The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Favourite Viaduct

Episode Date: January 19, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been to the British Museum and tells the team of his New Year's resolution. The gang also discuss the dark side of the moon and the friendly devil statue.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Fabulous. Instagram, eh? I don't know what they'll come up with next

I think they've come up with stuff since Instagram have they yes there's all sorts of things I'm so behind

the other one what else what's gone though is Tumblr gone now no no Tumblr yes Frank's still

getting over BHS going don't start with Tumblr well Frank's still getting over BHS going. Don't start with Tumblr. Well, Frank's still very attached to MySpace. Is he? Yes. Me and 800 goth girls.

What a revolution we could start. What an autobiography that would be if someone would write it. I think that's Russell Brand's autobiography. We left. Well, you left the nation on tenterhooks, Frank, regarding the dark side of the moon last week. Yes. Did you recall? Now, for people who didn't listen last week, and for ones who've got short-term memory loss,

What happened was the Chinese have landed, I think, two craft on the dark side of the moon. That's what they said. And my thing was, how can you have a dark side of the moon if the moon is spinning? Every dark has its day, as the saying goes, I think. Yeah. Well, fortunately, Rob has been in touch to clear this matter up. Oh, good. Now for the science bit.

Now for the science bit. I wish we had a science jingle. Oh, think of something science-y. Call it the lady with the science bit. This is science-y. OK. OK, slightly out of date, sciency. Hello, Frank and crew. Oh, I like they've used crew.

Yo. Very moon appropriate. You were right in saying that there is no dark side of the moon. OK, that's moving on. I'm afraid there's more. Oh. In fact, these words are spoken on the album Dark Side of the Moon, if you listen carefully.

The recent one. The moon always keeps the same face towards Earth as it rotates around the Earth. And we know that the face we see is sometimes bright and sometimes dark. It's the same with the face we can't see. It's sometimes light and sometimes dark. The report about the Chinese lander was not accurate. It should have talked about the side of the

moon facing away from us, not the dark side of the moon. Anyway, love the show. Rob. Oh, sorry about the praise sneaking in there. I couldn't help it. I'm sorry. So I always say... I always say, you know the man in the moon?

Yes. I can always see him, you know, mouth slightly agape. Oh, yes, yeah. So that suggests that we're always looking at the same side. I think probably you can't always see him. You just think you can always see him. Oh, really? I don't remember ever looking up and thinking,

wait, hold on. Where's he gone? Where's the man in the moon? Well, maybe you're right. The mind plays terrible tricks on people, of course. I was watching a programme last night about the use of LSD in the 60s. Oh, yeah.

And they were very confused. There's many here. Immensely confused. I've heard about some of their confusions. Yeah, yeah. Which included Pink Floyd. See, I only ever listened to the first Pink Floyd album. I sort of have...

Once Sid Barrett left, I thought it became slightly... Less into it. Yes. Yes, okay. Considerably less into it, to the point of not listening to it at all. It's a bit platform black trainers. I'm sure we've got a lot of listeners who love it,

and God bless them, but it left me very Dark Side of the Moon cold. Did it? Okay. Well, now we've done the science bit, I think we also... So there isn't a Dark Side of the Moon. That's quite a big newsflash, isn't it?

What it should be called is the other side. Yeah, the other side of the moon. Okay. Far side, even. I'll meet you on the other side of the moon. No, you're all right, thanks. That does sound like a pub car park. Then you'd want a chorus to come in and say,

how do you mean the other side of the moon? Anyway, let's not go. I don't want to create a concept album live on air. Or do I? 8, 12, 15, now... Most disappointing news of the year. Got a little bit of info in for you. On my email troll, where I read the Friday night emails.

Evening, Alan, on his Friday night troll. Hello to Frank and the lovely Miss M now. Long-time reader,, first time emailer. I'm really pleased to hear about a new segment on your show about past ominum gatherum. I don't know what that is. Do you know what that is? Ominum gatherum.

Anyway, while we ponder that, I'll continue. I just found my parish priest. As I usually listen to your show on a podcast midweek to distract me from the pain of running, I'm now, I'm never on time to contact you in the moment about your anecdotes. They say hilarious anecdotes, but I thought it would be good to just... No, thanks.

No, you can't have that. Frank has mentioned in two shows now... It might have been some of my other anecdotes, my sort of bleak... Yeah, the miserable stuff. Yeah, desperate anecdotes I throw in now and again. Frank has mentioned in two shows now the story of dear Cilla Black, who used to pronounce the word Wi-Fi as Wi-Fi.

Oh, yeah. Cilla used to have a house in Malaga and lived there during the winter months. Wi-Fi is how the Spanish pronounce Wi-Fi. Oh. So I think Cilla was being a bit Spanglish when she was talking, when she was chatting to Frank. Anyway, I hope this clears the mystery up. Sorry if this is completely null and void,

and null and void's your joke. No, that's really interesting. It is. Thank you, Liz, for that. I always assumed, Liz, that Ccylla had got it mixed up with... What's the thing where you play tennis on that game? Oh, Nintendo Wii. Yes, the Wii, yeah.

Yeah, so I thought she'd got Wii mixed up with Wi-Fi. I just thought she was confused. And got into Wi-Fi. Yeah, exactly. Step inside, love. She's back. Let me show you the way Good old Cilla

And another story I've always told Which I'm going to tell again Is when I saw her leaving her dressing room At the London Studios With not only all the stuff From the flowers The newspapers The stuff around the sink

The shampoo Everything in her arms. Multi-millionaire. God bless her for that. I respect her for that. I've left with a lot of stuff in my time. Have you? Oh, God, I've got three. Actually, those were gifts.

Now I've come to think of it. I've got three London Studios dressing gowns, robes. They're good quality. Oh, yeah. Well, it's closed down now, so they'll have to collect us items. Yes, now I'm trapped in a... In a link. You're trapped in a heart.

What are we going to do? Can't Scylla get us out of this? Okay, what about... Something tells me something's going to happen tonight. That'll do it. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've had another...

Were you going to say something? Please do. No, I was just making noises. I just wanted to share this with you. This is from 467. Hi, Frank and team. With reference to the moon, come on, it's really not hard. Well, the moon does one full rotation in the same time it takes to travel around the Earth. Hence, we always see the same side of the moon.

That's Lee in Taunton. But that's not what Al was saying. No, I was wrong. Okay. I was wrong in a different way from you were wrong. Oh, that's okay. That's where we're at. But it is commonly used, the term dark side of the moon.

So, you know, don't blame me. And it is a common problem because it should be the other side of the moon from us, I think. But I think this person is obviously of scientific mind. Lee in Taunton. I think Lee in Taunton has got a bit of the Glenn Hoddle about him. Get well soon. In that, you know, they always say that Glenn Hoddle,

when he went to Tottenham, got the coach to wallop the ball at him. He took it on his chest, dropped it down to his thigh and smacked it into the top corner and said, when I've been here six weeks, I want you all to be able to do that. And there was some big stopper centre-halves going, erm. And I think it's hard to realise that not everyone is as clever as you are. Yeah, Lee. Good night.

No, it's not the end. Don't worry. Speaking of, you know, I like a bit of history. Yeah? Oh, yeah. A bit of history. I went to the british museum with my child and we saw the louis chessman are you familiar with the louis chessman

they're very very beautiful it's a chess set that was found buried these very old figures yeah they're lovely sort of weird anglo-saxon kings and queens. Have you seen other Lewis Chessmen before? I went to see some in Edinburgh one year. I think they've got a few up there. We've talked about these little guys. Do you remember when I went to see Nog in the Nog? Open, inverted commas, better than Hamilton. Yes, I believe they used that for the poster.

