The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Corby Press

Episode Date: October 21, 2017

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. The award winning team are back with meaningful chat about body doubles, the world's coldest man and Frank's gittishness. Also Tim Key pops in and relives the post show awkwardness he had with Frank.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. If you'd like to text us, it's OK. You can do it on 8 12 15. If you want to follow the show on Twitter, great. At Frank on the radio or you can email us via the Absolute Radio website. There's your options. You choose. Okay.

Good morning, everyone. Morning, Frank. Now, Emily went up to Leeds. Yeah, I did. There's a big charity event called Children in Leeds. They're all right.

You know, they're in the families and stuff. But we just thought, you know, there's less to do. Let's raise some money for them. They can't go to the Royal Armoury every night. No. Have you been to the Royal Armoury in Leeds? Can I recommend it? Well, I didn't go there on my trip.

I didn't go to many places. No. Where did you go, Emily? Well, I'll't go there on my trip. I didn't go to many places. No. Where did you go, Emily? Well, I'll tell you what happened, Frank. This is like a set-up anecdote on Des O'Connor. Do you want some... See if I can find some

music. Can I have some music to start my Leeds anecdote? Um, okay. Is that a fair summary of what went on? Well, we'll get to that later. I mean, we can talk about parking and circuses later in the show, but this is just, I need to say, because an amazing thing happened. Can I say what the thing that happened, or shall I lead up to the thing? I hope we're all thinking about the right thing.

Yeah, yeah. Go on, spit it out. We won an award at the Radio Academy Awards. It was for Best Entertainment Comedy. Not to mention... And there were it wasn't incident free I won't lie

it wasn't no but in a good way I mean I've never I turned into a monster briefly because I was so happy and so excited

and I got quite heady with power I think yes briefly a bit Eddie Lamar a bit Eddie Lamar is this when you went up

to collect yeah i went to collect it frank sent me and daisy up it was in the manner of marlon brando sending two ladies up well i was protesting against the treatment of the native americans i have to say the japes started on the train where frank sent a marvelous text response to daisy frank called daisy and um sometimes if the friend you know when you're with a friend and then another friend a mutual friend calls i get a bit jealous right a bit why her was she thinking yes i get a bit count von jelly bags i feel like i'm in the back of the car leaning forward and i was shouting going tell frank this and daisy was

sort of no i'm talking to frank now that is like such a big thing you know if kathy's on the phone yeah and i say anything ask them if they she goes on the phone that's why i'm asking you to ask them i wouldn't be if i thought you were talking to a yeah i get inexplicably jelly bags. So I was shouting out things. Anyway, Daisy said, I believe there'd been a text exchange where she'd said, you tried to call her, and she'd said everything okay, but her predictive text had failed, Al, and she'd actually texted Everton okay.

Oh, yeah. And Frank responded. No, they haven't won in five games. It's actually six now but it was up to date when I sent it. Excellent. Good knowledge. I'll tell you what made me happy was that I think

I get slightly resentful of my phone in that it Americanises everything. Yes. Like I don't say airplane. Right. Yeah. I don't say airplane. Right. I say aeroplane. So why do I have to put it on airplane mode? Anyway, so I was really happy that the predictive techs on the phone

knew what Everton was. Yeah. I'll probably find that as Everton, Missouri. Yeah. Because they nicked a lot of our names. They did. That you'll find. Oh, yeah.

Can I carry on telling my story, or are you going to play the music? Oh, OK. I've changed. It's the last time you go up. Meanwhile, back in Leeds, Daisy and I have checked into the hotel. I'm going to be quite forensic about this. We had the bathrobes on.

It got very boots, here come the girls advert. Were you in separate rooms or was it a twin? Well, we had separate rooms. Oh, come on now. It's a bit early in the morning. I'm not being like that. It's just curiosity. Well, Daisy was a bit cross. You morning. I'm not being like that. It's just curiosity. Well, Daisy was a bit cross.

You know what happened to the cat? The lady had put us on two separate floors and her tone just changed. She went, well, is there no way that this can be accommodated? Oh, Daisy said that. As I said to you before, the iron fist and the velvet glove. It was more iron fist. Iron fist? iron fist.

The velvet was dispensed with. Yes. So we were doing the false eyelashes. I did Daisy's false eyelashes. She tonged my hair. We had Beyonce on in the background. Oh, you didn't, did you? We did.

Oh, no cliche was left unturned. Brilliant. Just like a wedding. We were about to leave, Daisy said, oh, can you do my buttons up, Em? I said, I've just done my nails, so I don't want to ruin them. I mean, it was so cliche. Did you have to call room service to do your buttons up?

Well, on the way out, Daisy was not happy with this lady, this receptionist, because the receptionist, as we walked out, clicking our heels, clouds of perfume, she just smiled and she nodded. And Daisy said, well, she could have at least said how nice we looked. Wow, that's a big ask for a receptionist. Well, I said, come on, Daisy, she works here. And she went, no, I'm sorry.

She was really angry about it. She said, we arrived looking terrible. Speak for yourself. With glasses, uggs, we looked awful. She said it's like an extreme makeover. You would pass comment. You would say, oh, you for yourself, with glasses, she said it's like an extreme makeover. You would pass comment, you would say, oh, you look nice, girls, or have a nice evening. Perhaps she didn't even recognise you

were the same people. That could be it. Well, yeah, I mean, Daisy looked like America's next top model. I looked a little less like John Sargent. Oh, come on. You both look like a million dollars. So then we went to the ceremony, which was lovely. It was in a big arena.

They're making it more like the Brits now, the Radio Academy Awards. Oh, that's good news. Remind me not to host it. You're not telling me Little Mix was on and I missed it. No, Busted were on. Wow. Were they? They were great.

Were they? They were great. Were they? Yes. Have they lost their Scottish connection? Have they got Scottish connection? Well, they were McBusted, weren't they? Not long ago. They were McBusted for a while.

Oh, yeah. No, they're just Busted now. What about Muck? I think the MuckBusted thing was just during the Scottish referendum. Oh, was it? I thought they were sponsored by McDonald's. It's a promotion.

What were they called during the Brexit referendum? Muck brusted. Brexted. Yeah. They're surprisingly political. They are. The name changes.

I don't know if it's a good idea. Luckily, they avoided that. They didn't say any of that. They just went, come on. I think Trump's did. That just confused people. Apparently, a lot of ticket sales weren't up to their normal thing. People just didn't know it was them.

Yeah. They were on. They were on. But when you arrived, the Recepcioni was in a sort of... Well, you know what it's like in these arenas. It was a bit concrete car park. I don't really. It was a bit of a car park scenario.

Oh, yeah. There were three people in high-vis jackets with the big industrial sweepers. I thought they were going to turn out to be some flash mob or it was going to be a band and they were going to burst into song. Didn't happen. They were just the rubbish people. i seem to remember when i got remember when i got i always want to say inundated into the um radio hall of fame but what was the

word uh it was inducted yeah um i i i have i made this up or in Or in the room that the ceremony happened in, was there basketball and volleyball markings on the floor? Yes, there were. Was there? Well, Alan said there was. You said there were. I'm sure there were around the sides. I think there was.

Why do I think there were as well? I'm sure as I stood on the stage, I was staring straight into climbing bars. I don't know, the memory plays tricks, certainly mine does. I'm glad any of it's left. So, we're in the arena. We're in Leeds at the awards.

