The Frank Skinner Show - The Best Bits of Gareth Richards

Episode Date: April 9, 2023

We are heartbroken about the loss of our dear friend, Gareth. Here are some of his best bits from the times we shared with him on the show.

Hello, this is Frank Skinner. Last week, some of you will know that I ended the show by telling you that our former colleague and dear friend Gareth Richards had been in a serious road accident and was fighting for his life. And there's been lots of beautiful messages about Gareth. And his family have been very kind to us in that they've kept us informed about the details of his struggle. But look, Gareth didn't make it. Gareth didn't make it. Gareth didn't make it. And we will miss him intensely. He was a very kind, gentle, funny, fascinating man. And I can't believe that he... Anyway, today's show features Gareth's best bits.

And you're allowed to cry, but you have to laugh as well. I think he would have insisted upon that this is the best of frank skinner on absolute radio it was it was national poetry week this week oh well no well the day was on thursday national poetry day you know i don't think i heard a single poem oh well you should have called me so um well i did because my my son i've got a seven-year-old if you're new to the show and i know it's tedious when people talk about their kids but there is a point to this um and uh he had to learn um for national poetry day the owl and the pussycat it's a classic i i learned it with him because I didn't know off by

heart. It's really good to get poems off by heart. But there was the second verse begins, Pussy said to the owl, you elegant fowl. And he you know he's a big Queen fan.

And he started over and over again going pussy said to the owl pussy said to the owl pussy said to the owl pussy said to the owl and I've been unable to get it out of my head all week and of course heard out of context people can

be slightly alarmed by the move but it just was so so perfect. Pussy said to the owl. Pussy said to the owl. I thought maybe we could try under pressure with that as a backing thing. What do you think?

Do you know the words to under pressure? Yeah. Okay. Well, you delete vocal and maybe me and Emily can do pussy said to the owl. Okay. Well, hang on. What?

Yeah, all right. Go on. One, two, three, four. Pussy said to the owl. Pussy said to the owl. Under pressure. Pussy said to the owl. Pushing down on me.

Pushing down on you. No matter what. Pussy said to the owl. I'm not pressure. I'm never getting the picture. I don't like when... I thought you said, I'm depressed, sir. When Gareth says under pressure,

he really sounds like he's under pressure. It's like a method singing. I was under a lot of pressure. You were. It sounds like... It's the most under pressure anyone has ever sang, under pressure. The best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Now, can I say, I mean, I know that we weren't, we talked about the idea of never discussing this on air, but Gareth, we were out, we were having lunch, and Gareth mentioned something casually, and me and Emily looked at each other with, we were shocked. If fainting was a real thing, I might well have fainted. And I said to Gareth, don't't tell us anymore tell us on air he said oh i don't know if i wanted but anyway we've persuaded him well i don't know if it's that big a deal i um it was the probably the

early 90s my parents went like how old were you i was probably about 11 years old my young my younger brothers would probably have been sort of 7 and 8, something like that. OK, so we've got three children, 11, 7 and 8. Lovely little children. Their parents are going on holiday without them. Yeah, well, times were hard. It was, I think, we were just coming out of the 1980s recession. Oh, they hadn't been on holiday together for a long time.

They've had kids for 12 years. Oh, that will happen when you have kids. They tend to hang around for a bit. Yeah, they want to go on holiday together for a long time. They've had kids for 12 years. Oh, that will happen when you have kids. They tend to hang around for a bit. Yeah, they want to go on holiday with you. Demanding little beasts. They couldn't afford to take us all. OK. Hard.

So they left you home alone? Kitchen business. Did they leave you with someone? Were you home alone? Yeah, no, a family then. You moved in with us. A family came in? And looked after us For the week

And yeah they were just They went on holiday away together Couldn't afford to take us There's two points here First of all they didn't just go down the road To pool or something like that They went abroad They went to America

And left the three young children behind Where did they go in America They went to America and left the three young children behind. Where did they go in America, Gareth? They went to Disney World. It's unbelievable. Talk about robbing their noses in it. We're going on holiday, kids. You're not coming. And once more, we're going to Disney World.

What were they working as characters? No. To be fair, my mum cried all the first day. In Disney World? What about the other 13 days? Too busy having a good time, I suppose, on the rides and stuff.

It's an incredible story, Gareth. It's amazing. Did you question it at the time? I think it is. It's become normal, a bit normal, but we are aware that it's quite bad. It's quite bad. It's just, why would two adults?

Do you think they were going to take you, first of all? Maybe they were doing a recce. They thought they'd go over there. I'm just giving them the benefit of the doubt. Are they very health and safety conscious? Yes. Yeah, so they thought we'll try a few rides

make sure it's all right. And then they realised they didn't have enough money to take the children. Well, it could still happen. You could still get the phone call. Yeah.

They took us to Euro Disney. Oh, did they? Oh, did they? When was that? The same year or? Later on when I was about 16. Oh, so they took you to the bad one.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a bit cold. Horrible one with the French people in it so they took you to the bad one. Yeah, it's a bit cold. Horrible one with the French people in it. But they went to the lovely one. I can't, why did they go to Disney World? It doesn't make any sense. It's weird. Did they like, I mean, were they always interested

in Mickey Mouse or why did they choose Disney? I think my grandma had a timeshare that's in Florida, but you can swap that to a different place. Oh, so the accommodation was paid for. The accommodation was paid for. Can I say, you've taken me to a level of disbelief with this story

that I honestly thought you were going to say I think my granny had a time machine. That, to me, would seem less incredible than the parents going to Disney World story. That would seem like a than the parents going to Disney World story. That would seem like a kitchen sink drama. Did they send you a postcard saying,

I wish you were here? With Mickey Mouse on. They must have sent that. They brought us presents back. Lovely. I think they got me the mouse from Dumbo. Not Mickey Mouse, which is what everyone wants. No, I think they had that. They bought a Mickey Mouse, but that was kept in their room.

You had to have the mouse, the stand-in, the mouse from Dumbo. Mouthy little creature that it was. It ain't Mickey. I think they were doing a recce. I think that's what it was. Was it? Yeah, because you did end up going to Euro Disney in the end. And actually, at least, OK, you think that's bad.

My father took me and my sister to a Michael Jackson concert. He went off to get three ice creams. He came back licking one going, sorry, I only had enough money on me for one. That's quite bad. It is quite... If you'd told me that story before the story, I'd have said that was a terrible, cruel treatment of young children.

