The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Air Bagpipes

Episode Date: August 17, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week the team are joined by Gareth Richards. Frank has had a VIP Anglo-Saxon experience, Alun's worried he's been snubbed and Gareth responds to bucket-gate.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Today, would you believe it, I'm with Alan Cochran and Gareth Richards. Good morning. Morning. Good morning. Now you can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, or email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

So we're breaking all the current conventions of having three men running the show. I'll go so far as to say... Oh! Yeah, so... I don't know if this triumvirate has ever been a configuration of the show, has it? I think it has. I think so, yeah.

I think so. Oh, soon you forget. They're so fickle. No, it's not that. I thought it had just been different. No, I'm pretty certain we've done it before. Well, splendid. I mean, I'm nearly a woman.

I suppose we all are if you consider the closeness of the is it X, X? Yeah, and X, Y. And if one of us had to be the woman, I think I'd be the woman. Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. I suppose if there was a nuclear

attack, we'd stock in here like a bonker. Good of you to offer early on because otherwise there's a lot of tension and debate, like a balloon debate it's a sort of version of the balloon debate I sort of volunteered early

haven't I? Yeah exactly your job is what you have Can I say on the first track I played, which I'm not going to name because you might be listening to this on a Decade channel and it'll give you a nosebleed if it's not the track you heard, I played air guitar. Did you?

Yeah. And I recently, because we're up in Edinburgh at perhaps the world's greatest arts festival. I've been doing lots of publicity and stuff, and I was on with a band on the show. So, you know, you do that thing, you know that awkward thing when people are sitting on the sofa being interviewed, and then a band play,

and you react a bit more than you normally do in case the camera cuts to you and you don't know that you're not being involved. But I found myself playing air guitar then. And I was people. I don't know if people still do it. I think it's I was looked at as if some sort of some sort of freak. Really?

Yeah. sort of freak. Really? Yeah. I'm putting it down to the lack of belief in the unseen in society in general. Interesting. That's now come right down to the air guitar. Yes.

I think you have to believe to really play. I don't think that's what it is, Frank, to be honest. I think it's more of a cultural thing. I saw a kid playing air bagpipes yesterday. Oh, wow. That's all about the instrument. he just had an itchy armpit i asked um i asked eric clapton when i interviewed him if he played air guitar ever and he said to me well you know why why would i i can play real good

me well you know why would that i can play real guitar you don't understand that's the point yeah that's not that's not it he just doesn't want to have to learn a new instrument you know when i sometimes when i sit on the bus and i'm not making this up i very subtly because you never know who's looking steal the bus a little bit with my hands just you know around now i can drive i can drive it's air driving but i just i just like just i just got like finger and thumb on the bottom of the steering wheel just turning it gradually anyway welcome gareth we haven't been on for uh we haven't been on together for quite a while um i should say that Emily got pooly last minute, which is why we've ended up with a complete testosterone fest. A festosterone is what I'd call it

if I had a festival that was all male things. Write that down with someone. Not that I think I'd be allowed to stage such a festival. So are you having a tremendous time in Edinburgh? Yes. Have you got a show on? I have, yes. You've not seen all the sold-out signs across the lapus.

Everywhere. Everywhere you are. Have I ever felt less easy about who I am at core after making a phone call saying, I've just arrived in Edinburgh. I'm not sure the sold-out banners on my posters are big enough. What's happened to me? We've had a text from somebody whose wife

does a version of air driving as a passenger, especially air braking. Oh, yeah, well, I think we've all done a bit of that as a passenger. Oh, God. But not many people, I still occasionally do a bit of air choke in the car. Oh, do you? Yeah. On cold days. Yeah.

Just think, how many people listen to this and have no idea what choke is? Used to be quite a delicate little judgment how far you pulled out the choke. Oh, don't flood it! Oh, man. I know nothing about cars now. There was a time a car could go past making a slightly high-pitched sound

and I could go, oh, fan built, it's fan built. Can't do that now. Those days are over. I suppose we just have to accept that times change. So, look, I'm in Edinburgh, and one thing I do every time I come to Edinburgh for the festival is I visit some very good friends of mine. Ramadin and Valentine.

No, not them. I visit the Lewis chessmen. Oh. Now, you may remember, I recently went to the British Museum to introduce my seven-year-old son to the Lewis chessmen. And he said to me,

I remember, how can you play chess with them when they're all the same colour? Something that had never occurred to me, I have to say. But anyway, as I say, it's a bit like living with an avant-garde poet, my child. Do you remember I told you, this is a sidebar, but hold on to your hats. Do you remember I told you once that when he went into the questioning phase, my child, he said to me, what colour's the mirror? Oh. And I didn't sleep for about three nights.

Yeah. A woman stopped me in the street since I've been here, stopped me about three or four days ago, and said, I'm a philosophy student at Edinburgh University. Would you mind if I wrote a paper about your son's question about the mirror? Wow. Obviously, I get asked this regularly.

And I said, no, no, I'd be happy with that. I mean, I'd like to read it. She said, no, it's a really, really interesting question. That is a good question. And off she went. You didn't say anything sarcastic like, actual philosophy a bit thin on the ground at the moment, is it? No, I didn't say that.

If we retold this story with you in the start, it would have been, philosophy. I like philosophy. We all do. I'm a big fan. Absolute Radio has got a big philosophy following. Yeah. I'm going to go on again, and I'll come back.

I'm still sticking with this, Lewis Chessman. But this is my last, oh, my strange child, strange stroke, fabulous child. There's a thing in Edinburgh called Arthur's Seat, which you all know. Is it a mountain or a hill? 8, 12, 15. Yeah, exactly.

Which is it? I'd go mountain. Yeah, it's big. Big. But it's always been said to me that it looks in profile like a lion couchon. Oh. What part of the lion is the cushion it's the uh the line down oh so uh ramp ramp or on pole is when they're standing with this in the air like heraldic and cushion is when they're resting right um so it's it looks like that. So I was saying that to Buzz, my child, and he said, no, the front part there looks like a gorilla's head.

And I'll tell you what, once you see that, I can only see the gorilla head now. You know those overhanging brows of the gorilla? It's got that. But the gorilla's head just feels wrong, doesn't it, for a Scottish... Yeah. Also, I don't know when it was named after sea, but people might not have known what gorillas were at that point.

