The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Get a Life

Episode Date: February 13, 2016

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast.Frank and Emily went to the seaside together and not without some typical 'git' behaviour. The team discuss Yeezy Saeson 3 and the rules of Kanye's catwalk as well the title of his new album. The Team also give their thoughts on Atlas the giant Rabbit and the new 25p store.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text us at 8.12.15, follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio, email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I was giggling with glee because when the person on the news said it would be cloudy with rain

it was so I feel that Italian, if you said Claudio Ranieri that's probably what it means. It will be cloudy and then a bit of rain later on. It never occurred to me before. Yeah.

So what about that? Cloudy Ranieri. It's like Claudia Schiffer. Oh, yeah. You could probably do an entire weather forecast just with people's names. Do that at one of your live shows. Yeah. Yeah, do that for one of me skits.

One of your skits. One of your improv skits. I could use that. Yeah, exactly. I one of me skits. One of your skits. One of your improv skits. I could use that. Yeah, exactly. I'm having that. I'm not. So anyway, welcome to the show. Morning, Jim.

Morning. Morning, Peter. Morning, Mitchie. And I feel a bit bad because me and Emily went away on holiday. Son's cockerel. Oh, you're making it sound slightly sleazier than it was. I mean, your partner was present and your child. No, there was quite a lot of us.

We were a bit of a massive. There was, how many were, I think there was eight of us. There was about eight of us. I'll tell you something, I haven't really hung around in a gang for a long time. Not since your Peaky Blinders days. No, exactly. And it was great. You know, you feel the security of being with a group of...

I mean, you know, there was a woman in her 70s, some middle-aged... How dare you? Middle-aged men and women, two small, you know, two toddlers. And me. But even so... What a gang. It did feel like, yeah,

Hector was the first in the gang. Well, I got very excited about it because we had a lot of train activity, didn't we, Frank? Well, that was where I last saw you was the train. We went straight from this show last week and we ended up at King's Cross at St Pancras all together. We had a burger. We had a burger. The three of us, it was lovely. I loved that.

It was honestly like a works outing. It was a really nice moment when Emily was like, should we get a coffee somewhere? And Frank was like, we're having a burger. Very exciting. Yeah, we did. It's good. You treated us, didn't you? Let's just hold on.

Let's just think about that moment. You treated us. I did. I paid. Yes. Why not? I can afford it. So it was, yeah, it made me think i might i i might uh like living in a commune yeah i've often thought that what the um the trip away you mean not the burger that we had

no no the um being with a gang yeah there's something i liked being in the group because i felt a sense of responsibility i don't know know. I mean, correct me, Frank, if you disagree. I'm sure you will. But I felt... I'll certainly try to if I can. OK, great. I felt my role was a seat getter. On those trains, I took control.

You were good at that. Because you need the two tables. Yeah, I'm not one for elbowing people out the way when I get on a train, but you were really good at it. Very comfortable with it, yeah. I have to be careful beyond Twitter, you see. Well, you say that, but you're oddly comfortable with shouting someone's name down a platform so loudly.

We were meeting Frank. I suppose she's kind of your sister-in-law. Yes. She's your brother-in-law's sister. I think of her as sister. I mean, I haven't got the paperwork. Lovely girl. But Frank spotted her on the platform.

He said, well, she'd better sit with us. So I would have maybe gone running after her. He stands with the door open and shouts her name. It was like Rocky shouting, Adrian! I couldn't believe it. And it was one of those cases, everyone on the platform turned around except the person whose name I shouted. But I think it's good.

I think you get to an age where shouting's easier than running. Yeah, for sure. You behaved very well the whole weekend. There was only one instance of gittery. Oh, I see. I think I was a victim of gittery, but more of that in a moment. Oh, no.

Not your gittery, God forbid. There was only one moment of gittery, which was when you said to Sandy Mason, your mother-in-law, who looked lovely, and we were sitting in the restaurant, and you said, Sandy, why are you wearing that top? And she said, oh, what do you mean? You said, you're in good nick. I think you said you're in good nick.

Did I say that? I think you might have said you're in good... What, had I been drinking? Sounds loose, yeah. She's a lovely woman, but I wouldn't say she was in good nick. Hey! You said that jumper makes you look like a bell. No, well, occasionally with friends.

Don't you ever see people out on the street in something inappropriate and think, where were their friends when they left the house? Yeah. Why did anyone say, well, hold on, you're not going out in that, are you, darling? Darling? Darling. One of the crazy associates, Charlie Richardson. Cat does it to me all the time. What about when I had my

varsity jacket on? Oh, yeah. I had to go back in and get changed. I think it's part of the thing that friends are forced, not on the face or the wrong clothes. That's two of the things that friends are forced. Okay, Sandy, you the wrong clothes. That's two of the things that friends are forced. Okay, Sandy, you didn't look like a belle, just FYI.

No, I'm just saying she's, you know, she looks lovely most of the time, but I think that the jumper was an error. She's probably listening now in tears. Or mainly because that's the smoke coming from the jumper is making her cry. She's burnt it, having decided.

Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, I'll tell you what. You know we went for fish and chips in Deal. You guys did. We did. Well, I did a gig last night. Even after a burger, you still went for fish and chips.

Well, a bloke shouted, how did you like your fish and chips? Oh, yeah. What? And I said, are you from Deal? And he said, no. Oh. And I said, why do you? And he said, my personal trainer in London lives in Deal.

Oh. And he took some secret photos of you having fish and chips on saturday night oh my god it's like channel four secret eaters well never mind that mcintyre when are you starting out maybe the pilot for one of these shows also sack your personal trainer if he's eating fish and chips excuse me no well he might have been you know those people that have them without the batter oh one of those difficult ones it might have been one of those looks like cheat day it's my cheat day yeah cheat day guy i was asked i did a quick i thought that meant something else i did a quick audience survey actually was there anyone in the room this is during your gigs this week yes i've been doing some skits i said was there anyone in the room this is during your gigs this week yes

I've been doing some skits was there anyone here tonight I said recently in the last four or five years has been in a fish and chip shop yes that doesn't have a frame certificate saying that they're one of the best fish and chip shops

in Britain with an old newspaper cutting, hello. Yeah, but it's like A-levels. It's like everybody's got them now, it's really... And we found one, one blog said, well, there's a fish and chip van in my village and that doesn't have one. And that seems to be the only place we can find.

It's like, you know, it's at the level, the status level of... You know those mugs that say, World's Best Mum? Oh, yeah. It's like that level, one of those certificates. I mean, everybody's... Yeah, it's a bit keep calm and carry on. Or worse, keep calm and drink champagne.

Oh. Absolute... Yes. Worst people ever? No, they're very bad. They keep calms. Yeah. So did you like our weekend, Frank?

Oh, I loved it. It was marvellous. So did I. There was one, only one thing. Oh, no. That sparked my weekend. I told you about it. Let's hear about this bit.

Well, I left the gang. I feel sick. And when you leave the gang. Yeah. Then, of course, you lose some of the gang's security. Of course. When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way. Yeah. This is why the sheepdogs separate one from the flock.

