The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - 10 Year Anniversary

Episode Date: March 16, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. It is party time as it's our 10 year anniversary and to celebrate Frank is on Absolute Radio for ten hours. The team discuss the Reading Tin Exhibition and Mitt Romney's Birthday cake. And as a special treat, David Baddiel and Tim Key also pop in to join us.

Happy 10th anniversary to Frank Skinner. Our gift to you is an extra 7 hours of work. This is 10 Hours of Frank on Absolute Radio. So yes, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I am with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, email the show via the Absolute Radio website. on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. So the show is 10 years old.

We've already had a reprimand, I think. Have we? We have, I'm afraid. It is to do with the oppressive 12s, which we're very strict about normally, Frank. Yes. I think we might even... I don't know how to... We've got a clip, I think.

Well, shall... OK. Coincidentally. because this just came in this this should sorry about this this should explain so this is when this idea first came up on the show

so when would this have been July 2014 so let's go straight into a clip we weren't expecting this the show okay so when would this have been do we know this was no no july 2014 july 2014 we're supposed to go straight into a clip we weren't expecting this but as we've had this reprimand listen in yeah it's not an early start by the working person standard but yeah we start the show at eight, we get here about seven. What time do you set your alarm for on a Saturday morning usually? Five, four, five. Six or six or five, depending.

Me? 603. Because it's recently struck me, why do I have to be a slave to the tyrannical twelfths? Every morning it gives you that feeling that I'm a bit of a different thinking guy. No, the thing with that is I always thought it was the oppressive twelfths.

That's what I've come to... But the tyrannical twelfths is much better. Yes. The idea is the twelfths, obviously, is that people always split things into five minutes. So they'll say, I'll see you at quarter past 20. Exactly. Seldom does someone

make an arrangement for 13 past. No. You're right. So Dylan Hubble, the reprimand, he says, how,

I repeat, how the Dickens can you of all people be paying homage to the oppressive decimals? I'll tune in for nine hours and 42 minutes. Yes, what we should have done is celebrated our ninth or eleventh anniversary.

That's a good point. It's too late now. We've got the balloons now. We've got the balloons. We've got the balloons. We've got, yeah, we've got... It's our tin anniversary. Tin?

Yeah, ten years is tin. Yeah, it's a rubbish anniversary, tin. Can you imagine? A husband turning up with a tin brooch. I'll tell you what I don't like about the tin anniversary. Haven't they just... Isn't the 10th anniversary the tin anniversary? Because tin sounds a bit like 10.

Yes. I mean, is that the best they've got? Will it be our lemon anniversary next year? I think you've got to have someone that feels somehow significant not just vaguely

sounds a bit like it having said that yeah oh yeah I was in Reading

last week oh yeah and what are you doing there one of the shows well we've got friends that live there, first and foremost.

But as I was in the town centre and we were walking past the museum, I remembered that they have a copy of the Bayeux. Fake Bayeux tapestry. Fake Bayeux. Oh. The Bayeux tribute. I know it well. The faux Bayeux tribute. I know it well. The faux Bayeux.

But while I was in there looking at the, what would you call it, proxy Bayeux. Yeah, I like that. I noticed there was a tin exhibition and I thought, well, it's our tin. It's our tin. Don't tell me you went. Anniversary. Of course I went. Who goes to the tin exhibition and I thought, well, it's our tin... It's our tin... Don't tell me you went. Anniversary. Of course I went. Who goes to the tin exhibition? He's like a method comedian.

It's like the Robert De Niro of comedy. He's got a tin coming up. He goes to a tin exhibition. Even De Niro wouldn't go that far. Well, it's better than putting on three stones. I'll do anything. Marty, I'll do anything, but I'm not going to the tin exhibition in Reading.

My worst thing is when very beautiful actresses make themselves look really ugly for a part. And they think, look what I've done, I'm so brave. Whereas ugly actresses all over America are thinking I could have done that. And so many men don't even have to. Anyway, as you were. Exactly.

Well, the men do it as well though i know men ugly themselves up when all the ugly actors you don't get much work as it is yeah is that fair no i think so meanwhile over at the reading tin exhibition so it turns out that huntley and palmers oh yeah yes was housed and they used to make biscuits, I believe. They were housed in Reading. Consequently, there's an enormous tin depository there. Oh, is there? So, yeah, there's a massive exhibition of tins of all kinds. Well, was it good? It sounds good.

Of all kinds from Huntley and Palmer's. Oh, OK. Did you like the exhibition? Well, I tell you, there was a thing. They had a Lone Ranger tin. Now, I was a big fan of the Lone Ranger TV series. It used the William Tennover tour, as you may recall, as its theme, which I used to play commonly on the Fingers and Thumbs. Do you know that? Excellent. And there was a picture of the Lone Ranger on this tin And I thought, oh brilliant, 1961

And it said, The Lone Ranger and Tonto Now Tonto was the Native American right hand man of the Lone Ranger Oh I thought that was the horse Well so did the people from Reading Museum Now you know it's a bit of a the worst possible faux pas that your average white person

can make. If you mistake say one Native American for another Native American you know it's pretty bad but to mistake one for a horse it gets worse. It was pretty bad so it says here, here is the Lone Ranger and Tonto. And I was looking, I thought, is that in behind the cactus? No.

I'm afraid they've got... So it should have been Silver, which was the name of the horse. Yes. Oh. Two of his brothers, I think, currently play for Man City. Lovely. Lovely. They probably didn't

want to mention Silver at the tin museum of course of course it was that old rivalry I should have

seen that celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with 10 hours of Frank Absolute Radio

speaking of Tonto the Reddington exhibition hours of Frank. Absolute Radio. Speaking of Tonto. The Reddington exhibition. Tonto. Did I ever tell you I saw Glenn Campbell live? Did you? Once. And he's brilliant live.

There was he plays amazing guitar. He shows home movies he played the bang on the sex sounds like a student I once went out with I'll tell you one other thing plays guitar makes you watch home movies

Glen Campbell was also a fan of the Lone Ranger TV series and as soon as he got a view Bob he got a white horse got himself a perfect lone ranger outfit and i phoned jay silverheels was who was the native american who played tonto and said will you come and film with me i want want to recreate some Lone Ranger stuff.

And he showed this clip while he played the William Tell Overture on his guitar. But they had a... Jay Silverheels, by then, was in his 70s, and I think hadn't worked much after the Lone Ranger. And there was a great shot of him on horseback, looking, like, holding on for grim life. His 70-year-old look and his old outfit,

his old, you know, with the feather sticking out the headband. And he's got real, what we used to call rouge, what I call the blusher now. Oh, yes. He's got two circles of blusher, like... A bit Aunt Sally. Like, you know, Stobbs in Worst All Gummits, exactly. Yes!

With him holding his lips are really pocketed in sort of fear and also not trying to look less terrible that's a great moment

oh Frank I've just worked out then this is an idiotic eureka moment for me because is that why the song is Hi Ho Silver Hi Ho Silver Liven

yes oh I've never known that. Oh, it's a Lone Ranger reference. In case you're new to the show, the idiotic eureka moments are things you realise much later than everyone. Yes, the reason it's hi-ho silver lining is it's a pun on, obviously, a silver lining. It's a good thing.

And hi-ho silver, which is what the Lone Ranger used to say at the beginning of his, hi-ho silver, away, is what the Lone Ranger used to say at the beginning of his Hi-ho Silva, row away! is what he used to actually say and the horse is going right right next to you no need to shout man do all the voices don't you?

I should say that we are, this particular show this morning which is normally three hours is going to be six hours yeah and then I'm going to do I'm then going to carry on normally three hours is um is going to be six hours yeah and then i'm gonna do now you tell me i'm then gonna carry on into three hours of rock and roll football with the two mats oh yeah the two are mats yeah well welcome and bath yeah very good as i like to call them and then um we should get some shirts printed and that. And then I do an hour with Andy Bush.

Brilliant. Worth two in the hand. Thus making it... I've heard that. Thus making it up to ten hours. Well, actually, we've had an email discussing this exact point. Dear Frank, DME and the Cockerel, recently when I visited my elderly mother in Huddersfield,

I set off when the show starts at eight and I'm usually pulling onto her drive when the show finishes at 11. It does make the journey fly, but that's nice. Thank you. I've worked out that if I'm going to drive for the length of Frank's broadcasting this week, I will need to drive to Aviemore in Scotland,

which should take about 10 hours. We'll take the old girl skiing. It's all perfect, isn't it? It's lined up. Yeah, I would do that. And Aviemore sounds like a nice spot to go to. And they love a couple of sticks, the elderly.

They do. That's when they're most at home. Yeah, I would do that. Take her to Aviemore. Or you could pick her upmore why not pick her up and bring her back for a week have a weekend

at your home yeah pick her up and podcast it and then listen to it all again on the way home no no but you can listen just pick her up

she can be waiting at the door jump in and then drive drive back listen to the rest of the show that's a good idea

I've actually put a photo of the the tin, the Lone Ranger tin, on our... Have you? Is it Instagram? It's on...

We'll put it on Instagram. Oh, that sounds lovely. You've changed. You're so social media ready these days. Well, you know, pics already didn't happen. Well, do you know

what I like? It's Frank... I repeat, you've changed. When people say that, Frank, they mean that time they met a Kardashian, maybe. They don't mean a Lone Ranger biscuit tin.

No, I find a lot of people now shout it during the Bible readings at Mass. And thank God for the Renaissance artists. That's all right. There was another tin. Have you ever heard of a... I've got to tell you one more tin anecdote. It is our tin anniversary. Oh, please. I mean, I could listen to them all morning. I've got no choice. There's a Victorian artist

called Kate Greenaway. Have you ever heard of her? I knew Emily would. I bet you probably had one on your wall as a child. I think I might have, yes. And she, one of her designs is one of the tin, and it's a tin there, a round tin.

And if you look closely, it seems, probably not her, but a rogue artist who worked at the tin lid factory, has put in a few,

a couple of, how can I put it, physical moments in the background. You are joking. They're not completely graphic, but they're fairly apparent. So I might put that on in Scud, so you can see if you can spot them.

Okay, Al. Now I'm starting to realise why you went to the old tin exhibition. Oh, come on! Yes. Well, I haven't told you about the faux bailleux. Can you imagine how good that was? Can you? I'm 12.15.

Absolute Radio presents 10 Hours of Frank Skinner He only came to Absolute Radio on a three month contract and 10 years later he still won't sign it Happy 10th anniversary Frank from Absolute Radio

Can I just say we've got to correct Sione very early on Frank Another one Sorry that was Laurie McManamy impression Another one. Ah, no. Sorry, that was Laurie McManamy impression. Keeping it topical here on Absolute Radio. Even if a ten-year anniversary show, Laurie McManamy does not qualify as a topic.

I'll just briefly fill you in. Paul Gascoigne, I won't say what, Paul Gascoigne was asked if he had a message, I think, for the Norwegian fans. And he gave a message which, let's say, was inappropriate. And Laurie McMenemy, the assistant manager of England, was passionate. He had heard the response and went, oh, no. manager of England was passionate, he had heard the response and went, oh no.

And maybe you could Google and find out what that particular gas coin message was. You can probably guess. I think we can imagine. The content was medieval. Have you got a message for the people of Norway? It was only going to go one way. Yeah, we've got to correct

Sione so early on on on our special day. Do you want me to hit the... The person responsible for the error is the cockerel, I'm afraid. Oh. Oh, no. I can believe it. I can believe it. What have I done? How did you pronounce the...

Popular skiing resort of Scotland. Oh, I think I said Aviemore and it's Aviemore, didn't I? Is it? Have I got it wrong? Well, dear Frank, dear me and Alan, congrats, you're well done on your 10th anniversary. I'm sorry to write in on your day of celebration with a Correzione.

But Aviemore... Correzione! Correzione! Is pronounced Aviemore. I know Alan is more of a son of Yorkshire than Scotland. Not true. You sound like Macbeth. Not true. But even

so, with his Scottish lineage, I thought he'd have known. Yeah, I mean, I thought I would have known, but you know, I was reading off a screen and I'm under pressure. Under pressure? Yeah, exactly. And someone else wrote in and said,

have we got another Descartes on our hands? I think so. You know what? I mean, I happen to know it was Avie Moore, but I thought today of all days. But obviously not everyone else has my benevolence. I know. That's right.

I was prepared to be magnanimous, as they say. Who would you say was the most magnanimous TV presenter of all time? Oh, Magnus Magnusson. Magnanimous Magnusson. Obviously. Ten years of the Frank Skinner show means nothing really it's just an arbitrary number we humans have assigned to our own perception of time

but we're trying to make something of it as a result you're listening to 10 hours of Frank Skinner Absolute Radio We've actually had a communication that I think is quite interesting you know you were discussing the tin exhibition It took 10 years know, you were discussing the tin exhibition.

It took ten years. Yeah, exactly. You know, you were discussing the tin exhibition you went to in Reading. 848 has said, that's why Reading Football Club are known as the Biscuit Men. Of course. Because they had the biscuit factory there, presumably.

That's Ben Hearnby, who says happy birthday. Ben Hearn? I mean, it's a bit of a pedantic point, but it's not technically a birthday, it's an anniversary, really. Well, it's the show's birthday. I know. Come on. Make a little insight into what it's like being married to the cockerel there. It's not technically a birthday, is it?

It's the show's anniversary, actually. Here's your tin tankard, love. Yes. Imagine if someone got you a tankard. I'd walk. I've been given a tankard as a gift in the past. Have you?

Yeah. One thing I was a bit concerned about was... Being thrown off air after ten hours of broadcasting. Actually, I'll tell you this later. been thrown off air after 10 hours of broadcasting. Actually, I'll tell you this later. No, the reason I say this, last night, I went to bed fairly early because I thought it was going to be a long day tomorrow,

10 hours on the radio. So I went and I have a six-year-old song called Boz, new readers might not know. So I went to kiss him goodnight. And he said to me, so it's your ten-hour show tomorrow. I said, that's right, yeah. He said, is your show the most important show on Absolute Radio? Ooh.

I said, yes. Now, I'm sorry to all my colleagues, but you weren't there. And he said, what's the next most important show? I said, well, way back, way back after us. And I won't say what I said was second, but he said to me, there's one thing, though, I don't understand. He said, why do you never play we are the champions oh and I um said well you know we do play he said you never play you know he's a mad queen fan well he made me play that in the car the other day yeah but when I went to bed and I thought, I realised that the first question was a set-up for the second question.

Because what he was getting at is because, in a way, we are the champions. That'll speak for itself. Can I say again that, I mean, I'm not, this is, obviously I'm not totally sincere that we're the most important show, but when you're talking to a small child late at night and trying to get him to sleep... Well, one has to agree. It's no good me going on about Dave Berry and Jason Manford.

