The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - BEST OF SHOW

Episode Date: December 22, 2018

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. Take a trip down memory lane with the team while they discuss the BRITS, Bamboo socks and Frank performing at the Queen's Birthday celebrations. Enjoy!

I went to a thing this week which I it's great and I always look forward to it and it's the English National Opera Gala so you get a bit of opera dinner and then you know

you spend some money to keep the opera going I'm sorry Frank I don't think anyone else at the Opera Gala is looking at the invite thinking, oh, dinner. Well. Bit of dinner. Is it included then? It's all over the tabloids today,

this gala. It turns out I was at the party of the week. Why is it in the tabloids? Well, it's got Anna Friel. It says looking a bit worse for wear, it says. I didn't notice. I had to speculate. Did you notice?

She gave a lot of standing ovations to... Well, everything, really. I think dessert. I think dessert she gave. She was enthusiastic. They're on the next table. I find them... I've always found her a bit...

Someone I wouldn't dare approach. I've seen her at a few things. And you work with me. Yeah. But I think she's very talented and that, but I would never go over and tell her. Right. I don't know why.

I have a feeling she might head-bop me on the very bridge of the nose. Oh, that's a sore one as well. So I didn't go over. She's with Holly Willoughby and Natalie Appleton. I say again, it was an opera do. Times are changing.

Anyway, they're all over the papers. But, they had, I offered to, to be a prize on the,

on the, on the auction. What sort of a prize? You know, lunch with Frank Skinner at the Ivy. Oh. That kind of thing. Lovely. That would be a nice thing You know, lunch with Frank Skinner at the Ivy. Oh. That kind of thing.

Lovely. It would be a nice thing to do. Is it on you? Yeah, lovely. It will be by the end of it. Now, at my age. But it was, it's all raised money for the opera, you know. It's a good course.

I know there's people out there listening to this probably who are starving. It's a good course. I know there's people out there listening to this probably who are starving. But, I mean, I do, I try and do a bit, but it's all right to do a bit for culture as well. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about?

So, yeah, so I looked, you get like a tablet on your, a tablet as in, you know. My kind of party. Like an iPad, not like a tablet. No, no, that's none of that. I was already thinking it sounded quite 90s. There's none of that on our table. I was with Melvin Bragg on our table.

There was none of that. Is his hair still lovely? Lustrous. That's good. Anyway... It's a wonderful gift, that. Later life. We...

So I looked it's all in categories arts entertainment food all the prizes you can bid for so there was one

experiences so I pressed on that there was just me just lunch with me there was lunches you could have with other people but they weren't

listed on their experiences they were just listed you their experiences. Oh. They were just listed. You are an experienced surfer. The Frank Skinner experience. Yes, it was only me. I had my own category. Well, you should have your own category.

Yeah. Did someone buy it? Someone bought it for... Oh, brilliant. ..three grand. Shut up. I know. I was...

Wow...moved. I know. I was moved. I'm going to have to... I'm really excited. Obviously, word has gone out that I am fascinated. This is going to be nice for us, Al. Yeah. Did you notice what other people were going for? Were you doing that?

But I didn't want to bring that up. Oh, didn't you? Less. But are you secretly delighted Alan has? I thought you might bring that up. Oh, didn't you? Less. But are you secretly delighted Alan has? I thought you might bring that up. I can't bring it up, but I mean, yeah, people went... I was really pleased. I mean, it does make me feel somewhat fortunate.

Think of the launches we've had when you haven't paid a cent. Oh, man, you've brought probably about 150 grand up here. That's great. Could you write that on a check and send it to the English National Opera? Can we start auctioning? Can I auction my position off next week? Can you what?

What position is that? Oh, right. I don't have many positions left. I'm not giving up another one. Also, you don't want to put a number in their head to start off with when they're bedding. The best of Frank Skinner. Absolute radio.

I was talking to David Baddiel. Yeah. Who is a dear friend of mine and came round the house. We mainly talked about Marky Smith. But one of the things we talked about, we went on to talking about, I don't know, stuff. And I was saying that the first avocado I ever had was Glastonbury in the late 80s.

And there's a comedian who you may know, Al, called Charmian Hughes. Yes. And Charmian had got a converted old ambulance which she travelled about in, so that was parked at Glastonbury. And I went in there with her. Come on! Nothing, just friendly just for avocado

well no I didn't she said to me do you want a I think actually she had one off she said do you want off

an avocado and I had never had one in my life and of course I wanted to I didn't want to seem unsophisticated

so I said oh yeah I will and I didn't want to seem unsophisticated so I said oh yeah I will and I was anticipating a pear right imagine your disappointment isn't that what

Len Bithopic said to Gabriella Chica but I thought it was a pear you know like a fruit pear I'm sure it was a pear. You know, like a fruit pear thing. Oh, did you? Yeah. I'm sure it was called avocado.

It was called avocado pear. I believe it was, yeah. So I bit into it and it seemed to be made of clay, is what it tasted like. You didn't bite the skin, did you? I don't think I did, actually. I think she gave me a spoon. I'm just getting horror flashbacks to when you ate the bay leaf

at the girlfriend's house with the spaghetti. That was horrible. As I said, it was like eating a tiny medieval shield. Anyway, that was my first ever avocado. And it really, because it was like nothing I'd had before. It was a real experience. And then Dave is looking at me open mouthed and he said,

haven't I told you my avocado story? I'm wondering, that's Adele's avocado. I don't think you have. And then a mate of his who was in a band, he gave Dave an avocado and Dave had the same sort of experience. He said to me, he said it was like a different world. And I thought maybe there's a podcast to be had called My First Avocado.

That would be good. In which you interview people about exactly that. Right. You could expand on it. But I think there's something in it I think there is because I think we're of an age now, I know I'm a bit older than you guys

I'm a bit older still tomorrow but we're of an age where I think we're old enough to be the discoverers of the avocado the people who were around when Sir Walter Raleigh bought the potatoes. Yeah. We were the early adopters, weren't we?

