh, that's amazing.

Is it the drop? Is that what they call it? I believe so. I'm going to call it that from now on. I think I teased the drop for months when I was about 14. That would be our like Phil Collins not playing the drum solo in the air tonight.

I don't know when the first drop, probably in classical music, the one that sticks in my mind is In The Mood by Glenn Miller. Absolute 20s. When it comes back in and you think that's never going to happen. Oh man. Anyway, we don't often get a chance to talk about music proper When it comes back in, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- You ever seen that film? You know Glenn Miller died in a plane crash in Fog? Yeah.

In the Glenn Miller story, he's played by James Stewart, and the last words, you see him getting onto the plane and he looks around and says, it's a little soupy, ain't it? Oh, don't. I'm actually going to well up. It's a cracking film as I remember it. Yes. One of those coloured films that look like it wasn't meant to be coloured,

if you know what I mean. Like someone's been in there with a felt pen after. Cell by cell. Here's the thing. Now we're on the... I don't know what sort of music. I was watching Netflix last night. Oh, get you.

This is the modern world. But I was watching something about Sutton Hoo. Oh, yeah. Is that The Dig? The Dig, yeah. People are talking about The Dig. Yes. Do you dig it?

Well, Sutton Hoo, a film about discovering Anglo-Saxon treasure at Sutton Hoo is about as far up my strata as it's possible to venture without some internal bleeding. It's funny, Frank, I like to think that's a sign of a close friendship with someone that I was scrolling through Netflix and I saw The Dig and I just saw Sutton Who and I thought, oh, that'll be nice for Frank. And I'm going to give you my brief review after this baby. You're discussing The Dig. Who's in it? There's some famous people in it.

Ralph Fiennes. Oh, yeah. I heard his career Fiennes. Oh, yeah. I heard his career was in ruins. Oh, I like, I like his... I love that you've gone for the Ralph. No, well, I don't know. I know if he wants to be Ralph. I know nowadays you've got to choose.

You've got to go with their choice. But he's... So, Ralph Fiennes and Carey Mulligan. Oh, I like her. Both excellent. I'm going to tease shit, I like her. Both excellent. I love it. It's about something who, there's moments where the treasure starts to emerge,

which is just fantastic. When they realise it's a ship burial. It's just amazing. And you know it's on the way, Frank. Spoiler alert. I know, I know. Ship burial. But you know what they've done?

They've done this thing that films always do, where they think, well, we've got an Anglo-Saxon treasure and we've got British history being rewritten by one fine, and we've got World War II about to start, but we need a bit of topless. Oh, have they? Oh, I didn't like the tone in your voice there, Al. Why have they?

No, I'm disappointed. So there's a bit, yeah, there's a bit of a relationship, I presume, two fictional people. And, you know, there's a bit of, who needs that? Why do people do that? You know, you read these actresses. I was reading an actress recently who said, I'm not going to do any more scenes like this unless it's a female director. I've got a better idea. I was reading an actress recently who said,

I'm not going to do any more scenes like this unless it's a female director. I've got a better idea. Don't do any. Don't do any scenes like that. We don't need them. Yeah. It's like when I was 14, you used to go and see a film and you'd be hoping for a scene like that. And I think those 14-year-olds grew up into writers and directors.

And so we've got to have a bit of... Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Oh, it really annoyed me. It never really adds, does it? Never. No, I say never's a big word.

You know, also, there are filmmakers who specialise in that. There are, yeah. Leave it to the experts. And a lot of their work is online. They can be found. Don't have to pay any more. And now the thing is, should that be your area, fill your boots. Well.

Go and watch that oeuvre. Yeah. But don't pipe it into our TV shows. I just think, you know, you've got Ralph Fiennes, Cary Mulligan, you've got misty scenes of Suffolk and these people. Were you counting on here for the archaeology? Oh, yeah, that's what I was there for. We didn't see the...

Oh, well, I don't want to spoil it. I mean, if you can ignore... Look, we've all got fast forward. So, you know, you can go through those bits, but we don't need that. It was going to say, well, I didn't like that film because nobody took their nightie off.

No-one's ever said that, I think. No, not since 1932. No-one's used the word nightie. Well, I might say chemise or teddy. Yeah. There was no teddy doffing in that. Look, you know, we don't, you guys out there, you filmmakers, you've had your fun.

No, stop it. Okay, I've got that off my... Oh, I think on the film topic... I was... James Cameron waking up. I was going to go, sorry, honey, I'm listening to Frank Skinner. Apparently I've had my fun. Well, somebody needs to tell them.

Anyway, I was out walking on Primrose Hill, which is a hill in North London. London, as you know, is a large conurbation in South East England. And I think, now I could be completely wrong, but I saw a woman running, you know, in running gear and stuff. I think it might have been Daisy Ridley. Right.

Now, if you see Daisy Ridley out running, you know, Daisy Ridley who played Ray in the recent Star Wars trilogy, would you say hello or would you just ignore her? We'll come back to this. What I'm basically talking about is greeting Ron as etiquette.

On Absolute Radio So yeah so I think and I mean one good reason for not waving or anything to Daisy Ridley is it might not have been Daisy Ridley. That was the first thing. Can I interject just with a reader's view on this? OK. Claire, you asked whether it was etiquette to say hello in these situations.

When they're running, yeah. Yeah. Claire's responded. Good morning, all. Good morning, Claire. Is it a regional thing? If you're from the Midlands, like me, you say hello to everyone, even Star Wars stars, or is that just a stereotype thing?

Over to you, Frank Skinner from the Midlands. Well, I think, with all due respect, it's a bit different if you're a middle-aged man in a park. I don't have that kind of freedom. Anyone I say hello to, especially in London, I think either thinks that they're going to get

attacked by me or that I might be there to eat the grass. What about the golden coat of celebrity that you wear on your person? Yeah, but I don't know if you've noticed, but I can't find it.

I've hung it up somewhere and I cannot find it. You left it at the dry cleaners, maybe, in the 90s. Also, what you'd want to do is run along with Daisy Ridley, telling her how good she was in the Star Wars trilogy. But, I mean, people don't want that when they're running.

They don't. And was she running, not jogging? Running, like... No, she was jogging. You're right, I've let myself be trapped into... Oh, OK. It's all pale, though, Primrose. You can't really be belting it out.

No, that's good. I've got... If I'd lived closer, I have got a full Kylo Ren outfit and I've got a Kylo Ren lightsaber that makes the noises. What's the French word for this? The thought on the stairs.