It's filling his head with too much stuff. And all our other fabulous presenters. So I realised that it was a request based on the fact that in his mind, based on, in fact, my information, that we are the champions. Yeah. So it was a lovely moment. Anyway. Have you taken Buzz to sea?

Oh, God, I wonder what you're going to ask me. Have you taken? Oh, yeah, but a long time ago. I suspect Buzz is a little young for the movie Bohemian Rhapsody. Yeah, I think it might. I haven't seen it, but I suspect there might be swearing

and drug references. And as you know, on Absolute Radio, we disapprove of all those things. I've got to say, it never stopped my parents. That was an incentive. But I saw it recently.

Was there swearing and drugs references? Yes. Okay. I was right. I would say it's not... Yeah, I would say in a few years, maybe. Let me leave it six months for buzz. But I was...

I liked it, don't get me wrong, in the way that I love a biopic. It was great. But... Favourite of a biopic? Well... Oh, it's a tough one. I mean, am I allowed to include Henry VIII?

Certainly. Okay. I've got to think about that. Okay, we can come back to it. I mean, I love a biopic. They're the best, aren't they? But this one, I think what I struggle with a bit is when they throw in,

and perhaps someone can come up with a good sort of word for this, because I don't know what you'd call it, but it's when they refer to something that we know already. So, for example, in the Freddie Mercury, they'll say, you can't call a band queen. Oh, yeah. Or he's always on that piano. All right.

Yeah, or it's the Leonardo da Vinci biopic. He's mad. He thinks one day men will fly. Machines. Exactly. And I just can't get around those things. No, I think you have to avoid that. Yes, that is the sound of a ukulele,

which means this must be ten hours of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Can I say, by the way, I think I'd be voting for Pride of the Yankees, which is about Lou Gehrig. Do you know Lou Gehrig, who died of Lou Gehrig do you know Lou Gehrig who died of Oh yes who died of Lou Gehrig's disease

Yes which is a bit of a coincidence Yes Gary Cooper as Lou Gehrig very emotional it'd be up there

I'm not saying it's here but it's up there I do you think that we are the champions and we will rock you? There seem to be songs that are written in order to get royalties from BBC sports compilations.

Indeed. Greatest love of all. Hero. Let me entertain you. Yes. Mariah's Hero. Come on. I mean, that was built for the podium. Yes. Mariah's Hero, come on. I mean, that was built for the podium.

Yeah, true colours, I have to say. I didn't see coming, say, BBC Sports compilation back up, but it did become quite popular. But I do think some people watch those and think, you know what, that's what we should write, a BBC Sports compilation. Some people, M people watch that. Search for the hero.

Oh, that's taken off. Good shout. It's one of those, you don't need the words. You just need the slight, like when a dog cries. That's where the emotion is. Oh, man. I'm crying now. There's no words.

I don't know what you're saying. There are no words. You're right. Do you ever look for the hero inside yourself? No. Occasionally... No, I can't be bothered. I just wish mine had shut up.

He's always going on at me. I had a dodgy coffee once, and I had to go into hospital, and they looked for the Nero inside me. Rubbish. Rubbish. I'm sorry. Don't of Nile. Rubbish, rubbish. I'm sorry, I'll take that. Don't put yourself down. Come on, it's my anniversary.

I'm doing what I like. Don't put yourself down. You've got nine hours to go. Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking I might get blind drunk. Pace yourself, mate. Oh, no. Oh, I heard a thing.

I'll tell you in a minute. I mean, unprofessional broadcasting. I'll tell you in a minute. Happy 10th anniversary to frank skinner our gift to you is an extra seven hours of work this is 10 hours of frank on absolute radio this is frank skinner on absolute radio with emily dean and alan cochran you can text the show on 8 12 15 follow the show on twitter and instagram at frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. How was it about... No, no, you can't do that.

We've had... I mean, we're getting pulled up a lot this morning. Yeah. I'm pretending that never happened. This is from Jess Bow. Jess Bow? Mm-hmm. Okay. I don't know if that's a portmanteau name for her and a partner. I'm guessing it's like Bojo. I'm guessing that...

Oh, is she with a Boris, maybe? I think her surname will begin with Bo. OK. That's what my view is. I believe her surname is Heegers. Oh. Jesbo Heegers. Oh, that's all wrong, then.

Yeah. Well, as were we, according to Jesbo. Oh, were we? to Jespo oh were we when oh no what's she got to say what's she coming in with a correction this time

come on let's have it now you sound so like a sort of irate manager in the lower leagues doing a post match interview oh

what's she got to say were we were we then Jespo says this we were talking about the queen Oh, Leeds doing a post-match interview. Oh, once you got to... Where were we? Where were we then? Jespo says this. We were talking about the queen, I'm going to say movie for now, earlier, Frank. Yes.

She says, when did we stop saying, is it biopic? Biopic. Like biography, and start saying biopic, like biodegradable, up with which I will not put. Hashtag English language butchers.

Well, um... Strong work on up with which I will not put. What say you, Frank Skinner? Well, I have always said biopic. I certainly never said biopic, because biopic to me is too similar to myopic. And it sounds like someone who looks with both eyes The thing is I'm worried that I say

biopic because of you and given some of your other extraordinary pronunciations How dare you? Star Wars, Stephen Gerard Henry Winkler Winkler was fun I'm concerned that you've taken us down

a strange cul-de-sac mispronunciation I'm sure biopic is an ophthalmic term someone swallowed addiction for breakfast and also pick you want to get the word

pick for picture, whereas biopic sort of lose it a bit. I'm sorry, I'm not sure, Jesbo. Okay, if we have a language expert listening or someone who deals with phonetics or just someone clever. I think we've got three in here, haven't we? I want to watch a biopic of...

Please contact us. A biopic of Christopher Columbus, where I think it was Errol Flynn was playing Columbus. And there's a bit where he comes out of his cabin and says, does any of you guys see land? I just loved it. There was a Van Gogh. No, I'm just teasing was a Van Gogh no I'm just teasing you Van Gogh biopic

and I remember him coming out I think it might have been Kirk Douglas because he came running out into the wheat fields of course and he came out and he said I just want to paint yeah I think it was Kirk Douglas, in fact. And it was called, was it called The Agony and the Ecstasy?

I think that's Michelangelo. Yes. Anyway. But he did say in The Wheatfields, I just want to paint. And I'm not sure that happened. Do you remember the old... I was going to say pick so it didn't happen, but we've got to pick. I'm seeing that's a bit of a spoiler alert.

Do you remember Oi? Do you remember the old joke? Sorry When Frank wants attention he's got so desperate he said Oi Oi He actually said Oi He was so desperate

for attention It's an old joke Do you remember it? No, it's from the joke that It's Oi Van Gogh Do you want a pint? And he says, no, it's all right, I've got one here.

Oh, it was a very fine old joke. Celebrating ten years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with ten hours of Frank. Absolute Radio. We've actually had a text from Nugget, who I would say was a regular contributor over the decade. Hi Frank, was three lines not written to be rolled out at every major football championship England participate in?

In regards to Nugget. I think that's a reference to people writing songs for BBC Sports Clips compilation. Yeah, your montage. We were commissioned by the Football Association to write that song. Oh, here we go. So it wasn't cynically done to get right. I don't think I've ever seen it used for a sports compilation.

In fact, you had to play it. It was very official to Terry Venables. Terry Venables? Terry Venables? Terry Venables. Venables, they call him in France. Yeah, Venables, Terry Venables. And what did he say when he heard it, Frank? He said it was a real key tap.

And he tapped his car keys to it as it played. So I think that's what he meant. But it's a great summary. Yeah. Oh, I tell you what, because I'm doing, our second three hours today, four, five and six hours, would have been Sarah Champion. So I was a bit worried about that politically,

that we hadn't upset Sarah. So I had a look at her Twitter feed. And she did tweet about it and she said, turns out I've got the day off tomorrow. And I thought, oh, I don't like the sound of turns out. Oh, no. Oh, I was worried about that. I felt better when I saw that they'd done a mock-up of the Blade Runner, the new Blade. What's it called? 2049, is it called? Oh, I don't watch films like that.

I do. I know. I should know what it is. Anyway, it's the new Blade Runner. They've done a mock-up of that with absolute presenters. Now, if you're going to do that... Are we in it? Who are you going to have for Harrison Ford?

The bedraggled, old, slightly crumbling Harrison Ford. It's going to be. Anyway, we're not in it. So I felt better about the whole thing. Oh, right. It's good. It looks good. We're not in it. But you're not in it.

You know, it's fine. Oh, dear. I'm just saying, it's fine. Yeah. Anyway, I... Someone's just texted... If anyone wants to do a mock-up of a film poster with us in it, people who can do that kind of thing, I'd love to see one.

What are you thinking, on Golden Pond? The Three Stooges. Ah. I'm not getting Andy Zaltzman in at this stage. We've had a text. Morning, Frallum. So sorry to be Mr Pernikety on your special day, but re-how to say words.

I believe the cockerel did just say mispronunciation. Cul-de-sac, which in my humble opinion should be mispronunciation. Yeah, I think I was doing it on purpose to... Come on, we can't be fucking us up on these things. Like when people say emphasis. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I was... He was doing it on purpose. I think I was... He was doing it on purpose. I think I was trolling you in a teasing way. No, I... I mean, we can't be... Come on, you can't be too pedantic. Mission accomplished. I had someone pick me up on Twitter the other day.

No, I don't mean that sort of pick me up. Oh, thank goodness. Legend. I'm not one of those lurkers. But someone picked me up because I referred to the game I've Never and said, I think you mean I have never. Oh. I mean, come on.

What game? Is that like I've never seen Star Wars? Yes, and I said I've never. Was that a game before I've never seen Star Wars? Yes, of course it was. Oh, you say of course. Yes. Well, I can honestly say I have never heard of it.

Well, that's weird, because I thought I'd played it with you, because I played it with David Baddiel many times. Oh, well, I thought Marcus Brigstuck had invented that, which I've never seen. No, Never Have I Ever, the game is called. Is it? Never Have I Ever. I believe it's a drinking game.

Well, I never. Never Have I Ever. It's a drinking game well I never never have I ever heard of this game well that's why you haven't played it with me yeah ah ok

I never knew that never have I ever known that yeah so I'm trying to think of something I've never done now but we've done it all

well I can tell you well we do have all day well David Baddiel had some interesting things but none of the ones I can think of at the moment are I can

broadcast no or is Neil Warnock's head in a post-match interview really printable on Sky Media did you say Neil Warlock no Warlock that would have been a fabulous

we should call him Warlock Warlock if you had to pick a Premier League manager who was involved in witchcraft, he would be my first pet. I can see him in a cowl. We should rechristen him Warlock. I'm going to do it.

Neil Warlock as well sounds like a thing that you'd say. The command. I'm not saying he's a Satanist. I'm saying he might be a white witch or wizard, but I can see him involved with local people in the Cardiff area in some sort of witchcraft and sorcery.

You know those people because you identify them. They've just got the eyebrows slightly too high. They'll be walking in a civilian clothes and I'll look at them and I think you're involved possibly in witchcraft or something a bit funny. This could be a brilliant start to a major series of novels for children. Oh, I think someone's already...

Oh, no. What if Laurie McManamy had said that about being pipped to the post by J.K. Rowling on the Harry Potter franchise? Yes, that is the sound of a ukulele. Which means this must be ten hours of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I've just been sent a picture of Neil Warlock. Oh, yeah.

With his eyebrows being set slightly too high, presented without comment. But someone has said our absolute radio colleague, Pete Donaldson, has already coined Neil Warlock. Oh, I see. OK. But I bet he didn't go into the whole thing about him being involved in witchcraft in Cardiff. He might have.

But no, fair enough, we can't use that again then. Can we discuss someone else who has a birthday? Respect. Today, please, or this week. Can I tell you about the faux bailleur? Oh, yes. Do you want to tell us a little story? It's a long story.

I like a long story. I have the bailleur tapestry. It's a long story. Come on. Thank you, Faye. It was late. Big respect. I find with young people, if you press them on it, they will laugh.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, in terms of... Let me rephrase that. Can laugh on command. Don't use that as a trailer. Goodness me. That was for his CV. Oh, no.

Can laugh on command. In terms of Starftor, as Frank once memorably called it on this show, Frank, would you just care to concisely sum up what Starftor is? It's when people who are being paid to work on the show laugh at our jokes. Yes. They don't stay long if they don't. I think Faye's pushed it

to the limit. Did you say? I think she smiles at our jokes, which on radio is worthless. Well, there you go. She's learning. There you go. So the Bayer 2.0. Yeah, the Bayer. She's learning. There you go. So the Bayer 2.0. Yeah, the Bayer. What happens in the Victorian times?

Do you remember Mike Reader? We used to see regularly on a Saturday morning before this show because he worked for Magic FM. Oh, I'd completely forgotten that. A very nice chap. That showbiz. Very nice chap. He used to walk in, I think, from Paddington. Tennis shoes, yeah.

He used to wear shorts and trainers. That showbiz. Very nice chap. Used to walk in, I think, from Paddington. Tennis shoes, yeah. He used to wear shorts and trainers. And he walked in. He walked from Paddington. Kept him trim, I think. Saved money as well. I remember he had a bit of bad luck with an Oscar Wilde musical that ran for one night. that ran for one night. And, no, you know, I wrote a terribly reviewed play for Edinburgh, so we've all had our theatrical disasters.

But he said, you know, he said, people are judging this, which was true. He said, but, he said, Dickens. Was it a biopic? It was a bio... Mew. Mews. Okay. Bio-mews.

So I'm just wondering... Bioplay. Bioplay. Okay. I'm just wondering... Or was it a bioplay? Oh, yeah. I'm...

That sounds like one of those yogurts that sorts your gut out but anyway there was a quote from Mike and I found him to be a very nice bloke I never mentioned this quote to him but he said yeah but you know Charles Dickens wasn't appreciated in his day and now

we call those times Dickensian London I thought there were two major problems with this. One, Charles Dickens was absolutely massive in his day. Yeah. I mean, he was a superstar. He was a celebrated novelist of the era. And my read's a literary man.

You know, I can't believe he didn't know. And the other thing was there was a suggestion that this period, sometime in the future, would be called Reidian England. And I thought that was pushing it, I have to say. But who knows what tomorrow brings, to be fair. But you know what? I did love Pop Quiz.

Oh, so did I. But I didn't see the importance of being earnest. I'm just worried if it was going down the biopic route, Frank, that there was, I hope there wasn't a character... the importance of being earnest. I'm just worried if it was going down the biopic route, Frank, that there was, I hope there wasn't a character... The importance of being earnest. Yes. And that play did do well. No, I know, but if he referenced it in the Oscar Wilde...

Oh, I'm sure he did. Well, exactly, but what did he do? Did he have a character saying, it's very important to be earnest, you know, Oscar, and then he went, it's giving me an idea. I just... And then Oscar said, hold on, Oscar. And then he went, he's given me an idea. I just... And then Oscar said, hold on, where's my handbag?