Yeah. Well, I would have been 30 when I had my first avocado. Okay. But, I mean, I couldn't believe it. I thought I could do a life... It's so different to what you expect, isn't it? Hey, Frank, I'll tell you what I'd like. If you had a little review pasted on the avocado, I thought I could do a light so different to what you expect hey Frank

I tell you what I'd like if you had a little review pasted on the avocado you know they have the little sticker oh yeah and it just said like at a gig like a five star

and it just said David Baddiel a whole new world yeah I'd buy that I think Aladdin might sue him yeah

and I thought you could have a late night sort of adult version called my first um advoca I remember to him. Yeah, and I thought you could have a late night sort of adult version called My First Advocat. I remember that. Which was about,

which was about like, I would have been about five, I guess. When you entered the world of eggnog. Which, again,

it's an obscure topic. Snowball. I think, oh yeah. I love a snowball. Advocat lemonade. Yeah. I think my first snowball might just be people. I love a snowball. Advocata lemonade. Yeah. I think my first snowball

might just... I'd drink that out of a whole load of avocado. Sorry, Al. I think a podcast called My First Snowball might just get people

that grew up in cold countries Yeah, I mean that. That's going to be no use, isn't it? It'll be a horror story with people with one eye saying, well, my first snowball

blinded me, thanks very much. Can I say that, Al? Have you got the A5 yet? Where is the A5? I don't know. The A5, doesn't it run just by top of... We've had to loan it out to some other DJs.

That would have been a good joke if I knew where the A5 was. Absolute Radio. The best of Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Hey, you know they've got this Spice Girls reunion. Does that mean there's new lads reunion? That'll never come back. It won't be allowed

in the current climate. I'm afraid it's the one popular culture phenomenon that has been unforgiven. I saw a series of black and white photos in something like the Sunday Telegraph magazine about skinheads.

Now, I know skinheads, you know, have got a certain heroic... But they were quite a violent subculture in aspects, which the new lads never were. No. You know, it was Elizabeth Hurley in a negligee, but there's also lots of great writing about films. Because I like James Sims in a carry-on film. also lots of lots of great writing about films you think I sound like James Sims

in a carry on film anyway it's all gone now it's all gone gone but not forgotten today on Absolutely no completely forgotten airbrushed from history yeah I think people

have forgotten the good bits you know I sometimes do a troll oh yeah Donna Eyre's in the paper maybe Donna Eyre and the Spice Girls

Donna Eyre and the Spice Girls Donna Eyre and the Spice Girls surely we've reached fantasy football we've reached peak 90s this weekend yeah it is

it's gone extremely 90s if you're listening to this by the way on Absolute 90s you'll probably think yeah what's new true but have a good time guys

they must love me. I can't believe I'm on Absolute 90s. People are listening and thinking, how did we get him? What a bookie. He's massive. He's absolutely massive. He's got about five series on the telly.

People on the 80s are saying, well, he's a club comedian. Did we get a job as... And then people listening to this are saying, is he still alive? as a club comedian doing a job as um and then people listening to this are saying is he still alive

so I'm covering all the decades you are what else oh yeah I'm 36 case before you ask you're 36

no I got 36 cards for my birthday wow did you that's that's how you judge the measure

of a man how many birthday cards they get. Is it? Oh, don't say that. No, I don't believe that. I love that you counted them. Oh, God, I'll say.

I'm just imagining you sitting there going, seven, eight, nine. When I was thinking 34, and then I had three latecomers on Monday. Did you, can I ask a question, please? Did you gather them all together as an activity and consciously say, I'm going to count my cards? No, they were all on display and I sat back

and I counted them with a long... You know those sort of pointy sticks they use in 1950s lectures? Yeah. I used one of those. Yeah. Yeah. There was one, I just tweaked the badge on it. Oh, yeah.

You know, you get a 61 today badge. Yeah. Yeah, which is very handy on the bosses. Yeah. Get a lot of people standing up for you. You did. And I, I jumped three places. That bad jump.

You didn't mention to me last week that you take a note of the birthday cards that you get. You make a sort of little mental calculation of your popularity. I remember looking at you quizzically as if, do you? Doesn't everyone? If you didn't get any,

wouldn't you be a bit gutty? I think if I got somewhere between three and 50, I would feel exactly the same. Well, I would imagine... I didn't answer my question. If you got less than three, you'd be gutted. Yeah, probably.

It's all about scales. That's what I was telling my anaconda last night. I thought it was going to be music teacher. We were talking about a moisturiser. And that just cropped up anyway. Sorry, you were saying? No, I was just going to say, I would

expect to get the majority of my birthday greetings via a sort of digital means, I'm afraid. I don't count. I certainly don't count those. Well, I sent the. I don't count. I certainly don't count those. OK. Oh.

Well, I sent the text. Those are the... Those that couldn't be bothered, as far as I'm concerned. But the cards. You sent me a card. I did. I did the text as a follow-up, just so you know I care. Oh, I don't mind a follow-up text. As well, but not instead.

That's my motto on so many areas. The best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. On the subject of gift-giving, we actually, our own little show has had an email about it. Morning, Frank, Alan and Emily. From a long-time reader but first-time writer. I thought he was joking for a while, but Big Daddy's, that's you, continued reference to bamboo as them,

combined with his insistence that any mention of bamboo is not a plea for them to send freebies, leads me to believe that Frank still believes bamboo to be a brand of hosiery, rather than simply a bamboo fibre-based material that socks and underwear in general of any brand can be made from. Can I say that's absolutely correct? That is one.

I thought that's the brand. No, it's the fabric. Well, they make stuff out of bamboo. Yes. Yes. That's why we were talking about it. You are having a laugh. No.

Well, we are now. It's made of bamboo. It's made of bamboo. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can show you the scars. Let's put it that way.

That's a proper bamboo, as in bamboo. Yeah. Yes. Very fast growing, so it's quite a good material to use. Because it's... You see that sort of fudgy bit in the middle? I think so. And they probably spin it into some yarn.

It all comes from the barn. I'm not an expert. By the cotton. Oh, good to the foot of our stairs. You don't have to do that. You can stay on the radio. I never knew that. Really?

Well, that's exactly what Prisoner 312 has suggested. Oh, they're spot on. They say, please, can you clear this matter up once and for all to prevent him from labouring under this misconception into his, as per the Japanese tradition, glorious new phase of life. I hope Frank enjoys his new socks and discovers that this fabric, far from being coarse and scratchy, is as stretchy as lycra, as soft as cotton and as smooth as silk.

He's after free socks now. I think so, yeah. I mean, that's quite OTT. Yeah. Maybe they work in the bamboo industry. What, for BAM? Yeah,TT. Yeah. Maybe they work in the bamboo industry. What, for Bam? Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

Or other... Of course, after Bam didn't send me any socks, I might have done a Bam boo. Yeah. You get me? In that I booed Bam. Oh, I see. OK.

Oh, no, that's lovely. Got you. I don't know, I picked my way through that. It got ruder. It sounded ruder. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'll tell you what was on the cover of one of the papers this morning. It's the Times.

