The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Biggins to Brush

Episode Date: August 3, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week the team is live from the Edinburgh Fringe! Frank has had issues with packing light and Emily has been seeing some weird and wonderful shows. The gang also chat about job titles in song lyrics and Joseph being a bit of a git.

This is Frank Skinner and Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner and Absolute Radio, live from the Edinburgh Festival. I'm with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran, of course. Please text the show on 01215 or follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Now, in my headphones, I'm running a local cab firm in the north of England, but as long as people at home can hear me all right, that is what counts. I think you'll agree.

You would have been very good doing that job. What's that? In another life, running the cab firm. You would have been funny with them. You would have been a really funny controller. But what if I told the truth? So I didn't say it's five minutes away, which is what every cab controller says,

even if it's in another content. I think you're going to be 80, so I'll be honest with you. What cabs? Anyway, if you're in a cab company today, God bless you. Actually, they don't mention God on there. So that wasn't the best impression. So this is lovely, isn't it? Me and Alan are doing a show

and Emily's seen more shows than anyone in the whole world. Emily has already seen more shows in her visit to Edinburgh than I have in some entire festivals in the past. Well, I've been here two days. I think I've been averaging five a day. Shows. Brilliant. That is brilliant. Not fruit.

No, five shows a day. And I'm loving it. Well, that's tremendous. We'll talk about those as the show progresses, no doubt. Have we heard from the outside world, or do we not have that facility in Edinburgh? Oh, no. Oh, no, they've got emails.

We had a telegram this morning. We've had a lovely telegram from someone I'm now going to call one of my favourites already, this early on in our relationship, Stephanie Pedley. Hello, friends. I like friends. Yes. It's a sort of dystopian future announcer, isn't it?

I like it. I've been musing about the simplification of job titles and songs. I mean, we love that already, don't we? I give you Rocket Man instead of Astronaut. Good. Or Cosmonaut if you prefer hashtag Russian cue music. Oh, yeah. She's actually cuing me now.

Well, let's hope we've got it. Good luck, everyone. Yeah. Stephanie's taking on a producer role. This is for the cosmonaut moment. Tambourine man instead of percussionist. Excellent. Preacher man instead of priest slash vicar.

Nowhere man. Not sure what he does. Nowhere man will be on the witness protection programme. What would you all simplify your job titles to? Praise implied, Steffi. P.S. True story. Hang man Albert Pierpoint was my dad's godfather. Brilliant boast. I know you've heard from his niece before and that trumps me.

Oh, I was going to say we've heard from her before, but that was another one of Albert Pierpoint's relatives. We're very big in the Pierpoint community. My dad was a policeman. Come to think of it, Hangman was a simplistic job title, as was policeman. Thank you you Steph. Yeah I guess so and I've all got man on of course which we can only disapprove of here at Absolute Radio career ending I went to see

I went to see the new Lion King did you? yeah the old one, did you know the old one had died? it was a wildebeest accident I went to see the new Lion King which is, you know the thing now is that you take cartoons and you put real things in them

and then you've got a new film It's very clever Oh, this isn't the theatre version because you know this is the because it was somewhat spoilt for me, the mystery when I was driving through Covent Garden and saw someone in half a lion costume

smoking a cigarette. Yes, Neil. There's always people from Animal Kingdom smoking outside that theatre. Yeah, I've seen all sorts of creatures out there. Yeah, it's not good. What about the magic of theater didn't somebody once resist an urban myth sued Disneyland because they

saw some of like goofy with his head off having a cigarette behind absolutely right sort of booth and they said it traumatized their child yeah yeah my new hours like that but what I was going to say is that the lionesses in, they've had because it's 2019, the lionesses have had their parts built up a bit

to give it a bit more of a because of course the bottom line is the lionesses allowed the hyenas to take over Well they had a pair When they came for the socialists, et cetera, they did nothing, the lionesses. In the film, of course, they're now dynamic, heroic figures. But it was...

How did the waists look? You know I love a lion waist. Oh, God, they have a slim waist. Oh, it's a lovely waist. I'll tell you what, I did a song, didn't I, in an African... I went to an African school with Comet Relief, and it says a lion has a, it was a lion, a lion has a tail. It has a big head and a very small waist.

And I thought, God, wouldn't we all love that to be sung about us? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, yeah, so we'd love to hear from our listeners. I've called them listeners even instead of readers. You usually go with readers. Because, you know, you feel a bit, when you're not in the usual place, you feel a bit, oh, we're all alone up here. Speak for yourself.

I've had some lovely encounters. You know, I've walked up to a couple. Five a day. I had some lovely encounters. You know, I walked up to a couple... Five a day. Yesterday, how dare you. And I was so overwhelmed, Frank, by how beautifully they were dressed. They just looked very chic and very Parisian. And I was with the staff.

I think they were a bit embarrassed. Were you in a sedan chair? Yeah. Oh, I haven't lost it now. But I'm just trying to work out where I can get hold of one of those. And I was so overwhelmed. I don't think I've ever done this. I walked up to them.

I said, men and female. I would have tolerated any mix, though. I said, excuse me. I just have to tell you you are the best dress couple in Edinburgh I said you did you absolutely great you look so she and they were very taken about it's a shame that I kind of want them to know your fashion credentials and how the impact yeah that's so kind of you. But they were very good looking, so I reckon

they hear it a bit too much. See, you're lucky you can go off and say that. If I said that to anyone, I'd still, I wouldn't be doing this show this morning. I'd be in a cell. Just from, you know. Oh, by the way, on the subject of the real cartoon films,

my son, who's, you you may know regularly, is seven, said to me, do you think they'll do Mickey Mouse now with a real mouse? They really won't do that, will they? That is out of limits, Julia. The guy who suggests that, poor girl, will be fired immediately. Or they won't do it.

Or Ratatouille. That's not going to happen. A rat in the Tui. No, you won't do that. Or Ratatouille. That's not going to happen. A rat in the Tui. No, you won't do that. You know they're doing Dora the Explorer as a real action movie. I mean, what next?

Are they? Dora the Explorer. So, yeah, we're from the outside world. It's okay if we haven't. No, we have. But we also had that person asking about job titles and how you would actually simplify it.

Yes, yes. Would we just be called speakers then? Like talkers? Oh, I see what you mean. No, I'd call myself Radio Lady. Oh, dear. That's the sort of Elton John vibe, isn't it? Nice.

That's what it would be, Radio Lady. Is lady all right now? Like Piano Man. Well, it is for me. Piano Man. Radio Lady. Piano Man, exactly. It's another.

I'm very good at it. There is a lot of it about, I must say. Speaking of shows, before we came to Edinburgh, Emily and I went to see Joseph and his amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, which I have never seen in my life. You did some audience practice to get ready for the Fringe. Do you know what? I thought it was sort of a joint date with Funk and Buzz I had. Oh, nice. Yeah, there was three of us.