And I went... Oh, no. And then he said, I'm writing that down. He said, you always do, Oscar, you always do. And then he left. It was one that down. He said, you always do, Oscar, you always do. And then he left. It was one of the last really happy times he had.

Good night. Celebrating ten years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with ten hours of Frank. Absolute Radio. Frank, Lost for Life was a Van Gogh film. Agony and Ecstasy was Michelangelo. That's from France. I did. Agony and Ecstasy was Michelangelo. That's from France. I did say Agony and Ecstasy was Michelangelo.

But yeah, Lost for Life, of course it was. They used that for it. They didn't. They didn't. They didn't. It's one of those funny fibs. It was my plan today to celebrate our anniversary. I was going to say it was a song called Ten Years.

I couldn't find one. It was ten years after the band and stuff like that, but they wanted to do the song. So I thought we could play David Bowie's Five Years twice. Oh, yeah. Lovely. Because it was scuppered by the no-repeat guarantee. Oh.

What a mistake it's made. The best laid plans of mice and men. I suppose if you're talking about the fake bio-tapestry of bio-tapestry 2.0... Is it bio-tapestry or bio-trapestry? Bio-trapestry. Actually, I've had a bio-trapestry this week, and I must say, I'm much more regular. You do look well.

I have one of those cameras. I love a biootopistry. If we talk about it again, does that contravene the no-repeat guarantee? I think that's all right. It's not, strictly speaking, a tapestry. It's one thing I love. That's a good point, yeah.

It's an embroidery. It is. Oh, you're right. So some Victorian ladies... There's a very handsome man on the biotapestry I spotted. Oh, is that right? There's some lovely fellas on there. Because I think you guys have talked about the Bayeux

tapestry on a week when I was away. It was announced it was going to come to Macron. Big news. Said the Bayeux tapestry was going to come to... He said it might, yeah, yeah. I think it is coming. Do you reckon?

I think, yes. They're rolling it up as we speak. I like the way Bloodshed is depicted, which is always in a nice way. Is it? Is it quite PG? PG. Well, there was a bit...

These Victorian women who did it, I have to say, did a brilliant job on it. It's great. I'd recommend the Reading trip. It's like seeing a tribute band. Sometimes better. It looks the same and there's none of the pressure on it. It's free.

Yes. Right. No big queues. There'd be a lot less queuing. Are you suggesting it's... Sorry, Al. I suppose the whole thing is a big queue though, in a way. Well, I know what you mean. You're effectively... They're not all facing in the same direction, though, and I hate that in the queue. There is one bloke pushing his bag along the floor with his foot,

which is one of my favourite queue behaviour. I'm guilty of that. It's been ruined by the wheels on luggage thing, of course. I like the idea that it's like the tribute, but it's the sort of noasis of the embroidery world. Yeah, I don't know what it... That could be 8, 12, 15. What should the tribute by her tapestry be called?

It should have one of those punning names. Yes. We've all heard the great punning names of the band. Noasis being a very good... Bjorn, again, I was never convinced on, if I'm honest. Convinced by... Well, it's to do with one of the band. No Aces being a very good Bjorn again I was never convinced on if I'm honest convinced by, well it's to do with one of the band members I think it's a generic

Swedish name though isn't it? My favourite was Shania Twin I always fancied Proxy Music I don't know if it was ever used but I thought that would be a great one. But the Biotapestry, considering it as a tribute band, which it is in a way, what should it be called? 8, 12, 15.

Happy 10th anniversary to Frank Skinner. Our gift to you is an extra seven hours of work. This is 10 Hours of Frank on Absolute Radio. By your standards, this is quite a straightforward texting that we've gone for. You've gone for a pick a kind of parody name, I suppose

it is, isn't it? Like a bio-tapestry tribute. It is a bio-tapestry tribute. That's easy for you to say. Now what you've got to say, which they would say on certain TV shows, is, oh, sorry, put my teeth back in.

Yes. I wash my mouth and I can't do a thing with it or something like that. Well, 953 has... Sorry, go on. No, they say something about fuddling up their work. Oh, yes. Remember when you used to spit on people accidentally and they'd say, you can spray that again?

Anyone still say that? I bet there are people still say it. I think say it, don't spray it is funny, though. And if you turn your foot away from people, they say, nice to see you back. I mean, I've said before, very few things in life will make me laugh as much as... Do you remember you used to have actual posters on the tube on the way down?

On the escalator. Rather than the LED thing. Yeah, yeah. And some wags would occasionally put chewing gum to look like sort of snot or a moustache on a beautiful... We don't mean Colleen Rooney, by the way. Just funny. No. No, no, I just mean somebody being pranky.

Anyway, 953 has sent a suggestion for the bio tapestry. In true English tradition, how about bio McBio face? Has that been used for something else? Very fine. I've also got our... The bio

tapestry. Well also, is it Bayeux? It is a Bayeux. Bayeux. 936, this is Geoff. De Bayeux tapestry. De Bayeux. De Bayeux.

I don't get it. De means two in French. No, I knew that. I just didn't get it. De Bayeux. The second Bayeux. Oh, like Bayeux 2.0. Yeah. Okay, so it was quite bad you didn't get it. The second Bayer. Oh, like Bayer 2.0. Yeah.

Okay, so it was quite bad you didn't get it. Duh. Didn't it be Bayer Duh? I don't know. I think so. 984, Al. Morning all. I'm not sure about the tapestry,

but I once saw an advert for Rich Clifford and the Sadows. I thought I'd share that with you. That's Rob the Tyler. He's one of our regulars. Oh, good. That is very fine. How about the Brian Travesty, the real English translation? What does that mean?

Don't know. And not even I'm going to leap in with a translation at this point. By faux tapestry. They all sound a little unwieldy at this point. By foot, faux, tapestry. They all sound a little unwieldy. At the moment, yeah. Maybe I've asked too much. Déjà vu. Bayou City Rollers.

Now you're being silly. Déjà vu. Déjà by you. This is a good radio. I think it is. Come on. We're allowed a bit of this in ten hours.

Put this in the awards clip. In ten hours, we're allowed a bit of this, aren't we? This is 4am at the telethon, isn't it? It'll all be like this. I should think by the time

I'm with Andy Bush, I'll be saying, I tell you something I've always regretted, Andy. I haven't been an easy man to work with Yes, that is the sound of a ukulele Which means this must be 10 hours of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran

You can text the show on 81215 Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio Or email the show via 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Frank, before we continue, would you please inform the listeners the effort I've gone to sartorially

today to honour you? Yes, and it's a very wonderful moment when Emily always enters, and like an upside-down cake, she's always very well turned out. Can that go on my Twitter bio? Make a note of that, please. She always does arrive looking, I mean, you know, she no longer works in the fashion industry, but you wouldn't know it.

And today she came in, and I thought, you know, because it's her 10th anniversary, I was expecting something spectacular. And she's actually wearing a TARDIS-themed hooded top. It says public box, public call. Yeah. And what I would say, I likened it to Sandy at the end of Grease. I came over to your side. Oh, yes. To show my love and respect for you.

I was going to say, I don't remember telling you that story. You also said that you really liked it and you thought you might get into it. Yes, and the reason... I thought it was a very funny idea that you might get into sci-fi television because of the fashion.

Well, I might get into it, and then I said something that I'm not very proud of about why I like the fashion, which was that I just feel that the kind of person that perhaps normally wears the sci-fi fashion might not have the hair blow-dried or makeup or anything like that, because it might be the man maybe living with his parents. Oh, come on. You think putting that hoodie on may be the end of the effort they make about their appearance?

The start and the end. I think that used to be true of Doctor Who fans, but after 55 years, most of their parents have died. At least they've got the house. No, no, come on. I'm joking. Can I say some of the nicest people I've ever met are Doctor Who fans? I would agree with that, and there's one in this studio. And I've got to... got a thank you darling I have to fess up that I did say I've never I've never smelt a

doctor who taught the smell so nice but I include my own I think I actually that that self same we know that's not true because to mark the anniversary I'd also like to reveal on this show something I revealed, I'd say about five years ago, what your partner Cathy Mason said to me early doors of your relationship. She said the thing I like about Frank he's absolutely immaculate.

She said one of the reasons she stayed with me is I was very clean. He's spotless apparently. It always makes me feel like the Beatles' Hard Day's Night film, they repeatedly say. He's a very clean old man. Of Wilfred Bramble. Of Wilfred Bramble.

Yeah, he was arrested for importuning in a lavatory. Absolute radio, everyone. We've all had nights like that. Absolute radio. No, but the brilliant thing was that the lavatory became a comedy club, so I always felt I was in part of a brilliant tradition. That's where I worked with you when we first met. Still talking about the La Ventre incident.

I'm sorry. And why not? Barry Norman. We've got several... Don't leave me, Aaron. We've got several... That was my segue back to the... The bio-tapestry.

The bio-tapestry. Somebody leaning over him holding the arrow. Don't leave me, Harold. Harold! Harold, what's that in your eye? Of course, the millennials are going to have to Google a lot of this. A lot, yeah. Look, they're confused this morning.

What are these people talking about? They presumably are doing all right with the bio-tapestry bit, but the steptoe and sun references, I think, may be of a shock. The Gen Zers won't be up till two. Oh come on. 161 has suggested liar tapestry. Oh that's pretty good. Okay. Not sure? No. Glenn has got a... Well it's not the true tapestry so...... No, I know, but... Come on. Glenn, I think Glenn has everything to play for here because he has gone for, or she, sham 66. Now, that is excellent. Do you like that?

Yeah, I was just wondering if Glenn could be a she. I was distracted by the... Glenn Close. Glenn Close. You're right. OK. You're right. Take it back. No, that's really very good.

Yeah. Shams, I think we'll settle for that as a winner. I think that's our winner. So you don't want any of the runners and riders. What's the prize, Sarah? Oh, no, I'm happy to hear the runners and riders. If there's other richness. Yeah.

What's the prize? Buy him tapestry. The prize is us. Oh, it's buy women? No, that's the problem. It could be called the buy her tapestry. H-E- us. Oh, it's by women, though, that's the problem. It could be called the by her tapestry, I tell you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Can you take that quote out?

It's by women, though, that's the problem. And just separate it. See how that goes in the media. OK. I've been taken out of context. Mr Skinner, Mr Skinner. Oh! Oh!

Mr Skinner Mr Skinner oh so yeah that's I think buy her because it's buy women is good but that was me

really ultimately I cleaned that up into a good one we workshopped it you're good at rewrites but I did think that

Sham 66 is really very very special. Absolute Radio presents 10 Hours of Frank Skinner. He only came to Absolute Radio on a three-month contract and 10 years later, he still won't sign it. Happy 10th anniversary, Frank, from Absolute Radio.

We've had a good point just brought up by Roger who's the reader of the show Hi Frank, Emily and Alan With Frank doing a 10 hour broadcast for his 10 year anniversary on the show is he not worried that a dangerous precedent is being set

the viewers will expect a 15 hour show for the 15th anniversary 20 hours for the 20th, etc., until eventually the mass will mean that he'll only be able to leave the studio for a brief spell midweek. Yeah. Well... Well, 20th anniversary will be in the Donald Trump home for the confused,

won't it? He's a dangerous president. Trayvon, Trayvon. I was talking to a journalist this week, and I was comparing... Sorry for your loss. I was talking to a BBC... She was asking me about the BBC and commercial radio kind of difference.

And I said I felt that the commercial radio was viewed a bit like... You know those brothers of presidents, like Billy Carter, Jimmy Carter's brother? The commercial radio was viewed a bit like, you know those brothers of presidents, like Billy Carter, Jimmy Carter's brother, had a beer named after him and stuff. Yes. And I think a lot of them had brothers that were like the black sheep of the family type thing.

They're sort of wrong-uns, yeah. And it suddenly occurred to me, has Donald Trump got a brother who's a really respectable, decent, fair-minded... I think he has a brother who's a really respectable, decent, fair-minded... I think he has a brother who's no longer with us, actually. Does he? Oh, no. Thoughts with his family.

I hate to be the fly in the ointment, but I think that is the case. That's trampled all over. On the subject of American politicians, though, have you seen the... that's trampled all over on the subject of American politicians though have you seen the

I think this is doing the rounds as they say there's a bit of footage of Mitt Romney being brought a birthday cake where upon he does some banter with the colleagues which is all quite charming and then he goes over to the cake it's his 72nd birthday we should say by goes over to the cake. It's his 72nd birthday.

We should say, by the way, of the cake, that it's made of erect Twinkies, I guess what you would call them, I think. Are we still on air? Are we still on air? No, no, that's all right to say. Have you ever encountered a Twinkie? Oh, God.

Oh, God. No, they were all at least... Now, I don't think I've ever eaten one. I've seen them on sale. Remember those far-off days when if you wanted an American sweet, like a Hershey bar or something, you had to go to America, basically?

Yes. But now they're all over London. I imagine they're all over Britain, America. They're in corner shops now. They do them in the delis. A Twinkie bar. No, but that kind of thing, I think. Yeah, Twinkie.

The urban myth, of course, sorry, Frank. No, no. I was going to say about the Twinkie, is that, you know, it can last forever. Yeah. Is it the movie Wall-E? Yeah. Did you say Wally or Wall-E?

I don't know. Oh, yeah. Wally. Wally. So it features in that, doesn't it? Because it's cockroach, I think. It eats it. The idea being that it will still be here millions of years from now.

Yeah, I don't know where that came about, but there's the idea they have a sort of endless shelf life, which is odd because they have cream in them, I think. Well, when you say cream... Well, they have something cream. It's something resembling cream. But it was all... A bit like the Giant's Causeway.

So they were all sticking up. They were all sticking up, you're right. And each one of them had got a candle on top of it. There's a lot of candles in there. Not 72, I don't think. I didn't like that cake. Is that how old he is, Mick? I think so, yeah.

Oh, wow, that's a question. When do you stop getting your age represented in candles on a cake 8, 12, 15 it's either 8, 12 or 15 excellent can I just say please don't ever represent my age on a cake because people will have

I mean there'll be a blast furnace people will have to wear lab goggles. If we did it out on the square, it'd be alright. Maybe call us from the fire department just to be clear about that. The ET suits

they'll be wearing to bring it in. Oh, come on. Don't put yourself down. But it would, I mean, it would be. What about if they didn't mind?

Well, I mean, I feel like we should come back to Mitt Romney's technique. I feel like it's... If they did mine at night time, would it be as daylight in Golden Square? Would I have the intensity of the sun itself? Can you imagine?

Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't get near enough to blow it out. Yes, we will come back. Very far of London. For me, when you consider how many people have been given birthday cakes, the fact there is still room for innovation, I find remarkable.

But more in a moment. Celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with 10 hours of Frank. Absolute Radio. We were discussing Mitt Romney and we've still, we should really discuss... Willard. Willard, that's his real name.