I'll be straight with you. Oh, I like the people. And don't get it on a Saturday. You barely get it. I know people. I don't get it on a Sunday. Yeah. Not at those prices. But I don't get it on a Sunday yeah not at those prices

but I don't know what it is what is it actually it's over a pound obviously start texting how much is the Sunday people

is I'll text him if it's normally under a pound but this week it's over a pound just for just because sometimes you just

want to go mad there's more news in the people RRP yeah 85p. Anyway, on the cover of the Times, the London Times, was a picture of what she called Kristen or Kirsten. I've never worked it out.

Scott Thomas. Oh, yeah, Kristen. Kristen. Kristen Scott Thomas. You see, it's one of those. Oh, I don't know now, Frank. Kristen, Kirsten. Kristen Scott Thomas. Kristen Scott Thomas I'm going to go with. Kristen. Yeah, Thomas? You see, it's one of those. Oh, I don't know now, Frank. Kristen, Kirsten. Kristen Scott Thomas.

Kristen Scott Thomas I'm going to go with. Kristen. Yeah, let's go with that. Okay. That woman from films. For weddings and... Yeah. Et cetera.

Yeah. Very beautiful. And, yeah. But, you know, that's how they are, aren't they? Who? Actors. Oh. Yeah.

I think Emily, for a moment, thought you meant women. Some women are. I don't know what you meant. Come on, be fair, some of them are. Some of them are, yeah. Some of them are. I'm very pro some of the women. Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, she's playing Clementine Churchill in the new film about Churchill. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. Clementine. Is this the Gary Oldman one? Yeah. Mm-hm. Very small orange breasts, Clementine Churchill.

I does thought they named Clementines after her. OK. If I've got the name right, they do call them Clementines. The producer's laughing. They do call them Clementines. So that's a good sign. Yeah, Clementines. They used to be Tangerines when I was a kid.

Tangerines, yeah. Now they're Satsumas. Yeah. And sometimes Easy Peelers, which I think Clementine Churchill was also called in her youth. That's when she was in the Victorian Police Force. Oh, yeah. Anyway, it's had a picture of her

and I was saying today, see, our producer, who's university educated. I was saying to her that... She never mentioned that. Yeah, she drops it now and again. Just drops it in, especially like if she's bringing in tea or something. Yeah.

She'll start talking about her degree. Like, I'm supposed to feel bad about it. I don't deal the cards. Anyway, they love... The things that the papers love more than anything is a picture of someone pretending to be a real person. Oh, yeah. They love... Oh. Oh, yeah.

They love. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, they could have put a picture of Clementine Churchill on the cover. That would have been more accurate. Yeah, well, not obviously. Well, you've been saying this more. Not with the satsumas on show. But what's the fascination with that? Oh, I see.

What, in character you mean? Why is that? Because Gary Oldman is playing Winston Churchill. Yeah, yeah. And what's the fact about Gary Oldman that people think they don't know but everybody knows? Alan, are you aware of the fact? He's colourblind.

No, you know what it is. His sister was in EastEnders she was Big Mo Big Mo Big Mo was it surely Big Mo was the obvious casting for Churchill

yeah could have saved the hours saved in the make up four hours at a time to put the costume on she'd just walk in give her a cigar

she's off the best of Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Can I just tell you I was in a restaurant once with me and Kath and Boz that's my family and Boz's first ever teacher

suddenly turned up Oh lovely Yeah it was really nice and he was sort of slightly in love with her as most boys are with their first teacher. And she came over

and chatted to us and all that and he was, you know, staring at her and it was lovely. And so she went away and he turned to me and said,

bear in mind he's five, he said, I have no idea who that was. Excellent. And he'd bluffed it already. He's got into that thing of bluffing. That is great.

I mean, I remember my first teacher, and that was before the old king died. Miss Page, she was called. And she had, had I tell you what you must have loved that so many punning opportunities

for a young punner I think we can say this in the current climate oh shall we check? she wore those very in the 60s this was the 60s

she wore those very very pointy brass ears I mean really pointy I ears. Oh, okay. I mean, really pointy. Can I just say there's three female staff with their head in their hands in this room and then there's you and I just talking.

Well, I think it's alright to say that. I think it's fine. Very pointy. Everyone is reading this. Yeah. I wonder if she's still with us, Miss Paige. Probably not. That's nice. Shall we end it on that with us, Miss Paige. Probably not. That's nice. Shall we end it on that?

Let's end on that. Yeah, lovely. Let's end on that. Text in on 81215 if you know. I thought about when I was in Giza. Me too. Looking at the Great Pyramids. The best of Frank Skinner.

Absolute radio. So I went to the Brits this week. Oh, big daddy, I love it when you go to the Brits. You didn't go to them for ages and now you've been back a couple of times. It can't stop. You know what, it's a great night out. Is it? When you're not presenting it.

Yeah, though I must say, to be fair, I think Jack Whitehall is the first person I've seen properly do well. Next to you, who would obviously be my fave as a presenter of anything, I think he did a very fine job as well. Well, I did it like a man in a Messerschmitt, belching out black smoke and flames, heading towards the lead grey ocean beneath him. Scorched earth policy or something, were you?

But, no, I thought he did a good job. So, you know, fair play. Obviously, on one level, that upset me. Yes. But I think, you know, I was more pleased than I was upset. And I think that's a sign I'm becoming a better person as I get older. Yeah. How was the seating situation?

Was it, oh, my God god there's Stormzy or was it mind your head catering staff? Stormzy was on our table. No. No, not actually. It was actually Storm was on our table. It was Rowan and Keating's wife. Oh yes. People might call her Stormzy who knows her.

Yeah. Very nice. And of course my mates from Kiss Breakfast Show. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, Ricky Melvin and Charlie. They are the best. They are. If only I'd been born much, much later,

I'd want to hang out with them all the time, as it is, once a year is enough at my age. So is it the same guys that were there last year? Yeah, but they're such a... They have a little reunion every year. Yeah, it's nice. They're such nice. Honestly, I hugged them all at the end of the night

and told them how lovely they were. And what did you think? So I want to know your highlights. My guest was the former England cricket captain, Mike Brealey. Was it? He loved it. Lots of strange lies.

