The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Mr Happy and the Twins

Episode Date: November 24, 2018

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank took Buzz to his first England Football game and went to Birmingham to receive a medal... he also made it on to a less flattering top 50 list. As well as all of that, the team discuss Noel Edmonds in the jungle, Snoop Dogg and Christmas Dinners.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Morning. Hi Frank. Morning, erm, Peter. Morning, Eugene. I've got a slight problem this morning. My hair's too silky for my headphones.

Is it? Isn't that a Right Said Fred song? He was too sexy for all sorts of things. How have you made it? Entire countries. How have you made it so silky? Oh, this sounds like an infomercial. Yeah.

I don't know. You're not going to tell us. I use a bamboo shampoo. Shouldn't the voice be dubbed on? I should go, Hi, how did you make your hair so silky? Is that Bloke saying that bloke slightly out of sync with his own mouth and i'll speak in a very high-pitched voice i use bamboo shampoo is that

what he did what did he bamboo yeah it's got a bamboo there's a lot of adverts for bamboo yeah i love the socks you love the hairspray yeah yeah what your bamboo? I love the old World War II torture with bamboo. We've all got different... It's so versatile. I'm going to sit with the socks if it's all the same to you. I'm good with the conditioner, thanks Al. Yeah, it gets all that dirt

from under the fingernails, the bamboo torture. Anyway... Early for the torture jokes, isn't it? Let me tell you. 807 torture. Never too early for torture. Forgive me, but my voice is a little bit film advert this morning. It's a bit, I'm the most talked about film of the year.

Arnold Schwarzenegger. From the Midlands. The most talked about film from the Midlands of the year. Arnold Schwartz. From the Midlands. The most talked about film from the Midlands of the year. He could get work as that man, whoever that man is. Couldn't you, Frank? The things I remember from when I think of Midlands film, I

just think of going to the cinema when I was a kid and there was an advert. You used to get this... You know when sitar begins, it sounds like someone's dropped it down the stairs. It goes... You're right, Ravi. And then it's a picture of a couple enjoying Indian food

in an Indian restaurant. Oh, yeah. And a voice would say, you don't have to go all the way to India for Indian food. I'm sure there's nobody thinks thinks that. Is there in Birmingham? Is there anyone in Birmingham who thinks, oh, really?

In that case, I might try it. I always remember... And then you'd get a voice at the end, like someone shouting from a passing bus, only 30 yards

from this cinema. Oh, God. By the way, I was listening to it in the car. Not on the car. I didn't come in listening to it in the car. Not on the car. I didn't come in next to a big toffee on the top of a car. Dancing on the roof, like over as you were in England, celebrators.

Yeah, or in fame. Remember, they all danced on the cars. Oh, I loved that. See, that's good car roof dancing. Yeah, you wouldn't want it on your car roof, though, am I right? Oh, no. That sound. When it goes in.

I wouldn't like that. Awful. Okay, anyway. So the driver had Smooth FM on and the guy played Don't Go Breaking My Heart. Oh, yeah. He said, Kiki D there with the star of the John Lewis Christmas ad. And he said, a lot of Christmas ads on at the moment. And then he said, I have to admit, it's making me feel quite Christmassy.

Then he went into the next song. That's a link. That's a link. Yeah, yeah. Get a robot. Get a robot. You're wasting money if that's a link. Get a robot. You're wasting money if that's a link.

Get a robot. Where were your mentions of torture? Yeah, exactly. No torture references. I mean, what's going on? Get a robot, smooth. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We've heard from the outside world, Frank. This is Glenn from Kinver. Oh, Kinver, yeah, I know Kinver. Is that Scotland? No, no, no. Kinver is sort of south-west Midlands, sort of that sort of Malvern-y type of thing. Oh, yeah, so not far. Kinver Edge, I remember, used to be a nice bit.

Go on. Good morning team. Whatever happened to, we're going straight into a whatever happened to Frank. Peach Melbourne. Peach Melbourne. Actually, I don't know if I've ever had it. What is, Glenn from Kinver continues, what is Peach Melbourne? I remember

hearing about it a lot as a child in the 80s, but I never actually encountered it. Well, it's named after Dame Nellie Melba, isn't it?