Yeah. If I could have caught her on the next lap and just appeared as Kylo Ren, would that have been something that she'd have laughed and found amusing or would it have scared the hell out of her? What do you think? I don't know.

Because even my fine sliver of celebrity would not be visible under my Kylo Ren mask. Anyway, she ran away and I'll never even know if it was her. Did you actually know her to say hello to you? Oh, no, no, I don't know. She was just walking, for instance. Maybe she'd recognise him. I don't know, she's a lot younger. Frank, the Queen turned round to you and Oh, no, no, I don't know. She was just walking, for instance. No, but she'd recognise him. I don't know, she's a lot younger.

Frank, the Queen turned round to you and said, Frank, hurry up. The Queen is more my catchment, Erin. So many ways. Yeah, exactly. Didn't you recently see somebody jogging backwards in the park? I did. Did you say goodbye to them?

I love it. The thing is, with them, I could keep walking and still talk to them. But she'd gone past. You can't run with Daisy. It might not have been her, as I say. I've seen Clive Owen having a workout. Have you?

Yeah. The rest is my business. I wouldn't say hello to Clive Owen because I'm not totally sure who he is. Oh, you're joking. Is he from EastEnders? No. Sid Owen, I'm thinking of. Have you seen Closer?

It's Patrick Marber's film. No. He's an English Hollywood film star. He's in The Bourne Identity, isn't he? He's in The Bourne Identity. I only really watch films with either Anglo-Saxons or aliens in them. He's not in Merlin, that's true. Okay. Okay. No, I'm sure he don't. He's not in Merlin, that's true. Okay.

Okay? No, I'm sure he don't. If you're listening, mate, no disrespect. Doesn't mean you're a bad actor. It just means my ignorance. Yeah. It's fine.

I don't get all touchy about it. Clive. Okay, well, that's that. Is there any outside... Well, six, three, oneers. Whenever I start a sentence, the producer gives me a big dig to shut up. Possibly a good thing,

because 631ers zinged you. Oh. Frank just called himself middle-aged. Is he planning on living to 128 and asking for a friend? Well, I think in the modern world... I feel sick, Al. In the modern world...

I feel sick. I'm a Catholic. I'm planning to live forever. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. 010 says that they love the idea that Daisy is talking to a friend about the time she was running

and saw Frank Skinner and didn't know if she should have said hello. A little parallel moment. Do you remember when I was in a hot tub with Keely Horse? No, I don't. And I didn't want to say hello. Well, that's a... A little parallel moment. Do you remember when I was in a hot tub with Keely Horse? No, I don't. And I didn't want to say hello. And then she worked with my brother-in-law and she said, oh, I was in a hot tub with him.

I didn't want to say anything. Didn't you also nearly say hello to Peter Crouch? Yes, I was just going to say. And we went, we saw Abby, didn't we? We did. His wife at the Brits, and I think we discussed it. Well, she said, you can say hello now, let's definitely say hello.

Oh, that's nice. So you have got a back catalogue of not saying hello to celebs that you should have said hello to. It's a tricky thing, approaching celebs, isn't it? Yeah. It is, especially when they're running. Well, 123, the texter, has suggested that they... Well, not suggested, they've told us an anecdote in text form.

Met Mark Hamill during the interval of the Woman in Black play, a gentleman, and stood from his seat to shake hands and converse. Fabulous. Ledge, they are. That's a bit easier, though, a bit easier approach, man in theatre seat, rather than young woman in park. Yeah, I mean, it's less complicated in many ways. He's funny, Mark Hamill, actually.

I believe so. Oh, yeah. Top end. And stood from his seat to shake hands. I find that I do that. If people are talking to me, I stand up. Yeah, I guess so. Do you ever do that kind of you know that thing in the theater it's alright because the seat goes up sometimes if you're at a table you stand up and your knees

are it in the chair so you can't quite stand up straight and you're in that terrible praying mantis position which is horrid absolutely horrid listen here's thing. I thought this was a bit 70s. I was in my house. Here we go. And I smelt gas. Oh, yeah. Now, we've got an electric cooker. As far as I was concerned, we don't have any gas in our house.

And I thought, this is... So I said to my partner, I think I can smell gas in the library. And she went in there and she came back. She said, oh, we've got to call someone straight away. And I said, but we don't have any gas. It turns out we've got gas fires and gas central heating. Who knew?

You didn't even, sorry. I did think the radiator was bound to be. So just in case anyone at home smells gas, there is an emergency number on the gas meter. So I took a photograph of that, of course, and sent it to my PA and said, call this. It's an emergency. So the gas man came.

Now, the gas man used to come when I was a kid, and there used to be a saying. It used to say someone had got a face as long as a gas man's Mac. Right. Because they all wore these gas man's Mac. Right. Because they all wore these big black Macs. Cool. And so I was expecting that. I'd forgot the world had turned many times.

Uh-huh. And he turned up in some kind of Gore-Tex jacket, was my guess. Yeah, he looked like the sort of guy who was very interested in the Marvel Universe. Huh. Yeah, you know, he was a big guy and he had like a beanie hat and stuff. And he had a machine which he sort of dangled in the area of the smell of the gas.

It reminded me, there used to be a very troubled man in Birmingham who had a long scarf. Was that you? No, it wasn't me. Another one. He had a long scarf and i remember saw him he used to swing this scarf around when he walked to sort of a la tom baker um fourth doctor scarf and i there was a hole in the road and i saw him dangle his scarf in into the into the hole in

order to check it out and it really reminded me very poignant of that but it was i didn't think people had gas leaks anymore it was real and the bloke who came to actually fix it said to me well of course he said we're old enough to remember when people used to put their head in the gas oven and i thought well this is a lovely walk down memory that's nice for us i'm all for a bit of nostalgia you know we used to do a thing on here whatever happened to they don't end lives like they're used to no exactly oh yeah oh yeah oh aye that was the day so creative and this guy also said to me i said the thing is it turns out look with without without when they've now they've turned the gas off, which the Marvel Universe guy did, I said, we don't have any central

heating or hot water. And he said, oh, I should have bought me a violin. I like the sound of this guy. I mean! He's got a sort of Alan Cochran bedside manner, I would suggest. Alan Paltry? Frank Skinner. Absolute

Radio. I tell you what we do in the breaks often, when a song is playing, we'll say, what year, no, but actually it's usually the producer who's got all the facts and figures at his fingertips, says, well, what year was that? So Sarah, we just played on the main stage, I know it's different on you decade guys.

