The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Bungle

Episode Date: September 14, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has started his tour and has suggestion for a guest on Emily's podcast. The team also discuss tech news, crumpets and the Go Compare man.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'm with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran this morning. You can text the show on 81215. I wish you would, because I think that adds so much. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website or contact Welcome in the context of the radio show Yeah, thank you We've already had quite a lot of people who saw your

stand-up show, your concert at Ipswich last night Rave reviews, I'll say I won't read them out because I know you blush No, that's lovely Oh no, don't worry about that Big blusher, aren't you? I am a big blusher.

Apparently, Alistair... So, traffic have sometimes screeched to a halt at the side of me, thinking I was a red light. Well, you're getting absolute 90s raves. Just when I say 90s, I wasn't putting you in the context of a decade. I meant raves, as in they were popular in the 90s. Alistair says,

just back from a great show by Frank Skinner, I know we don't do praise, but bear with, at Ipswich Corn Exchange, he name-checked Stop the Bypass a couple of times.

What's that? That's a campaign to stop the Northern Bypass through Ipswich. So, yeah, you know. Bit of local. Bit of local. Bit of local at the top. That's a lovely bit of local, Frank. So, yeah, you know. Bit of local. Bit of local. Bit of local at the top.

That's a lovely bit of local, Frank. Yeah, well, it's by the end of March, I think, yesterday. It's quite a big deal. Sounds, I don't know, I know nothing about it, but it sounds, I'm with it. It sounds right to me.

Generally speaking, we bypass, I'm not talking about people with heart problems who may be listening, but generally speaking, with bypasses, I'm not talking about people with heart problems who may be listening, but generally speaking with bypasses. Yeah. I think stop them. Yeah. Who was the

celebrity bypass protester? Was it Swampy? Yes. You don't get them so much anymore. He made a lovely career out of that. It was a follow-up joke, wasn't it, about people would say, oh, he died didn't he, Swampy? Yeah, apparently he refused a bypass. Yeah, but it refused to bypass it.

Yeah, but it was, I've seen people completely duped by it, which is, but it was, it was lovely, Ipswich. So this is Ipswich.

And what have we done? See, that would have worked as a hitic chord? No. As a parody? Well, the nice thing about it, he wouldn't have tied it to one part of the year. It would have been played all the time.

Good point. John. Give it to Mary. I've got some Boilerman news as well. Oh, yes. Last week, I bemoaned the fact that Boilerman, the West Bromwich Albion sponsor mascot,

who was always just a combi boiler on legs, has now been given stripes and made more like an ordinary mascot. He's sort of, he's gone natives. Well, we've had this in from Stefan Brighton.

Hi Frank, Alan and Emily. This is from your Friday night trawl, Al. Hope you don't mind me pilfering. That's quite all right. Hoping Alan picks this up on his late Friday trawl. As a fellow Baggies fan, I just wanted to let you all know the great news that West Brom and Ideal Boilers

have just been shortlisted for the Sponsorship Partnership of the Year Award at the Football Business Awards, giving Boilerman the recognition and exposure he so deserves. Surely Al will be hosting. I was just wondering, who's hosting that? Get on the phone. What kind of price bracket is that?

Get on the phone, Al. He'll be a newsreader. I think you'll agree this is Fiona Bruce that's my bet boiler and news yeah almost and then that boing boing thing

they do less praise redacted well I mean I'm a big fan of Loverman of Loverman sorry Professor Fry

is listening I'm a big fan of Loverman imagine not only that I was that I had a male Lover Lover Man imagine not only that I was that I had a male lover but that I called him that is the great joy of it

yeah I call him Lover Man but I don't there isn't he doesn't exist yet never say never extraordinary revelation

it's just such a shame that I think that they've gone from the classic white I think last week I think that they've gone from the classic white. I think last week I pointed out it had something of the Marcel Duchamp urinal found art element. And now it's been sort of dressed up. Is it fair to say? I beg them to change it.

Boys, this is no longer a boiler. It's no longer Boilerman. Well, I've never seen a blue and white boiler. a boiler it's no longer boiler man well I've never seen a blue and white stripe but boiler I once had a bathroom in my house where I actually came wow I commissioned some time I used it but I had blue and white stripes are done with tiles on the wall and then I had I commissioned a big West Bromwich Albion crest in tiling, which was on the wall. That's tasteful. And I met someone recently who knew the person who lived in that house now.

And they said they have retained that as a sort of conversation piece. They've retained the West Bromwich Albion. Oh, get them talking. I think I'd keep that. I'm surprised you didn't keep it. Just take it out with a hammer and chisel. I'm not sure it would have survived a removal. Or a spur supporting some.

A de-grout. Which you didn't know was on the way. No, I didn't know that. If I'd known that, I don't know what I would have done. Well, he might get the time. I'd have probably had him a second. No, no, no. No, but I was really pleased to hear that it still exists.

So lovely. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. The other morning, I set my alarm to get my child to school. And when I went downstairs, he was still fast asleep. And I thought, oh, my goodness, we're going to be late, etc., etc. And then I realized I'd set the alarm an hour early. Oh, lovely. Accidentally. And it was kind of all right. I didn't feel

particularly tired. And I did think if I set the alarm, like, say, just a minute earlier, every... Do you remember, I told you I had the theory as a kid. I started jumping off the stairs in my house. And I thought, if I jumped from the bottom stair and then the next day the second stair, because it's a gradual development, after two or three weeks I'd be able to jump off the top of the stairs.

I wish I'd stopped with it now. It's something that diverted me mid-staircase. We're very close to some proverb, aren't we? There must be some proverb. I think there's some hedge that somebody jumped over, but because the hedge isn't growing that fast,

by the end of it, they've had the time to develop the musculature that is required. Oh, OK. That's a proverb, is it? I don't know. It's probably just an adage or a story. It might even be an anecdote. I'm worried we're getting on board. We're getting a little close to evolution here. That's fine. I don't know if... I'm fine. They don't have that in the book.

That's fine. I'm fine with evolution. Don't mention it in the book. I, uh... Don't. Yeah, there used to be a little poem on, um, force. Do you remember that? There was a breakfast cereal called

Force. It's very glimmery. It's a really weird title for force. And it had a character leaping over a fence on the top. I'm assuming I can work out what was in it.

Force, that's what was in it. Was it brand-based? I don't think it was. And it used to say, over the wall jumps Sonny Jim. He's got force inside of him. And I always thought, I'm not happy. Even as a kid, I thought they could have done better than that.

But there's a proverb about barrier leaping, if you need one. Over the wall, I mean, Sonny Jim as well. Sonny Jim. That'd be a real... He didn't even look like a child.

