The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Haggis Burrito

Episode Date: August 10, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week the team is live from the Edinburgh Fringe. This week Frank has a rediscovered a favourite recipe and had a VIP guest at his show. Emily has had an embarrassing moment at a friend's gig and Alun had an awkward queuing situation.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Morning Jim. Morning. Morning Peter. Morning, Jim. Morning. Morning, Peter. Morning, Richie. So, yeah, here we are in Edinburgh again. Absolutely lovely.

Sunshine. Absolutely. Today. Loving it here. So far. It hasn't been all the way through the week, though, has it? There has been some. A bit of torrential rain. Torrential downpour.

Starting off with talking about the weather. We are. I like it. Yeah. Some stations, that'sour. Starting off with talking about the weather. We are. I like it. Yeah. Some stations that's it. That's all they get on some stations.

Yeah. At least we're on a ramp to being interesting. I have, I have, I have bigger news for those of you who read the Daily Mirror

on page 37 today. Can I just say I thought you were going to do some Scottish news when you said bigger news. No, this is from bigger. Yeah, the place bigger. No, no. Thank you. It might be

relevant, I don't know, but this there is a quarter of a page, now to buy a quarter of a page advert in a national newspaper. I can give you a rough I'd say that was at least between £3,000 and £4,000. Really? Wow. An actual newspaper, yeah. It's actually an advert for national newspaper. I can give you a rough... I'd say that was at least between three and four thousand pounds. Really?

Wow. An actual newspaper, yeah. It's actually an advert for shoes. And I don't mean shoes that have an elaborate nature that need to be introduced to the public with a fanfare. It's not sort of like a gold Louboutin.

I mean just a pair of of straight black men's shoes. Are they brogues? Are they Oxfords or brogues? Well, brogues are available. It says... Those look like Oxfords. These are the three options. Traditional brogue, a superb stitched and punched dress shoe.

Yeah. Also, thanks. Sorry to interrupt. It should be my autobiography. No. The superb. I mean, I'll be the judge of that. Well, guess what?

Slip-on version. A casual loafer ideal for weekend wear. What do you mean by that? Well, that is where the term loafer comes from, isn't it? From loafing about. I am a casual loafer, yes. Also, I'll decide what I'll be doing on my weekends and I won't be wearing

Oxfords. But you know what? They are the most, I mean I'm sure I'm not suggesting they're not a lovely pair but they're just, you know, they're black shoes. I don't need an advert to make me think. I've never thought, I wonder if you can get shoes in black with laces

or if they exist. But someone has spent I mean I just don't understand what's going on and advertising and guess what we've got these things that cover your feet if you're walking about they take some of the edge off the surface friction

anyway national newspaper we'll find out see my partner Kath if ever we see a shop that's even slightly unusual, she'll say, that's a front for drugs. Or for money laundering. Well, she's already got the fear. I mean, Kath has a lot of strange phobias.

Oh, yeah. One of which, I think, is the oversized shoe shop in your locale. Oh. She's slightly frightened of that. I know we've discussed that. Well, no one goes in there. It's a your locale. Oh. She's slightly frightened of that. I know we've discussed that. Well, no one goes in there. It's a very mysterious thing. Yes.

I had to look in... Me and Boz looked in the window the other day at some of the shoes. Oh, Mr. Ben. It's impossible not to laugh out loud at the normal shoes. Is it? It is. I'm thinking I might get some for my act.

Sounds great. Yeah, me too. If you just... I mean, they're just ridiculously big. And I'll tell you what happens with the enormous shoes in the enormous shoe shop down our road. The bit that goes around the ankle is not that enormous. If you start at the back, it's a bit, you know, a suspective thing.

It seems like it's going to be normal shoe. You're proceeding normally in a normally direction. They're stealth enormous. But once you get to the laces, that's when you look ahead of you and there's like an airplane runway of leather. Excellent.

Extending out really something special. Anyway, as you probably guessed, we've been at Edinburgh. And we're not used to getting up this early at the moment. But it's all going tremendously well. I've seen so many shows. I've been hoovering up shows, Frank. I mean, good on you for that.

And I should say that when we left the studio last week, When we left the studio last week, we met a man called Mark who gave us some Edinburgh Festival-themed bookmarks. Lovely. We never did a joke about the fact that he's called Mark and he gave us bookmarks. Oh, yeah. It's a missed opportunity. You've been ruining that for a week.

I think, well, you know, you have three hours. You've been Michelle Ruing that. You have three hours on the show and then you come off, you've just taken your foot off the pedal for those first few hundred yards. Mark caught us in the gap between the keys as it were.

Well, he gave you the bookmarks and I was hovering behind and I thought he was going to just drive off on the cycle I'm not going to lie and I was hovering behind and I thought he was going to just drive off on the cycle, I'm not going to lie, and I was absolutely devastated. Can I say Emily was actually literally hovering? I've never seen her do that. It's only about six to seven inches off the ground.

It was really amazing. Dynamo taught me. Luckily I had a large hula hoop with me which I was able to pass around. That helps. To establish that she wasn't being assisted In any way So My show continues At the Gordon Aikman Theatre

Sold out So don't Don't trouble yourself. The posters of you are sold out and blazoned. I know, they have been blazoned. Well, I mean, it's so sold out, I've had VIP requests for tickets of all sorts. Well, I mean, you sent me a video yesterday.

Do you want to tell Alan what it contained? a video yesterday. Do you want to tell Alan what it contained? Well, it was... It was... Emily's sort of been held prisoner by the mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, and him saying, I want tickets for your show or you'll never see Emily again.

Right. He ended it by saying, your choice, mate. He did, yeah. Yes. He did actually say, mate. And he ended up, I believe, going to choice, mate. He did, yeah. Yes. He did actually say mate. And he ended up, I believe, going to see your show. He did. In fact, get this.

What? I was in the wings ready to go on, and the stage manager said to me, we're having to hold the show because Sadiq Khan is still three minutes away. Frank, I'm so sorry to be responsible for that, but what can I do? You're a popular man.

I got a text saying, Sadiq is desperate to see Frank. He's a desperate man. He's a big fan, it turns out. So in the end, we held the show about eight minutes for the Mayor of London. I'm so sorry. As I pointed out on stage, if we'd been at a London theatre

and someone had said, the mayor of Edinburgh's coming, but he's late, I would have said, so what? Who cares? So I felt a bit, and a lot of people seem to, the Edinburgh people seem to agree with me. I mean, some of the constituents of London might well be listening to this thinking, shouldn't they be focusing on us?

Hey, hey. The show's entitled to... Sadiq is my friend. Is he? I did not know that. I gave him a bit of stick for that. Oh, good. I said that.

My son's, my seven-year-old son's lungs are full of tar because of the filthy, polluted air in London. The only man who can do anything about it is at a comedy show

in Scotland. But he took it all pretty well. We grew up. And by asking him if he'd, I said, have they given you your booster cushion?

He seemed all right with you. Well, we'll soon find out. I was saying maybe it's because I'm a Londoner, ending with a coughing fit. I mean, I threw it all in, I have to say. Absolutely. I suspect he's traumatised. Yeah.

It was the bit when I asked him if his partner ever gets tempted to say, I'm having a bit of a mare tonight. Then I had to back off him a bit while he called. But yeah, I think the audience liked him being in there, you know. Good. I'm glad it panned out. Yeah. He's probably leafing through a massive manual to find out what tax he can put up on Frank Street alone today.

I won't be sending him to your show then. No, don't. He doesn't wear the chain, does he? Don't they not wear the chain? Well, Sadiq, he's not a chain type. But they never do, did they? Because Ken Livingstone, Boris Johnson, all mayors of London, they never wore the chain. No.

Maybe they're the sort of, that's Lord Mayor it's a very different job London Mayor is more dressed down Friday isn't it I bet it is, I think it is, bring your own toys in, it's a bit more David Cameron on a Sunday, I think

it's, do you know what I mean, yeah it's a bit aren't they trying to get to be MPs and stuff? Whereas, you know, when you meet the mayor of somewhere... They're at the pinnacle. Yeah, exactly. They've totally peaked. Once they get the big medallion, that's it.

They never look back. I met one in a three-cornered hat once. Brilliant. You see, I think of them more as a sort of Coronation Street matriarch the regional mayor yeah well you do I mean you get all sorts in the mayor business but yeah I always think it's you're on the way out when you become mayor aren't you probably um isn't it why isn't it I don't I don't mean that kind of mayor that Sadiq Khan is I mean the sort of one with the fur trim.

The local mayor. Yeah, yeah. I think it's a thank you for years of circle. Is it? Is it the carriage clock? It's the apex. I think it is. Well, then you better tell Dick Whittington.

He got it all wrong. Yeah. No, because Dick Whittington, wasn't he? He was leaving London. Yeah, but he turned. And then he turned. Oh, he could turn. Again and again he would turn. Dick Whittington.

And pioneered the political cat of course, which they talk about all the time now at Downing Street, as if it's a new thing. But Whittington was at the forefront of the political cat figure. Although there's talk that Boris Johnson may get a dog. Is that right? Yeah.

So I've heard. It'd be great if he did a dog walking podcast. Oh, what if he did? Not if he went on MLS, but if he started his arrival one. Oh, that would be awful. Yeah, we couldn't have that. I mean, what about my horse riding, what I'm doing?

We led. It was two of us, but we're led. We're led it was two of us but we're led we're led by assistants we never we never we never canter or anything like that

yeah although it would be good if you had a galloping section you say so you interview yeah okay

I don't think we've really started yet but we're on the ramp I'm enjoying it oh good ok oh yeah I tell you what my week I haven't just been doing shows

and watching shows I watched the first match of the good old football season oh yeah lovely have you still got Boilerman I didn still got Boilerman? I didn't see Boilerman on the coverage.

Oh, they've not sold him in the transfer window, have they? Where to go? Oh, that'd be terrible. Turn up at Huddersfield and he'd be like... Oh, it seems like a good idea now, but come the winter months, that'll be an error. No, I went to my manager's flat in Edinburgh to watch.

Lovely. Nice? Luxurious. Is it? I mean, I've got a perfectly okay flat, but when I saw where my managers were living... Is it a bit of a whole new world? You know that scene at the end of Animal Farm

where the animals all look through the window into the farmhouse and there's pigs and men dining at an enormous feast? It was that moment. But anyway, they... Or was it like the end of The Usual Suspects when something makes all the connections? Exactly. But anyway,

Matt Ford supports, Matt Ford the popular comedian and host of Rock and Roll Football, of course. Yes. He supports Nottingham Forest and I support West Bromwich Albion. They were playing each other on the first game of the season. Oh, so you had a date.

So we met at my manager's flat. So he sort of moderated the whole thing, just in case there was any fisticuffs or something. He's a chaperone figure. He was, we should say Matt is doing a show up here called Brexit Pursued by a Bear. I saw it last night. And last year, well, he is amazing.

And last year he did Brexit through the gift shop. He must be hoping they sort it out soon. Because there can't be that. There aren't that many left, I wouldn't have thought. I was so good, but I was waiting. I'm so attached to the Donald Trump impression that I did have that.

I felt bad because I was thinking a bit like, imagine being at a Celine Dion gig thinking you've got to play My Heart Will Go on the Titanic one, come on I needed the Trump and he delivered Well, great news, he's probably going to get re-elected next year so this is the gift that keeps on giving

Well, if Sadiq Khan drops in, he'll enjoy the Donald Trump impression They get on like a... Yeah. Well, anyway. So, yeah, that's got me thinking now. What's his next...

If Brexit is still happening, he'll have to bring in, like, Tony Braxton reference or something like that. Really start pushing it to the absolute... Anyway, so we watched the game and West Bromwich Albion won. So he went down a bit. He got a bit blue.

I mean, as in depressed, not... Well, he got a bit blue in every sense of the word. Come to think of it. And then your manager made it worse by putting on a washing machine load and having it in the tumble dryer just to rub it in. So we walked back after the game, me and Matt Ford. And I said, well, I'll go past the Pleasant where he's playing and I'll drop you off at your gig. He was still quite down about the game. gig he was still quite down about the uh about the game but he he had a um a shirt on a coat hanger a piece of you know like dry cleaning and really the only way to carry that is to carry it by the hook

yeah it's an awkward thing to carry i was walking along and he said what really gets me about this is that people will think i'm cat this is yours and i'm carrying i said no people will recognize you is yours and I'm carrying it. I said, no, people will recognise you, Matt. He said, yeah, but that makes it worse. I said, there's that Matt Ford. But even in the pecking order, he has to carry Frank Skinner's tripe cleaning. Like I say, he'd gone a bit bleak by the stage because of the football.

Of course, if he'd listened to this show last week he'd know that you only brought two suits so they might well be on the right and one of those has got a stain on it did you get that stain out?

no I've lived with it so have the rest of us love I'm reaching second suit it is actually second suit day to day so when I go on stage

tonight the first suit has done its service. It's still steaming in the... Found its own way. Yeah. Well, it's been very hot. I think if I'd brought two, I would have gone alternate nights.

Oh, no. I like the idea that there's a clean suit waiting for me. Now, I was brought up on tag wrestling on a Saturday afternoon, you know, where you tap someone and they... I know they do come in and come out, but now that suit now, I've really wore it into the realms of rancidity. And it would be lovely to put a fresh one on.

So anyone who's got tickets for tonight, lucky you. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I've been doing a bit of press as well. I did Joe Wiley's radio show in front of an audience of what looked like about 10,000 people. I don't know if it was that many. Oh, where was it? In a field? It was in a big tent.

A big blue tent, maybe. Joe Wiley still hasn't caught that road, has he? Oh. No. But I'll tell you what's difficult. It's great that the show's sold out, but I find myself on the sofa sitting with people and then the host says,

so, you know, where are you at? And I say, well, I'm at Assembly Rooms, but it is sold out. Because I think you don't want people to keep phoning up or whatever. But of course, in Edinburgh, if you're sold out, then you become a public hate figure

amongst your contemporaries. So that's been difficult for me. If I said I'm having a really torrid time, I'd be loved. I'd have an arm around me and stuff like that. Well, why have you got that impression? What, you think they just don't... Well, it's difficult. I'd have an arm around me and stuff like that. Well, why have you got that impression? I must try that. What, you think they just don't... Well, it's difficult.

I would have felt the same when I wasn't selling out, and I'm sure I will in the future. But what can you do? So you feel a bit like you've just gone on to gloat. But I'll tell you what we did do on Joe Wiley. Do you know that song I've played on this show a few times by Nicole Atkins called A Little Crazy

it's about being dumped oh yes I remember it makes you sad doesn't it I picked that and I did Slightly Cry in front of people in front of about 10,000 I like I did Slightly Cry it reminds me of people? In front of about 10,000. I like I did Slightly Cry.

It reminds me of that very posh man who said, I did rather try. Oh, yes. Well, I find it very difficult to listen to that song without crying. I mean, there is a, I don't know, I demonstrated this on the telly once. I can't sing my way through Hopelessly Devoted to You without crying. I can't get through it.

Really? It's just too much. Oh. So, yeah, I cry pretty easy nowadays. He looks a bit tearful now. Well, now I'm all right now. OK. But...

Can I ask a question? Did you two meet this week? We did, yeah. We had a bit of lunch yesterday. Oh. I'm really excited to hear about it. Yeah, we went to Mexicano. Did you? In the daytime? In the daytime.

Spicy daytime. I wouldn't have gone that day. What do you think the Mexicans do in the daytime? I moved today to a place that had a brunch menu and Frank said, let's go Mexican. It feels like we're on holiday. Yeah, it's more holidays How was it? It was good

we discussed the affairs of the day I mean I'll not lie I think Frank sold out his whole run and he was sort of having lunch with me as an intervention to make sure I was okay it was like a little pastoral care Nothing of the sort Nothing of the sort

Which is nice We talked about our shows pastoral care nothing of the sort nothing of the sort so yeah so you know which is nice we talked about our shows about life about comedy what did you talk about? oh but it was all so simple then

time has rewritten every line we talked about obviously we talked a little bit about fitness did you? did you talk about fitness? yeah I'd forgotten that when you greet each other can I ask a question?

Do you go, all right, mate? Yeah. It takes about 10 minutes because we do quite an extraordinarily complicated fist bump and hand. Oh, yeah, that took ages. Elbow touching. I spin at one point. You would do that, I think, with your grappling friends. I can't do that.

Frank won't know how to respond. Al sent me a video the day before for me to learn the hand bob. You did really well, though. Yeah, I got a bit, you know. You're a quick study. Unstrictly, I got a bit lost halfway through. But Al, being the professional, managed to pull me back. I led.

Who paid? It was lovely. Don't ask. Frank's killing it. Insisted. Don't ask. Very nice. Told you it was an intervention. Who paid? It was lovely. Don't ask. Frank Skiller insisted. Did he? Don't ask. Very nice.

Told you it was an intervention. You paid. I paid, but we went for coffee then, and Al paid for that. Coffee after the lunch? Oh, yeah. I mean, that's a good day. We live like kings. Doing all right, are we?

Reminds me, when I was unemployed, I used to be in a bed seat and another guy in the same bed seat was unemployed and we'd go out and have a cup of tea at a cafe and then go to the Oxfam shop, get some, get togged up. Well, we could do that next week, Frank, if you want. I'm up for the Oxfam shop if you're into it.

I've got the street of charity shops next to me, so we could go on a sort of... The charity shop equivalent of a pub crawl. Let's do it. What if we have to build an outfit with something from each of the shops? I'm in. Sounds great. That'd be great.

By the end of it, oh, man, I'll have a sort of Moomins T-shirt and a pinstripe jacket on and stuff like that, a pair of flares. Let's do it. What's a pinstripe? We can do it. There might be a short-term iPlayer documentary, innit? Yeah.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. A very strange thing. Let's go crazy. A very strange thing has happened. Yes. Michael Coffey has got in touch. Yeah. He doesn't sound like my cup of tea.

You have no grounds for that. Oh, stop serving. Frank. Poor Michael Coffey's had that his whole life. His whole life. Poor Michael Coffey's had that his whole life. His whole life. Poor Michael Coffey. Now let him pour it himself. You can't stop.

You did it. Yeah, it was you. No, I was just completing the triumvirate. Okay. Frank, I've heard at Badil make reference to you having had a hair transplant. Sorry. What? What?

Emily can't read this without laughing. David Badil says I've had a hair transplant. That's right. A few times now. What? A few times? Repeat offender. Is there any truth to this?

Oh, God, what if I sue him? Oh, that would be good. Well, I saw this during the break and I was, I'm not going to lie, I was staggered. It would be like when, you know, Harry Corbett who had Sutty, sold Sutty, the rights to Sutty to his son, Matthew Corby. And then Matthew found out that Harry was doing little local events with Sutty still. And apparently, eventually, Matthew had to threaten him with legal action.

This is how this is going to go, I think. Well, I was somewhat disturbed slash intrigued. So during the break, I googled, I hope no one ever finds my phone if I have an accident and sees Frank Skinner plus hair transplant plus David Baddiel. And what came up

was a website called Hair Transplant Info. Celebrity hair transplant example photos. I'm not confirming that any of these people, can I say have had hair transplants. They just happen to be on this website. They're just on a suspicion. Francis Rossi.

Okay. Barry from EastEnders, which seems like a rather undignified way to refer to him. I believe his name is Sean Williamson. I like that I'm calling out for his dignity whilst reading out about his hair transplant. And then there is a picture, much to

my surprise, there are three photographs of you, Frank, saying Frank Skinner his hair transplant. And then there is a picture, much to my surprise, there are three photographs of you, Frank, saying Frank Skinner's hair transplant doesn't look too bad. Oh, well, that's good. This person continues. This funny guy, who is a writer and a comedian, get it the other way

round, is one of those guys who combs his hair forward most of the time. Also not true. This covers up the hairline, making it more difficult to see the surgery. What? Surgery? The fact that he hired...

Surely I can take legal action. I mean, from this side, the scar looks invisible. Yeah, well, I left a button down so I can carry documents close to my scalp. Surely I can do something about that. I mean, it's extraordinary. Can I officially testify now that I've not had a hair transplant?

Well, at least you know Gordon Ramsay. You would say that, mate. Gordon Ramsay has 30,000 been flushed down the drain. Is that right? So rude. You came out a bit well, Frank. What? No, I didn't. I've been compared to a bit well.

But David Baddiel has been saying this. I've got to check this out. Et tu, Brute? This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. I've also got a mouthful of almond croissant. It's not all bad, is it? No.

Well, I was telling... There's people out there, you know. Yeah. Sans croissant. They are completely sans. Sans almond croissant. Now, Emily just told a fabulous tale, which I think didn't go out.

No one really knows. I mean, it might have been the anecdote of my life. I will never get that time back. And included a strong plug for Gareth Richards. Yeah, that's the way his luck's going. Yes, indeed. First time

we've had, it might be the power outages. They've had them in London, apparently. Anyway. Shall I give you a small round? Do you want to do a little, as Alan says, I don't want Gareth to lose his plug that I gave him. Gareth Richards. Gareth Richards.

Friend of the show. Who used to be on the show pre-Cockrell Day. BC. And Emily went to see his show, which she loved. I absolutely loved it. It's called 40 Years in the Wilderness. And the nature of the free fringe up here is that at the end of the show

you make a contribution of your own choice into some sort of receptacle sometimes it's a bucket or a box what sort of amount we were saying I would say normally you've got to go minimum green if it's a friend

which it was in my case, brown. So you put a tenner in there. I put ten pounds in because I enjoyed the show. Absolutely. It was a metal wine cooler which was placed on a stool. Oh God, it's depressing, the whole image.

Well, you didn't say that in the last link. No, I know. It's hard time to think in, besides I've been say that in the last link. No, I know. It's our time to sink in. Besides, I've been depressed by all the other things. I know. Well, it wasn't because it was a good show. So that's the good bit. The bad bit is that a member of staff found £20 that you say was yours.

Well, when you say you say was yours. Yeah, yeah, it does sound like this has already started exactly with suspicion on me a member of staff i put 10 pounds in a member of staff came up to me and said oh i've just found 20 pounds on the floor may as well put this in the 20 pound note was under the stool i'd been sitting on. I noticed it had been folded five times in the origami fashion that I favour. Now, this I'm intrigued by. I let this pass last time. Yeah, we should go over that at brunch with Emily.

I'll show you the notes in a minute. We'll insta-rip. How do you fold a £10 note? Because I find the plasticity of the modern tenor Almost, I mean, it won't let I like to build the small Nissan hot type thing Oh, do you have a yurt in your wallet? Or are you just pleased to see me? So I tend to go for a corrugation

That's what I go for Frank's wallet It was a hell of a It was a skyscraper, wasn't it? Frank's wallet, very pleased to see me I eschew, I eschew cash nowadays.

So anyway, he saw the £20 note, popped it in. I thought, oh my heavens, that's my money. Yeah. Okay.

And this is a person that normally gets free tickets for stuff. So to pay £30. £30 for a friend for a free show. £30 for a show which I loved

because I said before that's what I think the killer's charge for high parts show. £30 for a show which I loved, but as I said before, that's what I think the killers charge for high parts. There's never been a show that anyone loved 30 Queen. Absolutely. I said Sinatra, final gig maybe. Well, I saw Sinatra at the Albert Hall. How much? I paid £4.50.

That's true. How was it? That's absolutely true. That's pre-decimalisation. That was in the late 70s And I stood There were standing seats You know at the Albert Hall High in the dome

You can stand and look over the Oh really? Over the rail And it was cheap seats So this is where we left it out On the pass I then put my hand... Hold it, let's stop it there.

So we're going to freeze the scene with Emily's hand above the wine cooler. I mean, a gig here where people desperate, you know, trying to make a living out of comedy, and then a rich, successful woman from North London is hovering over the wine cooler about to dip in. We'll be back with more. So, your hand is over the bucket. My hand is poised over the bucket.

Over the bucket. My hand is poised over the bucket, not sure whether to retrieve my £20 note, which has inadvertently fallen into Gareth's collection box, or just to accept that it's gone. Or you could have took, of course. If you'd have took the ten route, then you'd have still paid £20. I was about to do that,

but my issue at this point is that Gareth's about to walk back in. He is about to witness me. If that should happen, when I'm putting my hand into the collection box, about to do the switchover, he will just see me taking money out of his collection box. And he will never know whether I was stealing from him. And he will never know whether I was stealing from him. See, if it had been Alan's gig, you wouldn't have risked what would have been the enormous rat trap that was in the bottom of that bucket.

So I decided, you know what, I'm going to... I peered over it just to check that it was my note. And indeed it was. Was there anything else in it? Yes, there was a lot of money. OK, all right. There was a lot of money. So at that moment, I thought, you know what I'm going to do? I, there was a lot of money So at that moment

I thought, you know what I'm going to do I'm happy to give him the money but I want him to know that I've put this much money in Oh God, it gets more It's awful This doesn't sound like it could be awkward at all I'm holding the collection box unbeknownst to me at this moment

You're holding it? Yeah, because I was his friend and I thought, well, I'll give it to him. And then I'll feel sort of like at least I'm getting some credit for my vast contribution. I'm holding it. I don't come out of this well. I'm holding it. The next act, the female comic came on, saw me with the collection box, unbeknownst to me, walked out and said to Gareth,

you know there's a woman who's taken your collection box. Great. Oh, wow. Yeah. Excellent. I didn't know this was going on at the time. He reported it to me later. So then you were hitting him between the shoulders by a crossbow blade.

Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. So I walked out. He was talking to someone, I didn't know how to handle it and I thought, Fay, who's one of our staffers there and witnessed this, but I thought One of our staffers You coined the phrase I thought, you know what I'm going to do, I had seen that comic eyeing me suspiciously

I thought I want to legitimise my relationship with this collection box. So I did the strangest thing, didn't I? I started counting the money. I started... A bit of a familiar. I started saying, 10, 20, oh good, we're doing well, because I wanted

everyone to think I wasn't stealing, which I wasn't. It's one of those moments in life when you really want in your handbag one of those verifiers of non-counterfeit notes. You know those ones that you really want one of those. Then you could have appeared like some sort of fringe official. I thought, I'll count it out. And I said, oh, we've done very well.

I said, we. Interesting. Exactly. Your response was what a fraudster would do. Start pretending they're part of the company. Exactly. Well, in the end, I was feeling hot. I had to get out of there.

I felt sick. So I counted it up, shoved the collection box at Gareth. You literally counted it? I counted it. I told him what had been made. I'll ask you that on the next question. I can't do that off-hand. That's Gareth making.

I told him what had been made. I don't know what the next question is. Do that off-hand. It's Gareth making. I told him what had been made, and I said, I put £10 in, but then £20 fell in by mistake, but I've decided to let you have it. Wow. Okay. Wow. And then I left. Hold on.

Surely you've missed the part where Gareth said, oh, no, no, no, please, have the £20. No, he didn't say that. He said, okay. Wow. the part where Gareth said oh no no no please have the £20 no he didn't say that he said okay wow so while I'm just saying there's something about

that seat yeah he was fine with it he said okay so I mean it was a great show sounds like he

didn't believe your story do you think he thought I was a thief no I don't think he thinks you're a thief no you think he thought I was a thief? No, I don't think he thinks you're a thief. No, I think he thought I'm having that.

It's good because, first of all, the person who worked there seemed like the bad guy. Then you, then the woman on stage, then you again. And happily, at the end of it, Gareth has come in like the cavalry and come like some sort of robber of a friend. Robber. It's a great, great title. He said to say to me, Frank, at the end,

when I told him and I fessed up afterwards, he texted me and he said, oh, thanks. He said, I thought someone had put a £20 note in when I saw that. They really liked the show and now you've ruined it. Oh. It's OK. It gets better. No, no, you've earned it.

Oh. Okay. It gets better. Well, it was an anecdote that deserved a break for four songs, nine phone calls to London, and the engineer being called back from Starbucks. Thank goodness it wasn't just casual banter. Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I had a very lower league awkward moment when I was in a queue yesterday compared to Emily's I feel like mine is Vauxhall Conference of awkward moments come on now don't undersell it

the fact that we're even on air let's celebrate yeah we should celebrate that I like the personnel who just texted me to say I I'm trying to drive Clive, one of our regulars, but the claws of cringe make it difficult after that. Yeah, he's gripping the steering wheel with some vigour. I went to watch, broadcaster Ian Dale interviewing the controversial and somewhat outspoken historian Dr David Starkey just because I like going

to see people that are a bit contrarian I suppose, swimming against the time I don't know what it could be Dr David Starkey, he's got to be careful he can be confused with Dr David Banner Yes, true enough. Who was Frank?

Well, you see, the thing is with that... I know, it's changed for the comic. He said in the comic he was Bruce Banner. He was Bruce Banner. But in the TV series... They made him David. Played by Bill Bixby, the Hulk. That's right, yes.

Back to Starkey. David Starkey, by the way. I mean, some of my show is ruffling feathers. About three minutes in, he'd been on and he was asked the question about his childhood. And he said that he'd grown up in the countryside and he went, I absolutely loathe the Lake District. And I was thinking, whoa, no one dares say that. That's a good opener. People think I'm controversial.

Good opener from Starkey. That's a good outfit. People think I'm controversial. Good outfit from Starkey. But in the queue, I saw a man who was sort of standing in the queue and I wasn't certain if it was the right queue for the show that I had a ticket for. So I just went up to this stranger. Seemed very normal.

I said, excuse me, what are you in the queue for? And he said, well, I think I'm in the queue for Ian Dale and David Starkey. And I said, uh i i hope you are um and he went why and i went well because i've i've got some self-interest i've i've got a ticket for that as well and he went right do you work on it and i said i said no and he said but you said you had some self-interest why and i went uh because i've got a ticket for it as well and i don't want to join the wrong queue and he went right and i thought and then they just we had to stand next to each other for minutes but you know i find this in life that i've many times i think i i just wish

i'd spoken in the most basic terms here because if you do any slight turn of phrase like that any hint of other than the most straightforward yeah people get confused and slightly concerned that they think something's going on. I find people increasingly transactional. So if you add any sort of, if there's anything florid or poetic or non-basic. Well, it was a bit yin and yang because by the time I got to the front,

I held up to the ticket for the woman to rip it and she went wonderful as if I'd held the ticket up in a really good way so I just think I was better at holding up the ticket than everybody else I bet that made the bloke think well she obviously knows him, he does work on

the production but I'm good at holding up tickets, that's my strange fringe review. Yeah, I'm not so good at that. I'm good at hanging at the back of the queue and then getting on my performance pass. Oh, nice. That's my great strength.

Fishing my hand into the collection. We've all got our strengths. I'll tell you what, I'm never taking you to mass I couldn't cope with that, oh dear the awkwardness Well I went to see a show called

well before I tell you what it was called On The Way In, it was one of these where the performer was sort of greeting people on the way in It's a nice touch but for me it destroys the performer was sort of greeting people on the way in. Yee-hee. It's a nice touch, but for me, it destroys the magic of theatre. Yeah.

Yes. But it was nice. It made him put the crowd at ease and all that. I have a real grass is greener about performers that can do that because I think my introversion would just go too high right before the show. I don't really want to see people. I don't know if I want to see them. You see, I don't want to rob them of the thrill of me suddenly appearing.

Yes. In your clean suit. I don't want to stagger that. So anyway, he leaned across to me when he shook my hand and said... The performer. Yeah. And he said, the best stand-up. And I said, thank you so much. I know it's coming. It's going to be in the world. And and I said thank you so much

I know it's coming it's going to be in the world and I said thank you so much and he was continuing his sentence the best stand up I ever saw you do was at a funeral oh that's what he said and he had been at a funeral where I had

spoken and I wasn't confident it was the best stand upup I'd ever done, but it did make me think I wish I'd taped it. I was going to say, you can't remember any of the biggies. So that was how I was welcomed at the show. Again, now we've started the tradition of teasers, I'm going to tell you about the show. I must say I really did enjoy the show. Again, now we've started the tradition of teasers, I'm going to tell you about

the show. I must say I really did enjoy the show a lot, but I'll tell you more about it. There were some things which made my jaw swing open like an old postal satchel. Put that on your poster. Frank

Skinner. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran Text us on 81215 Have we had any texts? I've never heard from the outside world Well we've had some prayers You can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email

the show via the Absolute Radio website Hair transplant gate we've just had someone, a lot of people really enjoying the hair transplant mystery, including Prisoner223 my stomach muscles are sore

from hearing about your hair trunks. You don't know the outrage, the inner outrage. Can you have inner outrage? Can you have inrage, I suppose? Can you have inrage? When you're outraged but you bottle it all up. You can have whatever you want because you're a national treasure. Your name's on the door of the show, haven't it?

You can. I'm enraged by it. Anyway, I was telling, I was mid-show report. Yes. You were going to see something. Yes, I went to see this show called Nerd World Problems. Oh, that's so you. Nerd World Problems.

Talking of which, did you see Doctor Who? We'll get back to you. I haven't seen it yet. Okay. And, I mean, I've seen Doctor Who. I haven't problems. Talking of which, did you see Doctor Who? We'll get back to you. I haven't seen it yet. And, I mean, I've seen Doctor Who. I haven't seen the improvisation. Were they nerds, the men doing it? No, it was just one guy doing it. Was he a nerd? What are you doing? He's a Rubik's

Cube enthusiast. Yes. Okay. Ever bought property of his own? But I... Well... Still live with parents? No, because I tell you what, his fiancée was doing the tech stuff,

so don't stereotype. I'm not, I'm not. That's my tip. Well, I'm sorry, I've been in the audience of the Doctor Who and I think it was fair enough. But there's a lot of married men who look like they aren't, if you know what I mean. Yes, that's true.

Nerd World Problems was where your best material was at a funeral, is that right? He was the one who said that my best ever stand-up gig was at a funeral. Right.

Anyway, it was, I did love it. Did you? Like, he did, I can say, obviously,

I don't want to do spoilers But I think some of it is fine sex He puts it on his website and stuff He does A Rubik's Cube Blindfolded Right Now I don't know about you

I've never even got close I've done one face Of a Rubik's Cube You did the whole thing No but I took the stickers off and got close. I've done one face of a Rubik's Cube. And I was nine or something. You did the whole thing. No, but I took the stickers off. I'm not as considered as much kudos

to be honest. Somebody mixed it up for him and apparently one thing he said that in Rubik's Cube circles, if you don't do 20 moves minimum you haven't really mixed it up that's not so when you say rubik's cube circles what are those circles i think it's ironic if you think about it it's a member yeah it's the idea that people say it's a it's a well it's multifaceted

i like all cubes yes um Yes. He said he, I think he might have used the word society. All right. Yeah. Or convention. Yeah. And, but I couldn't work out

because he had the feel of a magician. Yeah. I've met a lot of magicians because one of my best mates was a magician and i met a lot and they've all got they've all got a certain feel to them slithering no they've just got there's a certain style and i'll tell you what the feel is it's the uh polyester mix of the back of the waistcoat is what you're feeling static

I've all got a balloon stuck to the back of my hair there's a certain style of banter that they do and if I wanted to sum it up it would be when you put your watch in their handkerchief and they've hammered it and then when they look at it

they go, oh that is the kind of banter I'm talking you know that, ah, ah well, yeah but I have to say I did love the show and he did it was just entertaining, watching someone doing

and he did things, you know, he did memory things and he did a I think I can't I tell you this because it was What were the memory things? You see anyone who remembers anything

that's a trick at my age I can't recall Is it age appropriate? How young could someone go? I'm thinking of taking Boz to it

because I think he would love it I've got children coming up soon Okay take both the children I went to see the amazing bubble man

have you seen him I saw him once and I think it was one of those days he hadn't got the mix right what for the bubble I don't think

I don't think there was a bubble in the show that lasted more than 0.4 of a second in a way I liked it but amazing bubble man at one point,

when he starts doing a bit of material for the parents, he says, well, I did an English literature degree. Yes. And I heard this kid say, I want to see one, do one. Obviously, didn't want him to do the material. No, I like that the kid wanted him to see an English literature degree.

It'll be a long show. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe he just said I want you to do one. Yeah. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Yeah, so I'll tell you

what he did. And like I say, I think I can say this because he put some on the internet. Someone in the audience comes up with the name of a celebrity. I don't think I'm spoiling this because he does put them up. So that person then whispers in his ears the name of the celebrity.

And then he gets, I think it a hundred rubik's cubes and he starts changing them a little bit not not completing them but just changing them a bit and he steadily loads them into this frame and when he's put the hundred in he has made a sort of a pixels picture of that celebrity. Do you see what I mean? I do, yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying, yeah. The little squares form. So this woman whispered, apparently, Patrick Stewart in his ear,

and he did a brilliant Patrick Stewart as Jean-Luc Picard. Patrick Stewart, by the way, a little data point, from Merfield, West Yorkshire. Well, I met him, I don't know if you remember, I met him at West Brom Huddersfield. Yeah, he's at Huddersfield, fine. So half of the cube is flesh-coloured, in his case. Oh, yeah.

It was sort, it had a Warhol-type modern art. Oh, I see, I see. But it was brilliant. I mean, it blew me away. I didn't think it possible. It must be a trick, hadn't it? You didn't think it was possible to make a picture out of Rubik's Cube's faces? Out of someone that subtle? We do that all the time, don't we all do that?

That's like my whole life. Bubble Man could do that. You know, you told me the other day that you'd watched two episodes of Pointless I made a picture of Noel Edmonds out of 300 Rubik's cubes

we're all different did you? yeah it's massive actually which era? which era? no I don't know Teletubbies

see that's the thing with Noel Edmonds do you like him then? no it's not a legitimate question because he's always looked exactly the same. Age will not wither her.

What about... That's what I say of Noel. Can I say one of my favourite things I've heard on the fringe so far? You've got best ever joke. Can I just tell you one, Patrick? I never did. You did?

I interviewed Patrick Stewart once and I did things like make him put on a curly wig and stuff like that. And I was sort of, you know, taking the mickey out of him a bit. And he's quite a serious, he's a nice bloke,

but he's quite a serious actor. Yes. And when he went off, his girlfriend was there. Yeah. I don't think you should have girlfriend posture, certainly. And he sort of, well, I think he's married to her now.

And he sort of fell into her arms as if he'd been in a hostage situation and had just gone off the plane. Right. And it really felt like he'd had the most terrible time. And she consoled him. I mean, oh, dear. And obviously, you don't want to upset Picard.

Nobody puts Picard in the corner. I think he's forgiven me. He was nice to me at the match. But that day I did feel, I felt for him. He really looked like he'd come out of at the ring. He was bruised. Yeah. Matt Ford and Patrick

Stewart are on the Venn diagram of people that Frank watches the football with today. Oh, that's true. That's a brilliant Venn diagram, isn't it? It's a weird one, isn't it? What a brilliant person. That's true. I'm thinking of other ones.

Sir David Frost, I've done. Watch football. What about one of my... Although you can't be... Grace Campbell, Alastair Campbell's daughter, who's got a show here. What's it called again? Why I'm Never Going Into Politics.

It's very funny. You should go and see it. But she said a brilliant thing. She gets to start an anecdote with, when I was on the London Eye with Vladimir Putin. That's a cracker. That's a great start. I'm sorry. That's like, I had lunch with Sir Alan Sugar.

And he began it. I remember when I signed Jürgen Klinsmann on my yacht in Monaco. Whoa. We all just stood back. I thought, leave it there. Yeah. Leave it there, Al.

Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Frank, I went to see Michelle McManus. Of course you did. Remember her? Yes, I do remember her. Did she win or did she...?

She won Pop Idol. And I think she hosted You've Been Framed for a while, didn't she? No, I think that was another lady. I think that was... Wasn't that Michelle McManus? No, that was Lisa Riley. Lisa Riley. Yes, sorry, of course.

A confusion there. Yeah. I remember it. I remember it was a brunette. Yeah, that's what it was. But she won Pop Idol in... Well, at the beginning of the show, she races on in a tiara and a green frock,

and she shows the moment when Anton Deconautza is the winner. Well, at the beginning of the show, she races on in a tiara and a green frock. And she shows the moment when Anton Deconauts is the winner. On the show? Yeah. She plays that. And I'd forgotten the music. So she opens with that. That's good, isn't it?

She acknowledges it. Get in early with that. She got in early. Can I just stop you there? Sure. I once saw Guys and Dolls live. Yeah. You know they had a hit with Save Your I once saw Guys and Dolls live. Yeah. You know they had a hit with Save Your... That was Guys and Dolls, wasn't it?

Save Your Kisses. No, it was Brotherhood of Man. Oh, sorry, yes. I didn't see Guys and Dolls. Oh, I thought you meant the musical Guys and Dolls. No, no, I have seen that, but that's... Anyway. Yes.

I saw Brotherhood of Man. I saw Brotherhood of Man live. Yeah. And they didn't show the clip of Eurovision because I think they just couldn't get it, couldn't afford it or whatever. And they just, they had recorded,

one of them had recorded an announcement saying, and the winners of Eurovision. It was really terrible. And they came on in sort of approximations of the outfits that they wore on the night. I mean, it was...

Oh, my goodness me. I like the idea of... I felt slightly seasick. It was so cruise. It was so cruise ship entertainment. Well, Michelle had... She showed the... And the winner is, with Ant & Dec announcing it.

But that's a good start, I think. It was a great start. And of course, I turned to Faye, a member of our staff, and I said, she's our assistant producer actually, I said, God, do you remember this? She said, yeah, I was six, I think. I mean, that's a sick burn. Yeah.

I remembered it very well. Then Michelle... Is that why you've been calling her a member of staff all day? How dare she be that young? She flew on. I'm going to say flew because she was in a big... She's Scottish, isn't she? She's local hero.

Oh, hang on. You would have been impressed by that because you hover sometimes, don't you? But never hoover. It's weird. And she sung... A song is called I Am Fabulous I think

was that her no I can't remember what was the hit she had but she she sung I Am Fabulous she did a lot

she did a lot of covers she did Baby Jane oh yeah that Rod Stewart song oh yeah yeah she does stand up as well so it's stand up

and songs okay yeah and she'll do so she'll do Baby Jane. It was an interesting demographic. There were two, it was a lot of sort of elderly male couples who looked a bit like Nick Hewer.

It was that sort of, and they got up, we had a dance at the end. Oh. Yeah. What was the stand-up like? Is she funny? She did a joke, for example, about Rod Stewart being stingy with Ronnie and things. Okay.

She looks like she might be a laugh. But she's a laugh. Mick McManus, as I like to call her. Do you know, I warm to McManus as a person. I liked her and I think she's a nice person. And I have to tell you, McManus, I mean, the pipe's on her. She belts it out. She can belt it out.

Yes, I would listen to McManus' music. She should be in a musical. She's a talented woman. Has she got a deal still? Are you going to try and tell? Deal or no deal? Is this a Brexit chat? No.

I don't think we're getting Michelle McManus involved. Well, we'll see. Never say never with Double M. She talked about meeting Daniel O'Donnell. She talked because she met Bono and all these people. She met the brother from the cause. But after you've seen someone talking about being with Putin on the London Eye. I know, I know.

Grace Campbell today said. But she did say, she said about Daniel O'Donnell, she says he's mental for the Catholic Church. Is that what she said? Yeah. She's right into it. I thought, hippy-eye. That's a fabulous description, isn't it?

I liked it. I think you like McManus. He's mental for the Catholic Church. If she says that about the Pope. Like Catholic Church is Bieber. He's less so, isn't he? I think Frank should have that as his Twitter bio. Mental for the Click Church.

Mental. How do you spell mental? Oh, I'm liking the sound of McManus more and more. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Got a bit of a surprise message here for you, Frank. It's entitled Hair Transplant.

We were discussing earlier how you might have had a hair transplant. No, we weren't discussing how I might have. No, the internet thinks you might have had a hair transplant. There is some suspicion that David Baddiel is assisting rather than denying this rumour. Yeah, maybe instigating. Anyway, we've had an email saying, Hair Transplant, I wonder if this has started because last time Frank was on Have I Got News For You, Yeah, maybe instigating. Anyway, we've had an email saying, hair transplant.

I wonder if this has started, because last time Frank was on Have I Got News For You, he wore his hair slightly longer and it was slightly wavy. I thought he looked gorgeous. Who's this from? Just saying. Well, it's actually from fellow Doctor Who fan, and Perkins is the best should-have-been companion in the history of the show.

I go back to heart. I try not to read out praise but I suppose if they've already said you look gorgeous. There you go Frank. The Doctor Who demographic love your style. Yeah. There you go. What an endorsement. Now we know how the rumours are starting. I mean

from your long hair on the telly. I mean it. Yeah exactly. My long hair. Anyway. Someone also has tweeted us about, which I enjoyed enormously, who's a fan of Frank, saying his quick wit is like a magical skill. I think you should put that on your poster. Does that mean that when I break the person's what in my handkerchief,

I go, ah. Yes. No, but that's good like a magical skill maybe it is a magical skill what about that

what what about that and you know what else I'd say about Frank Skinner he's mental for the Catholic charity

I well I'll tell you what I've really reverted since I've because I'm living on my own up here now. Are you a little loneliest man?

Living on my own. For the first... Oh, I don't know that one. He does The Loneliest Man in the world. Yeah, I can't find it. But he's got... Living on my own, I know that one. Yeah.

Yeah, so I've gone back. I've reverted to something I haven't had for years, the pie sandwich. Oh, my goodness. I've reverted to something I haven't had for years, the pie sandwich. Oh, my goodness. And I'll tell you something. What's that? Like a sandwich with pie in the middle. You make a cheese sandwich and you microwave a pie

and you put that in the sandwich. No, you don't. I don't have a microwave. What? How do you live? I live like that. You're worried about... Do you know those stories when they first came out about...

I work... There's one near my desk and I've gone blind in my life. I find them a bit aesthetically problematic. Do you? See, I like that cubist sci-fi appearance. I think it's a 70s idea of the future and it disturbs me. But that's my favourite vision of the future. I know.

Back to you and your microwave pipe. I've got a hover microwave. So, yeah, and I'd forgot how, I mean, I literally haven't had one for years and years and years. So you put the pie into a cheese sandwich? Yeah. Right. So the pie melts the cheese and the butter.

Is the pie Ginster's? I'm just going to write this down because I like to catch a recipe when I'm out and about. Does it look like the orthopedic shoe? Is it that type of pie? No, you don't want too thick a crust. Is it prebentos? Because you're already doing double carbs, obviously, because you've got the bread and the pastry.

So not a thick... And then you put tomato ketchup on it, obviously. Yeah, obviously. But honestly... I wish you had a camera for Emily's face during this, Link. I'm not kidding. You look like absolute animals. But once you've had one, I just... You never go back. Every meal since then, I'm not kidding but once you've had one

I just every meal since then I'm thinking it's alright this but I think you looked a bit sad over Mexican yesterday I know I did have haggis burrito do you know haggis burrito

it's not a bad comment yeah it's... Honestly, once you've tried the pie sandwich, it's really a fantastic thing. Brilliant. You're all right. I'm a mayor. What was the word?

Mayor. Frank Skinner's mayor for the pie sandwich. I would honestly recommend, if there's any culinary enthusiasts listening, give it a spin. Frank's Cakes Gimmons on Absolute Radio. You may have accidentally kick-started a gross foods texting, but it's the last link,

so we won't let the ball roll too much on this. I don't think it's gross. Well, 241 has texted, loving the chat about pie sandwiches but my favorite whilst at uni was a large pizza topped with a chicken and mushroom pot noodle double carbs all the way for the man on the go wow steve from stevenage well i used to like and this is healthy i used to like brussels sprout and cheese sandwiches because again i like the cheese to melt and the Brussels sprouts used to melt the cheese,

but I didn't slice them. So it's a very lumpy... Yes. I don't know if you've ever seen a rabbit struck by myxomatosis. It's had an element of that about it. Your flat must have smelt nice. Yes, it smelt lovely.

But Mark, who works here at Forth Radio, just nipped in to say that at Aloha, which is of course the Hawaiian football club, now the Scottish football club, Aloha Athletic, that they have pie in a roll you can buy

at the match. Excellent. I know, but you seized upon that like it was the sort of watergate smoking gun holding off the paper what was that info again it's not just me there's two of you then double carbs look when i was um when i was in the islands of scotland when you get the ferry from island to island the regular dish is mac and cheese with chips and you can have garlic bread. I mean, now you're talking about a carb explosion.

Triple threat carbs. Hey! The other thing I've done is I met myself, I did go so far as to get some pasta sauce and wrap that around a bit of spaghetti. Do you buy from the food trucks at all here? No. Oh, yeah. He doesn't, Frank you ever buy from the food trucks at all here? No. Oh yeah. He doesn't, Frank doesn't. From the food

I had a fabulous... Pulled pork? I had, well... You recommended a bagel to me yesterday. Lonely up here. I did have a fabulous bagel from a place called Bross, actually. Oh really? Really good bagel. I had a pulled

pork and a've had some lovely, a lot of chips with... We're just talking about we started with wetter. I'm fine with that. What I've done, the pasta sauce jar now is on my coffee table and I use it as a place to put

the wet tea bags. So I've got a jar of wet tea bags. Oh you cleaned it out, the pasta? Well, I've steamed it. So you've got a jar with old pasta sauce and tea bags. Could you send us a photo of that later? Okay. I'm curious.

I'm living alone, but my family arrives soon. I'll be tidying up. It'll be different. It just reminds me of what life used to be like. alone but my family arrived soon i'll be tidying up it'll be different i'm just you know i'm just so it just reminds me what life used to be like yesterday when i was young so many many songs yeah so it's been uh i'll tell you something i haven't set the alarm since i've been up here oh haven't you what time do you wake up oh natural then well i'm waking up about nine instinctively is that your normal time oh that's lie. I set the alarm this morning

of course because I have to get up very early. But I once read an interview with Mark A. Smith where he said he'd never set, I mean he was a man who was prone to exaggerate, he said he'd never set an alarm in his life. And I thought, wow, that is something,

isn't it? That's why he looks so good. And thank you so much for listening to us today. I apologise for the... There were some technical problems in the middle of it, but you know what? We battled on. And, you know, that which we lost may have been awful. That's a way to always look at it, I think.

So if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Get out!