The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Gitcoin

Episode Date: January 27, 2018

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. Frank is back and joins Emily and Alun to discuss his latest 'ideas', Bitcoin and the hunt for Boris Becker's lost trophies.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Regular listeners to the show will know that we used to play The Four every week at one point. And I love The Four very, very much. And Mark Lee Smith died this week.

And he changed my life in many ways. He created a sort of music which is the most incredible, fresh and exciting and original, thought-provoking, brilliant music I've ever heard. The problem with loving The Four is that no other band ever sounds anywhere near as good. But anyway, he will be missed. I'll never see the Four live again, and that is horrible. So, comedy.

How are you, guys? How are you? I'm good, thanks. Well, I'm glad you're back, Frank. We missed you last week. I've been poorly. I know. You sound ill and emotional, but I think it's... Yeah, my throat's going a bit...

Well, I quite like it. He's got the slight huskies, which I've got to say I like. Yeah, that missing dog in our area... The husky? That husky. Signs are still up. What was it? I said to Buzz yesterday, we could be out in the cold looking for this dog.

The dog could be lying warming its private parts by a coal fire. Lucky you. In a lovely local home. Lucky you. Tell us. If your husky's been found, put it on the sign. Put a sticker on. Yeah.

Because we could look for that forever. Shall we start with a whatever happened to? Yeah, go on. I think that'd be good. Bit of structure. Whatever happened to. Dandruff. I used to be everywhere, Dandruff.

I used to know in my life there were seven regular people, I would say, in my life, there were seven regular people, I would say, in my life, who had quite heavy... That one where it used to get under the collar as well as just on it, you know, because it had been there so long. Right. And you would never be on a packed train and not see it. You'd never... No. Well, ow, it was some people had it all over the shoulders. Yeah.

Do you remember? What happened to it? This is a bit minion, actually. Well, I think it became democratised, didn't it? The beauty industry, essentially. You're thinking Vogue scene. No, but I mean, it was available to all. I think people are suddenly, you know, take, dare I say,

more of a pride in their appearance now. Good for them. Yeah. It's weird, though. Someone said to me the other day, oh, yeah, you used to have quite a lot of dandruff about someone, and I thought, yeah, you did, but where's it gone? Who is that about?

I don't like it when you talk about me when I'm not in the room. No, it's OK. I wouldn't wear a black jacket for about ten years. So, yeah, that's gone. Do you think, would anyone have the courage if they made, say if they made a TV series set in the 70s to add dandruff to people's shoulders and stuff for period authenticity? Well, I'll tell you what else I'd add.

I would insist that I went round with a yellow and brown pen painting the teeth. Yeah. Because I hate things that are set in the 70s when they've got nice teeth. Well, I've seen things set in the Middle Ages where they've got nice teeth. It's incredible.

I don't know if they had dandruff. I don't think they could afford it in that period. But that would be... I'm going to write something that's got a character that's got dandruff in it. Yeah. But then the kids, you see, the kids, they'd all be on Knapsack and all that.

Yeah. Saying, what is this dandruff the old man's writing about? Knapsack, the Dick Whittington site. Knapsack is... It's a knapsack. It's a popular app. Seven second videos, I think it is. Yeah. You've not got it?

Emily, you've not got knapsack? No. No. Well, I'm trying. Learned the doctor. What else is there? Bread knife, I think. Oh, yeah.

Bread knife. I'm on bread knife. Just really mainly just for sports stuff I don't use it for sport bread knife what do you use it for? music

if you think about it it wouldn't be a terrible name for a social media thing because it's going through the crust of the news into the soft keeps cutting out though. And a slice of life. You're getting a slice of life. You know what I'm saying?

That could be their little slogan, Frank. Yeah. Serration, not irritation. That could be their slogan for the bread knife app. Yeah, I might do that. I had an idea. I'll share with you after this. I had an idea about a podcast idea.

Okay. Because everybody's doing it. Everyone's got one now. I'm getting embarrassed that I've got one. Everyone's doing them. Yeah, Emily's. Can I recommend Emily's? Does a podcast with The Times,

which she goes for a walk with a dog and a celebrity. Yeah. It's called Talkie Walkies. Can't recommend it. Absolute Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Yes, so I think eventually I'm going to have to do some sort of podcast because everybody's doing one. You doing one now? We've all got one, love. This is one. This becomes one.

I know this becomes one, but I mean an individual one when I talk about a specialist subject. When you say, am I doing a podcast, I was going to say, yeah, this, because I consider this to be a podcast as well. I consider this a radio show, which is then captured. Yeah. And like one might go out and do they still take capture tigers

and take them to zoos? I don't know. Can you check up on that please? I probably can't say that. I think that still happens. Can you get me a list down of things that one can still say in the public forum? Not that it's overdue or anything. It might be easier than

getting a list of things you can't say. A5 should do it. You won't need A4. Oh, Frank, can I just interrupt this broadcast with some news from 937? I'd say this show is largely based on interruptions. Well, it is really, but it's based

on something we were discussing earlier. 937 says, morning all, most people shower now rather than bathe, therefore rinsing out their hair properly. That's Paul from Nunhead. I wouldn't have thought of that. Breaking dandruff news on Absolute Radio. Yeah.

Absolute 70. That is a good... I hadn't thought of that, I must admit. Because before, they were just sitting in their own filth, and now they're good to go. This is the age of the tiny mobile vacuum. Oh, yeah. Whereas there used to be just the big metal things.

Whereas now you can just do your shell dissolve before you leave the house. Yeah. So if you did see somebody who had dandruff, would it be totally legit to tap them on their powdery shoulder and say, you should consider showering instead of bathing from now on? Do you think that's... It was one of those things that no one ever mentioned, wasn't it? It was.

Because there's a figure, when you take your jacket off, there it is anyway, so you'd know. Yeah. It's like living in a snowstorm. You know that snowstorm ornament? Yes. It's like living in a snowstorm. You know that snowstorm ornament? Yes. It's like living in one of those. A snow globe.

It would become a character trait that we had friends, mainly actors, and my parents would say, you know, the one with terrible dandruff. That's how we referred to these people. Well, it occurs to me now that you could have dandruff storms where they're not snowstorms at all. If you had friends who had dandruff, you could have a small 3D representation of their head and shoulders

and then have them in one of those and be a nice Christmas gift. That'd be good. It wouldn't even be Christmas. It'd be Christmas because it's no longer snow-based. There you go. Another... The amount of commercial ideas I've had on... And Willie DeVore has also been in touch.

Willie DeVore? Willie DeVore. He says, when your producer drops... Is Willie DeVore related to Pussy Galore? I don't know. Okay. Is that on the A5? By marriage.

When your producer drops the Fez on the desk, would she be known as a Fez dispenser? That is good. Come on. I like that. Very good. What's your most unusual

Pez dispenser head what's yours what's the most unusual one you've ever had I don't know what ones we've got I've got Jim Rosenthal

have you very good that's a very limited edition out in the in the 80s late 80s Chris Evans should have

done those when they did the TFI Friday big Big Heads. Do you remember that? Yeah. It would have been a lovely promotional gimmick. I'm surprised there aren't more celebrity Pez dispensers. People would like, wouldn't they,

a sort of a... Frankie Dettori? Yeah, I was thinking more like something, you know, like maybe the... Oh, I have one of those. What's the band called? Who's the big band now? You two.

One Direction, is it? One D. You can have a Harry Styles, Pez dispenser. You'd think that'd be really popular, wouldn't you? Yeah. God, he's dispensed everything else. That's for sure. Absolute.

Absolute. Absolute. Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Now, sorry, that was an in-breath. I know an in-breath when I hear you. I love that you know my in-breaths by now. I don't like to jump in on anyone's in-breath.

You're always welcome on my in-breaths. What was your own breath going to contain? Charlotte has been in touch to suggest that you do a Doctor Who podcast as Perkins. Two hearts, one red, one blue, just saying. Oh, I see. I think that would be rather good in character. To people to podcast in character. That could be a revolutionary new idea.

This show so far is full of revolutionary new ideas. It's jam-packed with them. It is. I don't want you to do that. Leave some listeners for the rest of us. The thing is, I don't know if it'd be any different from who I normally have if you couldn't see the hat. Right.

It's a good idea. I think Charlotte should think about that, though. Selling that idea to... To the person who played Perkins. Pam St Clement Yeah. Is that her name? Yeah. And say you can do a podcast about EastEnders but as

what was the character? Pat Butcher Pat Butcher yeah exactly. I never do that. It's lucky isn't it if you're Pat Butcher is it like shaking hands with her? No. So I was thinking of one because I like the real specialist

ones where people talk about quite narrow topics. I was thinking about interviewing members, senior members of the Anglican Church in quite a snipey fashion.

And we basically mull over the Reformation and various differences in doctrine every week. Yeah. But in quite a confrontational and aggressive way. What do you think? I'd enjoy that. Yeah, well, that's one of the ones. I'd be downloading that, baby.

What do you think of this netcast? Netcast? Is that the fisherman one? No. I don't. I've tried fishing. I? Netcast? Is that the fisherman one? No. I don't. I can't. I've tried fishing. I just couldn't.

Is it the internet? I went without Keith fishing. Oh, he doesn't strike me as a fisher. Oh, God. He's a, yeah, he's a very big angler. And after about ten minutes, I got so bored, I got the maggots and there was an ant hole. And I just put a maggot on the outside of the ant hole

and ants would come up and take it away and drag it down into the hole. How are you spelling maggot? M-A-G-G-O-T. Oh, OK. He's saying it, maggots. Oh, yes, I just wanted to check. Yeah, well, of course, I'm with our Keith there in my mind. Oh, right.

But, yeah, so I would just put it on the side. I mean, looking back on it, it's probably... Can I say this? Is this acceptable? Is it on the A5? What, the maggots? Ritual slaughter. Is it all right to feed...

They do it. It's the sort of thing they do on I'm a Celebrity. It is. Instead of ants. It doesn't make it right. Instead of ants, it would be ants and dicks. Oh, very good. Come on.

They never ate anything. You'd think they'd join in. No, they don't. No, but there's just a man, a rather heavy set man in a khaki shirt overseeing the proceedings. Oh, yeah, that's true. They're not allowed in.

But shouldn't they have a Christmas special where Ant and Deck do all the challenges? Oh, that would be good. Yeah. OK. They won't do that. Another idea? I don't want any money for it, have it?

But Charlotte's idea, I think, is clever, doing one in... Anyway, netcast is me... It's ripping off, in a way, Emily's podcast with the dog walking because it's talking to a celebrity whilst doing another activity. I think that's good. I think that puts people off, you see. They drop their guard. Yeah.

So I'm thinking, you know that netting you get on assault courses that you have to go underneath? Yes. Can you imagine, say, I don't know, me and Michelle Collins going underneath that netting and talking about, like, her school days? It's going to be quite a lot of heavy breathing to deal with. Also, I'm worried about the mics. I mean, there's all sorts of practical considerations here.

You could be Everleigh Gafford. True. I'd be all right. But just to give them something else to think about. I mean, you did quite an expanse of the lounge. I was going to say, how long are you under the netting for? Because normally in the assault courses that I do, that's about... 45 minutes and edited down to

30. Wow. Is that... yeah. That would be a good podcast. I thought monkey bars would be too... yeah. Too rigorous. Pommel horse? It's difficult. No, because synchronisation would be important. Just... also, there's something very bonding about being under that netting together, I would have thought.

Right. Okay. Let me know how you get on with the guest booking. Of course, I've got to go home and explain my muddy elbows to my girlfriend. It's always tricky. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show.

Absolute Radio. So here's my... I was talking to David Baddiel. Yeah. Who is a dear friend of mine and came round the house. We mainly talked about Marky Smith, but one of the things we talked about we went on to talking about I don't know

stuff and I was saying that the first avocado I ever had was at Glastonbury in the late 80s and there's

a comedian who you may know, Al, called Charmian Hughes. Yes. And Charmian had got a converted old ambulance which she travelled about in. So that was parked at Glastonbury. And I went in there with her. Come on!

Nothing, just friendly... Just for avocado? Well, no, I didn't. She said to me, do you want a... I think actually she had one off. She said, do you want half an avocado? And I had never had one in my life. And of course I wanted to...

I didn't want to seem unsophisticated. So I said, oh yeah, I will. And I was anticipating a pear imagine your disappointment who knows the avocado pear isn't that what Len Bithopic said to Gabriella Chica

but I thought it was a pear you know like a fruit pear I'm sure it was called avocado. It was called avocado pear. I believe it was, yeah. So I bit into it and it seemed to be made of clay, is what it tasted like.

You didn't bite the skin, did you? I don't think I did, actually. I think she gave me a spoon. I'm just getting horror flashbacks to when you ate the bay leaf at the girlfriend's house with the spaghetti. That was horrible. As I said, it was like eating a tiny medieval shield. Anyway, that was my first ever avocado.

And it really, because it was like nothing I'd had before. It was a real experience. And then Dave is looking at me open mouth. And he said, haven't I told you my avocado story? I wonder if Adele's avocado. I don't think you have. And he said, and then a mate of his who was in

a band, he gave Dave an avocado, and Dave had the same sort of experience. He said to me, he said it was like a different world. And I thought maybe there's a podcast to be had called My First Avocado. That would be good.

In which you interview people about exactly that. Right. You could expand on it. But I think there's something in it. I think there is. Because I think we're of an age now. I know I'm a bit older than you guys. I'm a bit older still tomorrow.

But we're of an age where... Nicely done. I think we're old enough to be the discoverers of the avocado. It's like the people who were around when Sir Walter Raleigh bought the potatoes. We were the early adopters, weren't we? Yeah, well, I would have been 30 when I had my first avocado. Okay.

But, I mean, I couldn't believe it. I thought I could do a life... It's so different to what you expect, isn't it? Hey, Frank, I'll tell you what I'd like. If you had a little review pasted on the avocado, you know they have the little sticker? Oh, yeah. And it just said, like at a gig, like a five star,

and it just said, David Baddiel, a whole new world. Yeah. I'd buy that, Adler. I think Aladdin might sue him. Yeah, and I thought you could have a late night, sort of adult version, called My First Advocat. I remember that. Which was about like...

I would have been about five, I guess. When you entered the world of eggnog. Which, again, it's an obscure topic. Snowball. Oh, yeah. I love a snowball. Advocat and lemonade. Yeah.

I think My First Snowball... I'd drink that out of a whole load of avocado. Sorry, Al. I think a podcast called My First Snowball might just get people that grew up in cold countries. Yeah, I mean, that would be... There's going to be no use, is it, that bit? It'll be a horror story.

It's people with one eye saying, well, my first snowball blinded me, thanks very much. Can I say that, Al? Have you got A5 yet? Where is the A5? I don't know. The A5, doesn't it run just by top of... We've had to loan it out to some other DJs.

That would have been a good joke if I knew where the A5 went. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'm just going to click my pen for the next batch of uh top ideas pour out here have we had any uh have we had any news from the outside world at all oh well people are impressed at your uh various podcast ideas well any qpr says who's one of our regulars. Yeah. She says, 51 and never had an avocado.

Oh. Read somewhere how calorific it was and avoided since. I like that she's speaking in the Tom Chance vernacular. I think I'm going to... Google it. Now, I understand

it's full of good fats, but can't do it. I didn't get it, but I'm happy to Google it. Okay. I don't need to get everything. It was a part that Simon Callow played in a sitcom

and his character... Oh, well done. Chance in a million. Yes, very good. Brenda Bleffing. Yes. And Tom Chance's... I love that sitcom.

His one character trait was that he spoke in note form, abbreviated note form. He'd say, must get cab, leave house, now. I thought he spoke a bit like Samuel Weller from the Bitwick Papers. Oh, OK. Lovely reference. But I think that is one of the

great lost sitcoms Chandler. I love Chance in a Million. I might go and see it now and it might be terrible. I remember it as

thinking it was brilliant and then it never I don't think it ever did a second series. No but I'm still obsessed. I don't remember it

but I am worried about the If we can get a box set let's have a night in together and watch all the episodes. That sounds really

good. I'll bring my jogging bottoms which I like to do if I'm staying at someone's... I'm not saying that I'm staying over, but it's nice to watch a box set in jogging bottoms, isn't it?

Yeah, don't bring them over to mine, if that's okay. What? Don't bring the jogging bottoms over. Fine. All right. Pyjamas. I'm worried about... Is it Annie?

Annie QPR. Annie QPR. I'm worried about this... Oh, I'm not even... Avocado, because it's high in calories. Not all calories are created equal, Annie.'m worried about this, oh, I'm not eating an avocado because it's high in calories. Not all calories are created equal, Annie. Al knows about this stuff.

He knows driving and calories. Well, we have to look at calories. The whole point of the phrase calories is that it's a unit of energy that it gives you. It's not a thing that you should avoid. So, you know, that avocado is full of energy. Empty calories are things that don't give you energy but do give you fat, essentially, like cans of Coca-Cola or whatever.

You know, Frank, I can imagine him... Sugar, that's Al's podcast, sorted. No, I can see him... I'm going to call it calories. Call it allergies. What if people come along thinking it's allegories? Oh, that'll be difficult. But, Frank, when he was saying that,

I could see him with a little head mic on, like Madonna, going up and down the stage. I paid £22.95 for those tickets. I'm teaching me about food. I'll be paid. Can I say, if you want any check of people being, have gone into middle age... I said Madonna.

They say those Madonna microphones. It's so true. Whereas young people call them microphones. Microphones. True. Absolute.

Absolute. Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. 976 has been in touch. I'm not certain I understand the end of this.

Dandruff has become less common since men stopped combing their hair in anything that reflected so giving the scalp of this. Dandruff has become less common since men stopped combing their hair in anything that reflected, so giving the scalp a break. Do you think that's like metal combs? No, I think not with anything that reflected, in anything. So if they saw a shop window or a mirror, obviously,

they'd stop and comb their hair. Oh, some men of a different generation. I can't remember the last time I combed my hair. No. And that probably does break up the scalp a bit me either I would have someone

to do that for me maybe it is that Frank Rachel Pavitt has been in touch to say you could borrow my box set if you still have a video

she's got the box set I remember Tom Chance this was Chance and a Million with Simon Calloway and Brenda Blathyn remember Tom's other character trait was always drinking

a pint down in one oh yes straight down in one lovely I think it was brilliant yeah it really there's so much I recommend it Remember Tom's other character trait was always drinking a pint down in one. Oh, yes, straight down in one. Lovely. I think it was brilliant. It really, there's so much. I recommend it. So many lesser sitcoms have gone into the annals as sort of glorious,

and that one slipped by. Yeah. We need to find out who wrote it. Yes. Can you get on that, please? We need to find out where we're going to watch it, because it changes my packing if I'm coming to Emily's then I'm not bringing my jogging box

but if it's to yours I am I'll send you a telegram we were just talking if I wanted to send a telegram to someone could I still do that stop and I said I remembered receiving telegrams when I was a child actress

yes I was a child actress. Yes, I was a child actress. Google me. And on my studio days... I love it when she says that. I used to get telegrams. My name, Emily Dean, does throw up a few other Google searches. There's a very naughty lady who shares my name. She's still working, that woman.

Yeah. She was doing glamour modelling when we first started this show. I mean, I thought it was a short period of a little window of opportunity. She's had a good ten years out of it. She's an international athlete. You don't get very long at it. You've got to make your money. Yes.

If you're listening, you're a burly. So, yeah, I bet she's still in bed. Well, she's... The other Emily Dean, let's call her that. Yeah. She's probably a nice person.

I tell you, I work with Lucy Pinder, she's lovely. She's lovely. You've worked with them all, haven't you? Well, still said one of the... She said the best thing a glamour model's ever said to me. Which is what? When I asked her what her ambition was and she said to hold a chimpanzee.

I love that! You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Follow the show on Twitter, at Frank on the Radio, or email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

We've actually had a text message that I will read to you now from 189. Hi, Frank. Chance in a million. Wife and I have been trying to remember the title for ages. Thanks to you, just bought the box set of all three series. Oh, there was three series? God, I thought there was only one. Do you know, it did much better than I thought, Frank. Definitely bring in the jogging bottoms if it's three series, 18 episodes. Oh, there was three series? Oh, God, I thought there was only one. Do you know, it did much better than I thought, Frank. I'm definitely bringing the jogging bottoms if it's three series, guys.

It was a hit. Written by Andrew Norris and Richard Feagin of British Empire. That's from Alan in Bournemouth. Oh, they did British Empire. Was it Feagin or Feagin? I have to say, I didn't like. Oh, didn't you? I did.

But Chance in a Million. Well, what's the odds on that? That's great. True, Bob. I'm so happy that we're talking about that this morning on Absolute Radio. The memory plays tricks. Do you know who else I'd like to talk about, or what else I'd like to talk about this morning,

is Fiddy Cent, who's one of my favourites. Are you familiar with the work of Fiddy? Well, I've met him. Well, I've seen him live. And I found him a charmant. You weren't a fan? I saw him supporting Eminem at the Milton Keynes Bowl.

How did you find him? Well, I was a big fan of Eminem. I thought he was alright, 50 Cent, but he didn't stand out for me. He was a handsome chap. But that's not how I pick my heroes. No. OK.

But yeah, I've got nothing against his essential human existence. Well, he's become, Curtis, as I like to call him, has become a Bitcoin millionaire. Yes. Now, as you know, Bitcoin is not only one of the things I don't understand, but I've made a point of not understanding it. I think it's good to have some things in your life you've got no idea what they're about. And I still don't know what.

I think it's got something to do with PPI. No, it's not. It's a cryptocurrency. Oh, well, that explains it then. Isn't that what Dracula uses? So imagine a currency that exists outside of any sort of governments and the people. So we would all monitor it ourselves. So it's like Esperanto. Yeah. In a way, yeah. would all monitor it ourselves. So it's like Esperanto. Yeah. In a way, yeah. We all monitor it ourselves.

Okay. Okay? Kind of. We monitor it ourselves. Have I got some monitoring responsibilities that Bitcoin hasn't been told about? You might have some Bitcoin mining responsibilities if you've got a computer.

Could I physically hold a Bitcoin in my hand? No. I see pictures of never. Well, you'd be a rich man if you've got a computer. Could I physically hold a Bitcoin in my hand? No. I see pictures of... Never. Well, you'd be a rich man if you were. They're worth about... Is it £8,000? Just for detail, he's a rich man anyway, but...

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. The devil's in the details. I forgot about that. They're worth about... £8,000 looking at me like I'm the cryptocurrency correspondent you were talking about the mining

I still don't get it it's an international currency but it's unofficial yeah so what would I do with it if I had it well you'd sell it can I buy something with it you can buy things with it on the internet I suppose

Virgin I believe, accept it. And Microsoft. Do they? Yes. Do they? But actually, what's happening now is, because it's so volatile, it recently went up so much in price

that people stopped spending it because... Then it went down again. Then it went back down again. So it's very volatile at the moment. Oh, God. But here's the interesting thing. I'm thinking I might bring out my own version called Gitcoin. Oh, that is good.

Which I give financial compensation to everyone I'm a bit off with. Oh, wow. I think you should take them round, like those golden pennies you buy from the coffee shops, and you just hand them out. If there's been a Gittish incident... Gitcoin. And it says on it, sorry I was a Git, Frank Skinner.

And then in, what, ten years, whatever, how long ever, when I die, the money on them will... They'll become volatile. And then it really will be crypto. Oh, good. Very good. I love Frank and the Gipto currency. Yeah, Gipto.

So essentially, what happened was he got paid for an album he did called Animal Ambition. Which I'd like to say at this point, I've got an animal. This is like 2014 or something, isn't it? They're not very ambitious creatures. Strange title. Short term. They're very short term. No, you never come back and

find a pet with a new CV. I don't associate the animal world with deferred gratification. No, you never come back and find a pet with a new CV. I don't associate the animal world with deferred gratification. No, exactly. I mean, they're happy with a furry hamburger going to the bathroom. There's no ambition with these people. Well, aren't we all, dear? I've got some money coming, actually, for that accident I was involved in. Oh, yeah?

I don't even remember it. Did it happen at work by any chance? I don't know, but I've had seven or eight texts. It's been dealt with, apparently. Oh, that's good for you. Yeah, so I'll keep you posted on that one. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We're discussing Fiddy Cent's recent discovery, and that is what it was. It's a discovery that he's actually a Bitcoin millionaire, because he'd got, he'd sold all these albums, he'd forgotten that he'd made the arrangement that they would accept Bitcoin

for them, so he'd made something like 700 Bitcoin, forgotten all about it it and then remembered last week oh i've got 700 of those things so i wonder how much they're worth now and the answer is six to eight million pounds or something and they were worth a few hundred thousand at the time i mean come on frank so it'd be like it's all right isn't it remember i told you i found a 10 quid in the breast pocket of a jacket yeah he gets like It's like that. Absolutely. It's the most exhilarating feeling. It's a great moment, isn't it?

Fantastic. He's not the only one. Ghostface Killer has made... He's done well out of it as well, the bitcoins. I know you're a fan of his, Frank. I am. I love him. Is he alright? He's very pale last time I saw him. It's just part of his vibe, I think. Part of his vibe. I don't know his work. I used

to be... He's with the Wu-Tang Clan, I believe. Oh, he's one of those. I used to listen to them a lot. I did have a... I think that's right. Quite a long period of being into hip-hop. But not 50 Cent. I remember that. Of course, the strange thing about the coincidence in all this

is that 50 Cent, he's a coin in his own right. He's named after... In fact fact he's a bit of a coin. Yeah. Because he's 50 cent. Yeah. Rather than cents. Right. So he's a bit of a coin and then he's made a load of money from Bitcoin. I mean what

are. Is it an irony? What are the chance in a million of that happening? I mean if Kanye West became a millionaire from selling sat-navs, that's how it feels like. There's an irony to it. It's not worth completely ignoring. Well, he was bankrupt a few years back.

Who was? Fiddy was. Was he really? He forgot he had all those big coins. Yeah, but when he was bankrupt, he did a little bit of a silly thing. What did he do? Well, he posted up some pictures of money

in bundles in the fridge. Oh, saying that he was broke. Sure it wasn't lettuce? No. That's... No, it was definitely Benjamin's. I thought he was like a multi-millionaire. Yeah.

Yeah. So easy to lose it, though. Doesn't make any sense. Well, they basically have to, and here's the crux of the issue, they have to spend less than they earn. That's the difficult bit for some of them. Or they get a bad financial advice. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Sorry. What I always wonder. It's hot. Oi! What I always wonder... Oh, it's hot in here. What I always wonder... Are you teasing Frank? No, it came out by mistake.

I think she's teasing you about... Yes. I lost a few, Bob. Until whenever I see someone, like, 50 Cent featured in the press, I always think I wonder where these big raps start

how and where they store their baseball caps oh we must have a walk in closet but they're not you can't stack

some people when you see them for sale often they're stacked right but that only works if they're all the same do you know what I mean

because you can't tell one baseball bat from another when they're stacked and they're not going to want that you know what I mean? Because you can't tell one baseball bat from another when they're stacked, and they're not going to want that. Daisy, the producer, I feel she's bursting to say something. Yeah, she wants to get on air. Do you have some information regarding this? What I'm dreaming of is a wheel of heads. Oh, right.

What with a mannequin head? You know those big wheel of fortunes? Like a wheel of heads that you spin, and you think, oh, New York Giants. Spin it around and that's it. I don't think there's going to be a business idea left by the end of this show.

You are just firing them out. The sound effect. He's even thought through the sound effect of the little wheel. Those wheels always sound like that, don't they? I love it. I mean, In my dreams, I'd go beyond that. What I would have, he's got a big long sort of fitted

table and holes at say every foot there's a hole with a jet of air and the baseball caps are actually hovering on this jet. Like a hover cap.

Like a whale spurt of air, which the caps sit on. I mean, that would be... Yeah. Because, I mean, there's tremendous variety. How many baseball caps has 50 Cent got, do you think? Absolute. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We've had a text in from 953 that I think hits the nail on the head regarding re this 50 cent business. It should have been MC Hammer they were talking about. Indeed. Like 50 cent, I recently found some money I'd forgotten about. Unfortunately, it was an old £5 note, which is no longer legal tender. Oh, yeah. That's from Rich in Manchester, ironically. I found a pound.

Oh, yeah. Lovely one. Not Rich in Manchester. I found a pound the other day, which probably I could take into a bank. No, you know, the old pound thing. All right, a pound note. You know, the ones that are on the new pound coin.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is what I mean. It's frustrating, obviously. This is why I think 50 Cent deserves a bit of credit, because back in 2004... 50 Cent deserves a bit of credit. He's got credit.

Back in 2014, before we had... I mean, we've heard of Bitcoin, but only recently, haven't we? Yeah. Us. I still don't know what it is. We still don't know what it is. Mike still doesn't understand it.

He thinks it's something to do with Count Dockular. But think back to 2014 when somebody said to him, oh, you know your new album? I think we should accept non-money. And he's like, yeah, all right, yeah. What? What are we going to accept?

And he's like, well, it's Bitcoin. Like, it's made up, isn't it? I'm about to go on tour. Not a plug, just a fact. But if the venue said, oh, we'd like to not pay you in sterling, we were hoping to pay you in rip pounds, it's a made-up currency,

I'd be like, no, I want the full English money. That's where you're going wrong, Al. Or I'm not leaving the house. But this is why you went bankrupt, presumably. They say we're paying sausages. And you say, yeah, that'll be fine. I love sausages. Especially as his album is called Animal Ambition.

Well, that's probably the only ambition that carnivore animals have, is sausages. Not to be sausages. What are you talking about? That's a weird ambition. It wouldn't be a horrible pig-based ambition to dream of sausage-dom. We've had another text that I'd like to bring to your

attention, Frank. It's largely for you. 538 has texted. It will all become evident. Morning team, nobody I have ever met can remember a sitcom from my youth called The Gnomes of Morning team, nobody I have ever met can remember a sitcom from my youth called The Gnomes of Dulwich, which I think starred Terry Scott.

And Hugh Lloyd. Oh, really? Straight in there. Here we go. I distinctly remember the characters were gnomes in a suburban garden. They were, yeah. Real gnomes?

The whole thing was just them, you know, with the fishing rod and that. Really? Just talking about what was going on around them, you know, with the fishing rod and that. Really? Just talking about what was going on around them, you know, with the family and all that. It sounds weird. And not their family, the family's house. And so they were reduced size, were they?

For the purposes of the broadcast. Well, that was the optical illusion. I don't think they were actually miniaturised. No. They didn't have the technology. It sounds weird. Steve B continues, I did think at one point that maybe it was a weird dream.

He means because nobody else can remember it. Frank, you're the only one on the team who might recall this show. Thanks, Steve B. Stratford-upon-Avon. I do recall it. And I'll tell you why it happened. Because Terry Scott and Hugh Lloyd had become at some...

They were in another sitcom called Hugh and I. Oh, yeah. Hugh and I. Right. And so they were quite... They worked well as a sort of team. So that's where the Nomes of Dollitz came from. It was already a successful pairing.

It'd be like putting James Corden and Matthew Horne, say, in a sitcom now. Well, maybe not so much now, but if they'd done it then. I've worked with Hugh Lloyd. Have you? You've worked with him. He was sweeping up in a sitcom I wrote. He was like the janitor. Oh, was he?

At least he was in the sitcom. I thought he was sweeping up. I know, he wasn't. He wasn't sweeping up, as in Bitcoin. Okay. I didn't mean he was sweeping up. We haven't got time for an additional bit of correspondence, have we?

Or has the Fez appeared? Has the Fez dispenser? The Fez has appeared. Okay. The dispenser. Daisy's giving me that look that one only normally gets in the course of a long-term relationship.

So, we'll come, but just bookmark it, darling. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. Hello. Hello. I've never done that before.

You're answering the door. I've been on the radio for nine years, so I don't normally say hello after a song. It was actually like someone just knocked at the door. That was very strange. I did that in a lift once. I got into a lift with about six people. I went, hello.

They looked terrified. So, yes. Oh, I was about to read you out a missive from Dan Bilton. Oh, yeah. He says, I'm on a card journey with the parents involving crosswords and 60s music. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. And yet there are no tinned sweets in the card.

Is Danny Baker not answering? Whatever happened to the metal tins with boiled sweets or Turkish delight, and what was the powder? I'll tell you what the problem with that was. I have no idea, obviously. If only there was a jingle. Yes, I used to use those travel sweets.

But the problem is, yes, you do get that white powder on the dashboard, and if you are pulled over for any sort of traffic offence it just lengthens the whole process. It looks bad, yeah. I believe it was icing sugar. Oh, that makes sense, yeah. But I did like a travel suite and there's something nice about the tin in the car.

I used to love that tin. Very handy the tins were after if you collected beer mats. OK. I mean, a Cochrane top tip is, if you're doing a long journey alone, bag of apples on the passenger seat. That's an absolute worst tip I've ever heard. Very good top tip, actually.

The sticky hand on the steering wheel from the apple. I've seen some of those. Yeah, and then the cores are all over your upholstery, which, what a night that was. Just happened to be on tour at the same time. The drummer?

Yeah, we met him. Was it Jim? Yeah, Jim. Yeah, we met him standing outside with a flashlight. Oh, Jim Core, that must have been, that was a tough gig, wasn't it? Travelling around without, being ignored all the time. Yeah. Do you think he had a chaperonic role with the three beautiful girls?

Jim Caw, looking after his sisters. Was it his sister? Oh, maybe, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I imagine. Holding the travel sweets in the back. You think he was in the back? Yeah.

Well, you know my thing, there's always the one in the back of the car poking the head through, and I never want to be that person in life. Can I ask you about Tom Court? He's called Jim, but please do. Jim Court. Ask us about Tom Court. Jim Court. Was he, I find this hard to judge as a heterosexualist.

Okay. Was he a good-looking as well? He was absolutely fine. But he wasn't like they were quite knockout. No, no. He was no stunner. Oh, I hope he's not an absolute radio fan. Oh, yeah.

He's listening to us chat about his appearance this morning. I've got a vague sense. You know what? We're all God's children. He did all right. He did all right, yeah. I have a vague sense. He was sort of the Branwell Bronte of the band.

But I have a vague sense that Jim is involved in some sort of conspiracy theory, abduction by aliens things on the internet. Oh, that sounds good. I mean, I'm not sure, and if his lawyer's listening, I might have made that up, but I just felt so much sugar within me. That sounds good.

Yeah. Well, we'll Google him when we play a song, won't we, maybe? Yeah, let's do it. JC Superstar, that's what I call him. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, Fiddy forgot his bitcoins. Someone else who's been a little bit forgetful is Bo Beck.

Bo Beck? Yeah. Boris Beck? Yes, very good. He's had a few financial dire straits. Yeah, he's another bloke. We're doing sort of bankrupt celebrities hour. But he's another bloke.

How did he get to be bankrupt? He's still working. It's not like he's some washed-up ex-sportsman who couldn't get any more work. He's still on the BBC. He reckons he's made £100 million in his life. Wow. He works two weeks a year that I'm certain of.

That's for sure, yeah. And he works hard during that fortnight. Do you know he lives in Wimbledon? He doesn't. He doesn't. That's brilliant. He's so hard up there he's having to save on bus fare. I'd like it if David Beckham just lived in Wembley.

No, it's still weird. Why? I find that really odd that he lives in Wimbledon. It's just, I suppose he wants to increase his chances of getting recognised. Yeah, maybe. Oh, yeah. Which are probably quite high anyway, because he is a distinctive figure, isn't he? He is a distinctive looking man.

Unfortunately, when he tried to claim that child wasn't his, it looked exactly the same as him the least needed dna test in the world because i think it was called no no skin was broken they just went come on mate at the hospital him in a baby grow essentially oh man that was brilliant so he's texting he's lost my child. What was the least needed DNA test? Boris Becker

or Arnold Schwarzenegger's one. You know the other one? I don't remember his one. His love child looks exactly like him. It must be the German thing.

It's a very strong, yeah. Strong genes. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Bobeck has allegedly lost, I'm not saying allegedly,

I mean there's no scandal attached to it, but he's lost his trophies. He can't find his trophies anywhere. Quite notable. He's looked high and low. Some quite notable tennis trophies. Is that what he was doing in the broom? I think he was looking for them. I'm quite notable tennis trophies. Is that what he was doing in the broom combat? I think he was looking for the trophies.

I'm looking for my trophies. He was looking for a trophy bride more like it. My money is on Old Mar Becker. Oh, you reckon? Who's got the best name ever. Elvira Pish. Oh, OK. Yes.

That's her name. Elvira Pish Becker. Yeah, yeah. OK. That's her name. Alvira Pish Becker. Yeah, yeah. Okay. That's the first Mrs. Becker. No, that's his mother. That's old Mar Becker. Oh, so it's really old Mar Becker, isn't it?

Yeah, the original old Mar Becker, like old Mar Murray. Because there's so many Mar Beckers now. Yeah, yeah. Difficult to keep track, isn't it? Yes. She looks quite like him as well. Can I just, just as a general overview on this. Oh, yeah.

I'm not suggesting this is the case in any way, but am I right that I was shocked to hear this, that when you go bankrupt, if you're a big sports legend, that they can actually take your trophies and sell them off as a way of paying the debtors? Yeah. Which seems to me harsh. Trophies seem such a personal

but anyway they can do that. And then by coincidence he's lost his. So coincidence. Yeah. I wonder if they're around his house saying what's that big cabinet with a sheet over it? This is where I have my Stein collection. My

pottery Steins from München. Now it's very I love a Stein. Do you? have my stain collection my pottery stains from München now it's very I love a stain do you yeah

I love that Boris what's that shed out there I love the thumb lever technology on a stain

such a great idea I think old Marbeck has buried them all it's all of it

you don't think 50 Cent's got hats on them various sizes no it's just I'm not suggesting the second All of it. You don't think 50 Cent's got hats on them? Various sizes. No, it's just, I'm not suggesting the second Boris Becker would do that.

The very idea. He's not that kind of character. I have no idea. It seems wrong to me that they can take your trophies away. Well, I mean, if you owe people money and they are worth a lot of money, because often they're embezzled with jewels, aren't they?

We're talking about... Gold and silver. We're talking about... Are they... Jewels? I don't know. I just said great use of embezzled. I think they've got jewels on them.

To be fair to Al, in case you're going to find it... Yeah, regular readers. Oh, yeah. Prince Nassim was once on Fantasy Football and told me that the Sultan of Brunei had him embezzled with diamonds. It's a great reference, Al. I think I know where they might be

because I've thought about this. And, you know, your tennis trophies are often like cups, aren't they? And big plates. I bet he's not even looked in the kitchen. Oh, yeah. Cups and plates cupboard. It's full of bling.

Actually, had he been a female tennis player, they mainly get plates. Yeah, they get the plates. They're muchies. You just have the hubcaps on the car. Yeah. That could be your four Wimbledon singles. Oh, that'd be good.

What about when Paul Cattermole from, yes, I remembered his full name, from S Club 7 sold his Brit award recently on eBay, £66,000 so he got, he was so happy, yes, he was so happy about this price he put another one up

the first was for Best Band, I think the second was for Keep On Moving is it Sarah, you'd know the name of it and unfortunately I think he thought he was going to get like three times the price. He got £65,800. Right. So close to it.

But he's made £120,000 out of these. I'm amazed. A bad couple of weeks, isn't it? No disrespect to S Club 7, other than, you know, the usual. No extra disrespect. No, no extra. No more disrespect than normal for S Club 7. But I wouldn't have thought he would have got two grand for that.

I find that absolutely... Well, now everyone's at it. Abs from Five is doing it now. He's not. He is. He's selling his trophies as well. Yeah, they're all doing it now. Oh.

This is... I love it, actually. Put your trophies where everyone can see them. eBay. Absolute. Absol eBay. Absolute. Absolute. Absolute. Radio.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio, email the show via the Absolute Radio website. All doable, I would say. Here's a quiz question for you.

Oh, excellent. How tall is Boris Becker? OK, shall we do a little guess-a-rama? Go on. I'll do 5'10". No, 6'1". Yeah, you're right, probably. What about...

Which would be short by tennis player standards today. Five nine days, he thinks. Not a chance. And now Sarah is a bit of a tennis fan. A big fan. Ooh! So have a guess. Six foot.

Six foot, okay. Thanks, Ginnis. Okay, he's six foot three. Is he? He's one of those tall people who looks a bit short yeah yes i think you're right mate did he have a very big racket i was stunned yeah i mean oh that's not much room in the cupboard yeah anyway room on the broom that's

what he should have called his autobiography. Nice and tall. That's what Nan said. Room in the broom. Brackets, cupboard. Close brackets. Vavavoom in the broom. Vavavoom.

Yeah. I just really hope he finds those trophies, Frank. Yeah, it's... What, in order to pay people what they're owed? Is that what you're saying? I have to say, I feel... It's horrible when you lose sort of 50 trophies like that. I don't feel they should be able to take your trophies and sell them.

I think that's too much. I think you're... That's like... I mean, where does that end? It's like you've gone bankrupt. We could sell your kidney in, you know, in the Far East. That's fine. I'm fine with that. Pay your debts.

That'd be okay. I did like as well one of the comments underneath this story. I know we sort of resist giving these people the oxygen of publicity. However, I did enjoy someone saying, what a loser. You can call the man many things, but he's certainly not a loser. Yeah, certainly not. Yeah, they were mixed, but he's certainly not a loser. Yeah,

certainly not. Yeah, they were mixed, those comments. I noticed some comments. Can I say, by the way, it seems like a nice bloke was somebody else's. Again, wrong. Neither a loser nor a nice bloke. Neither a loser or a nice bloke, but as I think Polonius said to Laertes,

you know, haven't we? Lovely reference, Frank. That's terrible, terrible advice. You can think of a lot of people who took that, though. Neither a losing nor a nice bloke beer. There's a lot like that. That probably would be a key to success. Well, I think that's probably the motto in the city, isn't it? Oh.

But, you know, in the city, there's a thousand things I want to say to you. Oh. So, oh, yeah, so it's my birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday for tomorrow. I'm 61. Lovely. I mean, what?

I need a jingle for that. 61, can you believe it? I know the Russian national anthem is that. The Russian revolution is over 100. Frank likes to keep his birthday low-key. Yeah. 61, can you believe it? Well, I tell you what, I did go to, for my birthday last year,

part of my treat was the Hokusai exhibition. Oh, yeah. Which is the guy who did the great wave. The wave. You know, Mexican bloke. Apparently the Japanese, there's a wave. Yeah. The Japanese believe that when you get to 61,

you begin a whole new phase of your life. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. I was only telling someone that you told me this the other day. Yeah, all his great works he did after he was 61. Tremendous news. Yes. You know what he loved as well?

What? Favourite track. Oh, come on. Let's get the wave going, guys. Is Prince William going to join in? He is. Love it. They're very down to earth, the new ones.

True. Yeah. Very, very down to earth. Do you enjoy your birthday presents, Frank? Yes, I do. I got what I got this morning. I got some socks. Yeah.

And really nice socks. Not just any old socks. Yeah, not bamboo. They are bamboo. They are bamboo. They are bamboo. The old bamboo. I'm allowed to wear bamboo socks after they shunned me deliberately.

Well, we paid money for these socks. Yeah, they were purchased. That's all right. They're not free. In case you're a new listener, Alan was basically begging for free bamboo socks. With no dignity. I reprimanded him for this and told him I didn't want this.

I would describe his behaviour as somewhat thirsty that morning. No, I think actually it all began by me saying that I had received some bamboo socks for Christmas and then we got sent more. Which I was happy with. It was all a bit dizzy rascal talking about how much he'd love a Black Nando's card. Yes.

Anyway, so I said, you know, I don't want to be in that situation so I don't send them in. So Bamboo sent them in for everyone on the show except me, which I sort of admired, I think I said. But now I've got some anyway. Yeah. And they're legit.

Yeah? That's what I like. That's what I like. I also got a toothpick holder. Yeah. Engraved. Yeah. Special engraving.

Sterling silver. Yeah. I don't know what that means, but I've seen it on things. Yeah. Do you get the manual? Or Bitcoin silver. It says... No, it's great.

Frank's toothpicks. I use toothpicks all the time because when you get older your teeth just become like shelves for food. And also you eat a lot of pomegranate seeds, don't you? Well, it's the sort of thing I would say a gentleman carries around with him. It's perfect

because it's ornate and practical. Yeah. Somewhat and practical. Yeah. Yeah. Somewhat like you. Yeah. And a series of fabulous books, Robert Harris's Munich. Yeah. Lincoln on the Dido album. What's that called?

Lincoln on the Dido album. What's it called? Lincoln in the Bardo. Lincoln in the Bardo. Yeah, I didn't even know they'd met. I mean, she looks old. I didn't think she was that old. And a cookbook.

My first ever cookbook, I think, but it's aubergine-based. When you say cookbook, it's just called aubergines. Oh, it's about aubergines. Yeah, it's based on the emoji. It'll be an absolute godsend for my new podcast, My First Aubergine. Excellent. That would be good.

Which my first interview was with Barney the Dinosaur. As he got a tale to tell about Confucius. He was in the shower. Well, anyway, I'll save that story. I'll save that story for on the night. You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from absolute radio can we do some more boris news yes yeah sure wow this time it's not bo beck is bo joe oh i want to talk i want to tell you a little story so this is boris john i don't think we've ever had a show where there's been two main features

about people called Boris. Tubo. He has discovered a long-lost relative in Basel. Oh, OK. OK. Are you going to stick with Basel? Basel, yes. Some people say Basel, don't they?

No, it's Basel. Now, that's what Americans call Basel, the herb. Oh, I've got confused between the place. It's Basel. Or as they would say, Basel, the herb. Yes. I think it's Basel or Baal. I've been to Basel.

Oh, yes. They seem to call it Basel. Yes. Oh, okay. I mean, what do they know? I thought somebody was calling it basil. Yeah, but that was the bloke you was with. That was you.

We were having a pizza. Yeah. He was from America. You were telling him about Descartes. That'd be a good podcast. Descartes and basil. I'd listen to that. If Des O'Connor had a rickshaw company,

he could call them Des Carts. We have had an email in asking why I get teased about this Des Carts thing because they haven't ever heard it on a previous podcast. Well, keep up. It's Basil now. It's Basil now. It's all coming back to me. So Al was trying to show off with the ref referring to a philosopher. I don't think that's quite accurate, I'll let you refer to Descartes

René Descartes as Descartes we all none of us even Homer even Homer Nodds I don't know if you watch The Simpsons

I called that breed of dog what did I call it Frank Wymerina yeah that's a Wymerina

yeah I got it wrong yeah I don't have one yet oh you've got loads. Never made a mistake on air to this day, have you? Absolutely never. Happy birthday for tomorrow, by the way.

Thank you very much. So anyway, Bojo in Basel, what a movie. Yeah. They've discovered they had this mummy and it's the great, great, great, great, great grandmother of Boris Johnson. Yeah, I think it's actually great great great great great grandmother of boris johnson yeah i think it's actually seven greats yeah yeah so it's the great great great great great great great great grandmother of boris johnson did you miss one oh possibly you're on my case this morning

kind of sloppy attitude that leads to being teased for four years about desk arts what can i remember that time emily only said six greats when she meant seven i think it is important though because i'd like to know how many greats you need um till you get to the point where they can just stick a picture of your dead grandmother yeah the dead body of your grandmother. In some papers, they've stuck it next to her face, her mummified, terrible, age-ravaged face. Thanks very much. Next to Boris's, as a sort of, hey, here they are together.

Yeah, like peas in a pod. This is a dead person. And so there must be a great... They wouldn't do that with your grandmother no or your great grandmother probably no

when do they think oh wow it's just like a mummy now we count as a person yes probably about five in I think yeah

five I imagine well let's agree on five she was Switzerland's most famous mummy I read that which is a wonderful accolade okay so

here's a question for you then. Top three. How many contenders for that can we name now? Switzerland's most famous mummy. I didn't even think they did mummification. Maybe one of the Lindt family. Did you know that they did

mummification? I didn't actually. You'd imagine the Swiss would knit something for a corpse. Something colourful. But no, I had no actually. I didn't know. You'd imagine the Swiss would knit something for a corpse. Something colourful. But no, I had no idea. That is, that's a white... You know what at school you used to say? You know, if I'd been born in the Faroe Islands, I'd probably be an international footballer and stuff like that.

Or people go into the Winter Olympics sometimes, not many people are in it. Is this why Tina Turner took Swiss citizenship? Oh, you think? She's going to try and embalm herself into the... Embalm her way to mortality.

Immortality. Possibly. I think you might be onto something there. It's a weird thing, that, wasn't it? Do you remember that? Tina Turner became Swiss. Did she really? Yes! It's the weirdest, weirdest thing. Do you remember that? What? Tina Turner became Swiss. Did she really? Yes.

It's the weirdest, weirdest thing. Extraordinary decision. I'll tell you who's happier about this story. No one's happier about this story than the Swiss. Because it's very rare that a story about Swiss history is as innocent as a mummy being related to an English politician. Usually the phrase Swiss history is closely followed by Nazi gold, isn't it?

Oh, is it? As far as it is, yeah. I think so. It's related to everyone, though. It's because of Granny Butters. Yeah. I might do a podcast about Swiss history called Swiss-try. Oh, that's good.

What do you think? That is good. I thought your ideas had cooled off a bit in the last hour. He's on fire. He's a resurgence. Switzerland's a beautiful country. Oh, that's good. What do you think? That is good. I thought your ideas had cooled off a bit in the last hour. No, well. He's on fire. He's on a resurgence. Switzerland's a beautiful country. River deep, mountain high.

That's why. Oh, yeah. That's how Tina describes it. Yeah. Oh, man. Imagine the morning Tina went up and said, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get Swiss. Can you imagine? What's she talking about?

She says she's going to get Swiss. What? You can't tell her anything. I'm getting Swiss. Where are my skis? Oh, man. That must have been a happy day. Absolute. Absolute. Absolute. Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

The great, great, great... Are you going to get Millerton? Seven greats. Seven greats, grandmother of Boris Johnson, woman. One of the reasons that her remains are intact is that she was preserved by the mercury that they used to treat her because she had syphilis. Yeah. Apparently she had syphilis from

Can we say that? Is that on the A5? I think it's allowed isn't it? Because it is a history story. Yes. But I mean I don't want to cast aspersions on the on the defiphils or whatever it is that they're pronounced but it says that she caught syphilis

from treating the ill. Yeah. And I thought yeah, sure you did. We have no evidence for that. You see that? Because she's got so many greats we can say what we like about her. Exactly. She was an original bishop.

Pardon? Yeah. I mean, I've heard her called some things. She was a noble woman, though, and they said they could tell because of her expensive clothes. Well, I mean, I've seen that mummy. I mean, I appreciate... Who knew there were those mummies in

Switzerland? Who knew? Yeah. They get everywhere, those Johnsons. Have you seen those cuckoo coffins? Deep Pfeffels. Have you seen those cuckoo coffins? No. No?

When the corpse rises up on the hour, it's absolutely terrifying. Oh, they sound good. Just goes... Oh, man. I don't know who thought that was a good idea. Can I ask you, this is probably very, and as you get older,

you get more sort of narrow-minded and bigoted. But if anyone... If you just help. If I read of... I definitely am. If I read of anyone who says they're moving to Switzerland, I sort of write them off as a person. Right.

What about Dubai? Dubai. Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean... Go on. Come on. Why is that? Why do I feel that?

I mean, I had a lovely time in Switzerland. I liked it there. I've been to Dubai, obviously. Why is that? Well, I just tend to think they're running away. They're running from something, aren't they? I think... I'm sure we may be in danger of losing many of our expert listeners here.

Well, they don't count. They're lovely, obviously. I know people who swear by Dubai as their holiday resort. Don't swear in Dubai. They might have rules about that. Is it strict in Dubai? I don't know. I thought it was just like a big party. I'm just messing about. No, I think there is some strictness in Dubai. OK.

So, moving to Switzerland, you would just consider that an odd life choice? I just think, you know, I mean, I'm thinking Tina Turner. Phil Collins. Phil Collins. Roger Federer. I know, he was there. He was born there, wasn't he?

Yeah. He had previous. I think that's if you're born there. I mean, I always loved Martina Hingis. He was a Swiss, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Martina Hingis. All right. What a forehead. That's what it is. She's got a forehead, yeah? Yeah. Oh, Martina Hingis. All right.

What a forehead. That's what it is. He's got a forehead as big as mine. Yeah. Is that what you look for? Who else? Dinghy. Hamilton.