Yeah. I wish I'd told you what if I found him out the blue is that Mike Braley yes who is this it's Frank Skinner Frank Skinner

no I'm sorry yeah you do google it I'm sorry I'm so 80s to call people up I'd be happy to on Mike Braley you're going to call people up I'd be happy I'm Mike Brealey

you're going to call me hello do you know him do you know Mike Brealey never met him but I think 44 first class centuries

he deserves a night at the Brits as much as anyone true but anyway we didn't we didn't go Gemma Atkinson

was on our table. Oh, yeah, I know, yeah. Who danced there just a week before, I think. Oh, on the tour? On the Strictly tour. She danced there. I thought you meant as a mode of transport. She'd, like, shimmy into the building.

She danced all the way there. She got dropped off. There were some blokes, they were congering their way to a bank in East London. She said, you couldn't drop us off at Greenwich? Yeah, get on the back. And so off they went. That'd be great, wouldn't it? Why don't we start a taxi service, which is a conga,

where you just pick people up and drop them off. Full of ideas this morning. Yeah. I don't know how much people would pay to be confident. It's going to be hard to monetise that, but we should say it. Well, let's not monetise it. Let's say it could be charitable.

It could be a supplement to the money we raise for the 24-hour radio show. It's like an episode of Grange Hill. I tell you, we've got to do it quick. Frank, last time you went to the Brits, you gave us a lovely review of little mix who was your big surprise this year was there one act that stood out for you frank skinner i gotta say yeah and i did i i actually hadn't because what i do i i um i i lean across to ricky who's sitting

next to me from kiss and and a very, you know that bit in The Nightmare Before Christmas What's this? What's this? What's this? I do a lot of that and like when Thingy came, I still can't remember her name

but I want to call her Well I was calling her Fra Lippo Lippi who is a 15th century Italian artist. But Robert Browning, you probably know, wrote a poem about her. Yes. And so when she came on, it was very much, what's this?

I also, she was under an enormous stalk. Did you see? Yes, I did. She sat under an enormous stalk, which I assumed was sponsorship. Oh. I thought Stork Marjorie is sponsoring a 14th century Florentine artist. Yes.

Truly, I have lost touch. So, yeah, I did a lot of that. But for me, the man of the night, it's got to be Kendrick Lamar. Absolute Radio. The best of Kendrick Lamar Absolute Radio the best of Frank Skinner Absolute Radio can I just say how I love that he went to

Statue of Liberty and Hard Rock Cafe in 1978 I love the Hard Rock I know one isn't supposed to love the Hard Rock Cafe anymore I don't think

I think it's not seen as that cool but I love it I'll tell you what I think it's not Kitsina's that cool, but I love it. I'll tell you what I did do in there though. One thing about the East Coast Oh, listen to him now! of America is they haven't quite caught up with the healthy eating thing the way the West Coast

Oh, have they not? So I said, I actually got a double negative. I got, I said to the waitress in the hard rock cafe, have you got any because Bozzie's a dairy intolerant you know all kids have got to have some at now and I said you can't do dairy, have you got any

soy milk and she said no, no sir. I really know. Excellent. I'd rather you didn't bring that up again, That was the implication. Yeah, so that was the end of that. So he had cereals like crisps just out of the box. Oh, nice.

Yeah. But now I'm a big fan of the, you know, I've got that jacket. I've got, I told you once, one lad of the year. I tell a lie. it wasn't that bad. It was Chap of the Year. It's quite a lot to unpack here. Yeah. So if we could just return.

You won Chap of the Year. Chap of the Year. And can I guess the year? You know, it's 90-something. We're going 94 through 9. It's 90-something. Are we going 94 through 9? Yeah.

And I won a leather Hard Rock Cafe varsity jacket. You know, those ones with the different coloured sleeves. It's funny how the word win means so many different things, isn't it? Well, it was part of... I got a trophy and also a leather Hard Rock Cafe varsity jacket. As did Jürgen Klinsmann, I remember. We both had them. They came in big carrier bags. I mean, that must have been quite a sight, you two.

In a list of things I've got in common with Jürgen Klinsmann, I can't think of many others. But, yeah, I've still got it. Jürgen Klinsmann. I can't think of many others. But yeah, I've still got it. Warm. Still using the carrier bag? No, I gave that to an autograph hunter. They like a carrier bag at least 12

years old, I find. The hardcore collectors. Says the man with the hard rock leather jacket. Just a little bit of the design left on the bag, but almost none here inside. And then four clipboards and a file. So you're going to...

That's what I call it. Yeah, sorry? Do you think you might ever get rid of the jacket or just going to keep it in the wardrobe? No, it's leather. I don't like to get rid of leather. Yeah? Because it so rarely comes my way i'll be honest with you oh

snm community didn't tell me that and also i think i could probably wear it now in a sort of ironic way do you know what i mean whereas then i wore it with profound sincerity yeah no so yeah i might get that out again yeah i wear it next weekend shall wear it here? It's a little bit big for me, I'll be honest with you. Don't mind. I can jump from, I can sidestep and the jacket doesn't move. It's that much older. Let's give old Pinsman a call. It's a big Victoria principle.

I once had dinner with Sir Alan Sugar. No, I lie. Lunch. Okay. And he began an anecdote. I remember when I signed Jürgen Klinsmann for Spurs on my yacht in Monaco. I think that tops my Hard Rock Cafe jacket story.

Oh, definitely. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I don't know if people are generally aware of the phenomenon that is Hamilton. Yes. Hamilton is a musical... Smash hit. Well, it won 16 Tonys.

You know, Tony Awards are like the theatre awards on Broadway. 16. I don't know if I could even name 16 Tonys. If we sat here now... Mowbray? Punis? Tony Mowbray. Oh, both football managers.

Straight off the bat. Tony Greenleash, what about him? West Brom midfielder, whose nephew is example. Is that right? Shut up. That is good knowledge. Yeah. So I went to see Hamilton.

And? Awful. Honestly. What can I just say? I love you for saying that. I thought it was awful. And it was the worst. I thought, this can't be it.

Is this it? Brilliant. I honestly thought they were going to stop after 10 minutes and go, nah, this isn't it. Couldn't you? We minutes and go, nah, this isn't it. Couldn't you? We're messing about. Obviously, this isn't it. So, Frank, tell me why.

Tell us why. It's about history. Now, you know, I love musicals and I love history. Yes, I would have thought it would have been up your straws then. I quite like hip-hop, so it should have been made for me. But? But the way they do the history, it's like if you got the Wikipedia page of Alexander Hamilton

and thought, you know what, I could set this to music. I wanted to turn round to the Royal Circle. I was in the front row of the Royal Circle. I wanted to turn round and say to them at the interval, what are you seeing in this that I'm not seeing? Yeah. That would have been awkward, I thought. And also I was worried I might have toppled backwards.