I don't know if she was either. Soprano. Yeah. Good info. But, so I think it's peach and ice cream based, but I never,

we never had stuff like that. We never had dessert at Harrow's, ever. Didn't you? Never. If we went to Auntie Doreen's, we had Smarties encosted.

Oh, that's so adorable. That's actually quite trendy in East London. There's probably a buffet with that. Well, if you push them across the skin of the costas, you used to get those like fireworks. Used to leave like a trail of colour behind. What I didn't like about Aunty Doreen's house

is you had to ask permission to leave the table. Oh, really? There's a lot of that in our house. Was she quite formal, Aunty Doreen? Yes, sometimes I'd sit there for ages wanting to get away from the table, but just not able to sum up the courage to say, please may I leave the table, but just not able to sum up the courage to say, please, you have to say, please, may I leave the table, for goodness sake.

Oh, I hate manners. Peach Melba, Frank. I love them, yeah. As I recall, came in a little sort of stainless steel, a bit like where doctors keep the instruments. Do you remember? You know those little stainless steel sort of kidney-shaped dishes? Did you?

Sometimes you'd have desserts in the 70s. Oh, really? Producers nodding. Oh. And it was one scoop of ice cream, one half peach. Oh, well, there you go. I think I summed it up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's basically peaches and ice cream. A peach, a ice cream. I wonder what Dame Nellie Melba... I mean, no plurals there. It's like the thing I said, but less good. Yeah. Less of it and less good.

So they were at the canteen at the Royal Opera House one night and Dame Nellie went in and said, I'll tell you what, I have a bit of ice cream. Can you give me one? I have a peach with it. And everyone said, oh. Was she from Birmingham? I believe she was. Oh. We? I have a peach with it. And everyone said, oh. Was she from Birmingham? I believe she was. We'll call that a peach Melba.

God, naming things is pointless, isn't it? If you think about it, just call it a peach and ice cream. Especially if that's it. That's rubbish. Whatever happened to Paul Melba? Remember him? Paul Melba. When I was a kid, he was the sort of John Coleshaw of his generation. Don't know him.

You see, Frank, if you could have food named after you, I mean, the Eggs Benedict, et cetera, et cetera, what would you choose? I mean, I don't want to put you on the spot here, but... I think the banana. Banana skinner sounds good, doesn't it? I don't know what you'd do. Banana skinner.

But what would you do with the banana to give it that particular thing? A few ideas. You could slice it and put a sausage in it. Oh, that's quite a... Well, I mean, it's begging for it, isn't it? You're right.

Yeah. It's got to be something longer. Banana Skinner. Banana Skinner. The names, I've got the name, I just haven't quite got the concept. Do you know there'll be menus

in the Hell's Owen area? Not Hell's Owen. Is that Adrian Charles? Is that where he's from or is that where you're from? That's where I used to teach. Can you believe that? Like I ever stopped. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio.

I went to... Where did you go? I went to the Empire Stadium, Wembley. Is it still called that? Is that what it's called? It used to be called the Empire Stadium, Wembley. People don't talk about Empire much now. You're Empire mad, you empire state building you went to

yeah exactly but I don't know if anyone 8, 12, 15 if any of our readers know is it still called

officially the empire stadium Wembley it certainly was so I went there I took my six year old son Boz to his

first ever England game which is a moment England so exactly so I went to the he's a big fan of he likes England ever England game. Which is a moment. England! So, exactly. So I went to the,

he's a big fan of, he likes England. Oh God, he loves, you know, World Cup. He's got that sticker book.

He loves the old World Cup. So, Has he filled the sticker book yet? You know what he has? What? He hasn't.

It's the first, Can I say I made some fabulous contributions to that sticker book? You did respect him on, you get an honourable mention in the inside sleeve.