Yeah, and it was. But Nog in the Nog, the popular TV kids' programme, was, I say popular, 40 years ago or more, was based on the Lewis Chessmen as well. Oh, I see, yeah. And I love them. I've been to see them several times. I've got a book about them.

I just think they look great. I've held one. Wow. Anyway, for all that time, I've never, it's never occurred to me what Buzz said to me. Hold on a minute. He says they're all white. I don't mean in a

Michael Barrymore way. Right. All white. He said they're all white. So how did you know who was who? And that has never occurred to me before, that they are all white. So there's enough of them for two

players? Yeah. How big are these chessmen? I would say, let me think. Do you know that I've said chessmen like it's the 7th? Three or four inches high. Not the pawns, but the figures. More powerful pieces on the back row.

Yeah, exactly. Not like the House of Commons, of course, where the backbenchers are less where they used to be, but now. Yeah. Wow. A little bit political. So if anyone knows how come all the Lewis chess men are white, I'd love to know.

Oh, everyone's going to be doing that text in this morning, Frank, on commercial radio. Yeah, well, you could do it about almost any TV show up until about ten years ago. But with a chess set, it's, you know, it is quite a thing. I also, we saw the right, do you know the Royal Game of Ur? No. That's the thing at the British Museum, long, fascinating.

Yeah. Called the Royal Game of Ur, which I always thought was named by a very, an overzealous stenographer. So this is the Royal Game of Ur,... It's just written as that. That's also like a game from about 5,000 years ago. Like a sort of... Like Tommy Knows Com Ludo. Have a go to the British Museum.

Well, I find some of the old school games, though, they're quite basic, aren't they, some of them? I mean, there's no Miss Scarlet or Prof Plum. Well, this one looks hard, though. Does it? The Royal Game of... It looks really hard. It does.

I mean, I think they've worked out. You can buy them there to go home and play with. Really? Anyone fancy a game of the Royal Game of... Oh, what a great Christmas that would have been. Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio.

Absolute Radio. So, yes. By the way, one thing we haven't done thus far, and it's, what's the date? The date is the 19th of January. So we're more than halfway through January. Yeah.

And I don't think anyone has fessed up to a New Year's resolution. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's getting a bit late now for these things. Well, most of them, of course,

have already collapsed. Yeah. When I used to run regularly, this time of the year, suddenly the streets became crowded with runners, and around about this time, they'd be starting to thin out somewhat. Well, I've been wondering about that, Frank.

What, running? Well, I mean, I worry, because it is very ageing. This is the problem. Running is ageing. Yeah, it's terrible. But I do, facially, it's bad for the face is it really in what way oh it's terrible it's all that um it's the gravity thing it's all like jigging about yes it's all the jigging about you're shaking your face up and down you're joking yeah on a repeated yeah up and down up and down

On a repeated, yeah, up and down, up and down. I think your face is going on a run. Yeah. It's really strong. He's looking. That's never occurred to me. My partner runs every day and she's very beautiful. She looks marvellous, I know.

She also shakes her head quite a lot. For now. Maybe that levels it out, the amount of negative head shaking she does. Having said that, I did commit on this show once, you may recall... To run 100 metres in heels? I said... No, not in heels. Wasn't it? No, what it was, I said...

I'm getting you mixed up with Ginger Rogers. Yes. I said... Do you know Ginger Rogers? No, but thanks for the tip. I thought that possibly, and maybe devastating it slightly, I thought running 100 metres, that it looked relatively easy. Yes.

And I might be about the same time as Usain Bolt. I didn't... I remember that. I think, to be fair, I think you agreed you might put a second on it. Maybe one second. Yeah. And so I said I was going to do it and I didn't I'm going to do that this year

are you how are you I'm going to get our producer Sarah to supervise it to check there's no cheating you're going to do the 100 metres I'm going to do it

what kind of surface are you going to be on I can do it around well we'll have to 100 metres is around the length of a football pitch I think isn't it yeah

it's a bit further than I thought. One length, yeah, yeah. I didn't know it was that long. What, 100 metres? Yeah. Yeah, you can... Anyway, the current record, I think,

is 9.58 seconds, so... If you beat that, I'll be really impressed. That'd be great if you beat that. Imagine if I beat that. Because, you know know in the Guinness Book of Records, which my son is a tremendous enthusiast of,

there's all sorts of people with records that you wouldn't think have just come up with a clever record. But for someone to get the 100 metres... But I've now got 9.57. No one could believe it. What would be worse if you got it and the weather conditions were wrong and you didn't get it in the book?

Well, because also I was wearing fashion trainers. But we're not going to have any official legislator people. What about the producer? Someone at Absolute Radio. I don't think they'll do it on just a producer with a stock watch. I think they've probably got other... No, they've got other work. Other metrics that they use to make sure it's...

But what a sickness. I mean, I wonder how many people have broken the world record just in training and stuff like that. Well, this is it. This is why I think it's time I did it

because I think it's quite easy. People just don't try it. Okay? I think there are times when I've been trying to avoid falling over where I've,

for a brief stretch, I've hit very high speeds. Oh, yeah? Yeah. But I mean, for a very... I don't think I've kept that up for 100 yards. Though I once filmed with Peter Purvis. Worked for the mall.

He worked for the mall. Of Blue Peter and perhaps more notably Doctor Who, of course. Was he Goldie's owner? Yeah, anyway. I go by dogs. Was he Goldie's owner yeah anyway I go by dogs was he Goldie's owner yeah I go by dogs Goldie's owner

sounds like a good name for a prog rock band I went to see a Goldie's owner last night they were amazing and he tripped

and I bet you he ran over 50 yards I mean with his nose 18 inches from the ground it was one of the bravest

attempts at staying upright I've ever seen by a tripper. Were his arms busy at this point? He was doing all the right things but I'm afraid gravity at the end of the day stamped its authority on the situation and down he went but

you wouldn't believe what he said about Biddy Baxter but I'll tell you off air. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. Did you have a New Year's resolution? Yes. Oh, did you? Mine, this is a serious one, actually. You know what, you've got to...

Is that mine? New Year's resolution. I'm going for the serious bit. You've got to look at your faults. New Year's Resolution you've got to look at your faults try and look at your faults

and sort them out we'll do that love we'll do that for you so one thing I've noticed I do

and I'm not counting this on the show because this is a slightly different this is IRL we are a

three-headed monster do you know what I mean we speak as one in many ways so This is IRL. We are a three-headed monster. Do you know what I mean? We speak as one in many ways. So this is IRL. So what I do, I've found in company, is I interrupt people quite a lot.

With funny things to say. Well, sometimes, and sometimes just helping them to be more interesting. You've never struck me as an interrupter. Perhaps I don't interrupt you as much, you see, but I've realised that a lot of my friends, I am, there's that moment where I see them go, oh, because I've come in to speak.

Why don't you interrupt us then? Maybe you're frightened of me. I do, but it's not so bad because you're being paid. Yeah, it's more acceptable. You. Yeah, it's more acceptable. You're right, it's more acceptable. But also, if I may say, I would suggest that maybe Frank doesn't interrupt you as much as the people that he's talking about, Emily,

because you're already funny and interesting and that's what he's trying to bring them up to speed on. What are you saying about my friends? That's what I'm... They're two of the nicest people I know. Boring, though, aren't they't they well I've realised now of course I've been carrying them for years I mean honestly this is starting to happen

though is now I'm not interrupting people I'm thinking falling asleep it's unbearable I thought they were interesting but I realised no it was just smart editing on my part. Honestly, people go on and on.