Absolute Radio. The best of Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. I want to get off the subject of rulers briefly because I feel it would be somewhat remiss of us not to bring up the subject of Richard Made madeley this morning there was an extraordinary story about him and the gallagher brothers and this is their spiritual home really isn't it absolutely yeah would you say what richard madeley and the gallagher well just the gallagher brothers

it would have changed everything, wouldn't it? I chose you and the pussycats. Yeah. So, I mean, I think it's fair to say... I imagine that Judy would have been their hard-bitten manager. Yes. Doing really... Feared by everybody in the business to really hard deals. Getting a share of the parking, that sort of thing.

Yeah. Exactly, yeah. Fix it, Finnegan. Yeah, that sort of thing. Yeah. Exactly, yeah. Fix it, Finnegan. Yeah, that's what she'd be called. I think it's fair to say they sometimes have little disagreements. The boys? Noel and Liam. Yeah.

Yeah. But what happened... You're about to cast Richard Medley as a sort of a peacemaker role. Well, yes. Between them. Well, no, Between two people. Well, no, what happened? Like he's the conciliation service ACAS.

Or, indeed, a kind of ombudsman. I wonder if they've turned to ACAS to patch things up between Noel and Liam yet. I don't know. I don't know if they do it personally. But they need to make up for Christmas, because you know my rule on that. You can't fall out at Christmas. It's too common to do that. Yeah, you can't because you know my rule on that. You can't fall out at Christmas. It's too common to do that. Yeah, you can't.

You have to get on it. Just see it through Christmas. And the same reason you can't break up in January. It's embarrassing. They used to have a consumer... It's so basic. Oh, we split up in January. Oh, come on. I don't want to split up in January,

my birthday on the 28th. No, good point. That would be folly indeed. There used to be a bloke called Ed Doolan who did consumer problems on the BRMB in the West Midlands. Right. And I remember a bloke phoning him up

and saying that his uncle had taken his pillow and he wouldn't give it back. And Ed Doolan got really angry with this guy. I don't deal with those sort of problems. This guy was quite hurt. Anyway. Richard Madeley. Yes, so what happened was that Richard Madeley

has publicly stated that Noel and Liam, he basically thinks that they robbed his house. They burgled his house in the early stages of their career. Well, his and Judy's house. Yeah, his and Judy's. They were living in Manchester. He said they used to do a lot of houses in that area. And he asked them. Liam and Noel did.

Liam and Noel did. Not Richard and Judy. No. And he asked them about this and they said, yeah, I think we did do that one. It's just the most brilliant response I've ever heard. What I wish had happened is someone had said to them, whose houses did you rob in Manchester? And they'd have said, definitely Maitley. Come on.

This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I have something that's just come in, which is, well, it relates to the both of you. So I think it would be most suitable if I read this out. I'll begin. This is the new formal me. Morning, Frank, Alan and the DME. I just wanted to thank, question mark, Frank, for the fairly new personal hygiene technique that has now become a subconscious part of my post-shower routine,

after numerous weeks since it was discussed on the show, I'm still spraying antiperspirant on my knee pits before getting dressed. Ah, there you go. Keep up the great praise, Redacted. P.S. Alan, I had my dinner at the ship inn in Midfield yesterday. Merfield. Oh, I'm so sorry. He said Midfield.

This is a typo. These things happen. Yeah, but I should have known that. Oh, I suppose not. Under the watchful gaze of a framed photo of your good self. There is. They have on the wall. That's hilarious.

I think this now makes us drinking buddies. That's from Daniel Fortes in Dewsbury. The ship inn in Merfield is a pub that I worked in during my teenage years. And now your picture's on the wall. Apparently. If you want an image of progress in life, that's it. You can insert the word slow into there,

if you want an image of slow progress. And the Watchful Gays, were they working there then? That's amazing. I'm really impressed by that. I did not know that. And I return to Merfield fairly frequently, so it's interesting.

Oh, I think we should go on a little pilgrimage there. I sense there's a mix of thrilled and also I wonder what picture it is. Yeah. That's what I think. Oh, God.

There'll be a denim shirt knocking around in it. Possibly. I hope so. That's God. There'll be a denim shirt knocking around in it. Possibly. I hope so. That's brilliant. If there's any other framed photos of the cockerel. That's great. Did I tell you I was in Edinburgh once,

and I went, this bloke had black and white photos on the wall of all the celebrities who'd eaten at his pizza. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you this one of them was Frankie Valley and I said oh Frankie Valley and he said yes he came in here and I said

I better know what pizzeria he said I don't remember what I said no but Frankie you know Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons I said I better know what pizza do you he said really I don't remember

what pizza I said but you know he was in the Four Seasons he said I don't know he's a very nice man but I don't know what pizza oh

such a I mean when am I going to get a chance to use that again no he wasn't going with you on that no that was

desperately disappointing the best of Frank Skinner He wasn't going with you on that. No, that was desperately disappointing. The best of Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. I stayed. I'm going to tell you this. I stayed just this week, or certainly since I was last on.

It was ten days ago. I want to be precise. I stayed at the Hotel of Wine. Oh. Oh, yes. Do you know Hotel de Vin? Yes, I do. Oh, is that what you call it? Well, that's what it...

He's doing a sort of Matt LeBlanc. You know how we call Matt LeBlanc Matt the White? No, but it is called the Hotel of Wine. Yeah, I get it now. Yeah. You know what their slogan is? I wrote this down. Their slogan is money can't buy happiness

unless you spend it on wine. Oh. That's tricky for you. Yeah, that is tricky for me. With your eschewing of the demon drink. I think it can buy psychological desolation. What about that? Less catchy, as a slogan.

Yeah, and also too deep. You don't want that written up on the bar that you're in, do you? No, I prefer a simple, you don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps. Yeah. I also wrote something else down this week. I'm actually looking at the notes on my phone. I saw an advert for Nescafe, the popular coffee. Interesting intonation.

What? Nescafe. Yeah, you got it. Nescafe. Nescafe, yeah. What did you say? Nescafe? I said Nescafe, but he says... That's the same.

No, he says Nescafe. Yeah. Okay, well, anyway. It's like cafe. Anyway. It's like the ageism on this show. So this is something that was said on this advert. Oh, no, ironically.

Okay. Your first coffee is the most important thing on earth. Oh, I hate people that say things like that. What are you talking about? Well, it's the people with the Garfield coasters going, mmm, coffee. Yeah. I need some caffeine. No, you. Yeah. I need some caffeine.