Yeah. I don't know how late they... Their publicist was tardy. I don't think lions were ever indigenous here either. No. Comparison point. That's an interesting point because you see lots of lions in like, you know, when you see the jousting tournaments, if they pick up on the colours of the age.

Never see gorillas. You don't get Richard the gorilla heart. And I'm sure gorillas are just as brave. You don't think so? No, I think they probably are. I don't want to take on a gorilla. Or lion, actually. Well, you know, as I've said to you before,

I've always fancied my chances against a lion. Because of a chair or something? No, I just think if you grip them very tightly, they can't really get any of the sharp bits at you. Oh. Yeah. That's my theory. I mean, you've got to hold on.

Don't let go. Once you've took that grip, you've got to keep it. What's your exit strategy? That would be my theory. I mean, you've got to hold on. Don't let go. Once you've took that group, you've got to keep it. What's your exit strategy? That would be my question. My exit strategy is to fall into not too deep a lake so I could drown it beneath me. That's where I'm on at the moment. That's plan A.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, oh, yeah, let me, yeah. So the Lewis chessmen, in case you don't know, I've mentioned them on the show before, they were a chess, well actually, I now discover they weren't a chess set. They were just a whole big collection of loads of chess pieces, some part of a set, some extras.

A chess hoard. Yes. And they were found on the island of Lewis in a bag, I think. That could be wrong. But anyway, some of them are still on Lewis. Some of them are in the British Museum and some of them are in Edinburgh at the National Museum of Scotland. You may remember, the reason we talked about them recently is a bloke found one in a drawer.

Yeah, amazing. They think they might get a million. I think it actually went to auction. It did. They didn't get the million they got, but they got 700,000 plus. Not bad for a thing that's in a drawer. Exactly. Well, that is a good point.

Not bad. I'll have to have a rummage. Most expensive thing in a drawer. Exactly. Well, that is a good point. I have to have a rummage. Most expensive thing in a drawer, 8, 12, 15. That would be a great text in, I think. Divorcees for wedding rings. So I was in a restaurant. There'll be deeds. That's what I'm thinking of.

Do you still get deeds? 8, 12, 15. Do you still get deeds? 8, 12, 15. Do you still get deeds? And what's the most expensive thing you've got in a drawer? These are great text-ins, Frank. No, I'll tell you what I ask about the deeds. I've watched many, many, many Westerns in my time. As a child, I watched a great many western films and TV shows

and it used to be a thing that if you had the deeds to a property you owned it so you could literally take the deeds out of someone's coat on the back of a chair and then you own that property just holding the paper I think in Laurel and Hardy's Way Out West there's a lot of

fighting over the deeds I don't think it's that simple now. You can't just take the papers. There were simpler times. Oh, simpler times in many ways. I'll tell you what would be a really valuable deed. Go on. From the Lewis Monopoly set.

Oh. When they find the Lewis Monopoly set, the deeds from that would be very valuable. I don't know if they're still searching for that. Anyway, I was in a restaurant in Edinburgh called Spoons. Do you know it?

Oh, yes. Big soup specialists. And I was in there. Upstairs, is it? Upstairs, yeah. I saw you in there. Was it last year or the year before? Last year, yeah.

Brief chat in the queue. Yeah, I didn't like the way you looked at me and said upstairs as if you were surprised. No, no. Surprised I'd gone for an upstairs. I thought that's how you filtered out your restaurant choices. That's how I burn off my calories pre-meal. I didn't say upstairs.

They actually did have a stairlift. I noticed that. I made some remark to my mother-in-law about it. We won't go into that. I had my family up this week, I should explain. But anyway, I was in there and a woman approached. I was with my partner, Kath, and Boz, my child, and Sandy Mason. I don't know who she is, but she stares a lot.

And this woman came over. She's Emma's mum. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Let me write that down. I'll nail that for next week. Anyway, a woman came over to the table, and she said,

you like the Lewis Chessmen, don't you? And I said, yes, I do. And she said, well, look, I curate them at the National Museum of Scotland. Wow. I said, well, every time I'm up here, I come in and I have a look. You know, I come to see them every time I'm in Scotland. And she said, well, she said, well, come in while you're up here and I'll give you a bit of a closer look. Wow.

Oh, wow. I was excited. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So. You were just getting a sort of a late night visit to the Lewis chess men offered. Well, it was it was after hours. It feels a bit like Hollyoaks when it's on late.

Yeah, exactly. Well, it was. So, yeah. So I I trundled along to the I should say this one was Dr. Alice Blackwell, who is curator of medieval archaeology and history at the museum. curator of medieval archaeology and history at the museum so I went along after hours like six o'clock at night through the staff entrance and she's got like a flight case opens it up and you know when you get those foams yeah like shape so you can put your like in Carlos the Jackal I think had a one that he fitted all his rifle extension and everything

I've made one of those for my instrument Have you really? You made one? Yeah because my old plastic case broke and so I bought a case and then you can buy the foam stuff and then cut whatever you want out of it. But if you cut it, do you get like a jagged edge on the foam?

If you're very careful. Okay. What is it you play again? Cue chord. Yeah. Suzuki cue chord. Yeah, no one knows, no one knows. I think there's only one in the world.

Is that right? So anyway, she opened it up and there was all the the foam thing there were the louis jessman in there in their travel not they travel much were they going somewhere no they were just coming to see me backstage so i had to put plastic gloves on you know is it plastic or rubber you know what i mean put it this way, I sent Kath a picture of me holding the Lewis Chessmen. She said, it's lovely, but you look like you've just taken

them out of someone's body. That's a terrible thing to say about the Lewis Chessmen. So, yeah, so I got to handle and examine them closely. And I, you know, I feel like I've known them my whole life. You do talk about them as if you know them.

Last week when we had a burrito, you said, oh yeah, I'm still going to go and see the Lewis Chessman as if it was some friends of yours that you popped to in a pub. Over a burrito, would you believe me? Yes. Well, I think it's partly because as a kid I was obsessed, as I've said before, with Noggin the Nog, which I then found the drawings were based on the Lewis Chessman. You might remember I went to see Noggin the Nog live,

and they used my quote on their publicity, better than Hamilton. And it was completely sincere, can I say. So I was allowed to handle them. And you realise they're all totally individual. You know, even the two queens, they don't look the same. One's holding a horn, a plenty, a drinking horn, and one just looks bored.

