The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Duck's Eye

Episode Date: March 30, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week we discover something that Frank is scared of and he's had an evening with David Baddiel ruined in an old-school way. The team also discuss personalised number plates and have some questions about vets.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Guten Morgen. Good morning, Frank. Yo. Can I?

I'm going to start saying yo. Oh, OK. We're like a German couple with a slightly rebellious child being raised in America. The first time I heard yo, I always think of this. Whenever I hear it now, it was in Rocky. All right. Yo, Paulie. Oh oh is that right yeah and i think it's people never associate it don't they as a slightly sort of hip-hop thing but yeah i'm

afraid it was stallone that led the way for me making it infinitely less cool yeah no it was quite cool in the uh in the meat packing plant where I think he first said it. Yeah. I did it for you, Adrian. I remember doing that once to Adrian Charles. Oh, I'd have paid money for a ringside seat. Adrian, who was the wife in Rocky. Yes.

That's right. She was, and they still do this in Hollywood incredibly. They think really this is, it's an ugly woman part, but we can't possibly hire an ugly woman because they don't want to watch the film. So we'll hire a beautiful woman and we'll put her in a headscarf and spectacle. That'll be sufficient to suggest ugliness. And then also we could have the beautiful,

the swan, the ugly duckling thing later on when he takes her. Because he used to get like, there used to be film set in offices and there'd be a very obviously beautiful woman who would take her glasses off and he'd say, why? Miss Elliot, you're beautiful.

Yes. Yeah, but she only you're beautiful. Yes. Yeah, but she only had glasses on. Yes. Yeah. I suppose once you've bought into Clark Kent. He had a similar thing though with Clark Kent.

It's true. I know, yeah, but you sort of bought in, that was a deliberate buy in. I know, I know. But if they'd been working,

if they were welders and she took off her welding mask and he'd gone, Miss Elliot, you're beautiful, that would have been a different kettle of fish. But anyway, it didn't happen. So look, I was watching the football this week. I was at David Baddiel's house. Lovely place to watch it.

I went there, he'd already made me tea. Tea as in the drink, or tea as in some food? Oh, no, no, I don't. He used to cook me, but David Baddiel eats like a lion. Does he? So he'll say, I've got some lamb chops, and then he'll put them in the oven for like three and a half minutes and i can't eat meat like that right oh he likes it raw it's literally bleeding on the plate i can't eat

me is that greed i love you david you're one of my closest friends but you're you can be greedy well impatience maybe i don't think it is i think that's how he likes it people eat lamb bread aren't they um but i can't eat lamb. You just flash. So I know he doesn't. I might get a nice bit of cake. Nice. Depends what comes with these chocolate chops. Sounds very 70s, your meal.

Lamb chops and cake. Anyway. So we sat down. Who's presenting it? Dickie Davis? We sat down. Still painting that ceiling. We sat down to watch the match

and it was all perfect his son was there Esra it was that thing of suddenly becoming like six foot and slightly frightening you think

you know that moment when they've they've adopted they've become physical adults but you're worried they might still have a childish tantrum

beat the hell beat the hell out of you for no reason. Some never grow out of that. You know, just accidentally stood on their action

and they'll dislocate your jaw. But anyway, it didn't come to that. But we sat down to watch the game and the game started and it was perfect.

I had a cup of tea. I was my own mate. We had security with us in the form of his son. If anything, his six-foot muscle man son. And it was all there. And then... Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. 526 has said,

they said yo a lot in the series Breaking Bad. Yeah, I haven't seen that. Of course you haven't, it's American Box Day. That's partly why I'm reading it to you. Also, that was much, much later than Rocky. Yeah. I didn't know he could... Well, you say that.

How many Rockies have there been? There's one every month. Well, this was Rocky 1. It wasn't called Rocky 1. That would have been a bit over confident presumptuous that'd be great I'm going to do that

if I ever write a film I'm going to call it something 1 and then I just think people there'll be an obligation for there to be another one anyway

you've already got us on a cliffhanger haven't you you're at the football so we're sitting at David Baddiel's house and the England game has just started.

Forgive me, people in Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales, etc. But, tell me if there isn't a power cut. I mean,

like seven minutes into the game. Oh. And, we hadn't paid the game. Oh. And... Oh, he hadn't paid the bill. Well, I don't know. In this day and age. I mean, so we...

A power cut. It was... Exactly. I forgot they happened. Yeah. Because I... When I first started work in the 70s was during...

When the Ted Heath government... And there was power... The power then, there was... Because of strikes, you. And the power then, because of strikes, you only got the power for, you had to share the power. So half the country got it for three days and the other got it for the other three, four days. I think there's four days in a week. Let me check that in the official absolute manual.

But yeah, so we were, it was a, and of course you know, Dave didn't know where his torch was. We all had our phones, but you think, you know, we're not planning for it. I thought of Al in his gyno headband that he wears to read. Yes.

I thought, I wish I'd got that. I'd have had to go upstairs, but I could do that you know the power cut well you say that, Kath told me because she was down the road with our child and she said she was in a different room and it went, she couldn't find her

way back into the room he was in I thought what? we don't live in this house she said I could hear him call him but I just couldn't find my way back to him. Right. It was like one of the underwater scenes in Titanic. So I went, I had to go back home.

There was nothing to keep me there. You found your way out, though. We went out into... You didn't want to just stay for dark chat. I don't think I'd have navigated Badil's stairs in the dark. It was actually fine. I just turned around and went down on his

knees. And there were people standing in the street talking. It had become like a community incident. Nice. So yes, I went back to our house all in darkness. It was very exciting. For the first time ever, I lit my Child of Prague candle.

I don't know what that is. We don't know what that is. I'm really sorry. Child of Prague is a statue in Prague of the infant Jesus. But it differs. Oh, that's nice, darling. It differs in that it wears, it's dressed in elaborate robes made by the nuns, and it has a white curly wig. Now, this sounds like my kind of Jesus.

Yeah, exactly. A bit more Russell Grant, it sounds. It's a sort of Little Britain Jesus. How flammable is that wig? Is it perfect for lighting? Well, I mean, on the candle, obviously, it's merely a representation of it. I didn't get

the actual statue with a wick in the top of it. It'd be nice if they'd just put a little cotton wool or something flammable, some you know, first wig on there. And Boz got out a couple of glow sticks he got from a kids' party. Nice. I mean, we were very it was all hands to the

pump. It's very pragmatic can I say raise something and I hope you're not offended which as we know always precedes something very offensive yeah

but how do you feel about this Al about whether it's okay if there's a power cut to just leave I mean should you not

maybe have stayed at David's and helped or said it just worries me it's suggesting that I'm here for the football. If I can't watch it, I'm out. Well, let's put it this way. We left Dave's house, me and Dave and his son, Ezra. And we went down, we were heading for my house to watch the football there,

thinking the power cut was just at the top end of the road. When we realised it was also my house, Dave and Esther just turned around and went home. So the decision was mine. It did remind me of when I was 50, someone gave me these 50-plus vitamin tablets that meant my urine phosphorescent. And I thought, I wish I was on them now.