However, now, it seems like an act of kindness. Oh, dear. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, something happened to me on the way home from a gig this week that was a little bit unusual. I was in a service... It was after the gig, the gig was in Andover, and I was in a service station.

And the service station attendant man, man behind the till, said to me, he wasn't English, English was not his first language, he said to me, well the first thing he said to me was, are you enjoying life? Are you enjoying life? That's a great question for a man in a

garage. Yeah, and I was in a garage in Andover so I was like, it's OK. OK. And I said, are you... Do you think he was lonely? He was definitely trying to spark up a conversation. He shouldn't have done that on a garage forecourt. Could have killed you all.

OK. And he said to me, are you England? And I said, part of it. OK, that's... No, I said, I'm English. And he said, sort of said, I wonder if you can help. Oh, he suddenly got articulate when he needed a favour. Yeah.

It's funny because you're speaking in broken English, but he did use some... So he wanted me, he communicated to me that he wanted me to help him with the grammar of a message he was composing to a friend of his. On a text, yeah? Not on a text, he'd written it on a piece of paper. In a bottle?

That's going to go in a bottle. He's optimistic. I think it might have been for a text, but I think he was drafting it. Was there a pigeon on the, just sitting on the top of the till looking anxious? He was drafting a text

on paper. So he showed me what he had so far. I don't know if it was what he had so far or what he had received but it was the start of the message and it said boy failed in love keeps beard.

Boy failed in love keeps beard. Boy failed in love keeps beard. Well, that'll be a Tom Cruise. But a girl... Could be Al Murray. Oh, that kind of beard, yeah. Boy failed in love keeps beard, but girl hides in her heart. And he said, is that right? Are you sure this isn't a headline he's copied out of

the Daily Star? Boy failed in love keeps beard but girl loses her heart. Yes. And he wanted me and he said is that correct? The grammar? Well I like it. I like the idea that in a

tempestuous relationship one person could lose their heart and another their beard I like the way

he switches from the physical to the to the emotional yes no he said the first bit I think I know

what you mean by that boy failed and love keeps beard what does that mean well because I think it means that

you know if you're in a relationship you might have to shave your beard off because your girlfriend might not like know if you're in a relationship you might have to shave your beard off because your girlfriend might not like it so you have to make compromises to be in there and maybe that represents your masculinity you get to keep your beard yeah left you see I feel that that that might be a saying of some kind yeah but then he said but I think the third bit

the foot the second bit and he said keep beard. But then he said, but I think the third bit, the second bit. And he said, is that right? But girl hides in her heart. And I said, well. Oh, girl hides in her heart. But girl. She should have hit Nini's beard. I said.

She wouldn't be the first. I think it sort of sounds right, but it sounds like poetry. I'm not entirely, you know, it's. So what we drafted something and he said he won. How long were you in the gap? Well it was a little while because he asked me for help and I'm a

helpful person You had a lot of time on your hands that evening Yeah What time was this about? This was about half past eleven at night Oh that's creepy

Yeah Well at first I was a bit worried when he seemed to be keen to start up So at midnight you were with this strange man

drafting text while your wife and child were at home. Drafting poetry. It's not the kind of thing you see on crime much, is it, when you see a CCTV from an all-night garage? Co-authoring. No, a terrible case of co-authoring in Andover. I've never seen that.

You see they're knocking him about. Good on you for going in there and writing with him. So I think what he said is that I think maybe he had received that and he wanted to reply back in a way, and he said he wanted to bump his friend. Oh. He wanted to bump him. Move him off the chat show.

No, I think he meant like I want to shake him up, shake up what he thinks. Oh, I see. Oh, I hope that's what he meant. We didn't mean as in come on and do the bumps. Do you remember the bumps or the 70s dance? I know the bump and grind.

Oh, bump and grind or the bumps. Oh. So what we drafted, so I got an idea of what he wanted to say and this is what we came up with as the proverb

that we were to send to his friend. Oh, it's a proverb now? I think so. Oh, what you concocted it. I polished it up. I've put in some extra words. So, a boy who has failed in love

keeps his beard, but if a girl... You haven't changed it at all. But if a girl... No, the second bit. Oh, sorry, sorry. And it's something different to the other one because he wants to say something but if a girl fails in love, she'll find someone else. This is what he wanted to say.

I don't think it's better. Why does it make any more sense? I was better before, Frank. A woman fails in love, she gets someone else. This is what he wanted to say to his friend, I think. Oh, that's going to cheer him up. So, no, you're right. It wasn't exactly a closure.

What I did is a policeman arrived. A policeman arrived? Not the parliamentary police. Who called the cops? And he served the policeman. And I said, can I take a picture of this? Because I wanted a record of the notes. And he said, why?

And I said, just because I want, you know. The policeman? No, the man. Oh, right. He turned then, I think. He got an arse to him. And then I left while the policeman was there. Did you take a photo?

Yeah, I took a photo. He's all right with that? Yeah. What worries me is that it could be some, you know, big relationship decision that you've contributed and you don't even know what you're saying quite. Some bloke could have left his life. Isn't that like everything in life?

Well, yeah, but but you know, you could have broken a marriage, family and everything, just on the strength of an ad hoc homemade proverb. I hate it when that happens. Look, I just polished up the grammar. He really, he decided the meaning.

I'd like to make that clear. Also, it does sound a little bit sexist and I won't say I'm a conclinant. I do not endorse the views of that. Women can keep their beards as well if they want. Well, yeah, many do. The best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Now, we've got a bit of a special moment here.

It's a British premiere, because some of you will remember Garrett's amazing David Mitchell. In fact, could we have a reprise of that just to set this up? A little bit of David Mitchell. It's a bit impromptu, but I'll do my best. You have to get into it. And no, it's not working perfectly, but is that OK?