From the herd, yeah. I never knew about sheepdog operating systems until now. Yeah, that's it. You just separate the one away and then they become insecure. It's page one of bullying, separate them from the herd. Oh, right. Or flock flock in that case okay divide and conquer so um i um i went off to uh to church on um sunday morning because

no one accompanied me well i i was horse riding you were horse riding yeah um and uh i was walking along the seafront there was a couple walking ahead of me. And I'd say they were probably in their 60s, but, you know. I used to say that with a sense of distance. And she was on two sticks, you know, so they were going a bit slow. And it's pebbles. Yeah. So I said... Well, I'll tell you in a minute.

Absolute. Absolute. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So the couple ahead of me on the front at Deal, she's on sticks. And I thought, I walked behind them for a bit. It's a narrow walkway. And I thought, I'm going to be late. So I said, excuse me. And the guy said,

please. And I walked past. Should have left it. I walked past. And you know when you walk past and it's almost like you've been seized by the shoulders. And I turned around and said, what did you say? And he said,

excuse me, please. That's what you're supposed to say. That's good manners. Did he know you were in the gang? He didn't. Well, not just in the gang. I mean, I'd say I'm one of the guitarati. So I,

I mean, I'm not. You know, what's that thing the French say about something you think the thought on the stairs yeah and it's what they say when they you know afterwards they think of something and think oh I wish I'd said that I mean I haven't done that

but I did think what I actually said oh just get a life mate and after I thought who says that anymore? Who says that? And also, it's so on you, Frank. I know. Get a life.

When you told me that story, and I wanted to be supportive and say, I understand, and I was. And then you got to the point where you said, so I said, get a life. And I just thought, oh, Frank. I know. It's rubbish. I think what happened was you were back in a gang and your insults went back to when you were previously

in a gang, so you were about 11 or something. I couldn't swear. I couldn't swear because she was, you know, disabled. Not sure that's the rule. You have to have extra respect around people on sticks. I've always said that. They're on sticks, no swearing.

That's one of the rules you live by. It sounds like a crude construction, but you'll find generally you'll live a better life if you have those sort of little adages. A bit patronising. I mean, why can't they be subjected to swear words?

Well, she was older as well. She was probably in her 60s. I think once you swear, you're on the back foot. to swear words. Well, she was older as well. She was probably in her 60s. Once you swear, you're on the back foot. I agree with that. Much better to say get a life. I mean, that's an altogether class, yeah. When you're in Kent,

you've got to be a bit careful because there's a lot of people carry a shooter. There is. I didn't see anyone. There's quite a big underground crimfitter. That's where they go to retire. Is that right? Yeah, so you meet somebody...

Oh, he's getting more attractive by the day. You meet somebody... Yeah, Kent. You're thinking of the Costa del Sol. No, no. It used to be the Costa del Sol. Have you just made this up? Are you sure? Now it's Deal. No disrespect to Kent. It's also, you know, the fruit basket of Britain. I'm not denying that.

But the fruit basket of Britain, when you remove those grapes at the bottom, you'll probably find a shooter. That's all I'm saying. So, you know, you've got to be... If you do have an argument in Kent, you've got to, you know, I'll kick your wits about you. Maybe she wasn't walking on sticks.

Perhaps they were just really long rifles. Yeah, exactly. A couple of Winchesters. But I thought, oh, I mean, I'd like to... Excuse me, Shooley is sufficient, isn't it? I thought that was polite. Yeah. I thought, yeah, I think he was unreasonable.

However, the use of get a life is placing you on very shaky grounds. Do you think? You think two wrongs don't make a right. What if I'd said get a life, please? Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. We've had a text from 259 who says,

I went to the local Chippy last night in West Hampstead and their certificate for best fish and chip shop was awarded by Courvoisier. Wow. BSOP, yeah. Past the Courvoisier. Yes. Not in your direction these days, no.

No, no. We've had... There's also... People have been texting in very disappointed, haven't they, Al? Yeah. I think it's fair to say... That happens every week. But this week it's come in earlier

because I think they expected to see Heston Blumenthal on the... Yes. On your little programme. Yeah. 575 says, Dear Frank and the squad, I was hoping to see the infamous daddy appearance on last week's Room 101.

However, what ensued was an argument about how to have tea amongst my family. But we've had a number of texts. Would you care to explain? I don't do the edit, for goodness sake. I've been speaking, and regular listeners, stroke readers, will know, that I've been speaking, and regular listeners, stroke readers will know,

that I've been speaking for some time how Eston Blumenthal jumped on my back during a recording of Room 101 and did quite a bit of... Pretty starry at my hamster, huh? Quite a bit of damage. And I don't do the editing, but they cut that bit out, apparently. I mean, maybe you saw me physically wince.

But we still have, in case lawyers are listening, we still have the footage. It hasn't been destroyed. Good. But no, they didn't put it out, so sorry about that if you were all looking forward to seeing me getting ligament damage. And was there a tea conversation on there? Because I thought we'd had one on here last week.

I think it was about milk milking first last week. I think it was about milk, milking first. Oh. I think it was that. You know, Room 101. Yeah. It's all that stuff. Because we've also had a text message, an email rather. We keep saying text message,

like we've got personal relationships with these people. No, it's an email. I stand corrected. Corrected. We've had an email titled, Colour of tea. Dear Frank M and Alan, Frank's brown envelope tea requirements are similar to mine. It doesn't pay cash for them, by the way.

It's just that's the colour scheme that he likes to go for. It is help. If someone's making you a cup of tea, it's a guide. It is no help at all. A guideline. Will this chap continue? Actually, it may be a lady. I asked for tea which is the same colour as my dog, Harry. Sorry, pick won't attach. Just know that he is ginger and very handsome.

That's from 362. So she gets ginger tea? Yeah. That's virtually impossible. I don't think it is. You can get lemon and ginger tea for a start. I don't think that's what she's doing. It's not readily available.

Is that being with two blokes who work in a health shop? You can get lemon and ginger tea for a start. I don't think that's what she's doing. It's not readily available. It's like being with two blokes who work in a health shop. You can get lemon and ginger tea. Or can you? What about if you don't have your dog with you? Is that your Gary Barlow impression, that you're just wheeling out as me for a bit? Too loud, Chris. Frank?

If you don't have your dog with you, that's rubbish, isn't it? I'll have it the same colour as my dog, please. Yeah. Oh. Maybe... Whereas everyone knows what a brown envelope looks like, what she needs to find is a commonly known object

that's the same colour as her dog. Perhaps the people making her a tea know her dog. Well, I mean... Sorry to interrupt you, but Plastico Gonzalez has tweeted us. Oh, yeah. And he says, why has Frank... He's just offstage, I should think,

from last night. Why has Frank never sung Email Corner to the tune of Crazy Horses? Hashtag fits beautifully. It's a very good point, actually, Pedro. What's his name? Plastico Gonzalez. Plastico? Plastico, darling. Plastico. It's not a real name, is name? Plastico Gonzalez. Plastico?