Can I go back to the... He looked like a middle-aged man, the drawer. Did he? Oh. Yeah, like he'd been called Sonny Jim when he was a kid

and stopped with it, which is, you know... You've got to get it right. The Scotts Oats man always was bang on, I find. He looked good in a kilt. That's what I've heard about him. But I didn't feel he was making a fool of himself,

trying to look too young. Are those people still around? People who are sort of famous for adverts only? I mean, since... Jolly Green Giant? Well, since Go Compare Man. Oh, yes. Who, in the latest advert,

is involved in quite a serious road accident. Is that right? I can't believe it. Oh, I haven't seen that one. He's literally, the car has overturned and Go Compare Man's having to crawl out the wreckage in an advert. And then he sings.

No, he doesn't sing. He's in a terrible state. He shook off to High Heaven. Oh, no. What, is that sort of Mike Lee cello music at the end? Well, there's a sort of man talking about comparing things. Standing in the after... There's a fabulous picture.

Elvis, apparently, used to listen to police radios and used to attend car actions and stuff like that because he was given a police badge. And my favourite Elvis picture ever is him. Because you're a nuisance, Elvis. It's Elvis at the scene of a proper wrecked car at night and it's Elvis in a full leather jacket right down to his feet with a massive torch

and shades on walking around sort of inspecting the wreckage. Mind your own business, Elvis. Oh, yes. So I don't know if... But maybe that's what this folks did. But I didn't like it at all.

I didn't like the Go Compaim. I don't like the melancholy feel. I'm worried that what they they spoke to him. But I didn't like it at all. I didn't like the Go Compare. I don't like the melancholy feel. I'm worried that what they're going to do is do an Ellie Goulding. Go compare. At the end now. Because they'll have to make it. I don't like that. No, I just like him to sing Go Compare.

He's jolly with a moustache. Yeah. But I think he's the last. What about Alessandra? Alessandra. Who's that? That's not a real person, though, is it? Sorry.

But go compare, man. I'm not saying that's who he is in real life. No, I don't think it is. Well, if you knew my parents, that's why everyone was like it. But let's just say, you know, I thought so with his family. I hope he's come through that crash all right. It'd be terrible.

Imagine if in the next thing he's like, you know, he's in a coma or something. It'd be awful. I hope they stop eventually destroying him as an entity. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. stop eventually destroying him as an entity. We've had some missives in. Have you ever listened to Barcelona

by Queen? Yes, with Monserrat Caball. Yeah, with Monserrat Caball. Caball. Don't put them in if you're not going to say them. That's my motto. But I like the idea of, I wonder if she was like that in normal conversation.

So people would say, yeah, I went to the park, yes, and she was going, just doing that sort of embroidery. I don't think she says a word in the song. I write a mantra, you go... Yes, I was telling my wife... It would be annoying, wouldn't it? He loves that.

He clearly loves that in the video. He can't take his eyes off it. Yes. Oh, he's a big fan. Big fan. We were talking earlier about... It would be annoying, wouldn't it? It would be annoying.

Stop doing fills, mon Sarah. Now, go on. We were talking about... No, I'm sorry. I'll do it again she was like it was like an operatic Mr Bean character you know

if Milsa Akabaya was in a sort of Mr Bean situation that's what she would do well it reminds me when I was a kid there used to be I'm sure these people still exist but they'd be like friends of my mum's who you spoke to and when you spoke to. And when you spoke

to them, if you speak to me, tell me something now. Tell me what you were going to tell me and I'll be one of the mates of my mum when I was a kid. Okay. Okay, well I won't say we've had an email in then. I'll just have a normal conversation. Oh yeah, well I am going to have some of my coffee now. Coffee now, yeah.

They used to do that. That used to really get on my nerves. Why would you do that? I know why they'd do it. Why? Well, it's a like me thing, isn't it? Because it's... I just think that they couldn't help themselves.

Yeah, it's very affirmative, isn't it? Affirmative, yeah. Yeah. But you see, I respected you about 17% less when you started doing that because I thought you didn't know your own mind. That's the problem with being affirmative. Affirmative, Doctor. Lovely.

I didn't know you had that in your repertoire. Oh, I've got them all. Got me canine out. That's a lot. No, isn't that C-3PO? Got them all. No, no, that was canine. Oh.

C-3PO is a bit... No, but you sounded a bit... He didn't say doctor. But he said something. Didn't he say affirmative? No, I don't think he ever said affirmative. OK. Imagine if he did.

You should get somebody with K-9 on your dog podcast. Yeah, but when you say that, I mean, how interesting are they going to... It's not good on rough terrain. You'd have to go on pavements or metal corridors, ideally. Does K-9 still appear in Doctor Who? Well, he still appears in the audio versions of Doctor Who. That's no good. No, no, that's better.

You know, podcasts are audio as well, though, aren't you? But, ow, why does... Don't hate the player, hate the game. Yeah, exactly. No, I'm just going to ask, how does... And we're on radio. Al, I'm just saying, what's happened to the dog? Did it die, canine?

Well, it was a robot dog, so no. Yes, but what, it just didn't turn up one day? It just got written out. Oh, how did it end? Because it got destroyed, sort of, you know, damaged a few times and then repaired. Yeah, it died. Canine died.

I think it's always capable. No, it didn't. Did it take it apart? It cannot. It cannot die. You know, it's probably living on a USB somewhere. But it's well alive on there. And the man's alive who did it.

So you could do him and then he could be him and the dog. That'd be nice. You could do both. Okay. That'd be different. I'll look into it. How many people could you do? One person is also his own dog.

I can't think of anyone else. Oh, Bob Carroll, gee. But in the... That's it, the well has run dry of people and their dogs. But with the Ebola and all that, I don't know if Bob Carroll Jays is still working. His dog used to speak, can I say, which is obviously not acceptable.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've had an email, stair jumping. You were discussing the stair jumping idea that you thought if you jumped up a stair each day... Well, down stairs. Yeah, if you went up a stair. I suppose up as well. Yeah, if you went up one.

I feel up, it would be more... I'm not as confident I'd ever be able to jump to the top of stairs, but jumping to the bottom of stairs seems doable. You've got gravity on your side for that section. Exactly, yeah, exactly.

Frank could be onto something with the stair jumping. Atlas started carrying a calf which grew into a cow. Ended up being able to carry the world on his shoulders. I didn't know that.

That's, I think that might be a version of the thing that I thought of where they jump over a hedge. They also pick up a calf and then it becomes a cow. If you pick that up every day,

effectively, it's bigger, isn't it? It just shows. The thing is, what I want, I want it to be a 40-second sequence in a film of me doing it and doing it and then being brilliant. Actually doing it,

it's going to take more time and I'll have to drink raw eggs in the morning. Oh, that sounds great. Do you drink raw eggs in the morning? No, it just sounds a bit astonishing. I can't do that. Eggs make me feel a bit ill. It's the dots in them.

The dots? Those funny red dots. Oh, yeah, they're... They're nice, aren't they? I don't know. Absolutely gross. You know what I mean? It's like faults in others. I just, you know, they're... They're nice, aren't they? I don't... Absolutely great. You know what I mean? It's like faults in others.