Well, you need, and then you have to sort of usher them off the chat show. Yeah. This is the thing. Really, though, I mean. What sort of interruptions will you make, Frank? So in a conversation with one of your friends. One of the reasons, I think, is as I've got older, sometimes I think

of something brilliant to say. And by the time I've let them finish their dreary sentence, I've forgotten it. And I think you just have to,

you know, you have to have a scale in your mind of what's worth it. And, you know, there's a famous thing, isn't there, that Alan Shearer would push people out the. And, you know, there's a famous thing, isn't there, that Alan Shearer would push people out the way,

you know, to go for a ball in a sort of a, I'm better, I'm good at this, you better leave it to me. And, you know, it's that. So I've let people now witter on. Oh, yeah. And I'm starting to think it's not done me any favours, it's not doing them any favours. I think you're right.

I'm just making a New Year's resolution now to interrupt people more. I don't want to have to go through this that Frank's covered through. It's amazing what you can do with some interruptions and a bit of guidance. Yeah. You can actually turn people into sort of a relatively interesting companion. But if you let them just roam free, I mean, honestly, I don't know how they get on when I'm not there.

It must be beyond tedious. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. We were just talking. Yes. Just generally. Yeah. And Emily mentioned, used the phrase, Britain's third richest man. Well, I don't mind saying what it was in relation to.

Go on then. It's very honest. When I was a teenager and I had, I don't know how the kids describe it now. It wasn't, I mean, it was an innocent, it was a kiss. We used to say snogging in my days. Tongue sandwich. Yeah. Is that too far?

Yeah. All right. I must have been about 16 or 17. And anyway, I was a bit, I... It didn't go anywhere, sadly. I think I was a bit embarrassed and I did that thing of, I think I quite liked him but then I ignored him because that's what I thought you should do. It can't be cool.

And then I was telling this story to Frank and Alan and I said and now he's Britain's third richest man. Yeah, I love that. He might have slipped down a bit now, I think. Have you not got the rich list? Well, I'm going to So, third. He might have slipped down a bit now, I think. I think I've got the rich list. Well, I'm going to have to get it up. What's that thing they have in the Times, the rich list?

Oh, yeah. That's what he was on, I think. I saw him on there. What I'd like to know is, why do we only get the top end of this phenomenon? That's a good point. Who is Britain's third poorest man? And why doesn't he get any part of it?

It would be considered shaming. Imagine the poor list. The poor list, which is a brochure that came out the Sunday Times. The hundred poorest people in Britain. I mean, that surely would tell us more about life. They could do it on the opposite page of the rich list and have, like, how in debt it is. They could have their minus credit.

I think that's such a good idea. Yeah. Bring out the poor list. Make a game of it, yeah. Stop making people feel bad about themselves all the time. Read the poor list and think, you know what, Sue? We're doing alright. I think it's good that I didn't end up with written

third richest man because I'm monstrous enough as it is. Imagine how awful I would have been. Don't say that about yourself. Okay. Texting on 8-12-15. No, don't, no, don't. Until I write, I don't. By the way, I was listening to the advert for the new Absolute Radio app.

There is a new Absolute Radio app, guys. Don't forget to download it. And one of the features that it celebrates is that there's less ads on it. I thought we had to pretend that the ads were a good thing, not talk about as if less is something, an advertising point. Can I make it clear I think the ads are brilliant

and I wouldn't want to do the show without them, Chris Evans? It makes me feel like I'm part of a proper professional organisation when there's ads, rather than some sort of charity work. I mean, you started the show today playing the adverts, didn't you? Exactly. That's tremendous work. Those of you listening on the Decade channels won't know what he's talking about.

On Absolute Radio, I played the adverts looking through Gary Gilmore's eyes. That's absolutely wonderful tremendous narrative 447 Goldie's owner was Simon Groom ok Goldie's owner yeah it was you that said it was perfect

I know I know Simon Groom I wonder how long he could manage before falling flat on his face if tripped should get all the old Blue Peter people and see who could do best. So many good ideas today. I'm still back in Purvis. I love dogs.

Do you know he had a magazine called I Love Dogs? Did he? Yeah. Fabulous. My kind of man. Yeah. He'd be a good one for the party. Well, if I got me a prescription. I got her a prescription. I thought from EastEnders. You know you're not meant to share your meds, guys.

You know that, don't you? A subscription to Your Dog, actually. Yeah, I did Your Dog. And do you know what? I loved it so much, I've carried it over. Carried it on. That's a successful one. That is tremendous news.

Whereas my partner bought me a subscription to Bindweed magazine. Oh, yeah. The Anglo-Saxon society. How did that go? I love it. Lots of pictures of soil. No, that's true. Excellent.

I wish I could say it in Old English, but I can't. Well, someone's got a birthday coming up, so I want to investigate, Al. Lewis Chessman Weekly. Oh, yes's got a birthday coming up, so I want to investigate Al. Lewis Chessman Weekly? Oh, yes. Weekly sounds a bit much. I think you'll find that Lewis Chessman

Weekly is Britain's fourth. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran

you can text the show on 81215 follow the show on Twitter and or Instagram at Frank on the Radio

email the show via the Absolute Radio website I think we've got some Twitter activity haven't we? We've had some tweets in Frank about the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I think we've got some Twitter activity. We've had some tweets in, Frank, about the Lewis Chessman. Good.

Breaking Lewis Chessman updates. A beautiful juxtaposition of old and new. Yeah, exactly. Am I the only person that's ever said that? Mr Clive has been in touch to say... Does he work at Grace Brothers. He does sound like that. Or potentially a janitor on a children's TV show in the 60s. Yeah, possibly.

Modern chess pieces are the same from all angles, apart from the knight. These face one way. Okay, so that's Mr Clive take. Do you want to explain briefly what the question you were posing? Well, yeah, the Lewis chess was a very famous and very beautiful chess set at the British Museum. And I love it because the kings and the queens and all that,

they're real characters. They're not just like generic things. But having looked at it and been fascinated by it for years, my six-year-old asked me why all the pieces were white and how did they know whose was whose. And that had never, ever occurred to me before. Well, Jim Jameson says it's the way they are facing. J. Jonah Jameson?

Mm-hmm. That's the fellow. It's the way they're facing. The trouble is the pawns are just, they're facing. J. Jonah Jameson? Mm-hmm. OK. That's the fella. It's the way they're... The trouble is the pawns are just... They're nothing. The pawns are just... Well, quite. I mean, it really is the class system held up

because after all these beautiful kings and queens and the pawns are just like little blocks. Rubbish. Yeah. I mean, Mark Williamson says, again, yours are the ones with their backs to you. Yeah, but I don't think the pawns have got backs. Yeah. I mean, Mark Williamson says, again, yours are the ones with their backs to you. Yeah, but doesn't the pawns have got backs? No.

They must have had some kind of back indication. Oh. I don't mean like indicators. No. Like rear brake lights or anything. No, exactly. They had fog lights. People still have fog lights.

Yes, definitely. Do they? Are they automatic now, Al? I hope so. I haven't switched one on for 30 years. The next thing you'll be telling me, you're not using your choke. No, you are meant to switch them on. Remember the choke?