Plastico, darling. So it's not a real name, is it? I don't think so. You think it's an underplume? Plastico Gonzalez. Yes. I like it, though. Yeah, why not?

It's lovely. It's a really good poem, Plastico, that I've never... LAUGHTER I've never thought of. Plastico! Yeah. You're saying it so seriously. Well, it's quite warm to me.

What if it is his nail? You have to be careful in the modern age. No one in life has ever said, it's a really good point, Plastica. No, but I don't think we should write off the possibility that he might actually be called Plastica. Good point. It just reminds me of when Jeremy Paxman said, Mr. Rascal.

It's along those lines. Yeah. Jeremy Paxman or Paxico, as I'm calling him. Absolute. Absolute. Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I just said something you couldn't hear, Frank, behind your back.

Did you? Well, you had your headphones on. I'm absolutely fine with people talking behind my back. Well, good. You had your headphones on, and you look very professorial in your glasses today. Oh, yes. And as you moved the faders up, you suddenly said,

13 seconds. And I said, Doctor Who spaceship, because you did seem a bit like a captain. Well, I take that as an enormous compliment. Good. OK, Perkins. There you go. We've had an email. Oh, I'm just going to scrap.

You can talk while I'm scrapping. Actually, while you do that, why don't I read the email? That's a good idea. You know, I do a Friday night troll. About half ten last night, an email came in. Nominative determinism. We've been talking about that on the show a bit haven't we let me just do a brief definition

the idea is that your name somehow determines the main direction of your life so if your name was potty you might become someone who worked in ceramics par example or childcare potty

or a gardener or a snook. Yeah, yeah. Or a snooker player. Hi Frank, Emily and Alan. You were recently discussing nominative determinism on the show and it made me think of Dan Saladino who is a correspondent for the Radio 4 Food Programme.

Oh. Also, the cleaner at my girlfriend's office is called Colleen. Oh, I love Colleen. That's very good. What about Plastico? I think there's bound to be a surgeon or something. Plastico Gonzalez?

You still get Packer Max? No, darling. No, darling. Oh, OK. I did an awards do for a big drinks manufacturer and seller. Alcoholic? Yeah. Like a wine retailer, let's say. When you say like a wine retailer.

Yeah, yeah, I mean a wine retailer. You know that song, Like a Wine Retailer? Such for the very first time. Somebody that... Wouldn't she have had the meteoric career if she'd sang like a wine retailer? Touch for the very first time. Do you think that would have been... Wouldn't she have had the meteoric career if she'd sang like a wine retailer? Touch for the...

Or it could be corked for the very first time. Yeah, very similar. Anyway, somebody that won an award was called Beveridge, as a surname. Oh, shut up. Was it Beverley Beveridge? No, I can't remember his first name. Was it Beveridge who launched the Beverage Plan, which I think led ultimately to the National Health Service?

Yeah, yeah, it was him. He's still knocking about. It's great that he's still about. Phil Gallagher? Well, I saw Jeremy Vine the other night. He was all over me. Was he? He should have done that. It's true. No, he was very... i hadn't met him before oh i've met him before that's a lie but he was very nice he was uh nice i'll tell you something um it was a book launch we were at yes and um he was a lot of people asking him about um

about uh strictly come dancing oh yes he was good on that, wasn't he? And he said something which I was genuinely taken aback by. Oh. Was it really rude? No. I swear it. I thought it was remarkable. And I'll tell you what it was after this song.

Oh. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Omar has been in touch. Oh, yeah? Oh, no, he's from Omar. Oh, I don't know. Anyway, Frank... Whoops.

You still get... Maybe he's... If he lives in Omar and he's called Omar, that's nominative determinism at its most pure. Well, he seems to be called Peter, but then it says from Omar. Anyway. Oh. Frank, you still get Pack-a-Macs,

except now they're rebranded as Cag in a Bag. Cag being cagoule. I see. There you go. He also gives us some praise and compliments, which obviously you won't read, but thank you very much. No, I'd quite...

It's a good thing to have in your pocket, a Cag in a Bag. Oh, okay. That's not an old adage of mine, so I've only just learned that they exist. So anyway, Jeremy Vine, he was a very nice chap. Yes. And I asked him about Strictly and I said, you know, he must have... And he said, well, in a way it's changed my life in that I've come to...

He says, you know that thing that Bill Shankly... I'm sure he wouldn't mind me saying this. way it's changed my life in that i've come to he says you know that thing that bill shankley i'm sure you wouldn't mind me saying this you know that thing that bill shankley said that um football's not um it's not life and death it's more important than that yes he said i would say that's probably true of dance wow and i thought that's quite a big thing to hear from Jeremy Vine. You hate dance, Vine. He's a serious journalist. But it did make me think, you know, and he'd had a drink, so, you know, as I said, in vino veritas. No, I don't think he had.

He seemed perfectly sober, but he was serious, and it did, strangely enough, it was on my mind that, you know. I mean, I just find dancing makes me very self-conscious, you know. When you get up on a dance floor, you can see blokes. They're suffering, you know, just from being stared at. Blokes of my generation. Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. Again, that would have been a less successful song

if it had been a bloke about 50 talking about self consciousness on the dance floor you're self conscious on the dance floor but anyway I the next day found myself dancing as I think most people would I danced to Mr Vegas Vegas's Heads High.

Do you know it? Oh, yeah. Heads high. I don't know what he's saying, but it's something like, Heads high. Just tell him Vegas said so. And I felt a slight chemical reaction. Really?

Yeah, I am starting to think that there might be something, it's something missing from my life, but how can I add dance at my age? I don't think you should. Do you already have a schedule? What about some vituses? What sort of dance would you do, Frank? I mean...

Well, exactly. This is what worries me. I could just dance at home, couldn't I? Yeah. I'm serious now. I really felt with Vino that it had really... Well, I trust Vino. Yeah.

Well, you do. He's a serious journalist. Exactly. But he's got crazy dancing feet. And that's the combination that excites me. Next. The Frank Skinner Show. Listen live every Saturday morning from 8 on Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 812... Go on. Sorry. Go on. Can we start there again, Paul? Live.

Text the show on 812.15. Follow the show on Twitter, at Frank on the Radio. Text the show on 8-12-15. Follow the show on Twitter, at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Text the show on 8-12-15. You know what I think happened there? Is that still going on or is it finished? I think you were doing it really well a few weeks ago when you were off book, as they say in the

theatre. And now I think you've gone back on book and thrown yourself. Well, that's because you're permanently off book right they say in the theatre and um and now i think you've gone back on book and um thrown yourself well that's because you're permanently off book right now yeah oh that could be the skit you're doing in the evening of course just get anyway i just tell him vegas we um we really need to talk about i'm not i'm not going to suggest that he's a friend of the show i think he's sort of too late who's the friend of the show mr vegas no not mr ve suggest that he's a friend of the show. I think he's sort of a... I think it's too late. Who's a friend of the show? Mr. Vegas? No, not Mr. Vegas.

Well, he's barely an acquaintance. Not Mr. Vegas. I know him to nod to. I was going to bring up Kanye West, who creeps up on here every now and again, doesn't he? Yeezy. And he's dithering, I'll be frank. Is he known as Yeezy?