His real name is Willard Mick Romney. Same name as, if you remember, the Alsatian in EastEnders. That's, yeah. Well, did he name it? I wonder if he was inspired by the presidential nominee. I hope so. Can you imagine Dean Gaffney? Dean Gaffney coming in and saying,

I'll tell you what we should call the dog. You know, Mitt Romney? Willard Romney? Yeah. Yeah. And didn't he have a cat later, the same character called Mitt? No.

No. I nearly fell for that. There is the Mitt Romney dog. So gullible. What happened to Dean Gaffney? 8 to 15? No, he's still being local. He's still around, yeah. I hope so.

Yeah, I like him. Mitt, you know there's a big you know the Mitt dog story, the story that they think cost Mitt the presidency. Yes. That Mitt and his family this is, I feel

bad because Emily's our dog correspondent but anyway, it was a big Mitt and his family went on a 650 mile drive i think it's a 12 hour drive oh yeah and they put the dog on the roof rack yes is that behind the screen of some sort well it was it yeah but it was a long time yeah yeah and anyway i think they got a few you know when people um when you've done something like... Well, we say they put it in a...

I mean, they didn't have it strapped to the roof by its ankles. Well, it was in a travelling thing, but air was coming in. It wasn't sealed. Obviously, it couldn't be sealed. And they must have been doing a big... And it was on the roof for a 650-mile journey. At presumably, you know, 70 miles an hour. I'm not suggesting it was like when you leave your briefcase on the roof of the car.

They put the dog there while they sorted everything. A coffee cup. And then they could hear the sound of dog toenails slowly moving down the roof of the car. Oh, Frank. But you know... But they love to get their head out the car. Off down. Oh, Frank. But you know... But they love to get their head out the window. They do. They love that.

Maybe the dogs just want that. They don't want that. Some Ben-Hur chariot race. What it really didn't want. The odd shot of it is... The dog was okay, though, can we just say? No. The dog was ill.

Well, it was okay, ultimately. It was, yes. I think it was okay, ultimately. It was, yes. I think it was okay until they put it through a car wash, wasn't it? Didn't they go through a car wash? They, what, they had to go through a car wash

because the dog, how can I put this on breakfast radio, got the runs quite badly. And you know when people, like if you've got someone on your car, like if you've left the petrol cap up, people wave or flash their lights. Yes.

And they were getting all that, thinking, what on earth is going on? When they got their car, like if you've left the petrol cap up, people wave or flash their lights. Yes. And they were getting all that thinking, what on earth is going on? When they got their car, it was covered in dog excrement. I know. I know. All I care about is the dog in this story. The dog was fine.

Obviously, he was poorly to have had that happen. That would stop me voting for him. You remember the Aston Martin DB5 engulfing? He used to spray oil out the back to make them all spin around. Do you know what? I love that dog for doing that. That was his vengeance.

Don't feel you have to stick up for the dog in every story. Every story? I don't, in that particular story. No, obviously. I like that Frank thinks that's pathetically sentimental, not wanting to strap a dog to a roof rack. You were defending them.

Going at 70 miles, I didn't know about the car wash at that stage. I don't know if he was in. I don't know about the car wash, this is Alan's embroidery. It needed a car wash, it was covered in dog runs. Yeah.

Drones, as I think we call them. No, look, obviously it's a shack. Also, you know, when people drive in front of you and they've got the spray on the windscreen, it all comes back onto your car. It must have been like that. Anyway, look, the dog was absolutely fine. And this is an old story.

This bit of it is the old part of it. As it's our anniversary show, I would like And this is an old story. This bit of it is the old part of it. As it's our anniversary show, I would like to dig out an old favourite. Very cruel. Happy 10th anniversary to Frank Skinner. Our gift to you is an extra seven hours of work. This is 10 Hours of Frank on Absolute Radio. So, yeah, we were just talking about...

Who just did a tummy rumble? That was me, sorry. That was Mitt's dog. That was my throat gurgle. Seamus. Seamus he was called. He was? He was. It's Irish setter, so I call Seamus.

You know a lot about Mitt Romney's dog. No, that was... He's obsessed. During the time of this, when he was trying to be president... They lost him in the election. It was a big, big deal. It was like, you know when people think the bacon sandwich eating lost Ed Miliband? I think the dog...

Thank God we didn't vote him. I'm surprised. Things could have gone really off the rails. Things could have been really chaotic. I'm surprised people didn't change Mitt's name for a brief period. Okay, okay, come on. We've all had a drink. Okay.

Oh, no, it was just me last night. Mitt has gone viral this week, not for any dog escapades, but the way he blew out the candles on a birthday cake. So do you want to explain this, Al? Yeah, rather than the lean over and big breath blow out all of the candles at once, that I think we all... Followed by applause.

Yeah, that we're all accustomed to. Can I add the female caveat here? What ladies often do, ladies with long hair, we clasp our hair to our chest. Do you? I've never noticed that. Oh, because you don't want the singe. It's an instinctive reaction.

You see women often do it. They pull their hair out the way. That's interesting. Very sensible. Good for the detail. No, I do like to know how. I use the have Mitt Romney's dog ready as a fire extinguisher. Is it just his dog or his dog?

Or a warning? I mean, it is interesting stuff. But Mitt Romney himself... Yeah, come on, let's hear this. He picks up each candle and blows it out individually. And it's extraordinary. Whilst bantering, he just... It doesn't sound

like a big story this but when you see it you realise how counterintuitive it is to ever you've seen

so many people you know that's what happens you take the big breath you hold your hair back yeah yes you

you make a wish you blow it out all in one which is the whole thing of blowing them out all in one and then you get your wish. It was kind of...

The way he did it was a bit like a sort of Victorian lamplighter. Yes. Blowing... He was doing his job, and I didn't... I don't trust people that do that. I wish he took a small snuffer out of the jacket pocket, like a little metal cone on. And Donny's one.

Whilst everyone was silent. Yeah. Because they'd sung the song and there was just a sound of Mitt snuffing out each light. There's a bit where one of the staff says, oh yeah, Sue, whatever the woman was called, Susan made the cake. And he went, what, you're sick?

And she said, yeah, a lot of people have told me that. And I thought, I really want to know more about you now. I really want to know more about you. I would have said, really? With the dog?

You're saying I'm sick? Yeah, exactly. Don't mention, what did they do? A cake themed on the... Chocolate cake. Yeah. We created the incident.

Yeah. It's spinach cake. Spin out of it and not tell her. The incident. It's been out of her nut, Ella. It's Frank Skinner. Frank is 10.

Celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, your manager's joined us. Yes. Just in case you didn't know. I think there's been some debate about whether I get paid more for doing 10 hours. He's coming. You know, I've been asked that a few times. He's coming. How have you?

Yeah, I said, oh, we're doing a long shot. You fast. What, in the mirror? Some people have mentioned it. People have mentioned it. Frank. You've trained them well. Breaking news.

Oh, yeah? Twinkies available in Sainsbury's Kentish Town. You're on Grindr? Twinkie, well, a really quite fancy one now. Maybe we should ask Faye to get some Twinkies. Okay, well, this is from Seb018. Thanks for that, Seb.

Yeah. Good intel. Vanilla cream in like a sponge casing. Yeah. Isn't it? It's not quite vanilla cream. It's not quite. It's the consistency of cream. Okay? I don't want to get sued by

Mr Twinkie. Do you know this is a Twinkie fact. You might not know. Do you remember Jack Black's Strap in everyone. Do you remember Jack Black's King Kong? Yeah. Oh, yes.

As part of the promo for that film, Twinkies switched to banana flavoured cream for a period. Did they? Some of the bananas were what you'd associate with King Kong. It's quite a subtle bit of promotion as well. Someone would eat a Twinkie and think, oh, it tastes like bananas, I must go and see that King Kong film. Yeah, exactly. But, um, it's

one of the stereotypes that still exist, isn't it? The sort of the ape and the banana. I mean, do chimpanzees even eat bananas? 8, 12, 15. They're a bit small for King Kong. And also he's a gorilla. I can't believe gorillas eat bananas? 8, 12, 15. They're a bit small for King Kong.

And also he's a gorilla. I can't believe gorillas eat bananas, do they? It's not just any gorilla, it's huge. I think that's fair comment. Light review there on King Kong. Actually, we had a light review. Al suddenly said I've been watching Fleabags. Very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I can give you a... We've had a classic late review recently because me and my children have started to watch Laurel and Hardy films after dinner. Just a little bit before bed. And what about this for a late review? We were watching one, I think it might have been The Music Box, where the piano falls down the stairs.

In fact, it wasn't that one. It was a different film. Maybe Them, Thar Hills, whatever. My daughter said, Oh, it's all going to go wrong, isn't it? And I thought, Yeah, you've nailed this. I think you might have guessed the formula for all of them.

There is a bit where one of the... In the early days, I think it would be Patrick Troughton era, one of the... It was Doctor Who, darling. The would be Patrick Troughton era. One of the... It's Doctor Who, darling. The Doctor Who companions. Oh, it's Laurel and Hardy. Yeah, one of the Doctor Who companions says to the Doctor,

you know, whenever we go anywhere, something terrible always seems to happen. Yes, that's the brief. I won't let you have a go at Al about Fleabag, seeing as I think it was about 13 months ago you said, I'll tell you what's great. You've seen that broad church. I know. I think it's all right.

And he's absolutely right. Fleabag is... And it's on at the moment as well. But he hasn't got that far yet. No. No spoilers. And it is brilliant. We all think it's brilliant.

Can I just share with... Sorry, Al. I thought we were just going to return to the Mitt Romney story with him. I think he gives away... Speaking of Fle with him. I think he gives away... Bigger fleabags. I think he gives... That's what he's got on the roof.

I think he gives away the point that he's doing it all for, because he blows one out, and then he blows another one out, and then he goes, I'm having a wish each time, by the way. Yeah, he did. He's gaming the system. I didn't like that. I tell you what I didn't like. Doesn't a sailor die or something

every time you blow a candle out? What's the tradition? I'm not sure that actually happens. No, but I don't see it happens, isn't it? Yeah, it's like an old wives' tale. You know, like every time you hear a bell ring and an angel gets his wings?

That one of those. No, I don't know these things. I thought that was every time you heard a ukulele jingle. No, the bell one, it's referred to in This It's a Wonderful Life. Oh, yes. Yes, you're right. What I didn't like...

I guess that's... Mary, that's an angel, she has wings. Yes. Sorry. I was just going to say, what I didn't like about Mitt picking out those Twinkies individually was everything. Number two, what I didn't like about it was it felt very prissy and a bit control-freaky.

And it gave me a bit of an unpleasant insight, I'm afraid, into Romney. Another one. Well, yeah, not just Fleabag's Gate. No. It struck me as the behaviour of the sort of person who, do you know people who have cornettos and leave the foil paper on the bottom of the ice cream? As a sort of insurance against it dripping down.

Yeah. Enjoy the experience. Take the risk. You see, I'm such a risk taker. When I get an ice cream corny, I break the bottom off and make a small tiny one. You don't make the mini ice cream. I make the mini ice cream corny I break the bottom off and make a small tiny corny you don't make the mini ice cream I make the mini ice cream corny

you can only guess what runs through the bottom it's like carrying Mitt's dog I've got to stop those just three more hours coming up next is us, actually. So we're on for another three hours. Oh, how long to go?

When I say we, the three of us, I'm going on after that. It's the last days of GMTV, we're losing it. So, look, if you're listening on the Decade stations, absolute 80s, 90s, et cetera, you'll have to switch to Absolute Radio to hear the rest of our three hours and my ten hour marathon

so I'm just giving you a bit of technical advice on that, if you'd rather listen to music from the past than comedy of the present the choice is yours Frank Skinner Frank is ten celebrating ten years of Frank Skinner

on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner. I know. On Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215. Follow the show on Twitter, Instagram, at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via our Absolute Radio website. We're in untrodden territory now.

We've never done a show this long. Never been on it after 11. Frank, you've got banana on your mouth. It's like the Brexit crisis. Yes, you do. I'm sorry, but I have to tell you. No, I think you were right to. I put it there deliberately.

Mind your own business. That's what a friend does. No, it's true. You've got lipstick on the teeth. You tell them. There's bound to be some publicity photos. Publicity photos. Piglicity.

Pig litter. We're back to where we were. Mispronouncing words. I've only gone slightly over the three hours. No one can speak. Covered in food. 855 Lisa has texted a theory about the old Mitt Romney

candle blowing out technique. Do you think blowing all the candles out in one go is too fraught with jeopardy for someone who doesn't trust their denture glue? Oh. I think that's a good point. Girlfriend's throwing shade. She said what? I hope you don't peak too soon.

I think that may mean comedically if you've got ten hours. It's not the first woman to say that to me. Oh, dear. I'm terribly sorry, everyone, but I've been on air, I mean, four minutes longer than I normally am. I'm exhausted. I think she might have a point, though. I think Mitt Romney, if he tries to blow out all the candles at once

and he doesn't trust the dentures, he's going to spit the teeth across the room like a sort of chatterbox cartoon. He can spray that again. You know, I... Oh, sorry. No, go on. I was just going to say,

I don't like people blowing out cakes whilst wearing a tie. OK? I have rules on that because the act of blowing out a cake is sort of... Blowing out a cake is an interesting term. Okay, pedant.

Blowing out candles on a cake, it feels a sort of childlike, unspoilt activity. As soon as you bring in suits and ties and lanyards, it's depressing. You see, I can accept a child in a

birthday necktie. Yeah, well, that's fine. You see, I can accept a child in a birthday necktie. Yeah, well, that's fine. On elastic, maybe? Young Magician of the Year, yes. Yeah, totally. Waistcoat? So Young Magician of the Year. Okay.

They like a dickie, though, of course. So they don't want to accidentally take up the end off the tie when they're sawing the lady in half. And I would like the waistcoat. Can you still saw a lady in half? Has that gone a bit now? 8, 12, 15. No, I think you can.

Can you? I thought that might... It doesn't seem quite right, does it? You think there's misogyny in the... You know she lives. Do they call it... Spoiler alert. Depending on the magician. Hasn't seen the trick.

You've ruined that for so many people. Oh, I'm sorry. Is it called saw a lady in half as well? Is it? Lady. She doesn't have, yeah. I think, so if you called it Saw a Woman in Half, you think it'd be alright? No, I think it sounds worse. I think it might be on the way out. Bad

news for the people who bought the cabinet and hired the identical twins. Well, what about the lady, eh? Yeah, but as you say, I've never ever heard of it going wrong. No. The thorn laying in half thing. The knife throwing, yes.

Definitely. One of the more memorable episodes of this morning. Have you ever seen anyone throwing knives at a man on a board spinning round? It's always a lady. Stick around. So that's going to end the anniversary. Emily and I have been working on something. You're going to cut the cake with it first.