Oh, I love the choke. Before we continue, can I just tell you both, you are meant to turn them on. You manually operate your own fog light. I didn't know that, Frank. I have no idea where they are. Oh, God, we've liked Prince Philip. He's all right, everyone. He's I have no idea where they are oh god we've liked Prince Philip he's alright everyone

he's ok no idea where they are fog lights they'll probably be downwards from you know

wherever your ignition key is yeah well somewhere around there I've been I've been alright with it so far no one's hit me

in fog that's fine that's fine then great attitude to have yeah with it so far. Why? No one's hit me in fog. That's fine. That's fine then. Great attitude to have. Yeah. It seems my method is working. We're having a second driving test. I might have a look

for the old fog lamps. Have a look because it is useful. It's not Mr Magoo. Yeah, I might have a look for the old fog lamps. Be safe, be seen. Yes, what is this here? I thought that was an M&M. Turns out it's a look with you. Be safe, be seen. Yes, what is this here?

I thought that was an M&M. Turns out it's a fog lamp button. So I will, I'll do that. So the BBC have been criticised in the Daily Mail this week. What? Oh, hang on, that's a story from every week over the last 10 or 20 years. No, but they have this week because,

I don't know if you guys are keen on news. I love a bit of news. There's been a lot of news. And I'll tell you what I like about the news especially is the topical stuff. There's been a lot of... Do you know, I heart news. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I really do. I might wear that T-shirt.

But which do you heart more, news or football? Oh, football. But I do still like news. Do you know, don't make me choose. What about football news? Somebody had to choose between political news and football and that somebody was somebody at the BBC. Do you remember when I downloaded an app

called Lightest Poetry News and nothing ever came up? In the end, I got a refund. 69p. But I know my rights. Absolute. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Just momentarily jump away from FA Cup and politics news. Well, this sounds like a newsflash. It is. Is it breaking? I'm going back to chess pieces news now. 6-6-0, we were discussing the Lewis chessmen. Yeah. And why are they all white? Surely they would need different colours

indeed. On the chess pieces, is there a dark side and a light side that would tell you which way they are facing? Or is that the moon from Nasher in Bedford? Yeah, but they're not revolving, the chessmen. Good point.

And then, I think, potentially an actual answer, a solve, a fix from Liz in Sheffield. Oh, okay. Hi Frank, half of the Lewis chess set were originally stained red, but this has worn away, so they're now all just ivory.

Oh, wow. Peter Richardson has that news as well. Oh, wow. Now it all makes absolute sense. Does, doesn't it? You know, I've got now, I don't know if I'm imagining this retrospectively, but I've got an image now that the odd bit of pink in the folds of one of the figures, but I might have... I love your detailed obsession with them. Ah, yes. It's nice.

Yeah, good on you. It's nice. Yeah, good on you. Meanwhile, the BBC have been criticised for having shown the end of the FA Cup game between, I think it was Southampton... Southampton Derby. Southampton Derby, wasn't it? Yeah.

And it went into extra time and pens, as they say in the biz. Yeah. Pens. And they've been criticised because they didn't show Theresa May's speech straight after she'd

scraped through her Well, they moved it, didn't they? They bumped it onto BBC Two. So I think the argument for the people that like to argue about such things

is that that should have been on BBC One and the football should have been moved. But can I just say, sorry, do people still have that sort of channel loyalty now? Oh, I really want to

watch that, but sadly it's on BBC 2, so I won't be able to switch over. I don't understand. I picked my team, I'm a BBC 1 guy. BBC 1 for life. I think there's a suggestion that there are people who don't have BBC 2.

Can that possibly be right? Is the whole country going to be catered for somebody that's got a broken remote control? Is that what it's all about? That would be good on the poor list. You could have a special... You know, you get boxes on features of special things. That last person to get Channel 5 is...

I wonder... I worry that was you. Is there anyone out there who can't get Channel 5 is Bruce. I wonder... I worry that was you, though. Is there anyone out there who can't get Channel 5? 8, 12, 15? Because I still used to go to places... Well, there's no one out there more obsessed with it than you. You love it. He watches everything. I used to go to places where they would say,

oh, no, we don't have Channel 5. Oh, yeah. But I don't quite understand this emphasis on it's got to be on BBC One. I mean, you know, I just wonder whether that's still relevant, that idea of this is the BBC with information. It's not like that anymore. I don't know about you, but when I look to see what I'm going to watch on telly that night,

I don't even bother looking at BBC One or ITV because I know there'll be nothing on there I like. Goodness me. So I look with faint hope at two and four. So it's Fank's management on the phone. Yeah, interesting. No, but, you know, there's never... There's always, like, cooking and people on there all the time.

People talking, Fank. And eating. Yeah. Talking and eating. People neither, Frank. And eating. Yeah. Talking and eating. People neither on the rich nor the poor list. Oh, there's a lot of the middle. There's a whole middle ground. I'll take you one further.

I don't even know what channel I'm watching, OK? It's just all one now. I think you're right. When you look at the ratings, it does suggest that some people just watch BBC One and or ITV and never, ever change over. Yeah. I mean, what's going on?

I don't... But it was her big moment, and I felt for Theresa May, only because this was her big moment. She was doing her big speech. She had the microphone, the lectern, and whenever they have the microphone and the lectern, you know that's a big speech she had the microphone the lectern and whenever they have the microphone in the lectern you know that's a big moment it's the prime minister in the Disney movie

when the aliens are about to land isn't it but Theresa May of course she planned she planned all this her and her people that it would be at 10 o'clock so she hit the main news bulletin. That was why she timed it for 10 o'clock.

And, of course, it's classic. This is classic Theresa May, that Derby scored two goals in six minutes, and then it went to... What did Theresa May do? It's about two years ago. An old lady must have approached her in the streets there. She said, do you want to buy some heather?

And she said, clear off! Has she taken something from the tomb of Tutankhamun? But really, things could not, everything goes wrong for Theresa. Two goals in six

minutes from a championship team against a Premier League team and it goes into a... Man. So, yeah, from a championship team against a Premier League team and he goes into it. Oh! Man. So, yeah, I felt for a little bit. Frank. Frank Skinner.

On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. 186 has texted us. Hi, everyone. The football versus the PM thing. Maybe the Beeb should bring back public information films pointing out that they actually have a dedicated news channel that they can watch that tosh on. Oh, anti-news.

Yeah, he's not into the news. Or she. Yeah, of course, or she. Let's not forget that. Of course, there wouldn't have been a Theresa May speech if it hadn't been for an own goal by David Cameron. Oh, very good. Yeah, they could learn a lot from...

I wonder if we could have another look at the first referendum on VAR. Very good. See if it was all OK. Excellent. That's what the people's vote is, is basically VAR. Well, yeah, depending on your opinion. I mean, essentially, what she read out was essentially directed at one person, wasn't it?

So it was all directed at Jeremy Corbyn, this speech, was my sense of it. Well, I think so, because she was mentioning, you know, in that, because I know that, because I do that in arguments, you know, it's the PASAG thing of mentioning, and I have spoken to the Liberal Democrats, all the people that had cooperated. That's the equivalent of, well, my friends all say.

But I just worried it was a bit, you know, when someone's just broken up and they put up the Instagram post saying, if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure don't deserve me at my best? Marilyn Monroe or Drew Hepburn. Do you think... It was a bit that.

Do you think Theresa May's showing Jeremy Corbyn what he's missing? Well, I really think she is, Frank. And I think the meetings... She's almost posting pictures of her and Nicola Sturgeon at an Ibiza bar saying, having a great time. Oh, no. Living my best life, hashtag West.