Yes. I've got to tell you, I didn't know that. I think it's, is it like an alter ego, like a non-diplomacy? Oh, it's one of those things. Is it? Yes. Is it? I don't know.

That's what his brand, that's what his label's called. Oh, yeah. It's just at the weekends, he's called that. Yeah. I mean, is he Yeezy, Yeezy on a Sunday morning? I think that's exactly what... See, that would have been a good title for his album. He could have called it Yeezy on a Sunday morning,

he could have called it Yeezy Street. In a Yeezy! He could have done all of these things, but he's been dithering, and he went for, I think it's either the third or the fourth album title, and he tried to create a little prize and a bit of mystery. Well, he was going to call the album Swish, but apparently Joe Swashy's legal people, they intimidated him a bit,

saying that they thought there might be confusion. That is a problem. That people thought that it could be the new Joe Swash release. Mm. Yeah. That's what I heard. I don't know. Bit of showbiz gossip for people. Yeah, exactly.

You know, Kanye calls himself Yeezus. I don't know how you feel about that, Frank. Does he really? Oh. I tell you. Because the Yeezy comes from Y-E, at the end of his name, I believe. Oh, I see.

Like his nickname, Yee, Kanye. And then he calls himself Yeezus. Oh. Anyway, he attempted to have a little, uh, we're going to skate over that. Frank's upset. How do you feel about that? I think until this moment. What can you say? We're all different.

I think until this moment, Frank was a Kanye, you were pro-Kanye. Oh, I love him. I love Kanye. Do you? I love that one that goes, You know that one? That's Elton John. Oh, yes.

He's in a pod. Is Kanye not the one with the big glasses? No, it's the other one with the glasses. But they both like leisure wear as well. They do. I know he's in the pomps business. Yes, he is. Yeah, but what I would describe the fashion, Kanye's

leisure wear is post-apocalyptic leisure wear. Do you get my meaning? Yeah. It's all the beiges and a few rips and a bit dystopian. Yeah. I must say, I saw some footage of Kanye's fashion show.

Oh, yeah. Season three, yeah. And I know, I think on one level, he could be described as a slightly silly man. Oh. I did like his. I like the stuff. So what about that? Okay.

I mean, I'm not the trainer. I would love it if you came in next week head to foot, usually. Yeah. Yes. I would love that. Exactly. Well, I... I don't mind it.

But I don't know mind it I've always associated training shoes with sport that's uncommon when you say now there's people quite some years people have made that statement get this

I looked at footage of the fashion show. I like the way you keep calling it footage, like it's the world at war. I looked at footage of Yeezy's fashion show. What about this? Now, you're not going to believe this,

but I have video evidence. It's indoors, right? Right. He's got a hat on. Oh. What kind of a... He's not going to feel the benefit, is he? No, I's got a hat on. Oh. Kind of a... He's not going to feel the benefit, is he? No, I don't feel the benefit.

I think he probably didn't. No, he's probably placed there by a mischievous boy. He's on the bus when he comes in sitting behind him. But, oh, dear, he looks such a nana. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Um, yes

Con So yeah, we were talking about Yeezy and he trailed that his new album was TLOP and he asked people to guess what it stood for because I think he thought I've set him a right crossword clue here

I think that's what he was thinking and people had to guess a terrible idea though for a texting tlop's all right yeah yeah i mean we've gone with less haven't we in the past yeah god in terms of textings we've gone with have you ever been buried in an open grave wasn't it um next to him one um it's something like have you ever buried anyone in an open grave? Yeah. I think it was. That was in the early days. We're still finding our feet. I don't remember that. Well, I did once when you were off.

How much does it cost to build a wall? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know what you would like to know. I remember that, yeah. But anyway, TLOP. I liked it. I liked the idea of it just being called TLOP. But, you know, a guy guessed that it's the life

of pablo oh god i thought you're going to say the life of plastico that was a follow-up to uh yan martel's life of pie yeah that's a literary reference there the intelligentsia but i don't think that's called the life of pies it is isn't it just called life of pie oh i think it's the life of pie okay text in oh what about frank and i go head to head over a matter like this i mean this one of you is going to be right and one of you is going to be factually wrong here is i know that's correct and they say you can't they say you can't judge a book by its cover but we can really get the answer to this i will always admit frank i I admitted before. It was a great moment for you and I let you have it.

Well, I, um, I'm sure I would admit it as well if it happened. No, you wouldn't. So, yes, what was we saying? We were basically discussing Kanye's inability. So the life of Pablo. Escobar.

Or Picasso. No, and apparently it's, um, he's a big fan, he's said in the past, of, um, of Pablo. Escobar or Picasso. No, and apparently he's a big fan, he's said in the past, of Pablo Picasso. Oh, he's not even said he's a fan, he thinks he's on a similar level. He said, when I make my shoes, I feel like Pablo. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah. Hot is hot in here. Yeah. Hot is hot, isn't it?

Yeah, so, yeah, you know, Trainers versus Cubism. I think coming up with album titles is probably one of those things, a bit like coming up with your Edinburgh show title. You don't want it to be too specific. You want to just come up with a title. I think The Life, to be honest, The Life of Pablo is quite a nice name. It's all right, isn't it? What's your current, um, stand-up show called that you're doing at the moment?

It's called The Man With No Show. Right, ask me what mine's called that I'm touring. What's yours called, Alan? A show with a man in it. We're very similar. We've gone back to basics. Very basic. Ask me what mine's called.

What's yours called? We Need To Talk. Is that what it's called? Oh, that's good. That's good. I like that. No, it was called, I did have a name for a show. I can't remember what it was called, though. Dean There Done That, wasn't it? Oh. No,

I was going to call it Oh No You Don't. Which was how no one could relate to my, um, observation comedy. It was all about going first class and things. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's what I thought. I think once you've got the title, it's a bit like Aid in Britain. Once you've got the title, the series will just follow.

Only Fools on Horses. I could do that now. Yeah, you could? Yeah. Okay, so when Emily Dean does a tour, if you've got any ideas for what that should be called, do let us know on 812 15. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner

on absolute radio I'll tell you what the texts have gone crazy since we asked for suggested show titles for Emily Dean's non-existent live tour. You say non-existent but I reckon if the title's good enough she'll be

lured in. Yeah I will. If you build it, they will come. We've also had a text, uh, saying, Badil here, Frank's right, it's Life of Pi, no the. Result! Oh, he hasn't finished. Oh, sorry. Oh, he hasn't

finished. He wants to get the most of his 50p. He's given himself the right to, uh... He's just realised it costs 50p for that text. I know. I've had a text from him as well. The deal here, Frank's right, it's life of pie. I just have a pretty spine, though, right, after he's fallen off that chair.