Three of us in this relationship. Yeah, exactly. There was me, Emily, and Martin Bashir went. And we, I have to say, Emily was such a perfect hostess. She got the ice cream, the popcorn, the program. I mean, it was really something. She was a bit of a female Daddy Warbucks. It was, and maybe I'll forget how much she meant to me.

And it was, I'll tell you one thing I thought about it reminded me of I once met Tim Rice at a party I might have told you this and I'd been to a in Sheffield they opened a museum of music once and they had a sort of a simulated

Tim Rice telling us the history of music and I said to Tim Rice I saw you you and you were like a figure in the corner, but your head was like a white, just like a big white globe with your face projecting on it. You were talking about the history of music at the opening of this museum. And he looked slightly awkward. And I thought for a moment, was it just him? Not his face reflected on a big globe.

And I didn't, we just sort of moved on. I've never known to this day whether I said one of the most insulting things to Tim Rice. You could possibly say. I mean, none of us want to look like our face projected on a huge globe. I mean, I'm generalising, but I think that's a safe bet. On the Joseph front, can I just say, before we move into 100% Edinburgh chat, they had the booster pillow

option at the theatre you familiar with this? The children sit on booster pillows. For Emily? Oh Sorry How dare you? Do you know how? Actually there's often been a time when I've thought

I wish I could have a booster seat I think you should if you want I think I should request it it's not open to all is it not they have a line on the wall but I'm not all

no I know that but they have a line that you have to stand next to and it's a weird idea you know the line those sort of things

that decide whether a kid can go on a ride or not the fairgrounds so you stand under the line and those lines don't, they don't allow for the trunk-leg ratio.

Good point. Because you could have short legs and a long trunk, as it were. And then you'd have to get your head ripped off on a popular fairground ride. So what they should sit down and then measure them is how it should be done. I think you're right. Now, remember I've said this, and when the terrible thing happens,

we'll play this back and I'll get a jingle that says, I told you so. That'd be good. I was pleased to... Actually, that's probably the worst overdue jingle of any jingle. Exactly. I was very pleased that Buzz got his booster seat, though. He had his heart set on that.

He just wanted one because he wanted one, I think. I think he just wanted to be seen with it. It was kind of an accessory for him. But I've got to say, I mean, we had a lovely time. Although I did think Joseph, he's a bit of a git. Is he? I'm sorry. I know he's one of your lot, Frank.

Well. What is in a Bible? No, I Joseph. Is he? I'm sorry, I know he's one of your lot, Frank. Well. What is in a Bible? No, I know, look, you know me. I love the Bible. But I think, surely he's the good guy, isn't he? His brothers sell him into slavery. Actually, Buzz described his brother. He was talking about it after,

and he said Joseph's not very reliable brothers. They sold him into slavery. So something of an understatement. Well, although, okay, just in fairness to the brothers, I know this will appeal to you, Al. Oh, yeah. I'm wondering how.

I just feel at one point Joseph says he's going on about that coat all the time. Okay, we get it, you've got nice clothes, a bit shallow. And then, look at my amazing coat. What about your values? You know,

what sort of human being are you? And then, it's gold as well. A bit lottery winner. And then, he says, I look handsome, I look smart.

I am a walking work of art. That's right. Who says that? Well, I only think of one person I know, but it's a bit awkward to bring it up at the moment. I wouldn't say handsome. Okay. But don't you think?

Yeah. It's a bit agitish. He sounds like he's got tickets on himself, as my mum would say. Oh, I've never heard that one before. You've not heard that? No, that's good. I like that.

My mate's mum, one of my favourite mum sayings, my mate's mum, if ever there was a woman on telly who was a bit like in a saucy outfit or being in any way a bit brassy, she would say, well, she'd be better off saying a press. I've always liked that one. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So when I came up to Edinburgh,

I had a car to the station. And the man... Now, here's the thing. When you get in a car, if you get in like a minicab, Uber or whatever, I believe the etiquette is that you choose... If there's music, you kind of choose what radio station it's going to be or stuff like that.

The passenger. The passenger. Would you agree with that? Oh, I don't know. Otherwise, it's a friendly neighbour giving you a lift to the airport. Do you know what I mean? Yes, yes. This bloke had French radio on.

Sounds quite nice, though. So when we got out of the car, he never said a word to me at all. He was really stern, and he had the French radio. So when we got out of the car, I said to him, I said,

Merci beaucoup. Lovely. And he really melted. Smile came on his face. And he really melted. Oh. A smile came on his face. And he said, now, it sounded to me, I must have, like he said, derrière monsieur, which I think means behind monsieur.

But of course, I didn't have to, I had a train to catch. But what did he, he couldn't have said derrière monsieur. There must be something similar. Someone said that to me. Imagine if't have said Derriere, Monsieur. There must be something similar. Someone said that to me. Imagine if I said Derriere, Monsieur. There'd be no danger of that. He can't have said. It must be something else like thank you or something like that, which I... You think you slightly misheard. Hold it. Faye, our assistant

producer, is putting her hand up. This is your moment. Derriere? Yes, that's what it could have. Please, this is your moment. Derriere? Like, it's nothing? Yes, that's what it could have been. That makes me feel better. Lovely work from Fay. Yeah, otherwise I feel, you know,

like I've offended him in some way. Well, that's good. Derriere is the equivalent of no bother. Near bother. When he said Derriere, monsieur, I thought he might have recognised me as 1999's Re rear of the year. I realise the chances of that are slim.

What are the chances? Do they have a derriere? What would that be? Derriere de? Oh, fail, no. What's this? Rear of the year? De l'année.

Yeah, derriere d'année. Yeah. OK. I bet they have that. Who were you nestling in between your rear of the year? Was l'année. Yeah, Derriere d'année. Yeah. Okay. I bet they have that. Who were you nestling in between your Rear of the Year? Was it, I'm going to guess, I think Carol Smiley might have been. Carol Smiley was the female one that year. A messenger maybe?

Pardon? A messenger? Well, Carol Smiley, what they do with Rear of the Year is you have a male and a female each year. I love that. There's a segregation of the Rear. It's not just right across, it's like Wimbledon, it's not right across, there's separate competitions running side by side. What do you have to do, what are your responsibilities? I mean can you be in danger of having your

title stripped like Miss World? You have to walk everywhere backwards for a whole year if you want. I have to do a lot of charity stuff. I had to do a lot of there's these trousers they give you that have a sort of an observation window in the back and you

just go around the third world with those on bringing light. Imagine if he'd met his contract, he was contractually obliged to wear transparent chaps. You know, at the time, I probably would have had the confidence, but of course now the whole thing has broken free from its moorings. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.