I just, you know, I turn... I ignore it. Good for you. Sure you do, R2. John Leeson, that's who I... So John Leeson played... John Leeson is the voice of K9. Can I apologise profusely

for mistaking your impression for C3PO, which Griff has already picked me up on. Great when someone loves an impression you do and then tags it to someone completely different. Oh, okay. I'll take what I can get, to be honest. Morning, Frank and team. K9 is alive and well in retirement

on the Isle of Dogs. Oh. I like Al went all the way with that Dogs. Oh. Oh. I like Al. Imagine if he actually lived there. Al went all the way with that. I genuinely believed it until the final bit. See, I think he might have gone for a Swampies bypass if I'd just dropped that. Oh, absolutely.

I don't know if anyone would have gone for that. We've had some other people getting in touch regarding... Can I say I've met John Leeson, who is the voice of K9. Well, I'm all... Very nice, very nice man. It's lovely. He worked with a lot. Lovely, yes.

Yeah. Oh, well, maybe I'll bear that in mind. It would be Christmas special, K9. K9, I don't know. Frank's Christmas special, maybe. Do people outside of the Doctor Who world know K9? I think so. You tell9? I think so. You tell me.

I hope so. It was an absolutely marvellous pun. Well, yeah. I mean, he kept going. I mean, he kept appearing now and again in things. But really his main period

would be Tom Baker, which is, you know, going back for a lot of people. I think it was sort of late 70s. Yeah. Well, I don't know if this can be true.

177, Morning Frankenteam, not only is John Leeson the voice of K-9, but I believe he was the original Bungle from TV Rainbow. Oh my word! Now you've won her over. Now you've won her over. I don't know if that's true or not. He is.

But he's a voice artist. You know, Bungle is probably my favourite ever character in anything, next to Chewbacca. But they're similar. Oh, are they? There you go. Bungle? Favourite character ever in anything.

8, 12, 15. No, but Bungle had the towel around the waist. Oh, yes. Even though he was naked all the time anyway. Keep your private life to yourself. What if you'd actually, turns out, you'd actually had a brief fling with Bungle. Wouldn't that have been fantastic?

My issue with Bungle is, I do like him, but the lack of waist bothered me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, that bothers you in every one, I've found. No, just Bungle. But because your podcast is an audio experience, it means you could be with canine and with bungle. I mean, he's spent the whole show forcing me to get canine on the show.

But you know Percy Edwards? Percy Edwards, who was a sort of, he did noises. He was a gardener. And he would say, nice to throw her. Oh, yeah. And he would say, I'm walking down this country line, it's really lovely. Oh, I hear the skylock.

It was all him. And Peter Sellers told a story that he was in a cab with Percy Edwards and the cab broke, not broke, braked very suddenly and Percy was thrown forward and he hit his throat on the chair,

the seat in front and Peter Sellers said, all these bird noises come out as if he'd opened a cage, all these bird noises come out as if he'd opened a cage. And all these different noises all came out in one burst. Terrifying. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.

Can I ask a question? You know, I was talking about that. If I got up at mini earlier every morning, what's my cut-off point where I couldn't go any... Midnight, I imagine. If I said to you... If I said to you, you needn't have to sleep again,

I've got this harmless serum. You only get serums you know it's always a serum when a bloke comes up with a big invention or a woman

in a comic or something well I'm not an idiot I'm a bloke yeah a serum would you take

would you go for it and give up sleep um because you imagine extra eight hours of sourdough yes I would Would you go for it and give up sleep? Because imagine, extra eight hours of serendipity. Yes, I would. That would be brilliant, wouldn't it? I think I would. For all that work that I could get done. Yeah, exactly.

Think of the work you could get done. Well, you could go and work out 24-hour gymnasiums. Well, I tell you, we all know who does that. Marky Mark, you can't call him that now. Mark Wahlberg does that. Do you remember we all know who does that. Marky Mark, you can't call him that now. Mark Wahlberg does that. Do you remember we read about his regime and it was something like set the alarm, work out 3am or something.

And the animals he was consuming on a daily basis. He was a danger to zoology, that man. He was eating animals. What, alive? Loads of them. He was eating absolutely tons of meat. Living in trees. Zookeeper's nightmare.

I said, what if he meets you around on your podcast? Suddenly leap out and eat a small Yorkshire terrier from us. Imagine Ray. Ray, oh, Walberg. Walberg. No, Walberg gets up. I think it's something like set the alarm. They had his routine published online, wasn't it Al?

He works out, he does some pull-ups. It used to be one of these recordings. And then there was a great break in the day. It was all this stuff like, I think he goes to bed at 7pm or something. It's great fun to be friends with.

It's a very LA thing that. But then it was something like 450 to 503 spent time with the children. Between all the work. And I'm sure he's a wonderful father, but the workout, it was punishing. Well, you know this, are you aware of this thing that if someone tells you something new that you've never heard before, be it a new word or a new concept or whatever, and you're thinking, oh, no, it doesn't have to be a current thing.

It could be some obscure thing. I always find within a week someone else has mentioned it or I've heard it mentioned somewhere else. What's that called? I don't know if there is a name for that phenomenon. Our readers will know. They're so bright. There is definitely a name for it. But someone spoke to me, or I read or something,

last weekend, I think it would have been, about second sleep. Oh, yeah. And this idea that you wake up about one o'clock in the morning and get up and do like an hour or two of stuff. Oh, yeah. And then you go back, you feel really tired and just go back to sleep.

Was it the Victorians that used to do this? I think it started in night shirts. I think the Medievals used to do it. Yeah. Frank loves the Medievals. Oh he does. I like the early Medievals in particular. I really could have seen you in that time selling your wares on the street.

Yeah especially if I took my iPhone X. I'd be king. I'd be king of the medieval. For all six hours till it runs out of charge. Oh, that's the problem. I'd never have to use it again, though, would I? Once it's in it a couple of times,

it could just be a threat after that. I suppose it'd be like the sword in the stone. You claim that you've got the power to use it, but you're not doing any more. Exactly. Is that what you would take with you to the medievals? Well, I mean, you would be Merlin, would you not,

if you got out an iPhone and, I don't know, played a little bit of Tom Grennan, just out of the blue. Tom Grennan? Yeah. That's mine and Ros's song, by the way. We listen to it all the time. Because I'm on tour, I hadn't seen my son for 48 hours,

and then I saw him this morning, just wandering about, and I said, what are you doing? It was like six o'clock in the morning. He said, Mum's ordered a Tom Grennan CD. It's supposed to come yesterday, didn't it? If you see it downstairs anywhere. I said, it's like six o'clock in the morning. Who's going to bring it?