Don't get cream on me. Yes, that is the sound of a ukulele, which means this must be ten hours of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We had a monkey-based text, didn't we? Monkey stroke ape stroke simian. We did, actually, yeah. 261 has said, Frank, chimps, apes, etc. do eat bananas,

but should not, exclamation mark, gives them diabetes. There you go. Well, I mean, there's a thing. Yeah? My son has got a toy chimpanzee, and it's got a banana actually... What's that?

My manager just made a grab for the helium balloon. This is strange. Sees it as a perk. That's frightening. No, but it's got a banana velcroed into its palm. Has it? And it's sort of completely the wrong but it's got a banana velcroed into its palm. Has it? And it's sort of completely the wrong message it's sending. Yeah.

Yeah, I know what you mean. How many bananas do you have to eat to get diabetes? One thing about the chimp, apes, et cetera, community is that they cannot be educated out of their love of bananas. They can't be told... Are you reading this? No, I'm just telling you. He's got their Wikipedia up.

He typed in chimp. I'm pretty confident if somebody says, guys, these give you diabetes, please stop eating them, they still go for them. I can see that. They don't care about it. You should know, because Frank has an affinity with the chimpanzee. Do you remember the incident, Frank? Didn't you lock eyes with one?

Well, we discussed this on the show. No, it's to supply insulin to the chimpling community. Now, it's to supply insulin to the chimp community. No, I was at Monkey World in Wool. You were in Wool? It was quite crazy. Big Lenny Kravitz scarf, was it? No, it's called Wool in Dorset, and I was at Monkey World. And when the monkeys first arrive there, they are put into a sort of a glass-fronted building,

kept away from the other monkeys. Sounds a bit Mitt Romney. Yeah, I don't want to bring down the time, but often they haven't been treated well. They're new arrivals. So they take a bit of a while to settle in. And one came to the window and... Sorry, I'm laughing, but that's such a frank euphemism.

What? He tries to put things in a delicate way. What? He doesn't want to say cruel, too, because often they haven't been treated well. No, well, I mean the poor things. I know. No, well, I mean the poor things. I know.

And I was looking in their window and a chimpanzee came over to the window right next to where, I mean literally next to the glass. We were less, I would say, than three inches apart. It was like you were a prison visitor. You're a mole. And he was looking straight in you know i could see years of evolution in his dark brown eye he had brown eyes did i mention that yeah and um and pretty i was looking at him and he was looking at me and we must have

been there i don't want to exaggerate this but i'm talking five, six minutes. People were gathering up. People said, look at that bloke and that chimpanzee. And they were gathering. Obviously, I was a bit annoyed they hadn't recognised me. I was thinking that bloke. That bloke, the indignity. But, yeah, it was a real, absolutely locked on me, this

I don't know where he is now. Yeah. But, yeah, that's the story. The problem is they turn, you see. Yeah, well, I was glad there was glass between us or he might well have bitten off a large part of the front of my head. I was going to say more than he could chew. Yeah, well, exactly.

I mean, Elvis Presley's chimpanzee grew very long-haired and aggressive and had to be locked in a room until they got someone to come in, and I'm afraid... Do they get long hair? What's that like, wait till they're dead, Brady? Their hair gets longer and more... Does it go grey? I think bubbles might have gone the same way.

They might have been Jackson. Yeah. Oh, dear. How do we get out of this? Oh yeah, we've gone on to animal. This is why the show's usually three hours. Yeah, exactly.

This is what happens. It's going to be an interesting next couple of hours, couldn't it? Yeah, we've had the Michael Jackson conversation on the back burner for nine years. It's fine then. Now it's woefully out of date. Anyway, chimpanzees don't eat bananas, if you're listening. That's why I said they've got the ears for it.

Celebrating ten years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with ten hours of Frank. Absolute Radio with 10 hours of Frank. Absolute Radio. Mit, with mit, um, with, with, with mit, that actually sounds like a translation. I believe mit is German for with. With, yes. Yes. With mit. Has anyone, whenever he, say if he went to meet Angela Merkel and she goes to pick him up from the reception, would she actually say, common, see me?

I really hope so. So listen, here's what I think. This is my genuine thing. Okay. I think me, older guy, but with, you know... 72, and can I just say looking good? I have to say he does look good. He looks absolutely first class. I mean, the idea... All have to say, he does look good. He looks absolutely first class.

I mean, the idea... All right. No, he does, though. Study on. I think he... Injectifying me. I think he's my new Woodbridge student. It's Mitt Romney.

Your last one was Jesse Heisenberg. I know. There's a theme. There is. But as I was saying, I didn't know I liked ice skating until about five years ago. Oh, there you go. I know. It was a theme. Yeah. There is. But as I was saying, I didn't know I liked ice skating until about five years ago. Oh, there you go.

So listen, I think... Oh, we can't do anything but. You need a bit of air. You need a bit of lung capacity to blow out a bunch of candles like that on the top of the Twinkies. And I thought,

I wonder, especially when he saw the video, if he thought, I don't want to be seen to fail at this. Oh, yeah. Like, for example, if as part of our 10th anniversary celebration, here we go. Darling, happy anniversary. Oh, that's nice.

Darling, happy anniversary. That's nice. If as part of that, you presented me, you got the video on, you presented me with a phone book to tear in half to prove that I'd still got it after ten years. If I then tore it one page at a time, it would be, I think, insurance against me humiliating myself. Do people still do that? I think you're onto something be I think insurance against me humiliating myself do people still do

I think you're onto something well I think he's a shallow breather oh yes Al do people still as a show of strength

tear a phone box yes I think that still happens it does can we change that question and also deck of cards happens as well

can we change that question to this do you tear a phone book in half no I'm not strong here's a question when? Do you tear a phone book in half? No, I'm not strong. Do you break wood? Here's a question. When did you last see a phone book?

Oh, great question. 8, 12, 15. Yeah. Could you break a Thompson Local in half? No. Okay. Have you broken wood in half? No.

No, I think that's the drains. Celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with ten hours of Frank. Because we're a very decimal radio station. Absolute Radio. I like your theory about Mitt Romney's fear of failure. I had a couple of theories. I think, one, I think he may be a man that uses perhaps

too much hairspray and he's just worried if he leans over all those candles, his whole head will go up. Yeah, Ron, I remember hearing an American comic

talking about seeing Ronald Reagan get off a helicopter. Oh, yeah. And he said, it's one of those Chinook things that they get. And he said he got off it with the propeller still

going and his hair did not move at all he was so heavily sprayed, he said but his throat was blowing all over the place so that is yeah, see attention to detail

and the trouble is if you do go for the Count from Sesame Street style hairdo, which is a sort of immovable... I believe they call it Reagan Black, that shade. Do they really? Yeah. I call it Psychic Black, as you know, in honour of Eileen Drury. Of course.

Google it. You do run that risk of the rest of you looking somewhat less intact. Yes, you look a bit Sportacus. I don't know if you remember him, but there is a presenter now on Sky News who's got the jet black hair, the sharp features, and he really, really reminds me of Sportacus. When I say now, I don't mean this second. and he really, really reminds me of Sportacus.

When I say now, I don't mean this second. But he really is. He could be Sportacus in a travelling stage show with zero make-up. How many of us could say that? I have one other theory about Mitt Romney. I think he may be a little bit underworked. You can tell from the way they bring the cake in and he takes ages as he's bantering around

and then he walks around and he blows out the candles one by one. I think he's just trying to eke out his day. Oh, I hope that's not. I don't think he's got a lot on him. Are you suggesting he's made a meal of it? Apparently, someone put some hundreds and thousands on the cake and it took him four and a half hours to eat it. With tweezers.

He did. Oh! That could be... I don't know what... I'm guessing he's a consultant for someone, because that's what they do. Well, he's still a senator, isn't he? Oh, we see.

I believe so. Seems to have been around. He's an under-worked senator. That's my theory. Well... Also, the other thing is, come on, we were saying off-air, actually, this is what we talk about off-air,

that the man's worth a lot of money, OK? I'm saying two, three hundred million, let's say. He's not going to eat Twinkies, is he? Oh, he loves them apparently. Oh yeah, I think that's the great thing about the American politicians. It's that they like things like hamburgers and stuff like that. Yeah. You know,

when Ed tried the bacon sandwich, he made a right mess of it. Who was the British politician who had a takeaway... Oh. He had a takeaway burger that he said, he said, I just sent out for takeaway. And the company he had it from, I think it was Byron Burger, didn't deliver takeaway.

OK. It's that thing when politicians pretend to be human beings, which is always tricky I wish they wouldn't do that I think we had one we had another bio-tapestry thing someone suggested it should be called

the biro tapestry yeah which i thought was it's not in biro no it suggests a sort of secondary less classical version of something i quite liked it one thing i didn't mention as i said it was embroidered in 1885 if you want the facts by a bunch of lovely info all done by women and there is a scene I don't know if there is a thing

on there there's not just one there's absolute scenes there's a scene entitled Negotiations Between William and Harold. Oh yeah. By the way, it struck me it struck me at that point that

Harry and Wills was at the very centre of the Battle of Hastings. Shut up. Oh yeah. Do you think they were named after the main protagonists in the Battle of Hastings. Shut up. Oh, yeah. Do you think they were named after the main protagonists in the Battle of Hastings? No. No, okay.

There's a lovely little theory and I didn't want to spoil it for you, but no. But there's a bit in it where there's a man, and I think it could be two men or it's the same man dancing about, completely naked.

This is on the original. Completely naked. Pitching version. I didn't know there was an adult scene to this. Well, the original one is definitely male. You wouldn't, you know, I'm talking big stitches.

Okay. Come on, let's keep it nice. No, and the Victorian women that have done it have put pants on their man. What do you mean, pants? They've embroidered pants on him. They've censored it, haven't they?

Is it like when you have the Ken doll or the action man with the little painted on... Yeah. Well, I don't know what... I don't think there's anything on... I don't... because what's the point of doing those extra stitches if you're going to put pants over the top? What do pants look like? They look

like... they look like boxer shorts, actually. I don't know what the Victorian pant was like for men. 8-12-15. Yeah. Yeah, what did the Victorians wear? Anyone who lived in the Victorian era will probably be listening this 15. Yeah. Yeah, what did the Victorians wear? Anyone who lived in the Victorian era, they'll probably be listening this morning. Yeah.

Dickensian England. Let's not laugh about that, because, Frank, you had one of my favourite moments ever on this show was when you revealed to us that you had a personal connection with Victorian times. Because your... Was it your grandmother? Oh, yes. My grandmother remembered when the teacher said,

we've all got to go into the hall. And they all sat down and the headmistress got up and said, Queen Victoria had died. I'm so slow. And someone put their hand up and said, never mind that, have they finished that tapestry yet? And, yeah, so that was a little bit of history in our family. So, yes, the man is in pants.

OK. And all the better for it, if you ask me. Check it out. Celebrating ten years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with 10 hours of Frank. Absolute Radio. Just in case anyone's just tuning in, it is our 10th anniversary show. Darling, happy anniversary. Darling, happy anniversary Some of you may recognise that as a single by Slim Whitman. Oh, yes.

I don't know, Slim. Fabulous version of Rosemary. Oh, is it? Oh, Rosemary, I love you. Yes. We should say, if you can hear sound effects, we've had a delivery. We have. We are, forgive us, but we don't have a food break today

because the three of us are doing a block of six hours together. So we sent out for chips. I was going to say fish and chips. Well, we couldn't get chips well we couldn't get fish we couldn't get fish because one of the mats on the rock and roll football forward in brackets

he's allergic to he's not addicted to bass not Billy Bass so we have to apparently even if we smeared if we smeared, if we smeared a bit of cod and he got across it, he'd be done for.

Well, to be fair, I think it's because we know how you eat, which is caveman-like. Paleo. Yeah, paleo. In fact, I just went to the gentleman's convenience here and there was no hand wash. Oh. So I just used, I always make the water a there was no hand wash. Oh. So I just used... I always make the water

a bit hotter in those cases. Yes. It's a compensation. Good. And I've always said to myself, well, he don't really need soap. The cavemen didn't use soap. I would just say

anyone who goes to Frank's church, just bear this in mind. Peace be with you. Yes. Yes. And... Exchange of hands. Bacteria be with you. Mm, yes. Exchange of hands. Bacteria be with you.

But I'm thinking that the cavemen A, may not have had hot water. Certainly not pre-fire discovery. Good point. And also, should I be taking my hygiene guidance from the cavemen?

No. It must have been horrible in the cavemen. No. Must have been horrible in the cavemen times. Do you think? No pollution. It's so cold. Less pollution, you're right. I couldn't bear the cold. Uncluttered though, wasn't it?

Pre-fire. What age would you most like to have lived in? Well, I lived in a few. You almost made it to Victorian. I lived in post-war austerity i lived a bit of that a baby boom um swinging 60s that was me you lived through that glam rock yeah um yeah so you know i've seen them coming i've seen them go if i had the choice i think it'd be 18th century lond London so we've had the food delivery we have of the not fish and chips

instead we have I had to order I had steak pie and chips fantastic and I have had I've gone chicken and chips I had a delivery

of a Savoy well I've heard some euphemism it's my first Savoy we some of you it's my first Savoy we're breaking new ground for Emily Dean

here aren't we that's brilliant I've never eaten a Savoy in my whole life you know the programme I've never seen

Star Wars I'm getting it out oh yes I've never never this is one of your

I never never poppies the oh look at that they've sent it looks like

you know when you get a box of cigars they've sent they've sent can It looks like... You know when you get a box of cigars? They've sent you a choice. They've sent... They've sent... Can I call it sheathed and unsheathed Savoy? They have, yes. I don't know what to say.

This is battered normal. You've got it. Actually, there's some Savoy's at the bottom there. Can I say the... It really is like a cigar case coming out after a child is born. Emily, if I may be so bold, can I suggest that you reach right to the bottom and try an actual Savoy rather than a battered sausage?

I have the alternative advice. Is there anything better than a battered? Is this a Savoy? That's a Savoy. Yeah, that's a good old... But a battered sausage is what I would call the caveman's Twinkie. OK, I don't want the caveman's Twinkie. OK.

Should I have the one... There's one resembling a Frankfurt. All right, what's under your anger iceberg? There's one resembling a Frankfurt, one with batter and one plain. Which one shall I have, Frank? What is the proper Savoy? I think batter's best.

Okay, I'm going to have a bite of a battered Savoy. Okay. I'm going to... I think that's technically a battered sausage rather than a battered Savoy. I can't do it, Frank. At least try the Savoy, the actual Savoy. I'm going to... I think that's technically a battered sausage rather than a battered Savoy. I can't do it, Frank. At least try the Savoy, the actual Savoy. I'm going to do it.

Okay. Hold on. Go on. Go on, girl. Go on. Don't be saying go on, girl, while I'm eating this. Okay, I'm going to have a bite. There we go.