We've got three text-ins going at the moment. What's the first thing your partner ever said to you? What's the closest you've ever got to Meryl Streep? And whatever happened to Motney? So that's 8, 12, 15. Let's hear your answers on those. How can people know what's the closest they've ever got to Meryl Streep?

That's what I want to know. Well, you know if you've been in the same room as Meryl Streep, for example. But I never have, so I literally don't know what's the closest I've ever got to Meryl Streep. You can't text in then. Okay, fair enough. You're not.

I mean, it's not for you in that case. I have been in the same room. Have you? I've been to a wedding where Meryl Streep was one of the guests. Shut up. Yeah. God. Oh, I nearly worked with her actually and I auditioned with her. But it's your story.

Did you audition with her? No, no, no, your story. Yours is better. You're in a room at the same time as her. That's right. Okay. Wow. Well, sorry. No, I want to know, what wedding was it, please? Never would have predicted Meryl Streep beef would be part of the show.

Meryl beef. Frank, what wedding, please? It was Stanley Tucci's wedding. Clang. That's a nice wedding. I was led into it. Yeah, yeah. I bet the food was nice. That was when Bill Nighy

stole my seat. Did he? Yeah. I'd read that book. I was on the end of the row as well, so I was, I knew there must be

an at the end is Nighy in there somewhere, but I never got round to it. He got up when he realised, it's fair enough, fair play. He's a very dapper gent. Gent?

I'm a gent. He's a very dapper gentant jant? he's a very dapper jant so hold on tell us about your rehearsal oh no no I couldn't possibly come on okay Des O'Connor do your funny story

no it's not even a funny story Frank's is better no I just I need well you know this I didn't know you actually rehearsed she was

oh we didn't she was there when I did my audition and I said hello to her, okay? Okay. Thank you. Excellent.

So you get the idea. Yeah. How close have you been to Meryl Streep? You might have, you know, you might go for an autograph

or maybe a bit of a prank on an A road. It's all possible. Anyway, that's those. What are your first words to your partner, Frank? My first words to my partner... You see, I think you

remember this to you. Yes. I think Kat's first words to me was, do you know Chris Evans? But... We overcame that Love will find a way That's my opinion Can I Oh I tell you what

I was sent a magazine this week Oh nice Lovely Now you know I like a magazine Yes I mean I got issue 189 of Bindweed Oh yeah Which is as you know I like a magazine. Yes. I mean, I got issue 189 of Bindweed. Oh, yeah. Which is, as you know, I'm a member of the English Anglo-Saxon Society.

And that came, I'm not talking about that. No. That sounds like such a euphemism. It does. What? It is a very fine magazine. Introduction to Danelaw. What are on the covers, Frank, of the bindweed magazine?

Well, often it'll be a piece of Anglo-Saxon ornamentation from a brooch that was found at Sutton Hoo or something like that. You know the kind of thing. at Sutton Hoo or something like that. You know the kind of thing. A bunch of students recreate some Anglo-Saxon sheds. This way I can tell you how to build those. I'm just feeling jealous of them having spent so many years on magazines desperately putting in requests to get Cara Delevingne

and all this time for the cover, I could have been just putting the old Anglo-Saxon brooch on. Well, they know their audience of bindweed, and that's, I think, what we all have to remember. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, we've had

some Meryl Streep sightings. Oh, OK. We should say this was in response to your text in... What's the closest you've ever been to Meryl Streep? 049, the closest I was to Meryl Streep was last night when I was sat in a Chinese takeaway and a River Runs Wild was on. That's from Louise and Croydon.

Do people sit and watch films now in Chinese takeaways? I think there's a background television that is expected in the sort of reception area of the Chinese. It keeps cheaper than a fish tank. It's really healthy. There's the little telly in the corner. We love it. What have they got?

The curtain strips that we favour. Ah, yes. Yes. OK. And then Ros Bridges says, I nearly saw Meryl Streep when staying at a hotel where an Oscars nominees lunch was taking place. We saw many of the attendees leaving the hotel, but she exited via the kitchens.

Did she, like Robert Kennedy? Yeah. Or did he do kitchens? I think, yeah, I think that used to be a thing for dignitaries. And the Mafia. And the Mafia. Not suggesting there was any link there. And, of course, the Mafia.

Don't get nothing for nearly, though. Well, I don't know. Nearly seen. All right, fair enough. You've made it a more specific text than I expected. So, anyway, the magazine I was sent this week is called Reg Transfers magazine. The World of Personal Number Plates.

Oh, right. You thinking of getting one? And this is edition, issue 47. Can you believe there's been 47? And basically, what I've discovered from looking through it, about the world of personal number plates...

Please can we put this up on social media? It's a world where none of the number plates are quite right. Yes. And that's what I like about it. It is a world where you do get something for nearly, don't you? Yeah, it's a great... I think one can learn so much from Reg Transfers magazine that people will make do and mend.

Yes. Nothing has to be... Nothing's 100% in life. Mm-hm. So what you get, you get a picture of a car with a number plate and then you get a little quote from the person who bought it from Registrant.

So there you have a Range Rover and the number plate is 3GAR 3 G-A-R. What's that? Gary Mitchell from Dundee is, I quote, over the moon with his purchase. He says, I had a cheaper version of my name on my Range Rover

but what was that one? Just G? Yeah, GR. I had a cheaper version of my name on Range Rover Sport, but since I got 3JR, I can't wait to get out driving. Oh. I feel my car looks so much better now. Yeah.

What's the 3, Gar? Well, like I say, nothing's perfect in the world with a personalised software. Oh, he's ruined it with the 3. Can like I say nothing's perfect in the world of the personalised can I just say Reg Transfer because there is a picture of a sort of slightly portly gentleman on the cover I think that's his jacket

I thought that was his name it does feel like a Coronation Street character Reg Transfer he's just moved in off the street Reg Transfer very personable yeah I'll give you Reg Transfer, he's just moved in up the street. Reg Transfer! Very personable. Yeah, I'll give you, as the show progresses,

I'll give you some other extracts from Reg Transfer. Breaking news from the number play world. People, they're all absolutely thrilled with their number plays. And I like the idea that people, they don't need perfection. You know, near as dammit is what we're talking about. It's like the people, Frank, with the calculators. It inhabits the same Venn diagram as that. You know when you turn your calculator upside down? Oh, yeah.