Hasn't one got a hand on the chin? Well, they both got a hand on the chin, but one supports arm in the elbow, supported in the other hand, and one's holding a drinking horn. I think it's like that one further on, bored and then hit the mead early on. But I was in there with 45 minutes

just looking at the Lewis Chessman. And the great thing was as well, is I was with an expert. So I'm not with Michael Gove on the, we've all had enough of experts so every thought that occurred to me I just asked Dr Alice and she knew the answer so I said and my son said

how do people play chess with them if they're the same colour she said yeah there's done quite a lot of research on that and had all these seems that they did have a colour on them and some of them were red and then it's washed off they're quite heavy as well. Right.

I wanted to ask you something about this as a technical question. You might know, Gareth, but I'm thinking it's a question about muscles. So I'm thinking, Alan, as you're out today as nearly lady. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. You were having your late night session with the Lewis Chessmen. Yes. Not a bit of gossip.

It's just for people who can't picture it, you know that scene in Alan Partridge where he goes around a hi-fi store after hours because he's so famous that he would get annoyed. Oh, yeah. You're like that, but with antiquities. Is that right? Well, as you remember, when we had Tim Key on the show,

he was promoting the last Alan Partridge series, which he was in. And he turned to me at one point and said, have you seen it? And I said, no. It was all a bit hashtag orcs. It was, really. But anyway, so I was, they're quite, the great thing about holding them, the Lewis chest

is they're quite heavy. They're heavier than my replica set. Oh, right. And it made me think that they are being moved about by people with strong with sword arms do you know what i mean more muscular forearms from doing a lot of sword work oh you think of this as a theory back in the day back in the day yeah i've never thought of chess as a workout before no i guess if the men are heavy enough yeah yeah it's bad that we still call them chess men because there are obviously queens. Chess people. But still chess people.

Chess sets. But I remember now, I was reading an essay by David Foster Wallace about tennis. Oh, yeah. And he said, if you look at professional tennis players, they have one arm. They do. Their racket arm is much more developed than the other. Is that true, Al? I knew you'd know.

That is true. And I don't like to name drop, but I once had a chat about it with Greg Rosetzky. What? Yeah. Wow. The tennis player? No, it's a bloke that lives near me.

It's just a coincidence of names. Yeah, so they have to do sort of, they do as much as they can to counterbalance it, but it's not, you know, it's never going to be enough,

I don't think. You see, I've never picked up on it, but now I really want to, I want to get close to a tennis player so I can, I can spot it.

We all do. Well, just get in touch with Wimbledon and see if they'll arrange an after hour showing for you. Do it like a

line-up where you can go along and squeeze the bicep. Well I'm open to turn up with some measuring calipers. Just a hot arm hole thing.

Presumably one way of spotting is the sleeve would be slightly tighter on one side of it. But this brings me see when you hold the Lewis Chessman as I have

then you see you see details that you don't normally see like on the back of the Queen's seat is a little dragon head you know as if it was in the chair. Have you ever had this scene when you get close to something that Back of the queen's seat is a little dragon head, you know, as if it was in the chair. And I...

Have you ever had this scene when you meet... You get close to something that normally you see from... Look, for example, when I went to Sydney, I went to have a real close-up look at the Opera House, so I was walking round it, and there was, like, tiles falling off it. You know how immaculate it looks on the pictures? As I once told you, I made one out of my a tiny one out of my nail clippings but yeah when you got close to it there

was bits holes in the roof and they just slipped off and they were lying there these iconic white things no one to put them back on no so what what this for a texting? When you've got close to anything or anyone, just think of an example of this, of meeting someone well-known and being stunned. But I'll tell you that after the news. I've thought of one as well. I'm living one right now. Oh, there you go.

If you... Yeah, I told you I shouldn't want my trousers. So, yeah, if you've got close to anything or anyone and noticed a surprise in detail, let us know on 812.15. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Alan Cochran and Gareth Richards is with us this morning.

You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Now, last week our regular readers will know that Emily told a story of going to see Gareth Richards' gig, which she loved. Can I point out? She did. It's on at 2.45 at Whistlebin Keys. There you go. On Nidry Street. There you go. But she had

a situation. Now, just in brief, in summary, she put I think she put a tenner was it, in the bo in the bucket she'd explain that the free fringe that you don't buy the ticket up front you watch the show and then a bucket goes around yeah and you and you pay how much you've enjoyed the show is what you pay so she put a tenner in and then she realized she dropped 20 pound note which someone working there thought it fell out the bucket so they picked it

up and put it in the bucket so then emily was in this situation she didn't want to take it out the bucket because um she didn't want to look like she was stealing yeah um now or even worse thought that she was putting in um 10 and taking out 20 like she was due a refund on the calibre of the show. That was one of her concerns as well. Exactly. I mean, I don't know if any people watch shows and then take money out of the bucket. I mean, I've seen a few shows this week that I think owe me money now.

Well, some people assume you're passing the bucket round for vomit. Ask for the show for reviews. So I thought, as you're here gareth were you aware of this uh incident well since it's happened one lady said here's some money but not as much as emily dean put in so people have mentioned it along the way i Well, there's a lot going on after the show, because obviously I've got to, like, collect, hold the bucket. Autographs, selfies. Someone did.

On the first show, a guy called George came, who was a big fan of this show, came to see the show. Okay. Said he wanted to do with me. Complete this. Yeah, definitely. But, see, we should explain that what happens normally in the free fringe is that people do what is known as the bucket speech at the end. In summary, what's your bucket speech?

The classic thing is, it's the free fringe. It means it's free to get in. It's not free to get out. Okay. It means you have to get out. But whatever you feel the show has been worth means it's free to get in. It's not free to get out. Okay. It means you have to get... But whatever you feel the show has been worth to you, please fold that amount and put it in the bucket. I think that's a nice way to do it.