The Tom Grennan fairy. So I doubt that'd be it. Yeah, so how did we get to that? Well, you were saying if you were turned to the medievals, you would take an iPhone. I'd go early medieval. I'm not interested post-conquest. I want to be pre,

I want to be post-Romans pre-conquest. Okay. Okay. I'm wondering what I'd take. I don't know if I would take the iPhone. I'd go a bit lower tech. You'd take the eyeliner. No, I'd take a...

You could get makeup there. A foundation sponge. You could get makeup... They wouldn't know what hit them, the ladies. No, I'd take a... You could get make-up there. A foundation sponge. You could get make-up... They wouldn't know what hit them, the ladies. You could get make-up there. Honestly, they've got... They had make-up. Oh, yeah, it was lovely, wasn't it?

Very subtle. Yeah. What were you doing there? Have a look. Let's wait and see, shall we? This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. Frank and I off-air just had a bit of a moment. No, not that. It was one of those moments where we both started simultaneously singing the theme tune to what we knew was a sitcom of some sort. Seventies, I think. We didn't know what. Would you care to care to yeah i'll just give you a very brief burst it was yeah i thought you did the um that was a bit like Barcelona

I felt I should come in no I'm glad you came in you enhanced oh yeah now Al Al has a theory that he's already well should we wait

and see if our readers know if they corroborate but Al perhaps what you could do is write that down. Shut my face for now. Shut your face just for now, darling. No, but we know what you...

That's why I don't host a game show. Shut your face for now. We know what you were going to say, Al. Yes. So... But let's see if the general public, the GP, can get it. OK. Shut your face for now.

Still pondering over that. The panel show. It reminds me, I knew and still know a senior executive from Sky who said to me he was very interested in developing a mute panel show. Oh! In which no one was allowed to... I've probably given away. I don't know if it's ever going to happen.

But it's an interesting idea. Yeah. It's a lot of raised eyebrows. Yeah. I don't know how you'd begin it, really. Begin the begin? Begin the... yeah. We've had two suggestions in.

We've had three. Three with agreement made. Oh, gosh. Shall I read two out? Well, I'll read one out. George and M suggestions in. Oh, we've already had three. Three with agreement with me. Shall I read two out? Well, I'll read one out. George and Mildred. Oh. And then we've had three suggestions of Terry and June

from 505, 267, 722. I'm going to tell you that Al thinks it's Terry and June as well, so that's making me... But I'm now starting to move towards the G&M. Oh, goodness me. Okay. No chance. We also had a moment off air.

Shall I Shazam it? If I sang it. Shazam, not Shazam. Yeah. Do you use Shazam ever? Well, I think I last used it in the late 90s. No, I have the app now. It's a floor cleaner then.

Did it exist then? I have the Shazam app. The last time I used Shazam, I was at Cheltenham Town versus West Bromwich Albion in a pre-season friendly, and they played a song over the tannoy, which I liked, and I just held my phone in the air. Lovely.

It didn't work. Okay. Right. Another thing that happened off air is that Frank confirmed re-bungle. Yeah, so John Leeson, who was canine in Doctor Who,

and still is canine in Doctor Who in Big Finish World. Oh, yeah. He was bungle, yeah, in Rainbow. Which we've had corroborated by the internet. Oh, okay, good. Yeah. I mean, somebody did text it in,

so you've just basically been double-checking the phrase you don't like. I've actually double-checked. The reason I don't like it is when I say, when is it, 8 o'clock or 8.30, and they say, I'll double-check, and I think, no, you're going to check. If you ever work... It's not like you haven't checked once and now you're checking again. Do you know, it's one of those moments,

if anyone's ever going to work with Frank, never say that. No. As it comes out of someone's mouth. Say it if you've checked once and you're going to check again. That's fine. But I go through slow-mo to go and stop their vocal cords. Don't say double check.

I'll double check. No. I'm sorry I brought it up. Someone will say, oh, I'll double check. And there'll be a pause. I'll go slow-mo, reach for their vocal cords to stop them emitting that. They won't. I won't get there in time.

Frank will say, there'll be a pause, Frank will say, will you double check? You're making me sound like some sort of monster. No, you say that to me. I have strange things that wind me up as well.

Yeah. We all have that. Well, we all know that, but we don't mention yours. What's mine? Well, I don't that, but we don't mention yours. What's mine? Well, I didn't mean that it was, oh, never mind. The Fez has arrived, so we have to move on. I mean, I know it was a meandering link there, but, you know, come on.

There's several links. Apparently, statistics show that most people listen to an hour and a half. So, you know. I don't know. Yeah, so stick around. That's my motto. Apparently, that's brilliant in radio. People listen for an hour and a half.

Usually, they listen for like 20 minutes. God. Come on. What's happened to loyalty in this world? I blame that Paddy Power advert with Ryan Giggs' brother. Destroyed loyalty overnight. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. with Ryan Giggs' brother. Destroyed loyalty overnight. We've had several people corroborate, corroborate that it was Terry and June.

I think we have to accept it was Terry and June. Well, somebody sent a vid that had the theme tune on it that Emily and I have listened to on the cans. Don't want to baffle people with the lingo of the industry we're in. No, well, that's good. I mean, what a tremendous resource this audience is. It could just ping you. It was lovely.

It was a lovely video of them sitting outdoors with some sort of orange and yellow garden furniture, which is exactly how I would imagine Terry and June well as you were saying earlier every episode seemed that Terry's boss was coming for dinner and there was some catastrophe it was going to make it a terrible evening yeah but the one that sticks in my mind as a bit of a masterpiece terry and june uh episode was when um they were looking for some i think he was like a serial burglar or something and they had the photo kit photo identity kit on the front of the paper and it looked exactly like terry all right i mean this is classic t and j

it was great it was that was a good concept i thought and. And he went to the police station. And I always remember, bear in mind, I probably last saw this episode 40 years ago. Yeah. Or more. The officer bloke says to him, yes, sir, can I help you? And he said, look at this picture. He said, it looks like me.

I need to speak to the person who drew it. He said, who does these pictures? Is it a constable? And the bloke says, I don't think he's that good. That's a very good joke. I don't know who wrote Terry and Jean, but they'd be so delighted it was still getting that

lot. Excellent. Brilliant, that's a decent joke. It's probably John Leeson, the way things are going. Well, we've had some more canine news. Oh, yes. As in canine. I'm sure Frank knows this as a fan of the show. Affirmative, Doctor.

There were Mark's one to four canines. The Doctor has a habit. I like the Doctor has a habit, not had. The Doctor has a habit of leaving them with female companions, most notably Sarah Jane. Mark Three made a brief appearance alongside sarah jane in the doctor who 20th anniversary 90 minute special oh yes the five doctors to be a nice friend for you brackets 1983 close brackets before appearing properly and for the final time

in the david tennant doctor who episode school reunion 2006. In the episode's conclusion, the Doctor presents Sarah Jane with a new canine to encourage her to continue investigating alien activity. The Doctor rebuilt him after the Mark III sacrifice. Yeah, he's had some... Sorry, was it the Mark III sacrifice? Oh, sorry. Canine Mark IV then returned in the spin-off series The Sarah Jane Adventures.