I speak as one of the Booker judges who gave it the prize in 2002. Oh, well, there you go, from the very inner sanctum. I don't think you can get more credible proof than that. Even the book cover, I don't think. As one of the booker judges, I think you made the wrong choice, but that's another story. Oh, wow. Just because you got the title wrong,

don't drag the whole book down. Oh, I'm sorry I got the title wrong. Talking Tigers. Come on. Talking Tigers is what it should have been called. That was the working title for it. Talking Tigers. Talking Tiger on a raft is what it should have been called. That was the working title for it, Talking Tiger. Talking Tiger on a raft is what it should have been called. I prefer Tiger Who Came to Tea. Yes.

Anyway. I think that Tiger Who Came to Tea is an example of rather bad manners. Perhaps shouldn't be shown to children. Okay. Eats everything in the house. Drinks straight from the tap. I haven't drank straight from the tap in our house since. When I used to drink so much, I could not hold a glass in the house. Drink straight from the tap. I haven't drank straight from the tap in our house since when I used to drink so much I could not hold a glass

in the morning. It's the drink from the tap. And my mum said never drink from the tap because sometimes snails come down, slugs come down through the tap. Oh. Well that'll put you off I think. It didn't. Oh didn't it?

You know, what's one slug? And you've got a thirst on. Frank, Hemel Shah says I should call my show The Never Ending Story. How dare you? Is that kind or unkind? Legend Studios says Hot Gossip. And Dewsbury Gambler

suggests the three of us go on tour as an ensemble and call it Not Three Bad. Well, I've often wondered if we could do that. But anyway, that's another story. A never-ending one. Meanwhile, over on the west side, Yeezy... Oh, yeah. He had...

Did you see the list of instructiones he left for the poor models at his show? Oh, yes. I thought that was... Oh, it was a lot. It basically was do nothing, wasn't it? Wasn't it 38 instructions? Don't smile, don't act, don't pose, don't... It was rather strange, yeah. I thought something was grammatically a bit odd.

It was no smile, no sing unless instructed. It's a Bob Marley song. Do not act cool. No smile, no sing unless instructed. Oh, just tell him Vega said so. Well, there's something I liked about it. Because he's a man who knows what he wants, which is a good thing. No whisper.

But do you remember last week when I told you I was late for an event with Dennis Amis, the cricketer, and I spent the first ten minutes saying there was something amiss? Oh, yes. There was something amiss on the motorway, and you said, oh, what was it? Oh, I know. Well, if I was

working with Kanye and I got these instructions, I'd be saying, sir, can you... Oh, no. And I'd be dying. Can you elucidate on the Noah wiggling? And can you... Can you just clarify?

See if he got it. I bet he wouldn't get it. He could get it at everyone else before they're about laughing behind his back. He'd say, oh, like, I don't hear that every day. Every goddamn day. No, he wouldn't get it. He never hears it because he's treated with enormous respect.

He says, also, another rule, my favourite was do not ever look at the Jumbotron. I wish I'd listened to that advice. Yeah. Me too. I've never been hit by that elephant van you're listening to the frank skinner podcast from absolute radio want your frank fix a little sooner listen live every saturday from 8 a.m on absolute radio across the uk on digital radio mobile apps and in london and on the South East on 105.8 FM.

Absolute Radio. Yeah, so Yeezy, or Yeezus, as I know you like to call him Frank, he... Some of the other rules seem somewhat contradictory. Be casual, don't be stiff. Oh, yeah. I mean, please. I think it's... Do not make the same

movements at the same time. Does he mean as each other? Or... Well, how do you know when someone's going to make that movement? I can't sit beforehand and say, can we go through the 72 movements you're going to make? Hey, they can block it out, as they say in the theatre. Yeah, that's what choreography is all about.

Block it out. Or does he mean... Not to that level of detail. Does he mean don't make the same movements at the same time, as in, like, stepping forward? Is he asking them not to bunny hop down the catwalk? Is that what he's doing? Okay, carry on justifying and then explain this. Hey, I'm no Yeezy apologist. Be aware of others and be percautious.

Thank you. Percautious? Yes. What I would say, I have to say, I think Yeezy, if he's not careful, is in danger of becoming a bit of a control freak. I think he's a member of the Gitterati. Well, I hope not.

It does remind me... I think this is something that's not often said about Kanye West. It reminds me of Sir Donald Wolfit, the old actor-manager, who used to give a series of instructions to his actors in his company. Oh, yes. That said things like, Never move when I am speaking. Excellent.

Yeah. My favourite was, The lights at the front of the stage are for me and me alone. You must find what light you can. That's what you said to me on my first day here. I like him. You can imagine Yeezy coming out with that. Oh, well.

Maybe not in that voice. Quite easily. Do you know what else he tweeted this week? He said, don't text or tweet me till Monday. I mean, that's great, isn't it? And then he proceeded to tweet all the time for the next 48 hours.

I love the fact that he tweeted people that haven't got his phone number, don't text or tweet me till Monday. Faxes and telegrams, I'm totally fine with. Well, he likes validation, that's why he goes on the social media. There's an element of I'm warning you with peace and love. Yes. Very strict timetable, I think. We've had a complaint about you.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Well, can we just leave it till after these messages? I don't think you're going to like it. Well, can we just leave it till after these messages? Absolute. Absolute. Absolute.

Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, go on. Oh, yeah. What has been said? Well, you were talking about an incident recently where you told someone to get a life. Mm-hm.

This is after, bear in mind... Yeah. ..that I thought they'd been unnecessarily unfriendly. Yes. But go on. 151 says, Frank, have you never heard of being polite in good manners? It doesn't... No, hold on, what is that? that it does not matter it does not matter how old you are what a relief

a simple please and thank you goes a very long way that's from 151 but you see i i absolutely agree with that 151 um and i felt that excuse me is is an act of politeness. Yeah, you could have just shoved them, couldn't you? Yeah, well, a lot of people would have done. Just barrelled through. A lot of people in Kent would have just gone them down. Yeah, you're right. Walked over their smouldering corpses.

Not me, not Frank. I think you've got Kent a bit wrong. He thinks that lock, stock and two smoking barrels is not. It's a very sleepy seaside town. Okay. Well, anyway. That's a very sleepy seaside town. OK. Well, anyway... So I thought Excuse Me was sufficient and I thought he looked like one of those blokes...

Yeah. ..who went around correcting people on their grammar. Yeah. You know I'd never do that. No. So... It's not your thing, is it? No.

So, yes, I agree with you. The very idea. I thought I had been polite, and my politeness, rather than being appreciated, had been gone down. That's what I thought. You don't want to overdo it, do you? You don't want to go...

I'm thinking it might be from this bloke. Oh, you think? I think this is a text from the bloke. I wondered about that. No. I thought you said he was, um... Maybe he sent it in with one of those phones with big buttons do you think oh he wasn't that much older than me he wasn't roger moore

but anyway i thought but we'll have a big massive no we won't have a massive vote on it can i just say by the way on the on the carnegie, did you see that? The game, he's invented a game, a video game. Has he? He's a busy fella, isn't he? No, but this one, his mum died, I think, last year or something. Right. And he's got a video game in which she's flying around heaven. Oh.