No pressure. And so that's what I do. But also, this year I've got a card reader. Wow. Yeah. The free fringe is uh it's already it's very becoming corrupted it's quite slick um i'm in a in a in a well like all the venues made of stone yeah yeah with almost no phone signal it has to be connected to your phone the card reader so i mean it hasn't

yet paid for itself the amount of times i've got it to work it's always nice phone, the card reader. So, I mean, it hasn't yet paid for itself, the amount of times I've got it to work. It's always nice to have a card reader with you. Your show's got a tarot, haven't you? You've got a tarot with you. Yeah, I've got a tarot one, yeah. But that does work on the ground. Yes.

Better. Exactly. So, while this was all happening, I was trying to get someone that said, have you got a card reader? That's how they try and get out of it. Did they actually say that? I wouldn't have known.

You notice I'm using the phrase card reader now quite casually. I never heard it until eight seconds ago. Have you got a card reader? Do you know what it means? I know what it means. I can guess what it means i know what it means i can guess what it means but um yeah so i was trying so someone did that so i was trying to get it to work meanwhile the person in the venue after me is a comedian called maureen younger um ironically because she's older than me

that's weird this isn't leads me to another one of bozzy quotes. He said to me, how come the word big is smaller than the word small? It's a good point. That's one philosophy. I look forward to reading the philosophy essay on that. Exactly. So carry on. So Maureen comes over to me and she says, you know, a woman's got your bucket. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I knew I knew well I thought

I thought it was probably Emily right it's the first time she's ever touched a bucket in her life she probably

wondered what it was well then I went back and she had it clutched to her she had her arms round it and I thought we know Emily

she likes to be close to money yeah but did she what happened did she She had her arms round it. And I thought, we know Emily. She likes to be close to money. Yeah. But did she... What happened? She left it in there. Yeah. So she put 30 quid in.

If it goes in the bucket, it stays there. That's the rule. I'm the only one who can take it out. What happens in the bucket stays in the bucket. Well, it was... I'm sure it was worth every penny. It was. I did, actually. I bought everyone a drink with Emily.

Drinks were on Emily that evening. Oh, well, that's lovely. I'm sure she'll be pleased to hear that. She can afford it, can't she? She has a fierce temperance. But, you know, never mind. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Now, Faye, who is our assistant producer, arrived with a story.

Was it Gordon who told you this? Yeah. Gordon, who works here at Fourth Radio, said that one of his friends got a folded two-pence piece in their bucket having asked for having dropped the folded hint right i i discouraged that no yeah that sounds like it's taking a lot of prep as well yes well you what the thing is if it's taking a lot of prep it's you know it's it's unpleasant that someone's gone to that trouble to drop. And also they've made a decision about the money they're going to put in.

They could be jokers who've also put in a note. But if it's someone who has folded it on the spot, you don't really want to quibble with them. No, no, no. I don't want to argue with that bloke. Or a woman. Or a woman, yes, of course. Everyone knows performers.

On the way in, the taxi driver said to me, I said, do you go and see any Edinburgh shows? And he says, almost never. Almost never.

I've only been, in the last 10 years, I'd say I'd been to four shows and my son's a stand-up comedian. Wow. Yeah. And his son, he said his son is

called Gareth Waugh, who I've met at a gig. He's another Gareth. He's like, there's very few comedy Gareths. The lesser spotted Gareths. So, that's extraordinary. It is.

He drove me here today. If only Arthur C. Clarke was still alive, he might have featured that on The Strained World of Arthur C. Clarke. I was watching a street performer, Australian woman, and she gave the bucket speech. And she began by saying, you know, if you saw this show in a theatre, you'd pay 50 pounds to see it. And I thought, no, I really wouldn't. That isn't true. There's nothing about that. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't go and see it. But also, and then she said, one of the things she said would down insult me with coins. Which I thought was just too much. And I'll tell you what I didn't like about it. There was bits when she was talking and there'd be a cheer from street performers that were adjacent. They were the other side of this wall. Oh, yeah. And they were a sort of breakdancing bunch of young men.

Crew? Yeah, it would be a crew. And it was like, you know in the early stages of the World Snooker Championships when you get applause coming through from the other table? I don't like that. I always feel like it must be off-putting. They seem to cope all right with it. They do.

You did get the great moment of a big Bill Wurbenjek putting his head round the corner of the screen to watch a 147. Anyway, every time they got a cheer or applause, the crew next to it. The B-boys, probably. This woman would say things like, and at one point she said, oh, yeah, yeah, you know, if you want me to just dance,

you know, I can dance for you. And I'm doing something special. If people are going to applaud people just dancing. And then at the end she said, like, we did a big support street entertainers. And she'd been horrible. She'd been really horrible about the other ones. Heighty-tighty in the X3.

What was she doing? She was, well, perhaps I shouldn't identify her. But then again, perhaps I should. Juggling? She was sort of contortionist type of person. I thought she was talking out of it. Anyway, it turned out they were just very close to each other. No, she was, I mean, it put me off.

So I sent my child off with a pound piece to put in the bucket. Folded up. She didn't send it back. She wased up. She didn't send it back, so she was folded up. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've got various text-ins running. Yes.

Some are odder than others. Well, true of everything. Yes. We were asking if you've ever been up close to a person or a thing and found it surprising. Yeah, no too surprising details. Yeah, I have one of those. But first, we've had an email from Warren.

Hi Frank, I visited the Pompidou Centre about 20 years ago and I was so disappointed. What a discoloured, neglected rust bucket. Nothing like the pictures. Oh, well of course one of the features of the Pompidou... The Pompidou Centre is an art gallery

in Paris. And one of the features of it, and I think they might have been amongst the first to do this, is that all the heating system and all that is all visible. It's not hidden away. So they prided themselves, as you can see, the innards, as it were. When I went there, there used to be a man, a very... Oh, I don't want to use the fat... I was going to say oh i don't want to use the fact the uh i was going to

say it only is the fat word doesn't really work if you say the fat word anyway it's a big bloke and he had a very big belly and um what he did was people paid to throw darts at his belly he stood outside he was a street performer. So he just held his hand in front of his face so they didn't go in his eyes. And then you had to dip them in some sort of cleansing fluid. And then people stood. And the idea was to get them to stick in.

So people were really, like, taking their arm right back and giving them maximum chock. And they were just sticking his guts out. And they were just stuck in his gut. And they were just stuck in his belly. Yeah, that was the street act. I've never seen it done before or since. I wonder if he's still there. Yeah, I wonder if he slags off other street acts.