Yes, yes. David Mitchell as Charlie's aunt. Yeah. But you're working on a new one? Yes, I've been working on it. I've got a bit of a cold so my voice is a bit weak. Excuses before we've even... It's not like an X Factor contest. Would you like to hear my

Jedward? Yes. Do you do both? Well, it's good because you're two birds with one stone because they talk the same. How do they actually speak though? I don't know how they speak. You don't know how they speak? Oh, I would if I heard an impression of a ghost. Exactly like this. Exactly like I'm just about to So I'm going to read from there was an article in this week's paper

That they've bought they've finally started spending their money Yeah They spent £20,000 I read that on memorabilia Yeah memorabilia I'm a China based icons auction legends site China based with a Chairman Mao Memorative plate

Yeah there was some sea stain trousers from the walk, the long walk and we go it's really good stuff, no one else in the world has it. We bought a Britney Spears suit she wore in a Pepsi commercial we got a signed limited edition

Michael Jackson doll and a signed bed sheet of his also signed by Macaulay Culkin which is a little anyway we also bought some outfits from Batman like the Riddlers and some clown thing

I like it it is there we see you think you don't know how they speak but anyway that's absolutely excellent

it's got the panic of youth as well the panic of youth a novel baby I haven't said that for a long time since she's died it doesn't seem right

I don't know why the fags got to her in the end and also wasn't there any a novel, baby. I haven't said that for a long time. Since she's died, it doesn't seem right. I don't know why. The fags got to her in the end. And also, wasn't there a... I can't remember what it was. There was an Ethan story. Ethan's first letter. Oh, Ethan's first letter.

That's always a big moment. I still remember my first letter. What was it? Well, I wrote... I was a big fan of Dennis Law. Do you remember Dennis Law I was a big fan of Dennis Law. Do you remember Dennis Law? I'm glad you said Dennis Law. I thought you were going to say Dennis Nielsen. Yeah, Dennis the Menace, they called him.

And I wrote to him and said, can I have your autograph? And he sent me back a flyer for shredded wheat. Wow. Because he was on the cover of the shredded wheat packet and he just folded up a leaf, shredded wheat leaf. It had the printed autograph on it. You know, printed on it, not written on it. And he just sent me that.

So he sent me an advert for shredded wheat. Wow. Very emotional. It's good advertising, grassroots advertising. Yeah, it's very interesting, sort of one-on-one approach. Oh, it's horrible sending a child a promotional thing. It's disgusting. But, you know, these were less enlightened times. I, it's horrible sending a child a promotional thing. It's disgusting. But, you know, these were less enlightened times.

I remember my first letter. It was a royalty check. Anyway, tell me about your hands. Well, I think you've missed... Reality's how you pronounce that. Oh, no, I never got one of those. Still waiting. I think that was lost in the post.

So, what was... It was quite official-looking, and it was awkward because he's 15 months old and so do you... Can he read? Can you open other... No, he can't read. What's wrong with him?

He can say words. He can say the odd word but he's quite, you know, he can't... They're not supposed to be able to talk. He's advanced but he can sort of... He started saying no quite a lot.

He's learned how to say no. I've never learned how to say that. If you ask him any questions, he to say no i've never learned how to say that if you ask him any question say no no but then if if he means yes so you like would you like to read this book no no would you like to read this one no let's read this one no you sure yes oh okay so we've pressed but yeah okay so yes he So I opened it for him. Is that legal? I don't know, but...

Never stop my parents. Well, I'm not sure you're allowed to open someone else's mail legally. Oh. Anyway. Was it from Shredded Week? Well, it was bad news. It was bad news. Library books are overdue.

His library books? Yeah. I mean mean you know you try to bring them up as well as you can but you know what can you do

he's young yet yeah we feel partly responsible yeah so are they sending him a fine then no you don't get fined if you're

if you're a child well that seems unfair different rules for different sorts they can't have income well Well, get one then. No. Not hanging around. That's true. Your baby grows. No. Get a life.

He gets off as big as a... No. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. On the other hand, my son Ethan, he's keeping very trim at the moment because we took him recently this week.

Well, I usually take him swimming on a Monday, but it was half term. Oh, no, it's his holiday, so it's going to be very busy. So Laura booked him into the baby gym. Oh. And I've never taken him to the baby gym. I've never heard of a baby gym. Some strange body fascist starting early. Come on, work those buns.

Well, it's kind of like on gym equipment. Not like there's lots of balance beams. There's a circuit for the babies to go round of balance beams for them to walk along. Gym? Are you kidding me? How old are these children? Does he pump iron? He's two.

No, he doesn't pump iron. But there's more like gymnastics equipment than running machines. Does he go up to them and go, how much are you pressing? How many babies are we talking? There's probably 20 to 30 babies all going round. Sounds like chaos. Are you absolutely sure you haven't been tricked into a nappy advert? Did they say, can he move a bit like he's doing the Lombard?

I've never heard of such a thing. I've never heard of it, frankly. I want a ringside seat. Don't you? We're going there. I find it a bit terrifying, to be honest. Really? Well, it was a bit funny because I'd never been before.

And there's assistants to help you. So there's quite a high beam that they have to walk along and you hold their hands and then they're supposed to kind of do a flip off onto a crash mat and then roll do like a roll sideways down the mat and like they obviously can't no they can't do these things so what you have to do as the parent is move them through the sort of routine. So sort of hold them by the waist and get them in the air. I'd never been before. So the woman was like, no, you have to grab them and you have to show them how it's done.

You have to show them you mean business and grab them by the legs. And so because then later they'll be able to do it themselves and all the show them you mean business. That's not fun. I never like it when men say that to me. No, but it's an odd instruction for childcare. Show them you mean business. And I think they're bringing what the gym is all about, which is the gym is not fun.

No one goes to the gym for fun. No, I hate the gym. It's very regimented. And Ethan, he rebelled against the regimentation of the whole thing quite quickly. He would run off and just join the circuit thing halfway through and was trying to make friends with people because at the adult gym, you don't go there to make friends. I do.

Do you? Yeah, we'll talk about that later. When I used to go to the gym, Eleanor Bonham Carter used to go to my gym. Really? And that's wrong. I don't want to see Eleanor Bonham Carter a gothic icon in gym wear. Some of it wasn't even black. I mean,

I only think of her in the gothic context. I saw her on the rowing machine. I thought, couldn't someone have done that up as a ghost ship and put you in a lot of black lace and maybe an eye patch?

Yeah, too normal and everyday. I don't want to see Eleanor Bonham Carter like patch. Yeah, too normal and every day. I don't want to see Eleanor Bonham Carter like that. Yeah, no, the cutest thing Ethan has done this week, which I know is a bit horrific just to tell cute baby stories, but he was eating jelly in his high chair. In the gym, BFM. No, in his high chair,

and he'd been throwing some on the floor and laura said let me i'm imagining it's coming out of a pot pie through a straw am i wrong no from a pot and he was throwing it on the floor which we try and like dissuade him from doing that and laura said no more don't do that again then she went out the room just a moment and she came in to see a big load of jelly on the floor and so she was being strict with him and said Ethan Ethan what has happened and he went

and then pointed to the window and said Blackbird but what if that was true that could have been yeah he's alright blaming him I'm still worried about the gym That could have been, yeah, he's all right blaming him.