Frank Skinner Absolute Radio I was on the train coming to Edinburgh. I didn't fly. I got the train. Al Gore's got a lot to answer for, hasn't he? So I had... He has. But he doesn't pick up, I find, when I call him.

Even though we share an award together. Can you believe that? So I was, I had the casserole on the train. Now when, I don't know about you, but when I go away for two or three weeks, I try and really travel light. Over the years, I've refined it and refined it. And I figured two pairs of trousers... Why are you looking at me?

Well, you're not up for so long, so you've got more scope. But I thought two pairs of trousers will do me. For a month? Three weeks. Goodness me. Two pairs of trousers? Yeah, if I tread carefully.

Anyway... That's the most extraordinary thing I've ever heard. Well, I'm wearing things underneath them, obviously. I'm not saying you're doing a maidly, but still. No, no. So they're not confronted with the main... Anyway. Just Kath.

Goodness me. How many have you got, Al? Sorry, Frank. We need to establish. I have two pairs of jeans at least two pairs of jogging bottoms I've got a pair of pyjama bottoms for padding around the flat

What are you, constructing a life-size centipede? Shorts, I've got several pairs of shorts also for padding around the flat I think of you as stripped down to the bare essentials kind of a guy I brought three kettlebells with me to Edinburgh. That's excess baggage.

Ah, travelling light. Yeah, it's not travelling light. They have gymnasiums in Edinburgh. They do, but I don't like going to them because they're too full of people. So I like to exercise in the living room. And they're pricey. They're not really cheap. So when the woman

came to collect the the dirty plate she splattered gravy all over one of my pairs of trousers

no apology nothing gone so I they had these oh god no no

I didn't she'd gone you made her give you some other trousers no I made her give you some other trousers. No, I made her give me hers. Yes. And the case comes off.

No. The wrong trousers has taken a strange turn. Yes. So there was a napkin that came with the meal, and I thought, well, I'll get the gravy off with the napkin. I'll have a go at it. But it was a red napkin, and as I robbed my green trousers,

I looked down, and now the grave had become a red... At which point I really felt like going... It was so Mr. B, so I'd rubbed this red stain down to my inner thigh of my trousers. It's still there. Is it? I'll show it to you in one of the commercial breaks.

Whereabouts on the trouser is it? Inner thigh. Oh, terrible location. Halfway between the knee and the gentleman's excuse me. May I ask a question? Certainly. Have you been and purchased a new suit since this incident? You haven't just treated yourself?

I have not. I'm earning. I could do, because where I live in Edinburgh, there is a street where I have never in my life seen so many charity shops in one street. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, absolute, a street of charity shops. You know what else Edinburgh has?

A culture of fancy dress. So there are more fancy dress shops in Edinburgh than anywhere on earth. But you know charity shops have that certain smell of, well I suppose it's death. You know, and when you go into a charity shop you can smell it.

Whereas you can, oh that street smells. You know it's like walking through a flower market, the flower market of death. Yeah. And that's, every time I walk down there, I have an urge to buy a Bionic Woman T-shirt. Al, don't encourage him to go to the fancy dress shops for his clothes will be turning up in the Incredible Hulk jeans.

That'd be great. Who shall I be tonight? This is Frank Skinner. This is Absol Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Frank, you were talking earlier. Well, I'll just put it in the words of the person who's got in contact with us, which is Mikey, or 283, as I prefer to call him. Hello, Frank.

With reference to the short legs, long trunk dilemma. I suffer from this, but it only really becomes apparent to others when sitting in a forward-facing seat on a bus or plane. My head is well above the seat back. Right. It's very good for spotting the coming bus stop or flight attendant. Oh, nice.

Yeah, I bet. But it means that he probably doesn't qualify for a booster pillow if he needed one. No, he won't get the pillow. Of course, he doesn't need one, does he? He needs a sort of indentation. He needs longer legs, doesn't he? We're still short.

You see, that's the problem. We still have the No, but my point is, if you have the long trunk, you don't need the booster pillow. Yeah. No, I don't know. I mean... Well...

I get it. OK. I get you. Oh, I'm just checking out. Yeah, the tickets are going well, boys. Are they? Very well, yeah. I'd like to keep up with you both.

I went to see both your shows. Can I talk about some of the shows? Emily's buying raffle tickets whilst we're on air. No, tell us about the shows that you saw. I went to see both your shows. Can I talk about some of the shows? I should just say Emily's buying raffle tickets whilst we're on air. No, tell us about the shows that you saw. I went to see... Alan Cochran. And Frank Skinner. But more of them later.

Oh, OK. I got straight off the train. I dumped my bags. And you know where I headed for? Straight for Biggins. Did you? Oh, yes. Christopher Biggins is doing a one-man show. What's it called? Late Lunch with Christopher Biggins. Did you? Oh, yes. Christopher Biggins is doing a one-man show.

What's it called? Late Lunch with Christopher Biggins. Okay. What time's that on? That? Midnight. Well, strangely, it is a late lunch. I would say it's 2.40pm.

Is it? Okay. Do you think it was called Lunch with Biggins and then he couldn't get the slot? Darling, let's go late. Sure, it can be like that, can't it? I know exactly the best laid plans of mice and biggins. As I think Robert Burton once said.

So, he's turned chat show host for The Fringe. Every day there's a different guest. Oh, OK. Just the one guest? No, he had three. Okay, yes. You will be approached, I would imagine. Both of you at some point. When I took over Room 101,

the previous format was one person, if you remember, in the old days. I was the third doctor. And Nick Hancock and Paul Merton had had just one person on. And this was before Paul Merton became head of the DUP and when I started the show, the BBC said,

the truth is there aren't many people who can sustain for a whole show so we're going to have three guests. What? Yeah. Wow. So I wonder if Biggins had a similar thought. I don't know, I feel very happy calling him Biggins. It seems like what he should be called.

You don't need the first name. He calls himself Biggins. Although what Biggins does, which I love, is that when the latecomers arrive, he doesn't give them a bit of beef, like, you know, your professional comment. He says, hello, I'm Christopher. How are you?

Lovely to see you. So the lunch isn't late enough for some people. Yeah. And then, I mean, obviously, this is Biggins we're talking about here. So there's a lot of mentions of famous people. By the way, if any of our younger listeners don't know Christopher Biggins, he is God forbid. Well, they will because he was on I'm a Celebrity. Yes, and also he rose to fame on a programme,

was it called On Safari? Yes. Where he used to say Safari, so goody. That was his catchphrase. Forgotten that. He's went to the stars and I would say he's just sort of the personification of Bon Ami. He was also in a great many adult movies in the 60s and 70s.