She's trying to play on his FOMO. Imagine... She's got a haircut. If I was out with Theresa May and Nicola Sturgeon, imagine the amount of interrupting I'd have to do. I mean, it would be... Oh, dear, we would be... Oh dear, we're like breaking the ice.

When Theresa May went out to do her speech, did she know that she was on BBC Two and clashing with the football? Did she know it? Had an aide told her, by the way, the BBC have put you on too. That would be a good text, what does Theresa May

know? I don't... Please don't do that, everyone. Do you think her people would have told her that or would they have said, oh, no, she'll be heartbroken if she thinks she's on BBC too? She'll be sick as a parrot. But then you'd feel humiliated, you know. Then she might have been angry afterwards

if they hadn't told her. Yeah. But if they had told her, she could have sneaked in a little football parlance. She could have said I sneaked through I'm over the moon you know all that stuff

that they say. Yeah she could have done that. She could have thrown in a joke couldn't she? She could have done a football yeah I've been relegated to relegated to BBC City.

Yeah. That would have been good if she'd done that but she wouldn't have done it that well. No she didn't say references to Ben she said something else. Timing and emphasis

would have been a bit wrong and it would have been an awkward clumsy joke. And then she would have walked back into number 10 like that David Cameron da da da da da Remember the little hum

he did when he re-entered? Oh yeah that was weird wasn't it? He always did that little hum when he re-entered apparently David Cameron.

Weird thing. Still we've all got our peccadillo's. Thank you. weird thing still we've all got our peccadillo's thank you this is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Emily's got some beef coming in on the emails

bring it here we go we've got an email entitled running is not bad for your face I've put that tone on there

probably it could be running is not bad for your face I can handle it but it does start a bit beef like called Running Is Not Bad For Your Face. I've put that tone on there, probably. It could be. Running Is Not Bad For Your Face. I can handle it. But it does start a bit beef-like. Emily is talking nonsense. Oh, dear. Whoa, we've all had a drink.

Okay. Steady on. Okay, officer, I'll see you get some more ice. Someone better lawyer up. If she's going to categorically state something as fact, I'm going to have to ask her to start citing sources. I think to be... I mean, I don't want to take sides here, but I...

Sure. Are you going to side with the listener abusing me? No. OK. I don't think he abused you, did he? What did he say? No. I think...

Call me a liar. Or she. He or she. No, it's a he. I'd like... I would quite like to know about the face thing. I find it interesting that Ronan... I'd like to know if Ronan does submit your face

because it throws your face at you. I'm not aware of my face moving much. I'm not categorically stating it as fact. I apologise if that came up. My opinion is that... Well, it's all an opinion, isn't it? You can always be disproved. They do look drawn, but I always? You can always be disproved. They do look a bit...

They look drawn, but I always think that's because they're very thin runners. Well, yes, because you're burning off fat. You're burning off a layer of fat, aren't you? But the main reason is the elasticity, I believe, it affects. OK. Again, just my opinion. I mean, I do what I do see,

and I think I'm allowed to say this in 2019, but sometimes I see women running in not a sturdy sports bra, and I want to say to them, excuse me, but you are going to tear tissue if you carry on. I just don't feel I can. I have to let them damage themselves. That's where we are now. I'm always happy.

PC got mad, is it? Yeah, it is. Well, I mean, to let someone damage themselves because you don't want to say the wrong thing. Say anything. Well. But I'm grateful to the person who got in touch because I will be using that for my Twitter bio.

What was it again, Al? Categorically stating... Something as fact. Since, um... I think since you joined this show, if not before it, I think. Since I joined life. But I would say. I'm guessing that's a runner

who is, um... Yeah, certainly. ...just doesn't like the idea that they're destroying their own face. Yeah. Or maybe they are, I don't know, coaches. I think it's only 40 plus that it's an issue. Oh, is it?

Yeah. I mean, I had a neighbour who was a runner once who told me the exact opposite, that he thought that it was good for your face because the sweat made it moisturised. So I guess we need some science people on this. Yeah. I've got to tell you now,

if my partner runs regularly... Well, she looks great, to be fair. Yeah, but I think she looks less... What's the word? Less tired when she's not running. If she has a couple of days, a couple of weeks off with a knee injury... Oh, this would be nice for her to hear.

Well, no, I think she always looks great, obviously. I mean... OK, well, if there is any... I don't want to be sleeping rough in this weather. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio We've heard from the outside world We have

I'd like to say that Barbara Dixon has Ladies and gentlemen, Barbara Dixon Remember the two Ronnies She follows us, she's just obviously a fan She's retweeted that you've been to see the Lewis Chessman Fabulous She knows you so well I just obviously a fan. She's retweeted that you've been to see the Lewis Chessman. Fabulous. She knows you so well.

I said not only have I been to see them. I made a joke. Thank you. Oh, you're very good. Thank you. Thank you, Frank, for the respect. No, it was... I know.

I can say I'm... From the musical. I have held... Chess? Yes. I have, funnily enough, Lewis Chessman. It's all signed in my... That's why she retweeted it.

She loves the chess pit of news. In my end is my beginning. Sorry, Frank. Yeah, so not only that, but I took my six-year-old to see the Lewis Chessman. He loved them as well. They really appeal to kids because they like cartoon things.

But the best moment he was talking about at home he was talking about ancient Egypt and about the pictograph. Tell him to give me a call, I'll tell him. The way you get drawings of birds and all that instead of letters.

Is that hieroglyphics? No, it's something else. Well, yeah, that kind of stuff. And he said, of course, they wouldn't have been able to read if it wasn't for the Rosetta Stone. all that instead of letters. Yeah. Is it hieroglyphics? No, it's something else. Well, yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah. So we're talking about that. And he said, of course, they wouldn't have been able to read if it wasn't for the Rosetta Stone. And I was astonished that they'd told him that at school. So I took him to see the Rosetta Stone. There was a big crowd. And he went, he squeezed his way through the crowd to the front of it.

And he went, that is amazing. And about six people went aww excellent it was great but the Lewis chessmen they're still the star for me probably calling them chess people next time we talk

on the show about them oh yeah that's true actually we've had some other missives have we 657 has got upset, hasn't she? Yeah. Linda has texted, there are people out here that don't own a television,

because you know we were discussing the BBC's dialona. That's a real ad tone. But does that mean that she can't afford a television, which is obviously, that's not great. Do you think she's on the poor list? It's not good, but we are going to have to forward your details to the list. Okay, well at least we don't have to forward

them to the licensing thing. Yeah, I think she just feels left out that we're chatting on the radio about television. Sorry. Some people deliberately don't have a telly because they think it's a corrupting and time-wasting thing. Right. Yeah. I don't. a telly because they think it's a corrupting and time-wasting thing.

Right. Yeah. I don't. A bit 70s. I've tried it. When I first moved into halls of residence at Warwick University, I thought, I won't have a telly, I'll be too busy studying. After six weeks,

when I couldn't get my finger and toenails out the ceiling where I'd crawled in desperation to watch the telly. I phoned my partner of the time, let's call her my girlfriend, and said, can you bring a telly, any telly? And she arrived with this like eight inch black and white thing. Oh my God, it was like, it was like the skies had opened and I missed it so much. But, you know, we're all different. You were discussing... Linda? Yeah.