I'm still worried about the gym. So am I. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'm looking at you, Gareth, from here. Your head looks narrower than normal. Yes, I've had a haircut. Oh, that'll be it. I did have longer hair. Hang on, I thought you got it stuck between the doors of a

lift. Where did you go to have it cut? I made a mistake again. There's a

really nice little barber's I go to in Camden. That's in London. That's in London.

I should always make sure I go there but I tried out somewhere else in Bournemouth and they're

just rubbish. I wouldn't say rubbish. Have a look at this. I know this isn't there, but I tried out somewhere else in Bournemouth and they're just rubbish. Oh dear. I wouldn't say rubbish. Have a look at this. I know this isn't great radio, but I'm taking my glasses off and look at what he's done to my sideburn. Oh, it does look a bit smiked from Nicholas Nickleby. If anyone's familiar with that character. I think that's a bit smiked, definitely.

I think you should have to ask for something like that. What he's done there. If we describe it to the listeners they're sort of like how would you describe it? you know those bottle openers that you can get and they've got like a little V that you get on the edge of the cap

he's sort of taken a little inlet into your sideburns it's not accidental because it's on bird's eye no he's done it on purpose but I don't think you know i think you should ask and also you know you've got a nike sign carved into the back of your hair what oh my goodness there is something of the punishment about the haircut yeah it's like a very specific and he said something terribly insensitive what

did you say right i had quite long hair when I went in there and sort of swept over quite a long fringe. And I said, I'd like it a bit shorter. I'd like it short at the sides, at the back. And then a bit longer at the front. And he said, oh, what, to cover up what's going on under there. What is going on under there? Some ecosystem?

In a very distinguished distinguished manly way I'm receding very slightly oh and he brought that up yeah and he mentioned

that's out of order isn't it but I like that you go into a bar and he says how would you like your hair

and you said a bit shorter what are we supposed to say well what are you going to say actually I'd like a little bit longer

on the sides can you sort that? Obviously, Emily's looking at me saying she does that most weeks. Yeah, so it looks all right. It's all right, isn't it? Yeah. And I would never have noticed the baldness if you hadn't brought it up. Now you've brought it up, of course.

You look to me, you just look like a light bulb with a little bit of hair stuck on the top. But hey, we can't sit here. Well, we can, but let's not. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So it was your birthday this week, Gareth. It was my birthday, yes. Happy birthday. Thank you very much.

We bought Gareth out. I thought it was a very nice cardigan. It's very him. There was no cheapness there. That's all I'm saying. No. It was expensive. Yeah, very expensive.

Anyway, as you were. Shall I take it back and buy food with it? Well, you probably will. Do they have a barter system up here? Yeah, I like that. I'd like some potatoes, please. I have a cardigan. Oh, how wonderful.

So did you have a nice time? Well, was it a raglan sleeve? I don't know what that is. Well, get out then. Go on, get out. Right, right, no, right out. No, out, go on out. No, keep going.

This part. Anyway, where were we? Did you say nes par then? I said this part. Oh, sorry, I thought you'd gone all Francais. I thought you said yes par. Well, there pa oh sorry I thought you'd gone all Francais I thought you said yes pa well there we go I did

I came I had my birthday and my mother and father were visiting and people talk to any comedians people when they visit Edinburgh

they don't understand right because it's stressful Edinburgh isn't it you're working really hard people look at it and think you're doing an hour a day

but it's there's a lot of brooding day but there's a lot of brooding to do. There's a lot of brooding and they think that when they come you have to entertain them and you can't, you can't, you don't have the time you don't have the energy. You're so right and my parents came. I'm finding

this with my girlfriend and her sister who they say you're going out now and I have to go off on my own. Oh, really? Yeah, I've become an encumbrance. Which I think is a sort of coiled sausage. If I remember rightly.

And I went, so I'd had a whole day. I'd done a couple of things during the day. And then I did my show. And then after the show, we went out for a meal. And you know when you're all out together and you haven't got a restaurant in mind, you've got to find one. And it turns into terrible, like, just wandering. So that's how I got into sitting on my screen with a bottle of cider.

No queuing, nothing, it's just there's always seats, you know what I'm saying? Often a mattress. Basically, I was very, very low energy. You don't say. And as you know, when I get low energy... I think of you as the Lucas-Aid boy. Also, you'd be hanging around the grass market. That will make you low energy. No, I know you can fade away when you're tired.

We went to the first restaurant and they said, oh, it's going to be ten minutes for a table. And I thought, well, we can do better than that. We can do better than that. they said, oh, it's going to be ten minutes for a table and I thought, well, we can do better than that. We can do better than that. And then we looked at another one. Really, can you? We walked all the way along,

didn't fancy any of them, got right to the end, asked somewhere, it's half an hour. I thought, well, the first one it was ten minutes. See, what you should have done,

the secret I've found is to leave a scout at the first one. Right. And then to go off and have a look at some others and meanwhile, the clock's ticking at that restaurant. If you don't find anywhere, to go off and have a look at some others and meanwhile the clock's ticking at that restaurant if you don't find anywhere you go back and bob's

your uncle i should have put they said we can put your name on the list and we'll phone you i made a terrible mistake i should the first place i should have said well yeah we can wait 10 minutes and then it descends the secret i find is to call ahead and say do you know who i am yes yeah but the answer when I ask that question is no yeah the only time I've ever seen that was going into a club and Pete Doherty

was there really and they wouldn't let him in and he said he said do you know who I am and it was actually

a genuine enquiry and they had to they had to give him a brief resume he went off quite happy so we just I think he felt he'd done quite well with his life and they had to give him a brief resume. He went off quite happy. I think he felt he'd done quite well with his life. Anyway, carry on.

We had to just choose any restaurant, so we went in, and I didn't like it much, but then I didn't really have any choosing ability left, so we had to choose some stuff, and I just went very, very quiet, as I sometimes do. This is my birthday celebration This is my birthday celebration so we're supposed to be having a very good time and I just couldn't

and eventually I ate half a pizza and I said I'll take Ethan home because Ethan was with us and he was freaking out a little bit so I said I'll take Ethan home and I left So you left your own birthday meal? I left my own birthday meal. So you left your wife with your parents? Yeah How long did you stay at the restaurant?