And I'm not making this up. It sounds bad taste, but, I mean, it's not my bad taste. Or, I don't know. She's got wings and that, and she's flying around heaven, and he's working on that. He's going to develop it. He's an ideas man. He really is. You can't say he's not. Brilliant. I mean, there's something brilliant about that,

because some people think that's a bit of a weird thing to do. But I like there is nothing in Kanye's head and no-one in his life who says, it's a bit weird, isn't it? And I think there's something great about it. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Email corner.

Email corner. I love it. We should do that. Well done, Plastico. So, yes, we're in the corner. Well, we have an email here. Hello, team. Listening to the podcast on my afternoon commute in Sydney, Australia.

It's amazing what we can do now, isn't it? He's getting this little show over there on the other side of the world. How did that happen? My thoughts on suggested names for the Stuart Pearce Longford AFC TV programme. No Alder, no Alder. Oh, yeah. Again, we had another text. I mean, this really does need some explaining.

New readers start here. Longford FC are, some would say, the worst football team in England. Yeah. And Stuart Pearce, psycho as he was known, has come out of quite a long retirement. I mean, he must be in his 50s now. Must be. And for one game, which I think has been played,

but I don't know where it went. No. But I haven't heard of any police involvement. As is our want, we were mooting what the television programme could be called. Well, I thought he'd only be doing it for a reality TV show. Yeah, yeah. It might be me being

cynical. He says, David, who sent this, my thoughts on suggested names for the Stuart Pearce Longford AFC TV programme are that he should study their tactics in detail. Therefore, the show could be called

Psychoanalysis. Because he's known as Psycho. And he adds, thanking you, David, a Yorkshireman in Sydney. Now, that's excellent, I think. That's really good. I think he's done good work there. You're not impressed, Frank? You sound surprised.

You're not going to be mean to this guy that's written from the other side of the world with this... I don't think that's any harder to do than to write for. I'm just saying he's gone to some trouble. All he has to do is press send, love. Yeah, exactly. I don't used to think that he's had to get one of those, you know those airmail stickers?

Back in the day. He hasn't gone par Avignon. What about those letters that used to fold up into an airmail envelope? Avignon is in France. Yes. Yes. It's also the name of the old guy that lives down my road, who we all call

Par Avignon. Do you? Yeah. Don't you know his dad, Grandpa Avignon? So, yes, I thought because, you know, he's coming back there's a lot of profile, pierce pressure. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's quite back, there's a lot of profile. P.S. Pressure. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's quite good. What about End of the P.S.? Oh, yeah. And my own particular favourite. I've got a lot of work into this. I mean, you've got a show going on at the moment. Well trodden, yeah, but I don't have to write that. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Well trodden psychopath. I don't like the well trodden i'm not sure you see i'm not sure i like the psycho thing anymore i think that was allowed when he was a young sort of terrifying football i bet he's still i bet he's still delighted i think psychopath is fine i think he's more like marks and spencers now he wears like a shirt with a round neck jumper over it doesn't he what Cycle path is much more of his age now, I think. I must talk to you about cycle paths, but fellas... I can't wait.

So many trailers today. This you'll find astonishing. You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text us on 81215, follow the show on Twitter, at Frank on the Radio,

email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Hmm. Now, yes, so I was talking about... I had an invite this week. You know, I've mentioned on the show before that I can't really ride a bike. And Alan, in fact, offered to teach. Oh, yeah. Did he offer to teach you?

Yeah. Didn't he offer to teach you? Do you ride a bike? Well, I've tried, and I have officially learnt, but every time I get on, you know they say you'll never forget. I do, every time. And I can't do it, Frank. I can't really ride either. Well, it's riding. I don't know, it's not's not like riding yeah so when they say neither of us are riders

it isn't no yeah so i got a um i got contacted by the um the ta oh yeah territorial army no the tricycle association no you never did and um they suggest that that's the obvious answer they said that they'd like me to become a member for a start-off which i think i feel i should get if i'm going to do that yeah i'd have to get a tricycle first oh you've got i don't want to be like you know the member of the tricycle association who doesn't go to tryicycle. But I have been thinking about it. They sent me their magazine. Oh, yeah. Do you want to see it? I'll get it out in a minute. I feel certain we're going to anyway.

There's all sorts of news in it. Apparently they've got a new mileage chart organiser. No way. Yeah? Come in recently. You heard that here first. Okay. Yeah, I did. I was not up on tricycle news until now. Yeah, so what do you think? up on tricycle news until now. Yeah, so what do you think? As a cyclist, what do you think?

I... Practically, would I be able to park it, say, in a bike park? What, the trike? You might have to go sort of adjacent, like a bit off-centre to it, hadn't you? If all the bikes are in a row, you can't put a trike in there. Where do you put it? No one asked wondering about that. You'd have to sort of go diagonal to it. To go a bit adjacent. What are you thinking of wearing on the trike? I mean, you'd have to have a

comedy... Flat cap. Oh, Frank, you can't have a suit and tie. One of those scarves with wire in it, like he's... No, no, but I don't think you're taking it completely seriously. I see myself... No, I don't think he is either. This is an association. They're not like...

Nothing? Just wear nothing? Like on those... Oh, yeah. Weirdo. A horn with glitter. I, um... I think...

Is that one of your travelogues? From the 70s? No, I... They're not like a lot of ironic hipster types who'd go around thinking to themselves... I don't know why you're looking at me as you say that. Well, ironic hipsters. I've got a beard.

Look in the mirror, Caliban. They take it completely seriously. Do they? Yeah. And I'm thinking, in a way, a tricycle makes more sense. Much harder to fall off. You're right. Yeah.

Much harder. And you don't have to lean it on anything when you stop. True. I've got a great idea. You'd have to be going sideways on a very steep hill. Why don't you get in a car? That's another good point. I've got a car, but I'm trying to save the planet.

Oh. Get out of that. Well, I can, but I don't feel that my views will be popular. I think you'll probably get sent one, you know, you talk about stuff on the radio and then the next week it arrives. I'm looking forward to next Saturday, trike day, as we'll be calling it. I don't think I'll get a tricycle. I might get a pair

of three-legged trousers for riding one. Oh, yeah. Do you need... Is that what you do? I don't think so. Hard to look in, that's all. I love looking in the magazine. I'll show you the magazine during this. Absolute.

Absolute. Absolute. Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Yes, I've just posed for a picture for our... What's it called? Social... Reader's wives.

Network. Reader's husbands. Social networking? Is that what it's called? Social media. Yeah, yeah. OK. I had community support in my head.

Yeah, it's for the community support. We've got a photograph for the community support. We're all sitting in high-vis jackets. That's a very 70s name for Twitter, isn't it? Community support. Well, you don't get much support on Twitter. I've just thought, though, I've held this... On the picture, I'm holding the Tricycle magazine next to me.

And I'm wearing my Gregory Peck spectacles. And what a shame. Just for that picture, I hadn't got a third lens on it for the tricycle. That would be good. That would be good. I mean, you could go the other way and learn to ride a bicycle. Or... I could do, but this way, I'm eliminating the middleman.