Yeah, they're only dancing. I could do that. He's probably immensely respectful. You know how people say that nowadays health and safety has gone too far? Yeah. I disagree. Yeah, well, he was only in Daintree. I mean, no one was standing behind him, obviously. That would have

been foolish indeed. And when they stuck him, they stuck him in an unsatisfactory way. They sort of hung down. They were in the flesh but hanging down flat. I wanted him to be sticking upright, you know. Anyway, that's him. Well, I once met the ex-England Prime Minister, John Major.

I think he was the Great Britain Prime Minister. Yeah, you know what I mean. Same difference, isn't it? Oh, God. You know what I mean. Yeah, 8, 12, 15. And I was surprised to

find that he's enormous. Like he's a really big bloke with massive hands. Like his hands felt like they could hide a cricket ball quite easily. I think he comes from juggling stock. Maybe that's it. I think he did though. I think his parents got a very street performer theme

to them. No, you're right. parents were musical people, weren't they? I don't think that genetically creates huge hands, but he certainly had big hands. Luckily, we have Richard Dawkins on the line to discuss this. The other extreme, Sarah... It says Sarah Bowne, which I assume... It could be Sarah Brown, but it could be Sarah Bowne. It could be Sarah Bown which I assume it could be Sarah Brown

but it could be Sarah Bown it could be Sarah Bown anything's possible I just started work at a certain broadcast company after graduating maybe she's trampolining as she texted in

Sarah Bown sorry says was on a training course and popped to the loo as I walked back to the training room I passed Moira Stewart oh yeah and was just overwhelmed at how tiny she was training course and popped to the loo. As I walked back to the training room, I passed Moira Stewart. Oh, yeah.

And was just overwhelmed at how tiny she was. Oh, is she? I've met Moira Stewart. I didn't notice that, I must say. I think that I had an... She was carrying an enormous magnifying glass before her. Alright. I met...

The first time I met John motson football commentator legend i don't know about you guys and uh this is now as it's a men's show today you know as it's a men's show i find one of the trickiest um shaving um things is that bit just under the septum. Yes. You know, that bit that separates the nostrils. There's a bit that grows there like a toft, and you really have to get... I have to... John Watson hadn't bothered with that.

He just let that bit... It's very unusual. You know those jazz beards that are underneath the bottom lip that you see like on tom waits and stuff he sort of had a version of that as if um under the nose yeah as if he had a very small old sofa on his upper lip that was sprouting its stuff yeah and he'd look like he hadn't touched it for, oh, years. It was a really quite... Oh, really?

Yeah, and that was upsetting and disturbing in equal measure. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. One of the other conversations that we began earlier, I'm just trying to find the text message. Oh, here we go. We were discussing Arthur's Seat and whether it looked like a lion.

Or a gorilla. Or a gorilla. And then you discussed hill or mountain. I think we even said 8, 12, 15 is Arthur's Seat, hill or mountain. mountain i think we even said 8 12 15 is arthur's seat hill or mountain and uh now for the science bit i believe arthur's seat is a basalt plug which filled the hole in a volcano whose cone has since eroded away 495 who adds in brackets this is my girlfriend's phone yeah i don't know why they felt the need to well because, because it's actually 987, but he said he's 495 because he's using... Ah, I see. You're right. Thank you.

That's interesting because that suggests... Yes, it does explain it. He's one of those people, those organized people, who know their own phone number. Uh-huh. Yeah. Which I don't. Oh, really?

People say to me... How do you phone yourself? I don't. Do people phone themselves? No, no. Well, if you've lost your phone, that's why you phone yourself? I don't. Do people phone themselves? No, no. Well, if you lost your phone, that's where you phone yourself. Yes, good point. That's when loneliness has gone out of hand.

Phoning yourself. What happened if you texted yourself? Would it send? Yes, I've done that. Oh, okay. Sometimes you can text yourself just to sort of remind yourself something so it's at the top end of your text messages or just encouraging things

you're doing great mate keep going I lived with that every day in every way you are getting better and better don't listen to them I lived with a woman who used to do that

who used to put signs up that said things like you are a very special person and stuff like that right when I say lived with a woman who used to do that. She used to put signs up that said things like, you are a very special person and stuff like that. Right. When I say lived with, we were in bedsits. Obviously, I wouldn't live with anybody who did that. I made some joke about, had she been opening my mail when there was a thing on the wall that said,

you are an amazing blah, blah. And she took exception. Somebody's asking. She actually chased me out of the bed seat. Oh, really? With a kitchen implement. Is that right? Yeah. That was a long time ago.

Depending on which implement, it varies in fear factor. Well, it was quite fear factory. I don't want to go into details but i was quite um afraid um obviously she didn't she didn't know um what i was to become or it probably wouldn't have happened can i say that part of this i'm sorry were you going to say something i was just going to say uh 100 100 has texted do you think motti's septum surfer was to stop microphone rub? Maybe it had a practical use. Maybe it was a Velcro kind of a...

If you put a bit of Velcro on top of his lip, Mike... Do it hands-free. Hands-free, yeah. Then he could be consulting the Rothman yearbook as he commentated. Yeah, I think you've hit on something there, which is

good. Another problem solved here on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner Frank Skinner Absolute Radio 337 has texted, morning fralgar I guess that's Frank

Alan Gareth. I quite like Frank Allen I have seen the Morse Chessmen which predate Frank's favourites by quite a bit Do they? But they're not as interesting Well I don't know the Morse Chessmen Are they set in Oxford? That's right yeah or this is a coded message

Oh loving it Thank you Yeah I think they're I think they're older but just less How do you spell it? Do you. Yeah, I think they're older, but just less interesting. How do you spell it? Do you spell it as in Morse? Well, they've spelled it M-O-R-S-E person, but that could just be a... Is it

North? No. That rings a bell, doesn't it? North Chessmen. I think the Lewis Chessmen are North Chessmen. Yes. Yeah, I think the Lewis chessmen are Norse chessmen. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

One of the reasons we're up here is to see shows and tell you if you're coming to the festival what to see. Can I tell you yesterday... Yesterday... All your troubles seemed so far away. Well, they didn't really. No. But they were in the usual position arms

reach i went to um see at um let me get this right on underbelly in bristow square i went to see um manual cinema's frankenstein oh are you familiar with manual cinema no but my wife was looking at that show and thinking she would like to go and see well let me tell it let me tell you something about manual cinema he's not that Spanish bloke that lives at number 84 oh no he at manual cinema so you walking is at the McEwan Hall which is a pretty incredible place and it's a massive room. And you walk in and on stage, there's like musicians and screens.

