The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Kenneth Zohore

Episode Date: July 20, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has had an emotional time at the Cricket World Cup final and been out of phone signal on holiday. The team also discuss reverse charge calls and the 50th Anniversary of the Moon Landing.

Comedy legend Frank Skinner is back on stage with his first stand-up show in four years. I think a man of my age saying my girlfriend is sort of on a level with a man of my age saying my skateboard. Live in London this June at the Edinburgh Festival in August and touring across the country this autumn. It's what I would call an Elton John joke. It's a little bit funny. Book tickets now at frankskinnerlive.com This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text us on 81215, similar as that. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

There you go. It was Flying Ant Day this week. What? I missed that. I was away, of course. Well, Dave Mutton has tweeted us. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

A good friend of Larry Lamb's. I went to a fancy dress party with him where he went as former England batsman Alan Lamb. Poor Dave Mutton. He's contacted us in good faith. He has. Yeah, he has.

He says one for Alan's... Still, it's probably hard of hearing. One for Alan's Friday night trawl. Oh, yeah. Flying ant swarms appear on weather map. So they appeared as rain. They appeared on a weather map as light precipitation, apparently. This is another story he's got in touch about, but yeah.

The Met Office called them insect clutter. Clutter? They recorded them on radar systems as rain. There were so many ants. On the subject of weather, can I just jump in here? Sure. There are many smartphones available and I suggest

you try every one of them. But I personally have an iPhone. I'm not saying that's good, I'm not saying it's bad. Do we need to re-record that ad? It didn't sound very interesting. There's a weather app on it. It's got a cloud on it. It's the most rubbish.

Is it? I look at the day playing my outfit You know, it's got a cloud on it. It's the most rubbish. Is it? I'll tell you what it is. It says, I look at the day, you know, I'm planning my outfit. Yeah. And it says it's going to rain at one o'clock. And I think, oh, I'll be back by then. So then I'm out at ten o'clock.

It's raining. I look at the app. They've changed it to ten o'clock rain. So I call it the look out the window app. It really tells you nothing at all. It's constantly changing. Looking out the window can sometimes be a preferred method. I find it's a bit quicker. It's just ahead of them looking out the window.

Rubbish. Don't even bother checking it out. May I recommend AccuWeather, which I have? Oh, excellent. Absolutely marvellous darling. Is it really? I can't find one. We've had a lot of people in fact getting in touch about this flying ants thing.

How did I miss it then? You went away. I know, but I went to Wales. Do they not do Wales? No, they've got a very strict border control in the ant world. The flying ant backstop. they've got a very strict border control in the world. Well, defolution in the actual world. The flying ant backstop. Okay.

Yeah. Anyway, I experienced some. Did you? I had a little bit of trouble with them. Did you? Awful, awful people. And the sheep ticks, of course. They wreaked havoc with Dave Morton.

I did a little bit of cycling a few weeks ago. A little bit. And I kept getting little tiny flies in my eyes, in my eyeballs. Have you considered the cycling goggle? I think I have, yeah. And what did you arrive at? I've just not cycled since that day,

but I might again. I'll consider the cycle. Well, like Bono, the sort of yellowy ones. Yeah, I'll tell you what. He has to hide on flying, hasn't he? He gets sprayed out of the wall. Exactly. I wonder if he wakes up and experiences weightlessness. Bono on flying, hasn't he?

Calls the edge, saying, help me, I'm stuck to the ceiling, like that bloke in Mary Poppins, the original Mary Poppins. And the Edge says, hold on, I haven't got my hat on yet. Hi, mate, give us a chance.

And Bono says, I did give you a chance, let's face it. And the Edge says, look, you know what, and I took it. Don't keep on about that. You've done me the big favour, Bono. And that same old argument comes up again. Anyway, I was on the coast and I wonder if maybe the flying ants

don't go to the coast. Oh, they're not seaside. Yeah. Oh, don't they like to be beside the seaside? I don't think they do. They like to be in my... Inland. I did not see a single flying ant on Rosilli Beach on the Gower Coast. So,

explain that, you, um, zoologists. We've had a text from somebody that I think knows your sort of humour, Frank. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What is it, filth? humour, Frank. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

What is it, filth? Well, let's see. I hope not, as you're about to read it out. Let's see if they've served it up and you're going to knock it in. OK. Hi all, I wondered if Frank knows West Bromwich Albion's new signing, Kenneth Zahor? I don't. I know who he is.

Oh, I think he was hoping for you to say no, but thanks for the tip. I think that's what he was offering you. Can it's a whore? Yeah. As in sore? No, I'm not going to say what as in... Oh, I've got it.

I've got it. Most excruciating minute of my life. He was young, he needed the money. I wouldn't have predicted it, but I thought it would have just, yeah. Oh, goodness. I've gone hot, I've gone very hot. He says you're welcome, Tom.

Oh, that's all right. You're welcome. Thanks, Tom. That's all right, Frank. That's not him. Someone, David at Merkhamstead, to be precise, has been asking about reverse charge phone calls. Can you, he said his mobile died this week

and he sort of started thinking about them, as one does. Can you still make them? In case, if there's any young people listen to this show, and I've met a few. We've definitely had a few texts from some of the younger ones. There was a time where if you didn't have any money, let's say you were some kind of student and you were out on a crazy night of carousing

and you needed to call your parents for help. You haven't even got the money. This is pre-mobile phone. Yes. I know. And you go to a phone box and say, can I send a reverse charges call to this number? And then they would phone your mum and dad and say,

will you accept a reverse charges call? Which, in other words, they'll have to pay for. But you would hear them sometimes. Yeah. You could hear them saying, will you accept the charges? Yeah, exactly. Imagine if you got knocked back then and you heard your dad saying no. Well, there must have been people that said,

oh, no, don't think so. But can you still do that? Where would you do it? Well, the phone box. If they still have the phone box. They still have the phone boxes. You can't have people urinating in the street. No, you're right.

Can you make a reverse charge call from your mobile? If so, I'm just going to do that all the time. That's a good point. I'll just ring up. But how do you get the operator on your mobile? I'll just ring up. There's an operator number. 100 it used to be.

Oh, yeah. I thought it was just zero, but maybe I'm thinking of hotels. No, it's 100. It's 100, anyway. Well, anyway, if anyone knows... It's just phone reception from a hotel. There'll be someone listening from BT or the like. Yeah.

And tell us, can you make a reverse charges call in 2019? There you go. Frankie, you're quite smart. Do you know what is the Latin... I believe the Latin term for flying out of the day is op the ante. Oh, is it? Yeah. Has anyone answered to say whether you get it at the coast?

Is that how I've waited it? No, we don't know. We've been let down in a big way. We're waiting. There'll be boffins messaging in. Frank, you look quite tanned, may I say. You look lovely. Well, two things.