Yeah, yeah. I'm going straight to cycling without any... It's like a life hack, isn't it? You're cutting right through. Do you think you get enough room on a London road to ride a tricycle? I think you could just take that room. I think you should on a bicycle take that room.

Well, we can use cycle lanes. You really can. Yeah, but... London has ground to a halt as a result of. But when are the new tricycle lanes coming in? Well, I think they'll be used just as much as the cycle lanes. Well, you're probably right. A bit of material there, serious material.

I think Emily might have a problem with them. I'm a bit of a fan of the cycle lane. It's the only way I would have the courage to cycle in. You like three hours sitting in a traffic. I do. So... You haven't heard my fabulous CD collection. A little fall into three hours sitting in a traffic. I do. So... She's got a new car. You haven't heard my fabulous CD collection. A little fall into three hours sitting in traffic.

Can I just say to all the people having a go at me, saying, tell her to stop saying leisure in the Yanks way. It sounds ridiculous. I don't think you can say Yanks anymore. No, I don't think you can. OK. Also, I was doing it intentionally. Can you tell them to stop being racist in a 1940s kind of way? Yeah. Leisure, you said. Yes, you were being ironic. I was doing it intentionally. Can you tell them to stop being racist in a 1940s kind of way?

Yeah. Leisure, you said. Yes, you were being ironic. I was being ironic. I think it was very clear to us, because we know you and find you funny, but maybe some people aren't digging quite as deep as we are. I call it yeesha.

Yeesha. You and yeesha. So much of it involves Kanye West. Yeesha where? My yeeszy time. Mark David Lawler, he's quite a formal... I will Mark David Lawler. Yes, for life.

He says in response to the, what did you call it, community service... Community support. Community support tweet that we put up. He says, that's certainly a good shirt for radio, Frank. Hashtag bit bright son. Oh, I don't think there's any need for that. It's a lovely shirt. I like it. Jade, is it not? Is it a good shirt for radio, Frank. Hashtag bit bright sun. Oh. I don't think there's any need for that. It's a lovely shirt. I like it.

Jade, is it not? Is it a jade shirt? Well, yeah, that's good. Thanks very much. You know, I've got colour vision problems. I wouldn't say colour... Yeah, I'm... Should you be on a bicycle?

Yeah. I don't think it's that... Does that mean that you don't know the end of your nose is red this morning? It is red this morning. Is it? You did know that. It's a pimple. It's a pimple. Is it? Thanks, Frank. God, bullying in the workplace. It nose is red this morning. It is red this morning. Is it? It's a pimple. It's a pimple.

Thanks, Frank. God, bullying in the workplace. It's not bullying at all. Get my lawyers. I just thought you'd been, you know, I know you've got a lot of other jobs. I thought one of them might be doing some sly work. When you say I've got a lot of other jobs, you think it's nose to the grindstone. No, I'm thinking that, you know,

spend one foggy Christmas Eve, et cetera, et cetera, as I think the king of Siam once said. So we did. Trust me. You're going to get, we're going to get a tweet having a go at you for mispronouncing that now. What, Siam?

No, et cetera. Et cetera. Yeah, probably. Well, I'll just forward it to your Brenna. Absolute, absolute radio. Yeah, probably. Well, I'll just forward it to you, Brenna. Can we discuss the giant rabbit? Oh, the giant rabbit. I've fallen for this geezer. He's in Glasgow.

Seven months old. Oh, is he Glaswegian? He's in... I didn't know that. I did not know that. He's in Cardonald in Glasgow, an area where my gran lives, in a high-rise flat, which I think is too small for this rabbit.

Well, she wants to watch out if this thing's on the... It's on the loose. It's like King Kong. I saw the headline, like, you know, Big Rabbit, blah, blah, and I thought, well, it's going to be... When I saw the picture, I mean, it is a big rabbit. Size of a dog.

Yeah, it's huge. Specifically a Westie, they said. It is the largest of pets. Yeah. Which was my entry in the competition for what Kanye's album was called. The LRP? Yeah. The largest of pets.

That's a good guess. What if he'd called it the largest of pets? That would be great. And then have Atlas on the cover, which is his name. Atlas. But then Kim would have said, what's that? What are you getting at? Yeah.

Yeah, Atlas he's called because obviously he's... I think Atlas bore the world on his shoulders, didn't he? As a perpetual curse. He's looking for a home. Now, I've been tempted. Have you? Well, I've been tempted. Have you? Well, I've got the concrete patch, so I could... I've heard that, but you know what?

Well, I could erect a cage in the garden. No, a cage. And I'll put him in there. I mean, he's a big one. He is a big one. I'll put him in a Foxy Bingo waistcoat. You'd need an XL The thing is

You wouldn't need to buy any special Rabbit clothing I don't know where you get that from The children's department at TK Maxx You could do that You could go into an Oxfam shop And kit out this rabbit It would fit, maybe a bit tight under the arms

You'd get fat kids clothes, really, couldn't you? The top hat. Can you say that? There's none here that I'm offending. I think you can say it. When you say there's none here, you see these things? The microphones.

We're broadcasting, for goodness sake. Well, I wasn't speaking about any individuals. I just wonder who will We're broadcasting, for goodness sake. Well, I wasn't speaking about any individuals. Isn't that the first broadcast from Radio Caroline? Broadcasting. I just wonder who will be writing in to get this. You know, would there be Gourmets sitting at home thinking, I wouldn't mind that.

Fernley Whittingstall, he'll be on the case. Gilles Manufacturers. The ears are good, aren't they? You're a milliner. Yeah. Lucky charm vendors. Yeah, that's only four up, aren't they? Can I tell you what puts me off rabbits? If he was going to share my area,

I have heard that they're nasal breathers. So they can't breathe through their mouth, or they only breathe through their nose. Yeah. That's a good thing, isn't it? No. Not if you're sleeping next to them. I mean, I'm not having that snoring going on. I don't know if you're supposed to have them in the bed. I'm not having a pet and not having it in my bedroom. You wouldn't want that

thing in your bed, though. Well, it's not the first time you've said that to me. But I ignored your advice. It's about time you had someone... Let's play some music. It's about time you had someone in who didn't breathe through their mouth exclusively. Skinner, Dean and Cochran.

Together, the Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. So they're looking for a home for this massive rabbit and I'll. Good summary. I'll be honest, I would consider it, but I think it would bully the dog.

We've got a dog that I think... Hasn't he still got the whippet? Yeah. You haven't mentioned the whippet for ages. Just did. Just did. I haven't mentioned the whippet for ages. Yeah, but isn't that some sort of weekend at Bernie's thing? Yeah, and also, me and the kids, we eat quite a lot of raisins,

and I don't think having a rabbit would be good for that. There would be confusion. Not this one. Plums. I wouldn't give it raisins. I'd treat it like a human 100%. No, it's never giving it raisins. I think it might be leaving raisins

dotted around the place. No, not this one. This would be a nice pet for a shop put enthusiast. I've never seen anything like it. I honestly sat and looked at the picture for between three and four minutes. He's more than four feet long and weighs three and a half stone. He's more than four feet long?