A while. We had a starter and then we had... Oh, thanks a lot. You had a starter. Okay. And then I had to leave. I didn't have any... I apologised.

I said, sorry, I'm very tired. I need to go. I need to go. And then you walked out on it? I like the idea of you had to leave. There was no choice involved. I think that's something brilliant. If only we all lived our life like that. Assuming walked out on it. I like the idea of you had to leave. There was no choice involved. I think that's something brilliant. If only we all lived our life like that.

As soon, you know. Like a child. As soon as you get to a point where you just think, I've had enough of this now. This isn't working. In fact, actually. He's halfway through. He's just putting his headphones down.

He's gone out the door That's the sound of a door closing The best of Frank Skinner On Absolute Radio Well listen we've had some advice though On how to get a Sony award Oh okay This is from Steve at the Village Bakery in Birchington

Oh sorry I'm still recoiling From remembering that night He says Frank to make sure you get a Sony award Oh, sorry, I'm still recoiling from remembering that night. He says, Frank, to make sure you get a Sony Award, make sure there's a Raymond Blanc tale each week. There's Radio Gold. Well, I hope there's no irony in that. No, I shouldn't think so. In case you don't know, Gareth is big mates with Raymond Blanc.

He's not mates. He went into a tea shop once where he works and saw him once and has strung out about nine anecdotes out of this. Yeah, but you did speak to him, didn't you? Yeah, he came over. Hold it, hold it. Yeah, he came over and said, oh you have a little

one pointing to Ethan. That's rather rude. Thank God. I was going to say, he's very, what is he, a psychic? So, come on, what did Raymond say? Hold it, here he comes, here comes Raymond. After he'd said, you have a little one. And he said, he came and said, oh, you have a little one?

What, he's not having souffle or ice cream? And I said, no, he's a bit young for that. Souffle? Cheese souffle! Another, ladies and gentlemen, another Raymond Blanc. Really, that trip to the tea shop really was the gift

that kept on giving, wasn't it? Oh, I'm loving it so much. Oh, Blanc. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So The Apprentice started. Yes. Oh, yeah. Now, I love it.

I've still never seen it. Can I say that? Have you not? No, never. Oh, it's ever so good. Yeah, Gareth and I love it, don't we? I have a whole Apprentice tradition for me and Laura. We watch it together and I make special food.

It's like Christmas. We've got special food. We have every apprentice. We have chicken wings, buffalo chicken wings. When you say you make it, what, you call KFC? No, I buy fresh chicken wings

and I oven, I put them in the oven probably about 2.20. I oven them. That worries me. I oven them. I think that's a good verb. I oven them for 40 minutes. They should use that on the cookery show 220. I oven them, that worries me. I oven them. I think that's a good verb. I oven them for 40 minutes.

They should use that on the cookery. You have oven chips. You oven them. Yeah, I think oven chips, it's a noun. Yeah. It's part of the whole thing. It's not a verb.

It's at best an adjective. It's certainly not a verb. It's not a command. Oven chips today. So you do, you get chicken. Do you pay for chicken wings? I don't steal them. I'd have thought they had stolen them.

Steal them from a chicken. They're sort of... Tear them off. They're packing, really, aren't they? Package and packing. Yeah, they're quite cheap. Oh, now we get to the heart of the matter. No, that's not why I do it.

There's nothing on them. The nice treat meal for Laura, because it's the old cheap off cuts. It's not. It why I do it. Well, there's nothing on them. The nice treat meal for Laura because it's the old cheap off cuts. It's not. It's because they're so tasty because they're mostly skin. And the skin is the tastiest

bit of chicken. That's an awful plane crash survivor from Los. It's quite a well-known tradition of people eating chicken wings. Yeah, no, I accept that. But not as they

watch The Apprentice. So what is the nature then? You cook chicken. Did you say buffalo? Buffalo chicken wings. You, no, I accept that. But not as they watch The Apprentice. So what is the nature then? You cook chicken did you say buffalo? Buffalo chicken wings. You get a special sauce. You can make your own sauce with hot pepper sauce and marge or butter. And what I do is I

when you put the butter in about 50-50 of each you fry some garlic in the butter to add a little bit of garliciness to it. A little bit of garliciness to it a little bit of garliciness to it and then you add the same pepper sauce and then you sort of toss it like a salad the chicken wings are nice and crispy

probably about an hour I cook them for so then you sit down sorry you oven them for an hour I oven them for an hour and then you sit and is it just chicken wings? we also have because with chicken wings it's very nice to have a dip

so we have a sour cream and chive dip and then with that is it exactly the same every place? every time how long is the series? we usually have a beer

oh god about 16 weeks isn't it? so usually towards the end I have a couple of heart attacks oh really? you have a beer as well? yeah some beer

Homer Simpson we have a Homer Simpson bottle opener that goes when when you open it, it goes, oh, beer. Oh, the last never stop. Is that part of the tradition? Yeah, it's part of the tradition. And then we have carrot sticks and cucumber sticks and celery sticks to dip in. And it's nice and refreshing.

Fruit and sour. Yeah. That's what I've built my career on. Quite common. Wow. And he's every episode. What about that sort of spin-off show? Do you do it for that as well?

I don't think we could be bothered. What's it called? Apprentice You're Fired. Yeah. Apprentice You're Fired. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes we watch that. Did we watch that this week?

Oh, we did. Jack Whitehall was on it. He was good. Apprentice You're Grilled. It's what you want you watched well that's ovened me and Kath used to

when we watched we used to watch reruns of of Family Fortunes did you on what's that channel with all the quiz shows

oh Challenge yeah it's got the thing in the corner is a question mark oh yeah that's Challenge I love that because sometimes you get really bad shows there's a question mark in the corner is a question mark. Oh yeah, that challenge. I love that.

Because sometimes you get really bad shows. There's a question mark and a kind of a why. Why did this happen? And what we used to do when we watched that, we always shouted Les every time they called him Les. Because they're obviously told, when you talk to Les, make sure you use the name. So he'd say, now you were a bit of a boy scout.

He'd say, yes Les. So he'd say, now you're a bit of a, you were a bit of a boy scout. He'd say, yes, Les. And we'd go, Les! And he goes, yeah, I joined in, well, when I was about seven, Les. Les! And they really, they over-Les the pudding.