Okay, let's leave that. Yeah, like Shell Oil. Remember, that was the first one I saw. That's not the one I was thinking of. Yes, we know what you were thinking. I chose it carefully. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I will say this about your text-ins, Frank,

is I don't think the first words you've ever said to your partner is going to yield that much that is broadcastable. Oh, really? It seems that a lot of our readership had very direct first words to their part. Oh, dear. And they've still... Anglo-Python.

It seems to have worked out for a very tiny percentage of the population. What kind of a lesson is that for our single listeners? Of which I'm sure there are many. It's just that congratulations, Joan Birmingham, but no, we can't disclose. I remember I used to say quite a lot, you smell

nice. Oh. You've said that to me. Have I? Oh. Yeah. Oh, no. And me. What about, old it, Michael Rinaldi from West Lothian? His number plate is 35FR. Michael Rinaldi, West Lothian in Scotland,

kindly sent us this great photo of his prize registration. I think I'm going to need a bit more information than that. That's all it says. Well, what's 35FR? Let's work this out. Hang on. What can that be? It's not his initials.

No, I think maybe he's travelling incognito. Maybe he's on the witness protection. Maybe. That'd be great, wouldn't it? Don't put it in a magazine, you might think. But if you're on the witness protection, the personalised number plate's got nothing to do with your name. It'd be absolutely perfect. I bet they haven't thought of that as a sideline.

We've got, um, Al, who's this one? As the driving correspondent, I'm handing over to you. Oh, I see. 660 has texted, I wanted a personal number plate to reflect my surname of Nash. I found N45 H-E-R,

which looks like Nasher. Oh, yes. Do you see? Yes. It was £6,000, so it was cheaper to change my name by deed poll. Yours, KD17. You, KD. OK, yeah. Nasher of Bedford. Nasher. I'm going to do

one more of these, and then I'll... What, Red Transfer? In issue number 44 of World of Personal Number Plates, we feature top airbrush artist Paul Carslake with his highly appropriate pk58 art plate i don't know where the 58 comes in it could be his birthday it doesn't mention it

well he now has another great registration this time a light to his love of motor racing ready yeah he's adorned his beloved sl class w mercedes-benz with an image of formula one world champion lewis hamilton so what plate do you add to complete the picture? Okay, let's see if you can guess that, guys. Okay, so that should be LH1. Something L3W1S. Lewis. I'll tell you.

Lewis. Yeah. I'll tell you. It's W44WHO. So here we go. Hold on to your seats. Fasten your seatbelts, I should say. The W is the Merc model.

It's a W Mercedes-Benz, OK? Right. The 44 is Hamilton's race number. I'll give you that. Didn't know that. And who is quite simply because everyone asks me who the pitcher is half on the bonnie. I'm six grand.

It's a God bless them for it. Wowee. By the way, do you remember when I asked for a photo of someone to do a mock-up film poster of us? Oh, yes. Because they did one of the absolute presenters and we weren't on it. Was it Blade Runner? Well, a guy called Warren

Osborne has done a Blade Runner one of us, which I actually do quite like. Oh! Good on you, Wazza. Okay. Yeah, I went to school with a kid called Warren. We all called him Wazza Somerset. I met Les Dennis in a gentleman's toilet the other night. Full of the anecdotes.

Wowee. And we were at Fiddler on the Roof opening night. Oh, great. It looks excellent. Oh, I love it. It's at the Playhouse Theatre. I'd recommend it. He said to me, what do you think of it, Frank?

I said, no, it's very Jewish, which was obviously a joke. It is very Jewish. It is. And also, you know, some of my best friends, et cetera. And he laughed and then we moved on. And it was one of those fabulous sort of drive-by jokings that one does at these things. Very, very satisfied indeed. But no, I would recommend it. i had a little sing-along

love it i had to stop myself because i i saw it i saw the same production and i i realized i get very involved now i'm older and i sometimes don't realize that you know it's not okay to sing along when there are performers on stage you know i really I really cried at it. I don't know spoilers, but it was very sad. What about when I went to see Liza Minnelli and she did that She's a Tramp song.

What's it called? She's a tramp. Oh, he's a tramp. Yeah. And I not only sang along, but I did the roar, roar, roar, roar from Lady and the Tramp. Roar. But I love her. I not only sang along, but I did the... from Lady and the Tramp. But I love... That's how disapproved of. Of course, if I were a rich man, which is from Fiddler on the Roof,

I can only sing now in character. We've got some quirky text-ins running, haven't we? Yes. I mean, they weren't meant to be serious text-ins. Oh, right. We're getting responses. This is what I love about our readers. That's fab.

Well, one of your more mainstream ones is, what was the first thing you said to your partner? Or they said to you. Or they said to you. One of the few that's broadcastable is... Come on, guys, keep it clean. Yeah. Met my Swedish...

That's you. Met my Swedish wife on the tube in London. I like the idea that that creates... It's a good opener, this. I met my Swedish wife on the tube. I like to think this person's a bigamist and they've got a Swedish wife, a British wife, and there's several different wives.

I met my Swedish wife on the tube and said, I thought you were supposed to be at the gym this morning. No, go on, carry on. I met my Swedish wife on the tube in London. She and her friend were speaking a weird language. I said out loud... I'm going to guess. Swedish.

Vad vill du hade a drikka lovely accent what would you like to drink I went to Norway aged 12 and it was

the only phrase I remembered her friend replied why what have you got we got talking I got a phone

number and now we live in Stockholm wow lovely it's good isn't it

that is good it doesn't say they got married or she was a willing participant they just said they live in Stockholm. Oh, you think it's Stockholm syndrome.

I like the literalness of what would you like to drink? What have you got? I'm thinking he was some sort of vendor of drinks. That's good. See, it makes me, when I've seen people on public transport in the past, you know, when I was a young man and thought, wow, wow, look at that person. What if I'd had the courage to go up there?

Who knows what would have been. Yes. But, you know, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my current situation. But it does make you think. Oh, stop thinking. 791, Frank. Oh, yeah. Says, hi, Frank, Emily and Alan. Just laughed on the M6 after listening to your show. you think oh stop thinking seven nine one frank oh yeah says hi frank emily and alan just laughed on the m6 after listening to your oh sorry about that inadvertent praise i just passed the transit

van with reg seven goo seven goo what do we think that is well we can tell you okay we looked at the driver and he was a happy-looking baker. So goo as in what? As in sort of cake mixture, I would imagine. I mean, it's such a stretch, these lumber plates. Incredible stretch. Yeah, maybe he was called, you know, George Good or something and he was sent in with G-double-O. Yes.

Yeah. I mean... Or it was what his wife said when they split up. Go! Or he might have followed the Nazarene and just thought, what's an O between friends? Oh, I see, yeah, maybe. Well, yeah, I never realised that approximate personalised number

until I read Rad's Transfer magazine issue number... What is it again? Issue number 47. And there's a lovely... The cover... Not a cover girl. It's the cover guy this month or week is Roger with a D. He's got a few. I do like Roger with a D. Yeah? Yes.