Congratulations. Thank you. I went, as I say, I went to the Gower Coast. Lovely. Well, two things. Thank you. I went, as I say, I went to the Gower Coast. It's a four-hour drive, which I did alone. What, in sort of Loneliest Man in the World style? Well, mainly in listening to Big Finish Doctor Who audio CDs style. Big Finnish Doctor Who audio CDs style. But we stayed in a cottage,

in a sort of, not obscure, isolated. Remote. Remote, remote. We stayed in a remote cottage. Thank you. And it was called the Old Rectory. Oh, yes. In Rosilli. Oh, yeah. And it was called the Old Rectory in Resilly and it was used

extensively, it's in one of the who were those young men with the banjos Mombo Jumbo and Son I was going to say the Skinnerettes one of their videos has got Luther in it

what's he called? Idris Elba. Yes, thanks. I used to drink his ginger beer. It was very nice. But nowadays, I often get him mixed up with... I can't think of it. I want it to sound...

Like if I said, ah-ha, then I'd say, I don't know my ah-has. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so we start, and also in Miracle Day in Torchwood, the popular Doctor Who spin-off. So it's a sort of famous Welsh cottage. Oh, okay. That's where I stayed.

And the sunshine and all that. But can I tell you, almost zero phone reception. Oh, brilliant. That's quite liberating. It is liberating for about 20 minutes, and then you do feel like the loneliest man in the world. You can't even look up, like, you know, if the whore has signed for an album.

Yeah, yeah. That kind of... Difficult. I mean, come on. Come on with the broadband. We've had someone who stayed in your rectory. Ah, pardon. Ali Taylor.

The one on its own looking over the beach. That's the one. I said isolated, but on its own is. Yeah. Lovely place. I stayed down the coast in an old-fashioned bungalow in a field. So you haven't stayed. That sounds a bit less lovely.

So she hasn't stayed at that cottage. No, but I think... She's seen it. Yeah, okay. Is that all right for you? No? Not sure it is all right for him. Petty McPettifer. Yeah.

Did you have Joe's ice cream? Embrace no mod cons. I have no signal in Surrey Hills either. No, well, it is one of the things, of course, in this country, when you drive out of any kind of major town or city, that moment where it goes, you look at your phone and go, 4G, 3G, GPSR, E, nothing. And you're about three miles out of town.

You must have had a bonanza on messages when you drove back into a signal. Oh! Good times! I don't get many messages Good times I had 11 emails I was there for like four days Is that all you have? I don't get messages What about your spam?

What does that mean? He's not checking that What does that mean? The internet's been around that What does that mean? What does that even mean? The internet's been around for a while Okay My spam Oh you mean people like who I don't know

Yes darling I don't get I suppose that's a way of describing it I don't get much of that Comixology Every night about six o'clock Send me a thing about you know Iron Man bargain sale

Oh yeah That's about it. I have a bit of an answer for you from 966. A bit of an answer? Yes. Would be a great title for a book of philosophy. You're right. I'll write it.

Go on. As the prevailing wind on the Welsh coast is off the sea, flying ants are blown inland. Oh. From Hayden, pest controller to the stars, he claims. What a result that I went to the East Coast flying out and down.

I'm going to do that every flying out and down. Why not? Brilliant. Re-reverse charging. This is from 619. Phone boxes had their own numbers and you could tell

your distant girlfriend, I presume they mean in terms of geographically rather than emotionally. Or both, because I find you can't tell her anything. You could tell your distant girlfriend the number in a letter so she could make a reverse charge call to the phone box at an allotted time. I'd answer the operator's call as if it was my home number, approve the call and speak for ages. With the GPO paying.

Well, I didn't know that. Have you ever answered a ringing phone box? No, have you? I've passed one once that was ringing, and, you know, it nagged at me for weeks that I didn't answer it. Didn't take it. But I think sometimes what people used to do is, they used to play pranks.

They'd look out their window and then they'd ring it and see who answered. I would have expected to see Beedle popping out. Yes. That's a problem. Gone but not forgotten. Indeed. Yeah, so you can't,

you can't, is that the answer? You can't make a reverse charge? Well, 876 has sent us an anecdote that also supports it. I recently had to make a reverse charge call from a phone box when the front door blew shut and I was without phone keys or wallet. I think they mean front door of the house rather than phone box. If it said that, that would be locked in a phone box.

The only number I knew off by heart, well, this is a millennial, isn't it? They've only known one number off by heart. I don't know any. I don't know mine. It was my dad's mobile, and I was told you cannot reverse charge to a mobile number. I therefore had to sit outside the front door in a way it helped, the old-fashioned way. Yeah?

It's from Nick in Bristol. An anecdote, if you will. I like it. We've established, don't I like it, we've established don't even try it, you students I'll give you a little tip you students you know that pocket

you keep your space in your combat trousers just have enough in there for a phone call and you'll always be alright Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Cleb Butler

wants to know, did you get a ticket to the World Cup in the end or watch it at home? Can I say I had numerous people getting in touch to ask me that very same question. Yeah, I was in a state of some anxiety last week. And this is World Cup cricket. World Cup cricket. Not any

other sport. And I, can I say, I gave a bit of a shout out asking people to get in touch. And, which I was embarrassed about. Because I felt it was a bit tacky, to use my favourite word at the moment. I meant you'd do something tacky. It was also a bit needs must, because

you were looking through your contacts in the daytime. I'll get you a ticket, Frank, and I think you started to feel the panic and the clock run out. I did. Yeah, it was bravado. Yeah. Anyway, I got, I had a nap. I had an afternoon nap that Saturday because I had a gig in the evening.

that Saturday because I had a gig in the evening and when I woke up there was a message saying oh you've been offered a ticket but I said that I'm supposed to get back to them straight away and it was like an hour and a half and this was from someone I work

with and I thought he didn't say yes he said well I'll ask him just in case I said you know what i don't think anyway so i had about two hours of super anxiety uh and then i had a text that said you have a ticket confirmed for tomorrow great and i tell you what i did it was quite a nice day on Saturday in London and the door to the garden was open. I went into the garden and ran round the lawn about four times just to burn off the excitement that had hit me.

Still in a way you put your arm atop after your nap. Is that what it was? Can I say it? It was a private garden. You know what? That breeze felt good. I did. I've got a confession to make.

I did try. I left here on Saturday. I looked up the sponsors. I ticked off ones that were suitable. Many of them weren't, as I'm afraid they were alcohol-based. And I thought what if he has to pose

with the product yeah I'd have done that I'd have probably drank it there was a tyre company I thought what if they make him pose in there

like a chimp it's going to be all unfortunate that would have been great I got in touch with a car company in the end you never

yeah I did I got quite far did you car company in the end. You never. Yeah, I did. I got quite far. Did you? Wow. Yeah, so... Who was it, Audi? And they said no, because they've been saying we've got the most aggressive...

I'll tell you something about Audi. Oh, yes. On that topic. It is my theory that without... I mean, by a contrary mile, the most aggressive drivers on the road are Audi drivers. And I experience this on a regular basis. Find out which events they sponsor, please, so I know.

And I, when I was, I got the bus to Lourdes for the cricket final. Oh. And we were just getting close where an Audi pulled in front of the bus. I mean, really was nearly an accident to the point where the driver got out of his, what would you call it, his cubicle? His wheel cubicle. He got out of there.

He got off the bus. And it was a woman driver, and she had a real verbal go in an Audi and then did an illegal right turn and off she went. And I was on the motorway this week and I was being severely tailgated by a car behind me. I mean, I was doing about 95. I don't know what the problem was. Not really. Not really. Not really.

And right up my, I mean, I couldn't even see what type of car it was because the brand was too close to my back bumper. Anyway, I pulled out the way and it was an Audi. And to be fair to them, they were simultaneously being tailgated by a second Audi. I mean, I just think maybe they should be taken off the road.

I think maybe you have to handle them. You know when things like Hotpoint send out a message saying there's a problem with our washing machines. Recall. I wonder what it is. I think of it at Hotpoint doing it. I don't want to diss them, but I think of them as the kings of the callback.

Or queens, of course. Perhaps with our diets, because they're not... They always feel a bit like they're a bit NQM, not quite Mercedes. So maybe there's things to prove. Maybe they're overcompensating. Yeah, this happens.

But, um, yes. Anyway, we won't be getting tickets off them for the quickest. But I did try, Frank. No, I appreciate that. I finally got a reply from the car company on the Monday morning saying, oh, sorry we weren't able to help you. We'd love to have you in the future. And I said, oh, you managed to get a ticket in the end.

And then I thought, well, yeah, of course they would have seen you because you were on the big screen. I was on the big screen, but more of that. What about my manager? He said, I found Sky. I thought, sorted. I heard nothing. I said, did Sky just say no?

And he replied, that's exactly what they said. Thanks for that. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Frank? Meanwhile, over at Lord's... Meanwhile, over at Lord's... You are on the big screen!

Well, I tell you, before I even got to Lord's, the ticket... They said they're just standard tickets. There's no food or anything like that. Sorry for your loss. But no dress code. No, I was really happy. Why?

Because I just wanted to sit this game more than anything. I understand. Happy to buy his own lunch if he gets to go to the World Cup cricket final. Will draw himself, I thought. Yes. So I was at the bus stop talking to the flower store man. There's a flower store man near the bus. I'll tell you what the flower store man is.

It's like John the Carrier novel. What is this? Some kind of spy thing? I think it sounds rather more like EastEnders in the early days. So that, yeah, will you mind my store? Will you just mind my store, Pete, where I nip to? Well, I have no experience in retail. I've not been trained up.

Now, all you need is this leather patch. Yeah, but I don't know what your pricing system is. I just don't have my stall. Yeah, but I mean, I'm just not experienced in... Have the leather patch. You just charge what you think is right, mate. So I was talking to the man from the flower store. He was scrubbing the flower store he was

scrubbing the flower store and I said well something happened I thought he'd been graffitied in the night oh yeah not him the store

and he said oh I closed down for the summer I said flower store attached to a hospital you close

do people get less ill I suppose. Get less ill. I suppose people get less ill in the summer. There's no ice. Does there? I once spoke to a... No ice? There's no ice to fall on.

There's more hay fever. You don't go to the hospital with hay fever, for goodness sake. Big stings. I was talking to a triage. Oh, yes. At A&E. And I said,

what's your busiest time? Obviously, it was a stupid question. It was Friday, Saturday night. And I said, what's your quietest time? I thought, cleverer. She said, when it rains, we don't get many people. So I thought, people with open wounds thinking, I'm not going out in this.

I'll be fine. I'd rather die. So anyway, I'm not going out in this. I'll be fine. I'd rather die. So anyway, I'm at the bus stop. I get a text saying, are you wearing trainers? You've had a hospitality upgrade. So you're now in the food bit. I like, are you wearing trainers? I thought that was Kath doing a bit of sexy talk.

Well, I was. What are you wearing? Like, why are you wearing trainers? I thought that was Kath doing a bit of sexy talk. Well, I was, yeah. What are you wearing? I thought it was the bus company saying that they weren't running that day. But you are, mate. Oh, you had an upgrade.

So I had to dash home in my trainers. In your running shoes. Luckily I was wearing trainers. Why did they give you a sudden upgrade? I don't know. Somebody must have poured out. A sprinkling of celebrity. Oh, but I can't tell you how excited I was.

And also, Lords, not only is it a World Cup final, but of course, I think the source of one of my greatest ever puns. Oh. And that was when we were talking about the fact there's only one person ever hit a straight six over the top of the pavilion at Lourdes. It's a massive high building. And this was in, I think, the 1890s or something.

Oh, I would have seen that then. Yeah, he was called Albert Trott. And I was talking to, I think, Chris Addison about him. The most 19th century name ever. Albert Trott. And I was talking to Chris Addison about him and he said well it's 19th century Albert Trott and I said I was talking to Chris Addison about him I think it was or Al Murray anyway this was a match ages ago and they said apparently his career um floundered after he was such the celebrity of being that person um it it really, he couldn't cope with it and the pressure.

And I said, was it an Albert Trotter around his neck? I was so pleased with myself. I mean, I celebrate myself, as I think Walt Whitman once said. Anyway, I've got to give you a, I mean, I know there's a lot of people listening who don't like cricket, but I'll keep it non-cricket. But it was, oh, man, what an event.

I cried. I actually physically... Oh. Tears on the cheeks crying. You did have to pay for lunch. Do you know how? I once cried at Lord's. That was projection.

You cried at Lord's. That was projection. You cried at Lord's? I feel really bad saying this to you, but my father was a massive cricket fan and he made me and my sister go to Lord's once and we were so bored, we played with the rubbish and I cried. I was so bored.

I'm sorry to tell you that story. Played with the rubbish? That's a lovely story. That's how bored. I'm sorry to tell you that story, Frank. Played with the rubbish? We played with the rubbish. That's a lovely story. That's how bored we were. Well, it was a little insight to how the other half lived. I played with rubbish my whole life, if I was lucky. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. I think you'll both enjoy this. Okay. And hopefully some people at home, but it's primarily for the benefit of you two. Now put that back on. Football back. Do you remember when I did that, Frank?

Oh dear, that was... Yeah, I don't know why you were taking your top off, but me and... Was it me and Alan or me and... It was you and Alan. Alan was very much there. Me and Alan politely looked the other way. We looked away.

Can I tell you why I was taking my top off? Go on. For anyone who's just tuned in. It was because we'd been given Christmas jumpers. Do you remember that fashion for an ironic Christmas jumpers? That makes it worse because it's a sort of sweet yuletide. Before we realised that it was a climate emergency. When we thought that was cute

and then, of course, Instagram ruined it. Yeah. And so I said... What, a Christmas jumper's bad? No, it's a one-wear item. It's a bit mainstream. Oh, a one-wear item. A bit tacky.

So I was changing. You and Alan averted your eyes. Yeah, we literally stood and turned, if I remember rightly. And then we forgot that in those days we had studio cam. So some people used to watch the show. What did they think was going on?

Frank said in the manner of the final line of, I believe it's Kind Hearts and Coronets, when he says, my memoirs, Frank said, the webcam. The webcam. It did get a bit soap opera ending, didn't it? Yes, it was a bit. Anyway. Exactly.

I won't be taking... No, those days are gone. How dare you? Well, I mean, we don't have a webcam now, but we have got a block of flat screen. Not since then, people complain. Football back then has been in touch, at football then, with a fabulous super-focused feature on Gerry Francis. Oh, yeah.

This would have been from, I guess, late 70s, early 80s. And I think they just thought you would enjoy it because it was the questionnaires the footballer would do and Gerry Francis has responded, other sports person you most admire? Nobody in particular. It always used to be Muhammad Ali. That was the one when I was a kid.

Is there a favourite meal? Favourite food and drink? Steak and a nice glass of wine. He also says H2O. H2O, steak and a nice glass of wine. He also says H2O. H2O, steak and a nice glass of wine. Steak was what they always said. Biggest influence on your career, my dad. What would you be if you were in the football, that electrician?

Favourite singers? Diana Ross, UFO, Meatloaf. No, in the West Brom programme questionnaire, favourite singer was always Ben E. King. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't know about that, but someone at the club must have liked him. Yeah, yeah.

And spread it. Nice. There you go. Gerry Francis. There is a man who got on a hairstyle and stopped with it. I admire those people. Stephen Gerrard, another one. Stephen Hendry.

Yeah. Willie Thorne. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there are people who live in fear of going out one day and not being recognised, I always think. You have to stick with the look that you had when you were at your peak. Anyway, we're all different.

Yeah. How long have we got? Because there's an email I'd like to share with you, but I don't know if we've got the time. Well, I've got a bit more cricket stuff. Tell me more, tell me more. Did you get very far? Well, yes.

Further than I expected. Super over and all that. But I tell you what, slightly nagged at me. You know what I told you about the hospitality upgrade? I'd already made sandwiches, which I had in my knapsack. Can I just say that's most adorable?

You took a packed lunch with her? Yeah. Nice. I'm actually going to cry. I find that so cute. I had to take those back and I was going away on holiday.

No, I took them back home when I changed my trainers because I couldn't take them to hospitality. Should I take Coles to Newcastle?

What were the sandwiches that you made yourself? Well, there was cheese and piccalilli and beef and mustard. Nice.

And the bread. I bought some sliced bread, which I haven't bought for ages. And the sell-by date on the bread was the 19th of September. Impossible. Well, that's what I thought. And I thought, I'll do it.

No, surely it's year 19. No, no, it's 19th of September, 2019. Yeah, it's almost like there might be quite a lot of preservatives in that bread. It said on the bread, it said, it was beautifully square, and I like that in a sliced bread. But it said that our sealing, S-E-A-L-I-A, is so expert that the bread stays fresher longer. September?

A lot of E numbers. Unbelievable. Did you wrap them up, the sandwiches? I put them in... Boz has got two little lunchboxes and e-ticks and I put them in those. I separated them out. I'm actually crying. I've actually got tears in my eyes.

This is the most adorable thing I've ever heard. Anyway, when I got back from... I'm still made of stone. When I got back from the match, I was straight into the beef and mustard. Nice. Yeah. And of course, as you know,

I always have brown bread and with crisps. That's my rider. Did you take crisps? Oh, no. Well, you had to have them. I didn't have to. It was all there. Oh, what a day it was

so yeah I tell you what with the pitch side interview I was on a small dais yeah and

they didn't warn me about this but it's one of those when you speak and then the echo of what you've said comes back really loudly because you know when you see people singing the national anthem and it looks like it's

out of sync because you can hear it on the speakers you know when you're on the phone and you can hear yourself, that slightly off putting oh yeah you know when you're on the phone and you can hear yourself that slightly off-putting oh yeah I'll tell you what I've had just like you know when you're on the phone

and the other person suddenly goes do you get that? yes I often get that you speak to a lot of people who work in sci-fi though don't you

oh that is true Doctor Who extras and stuff that's true it could have been Nicholas Briggs calling me up the voice of the Daleks and many others can I say.

That sounds, yeah, and then followed by, how did that go love? But it was, it was very, and also there was a streaker. Was there? There wasn't. There was a streaker, get this, a streaker in a leotard. Oh, that's not proper, come on, make an effort, streaker. No, people don't follow their dream anymore. Do you know, I don't like a modest streaker.

Come on. I mean, it is a strange thing to adopt a sort of coy position on streaking. Either do it or don't. Yes, we're halfway there. What I'm going to say is you've either got to go full Erica or not at all. Yeah.

And the irony of being... Well, Erica had jeans on. Well, I know, but that's what made it so fabulously 70s. Because they were so high-waisted and I believe they were flares as well. I'll tell you what made it more fabulously... No, I think they were tucked into pixie boots. I'll tell you what made... This is Erica Rowe, the rugby streaker.

What made it most 70s is she had one of those cigarettes that was broken at a 90 degree angle which you've never seen ever gone gone and never called me mother

when a fully naked streaker comes on at the cricket do people mutter some people have got no boundaries? Yeah, very fine. Oh, come on. Very fine. I was saying just now, off-air,

we do sometimes chat amongst ourselves off-air. It would be weird if we did. When we're not sulking. When we're not sulking. And Frank was... I continued to tell Frank that him making himself a packed lunch might have been one of the most moving and sort of poignant moments I've ever... I don't know.

You then said... I then said something which is... You two look slightly astonished. I found it very funny. Well, what did I say, Al? You shouldn't have been astonished, but it was funny. Emily confessed that she's never made herself a packed lunch ever. Ever.

Never, ever made herself a packed lunch in the history of the world. I'd rather not eat than have to do that. Well, that's generally the option. I mean, how desperate are you for food? There's people with real jobs shouting at their radio now, I think. Oh, no. Some bloke who's a roofer. Yeah, Texas.

I used to, when I worked in a factory, I took sandwiches. Actually, my mum made them. There you go. Yeah, but I've made many. I mean, for cricket, it was what I always did. I'm not saying this is that I'm so great. I realise it's a failing on my part. But, I mean, if anyone wants to teach me how to make a packed lunch, and obviously I forgot to have children, that's the so great. I realise it's a failing on my part. But if anyone wants to teach me

how to make a packed lunch, and obviously I forgot to have children, that's the other thing. But you have played with the rubbish at Lord's. I did play. We're not suggesting you haven't lived. No, not at all. It's just this very one criteria

that you haven't lived. Anyway, can I sum up saying it was the best cricket, the most exciting cricket match I've ever been to. Right down to the end, wasn't it? We lost about five times and then we won, if you know what I mean. Did we definitely win? Can I ask you that? Yes. Don't

ever ask me that again. Hey, I don't understand it. We definitely won. I read some funny things I didn't like. And at the end, as I was turning to leave, tears, the sun, the light went golden. You know that time of the night when the light goes golden? It felt like it was really glorious World Cup. And then the man in front of me,

I'd sat in front of me the whole thing, turned around and said, everyone was hugging each other. I hugged a lot of strangers. I mean, in 2019, it's a risk. Wow. There'll be a comeback. strangers. I mean, in 2019, it's a risk. Wow. There'll be a comeback. But anyway, he turned around and said,

you interviewed me once on your TV show. Did he? Well, I used to have a lot of, you know, eccentric guests and stuff like that. I remember it well. Anyway, he said, I was in McFly. I said, oh, yeah. And then it all came Harry Jod, you know?

A big cricket fan. So it was, I tell you, one of the most joyous experiences of my life. It was really... So it's a shout-out to Harry Jod. No, I don't mean that bit. That was lovely. But, oh, that moment when Joss bought the top of the bales off.

Come on! OK, I won't mention cricket anymore. Now, get out. That isnled the top of the bales off. Come on! OK, I won't mention cricket anymore. Now get out. That isn't the end of the show. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I just wanted to bring to your attention an email that we'd received during the week. We've been talking recently about Mr Bean, and it's... Monsieur Legume.

Yes, it's on that topic. Hi, guys. In a few recent chapters of the show, excellent. Yeah, good. This correspondent has already got the lingo. Frank has brought up Mr Bean and his unusual way of speaking. Didn't someone also... Don't you say brought up?

I think heavily satirised. Did someone ask about what colour his tie was? Yes. We've had a few Mr Bean enquiries. Yes. Because that's the kind of show we are. And we are. And also, you know, he lasts forever, Mr Bean.

There's no topicality. I think we discussed how he always wore that sort of drip-dry shirt and the red tie. Yeah, exactly. But the Bean brand is eternal. Indeed. I moved from England... This isn't me, this is the correspondent to the show.

I moved from England to Germany three years ago. I mean, if it had been me... I'd have thought, yeah, I'd have been questioning travel. Where's Alan on Saturday? I moved from England to Germany three years ago. And also the fact you've only just brought it up. Yeah, it would be weird, wouldn't it? That would be very cool,

international man of mystery. I'll tell you, I'm living in Hamburg now. We've been there for three years. What? Anyway. I was pleasantly surprised to recently discover that Mr Bean is also quite popular here. Doesn't surprise me. Yeah, it doesn't surprise me.

No, it's humour. Hair. What's German for bean? Das ist verboten. Hair bean. The sound of hair bean. Any Germans listening? Hiya.

And also, what is the German for bean? However, I was talking with a German fan of the show, I think they mean Mr Bean, and he casually mentioned something about Mr Bean being an alien. He then reminded me that the opening credits depict Mr Bean dropping to Earth in a beam of light and that this explains all of his odd behaviour, unfamiliarity with ordinary things

and inability to properly communicate i am 30 years old and had to move to germany to learn this is it true long time listener chris i remember unity mitford saying that to me once do you yeah um i you know what it's a brilliant point. It is. It's an absolutely astonishing point. At the beginning of Mr Bean, there's a Mr Beam, I call him, because a light... No, you don't. No, I don't. A beam of light, well, from now on.

Absolutely light. If I did that, though, in conversation, I'd say, of course, he was very good in Mr Beam. And I'd say, no, Bean conversation, I'd say, of course, he was very good in Mr. Beam. And I'd say, no, no, Beam. And I'd say, no, no, I always call him Mr. Beam because, and then tell me. So as the beam of light comes down, and Mr. Beam drops from the sky.

Yeah. Sorry, who has actually sat through the credits? Everyone. I haven't. Titles. You know, I never made a packed lunch. Oh, yeah. I don't know

if I've ever watched No, this is the titles. It's at the beginning. Oh, yeah. I've never seen Mr Bean. No, I have. I've seen bits of it on shows with me.

Seen Bean. He was good in Game of Thrones. I've caught a few beans here and there. Carry on. Yeah.

We had... That was... We just had a texting from someone's dog. Anyway, the beam of light... So he drops to the floor, but I was thinking, there's also a possibility that he's some sort of heavenly being.

Oh, you think he was... Mr. Being, I call him. Celestial. Well, because he drops down this beam of light, and then you get like choral music ah yeah then he he gets

but he has trouble communicating there's a message though in those opening titles I think it's a metaphor for perhaps

Mr Bean feeling slightly other right and to have issues expressing his feelings but I don't think Mr Bean does feel other. I think

that's the joy of Mr Bean is he's other but he hasn't really noticed. Oh okay. He's like you. He's supremely confident Mr Bean. You're quite like Mr Bean Frank. He's supreme. I remember I was in Africa in Burkina Faso with Comet Relief. Joe Francis. Comet Relief. And we went to a school in Burkina Faso and this little, I don't know what the, Burkina Faso, I don't know how you say the Burkina Faso child. Right. This child said, pointed at me and said, Mr. Bean. Which obviously I just slapped him straight across the face.

It's a bit of an incident, but we covered it up. No, but I think it shows, in Africa, there in West Africa, Mr. Bean was, you know, known. But I'm thinking now, is he from heaven or is he from Alpha Centauri? I'm just giving an example. And of course, there was an American athlete called Bean. Alan Bean.

Oh, was there? Not athlete, astronaut. I knew it was the beginning with A. Yes. If anyone has any theories on the Bean gene, give us a... Or Mr Bean himself, perhaps, would like to... Yeah, I don't think he listens to this, does he? He'll be in one of his fast cars.

He'll be in an alien. He'll be in his fast car. And the police will pull him over and he'll go... LAUGHTER Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. We've had a messaging from

A. Cochran We used to use a wooden lollipop stick to clock up credits in the old payphones Naughty but financially beneficial To clock up credits

in the old payphones Naughty but financially beneficial That wasn't really from A. Cochran That was me being evil It's not really from me but I it it's from donna okay so you know the coin used to sort of move a little lever that was how it was surprising you know about this in the stick it would sort of press the lever and therefore there was a thing we had fraud but we had a piece of a bit of broken china, which we used to play.

Try it on your hands. We used to play, it was literally, and we'd play table football. You know when you pull out the handle, if you put something in that keeps it out, you can play football all night and the balls keep just dropping through. Lovely. Sam Potter from Essex has been in touch. Can I say, before you say this, Absolute is anti-crime. Yeah.

Is it? Yeah. My three-year-old daughter is also a fan of Mr Bean. Universe. I think I'm throwing shade at you, Frank. Universe. Both the original series and the new animated series. Yeah, my son loves the animated series.

In regards to the alien landing, there was actually an episode of the animated series not long ago where Mr Bean was abducted by aliens and the aliens were all Mr Bean no way he was then

and it is written they put a twist on it it's so clever he was then dropped back to earth as on the spotlight as in the original series to be back

with the female character his girlfriend question mark has he got a I don't like Bean having a girlfriend. No, there is a female that he goes to the cinema with in one of the funniest episodes for my memory. No, in the films, in Mr Bean on Holiday,

he actually, he gets the girl. I don't want to know. At the end. I think that would be amazing. Can I slap Hollyoaks late in it? Now you mention, now you mention. It's like Big Bird having a girlfriend. Or the Fonz.

Some people have to remain pure for the children. No, I think that's true. The Pope, Big Bird, the Fonz. And Mr Bean. Doctor Who. And Mr Bean. You can leave your hat on and take his clothes off. Doctor Who's been married a few times.

It was complicated. Did he have a girlfriend, Doctor Who? Well, he married a character called River Song. And he also married, I think, Elizabeth I. Did he? And he did have a granddaughter in the early

days as well. Did he? Okay. And I think he kissed Marilyn Monroe. What? Anyway. You can't accuse him. Scandal. You can't accuse him of having a type though, Al.

No. No, that's true. That is true. Elizabeth I and Marilyn Monroe. Can I tell you that in the animated series of Hairbone, I believe, and now found out it's called in Germany. In the animated series, Full Stop, the opening sequence is the beam of light and it pans out and it's Mr Bean holding a torch and he drops his teddy bear into the beam of light. So he parodies the sort of real person. Yeah, just a tip there.