Lewis Hamilton. He moved there years ago. Come on. Because he was paying too much tax. Your witness. It was because he was paying too much tax here. He was quite open about it. Yeah, well, that's what I think it is.

He'll be losing his trophy soon. Yeah, well, that's what I think it is. He'll be losing his trophies soon. Yeah, maybe. Will he? He will if he keeps shutting that door so quickly on the car. Anyway, what else? Well, Boris Johnson's middle name. Well, actually, Boris Johnson's name, it said in an article I read, his name is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

Oh, yeah. De Pfeffel. Oh, yeah. Dybfefl. Yeah. And when I was looking at it on the internet... Googling corpses. It also suggested some other famous people's names. Guess what Vladimir Putin's middle name is. Mark.

Good guess, not the right answer. Oh, that's a good one. Vladimir. Yeah. Vladimirovich Putin. But that'll be to do with him being the son of somebody called

Vladimir, won't it? All right, so if he has a son, he'll be called Vladimir Vladimirovich. No, he'll be called Vladimir Vladimirovich Vladimirovich. What a night that was.

I don't have him pegged as being that much fun, but that is fun, isn't it? That is fun. No, well, Emily gave me a book about Russian literature. Oh, yeah. Which has led me into reading Anna Karenina.

Oh, lovely. And the thing is with the Russian... I should name check the book. Yes, it's by Viv Groskopp. And I can't... I will remember what the book is called now. It sort of gets you into reading Russian literature, which I've never really read.

But the names, they'll say, well, how are you, Ivan, Ivan Isovich, Belovitch, Belovich. Right. You know, they'll do the whole name, which I quite like doing the full name. It's called the Anna Karenina Fix. Yes.

What do you think, Emily Dean, of that idea? They do it a lot on the radio. They do, yeah. If you listen to that history thing with Melvin Bragg. Oh, yes. So... Our time. Yes.

Gandhi was a very... So what do you, Martin Williams, think about Gandhi? He does a lot of that. Yeah, so we should... It's very This Is Your Life, obviously. I'm sure when you were on This Is Your Life, Frank, they constantly so, Frank Skinner. When I was on This Is Your Life, Frank, they constantly so, Frank Skinner. When I was on This Is My Life,

the sibling chair was filled by David Baddiel. Oh. I find that very touching. It was very touching. We were almost touching. Especially when Basil Bross nearly choked to death. That was a highlight. I know you don't know what I'm talking about.

Why don't you just trust me? It's my birthday tomorrow. Let me off. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've actually had a text message from somebody at 628

who was there on the night of your This Is Your Life. At the London Palladium. It's fair to say Basil Brush had enjoyed a few shandies, they continue. Yes. That's from Nick in Stevenage. Yes, he said a lot of... Mr Frank, Mr Frank...

It was very, very disturbing. We've got some emails that have just been skulking around in Email Corner forever. I don't know if we've been to email corner. I don't think we even need to go to email. We can just go to the emails. Frank Al, as in

and all. A couple of weeks ago you referred to the story that the Americans spent millions developing a pen that works in zero gravity, while the Russians just used a pencil and dubbed the phenomenon of a story that works in zero gravity while the Russians just used a pencil and dubbed the phenomenon of a story that everyone knows but everyone also thinks no one else knows

as a big mo in honour of Gary Oldman's sister. This could also be called a Birmingham Canal, they continue. Oh, yes. I'll tell you what that is. I call it a big mo, as regular readers will know, because everyone tells you that Big mo is Gary Oldman's sister, thinking that you don't know, but everyone knows. Yes. The Birmingham one is that Birmingham have got more canals than Venice,

which is, again, you're told as if nobody knows. Right, as if there's some extraordinary revelation. Well, it's remarkable, but everyone's told you a hundred times. Well, the emailer continues, the problem is it's not a big mo because it's not true ordinary biros ordinary biros which existed at the time work in zero gravity just fine and the russians didn't use a pencil because bits of broken pencil tip flying around a spaceship getting into the electronics would be disastrous. Yes, I think someone mentioned

that when we talked about it. Problem with graphite or something. So you can write with a biro in zero gravity. Well, what about all those space pens I bought? We were gifted them. That's to keep the monkeys in. Well, there's another problem. So, what do we call a story that everyone

knows but thinks no one else knows but which isn't actually true? A Disney. Oh, that's good. Hang on. I'll tell you why I'd call it a Disney. Oh, OK. Any ideas?

Yeah, the frozen head thing. Everyone thinks that Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen, or at least his head is. Right. But it's not true. And the irony, the deep irony, is that he was cremated. Oh, that is a deep irony.

So not only is he not ice, he's the stuff that you put on ice to stop slipping. Wow. I mean, that is... Yeah. It doesn't get any better than that. Yeah. So, yeah, we'll call that a Disney.

I love that. Okay. Disney it is. Here's another email. I'm going'll call that a Disney. I love that. Okay. Disney it is. Here's another email. I'm going to call it email two. Hi, F.A. Can I just be free? Can you think of another?

Yes, I'm just thinking if there's any more. They're not quite urban myths, are they? It's different to that. No. I can't. They're close, aren't they? They're very close. Yeah.

Oh, really? Someone will send another example. Someone will send one in, okay. Oh, sure. Have we got time for the second email? Yeah, have we? Yes, okay. Okay.

Hi, F, A and D, M, E. Long time... Bit Tom Chance there, the telegram speak. Long time reader, first time contributor. Just wanted to inform listeners of some of the pitfalls of Emily's correct... Oh no, I've read the wrong one. I didn't want to read that one. Should I carry on reading it? It didn't sound like one you should read.

Let's try something. Let's try something like that. It's too Emily-ish. I don't want to read that one anymore. Frankie's not very... No, that's not the one I meant to... Now go on. Go to your... whatever makes you happy. I really don't want to read one which is critical of me.

No. OK. I don't want you to. I want to start with Dearest Radio Chums. How about that? That's good. This Christmas Eve, I had an idiotic eureka moment when my partner said to me,

come on, Cinders, don't ask, as we were leaving the house. This is not from Walt Disney, is it? The penny dropped, then, that Cinderella's name comes from her lowly position in the household and having to clean the cinders from the grate of the fire. How I managed to go almost 40 years, Brave, without realising this, I don't know. Rather new to the show and have caught up on the back catalogue,

et cetera, et cetera. It's been emotional and rather educational. That's best wishes from Chris. I didn't know that. Really? Didn't know that. No, this is a eureka moment for me. Can I say I did know it?

So did I, but I have played Bottons. Oh, yeah, you should know that. So, you know, I mean, it cropped up professionally. Yeah. I was Bottons to the Cinderella of a woman who I believe is now known as Samantha Janis. That's right, yeah. Oh, yes. We won't go too far into that.

But, well, as they say. She's very lovely, actually. Is she an ender now? Dead. And he's dead. Oh, don't tell me that. Oh, goodness me. You can't just shout out dead.

No, well, I just looked across the day to the producer and not only did she do the dead, she didn't do it in a bowed head and the hat came off. She did the knife across the throat. And I thought Samantha Janis had gone down, but now her character has gone down. Spoiler alert for anybody that's got EastEnders on video. Father Christmas in red and white from Matt.

Oh, yes. Because of a Coca-Cola commercial. It's a Disney. And also red, black and white because it's the colours of Lucifer. And Santa is an anagram of Satan. That one. Have you made those ones up? No, I don't.

Don't people say that all the time? Never. They're doing my church. Yes, thank you. And if the good Lord spares us and the cricks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, get out. You're listening to the Frank Skinner podcast from Absolute Radio.

Want your Frank fix a little sooner? Listen live every Saturday from 8am on Absolute Radio. Across the UK on digital radio, mobile apps and in London and the South East on 105.8 FM.