And what's nice about the shoot of Roger is that he I know a lot about him I just read up he actually owns a lock up facility

who doesn't Roger does is he a reminder I think I saw footage of him buying that car where he keeps it could be so good

for me classic cars and what's nice is that they've got some images of Roger with driving gloves, some without. Oh, right. There's something for everyone in that shoot.

You can play to both crowds. There's a picture of James Twyman in here with his car, K90 Jet. And he says Jet represents James' initials, including his middle name of Edward. That's fine. My wife's name is Kate, K-9-0 Jet. So we are reading K-9-0 Jet as Kate and James Edmund Twyman. You know how and is often synonymous with 90, the number 90?

You know, I would say the phrase we are reading sums up Reg Transfer and his empire you've got to have some pretty willful blindness to him ignore the fact

that canine is already a thing yeah exactly so far we've had canine and WHO and neither of them bought into the

Doctor Who thing what's going on this is Frank Skinner this is Absolute Radio. We've had a message in from a fellow headlamp user. What do you mean, a driver?

You know, I said last week that I use a headlamp. You're going all headband. Yeah, I read by my wife in bed when she's asleep. And we've had someone say, Hi, Alan, Frank and Emily. I'm delighted to hear that I'm not the only thoughtful but slightly eccentric husband. I'll take that.

To read in bed with a headlamp. However, please don't fall into the trap I did. We have a large bed and my wife is a quiet, still sleeper. As a result, I once spent two hours doing some headlit early morning reading, not realising that she had moved out during the night to be with a restless child.

I thought you were going to say with a wrestler. Yeah, I thought she'd moved out permanently when I first read it. Oh, that would be terrible. You'd soon find them. With your headlamp on. She did come back eventually and still regales people with the tale of me looking like a sad, lonely Chilean miner,

obviously waiting for rescue, not realising... I think Chilean. I think Chilean. Chilean? Chilean, no, Chilean. Chilean miner. I think it's OK to hit that accent on Chilean. Well, it might be.

It's a first for me and I'm 62. This is what we... Didn't we have this with Spaghetti Bolognese? Yes, we did. And I was proven right then, I think. Okay, well, looking forward to it. Anyway, that's from Paul in New Zealand.

Do you keep it on if you have to get up in the night? No, no, I take it off when I'm finished with the reading. No, but I mean, if you go to the toilet, it means you don't have to put the actual light on in the toilet. I don't think I need to anyway. Well, that tells a story of its own. I agree with that.

I know what that's like, living with a dog. Speaking of living with a dog, I actually have a minor dog update. Talking of Chilean minors. On my own dog. Chilean minor dog. You know, I live in the north and we have a whippy. It's part of

the deal. Yeah. She's had a minor operation. She got corns on her paws and it was making her a bit unhappy. I never knew you could have dog corns. Yeah. The whippers get dog corns. I think it was

corns. It looked like little verruca type thing. I thought they came from the weight of walking but a whipper must, I mean they barely touch the ground. And they don't wear heels they do not so they don't get the bunions well you say you say they don't wear heels but when she had the operation she came out and she's got little bandages on her paws and so she's got these sort of special almost like socks with a little velcro strip to put over them to stop her going. Oh, they'd fit me.

But it's amazing how much it has affected her walking. She just looks so unsteady, because obviously she's not used to having shoes on. No. She's got some front shoes. It's really odd looking, seeing her navigate going down the stairs into the garden. I remember that...

It's really upsetting. The manservant in La Cache aux Folles. Jacob? That's exactly what I thought you'd link to. Did you think of Jacob? One of my favourite ever characters in anything. He's always barefoot, and because they've got family coming down,

he puts shoes on and he can't actually... That's the image I'm getting. He's just like that. He puts heels on. I wish I'd known that reference so that I could have made it. I feel really jealous of you now. Well, you can use it. You don't have to credit me. It's in the public domain.

I wasn't aware of the corn thing either, Frank. That's amazing, isn't it? Do they have dog chiropodists? We just went with the vet. That's what they're called. Veterinarian. It's just in the vet, isn't it? If you think about it, if you're a human being,

you get ear, nose and throat people, opticians and all that. But it's like the primary school teacher. They claim they can do all the subjects. Yes. Just leave it to them. Vets are doing all the animals in all the different sections. All the animals and all the branches of medicine on all the animals. All come together. This is what... Yeah, and all the branches of medicine on all the animals.

All come together. Well, SuperVet... They're generalists. ...is very interesting on this. SuperVet says that... Oh, you know SuperVet, don't you? I do, actually. Oh, she do.

What's the closest you've been to SuperVet? No, don't actually. Because I'm not quite sure of his situation. I think he flew over my upstairs bedroom once on his way to a mission. He's a marvellous man. But he makes exactly this point, Frank, because he specialises.

When I made the mistake of saying, oh, I don't know what to do about my dog, I think he's got, I don't know, whatever the current problem, it was something to do with his ears, and he said, well, I don't do that because I'm an orthopaedic surgeon. Right.

So that's what he specialises in. But does he do all the animals orthopaedically? He would do a cat, certainly. But the idea that you could do a cat one day and then someone could bring a giraffe in and you'd feel perfectly confident to deal with both. I mean, cats don't have those... You know those handlebars you get on the top of a giraffe?

Those things like those space hopper handles. I mean, what if he's got a problem with that? You'd never have seen that on a cat. You've got to go from elephants to gerbils in the same day, perhaps. This is the ideal text in 8... What is it? 8.12.15. 8.12.15.

You'd have picked it up after seven years. Are vets blagging it? They're blagging it. Could you take a bird in? Yeah. It's a bit 90s. Also, it's not much of a date, is it? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

So, Mickey Dunn has just pointed out that Supervet did a nop on a penguin. OK. Yeah. And he's a paediatrician, so he'd have done the penguin feet. Yeah, he's an orthopaedic surgeon. OK. So, the penguin, I don't know. I don't know about their skeletal structure.

I'm not going to lie with you. Have they got one? I don't. I would have assumed. It looks like there's nothing in there. It looks like it's just all marshmallow. They look like a hold-all. It is. If you were...

Unzip the white bit, and then the marshmallow come out. Yeah, exactly. So, well, okay. Well, I did ask, and i was probably being a provocateur uh our our vets blagging it um 642 has said i had to take a duck to the vet and we was redirected to the exotic animal vet as the normal ones don't know how to treat it it had a sore eye now i've perhaps done the tone there. But that feels like, you know, if you can do animals,

then you can probably do a duck's eye, the same as you can do any eye, surely. Oh, eyes make me sick. And the idea of, oh, it made me ill, I hate eyes. But in what world is a duck an exotic animal? Imagine a duck's eye, Frank. They're horrible. But where do you take a duck-billed platypus?