I mean, the ones that made the cinema, sort of Confessions of a Window Cleaner, that kind of thing. He said he referred to his panto a lot as well. He said he referred to his time in Mother Goose. He said, Mother Goose, first panto I ever did. It's the Hamlet of pantos for the game. And he starts anecdotes. He says, when I did Goose in Swansea. I love that. It's the Hamlet of pantos for the game. And he starts anecdotes. He says, when I did Goose in Swansea.

I love that. When I did Goose. Let's hope he was talking about the panto. We're talking about Biggins, who I was fortunate enough to see at late lunch at the Edinburgh Fringes show. I mean, talk about work with them all, Al. I've never heard the like.

He probably makes Frank look like an amateur in the name-dropping stakes. Well, he'll bring them up and what he'll do, which I love, because it's a very actor's thing, and obviously, as you know, I was reared by actors. Yeah, well. He'll say things like... It happens.

He'll say things like, Ronnie Barker, lovely, lovely Ronnie. Yeah. I remember in Porridge, Sophie Thompson, Emma's sister, you know. Of course, she was in Porridge as well, Big Inns. I forgot that. I'd forgotten about Porridge. He'll say, lovely, lovely Sophie Thompson, Emma's sister.

I work with her on MasterChef. Like it's sort of, you know... I mean, this is why you go to see Big Inns, for exactly that. Great name drop as well. He said, I came down to the Fringe last year to see my friends Giles Brandreth and Nicholas Parsons. Oh, yeah. Lovely name drop.

But he's sort of world class. Is that least surprising announcement to friends has ever happened in public? Yeah, but he also does a great thing, which is he drops names that don't mean much to the audience, which I like. He'll mention some theatre impresarios, if we all know them.

Yeah, excellent. I'll say, well, when I was working with the wonderful Reggie Malsbury, the theatre producer... Actors do that. Actors to this day, you see people like on Graham Norton, they say, yeah, yeah, well, you know, Stephen Wahen of mine is producing it, so obviously that was exciting for me.

And you think, what world are you in where you don't you don't explain who that is so they're all at it but he does also what i like about biggins is he owns who he is which i enjoy he said at one point he was interviewing someone and she referred to self-doubt and he said oh yes i've read about that that's good that's the thing about Biggs that is a quality line well it is and he knows who he is and I like that

and he also said there was a woman there was some audience participation because not everyone does no he is not with the

millennials and gen zers no they were mainly I would say the demographic it was a lot of short blonde hair a lot of leopard print

jumpsuits okay yeah with the white of the rose they're enjoying themselves all right mainly female audience you say oh they'd taken two husbands. Yeah, but it was all ladies. They'd taken two husbands. Can you do that in Scotland? One of the ladies said, oh, you'll have to come round my house. And he said, no, I wouldn't dream of coming to your place, dear. Well, Liberace,

you know Liberace had, you know those mirror balls that they have at discos With the tiny mirrors He had a black cab A London black cab That was done up with those mirrors Completely

Excellent And he When people arrived for his Flew into Vegas For his gigs He used to be at the taxi rank And he would just take two people and drive them to their hotel.

Lovely. Fantastic. Frank, I went back to see Biggins. Of course you did. Of course you went back. I did. I just marched straight in there. Good for you. A massive hug I got. See, I wouldn't have had the courage to go back to Biggins.

Do you know what? Have you met him previously? What gave me courage with Biggins was that I knew he'd get along, but also I just knew that even if he had no idea who I was, that's one thing Biggins is good at, is making you feel important. He would lie, he would fight, and he did. He grabbed me, he obviously whispered to an aide, he went, Emily, darling! Okay. Massive hug. Great. he grabbed me he obviously whispered to an aide you went Emily darling okay

massive hug great it was a wonderful start to the fringe that is and then I left Biggins and went straight to Brush what BB

that's all right before we move on I think the was this Gainsbourg song which I will bring up later can we just say if there are any members of the general public that think just breezing in backstage

and meeting the talent is a good thing, it's not. Don't definitely do that. It's a special VIP thing only for Emily Dean. Yeah, exactly. I hate it. I don't want to set a precedent. I want to be putting my scarf on

as I stride through the wings. Well, I went to see both of you this week. Five stars. You did what? So proud of my boys, I have to say. Oh, good. Okay, shall we leave it there? No.

I didn't go back, Frank. No, you didn't go back. I didn't go back to either of you because I didn't think you'd appreciate it. But Biggins is a different matter. Yes. But also at my venue, it's the most complicated place. I barely go back myself because I can't find my dressing room. I mean, it really is, it's a labyrinth.

I didn't go and see Brosh either, Frank. He didn't go back to Brosh? Well, no, I imagine his dressing room is a Tupperware container. Well, no, I imagine his dressing room is a top of work container. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You know how I referred to Biggins? Yeah. I went brush.

Well, there are. I can't think of any other brushes apart from Basil brush. No, I can't. There must be. Any other brushes out 12, 15? This is brush sort of unleashed, I can't. There must be. Any other Brushies, 8, 12, 15? This is Brush sort of unleashed, it's called. Is it? Basil Brush, is it a chat show again? Well, it's sort of everything.

It's a bit of a chat show. He does some pre-recorded interviews. He does some audience work. I'll bet he does, yeah. I can imagine him spontaneously going through a bin bag that he'd ripped open on stage. He's very... He's gone quite blue.

Has he? Has he? He's gone very blue. Perhaps he's over-tightened the cravat. He's a bad sort of brush. Only three pairs of trousers Brush has only got one jacket The green jacket

Still wearing the green jacket and red tie Well I did an after dinner once With Roger de Corsi and Nookie Bear And he was As a suitable Early morning radio He was quite blue Biggins a run for his money on the name dropping now.

Well, Roger de Corsi had one of the great mystery anecdotes of all time. We asked him about, me and David Baddiel was talking to him about football and he said, I don't go to football anymore after I had an incident in the Olympic Gallery at Wembley. And he never, he wouldn't go any further. We'll never know what that was. Anyway, Basil. Brush.

He's gone blue, but there is a children's brush available, we should say, during the day. This is adult brush, which is... So he's got the white book and the blue book, like Max Miller used to have. Oh, is that right? Is that what he had? Max Miller would go out on stage and he would begin by saying,

do you want the white book or the blue book? And if they said white, if they voted for white, he'd do a clean act, apparently. Oh, well, yeah, Brush works clean. Which he never needed, presumably. No, never. Brush does work clean. Yeah, good.

Unsurprisingly, given his name. Most Brushes do, though. But we saw the blue show. OK. And, I mean, he's still got it, Brush. He does have, which I'd forgotten about this, there's a sort of

sidekick, a mister character. Oh, there's always, yeah, that was always true. Well, I'd forgotten him and he starts by asking who was your mister? None of your business, Rush.