But we just played China Girl by David Bowie. And I was about 14 years out in my guess. But whenever we do this, Emily always wins. She has got a timeline, a musical timeline to be proud of. I think the only time I did well was Tallest American Presidents, which is obscure knowledge. Yeah, you know you're so hot on those. Yeah.

You did well on that. Frank knows anything Sylvester McCoy has ever said. That's not... Actually, Frank, you've been, I think, teased a little bit by 398, Actually, Frank, you've been, I think, teased a little bit by 398. You were judging the appearance of the man who came to help with your gas a little bit. Didn't you call him a Marvel Universe guy? Yeah, but coming from me, that is not a negative thing, because I'm a Marvel Universe guy. Well, that's very much what 398 seems to be teasing.

They say, do you think the gas man thought that Frank looked like a man interested in the Doctor Who universe? That's horrible. There's no need for that. We've all had a drink. If he looked at my walls, he might well have thought that. No, I love

the Marvel universe. It's a source of constant joy and excitement to me. So anyway, go on. Sorry, Liam Claffey has been in touch. Just FYI, everyone. Lockdown must be taking its toll on Frank. We understand he's the loneliest man in the world, but he's having a guest on.

I do hope he's okay. We did 227. To be fair, the guest is not in the world, but he's having a guest on. I do hope he's okay. Read a 227. To be fair, the guest is not in the studio. He's down the line because we can't, we can't, he's not in the bobble. I think it's more the fact that the show has had guests. Stuart Lee

will be with us after the 10 o'clock news. Sorry, Al. I think it's more the fact that the show hasn't typically had guests recently now we've opened the doors again Well because I find generally I like the tone in which you say that's very welcoming for Stuart Lee

who I'm very much looking forward to seeing, thank you No, that's because it's a very elite group that you are. I mean generally my general experience on radio and television, guests take things down rather than take them up right um i think it was that sort of thinking that um ended the chat show really yeah he said that in one too many meetings yeah one too many interviews i'm generalizing. Like I say, I go for people who I think are sort of in tune generally.

But he joins an elite band. He does. Oh, listen. Oh, now. Do you remember last week we were talking about tasks that children should be able to do age eight? Yes. And that included changing light bulbs. Oh oh i don't remember it being in uh

yeah i don't remember that one but that was one of the list and um as i was driving home i thought whatever happened to those jokes oh how many does it take to change a light bulb? There were some very clever examples. I can't think of one off the top of my head. I think one that I told to my mum, because my mum was a feminist, was how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? And the answer was one, and 20 people from Channel 4 to make a documentary about it. But that was like in the 80s.

No, I could have guessed. If you'd have said to me no, I'd have said today. Sounds so contemporary. But she loved it. Well, fair enough. But this, oh gosh, every time I start a topic, the producer pinches that fleshy bit

under my armpit. She waves that fez around. I've got a major point to make. I mean, one of those points that people have been talking pez around. I'll come back to this. I've got a major point to make. I mean, one of those points that people have been talking about for years. Oh, okay, great.

I'll do it after this. This is Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran.

You can text the show on 81215. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or text the show on 81215. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Stuart Lee will be joining us at 10am to talk

about his film King Rocker which is on Sky Arts tonight at 9pm. It's a documentary about the Birmingham band the Nightingales. Feet. Frank Skinner. Feet Frank Skin you're wondering what it's about. Feet. Frank Skinner. Feet, Frank Skinner.

Or The Night, well, yeah. I didn't see that coming. No. Well, you know. We'll discuss. We'll keep our power to drive. Still scurrying around, doing a bit here and a bit there.

I have just stood in the radio studio looking from the window, watching a man giving me a parking ticket oh don't one of them my stomach feels a little bit how can i describe it it feels like it's been drained of all its fluids it's a horrible but you know what you saved me from getting one you threw me the life raft i i felt very touched. Yeah, it's a long story, but I managed to get, or we managed to get someone down to him before Emily got one as well. But I still feel a bit,

like I got a little bit of sick in my mouth. Yeah. It's okay. You feel a bit bilious. I do. I feel a bit bilious. I once got one buying a lettuce. I once got a parking ticket whilst buying a lettuce.

See, that's not worth it, is it? I mean, it ended up being like a £60 and 70 pence lettuce or whatever it was. It's a very good point you raise. If I've had the time of my life... Yeah. OK. You know, like there were some times in the 90s

where I left my car overnight in Soho, we'll say no more. Came back covered in parking tickets. Yeah. You just didn't care, did you? But I agree. If I've popped in to buy some milk or an energy bar... No, I think I'd have been happier with milk and an energy bar for £60 and something. Well, don't get for £60. Well, don't get me long.

You know, don't get me long. That's a horrible phrase. Get it back off the rack. Don't get me long. Yeah, that's what I said to the director of the dig. The radio show show of course is worth it but it was all so easily

affordable nevertheless that's it I am a criminal we had an email about the Montessori thing I can't find it oh I've got it sorry I was in the middle of something as well sorry

let me just tell you this it texts us to the Montessori thing. Because I think the Montessori, would we call it a school? Would we call it a system of education? Yes, it's both, Al, isn't it? I think people thought I was scornful of it about a week ago. Oh, no, I did. Yeah, I wasn't.

I think it's just my general air. Come on. It's all right to say on reflection i was wrong no i haven't reflected okay i'm sorry foolish of me anyway one of the things that there was a survey that said eight-year-olds should be able to change light bulbs and i thought about those gags and it reminded me I did a gig once downstairs the King's Head in Crouch End yes and a guy came up to me

a young comedian and said that was a great template gag that you started with I said I've got to tell you I don't know what that is and a template gag is a gag where you can use the structure

for other gags, like how many does it take to change a light bulb? Oh, I see. Is it like a doctor-doctor? Yeah, doctor-doctor, knock-knock. Right. And is that what you did, knock-knock? My wife's just gone to...

Right. My wife's just gone to Jamaica. How did she... No, the West Indies, Jamaica. No, she went of her own accord. My wife's just gone to Jamaica. How did she do it? No, the West Indies, Jamaica. No, she went of her own accord. My wife's just gone to Italy, Genoa. I should do it, we've been married 15 years. My wife's just gone to Indonesia, Jakarta.