You were discussing the absence of Channel 5 in certain places. Well, can people... Are there still people who can't get Channel 5? Or has that all been fixed? We think there might be because 298 has texted, having had a job as a Channel 5 re-tuner whilst being a student. I mean, that is a great job title, isn't it? Did he come round to the VHS

and a bit of tracking as well? Well, it continues. It continues. I had to go house to house and change the signal channel of their VHS players. Brilliant. I got paid per house. I did very little work. I can tell you that there are likely a number of houses

in the Woldingham area which never got Channel 5. There you go. Because they just didn't do it. I don't know how they live without the cricket highlights. Channel 5 cricket highlights are an hour of utter uninterrupted, well, not uninterrupted because there's adverts, an hour of interrupted bliss I've got to tell you

I'll be using that Gee boy, cut There's also a question for you Frank, from 123 watched Adrian Charles' Drinkers Like Me it was a documentary that Adrian did it's fabulous actually

there was Frank popping around for lunch and Adrian saying he'd put some lunch in a Tupperware box for him to take home. Did Frank wash and return the box? He would like to know. Now, that's a good question. I washed it. Well, I say I did. Gosha did.

It's the cleaner. Okay. I'm not sure I did return it. Okay. And in fact, I might have acquired another Tupperware box from him since then. From Adrian Giles? This is how people like you get Tupperware. Basically, I beg food from Adrian Giles and then keep the Tupperware.

But I can do an impression of the lid coming off a Tupperware box. Go on then. There you go. So was it worth waiting for? Probably not. I think the fares has arrived, so we must move on. Yes. Was there another question?

No. The Adrian Charles conundrum has been settled. Yes. Of course, as you know, as a Catholic, I can't use a conundrum. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran.

You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I'm responding to Instagram like it's just hot off the press. How old is Instagram? Oh. 81215. That's a good question.

I had a little adventure this week, which I'd like to share with you boys i got a call i wish bear grills opened these shows i got a call from my management oh yeah to say i'd had an invitation to something i mean that's an everyday occurrence for you frank this is quite rare for me i know my maybe it was in the glory here i know my i. I know my place in the guest pecking order and it's a bit more Hereford Pig auction. I don't get the big ones.

You know I'm no longer the most famous person in our family, don't you? What? Yeah, because my brother-in-law is a leading writer, multi-award winning writer. And I was talking to his wife yesterday and she said, oh yeah, he got sent the new Kindle wife yesterday and she said oh yeah he got sent

the new Kindle and I said oh yeah I said that's interesting I've just been sent a mug in the shape of human excrement and there you have the difference between our careers. I was sent water there you go. Yeah water

so I got this invitation and she said... Timeless gift. Water. Yeah. That'd be a lovely ad campaign. She said, it's from Kensington Palace. Whoa.

And I genuinely thought she said, Kensington Police for a moment. And I said, what? And she said, it's Kensington Palace. You're like, not another speed awareness course. I don't know who lives at Kensington Palace, should I? Well, I was straight on the Google. I do know. It was a choice of two couples who were based there.

Do you know who the choices are? It is, well, I can tell you who it was. Her official title, where I'd got the invitation from, from the office of the Duchess of Sussex, Princess Meghan. Oh, OK. Yes. Well, who's the other couple that live there then? William and Kate.

They both live in the same place. I believe... On a accommodation in London. Yeah. People are having to shack up with all sorts of people. I believe that's their... Even people they don't get on with. That's where they're based.

That's where they're officially based. Wow. So you got an invite from Megan. I got an invitation to an event, from her people, to an event. She was patron of a charity. It's the Mayhew Trust,

which is this dog centre. And they said, would you like to come down? She's coming for a visit. Dog centre? Can you... It's a dog refuge. Okay.

Welfare charity. my my management said can i give them your email i was i was at alan partridge with leon i said just give them my email hurry up yeah can you give them my i mean come on so i was straight they called hello i had a conversation i said i'll be there i'll be there when is it i down there. I didn't know what to wear, Frank. I mean, I hoped I'd be meeting her, which I did. Whoa. Yes. What?

You've held this bat well. Well, I know, but I wanted to talk. I didn't know what you had been doing on Wednesday, both of you. Well, nothing that can compare with meeting the M&M. Well, you might have had a grapple. You wore a massive Dalmatian outfit, didn't you? One of those furry costumes that you see on the telly. Well, I panicked and I ended up texting on the way to meet MM.

I suddenly panicked because I realised I had a jean on. And it was a smart jean. They'd said smart casual. I know, Frank. There's going to be dogs there. It's good to wear trousers. I wanted to get the balance right. So I texted the communications officer from Kensington Palace palace and i said i just wanted to flag up i didn't use flag up but i

thought that sounded formal did you start with touch base i just wanted to flag up i am wearing a jean yeah i said it's a very nice expensive indigo jean though i mean she must have uh-huh i said um so i hope that's okay. I don't wish to be disrespectful. Oh, wow. Isn't that good? Isn't it odd that they've never sent these messages to you? I know. Yes. I suppose that would have been a hint.

So she didn't reply. They're all having a meeting. They're having a meeting about my jeans. She turned around and said, can you believe? But it was fine when I got there. It was. They were very welcoming. It turned out that the Duchess was in a boiler suit. That's weird. Emily was overdressed. A Duchess? Boilerman.

When the... Imagine if I'd have gone in that outfit. She's a prankster. I just wanted to flag up. I do hope it's okay. I've come dressed as Boilerman, the West Colmage official mascot. And the person would have said, I think you'll find Baggy Bird is the official mascot.

That is the mascot of their sponsor, Ideal Boilers. So I stood to greet her. She looked, she was a vision and cream. She's got the bump, you see? Of course, I forgot about the bump. And a lady at the centre, because they do this thing, I think they have pensioners coming there, which is a nice thing, so they can come and see dogs regularly

and spend time with them. They're called therapy dogs. She was called Peggy. She's originally from Jamaica. And she said, you look, she said, may the good Lord take care of you and always bless you. You're a fat lady. She said to you?

To Megan. Oh, to Megan? How dare you? Because she's pregnant. I was trying to Megan how dare you because she's pregnant I was trying to think the worst thing that could have happened she said

you're a fat lady she said meaning pregnant well meaning but Megan luckily laughed she said I'll take that I'll take that and it was

but there was a minute she was talking about Kensington Palace what about if the lady had meant me and then Megan had taken one for me? Oh, that would have been a nice sister,

so doing it for themselves. It would have been a nice thing. But then I got the intro. I got the big intro to her. I said the communications man said, would you come this way, please? Was H there? He wasn't there.

No. He's allergic, I've heard, to the dogs. Oh, is he? No, he loves the dogs. Does he? Yeah. I think he misunderstood and went to the dog racing. He liked the corgis, of course? Yeah. He loves the dogs. Does he? Yeah. I think he misunderstood and went to the dog racing.

He liked the corgis, of course, because they've got the same colour hair. She asked to see a picture of my dog, Megan. She never did. We chatted.

I said, oh, and I shook her hand. I embarrassed myself a bit. I mean, you do. I was so starstruck. You didn't try and airdrop her the picture. I said,

this is my fantasy morning, you and dogs. Isn't that embarrassing? Oh, lovely. And what did she say? She laughed. Get her out of here. Get her out of here. She was charming.

Who is this broad? She doesn't talk like that. Does she not talk like that? No. She said, I asked about her dog, she asked about mine, and she pointed at my bag and she went, let's have a look. As in, get your phone out. He wasn't in the's have a look. And he hasn't got your phone out. He wasn't in the bag.

No! My phone. So I got the phone out and I didn't have any preps. The dog can bone? I'm scrolling through pictures. There was one of Buzz on a bean bag, you in the cockerel from last week. Oh, that could have been embarrassing.