Well, he used to call me Mr. Frank. Did he? He did, yeah. Because he was on Fantasy Football, which was a football show from the 19...

Oh, he'd worked with them all, didn't he? And he was also one of the guests on my This Is Your Life. He was? He was. This Is Your Life. How did he come through, though? Did he walk through? Well, I'll explain.

Some people won't know This Is Your Life. What would happen on that show is that a celebrity, yes, I know, would be surprised. So you'd think you were going somewhere or doing something else. And suddenly, Michael Aspel, or in the early days, Eamon Andrews, or Seamus Android, as I think Eric Morecambe used to call him. Eamon, so Michael Aspel would surprise literally surprise you

and they'd have a camera crew there and you'd be startled and then you'd be whisked off somewhere and they'd go through your life with guests I'm sorry to interrupt Frank

but when we were seeing Joseph at the Palladium there was a brilliant moment from Frank when I said to Frank and Buzz oh yes

you've performed here Daddy's performed here Frank said yes I seem to remember I said was it last time you did the gig for here. Frank said, yes. I seem to remember. I said, was it the last time you did the gig for Absolute Radio? He said, yes. And then, Mike, This Is Your Life took place here as well.

I mean, come on. How many dads were saying that? I know that was... Ah, yesterday when I was young. I'm doing Charles Asner for the one-man show at Pleasant's Courtyard. I'm not. Don't go. Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Frank and Alan just organised a date affair, and it really melted my heart. It was a lovely thing. Yeah. Have we had any brush? We've had some people texting in about Basil Brush.

Yeah, because I mooted the idea he might be the only famous Brush. Well, 044 has said, don't forget Paul Brush, no relation, I think he means to Basil, erstwhile West Ham legend. I have an idea that we might have got Paul Brush on Fantasy Football when Basil Brush was on or something like that. I love the fact you can't quite remember your old jokes. Yeah, we did one of those Jeremy Kyle paternity tests.

Of course, we didn't know in those days. Oh, Frank, you were going to explain how Basil entered through the doors. Oh, well, see what happened. I'm going to suspect that he rose up from somewhere. See, what happened... I'm going to suspect that he rose up from somewhere.

Well, we never see the lower half of Basil. I was at the Palladium. I'd done a gig. And when the gig finished, I took my bow and I thought, God, they absolutely... We start off with a cheer and then suddenly the cheer's gotten even louder.

And when I turned around, Michael Aspel was behind me with the big red book, which is what he used to read from on the show so then the whole show happened on the stage at the london palladium but it didn't start till 1 30 a.m so um the the the original operator a guy called ivan um it was a very nice bloke but he'd had some ill health and I think had been advised not to drink. Is this the brush operator? Yeah, but he was the original.

He was Basil Brush, really. And he'd had just a couple of white wines, that's all, but it had all gone a bit wrong. So Basil was in the Royal Box. Basil appeared, Mr. Frank, Mr. Frank. And I said, oh, Basil. And he said, Mr. Frank, Mr. Frank. And I said, oh, Basil. And he said, Mr. Frank, Mr. Frank, I remember when I...

And he sounded like he was drowning. And then the audience started, I have never laughed that much on television in my life for anything. I mean, I was... Me and David Baddiel were weeping. And then he kept saying, no, no, no, Mr Frank, if you remember, you watch it once.

And it sounded like, you know in the films when they've got blood in their throat towards the end? It was like that. Oh, man, it really killed me. Well, they have Mr Martin as the current sidekick because he asked the audience who was your mister. And mine was Mr. Roy, I believe. Oh, yeah.

But Brush, I mean, it's quite alcohol-based. Funny you should raise that. Well, he gets a sort of Nerf gun and he sprays the crowd with alcohol, literally. Oh, God, it's like Elvis with the Derringer in the boot. So can you fire up liquid out of a Nerf gun? How's the play, Mrs Lincoln? Exactly.

It was, well, I don't know, but they loved it. I mean, the crowd were going crazy wild, as I believe Daniel Amakachi once said. Well, I'm really ever too impressed with the crowd going crazy wild, as I believe Daniel Amakachi once said. Well, I'm really ever too impressed when the crowd are going crazy wild. He's been in the public eye, Basil Bryce, for what, 30 years? More. Oh, more, 40. I mean, Brush is an old pro.

Yeah, exactly. He knows his stuff. And I liked Mr Martin's work. OK. OK, but the alcohol, I was glad that didn't go on my clothes. work. Okay. Okay, but the alcohol, I was glad that didn't go on my clothes. Because let me tell you, that

tail would have been in some state of disarray afterwards. Well, I'm glad that it didn't go on mine. You haven't got enough spurs, have you? Well, also yeah, especially after I'd socked my trousers for the last time to try and get it out in a moment of desperation. Wash down your casserole with some white wine.

That would be terrible for you. Exactly, yeah. Oh, good old brush. But it is very brush dolls, you know. It's like, ooh, ooh. Oh, is it? Yeah. Really? Yes.

The other people love it. I couldn't have gone personally. I can't forgive him for what he did to my dad's chickens in the 70s. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absol Dean and Alan Cochran Alan, how is your festival? Well, it's been good, but I haven't been to watch much because I don't know about you, but I find the first week

I like to just settle in Marinate Yeah, exactly but I find the first week I like to just settle in. Marinate. Do my own show. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Although I did very much enjoy bumping into you in the street the other evening after our respective shows. It's like Made in Chelsea when it's all scripted reality

and it's set up. I'll tell you what I love, though. I love... I see Alan every week. Yeah. But if you bump into someone unexpectedly it's a real event isn't it

and it was great you cracked a joke that I thought was very good and I remember pointing out Frank you're having a great fringe even in the street there's stuff better than the content of many shows

it's a real and then I was walking back I don't know if you remember this but as we were standing in the street Phil Wang

the young comic came past yes the young comic I love Phil Wang I don't know how old he is I've no idea I don't know

he's funny though Phil Wang he's very funny and then we were walking back from having stood in the street and had a chat it was a nice summery evening and we're walking back from having stood in the street and had a chat. It was a nice summery evening.

And we're walking back and I was chatting away to Phil. And he said, to be honest, I'm feeling a bit like I'm going home too soon. This was about 11.30, maybe even approaching midnight. And I said, what do you mean you're going home too soon? And he said, I feel like I should perhaps have gone to a bar and done some drinking at the fringe. But maybe I'll just save up those units and have them tomorrow and I went I've got to be honest, I think you've absolutely

nailed this, you're walking home you've bumped into Frank Skinner and me and then you're going home this is perfect, you could be in a bar talking to somebody deeply unfunny who's drunk that's true, there you go, you've absolutely nailed this, keep it on the pavements that's my motto.

