The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Monsieur Legume

Episode Date: June 8, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank began his London stand up run and had an incident before the first show even started. The team also discuss the big Chessman news and have questions about D-Day.

Comedy legend Frank Skinner is back on stage with his first stand-up show in four years. I think a man of my age saying my girlfriend is sort of on a level with a man of my age saying my skateboard. Live in London this June, at the Edinburgh Festival in August, and touring across the country this autumn. It's what I would call an Elton John joke. It's a little bit funny. Book tickets now at frankskinnerlive.com This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Good morning. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran.

Text the show. It gives it an interactive feelchran. Text the show. It gives it an interactive feel. 8, 12, 15. Follow the show on Twitter and, can I say Instagram? At Frank on the radio. Or email. Or da, da, da, da, da.

The show via the Absolute Radio website. It's all there. Yeah. When I hear the word email I imagine that sort of Hovis advert with a kid pushing the bike. It's been revived now. Emails now the old school communication. It does feel old school.

Mum used to send email. That was a good impression of Alan. Yeah, no. Was he in it? I can imagine Alan in that, Hovisad. Can't you? Oh, yeah. With the flat cap.

To be honest, my hit rate on auditioning probably means no, I can't imagine myself getting... Alan, you've started on a downer. A self-deprecating note. Even ruling yourself out for mythical childhood acting jobs. Can I begin by saying that... The begin. Remember that? I do.

I think the last hit with it was Julio Iglesias, was it? Very good. Now we begin. I never found out what it means. When we begin the beginning, I assume. No, it's the second begin. It's B-E-G-U-I-N-E. So the begin must be some sort of thing that people have to commence.

I don't even want to know what it is. What is the begin that Julio Iglesias was about to begin? Oh, I bet it'll be something sleazy. Didn't he have an emergency landing on Concord, Julio Iglesias? Did he? I think so, yeah. Got anything to do with Concord.

Good trivia knowledge if proven true. Can I just say anything to do with Concord is so fabulously 70s, isn't it? I flew Concord. Of course you did. That was 90s, I think. Those were the days, though. Brilliant. London to New York, three and a I think. Those were the days, so. Brilliant.

London to New York, three and a half hours. Great. Very 70s route. Oh, yeah. Be handy now, though, wouldn't it? Yeah, well, that was the famous thing. David Frost had two chat shows, one in New York and one here,

and he used to fly between. He used to double up. Like Len Goodman when he did when he was the judge on both Yes, Len Goodman did that Len Goodman now is made of steel That is my opinion

321 has texted, good morning all I'm an Aquarius I'm an Aquarius That's what he's, or she has just decided I mean as shut up lines go I've had better. To volunteer I'm an Aquarius. That's what he's... Or she has just decided. I mean, as shut-up lines go, I've had better. To volunteer. I'm an Aquarius as well. Me too.

Are you? You're not. Oh, shut up. Peas in a pod. Aren't we supposed to be? This feels like the dawning of the age of Aquarius. Yes. Me and you in 3, 2, 1.

That's lovely. That's got to be a line from sci-fi movies somewhere. I'll tell you what um what happened i started my um my my stand-up extravaganza began this week yes how's it going so i started my run at the um at the uh leicester square theater yeah so i had to get in an hour early, sigh, on Monday for the sound check thing. Oh, yeah. So anyway, I went up to the, I walked in, because I couldn't work out how to get in the stage door thing. Oh, yeah.

So I went through the main entrance. Right. And it was early, because I'd arrived early for the sound check. So I went up to the box office and I said, I've come to for the sound check. So I went up to the box office and I said, I've come to do a sound check. She said, we haven't been told anything. I said, yeah, I've got a sound check at six o'clock. Can you get me that bucket of vomit in?

She said, what kind of a sound check are you doing? I said, well, I don't understand. I said, I'm doing a sound check. you know, I'm doing a sound check. She said, for a film. I said, no. I'm doing it for a stand-up show. She said, this is a cinema. And I'd walked into the place next door.

And I said to this young woman as I left, I said, I'm terribly sorry. I said, this is what happens to you when you get older. I said, enjoy your youth. And she said, I will. Yeah, it was oh man, what a start.

What a start. She must have been thinking, where are his overalls? He was doing the sound check. Yeah, exactly. I should have had one of those little boxes. Acme overall. Oh, dear.

That was... Before the show had even begun, I'd already had a terrible senior moment. She was very nice, though. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You asked the question, what is the... The begin. The begin.

Yeah, when Julio goes, now we begin, the begin. I'm worried about this answer. Well, 189 has said, Hi, Frank, I'm pretty sure the begin, B-E-G-U-I-N-E, is a dance. Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. Bournem'm pretty sure the begin, B-E-G-U-I-N-E, is a dance. Oh, OK. That makes sense. Bournemouth, by the way, one of the several cities.

Is it a city, a town? I think it must be a city. It's a city now. Everything's a city now. You're right. If you're still a town, then you really are a job. Pull your socks up. Yeah, everywhere's a city. Is that right? What do you have to have to be a city? You don't have to have a cathedral. Oh. No, you just have to have, you fill a city. Is that right? What do you have to have to be a city? You don't have to have a cathedral.

Oh. No, you just have to have, you fill a forming. Oh, that's all right, isn't it? Anyway, it's one of the several places that I'm pretty sure I've never seen in daylight. I've been several times. You know, as a comedian, sometimes you arrive at a place after nightfall,

do the gig and then go. I reckon I've been to Bournemouth five times, never seen it in a drop of daylight. You're night workers. I did a couple of gigs there, so I had a day there. Oh, well, Jell. I went to a place called Fonky Sushi, I think it was called, something like that.

It was like an upper floor sushi place. I think the gig hadn't gone that well and I overlooked a disused crazy golf course and I thought that theused crazy golf course, and I thought that the gaping clown covered in moss was, at the time, I thought, symbolic of my career. But I bounced back. Yeah, well... It was very...

I stayed at a... It was a sort of a beach hotel that wasn't on the beach, but it was so cool. The staff were all, like, 15. The guy that took my suitcase upstairs had flip-flops on. I don't know how you can do that kind of manual work. It's dangerous.

Flip-flops with bags on the stairs. What about the pilot I had with flip-flops? No. Pilot? When I say pilot, it was one of those, are they called those little planes you get that take you over to, this is going to sound terrible,

but take you over to, like if you're in the Maldives. To a private island. I knew I was going to get hate mail. You were at a fire festival, weren't you? What are those planes called, Alex? Pontoon? They start on the water and then they take off. Sea planes.

Oh, yeah, lovely. They've got big float things on the water and then they take off. Sea planes. Oh, yeah, lovely. They've got big float things on the rock. Yeah, brilliant. You both worked it out. The sort of thing you see the saint coming on one. And Little Quiet Fantasy Island as well. Remember that? Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, he had flip-flops, as you were. Okay. Okay. Yeah, so, yes, I have. How did we get on to Bournemouth? We got on to that Can someone explain that the begin was a dance? Yeah, the begin

We had a couple of people messaging about that actually Is there any further information on the begin? No, but there is a big mo with reference to Julio Inglesias Can you think what that might be? No, we should explain that a Big Moe, this is based, it's from Big Moment and it's called that because it's when you say something that you think

no one knows and a great many people know it. Big Moe from EastEnders is the sister of Gary Altman. Yes. And when people tell you that, they always tell you as if I bet you don't know this so here is an example of another big moment

it's not going to be that his son is, it can't be that, I mean how many Iglesias do you get about there's another piece of information about him, what's he called the son Jeff what is his son?

Enrique. An Enrique. Did you see Faye on the team? I've never seen her leap into action. Where is he now? Enrique. Enrique and Gleisis, where are they now? He was going out with Anna Kournikova, I believe.

Was he really? Was he? Where are they now? Are they sitting on a Concorde somewhere, waiting? While the pilot wears flip-flops. Anyway, I'd like to keep this. I'll see if anyone knows the answer to this. Do you know the Big Mo?

It's not with regards to Enrique. It's something Julio himself did. Oh, he played for Real Madrid. Frank Skinner. Give yourself a jingle. You got that. There you go. He played in goal.

Does that strike me as a keeper? Do you know what I mean? Respect to Mondo. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Can I say, Joanna Trollope won an award today in the Queen's birthday thing. In the honours. You know Joanna Trollope?

Joanna Trollope, the writer. She writes what they call Argus. And descendant of Antony. Is she really? Yes, she is. Is she? And descendant of Anthony. Is she really? Yes, she is.

Is she? I was at some award show and I went and presented an award and got a few laughs, although I say it as shouldn't. I don't believe you. She came up to me after and said, you know, that was very funny indeed. I said, oh, thank you very much. She said, I'm Joanna. I said, yes, nice to meet you.

And she said, of course, that's why one can't write comedy books, because you can't do the timing. Oh. And I thought, oh, that's interesting. Speak for yourself. I thought people had written comedy. Speak for yourself, love. Yeah, yeah.

Haven't people written comedy books? They have. Yeah. Not many, I'll give you that. You two have both. Thank you. Not well, comedy books. Oh, thank you, Al

I think we might have written the first ones Someone said Yeah, yeah Well, I think Someone said to me I lolled several times Any time I read anything of yours, Hank But have you ever tried any PG Woodhouse

Which is always set up as the height I honestly thought you were going to say Have you ever tried any Trollope there No Any PG tips Did you know John Major you ever tried any Trollope there? No. Any PG tips? Did you know John Major was president of the Trollope Society? No, I did not.

I've got full of info about Trollope. Sorry, over to you, Frank, again. Woodhouse. Yeah, so people said to me, oh, man, you've got to read PG. People love that. I've had about eight goers now and not got past about chapter two. Not a sausage.

And I want to. I like the idea of liking it. There are some things I find funny, but I would never admit because it would sound pretentious. It would sound like those people laughing at moments of comedy in Shakespeare. Mm. I am one of those people. What are these things you won't admit to?

I don't. I can't say I'm too embarrassed because it sounds pretentious. Say it. Go on. I don't care'm too embarrassed because it sounds pretentious. Say it, go on. I don't care. I'm going to sound pretentious. Can I say pretentious is one of my least favourite words? Yeah, me too, actually. I've always thought it's a word invented by stupid people to stop

clever people expanding. Yeah, absolutely. God damn it, I'm going to say, I'm going to say these things. I have laughed at Evelyn Waugh sometimes. That's all right. Is that okay? I think that's fine.

Thank you. Does Viz count? I've laughed at Viz a lot. I think my own review was Waugh. What is it good for? So listen, I've been selling my wares this week, as you know. Oh, in the cinema? No. Doing your cinema gigs? Yeah, I've been selling my wares this week, as you know. Oh, in the cinema? No.

Doing your cinema gigs? Yeah, he was going to sell the popcorn. I've been ushering in the cinema. Frank is so like Mr Magoo Goo, in terms of his sense of direction. Oh, yeah. It's true. I can imagine him ending up somehow working on the popcorn machine all night. How did I get here?

working on the popcorn machine all night. How did I get here? I, um... Do they still have, um... Do they call them ushers and usherettes in cinema? I think they might just be ushers now. Do they? Is it like actor and actresses? They'll have a fancy name now, won't they?

It's a pity. It's a brilliant word, usherette. They'll have something like... Is it barista? Oil administrator personnel. Customer assistant. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that could be that. Compliance officer. It could be illumination resource officer because they've got the torch. Well, it's like I was with the gravedigger now, I suspect is called afterlife care consultant. Oh, yeah. That's what I imagine.

Any gravediggers I'm texting at 12.15? There must be because... Although they probably start quite early I imagine. Any gravediggers I'm texting? There must be, because... Although they probably start quite early, do they, gravediggers? They're about a clock's off by now. Do you think they're finished? They've probably washed their hands and they're in the pub. Well, it's raining in lots of parts of the country. That's a problem.

I think they have lids. Do they have lids they put on to stop them filling up? What do you mean? 8, 12, 15. Yes, they have lids. If you have any them filling up? What do you mean? 8, 12, 15. Yes, they have lids. If you have any working knowledge of the grave digging world. Frank, we've got loads of info. We'd love to know it.

Do people still use shovels or is it done with a machine now? Stop looking at me as if I have a working knowledge of grave digging. I don't want to boast, but can I just say you're going to the wrong person here? We all know that. Right. Oh, God. Don't look to Alan. If you want any information on the grave diggers, I know that right okay don't look to alan if you want any information on the grave diggers i'm your woman isn't it amazing that people are still doing that

the manual to dig a six foot deep hole man yeah i know a grave digger and he uses a shovel that started like the sound of um the policeman. I know a fat old policeman. Of course you can't say that. Anyway, I was going to tell you. I'll tell you in a minute. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So I did Good Morning Britain on Thursday. You know, just to plug.

To plug my stand up thing. Is that with... Plug your wares. Is that with Piers and Susanna? Piers wasn't on. It was Ben Shepard and Susanna. I love me some Susanna Reid. Oh, yeah, lovely. Lovely floral outfit.

Yeah. And I can't remember what she was wearing. Ben Shepard's gone a bit Austin Powers. So I turned up. what she was wearing. But... Jim Shepard's gone a bit Austin Powers. So, I turned up. I'd done... When you do... As you guys know,

when you do one of these shows, you have a phone call the day before with a researcher who asks you stuff so they know what to talk to you about.

She said, we're doing... It's the 75th anniversary of the D-Day landings. Oh yeah. I said, okay. She said, do you have any connections with World War II? And I thought, she's just seen a picture of me and just assumed. And I said, I can't, I can't think of any. She went, okay. And then, so she was, you know, it's fine, but I just didn't have any. So anyway, we arrived there on the day.

I had to, you know, it's an early start, as you can imagine. So there's a little green room with tea in it, tea and coffee. And there's just me and Skepta. Oh, yeah. Just sitting there. Skepta's there?

Watching the D-Day stuff. Both saying, it's a weird day to be honest, and it feels a bit weird going on and plugging. And anyway, it was, we were, you know, talking about, he didn't talk a lot. Skeptic, didn't he? No, he was nice, he was very nice, but I wouldn't say he was chatty,

but he looked a bit, you know, nervous. But he seemed a nice bloke. Handsome, I'm going to say that. Yeah. handsome, I'm going to say that. Yeah. But anyway, then it was about ten past

eight. Still no... We're looking at each other. I said, do you think we're going to get on? And he said, well, I got bumped yesterday for Donald Trump. Skepta did? Yeah. He got like two days in row. So, yeah, so they called him back to do this.

Wow. So, anyway, they come in. It's like 18 minutes past. It ends at half eight. No. So Skepta gets taken away to do his bit. So I'm watching him thinking. Hmm.

I feel tense. This is going to be tight, I'm thinking to myself. So Skepta's on there saying it's a weird day, you know, to do this because of, you know, the D-Day things. And then a woman comes into the room and said to me, Frank, I'm terribly sorry, but we're not going to be able to get you on. And gave me a scented candle. Are you joking?

So the tragic thing was I went and got some wet wipes and took my make-up off. I'm quite shocked. I was quite shocked. I got up that early. Wowee. I mean, you can't, you know, you can't moan about... It's a difficult one to grumble about. It is, but, you know, it is...

I appreciate that, but with the greatest respect, well, it's not a breaking news type of situation. No, they could have worked round you. Spoiler alert. They said you can come back next week, and I said, well, I don't want to find out last minute it's the anniversary of a hashing call. You can come back next week. And I said, I don't want to find out last minute it's the anniversary of Ashing call. You can't get me on.

I said, obviously, full respect to the D-Day, but you can plan around that. Yeah, you knew. Yeah. They should have said we'll have a D-Day show where we just do that, you know. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, so I turned up, turned up sat there do they know you're

a national treasure that no they don't know that it was I think obviously I don't mind about it's kept because Skepta is Skepta he's very hot at the moment and also he's been in the day before so he's sort of before you in the queue can we just can we just, can we just please? You being a little sceptical. Frank just said sceptre is sceptre. Like it's a thing, we all have to pretend this is normal, he's friends with sceptre.

No, no, but I mean at the moment, obviously he's much hotter than I am. Interesting news at the moment. I won't have that. I always think, you know this. But I do think if someone's bumping you off a show with the excuse of, oh, sorry, the D-Day landings,

we didn't know it was going to happen. No, yes. Sorry, loves. Yeah. I mean, obviously, if it wasn't for the D-Day landings... No, and we are not minimising that. The show I'm doing would probably be called Ik Bin Svay Unsexy.

So, you know... Blondie in the studio. But I didn't object to Skepta. I was playing with Skepta. I was playing with all these, you know, big hot sensations who get ahead of me on these shows. They're like the second hand and I'm like the

hour hand. Right. You've got to keep an eye on them whereas I don't move. My movement is not that noticeable. Well, bear in mind, they had a bit of a pile-up anyway, and Skepta was just further ahead in the queue. Yeah, fair enough. I didn't really say, you know, God bless Skepta. Frank Skimmer.

Absolute Radio. I'm going to be honest, I'm regretting my earlier jokey, hey, if you're a gravedigger, feel free to text in with some details about it. Because one has. Hi Frank, I was a gravedigger for three summers. Lots of stories, I can assure you. And then one story that I'm going to just not read. And then they continue.

Fun and games, nice and quiet job in some beautiful settings as I was based in Cornwall. All done by hand because a lot of diggers couldn't get into certain areas. Oh, they're still digging a manual. So that makes sense, doesn't it? Which famous pop-stroke rock star was a drive digger? Well, I think 660 has sent us the answer to this in a text form. Apparently both...

Two. Both Joe Strummer of The Clash... Oh, I didn't know that one. And Dave Vanyan? Oh, I didn't know that. Dave Fock from The Damned? No, the one I knew was Rod Stewart was one. Oh, well, let's chuck Rod Stewart on the pile as well.

Chuck as well. It's a well-trodden path from the cemetery to the stage. Is that today's texting? Which pop or rock stars were gravediggers? Dave Vanyan. If there's any more. Can you imagine any of today's, I was going to have to say,

but any of the Gen Zers, I can't imagine you'd think, I want to be a pop star, but I'll start off with a bit of gravedigger. No, no. That's not the trajectory. Dave Vanyan was one of these goth, eye shadow, black hair straight back.

If you saw him in a cemetery, it'd scare the hell out of you. Wow. He was like a Neil Gaiman character. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Oh, man. By the way, one last postscript to the spectrum.

There's a lovely thing. As he was coming off... Was he a sceptre? He said, what's happened? I said, I've been bombed. And he said, oh, no, did I talk too much? Oh. Sweet.

I'm a bit of sceptre. Did we, Al, did we tell Frank about Julio Iglesias? I don't think we did. Well, we've discovered what... Is it begin? Means? It's a dance. We were told, weren't we?

It's a dance. It also means to fancy or to have a short-term infatuation. So he may be singing about the time he started to fancy someone. When they begin. Now we begin to fancy someone. That's a good thing to announce, isn't it?

Yeah. Now I'm beginning to fancy someone. Yeah. You know when you realise that? Obviously my memory is not what it was. Do people still have are you aware of the phenomenon the glad eye?

Yes, I know the glad eye. It's a strange be the glad eye. Oh, yes. It's a strange thing, because glad is a weird sort of adjective to describe the eye look. The only man I ever knew who used to use that expression was an author friend of my parents, who also used the phrase cracking pair of pins a lot. Hold on, can you just tell us that anecdote again?

The only man I knew who used to use that phrase was an author friend of my parents, who also used the phrase, a cracking pair of pins. This is great for your stories. I think it is. Emily Dean there. There'll be more from Emily Dean tomorrow on Radio 4. Oh, and to you, I had a bit of a radio rendezvous this week.

I'll tell you, I met, do you remember when I went to the Brits a couple of times? I spent a couple of fabulous evenings with the former, was it the Kiss Breakfast show presenters? Oh, yeah, you've gone so well with them. Ricky, Melvin and Charlie. Yeah. Who I love. Well, they do a thing on their show where they're blind. They're on Radio 1 now is what's happened.

They've done well. They have done well. I turned up, like I said to them, it's like the, you know, when you go, when you've done really well, you go home for Christmas to your parents. I was like the guy who stayed. I married Becky from the guy who stayed. I married Becky from school and we

stayed. I was like, because they wouldn't buy into it, but that's what it felt like. I mean, it's lovely to see them, but you know, it's not the same, I felt. I did feel, you know, it's Radio 1. But, well, I'll tell you more, but yes, it's a very good idea they have on the show

and on a radio show, something I would never have thought of, but the endless inventiveness of the young. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Frank, can I just say, you were celebrating the fact that there are a number of Aquarians in the studio. That's right. I'm the sole Cancerian, I believe.

But Will Hodson has got in touch to say sad news. Donald Trump. Sad news for your listener in that they may not be the star sign they think they are. Oh. I think it was NASA who recently updated the chart for modern times and the dates have all changed NASA did? they're getting involved in astrology

stay in your lane NASA also there were originally 13 star signs so that one is added in what was the other one then? well apparently I don't know worth knowing can I ask a question that makes me sound like a bad person Well, apparently, I don't know. Worth knowing. Yeah.

Can I ask a question that makes me sound like a bad person, which I realised I didn't know when I was talking earlier, and I apologise for not knowing this, but what does the D stand for in D-Day? Oh, very good question. OK. I don't know that. Oops. Hospital passed, my co-presenter.

Well, it's not. I think it's interesting that nobody does know that. Oops. Hospital passed, my co-presenter. Well, it's not. I think it's interesting that nobody does know that. Do you know that thing when you think you know something and then it just suddenly goes into a shadow in your brain? It has been about this week. And it's only just occurred to me. I don't know what the D is for. I feel bad. But I don't know what it is.

Hang on. Is it to do with where they are? Was Daniel Day-Lew Lewis named after D-Day? No. D-Day Lewis, do you think? Torres Day died recently. She did. Wow, it's all happening.

Yeah. All the Ds. Yeah, Darren Day. Don't know about that. Wow, come on. Is it... Someone will tell us. Is it Dunkirk?

No. No. No. Why stick that... Why bring that up? I'm just thinking of Ds. Well, look, one of our... Ten million of our readers will know.

Oh, yeah. General knowledge is... Anyway, can we go back? We'll leave that. Oh, yeah, you were in a radio studio. Yeah, so what they do, Ricky, Melvin and Charlie, is they are blindfolded. Okay.

With, I mean, really nice blindfolds, I must say, and I speak as a connoisseur. Yes. With their names on the front, like quite padded, leathery things. Fair up your strata. They're seated in the studio and then I have to be sneaked in and I speak through a voice decoder thing. all straws i had to be they're seated in the studio and then i have to be sneaked in and i'm i speak through a voice decoder thing one of those you know that the but one in three monsters in

doctor who say doctor right including the obvious yeah so um i was talking like that and they had to guess who i was so they asked like, are you involved in music? I'm sort of. Yes. You've been a chart topper. Yeah, so they said, have you ever had a top ten hit? And I thought, we're off. Yeah.

So anyway, apparently I'm the first person they didn't get. Well, I can believe that. Well, I can believe it. No, not in that way. As I said to them, don't feel bad. I said most Radio 1 shows wouldn't have got me if they hadn't had the blindfold. So it was all right.

No, but you would have given them misleading answers. I tried not to. No, no, I just mean the variety of your CV, if you like. The fact that you've had number one hits. Well, this is the thing. No one puts Frankie in a box. No. I tell you...

Many have tried. We don't want some more grivediggers texting. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We know what D-Day stands for now. Yeah, could you all please stop texting us? I was reaching for random battles of less success. Would you like to say what D-Day is? Well, there's quite a lot come in.

Basically, it stands for day. D stands for day. Day? Yeah, because... What? So it's day-day? Well, 921 has said D-Day, military term for start of a campaign so

they have the day that the campaign is going to go on and then there's D-Day was the fourth day of those chosen for the landings. A, B and C were postponed due to poor weather conditions. Oh so it could have been A-Day or B-Day. It could have been B day.

That would have took some of the solemnity out of it if it had been called B day. Thank goodness that didn't happen. As far as I can understand, there's day and then the days running up to that are called minus one day or day minus one, day minus two. So it moves on after that as well. Do you see? So I suppose if there had been bad weather conditions... It could have been E day or day minus one, day minus two. So it moves on after that as well. Do you see?

So I suppose if there had been bad weather conditions, it could have been like... It could have been E-Day or... Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's interesting. But I just thought, considering how much talk there's been about D-Day this week, I cannot, we are not the only people

who didn't know what it stands for. But what if it had been B-Day? I mean, such is fate, isn't it? Yeah. B-Day, no, that wouldn is fate, isn't it? B-Day? No, that wouldn't have worked. No, it wouldn't. It would have been... It would have just spoilt it. There's a lot of beef going

on now. Is there? 3-2-1. Rosby. How rude to Aquarians was that other message? Yeah. Quizzical tone in brackets. Me and Al, we're on your side. Me and Al, we're on your side. Three, two, one.

I can't work out if it was offensive or not. Oh, yes, I didn't see that. Yeah. You don't have to be offended by things. Just don't react to it. I'll tell you something. Three, two, one. Is that Ted Rogers?

Dusty Bin? Where's Dusty Bin? Can you get me the letter from in that box there? I want to make a point. What happened to Dusty Bin? Dusty get me the letter from in that box I want to make a point Dusty Bin he only had a brief he was the Mr Blobby of his day I think he's still he's doing after dinner speaking

is he? I had a parcel arrive I just bring this up Glen from Life oh life oh life Glenn from the from Life Oh Life Oh Life they're the

Life Water team and they make they make water in cans is the idea right not water in cans for the gardening

no not water in cans recyclable cans yeah you know we've been talking about the whole you know I got they're laid into me

on Sky TV's the pledge for joining in with the anti anti anti plastic thing You know, they laid into me on Sky TV's The Pledge for joining in with the anti-plastic thing. Anyway, they sent me some cans of water, and it just struck me that when we came into the studio, I said to the producer, can you carry in the box of water, because I've got bags. And as an aquarium, of course, I should have talked to that

like a doctor water carrier. Hey, shut up. I missed the chance to be the actual water bearer and I passed it off. Anyway, thanks, Glenn. You passed the water on. Thanks for...

We're all water signs. That's lovely. That's why we get on. Silence. Worst silence ever of my life. No, I'm just trying to... How many water signs are there? I would say... Crab. C life no I'm just trying to how many water signs are there I would say

crab, crab I'm saying I am crab I am Spartacus, I am crab crab you see I'm cancer crab they like the water but they don't love it is what the sense I get with the crab they can get on the beach that's exactly right

we like the beach with a paperback novel, possibly with the silhouette of St. Petersburg in the background. We don't like the water. I'm still reeling from the D-Day information. Good info. It's just alphabetical. Brilliant. Thank everyone who texted in.

Thank you very much. Laura and Ben has texted. It actually couldn't have been E-Day because the fourth day was their last chance, Laura and Ben. Oh, dear. So if it had been bad weather, we wouldn't have done it. Say we, like I was involved. They.

What would have happened then? That's too big a question. Way too big a question. Sorry about that. Leave that to the Robert Harris's of this world. Google it! In the war against drugs, which we're all waging on Absolute Radio,

could Michael Gove, I think, he should be in the next honours list because finally someone has met cocaine on call. Respect to him for that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Hi Frank and Posse and then there's some praise that I'll not read.

When I go abroad and you have to fill the visa card in on the plane I always put Gravedigger down as my occupation. I don't know why but I've been doing it for years and have never been questioned.

Paul from Nottingham. P.S. I'm a joiner slash bedroom fitter. What? I'm a lover, not a fighter. Big wow. You think they'd be checking some of the facts on those things? I just like the... I mean, I'm not a big liar,

but I like the pointlessness of his lying. One rarely hears people say, I am a big liar. Also, I like the note of slight regret and shame in Alan's voice. I mean, I'm not a big liar. I've got to confess. Well, to be honest, it's mainly laziness that stops me. Because you know that thing of liars need good memories.

I just think, I can't be bothered to remember all that stuff. If you do lie, what do you lie over? Oh, I don't know. I can't even remember. I think I might lie and say someone looked nice if they didn't. Oh. So if someone had made a dramatic change

to their appearance, you have to rush in and say something. So you might say, oh, your hair! And then you have to follow it with, it looks great. Yeah, I never thought you'd get it shaved on one side and leave it really long on the other. That's a look I really like, I must admit.

Is it? It is, yeah. It's a bit like, what's he called? G from... From... Ali G? Ninjago. Masters of Spinjitzu. The genie.

I'm more of an eight-step fan. He's called Gin, he's got hair likeu. The genie. I'm more of an eight-foot steps fan. He's called Gin. He's got hair like that. Oh, yeah. Anyway. You see, I think men, you see men, fellas, as they used to say on Coronation Street when women talked about men.

Fellas. You know what, fellas? I think you can get away with not commenting on people's appearance. And people think, oh, that's because they're fellas. Yeah. Yes. But inside you might be thinking, I think I'll leave that's because they're fellas. But inside

you might be thinking, I think I'll leave that appearance change alone. Yeah. I've tried to eradicate all lies from my life, I must say. But except Brilliant Shell really enjoyed it, which I think you've got to. In our business, you can't get rid of that one.

You can't let that go. If you did, you may as well just delete all your contacts and put your address book on the fire. Exactly. I think when you don't enjoy something, though, Frank, I've noticed, I wouldn't say you were overly effusive afterwards. I've never seen you sort of go full pelt. Well, it's hard to agree.

Yes, it is. It's hard to do that. But I always say, you know, people have, you know, they have tried. And that's very important. I rather tried. Yes. When I did handwriting at school, I rather tried. Yeah.

Sorry, that was a thing that a posh doctor said to me. Yeah. Where, where, where are we? It's a big question, I know, for so many people. I mean, people are getting so upset about this whole Aquarius and star sign thing. Has anyone told us what the 13th star sign is? Because that sounds to me like it could be a series of very fat novels. Listen to me, Linda.

With a symbol on the front and somebody with a big sword coming over a hill. Yeah. So let's, I might start it today. Scarlet Fox says Aquarius is not a water sign. Gemini, Aquarius and Libra are air signs. But we're carrying water. Why is that? Hold your high horses.

Scarlet's got more. Aquarius is the water carrier, but it's symbolism. The jug represents knowledge oh relax the jog represents knowledge yeah the job why he's a clever bloke sorry i'm moving dangerously around and around the jogs joke which i will not i I will not tolerate. I simply will not tolerate. I must say, notably absent on that section. I'm happy, I'm happy. I'm not stunned to discover that I'm not one of the water signs.

I mean, you know, I'm not a man who... I'm a water sign. I don't delve into the astrologicals. I think this may be the most attention I've ever paid to star signs in my life. Yeah, I told you didn't know that Russell Grant did my star chart. You did, yeah. And what did he say to you again? He said to me, you'll be famous for seven years.

Which I know, perhaps he meant successful. Famous for seven years and you will never hold down a long-term relationship. Ouch. I know, what a thing to say to someone. I think he said you, he might have said we. As you recall, I lost all... I was snogging him at the time. And you know what?

He tasted good. Oh, Frank. Sorry, everyone. Well, I last saw Russell on stage, if it makes you feel any better. That was before we knew about the dangers of salt. Stop it. Sorry.

On stage at the Edinburgh Festival, as you recall, and he was snapping at his stage manager. Yeah, we know. Because he got tied up in a feather boa and he snapped into the wings. Leave that, please. He got tied up in a feather boa.

Things that should happen to certain people. Tied up in a feather boa. If he had a happen to certain people. Tired of being a feather bower. If he had a public vote, he'd be up there, wouldn't he? God bless him. Does he still do the predicting? Is that something he's moved on from? Yes. Oh, he does. OK.

How long will his career last, in his opinion? Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. I was just going to say we're still getting D-Day messages in. Yeah, including some people who quite pompously are giving us bad information. Like what? Well, go on.

Mark? Go on now. Well, I can share with you Mark McD, who isn't one of those. Mark McD, eh? He is offering a correction. He'll know. He says, I need to correct you. D-Day and H-Hour are standard terms. We wouldn't have had B-Day as B means nothing.

There have been many other D-Days, just not as famous. It wasn't due to a fourth attempt. So it's just a generic title. D simply stands for day. Got you. Isn't that weird? Why have D standing for day when you've got day next to it?

Yes, it seems... I think that's just how they do it. It's like saying to someone, I'll meet you in the I afternoon. Yeah. It is, though. What a strange phenomenon. Do-do-do-do-do.

Yeah. That's how they mop it. Okay, well, no. What about the person that emailed saying the D is for deliverance? I mean, that's just bad information. Don't tell us it's deliverance day, because then we might go on and tell this to somebody else. We could tell that to people, yeah. Make complete fools of ourselves.

It would be quite close to how humiliating it was for me that I believed Lance Armstrong was innocent because of his book. I don't know, it was a terrible year. I hated that for years. As Mr Bean once said to me, still doing that, I can't shrug it off, it's great. I am going to embrace a bit of Mr Bean chic.

I know he's only got the one outfit, but it's very simple. You know where you stand. Tweed, single breast jacket. Is it a brown or a red tie? Is it a brown tie? I'm thinking it's red, but I wouldn't be... We've got a black and white tie.

I can't be bothered. Old school. Cheaper licence fee. £20 cheaper. Is it really? Does that still apply? Yeah, I believe so. Who's colour, is there anyone here

listening who's got a black and white telly? I mean, I don't mean it as an extra, but that is their telly. 8, 12, 15. I like the idea that someone is so noir

in their own look that they won't go for the colour telly. I remember, what's the first programme you ever watched in colour? I remember this well. Well, all our programmes were colour.

I think Colatella was a thing. Yeah, Colatella had arrived when I was... Oh, you see, I remember it arriving. Go on. Sitting down, Flintstones. Absolutely fabulous. My dad came in and said, Whoa, Colatella's here.

Let's get the colour up a bit. Did he turn it out? dad came in and said whoa color telly's here let's get the color up a bit so then the news readers after the flintstones looked like they'd been searching for a small item in a blast furnace do you remember the singing detective which was about yeah about a boat with a terrible skin everybody looked like they're on our tell. The idea of getting your money's worth out of a colour telly by cranking up the colour. That's a good programme to start with because the Fred Flintstone sartorial choice

is obviously a very bright orange. Orange, yeah, with a black sort of rondelle on it. Yeah, and of course, things that we've talked about here before is the jagged edge bottom. The serrated. On the Frankenstein monster trousers. The castaway trousers. The desert island castaway trousers.

I think of the Incredible Hulk in the serrated edge trouser. But as we've again can I... But, as we've again discussed before, conversely, always a very neat belt waistline with the button done up. But the serrated edge thing, it's like they've gone to the clothes shop to buy their trousers before it... They've gone to the shop that makes those things you get in spectacles cases. Yes.

To clean your glasses. But have the same serrated edge. I wonder if you could get a jacket made out of that and just wipe your glasses on it. That'd be great. Let's find out. Frank Skinner Frank Skinner

Absolute Radio We've got several questions out there to the readership at the moment. You were discussing Mr Bean moments ago. Monsieur Bean, I think they call him in France. I think they do, yeah. Is it Monsieur Haricot?

Monsieur Legume. Thank you. We were discussing his outfit. You were saying it's quite simple, but it's a good capsule wardrobe that he's got, isn't it? I really like it. White shirt, tweed jacket. You just know where you stand.

He's got the Steve Jobs approach to the practical work. I like that thing. Wear the same outfit every day. I'll tell you what I like about it, because there is a bit of a tradition of characters wearing the same outfit for every show. And they don't get BO, the cartoon character. That's a good thing.

Used to be the thing in Doctor Who. The Doctor Who would wear the same outfit for months and not care about it. And it reminds me, when I was a kid, when, of course, we had less money, people would say things like, you know, Dave, where's a brown leather jacket? And that's how you would describe someone.

Yeah, it's got a tweety, tweety jacket and that's how you would describe someone yeah it's got like a tweety tweety jacket thing God you're right we had a boy at school and you'd say he had the the green parka yeah they got

they'd get that kid where's the brown cord trousers yeah oh man 149 Frank I animated on the Mr Bean cartoon

and it's 100% a red tie. And then he adds some praise, but that's Steve Camberley. We don't read the praise, but it's nice to see it. I can add praise, Steve Camberley. My child, who is seven, loves the Mr Bean cartoon. Yeah. Absolutely.

And that's got some very good... Sometimes they just go a bit They make him talk a bit too much What do you mean? I don't want that And you think I don't want a sentence from Mr Bean I just want

And the landlady The sort of scary horrible landlady Spoiler alert Is she in the real Mr Bean? Don't think so. She's been added for the cartoon. Possibly. But the cartoon, hey.

No landlady. It's a brilliant drawing of Rowan Atkinson. Is it? The cartoon. It's good. Yeah, there's these things with black dots on the eyebrows that work brilliantly. And, yeah, it wouldn't be him doing the voice-over, would it? with black dots on the eyebrows that work brilliantly and yeah

it wouldn't be him doing the voice though would it it would be someone else going you'd probably find that out from the credits of the programme though

couldn't you I've never never I'm one of those people who leaves during the credits oh yeah that was

when I was I used to go to the cinema as a child the curtains were closed so you couldn't read the credits because they were shown Oh, yeah. When I used to go to the cinema as a child, the curtains were closed, so you couldn't read the credits because they were shown over crinkled curtains. People think, no-one stays for that. Came to London, went to the BFI, people sat to the very last. I mean, come on.

033 Nugget, regular correspondent to the show. Frank, read the gladi. You were asking if people still use the phrase the gladi. Are you also familiar with shooting someone an old-fashioned look? Well, I have heard of that. Meaning, i.e., a look of disapproval. Oh, is that what it... I mean, I don't really have any other looks of that.

I was going to say, Frank, that's just every minute. One of the reasons I bring this to your attention, I think that look of disapproval may have been changed amongst the younger generation to a death stare. I think that's what we call that now. I'll give someone evils. In fact, I used that phrase this week when I got a 30-minute death stare from an audience member

that I'd told off two minutes into my set. Did you really? Wow. I know, but I didn't tell you I was going. Wow. How old are people... How old will people think I am in future times when I casually mention that I once got bombed because of D-Day? Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha! This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. We've had several hashtag late reviews on this show over the years, haven't we? And last Saturday, after the show, my son and I went on a few different sightseeing bits in London, one of which was the British Museum. Oh!

And hashtag, I thought I'd been. Hashtag late review, best museum I've ever been to in my life. It's absolutely brilliant. I thought I was there on Thursday. It's great. It's really, really good. I was trying to guess, this is a late review. It's the British Museum.

Turns out a couple of hours are not enough. We're going to have to do several visits. Oh, no, you can't. But we saw for the first time in the flesh, as it were, the Lewis chessmen, who I think are considered friends of this show. Yeah, we've talked about this on here, certainly. You talked about them in great detail.

Just very briefly, they were a series, a set of 12th century chessmen found in the Isle of Lewis. And they're sort of 12th century. Yes, about 900 years old, I'm guessing. And Scandinavian. And there's pieces of around four sets, but not complete.

I believe there are five pieces missing. In fact, Rebecca Leask has got in touch with the show. Good news, Frank. I mean, I think we should let her break the news. Yeah. The lost Lewis Chessman rook has been found in Scotland after nearly 200 years. It would have meant absolutely nothing to me

had I not been schooled by several years of your poddy. Alan told me every day's a school day. Thanks, team. That's from Rebecca. Yes, well, they are brilliant, the Lewis chessmen. And as I've said before, I think the thing that I've... When I first saw them, I just couldn't stop staring at them. And then I found out after they'd...

Strange love rival for Kath. They'd based a... Well, I had a similar thing with Donatello's David, which is a different story altogether, if you see. Yes, I've seen it. You'll see I was exploring whole new parts of my... Keep it to yourself, mate. Oh, I've seen it, my friend.

Keep it up there, mate. Keep it up there. We've all had you, but keep it up there. That's my advice. But... Sounded exploring. I found out there was a children's show that I loved as a kid

called Noggin the Nog was based on these chessmen. So then I realised why I felt this great urge towards them. But I like owls. I was only looking at them the other day. I only looked at them on Thursday.

It reminded me I was on holiday with a bunch of mates when I was a teenager. And we went to see, I think it was a replica of the golden hind, Francis Drake's. Oh, you love a bit of Franny Drake? And there was a parrot on there in a cage. And I was with a mate of mine and he was making this parrot talk. He was absolutely fascinated by it.

And the next day, it was on the radio there, there'd been a fire on this ship, and quite a big damaging fire, and the parrot had perished in, I think, smoke inhalation. That would have been Walter Raleigh. Yeah. Punning his cheap fags over. And my

mate said, oh, I can't believe it. I was only talking to him yesterday. A great moment. Well, the news story is that somebody in Edinburgh has basically had one of the Lewis chessmen

that was missing in a drawer. They've had it in the drawer. I think they've said they discovered it. It's been in the family about 50 years or something like that. Yeah, and it was bought for £5. In 1964. Yes. When everybody else was buying a Hard Day's Night.

Somebody was buying an ivory chess piece. If only it had been a night funny to be the night that would have been perfect hard day's night and it was their granddad who was an antique stealer bought it for a fiver kept it in a drawer what i liked about this family is that apparently their mother would apparently get it out sometimes um just to look at it and and spend time with it they would say she would remove remove the chess piece from the drawer in order to appreciate its uniqueness. I love that idea of an evening inn,

that you just get a rook out of the drawer and look at it. I think we all take it out occasionally to appreciate its uniqueness. God's sake. Oh, dear. But, yeah, I'll tell you what I like about it having seen the chess

the chess men in London and in Edinburgh because they're split up a family rift oh no

they they tend to be they tend to be a sort of a yellowy creamy colour but this one is a really

like browny reddy, quite... Yes. You know, whenever you're... If you're at the seaside and there's that slightly odd old bloke who's super tanned... LAUGHTER

..and lives there and you just think, they've just got, like, trousers on, they're about 70. It looks like that. It's the sort of... I call it gentleman of the road complexion. Yeah, but there's certain seaside ones who are deep ory. This is the Lewis Chester that says, you know what, I think I'm going to move to Bournemouth

and live there forever. Do you know what I thought, Frank? I've got to be honest. I'm not casting aspersion on this, but I just thought possibly Grandad might have liked a ciggy. And maybe Mum did as well. Oh, you think that? I thought they might have been a ciggy. And maybe Mum did as well. Oh, you think that? I thought they might have been a Lambert and Butler family.

That's all. Might have had the telly on the go and the fags. I hadn't thought of that, but you see vaping is going to protect a lot of national trash and that kind of thing. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. The Lewis Chessman we're talking about, Al, he was described by the expert at Sotheby's, where I believe it's due to be,

they reckon it might fetch a million pounds. Oh, man. At auction. And he... That's a lot for one chess piece, isn't it? Especially a rook. When you think you've got to buy the board and then all the other pieces as well,

it really stacks up. I have the replica set of course of course you do got you that what's the queen gonna cost if the rook's going for a cool meal well speaking of the queen who is i must say perhaps my favorite of the of the of the louis chesman she's got plaits i bet she has she's i i she like that. She's sort of the... They can't see. No, yes. Alan just did an impression of what she was like. She has a hand on her face,

but in a sort of an oh, for goodness sake kind of way. Like the king's going on about something and she's going, oh, come on. I like to think it's a bit me and you. And is it all right to call them chessmen when there's a queen? Chess people. Yeah. Well, I'm okay with it, and I'm the woman here,

so I get to decide. Thank you. I just wondered if that... I suppose. The queen is a brilliant character. That one and the berserkers... Oh, they're scary. ...who are sort of biting their shield with sheer rage and need for violence.

Fantastic. The Sotheby's expert described this particular piece. He said he has a big curvaceous beard, which is an interesting way to describe a beard. It is, yeah. He loves his curves. Yeah. Seen celebrating his curves. Yeah.

He loves his curves. Yeah. Seen celebrating his curves. And apparently people, because, you know, the chessmen have been a thing for ages, people often think that they've found one of the chessmen and it turns out it's just one of the replicas that has been in a garden for a while. I could have some fun with that.

You could. You could. But here's the question. I could become a forger. As you say, it's very well known, the Louis Jessamine. I mean, it's a big deal. In Edinburgh. To us.

And to our readers. To us, this is huge news. To most people, this is page nine, two paragraphs. Okay. To us, it's headlines. But you'd think it was big enough. For someone who was an antiques dealer, you'd think he might

spot a Louis Jessamyn wouldn't you it's amazing really isn't it are you suggesting he's not I don't know

but finding it now makes me think you know when you watch Britain's Got Talent and you think where have you been mate this is like series 12

why haven't you come forward before yeah it's a bit like that the fact that no one who saw that thing thought hold on a minute that's one series 12. Why haven't you come forward before? Yeah. It's a bit like that. The fact that no one who saw that thing thought, hold on a minute,

that's one, you know, they're a really distinctive set of things. Although, can I just say they are now, but I would suggest

that back then when he found it in 1964, the Lewis Chessmen, you know, that wasn't their era. No. The Lewis Chessmen

was the 70s sort of They weren't very Mersey beat. Anglo-Saxon, you know, that wasn't their era. Lewis Chessman was the 70s sort of... They weren't very Mersey beats. Anglo sax, you know, it's all that theme in the music, wasn't it? It was the Spinal Tap, Stonehenge vibe. You think that's what? That wasn't their era. I should probably... That'll be it.

Their era. They've had a few eras, to be fair. Frank was a very early adopter of the Lewis Chessman. Oh, yeah. All these Arabists now, and you were there in the unfashionable years. I think that's something I always think is slightly bad taste with the Lewis Chessmen,

is that they are made out of walrus ivory. Yeah. And when you go to look at them in the case, they've got a picture of a walrus with the big tusks, which you think, oh't don't bring that up like when they put animal animated

pigs on pork scratchings yeah exactly I'm trying to put that to one side what happened to the walrus

don't confront me with it I can't believe they have that on stage yeah great big tusks they're saying if you're looking for walrus ivory

oh no oh no lord shut up Bean If you're looking for Walrus Ivory... Oh, no. Oh, no, Lord. Shut up, Bean. As I said, I was at the British Museum, but I went there mainly, which is often the case. I don't think I've ever been there without going to Room 41, which is the home of the Sotten who uh burial treasures oh yes um which is like anglo-saxon um uh there's a there's a mask and of course the great buckle which is fantastic so i was there with someone from the financial

times who tells me that the it's known as the Pink Lady, the Financial Times. I'd never heard of that. Is it really? I thought that was an apple. Yeah. Oh, well, there you go. Maybe when you're reading it on your tablet.

Oh, yeah. Anyway, so suddenly, who should turn up but Janina Ramirez? Do you know her? The TV historian? Oh yes, no I do know who that is You know her if you saw her straight away and isn't there something lovely about, I was excited to see her

because I've watched a lot of her and read one of her books in fact Have you? But when you see someone and they are exactly where you think they should be, like that. Great for the memory as well.

Oh, but to bump into Janina Ramirez, and she just happens to be in the Anglo-Saxon room at the British Museum. If you were to bump into her at the Sheffield Crucible when you're there to watch the snooker, you might take a while to remember where you know her from. Yeah, and also... It's not in context as much. It'd be less satisfying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I once while to remember where you know her from. Yeah, and also... It's not in context as much. It'd be less satisfying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I once went to a party in Wales. I was in Wales and somebody said, do you want to go to a party tonight? And I went and Alan Jones was there and it just felt so right. I like to think he's at every party in Wales. But when we did Fantasy Football, we had Chas and Dave on and they were nearly

an hour late, and we got a call from the researcher saying, I'm sorry about this, they insisted on stopping at a pie and mash. Well, that's fine. That's absolutely fine. When Shane McGowan was late, because, can you guess, they wouldn't let him on the plane at Dob was late, it was because, can you guess, they wouldn't let him on the plane at Dobblings. He was so drunk. Perfect. Oh, I mean, that is perfect. I ran into Alan Carr this week.

Sorry, hover that up there. Yeah. In Hyde Park whilst doing a dog walking podcast. Okay. And I liked it because the first thing he said to me was, he goes, oh, hello, love. Have you got a wet wipe? I was like, very Alan Carr. Very Alan Carr. I liked it, because the first thing he said to me was, oh, hello, love, have you got a wet wipe? I was like, it's very Alan Carr.

Very Alan Carr, indeed. I knew it was him at that point. See, meeting people in the right place... I met Alan Carr in Old Compton Street once, and he said, fancy meeting me here. Yeah. In case you don't know, Old Compton Street is a famous... I suppose it's a famous gay area. It's one of the... a rainbow street, isn't it? Yeah. In case you don't know, Compton Street is a famous, I suppose it's a famous gay area.

It's one of the, a rainbow street, isn't it? Yeah. And it's the great thing about the, about meeting Janina Rumi, one of the first things I said to her was, so, what are you, colonisation or invasion?

Did you throw that little, what a chat-up line. Yeah. But it was great. For a niche market. Did she pick a team? Pardon? Did she pick a team?

Yes. Did she? She was mainly colonisation with the odd skirmish. Okay, okay. And also, we posed for a photo in front of the mask, and I said, so, Radwald, which is what people think. She said, absolutely, definitely, which I didn't think she'd go that far.

You asked good questions. She must have been impressed. I mean, there were route one questions in context, but even so. Yeah. Well done. Yes. Not like, you know, where do you get those shoes? Yeah. Obviously. Mr. Fardavast. Yeah, right. Wouldn't you

have said you haven't got 20 quids at the end of the week? How much are those shoes? I've got a... I must have told you this before. I've got an Anglo-Saxon coin. Have you? Which, I mean, it's got Ethelred the Unready on it. Really?

Remember her? Yeah. Yeah. Ethelred the Unready, what I particularly like about him is he was a pawn. Yes. Oh, yes, of course he was. Because Ethelred, it actually doesn't mean unready, it means ill-advised unready in that.

And his name means well-advised. So his name was well-advised means ill-advised unready. And his name means well-advised. So his name was well-advised, ill-advised. Oh. Come on, you've got to love him. Why was he called the unready? Because... What particular incident do you think he was connected to? Poor bloke. He had a really long reign.

You know the way they say, like with Theresa May, they say stuff like, well, you know, if it hadn't been for Brexit, she might have been a really good prime minister. He was, unfortunately, he was in charge when the Vikings came back. That's not good news. And so was Unready a reference to the fact that he went, oh, no, what are we going to do?

We should have been training. As I say, it's ill advised so he just made a few errors tactically. I feel for him. I mean, everyone's got their thing, haven't they? Also that time he turned up to work with a suit and trainers on and people went, you're not ready.

Well, they think that this coin I've got which has got a great picture of him on it. He's got one of the, he looks like he's got a great picture of him on it. He's got one of the... It's not just a great picture of him. I mean, how many have you got to compare it to? Well, yes, you're right. It's not on your camera roll.

But it's just a great picture. You could see him in Camden Town High Street. He looks like he's got the mohawk. And he looks slightly startled. It's brilliant. We can put a picture up on our Instagram. Yeah, I'd like to see that. There aren't enough Anglo-Saxon coins on Instagram.

There probably are. There probably are. What do I know? There aren't many on commercial radio feeds, I should think. I just love the idea of Jen's head as sort of a thing. Have you checked out Frank's gram? Oh, my God. He's got Ethel Redley on ready.

I think that could happen. I like it. But anyway, they think that this coin, bear with me, is part of the Dane gelt. So when the Vikings came, instead of fighting them sometimes, they just bribed them and said, go away. So, you know, when Gemma Collins fell through that trap door and the BBC, this is allegedly, she said,

to avoid legal action they offered a celebrity master chef it's like that that's what they did with the Vikings I love it and so is this story about the Lewis chess man being valued at Sotheby's made you think

maybe I'll take the coin and just walk past it's not tempting I think it's worth about 400 quid is it? but it's a beauty valued at Sotheby's, made you think, maybe I'll take the coin and just roll past there? No, no. I think it's worth about 400 quid. Is it? But it's a beauty. I love it. Just to hold it in my hand and imagine some little Anglo-Saxon man going to the Vikings and saying,

is this any good to you? I liked it. When they discovered this Lewis Chessman, I like the Sotheby's expert who found it. I think it might have been one of the most middle-class reactions or moments of drama ever. He said, oh, my goodness, it's one of the Lewis Chessman. Oh, my goodness, it's lovely, isn't it?

I mean, that's like, talk about Archer's cliffhanger. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah, that's not the Archer's. No, that's the Stenders, but that was my reference. It would be better on the Archer. It was hardly Stenders. I can That's EastEnders, but that was my reference. It would be better on the artist. It was hardly EastEnders. I can't imagine EastEnders ending like that. Exactly.

I don't think they'd do that. It'd be better if they had some sort of Anglo-Saxon music. It's one of the Lewis Chessmen. I just realised then I don't know what Anglo-Saxon music is. Does anyone? No. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio.

This is from Karen. What other radio station can you get a history lesson on? Hashtag Anglo-Saxon coin. Hashtag Frank the teacher. And then three crying laughing emojis. Oh. Well, we've also inadvertently had a teaching moment ourselves, haven't we? Because Frank asked the general public,

what does the D in D-Day stand for? And we've since had, you know, a wave of text saying it actually stands for day. Yeah. I didn't see that coming. And now we've had another text saying, I used to teach and the D in D-Day stands for designated, so it's designated day.

That simple. Oh. Well, hang on. Wisdom of crowds over the one expert. What are we going with here? Well, I'd like the idea of going out with a group of friends that are all drinking except me, and I'd be the D driver. I could live with that.

Yeah. Well, anyway, that's each other's role. We've got a bit of business to clear up from last week's show, which admittedly we should maybe do it earlier, but here we are. We do. It's nice to do that, though. Yes, we've had an ongoing discussion about,

it's illegal in America to sell a non-edible item within an edible item because it's a choking hazard. So they stopped Kinder Eggs there. Yes. For that reason. item because it's a choking hazard. So they stopped Kinder Eggs there. Yes. For that reason.

But someone pointed out that fortune cookies seem to break that rule. The FC breaks the rule. Yeah, but we've got a fortune cookie email which is It's from Tim. Okay. He says, Dear Frank and Friends. Oh, I like that. We sound like woodland friends. A range of toys. Frank and Friends sounds like a

cartoon series based on the Frankenstein monster and his friends. All with serrated trouser bottoms. Yes. Dear Frank and Friends, you were talking about fortune cookies, which reminded me of a mystery which has haunted me for many years. I once opened a fortune cookie

to find the following message. Wow, a message from your teeth. I still sometimes lie in bed wondering what it could mean. Any ideas, Tim? Frank Skinner. I wonder if one of the ways they get round selling the fortune cookie against the law is, you know when you get like magicians say,

hold on, what's that behind your ear? And they take out a coin and it was always in their hand. Maybe the suggestion is that you sort of, when you put it in your mouth, you've already got a message in there. And maybe that's the police saying, wow, a message from your teeth yeah right do you think that could be here i can't think of any other explanation

unless there was a message on the back that said something like you know less sugar please or something yeah well that's what i wanted whether that's what it is are they laughing at are they poking fun at themselves i think this is bored factory worker putting in smart Aliki comment into a fortune cookie. I'll tell you what it could be. You know when you see like say for example Chinese things translated into English and

they don't quite add up. It could be that. Well I think because we as we have discussed previously on this show we lack tone, with the written word. I thought you meant we do. I think we lack tone. We do on occasions, yeah.

We absolutely lack tone. We've been lacking tone for ten years. But while I see sarcasm here, I see dead people, I also see sarcasm. Wow! It could be that. A message from your team. Or maybe it's... That's a great term.

Maybe it's the fortune cookie company pretending that they've got nothing to do with the message. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't us. It must have come from your team. All right, Shaggy. Yeah. Oh, I wish I had a really tall sandwich.

Shall we just race through that last email? Oh, we had another one that was just at the... Sometimes they just come in right at the end of the show. Hi, everyone. I thought of Frank this week when I saw a man cycling down the street backwards on a BMX with his bottom sat on the handlebars... Wow.

..whilst managing to pedal and smoke a cigarette at the same time. Goodness me. I've never wanted a person to fall off a bike more. No. Four exclamation marks. I was talking about normally a kindly man, if ever I see anyone on a bike not holding the handlebars,

I so want them to fall off. I mean, and that man. Imagine the joy of seeing him go down yeah anyway thank you very much for your emails have you got any thoughts

on this week's show we can read them out next week there you go if the good lord spares us and the Greeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week

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