And there's all these metal things hanging up. When I say metal things, I mean just pieces of scrap metal suspended for percussive reasons. And there's a line of, I think it's either three or four OHPs. Overhead projectors. Overhead projectors. I thought you said OAPs for a minute. No, no. I don't want to sit near them. No, no.

They do the steam effect at the end. And so there's a screen in the middle. And what they do is they make a film. So it all goes on the screen, but you can watch it all happening around you. And they use singers and actors and puppets and silhouette work. Are you describing a play? No. There is an element.

It all goes on the screen, but you can watch it happening. I've got to tell you now element it's all sort of element it all goes on the screen but you can watch it happening i gotta tell you now it's brilliant it's a story of frankenstein and um you watching it being made on the stage i if you're in edinburgh go and see manual cinema frankenstein it's a real sort of i'll tell tell people about this for years to come. What kind of age range would it be suitable for? Well, I think, you know, obviously it's Frankenstein. Right. So there's a bit of scariness in it.

But they don't... It's a big spoiler alert that there's a monster in there. Yeah, exactly. There's a monster. But there's no entrails. Oh, okay. I think... I don't want to give any spoilers. There's one limb severance.

That's all right. But it's done in shadow. A lot of it is done in silhouette stuff. I've seen a couple of shows that cost an arm and a leg so there's two limbs severed. Well, there you go. Well, I suggest you make a bolt for this show. It's really, I got corrected about,

I talked about the bolts in Shakespeare's neck. In Frankenstein. A friend of mine who's a very practical scientific man said they're actually electrodes. Oh. Okay, well, bolts just sounds better. But honestly, go and see Manual Cinemas, Frankenstein. It's special.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Alan Cochran and Gareth Richards. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. So, Gareth, thank you so much for coming in today.

Pleasure. You're not going, but I'm just... I didn't actually do that bit. Called it last minute. Yeah, sorry, Emily's not well. No, no. Get well soon, Emily. Yeah.

True. And so, how's your... You've been up here since the beginning of the festival yeah so yeah it's been good i um been going to see a few shows little bits of shows i went to say i got some tickets to um eddie izzard oh yeah yeah he's doing work in progress or like sort of a preview of his tour i think he said it's a little bit of his tour, Wunderbar. It was very good. Oh, yeah.

Is it about Charles Dickens? No, I think he's doing something else about Charles Dickens. Someone mentioned he's doing something about Charles Dickens. Yeah, that's confused. So he's doing two shows? Yeah. But it was very interesting as a performer as well

because there was an interruption. Was there? Heckler? No, no, like someone, you know, because the rooms get very hot up here, don't they? Oh, God, yeah. Oh, yeah. And so someone took ill on the front row.

And I think they're fine because, you know, the show eventually carried on. The show must go on. That's a rule. I don't know. Not if someone passes out. What if they pass away? Well, I heard someone tell the story that someone in a gig, a play, had passed away. But the wife said, but I want to see what happens at the end of the show

Yeah that was Abraham Lincoln I did a TV show once where we thought a man had died in the audience and the BBC person was there the commissioning editor and he came over and said

we'll have to cancel the record if he's died and someone came over and said we'll have to cancel the record if he's died and someone came over and said he's very ill but he hasn't died and we get this out, there's an ambulance he said okay we'll carry on then so it's a very fine line the show must go on

but I mean you've got to have a bit of respect but this was a fainting yes I think it was a fainting type thing and so the show was stopped and they said, any doctors here? I mean, there were about nine doctors. Were there? There were loads of doctors.

They love the arts. They love his art. Yes, they do. They had to get the doctors to back off a bit because there were too many of them. We have fewer doctors in here. He gets the Labour voters, doesn't he? He does. He's had a bit yeah there were too many we have fewer doctors in here like it gets the labor voters doesn't he he said a bit of young doctors young doctors strike it's all don't make sense yeah he talked about a bunch of things um idiot what things that he is our talks about now uh-huh yeah you're running

marathons Europe running marathons yeah other languages the berry didn beret he wasn't wearing the beret he didn't have the beret he's got a particular sans beret I'm sure well I'm glad he's still rocking but this is the thing Frank he talked about atheism

because he's an atheist and he was saying how of course he is. All the things that have... He's mentioned it. All the things that have happened in history, and God's never turned up. Right.

He's never done anything to intervene. Uh-huh. Never shown up. You're doing his bit. At which point... Yeah, don't do his bit. Someone in the front row passes out wow wow and the show stops at that point oh man he must have thought that the the lightning bolt had just gone slightly

to the left just missed him and i was eight feet out i was millimeters from saying and thus And thus saith the Lord, you who speak against me, I will smite ye. The thing was that it's a middle-aged woman in a pink beret. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Add my family up. Nice. I'll start that again. Say welcome and better to the Eddie. Oh, yeah. Add my family up. Nice. I'll start that again because they're welcome and better to the eddy. Oh, yeah.

I had my family up this week. Yeah, it was nice. I had my partner and my seven-year-old and my mother-in-law. So I covered all the bases. I had to try to find shows with a range of 70 years across them. Yeah, difficult. But I'll tell you something. I saw, are you familiar with the

listies the listies l-i-s-t-i-e-s the australian double act no do kid show they're at the pleasance courtyard can i tell you without doubt the funniest kid show i have ever seen really i mean and when i say kid show I really really laugh I'd have been happy to have gone on my own and still would have laughed it's just funny um boss described it after it when he was tech he didn't know the names of these guys so he said you know that the the less silly one was every described as man type guy but you know we bought the book we got the cd got all the merch oh we went merch great brilliant if you're up here with

a kid or even not i would say go and see the list is i mean it was definitely go to that and there's a bit of you know there's a bit of the thing a bit of poo and all that kind of stuff. But you know what? I love that. Brilliant. Just on a slightly frugal sounding note, Frank Skinner, was it jam-packed? Because I've got a Pleasance Pass and I mean, I'll buy tickets to see them. I don't think it was sold out. But I'll tell you something.