Well, it's funny you say that because I've noticed... I used to work for Bad to See Dogs Home, by the way. I've noticed, even though I've not been to shows, there's something about just life in the street in Edinburgh that is highly entertaining. Oh, yeah. And I think it was a group of Glaswegian

people that I walked past yesterday. And for a start, the turn of phrase is amazing. I love the way that they speak. But I walked past and one guy was saying to another guy, I'll tell you, I'll tell you what not to buy from Asda. And that was all I heard of it because I was walking. I think it was a hostage situation. And that was all I heard of it because I was walking in the middle of a book. I think it was a hostage situation. I genuinely considered spinning around and walking back just to make sure that I knew what not to buy from Astor.

I think that was the commissioning editor for Channel 5, and that's a new show. What Not To Buy From Astor. Yes. It's called What Not To Buy From dot, dot, dot, and then they do different shops everywhere. John Lewis, yeah. Past times. Oh, no, it, dot. And then they did different shops everywhere. John Lewis. Past times.

Oh, no, it's closed. I wonder if I'll think about what not to buy from Asda for the rest of the fringe. That might be the most thought-provoking show I see. Well, I had a pie, a very nice pie at Assembly Gardens. Mrs. Lovett. Quite an early review by our standards. Yeah. It was only a few days ago.

And there was a sign which I realised unironically said... I wrote this down. Actually, I took a photograph of it. Did you put the pie down whilst you wrote it down? It said, Excellent. And it was... Their pies are responsibly sourced and ethically made.

Are they? Question. When you eat the pie, is it... I had the veal. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. We're live from the Edinburgh Festival. I'd say I need some backpipe music or something.

Oh, yes, we need some Scottish music. Yeah, anyway. Well, we played... Well, I won't go into it. We opened with the Cocteau Twins, which are Scottish. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram, if you will, at Frank on the Radio. Text us at 81215.

Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. It's all there. It's all doable. It is. We discussed Biggins earlier. I won't even give him his... CB. Yeah.

That's what he should have a show called CB Radio. What about when Biggins refers to She Stoops to Conquer? He says then when I was... He'll say Stoops. Oh, he goes for Stoops rather than Conquer. Yeah stoops Oh he goes for stoops rather than conquer I was in an office I was in the

Only Fools and Horses office Once at the BBC and the phone went And the guy said hello fools Brilliant It is top notch Anyway 031 has texted I worked a panto season with Biggins several years ago Lovely guy dressed up as Santa to give

out the secret Santa gifts. I think that shows him in a very good light. He's much loved Biggins. Yeah. I did a secret Santa once, lasted eight and a half hours. Nightmare. It was when I was at GCHQ. On the banks of the river.

So, um... Oh, and other people have seen Joseph getting in touch, by the way, as well. Oh, really? And enjoyed it enormously. But nobody's texted in suggesting what it was that that man was going to tell you not to buy from Asda. That's the thing that I still want to know. I'll tell you what that was. Anyway, it's like the opposite of a recommendation, isn't it?

There should be more of that, I think. You think? Oh, yeah, the opposite things. Yeah. I, oh, yeah, when I bumped into you, Al, I was with my publicist. What about that? I remember, yes.

And we were mid- And Joel Elton John. We were mid-dispute. Wasn't Elton John. We were mid-dispute. Wasn't your tech showing you the way home as well? Yeah. Not only backstage. My technical support person was leading me to my flack so I couldn't find it. Show me the way to go home.

Honestly, it's like Stevie Wonder. I'm tired and I need to go to bed. So, yeah. So what was the argument with the publicist? Well, she said to me, she said, I think I can get you the cover of Culture magazine. That's the thing from Sunday Times, you know. Oh, lovely.

And I said, I bet you won't. She said, I bet you I do. I said, right, 20 quid. She said, OK, then I'll bet you 20 quid I'll get it. And then... How to incentivise the workforce. Well, you were on the cover of that recently. Well, hold on, exactly.

So then she says to me, oh, you're not going to be on the workforce. Well, you were on the cover of that recently. Well, hold on, exactly. So then she says to me, oh, you're not going to be on the cover after all, I've heard. And I said, OK, will you owe me 20 quid? She said, no, it was 20p. I said, it was 20 quid. She said, no, I'm sure it was 20p. I said, OK. Hmm.

I mean, the pound is plunging. That's deflation for you. So she gave me the 20p. Did she? Right. And I had it, even though i knew it was 20 pounds anyway the next cockerel the following week i was on the cover of uh the culture so i hadn't seen her since so she she said uh the other night that night as we headed towards

unknowingly towards alan cochran in the street. She said to me, anyway, you know, I might not have got you that cover of the culture, but I did get you the Mirror magazine. I said, hold on, I was on the cover of the culture. She said, no, you weren't. I said, no, I absolutely was. And of course, I'd taken a photo of it, which I happened to have with me. And it was a great moment because she wanted to celebrate the fact that she'd got me on the cover and I wanted to shoot her down for not knowing.

And also I pointed out that, oh, well, you can have your 20p back. If you'd have been honest, you would have had 20 pounds, madam. Can we please file that in the most frank skinner thing that's ever happened? We'll put that in the airing of Dirty Laundry Clips for this show. I call that a bit of a git, Mark. But it was stopped. It was stopped because as we approached a zebra crossing, there on the other side was a waving man that turned out to be the cockerel.

But it's pretty much an Edinburgh street conversation. I know, I was on the cover of The Culture. Oh, for goodness sake, what's happened to me? Now, I went to see... I don't want to fall straight into the stereotype but I went to see a show called Vengable which was a one man show about Arsene Wenger's era at Arsenal

Did you? Me too You went as well? I went yesterday. Hashtag me too. I'm not sure that's what it means. It's not that kind of show. No.

It's not that kind of show. No, it was... I'll tell you what, it's about... Did you like it? I absolutely loved it. Yeah, me too. Oh, Frank! And it's about Arsenal.

Because there wasn't a West Brom show on. No, it's strange that. No, I don't West Brom show on. It's strange, that. No, I don't get it. I mean, there's plenty of room for melodrama. He told me the man is called Raphael. Yes, and he's young enough to have been named after the turtle, not the artist. I was going to say, he looks good for a turtle.

But he said he'd met you. He's like 24. I know, it sickened me. I vomited. He said you were absolutely lovely to him. I said, are you sure? Is this Frank Stitt? And very complimentary.

I said, no, that definitely wasn't. Did he say the same guy that was on the cover of the Culture magazine recently? Is that your thing of Green Jumper? Everyone's talking about it except my publicist. Do you think a green jumper? Everyone's talking about it, except my publicist. No, no, it was, I would recommend it. It was very fine.

And it's sort of Arsenal as a metaphor for the modern world. Yes. And life in general. Really? Yes. It's quite moving in parts. It's very moving. And one of the best Jose impressions I've ever seen.