Oh, they do. And then we used to, we used to compete. So whoever got the most questions right, the highest up the chart in each one, you know,

name a famous fruit. And then we'd, whoever lost had to buy the other person a magazine. A magazine? That's a weird forfeit. It's quite good, I take it, because when someone else... Are you treating my profession as some kind of forfeit? But I'll tell you what happens. When someone else is buying the magazine, you go a bit left field.

You think, yeah, I'll have Clockmender. Clockmender Journal, why not? This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. What else? Well, there's been this, have you been reading about Camilla had this... Of course not. Oh, why not? She's one of my favourite royals.

Oh, OK. She had lunch with Kate Middleton. That's a good question. Who's my favourite royal? Who is your favourite royal? I suppose it would be Princess Michael of Kent. Oh, you're a fan of her work, are you? Yeah, I am. She's the Catholic. She's the rogue Catholic. Anyway, what's Camilla?

Yeah, so they had a sort of pre-bridal lunch. Who? Camilla and Kate Middleton. Do they wear bridal? I'm not surprised. Do they have nose bags on? Do they have peanut butter sandwiches? Because maybe that's made it more look like they were talking.

You know we're really talking. Vote for Mr Camilla. Yes. I hope we're not doing jokes about the royal family being like horses. Have we come to this? I mean, let's talk about Prince Charles' big ears, why don't we? The fact that he talks to plants. Let's sink that low into the comedy mire.

He has got quite big ears. He has. Have you never noticed that before? Do you want to hear about the launch? Prince Charles can hear about it from here. Now I've done it, you see. So they had this lunch, her and Kate Middleton, and it was

this pre-wedding kind of bonding lunch apparently. Well, I love the sound of it, Frank. It was a very posh restaurant. Okay. Camilla had a glass of red wine. It was in the date. No judgement here. Red wine in the date. Yeah, that's alright. I know. As I said, no judgement. That's a bit still in the day. Red wine in the day. Yeah, that's all right.

I know. As I said, no judgement. That's what she wants to do. Yeah. But apparently fellow diners, you can tell I got this from a tabloid, this story, fellow diners overheard snippets of their conversation. I bet they did. Yeah.

Imagine everyone. So trumpets were mentioned at one point. Trumpets? Yes. Trumpets were mentioned at one point. Yes, that's right. We can't have trumpets, the ceiling is too high. That's what someone was heard saying.

Okay. And then one of the best things was Camilla was heard to say, can I give you a piece of advice? But rather tantalisingly, we never heard the end of that sentence, Frank. Oh. So we don't know what the advice was. There was a moment between Emily and I when I was... How dare you?

Why bring that up now? It was that day she had the black bra and white top. I remember it. I was a paw. I didn't know where to look. No, and I was fiddling with a bar. Oh, God! Disgusting!

I think you got a big hello that morning. When he came to the stable. I was fiddling with a blind and sort of rattling it around and I did it for a while. No, you were playing drums with a biro and we were about to go on air. Yeah, sorry about you. I did it for a while and Emily said

let me give you a piece of advice. And you didn't need to say anything else. I stopped doing what I was doing. It was probably that. Kate was probably playing with the cutlery or something. What do you think she said there? Maybe she said, let me give you a piece of advice. Oh, sorry, did I say advice?

I meant bread. Maybe it's as simple as that. We had a text in from Rob. Maybe they were eating jerk chicken, and she said, let me give you peas and rice. The best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Welcome and thank you for listening. Just for taking the trouble to download is, you know, I love it.

I have a reprise to begin with. A reprise. I have a reprise to begin with. Okay. A reprise. For those of you who listen to the Saturday morning show or its resultant podcast, you'll know that I went to a launch party last week for the King James Bible Trust. Not tross.

A King James Bible Trust would be a marvellous thing. You could think, a bit tight onto the thing, but that'll be the New Testament, slipped. So, I mentioned the fact that I met Professor Gordon Campbell. Right. Who wrote, has written a book.

Oh yeah, I've seen him in Hello and OK. Yeah, exactly. He's got a beard absolutely long. And we were talking about

he said there are some parts of the Bible he said that the translator, the King James boy he can't make any sense of he said there's a thing in Ezekiel he said that I've never managed to really work out he said I've never read any explanations and I've read a lot about it

I've never read an explanation that I was convinced by, he said I just think we'll have to accept we'll never know what they meant well I've read a lot about it. I've never read an explanation that I was convinced by. He said, I just think we'll have to accept we'll never know what they meant. Well, I come from a line of preachers, so I might be able to help. Well, this is good because he emailed me, the professor, and said he has that quote. He said it's Ezekiel 13, 18. Well, that would have been enough. I could have gone and looked it up, but no.

He reproduced the quote for me to peruse at my leisure. So this is it. This is Ezekiel. We don't have enough Ezekiel on these podcasts. I've said that once. No, Ben Jones does it. I know he does. Yeah, I know he's kind of cornered the Ezekiel market, Ben Jones,

but this is Ezekiel without the baseball cap. Okay. Woe to the women that sew pillows to all armholes and make kerchiefs upon the head of every stature to haunt souls.

Oh. Woe to the women that sew pillows to all armholes. Well, I mean, they're rascals, aren't they? Yeah. Because, you know, you pick up your tank top and then there's a couple of big...

It's a very strange thing. I'm accepting the adjective strangers out in this case. Yeah, and so, Mr Preacher Man, what do you make of that? It's a funny one. Yeah? Is that your final word? It probably meant something to the people at the time, I imagine. Oh, thanks for that. I'm with you.

Well, I'm glad we have you as our theological correspondent. See, that's what you've got to think. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Well, Frank, this has been quite a week for me. Not only did I win a Sony Award, well, you know, part of the team. No, you won. I was on telly. Really?

They let me on telly. I know this is mean, but I already feel depressed that we're not talking about the Sony Award. Well, I'm sure you are. I dare say we'll come back to it. OK. It's good you got this out of the way, not the way you came, because on the show, by now,

it would be unbearable. Play a song, some adverts. Oh, another thing about the Saudi Awards. God, I don't know what I'll be like after the archivers. No, we're not going to that. We're not going to that. It's me and Dave.