No, she went on an aeroplane. So it goes. I get it. So those are template jokes. Yeah, apparently. What are they now? What template jokes do people do now so the structure is the same

but the joke is different well they tend to be your memes don't they oh memes yeah that's who it is that's what encounters jokes no memes are jokes for people who find literacy

a challenge a challenge or a world that it's not worth Memes are jokes for people who find literacy... A challenge. A challenge or a world that it's not worth wasting time on. Somebody has sent their own lightbulb joke. Oh, a lightbulb joke. I would say they would say, sorry, it's a world they don't have a visa for. That's OK.

Well, I think some can't get in, but many, most, don't want to be there. They'd rather just do a meme. But the meme example is, do you know the Hey Girl meme, for example? We're going to have to... Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The producer is absolutely going purple. Sorry, Frank.

Like she's the one who got the parking ticket, but she was very quick to point out oh no I'm alright I did mine thanks Alan during that interlude came up with another template yeah what was it template joke

oh wasn't it 932 that texted in Template. Yeah, what was it? Template joke? Yeah, template joke. Or wasn't it 932 that texted in, what do you call a man with dot, dot, dot? And it was things... With a thing on his head. It was often things on their head. Yeah, a piece of wood on their head, his head, wood, isn't it? Yes. And somebody, a man, I can't remember,

but there was a few of them. I think a seagull on his head was Cliff. Seagull, yeah, I thought, yeah, seagull, Cliff, of course. And the spade on the head was Doug, of course. Yes, yes, all good reference to Sutton Hoo. Well, all good. Yeah, that'll be the sequel, we'll be called Doug. But interestingly, those jokes only work for the 70s

because no-one's called Doug or Cliff anymore. No. Well, of course, we had a template joke that we ran on the show for a long time, which is, do you know Natalie Wood? No, but thanks for the tip. Yeah, and that worked with... Vanessa May.

Do you know Samuel Pepys? No, but thanks for the warning. Yeah, those ones. But there must be others. You know, the kids must be doing template gags now. Well, I just pointed out to you again in the break, we did a lot of our best work there, just FYI. Sorry about that.

Well, I was mainly in tears about the parking ticket. Sorry. I pointed out the Hey Girl meme, which was sort of based around the idea of pick-up lines, essentially. So it's, Hey girl, are you Google? Because you've got everything I'm searching for, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. As I say, I seem to remember some of them were a bit sexist.

A little bit sexist. I never... I like that voice you're doing. I never had a so-called chat-up line. No. I think if I heard myself saying a chat-up line, I'd have to stay in forever, punching myself in the face.

Yeah. I think in order to have chat-up lines, and you and Al don't, because I think you have to be... Who says I don't? No, you're right, I don't. Anyone who's ever met you? Yeah, you're right. You have to be... Who says I don't? No, you're right, I don't. Anyone who's ever met you? Yeah, you're right.

You have to belong to the womaniser. Well, that's it. I once interviewed, this was years ago, Russell Brand, and I said to him, you're what people call a ladies' man. And he said, yeah, I suppose. So I said, that's a terrible thing to do. And I think that's probably true.

Nevertheless. Hey, we've had a few good light bulb jokes. Oh. Well, I like them. Has it come to this? We can read them. Okay, we don't have to read them. I'd like to hear some.

I'd like to hear. There'll be ones I haven't heard. 294 claims this is the best ever light bulb oh well come on gather you round how many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb uh only one but it takes a very long time it's incredibly expensive and the light bulb has to really want to change i think that's pretty good actually i think it's good yeah we don't do that many psychotherapy gags i'm all for them i'm just trying to think if we've uh done any authors but i don't i can't think of one off the top of my head no we've had a sound engineer one as well how many sound

engineers a live gig does it take to change a light bulb two two two. Don't they say one, two? They do, but some of them just say two. Well, I... And then we've had... All these minimalist sound engineers. We've then had a Samuel Beckett sound engineer. Then we've had the crafty cabbie. That might have been in Spain that started, because when they said one,

there was loads of blokes in the audience going, what? Or C, they might have said C. Let's come, let's come. Is this out? I can't follow it today. It's all happening behind my back. I feel like I've got, I feel like I've got young kids on the bus

sitting behind me pulling faces. Do you feel like Julius Caesar? And it's the producer saying, end the link now or we've taken off air and I can't, what do I look like, wing mirrors?

Is that what she thinks? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I am, I just thought, by the way, I

was watching a documentary called The Last, David Bow, The Last Five Years. Lovely. Very good. And we started, I was talking with my partner about David Bowie because I took her to see David Bowie. Yeah. And she said, oh, this is quite early in our relationship.

And I said, no, he's a man. I've seen him live. He's amazing. And it was one of those great, you know, when you take someone to somewhere they don't really want to go and they absolutely love you. Can I say briefly as an interjection, I think that shows her in a very good light that she wasn't doing the fake, what I call the,

oh, I like karate movies too. Now, when I said it was early... It's not Mrs. Cockrell, by the way. I can't imagine. She sounds great. When I said it was early, it wasn't that early. Oh, OK. We'd been passed through the pretend to like thing.

Or as I call the fank, the still wearing hold-ups stage. Exactly, that had all gone. I think she was. Anyway, so she loved him, it was great. We watched this documentary together, and she talks about that, and I said, I'll tell you my abiding memory of David Bowie. I saw him live five times, okay?

I saw Jonathan Ross interview him live. I met him. I've still got a photograph of us really, really laughing together. All that? All that, but that is not the memory. The memory is sitting on a pebble beach at Eastbourne in the very early 70s with a bunch of schoolmates, all about 15. And one of the kids had got a cassette player,

and he'd recorded Suffragette city by david bowie and it was like one o'clock in the morning and we played it till about four o'clock in the morning over and over and over and it just sounded the most exciting thrilling piece of music you'd ever heard that's it absolute radio where real music anecdotes matter before we move on I've got something to tell you boys oh yeah

is it going to cause me pain no is it that guy grumbling about my overpriced letters no I was I was thinking

I got something to tell you that'll cause you pain I see oh yes do you want me to share that with you? Yeah, what was that guy's problem?