He also featured in at least one later Doctor Who episode too. And then they had, I think, casting us just a little bit of doubt under all of it. Well, that's the lovely lack of arrogance in the Whovians. Yes, exactly. And I tell you what they don't mention. It's a humility. They had a tryout at a a canine

led spin-off called canine and friends which they did a pilot for could I have oh I thought you meant

a tryout like an audition for canine I mean it was gonna be you know like who was the guy who was the spin-off from friends

oh Joey no no so I'm not thinking friends I'm thinking Cheers. Oh, yeah, Frasier. Frasier. Frasier, yeah.

Frasier came from Cheers. Joey did have a series from Friends, but it didn't work. But Frasier was a big hit. Oh, massive. So they were hoping that Canine and Friends was going to be like a Frasier type. George and Mildred, of course, was also a spin-off series. They were the neighbours of? They were at Robin's Nest.

Anyway, we're getting very... I know, we're getting too... I mean, we're getting too nostalgic. You're listening to TV history. Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry if there's any young people still listening. This is what happens when you get old people in a room together. We will do this.

If anyone says spangles, I'm going to punch them full in the throat. Someone did message us about those. They didn't. They did. Call the police. I'll tell you what, we've had a few correctiones. Oh, have we?

Have we been erroneous? Well, 361 has texted, correctione, George and Mildred were the landlord landlady in Man About the House. I think you erroneously suggested that Terry and June was a spin-off. Oh, no, George and Mildred was a spin-off from... Robin's Nest. Robin's Nest was a spin-off from Man About the House as well.

What happened to that? That concept of spinning off... Yeah. It still goes on in America, but I don't know if it still goes on here. I'm still in talks about there being a sitcom called Sam from Trying Again from when I did that Sky... Oh, how's that?

There's been a lot of talking. I think we're in development hell, guys. Okay. Well, never mind that. What about a spin-off of your character in... In what? In Coronation Street? No, the asthmatic one. Was it Jason the Asthmatic in A&E?

I would definitely... What have you got in your hand? What are you doing, Frank? I'm trying to look armish. You're doing visual humour on the radio. I am. A bit of the armrest has come off and it looks like one of those lower Amish

beards that you get. Which is always handy to have in your pocket if you're trying to buy wheat in Idaho. I might be glad of this. It looks very There Will Be Blood. Yeah, yes. Did I drink your milkshake? I think Tony Robinson, there was a point in Time Team

when Tony Robinson suddenly got one of these. Did he? Yeah. You see, Al, he can't help himself. When Frank was on my podcast, in the middle of our conversation, he suddenly produced a pipe. Oh, yeah? And I said, yes, I know what you mean.

Well, I had it in my pocket and I thought, I've got a joke here. Yeah, well. Fair enough. I mean. It's what a day. This is rude. I know what you mean well I had it in my pocket and I thought I've got a joke here yeah well fair enough I mean it's what a day as one stack of ones said to me it's what a day

it's what a day it took me ten repetitions so I knew he was saying it's what I do can I return to an earlier subject briefly which is we were

discussing ads I feel I should press the correction but I was going to talk about Barry Scott and Sillip Bang. Never mind. Oh, no, no. Talk about that. Let me find this. I can't find it.

I'm just going to sing it. Correctioni, Correctioni, ole, ole, ole. Oh, right. Barry Scott still does the odd Cillip Bang advert. I don't know if he trumps Go Compare Man. That's from Stephen Burgess,

because you were talking about the Go Compare Man. Yeah. Who's the Go Compare Man who's been involved in a major automobile accident in the latest advert? I really, when I saw that, was honestly shocked. Oh, sorry, that was my throat. The storyline's got a bit dark

it has what's going to be next go compare men on a drip go compare men talking about private hospitals in which you have

to go compare well I did just watch who was the man I see he said someone to me then and I felt like I don't know what

oh Barry Scott John Sillit no no no Scott? John Sillit. No, no, no, Barry Scott. John Sillit, the former Coventry manager. Do you remember Barry Scott? No. Who is Barry Scott? Al, over to you.

He used to do a sort of talk to camera, I'm Barry Scott! And he would sort of aggressively shout about a cleaning product. That's as near a description as I can give you. Well, I would say it was in the vein of the sort of Better Call Saul. Yeah. You know... I don't think Frank will get that either.

No, I don't know that either. No. Okay, how can we talk to him? How do we talk to him about things? Just send him a series of links to clips for him to watch and then he can be included in conversations. First letter to the Corinthians, also known as Better Call Saul. Now I don't know any of those things.

Okay, I'm going to try something else, and I'll leave it to me. Do you know when you do ads, and you get, they get a character to front it, it's quite an American approach. You know, those sort of hard sell ads, like, come to my car emporium.

Like local ads. Yeah, there's a guy used to do was it um um double glazing he had bald head but he had long hair and he used to wear like a cloak yeah and he said come and go it's great he's a bit like you know the big chicken man in toy story yes toy story exactly right three yeah good. Oh, those guys, yeah. You've done really well. So it was Barry Scott was exactly that. Did he own Sillip Bang, Al? I don't know.

I wouldn't, I didn't know his name or the company. Sillip Bang. Yeah. Anyway, he was another personality. That was a meeting. And there was somebody who said, that would be a great title for it. Sillip Bang.

Yeah. Well, I think that's that done, guys. I don't think we're going to beat that. Okay, golf. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. 158 has texted,

we've got so many plates spinning today, but Bob Carolgees now owns a candle shop in Frodsham. Candle shop? Frodsham. Okay. So there. Oh, good answer. Good on him for that.

Oh, maybe I'll take my mic to go down there and see. I wonder how he puts the candles out at night. Hot. Hot. No, I imagine Spit the Dog with all the roof of his mouth

taken out singed by being used as a snuffer at closing time oh poor old Spit the Dog

to end up as a candle snuffer charred oh well so do you know what my favourite favourite TV

spin-off ever and when I say favourite I obviously mean one that failed and was a bad mistake of course obviously

I don't mean one that was a success Mrs. Colombo no yeah I remember which was an attractive

slightly too young I I'd say, for a husband, Mrs. Colombo, who was never seen in Colombo. Yeah. My wife's a big fan of yours. You never met the wife. But then she does a bit of private sleuthing in this spin-off series, but never caught on. I've never heard of this.

There you go. You said, that's what I'm after. I feel a bit like my world is caving in. That's what I'm after, is failed... Favourite failed spin-off. 8-12-15. There you go. Look forward to that.

So that could be great, couldn't it? There'll be some we've never to that. So that could be great, couldn't it? Well, it's not. With some we've never heard of, some that were attempted. Oh, I love it when they try a spin-off. Me too. Can we just say as well, Clive Silas, just because he's one of our regulars, I will stop going on about the Go Compare ad, but in the Go Compare car crash advert,

isn't the man who talks actually the Go Compare man himself in civilian clothes? Oh, so he's one of these guys who owns the company, like Victor Kayam. That's what Clive Silas is suggesting. Victor Kayam used to advertise Remington Razors and said, I like this shave so much, I bought the company. That's right, which to British eyes seemed a bit arrogant didn't it at the time, but I think you know. As a kid I remember thinking that that's how simple life would be.

Can I just say, Janet Davis from Merseyside I'm name checking her for a reason she said, I thought it was canine mark 3 or 4 by then he went to live with Sarah Jane Smith talking about canine please give my name this time. I'm a person, not a number.

Oh. All right, Patrick McGowan. Okay, well, sorry. It's a sort of a programme tradition, but we do do names as well. But I think Gareth Richards way back started that prisoner number 304 thing. It's because he read it out by mistake. Oh, is that what it was? Okay.

But all the best things start with mistakes. Sure. I always think that. That's what my parents always taught me. Yeah. Oh. Oh, no. Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I had a letter on House of Lords paper. Nice. I had a letter on House of Lords paper. Nice. He was in a top hat and saying, the king is dead, gentlemen.

And it's from, do you remember Hannah, who's the one who told us that I, just to briefly summarise, I went to an after show party after The Sound of Music done by Andrew Lloyd Webber and made a suggestion to him, which he... Obviously, you're not supposed to do that after a show. No. And then Hannah, who was in the cast,

told us that the next day they did an impromptu curtain call change, which seemed to be based on my suggestion. Yes. Amazing. Anyway, Hannah, it turns out um has written a couple of yoga books wonderful i know who'd have thought that from um from climb every mountain to um yeah bend every um downward every dog yeah downward every Every... Downward Every Dog. Yeah. Downward Every... Dog. Yes, cobra.

Yo. Just to add one of my thoughts, a good thing about a yoga book is that you don't have to worry too much about bending it back, you know, bending the spine. Yeah, the spine's so flexible. Because it's a yoga book.

Tremendous. There we go. Absolutely fabulous work. I'm pretty pleased with myself there. So she's written, as far as I can see, two books. One is called Greed, Sex... Sorry, everyone. Greed, Sex, Intention, Living Like a Yogi in the 21st Century.

Here's an extract. I'm smarter than the average bear. No, I'm sorry. That was so obvious. It says... Do an excerpt. Yes, the asana that sums up ha-himsa, for me, especially the importance of right intention,

is erdvara-dhan-rasana, also known as four-wheel pose or crab. Now, crab, which we've all probably done this, used to play crab football at school. Oh, yeah, yeah. So you lean back and put your hands on the floor so your head is upside down close to the floor when obviously your pelvic thing is fully extended.

Yeah. It's very good if you're using a urinal and looking underneath a cubicle door at the same time. Can I offer that as a piece of advice? So the other book is called How to Win at Yoga, both by Hannah Whittingham, who sent these in. Oh, lovely, Hannah. So thanks, Hannah.

This could change my life, let's face it. Could. I could be next week doing the whole thing from a ceiling ankle harness. Yeah. I like her books. I might get those books. Oh, really? I like a bit of Ahimsa as well. It's funny.

What? Sagandi. You know I'm a fan of Sagandi. Sexist. I like her song. Can I say, after all... Non-violence, thank you. I used to do yoga.

I know you did. Anyway, I used to do seven sun salutations every morning. So one day my parish priest burst in with holy water and wrestled me to the ground. And it ends, P.S. Emily, your book is wonderful. And she's put wonderful in block capitals. Obviously the news that you're now hard of hearing has got out.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I feel like we should discuss the, well, some technology news. Breaking tech news. Can I interrupt for one moment for an act of gratitude? Someone has sent me a fantastic, I'm going to call it a coffee table book, but I shall read it properly. It's called Harryhausen, The Lost Movies by John Walsh. Look at that fantastic artwork for Ray Harryhausen movies.

That is an absolute stunner. Ray Harryhausen, in case you don't know, did all those films like Jason and the Argonauts with really wild voids of imagination. Oh, did he? Animation and stuff like that. You'd know if you saw it. It's like jerky, moving minotaur figures.

I know exactly what you're talking about. I might be about to sneeze on the radio. That's a weird feeling. Don't do it. We've all sneezed on the radio before. Have we? I think so. But anyway, there was no letter with that book,

but thank you, whoever you are. Anonymous book donations. That's nice, isn't it? Yeah, but I mean, it might have just been... It's Harryhausen. It had been opened, so maybe the producer just lost it. Oh, maybe.

Did he do this sort of pterodactyl with woman in... Grasping woman in claws? Yes, yes. I mean, I'm... Terrified. No, I really love his work. The great thing, no-one can ever pull you up on a pterodactyl impression. Good point.

Well, I can. What do they know? yes sorry al you were talking to i'm sorry about some breaking tech news i don't like to put tickets on myself but you remember a couple of weeks ago i said on the show that the advent of the driverless car is going to lead to people just disregarding the rules of crossing the road they'll just step in front knowing that it's built in and then we got an email the following week saying interesting point Alan hadn't even considered it

but I think there have been a couple of people hit on the bike good serves them right by driverless cars let's not officially say that. I hope it wasn't a Go compare, Matt. Let's say it's a terrible thing that that happened.

Yeah, you're right. All right, fair enough. I'll wheel back on that. OK, good lad. We've got some breaking news about the new Apple phone. Ah, yes. I don't mean one. It's a telephone, but it has several cameras on the back,

triple lenses. They're making a big deal of it. But apparently, while the tech appears to have impressed journalists, it's left plenty of potential customers overcome by fear because they have a thing called, is it trypophobia or trypophobia i'm hoping it's

trypophobia because tripe is terrifying what tribe has got a sort of a whole type thing in it you know it's got a corrugated type of phobia i believe because it's i was hoping it would be based with based on you know tripe has frightened people. Oh, yeah. Tripe is frightening. What I like about the appearance of tripe, I've never done this, but I've always thought the possibility of a practical joke in which tripe is substituted for meringue,

because it could pass as meringue, I think. And I think if you put it on top of a lemon pie or something, that would be... Oh, should we do that to someone? That sounds fun. Oh, let's make a list. Shall we do it to... I'll tell you afterwards.

Who would you most like? Dame Judi Dench, I'd like to do that. Oh, that sounds good, yeah. Trypophobia... I'd feel terrible. Trypophobia, Al, is... So it's clusters of holes, essentially. That's right, yeah, yeah.

And they don't... And the lenses... You see, have you seen the camera, boys? Yeah. I have. I mean, it's a new one on me, trypophobia, though. I've never even... I've never heard of it. I didn't know it existed. I'll tell you what I didn't like, is that... Because we should say, one camera has two lenses,

the other has three and it does it looked to me more like the arrangement of a spider's eyes you know there's big glossy repulsive eyes on a microscope well spiders have between two and eight oh you see, to me, it looked like a baby seal with another baby seal's eye in its mouth. Now, that doesn't mean that it's attacked a baby seal and sucked its eye out. Maybe a baby seal has been, I don't know, hit by a big breaker. And one of its eyes has come out and the other baby seal has picked it up in its mouth in order to replace it. That's a nice spin. There's something of the antique diving helmet vibe about it as well.

I love an antique diving helmet though. Well that's because you don't suffer from tryptophobia. Stick around! So what do you make of these iPhone eyes, Al? I don't really know what i make of the gadget i'm i'm finding it uh an interesting phobia though the uh you know it can be triggered by people of um uh i've got that thing they get it they get it if they see crumpets. Yeah. And honeycomb. Lots of small holes together.

Can I say, I got confused about that because those things that they call crumpets... Mm-hmm. What would you call them? I've always called pikelets. Have you? And my family certainly... I thought everyone...

I don't know if it's a West Midlands thing, but everyone I knew would have called them pikelets. Point of order. Yeah. I believe the pikelet and the crumper, the distinction is the width. I think the crumpet, yeah, I think the pikelet has the lion waist, and the crumpet is, I would say, three to four inches, maybe not inches, maybe two to three inches.

Pikelet, barely half an inch. Oh, see, I'm talking those robbery, sort of... With ours. They stack them in a packet, like three, two, three stacks. Right. Is that what we're saying?

I thought that's... Crumpets come in as well. Oh no, but they're thicker. Yes, they are thicker. I'm calling them... I think pikelets are crumpets. I'm well oh no but they're thicker yes they are thicker but I'm calling them I think pikelets are crumpets I'm not sure about the thickness absolutely I'm correct

this is definitely good radio though the other side of them I always remember when we fell out over pikelets and crumpets but the other side the sort of just brown side that looks like remember when they had a representation of the sun at Tate Modern? Oh, yes.

It looks like that. Do you think? Yeah, that may have been. If we'd gone to the other side of that, it may well have been an enormous pikelet suspended there. But we'll see. If anyone can clear up the pikelet crumpet debate, I'd love to. I say pikelet thinner, but I'm happy to accept I'm wrong this once. You say tomato.

I say tomato. I'm saying pikelet at least a centimetre thick. Oh, okay. Okay. So anyway. But this clustering of holes thing being triggered by crumpets, what about people's faces? They've got quite a lot of holes in them, haven't they?

Like if you look into somebody's eyes, put pore minimiser on, how dare you? Nostrils, a mouth. Yeah. Poc marks. Poc marks. What if you had a friend with poc marks and good eyesight? Would that set you off?

Oh, well, it's... I read... I went to Kendall Jenner, of course, for wisdom on this. Did you? She said she's suffered with it for... I mean, you know, it's easy to mock these things, but if it's causing people genuine distress... But they were showing...

I don't need it to be that easy. I'm happy to go the extra mile. They were showing some examples, saying this is triggering for people's trypophobia. People, you know, innocent things with holes. And they were saying things like, you know, honeycomb and lotus. Well, that's what Kendall Jenner said,

lotus heads. But then they were showing pictures of people's sort of severed hands with loads of holes in them and I thought, well, anyone would find that frightening. No, did they show pictures of that? Well, they were models of, I'm sorry, they weren't actual. Disgusting. Who wants to see that?

What about the moon? It's got a hole in it, hasn't it? That's the moon. What if the moon freaks them? Surely the Death Star has got that little... Yeah, but I mean... I wouldn't call that an irrational fear, the Death Star. It destroys the whole planet.

Can I also raise the question here? The third eye, the spider... Come on. Horrible. We haven't put the music on yet. We're still on air. Can I also raise the question here? The third eye, the spider, horrible... We haven't put the music on yet. We're still on air. That's a Buddhist thing, actually. It's not the third eye in the middle of your forehead, OK? That's what I'm referring to.

I remember it well. Shall I get away with that? Yeah. They don't favour a fringe. The Buddhists carry on. The third eye, I don't like this. Because the third eye is apparently, the point of it, Al, is it's a telephoto lens.

Now, what innocent civilian would want a camera for the sole purpose of taking a photograph of someone very far away? Well, it needn't be someone very far away. How many ruins do you need in your life get a postcard you don't you know there is no reason for every single civilian to have that camera that telephoto lens i think no good will come of it what's the date record it i have spoken what i like about the three lenses is that if you were making one of these phones at home, with the cereal box thing, you just have to put a finger spinner,

just glue a finger spinner in one corner and you've basically got the whole thing. And I love that. I love any technology that you can recreate with a cereal box and two or three items. We've got pikelets. Pikelet? Pikelet? Pikelet News. Let's hold that. Yes.

We're in need of a cliffhanger. Pikelet News coming up. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We're getting some Pikelet comfort info in. Thank goodness. Greg has been in touch. Absolute crew. Well, not Greg from Greg's.

He'll know. A pikelet is thinner. A bit like a cross of a pancake and a crumpet. Oh, well, then we misnamed them. No, I don't think you do. I think that's a Birmingham thing. I think that's something different. I think we're both right.

It's just that it says, morning all, pikelets and crumpets have the same ingredients. Crumpet batter is poured into a ring about an inch thick and cooked on a pan to do a pikelet upgrade. See, they think that's an upgrade. They do it sans mould. Let them spread out to five millimetres and turn over when half done.

We had the little round ones, certainly. What about a cob? If you have a cheese cob, what do you expect? What's a cob? Oh, it's like a bread roll. OK. It's like what you'd call a bap. Or a balm in certain parts of the North.

A balm. There is a balm in Gilead. Essentially, what I'm saying is I think pikelets and crumpets may have been different things depending on where you live in the country. Do you think these people who have the trypophobia...

Who said these people? It was about Nicholas Ritchell. These bloody people. So, the... It was about Nicholas Ritchell. Yeah. Prince Charles. So, what about the string vest? How do you think that would have worked? Oh, I imagine that sends it off the scale. No, it's fine now. Little diamond shapes.

It's holes, though, isn't it? But in the shape of a diamond. No, I think the issue with the hole is what lies beneath. So I think with the string vest, we can see what's going on. Not always pretty, but not everything is. However, with the holes, what the hell is going on in there? Can I ask a secondary question here? I remember when the string vest came out.

My dad got a few, I had a few. So did I. Freddie Mercury, I think it was. Quite a big deal, yeah. Yeah, but Freddie Mercury used to wear it as a sort of outer garment where you could see it. But I mean, we would wear it just like a vest under a shirt or something.

Oh, would you? Actual string vest. Now, do people still wear string vests as undergarments or did it just become a... I don't think that's a popular undergarment. It's an outward wear now. But, Al, I'd love to hear from any readers. I remember all the theories at the time.

People talked about how the roundels sort of gathered heat, because people said, that's going to be freezing with all those holes in there. I said, no, no, no. And then give us some sort of folk physics explanation as to why it would be all right. I remember the very first time I think I ever saw a string vest

outside a cartoon I thought the sun shone in its eyes because I'm sure the hair bear bunch might have worn one anyway

I think Stan Ogden now very much he's the man who would have worn one but like I say me and my dad

both got them sort of at the same time as a family stepping into the 20th century kind of gesture. Core-dry shoes, actually, speaking of core-dry, that was around about the time of the core-dry shoes craze.

Yeah. Hmm. Do you like a sponge, Frank? It's less of a breakfast show, more of a broadcast from a deathbed. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. I had another thought about the iPhone 11 Pro.

Oh, yeah. Pro spat out with dismay. Yeah, I don't know why they're calling it... This is my thought, but I don't know why they're calling it Pro. I'm sure you can just be an amateur phone user. I think the idea now is, when it first started, there was phones that you could take pictures with, and now there's cameras that you can phone people with.

That does seem to be the development. I mean, you said that you remember corduroy shoes. I remember phones just being phones, and then camera phone being a thing yeah and now it's just everywhere but i worry that it's got three lenses the pro the the i think we might be starting to see a phone camera lens escalation. And I remember this from the razor blade. You know, they used to be just in ones. And now it's gone ludicrous.

You've got your Gillette seven blade thing. It's actually got seven blades. I think there is a seven blade. Biblical choice there. I mean, I have a beard, so I don't need to worry about this. Oh, well, mind your own business. We'll do what we like.

That's partly why, because seven blades It's ridiculous I remember when they doubled up And it was an advert With Tommy Docherty And some Man United player Saying that

Gordon Stevie He calls them over And he says that Gillette G2 Gives you the old one Two Yes And that was the thing

And it was like Wow two blades Imagine that And that lasted for ages Means we won't have to shave twice in quick succession. What is the point of two blades then? Just that it's a smoother shave? If you miss a bit on the first

thing, then the second blade, it's like gleaning. I just discovered the other day, gleaning. So after the harvest, people go in and pick up what's left. Okay.

Yes. So it's like that, yeah. It's the gleaner blade. And then I think they had two for a decade, and then suddenly there was the Mac 3, and now we're up to seven in quite quick succession. I didn't know it was seven. That's incredible. Seven blades.

Seven blades, sneezy happy. It won't be long before you're picking up your phone and there's 52 camera lenses on it. Well, I'm really sorry. You mark my words. That's really long. You mark my words.

Big sports journalist telephoto lens on what used to be the mobile phone. Exactly. Oh, nightmare. It's your phone, yeah, but I don't know about the new iPhone 28 with its built-in tripod. It doesn't really go in the pocket so well as they used to.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I got interviewed because I'm on tour at the moment, so I'm plugging it, you know. Oh. You know, I'm plugging it. Where are you next? I'm in Southend on Sunday night. Oh, lovely.

Might get to the beach, right? At the moment, my support act, Pierre Novelli, he's a very funny comic. I really like him. He's a really, really nice bloke. But one of the main reasons he was picked is because he's got a degree in Anglo-Saxon history. And so, so far, we've done two gigs on the tour,

Dublin and Ipswich. And we've done the Book of Kells at Trinity University in Dublin. Right. Lovely. And then we did Sutton Hoo yesterday on the way to Ipswich. One of the great Anglo-Saxon finds ever.

He's South African. But it's all right. You can eat the fruit and everything now. It's not a problem. Employ them. But I was doing an interview for radio. Careful of some of them, though. I was doing an interview for radio Lincolnshire. And why?

Arriva! Okay. Some of the athletes. And the lady said to me, oh, I heard a quote from you on social network. A woman said that you had the kind of face that made her think that if she had just a few items in the basket and you had quite a lot,

you'd let her go ahead of you in a supermarket queue. Right. I thought, well, that's nice, isn't it? Oh, isn't that nice, Frank? Do you agree? Is that the sort of guy you are? I think from a distance, certainly I am. Right. No, I think I'd do that, you know.

She was hot. No, I'm I'd do that, you know. She was hot. No, I'm joking. Legend alert. Yeah, I think I'd do that. Yeah, carry on. Not in a rush. Yeah. Anyway, I was moved by it.

That's nice. Oh, I'd like to hear it. Can we tie up any... I've got quite a dour face, I think. I often walk past people in the street smiling, and I just think, I never look like that. Well, people say to me, come on, Frank, cheer up. And I think, well, if I was walking around smiling,

I'd probably be bundled into some sort of council van. That's your sort of Swedish, Danish, Scandi, noir thriller. I suppose, yeah. We've seen so many killers now that look like you in TV. Well, it's the one you'd least suspect. You can imagine him being all nice and just going, yeah, it's a good thing.

Yeah. And then at the end, the truth will out. Well, this is... Yes, I agree with that. Essentially, you're the hot psychopath. I'll take that. It's not how I'm seen domestically.

My wife and I were watching a programme about a cafe in Chernobyl. You know about watching a programme about a cafe in Chernobyl. You know about this? There's a cafe in Chernobyl. And the... Well, there must be. There's a programme about that. Yeah, there's a documentary about it.

How is business in the 80s? They said on the voiceover... No, it's recent. And they said... The chocolate. The chocolate must have all gone. There's something like 500 people live there and they're only allowed to stay there for 14 nights

and then they have to leave for 14 and come back. My wife went, you could live there. That's the level of misanthropy that I'm bringing, apparently. So still now in Chernobyl, you can't stay for long. No, I don't think you can. I must watch that drama, one of these. Oh yeah, yeah, no, in Chernobyl. You can't stay for long. Wow. I must watch that drama, one of these. Oh, yeah, yeah, me too. Yeah.

Frank, 429, there were remains of a Saxon king found in Southend-on-Sea. Yes, I know. Looking forward to the show tomorrow night. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know if he'll be appearing. No. Yeah, sadly, the museum is shut on a Sunday because they've built an extension.

First time anyone's ever used the word sadly before that sentence. They've built an extension. Prittlewell was where they found this. Of course it was. You know the Prittlewell. Oh, that's what you said, Prittlewell. It was a time-themed special. You saw that, didn't you?

Yes. We've seen that twice. With Dr. Geek. You know, the Anglo-Saxon specialist, she's called Dr. Geek, which is so perfect, isn't it? I love her for that. Is that Tony...

Tony Robinson. Oh, yes. Yeah. So, yes. So we're done, basically. Yes, it's lovely to meet you both,

and we'll let you know, we are interviewing other people. No further vacancies at this time, but thank you so much for your interest. Yes, thank you so much, good luck, be lucky.

No Frank, the worst thing you can hear, thank you so much for thinking of us. Yeah. Oh, shut up. Anyway, thanks for thinking of us. Yeah. Oh, shut up. Anyway, thanks for listening to us. You know what?

If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.