Another thing about the list is they've gone very reasonable on the prices. Oh, good for them. So yeah, exactly, good for them. Not like some. What are the dickens are you talking about? Just on the kids, on the kids front. 360 degree all stars.

Oh yeah, they're good. Oh man. Seen them before. Go and see them. And they, you've got breakdancing and beatbox yeah BMX

basketball skills it's great top end and I'm just going to do these quick I'm not mark

commode although as I always say I've marked a few commodes in my time SK Shlomo who is a I'm not Mark Commode, although, as I always say, I've marked a few commodes in my time. SK Shlomo, who is a... Oh, yeah. Right. Beatboxer. One of those, yeah, exactly.

And I always sit with beatboxing. He does a beatboxing kid show. He does an adult show as well, but I went to the kid show, which is great, because Boz has really took to it now. He can't stop beatboxing. Oh, I was going to recommend a beatbox show as well.

It's also for kids. Jared Christmas and Hobbits, which is great. It's a good thing for them, I think. Getting your mouth working. Yeah. And also, I find with beatboxing, in the idea of beatboxing, I think, oh, beatboxing. When you're there and it's happening, you think,

this man must be in league with the devil to make these sounds. idea of beatboxing i think oh beatboxing when you're there and it's happening you think this is this man must be in league with the devil to make these sounds and he was lovely he's one of those blokes you know there are certain people um kids entertainers um and i'm not going to name them i don't want to burst anyone's bubble but they get people on stage get kids on stage and they aren't as quite as kid friendly yeah you know just a little bit irritable yeah which is one thing with your own kids but not with others yes but um shlomo he's nice he's got a good nice although i one of my favorite things at edinburgh fringe is seeing kids on stage on the brink of tears by a kids entertainer who's not quite

one other show on this link Mark Thompson who does the science oh people rave about that too kids in tears but mainly because of the ammonia based experiment I'll tell you what he was making things explode and there was actually kids just going

again again that's what they want I'll tell you what, he was making things explode and there was actually kids just going, again, again. That's what they want. They want smoke and explosions. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I have a, excuse me, I have a frog in my throat. I have an etiquette-based question for two fellow stand-ups, if I may be so bold. Can I stop you there? Just a small footnote.

My dad insisted throughout his life that that should be pronounced antiquity, not etiquette. He would not give it he always said antiquity sorry not in a sort of a comedy no no

not in a comedy way like he always said it was Somerset Matham not Somerset Long I've been going to see

shows and I've I came to see Frank Skinner's fantastic stand up show the other day here's my question if you guys were came to see Frank Skinner's fantastic stand-up show the other day. Hurrah. Here's my question.

If you guys were going to see somebody that you knew do a stand-up show, after it, would you go behind and have a chat? Or if you were rushing off for another show, would you just leave it completely? Or would you send a text or a little message saying... I'm edgy about going back. Are you? In case you start correcting people's jokes, basically. Well, yeah, I have got that. Not correcting, but I offer... Improving. Yeah, I offer suggestions, which is a bad habit of mine. I also went backstage once to impromptu at a popular magician's

show I'd been to. And I went backstage and two of the volunteers from the audience were sitting in the dressing room. And I felt like I'd caught them with their pants down, so to speak, not literally. But I think I'd text after. Yeah. I personally, when I've been going to see comedians, even that don't know that I'm going to their show afterwards, in case they've seen me in the light or anything, and they think, oh, yeah, Alan was in my show,

I would send a message, I enjoyed your show, I'll see you about, let's have a cup of tea, just in case they think, oh, he, Alan was in my show. I would send a message, I enjoyed your show, I'll see you about, let's have a cup of tea, just in case they think, oh, he's seen it and hated it. I can't remember if you came back to my show or I just bumped into you after. I actually walked home with you, didn't I? I saw you in the street. Yeah, I remember, yeah.

Didn't we just bump into each other, though? Yeah, I saw you on the other side as I was walking back. Right, there you go, yeah. But another comedian and another comedian were at the door of my show last Saturday. Two other comedians. So two other comedians, one of whom I know I would consider a mate

and I'm certain has got my phone number. And they watched my show. I heard one of them laughing, like specifically, nothing. Not a pop back, oh, I really enjoyed it, and not a text message. Absolutely zero. Right. There's only one way to interpret that.

You think so? Well, disgust. Because I've been wondering, am I paranoid or am I a bit mad? It might be paranoia, but it's paranoia I share. Oh, okay, good. Talking to the wrong people. I mean, almost as supporting evidence, my wife and I were in a park the other day

and a comedian, not one of the ones that I just discussed, walked past and I said to my wife, oh, yeah, he's an odd fish. And my wife said said you all are lots of partners of comedians yeah that so I don't want to like be a sort of cliched paranoid comic but at the same time well I've spent the whole of the last week being one so am i to assume that they just didn't like my well i always think that because i i it's a lovely when you say something good it's lovely to be able to tell the person yeah i mean i will lie certainly yeah um but it's the proper thing to do can i say yes

i told you once i went to see um I went to see a friend in a play and he emailed me before. He said I'll see you after the play. Don't forget to say I was brilliant. And I went back and I saw him and I said oh you were brilliant and he said oh thanks very much. And there was never any reference to the fact that he

set that up. And I think that's just the best way. Brilliant is a really good word. I passed someone in the street yesterday who said, I really like your show the other night. And I thought, like?

Really liked. I don't know, just kick your mouth, shut up. Pretend you haven't seen it. If that's all you've got, just stay out of it It hasn't all been Mind crushing paranoia From me about My friends who are comedians

Watching the show and then not even texting Or waiting and saying that they'd seen it and liked it. Can I jump in on that? Someone came to see me in London recently, a friend, and they didn't come back or text. Don't get me wrong, I love it when they don't come back.

I don't like to break my stride from stage to bus stop when I'm gigging in London. But what they did was I got a card about three days later. I really enjoyed it. So they'd held back for the lovely touch. That is nice. So keep an eye on the letterbox.

Well, I think this person's gone for second-class mail. It's been a week. And maybe a with sympathy card. Who's a good one? I mean, God, some of the midweek ones this run. Don't start that. You keep saying that, and then people keep telling me it's good. Good?