No, you don't. You need some strychnine. Oh, dear. It's a drink. People are saying in interviews, Frank, what's the first thing you do in the morning? A vat of coffee. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, no. I mean, please, if you're listening, even if you love coffee, stop saying that. Stop going on about coffee. And also, when I was, please, if you're listening, even if you love coffee, stop saying that. Stop going on about coffee. And also, when I was a kid, people drank coffee, fine, especially if they'd been to, say, youth clubs. Yeah. It was still a bit...

Youth clubs. It was still a slight novelty, coffee. It was still... If someone said... If you say to someone, do you want a cup or two? And they said, I wouldn't mind a coffee if you got it. You think, oh, want a cup of tea? And they say, I wouldn't mind a coffee if you got it. You think, oh, it's hot. It's hot.

But the thing... Now, I think the builders, my Polish builder said the other day, you got latte? Well, I mean, that's exactly... What's happened now is people like to think they know about coffee. Yeah. So people say, oh, they do a great cup of coffee then. They just do a cup of coffee.

I had builders once that brought their own coffee. He said, I don't really want your coffee. I'm something of a coffee snob. And then he got out the Ness Cafe. Yeah, and they listened to Six Music. That's the kind of builders that we're talking about there. And if you made him a cup of tea and asked him how he liked it,

would he say builders? Oh yeah, that would have been a good point. Yeah. Builders, coffee, has anyone ever heard of that? Never.

Anyway, coffee, can I just tell our loyal readers that coffee's not a thing to know about. History, literature, science even, if you like, but you don't know about. History, literature, science even, if you like.

You don't know about coffee, it's just ease. Science gets a begrudging admission. It's like knowing about milk. Oh yeah,

I know quite a lot about milk. Sure enough. The best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Good morning. Had an idiotic eureka moment yesterday when I was travelling with a colleague to get some petrol.

Sorry, can I stop for any new listeners? Oh, yes. Because, you know, they're flocking in at all times. Oh, yeah. An idiotic eureka moment is when you don't get something that everyone else has got. Yes. Can we think of an obvious example?

Sooty and Sweep. Sooty and Sweep. The fact that that's a pun on, you know, they're both chimney cleaning concepts. Had an Ithaca Eureka moment yesterday when I was travelling with a colleague to get some petrol. When I questioned which side the pump cap was on, they informed me of the little arrow I must admit, I did not know that. Well, I've heard about this, but I don't think my car's got one.

The motoring correspondent. Yeah, I know, I'm outraged. Well, I found out about this game changer some months back, and I get excited every time I see that arrow. You see, my method is, having had the same car for five years, I remember which side it's on. Well, that's good. I don't.

I've twice in the last three weeks gone to the wrong side. I was going to say, bought a new car. No, no. I remember. I've had to drive last three weeks gone to the wrong side. I was going to say I bought a new car. No, no. I remember... I've had to drive around. A bit Kendrick Lamar. I remember remembering the wrong side once, and I parked, and I took the hose,

the hose right across the back of the car. I was really striding with this hose. Like, I was trying to... If you can imagine trying to get an elephant into a delivery truck. And you had him by the trunk. Yeah. And I was, oh man.

Or you could, well I reversed once and tried to park wrong way round and they spoke on the microphone and said don't do that please. What about when I was doing an interview once. At the petrol station. Yeah. What?

Someone else was driving and they stopped for petrol and i was on the phone to someone from you know the um colchester gazette i'm trying to build it up and i got out the car and i was saying yeah yeah so um well no when i first started doing comedy and suddenly this public announcement system went... And I couldn't hear. And I said, sorry, mate, I can't hear. There's some sort of PA system on the garage forecourt. It's going...

I said, I'm really sorry about this, mate. Whoever owned a garage, where they make... And then I could see the bloke waving from inside. What he was saying was, switch off your phone immediately. Because you can blow up an entire garage with a mobile phone. Apparently so. When did that happen, by the way? Well, I always use headphones so they can't see.

But if you've ever been on the wrong end of the microphone announcement, it's mortified. Well, when you're on doing an interview, I didn't even know what it was. Yeah. It was like one of those where, you know, all line up for the egg and spoon race type announcements. Very echoey.

But is it true that a spark... You know when you get sparks fly off your mobile phone? You know that phenomenon that we've all seen many, many times? I just don't think it's ever happened. No, I don't think it's happened. If anyone's got any evidence, and don't give us the gory details of people on fire running.

No fatalities. Well, if there's fatalities, just keep them under your hat. Breakfast, keep it light, is what we're saying. Absolute Radio. The best of Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Oh, I Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.

Oh, I tell you, I had a fondue. Oh, nice. Oh. I haven't had one of them for years. I've just had my first this week. Congratulations. Shut up. What are the chances?

That is, I'm not even lying. That's, really? Yeah. I've had my first one since the 80s, I think. Really? They were quite big in the 80s in the West Midlands fondue. The fondue? Everyone got a fondue set.

Well, I had one once in Joanne Le Pen, and I didn't like it. That's in France. Oh, OK. And I didn't like it because the little stick, I burnt my lip with it. I think it's too dangerous. I don't think the stick is meant to really touch mouth, is it?

No, I think I made an error. I put it straight in. How did you get on? I put it straight in as well. How did you get on then? It was great. I mean, fundamentally, don't... Fondumentally?

Yeah, fondumentally. I love it. I'm a very big fan do of it oh no he's off when we want something to eat

don't we really basically want a bowl of melted cheese isn't that like the ultimate I mean just it's dripping

off the bread I still have gherkins in it did you nice pickled that's not it that's nice for everyone else yeah well i mean it's on the fork um it was great though i thought why don't i just eat fondue all the time there's several good reasons to not do that but Then I remembered the national obesity crisis. Yeah. Also, the assembly...

Not fondue caused that, I don't believe. The assembly required for the fondue, the washing up. There is a bit of kit involved, isn't there? I'm getting bumps and burns. It's like a chemistry experiment. I've got the time. Well, I seem to remember in the 80s when they got big. I remember people bought woks as well.

Everybody got woks. We were so... I've still got a walk. What's wrong with a walk? Walks are great. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with them. Calm down, you're making a fool of yourself. You get very defensive about walks, it turns out.

I never knew that about myself until right now. God. I find Frank pressed the walk button. I've always wondered what makes Alan angry. Walk now. God. I'll tell you Frank, press the wok button. I've always wondered what makes Howard angry. Woks. Yeah. He's a wok defender. Big time.