Oh, girl. The Crafty Cabbie said Alan was... Is that what it's called, the Crafty Cabbie? Yes, Alan was talking earlier. You referred to getting a ticket. I referred to an old parking ticket that I'd received whilst buying a lettuce, and I said that the ticket was like 60 quid

and the lettuce was like 70 pence. The Crafty Cabbie has retaliated. Typical big shot celebrities. buying a lettuce and I said that the ticket was like 60 quid and the lettuce was like 70 pence. The crafty cabbie has retaliated. Typical big shot celebrities don't even know the cost of a lettuce. 70p. What a wonderful world

they must live in. Well, if I was you I'd take the compliment. Yeah. Big shot celebrity. There's so many things that aren't true in that. Well, can I just say...

Not a big shot celebrity, and I think I buy letters fairly frequently. And can I say, Crafty, I... I'm assuming that's your first name. I call him Mr Cabby. Jeremy Paxman, Mr Rascal. Mr Cabby, can I just say, I'm the least qualified to call myself a big shot celebrity

and probably have the least wonderful world, but I don't know the cost of a lettuce. No, well, I don't like lettuce, so I don't know. It's just like when people get angry at politicians for not knowing how much milk costs. I know, I know. No one knows the exact price of milk. Give me a drink. I'm not, I'm not, I certainly respect Crafty Cabby's right to comment. Me too. I know the price of a few things, though, and what they are relatively,

which is why I tend to get Uber. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Al, I've got something to tell you. Um, have you? Hmm. What?

Guess what I've been watching this week. Um, kung fu films. No. The inside of your eyelids. No. Shane. Oh, have you?

You haven't. What? I went back You never Well everyone's been Do you mean Shane won? Shane 2 is in a vault It is in a vault Shane I should say

for any new listeners is we might get the Stuart Lee crowd coming in this morning Shane was a it was

how can I say this? It was a sitcom that I did, which the first series went out, then we made a second series, and it was all done and edited and lovely. And it's still waiting. Got paid, but not broadcast. Well, we all got paid. I just thought, there's been much discussion about Shane recently on the show.

We've had someone saying, Trump has officially pardoned Shane too. Yeah, that was a very fine moment. We've had someone saying Trump has officially pardoned Shane too. Yeah, that was a very fine moment. We've had people quoting Bon Mo from it. Yeah. And I thought, Frank's one of my closest friends. I'd say he definitely makes

the Olympic medal podium. I won't talk about exact placings, but he's up there. That's fine. And I feel... I'm happy to medal. As I once said, Rebecca... As a i want it's my duty to go back and uh examine so i fired up youtube and it's there i popped in i got some hobnobs in for the

experience goodness can i say i loved shane i was sh, Al. Excellent. Can I tell you some of my favourites? I remember watching it when Alan was thinking it was funny. Oh, can I tell you? What happened to the second series? There's a few Shane lines. I'm going to call them Ain't That A Shane. Oh, very good. We should have

had a jingle, shouldn't we? Hashtag Ain't That A Shane. Okay, I'd like to share these with you, Al, as a professional comic. I'd like your judgement here. I'll do the little set-up. Shane pays for his drink. The barmaid says, have you got 2p? Shane responds, can you remember, Frank?

Something like, something to do with, she says, have you got a 2p? And then I said something like, no, I've combed it. I need washing or something like that. I'll tell you what Shane says. No, it's all me own, thanks. Oh, come on. Tremendous work. There's a callback to this.

An American says, have you got six cents? She says, have you got six cents? Shane says, yes, that's why I see dead people. Come on, Shane. Then, one of my favourites, Son, Shane's son, sings Everything I Do by Bryan Adams. For the film, as you may recall, was... Was it Robin Hood or something?

Yes. Shane responds, I have to say, I'm with the Sheriff of Nottingham on this one. Come on, Shane. Come on, top-notch stuff. Open the door. But it's a place now. I don't see any place on telly now for a sitcom with jokes.

Well, given that the funniest moment ever was a man falling down in a pub, I'm going to go with Shane. Okay. Thank you. God bless you for watching. We've been trialling this Montessori email, which I haven't seen yet. Oh, it's because I got excited about Shane. Was gibt, as they say in Germany.

Well, we were discussing chores last week and what were age appropriate chores for children. Very good. And Montessori came up. I think they put together the list of tasks that children should be able to do. Including changing a lightbulb as you say.

And Polly Rothwell Byrne has sent us this email. Well before we hear from Polly can I give it a bit of a jingle? Yeah, sure. What's the story, Montessori? What do you want? OK, OK.

We're a Montessori family, and our one-and-a-half-year-old can carry laundry downstairs, load and unload the washing machine. No play. Unload the washing and lots more. Children are encouraged to use real knives from very young. So we wouldn't worry about... Can I ask you, is the postmark on this 1867?

Children are encouraged to use real knives from very young, so we wouldn't worry about them getting them out of the dishwasher, which I think was your concern. I'm guessing they don't have a dishwasher. Don't they live like the Amish? I don't think that's a thing. It's washed in a lake. I mean, my children get real knives out of the dishwasher.

I think that's... Do they? Yeah. I think that's fine. Our son helps with most cooking. That's what? Is he one and a half? It sounds like it. Yeah. I mean, I wonder how his hand hygiene is. This is making me

feel very inadequate parent. And his favourite jobs, wait for this, his favourite jobs are building a fire and lighting candles. Yeah. Wow. I think we can see where this is going. Can we make a note of his name and we can revisit this story when he burns down the local McDonald's?

We'll just give it to the Daily Mail now. There's a really good sting in the tail, as it were. Dr Montessori, who I'm guessing is the person that came up with the Montessori system. Yes, I believe her name is Dr Maria Montessori. Oh, really? Oh, M&M. Famously said, never help a child with a task of which he believes himself capable. I love that.

I like the spirit of it, but when my daughter was about seven, she told us she could ride a motorbike, so I'm not sure that... My parents shortened that to never help a child, period. That's probably Rothwell, Burr, now Grantham. I'm taking this as totally true, because there's something about them being a Montessori family where I think lying would be a bigger deal for them than it would be for most people.

Accountability is key. I don't know why I think that, but that's what I think. I don't think that they're going to send in and say those things if they're not true. Whereas most of the other emails we receive, we don't trust. No. Look, if a lettuce is 70 pence, it's 70.

What is a lettuce? 079 has texted us One thing we never mentioned about the most remarkable thing about that was a cab driver who bought a lettuce. It was McDonald's

birthday. Excuse me, have you not heard of a BLT? We've had lettuce prices. I think Al was on the... That's what I mean, lettuce prices. I'm sorry.