And weighs three and a half stone? I've got smaller children than this rabbit. He weighs three and a half stone. That's all right children than this rabbit. He weighs three and a half stone. That's all right. I can put him on a diet. Is it a buck? That's not bad. He said three and a half stone.

Is it a buck? I don't know what that means. Is it male? Oh, yeah. He's called he. He's called he. Oh, okay. Atlas.

Atlas. You know, it's not a she name. He's physically active. He's shot putter. He's physically active, so to speak. What do you mean by that? What? The headline said, Bot Rogers.

Oh, my God. Inshallah! Inshallah! I had to go to head voice. You see, I went from chest voice to head voice. I couldn't make it with the chest voice. You've got to know your limitations. That's what opera's all about.

Yeah, but I think you coped admirably with the... It's always the transitions in anything, any activity. Yeah, true. Very true. Rising to rock to canter. Hello. I'm all over those transitions. Yeah, I agree with that. It's like on this morning, you know, when they say,

well, thank you very much for telling us about the death of your parents in a massacre. And now the perfect Christmas pudding. True. There's a real skill. One of my favourite moments ever on this morning was extremely harrowing news from a woman who'd smuggled out people from the Nazis. And Richard Medley went from that to flat pack furniture. That's how they smuggled them out.

Flat packs. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I've got some thrifty news for you, Frank. I know you like to keep one eye on the housekeeping budget. I do. I mean, on the rare occasions that you do actually pay for stuff, because

we're looking forward to your tricycle arriving for gratis. I predict that won't happen. No. Well, um, EasyJet, you know, they have low-cost flights. EasyJet, I call it. EasyJet. Now, that would be one... Why doesn't he start EasyJet at really, like, market? Oh, I call it. Yeezy jet. Now, that would be one. Why doesn't he start Yeezy jet at really, like, hot market?

Oh, I'd go on Yeezy jet. It could be in the shape of his mother with the wings. Anyway, Stelios has opened... All right. Stelios. Stelios, yeah. He's opened a 25-pence store. I mean, we had the pound store

and then the 99-pence store undercut them. And now it's gone right down to 25p. That's brilliant. I mean, that's cheap, isn't it? Is it brilliant? I'm not certain what stuff... I mean, I like the idea... I love the idea of you saying that.

I like the idea of the discount, but I'm not certain what stuff they've got that I would buy, actually. I've looked at it and it's all dried pasta saying that i like the idea of the discount but i'm not certain what stuff they've got that i would i would buy actually i've looked at it and it's all dried pasta and you know oh biscuits what were you expecting sugar yeah well it's gonna be it's gonna be a bit uh it's optimistic expect there to be but of course it is oh come on what are you gonna say let them eat kale i mean please i just wanted a bag of rockets. Is that so much to ask?

No, that's not the place to go. There's a lot of sardines for sale. Well, that's probably good. That's probably the best. You know, you've got to eat your smash. Sardines, mackerel, anchovies. Ready-made curry. But the sort of people who are shopping,

I think you're going to find it's a bit knock-knock. A bit knock-knock? A bit knock-knock. National obesity crisis, national obesity crisis. Because it's one of the problems. This is what's caused the national obesity crisis, is food has got so cheap. Right. I went to Iceland with mum, obviously.

Yeah, Reykjavik. Yeah, and it was bitterly cold no I went and I bought a bird a burger but they were in a pack of I think I think it was 11 for 99p well I thought once I've opened the pack yeah I'm like Scooby-Doo style they're like Pringles to you on I find that? They are. I find that once you pop. That is like the world's strongest man, Pringles. But I wouldn't mind a lot around the 25p store. Come on.

Well, you say that, but you're going to struggle. Because they, firstly, obviously they had to close because of the demand. Yeah. Outstripped supply. And now they've had to get bouncers outside the shop to maintain order what because what order yeah um people pillaging people are desperate to get in they were how long were the queues daisy six hours six hours thank god they're unemployed

wow i saw that what i what i wasn't impressed by was their slogan. What's their slogan? Sorry, I've got my phone. Oh, sorry. I was doing that a lot on our trip to Kent, wasn't I, Frank? You got used to it. Yes, I am, you guys. Sorry, you weren't there, Al.

We had a hilarious time together. So their slogan over the top of the door... Yeah? So their slogan over the top of the door is no expensive brands, just food honestly priced. No full stop. No hyphen in honestly priced. They know how to get them in. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

It did occur to me when I was reading about this 25 pence store that it must actually sting a little bit now to pay 5 pence for a carrier bag in a place like that. It's a massive portion of your shop. I've only spent 66 on three bags of shopping,

but now I'm spending 15 pence on bags. It's probably £17.50 for a carrier bag. That's what they should do. So all these people go in and buy all this cheap stuff and then they can't carry it out. Hey, I know you get sent a lot of free stuff on this show. Don't you keep on? You're so bitter.

I mean, you really... No, I'm not being bitter. Between you and me, I've actually been sent something for myself today. Have you? What did you get? I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank Patrick, who... You can't do this every time you're sent free. No, he listened to

an earlier show. That'll be three hours of my show. Do you remember I was talking about the embarrassing lie that I told a stranger when I couldn't just give her the pound coin for a shopping trolley because I used, as I said to her, oh it's my wife's key ring pound coin

token thing. Oh yes. Oh yeah. And it's not my wife's, it's mine. I just lied to make myself seem more manly. Yeah. And Patrick has sent me one with a little smiley like an acid house face type thing. Oh yeah. And that would work. That will get you a...

That will get you a trolley. Oh, okay. And you then get it back at the end and put it back on your car key. And he said that your comments, Frank, because I think you teased it, your comments smack of a man who is both rolling in pound coins and does not often have to go around with a trolley doing the big shop. That's what he says of you. Oh, my, my, my. I do go. I'm happy to go around with a trolley doing the big shop. That's what he says of you. Ah, my, my, my.

I do go. I'm happy to go out with the trolley. I'm not saying I'm not rolling in pound coins. You've got a lot of those. But I'm happy to. I like going to the supermarket. You meet people and stuff like that. Like a pensioner.

You meet people. It's a good trick for him to get out. Like a pensioner. And I also... It's a good trick for him to get out. I like a checkout. I like that. I like all the, you know, all the politics of... You know, when the person ahead is a bit slow putting the shopping divider, I start loading mine quite close to theirs

and they get frightened. I was in a large supermarket. I compare my goods as frightened. I was in a large supermarket. I compare my goods as well. I was in a large supermarket the other day and it was such a big one that they had a person holding up a hand that pointed to a queue that wasn't very busy. You know, like

space here. You sure you weren't at WWF Wrestling? Or at an airport. Yeah. Or, uh, what was that thing with gladiators? They used to they liked to foam hand. Kenny Everett, he had a foam hand as well, didn't he? Let's just not name everyone

who had some sort of thing they held up. Alright, fair enough. No, let's definitely not do that. So, thank you so much for listening this morning and if the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, get out.

The Frank Skinner Show on Absolute Radio. Back Saturday morning from 8. Tune in live for the full Frank experience. Absolute Radio.