But I remember with the fondues, people, they weren't, you'd think melted cheese is a big enough indulgence for anybody. And then people started having chocolate fondues. Oh. Where they just melted chocolate. Oh, I don't like that. Yeah. I'm not for that.

That's too much, isn't it? Oh, it's a bit... I don't like it. Then again, if you've got the stuff out and it's time for pudding, you might as well just give it a wipe with a kitchen towel. You want to have two of them going at the same time, like plate spinning.

The heat, though. The intense heat at the dining table. What, you had to wear... you had to wear a welding mask. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, I don't want to wrench us out of Zurich again. I'm having such a lovely time with you there. But we've had... The air is much cleaner.

Is it? In London. Oh, different world. Carry on. Same world, different country. Oh, yeah. Sorry, my geography is a bit pedant. At least you didn't bring up walks.

Yeah, don't get me started. Alan finds walks very triggering. Yeah. 136 has texted in, Dear Frank et al. and Em, My wife and I always say the word avocado in a Brian Ferry voice. That's Neil from Battersea. Do you want to give that a try,

Frank? Avocado! Yeah. Nice. Yeah. And 806 has texted, Hi Frank, my wife and I were married in 1987 and received no less than six fondue sets.

Wow. Result. To this day, we have never had a fondue. They could do a multi-fondue like a Rick Lightman gig with them on different tables around them, with them turning around, taking out bits of bread, pickled onion. Maybe a live canary. Oh, no, sorry, everyone.

You say that, but they couldn't. I think you'll find that comes under the banner of very cruel. Yeah, I think you're right. They couldn't. They say they've never had fondue. What? To this day, we've never had a fondue and can't be bothered with the hassle

for a lump of melted cheese on an olive. We ended up giving them back as wedding presents and, in fact, gave one back to the person who gave us ours and they never knew until we owned up 25 years later. That's quite funny. They never used one of them. Can you believe that? Yes, of course I can.

I suspect there are people all over the country with dusty fondue sets. Well, send me one. Because I'm gagging for it now. We're going to have loads of fondue sets here. I tell you, it's... It's going to be like Tom Daley's Masterpan all over again. Do you remember the steamboat?

Do you remember that one? No. We're not that old, dear. More like... I'm not talking about how I arrived here. The best of Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. I tell you what I really wanted to talk about this morning,

and I've left it a bit, because we had to go to Zurich, and we had some lovely fondue... No. OK. We had some lovely fondue-related moments. Oh, yes. And then there was the Proudhon part of the show.

Each time I see a little girl... I'll leave that one there. No, no, really do leave that. Yeah. But I want to talk about Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. Oh, good, me too. Because there's been a bit of a John Thor in relations between those two. They've been feuding, as you may be aware.

For years. Six years. I have to say, I didn't know about the feud until it... The first I heard of it was that they'd made friends. I hadn't picked up on it. Really? Well, you know, I used to be... They'd been friends all over the place.

You know, I used to be into, like, gangster rap and all that. And when they had feuds, you heard about it, because people got killed. Yeah. I mean, it was really... It was a big... And this one, this was never going to get out of hand, wasn't it? No.

You say that in a sort of misty, water-coloured memory. No, no, but I'm just saying there's feuds and there's feuds. That's all I'm saying. I agree. Isn't the original feud, and I might have got this wrong, but isn't the original feud that there's an accusation that one of them employed the other's backing dancers? I don't know if it's the original feud.

I think you don't have to look at the Old Testament. No, I mean, between those two. Yes, they were poached. They poached. I think Katy Perry poached Taylor Swift's backing dancers. I mean, I don't want to disrespect any backing dancers. I don't want to disrespect any backing dancers in the world, but how irreplaceable are they?

I mean, America's population is about 300 million, isn't it? How hard can it be to find three more people to dance in the background of a song? Yeah, but the thing is, they've got to learn the routine. Yeah, but also, for these people, it's not just backing dancers, it's hired friends,

let's be honest. There is an element of hired friends. Just get a chess app on your phone you don't ever need friends on stage as a backing I mean get some dancers shake it off with with phone propped against a thing with knight to queen's pawn square. No, that's close. No, it couldn't do that. It couldn't be doing that.

It'd be alright, you know, for a novelty thing. It'd be alright for the first verse, it'd be funny. But then you want the people to come on in the rolled up trousers. I think that's important. So you think backing dancers are irreplaceable? I don't think they're irreplaceable to come on in the rolled up trousers. Yeah. I think that's important. But the thing is... So you think backing dancers are irreplaceable

and it was beef? I don't think they're irreplaceable, but I think one expects a certain loyalty from them. Really? I mean, the word backing suggests that they are, you know, they've got your back. Yeah, true. Well, Taylor even wrote a song about this.

You may be aware. Bad Blood was about her friendship with katie perry i thought it's about septicine i mean what a fool what a fool i've been that's like the haemophiliac king i didn't i didn't know that um it was about the feud with so what does king. I didn't know that it was about the feud. So what does it say? Things like... Well, baby, now we got bad blood. And this is by Taylor Swift?

Yeah. She says at one point, Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes. You say sorry just for show. Great lyric. So she had said sorry before, is that right? I can't comment on that. I don't like Katy Perry.

She is not very nice. But you can imagine her doing it like that and thinking, oh, I like that bit where you brought nice out of the general structure. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, the point is, Katy's ended the feud.

Made friends. She sent an actual... Actually, let's go for literal in one of the rare occasions where we can use that correctly. Literally. A literal olive branch. She literally sent an olive branch. Olive branch in a box arrived at Taylor's...

I don't know where Taylor... What does Taylor live in? I know it was at the stadium where she was performing. Bio dome. She lives in a pod. I imagine she's in a bio dome, yeah. Yeah, perhaps her house basically looks like the Eden Project. Yeah, I imagine that.

How it'd fit in a little skater skirt. Look, I'm not one of these persons who goes on about the millennials and how everything's going wrong, and we're going to hell in a handcart. You know that a bit. That so means you are that. You are a little bit. But I must admit, the words broken Britain were on my lips

when I read in BBC News, they had this story, and then in a paragraph on its own, they had on BBC News this sentence, the olive branch is a symbol of peace. And I thought, well, if you need to tell people that, why don't we just close the whole shop down? Forget about it. Isn't that dramatic?

Honestly, is it really? I thought to myself. This is the best of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I performed at the Queen's 92nd birthday party this week. Ooh! La-di-da! Hoit it! Hoit it! I said to my partner, do you want to come to the Albert Hall

and see me play ukulele in front of the Queen? And she said, who else is on? Do you know, that was almost my question, though. That's harsh, isn't it? I think, yeah. She didn't go. Wow. So what did you play on the ukulele?