Like 72 breakfasts that you've eaten and sent to friends. I found a good one in the end. Did you? She loved it good she said it was adorable going through your photos with Meghan Markle what a weird world

yeah I know brilliant Wednesday I know what did I do oh I bumped into Nina Conti at company

I was excited a bit disappointed no monkey but then again so were you I guess Absolute Absolute Radio Frank Skinute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We've had an email entitled, just comment. Comment? Yeah, I think someone's made a comment and they've sent it to us under the title comment. Lewis chessmen are not Anglo-Saxon, more than likely Norwegian, as Hebrides belonged to Norway in those days. No, I'll buy that.

But wonderful artwork, with an exclamation. Yeah, I'm thinking more about the period, but I know, yeah, they were... Do you know what's very grounding for me? I've been talking about meeting Her Royal Highness Princess Meghan, and we've gone back to the Lewis chessmen. Oh, sorry, I just... No, I'm saying I love that about our show.

No, I like to keep the place spinning. I've got nothing more to say. Well, you've said plenty, haven't you? It's the best moment of my life. God bless her, but she's not the Lewis Chessman. She's my Lewis Chessman. Oh, well, fair enough. By the way, speaking of...

You know, we were talking about the game that stopped Theresa May from being on BBC One. Oh, yeah. I think he's currently my favourite non-West Bromwich Albion manager. He's the Southampton manager. He's the Austrian Ralf Harsenhutl. Oh, yeah. Just anybody whose name you can play on a flute.

I just love. Everything about him at the moment I love yeah good so yeah I don't know his work so I think he should get priority over

what in the end of the day was a fairly pedestrian speech yes and Frank Lampard as well big night for him oh lamps he trumps

I said that I heard that oh yeah anyway oh I tell you what what lamps? He trumps Teresa. I've heard that. Oh yeah. Anyway. Oh, I'll tell you what. What? What about the friendly devil? Oh, the Spanish sculpture that has caused something of a

brouhaha. Do you know what? I'm glad you raised that, Frank, because I felt a little bit sensitive bringing that up in front of you. Well, no, I'm obviously, I'm very interested in any representation of the devil. Are you? Oh, yeah.

Well, if people don't know, we should say this was a statue which was meant to be, was due to be erected in the city of Segovia in Spain. Yeah. And now there have been so many complaints. There was actually a petition. They said, and we should say, have you seen there was actually a petition they said, we should say have you seen a mock-up of the statue what it's meant to look like?

I like it. You like it? I really like it It's bronze isn't it? So you wouldn't have been one of the people that were rumbling? No I think those people got it all wrong to be honest. The mock-up shows it's in bronze, he's smiling and he's taking a picture. He's doing a selfie.

Yeah. He has a phone. It's kind of perfect, isn't it? Because I think we'll all accept that the smartphone is basically a source of evil. And the selfie is an example, isn't it, of self-obsession. Narcissism. The separation from others and all that sort of thing.

The modern threat to the human soul. I mean, the very fact that we need, we need in this country an upskirt law might tell you what's gone wrong with the world as far as smartphones is concerned. Good point. Having said that,

they're great for keeping up on the January transfer window. But, you know, every cloud. Not upskirts. No, certainly not. Apparently, I mean, I thought it was an odd choice, if I'm honest, the devil, for a statue anyway. Well, he's tied

to that city, isn't he? Well, the local legend says he was tricked into building, which is a detail I enjoyed. He was tricked into building the aqueduct. Yeah, you silly devil. Can I ask the question? Falling for one of those confidence tricksters that knocks on.

Can I ask you a question before we go into this break? What's the difference between an aqueduct and a viaduct? Oh! I think you go over one and onto the other. Yeah. I can't remember which is which. 8.12.15. Aqua's water, that's all I know. Oh yeah, and onto the other day, but I can't remember which is which. 8.12.15. Aqua's Water, that's all I know.

Oh, yeah, and Vaya, of course, is... As I say, 8.12.15. Yeah, so this... They've had a petition. Can I ask you a question about Segovia? Many years ago, when I was a student at Warwick University, I went to Warwick Arts Centre to see Segovia, the classical guitarist.

He was about 81 or something. OK. Now, is he like one of those... Sounds quite a gig. Yeah, is he one of those Spanish things Where his name wasn't Segovia But he was from Segovia So that's what they called him

A bit like Eric Morecambe Oh yes And I'm thinking though That this might be where he's from Yes Oh maybe But you know I can't answer that emphatically

No don't I'm just putting it out there, as they say. 10% of the city's population has signed a petition calling for the sculpture to be cancelled, and I think I looked, and it might even be more than that now, and I think what I can really take from this is that the Spanish are not as concerned about Brexit as they might be. They're worried about a potential statue on a bridge.

I don't think they're really taking our exit seriously. Well, I looked at the wording of their... I mean, the English translation. Oh, did you? They said the devil shouldn't look like this. Well, first of all, I worry about anyone who says that doesn't look anything like the devil. You think, hold on, hold on.

And then gets out their phone and starts scrolling through their camera roll. Exactly. I think, obviously, Catherine Jenkins could be brought in as the adjudicator. But they said the devil, I think they called him Satan. It exalts evil.

They said that he should he should be repulsive and despicable not seductive not jolly and seductive seductive that's how he sells tickets like you had one job mate

yeah also I mean I don't wish to be rude about the way his looks. About the devil, yeah. But, I mean, I would hardly describe him as so hot right now, looking at that statue. Well, I mean, yeah, it was. It was sending him up.

Yeah, I would have said he looks fair to middling. Not that good. Some people are saying, though... According to Milton, he was the most beautiful angel. That's all I'm saying. So he's divided opinion. Yeah, definitely. That much we see. Milton was quoted. No, all I'm saying. So he's divided opinion. Yeah, definitely.

Milton was quoted. He actually wasn't. I'm quoting him. Stay tuned for your hot Milton anecdotes. John Milton alerts here live on Absolute Radio. Surely that's closed down, that app. Some people have said that this is offensive to Catholics.

Now, we have Frank Skinner live in the studio. Yes. Frank Skinner, is this really offensive to Catholics? Look, no, I don't think it is. I think it's a very... OK, that's all we've got time for. That was very emphatic. It makes a very good point.

It makes a point about the modern lure of self-obsession, does it not? And also it shows that the devil takes many forms in order to seduce and appeal. Right. Also quite like it. There was, when I was a kid, I went to the Birmingham Art Gallery when I was a child, which is not something I'm going to pretend we did a lot when I was a kid but I went there and there was a Lucifer statue there

which was about 20 foot high and had well you wouldn't have mistaken it's gender, let's put it that way. Oh goodness me. I know, it was shocking to me. Can't say the same for some of these Renaissance statues.

No, but this one. Well, this wasn't. David anyone? This was Jacob Epstein. Oh, yes. And so I went years later, I mean like 20-odd years later, I returned to Birmingham Art Gallery and saw the same Lucifer it's actually about six foot high

you know when you're a kid I remembered it as being and still still a big lad having said all that and but I was terrified by it as a kid, it really gave me nightmares

no I mean the Lucifer. Okay. In general. And when I went back and saw it again, they had it in the tea rooms. Oh. I mean...

Not so scary. No. Nowhere near as scary. So, yeah, I'd recommend going and seeing that one. That's a great one. Would you?

Oh. Okay, we've had some news in... Well, I've got two bits of news. What a selfie that would have been. Sorry. Sorry. I thought we'd have a break while Emily recovers. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio.