Good audio. That was great audio. That was actually her spine giving way as she reached the cross. Happy 10th anniversary to Frank Skinner. Our gift to you is an extra seven hours of work. This is 10 Hours of Frank on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We're just going into, what is it now?

Our fourth, fifth hour? You can text the show on 8-12-15, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram, at Frank on the radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. We give up past a certain. It's like with my grandfathers. I gave up past number four or five.

Yeah, well, someone texted in, didn't they, and said, I work ten hours a day. Shot your face. Yeah. Well, that's paraphrasing it. Yeah, paraphrasing. Someone wrote in to say I work 10 hours a day shot your face well that's paraphrasing it someone wrote in to say that their son is a chef and those were his words

pretty much his words he said I Frank I was giving my son Tom a lift to the restaurant where he's one of the chefs this morning and listening to you he said 10 hours I work longer than that every day that said congrats and many more years on Absolute. That's from Mike.

I mean, I think we might have been coming across like sort of media elites where a 10-hour shift is considered some kind of hardship. Saying, I can't believe I've got to get up. It's pretty unusual to do 10 hours solid on the radio. Yeah. I think what's made this one particularly distinctive is that we

haven't had viewing it already a different policy what makes it gives it a unique makes it particularly distinctive barely three hours in extraordinary behavior gives my 10-hour radio marathon a unique flavour is there is no charity aspect whatsoever. Using these things, Sir Don, for good causes, to just do it willfully.

Not here on commercial radio. It's the sort of the flip side to comic relief. Yes. Well, I would like to say, which I know you won't want me to, but I'm afraid

I'm a gunner. You are a gunner, of course. I am a gunner. I'm a gooner. You do give to charity, but, yeah. No, no, but I think the idea... Does he like? But the idea with these...

He does, he gives a lot of money. The idea with the charity thing... Yes, he doesn't do it publicly. ...is that the... It's not Catholic. The listeners have to do it. I know, yeah. Like when the Tess and

who was it? Claudia lovely Claudia Tess and Claudia did the dance marathon they raised a million quid did they really? and you're doing this 10 hour marathon for free pie and chips

some are wrong we've got to the stage of the show it's a bit it's the old telethon in the 80s when Rusty Lee's taking the calls

I'm afraid okay so Rusty Lee used to laugh lovely cook lovely cook a lot of people a lot of people

a lot of people pointing out that there are Twinkies available in the London area. We've had Twinkie sightings in London Camden Town. Okay, I think the next time I see one, I'm going to buy one. Okay. I think that's good. I'm not going to make a cake out of it. Get yourself one.

I mean, there is a Savoy you know if you wanted to say you know the way pasties Cornish pasties used to originally I think

they had like they had savoury in one side and then they had like a jam thing in the other half so they were main course

and dessert what a great idea like an airline food if you got a Savoy and a Twinkie and maybe an old Twix wrapper, you could carry them. That's a great idea, although you lost me if you got a Savoy,

having just tasted one. Emily, give it a chance. Give it a chance. Ten years of the Frank Skinner show means nothing really It's just an arbitrary number we humans have assigned to our own perception of time But we're trying to make something of it

As a result, you're listening to ten hours of Frank Skinner Absolute radio I don't want all of our content to be birthday themed. No. That would be a little narcissistic. Anniversary.

Oh, yes. Anniversary. And birthday, because the show was born, somebody said. Lovely. I remember the pangs, the Labour pangs. Yeah. Yeah, it was painful. But anyway, yes, there was another. There was another story that I saw,

which was, did you read about these teenagers from New Jersey who had a billboard put up asking strangers to wish their father a happy birthday? Now, can I ask you about this billboard? Sure. Because what it says on the billboard is, wish my dad a happy birthday. Love, your sons.

Yeah. Now, who is the addressee of that billboard? Oh, very good question. It's a very good point, Frank. And we should say it had his phone number. So they're addressing the stranger, but as you say, your sons. Love your sons at the end of addressing the stranger. It doesn't make... It's bad.

Now, if this was a note on my car windscreen, so I parked against someone's drive, I would forgive them. But the idea of dashing off a billboard, you'd have quite to think that you got that right. There's been some prep time, hasn't there? I mean, already I'm against them. I'm against the sons. Oh, I think they're horrible. I mean, this man, this poor man. He put the father's mobile up. I don't like that. No, so he said, I have not been able to use my phone in the normal way, was what he said. We don't know what normal is in New Jersey.

I think he meant I can use it as like a paperweight. Yeah. If I'm outside a windy cafe in a street, like I could put it on the bill. He got all sorts getting in touch with him. He did, yeah. I mean, he had people from... Once it went on the social media, I think it went really wild. Paul, Kenya, Australia. People from Kenya got in touch with him. He did, yeah. Once it went on the social media I think it went really wild. Paul, Kenya,

Australia. People from Kenya. The Philippines. Excuse me, I don't think I've ever sneezed on air before. What a time to start. Ten years. On the birthday. Ten long years. Someone's just won some money on the You know, I think

when Alan sneezes on air. And I think if you're going to sneeze... An angel loses its wings. It's nice to have the helium balloons because they responded to your sneeze, which you wouldn't normally have them in here. Do you know the thing, the other thing, is all these people, the 15,000 people,

I think you got getting in touch just in a matter of days. Oh, God. And, OK, I didn't have to you I'd be annoyed if 15 people got in touch with me I bet 15 people don't get in touch with me in a year I'm serious I am serious

my phone I had the thing comes up that says you had 48 minutes of screen time a day. Catty's like two and a half hours. Me too. Yeah. Yeah.

I never really call anyone hardly and the people don't call me. The people don't call me. The people. So maybe it's because you refer to them as the people rather than friends. That could be, yeah. It's a little thing to think about in your interactions. It's a community, yeah.

Frise. So, you can always pay people. No. Okay. So anyway, he had these 15,000 people getting in touch within a matter of days, but what they were getting in touch about, I mean, some of, most of them,

some of them were saying happy birthday, singing happy birthday. Can you imagine? having to endure this? Happy birthday to you. From strangers. From Australia. Apparently, some people were ringing up saying, do you know I've got a friend

that shares exactly the same birthday as you and telling them all about their friend. I mean, imagine not knowing that. That would be, oh yeah. No, it's, I see. I hope he said bore off. I see, I see. Bore off.

I see no good in it at all. I think they have done. But what I would say, and we need to move it, is I know I'm slightly fascinated by recurring things in the newspapers, these news tropes. And messages on billboards has become one of those. I've seen now six or seven stories about messages on billboards.

People getting divorced, all sorts of things by billboard. Yes, you're right. Is it up there with I challenge my parking ticket? Yeah, it's up there with letter arrived after 35 years. What are those? Somebody else sent in maybe a lost ring found on carrot in garden. Yes. What about when I tried to introduce that as a texting?

Didn't go well. Rediscovered jewellery. Almost nothing. Almost nothing. That was worse than the ballet link. It wasn't. The worst ever texting I set up was

what can you buy for a penny? Nothing. Nothing. Yes, that is the sound of a ukulele, which means this must be ten hours of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Darling, happy

anniversary. Wahoo! And as part of that celebration, we have a very special guest. It is David Baddiel. Hi, Frank. Sorry, I'm laughing at the idea that I'm a very special guest. I think you are special. Well, no, I am obviously a very special guest, but I feel that since I can just walk into your house very easily and you're down the road from me,

the specialness of seeing you has sometimes dissipated. Oh, what? What a lovely opening. It's still a joy to be here on your special show. I think it's fair to say that you're a friend of the show. Oh, I'm very much a friend of the show. I text in almost every week at some point to correct. Yes, John, correct and compliant is what we think of you.

Yes, I texted in only last week. When you say you texted in, you don't spend money with Absolute Radio. You send it to me direct. I send it to you direct. Emily is very much my ambassador on this show. Thank you, ambassador. You have been spoiling me over the years. But yeah, I texted last week about, I think,

complaining. Not complaining, just putting it right, the issue of who fancied me in Newman and Baddiel as opposed to Skinner and Baddiel. Oh, I didn't know. My theory was that you were the sort of alternative choice for people to show that they're a bit different and a bit clever. I get what your theory was, yeah. Do you think that was wrong?

I don't want to go over it again. Well, you know, wrong or right, I've sucked it up. Basically, I am the alternative choice. It's actually people who can't see very well. But this wouldn't normally be. I said, when you then worked with me, the tables were turned.

That's what I texted. I texted. I seem to remember when, almost when we first came out the traps and were sort of doing interviews about, you know, now it's the two of us together. Frank liked to say, well, it'd be nice for Dave to be the handsome one for a change. Again, I think I texted you, who is the target of that joke?

It's an interesting philosophical quandary. But it's... I like to think everyone gets it. Yeah. There are no survivors. I think Frank, in a Frank, in a brilliant way, still comes out on top. Because although it's self-deprecating,

he's made the joke. Which is more important than being good-looking. Exactly. He's won the room. I think in context as well, we have to say that Rob Newman was a strikingly good-looking man. I've always gone about this. And Emily always complains about it. I think he was, actually.

David was better looking. Well, yeah. I would prefer David. You're my ambassador. You're proving that you're an alternative thinker. Yeah. So, anyway, it's very lovely to be here on your 10th year anniversary show.

Now, I feel now you're here, you'd better plug something. What have you got? What have you got? What a lovely start. He's a bit bald, isn't he? In ten years, he'll have got a little bit more graceful at that point.

You don't get that treatment on... So what are you up to? You don't get that on Graham Norton, do you? No, you might as well. Well, the coffee hasn't turned up yet.

I'm trying to give you something. I've got my kids' book out, one of my many kids' books out now. I mean, my son has got a box set of David's kids' books and they're not all in it. has got a box set of David's kids' books, and they're not all in it. So even a box set doesn't cover it. He's prolific.

Yeah, my fifth one is out, and actually the box set, which I think was originally three books, can't get that in. I had to put it on top and take it round to Frank's and put my new book, Head Kid, there. But he is going to read it soon. He's reading Captain Underpants.

He's finishing Captain Underpants. I don't mind coming after Captain Underpants, and that's not a euphemism. Well, Captain Underpants wasn't first. He followed the Treehousepants. He's finishing Captain Underpants. I don't mind coming after Captain Underpants, and that's not a euphemism. Well, Captain Underpants wasn't first. He followed the Treehouse books. Oh, did he? Okay, well, they're all very good. And I've got a play coming out.

Oh, you stick together. Hang on, I'm plugging. His thing is plugging, Frank. Sorry. You've got to let them do their plug. Yeah, you asked me to do it. I've got a play coming out, although it's not been announced yet,

so I'm announcing it now on your show. Okay, that's exciting. I've got a show. You won't like it, Frank. I think we've talked about this before. Is it the science one? Well, it's about been announced yet so I'm announcing it now on your show that's exciting I've got a show you won't like it Frank I think we've talked about this before is it the science one? well it's about religion and physics so don't talk to Frank about that

on easy bed fellas there's going to be problems with that and Frank Skinner aren't there? but nonetheless it's coming out at the Soho Theatre in the autumn

I'll come and see that well done I'm worried about Frank coming Wendy I'm slightly frightened hold Well done. I'm worried about Frank coming. Wendy, I'm slightly frightened. Hold on, who said I'm coming? I might be outside with a placard. Actually, my son went to the climate march the other day.

They do this now. Kids just go out of school and go to a climate march. So my son is, in my opinion, not at all bothered about anything at all, except playing video games, but wanted obviously a day off school. So he went there and he was just enjoying himself. And I said, did you get a placard? And I assumed he wouldn't have done. But apparently you can just get a placard if you go. I assume people stay at home, make them.

No, I think you are. I went on a march against nuclear weaponry. Did you? And I was given a placard, which we still use in our pizza oven. What did it say? It said, ban the bomb. I love that one. Pepperoni.

Can I just tell you something? No, I don't want to talk about my play. Because I think of this show very much as something where the three of you get your teeth into interesting subject matter and you really talk about it. Savalois this morning. Yes, Savalois. So I wanted to talk about something, which is I am a bit late. I'm sorry about being late. You're doing ten hours, so hey, I think it's okay.

But I was late and I was late because the taxi driver I don't know if you're listening mate he went a really mad way mate passive aggressive mate well to be honest I was already a bit passively aggressive

annoyed with him in the back and that's why I want to bring this up I think of you Emily as the sort of person who if you get in the back of a cab and they're going not the way they should go you would immediately take control see what I do is I leave it too late.

They've set off, and I can see that they're going a stupid way into town, but I leave it because I don't want to tell him. I feel bad about it. And then I always say it anyway when it's much too late. This is absolutely contrary to my experience of being a David Dillon in a car. He's forever saying, excuse me, which way are you

going? Well, I do, but you don't realise I've struggled with that for at least ten seconds. Have you? Well, maybe you just show off, because I'm there. No, I do do that. But certainly, if we're in North London, where Dave feels he's absolutely, like, he's territory quite understandable. It's my home turf.

Although, there was a period, you may not remember this, when we first started living together that every time Dave drove me anywhere

I'd have to say Dave you're going to your old school. And he would just go on like he was on automatic pilot. The North West London Jewish Day School

in Worcester Green of course. But certainly when we've driven to Wembley and stuff like that there's a lot of excuse me, Mr Green of course but certainly when we've driven good to hear a school get a shout out but when we've driven to Wembley and stuff like that there's a lot of

excuse which way are you planning to go that's true I've always found you as a man who gets in early well there's a film

I think it's Broadcast News oh my favourite it's a brilliant film that's one of Holly Hunter's things that she gets into cabs in New York

and doesn't give them a chance and just says, OK, can you take the tunnel and then go left and blah, blah, blah. First thing she says, like me. So you do that. Oh, I get it and I say,

which way are you planning on going? OK, so that's the point. Frank has at least given me the credit in terms of telling that story that it tends to be, hang on, hang on, which way are you going? Now, that's the mistake, I think.

I think it's better to just say, this is the way you have to go. I say, which way are you going? But obviously I'm about to tell them which way they're going. Right, OK. It's a rhet, I think. It's better to just say, this is the way you have to go. I say, which way are you going? But obviously I'm about to tell them which way they're going. It's a rhetorical question, mate. I got in the other week and said to a bloke, could you stick the cricket on, please? He said, what do you say?

What do you say I am? What do you say I am? He thought you were insulted. Could you stick the cricket on? He went, oh, I thought you said I stink. I said, really? Oh, my. I kind of got in and stink. I said, really? Oh, Mike. I kind of got in and said, you know, stink, mate.

But anyway, nevertheless. Can you put the cricket on? It'll take my mind off the smell. As if I would ever at this point really turn. He could have, you know, if I hadn't have cleared it up. Keep that kind of feedback for the Uber rating, don't you? I'm still wondering what the accent was, personally. I think it was Joe Dolce.