Good? Sorry, did I say good? I meant brilliant. I had a fun chat yesterday with my little girl who's eight, and we were walking around, and she's seeing all the posters, and people have got stars stuck all over their posters, and she's trying to figure out at eight years old what they all mean. And she said, how many stars does your show have, Daddy?

And I said, I don't know, I don't really read my press, which is too young to understand that as a concept. I said, I know that there was a review this week that had four, but other than that, I don't know. And she went, OK, well, I give your show five stars. So I've got a five-star review. And she hasn't seen it. She hasn't seen it, but I don't think that should discount it.

She'll be very good at going back when she gets older. Why have I said I now need to see the show? She could just turn up at the dressing room. I don't think that makes her review worthless Frank. No. The fact that she hasn't seen it. I would hold on to it if it both happens. Yeah. I mean you don't

get that many five stars up here. And also I'm confident that unlike some of the actual people that have seen my show she's not misrepresenting it in any way like she's not misquoting jokes or doing that sort of stuff that people do in reviews don't they one of my real i'm not going to call this a pet hate i'm going to call it a hate it's that thing they do in edinburgh of joke of the festival oh yeah when right when they take um when someone who's never ever made a joke in their life writes a whole column full of jokes that belong to other people yeah thinking

like he's doing them a favor yeah keep your nose out of it and uh if you if you don't make comedy don't do comedy good point point. Would be my suggestion. Excellent rules. If one of my jokes appears in one of theirs, they're going to get the biggest legal shock they've ever had in their life. Let us know how that goes. I think it's a disgrace.

And also, the comedians are made to feel like they've been done an enormous honour by their stuff that's been put in there. I did have a arguably a bad review i was um oh i was walking home last night and there was a police car and i've developed a weird habit of looking into police cars because i know some police officers in manchester so i always think that i'm going to see them in the wild and so i looked in forgetting that i'm not in manchester and i looked in the them in the wild. And so I looked in, forgetting that I'm not in Manchester,

and I looked in the back of the car, and there was a guy in civilian clothes. But I thought if it was, like, a criminal, they'd be in the middle of two cops in case they tried to get out. But he was in the back, and he looked up and went, and started shaking his fist in an angry way at me. Oh, wow. And I thought, I think he's like been captured but

he's not surrounded by it was as if he was locked in the back like a child but he was really angry at me you haven't had one of these comedians arrested for a shabby comedy etiquette that's brilliant though i like the angry man in the back of the police car Shabby comedy etiquette. That's brilliant, though. I like the angry man in the back of the police car. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio.

We were discussing earlier that you had only just realised that tennis players end up with one overdeveloped arm. Yes. 546 has texted, Good morning all. Most lorry drivers have one arm browner than the other. When I was a trucker, I drove a left-hand drive Volvo for a month. After that, I was an undercover trucker.

Do I get that? I don't know if I understand that last bit. Undercover truckers? Is that like me on the bus pretending I get that? I don't know if I understand that last bit. Undercover truckers. Is that like me on the bus pretending I'm steering? No, I think they mean that they evened the tanning so they were a surprise trucker because it was an even tan whereas most truckers have got one arm out of the window. Oh, I see.

But interesting to me, the first part, that if you're a truck driver you've got one arm browner than the other. Well, do people still... We used to do a thing as youths. If a big truck went past, we used to mime pulling the... There was like a string thing they pulled to send the horn. We used to do that. Oh, yeah.

And sometimes they would actually sound the horn for us. was like we met our own entertainer there's no internet um but do they still operate like that those horns they probably don't do they probably computer they probably ship in their head yeah i had a an email from a mate this week that said, well, there's no greater accolade than to be sung about by Basil Brush. And I thought, what? And apparently he was on Radio 4 this week doing bits from his Edinburgh show, including, I think it was a rhyme of Skinner and Wiener. My friend is a poet and he commented on the rhyme scheme.

I'll see if I can, you just talk amongst yourselves. It's quite a technical point that he made. I mean, I'm just gutted that you're being texted about being mentioned on Radio 4, and I'm still awaiting a text from the comics that saw me last Saturday night. That seems like salt in the wound.

Have you been mentioned in poetry, Gareth? No, but do you know it's my last day of being 39 today. What, you're 40 tomorrow? Oh, wow! My 40th birthday. My goodness me.

Happy birthday. Are you still doing a show tomorrow? Consolation, yes. 40 years in the wilderness, my show is called. Well, I might come tomorrow and just put a cupcake in the bucket. Obviously, I'll eat it first.

Yes, he said a Basil Brooks Sanger song and he says this is my mate Kelvin who is a published poet of some note and it says something like the one to see after dinner is the winner by Frank Skinner and then he says an insistent

rhyme scheme certainly so that's nice that's a great review see this but a few weeks ago you you won't know this gareth but we talked about the fact that barbara streisand has cloned her dogs and now has the clones the dogs have passed and i was wondering if they retained the memories of the original animals because they've been cloned. Right. And Basil Brush I worked with a few times in the 90s. But the man who operated then, he has passed the operator, Tomb Tomb. Yikes.

I think that was the headline. I think that was the headline. And I wonder if Basil still has that memory, even though he has a different operator of us working together, and that's why he's singing about me. It's clear he still feels fondly about you. Yes. It's another of Frank's philosophy questions.

It is. It's a big one, isn't it? Do cloned animals retain their memory? And do newly operated puppets remember the people they've worked with? Quite an existential tilt to today's show. Yeah, there was. And what a great way. So look, we complete our trio of Edinburgh shows. Alan, you're staying. I am, yep.

Full run. Can't get him away. I am, yep. Full run. Can't get him away. He's going to stay up here until he gets a text from those commies. Make yourself comfortable. So, Gareth, thank you so much

for doing the show. Thanks for having me. It's always a joy to see you and a massive happy birthday for tomorrow. Thank you. What a biggie. 40. 40. Wow.

Wow. So that's brilliant and we've had a great time up here I think it's fair to say. If you're at the Edinburgh Festival it's a joyous place. So we're recommending some stuff today. Go and see that. Go and see Gareth. Go and see

Alan. You can't see me. I'm sold out. So listen if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week

now get out this is Frank Skinner this is Absolute Radio