Top, top end. Bruce Rios, they all come out. Anyway, we won't spoil it, but go and see it. It's at the Assembly. It's not far from Frank Skinner, if you can get a ticket. But I'm having a slight... Not a chance. Of the shows I've been to see, it's been awkward because I'm doing publicity all afternoon

for a show that's sold out I know so it's a bit hashtag orcs if only there was a show that started

at 9.20 that wasn't sold out that you could recommend in its place I don't think I'll have to research that five stars

Emily Dean saw it last night Frank Skinner the problem is you're getting all these accolades as well, Frank. I've seen some extraordinary things. Mr. Funnybones reaps big laughs. Mr. Funnybones.

Is that one of those like the Rocket Man? Mr. Bojangles. Hardwired to find the funny. Hardwired to find the funny. Yeah. Hardwired to find his way back from anywhere. Remember I had a play here last year. Oh, right. Oh, have you got to treat those two imposters just the same?

Exactly. Like a phoenix from the ashes. As I said, the next day I had five stars, but unfortunately it was spread over four reviews. Oh, Frank, can I also mention a man came to my hotel room. Whoa, you know we're on air. Isn't there something you should tell us over a long song? No, this is a show.

Oh, I see. A man performs it in your home. Oh. He's called, what's he called, Stoff? Daniel By. Daniel By. It's called Arthur. He brings his baby Daniel by he brings it's called Arthur he brings it's not the

Dustin What's his name Dudley Moore? Oh, yes. Yes, no comedy about alcoholism. It's instead It's his baby son who's only five months old and him and his son perform a play in your room. He turns up with a five month old baby. Yeah. And his wife and partner is on hand and she helps out. They stopped, he says, I will stop to do

we have much to do feeding and he had a bit of baby sick at one point but that was fine. Yeah. But it was brilliant. I loved it. Was it really good? Yes. He came to your hotel room with a five-month-old baby

and did a show. Yes, it's about nature or nurture. It's about that debate. But it's funny. It's a play, but it's funny as well. So I really recommend it. And the baby acts. I wouldn't say acts,

but they're not everyone's me as a child. No, it's actually stunt gymnastics. It's very brave. I mean, that circle of fire would have frightened a lot of children. That's amazing. It's extraordinary. Can I ask how much it costs? I think we're allowed to say that.

I think they've got comps. We'll get back to you. We'll put the details on. Did you have to wine and dine, or does he just turn? How long was he there for? An hour. The baby didn't go room service. He was there for about an hour.

So how many shows a day? I left the money on the dresser. No, it isn't. No. He does two shows a day. Two shows a day. 10.30 and 5.30, and then the baby has to go to bed, obviously. Yeah.

But it's a fascinating experience. I loved it. I think you'd love it. I might get it as a present for you both. But can you give me a slide, without any spoilers, just a hint of what occurs. So what happens is he talks you through, he introduces you, he asks some questions about you. He asks how you got your name, and it's about how you raise a child into an adult, essentially. Okay.

And he uses the baby, essentially, as a prop. Right. The baby's very happy. Does he say, where have you been, little man? I have been to the nursery. Is it all done like that, with like a false jaw? He lies him on the bed. There's a lovely silk throw.

And he did say to me, I'm really sorry, I think the baby's just been sick. I said, please don't worry, I'm sure that's not the worst thing this hotel for all seems. Yeah, not a throw up on the throw. Maybe that's what they're for, throws, originally. Never occurred to me. Alan turned it down, Frank. We invited him. What, the throw?

The producer sent him a text saying there's a man coming to Emily's hotel room. She could have worded it better. At 3pm, do you want to join us? I think he said, no, you're alright. No. Yeah, but he's got two kids.

The novelty's probably worn off a bit. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is still Frank Skinner, Emily Dean and Alan Cochran at the Edinburgh Festival. Now, I asked one of the Scottish engineers to have done this. I notice he's laid down 30 seconds of bagpipes. It's not enough, is it? It's not enough. No, no.

Luckily, we have a fade button. 30 minutes would be... Yeah. To me, it didn't get into the bone marrow enough. I'm going to call that the draft, the initial draft. I enjoyed it. The bagpipe jingle. I enjoyed it. into the bone marrow enough as some... Stop critiquing as well. I'm going to call that the draft, the initial draft of the Backpipe Jingle.

I enjoyed it. But thank you so much for that. That was... I didn't actually ask. He just did it spontaneously. There's people here that could learn from that kind of initiative.

Oh, my heavens to Betsy. So well... I like you complaining that it was too long. It's like when people say, the trouble with the Sunday papers is there's too many sections. Yeah, well, no, I cover all the sections, but only the first three paragraphs of everything.

I think if you haven't got me in three paragraphs, you haven't got me. Cover of the culture. Aye. Yes. So, I went to see another, Ain City. Oh. Now, you're a Scottish aren't you actually? Yes I am a Scottish

Do you mean that as in a Birmingham? You're Scotch as Jackie Charles always used to say I don't love Scotch but yes I am Scottish So Ain City how would you interpret that as a title? A-N-E Oh A-N-E Yeah now I thought I don't know what I was thinking A-N-E. Oh, A-N-E. Yeah, now I thought... Hello.

I don't know what I was thinking. It's about a woman who... I won't give you the full thing. It's about a woman who is from Dundee and she's at Glasgow University, but then she goes back to see all her friends in Dundee. Now, I don't know if you've ever tried going back. It's always tricky. They say never go back, don't know if you've ever tried going back. It's always tricky.

They say never go back, don't they? Oh. Oh, don't go back. Yes. But Ain, I thought, meant own. So I guessed own city. But I looked it up and it means one. So it's Scottish dialect.

So one city. Oh. But I liked it a lot. Oh, did you? She's like a performance poet. Well, she is a performance poet, I think. And so some of it is her doing really quite, I mean, I know we operate in the superficial in our world.

We do. I dare you. Speak for yourself. Oh, no, speak for me as well, actually. Yeah, it's actually really quite raw, moving stuff about, you know, being young, being poor, being drunk. All the things I can't really remember anymore. Right. I mean, you were really drunk, weren't you?

I was very drunk. It's even harder for you to remember those things. No, but it's like a really personal. It's this music as well. Right. Guitar player. But it's, Guitar player You know what People come up to the Edinburgh Festival

English people and then they just go and see English stuff Come on Get on with it I actually went to see a show because I thought I wanted to try You know when you've got a friend who's passionate about something I thought I want to try and see What they love about this

So I went to see and see what they love about this. So I went to see the Doctor Who experience exclusively so I could do that for you. You saw it? That's on this year. It's the improvised Doctor Who parody. Oh, God, I didn't know about that. I've never seen your face. You look so excited.