079 has texted with various lettuce prices. Aren't they different sizes, lettuces, now? There isn't a standard lettuce size. It's almost price. Yeah, there is a price. I mean, they're pretty similar, aren't they, in size? It's all the same in the bag. Joe in Aylesbury says,

Lettuce is 42 pence at Lidl, 49 pence at Tesco. Other supermarkets and salad leaves are available. Very nice. Good info. I've always thought lettuce was just a slightly thicker version of tap water, as far as the flavours are concerned. You're exactly right there. I eat it like I would eat medicine.

I eat it because I think it's good for you, but it's disgusting in every aspect. And people say, no, I love lettuce, it's fantastic. And then they do you one of those Mars bar salads. It's got lettuce in it, but loads of really nice stuff hiding the lettuce. Anyway, that's the lettuce briefing. We'll be back after the news with top comics, Stuart Lee. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'm with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran, by the way. You remember those guys. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Now, Stuart Lee is on the line. Stuart, are you there?

Yeah, thanks for having me. having me Oh no it's a joy Now tonight on Sky Arts which is on the free package now so a lot more people have got it Yeah Channel 11 Yeah you made a movie and

it's called King Rocker. Do you want to do just a quick what's it about? Well, there's a group from Birmingham called the Nightingales who've been going about 40 years. Really hardcore music fans will know them, but most people won't, and I like them. And about 10 years ago, Rob from the Nightingales said, do you think there should be a funny documentary about us?

And I gave it some thought, and it took about seven years until I ran into Michael Cumming, a comedy director I'd worked with who did Toast and Brass Eye and stuff. And he turned out to be a massive Nightingale's fan. And obviously no one was going to back it or fund it. So I said, well, should we just try and do it ourselves? And we got a bit of crowdfunding. And we've made this film about Robert Lloyd, the singer and chief sort of writer of The Nightingales.

And it's mixed up with the story of a big piece of public sculpture from Birmingham of King Kong. Of course it is. The 24-year-old King Kong statue. Well, they were both icons of mid-'70s Birmingham in their own way. They were both forgotten and damaged. The difference is that the King Kong statue is now rated as a great piece of modern art by the Henry Moore Institute.

But Rob Lloyd's still waiting for it to be rediscovered. So that's how it all fit together. There was a lot of discussion. There was a lot of talk about the legacy and all that stuff, wasn't there? How he'd like to be remembered and all that. I remember the King Kong statue when it was in Birmingham city centre. You slept underneath it a few times. Well, maybe.

I don't know if people were so much anti, they couldn't work out the connection. Because, you know, it should have been in New York, probably. Well, I think that Nick Munro made it. I think he thought, well, Birmingham was this sort of thrusting, you know, concrete new city, wasn't it? I think he thought it's like putting King Kong into New York, you know.

But what's nice about that is in the King Kong film, King Kong dies at the end, and whereas the King Kong statue has ended up in a really nice place. So, as you'll see if you watch the film. Well, I don't want to spoil the ending, but it's gone north, hasn't it? Yeah.

As the sort of, the gorilla of the north is kind of what it is. You say that, Frank. Stuart's just spoiled the ending of King Kong for me. He dies. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry about that. Yeah, yeah. And then Driscoll says, no, it was beauty that killed the beast.

That's the classic line. But let me say, I love it. I love King Rocker. I think it's really... I tell you what, it's very... It's got you shot through it completely. It's really different. It's not like any documentary I remember watching before.

There's a lot of love in it for the music, but also a lot of... It's really funny as well. I'm not... Well, that's very kind of you to say. Well, you know, sometimes you have to pretend you like stuff but i really liked it yeah can i just say that that you listeners well frank is in the documentary because frank was briefly the singer of robert lloyd's first band the prefects

yes and i know and frank frank was did an interview and he weren't very well on the day he had a cold i remember but he turned up and he weren't very well on the day. He had a cold, I remember. But he turned up and he said the most perfect sentence in the interview, which was about how a lot of cult figures wish they had mainstream success and a lot of mainstream successes wish they were cult figures. And when you said that, Frank, I thought, God, this film's in the bag now. All we've got to do is not mess it up.

Because we've got this quote, right, that sort of sums up everything i was hoping someone would say and then you just said it oh well that's perfectly and it was being said by a recognizable person that people like it was really it was really great well my regret about that interview is that the nightingales were actually on after it and because i felt a bit rough, I went home. And when I watched the film, I thought, oh God, I wish I'd stayed and watched the Nightingales now. But they'll be back, won't they?

They will be back, yeah. And I think they'll be back hopefully. I mean, Rob's story is the story of a man who has managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of success. So I hope that he's able to... Many times. I hope they're able to capitalise on... Honestly, I mean, the interest for this, I've never really liked it since working with...

When Richard Thomas got me in on Jerry Springer, the opera, as that came out, there was a buzz about it. And this, I think it's because it's landed at this terrible point in our history where no-one can go out or anything. And this is a film with loads of people in pubs just laughing and watching things. I know, it's like watching sci-fi.

I know, yeah. I mean, really, much of it is just me and Rob laughing in pubs. Well, you, I mean... Well, look, we'll come back to this, because I want to play Idiot's Strength now, which is a track by the Nightingales. If you're on the Decade stations, by the way, you won't hear this, but on Absolute Radio, you'll get it.

And for anyone who doesn't know the Nightingales, I think this is a pretty good taste. And we'll be back with you, Stu, after this. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. And we're talking to Stuart Lee about his film that's on Nine O'Clock Sky Arts tonight called King Rocker. 40 years ago, that record. It's worth pointing out,

but they're still very much an ongoing concern, the group. Well, I'm not going to pretend I was into the Nightingales. No, you were nearly in them, but you weren't into them. I was exactly, yeah. Exactly. But it's, I love that track. And you've got, you've put out a playlist, haven't you, for beginners to the Nightingale.

Oh, have you? Yeah, there's a few knocking about. There's one on a site called Giglist. The record label Fire that helped fund it have put one up somewhere. And I think Adam Buxton's got one up as well. So there are a few knocking around. But I noticed their Spotify sort of downloads,

whatever it is, have gone from 500 to 8,000 in about a day, which means they'll probably make about seven pence out of that. So it's fantastic. Every result. Get the 120 back to Hale's Owen. Yeah, yeah. I've got to say, Stu, and I don't want to put people off by this,

because like I say, I love the film. I find it to be a profoundly West Midlands film in every sense. I still liked it, eh? And Emily's not. She's not West Midlands. But what I mean by that, Stu, is it's got that fabulous sort of bloody-mindedness that I associate with the West Midlands.