It's me and Dave. I won't stop me getting on stage, will it? No, of course not. I thought you were hosting. Sorry, Gavin. I was on telly, yeah, for the first ever time. Crime Watch? Russell Howard, Good News, doing stand-up comedy.

Really? You could have told me. I would have watched that. I had to put it on Facebook. You know I'm a my face purist well you can

still see it on iPlayer but no yeah I watched it I thought you were brilliant it was really good I got really excited

yeah I say brilliant it was good I did look good no I didn't say you look good oh right sorry I didn't not say

you looked good don't put words in Emily's mouth. I wonder if there were people watching who knew you from this show and hadn't seen you before. Well, no, yeah, people have tweeted me and stuff and said it's amazing to see and hear me at the same time. And they had no idea that I looked the way I do. Well, it is true, though. That doesn't sound good. Well, it's not so true nowadays

when, you know, people are in the papers and the tabloid things and all that. But when I was a kid, certainly, the first time you saw someone

or you knew from the radio was often quite a shock. I went to a live, a live night with Dave Lee Travis, the hairy cornflake. And I remember there was a bit

where he said, right, we need some volunteers, we need some volunteers on stage. And me and a couple of mates went bounding up on stage. And he said, I'll choose. He said, I decide who's on stage and who isn't. Wow. And it was a bit of a... Of course, he now realises that he was quite wrong about that.

That it's the Shelby's gods who decide who's on stage and who isn't but because he was a bit haughty I never really liked listening to him again and I didn't I didn't know

when he spoke of the airy cornflake I didn't know it was the full beard thing because they weren't in the papers then so there will be people who were

well the Sony's we were at the Sony Awards last night and won Best Entertainment, and that is like that, isn't it? You see lots of people who you haven't seen before. I saw the guy who was, Emily was talking to someone.

Well, don't say, that could be someone I was chatting up, and you'll embarrass me. Who was I chatting to? It was Nick Ferrari. It was the person who was on Jonathan Ross' show. Oh, Andy. Yeah, Andy. He doesn't count. Andy, yeah, no, I had a very vivid image.

You were surprised at what he looked like. I had a very vivid image of what he looked like in my mind from his voice it's not the same person who is that person i was seeing no it is a big thing but that's that's great the first i remember my my first telly i was uh i did a thing called uh first exposure it was called wow um i don't like the sound of that. That does sound like crime watch. Well, it was new comedians, do you see? And I was introduced as Frank Spencer. Now, that's an awkward moment, isn't it? When you're a bit nervous first telling.

Can I say, before we go any further in this conversation, let's make a pact now, none of us, to do a Frank Spencer impression. Just in case you felt one bobbling under just no but it kind of um it sort of pulled the rug from under me if you know what i mean i'm not surprised yeah i thought it was that was arthur smith introducing i don't know if you remember her and at the end i did i did a a routine about uh sneezing five minutes about sneezing it was basically around the fact that my dad used to do big sneezes like you know we're now hand in front of the mouth when i was a you know so you can feel the spray the other side of the room uh but i've when i've met middle class people for the

first time they did that you know that oh yes and it was basically all about that culture shock good little bit of observation comedy there yeah exactly oh i um i loved it and then um i remember at the end i watched it back yeah sometime later because i didn't have a video recorder at the time and at the end they laughed and they applauded and I said, thank you, you've been very kind. And I thought, you're pathetic. The best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. If you think, by the way, that Gareth's a bit quiet this morning, he's a bit tense.

Yeah. You're a bit tense. He's got performance anxiety. Yeah, why is he a bit tensed? Emily, why is Gareth a bit of a cold. You're a bit tense. He's got performance anxiety. Yeah, why is he a bit tensed? Emily, why is Gareth a bit tense? Because he's going to play us a song later. He is going to do. He's going to do a brand new Christmas song.

Has anyone heard this in the world apart from you? Yes, some people have heard it. Oh. Laura's very important in my editing process. Laura's your wife, of course. Yes. So your wife's of course. Yes. Your wife's heard it.

Yeah. And Ethan, the baby? He won't have it in the house. He won't have it around. He's very demanding, that baby. He's quite strict. Should we explain, Frank, what Gareth plays it on? Because people might not know what it is.

What is your instrument, Gareth? It's called an Omnicord. Is it? Mm. It's like a Casio, like those machines you'd get in the 80s. It's not like a Casio, Gav? It's called an omnicord. Is it? Mm. It's like a Casio, like those machines you'd get in the 80s. It's not like a Casio, is it?

Well, it's like, do you know what an auto-harp is? No. June Carter played one in, you know, that film. Oh, yeah,

in What the Life? Yeah, and in Real Life as well. It's kind of like a harpy thing. Oh, I know, yeah. Yeah, like Mother Mel thingy,

Mother Maybel Carter used to wear. It's an electronic version a harpy thing. Oh, I know. Yeah, like Mother Mel thingy Mother Maybel Carting used to wear. But it's an electronic version of what it is. Yeah, I'm sounding like I know what I'm talking about. I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. Is that it? Does it sound like I don't have the human voice? Oh, God, I've got so mixed up, I can't tell you. And we've got an amp in here, so it looks all muso for Joey, which I'm pleased about.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It looks a bit rock and roll. We've got a tree up and everything. That tree is disgusting. No, that is a bit rubbish. It's sort of like, you know Albert Tatlock in Coronation Street? That's the sort of tree he would have. That's what he looks like now, I thought you were going to say.

An old man's plastic tree. Oh, that's the absolute tree. Don't give that a hard time. There was a reindeer. Honestly, there was a little reindeer. I've been looking for it all morning. Oh, where is that? Where is that reindeer?

Will you ever stop playing this? Where is it? That is the music from the deer hunter. The reindeer hunter, I'm calling it this morning. So tell us about your dream, Gareth, because this is important. I had a dream when I woke up yesterday morning that young and old could join hands and live... No, no, it's not that trick.

No, not that one, OK. It was that I woke up and Jimmy Carr was on stage in the gym and he told the set-up to a joke. Right. The set-up was he held up two pieces of meat one in each hand yeah and said

I can hold two pieces of meat at once right but then as he I woke up as he was doing

the punchline so in the gym I was like oh no I'm going to miss the punchline I'm waking up and I never found out

what the punchline was yes so but it just so happens we know someone who knows Jimmy Carr, don't we? Yeah. Would that be me, friend of the stars? Of course.