I did generic overseas. Overseas person who might smell. She's got her head in her hands again. I didn't ask where he was from. I mean, the idea that I would ever say that to a person is scandalous. It's quite likely. I'm slightly worried now that he may have actually smelt and been defensive about it.

Would you remember, Dave, I used to have an Irish driver called Jerry. Oh, God, yeah. Well, an ex-girlfriend of mine got in the car, I remember, and said,

oh, it smells lovely in here. It smells, your car smells lovely, Jerry. What is it? He said, it's a Mercedes. Do you remember, Frank? There was a bloke who used to have driving gloves.

What did we call him? Who we always knew he was farting for maybe 20 minutes. What did we call him? I really hate people like that. But it really was extraordinary. What do you do when you get in and it's... Like, I get in sometimes and there's just an unpleasant sort of musty smell and garlicky. I say, could you open the window, please?

If I sat in a closed, as we're going to find out during the show, if I sat in a closed space for that long, it's impossible not to slightly marinate. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What a downer. What it was like in Mitt Romney's car. I don't know.

It's Frank Skinner. Frank is 10. Celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. David Baddiel is with us. I was talking

before the break, before the song, about these, me and Frank, I quite don't know how this relates to your ordinary listeners because they're jokes

essentially about when we used to have drivers, dedicated drivers who used to drive us around. But nonetheless, whether or not this relates... I think they'll be happy to know that we don't anymore. Yeah. So there's some sense of having fallen. The bloke I called mate this morning is not a dedicated driver.

Anyway, certainly not very dedicated to the way here. Anyway, I wanted to mention one other which Frank might remember. Every so often we would find a bloke, a perfectly nice bloke, but who was actually an actor. This would happen a couple of times. There would be someone who would tell us that he was a driver, but really it was just in between acting. We had one bloke who sort of acted being a driver

to prove what an actor he was. And the reason we knew this is that he got cut up at one point and he leant out the window, wound it down and shouted at the other driver, Up yours! Which is clearly an actor pretending to be a driver.

And I also got in the car once. So he's 70! And on the front of the dash he had the stage in television today. Oh, excellent. I have to go apparently after this link so i'm just going to mention one other thing which i wanted to bring up which i think is a thing about coming on this show which is i do think you talk about lots of things on this show and i like to arrive

full of this show i i know what all the back references are going to be or whatever but unfortunately you mentioned mitt romney just there and i didn't understand what that was i knew you talked about him but here's the problem. Mawena, my lovely partner, in fact, my lovely wife, she has got her family staying. Her brother, very nice, and her sister-in-law, all those people. And they're having polite conversations with me and I want to say to them, shut up.

I'm trying to listen to Frank's show so that I can do callbacks. But it's impossible to do that because they'd have to explain what a callback is. They wouldn't understand. Yeah. And it's impolite because... You say they're my partner. In fact, my wife reminds me.

It used to be an old toast that used to say, to my wife, the woman I love, may they never meet. An old toast. What's the play called so we can keep an eye out? It's called God's Dice, which is what Einstein said. Einstein said, of the universe, God does not play dice. You mentioned Einstein in front of him? No, I'm all right with that.

I have to say, some of my gang have tried to claim... My gang? Your lot? I've tried to claim Einstein as one of theirs, because he's the back of God. He's quite as one of theirs because he's back of God. He's quite clearly one of my lot. No, I mean non-believers. I love Frank's gang.

I love Frank's gang. Alan Jones, he's in your gang. Yeah. I mean, there's a few. Alan Jones is in his gang, yeah. Martin Freeman, who read the play, because we had a reading of the play before, you know, you have to have that

and producers come to it and whatever. He read the play. He was brilliant, really brilliant in it because there's a reading of the play before it. You have to have that and producers come to it and whatever. He read the play. He was brilliant, really brilliant in it because there's a physics lecturer who gets involved in this sort of cult in it, this religious cult in it. He told me that he was a Catholic, one of your gang. That's nice, right? But what he said to me is it would only take 5% of changing my ideas

for me not to believe anymore. And I thought, thought well that'll be the play but it wasn't he read that he read he read the play and thought oh it's left me with all sorts of thoughts but hadn't changed his ideas about belief yes well i should i should come and see them don't sit me next to dawkins i won't you know apart from anything he wears always a self-styled colorful tie doesn't he and you won Oh, I suspect he's a coloured sock man as well. Oh, definitely he's a coloured sock man. I need to sit next to the dork in...

Yeah, he's a... You've had dinner with him, haven't you? I have had dinner with him. He's a strange fellow. I mean, I agree with many things he says, but I still think he's a strange fellow and absolutely I don't agree with the tie or the coloured socks. I mean, that's just unbearable. Well, I found him

very, very... First of all, I said, so it must be strange for you. I interviewed him with a vicar. I said, it must be strange for you. I'd use a microphone next to you. Which just seemed appropriate. So anyway, I said, it must be odd sitting with a

vicar because presumably everything they say you're going to be thinking, oh, this is wrong. He said, it must be odd sitting with a vicar because presumably everything they say, you're going to be thinking, oh, this is wrong. He said, what? I said, everything you... He said, what are you saying? What are you saying? I can't understand what you're saying. And he just didn't know the accent at all.

Oh, really? It was the black country accent? And I said, you need to get out and meet more working class people. Oh, I actually feel sick, Dave. That was at the start of the interview. God. And then he said, you stink. He did say one thing. You said, all right, mate.

He showed me, he had an album of his threatening letters and emails that he'd received. And one of them said, I hope you are run over by a church van. That would take ages. What is a church van? I'm seeing a very slow, very sort of antique thing. It would take a long What is a church van? I'm seeing a very slow, very sort of antique thing. It would take a long time.

What do they keep in it? Surely even Richard Dawkins could run away. I don't know if his running days are still with us. But anyway. It's been a joy, obviously. Thank you for coming in.

Thank you. Best of luck with the rest of it. I will come and... Quickly, John McHugh, have you ever tried on David's glasses, Frank? Oh, yeah. Done comedy photos.

OK. Yeah, and we used to do... He used to give me a monocle when I sang Richard Tauber's You Are My Heart's Delight. He used to use his glasses to provide the monocle. If you like, Frank, we could do that. I'm going to walk around now to end this bit.

If you want to sing that, I'll do it. Yeah, we could film this. We'll film this. I'm glad that Edwai Emily had to tell the staff to film it. That's what we're up against. OK, so Richard Tober, a very famous German tenor who your mum used to like. Austrian.

Yes, OK. And he had a monocle and he used to sing this. You are my heart's delight And where you are I long to be It's a visual gag. We'll leave it there. It's essentially a visual gag. It's a visual gag. We'll leave it there. It's essentially a visual gag. Yes, now we're getting round that.

David, thank you so much for coming in. Good luck with your 900 children's books. Thank you. They are, they never, it reminds me of when they asked John Noakes once how that he could do all these jobs, you know, that people, he said well it's just that I can learn in ten minutes what people

have spent years learning to do and you seem to have completely hit the ground running with the children's books well done on that good luck with the play, I'll probably see you in the week I'll probably see you later today after this big round up

I'll be coming round with a cold flannel later on. No, but no. Top Man. Actually, is Top Man still a prize in the current... No, we can't use Top Man at all.

No, no. We love you, David. Thank you very much. I love you all. Thanks for coming. Are you going to go to a song? We are. Frank Skinner.

Frank is 10. Celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner. Frank is 10. Celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

That was nice to see, David. Lovely. Always nice to see David. That was nice to see, David. He'll be bossing their driver around now. Let's hope he's not the same one. That's going to see, David. Lovely. Always nice to see David. Always nice to see David. He'll be bossing their driver around now. This one is not the same one. That's going to be awkward. No.

Mate. Mate. Mate. Look, mate. We were discussing these teenagers. Oh, the billboard things. Oh. Who put their father's deets up.

Yeah. On a billboard outside New Jersey. No one from the outside world sent in a news trope, did they, along the lines of the letter that arrives after 35 years or the billboard message? Oh, I see. Food, strange creature, rat in a crisp packing, any of those? We haven't had those.

Because I'm sure there's some I haven't identified that other people will have seen. Yes, I know what you mean. Well, we've given some examples, haven't we? But... This one reminds me a bit. I had a friend who worked for the post office and he

was a curmudgeon. Oh, I like the sound of him. Yeah, and he was delivering letters and one of the letters said mr postman if you'd like to wish susan a happy birthday put your message here now coincidentally he used the same message that paul gascoigne used when laurie mcmenemy said oh oh no yeah and he wrote that on the envelope and then put it through the person's door.

I mean, he was a very funny man. Did he lose his job? No-one knew, I think, that it happened or no-one. He lost his girlfriend because he went out with a woman called Alison Pearce. I've thought of this story before. I think this is OK okay because it's not bad but she was one of those

sort of hippie girls with long straight hair in a sort of Joni Mitchell kind of way Oh yes I know that but she had sort of what I would call Zoe Ball here

so she's sort of got quite big sticking out and Have you got any mirrors in the We were on we were on a holiday and he sent her a postcard

and he wrote Miss A. Pierce. And then it suddenly occurred to him and he put in brackets, A. Pierce. And she lived with her mum and dad. And when they saw the postcard, they said that she had to split up with him. So that was the end of their relationship. Oh.

But he... Quite a sad story, in a way. I got, this is your life. Do you remember this is your life? I remember it happening. I do. It was at the London Palladium they surprised you. That's right. Well, I say surprised. Yeah, well, I was actually

surprised. And he was brought on as a person from my past. And he was an obsessive practical joker. And he came on and shot my hand. And I thought, what's that? And I looked at him, it was a plastic spider in the palm. Just attention to detail. It really made me happy, I must say.

Ten years of the Frank Skinner Show means nothing really. It's just an arbitrary number we humans have assigned to our own perception of time. But we're trying to make something of it. As a result, you're listening to ten hours of Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. That was... Who was that?

Foo Fighters with Long Road to Ruin. You can tell we're an hour five. Frank's saying, oh, who was that? No, everyone knows who that was. Sarah's getting her hand on the table as well. I don't know. Today of all day, we should be playing Long Road to Ruin. Faye's just disappeared.

No, she's not. No, she's on business. She's on official business. Can we talk about these, the Twire brothers then? The billboard brothers. The billboard gang. They put their dad's phone number on this billboard in New Jersey. I think they put someone's phone number anywhere publicly.

Saying, wish my dad happy birthday. Now, what I read about this is that this was apparently a callback. They didn't use that term. They don't know what a callback is. But it was a childhood joke where the sons would tell waiters regularly that it was their dad's birthday. Oh, I see. And then they'd bring a cake out

and apparently the boys would find this hilarious. Oh, you mean when it wasn't his birthday? Oh, that's quite fun. Well, it's also fraud. It is fraud, but I'm fine with fraud. The only time I've ever been tempted... Oh, I said that out loud. I'm sorry.

I went to a dolphin show, and if it was your birthday, the dolphin sang happy birthday. That's quite a temptation. Yeah, you've got to have that. I was that close to saying it. Because having dolphins sing happy birthday to you, does it get any better than that?

No, not really. Yeah, but you can't do that now, Frank. Those opportunities are denied to you because of Wikipedia. Can't do the accent. No, Wikipedia. I thought you meant you're not allowed to do the accent. You're not allowed to do dolphins. On the subject of the song Happy Birthday, I'd like to bring...

Can we even mention dolphins if Matt Ford is in the... Oh, he's in the building, actually. I think that could be dangerous. What are we going to do? Sorry, you were saying? We've got an email that I think is important to read on the birthday edition of today's show. Before you do it, I've been in my laboratory. Oh, yeah?

Working on a new email corner jingle. You have been. Do you want to hear it? Shut up. Meet me on the corner when the lights are coming on and I'll be there I promise I'll be there There you go.

Oh, I love that. Linda's fine. Oh. Yes. Gaz, Gaz liked them, didn't he? He did,

he did a song with them, yeah. Oh, no. Exactly. Prisoner 1-3. Prisoner 1-3 Fire hours in I'm glad you went for that moment in his life rather than another one

Catching up on the show via the podcast and I heard the DME mention the most depressing song ever for her is There's No Business Like Show Business Oh I can't bear it, It just makes me want to die. I love it. They continue. I mean, it's so true.

You do love show business. Al, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but this is how I don't like it. You aren't. When I see school children singing it, but I need to explain to him. It's not Shirley Bassey or someone like that. It's school children going, there's no business like show business. If it's not performed correctly, it's terrible. Over to you, Alan.

Agreed. I'd like to throw another into the mix. This isn't me speaking, it's Prisoner113. Happy birthday. Most people insist on singing it at an unacceptably slow pace with not a hint of happiness in their faces, as if chanting at some sort of cult ceremony. Or Neil Warlock.

I try to bring up the pace with overzealous clapping to set a better speed, but I'm usually overruled by the age-old tradition of celebrating someone's new year on the planet with one long, mumbly murmur. Praise redacted from Prisoner113. How do we feel about it? Ethel Murmer, who sang... There's no business like show business. It How do we feel about it? I saw Murmur, who sang There's No Business Like Show Business.

It all links, doesn't it? Yeah, I know. When they mention it, it's never occurred to me before. It does lack a bit of pace, Happy Birthday. It's a bit of a dirge, isn't it? Yeah, you wouldn't normally sing a song at that pace. Whenever it's sung to me me my method is to raise my arms oh yeah in celebration i'd find that the least embarrassing like i've just stepped out of a

a capsule that's landed in the ocean having a spacewalk when we did the the running thing on life hacks where we were suggesting things for people to help them out in their life you never told anyone that it's less embarrassing to hear happy birthday just with your arms aloft no you're right i there you go there you go everyone suddenly it looks like you're out doing them on the celebration usually you're having it you're having it done to you but on this occasion you're saying, yes, this is correct. That's great advice, Frank. We've got another special guest coming up in a minute.

Oh, and Twinkies have arrived for us in the lobby. Special guest and Twinkies simultaneously. We've gone American. Oh, fantastic. Yes, that is the sound of a ukulele, which means this must be ten hours of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio The reason there's giggles in the background Is one of the world's funniest men is with us in the studio

Tim Key Hello Tim Hello Frank Hello everyone Hi Tim Hello Emily Thank you for coming in today We don't normally have guests

Sorry, hello Alan Just for this morning Hi, Tim. Hello, Emily. Thank you for coming in today. We don't normally have guests, but... Sorry, hello, Alan. Just for this more hellos. When we do have guests, it tends to be Tim Key. I think that's a general rule. And David Baddiel. And David Baddiel. Oh, he's putting them on. He's putting the cans on.

I was worried. Over the baseball hat. Do you want me to just put it under? No! Tim? That's right. Frank, Tim is... Let's see if it works.