I think we've had a bit more communicative action. Firstly, I've had incoming from Gabby Logan. Ah, Gabby Logan. Yeah. I love Gabby Logan. I mean, how can you not? Respect among her. She's got the thumbs up from the entire triumvirate.

Yes. She says she's listening this morning. Oh, God, good job. That's nice. At least you didn't say, God, good job. That's nice. At least you didn't say, oh, that woman. You were talking about the Southampton manager earlier, I believe. What? Ralph Harsenhutl.

Harsenhutl. Harsenhutl means rabbit hutch in German. Does he really? Isn't that tremendous? I did not know that. So his name is Ralph Rabbit Hutch. I mean, he should call himself that. Because he'd have the alliteration as well. Ralph Rabbit Hutch. I didn't know that. No, of course,

now that I've said I haven't known it, it was probably on Premier League Extra or something an interview Gabby did with him. She'll be offended that I didn't watch. What can you do? Hard to keep up. It's what can you do? It's hard to keep up when you're watching the Brexit news instead. Hasenhuttle app. Yes, fine.

You should have one of those. Don't you get the alerts? What? Hasenhuttle alert? Hasenhuttle alert. I know what the tone would be. We've also had quite a lot of aqueduct slash viaduct news. Yes.

Frank was asking, what's the difference, essentially, weren't you? I was. And, of course, we've had various people tell us that it all goes back to your Latin. Aqua is water, via is route or road. Of course. That was very re-smog of you. Via media.

It all goes back to your Latin. I should have worked it out. Via media, middle road. Yes. Aqueducts transports water. Viaducts transports people slash vehicles. Yeah, and they've all got that slight... That slight Loch Ness monster.

Yes. Oppie Downie, curvy thing. Yes, yes. I mean, if the Loch Ness Monster went off on his travels, left Loch Ness and tried to traverse Britain by waterways, when he approached an aqueduct, all he needs to do is go sideways and he'd fit under absolutely... Although I think they go down to the bed, don't they?

That's a lovely tip you're giving him this morning, if he's listening. Have you got a favourite viaduct? Mine's probably Stockport. Shout out to Stockport Viaduct. I don't think I have got a favourite viaduct. I wish I had. 8, 12, 15.

I've certainly got a favourite viaduct, Envy. I wish I could have just rattled one off there, but I couldn't. Simon rattled. Yeah, wish I could have just rattled one off there, but I couldn't. Simon rattled. Yeah, if I could have Simon rattled one. Happy birthday, Simon, if you're listening. Yeah, how old is he? Is he still alive at...

I don't know the age. I think he might have been... I can't remember now. He's not as old as you think, I think, Simon Rattle. No. But it's all right. We play a game in the mornings where you have to guess how old people are whose birthday it is.

Yes, I'm exempt from it. But it's with celebrities, isn't it? Yeah, we don't play it on air because I think Hawksby and Jacobs already play it on Talk Sport as part of their show. And I wouldn't want to rip them off, them being very old friends of mine. But we play it in the office.

I got spot on Jenson Button this morning, but Al trounced me. I'm afraid this morning's winner was Alan Cochran. Yeah. Coming in fabulous. What was that late one you got? I got someone dead on at the end, didn't I? I can't remember who it was.

Yeah, no, I got Jenson Button dead on. Yes, you did. You did. Very well. This is good radio. This is odd radio. This is a sports report on an office game. Speaking of office games...

No, I'm not doing Twister with you. No. Not in this day and age. No. We're talking about things being on the telly and things being on the other side and then clashing. I remember being in an office once. I was visiting, of course,

and everyone was there hunched over their desks, you know, typing. Oh, I hate that. And suddenly everyone thought, oh, no, no, here it comes, here it comes, and they all stopped

and put the telly on and I thought, well, this is obviously something. What is it? It was the O.J. Simpson verdict. Oh, wow. Stop the clock. stop all the clocks i mean because it was so big it was big well frank my vote i remember being in an office newspaper office oh yes and similar thing stop you know everyone gather round and it was uh nasty nicks oh interview interview when he left Big Brother.

What? It was so huge, you forget. What about my granny said they got into school one morning and the teacher said, we've all got to go straight into the hall. And they all went into the hall, sat cross-legged. And the headmistress went on stage and said, Queen Victoria's died. Whoa. Eh? That's blown your Nasty Nick out the water. The headmistress went on stage and said Queen Victoria's died. Whoa! Eh?

That's blown your nasty nick out the water. This is Frank Skinner of Slip Radio. I still want to know how this devil was tricked, but anyway. Oh, yeah. Into building the viaduct. No, it's... What did he... He built an aqueduct, didn't he? He did.

I don't know. It's probably a great old story. Yeah. Well, 497 says, Frank, I do have a favourite viaduct. I put forward Stockport and she says it runs between Haywards Heath and Balcombe.

Balcombe? I'd go Balcombe. In West Sussex on the London to Brighton train line. Does it? Sue from Sussex. Sue from Sussex. I must check that out. Yeah, yeah.

That's a train I get now and again. Do you know, you're going to have to get one, Frank. A viaduct? A viaduct. Yeah, a fave. Oh, a fave, not getting my own viaduct. Oh, I thought you meant his own. I was thinking, I mean, he gets sent a lot of stuff,

but the postage on sending him a viaduct is... You must be able to get some platform shoes with viaduct soles. Actually, they'd be aqueduct soles, wouldn't they? Yes, yes. Wouldn't they need to be... If they're travelling in a person, surely they would be viaduct soles. Well, you can get that on a bag, on an Alexander McQueen bag where the clutch goes over each

finger, which is a sort of aqueduct, viaduct construction. Do you see? Anyway. It's been a wide-ranging show this week, hasn't it? Someone sent a text that said, shame on you, Frank Skinner. That's right, yeah. Do you want me to read you that one?

Well, to be fair, I think it was collective responsibility. Well, actually, it was a thing you said, but they were blaming Frank. They blamed Frank. We never got to the bottom of whether running makes your face all saggy, but you know what? Can I just say I'm not anti-running, I'm pro-running. I used to run eight miles a day, and I felt great. I look terrible, that's all.

But, you know, I love the poetry of W.H. Auden and his face is all over. His face is wind affected. Yeah, and we're all fans of Beckett. Yeah, so, you know, I'm not judging people by their faces. Those days are gone. So I think it's fine.

I would say, Ron, and if it makes you ugly, it's still better to be fit. A hundred. Yeah. I don't know if it does or if it doesn't. I don't either. No, we don't know. I merely ask the question.

But I encourage people, obviously, I encourage people to run and keep fit. It's something clearly that's in my rearview mirror at my age. But I think other people should do it, certainly. I like to box. Takes all sorts. Do you like to box? I love to box.

Alan Grapples. Okay. Alan Grapples. Swing a kettlebell now and again. I, um... What do you do? I've got 71 stairs from the kitchen to the room where I work. That'll do me.

That'll do me. You've got to be careful. You know, I've got I don't want to die we'll leave it on that we'll leave it on that what an end see you next week everyone

remember Jim Fix do you remember him he basically invented jogging and then he was out jogging one day and he dropped like a stone oh that Jim Fix yeah how many Jim Fixes are there

well we'll tell you after we'll tell you after oh We'll tell you after. Oh, is there another one? No. Are you looking for more? Not anymore. Not anymore.

You're looking at me like I've said something really bad. You haven't. You'll realise. Yet. Okay. Oh, dear. So, anyway, what a show it's been. The Frank Skinner Show on Absolute Radio.

Back Saturday morning from 8. Tune in live for the full Frank experience. Absolute Radio.