Is there like an exotic animal plus that you have to go to? A duck is not very exotic, is it? Can I ask a question about a duck? What are their eyes like? I mean, cows, lovely eyes. One of their best features. Yes, they have got the lovely soft eyes, haven't they?

They've got the eyes of the animal kingdom, wouldn't you say? The cow? Beautiful. Beautiful lashes. I like the husky eye. You know the husky dog? Oh, you love the cold blue. Yeah, icy blue.

Good point. But they look like Robbie Fowler eyes. That's what I'd compare the husky eye to. It's a sort of scouse blue, I call that shade. Okay. I can only picture that with one of those nose plasters underneath it, which he favoured. But the duck eye...

Circular. Duck eye, not their best feature. Large pupil on a duck eye. Oh, is there? They're checking in all the light they can. Just a little ring of orange around the end and a lot of black in the middle with the duck eye. But we all know the best feature of the duck.

It's the junk in the trunk. Oh, I thought you meant the tastes. Yeah. It's the Kardashian rear. The sauce that I rolled. Yeah, but not an exotic. I mean, I'm sure there are exotic ducks, but you took a mallard to the exotic animals bit.

I mean, I suppose it's all relative. Sorry, Mickey Donner just confirmed, just briefly, a bit more information regarding that breaking super vet story and the penguin. It was the penguin's foot that was injured. It was born like it. It's still on his home ground. Yes, because it was a foot, exactly.

Was it a club foot? Loss combining two biscuits. In the same operation. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Jack Skinner on Absolute Radio. 153 has texted on the subject of first things that said to your partner. I met my partner through a friend setting us up on a date. My date's first text to me to help me find her at the pub was,

I'm the one in a green matted velvet jacket and downing a pint. That's a good start, I think. That's an opening to Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Can I tell you, by the way, there's a review on the BBC website today. Oh, yeah. By Will Gompertz. Oh, yes. He's an art critic. Something of the Nighies about him

Yes Okay Well I mean He's very intellectual Bald head glasses I'm never happy With the will I think he should be

William shouldn't he But anyway This is So he's reviewing The new Van Gogh Exhibition Oh yeah

And he At Tate Britain And he says It begins There's no point Beating him out of the bush exhibition. Oh, yeah. And he, at Tate Britain, and he says, it begins, there's no point beating about the bush, if you possibly can, go and see this show

at the Tate. And he says, it's Van Gogh in top form, just reading a couple of bits here. All the stunning pictures, just to be in the same space

as these paintings is like being hardwired into the earth's energy supply you can feel the life force he goes on like that, four stars right how often I've seen that, someone rave about something and then go four stars

you know I've got a thing, I won't put four star reviews on my post because I think they're a slap in the face. Why would you do that? You've got to go. Brilliant, amazing paintings. You're channelled into the half-life four stars. Come on, Will. I feel for Van Gogh.

This reminds me of the time in 2006 when I got a two-star in The Scotsman that read like a five. Oh, no. Not a word of criticism in it. Two stars. Oh, but what's that about? Perplexing. I mean...

Well, when I did my play in Edinburgh last year... Lee Spangoff's dead. Yeah. I was alive during my two-star review. You may remember I wrote a play last year. Oh, yeah. And the next day, I was worried about the reviews. Next day, five stars.

Unfortunately, they were spread over four different reviews. Nevertheless. I thought that was a brilliant play, actually. We're soldier on. Thank you, darling. People, you know. You're flying in the face of popular opinion. Well, you know, you're a comic

How dare you write a play? 87% business Every cloud There you go And Van Gogh, the opposite Van Gogh, what I would say, Frank That'll sell well, Van Gogh Well, it will sell well

You're sounding like your manager, I like it I mean, red hot tickets I've got one here It's a Van Gogh joke Oh, do you know Do you know I don't like your manager, I like it. I mean, red hot tickets. I've got one here. It's a Van Gogh joke. Oh, do you know? Do you know? I love that.

And I'm really sorry I didn't give it its respect. No, no, it's okay. I like having the occasional joke with a footnote. On the subject of the personalised number plate, when I lived in Birmingham, you used to see local DJs, which I don't know if we qualify as local DJs, you used to see them in cars actually with their names on the cars, not just personalised, but it would literally say something like

Beacon Radio, Dave Willett. Right. And I think they got company cast and they just drove. I'd be very happy to drive around in Absolute Radio. Would you?

Probably get vandalised, wouldn't it? Well, that was back in the day when also, I think that harks back to a sort of an old-fashioned notion that you showed off your notoriety or fame. So, for example, you would have had to

have had a car with Frank Skinner or FS or Three Lions, I think it would be something like SK1N N3R. Too close. I think it would be something like SK1NN3R. Too close. I think it would be FS27 and then something like DL and I'd have to come up with something for the DL and the 23.

Oh, yeah. Three lids and you're like, well, it's a bit like Three Lions. Yeah. What I've realised from reading Reg Transfers magazine is that the personalised number plate is a world of the not quite right. It really is. And more power to its elbow for that.

We've had a few vets getting in touch as well. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Call me. Slightly angry. I'm a vet. No, they're not angry, actually. But there's a lovely vet saying,

this is 623. I listen to your show as it cheers me up, after a 45-hour working as a small animal vet. Well, in one shift. Dogs, cats, and no penguins. Don't think so. Well, don't they often do? Super vet sleeps on the premises.

He doesn't go home. He can't do a 45-hour straight-through shift, can he? All these doctors and, you know, the vets, they were committed. No wonder he's calling himself super vet. The super vet is also a small animal vet. So ducks, chickens, goats, a farm, or large animals, even if they are kept as pets. So you need to take them to a large or mixed animal vet.

Well, because they don't have the full length robber gloves, you see, at the dock. The dock flies. If you're going to do the cow, you want the sort of Queen Mother gloves. The evening glove. Yeah, exactly. Yes. Well, I mean, they go, right, they're like a buccaneer.

You know those buccaneer boots that women used to wear? They come up mid-thigh. Oh, yes. That's what the gloves are like. If you're searching about in something bovine... Yes. You need a longer glove. 514 sounds like a get-up-and-go character. Morning all, I can't speak for vets,

but for me I find the internet has all you need. I'm no mechanic, but last week I repaired my daughter's car door lock. Went online, followed the video, hey presto, job done. Similarly, I repaired my cat after he got into it with a whip it. Wow. Oh, dear. I think it went pretty well anyway. Oh, well. Because Absolute Radio does not recommend

watching YouTube videos to stitch up animals or humans. I'll keep that name redacted, I think, yeah? Yeah. To protect the... I'm assuming it was those little butterfly plaster stickers things. I remember my... Not real. Actually, I won't tell this story.