Oh, I've got to see. What time is it on? You will love it. It's 7pm. There's a lot of words in Lee's title that would put other people off, isn't there? Improvised Doctor Who parody. There's a lot. I thought I loved the men as soon as they came on.

The only thing was... Men, you say? Yes. I needed Frank to just tell me things about cyber things. Some of the things I didn't understand. Oh, yeah. You're going to enjoy that. Some of the things I didn't understand. Oh, yeah. You're going to enjoy that. Yeah, well, I'm...

You'll be all over it. I'm not surprised to hear there was some in-jokes in the improvised Doctor Who parody show. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Can I tell you one more thing I went to see? Sure. I don't know if you're sitting in London and thinking, oh, for goodness sake. But I think we're enriching these with our own thoughts and experiences.

That's the way I'm seeing it. And if I may play devil's advocate, the rest of the nation often hear people talk about London, so it's perhaps London's turn. Exactly, to shot their faces. Yeah, exactly. If you want to put it like that you can. That escalated. Put your fruit down

for a minute. Stop selling your fruit. Anyway, I mean, you've fired me up now. I've got to go and see the Doctor Who thing. Oh, Frank, I mean, it's absolutely tailor-made for you. Fabulous. Well, listen, I went... Of course, I have done a bit of sci-fi since I've been up here.

Sure you have. I went and saw a thing called the DeNova Super, which is... It's in a thing called Assembly Box. Do you know it? You know those metal containers they have on ships? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's in one of those.

Oh, is it? It's quite a small one. It was hot and smoky. When they close the door, you think, am I actually all right with this? It's so sort of claustrophobic in there. And it's all dark, and they're pumping in smoke, and there's this space music.

Sounds like your flat in the 70s. Yeah. And then these two blokes come on in like space suits. But space suits that are a bit have seen better days. Oh man. And you're in there for an hour on this sort of

dark mission in space. And I don't want to give any clues about it. There's a bit of vomiting. But it's cool yeah do you know what it was properly scary was it

in parts and I don't know about you I was thinking about this the only time I can remember being scared at the theatre except when I've been on

obviously is I went to see Woman in Black. And there's a bit in that. Again, I don't want to do spoilers, but I saw it when it began, I think, at the Studio Theatre in Birmingham,

which is a little place. It's bigger than the metal container. And this ghost appears on a sort of a balcony at one point, and it absolutely scared the wahoo out of me. It really does. The most frightening I've ever been at a theatre is when Russell Grant shouted at his stage manager off in the wings,

lead that please! Well, I saw an audience with Spike Milligan once and he laid into the floor manager and that was fairly terrifying. I bought a round once at a West End theatre. That's a lie and you know it. You see, some people came up, some lovely fans of the show, readers, came up to us after Alan's gig,

which was absolutely brilliant last night. And every night, I'm sure, but it was particularly great last night. And they came over and the first thing they said, they said, who have you gone to see first then, Emily? Went to see Frank or Alan. I said, well, who pays my wages? Of course I've got my big daddy. He said, yeah, you're right.

And then they did make a reference. And also I'm older. You ask me all you can. They made a reference to the penny pinching. Well, my frugality is a thing that people that listen to this show bring up quite often. It's becoming a thing, Frank, for people. Yeah.

A bit hurtful. It's not like we've made it up for comedy purposes. No, it is. That's exactly what it's like. Whereas, in fact, it's utterly authentic. I said to him that night we bumped in the street, we should go out for a meal. He said, where should we go?

I knew what he was thinking. I have seen one show since I've been up here, but it might come under the category of something of a busman's holiday. My friend Rob Rouse, who's a quality stand-up who I would recommend people see, has a play where he is doing his stand-up and his wife starts to complain

about how she's being portrayed in his act. And they have a sort of a row, very interesting for anybody. Is that actually his wife playing the part? Yes. Oh, is that giving you and Frank any ideas? It's really funny but it is one of those things

the power struggle between being misrepresented but it's genuine. I think you'd find it interesting Frank, I'd recommend it to you. I wrote a Radio 4 thing called Don't Start, which was an argument every week between a couple. And Kat said to me, I can't listen to it because I know that voice.

I know that argument voice too well. She said, I found myself feeling anxious when I listened to it. Which is so good luck to them with that. It's not for you then, after all. It's playing with fire. That's like getting your partner's disease to drive. I think the biggest risk to any relationship.

Oh, no, that's stressful. Oh, I've had a lovely thank you to the Doctor Who show, by the way. It's called Any Suggestions, Doctor. OK. Oh, is it? And do people call out suggestions? At the beginning, you will be asked... They'd have to be hyper-nerdy to cope with some of those suggestions,

though, wouldn't they? Like, you recommend obscure black-and-white episodes from 1968 or something. Yeah, it could be tricky. Or the prank goes for full Hartnell, I would imagine, on everyone. Double Hart now. That's what I like. So are you eating up here Al?

You still on the palio? I've never been on the, well I've never really been on the palio. Al that sounded so like your grandad. You're on the palio Al. I did a weird thing where on the first day here i made a massive i mean massive uh chili con carne like absolutely huge that you hope would last you for the whole festival

well i ate it every single day until it was finished which was yesterday so from tuesday till friday so every meal i ate it not every meal but every single day I ate it. Who does that? Not every meal, but every single day. I ate it once a day. Who does that? I now associate Edinburgh with that chilli con carne. I feel like that's all I can taste. I seem to remember students who would make like a sort of a bean type thing and then

just keep adding to it. In my day it was tuna pasta. Oh, that sounds dangerous. We'd have the tuna pasta and then a bit of sweet corn and then it would just be, you'd use that, you know, chops are good for at least four days. Yeah. I have this thing, the in-transit diet. So if I'm on, say, a train, I can eat anything at all,

things I would never normally eat, chocolate biscuits, cake, just pile it down because it doesn't count. You're not really in the world because you're moving through it. You said that, but you played a train driver in any suggestions, Doctor Who. A train driver? I was the chief engineer. Yeah. Well, that's a thought.

It'd be weird if I go to the Doctor Who show. I'll be a suggestion. Yeah, that'd be good. You'd love that. Pretending it'd be weird. Exactly. Wouldn't it be awful if I was in the Doctor Who play? I went to a screening

at the BFI once and the bloke in the introduction to the Doctor Who, obviously it was for a Doctor Who event, and he said, it's great to see

some of the cosplay today. The bloke actually called us Perkins, the engineer. Very fine. Excellent. Very fine. So look,

we come to the end of this fabulous journey north of the border. And we'll actually be here next week. Scratch that bit. Yeah. But by then, me and Al will have gone for our walk. Oh, yeah. We'll have had our meal.

Yeah. I'm thinking chilly. What do you think? But anyway, if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, ganout!