Was it Happy Birthday? No, we played When I'm Cleaning Windows. Oh, brilliant. Which is a song packed with sexual innuendos. Yeah. But no one seemed to really notice. I was going to say, did you keep it clean? The windows were.

Kick for the queen. Pyjamas lying side by side, ladies, nighties, I have spied. I've often seen what goes inside when I play the windows. Look, I should say, I was playing with the George Formby Society. It wasn't just me. Right. Well, I'm a member of the society, and I've done a documentary with them before about George Formby,

but they said, we'll pack it out with a few more celebrities, you know. In other words, I don't think you've got enough celebrity nowadays to carry it. Right. So they got me Harry Hill and Ed Balls as my wingmen. Oh, I see. Yeah, so that was the set-up. So it's us three at the front, and then the George Formby Society. Yeah.

A lot of elder people amongst them, but a really great lot. I think we had a vote, and 70% were more worried about the stairs than the performance. Right. And we had to rehearse this bit where we line up behind, we walk on stage and Kylie and Tom Jones and Shaggy and Sting, they're singing What a Wonderful World. And we had to, what a ridiculous world. And we had to... What a ridiculous world.

And we had to line up behind them and then we had to look over our shoulders. We needed wing mirrors. When the royal party arrived, the idea is that we back up. We're a sort of queen flap. So we go back, they come in, and then we close again.

Nice. But we were waiting in the wings. So there's me, Ed Balls and Harry Hill waiting in the wings. Ed Balls gives me the bit of elbow in the ribs. And we look round and the Queen and Prince Charles are standing literally right next to us in the wings, in the dark. She said, it's very dark. And Harry Hill said, you need a torch really. And I said, you should have a torch bearer. And she said, yes, I should really,

shouldn't I? Excellent. So they then wandered towards the stage. She's going, it's very narrow. I thought, what's the wings? So me and Harry Hill are sort of saying, that was pretty amazing. And then what I didn't know is that Ed had got, Ed Balls had gone on ahead. And it was ready to do the finale. And he started going, Frank, Frank, come on.

And she heard him and turned around and went, Frank, come on. And she heard him and turned around and went, Frank, hurry up. So I'm turned to Queens telling me to hurry up. It was, I've never moved so fast in my life. Wow.

I had a thousand images of the man in the iron mask. I don't know why. So it was literally a Royal Command performance. It really was. Frank, I mean,

I'm sure she didn't know my name. She just copied it. The best of Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. I found an email on the email troll, and it is entitled, Lots of Questions.

So, straight close in for lots of questions. Oh, I love a quiz. Is it from Magnuson? No, it's not. Okay. But it is, I mean, for lots of questions. Oh, I love a quiz. Is it from Magnus Magnuson? No, it's not. OK. But it is, I mean, it's quizzing. Hello, guys, and the guy S. I have some questions.

Oh, the guy S, I love it. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but... It sounds a bit like a sort of portmanteau for Guy Burgess. Yeah, the guy S. The British spy. I have some questions can you tell me all about Descartes I've been reading the show and the podcast

for many years but I still don't know the joke I presume Alan slips up who are the Laffies in the studio what is a think tank is it somewhere for clever fish much love, not a bad show Prisoner 379 so hang on, do they want us to explain

Quite a lot of different things Existentially No I think basically I think therefore I am, I think you'll find All that happened was that We made an enormous fuss about it Is Al Enormous

You mellowed Renny Descartes, the philosopher Was described by Al As Des. Rennie Descartes, the philosopher, was described by Al as Descartes instead of Descartes. It's a simple mispronunciation. At the time I'd been reading it. I'd been reading it. I'd not been talking about it. That's the trouble we're reading.

It is, yeah. We can't give you the pronunciations properly. So we mocked him for this. We did. Only for about six years. I don't think it was that much and then

that was and then a few weeks later I called the dog a Weimaraner yeah so you know I got my comeuppance yeah

and Frank has yet to make a mistake oh yeah right it is a Weimaraner he stoppeth one in three oh come on Trebon let that joke sit there yeah It is a vi-mariner, he stoppeth one in three.

Come on. Trebon. Just let that joke sit there. Yeah, so a think tank, if you're not being ironic, a think tank is a group of people that share ideas and come up with good stuff because they're all sort of informed you know, informed and bright. So is this just a service we provide now? We just tell people what things mean.

How come I haven't been asked to work in a think tank? Am I not informed and bright enough? Um, here's one for you. The brain drain. Oh, yeah. I suppose when all the clever people leave in the country. I suppose that will happen again soon with the EU

maybe it will I don't know why it just sounds like the sort of thing that will happen post Brexit I haven't got a clue why why are they going to leave the country I don't know money when we've won the world cup of course

they might think again I've suddenly gone into my head we're going to win the World Cup. Have you? Do you still believe? I still believe until Tuesday at least. Okay. People want to know if it still sends... Frank, we've got a question

about football. Daniel Brown. Dan Brown? Yeah. Dan Brown. This will be a cliffhanger. He's asked whether Isaac Newton was around for the forming of the Football League. And is the Football League an anagram of falafelage, a French word for a cult group

who used to eat young children at half-time instead of half-oranges due to a mistranslation. Wow. Of orange. Oh, yeah. Orange. On fault and orange, they got mixed up. I mean, it was terrible.

They thought, juice, that sounds right. No. But no, it happened. He's going for the William of Orange pronunciation. Yeah, his avatar features him in a brown cloak. No, it doesn't. Hi, Frank. Does it still send

a shiver down your spine hearing Three Lions being played after every goal like it does me? Well, I'll tell you something with my Three Lions-ness

is my Three Lioness is that I'll tell you, Buzz can't, he won't have he won't have he won't have a lioness Buzz

he thinks they're rubbish because they don't have manes it's the national costume of the lion the mane come on girls

join in so I went quite a while of thinking oh god they're playing three lions and this year for some reason,

it started to, maybe it's age and the idea of impending doom. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's nice. But I, yeah, I've started to get quite emotional with it this year. I was at my son's sports day this week and they played it.

Did they? Yeah. And there was loads of people. Oh, did they all turn around to you? Oh, they all looked at me. Well, they probably did. I was on a of people. Oh, did they all turn around to you? Oh, they all looked at me. That's quite annoying. I was on a table doing that punch in the air thing.

Had you turned up in an England shirt from the 90s? No, no, just the Union Jack Weiss coat, nothing else. Absolute Radio. The best of Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.