Yeah, yeah, maybe not. My dad did a bit of home vetting, but... Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah, exactly. I don't like this. No, no. And I don't even know it.

We'll leave it there. We'll change the subject. Yes. We'll change the subject. Should we talk about this... Hold on, can I talk about something. No, no. And I don't even know it. We'll leave it there. We'll change the subject. Yes. We'll change the subject. Should we talk about this? Hold on. Can I talk about something? Oh, yeah.

I watched Kate Winslet doing a BFI interview. You know, I'm a big Winsletian. You really are. I'm a big fan of KW. And she was on about when she got her first film part. Now, we've all got agents. I wonder how you feel about this. So she was in a thing called Heavenly Creatures.

Have you ever seen it? I remember it well. It was an Australian movie. That's right. And it was actually Peter Jackson, I think, who directed it. Yes. So anyway, she was 17 years old it was actually Peter Jackson, I think, who directed it. Yes. So anyway, she was 17 years old.

Mm-hmm. And she went off, she had several, a bit like you and the French lieutenant's woman. I started to bring it up. She had a few callbacks. Yeah. Right. And then she went in and they seemed to really like her.

So she was waiting for the call. Anyway, after about a week, her agent, she said she was working in a sandwich, in a deli in Reading. And the phone went and it was her agent. And she said, I just knew, I was so excited. And my agent, I picked up the phone, my agent said, you clever girl. And I thought, I wouldn't be happy with that.

I'd say thanks. By the way, you're fired. You don't like clever girl. I don't like you clever girl, do you? Well, as someone born in that world, Frank, that is a very glasses on a lanyard thing to say. OK. In the same way that when an agent, when I started working for a magazine, I think it was Sunday Times magazine, I was an intern, and I called up to request an interview with Daniel Day-Lewis.

And his agent said, sorry, lovey, no can do, and slammed the phone down. I wasn't offended because I imagined the glasses on the lanyard. This is the language he speaks. Well, that reminds me of someone told me about Danny LaRue, the famous, what was then called a female impersonator. I don't know what the term would be now. Yeah. But he'd agreed to do a show at this theatre

and he said that the thing was, he travelled everywhere with his dog. And they need to make sure that the hotel was okay with it. So they checked with the hotel, it was fine. So it was all booked. And then the hotel phoned and said, actually, we've had a rethink. We can't take the dog. So some poor soul at the theatre had to phone Danny LaRue.

And he said, no dog, no Danny. And put the phone down. That was the end of that. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Can I tell you, occasionally, this is occasional, a lot of me on Absolute Radio,

I do a full-on interview with someone that goes out sort of podcast form. And I've done Roger Daltrey, Noel Gallagher, Russell T Davies, and of course the award-winning Al Gore interview, though I say to shouldn't. But this week, but this week from Wednesday I am doing an interview it says it's called

Frank Skinner in conversation with then it's got dot dot dot Emily Dean Emily Dean yeah

so I'm actually interviewing Emily Dean brilliant I'm in good company I feel a bit embarrassed I'm up there with the likes of Gore I mean what's going on big act company. I feel a bit embarrassed. I'm up there with the likes of Gore.

I mean, what's going on? Big act to follow. It's a bit, it's a peculiar thing, interviewing someone you know well. It's a bit, it's a bit, I think we got over the phoniness quickly and got into that. Well, there was about a 10 second, no, probably about 60 seconds of phoniness. And then you just relax. You know when you've been talking to someone backstage and then you go on, start the show

and they come on and shake hands with you? Yes. It was a bit like that. It was all turned out rather lovely. Thank you. So listen in. Talk to that. Yeah, that's downloaded on Wednesday.

Mittwoch, as they call it in Germany. What do they call it in France? What's Mittwoch? Midweek. Oh. Is it midweek? But they call Wednesday Mittwoch, as they call it in Germany. What do they call it in France? What's Mittwoch? Midweek. Oh. Is it midweek? But they call Wednesday Mittwoch, don't they? Oh, do they?

Okay. Very, yeah. What is it? I think it's Mekradi. Mekradi, okay. Thanks very much. I have some news, which you may be familiar already with this news, but I'm rather obsessed by, it's a bit of a Bear Grylls type

pal. He's one of your lot. What? Okay. Male. An adventurer. Well, exactly. You get what I mean, Frank. A sort of active male. Yeah. He did... Meaning? No, the sort of... Not so sedentary. No, it's a... It's not a type

of camel. Oh. A little bit Gillette the best a man can get. Yes, I's a... It's not a type of camel. A little bit Gillette the best a man can get. Yes, I know what you mean. I'm fine with it. I know. It's not that I don't see you like that, but I see you more buried in Prufrock, you know, on a nice bridge in London.

Okay. Now, he did a 100-mile marathon. What's his name again? He's got a special name, hasn't he? Oh, yes. Attention must be paid. He is called Peter Messavy Gross. Gross. I went to a school

with a boy with the surname Gross. Did you? And it was a bold choice for this character to hang on to it because, I mean, this boy I went to school with had a terrible time. Really? For being called Gross? Grossy Gross. We were adults at this point. We still carried on. I went to school, we had a terrible time. Really? For being called gross? Gross, grossy gross. Right.

No, we were adults at this point. Oh, OK. We still carried on. But he had planned this huge expedition to Mongolia, of all places. It's called something, is it the... Ulaanbaatar. The Mongol 100, it's called. And you run, you actually run 100 miles over a frozen lake.

Yeah. Yes. So it's a big old challenge. He bought specialist kit. Well, you would. Well, then what happened? The airline lost his luggage. So what did he decide to wear, Frank Skinner,

for his expedition for 100 miles across Mongolia? A lot of us having... Apparently he spent six months researching the right equipment to wear. This is true. And then they lost it, the airline lost it, and he did it in a pair of blue jeans and some brogues. Yeah. It's the brogues.

A hundred mile run across a frozen lake. We'll come back to this character in a minute. I think we will. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Although I've never done anything of this extreme nature... Ultramarathoning, I believe they call it. I've been on a few walking holidays with my partner, Kath, and we've done, you know, I mean, 20-odd miles a day,

nothing, you know, no running involved. Wowee. And I have been... It's making me think now that the money I've spent on... Gore... Gore-Tex walking boots. Gore-Tex this and all that stuff. I could have done it in a suit and tie.

Well, the money I spent on Kendall mint cake, which I genuinely bought when I had to go to the shop and watch you buy the equipment. It's true, actually. Isn't that true, Frank? I had to buy Kendall mint cake. I was so tired from waiting for him. Quite a long time trying on...

You know, state-of-the-art gear. That was when I was so tired from waiting for him. I was in there quite a long time trying on, you know, state of the art gear. That was when I was going to the Hebrides where bad weather was predicted. You've done your fair share of waiting over the years.