Tim is polishing off the Savoy and chips. I was concerned because he had a mouthful of battered sausage and didn't have his headphones on as Frank turned up his fader and I was thinking, he's not ready for this at all. Well, as he pointed out, it's not very intense. He did. It's a knife fight. Swimming around in the studio for 15 minutes with you

trying to give me a chocolate. Well, it's an anniversary show. I was trying to work out what you were broadcasting. Well, here's the thing, Tim. I was thinking about this today. I thought, Tim Key's... Tim Key, and I've never asked you this, and I have no evidence that it's correct,

but I've always assumed on one level that you're really good at table tennis. Oh, right. Which level? Well, but it's true. Extraordinary thing you've ever said about anyone. To a point where I associate you, I always think... Associate me with table tennis. If you suddenly said to me, let's have a go at table tennis...

I wouldn't do it suddenly. I'd not be... I'd soften you up. I would not be thinking of money being involved because I think I was onto a hiding. Is this true? What is... Is what Frank's... speculation that I'm going to table tennis? Yes.

County. County level. He's a better footballer than you'd expect. I will say that for two. We don't know what he expects I'm worried about the nude expect Yeah

That's a slap in the face No he's he's good Are you good at table tennis? No Really? I don't know what to believe when Tim Key speaks

No I'm not that I'm not very good at table tennis I once played table tennis in Montenegro Okay As an international representative. No, no, as a brother playing against my brother.

Oh, it's an anecdote. Well, I'm trying to turn it into one. I love a Montenegrin anecdote. I didn't think of anything happened. There's no place for work in progress. Oh, yeah, so that's it, I think. Let me just do it one more time. I went to Montenegro

and I played table tennis with my brother. OK. Montenegro was a country that I always, always assumed was in Central America. For years, I believed it. And then suddenly... Well, no, not suddenly. It was always in Europe.

Well, OK. Always Europe. But then suddenly England were playing, Serbia and Montenegro. And I thought, well, who have those two got together? It's a ridiculous travel implication. You know when you see Martina Navratilova playing with someone who is not that good at tennis,

and you think, how did... Wogan. Someone a bit county-level. Who was her mixed doubles guy? Peter? Leitch? Fleming? Fleach? Fleming? Fleming.

Oh, I thought it was Purvis. No, not him. Former Doctor Who companion. Well, but that's the thing with doubles, isn't it? Some of them are doubles specialists. Yes. Because McEnroe wasn't exactly playing with Billie Jean King, was he? He was playing with Shriver.

Yeah. Yeah. Good point. But it's that moment where you have to approach... Imagine going up to Martin and Avarese Lovat and saying, would you mind being my mixed doubles partner? And she's looking at you and thinking, how dare you?

But that rang to 178. Jamie Murray does that all the time. He sort of, you know, sidles up to these people. He's steeled himself to it now. Yeah, he knows what he's doing. But there must be some payback on that, surely. But I wouldn't... It's like if I said to you,

why don't we do a double act show? Yes, OK, I'd love to. Would you? I'd do a double act with Frank. Would the mic sound? Well, Frank wrote to Alan Bennett once didn't you darling? I asked if he'd want to write a play with me

That's a shame Did he? He wrote a very nice letter and said I'm not very good at co-writing And I'm very good at single writing Very good at writing on my own whereas you have no experience whatsoever Furthermore, who are you?

And did you write back, were you tenacious? Did you write again? No, I wasn't at all tenacious. They're still pen pals, actually. It was one of those. When I heard it land in the postbox, I already regretted it. And nothing he said changed that.

Absolute Radio presents 10 Hours of Frank Skinner. He only came. Absolute Radio presents 10 Hours of Frank Skinner. He only came to Absolute Radio on a three month contract and ten years later he still won't sign it. Happy 10th anniversary Frank from Absolute Radio. Tim, not as good

as a table tennis as you thought Key is with us. I'm not bad at table tennis. Oh no, you're climbing down. I know you remember me looking like a liar. Yeah.'m not bad at table tennis. Oh, no, you're climbing down. I know you remember me looking like a liar. Yeah. Are you good at table tennis, Frank? Not really, but I do like...

I use the pen holder. Yeah, yeah. What's the pen holder? It's a grip. It's a grip where you hold it more like a pen than a table tennis. Oh, like the Chinese use. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah,. I don't like that.

Yeah. But I don't like that because, you know, I have the hold knife like pen issue. I do know that, yes. I'm a regular listener. So I don't like to hold

table tennis like pen either. Right. OK. Now, you're currently on air. Right. Is that you plugging that? No, I'm just saying that so you don't swear. All right, OK. Right, is that you plugging that? No, I'm just saying that so you don't swear. Alright, okay.

Now, yes, Alan Partridge. Yes. You're now a key element. You are sort of... Key element. You are... Yes. Did it. I didn't even know I'd done it. Frank, that'd be a great autobiography. Key element.

What other things can you do? Oh, right, okay. Unlocking Tim Key Key my life has a turn and we have to do yeah but anyway you're the sort of Sid James now would you say

to to Steve Coogan so good job it's radio that was a heck of a face do you know what I mean you've become

in technical yeah well I've been actually i've been in the last sort of two incarnations and now i think that they're making a few sort of documentaries like a different type of thing right and i'm not in that so um i'm not integral i'm integral we got you on yeah i'm quite disposable can i say you are brilliant in it as well yeah very, very good. And you play a sort of...

Hang on, that's less than brilliant, what you said. Yeah, well, I said nothing. Nothing very good brilliant. You know that chart you get of the ascent of man with a creature on all fours? I'm not a creature. No, but I'm on about what we've said about you as creatures. Yeah, so, well, it's massive.

You don't have to praise Alan Partridge. It's beyond that. Have you seen it? No. I have. I have. It's very good. I have.

And I said, make sure you talk about it. I didn't think I'd be asked directly. I never thought for a second you'd ask me directly. It was so clear in your eyes. Oh, sorry. You had about half the amount of enthusiasm for the Alan Partridge chat than you had for the table tennis one.

Is that why you brought the table tennis up? To avoid Partridge? If you could get 20 minutes out of that. I have to leave the studio. I can't. This level of honesty is making me sick. I thought I could talk about something else I haven't seen.

I've cycled down from my house, come in here to discuss my Alan Partridge role, and then I get these dead eyes asking me about table tennis. Look, I think it was me. You cycled? Alan and Emily have seen it. That's not the point I'm trying to make, Alan. Oh, I thought that was exactly the point.

Alan and Emily have seen it, and I think it was Meatloaf who said. Who saw it? Two out of three ain't bad. That's not bad, actually. He also said I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that. And they both said to me that they loved it. I didn't know Alan was going to step down a step on the podium. Very good.

Very good. Can I say, I don't want this entire sort of show with Tim just to be a review of the last three minutes. No. Right. But nevertheless, I like to think I stood firm on that podium. Yeah, you did, actually. I didn't let you down.

You said brilliant, and then you doubled down on it and said brilliant. Alan went brilliant, dropped to very good, and Frank has forgotten what we're talking about. You're not my confidence with you not being in the specials revelation. You prefer my life stuff. Actually. Your life stuff is great. I always prefer your life stuff.

I started by describing you as the funniest man in the world. Yeah, that's not a bad start, is it? That's nice, dear, isn't it? No, that is nice, actually. Can I ask you a question to change the subject? Did you and Frank go on holiday once? Once, yeah. No further questions.

Yeah, we went to the World Table Tennis Championships in Peking. Do you want me to tell you where we went? Yeah. Cologne. Of course you did. Yeah. And it was supposed to be, I think, six of us going on a sort of holiday at the end of Taskmaster.

Yeah, it was a Taskmaster. What did I say? So you said Taskmaster. It was like a Taskmaster social. Taskmaster reunion. Yeah. Oh. And then everyone dropped out. no yeah josh whittaker

this is quite good me and josh met at a station and we met we met going to luton airport to meet you and we met before we'd met you and it was supposed to be me, Roshin, Romesh, Josh, you, Alex and Greg and Josh was looking very forlorn and shook his head and said,

well, this was supposed to be seven of us going on a jolly and now it's just me and you taking a 50-year-old man to Germany. I'm just thinking

when it was, I'm happy with the 50. Yeah, you, yeah, I take that. Celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with 10 hours of Frank. Absolute Radio. So, got anything else you want to... He wants to discuss his jumper, he told me.

OK. Now, I should say Tim's jumper has got two foxes jumping over a radioactive isotope. We've put it on social media. If you want to have a look at it, it's currently on our Twitter and Instagram pages. Is it an alien thing that's landed? I think you should stick to your initials.

Oh, hold on, I haven't turned you on. Sorry, darling. Well, I'm not saying that again. Sorry, darling. Sorry, darling. They're very close. They've holidayed together. Sorry, darling. Sorry, darling. They're very close. They've holidayed together.

Ah, yes. It was a bit strange. Frank calls Tim darling and Tim calls Frank Mr Skinner. It's really close. And me and Josh call Frank grandpa. And you know what? I don't mind. I liked it.

It was very Ian McKellen and Derek Jacoby. OK. We went out for dinner, didn't we, in Cologne? Do you remember? Didn't we get... We finally persuaded Alex Horne to come over and he said he'd had the worst pizza he'd ever had in his life. He was only in Cologne for, like, two hours.

So it was you, Alex Horne, Josh Whittacombe... Me, Josh and Frank for one evening and then thankfully Alex came and sort of broke things up a little bit. Another youngster. We had an apartment. Exactly. Frank was the only

non-redhead. I'm not a redhead. You are? Red bearded. Red beard. You're a man with the eight. Lovely. Yeah, but the lower part of my head. Okay. The top part of my head's brown. Okay.

I think it still counts as redhead. Well, it's your head. Yeah. Thanks, Frank. Okay. You can see how tense it was in Cologne. I mean, we just sat and colour coded each other. There was a mouse in the restaurant.

There wasn't. Do you remember that, Frank? I don't. I don't like the idea of that. Yeah, it wasn't one of the great holidays. No. We went to a bridge. I'd say it was the best time of his life.

Well, it was the best of his life, yeah. No disputing that. For you, it was worse than that 11-hour wait, wasn't it? I don't normally like holidays. They're different when you go with other people. Yeah, there was a bridge with a lot of padlocks on it, which represented relationships. This is where people make wishes. No, well, you're anti-wishes. Actually, joking aside, it was a really great 24 hours.

Well, I loved Cologne Cathedral. I like that that's your review of Frank Skinner. My night with Frank Skinner. And also, we got lost in Cologne, and so Tim asked for directions in Russian, and it worked. Brilliant. Yeah, to see Frank's eyes when I did that was a real treat. It was amazing.

I went up in his estimations. That probably was where you got the table tennis stuff from. It probably was. This guy can do anything. I think he automatically put you up a level of everything. I mean, the Russian just dropped off him. Brilliant. Oh, say something Russian, Tim.

Yeah. What does that mean? What do you want me to say? Oh, I like it. And I used... That's weird. That's English. And I used...

What does that mean? And that worked. What's the best way to the cathedral? What's the best way to the church? I didn't actually know a cathedral, but I thought she'd work that out for us. I think I could probably say, извините, пожалуйста, где сабор?

Oh. But they were German, most of the people in Germany. I feel like this is what it would be like to have a partner on Strictly Come Dancing. I'm not going to go off with Frank. We've weirdly just got loads of texts I can't read since Sim started speaking Russian. I don't know what that's all about.

Well, they're mainly threatening. How long have we got left? About a minute. Okay. So, the jumper. Yes. Why two foxes, radioactive oxygen? I don't know, it was a gift.

But I went and did a... From who? It doesn't matter, Emily. It doesn't matter Emily it doesn't matter Alex Horne oh yeah okay and I went and did

an audition last week and I had to I got feedback oh yeah through my agent and I had to go back in again to do the audition again

with a different jumper oh dear was that really the feedback? the feedback was that I was a sort of cartoon character person and it wouldn't do so I had to go back in again and go in with a different jumper. Oh, dear. Was that really the feedback? The feedback was that I was a sort of cartoon character person, and it wouldn't do, so I had to go back in again and go in with a shirt. And I was like, what?

No, my jumper's fine, because I was wearing this jumper that I thought was fine. Then I suddenly remembered it was this jumper that I'd gone in with. Oh, yeah. I would say it's quite a strong statement. It's not a bank jumper, is it? It's not a job interview jumper. No, but I don't think it's put me off hiring someone.

No. You're currently wearing a pink jumper featuring my shih tzu. Yes, that's true. Can I say, by the way, can we have just a small island before I thank Tim for coming on? I read Emily's book this week, right, which is called Everybody Died and So I Got a Dog

I'm not kidding you and I'm not saying this because it's my friend it completely blew me away it is brilliantly written, a brilliant story he hasn't read it I'm not joking I'll get around to Partridge

let him talk more about this I'm not joking. It's another Partridge. I mean, no. Oh, Frank. I'll get around to Partridge. Yeah, let him talk more about this. Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm not kidding. And not you. If you don't, anyone listening to this, please read it. Because if you don't read it, you are missing out on a very brilliantly written, funny, sad, everything book. God, it blew me away. And when I read it, this is how much I liked it.

The fact that I was in it stopped mattering after a while. And I wasn't even looking forward to the next me section. That's how good it was. And that's saying something with a man of enormous ego. Well done, Emily. It was absolutely fantastic, I thought. You haven't read it. Nowhere near it.

Didn't know you had one. Frank, thank you so much. Trust me, I mean it. It's honestly, Tim, it's a knockout. Have you had one. Frank, thank you so much. Trust me, I mean it. It's, honestly, Tim, it's a knockout. Have you got one with you? I have, actually. Right. 15 quid. So, look, now, I could not go without saying that

because it's brilliant. Listen, Tim, thank you so much. It's always such a joy to see you. Oh, thanks for having me. It's always lovely to see you in England. Are you doing Edinburgh this year? Mmm. No. Oh. Are you? Are you seeing Savaloi? see you in England. Are you doing Edinburgh this year? No. Oh.

Are you? Are you singing Savoy? Are you? Yeah, I've gone stand-up crazy. Are you doing the whole thing? I'm doing an autumn tour. And what, a solo? Tickets go on sale this Friday.

Wow. I'm in. I'm doing Britain and beyond. Are you? Yeah. Cologne he's doing? Maybe I will do it yeah do it what about the

double act thing as well yeah then you'll have a little buddy up there we could do like an on plan thing oh god wowee

anyway look what's that David Baddiel's just texted Frank so look it's great to see you Tim thank you I'm going to

go off on my own now which is a bit. I'm going to go off on my own now, which is a bit sad. Good luck, Al. I'm going to go and see the two mats. Enjoy yourself. Yeah, beer and... Welcome. I've already used welcome. I used welcome and bath last time.

That's right. I'll think of another one. So, look, yeah, so thanks, Tim. Al and Emily, I love you. Sarah and Faye, the backroom boys, I love you. Obviously not quite as much, but still a lot. And up next is rock and roll football with Frank Skinner added this week. Celebrating 10 years of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with 10 hours of Frank.

Absolute Radio.