Showbiz Emily. So even though this joke obviously had never happened, it wasn't one of Jimmy's jokes, it's just a dream. Yeah. As a challenge, Emily phoned Jimmy Carr while we were out at lunch yesterday and said to him, come on, what are you trying to say? Jimmy, can you finish this joke? Yeah.

You actually said finish. Didn't that worry him? you tell us. Jimmy, can you finish this joke? Yeah. You actually said finish. Don't worry him. I'm Norwegian. Okay, yeah. And he said, Gareth? He said,

the stakes are even. That's awesome. Good, that's off, absolutely, Jimmy Carr at his lightning best. Yeah,

I was very impressed by that. So we thought we'd have as well as how many, and we're going to read out a couple of how many bosses you've jumped. We've had some proper responses.

If you want to come up to a punchline, if you can beat Jimmy Carr at his own dream. So what's the set-up again, Gareth? So it was, I can hold two pieces of meat at once. Yes, and then you need a punchline, right? But keep it clean. We can't read it out if it's about, well, you know. The best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

I'm quite excited. Why am I quite excited? Well, I'll tell you why. Because Gareth, our lovely Gareth, is about to premiere his Christmas song. And me and Emily are on the bells. Have you got your bells ready? Yeah, I've got my bells.

OK, so this is Gareth with Christmas Calm Down. That's right. That's the sound of the Omnicord. It's the feeling that comes the same time each year After the presents and the Christmas cheer It's supposed to be cozy and quintessential. But now you feel hollow and existential. Santa watches TV like a slob.

Rudolph treats himself to a nose job. After the excitement of Christmas morning, Frosty tries to hide from global warming. Frosty tries to hide from global warming It's the Christmas come down Makes you want to down a gallon of sherry and drown When you feel the melancholy setting in Eat about 40 biscuits then open another tin It's the Christmas come down Because everything is bleak

At the end of the day, it's just another day of the week Especially if you're an atheist, a Jew or a Sikh Your presents are rubbish, no one took a hint The wrapping paper adds to your carbon footprint Your family just sits around and sigh You didn't see them last year, now you remember why You make a mental note of gifts to take back Either Grandad's snoozing or he's had an attack

This year no angels have appeared Except to auntie glad but she's a bit weird it's the christmas come down more depressing than the smell of your dad's dressing gown when you feel like you're losing the will to live don't take the pill, Christmas is a time to give It's the Christmas come down Because possessions can't satisfy Or maybe for a bit, but they're pointless When you die It's the Christmas come down When Jesus came down to earth.

It's the time of year when we celebrate the virgin birth. Sorry, I got that bit wrong. Do that again. It's the time of year when you celebrate the absolute birth. Yay! Oh, a star is born. Oh, marvellous. I love that, Gareth.

This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is a bit of an emotional moment on the Frank Skinner Absolute Radio show because I feel I am having a limb removed. because I feel I am having a limb removed. Gareth is about to say goodbye. Yes. Timing as impeccable as it has been.

Oh, was that me? Previous two years. Gareth! What a drip. No, I... Yeah, the drip has finally been stopped. I told that plumber. No, I've decided to leave the show. It's been a really difficult decision,

but I'm at a point where I think I need to concentrate on my stand-up comedy. I know. And, no. So, goodbye. I'd like to make a speech. Oh. That wasn't it?

No. There's more. That was premature. Sorry. If you can put that on loop. Does it go on repeat? You'd know how to work the desk by now. Yeah, I've worked that out in two years.

Gee. I want to hear the speech because I might be mentioned. Okay, let's do it. Oh, I won't. I'm really hoping that you're a very noticeable absentee. I can be. Oh, no. I'd like to just thank everyone on the show for having me.

Thank you, Frank. It's been such an amazing opportunity. Like, when you start off, I'm going to be serious, okay? Oh, God. I know you were going gonna say no change there but um i um it's been it's it's so difficult starting comedy you feel like um a drop in the ocean and for someone to help you a drip in the ocean and for someone to um to support you in the way that you have and had me on the show it's's been absolutely amazing. Oh God, I'm going.

I'm slipping away. An incredible comedy apprenticeship. It's been Scar's £18 a shot. I've got that petrichor moment when my eyes are watering. I know you've fought for me to be on the show at times. No, you'll get your grand people. Don't worry, your grand people. So thank you so much.

It's been an incredible experience experience I'm starting to think now we should have just not mentioned it and got someone else playing Gareth next week like they did with Lucy in Neighbours maybe Melissa Bell could have come in what do you think Gareth? well I was saying to Laura the other week sounds like Melissa Bell

Emily you've been the good looking big sister I never had Laura the other week. Sounds like Melissa Bell. Emily, you've been the good-looking big sister I never had. Thank you so much for looking after me. Like, you look after everyone. You're such a lovely person. I'd have said mother. Mother? Even at this stage, you were frightened to say mother.

Cutted like a pig. No, it's the big sister I've never had and you know bossing me around pulling my hair are you sure this isn't a bit

of an over response to just one appearance on Russell Howe I don't need to think no it's just easy all the while there are ups and downs in this crazy

old world of show business I'd like to thank the people who laugh in the background Emma you've been amazing Daisy sent a lovely text explaining it. And Rosanna, thank you, everyone. And most of all, I'd like to thank the listeners.

339, you've been amazing. 278, 131. 131 has just texted in. Sorry to see you go, Gareth. It's been a lot of pun. It's been a lot of pun at last. I miss you most of all, 131. 450, 611

533 Oh 670 I'm surprised you mentioned 670 After the incident We'll miss you so much We will miss you At least we'll always have That's the morning

Which I think we might keep with your permission as an eternal jingle. Well, it is quite... It's an emotional moment, but, you know, you're basically saying that you're leaving to spend more time with your family, which usually is a super injunction. I wonder if I'll have to talk about why I'm really going.

No, don't say that or people will think it's going to be something anyway despite this

emotional farewell we'll be on not the weekend podcast it's a bit like you

know when you've been on holiday and met friends with someone you give them a big

hug at the airport and then they're at the taxi ramp we will miss you terribly we've been someone, you give them a big hug at the airport and then they're at the taxi ramp. Yeah, it's like that. We will miss you terribly.

We've been here from the beginning and we've sort of you know, it is like a little family so it's terrible but hey, we'll still come and see your show and make remarks. We might even come to Bournemouth.

I'm not committed. The best of Frank and make remarks. We might even come to Bournemouth. I'm not committed.