But have I been, have I been fooled? Have I been duped? Well, to an extent. I believe that the, who was it that first climbed Everest? Sir Edmund Hillary.

Yeah, I think... Very good, Frank. Well, actually, Sherpa Tenzing got there first. Was Captain Oates on that trip? No, no, that was... Oh, he's the other one. ...Scotty the Antarctic. Oh, dear.

I think there were people... It's not my area. ...that climbed it in a three-piece suit before that. Was there? Like, early ones, yeah. Well, not before Hillary, because he was the first to climb it, wasn't he? To finish it?

I mean, I think a few tried and failed so some went up in suits I think back in the day those are my type I love those characters in the suits a tweed suit

I mean it's a good fabric but it's a very this brogue thing it's very British he is actually from New Zealand this guy I think or he's wasn't there but he went for the brogue

well he had the brogue I think I don't Yeah. He went for the brogue. Well, he had the brogue. I think... No, he was wearing the brogue boot, wasn't he? Yeah, for the flight, which is weird. So what happened? He said he couldn't get... They'd lost the luggage. And why didn't he buy trainers, at least?

He's size 13 feet. And apparently this is what it said, that in Mongolia, they tend to be a bit smaller. And they said, like, theolia, they tend to be a bit smaller. And they said, like, the biggest shoe you could ever get, even, like, if you went to the Mongolian outsized man shop, is size 11. And that's quite a shop to find. It is, yeah.

There's a shop at the bottom of my road. Yes. Which is for bigger shoes than most people need. Oh, yes. And it's in the middle of a normal shopping centre with you know, grocers and stuff like that. And I've never been in it, and I'll be honest with you,

I'm slightly frightened. The whole prospect of it I find slightly frightening. Just because it's there. Why? I've looked in and there's some big... Shoes. Big, I find slightly frightening. Just because it's there. I've looked in and there's some big... Shoes. Big, like ferret beds. There's only like three things in the window display that can't fit a whole pair in.

You could ski. I'm going skiing. Can I have a pair of those? But I think I'd be frightened to go in there because I know they'd look at me and say, yeah, what do you want? Do they have a picture of Andre the Giant signed on the wall? Well, I don't even know how small they go in a big...

Right. You know, I'd take a nine. What size are you, Al? I'm 43 UK. So, Al? I'm a size 10. You see, that's... You might creep in at the lower end

I might 9 and 10 that seems about right If I was smuggling I might be glad I'd have a pair of size 14 Yeah you could get those big size 14's Put your Kendall mint cake in there and off you go Lovely

I like the clown look Clowns like brogues as well They do They favour a brogue, don't they? Honestly, I've lived there now for four years. I've never been in that shop. Go in. I think we should go in.

I think I should. I don't even know what it's called. I'm going to go in with you. Bigfoot. It's not called Bigfoot. I don't know what it's called. It's kind of a name that signifies it. Presumably, colloquially, people call it the big shoe shop.

And then they go, it's not that big a shoe shop. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? It is the name that must never be pronounced because I've never heard anyone, any of my neighbours, all that stuff, it never, it's like, you know those trap streets they used to put on maps? Yeah, yeah.

Maybe I'm the only person who can see it. But I wouldn't go in there for £100, I don't think. £200? I like the idea that it frightens you. Let's make a game of this. Something about feet that big. Skinner's got a price. I want to know his price for going in there.

We found out what price is right It's a shoe shop The outsize, they use the word outsize I'm going to find out what it's I might google it I'll google it and it won't exist almost certainly

I mean there's laces in there you could use as clotheslines Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio I mean, there's laces in there you could use as clotheslines. We've got a lot of info on shoes now. OK. Haven't we, Al? We've got 504. The shoe shop you're talking about is Magnus Shoes.

He sent this in. OK. Why would it be... Is Magnus, is that a Latin term for big or something? Oh, yes. I don't know. I thought, unless... It might have been opened in the 70s and Magnus Pike...

Or Magnus Magnussen. Magnussen or Pike. Magnus Magnussen seemed... Magnus Pike seemed taller. Well, Magnus Magnussen must have had massively big feet. So big they named them twice My mate has size 15 feet

And this place is his preferred Only shop of choice Anthony Number of people getting in touch about Magnus It's okay to have big feet I'm not saying that I'm saying if I went in there

And the assistant appeared, I would be... I wouldn't be able to look down. I just wouldn't be able to look down because I don't know what I might see. I'd be frightened of standing on them. Well, they do sizes up to 19. Whoa. Do they? Whoa. Well, there you go.

Well, you've actually done them a bit of advertising. Oh, look, I'm sorry. Sorry, Al. Several emails saying, I'm visiting London with my friend who's a size 15 soon. Well, go to Magnus. Oh, they are.

And they start, I believe, 11 to 19 is the men's sizes. So there'll be no business for you in their FS. And also, if you've got a Dachshund that you're looking to transport, that'll be one of those. You could wear it like a papoose, a size 19 brogue. Yes.

Anyway, so this blog... Or someone else says, sorry, Frank, but Hazel and Ali say, thanks for the tip about your local shoe shop with shoes the size of ferret beds. Yeah. Me and my size 14 partner are visiting London next month. So, yeah.

Perfect. Well, that'll be really good. We've also got a follow-up from the chap who first spoke to his Swedish wife, now wife, on the tube. Can I say the great thing about that shoe shop is people will be able to look at the shoes on the lower thing without having to bend their knees. And also, someone else, Al, has pointed out, 071,

tell Frank the big shoe shop may be one of Mr Ben's shops. Yes. Maybe he can be whoever he wants to be when he goes in. No, I'm not going in. Are you really? I'm going to say full respect, and I'm happy to give them some more time, but you're not getting me in there. All right.

Sorry, Al. I believe you just referred to me meeting my Swedish wife on the tube. Just to follow up, I was inspired by my grandad who winked at my grandma on the bus when they were teens. They were happily married for many years. Tell your readers, be brave, you never know. Yes, probably the least appropriate advice one could

give in 2019. Don't come to us with your police statements. Wowee. But yeah, good luck with that approach. We like to swim against the tide of public opinion sometimes. Well, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, if he was going to end up doing this four-day, 100-mile, what was it, on a glacier or a frozen lake? No, it's a frozen lake. A frozen lake, yeah. And he had to do it in brogues. It's a shame, really, that he hadn't worn slippers. Slippers?

Oh, yeah. Is this a frozen slip? Yes, no, no, I'm with you. Is this on? I saw the picture. Is this on? Oh. Should do hard.

Someone's been sipping from Frank's cup. Frank, I saw the pictures of the boots, the brogue boots, and I was relieved. Yeah. Firstly, can I say, they look not unlike, you were talking about Van Gogh earlier. Yeah. The Van Gogh boots. Yeah.