But it also has got... There are so many bright, interesting people. It might be true anywhere, but when I look back on being there, I knew so many people who were really bright and interesting. And when I went into telly, I used to give a speech to people about, look, I've got mates brighter than you that work on the bins, which didn't make me popular. But it made me feel like moving back watching this film.

Well, I think that there's something, why is it that when we talk about the sort of cultural explosion of the late 70s and punk and whatever, and that Manchester had a kind of spokesman, you know, Tony Wilson, and there was Paul Morley and Leeds and Sheffield and Liverpool

all seemed to have an identity. And Birmingham didn't. And I think there's just something about people there is considered bad form to sort of sell yourself or push yourself. And also I think the accent works for that. I mean, your act, Frank, is you're able to say really sort of things that would not be acceptable, except that people don't think Brummies are capable of malice they're not credited with the sort of level of deviousness

you go oh we can't he can't mean that you know so it's sort of something about that it's trusted isn't it but it's also thought of as not a threat in any way and i think um is they sort of keep themselves down somehow i've always felt the everyday eccentricity of the midlands is allowed because no one's really looking at it it doesn't even get noticed in the north south divide it's just no it's invisible isn't it yeah it's invisible well we dwell in the divide exactly where the walls are quite high it's why you never have villains with a Midlands accent. Yeah. No, and in fact, I think in advertising,

it's the most trusted accent. Is that why? Because people don't... Well, they just don't think... They wouldn't be lying. You know, they wouldn't know how to. They wouldn't know how to. Yeah.

I have to say, Stu, you really look on this film like you're having the best time. Well, you know, I was so pleased that it worked, that we'd managed it. Because, you know, you try to do things that are interesting and you have to fight against people's worries about them or worries that they'll be successful. Because we did three benefits to raise the money for it.

Me and Michael Cummings showed his film about Brass Eye. Some people were kind enough to crowdfund it a bit. Everyone worked for nothing apart from the camera crews, which we had to hire properly. The animator, Greg, came in. Well, I think it's fair enough. But it was a labor of love for everyone involved. And so, weirdly, at the end of it,

you came out really good friends with all the people you'd worked with as well because um there was no one to kick against and uh so it was great fun and you look back on it and um i mean i was quite damaged by the end of it because i had to drink a lot and eat a lot of curries and stuff to get the stories that final spit where i'm doing the sitcom, Rob wrote a sitcom that didn't get made and we did a re-tour of it. I look like I'm on the verge of death, I think. Well, look, I don't know if you know this, Stu,

but I wrote a sitcom which was made and edited and dubbed and everything, but it was never been broadcast. I didn't know it was never broadcast. Never broadcast. And now I'm interested. Now I saw this thing of you guys reading it on a film. I thought, oh, is there a documentary in this? Oh, God, yeah.

Thanks for that, Stuart. Well, no, there probably is, because actually it'd be interesting to see, given what's on TV now, what did they think couldn't go out about it? It'd be interesting to see. I should explain there was jokes in it, Stuart. Yeah, yeah, I know, yeah.

No, no, of course. That's what killed it. Yeah, yeah, right. Okay, we jokes in it, Stu. Yeah, I know. That's what killed it. Okay, we'll be back with Stu. You all right for hanging around for another link? Oh, God, yeah. I can't go anywhere anyway. That's the spirit. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Stuart Lee is with us this morning. I feel I should say, I don't think it's enough I've done for you here, Stuart, to say that I love the film. I need to say something about it. It's a film about, as you say, the band The Nightingales, and it's a sort of amazing paper chase of conversations, misrememberings, contradictions, and there's all these connections that you follow. And then in the end, somewhere we arrive at all this as a sort of an amalgam

of the truth. Would that be reasonable? Yeah. I mean, it was pretty quickly obvious that it's a long time ago and a lot of the people involved can't really remember exactly what happened. So it started to become a project also about the unreliability of memory and how people's stories contradict each other. The story of you being in it, for example, in the prefects, so many people had different takes on that. Do you know that Wikipedia describes me as an unsuccessful applicant? Oh, which is not true.

Well, that can be corrected now. I know. So there's all these a lot of people in the film as michael michael the director is very pleased about this there are a lot of people in the film don't know anything about the subject of the film like um like nigel slater the chef is in it may i just say i think that might be my favorite part of the film is is the first line of his first ever food review is so enjoyable. Well, yeah, when Robert Lloyd from The Nightingale's got the book.

I absolutely love that part. Oh, yeah, we can't quote it on here. No, definitely not. Yeah, he took a radical approach to food criticism and Nigel Slater was sacked and replaced by Robert Lloyd. Slater, either accidentally on purpose in his interview with us, contrived a level of hurt bitterness

it's very very funny and all sorts of odd people turn up in it, Robin Asquith is in it as well who doesn't really know why isn't there a story about him being naked? Yeah he was in a shower with Robert Lloyd in a gym.

That was his default state throughout the entire 70s, to be fair. I met him at the Warwick Arts Centre and he was naked then. No. Well, I won't tell you my story. Do you know what? It's a shame if we'd had a budget, which we didn't have, when Robin Asquith is talking about all the different people he's had showers with,

the amazing collage of footage we could have made. We could only really afford one clip of him in the shower. He's been enormously helpful. He was great. Frank, I have a question. This is like the Downing Street Rose Garden, Dominic Cummings. Emily Dean, Frank Skinner Show. I have a question.

Did you know, Stuart, the reason why Frank was rejected from the prefects? Well, no, I didn't. And they all say different things, don't they? I think me not cutting my hair was certainly a factor. It was. Well, that's what they say. Did you not know that at the time, though, Frank? No.

I mean, the whole thing, I think, it unfolds. I didn't know what was coming at all. I like that a lot. Stuart, I've just got to say, I got a very interesting email from you recently saying, I probably should have cleared this with you, but I've just done a track for an album in which I repeat over and over again,

can I have some leaves, please? And I had no idea what you were talking about. I had to email you back to ask. Can you explain? Well, there was a record that came out 40 years ago called Miniatures by Morgan Fisher, in which he got loads of people to do tracks that lasted one minute.