I'm afraid I slightly lost my shizzle briefly. Your? My shizzle. Okay. I'm not proud of this. Is that that mommy-fied bull private part thing you keep in your handbag as a good luck charm? I just had a bit of a diva moment. Oh.

Because we met one of our lovely bosses from Absolute Radio. And he said, oh, darlings, where have you been? We've been in the VIP area. Have you not got a black wristband? Uh-oh. I said, no, we've got to... My stomach's tightening up. Yeah.

Not before time. I'll give you my guy. I said, no, we've got a purple wristband. He said, oh, you need a black wristband to get into the VIP area. I said, yes, I know we don't have one. As I said, we've got a purple one. He said, oh, OK, well, we'll sort it out later. So we're walking through to the seats.

A guy comes over to the head of Absolute Radio. He's not the head of. It's Paul, I can say his name. I think you can say Paul. He's a very big cheese here, though. Oh, yeah. And lovely, but we didn't get our wristband. Fromage Grande.

Yeah. Paul ran into a colleague, and the colleague wielding the black wristband as well, said, oh, I didn't see you in the VIP. Should we meet for drinks afterwards in the VIP? Oh, they were twisting the knife. Paul said, yeah. Do you know what I said? This man wasn't even talking to me. I can't believe I actually said this.

I'm so ashamed, Frank. I know. I turned around to this man I'd never met. He wasn't even addressing me. It's his breakfast radio, I remember. And I said to him, we won't see you in the VIP area because we haven't got wristbands to get in there. So we'll be going home. Fair comment.

I actually said that. Paul ushered me away. Okay. Before you scratched his eyes out or something. But then it was all good because we are now getting to the bit where we won, which was extraordinary.

What we won was a black wristband. Is that what you're saying? You should get, surely if you win, you get a black wristband Well you were meant to get one if you were nominated I'm just saying Oh is that right? Oh well it's a fact to say

There was a lot of radio royalty there Oh right Feltsy was there, Ian Lee was there Oh okay Freddie Flintoff and Robbie Savage were there I may have been wrong but I think they may have been drinking quite a lot. It was a night of a thousand stars.

It was. And then the announcement was made. I can't help thinking of all those who weren't invited. Like who? People that work in telly. I can't name them. Let's face it, there's a few people that have been thrown off the train. Daisy and I went up...

They brought it on themselves. They've got no sympathy, have they? Yeah, you're right. Anyway, carry on. We went up to get the award. The music started. There was music? What was the music?

Well, I can't remember. There was no business. It's like Ethel Merman. Show business. There was no. What was the music? Well, I can't remember. There is no business. It wasn't... It's like Ethel Merman. No business. There is no business. Okay. And I made a speech. I threw you under the bus a bit

for the beginning of it, Frank. I'm not going to lie. Okay. I might have said that you weren't in Leeds because you were in your London mansion counting your gold. Okay. I'm not going to lie.

I got a big laugh, so I was really happy. No, I'm happy with that. It's as well that those of them that don't know are told. Yeah, yeah. And if that acts as an icebreaker at the same time, then so much the better. It went well. That's what Thor said to me, I remember, once.

But then I went on to say some very lovely things about you. I've got to withhold the praise, much like the lady in the hotel, because we can't do that on air. No, but I shall continue to swirl past the reception as the day goes on just to see if you do remember anything, but carry on. Frank had given me a little bit to read out in the middle, which I'd requested. Oh, nice.

He was reluctant because he likes me to shine in my own right. I just think I know that Emily doesn't need any words from me because she's a very funny and interesting, bright and articulate woman. But she asked, so I gave. Because she's also quite a scary woman. You know what I saw your role as, Frank? You were like the caviar on my blini. Oh.

OK? OK. I don't think Frank really gets the reference for either caviar my blini. Oh. Ah. OK? OK. I don't think Frank really gets the reference for either caviar or blini. I got very emotional, Alan, in the speech. Did you? I think I said you were a joy to work with and hilarious. You said that about Alan?

Yeah. Hilarious, I'll give you. Did you tell him that I couldn't be there because I was hosting the Retail Systems Business Awards? No, because I wanted to keep it light. OK. OK? And then guess what I said...

And I was filming a primetime television programme. Yes. Guess what I said before I went offstage, Frank? Go on. I said, I'd like to thank Tony, Paul and Steve at Absolute, even though we did only get a purple wristband. I bet that went down well. It did.

Excellent. Sorry about that, but I was angry I hope brilliant what I would hope from that I don't know if you've ever thrown maggots into a river

but you get all these you throw them in and then you get like a million little whirlpool things not sort of you know with all the ripples starting yeah

and there'll be lots of people there who've got purple wristbands and maybe didn't know there was such a thing as a black one and I like that on every table with all the ripples starting. And there'll be lots of people there who've got purple wristbands. I maybe didn't know there was such a thing as a black one. And I like that on every table, they'll be, hold on a minute. And that's why it was good. It was a good thing to do. Well, thank you for being our ambassador.

I loved it. And I mean, you are perfect for the job. Although having said that, I believe I read yesterday that Robert Mugabe has been made World Health Organisation Goodwill Ambassador. Has he? So the ambassador business,

the HR levels of the ambassador business have gone erratic. I think it's fair to say. But no, well done, Emily and Daisy, and well done, all of us. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. I was just going to say, I like...

I know we're moving away from the awards do now, but I like Emily's parting shot being just ever so slightly gittish about the... And there must be a bit of you looking at that and going, no, my work here is done. We've actually had an email about your gittishness to a certain extent, Frank. Have you ever had one

about my skittishness? No. About the whippets. My whippet is skittish. But anyway. Hi, Frank Allen and the Divine Miss M. Hi. As a regular reader, Frank Allen and the Divine Miss M. Hi. As a regular reader, I suddenly thought to myself today, I can't remember the last time I heard of Frank doing something gittish. I've enjoyed the anecdotes over the years.

Give me a call. A particular favourite being when he ate a hard-working taxi driver's homemade sandwich. Hard-working who got me somewhere an hour late. I wondered if he has any recent anecdotes to this tune or if he is indeed mellowing with fatherhood year on year. Praise withheld, but well done on the award from Nicola. Thank you. No, I'm really nice now.

Oh, great. I'm glad to hear. Well, that's that sort of thing. Were you laughing that day? Speaking of drivers, though, I had a driver this week and he said he was talking about various parts of London

and I said where do you live he said oh I live in South East London I said oh ok I said is that by choice he said yeah and I said yeah it's quite cool isn't it and you know, groovy

restaurants and things. And he said, Austin Powers? He said, no, it's because there's much less speed bumps. I said, that is the most driver-based reason for living anywhere I have

ever heard in my life. Very good thinking. I wonder if you can filter your results on Rightmove through speed bumps. Yeah, there's definitely a button for schools.

I don't know if there's shops and bars and then speed bumps just at the bottom. If any one of our readers has got an interesting reason for living where they live, I mean, I know we don't

all have a choice, but I mean, you'll do well to top speed bumps as a reason. Extraordinary. When I moved to Manchester, I remember telling somebody that I found it very convenient for three different motorways and the airport, and they said, well, you know, my house is really near to the post office collection thing.

You know, when you miss a parcel and you go and get it. I can see that you buy somewhere, then you realise some of the pluses but when you're actually looking at houses that's your sole motivation quite near the post office sorting collection I'm quite near there it's a coincidence

but it's a happy one I've got to say that I'll tell you what I did can I say something very a pathetic confession go on um about when you i was lee um i'd just come off um set at room 101 when you um sarah who works both on this show and room 101 said to to me, we won, we won, we won. So it was all very exciting. And I had a yoga bunny to celebrate. She was 35.

It's all right. I was going to say, what a cat thing, though. It's a drink from Pret-a-Manger. You fools. Frank is the only person who bothers with an accent for Pret-a-Manger. Oh, I love Pret-a-Manger. Always got it that at Christmas they don't cash in on the manger element.

But anyway. Maybe this year. And if they advertise for a manager, wouldn't you be tempted to make it headline Pret-a-Manager? Yeah. Anyway, so... So you got the text saying we'd won. No, no, I was told by Sarah that we'd won. Okay.

Anyway, on the way back in the car, which I suppose was about 90 minutes after I'd found it, I looked up the word multi to see if I could know, because we've won four awards for the show, if that qualifies as multi, so I can call it multi award winning. Is there? I'll tell you what it said.

It said it was a shellfish common to Lake Tanganyika. Yeah, I know. I couldn't find any reference to the use of the word multi. So I left it at that. I don't want to be shellfish. Oh, that was awful it's a bit where I tried to stop myself and I thought to hell with it they can't take the award back

Dan has been in touch, Frank. He says, I have 22 bumps to get out to any kind of civilisation in the South East. Oh, right. That means 22 on the way back. That's 44 every day. Wow. I wish I knew where that taxi driver lives.

Then again, on the street where he lives, the house prices must be well high. Good point. Why? Because there's no speed bumps. Because there's no speed bumps. You don't think that the house prices must be well high. Good point. Why? Because there's no speed bumps. Because there's no speed bumps. You don't think that affects house prices? The things that affect house prices,

schools, bars and speed bumps, we all know this. We all know this. That's why there's the bumps on the website. Things were so much easier when I lived in a council house. You just went where you were told. It's like being a priest. Now people have to choose things. I mean,

if they're out counting bumps, it's like being a phrenologist. A what? Phrenologist. Isn't that the name of the people

that used to check the bumps on your head and then tell you stuff about your life from that? Oh, I don't know. Oh, well.

People sending in examples of Frank's gittishness. Sorry, I think that might be my fault. Gittishness, semicolon, family changing room. Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, that was an accident. Ignorance, that, really.

I thought family changing room was a communal room for families. So I was in there with this other family. In case you don't know. I said to the... The bloke said it's quite tight in here with two families. I said, I know, stupid. Honestly. And I didn't realise he didn't suppose to...

I mean, imagine him. He was being passag. He was, but he'd gone in to get undressed for this chance. Suddenly another bloke had come in there with him. Imagine someone did that in a shop, just walked into your fitting room. I had no idea they were for single families like that. Anyway, that was an accident.

It wasn't gittishness, it was foolishness. Well, keep them coming. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You might want to listen to me talking to Jenson Button on loose ends tonight when I was trying to explain to him. You know, when I was on Taskmaster, I painted a horse that was standing at the side while I was riding a horse.

Yes, I remember seeing that. So I was talking about this. He couldn't get it, Jenson. So hold on, you were on a horse. Yes, yes, I was on it. Yes, I remember seeing that. So I was talking about this. He couldn't get it, Jenson. So hold on, you were on a horse. Yes, yes, I was on it. Oh, man. Well, he's tweeted, in fact, about it. Oh.

Yes. Jenson Bush? Yes. He said, I had a lot of fun discussing horses this morning with Frank on the radio. Well, it was... And he's got a crying face emoji. I thought I'd lost the power of communication.

And he said, it was a dead horse. No! Who said it was a dead horse? And he said, I don't see what... You've got a horse in your house. I thought it was like, what? It was difficult. Well, they're quite factual, the Formula One drivers.

Well, you know, it was... Don't get me wrong, he was a nice chap. I just wish he'd just botten it. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, he's got a book out. Buy it. There you go. No, he'll forgive me for anything. The Frank Skinner Show.

Listen live every Saturday morning from 8 on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215. People have. You can. Follow the show on Twitter, at Frank on the Radio.

Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. There you have it. The choice is yours. Yeah. I'm going flintlock pistols. Oh, yeah? Oh, good. So, do you think there's any truth

in the fact that Melania Trump might not always be Melania Trump. Well. Well, firstly, I would have gone Melania, but I like Melania. Oh, here we are again with pronunciation.

Melania. Melania you'd go. Well, I may be wrong, Frank. For people that don't know, we should explain what you're referring to. There's a rumour, isn't there? There's a conspiracy theory that it's not her. It's her body double.

But sometimes it's her, isn't it? Yeah, I've done a bit of reading on this, on why this. And I think it's mainly that she wore sunglasses and didn't speak during one of Donald Trump's appearances. She wore sunglasses and didn't speak. But she Donald Trump's appearances. She wore sunglasses and didn't speak. But she never really speaks during his appearances. She's a sidekick sort of figure. But all I can imagine is if that's all it takes

for there to be a Twitter storm that you're a body double is wearing sunglasses and not speaking, that means that everywhere he's been, Bono has spoken for the last 30 years. Because there's never been a fake Bono Twitter storm, from what I can gather. We always think it's the real Bono has spoken for the last 30 years because there's never been a fake Bono Twitter storm, from what I can gather. We always think it's the real Bono. Isn't it that she also decided...

It's Bono-fidey. Lovely friend. In Sharon! Leave you at home to the top note. Multi-award winning. Isn't it that she also decided to don the classic cartoon outfit of the 70s spy? Yeah. Which is the trench coat and the huge shades.

Secret squirrel. You're always going to look suspicious, aren't you? No, but it's gone. Someone said that it didn't look like a real nose. It didn't. Did you examine it? Forensically, I did. There was pink padding.

I think it's just light. Fake nose! Fake nose. Fake nose, fake nose! He made it worse. Why, if it's a body double, so they've got a nose that looks like Melania's? Yeah.

I mean, I've got to be honest, Trumple Stiltzkin, guys, he made it worse because he said, my wife who happens to be standing right here next to me. Yeah. Which made it sound very suspicious. Liars do provide too much evidence, don't they? Yes, it was all Weekend at Bernie's.

My real genuine wife who's standing here who has not got any kind of false nose what he did out there. He overdid it. He protested too much. Yeah.

So it was, it went on the Twitter and then it spread like wildfire. Next thing you know, Lorraine's discussing it. Lorraine was discussing it. Really expensive,

those three inch cords. Is that what you're saying? Well, she probably is. You're overlooking the price of a false nose. I tell you what, we missed a trick at the radio awards in Leeds. You could have gone up on stage. You could have took Roy Hodgson in a pair of Reactor Light Rapids.

They'd have taken it was me. They'd have completely accepted it. With a giant watch. Yeah. Yeah, no one would have questioned that. I thought he was playing it a bit low key. He didn't say anything, Frank. I want to know what people think she's doing,

the real Melania, whilst the stooge Melania is there. He's killed her. I think that's the worry. That's your first port of call. Either that, or you know the other day you were talking about celebrities that you think can actually fly? Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if she's got a body double and she's just hovering around the White House

just hovering above them the camera pans up and there she is she must have kept it from Donald because he'd have had to boast about it if she can fly my wife's a great flyer he's unlikely to keep that to himself

if she'd learned how to fly. What he does is he says something and then he just goes a little tail on his. So my wife's an amazing flyer, really a great flyer. But isn't there a theory that she never liked being the first lady? And I wonder if she's, you know,

if it downed tools, so to speak. Right. The theory is that she might have been on her way, she might have been off-ski is the theory. Obviously just a theory. What, she's left him? No, she might have been planning to be off-ski and then she got sort of roped into this

is the theory. Um. So she was going to leave him and then she sort of found herself roped into this situation. I'm just being careful. I don't want to be sued by the man. No, no, we don't want to be sued by Donald Trump. Good for the listening figures. We're only theorising.

Yes, this is true. So is she sitting in a luxurious apartment saying, I'm not doing any more things? Exactly. There's a string of women. Get the looky-likey. We're guessing there are women that might not be.

Yeah. Whatever happened to those ladyboys of Bangkok used to play at Edinburgh? Do you remember them? They did. And still do. Still do.

God bless them. Yeah. Something for everybody. Could be one of them. Could be one of them. Frank. Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio.

Absolute Radio. I liked the fact that Melania and Donald Trump, who we're discussing, she'd gone to a secret service training facility wearing the spy trench coat and shades.

Really? Well, it's a bit like when they have to do a sort of formal visit, you know, and they're doing a naval formal visit, so they're on it, and they wear something, maybe a slight anchor motif or like a sailor's motif on it. I thought that was her nod to the secret service. She was doing cosplay. Yeah.

I didn't know they were at a spot. They were. Intelligence. They were, yeah. That's fantastic. We're doing an intelligence. Where's me trench coat? It's funny she'd gone trilby as well.

Remember Secret Squirrel had an upturned collar with two... Oh, no, was it his hat that had the eye holes? Do you know, I get so confused between his work and Hong Kong Fooey's work. No, no, no. Fooey was more of a superhero. I think he was... Oh, Inspector Gadget, I'm thinking.

Oh, yes, I can see that. Okay. I like that you used Fooey. Yeah. He was on the... But Squirrel. ...third name terms with him. Squirrel.

Squirrel, he... Gadget. The rim of his hat was pulled down and it got two eye holes caught in it oh yes

I seem to remember clever stuff in this day and age that's what you think of as clever stuff what if Sid Warman was that clever some holes caught in a hat

well I'd say that's quite primitive yeah you could have you could have clever stuff Al in the age of electoral sabotage online It was quite primitive. Yeah, yeah. You could have... You could have... Clever stuff, Al. In the age of electoral sabotage online, clever stuff, looking through a hat.

Well, I've never seen anyone else have eye holes in the brim of their hat. It's true. Yeah, I think the squirrel people are pretty litigious. They own that. But it's made me think, guys, it does add mystery, doesn't it? It makes you at least sort of 18% more mysterious, the trench coat and shades.

Well, definitely. I'm going to wear that every day now. Yeah, why not? But then people will think that you're... I think there's a fake Emily. But there is an argument, isn't there, that if you're just going to stand at the side, why turn up to every...

How dare you? I went to collect your award in good faith. You could have gone up with Kendo Nagasaki and claimed that was Alan in that cloth samurai mask thing that he used to wear. Oh, that would have been great. Sometimes the best ideas come three days after the event.

It's the Spiree d'Escalier or something like that. Spiree d'Escalier. Yeah, exactly, which I think means vinegar and onions. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, something like that.

I don't see why he couldn't have said, instead of going, I mean, fake nose is such a mistake. Couldn't he have said, well, look, Baron had a bit of history homework. He's doing the French Revolution and stuff like that. So Melania was doing a brief theatrical reconstruction of Dumas, the man in the iron mask, and what the hinges stuck.

And then you could have brought her out in a proper iron mask. It could have been anybody in there. It could have been Pence. Pence-o. That's a good point. Yeah. I'd love...

I'm so... This is one of those stories... You know those stories you long for them to be true? I know. The millennia body double. I really want that. It's about time there was yet another

of lion icing on the Trump cake. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. We've got a guest coming on later, haven't we? We have. Yeah. Tim Key guest coming on later, haven't we? We have. Yeah. Tim Key is coming on. You may remember I went to see Tim Key's show last week and I did that which one must never do

if you're a comedian watching another comedian. I said, I've had a couple of ideas that have made this a funny show. Oh, I can't wait to ask him about that. Oh, I'm hoping that doesn't crop up. Maybe that's why he's coming up with some extra ideas. Oh, he shouldn't have asked me down today then. If you were hoping that wasn't going to come up. You know I like to avoid awkward subjects in conversation.

Yeah, I know that about you. I'll tell you who I want to talk about is the world's strongest man. Eddie Hall? Yes. Is that his name? World's strongest man, the Beast. Where's he from, Eddie? Stuck on Trent. Yes. He's the current world's strongest man, the Beast. Where's he from, Eddie? Stoke-on-Trent.

Oh! Oh, I love that you knew that. I know quite a lot about this chap. Get it all stored away! I've seen the documentary on him on Netflix. It's very good. I recommend it. Of course you have.

Well, of course, this isn't my era of world's strongest men, because I did go away to Malta with the world's strongest men in 2008. I remember that. I bet they're still Strongest Men in 2008. I remember that. I bet they're still strong, those blokes. Well, I hope so. I mean, Phil Pfister, who was... I'm out of here. I'll come back when he's gone out the topic area.

I mean, come on, give me a chance. I'm holding on to my career already by my fingertips. Frank, can you imagine what his daily life's like? I know, it's terrible. You can't handle a morning with him. Oh, no. I do when he's called out in the doctor's waiting room. I couldn't handle a morning with him either.

But there were 12 of them, they were lovely chaps. They used to set the alarm. They told me this, I wasn't in their bedrooms. But they used to set the alarm. They were in a wasn't in their bedrooms but they used to set the alarm they don't have a communal bedroom the 12 world's strongest men compared to a twin like Emily and Daisy at Leeds

they used to set the alarm they probably booked twins each Phil Pfister at 3am to have a Mars bar yeah wow 12 boiled eggs

on the breakfast plates. Yeah. Yeah. What do you eat 12... Hard boiled? Yeah. Yeah. And they have to sit and shell them with their big hands.

Yeah. Yeah, they just... That must be... One of them... Just put six in each hand and just crush them like... Or do they go, come, clot, and they just take the shell as well?

Terry broke a toilet seat when we were there. Terry broke a toilet seat when we were there. Terry broke a toilet seat? Yeah. Anyway, we can't all go on. How? He sat on it. Why sit on it? Oh, he's one of those.

I thought he was going to say two men held it and your head botted it, you know, the old martial arts tradition. No, it wasn't one of the activities. It wasn't one of the scheduled pulling a plane activities. He just used the bathroom and unfortunately had a little bit of trouble. But the reason you bring up the beast, Eddie Hall... Yes, is because, Al, he bench-pressed Dan Walker.

Well, that's what was discussed, wasn't it? Dan Walker and the... Dan Walker, the popular sports and breakfast presenter. Yeah. Top-bottom donut. Yeah. It said in the thing that he got bored

of asking him questions and insisted on Eddie Hall bench pressing him. And I watched the footage and I don't want, you know I don't like to be a contrarian,

but it's not a bench press that he does. It wasn't a bench press. It was a shoulder press, I think. I think you'd probably call it a seated shoulder press.

Can I say, I like the way you've referred to it as the footage, like it's the Kennedy-Dallas footage of the Zimbruda film. The footage. Well, it's been, I notice he's pinned it. He's pinned it? He's pinned it on Twitter. Has he? Has he?

It's pinned tweet. Dan Walker? He's pinned it, yeah. Has he? And he's captioned it, get this. What? Just another average day. Oh, absolutely.

Good work. He does not get lifted up in the air by the world's strongest man. Well, I do. I've got a picture of me being lifted up. I don't know if it was Phil Pfister or it was one of the other guys. I can't remember. How many hands do they use?

I'll put that on the socials, Frank. Oh, OK. Yeah, do that, because it's a bit... I was here in 2010. Exactly. Pin it. Let's pin it. Come on, pin it!

It'll be fine. I'm all for that. So it wasn't a bench press. It wasn't a bench press, which I... You know which I hate to be a stickler for the rules. No, no, I'm glad to hear it. Not a bench press, because when he suggests a bench press, you can see Eddie Hall sort of move sideways as if he's going to lie on his back to do a bench press.

Oh, does he? And then he realises, oh, no, he just wants me to lift him up any old way, and then he does. But, I mean, that walk walk out, it's a professional sports broadcaster. I expect him to know his presses. Exactly.

I wonder how he'd be if I held up a Corby, Corby trouser. Could he identify that or would it be spluttering, oh well I don't, we're not really,

oh no, come on, do you know it all don't you? I wish I'd been on there with a Corby trouser press. I bet that wouldn't have been just another average day, Frank. In a tote, like an extra long tote with a Corby in it.

A really well-ironed tote. The irony was in being in the trouser press the night before and now the trouser press was in it. Nice. What a turn of events. What a vault farce. You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. Can we just say it's absolutely fine to call Eddie Hall

the world's strongest man and the beast, because I think it's a self-appointed moniker. He calls himself the beast, and he's got the and beast tattooed on the inside of his biceps. Oh. Which did make me wonder, I wonder if his wife has a tattoo saying Beauty. Oh, that would be good.

That would be nice, wouldn't it? Oh, yeah. If they haven't thought of it. Simply The Beast. Better than all the reest. They don't do puns, in my experience, the world's strongest men. We don't do puns in my experience, the World's Strongest Men. We didn't do many puns.

Is there not a pun press where you lift someone up and sing Jerry Halliwell's Lift Me Up or some sort of... They're hard to turn down though. Why didn't Dan Walker sing Lift Me Up? I just didn't think of it.

I think he had Eddie Hall's hand on his inner thigh as he was being lifted in the air. We've all been there, dear. Look, I'm sure I've worked with Dan Walker. He's a nice chap. He follows the Nazarene. Does he? Kind of.

So, respect. Yeah. Or none, whichever side of the spectrum you are. Exactly, we're all different. He pulled his groin. That's what he said. When he was raised up by the beast. Can I just say, when he was raised...

That's an unbelievable story when you put it like that. He was lifted by the beast. From Dr Faustus. When he was raised up by the beast, he was seated... Can I just say, I was whisked up from a standing position on a Maltese grassy knoll. And that was much more perilous. He was on some red sofa. Easy to break his fall if the grip should slip.

He looks liftable though, Walker. He does, yes. He's a slender man yeah what are you suggesting? Eddie Hall not so much not so slender

he's my height and more than double my weight Eddie Hall yeah he's a big unit I think and I can

empathise with this I think Dan is a man who embraces his own thinness you know what I mean he wears the very tight tops with the as I say, the buttons on them.

Yes. So Eddie almost thought I could do this like a javelin. That would be great, don't you? Oh, if he'd held him up, just clutched him around the belt area and held him up with one hand, that would have been brilliant. Flung him. Stuck him into the ground by the head. I'd say Dan is what I would call relatively wacky.

Do you think? Is he? Because he operates in a world, BBC Sport and BBC Breakfast, where wackiness is basically a colourful tie rather than living in a house with no furniture and eight goats, like it is in some areas. So I think in that context, he's quite a wacky guy. And I had a look at his...

I was very intrigued by his... Thanks for doing this. His Twitter thing. I'll tell you why. Go on. You know, when you describe yourself, I think you, Emily, are that loud woman off the... Off Frank Skinner Show, yeah. I think you, Emily, are that loud woman off the Frank Skinner show.

He said BBC Breakfast and BBC Sport Mugwump. That's what he said. What's a mugwump? What does that mean? Well, a mugwump, I thought... Did you Google it? I thought a mugwump, I think that means... Anyway, I looked it up. I thought it meant someone who was very bland.

Right. And I thought he wouldn't have put that. And I looked it up. It says neutral with no strong opinions. And I thought, searingly honest work from Walker. To the point, I mean, on the border of self-loathing. I was shocked that he'd gone that far. I mean, to stop eating...

You know, he's a very popular... People want that on the BBC. They don't want controversy on the BBC. No. But inside, there's some trouble, I think. You think? What to describe yourself as a mogwomp. He might be very happy with being neutral.

No, I felt pain in it. I'll be honest with you. He also referred to somebody as fella on one of the tweets. No one's safe from Frank now. He started lurking on Twitter. I started looking for a...

You started lurking, Frank. That's what it's called. I was desperately searching for a thanking you, but I couldn't find one. Me called. I was desperately searching for a thanking you, but I couldn't find one. Me thinks. No, so I've become, yeah, I'm interested in that. I wonder if he wants more, if he wants to become a sort of Russell Brand figure. Well, I was going to say,

with the use of the mugwump in the bio, the Twitter bio, did you sense there was the sense of him being restrained? Oh, maybe. Yeah, I think there are vanilla... One of the most safest ways of getting work on television is to be one of the vanilla presenters. You don't offend or ever challenge anything. OK.

But some people, I think, take to it, and some people, they hunger for more. And I think Dan might have a secret yearning. Mm-hm. OK. That's what I'm thinking. You know, I say I've only met him once. I just want to know how much actual walking he does.

I think... His name's Dan Walker. No one understands determinism. Does he jog? I think he'll be presenting a documentary on Alistair Crowley and the history of Satanism before we know where we are. Just, you know... Just to show the dark side. Hard watch.

Yeah, look out for it. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. 489 has texted Frank, re-vanilla presenters. In the past, BBC presenters I've assessed as being vanilla have been David Icke and Frank Boff. Ergo, my assumption is now that all vanilla presenters are hiding something. Oh, yeah.

When you think about it, it's a possibility. I just think we'll look back on Dan Walker in 10 years' time and think, oh, God, he used to think he was, like, a really squeaky clean thing. I'm not saying he'll turn out to be a serial killer. Nothing untoward. I'm saying I think that he'll be coloured in over the years. There's more than meets the eye.

He's got hidden shallows. I'm saying he might, you know, vanilla, but maybe with a bit of that, you know, that sort of strawberry sauce and crushed nuts. Well, my friend. Oh, he did nuts. I know it well, my friend. Oh, he did have. He did, after that bench press. After that bench press that wasn't a bench press.

Wasn't even proper, not from a great height. Do they have other competitions of the something-est man? The world's strongest man? What do you mean? Oh, no, it's all copyrighted and owned. No, no, but it's the world's cleanest man. That's a good question, this. The world's cleanest man. Oh, I see. Good question, this. World's coldest man.

Coldest? That'd be good, wouldn't it? I mean, there must be the world's coldest man somewhere. What do you mean? Do you mean what feels the cold or is not very nice? I mean, if you took their body temperature on average, they'd be the world's coldest man. World's most gittish man, Frank, just saying.

Oh, well. Hard to measure that, isn't it? Hard to measure that. What, so then he would have come out at the end of the breakfast interview for me to be a bit Gittish to him? Don't get up, mate. Don't get up.

Don't do it from here. Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I cried on the radio. Did you? Did you? I was doing, when I did...

That badder, is this the ballet link? Is this the loose ends thing? Is this the Jensen Button? I was rubbish on it, so don't listen. Why rubbish? I don't believe that. Well, I mean, I got cut up by Jensen Butt,

didn't you? I pulled out straight in front of me. Got that in his game. Yeah, it's one of those when they get out the cars and square up to each other. No, I,

they had a country and western singer on. Oh, who's that? Called Brandy Clark. Right. And she did this sad song and I just i was actually crying i did i cried you're a very emotional creature not just get no other stuff no you're part get but then this is very it's all right very sensitive oh we said it at the same time i was perhaps perhaps very tempted to make a joke about it's a long time since Brandy made you cry, surely.

That is a good point. But she came and she stopped me from shaking. Actually, Brandy definitely didn't stop me from shaking. He did the next morning, to be fair. Little tip, little tip to anyone listening. No, no, not a tip. No, no, not a tip. No, no, not a tip. It's very bad for you.

And I think you'll find that Absolute Radio, I think, officially disapprove of drinking alcohol to excess, whatever you saw in Leeds. Ah, yes. I, yeah, it was, it was, I tell you what, I'm going to plug her gig. She's on, I can't go because I'm working, but she's on at the Union Chapel in Islington,

North London, which is a large conurbation in the south-east of England. And Brandy Clark's on. She did a song called, I mean, it's, you know, it's a sentimental genre, country and western. It was called Three Children and No Husband. Oh.

Yeah. Which I thought, I kept thinking, is this all right politically? I don't know. That's very commonplace these days. That's all I think about anything now. I don't think you can analyse country music in that way. Before I break wind, I start to think if it's politically acceptable. I just like being in a terrible straitjacket.

But it's a good thing, obviously. Oh, he's there, yeah? Got through it? Oh, hold on, the mics are still on. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute radio. Frank, what's in your mouth? Just for any new readers,

Frank occasionally badly times a mouthful of food. That really, that did, I'm sorry. Really badly timed. Timing. Cashews, is it cashews? Supergirl, which will almost certainly be a catchphrase in the new remake of Mom's Army. Coming to the BBC.

This is Frank Sinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I've got knots teeth as well, you know that thing? Oh, yeah. We've all been there, dear.

Oh, yes. Splendid. there, dear. Oh, yes. Splendid. Tim, he's coming on soon, isn't he? I think he's just entered the building. I think he might be. Oh, has he? Okay. In building, I don't know what the Latin is for it. No.

What, in building? Yeah. I think he sleeps rough regularly. He's never told me that, but... You two both reminisce about your sleeping rough days. That which is unsaid, isn't it? Oh, yesterday, when I was young. We've had a text in.

Hi, Frank, Emily and Alan. Whatever happened to joyriding when I was a teenager? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Whatever happened to joyriding? Oh, yes. What a lovely expression it was. I think it's still happening. I think it's still happening.

Well, it is. But maybe car security has improved. I think perhaps they don't call it joyriding anymore. They don't associate it with joy. Twocking. Twocking. It's quite dangerous, I think. Twocking is taking without consent.

Oh, is that right? I think I saw it on a police documentary years ago. You know, got a couple of Asbos for twerking. Well, Al, it's like when I did that course, because in order to avoid getting points on my licence, there's no easy way of saying this. Oh, yes. There's no easy way of saying this.

And the man said, what is it that cyclists hear all the time, every time they get on the bike? Smidsy. Smidsy. Sorry, mate, I didn't see you. Oh, good. People are looking for cars and they pull out in front of a bike.

That's good though, I like it, it's clever. Sign up for one. And they claim that slow on the ground stands for speed low observe warning, because if you see slow on the road surface, there's usually a road sign or something coming up.

I don't believe that, Al. I'd say what we never got to the bottom of. Remember someone said that news stood for... Oh, yeah. Was it new events? New events, weather and sport. That's rubbish. I don't believe that.

I think the word news was about before there was news broadcast. I don't believe it. That's what I say. True impressions. I might do my Margaret Thatcher how's your David Bellamy Frank I had a long chat about Richard Wilson I just had an impression of Richard Wilson 2017

I'll tell you what the chat was I'll do my best to jettison the award as soon as I can I feel bad about it it was a dead or alive chat gone Pete Burns? I thought he had I feel bad about it. It's a dead or alive chat. Oh, my God. Has he gone? Pete Burns? No.

No. I'm just guessing. No, I thought he had. I think so. This is not good radio. I hope I'm right here. It's somewhat bad taste as well. So maybe we should leave this for the coffee bar afterwards, yeah?

Can the truth ever be bad taste? 8.12.15. So, yeah, that's interesting though, Joy, right? I'll tell you something I haven? 8.12.15. That's interesting, though, Joyriding. I'll tell you something I haven't seen. He's alive. It is alive. Oh, he's alive.

I thought you meant Joyriding. I was talking about my Flash Gordon interruption there. I thought I said Joyriding. You went, it's alive. No, Richard Wilson is alive. Thank God for that. God bless him. Everyone calm down.

He's alive. So there is still a chance. You started that way. There is still a chance that Merlin could come back. Oh, is that what it was all about? Yeah. That's such good news. You know, it's even better when you think, it's like when you lose your wallet and you find it again.

Can I just say we've had some lovely praise from David Baddiel, which I can't read out on there. Really? It's too fulsome. It's not him. That won't be him. It's a lovely thing. It didn't get much praise about

my front room from him. Can I just say I'm almost welling up. It's lovely. Thank you, David. We love you. How much longer are you going to live like this? He said to me. Well, that's lovely. So nice. Thank you, David. He's a great man.

You know I mean that. Yeah. Yes. Go on. I'm interested also that in the subject of motoring... Whatever happens to you? Open brackets, crime-related, close brackets. Leaving a car on house bricks. Do you remember that? Oh, yes. Check the wheels leaving a car on house bricks.

Do you remember that? Oh, yes. Check the wheels and leaving it on house bricks. Oh, no, I did a really Richard Wilson sitcom thing. I spat my tea out. You spat your tea out. You're pregnant. Yes.

That's gone, hasn't it? If anyone has seen that in recent times, please let us know. Wasn't that when you'd get, mind your car, sir, or something, when you went to the match? Didn't they then leave it on the bridge? Yeah, yeah. They'd steal your wheels.

They'd take your wheels away. Absolutely. I don't know if bricks are as readily available as they used to be. Well, they're more expensive. Now that less houses are being built. That's right. You see, this is it. Mays, Britain. You have to just let... I don't know what you leave them on now. You just have those little things sticking out

speed bumps that's the answer that is an interesting so what we're after joyriding anyone who's done it or seen it

just lately well maybe not anyone who's done it I don't know if I want to hear from them we don't want reformed brackets reformed

no but we don't want troublesome youths texting the show if they've seen the lights if they've seen the lights not for any I've met a few in Leeds lovely

Leeds of course is the home of football violence the home and then eventually it's spread to the terraces absolute absolute

radio Frank Skinner on absolute radio have we ever had do we have Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Have we ever had, Brent? Are we sponsored at the moment? I should know that. I should probably know that. I imagine the phone will be ringing off the hook

after a recent win there. Who would you most like? The series producer of World's Strongest Man has just got in touch. Genuine, genuinely. Really? Do you want me to see if Eddie Hall can come on to your show? There you go.

I'm too... We've got a low ceiling in this studio, that's my worry. Also, we tossed a coin between him and Tim Key, didn't we? And Tim Key's coming in. I like calling him Tim Key. Tim Key. Tim Key. Yeah.

Like on corned beef. Tim Key. Do they stilled beef. Tin key. Do they still have those? They do. Why have they happened to keys on food? No, I think they do. I love keys on food. I think they do still exist.

Still happens. Oh. On the motor in... I saw someone asking a pedestrian directions. Oh, wow. That's gone, hasn't it? I thought that had gone. The sat-nav has completely killed that off.

We had an email earlier about somebody, this is a previous Whatever Happened To about motoring that we did, about being given a push start and somebody gave somebody a push start. Oh, you never see that anymore. It's always two men in a bomber jacket. It did not work. Go on, mate. You're never here.

What about, and you used to have a choke in the car. Oh, the choke. Remember the choke? My mum would go, I'm just sorting out the choke, darling. It's not working. Oh, yeah, a bit too much choke on that.

Yeah. Flooded it, all that stuff. Flooding the choke, whatever happened to that. Then when a car went past it and you hear ooooh

you say fan belt. I think that's gone as well. I heard cars. They're not what they were. 902, hi everyone. Just wanted to let you know

that the house two doors down from us has their car on house bricks. Hope everyone's good. Oh, but have they done that themselves? Well, that's what I'm thinking.

Has that been done by local hoods? Foisted upon them. Yeah. Yobos. You don't get yobos anymore either. Well, we don't watch Neighbours and Home and Away as much as we... That's the main reason that you're not hearing the word yobos.

What about snowbows? Snowbows? It occurred to me the other day, if it snows and the sun's shining, do you get a snowbows? Snowbows? It occurred to me the other day, if it snows and the sun's shining, do you get a snowbow? Like a rainbow? As opposed to like a rainbow. Well, not as opposed to, as a colder version.

Yeah. It seems to me it's still a combination of precipitation and light. But with no picture. There's no light. Well, I think you probably can. If anyone of a meteorological bent is listening to this, I'd love to know if you can get a snow bow.

Okay. Okay? Don't look at me like that. I don't want to know. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio And we've been joined by funny man Tim Key. Hello.

Hello, Tim. You two arranged this last week. I called them pub plans. We hatched this plan. Yeah. Yeah, but that was before I made suggestions about Tim's act. So I thought the plan might have just been, I never thought I'd ever see you again.

We should say, in case anyone didn't hear this last week, Frank gave you some notes, didn't he? Well, I mean, let's not go crazy, but I did wake up the next morning and think, I thought that. Yeah, exactly. What were the notes like, Tim? I was thinking that when we were talking, actually.

Yeah, I was sort of thinking it, but I couldn't stop myself. It's like, you know, when you're a child... No, no, you didn't stop yourself. When you run down a very steep hill as a child, it's exhilarating, exhilarating and terrifying. It was like that. But it did turn into a very sort of scruffy tumble. Yeah, it did in the end.

How did you respond when he gave you the notes? Well, I've got a lot of respect for Frank. Yeah. So even adding that in, it was still difficult. Imagine what it would have been like without the respect. I know. It would have been nightmarish. May I ask how Frank's changes have gone?

Because obviously you've implemented them into the show. No, we've done. This is a step too far. That is the big question. Have you put those changes in? Of course, yes. What do you mean, of course I haven't?

Well, should we go through this word by word? Of course I haven't. No, I implemented, he gave me two, he gave me two notes

about the show. Obviously, drop the poetry. Obviously, fairly poorly. Second one was rewrite the whole thing. Make it a character. Smarten yourself up a bit. Put a suit on, would it kill you? Yeah, I'd assume. He's got the suit. Room for another person, surely. Anyway, you only gave me two notes and one was facetious, wasn't it?

One wasn't... Am I right? Yes. One wasn't really what... One was a bit awkward if it was sincere. No, no. One was you were just playing around.

Yeah, well, yeah. You were playing around with the idea of giving someone notes. Yes. Because you suggested that at the end of the show I'd come undressed as a baked bean. Yes.

But in context? Even in context. Okay. It needs so much context. Yeah. But the other one I implemented. Oh, excellent.

Tumbleweed. Oh, Frank. And I do it every night now. Good for you. And then I explain that it is you gave me it. You did. I think that's fair enough. I like the idea. Like a mafia boss. Yeah. That death is happening and I don't need to be there to be responsible for it. Yeah, exactly. And I've got that massive screen. So whilst I'm delivering that joke, it just explains it's got a picture of you that's good

and some of your TV credits I like the idea that Frank's jokes are even hitting stony ground not during Frank's shows they're everywhere

that's why when I had to accept our award did you know we won a Radio Academy gold yeah everyone mentioned it

as I came in everyone you're all facing the wall doing a selfie. I've been there about 20 minutes. I made Frank write... And the balloons. You must have noticed the balloons. Yeah, sure.

Well, I made Frank give me a little something-something to put in the middle of my speech. So you just spat it out. Yeah. And Emily looks quite sexy dressed as a bait. Yeah. You're more doing my bait bead stuff. Because I thought, if this falls, it falls on his watch, as it were.

Right, right. And actually, he got the biggest laugh of the night. Well, I've got to say, Frank, I have done it every night in tribute to you, and it is bedding in now. Is it? Yeah. It's moving towards laughter. Yep, I think done it every night in tribute to you, and it is bedding in now. Is it? Yeah. It's moving towards laughter. Yep.

I think we're going to get there. Okay, well, let's... You were mortified when you told me. Frank was just absolutely crushed. You told me the joke, and then you couldn't look at me again. No, I did. As soon as I'd done... It's one of those, I couldn't keep it in.

No. I don't know if you remember the old Cat Stevens song can't keep it in yeah can't keep it in I've got to let it out Alan does yeah

I remember it I'm less familiar me too I think that's what that song was about if I remember rightly about him

I think he saw Dave Allen Dave Allen the popular Irish comic and said to him after lose the finger. Get off that stool.

Yeah. And it was all about that, all about the awkwardness of that situation. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio Sorry Frank The world's strongest man has been in touch with us He's given us his phone number

Oh really? Yeah so I'm just saying we've got it if we need it That's nice Yeah I mean shall we talk to him or Tim Key? Tim Key's here No I'm just saying if you want anything lifted He's there

Over the next few months Yeah Oh God I haven't put your mic up Sorry I'm not going to say that again Make yourself welcome He's shifted. He's there. Over the next few months. Yeah. Thank God I haven't put your mic up, sorry. I'm not going to say that again. Make yourself welcome. I think I dodged a bullet there, mate.

So, anyway, apart from my own faults and foibles, I went to the show and it's, can I say, it's called Megadate and it is, just put your fingers in your ear, oh you've got headphones on, you can't, it's very, very funny indeed and it's on at the Soho Theatre until the 28th of October. It then moves to the Arts Theatre which is... Don't say it like that. Why? Arts.

Well it is the Arts. That's how he says it. It's a bit disparaging. Like I'm posh. That's how he says it. Yeah, then it goes, then it goes hopper, hopper step. It's a bit disparaging. That's how he says it. Yeah, then he goes, then he goes up a step.

It sounded a bit, oh, it's turning into one of those loveys. Yeah, exactly. From the 7th to the 10th of December. And the Arts Theatre's that one just off the Charing Cross Road, isn't it? It's, yes. I think so. It's near Leicester Square.

It's where they used to have ghost stories. I remember that being there. We'll go and see that, Daze. Can we come and see that, Tim? Yeah, yeah. I'll give you the link. I've seen it. It's great. It's good. It's funny. That's it, too. Two of us seen it. I think it's great. I saw it before it had added Frank Skinner material. Imagine what it's like now.

Can't imagine. It's rocking. I'm going to go with Daisy and we'll report back to you about how it goes, the Frank Skinner material. Well, it might not be in then. True. It will be in. I'll make sure it's in that night. I know which night you're in.

I mean, short notice, can one get a Bate B costume? I don't know. Could the world's strongest man rustle up a baked bean costume? What's his skill set? They like an egg more. A more egg-based. Yeah, we worked out before that he has 12 eggs.

And he wakes up for a Mars bar, doesn't he? That's a different world's strongest man, I think. Phil Pfister, that was. Oh, that's Pfister. Do you think it's unwrapped and ready? Pfister's Mars bar. Can you stop saying Pfister's Mars bar? Sorry, I don't... If Marion

Faithful's listening, she'll be having shudders going through her. Anyway, I was looking at Dan Walker's Twitter feed. Oh, yeah. I agree, there's something going on there, but it's difficult to find any real evidence. Well, the Mogwamp...

Is there a sort of dark hint in the hands? But a Mogwamp is someone with no sort of bland and weak opinions. There's one flash, there's one moment in the last six months where Dan Walker describes a goal by Edin Dzeko

as redonkulous. Oh, redonkulous. See, he's started. He's filtering it through. Redonkulous is not a bad word, though. No, you're crazy. It's quite Richard

Maidley. I like it. Do you know the Reverend Billy? No, Frank. He's an American man who's basically anti-capitalism and he tours with a choir and they do things like go into Starbucks and cause raucous moments.

And I was with him on the radio and he was saying what his tour dates was and he went, Plogaloo-ya! Which I did really enjoy. But that was deliberate. He's not that anti-capitalist, is he? He's still plugging his tour.

No, I think it was ironic. Oh, really? I thought, that is a nice way of doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not using it without crediting him. But, yeah, entertaining. nice way of doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not using it without crediting him, but yeah, entertaining. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio.

Now, Tim Key's with us and I mean, I want poetry. That's what I want from Tim Key, always. Excellent. Do you want me to do one? Yeah. As in leave? Do one, will you? All right. Do one from the show, or do you want an old one?

I'd like both, ideally. All right. This one's from the show. The plane stopped and we got off. Everyone got split up and I ended up in the wrong group and now I'm married to a Vietnamese lady who shouts at me. They're pithy, aren't they? They are pithy, though.

Pithy's their fault. Now, any improvements for that one? What do you reckon? Workshop it. I'd have gone Cambodian. It's too many syllables, isn't it?

I think the thing is with Vietnam, there's too much baggage. Maybe it's high. And you're going to end up having to pay extra if you're on Ryanair. Do us another one, Tim. Oh, sure. Well, hang on.

These are older ones. Okay. Don't worry, he'll still have some thoughts, I'm sure. He'll have thoughts. Keep it clean, though, yeah? You've got a clean one. Do you work clean? I work clean.

OK. Yeah. My show's not clean. No. OK. No. My show's filth. Well, I know.

It's a mix of romance and... Corsety. Sounds like my life. Corsetry. Corseties. Come on, Tim. Come on. That's good.

A bit Wimbledon. Yeah, yeah. Come on Tim Go on Sounds a bit Wimbledon Yeah This is poem 116 One ant Wrote on his CV That he'd carried a piano He implied He'd carried it alone I love that one It's all good fun isn't it Pity Yeah I love that one

it's all good fun isn't it pithy yeah I love that you can't improve that Frank no I'm not I'm not planning on improving that

I harpsichord it's a funny word pianola I once had my favorite pianola you don't want to hear that anecdote

you know me so well what's your ambition Tim? footballer oh look keeping it look can we be can we be straight with each other

too late mate I've played Tim Peart football he's a very good footballer are you Tim? I know but he's not going to turn he's not going to turn pro at this time. I didn't know you

had that in your locker. Captain of the school football team. In fact I'm not even sure he's going to get

trials. You're not speed dating. Centre forward. Scored two goals in the semi-final against Chesterton and then in the

final at the Abbey Stadium Cambridge United's ground. I was captain, led the team out and taken off at half time.

I was too cold. Ooh. World's coldest man. Finally, we've crowned him. Yeah. I've been searching. It's been a long global search. Well, tell them where they can catch the world's coldest man.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, sorry. Plogaloo. Plogaloo, yeah. My donkey. Yes, so. Plogaloo. Plogaloo, yeah. Well, don't kill me. Yes, so he said to serve. That would be a great review for Shrek. So, Megadate with Tim Key,

which I promise you is a properly funny show. It's at the Soho Theatre until the 28th of October and then it switches to the arts theatre from the 7th to the 28th of October and then it switches to the arts theatre from the 7th to the 10th of December. I insist that you catch it because you will laugh a lot. And also

I think it's poignant in parts. Poignant? Yeah, it is. I think it is. Well, it's got haze, like there's a haze machine. Yeah. I saw it too. Yeah. I was going to ask you about... Well, it's got haze, like there's a haze machine. Yeah. Yeah.

I saw it too. Yeah. It's set in haze, isn't it? Yeah, it's never said, but yeah. You picked up on that. It's in play.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I wish we could have talked... I wish you'd come in at the beginning, but we had a lot of... Oh, thanks very much.

We had a lot of... I thought we'd done quite well today. I feel bad I've dragged him all the way across London for this brief chat, but... No, not all the way. Oh, is it 3.1 mile? If it sells tickets, you know, it's not a waste of time. Absolutely.

Look at it that way. This radio show. Yeah. Yeah. So, look, that is Tim Key, Megadate. Check it out. And we never talked about your fabulous idea for a tribute act called Lady Ogaga.

Well, we sort of have now. And the double act I want you to do with Sean Locke. What's that? Locke and Key, yeah. What about with me, Alan Key? Oh, love it. It's all come out at the end, squirted at the end. It's like when you're really pressed.

It's like what? You know when you have... What's it like? You know when you have used moisturiser for a long time and there's that hard pellet at the end and then suddenly... Out it comes. Anyway, thank you so much for listening this morning.

Go and see Tim Key and bring on the feathers. You're listening to the Frank Skinner podcast from Absolute Radio. Want your Frank fix a little sooner? Listen live every Saturday from 8am on Absolute Radio. Across the UK on digital radio, mobile apps, and in London and the South East on 105.8 FM. Absolute Radio.