I thought they had a slight Mary Poppins feel. Yes. But I was relieved because so often people incorrectly use the word brogue to describe what is in fact an Oxford. Oh. Is that right? And there are, the Oxford and the Brogue are often confused. I'm so glad to have you on the show in moments like this.

Thank you. We don't want to mislead the general public. If we could just say a Brogue has perforations on it, but also has the exposed eyelet. Do you see? So the Oxford has a hidden eyelet. That's more like a dressage. So the rule is that a gentleman would never wear a brogue

with a dinner suit so you couldn't have a slip on brogue good heavens no you need an exposed eyelet my point about him is I think he was a gent because he was at least wearing the brogue with jeans because it's more of a country look

but I did find the sight of him there was one photo of him in the faded blue jeans i mean they weren't boot cut but still nevertheless slipping about on that ice i mean it was very top gear although he looked like a dashing character in the pictures i mean he grew in the beard apparently deliberately to get to keep warm yeah but the way he was... I might do that. He had like a sort of a... like a turban type thing wrapped around... He looked like Lawrence of Arabia or something like that.

T.E. Lawrence. Yeah. He liked to laugh. Was that on his number plate? Yeah. T.E.L. T.E.5. I still have a problem with him doing the flight in brug boots.

I mean, it's not a long-haul flight shoe, is it? You want something comfortable. Exactly. You want to slip on. Something, you know, relaxing to wear. A bit of room, maybe from Magnus. A flip-flop, yeah. Yeah.

Or similar. Magnus could have helped out, Frank. I don't know if it qualifies hand luggage. You might have to go in. Sorry, sir, your shoes are going to have to go in the hole. It reminded me of, I once went swimming and I'd forgot my trunks when I realised I was already... Wowee.

So I had to go pants. You'd swam in pants? I swam in my pants. What, like the ones you wore in the Vengaboys video? No, no, they were more

boxer shorty type pants and I thought these would be alright but they, I wasn't. Boxer shorts, what Homer Simpson? I mean,

what sort of type are we talking? We're talking a cotton boxer here or a flingy. I think the man who sold me was Homer Simpson.

Oh no, Homer Simpson, yes. Well, but a flingy... I think the man who sold me was Homer Simpson. Oh, no, Homer Simpson, yes. Well, all I'm saying is, I think Frank certainly had to go to the Magna shop for his boxes. The third case, well, the thing is with swimming trunks, the material they're made of, and I don't know if this is deliberate, they give you a sort of generalised outline. Ooh, dear. Exactly. Ooh, I don't like this. is deliberate, they give you a sort of generalised outline. Oh, dear.

Exactly. Oh, I don't like this. They give you a pricey. No, I don't like it. Whereas if you wear the wet pants, then you get the small print. Oh, my goodness. So to speak.

Oh, my God. I feel like I've walked into Magnus' shop. I know. I think my pants qualified as brogues. I seem to remember an exposed eyelet. Oh, what happened? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So we're discussing Peter Masservey-Gross,

PMG as we've dubbed him. But not on his personalised number plate. No. But he also got... PG-75. He also got a nickname because if you've just tuned in

he lost his luggage on the way to do a 100 mile ultra marathon and so he did it in his boots that he'd travelled in his brogues

and they nicknamed the other competitors they nicknamed him the Rogan Brogues yeah of course they did I I mean, it was too tempting not to. It's not the worst nickname,

is it? Speaking of somebody who went through school with the surname Cochran, he's done alright. No, he'll be alright. I mean, your bar's low. I'd be more embarrassed about running in jeans at my age. I'd be more embarrassed about wearing them. I don't wear blue denim jeans. Don't you? I'm new.

No, no. Because I'm over 50 and not a cowboy. And that, to me, is how you do it. It's a very draconian approach. I mean, you know, you can wear... I like a senior figure in jeans. I am one today. I can't cope. I told you I saw Jonathan Miller

at his own production of La Boheme in blue jeans and it looked awful. Oh. Wow. That's some Will Gompertz's review. Van Gogh. The La Boheme was great. Yes. The legwear. So what age should I stop wearing

blue jeans at? Fifty. Right on there. Really? Women can wear them forever. Oh oh do you know i love you and then at 60 can i go to like a yoga trouser and a suit jacket like elton john is that allowed no you go to he likes a shell suit though exactly you go to the i have given up shop like the rest of us okay can't wait although frank skinner not go there, can I say he looks fabulous this morning in a floral shirt, which is very this season, because it's got a sort of dark floral.

It's like I call it a goth floral. I would tell you what, if I knew what make it was, I'd tell you. Hold on, the producer. I think it's probably Ted Baker. Have a look at my label. But we'll get back to you on that. Ted Baker, I'm imagining.

Yes, I was correct. See, I recognise on site. Thank you. Oh, well. Good work. This, um... Is that... I want to ask you a question about...

I don't suppose either of you have been to Mongolia, have you? I haven't. Only in jokes. When you're out of Mongolia. Well, exactly. Is there an inner Mongolia? Because all I ever heard referred to was outer Mongolia. It's a real shame this is the last link,

because I think that's the sort of thing that could light up the switchboard, Frank. Is there an inner Mongolia? I was talking to Ross Kent once, and he told me that he'd filmed with right-wing vigilante groups in Mongolia. Doesn't sound like Ross Kent. And he singled them out as scary... I mean, he'd already worked with

Mexican drug barons and the Ku Klux Klan. Right. Ku Klux Klan, by the way. I often hear it said as Clue Klux Klan. Do you? You're right.

But you know what? They haven't a clue. No, excellent. So Ross Kane said... but he singled out the Mongolian right wing vigilante groups as particularly scary can I say what I love Frank Ross Kemp his greatest fear

is the Mongolian right wing groups your greatest fear is an outside shoe shop in Hampstead that shows something about our life experiences doesn't it? I can imagine if I took him and we just had a little look in the window at that shop,

he might want to rethink his league table of fear. He'd go, no, fine, I'll handle this. Well, someone has mentioned that opposite the Magnus shop, there is a long, tall Sally. Can only giants live in that area of London, they ask? A long, tall...

Like a tall women's clothes shop. I think this must be a different branch of Magnus. There's probably... I think one of them is left feet and one of them is right feet. Well, they span three boroughs, the Magnus. That's there, isn't it? Yeah. And then there's the high-rise one, the tiptoe Magnus.

Yeah. And then there's the high rise one, the tiptoe Magnus. Anyway, if you've got feet that are bigger than a nine or ten, go and check them out. That'll be my advice. Or really long nails, I suppose, that you want to nurture. I've got lots of paperwork here. So can I remind you again that we have a podcast coming out on Wednesday the 3rd of April,

which is Frank Skinner in conversation with dot dot dot Emily Dean. Yes. Thank you so much for listening to us today. Listen to me and Emily on Wednesday. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't arise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out!