And I had it as a kid, and Norman Lovett was on it, oddly enough, which was one of my first exposures to the new alternative comedy that was happening then. And they wanted to do another version of it now, and they asked loads of people to do it, and they asked me to do a minute of something. And under lockdown, I've made a number of experimental electroacoustic tracks tracks I've got one on another

compilation that raised money for the NHS and for NHS charities but this one I did it with my son and sort of put the piano backwards and I thought I'll and this is a line of yours that I always remember in isolation from the routine when the first time I saw you, which was at DeMarco's Ledger Centre in Edinburgh in, I think, 1989, where you had a long routine about Skippy, the bush kangaroo, trying to interpret what Skippy, all the people think Skippy was going click, click, click and telling them where the helicopter had crashed or whatever.

And you were saying, he was just saying can i have some leaves please it's like i don't even remember it's a really good routine well nothing from then is documented is it it's rather like a lot of the stuff in the film i mean that would no nothing was filmed or and you you're getting more and more you're doing Skippy getting more and more annoyed and he's going can I have some leaves please but also you've got to think this was going to about 10 people at 2 o'clock in the morning

you know and someone going and I have a probably drunk and 20 watching it and you're going can I have some leaves please can I have some leaves please then this line popped into my head, so I put it over this kind of bell-like sound. But it's out sometime this year,

the new Miniatures album, with that on it. Well, I look forward to hearing that. What's it called? What's that track called? It's called After Frank Skinner. Fair enough. Look, Stu, it's great talking to you. Can I say, I really do genuinely recommend,

there's a lot of people who listen to this show who love, love music, music, and they will love King Rocker. So they should watch Sky Arts tonight at 9pm. Yeah, it's 9 o'clock, and you can get it free on Channel 11, if you think you don't know. And you know what, congratulations

you did a great job on it mate, well done. I really appreciate everyone's support because we were going to tour this around cinemas to try and claw back the money and obviously nothing's open and then Sky said they'd put it on and the take up for it has just been great so thank you and thanks to everyone who crowdfunded

it as well if anyone's listening. Yeah and let's not forget I paid for my own cast. I know, yeah. On thank you. And thanks to everyone who crowdfunded it as well, if anyone's listening. Yeah, and let's not forget, I paid for my own cars. I know, yeah. On that note. Cheers, Stu. See you. See you, Anne. See you.

Bye. See you. Bye. Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. We've had some... Sorry, Al. I was just going to say,

some of our readers have been enjoying the Stuart Lee interview, including Mr. D. Baddiel. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Who has said, listening to Frank on the radio talk to Stuart Lee about King Rock and his documentary, it sounds really good. Quite a straight tweet for David. Yeah, I was waiting for the punchline.

No, there's no punchline, but you know what? I quite like it when he does those ones. 339 has texted. Not about the Stuart Lee interview. Hello, Frank, Al and Em. Did I miss something in the dig? Watched a couple of nights ago and don't remember nudity. Am I having a senior moment?

I never said nudity. I said there's a bit of a topless in it. Oh, I see. There is. There's a bath scene. Yeah, if you watch it, maybe I'm being oversensitive. I just think... Very idea.

Don't just tack on a bit of see my nudity because no one cares anymore. It's 2021. Is it true you hate all bathing scenes? I have been known to actually fast forward. I've never heard that described as a bathing scene before. I wouldn't say that was the dominant theme. Quite telling.

I think of it as the stabbing scene, but you know. We're all different. More spoilers. Weirdly, there's no stabbing in it, but there is showering. Was that from a man or a lady? Oh, I don't know. That was from... They're just a number to me. Oh, I don't know. That was from... They're just a number to me.

Oh, come on. You can't say that. Well, they are, though. Yeah, exactly. You just can't say that. We're not in East Germany. I've been in East Germany. It's actually all right.

Is it? Yeah, it probably was when you were there. I wasn't there during the Cold War. Oh, I see. You were there post Hasselhoff. Yeah, I was there when you can have your photo took with Checkpoint Charlie and stuff like that. Oh, he was there?

He was there, yeah. Drunk, absolutely drunk. That's another one of our stations. That would be good. Absolute drunk. They could probably have that. They had that drunken history. What would they play, Frank, on Absolute

Drunk? Who would host it is more important. I think we'd better leave that for off air, don't you? Shame ago an hour. You couldn't really put an end on the show because people either stay or they slip away.

I mean, we could name a lot, but not on air. We'll do it off air I'd feel that drunken history I felt deeply alienated but I'm not going to get the call for this

well you're ruled out I'm ruled out Al's ruled out I am ruled out I wrote Charlie Champion of the World or if it was called I got the name wrong

I didn't read children's books then This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Frank, you were talking, I mean, I say you were talking, we've talked of Little Else, but the nude scenes. Yeah, well, it was Little Else. That was the name of the actress.

In the dig? Yeah. 033. In the Dig. Yeah. 033. Dear Frank, in the Dig and three gratuitous nude scenes, did you know the crew credits include an intimacy coordinator?

Oh. Since when has that been a thing? As you yourself might put it, who knew? I only came across this job as a... I like that they've put job in quotes. Yeah. As a neighbour of ours worked on the film, so I sat through the end credits. I always love it when people watch my work

and say they sat through it. That is from one of our regulars, Nugget. Well, look, I... I can understand why there's an intimacy coordinator. I know, but there's no opportunists involved. But better not to have the intimacy. It's not part of the story. You know, there was a couple in a ruined building at the end, you know.

And I just, it's not about that. So we never even, oh, anyway even I just worry that you're going to throw out the intimacy coordinator and then they have to retrain I don't want to do anyone out of a job and maybe you can come and work at our house oh my

oh what do we do I don't know I'll tell you something I'd like to do. Oh, I know. Listen, someone sent in a jingle for Alan Cochran. You want to hear it? Of course you do.

Here goes. Brace yourselves. In the midst of Cochran. I see what you think. Is this when you were talking about in the midst of cockerel? I don't know. I don't remember using that phrase. I think you used the phrase in the midst of cockerel and they're suggesting that it should be a running feature.

Sorry, I like the gong. It was. It was. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to have one more listen. I can't. In the. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to have one more listen. I can't. In the midst of Cockerel. I see what you think. Oh. We're going to try and spend the week

developing a long anecdote that we can interrupt with that story. I think that would be a very good idea. I look forward to that. I think you've got the essence of Cockrell there, as Mark E. Smith would have said. But that was, I don't remember saying that, but I do, obviously I love the fact

that I occasionally allow poetry into the world of prose. Anyway, thank you for listening to us. Thanks to Stuart Lee for being on the show. And you know what? If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, stop in. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio.