The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Lad of the Year

Episode Date: October 27, 2018

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. Frank has been on a trip to New York and has a newfound love for the Statue of Liberty. The team also discuss the French Spiderman, mottos and David Schwimmer's parody video.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. Good morning, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. And you can follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio. You can email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Guten Morgen. Lovely to have you back, Big Daddy. Thank you so much. I miss my Big Daddy around the place.

Yes, it's lovely to be back. Welcome. Where were you? I'll tell you what I'm going to start off with. I'll tell you where I was, but can I just start? I know where you were. I haven't done one of these. You know you do that thing where you say,

when you're doing on a chat show or something, you walk on, you shake hands with the host you've just been talking to for 20 minutes backstage. You've got to do a bit of that. I mean, I like to think we strip most of that nonsense away on this show, but you need a bit wherever you've been. I don't like it on shows where they say things like, well, you know, we were saying this earlier backstage.

You don't like that? No, I don't like that. Or, you know, we were saying this earlier backstage. Oh, you don't want that. No, I don't want that. Or, you know, I was telling your researcher. Oh, don't bring them into it. Anyway. I know this isn't quite wrong, but I saw a couple the other day

carrying a bag. Congratulations. Carrying a bag at One hand leech with the bag in the middle I hadn't seen that for many a moon We've had another whatever happened to Frank

from Henners Henners from Gravesend one of our regulars, Morning Frank and the gang whatever happened to jokes about All Man United fans being from London it used to be a regular point of reference, but I've not heard one in years. You don't hear it so much.

No, that's because they're from Southeast Asia. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I feel so neglected at West Brom. Because whenever you see, like, it's probably Liverpool, Man United, Man City games. There's always loads of people come from Japan and stuff to see the games we're lucky if we can get people

coming from small heath but anyway yeah I'll tell you where I've been, NYC where have you been? NYC yeah, I was in I took my 6 year old to New York

wow, I didn't get on an aeroplane until I was 33. But I haven't worked all these years to not give my son a little bit more than I had. Okay. We're all okay with that, you know. I'll be good more. Do you know what I love? What do you love? He still calls it an aeroplane, and I find that adorable.

What do you call it? Plane. Oh, okay. I like the way you say it. I don't mind. Yeah, I'm happy with a plane. What I you call it? Plane. Oh, okay. I like the way you say it. I don't mind. Yeah, I'm happy with a plane. What I don't like is airplane mode. No, no, come on.

You'll be pleased to know that my son calls it airplane mode. Well, then he's correct. Whoever called it an airplane outside of some 1950s American B movie? I feel that is what they call it. They do call it America. America, surely. Are we in America?

Well, you were. Not any more people. Did you find you were A number one, top of the heap? Oh, it was tremendous. I'll tell you one thing I love about... Now, there'll be people saying, oh, talking about going to New York, but I mean, everyone goes nowadays, don't they?

Everyone. I don't think many. Everyone. There's no poor people left. Even the poor that are left go to New York. It's all relative now. Yeah. When we was poor, we was thin.

Yeah. Anyway, listen. Oh, the switchboard's lit up. I think you get to an age where people tolerate it. I'll tell you what I love about New York. I really love the Statue of Liberty.

It's one of my favourite... Blame it on you. It's one of my favourite things. Oh, green. What a brilliant idea. Let's go green for the big statue. Who comes back from New York

these days and says that? I love that you say that. Oh, man. I tell you, you know, Doctor Who, West Bromwich Albion, the Roman Catholic Church, the Statue of Liberty. It's the big four for me. It's the big four. I love the Statue of Liberty.

I thought you were going to say your voice took one hell of a beating. It's a different list than I would draft, but, you know, text in your big form and i've never done this before i actually went out to liberty island and got super close that's a fun trip go on the boat oh man it was great so what else so what was your trip like then what did you do on your own i haven't finished with the statue of liberty oh he's doing a whole five you do on your thing? I haven't finished the Statue of Liberty yet.

Oh, he's doing a whole five on the Statue of Liberty. I've got a quiz question for you. Who built the Statue of Liberty? Oh, that is good. Okay.

Text in April. No, people just Google it and they're cheats. Yeah, they are. Yeah. Cheats.

You can't have a radio, I don't know why they have radio quizzes anymore. No. Or pub quizzes. Good point. Or quizzes. Who is it then?

The coffee major. No, he's just got lost in the crowd. I'll tell you. Gustav Eiffel. Oh. No way. What about that for a doubleheader? Eh?

Eh? Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty? Come on! You know people usually have a massive hit like the Eiffel Tower and their next single gets to about number 26. Do you want liberty? Come on! You know, people usually have a massive hit like the Eiffel Tower and their next single gets to about number 26. Do you know what? He had two Three Lions, didn't he? Yeah, he had two floor fillers.

Yeah. There's plenty of them in America. You've only got to get three people dancing. It's packed. Yeah, but what about that? Gustav Eiffel, respect to Mundo. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

So, yeah, the other thing, when I was on Liberty Island, somebody went round the back of the Statue of Liberty. Oh, did you? It's a bit like a fridge, the Statue of Liberty. You never see the back. It's always... Pictures, they're always face up. I was astonished.

You've got a thing about statues' buttocks, haven't you? You've looked at those before. Oh, darn. She's in long, flowing robes. There's no buttocks. Can I ask a question? Sorry, when you go around the back, I like the idea of there being a little square,

like in a cartoon, a little door you open. What, with buttocks? With a person. No! At the bottom of there being a little square, like in a cartoon, a little door you open. What, with bottocks? With a person? No! At the bottom of her robes. Oh, we're going? Yeah, and then you go in that way. No, I...

Am I interested in statues of bottocks? I'm pretty sure you've eyed up some statues of bottocks in the past. I'm going to stop saying it. If I want bottocks in New York, I'll go to Atlas in the Rockefeller Centre. See? A little tip there for the statues botics enthusiasts. Oh, I thought it was a massage parlor.

Yeah, exactly. It'd be a good name for one. It would have been called At Last. And anyway, the Statue of Liberty has got her right heel raised. Oh, right, yeah. As if she's just about to move off. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. And I tell you what, on the way over, I went to see, you know I've had the pneumonia, so I went to see the doctor. And I said, would it be okay for me to fly to New York? I explained it was a holiday and all that. I was resting up. And he said, yeah, you're more prone to thrombosis on the plane. Oh, yeah.

After an infection. He said, so you need to do these exercises where you raise yourself up on your toes. And it looked like, you know, when she'd come over from France, she's been doing the anti-thrombosis things and been frozen mid. I'm just glad they took the socks off her before they put the statue on. It was very...

Is it allowed to... Oh, I've never seen horses do it. Oh, yeah. When they just think, I'll just rest this one leg and just lean it up at the back. Has she got a bent knee? Well, she's got so much. SOL? Such a dense frock.

Flowing robes. You don't know what's going on under there. The SOL's got... She's gone for forgiving on the frock Flowing robes You don't know what's going on The SOL's got She's gone for forgiving On the frock front I call that a forgiving frock Oh I'll say Yeah that's the one that you can

In the beginning of summer Where you think I wish I'd started this a bit earlier Pull the rib cord with that one Funny enough You see some statues around the city. You know, you can get little models of the Statue of Liberty. On some of them, she's really quite chunky.

Really? So I don't know if they've caught her, you know, bad time. Oh, it's a shame. But, oh, man, I love it. That's good. And was Buzz impressed because that was his first sighting? Oh, man, Buzz loved it as well. Oh, good.

Oh, wow. I tell you what, Buzz had got this book, The Children's Guide to New York City, and you have to fill in what you've seen and answer questions on it. God, it put some pressure on the schedule. I bet, I bet. God, we walked to Dylan's Candy Bowl,

which is basically a sweet shop, it's just a sweet shop, but he had to tick it. Yeah. And then we had to get a yellow cab back because that was something else he had to tick. Wow. That's a good one though. that was something else he had to tick. Wow. That's a good one, though.

I mean, it's also had questions. I was with a friend of mine who lives in New York, has lived in New York a long time. A bit mysterious. And... Donald Trump. Okay, I was probably going to cry. What about it?

Imagine if it was and he was just saying a friend of mine who's lived in New York a long time in a tower I introduced him to Sonny

he had never heard of it my great friend beautiful man beautiful man and yes great guy and and

and so Boz is reading his New York book and and so Buzz is reading his New York book and he says what is the motto of New York and so I said

so I said right Dennis what's the he's the New Yorker and he said I've got no idea I said

come on help the kid out he said I don't what is it? So we looked at, any ideas? No. Oh, motto.

The motto of New York. No. It's got another word, like say if there was a New York... Phrase. No, if there was a New York sort of coat of arms, it's what would be written underneath it. Right. Like if New York were a state of mind.

No, just a state. Alright. I don't know it. Shall I tell you it or shall we wait after the break? It's not much of a cliffhanger, is it? Oh, we'll get a lot of texts during that time. Okay, let's do it then. I mean, you know, it's 50 pence a time. Let's kick the company up a bit. Frank.

Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio on Absolute Radio Absolute Radio We're discussing the Statue of Liberty here on Absolute Radio Don't be sneering about the Statue of Liberty And we sashayed along to discuss in New York

having a motto Oh I haven't heard you say sashayed for a long time. Oh, we got an email complaining that I said sashayed too much. I don't know, but you don't have to take things to heart like that, man. Be your own person. Put it on the back burner for about four years and then bring it back. That's my motto. I love it when you both do your therapy sessions.

Yeah, it's good. This is how men talk now on their own. Oh, is it? Yeah, it's all changed. What I like is they add a little bit of a man after the advice just to make it a bit more macho.

Yeah, exactly. Come on, man. Exactly. We've had a commendable joking from Ian Angle on the New York motto's front. Is their motto

we don't take liberties? Huh? Because they did. They did take. Yeah, they did take liberties. Well, they only took one I think they turned the second one down

you don't want them all over the place they thought for a while they'd bought a job lot didn't they like on ebay well if they'd got two they could have had a clothesline from torch to torch from torch to shining torch anyway anyone got the motto

974 has suggested is it how are you doing no okay reference to friends yeah friends reference Frank won't know that

he doesn't like a marathon not only did I not watch it but I don't have any never normally watched a box set yeah friends this and friends that

this has made so many people mad about friends. So are you talking about the show now or the concept of having people that care about you? Yeah. Okay. Friends.

Both a bit of it mocha do about nothing. No, I did used to like the dark haired lady in Friends. Okay. Monica. Okay. Monica. Yeah. Courtney Cox.

Not just lately. You see, I led you in. I led you in. I led you in. He didn't even like her. He just wanted to come out with his little Courtney Cox joke. No, I did really like her. Okay.

I think she was... He's not waltzy. He's very... Meanwhile, back in Manhattan she's kind of purdy yes so it's Excelsior that's the motto

yeah and I said that to my mate and he said it sounds like a hotel well it does I only know that from him as Frank so the next question in Boz's New York book is and what's the motto of where you come from you know your country Boz! I only know that from hymns, Frank. So the next question in Boz's New York book is, and what's the motto of where you come from?

You know, your country. So I thought, ooh. So we looked up England motto. Oh, yeah. It was... What is it? It was, if I can say it, Duet mon droit.

Oh, yes, that's right. Oh, yeah. French! French! The England motto. Yeah. I believe that is on the Prince of Wales's right. Oh, yeah. French. French, the Igla motto. Yeah. I believe that is on the Prince of Wales crest. Of course it is.

Yeah. Now, that's... Oh, is that something else? That's Ich Dien, isn't it? Oh, I don't know. Is it Ich Dien? Yeah, I think it is. I die.

Oh. So, do you not want Droit? That's an exclusive thing. We'll make shoes. I know you do we all do don't get upset about it isn't that what it says

under the three feathers oh I don't know no we've lost half the audience I thought you meant a pub called the three feathers half the audience have gone but the half that stayed are my kind of...

The half we've got now. It's like an old prospector panning for gold. The half that's gone have just revealed the golden nuggets of our audience. Fantastic. Quality, not... Yeah, it means God and my right. Ah.

Sometimes translated as God and my right hand. Oh. Oh, OK. Perhaps a great conflict of my life. But that's the Queen's motto rather than our motto. I mean, I suppose if we're her subjects, come on. I looked up England motto, that's all I could get. OK, I don't want to fall out of it.

I had to take what I could get. You know what I mean? Don't blame me, blame Google. That would be a good... Many a man said that. That would be a good... What about his New York motto? Don't blame me, blame Google.

You think, where on earth did that come from? Fabulous to search the roots of that, baby. Yeah, so there you go. Interesting? Very, I think. I'm going to ask you that again and give you a chance to tell the truth

I thought it was interesting 566 has texted I serve which I think is a suggestion for England's motto no he's contacting me I think that's Hard Rock England's motto. No, he's contacting me. I think that's Hard Rock Cafe.

Oh, is it? Which we had breakfast in one morning. Oh, did you? Oh, imagine having breakfast on the Bo Diddley's guitar. Fantastic. I just did. I love. Can I just say how I love that he went to Statue of Liberty and Hard Rock Cafe in 1978.

I love the Hard Rock. No one isn't supposed to love the Hard Rock Cafe anymore No I don't think I think it's not seen as that cool but I love it I'll tell you what I did do in there though One thing about the East Coast Oh listen to him now

of America is they haven't quite caught up with the healthy eating thing the way the West Coast have done oh they're not so I said I actually got a double double negative

I got I said to the waitress in the hard rock cafe have you got any because Bozzie's dairy intolerant you know all kids have got to have

some at now yeah and I said you can't do dairy have you got any soy milk and she said no no't do dairy have you got any soy milk and she said no no sir

like really no excellent I'd rather you didn't bring that up again that was the implication yeah so that was the end of that

so he had he had cereals like crisps just out of the box lovely oh nice yeah but now I'm a big fan

of the you know I've got I'm a big fan of the You know I've got that jacket I've got I told you once I won lad of the year I tell a lie I tell a lie it wasn't that bad It was chap of the year It's quite a lot to unpack here

So if we could just return You won chap of the year And can I guess the year? you know it's 90 90 something we're going 94 through 9 and I won a

leather hard rock cafe varsity jacket you know those ones with the different coloured sleeves it's funny how the word win means so many different things, isn't it? Well, it was part of... I got a trophy. Yeah.

And also a leather Hard Rock Cafe varsity jacket. As did Jürgen Klinsmann, I remember. We both had them in... They came in big carrier bags. I mean, that must have been quite a sight, you two. It's one of the few... In the list of things I've got in common with Jürgen Klinsmann, I can't think of many others.

But, yeah, I've still got it. Warm. Still using the carrier bag, or...? No, I gave that to an autograph hunter. They like a carrier bag at least 12 years old, I find. The hardcore collectors. Says the man with the hard rock leather jacket. Just a little bit of the design left on the bag, but almost none inside. And then four clipboards and a file.

So you're going to... That's what I call it. Yeah, sorry. Do you think you might ever get rid of the jacket or just going to keep it in the wardrobe? No, it's leather. I don't like to get rid of leather. Yeah? Because it so rarely comes my way, I'll be honest with you.

Oh, SNM community didn't tell me that. And also, I think I could probably wear it now in a sort of ironic way. Do you know what I mean? Whereas then I wore it with profound sincerity. Yeah. So, yeah, I might get that out again, actually. do you know what I mean whereas then I wore it with profound sincerity yeah so yeah I might get that out again actually yeah wear it next weekend

shall I wear it here it's a little bit big for me I'll be honest with you I can jump from I can sidestep and the jacket doesn't move it's that much older let's give old Pinsman a call it's a big Victoria principle I once had dinner with Sir Alan Sugar.

No, I lie. Lunch. Okay. And he began an anecdote. I remember when I signed Jürgen Klinsman for Spurs on my yacht in Monaco. I think that tops my Hard Rock Cafe jacket story. Oh, definitely.

But can you tell I'm looking for a way out of this, Link? Yeah. What are we going to do? How do we get out of it? Well, I'll tell you. On the subject of it, I'm in Times Square, and I get it. You know, when I was on here last time, I was a bit whingy about the fact that we hadn't been nominated

for Fine East Radio Show. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's what you get for not turning up the previous year. That was my thought. I didn't say that because I wouldn't say that on air. But I had been nominated for one,

but I was so certain I wouldn't win that one because it was Best Community Programming, which is programs about, you know, people who've built a small garden

where there used to be a derelict housing area. Yeah. So I thought, well, it's weird I'm in there, but I won't win that. And I got a text. I'm in Times Square. I get a text saying I've won it.

Congratulations. It's in my bag now. I've just picked it up. Yeah. From Sarah Bishop, who produced the programme, and is producing us today. So that's us, the dream team. Yeah.

Me and Al, so I feel like now I'm a sort of eco-warrior. Yeah. Overnight. Yeah. So... I tell you what, you and Al, I can see you both posing in those. Give Jürgen a call.

Get those leather jackets out. I haven't heard from Al. Oh. No. Can he wear leather, Al? It would have to be processed cabbage leaves? I think it could be that. Yeah, but, you know, he's all right.

We're a bit yin and yang, me and Al, on the environmentalism. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. Have you ever heard of the bull of Wall Street? The bull? Yeah. No, I've heard of the wolf of Wall Street? The bull? Yeah. No, I've heard of the wolf. Oh, the wolf, yeah. There's a lot of animals down there.

The bull is like a big statue of a bull on Wall Street. Charlotte's not being in the studio. Charlotte knows it. Yeah, it's an iconic... I've seen it, yeah. I've seen it in the flesh. That's a lie. You just said you didn't know.

That's a lie. Yeah, come on didn't know. That's a lie. Yeah, come on. Stop trying to impress us all the time. Oh, that's me. So there's a bull, a big bull, right? And then there's a little girl sort of confronting him. Yeah, you know, sort of brave. And the suggestion, I think, is...

This is what my brother-in-law was telling me, that it's like the might of finance and capitalism against the young, innocent purity of humanity. But apparently, the bloke who designed the ball, the little girl's nothing to do with him. Oh, really? He did the ball. So what's she doing there, then? And then someone just put that there. They've sort of redefined

this statue without asking him, I think. That's a great idea, isn't it? I was thinking I might get an enormous green copper cigarette bot and put it under the heel of the Statue of Liberty.

She's just putting it out. Just lit it off the torch. I like that. Oh, yeah, what about, you could do Donatello's David, Michelangelo, just a Starbucks cup. Yeah, exactly. Have a coffee, yeah.

Which statue would you like to impose a scenario on? I had another weird... You've really tickled Emily with your juxtaposition of statues. This is such a weird text. You think that's a weird text? Well, it's not so. I was edgy

about what's the motto of New York. It felt a bit unlikely. Why? It felt a bit straightforward. It's like, you know, name songs with a collar in the title. Oh, I should have done that while he was away. Yeah.

We didn't do that. No. Anyway, we went to Grand Central Station. What would you call it? Yeah, exactly. What would you call it? Yeah, I'd call it Grand Central Station. I've been there.

It's called Grand Central Terminal is what it's now described as. It is not. Come on. Grand Central Station, one of the great iconic names. Yeah. And it made me think about, do you remember when the post office became Consignia? Oh, yeah.

What a mistake. I'm just going to pop down to the Consignia. It was somewhat the Royal Mail, which has got all this sense of, like, can you imagine trumpets for some reason. People going... The mail, you know. And suddenly it was Consignia.

Did we have to change it back then? I think it was so unpopular. I'm not surprised. What even is Consignia? Grand Central Station, you'd think that was... Consignia sounds like... Well, I don't want to say what it sounds like. I have a memory of... No memory I've mentioned this before to West Bromwich

Albion fans and they've said I'm talking rubbish but I seem to remember if anyone remembers this I'd love to hear it in I think the early 70s West Bromwich Albion changed their name to just Albion they dropped the West Bromwich

for a period. Oh they did a sort of rebranding like Andrew Cole something like that people have said to me I've imagined that I seem to remember I had a part work you know I love a part work oh you do. I had a part work which is those

magazines that you buy one a week and then you build into a fabulous, big, fat book. My favourite one recently I saw was Victorian Delivery Vehicle. It's a real one. It's a real one. You get the model of the thing and a booklet about a milk cart in 1880. Why wouldn't you? There's so much attention paid to Victorian architecture,

but it's the delivery vehicles that is the gap in the market. Exactly, exactly, yeah. With, you know, authentic adverts on the side and stuff. Your Keith had one of those, his first car. Yeah. But I'm sure Adrian Childs knows this information. No, he didn't remember anything about it. Really?

You checked on Google? It's unlike him not to pretend he does. I've tried Googling it and nothing. You know when you think could I possibly have imagined this is what you think when you get to my age could I possibly

have imagined the whole thing. But yeah what about what about if an terrible name changes? Oh.

I've set off two I mean it's gone radio is what it's gone it's gone from like a proper And please don't say Frank Skinner. No, it's gone. Because that's one of my favourites.

Oh, yeah, that worked out all right. Yeah. I remember I was going to go for Wes Bromwich. I don't know how that would have worked out. But then I decided to go for just Albion. No, I didn't. But if anyone, I'd love some help with that. If only Tony Matthews,

the club statistician, was still alive, he'd have known. But, you know, I don't know who's at the helm now. Okay, a bit of a sad note to end it on. Yeah, I don't normally,

I don't normally do obituaries into the adverts, but that's just the way it's turned out. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio

with Emily Zinn and Alan Cochran. You can... Too much saliva. You can follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Do it. We've had someute Radio website. Do it. We've had some missives in. We have. You were asking whether it was true that West Brom had changed the name to Albion officially.

Yes. And 342 has said, Frank, please change your name to Albion. Because you raised that possibility, didn't you? Yes. You deserve a single word moniker like Madonna or perhaps more pertinently Rydian Who was Rydian?

That fine opera light shouter from the X Factor Remember him? Rydian I don't know what Rydian's worth Just imagine Albion Emily Dean and Alan Corcoran Sounds fantastic I don't want to listen to that I met a girl called Albion, Emily Dean and Alan Corcoran. That sounds fantastic. Oh, no, I'd do the Albion show.

I don't want to listen to that. I met a girl called Albion once. Her dad was a mate of Adrian Charles and he'd called her Albion after West Bromwich Albion. Really? That does sound very mate of Adrian Charles. Yeah, but it was actually quite a nice first name for a lady. Well, Albie's nice, yeah, you could live with that.

So, now one time, have I made up the whole thing? No, no, we've had an email titled West Brom Name Change, and it says you're right, Frank, it was early 70s and it was so that they would appear first on an alphabetical listing of clubs and then they add boing boing

instead of any supporting evidence. Yes. If only that worked in a court of law. Yes. There's no links, there's no facts. A number of people. That's made me feel better.

Because honestly, I've mentioned this to a few people and they've said, no, you've got that wrong. No, a number of people have got in touch to confirm that it was indeed rebranded. Because I think it was in part one of the part work which it wouldn't have been if it was west okay i think maybe the part work thing is just you that remembers that whilst we're on it though we do have to do a correction because you you mentioned tony matthews and someone has emailed saying tony matthews is alive and kicking he lives've killed him off. He lives near my mum and dad in Spain and was my old PE teacher.

What, the Albion statistician? That's what they're reckoning. Have they got mixed up with Tony Matthews, the BRMB reporter? No. Jodie Ward? Or have I? Have you?

Or have I? This is really interesting for people that didn't live in the West Midlands in the 1970s. We'll be the judge of that. Yeah. We will. You will. You know what I mean.

Yeah. Oh? We've also had someone, we were talking about Statue of Liberty all morning, actually. I, Frank, Emily and Alan, I'd fancy putting a small mouse or a spider statue in front of Nelson's column to suggest that he climbed on top of it because he's scared of the little creatures. Oh, that's a good one. That's Paul in Winchester, avid reader.

Now, I love that kind of work, Paul. I like that. That's exactly in the spirit of imposing a scenario on a statue. It's the prankster in him. It is. Now, that's a good one. I like that one a lot. Very good. Hang on, I was about to read something out, Statue, yes. It's the prankster in him. It is. Now, that's a good one. I like that one a lot. Yeah.

Very good. Hang on. I was about to read something out, but whenever it starts, I'm a Walls fan. I get nervous. I still write. Yeah. He might be writing from Wall Street.

Well, Calvin from Wall Street, he's just confirming what you were suggesting this morning. He remembers the strip where Alboon was part of the design. Okay. And 337 is morning. The strip strip where Albion was part of the design. OK. And 337 is morning. The strip where Albion was part of the design. What do you mean? I think he means the logo he's suggesting.

Oh, maybe they got rid of the West Brom on the logo and went for Albion. OK, now... Now I'm having a nervous breeze. Kelvin's gone too far. Someone turned two pages in the script. I don't know what's happening. Go on, what's Kelvin done?

No, that was the same one. That was the Wolves fan. The Wolves fan called Kelvin. Times have changed. 337 is mourning the passing of marathon bars to Snickers. You know, you're talking about name changes. No, they're alive and living in Tenerife. Marathon bars.

Is that where he's living? name changes. No, they're alive and living in Tenerife. Marathon Bar. I should say, people are already saying they're sitting waiting to see if Tony Matthews is still with us. I know,

I'm worried. I hope he is. He did a great job as club statistician. Okay. Two out of three fans think so. Two out of three

think he's alive. I was just doing a stats answer. Oh, I see. Sorry. Someone's just tweeted, Tony Matthews. Go on. To say, hope your ears aren't burning too much.

You're on the wireless. Oh, really? I bet he hasn't had that text for a few years. Ever. Never, he said. Never had. That thing about the statistics. I'm going to revive.

I'm going to tell you a joke I once did. Here we go. I'm sorry. But I don't know if you remember this, but they record, remember 15 to 1, the popular? Yes. William G. Stewart? Yeah.

They did that and they used to record it in Wandsworth, I think. And when they were leaving, one of the contestants got mocked. And I said, so the contestants left and one of them gets mocked. What was the chances of that? And relax. Absolute. Absolute. Absolute.

Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. That wasn't Spider-Man. Good guess, though. Has he had any singles out at all? Spider-Man. I only mentioned Spider-Man because there was something I wanted to discuss with you this morning.

Oh, yes. Which is, have you seen this character? Have you seen this? Well, you should know him because he's called Alain. I did notice that. Alain Robert. Alain. It's always a good...

Alain. When the French take the consonants out of something, it can be really good, I think. I know. Do you know what I've always liked as a French forename? Charles. You know, as in Charles. Charles.

Can you imagine if we had a Prince Charles? Wouldn't that be great? I love the stubbornness as well. I am not adding the S. Because Charles Manson doesn't sound quite so dangerous. I know he is quite. Is he dead? Also, it doesn't sound

I mean, if it was some... Didn't Charles Manson die recently? Did he? I might have. I'm not sure he did. Don't text in about that. Oh, no, do. We can leave. Well, email. Text.

I'm curious. I like a Charles. What about Charles Drake? Yeah, exactly. That'd be good. Anyway. What's his bloke called? Well, Spider-Man, who I was reminded of Spider-Man

because he's climbed the Eiffel Tower, Frank. Oh, he has? Yes, and I know you're a big fan of... You'd think that would have been where he got going, wouldn't you, the French Spider-Man? You'd think the Eiffel Tower would have been fairly early on his to-do list. Well, he's done Sydney Opera House.

He's done them all. Oh, he gets about, doesn't he? I don't know if he's done SOL. To be fair, they look a bit more climbable, though. Eiffel Tower wants to be climbed. Yes. Doesn't it? Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? That sounded very football manager. Yeah. On the top edge, not the downwards edge. No, but it's got lots of footholds. Yeah. As I suppose, the...

Opera House? Sydney. I once meant a Sydney Opera House out of toenail clippings. Did you? It's one of the most beautiful things. That sounds lovely. Tiny. Opera House is a walk in the park. I mean, anyway, I could climb that. house out of toenail clippings did you one of the most beautiful things that sounds lovely tiny um

opera house is a walk in the park i mean anyway i could climb that it's got quite a slope on it as well yeah but that building he climbed what was it called the build the heron tower used to be called heron tower and now they've done a consignia on it and it's called Salesforce Tower. Oh, well, I mean, Heron Tower, much better. Let's stick with Heron Tower. Yeah. So, yeah,

so when he climbed that, how many floors is that? Oh. Well, I don't know, but it's about 700 feet. That's a lot. So,

let's say it's 10 feet to a floor. Okay. Oh, now we just met again. Near enough. Apparently, he has climbed a building

Do you think that's how Gustav, he failed at it, near enough? Ten feet to a floor, let's just say. Apparently he has climbed a building that's a floor higher than that, but that's another story. Oh, okay. Okay. Don't get it. You don't get it?

Don't get it. That's another story. Oh yeah, now't get it. You don't get it? Don't get it. That's another story. Oh, yeah, now I get it. Now I get it. I love that. That loud clang of a penny dropping. Now I get it. OK.

Could you take the contempt off your face at how slowly I got that joke, please? Oh, no, I was born like this. Also, to this bloke, they always call them Spider-Men when they climb buildings just like that. Just like that? I think slightly flattering to spiders,

because spiders actually do use a safety net when they're climbing. This bloke didn't. So really, they're talking him down a bit. Yeah. Somebody should talk him down. I mean, so many things. The footage of him climbing a tiny, tiny

figure on that Heron Tower. And not just any figure. I mean, the guy's 56. Is he 56? Now, what I love about him, he's what I call an LA 56, which is the Iggy Pop 56. Oh, yeah. Scrawny, lean. They don't go quietly and I like that. The bleached

hair, sinewy, it's got a bit of a look. I always felt with Iggy Pop there's a bit too much between the bottom of his ribcage and the start of his hips. It's quite a long, it looks like he's been, you know the old thing of putting people on the rack. Yeah, he's been on the rack.

Yeah, it looks like he couldn't reach his navel. Stretch Armstrong or something. Yeah, he does. I think someone's done a Stretch Armstrong. But Stretch Armstrong on the paleo, because he's sinewy. I think he was tied between two horses in 1974. Yeah, but he's a little bit this bloke. Alain Robert.

Anyway, we'll come back to... What's his name? Alan Robert? Yeah, he's sticky, isn't he, as a subject. We'll come back to him. He must be. I wonder if he is sticky. 56, come on.

What you don't want... Fabulous. That's what you want to do, though, is before you want to have, like, some boiled sweets, before you go off and don't wash your hands. I'd fancy my chances of going in with that. Good idea. Yeah.

I bet you he does. He probably just has like a bath in lemonade and goes straight out. Yeah, exactly. But then he'd have to be naked. You don't want all your bits stuck to the glass. Do you think he has the little dip in the talc? The little weight lifters, you know when they do that? Oh, I love that.

Yes, he does. Because he carries a chalk bag. I read that. That's right. He carries a chalk bag with his passport on. Is it a chalk bag? So if he drops, they'll be able to identify him

because he's on his passport. Because you don't want to be picking teeth off the wheels of cars. No, no. Another death ending. Lovely. I the death ending. Oh, yeah. Lovely. I like a theme. Frank.

Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. We were talking about Alain Robert. Yeah. French Spider-Man. 56-year-old French Spider-Man, Alain Robert. There's some bad news just come in, actually. Apparently he went back to France and Mrs. French Spider-Man has 56-year-old French Spider-Man. There's some bad news just come in, actually.

Apparently he went back to France and Mrs French Spider-Man has killed an Etim. Oh, no. They will do that. They will do that. It's not real news. So he was shot. It's real news.

He was arrested, Alain was. Now, he was fined five and a half grand. Not too bad. Two years in chokie, suspended. So he won't do bird. Spider-Man, suspended? What's happened to you? We're hanging out with Danny Dyer.

Isn't there a bird eating spider? OK. He, yeah. So, to him, this is nothing. He's not going to the big house. Isn't that what they used to call it in America? Oh, is it? If you went to It's not going to the big house. Isn't that what they used to call it in America? Oh, is it? If you went to prison, you went to the big house.

Oh, is that right? Oh, that's where my dad was going all the time. No, he's been paid 18 grand, though. Did you read this before? To climb the Lloyds building. When there was a Spider-Man premiere for Sky, I think, over here. He does these stunts. So he makes a good living out of this.

So I think this was a publicity stunt for something or other, the one that he's just done. It wasn't for Salesforce. But it's awkward because whatever it was a publicity stunt for, you don't know. I think he had a Bromley Boys T-shirt. It's the DVDs coming out. Right.

I mean, it just makes me want to watch a French Spider-Man film. Like an actual French Spider-Man. Peter Parker. What happens if you take the... Pierre, isn't it? It'd be Pierre Parker. What's French for spider?

So we do that every week. Foreign words. What is it? Is it something Arachne-based? What's Cantonese for tentative? Arachne.

Arachne. He said, though, he sounds a little bit arrogant. Does he? French Spider-Man. He's nothing to do with Man on a Wire,

is he? Do you remember Man on a Wire? I do remember that. That's a different one. He was French, wasn't he? He Spiderman. He's nothing to do with Man on a Wire, is he? Do you remember Man on a Wire? I do remember that. That's a different one. He was French, wasn't he? He was a bit arrogant. Okay.

You know what the common theme is here, isn't it? Is it that high achievers can sometimes have a sense of... Ezekiel Achievers. Self-confidence. He said... Oh, he's gone self-confident. Listen, he said the number of people that are happy to meet me. For most people, I'm an inspiring person.

I'm receiving a lot of messages saying, I am such a legend. He went legend. Good. Do people go, legend? What they should do is suddenly throw open the office window as he's coming past. Look at you!

Whoopsie. He did say that thing about I'm living my dream and I live life as fully as I can and all that. Do any self-aware people climb things? You know, it's so ex-fact that, yeah, you know, I think it's important to live life to the full and, oh, shut up about it. Well, just do it.

Don't make some terrible, tired platitude, as if it sounds interesting. Spy... Alan. I like the fact that he was doing that brave thing, climbing the skyscraper of nearly 700 feet without a safety harness. And down at ground level, the police were holding people back

with a taped cordon, just a bit of tape. Oh, well, that's enough for the normal people. They'll just stand behind a bit of tape. No, it was actually James Corden. Oh, I see. Completely gaffer-typed. They just see his face. So the thing they've started doing.

That's weird. They use different celebrities to do it. Works best with him, though, because of the cordon thing. It's weird, though. I saw somebody kettling with a fully-bound Lamar from Kajagooga. Le Mar from Kajagooga. This is Frank Skinner

Absolute Radio. I like the fact that it wasn't a protest of any kind. Oh, despite I'm a Spiderman. Yeah. It's like I dream of running the London Marathon not for charity. Yes.

I think sometimes it's just nice to truly break free because you've got to live your dream and live life as fully as you can. I wonder if they would even give you a place based on that. No, I don't think you can go in the... But presumably you could just turn up and run. What's this, to London Marathon? Couldn't you just jump the fence and run it? Well, some scamp jumped the fence and stole somebody's sign

and finished this year, didn't they? And we're, like, celebrating, and it was just imposter. Is that right? There was a news story about it and everything. Oh, I miss that. I know that's not a fact that I can prove it right now, but it is. It was a news story about it and everything. Oh, I miss that. I know that's not, you know, a fact that I can prove it right now, but it is. It is a fact.

You know what I mean? No, all right. Don't get so defensive about it. Okay, everyone calm down, please. Yeah, exactly. It's all right. I'm fine with it. I, yeah, it made me think, though, when I was about,

I remember I was, it was the school holidays and I was in the house on my own I would be about you know I wasn't I was probably about 11 I had a period of latchkey do you remember the latchkey kids

I was a bit of a latchkey kid for a while but not until I got to 11 before that they were around and but what I did is We all did. But not until I got to 11. Before that, they were around. But what I did is, you know, I was a bit bored in on my own. So I was walking down the stairs at my house and I jumped from three stairs up to the floor. And it was all right. So then I jumped from four stairs up.

And I thought, what I'm going to do is every day of the six-week holiday and beyond, I'm going to jump from a higher step. Just only one a day, not go mad. Just to get used to it. And I often think, if I'd have stopped with that... Oh, you'd be... You should get used to it. Yeah.

You know, because, you know, if you're used to jumping four, the next day jumping five is not a big deal. It's one step. What's that, about six, seven inches? That's right. I could have carried on. I could have jumped. You know those steps in Philadelphia that Rocky runs up?

Yeah. I could have jumped off those. Oh, you'd have been doing them by the end of the summer, wouldn't you? Well, yeah, maybe. But the Spider-Man, if you think about the Spider-Man... I think a more pertinent point is how many stairs you had in your house during that summer holiday. Yeah, but I could have always found...

How was he living? Some gone-with-the-wind mansion? You can always find more stairs. But I think if you did one a day, the body would be fine with it. I don't think you'd hit that point where you couldn't do it. It's only going up one step. So now I'd be able to jump off the Heron Tower. Never mind climbing.

Even you would reach, where's your glass ceiling? You don't have one. Oh, there's one on the top of Heron Tower, I think. Oh, is there? What you would have, which apparently, in addition to the police cordon,

they said there were a lot of people, a crowd cheering below. Now, I like the sound of that. Yeah, sounds like they've misspelled jeering to me. Yeah, but what if he'd fallen on that crowd? Then they wouldn't have been quite so... Why do you keep taking it into the dark cul-de-sac? Look, if you watch a bloke like that, you can't read this story

without thinking about him falling. You wouldn't be doing it if falling wasn't an option. He said that's what he enjoys. Oh, yeah. Did you hear this? He says I like... What, falling? No, the concept, he said, he wants to feel like, he says I feel alive when my life is at stake.

Oh, no, but like I said, he's one of those blokes that says a lot of very tedious things. And also, there are easier ways to achieve that. Just get your phone out when a moped's going past. I bet the people in the offices are glad when he's gone up to the next floor when he comes past. Hello, I live my life to the...

Yes, mate. Anyway, good luck up there. God, do you shut up and keep climbing. God, do you shut up and keep climbing? It's not just Spider-Man that's been in the celebrity news this week. David Schwimmer of Friends, one of your favourite shows. Yeah. Frank, you love American sitcoms, don't you?

I do, you know, I'm not... It's just that thing... I think you can go to a lot of people's houses and they've got at least one Friends box set. It's one of those things. He doesn't like anything. Unless you can get it on Channel 5, he doesn't want any. There's no time travel in it, that's his problem with it. There's no cloaks.

But there was a thief in Blackpool. I'm going to call it like it is, there was a thief, alleged thief. That's strong talk. Who stole a crate of beer, but the police said that he was like a lookalike of David Schwimmer, aka Ross from Friends. Mm. And it went viral, this.

Went viral. Well, can I just say, I don't think, I think you've sinned against that man. Have I? Because I'm not sure he did steal the beer. Now, he might well have stolen the beer. The fact is, he stole a wallet, a phone and a jacket. Those are the facts.

Those are the facts. Those are the facts. OK. Beer. I'm just saying, what if he'd bought that beer? Right. He was posing with the beer. He might have bought the beer with the money that he stole in the wallet. Yeah, if he'd bought the beer with the money from the wallet, he stole the beer.

Oh, well, that's an interesting point. Philosophical point. Did he steal the beer? Did he steal the beer? Yeah. I mean, that would have been an interesting move on his part. I like it when you go a bit moral maze. But the thing is, well, here's the point.

If he didn't steal the beer, because the man's been paid for the beer, would he be morally able to drink the beer? Well, I don't think he would, because he'd bought it with money that he'd stolen. I don't think he's sitting up at night. Let's have a seminar. I'll tell you what, we can put out a one-off podcast.

It's a philosophical seminar on that. That'd be good. Also, who steals a jacket out in this day and age? Very old-fashioned crime, theft of a jacket. I mean, it's cumbersome. How nice was that jacket? Was it a leather hard rock? Whenever anyone has a jacket, wallet and phone stolen,

I always think the woman sneaked off with it when he was in the toilet. I always... Oh, really? Yeah, come on. I always think that. But, you know, that's me. I'm a cynical character. Yeah.

But, yeah, I always think that's a bit suspicious. I mean, stealing... I'm glad to hear that he didn't steal the creative beer because that is an easy-to-spot and relatively low-value item to steal from a shop. It looks like cheap beer. It's cumbersome, isn't it? Well, I don't know why we all own beer as well.

It's a sort of commonly owned... Well, it's water, isn't it? It's mainly water. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. We all own the earth. Who owns that beer? I'm no beer drinker, but that beer looked horrible.

I don't mind him having my share. I don't drink it anymore. Yeah, I don't... Yeah, that's fine. What if I stood up in court as his character witness and said, look, we all own beer.

I don't drink it. Yeah, it would be weird because we don't all own that beer. But he... So, Schwimmer, people started noticing this, I know, it would be weird. Because we don't all own that beer. But he, so Schwimmer, people started noticing this, that there was a resemblance between those two. And then Schwimmer, I like that about him.

It was very, what would Frank do that? He did a little video. He re-enacted it. He did. And the whole world saw that video and thought, he's got some time on his hands. Yeah, yeah. I know, that's the unfair thing about it. He joined in, bit a bit of fun.

We all thought, aww. I did think, quite a week. We all thought, what a shame. Anyway, we'll come back to Schwimmer. We'll come back to Schwimmer when they are nearer the coast. But

we've got a, you know, we're commercial radio, we have responsibilities. The Frank Skinner Show. Listen live every Saturday morning from 8 on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Community programming

at its very best. Oh, actually, we've got a little bit of information. You know, we like a correctione. I like information. Is it actually

in a correctione? Do you want the jingle? I think it is. I think it technically is. Oh, hold hard. Correctione, correctione, ole, ole, ole. It's from 846 who says, Correzione, correzione Olé, olé, olé

It's from 846 who says Grand Central has always been called Grand Central Terminal It's because the trains terminate there Stations are the ones where trains pass, stop, but pass through Oh, thanks, Einstein So it was never Grand Central Station Never, according to 846. Well,

hush my mouth. It still is a station, though. Come on. Well, let's not. I don't want to debate about this. I like to debate, but I don't know much about the names of railway things. Well, you don't want to debate, but you were debating whether

that was theft. Well, we were doing a moral maze maze if the beer is bought in Blackpool but with the money from the stolen wallet. Is it stolen beer? Well, 977 has texted Ree Ross from Friends. If he used the stolen money to pay for the beer, he won't have stolen the beer. However, the beer was paid for using stolen money, so the beer would be subject to the Proceeds of Crime Act. Ed, ex-police detective, brackets, now a police surveillance driver, since Emily declared a few years ago

that she had a thing for surveillance drivers. Oh, did you? I'm all over them. Oh, wow. What about when they suddenly get the elk, they get it out of the car, they put it on top of the roof have you ever seen that happen?

oh that's fun I always sit there like those people who drive off with their briefcase on the roof they didn't mean to have it there at all that's honestly I mean I don't want to go into it but the sight of that I wouldn't need anything more

I don't care what they look like really? good news for Ed of that, I wouldn't need anything more. I don't care what they look like. Really? Good news for Ed. Who's now a surveillance driver himself. If Schwimmer drank the beer, it wasn't Schwimmer,

Schwimmer 2, if we double Schwimmer, if he drank the beer, what would that be? Had he done a bad thing then, if he'd paid for it with the stolen money? Well, I think he's done a bad thing.

Yeah. Already. Okay. I mean, in the thing I read, it said he was photographed leaving a Blackpool eatery. When did that become a word? Eatery. Yeah.

I've seen it a lot. Oh, good question. Do they call pubs drinkeries now? Eatery feels like possibly sort of a service station language that would have started in the last 20, 30 years, possibly. But we never say drinkery, do we? No. I mean, I don't know about you,

but when it gets to, like, a bit late in the evening, I don't think I'm going to my sleepery. I can't think of it as eatery. Yeah. And it's used as if it's all right, and I'm not sure about it. It's not all right. It's not all right.

Simple as that. Say it. No, I've said it. I've said it. I've said it. Of course, one thing is in Blackpool, a place very much under the Gustav Eiffel influence. Oh, yes. Well, as they said on the American News Report,

because obviously it went global with them, double Schwiemer involved on the American News Report. A supermarket in Lancashire. They didn't like Lancashire. They didn't name Blackpool. No, they said Lancashire. Oh, did they? Yeah.

Most unimpressive plaque in the world is what I saw there. On the Blackpool Tower, it says the 122nd highest freestanding tower in the world. Yeah. Wow! Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

You know what? I'm drinking a bit less. I'm going to a railway station after this and I notice I'm drinking a bit less tea because I don't want to pay to urinate. Oh. Really resentful about it. Yeah, I don't either. You have to pay on the because I don't want to pay to urinate. Oh. Really resentful about it. Yeah, I don't either.

You have to pay on the train then. You have to pay on the station. It's a basic betrayal of human rights. Not one that people campaign about so much, though. No, how weird. Not to mention filthy. Yeah. So the David Schwimmer lookalike,

it spawned a lot of internet jokes about it, many of which I did not get because I think they were references to Friends. And I've watched Friends, but I don't know all the phrases. Like, apparently, something about paying for my sandwich. Oh, yes, that's called the Chandler emphasis. Oh, OK. It's the sort of Matthew Perry popularised it.

So even that didn't work because it's not the right character. No, it's not. I would say that was a Chandler thing. What about the characters in the studio? Would they agree with that? What's the pivot thing? There's something about pivots. People were saying pivot a lot.

Okay. Don't get it. I can't be across all of the... That's what they used to call centre halves in the old days. The pivots. Yeah, yeah. I got the on a break one. Yeah, you got on a break, yeah.

I don't get that either. It's about, you know, if you split up with someone. We were on a break. Yeah, I do remember that. I love how pleased you both are. You got it 25 years later. I've got one friend's reference. There was one commentator that is quoted in the paper

as saying he's a thief and it's serious, but these comments are hilarious. Oh, I like that. I like that they've been won over mid-sentence. I like it because it sort of makes them both too serious and too easy a crowd in the same sentence. Yes. Because they're not that hilarious, these comments.

I met Schwimmer. Did you? I worked with them all. I met Schwimmer. I've worked with Schwimmer. He's worked with them all. I haven't worked with Schwimmer. I met him on an evening.

I did, too. Not like that. He was with a friend of mine. They were on a break! Look, nothing happened with Schwimmer, OK? No, not like that. He was with a friend of mine. They were on a break! Look, nothing happened with Schwimmer, OK? No, no. I met him for ten minutes in a pub. In at the deep end with Schwimmer.

That doesn't mean nothing happened. You know, there's people who can say that about Boris Becker. That's true. Let's not bring him into it. German mad, you are. Go on. So I was doing a... i was at the montreal comedy festival and they have these big gullies with like lots of acts on and a big sort of american uh star

hosting it yeah so i did it with shatner once hosting it and at the end he turned around and shook my hand that was a special moment brilliant anyway so I arrived and this guy comes into make up and said oh hi I'm David I'm hosting tonight and I said oh nice to meet you

thinking who is this and I thought this bloke's hosting I've never even... And I said, how's it going? He said, I'm kind of edgy and nervous. And I said, yeah, it's a big night. And he said, I'm not a stand-up, you know? I don't do... I'm an actor.

He said, we just did this sitcom, we just did the first season, it's gone really well. And I said, well, I'm sure they'll know who you are we've done one season anyway he was very very sweet and he went out Schwimmer for his opening thing

I can't tell you the place absolutely erupted it was love. I mean, an explosion of love when he walked in. It was amazing. Obviously, that put me off him considerably. Frank. Frank Skinner.

On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I'm afraid we've got a little bit of a correctione. Oh, we're over doing that. Correctione, correctione, ole, ole, ole. 506 has alerted me to the fact that the my sandwich quote was a Ross quote, not a Chandler quote. Oh, come on, get it right, Al.

I've got another apology, actually, Frank. Whilst you were away, I did a joke that I thought was an Ed Sheeran song and it turned out to be a George Ezra one. I've had flashbacks to it all week. Oh, is there some strange confession box? Oh, I felt such a fool. They all come from the same box. I'm not kidding,

I think I thought about that 50 times this week. You're joking. Did you? No. It nearly ruined my holiday. What about day scouts? Oh, well, that doesn't come back to me because I feel like that's specialist knowledge. Specialist interest. Yeah.

The pivot phrase in relationship to friends, it's in an episode where they're trying to get a couch up the stairs and Ross continues to say pivot, pivot, pivot a lot. Oh my god, they're still friends. So they're basically ripping off Laurel and Hardy, the music box. Yes. Well, I suspect some of the, yeah, I suspect some of it is

derivative. Look, I'm sure it was lovely. Mm-hmm. Okay. Frank Skinner. Okay with that? they can use that for the box set I'm sure it was lovely isn't that the most damning thing

imagine getting that on a poster Frank of your show I'm sure it was lovely Emily Dean yeah actually end my days is it basically

I don't know if one can still say this is it basically a kind of a girl show because I never met no I've never met any bloke

tell me that he loves friends well that's because you don't have conversations with them I don't have any friends you said and I'm very insulted

but I can never even if it's glory days I can never remember a bloke saying to me oh my friends it's popular I think

it's popular they have it in the 90s the couples would say should we watch our friends yeah and they'll have some monkfish I get the feeling that you're all

monkfish in the 90s didn't they oh ok and light a candle and light a nice vanilla scented candle candles wasn't there

yeah that's why Chandler was in it Chandler that's what they do they make candles. Oh, did they?

Yeah. Oh, mean, come on. If you spent last time watching Friends and a bit more time studying etymology.

All right, sorry. I cannot believe you didn't get that Candlemaker reference. I got, I get, I got the sense

that when I said is it a girl's show, there was a bit of anxiety but every one when I said, is it a girl's show, there was a bit of anxiety, but every one of you thinks that it is a girl's show. It's not. But you're worried about saying that because of your careers. It's not. It wasn't a girl's show. I'm not worried about my career.

You've got that wrong. Well, I'm worried about your career. Someone has to. We can't end on that, can we? We can't end on that. It we? We can't end on that. It sounds too bleak. We've already had two deaths. Oh, what happened to that man?

Was he dead? No, he was alive. I think he was alive. Tony Matthews. Okay, yeah. Okay, well then perhaps he can tell. Oh, we've established they did change their name for a bit.

Yeah, Albion, yeah. Okay. We've gone back. In my end is my beginning, or whatever. Yes. Or is it in my beginning is my end? Yes, yeah. Okay. We've gone back. In my end is my beginning, or whatever. Yes. Or is it in my beginning is my end? Yes, anyway. T.S. Eliot, Tony Matthews.

Everybody's talking about pop music. Talk about... This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. We've had a text in from 640 saying, Oh dear dear Frank, a Chandler makes sails and such like. That's worse than Alan's George Ezra calamity.

I'm not having that. Thank you very much 640. So they don't make candles? They do make candles. Oh what, they make candles and sails? No. That sounds like a fire hazard. In medieval, it's a medieval household thing. I think Chandler is a candle maker. I'm going to stick with Skinner.

Ah. Okay. Okay. I challenge you, 640. Fine. If we find that a sail maker is called Monica, that's going to be embarrassing. I just don't think you would have got...

There are things you get wrong. You got a gold tooth once, but this is... Still got it? It's in a drawer. This is not one of them. OK, well, this has gone a bit tense. OK. I want to talk about... I want to tell you

I might as well do About a girl I met back in May. That's got a Spider-Man thing. Oh, that's Alone Again. We should say that's Gilbert O'Sullivan. Yes, Gilbert O'Sullivan. I want to talk about this student. Still alive. Oh. And the microwave.

The student and the microwave. Students. That's the modern version of the owl and the pussycat. Yes. The student in the microwave. Do you mean Jacob Ford, the young man who took a microwave to school to carry his books around?

Lovely knowledge. Smart, Alec. Jacob Ford. I'll be honest, I think he might be on his journey to becoming a friend of this show. Do you? I do. Fordy! He's a young man who was annoyed by a rule change and he thought,

the best way for me to deal with this is to be a bit of a git. He was a bit of a git. Love him. Love him. Shall we explain what he did? So basically they had this rule in this school which was that you can no longer carry bags

between lessons. No, you can arrive with a bag. You can arrive with a bag. I'll tell you what, to be fair, one thing that very much annoys me on public transport, and yes, I do use public transport, I've got an over-60s travel card, the gift that keeps on giving.

Well, obviously not for that long. You know what I mean? So do I. I use public transport. Yes. That taxi was public I use public transport. Yes. That taxi was public and it was transport. Okay.

Anyway, so one thing that does get on my nose is BPA, backpack awareness. Oh, yeah. So people get on with a massive backpack and they've sort of forgotten they've got it

and they're banging you in the side of the head. Yeah. I mean, that is annoying. And this is what young children have been banging you in the side of the head. I mean, that is annoying. Yes. And this is what young children have been scratched and I think four were blinded at this school. But you know when the sort of,

that sort of bit that goes around the edge of the bag, there's wire inside it. Oh, the car heart wire. When that gets exposed, it's an accident waiting to happen. Indeed. So that's why, so's an accident waiting to happen. Yeah. So that's why, so I think the ban makes sense. The book bag ban.

All the stuff I've read in the paper has been talking to the older kids and they're moaning about, when you're in the sixth form, you need to carry more books and stuff. Yeah, you're carrying legal highs is what you're carrying. Let's face it. But I'm not saying Jacob

He doesn't seem that kind of character. No! But, um... Also, come on. I mean, we weren't allowed bags in my day. What about the kids? Weren't allowed bags at your school? No, of course we weren't.

What did you do? We took our bags... I will tell you. Go on, do tell. We took our handbags in, placed them near our desk area, and then for the rest of the day, guess what we did? We carried our books.

And in those days, there were a lot of words in books. It was different back then. And I think it looks good, an armful of books. It's so American. I imagine when you were at school, you carried your books on your head. When you were talking about... It's finished in. I imagine when you were at school, you carried your books on your head. When you were talking about... A lady's finishing school in Switzerland. You were talking earlier about the Victorian transportation vehicles, Frank.

Exactly. I'd like to carry on one of those. Oh, the penny farthing. I arrived with my book. I know, but his mom, God bless her, said... Someone's always about to insult someone when they say... She said she believes in freedom of speech. Always edgy. I always get edgy when that. She said she believes in freedom of speech. Always edgy.

I always get edgy when someone says that. Believes in freedom of speech. I'm very proud of him for standing up for something he believes in. Well, I mean, he's not Rosa Parks, you see. He's gone to school with a microwave oven. Just to be a smart aleck, let's not build him into a civil

rights figure. I like it. I mean, I know a mother loves a child and that's how it should be, but please reality check. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. We had a correctione earlier. This isn't the

third use of the correctione, is it? Shall I do it? Well, you could, but I wish you would have, what do you have that would suggest some sort of victory cry for you? A victory cry for me? I'm happy with this one.

Everybody! Still in the cell are these people. I must let them out. They're just so up about everything that they don't feel like they need releasing. There was controversy over, yes, I say controversy, over Chandler,

whether it was in fact a candle maker, as you suggested, or someone or a... Trimmed. Trimmed. Someone who trimmed was in fact a candle maker, as you suggested, or someone who trimmed ships, as suggested by one of our readers. Helen Pencil has been in touch. Oh. Sharp. You are both correct.

A Chandler made candles, but there are also ship Chandlers. Well, there you go. We can both shake hands and say that we've walked away vindicated. And that's not all. Devil Helsey has been in touch. Sorry, Frank. Devil Helsey? Yes. Okay. That's Catherine

Jenkins. The discussion about Chandler, provision seller, as a different word from Chandler Candlemaker, was happening in 1806. And he's actually sent through a magazine article. Provision seller? We didn't mention that, did we?

I presume that ship is included in provision seller. Okay. That seems completely different from a sailmaker. Anyway, unless we're getting tied down in this. It was going on in 1806, that debate. Well, it's still ongoing on this show.

We've also had an email telling us that eatery as a word originated in 1901. You are having a laugh. I like this Susie Dent dictionary corner part of the show. Me too, I'm enjoying it. We were discussing

Jacob Ford who took his school books into I do I like him I like the cut of his jib and I think he's more sinned against than sinning

if I may be absolutely frank the head teacher the head teacher at the school said we have a student who has behaved in an increasingly

inappropriate way actions the likes of which I have never witnessed I loved it and I thought how long have you been a teacher mate I'llions the likes of which I have never witnessed. I loved it. And I thought, how long have you been a teacher, mate? I love it. He went the likes of.

It was his first week. Well, he's in just to the microwave often. He also took in a wicker basket for his books as well. Yeah. Also, they're very dangerous. They've always got sharp bits. But this is what you want, surely. If you teach teenage people. I'm not condemning the people who do the wicker.

You want them to learn to resist in an intellectual way. But surely this is a good thing. What about when Jacob Ford, one of yours, wrote a 3,000-word essay? Did he? Did you hear about this? That's very Frank, isn't it? Oh, that's my train journey back sorted.

I'll be reading. He carried it to school in a dead bull carcass. Well, the 3,000-word essay was suggesting ways in which a compromise could be made. I mean, what's the compromise? I get to carry my bag. Yeah. That's it.

When I was at junior... Bags don't hurt people. People hurt people. When I was at junior school, they banned winkle pickers. Did they? Yeah. For younger people, they banned winkle pickers. Did they? Yeah. For younger people, those were shoes with sharp, pointy fronts, and they were banned.

I didn't go in in a pair of ballet pumps or something as a protest. I just took it, you know, because there was more authority in those days. Good night. So, anyway, it's all lovely. What's your favourite ban ever? Yeah. I'll tell you your favourite ban ever? Yeah. I'll tell you my favourite ban. Oh, go on.

Going into a club and they had to sign no Burberry. Oh, yeah. And I thought, wow. I remember when that was a posh designer thing. My favourite ban... What was great is Emma Watson was turned away. Corporal Punishment was a good ban, I think. That was a positive change. Yeahal punishment was a good ban. That was a positive change.

Well, speak for yourself. Not in our house. Anyway, let us move on. Thank you so much for listening to us today and if the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week

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