Don't date a man who carries a teddy bear around with him in his 40s, OK? Well, John Betjeman. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. 604. Curious. I am very similar to Mr Bean, especially the way I drive. So I'm speculating that he may originally have come from Aldershot. That's Ali from Stepney.

That's quite a leap, but... Yeah, and also, is that how one arrives from Aldershot? By sky beam? Beam of light, yeah. Actually, as the sometime motoring correspondent on this show, I've got a little... You know sometime about it. I've got an anecdote, if you're interested.

Oh, let me get me old... As you know, I've been... Put the fire on, Frank. Let's just loosen these shoelaces. As you may be aware, actually, this might be part anecdote, part announcement. I'm doing the Edinburgh Festival, as indeed are you, Frank, but you've been doing your show for a while, right?

So it's up and running and it's all... Whereas mine is a new show that I'm previewing. Oh, is it? For the people that don't know, you have to drive around the country and tell your new jokes to audiences that know... But you both will be doing the show in Edinburgh? Yeah.

When it will be ready. But he's been... OK. Yeah. So, I had a. But he's been... Okay. Yeah. So, I had a bit of an incident last week. Not the week that's just gone, the one before it. Okay. I prepped. Didn't do anything that day.

I thought, I'm going to do my preview in Leeds, so I'll work on the show a bit. I'll get the order of the jokes all sorted out. I said to my wife, right, I'm off to Leeds now. It's a 9.30 preview. Set off about, I can't remember, half six, seven, something like that. I get to Leeds. I park up.

Annoyingly, I pay two pounds for the parking because it turns out that particular place is... The worst possible start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They charge until 10pm. I don't think I've ever said annoyingly I paid £2. 10pm they charge two on that bit. Anyway, I expected it to be free after 6pm.

Anyway, walked into the venue. I go up to the second floor because I've said to them, oh, I'm here to do the preview at half nine. I'm just going to get a coffee before I go on. I walk in and then the guy who runs the venue comes in and says, we've already got all the comedians. I thought you were on tomorrow. And I said to the person pouring my coffee, can I have that in a takeaway cup, please? You didn't even question it.

She put it in a takeaway cup. And then I turned to him and went, are you absolutely sure? And he said, yeah, I've got you down for tomorrow. Now, thankfully, I didn't have a gig in the diary for the next night, but I did just get in the car and go home. So I just basically, I did all the prep. You dealt with that like it happened in a film. You came out with the one-liner. You said, hey, I better get that to go.

I mean, that's extraordinary. And you didn't consider maybe getting a hotel room in Leeds for the night so you'd be there. Stayed there. You could have walked around Leeds on the Sunday, got some local references. I would have done that, right. I grew up near there.

And also, it's only like 35 miles from Manchester or something. Somebody's going to correct me now saying it's 50. I would have... What would you have done is a game I love to play. I would have absolutely done what Frank Skinner just said. What, stayed over? Yes. I would have booked a hotel, thought lovely.

I have a little mini break to myself. Stroll along. It's a 45-minute drive. And I've got a home. So I suppose it's like me going to Collindale or something and booking a hotel I don't mean to brag but I've got a Victorian terrace

with a loft conversion and a cellar Now you want me to be in an Ibis just because I made a clerical error? We never said Ibis There's some lovely You could have done 42 the calls Oh nice, sounds a bit pricey for a man who's got a mortgage on a Victorian terrace I bet. There's some lovely... You could have done 42 the calls. Oh, nice. Sounds a bit pricey for a man who's got a mortgage on a Victorian terrace.

Well, you never mentioned a mortgage. You outed it a second ago. Don't listen to Nicholas Van Hoogstrop. This is the man whose main priority when his gig was cancelled was, can I take that coffee to go? Yeah. You see, I'm surprised you didn't cancel

the coffee or make that bloat pay was it definitely your mistake or their mistake to be honest it's a bit of a pain point there because I'm an old school guy I have a pen and paper diary and that gig was written on the Wednesday

in my wife's handwriting do with that what you will guys and that gig was written on the Wednesday in my wife's handwriting. Do with that what you will, guys. She claims that I said, can you write it in on that Wednesday? Sometimes when I'm away and a gig comes in, I'll ask her to put it in. Yeah. Can I say it's 2019, I don't think we should discuss this any further. Frank, can we talk about the moon landings? Okay.

You start. I'm not going to deal with this character complaining about you and I. Oh, yeah. Go on, now. Don't let it in the show. You do it. Peter has emailed in, Frank. I don't want negative waves.

Oh, okay. Well, we'll just very quickly deal with it. We'll very quickly deal with Peter's complaint. Correct me if I'm right. Is this the Frank Skinner show? As the poor man never seems to get a word in with the other two keep chatting. Good show, Frank, when you get the chance to speak. Now, thanks, Peter.

A couple of things I'd like to work through with Peter here. Yeah, me too, actually. Al, you start. I think he might be implying that you had an anecdote that was going to be so high level that it would match my driving to Leeds a night early for my preview anecdote. Well, that was optimism in the extreme.

And also, Peter, the phrase is correct me if I'm wrong. Correct me if I'm right doesn't make sense. correct me if I'm wrong. Correct me if I'm right doesn't make sense. Correct me if I'm right. OK. I think correct me if I'm right means I'm not even considering the fact that it could be wrong. Two things. I like the way Al's repeated use of Peter in a very pass-ag way. When someone repeatedly uses your name.

So, Peter. I would just like to say, Peter, I think that is the most accurate thing I've ever read in my life. OK. Poor man never seems to get a word in. Frank, your thoughts? Well... That's enough for Frank.

I mean, I actually had loads to say about Peter's email. I didn't get a chance. Come on. Peter's entitled to I didn't get a chance. Come on. Peter's entitled to his opinion, for goodness sake. Come on, we're all Peter's friends here. So I want to talk about the moon landings. You always do. For a change. No change there, then.

It's the anniversary. It's the anniversary of the moon landings. 50 years. Brilliant. 50 years Brilliant 50 years ago I lay with my whippy on the sofa the lunar module was on the surface and we lay there

What about the moon landings? and waiting for them to come out and as you know I fell asleep I think the wh picked it as well. And when I woke up, not only had they walked on the room,

but they'd gone back in. Oh. So, but still, so exciting. You missed that big moment, not unlike my friend, Jane,

who went to the loo in a Bond film and came back and said, has everything happened? And I said, yes. He said, the name's Bond, James Bond. She missed that entire opening sequence. You can always catch that again, though.

He says that again. Yeah, whereas... But, yeah, there was a character called James Burke. I remember him well. He used to be on Blue Peter a lot, talking about science and stuff. Contemporary of Patrick Moores, I believe. In the days when people were interested in science were despised. They were?

You know, they had glasses on. At school, they were like the kids who no one liked. Right. Now, I think the people who are into science look like burlesque dancers. Right. Times have changed. You're bang on, because when The Sun were reporting this story, they were referring to

him as Chief Geek and the bespectacled scientist. I like that The Sun are very late to the party with the science is cool movement. They're still sticking with their old school approach to science, that they wear glasses and carry briefcases. Yes.

But he was whenever there was any science anywhere on the BBC, particularly of the astronomical nature, James Burt would appear. Mm-hm. Well, he, along with... Check jacket, often. He has been speaking about how there was a near disaster in the coverage.

Did you hear about this? This was a... Was the near disaster him getting sacked? He didn't get sacked. Oh, that was the near disaster. But he got threatened with it, because he said, I've got a feeling they're going to do the walk earlier

than they're meant to. Because I'll follow the bear. The walk is the walk of life. Oh, what a tune. Yeah, so he guessed they're going to they're going to go out and walk

because they're actually scheduled to land on the moon and then sleep but obviously they were never going to do that not sleep on the moon

we should say no they were going to weren't they they literally slept out on the powdery moon like camping with a yurt just find the

smallest crater that would operate as a pillow you could use the crater for your night bowl as it were Just find a smallish crater that would operate as a pillow. You could use the crater for your night bowl, as it were. Oh, yeah. You see, it looks so lovely and soft, the moon. Do you think it's hard, that rock?

Well, they've brought back hard rock, but it's dusty, isn't it? It's very powdery, the moon. Oh, nice. I love the idea as well of getting up to Uranite and it just going up into the sky that's one of my great dreams I mean I've never even made the ceiling and God knows I've tried You're not a Martin Luther King are you?

No but what about if I had gathered a load of people and then told them that dream You did and then ended with a big choir comes and sings Reach for the Sky. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Can I just say we've had our first moon landing denier text in.

Do you actually believe that moon landing? I'm going to change your word there. Nonsense. Ridiculous. Do, nonsense, ridiculous. Do some research, people. It's tripe. Tripe? Panorama definitively proved it was tripe in the 70s.

I've had enough of this tripe. Remember that one? There was a point where Alex Higgins, a snooker player, he got so angry. I mean, basically, I think he was drunk at the thing and he got banned for something and he was so angry he announced his retirement from snooker. And he did a public thing and he said, I just want to say I've had enough of this trope.

And then he said, and let's say sorry to people in the north of England because I know they love trope, and I love tripe. And I thought, no, none of them thought you were actually condemning tripe. They recognised that it was a word play. No, I'm saying sorry because I love tripe as well. So, yeah, obviously a lot of people think it isn't true. Which must make the 50-year anniversary seem like real salt in the wound. So, yeah, well, obviously a lot of people think it isn't true. Which must make the 50-year anniversary seem like real salt in the wound,

like we're celebrating the anniversary of the conspiracy. If I was a moon landing denier, I would be delighted to celebrate 50 years of them not landing on the moon, because it'd be such a significant moment. It'd be like you'd celebrate one of the great hoaxes of all time yeah

I think you can join in with that I was just again off air in one of our off air chats because no one's sulking

I was although Peter has sent us a lovely message actually thank you Peter it's Peter again I would just like to say

Frank and then he offers praise, even with your two sidekicks. He says he has to go now as the wife is shouting at me about taking her shopping. A little snapshot into Peter's life. A Frank Spencer set up. So thank you, Peter.

I always loved you. Yes, I think there was a film I mentioned to Earl called Capricorn One, which some of our older listeners may be familiar with. And it was a conspiracy theory, essentially, wasn't it? It was about a faked Mars landing. Yes. Sounds good.

Yes, but I think this is what inspired all this moon conspiracy thing, you see. Because it wasn't too many years after that. Well, the king of it is Bart Sibrell, is he? He was the guy who confronted... He used to confront astronauts with a Bible and say, swear on the... Was that his job? Swear on the Bible.

I'd like that job. There's footage on... Many of you have seen on the internet, is he confronted Buzz Aldrin, but he sort of then got into calling him a liar and all that. And Buzz Aldrin

hits him in the face. We need to talk about Buzz. Can I say that Absolute Radio does not condone street violence. No. Nor does it condone calling Buzz Aldrin a liar to his face. No, that's harsh. I haven't read the manual, but... Although,

some terrible sartorial choices, but we'll get on to that. I'll tell you what, he loves the jacket badge. He loves the jacket badge. And also, Frank, he loves the Stars and Stripes tie. Can I say one more thing about the about the um about the uh

moon landing denying thing i mean i have to say if it came out that it was i mean if it was definitely proven that it was made up that would be more brilliant than men landing on the moon in my opinion i mean mean, what a story. It absolutely came out. Because we've gone along all these years, they've charged so much money for their autographs. I mean, they would be brilliant. Could you sue them?

Could I what? Could you sue them? For example, I believe you've paid money. You paid up. Well, I named my son after Buzz Aldrin. Could I sue them? For example, I believe you've paid money. You paid up. Well, I named my son after Buzz Aldrin. Could I sue him? Could I sue him for not landing on the moon? Yeah.

That's a good point. It would be an interesting... I think my favourite, one of my favourites... It would make Lance Armstrong's one big lie look like small beer, wouldn't it? I've never got over that. I still haven't got over that. He's so back the wrong horse with that. NASA was sued

by a woman who, I'll tell you what, the one, I think, before, maybe a couple of missions before the moon landing, before Apollo 11, they quoted Genesis,

you know, not Phil Collins, the Bible. Oh, yeah. A woman sued NASA for saying that that was breaking the rule of the American Constitution, that you can't mix the state and religion. Oh.

And when Buzz Aldrin was on the moon, I'll be quick, I'm getting pressure from the producer. Okay. That's someone else who doesn't let me get a word in that you forgot to mention, Peter. And anyway. For God's sake. Boz Aldrin took up wine and bread and did a communion,

took communion in the moon lunar module. That's why he likes him. But they had radio silence for that bit because they were being sued by this woman and they didn't want to wind her up even more. So, yeah, people have taken them on in the past. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We were talking about James Burke, the BBC science correspondent, and this story broke. I mean, when I say the story broke, how long has the reporter been chasing that story? It's like in a room, smoking, sending telegrams out to people. But he said the BBC were about to go off air, as you say, because in those days the TV shut down at midnight,

or BBC One did. BBC Two continued sometimes until half past one. Did it? Crazy times. They had a remit, they were allowed to, because I think the Postmaster General was in charge of TV broadcasting. What happened to him? He was everywhere in those days.

He was a big figure. What happened? Is there still a Postmaster General, Frank? Well, I don't know. Is there still a Witchfinder General? Why was he getting his nose stuck into TV? Why didn't you run beeswax? Keeping it on the letters? They used to have a thing called closed down, a caption would come on that said closed down and then they would often have a piece of music.

In the early days when I was a kid they used to, telly would stop about half eleven at night and they would play the national anthem. That would be the last thing they'd play. Apparently a lot of people used to stand for it. Well, I was. And there was a thing called the epilogue. Not our keys.

So it would end, the day's broadcasting would end with the epilogue and it would be like a Church of England vicar giving you a sort of thought about something. Yes. And then it'd be the last answer. Like a night-time version of Thought for the Day. Exactly.

Well, it was also... Thought for the Night. They were only allowed, I believe the Postmaster General, I think it was him, you could only... PMJ. You could only record, they only were allowed to do seven hours of television a day or something, which is why they had to close down.

Like a long-distance lorry driver behind the wheel. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, which is why he was very strict about it, the postmaster general. But what I like is that Patrick Moore was also involved in the coverage. And I read something in this article saying, Patrick Moore was the only person to have ever met the first man to fly Orville Wright. He met the right... He met Orville man to fly, Orville Wright. He met the right... He interviewed Orville Wright.

Wow. As well as the first man in space, Frank, who was? First man in space, Yuri Gagarin. And the first man on the moon. Yes. So he got the big three. See, I read that and they said he was the only person to meet all three of those, and I thought,

well, we don't know that for sure, do we? Like, it could just be, there might be some non-famous person. Yeah, but Orville Wright is great. Just coincidentally, like, there could be a postman. I remember seeing a clip. Very well travelled. I saw a clip from an American, like, a panel show where someone went on with a claim to American, like a panel show,

when someone went on with a claim to fame, and the panel had to guess what they... And this very, very old man came on and was... And it was an old black-and-white panel show from the 50s, or something, and this bloke came on, and they were all trying to guess what it was and all that. Turned out he was in the theatre the night Lincoln got shot. I mean, it's incredible. I mean, I remember thinking

it was a bit strange that my dad had had Harold Lloyd on the programme. Well, exactly. Lincoln getting shot. Did they ask him how was the play? This is like... I hope they did.

I remember he had an eye patch, if I remember rightly, the bloke. It's like when my granny's story about being told they had to go into the school hall first thing in the morning and the headmistress got up and started and said, Queen Victoria's died. It's just amazing how close it all is. Jonathan Ross' kids said,

it must have been his great-great-grandmother. I said, no, no, it was his grandmother. My grandmother, Polly Stocking, was her name. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. There've been some interesting facts about these moon landings.

I didn't know they only had 19 seconds of fuel left. Is that a bit of a Big Mo thing for me not to have known? Because, I mean, that's my level of irresponsibility. But, I mean, that is scary, isn't it? I was driving with my fuel light on for a big chunk of time last weekend and I still feel like I've got a residual tension it's not the same though Al it's not the same though you're right

what I'm saying is it would be even more tense if you were on the way to the moon yeah but they needed what you have pointed out to all of us which is the little arrow absolute game changer the petrol arrow which shows you which side it's on. Yeah, I never knew that either until someone texted it.

It's good intel. I did a show with Patrick Moore. Worked with them all? Was that with the Wright brothers? Yeah, Frank's worked with them all. And I said, you know, it's disappointing what's happened post the moon landings because I remember being told that, you know, because of being on the moon we'd be able to predict earthquakes and stuff like that.

And he said, you're talking absolute rubbish. You needed to be told, though, to be fair. It's tough love from Patrick. Do you think he said that to Einstein, who I believe he also met? The fucking absolute rubbish, Albert. Maybe he didn't. Maybe Einstein towed the line, unlike Skinner over here. Yeah, he was...

I've got to say, he was a nasty piece of shit. Who more? Yeah, God bless him. No, I think he I think it's true. There were always all these big promises. He's lost it, a nasty piece of work. He's absolutely lost it. Patrick Less, I call him.

Well, he's still here. And the big, it seems, apparently the big advance that was made by all that billions of pounds worth of moon landing was camping technology. Yeah. A lot of the fabric and stuff was developed

in the... Teflon, they always said, the non-stick pans. Tin foil. I think the ten peg... Why is it all tin foil? It looks so cheap. Why does it all look like Doctor Who and rubbish sorry Frank it looks a bit

London Marathon doesn't it you know that cloud they get everything looks a bit put together and Blue Peter Garden and it just feels

a bit props department like someone smoking with glasses going love I've got these monsters for you well I was watching

Space 1999 this week. Do you know that programme? Yeah, I just haven't heard of anyone else of your age watching that. Yeah, well, anyway, Martin Lando stars in it. And they've all got, it's like they've all got flares on the spaceship. And when it was made, they must have thought, well, these, they never questioned the fact that flares

they thought this is it now we've arrived at what trousers are these are forever all the other stuff is going to change they never

it's slightly tragic they never questioned that they might go out of fashion airplane collars yeah we've arrived at the trouser

Frank Skinner Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Absolute Radio Yeah, we've arrived at the trouser. So the actual anniversary was, I believe it was half past nine on July the 16th. Unfortunately... That was take-off, wasn't it? Was it, yes. And Buzz Aldrin had arranged to meet Michael Collins. There was meant to be a sort of ceremonial do to celebrate this. And unfortunately, Buzz wasn't there. He didn't turn up because I think there was a private jet corporate.

Oh, OK. Really? Yes. And Michael Collins said a brilliant thing. He said something along the lines of, I feel very alone. I feel like I've been left alone. Yeah, you'd think he'd be used to that. Yeah, he should be used to it.

Anyway, but they did go... Do you think Michael Collins charged waiting time? Did you see, though, they both did make it to the Oval Office to meet... The Donald. Yeah, the Donald. They met Trumple Stiltskin. Purtis. What I loved is Donald Trump did that thing he often does,

which is he has guests in, and he turns it into a random press conference where he answers questions about other things. He just starts ranting about other things. Yeah. So Buzz and Michaelael who aren't young men are standing there on the either side of his desk and he's saying let me tell you about boris johnson that guy and they're looking slightly bemused like but i thought we were the special guests it's all big day he's saying i like boris the previous one has done a very poor job with brexit very poor. He is a different kind of guy. He's like me,

I'm a different kind of guy. I like him. I can do business with him. And Michael Collins is leaning onto the desk thinking I want to go. Then someone reminds him why we're here. And he says, Oh, yes, these are we have some incredible space families. Great women, great men, great genes, these people, great space family genes. Space families. Great women, great men, great genes, these people. Great space family genes. Space families! I love his brackets. I love his... And I did

say that, I don't know what upset a lot of people. Open brackets made a lot of people really like it. A lot of people really liked it. They really liked it a lot of people really like it. A lot of people really liked it. I mean, they really liked that a lot. Close brackets and on to the next thing. It's fab. Yes.

He introduced us to Boz's wife as well. Did he? His new wife. Yeah, she's... How old do you think she is? Well, he was with, I think, Lois for a long time and I think he divorced her when he was with, I think, Lois for a long time and I think he divorced her when he was like 82

or something. Didn't seem worth the bother. But I met her, because you know I interviewed Boz. The first chat show I ever did, I got Boz on as a guest. And we put them, we thought they'd love to be in this old

Tudor hotel. We thought being Americans, they'd love a bit of English history. And Lois, I think it was Lois, phoned up and said, can we get a new hotel? This, like the floor creaks.

And there's a lot of brown wood. Can we, when we had to move them into like a holiday inn. If you were looking at clips, I would check the moment when I think it's President Nixon was the president at the time, wasn't he? And he goes to meet them in the contamination box, which has got a small window. And they play the American National Anthem,

and they all stand up, and the window just frames their three crotches. It's real. I played that to Buzz Aldrin, and he loved it. Can I just say, we won't be doing that as the postcard for our show. No. Okay? Okay.

They don't have the webcam anymore. You're all right. So, look, thanks for listening to us, and if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't have the webcam anymore you're alright so look thanks for listening to us and if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time

next week now get out this is Frank Skinner this is Absolute Radio