Has he filled it, has he? He has, actually. I mean, I've never seen a full Panini stickers album before. I collected them as a youth. Yeah. But a full one is a sight to see. That's great. Then you start getting picky and think,

well, he wasn't even in the squad. But anyway, so I went to the merch store. see that's great then you start getting picky and think well he wasn't even in the squad but anyway um so i went to the merch store so i gave him an england scarf lovely the bloke said uh we don't we don't have any england we got we've only got half and off oh no oh no so i can't bet half england off croatia and I thought, half and half. At first I thought he said half a scowl girl. I thought, what do I want? He's six, he doesn't even remember the minus strike.

No. What do I want a scowl with that on for? I quite like that. I thought I could get one. Well, I'd have one. Christmas is coming. What's he called? Robinson, the bloke who led the...

Yes, I'll remember his name. Tony Robinson, time team. There was an Eric knocking about. I was worried about where that was going. I know. I'm relaxed. There was an American guy they brought in to fight the unions.

They have him on the other side of the scarf in a half and half. It's limitless what you could do with a half and half it's limitless what you could do with a half and half you could have be able to make them for divorce trials with the wife on one side and the husband on the other

I'd love a skin of Badil Badil skin however you say I'd love a half and half I might even do a triumvirate with some lightning seeds in there well could even do a triumvirate with some lightning seeds in there. Well, could you do a triumvirate scarf? Well, you could do them on the tassels. When they had the coalition government,

I wonder if they had half and half rosettes. Because they love a rosette. Politicians are the only human beings half and half rosettes. Because they love a rosette. Politicians are the only human beings that still wear rosettes. All the rest are like pigs and horses and things. That's right. Pigs, horses, dogs, politicians. Those are the rosettes that I'm aware of. Very, very strange thing.

So you didn't get, Baz, the half and half? You know what I did? What did you? You didn't get, Baz, the half and half. You know what I did? What did you? I did because I thought, A, it's a lovely symbol of calm objectivity,

and also it's got the date of the match on it. Oh, nice. I thought quite nice to have. Also, lovely if Uncle Adrian Charles comes round and you haven't got a Christmas present, run upstairs, wrap that up. Perfect, Frank. Exactly. And also drafts, you could play on it.

Yeah, you can play on it. Croatian, no disrespect to the Croatian flag, obviously. I don't like everything you say. I'd say you're giving them extra respect. You're giving them extra respect. Yeah, exactly, extra respect. Shut up about it. If a chef forgets his trousers,

you could bring that in as a nod to the chef's got. Sorry, Frank, you were going to say? If I was at a Grand Prix and come to the last lap and they're like, hold on a minute, where's me? Oh no, left me flagging me other trousers.

How much was this scarf? It's got more functions than a Swiss army knife. It is. I wanted to set up very quickly at no notice a New York comedy club, and I needed a tablecloth. Oh, yeah. OK. Put a little candle on it. Very good.

Very good. Well, it's... It's not fire hazard, but... I'm calling it... Not someone to half and half. I'm calling it loyalty fluid. Oh, yeah, yeah. Loyalty fluid scarf.

But do you know what the bloke said to me at the store? He said, to be honest, mate, he said, we don't sell many scarves of any kind now. He said he's dying out a bit, the football scarf. Is it? I thought, well, that's one aspect of global warming that hasn't been discussed. Yeah, people buy the shirt and stuff

but they don't, the football scarf, not such a... You know what, I think this might be the first breaking news that we've done for a while. We've done a lot of whatever happened to but this is breaking news. What about when you said... We did when Arj disappeared. Oh yeah, let's bring breaking news into the show.

Get a bit more modern. I can't, I mean you still see that thing when the whole crowd raise their scarves, don't you? Can't do that with a replica shirt. I think people are much more into the designer wear now and it's logo mania.

This is what's happened, you see. They want the logos, don't they? Late review. The Frank Skinner Show. Listen live every Saturday morning from 8 on Absolute Radio. So, it wasn't a bad beginning to watch in England. England, A, I thought played really well.

And when a goal down equalised 12 minutes to go and then his favourite player, Harry Kane, got the winner. You know he follows the black chicken he loves oh he loves the black chicken in case you don't know that's how my child

refers to the Tottenham badge yeah but then to top it all at the end they put they put on

three lions four blast and I thought it's not bad is it your favourite player gets to win in goal and they play your dad's song. I mean, I was watching him.

He was just standing there waving this England flag as the whole of Wembley was doing the Three Lions thing. And I thought this has got to be one of the happiest moments of my entire life. It was just brilliant. This is

Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. Then, I don't know if you know this, but I am an avid reader. I've got to be careful, because these, there are two magazines, music magazines I read, and I'm going to be up front

about this, they are produced by the same people that own Absolute Radio. Yeah. So, you know. I think that's very noble of you. Exactly. I don't want anyone, but I do. They are noble of you. But I do love them.

So it's Q magazine and Mojo. Yeah. And I read them every month. And if you like music, you like them. If you like music, you like them. But this month, Q, probably last month now, had an article called The 50 Worst Decisions in Modern Music. Oh, I like the sound of that article.

Yeah, well, I mean, you see that on the cover, you think, wow, I want to read that. It's a bit negative. It's everything I want. Yeah. So number 10 in the top 50 was um the operatic version of three lions i don't know if you remember that trevor horn produced it and i was excited to work with trevor horn because of course he um produced the tattoo

um did it songs yeah oh yes you were a big fan of their work. All the things she said, all the things she said running through my head. Running through my head. They did a great version. No one's on trial here yet. I thought you meant the Edinburgh tattoo. I was thinking...

What songs are in that? That's just a few canons, isn't it? Well, I imagine it's all... Yeah, exactly. So, anyway, so that's number ten in the top 50 worst decisions of all time. I mean, it's only one behind Michael Jackson agreeing to do the Martin Bashir interview. Yeah. Which I think was a fairly bad decision.

Did you and David, can I ask a question, please? Can I say, it's ahead. It's ahead in the top ten of Simon Cowell turning down the Spice Girls. Yeah, that seems a mistake. That's so bad a decision. Did you and David have to go into the studio and re-record it with a slightly operatic timbre?

No, we didn't meet the... No, no, we didn't do the operatic tarmbra. Can you imagine that? Yes, I can actually. Well, I'd like to have a day doing that. So you didn't... Okay. I don't... I mean, I don't see it as you being solely responsible for that. Well, no.

But also, I think most people just didn't know it happened. I didn't either. Whereas the Martin Bashir interview, it got a bit of publicity. Quite a bit, yeah. What do you think was Q Magazine's worst decision? Is it someone not signing the Beatles? I'll give you a clue. It's to do with reality television.

Specifically, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. That's a strange number one decision. Worst decisions in modern music, remember. Peter Andre going into the jungle. Well, ooh. Oh? No, it's someone who went in cool. Oh, David Van Dyke, he went in very cool.

No, I don't think he did. Okay, okay. No, it was Preston. Do you remember? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he went in cool. What was his band called? I want to say Sleaf and Mods.

He didn't go to the jungle, though. He went into... Is it Sleaf and Mods? No. Ordinary Boys. Ordinary Boys. I thought they're all sort of Sleaf and Mods. He didn't do the jungle.

He went into Big Brother. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Okay. But he did... He married Chantel H. He went into Big Brother. Oh, is that right? Yeah. But he did. He married Chantelle Houghton. That's right. I don't think it worked out, though.

I might be wrong. Apparently she's very nice, but she's not very sleepy at mods. No, neither is he. He is. He was related to Earl Grey. Madness. He wasn't. That's my favourite fact about Creston. He was related to Earl Grey?

Is that right? Yes. You know, I met him and That's my favourite fact about Creston. He was related to Earl Grey. Is that right? Yes. You know, I met him and he did smell a bit of bergamot. This is Frank Skinner

of Slip Radio. So, I went down to Birmingham this week. Oh, yeah. I went up. Your old stomping Oh, yeah. I went up. Your old stomping ground.

My old stomping ground. I probably did do a bit of stomping at slide gigs. Yeah. Oh, in those platform boots? Yeah. With your full-length leather? I don't think I ever had those. I definitely had platform boots.

No, I won a medal this week which was Congratulations. Thanks very much. I don't win many medals. Yeah. I've got the odd statuette but medals are still thin on the ground. It's for Valor isn't it? You did that what was it? Citizens Arrest

on that Have a Go Hero. Yeah yeah that mugger He's very Have a go hero. You took the full arm up the back, didn't you? Both arms up the back. Nice. It was lovely. I took him in like an oven ready turkey.

No, it was, I'll tell you what it said. It was an outstanding contribution to television. Oh, lovely. Just got that in time. Isn't that nice, mate? Who else got one? Or was it just you? No, just me. He got the medal time. Isn't that nice, mate? Who else got one? Or was it just you? No, just me.

Got the medal. It was like an award ceremony. Well, it was an award ceremony, so it was people winning, you know, best act. But it all had to be Midlands-based. It was Royal Television Society, open brackets, Midlands, close brackets. Lovely.

Did they have it in a nice hotel somewhere? They had it at the Town Hall, for goodness sake. Very 70s. Yeah, nice. A Town Hall event? So they gave out all these awards to loads of people. And so it's like shows that are made in the Midlands was the crux of it. Did you take a plus one?

I took a Keith. Oh, lovely. Did he take a plus one? I took our Keith. Oh, lovely. Did he enjoy it? He did, he didn't like that. There was a bit of walking from hotel to town hall and then up some stairs. And he said you told me it was a posh do. He said I didn't know it was going to be a

ramblers club. Wow. That was even before the speeches. Yeah. I bet there was some rambling during them. Not from yourself. I'm glad you got that in. It's a bit mysterious.

He's sensitive about his little town hall thing. Well, I had a call. Did I tell you this? I said, can you ask your brother if he's got any dietary requirements? I said, I can. But all I'll get back is a joke about beer but he hadn't got any dietary requirements

funnily enough I don't think he's gluten free at the moment Keith is he they've reached my dietary requirements I don't think

it's a bit of a you know it's a bit of a London thing I could be wrong but no he had a great day. Also, I said to him, look, I'll be honest with you,

I've just found out it's a black tie event. Oh, did he put the black tie on? I said, but if you, you know, have a look in the charity shops, they've always got them. He said, I've got one. Yeah. I thought, oh, okay.

Whitey tighty. That's the shade of my piece. Yeah. And did he put his dickie bow on? Oh, he looked great. Yeah. And did he put his dickie bow on? Oh, he looked great. Yeah, so And he bought his unlike you. Well, I don't know where he got it

from. I could smell death on it. There are many people who unless, you know, unless you're part of the sort of intelligentsia, you know, unless you're part of the sort of intelligentsia, you know, I think most people's tuxedos

have had at least one dead man in them. Really? Wouldn't you say? Yeah. I don't think that's true. Apologies, but I think these days they get them at Topman and things. Oh, you can get them in supermarkets now. But what's the point of splashing out on a suit that you're only going to wear once a year, if that?

I think get a dead man's suit. Agreed. Yeah, that's nice for your wedding, anyone listening. Get a dead man's suit. You wouldn't wear a black tie for your... I do black tie. No. A lot of people do black tie for weddings.

Do they? Yes, it's the Americanism that's taking over, Frank. That's ridiculous. I don't take that back. Anyway, do you know what I noticed is one of these things when I went up because it's like

a sort of a I mean it's called the Baird medal there's a picture of John Logie Baird on it oh that's nice who invented

I mean it's a bit route one for a television symbol JLB I worked with him of course in the early days you did

you never yeah they were over at Alley Pally together years ago. Al says you never. No, I didn't. It was a joke. Did I work with John Logie there? It's gone. That's too much. The Frank Skinner Show on Absolute Radio. Back Saturday morning from 8.

Tune in live for the full Frank experience. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. About an hour ago we were discussing a food named after you, weren't we? Yes. Banana Skinner. Banana Skinner. We were talking about the Peach Melba

There's a few of these There's another one that's Like I explained it The Arnold Arnold Bennett Omelette Right Yeah Well 026 has texted

Hi Frank sausage and fruit Frankfurters in banana skinners. See what they've done there. So bad, Frank. Yes. Frank, yeah. They've got all the ingredients. Yeah.

Just telling you. Yeah. And Ashley Roberts. I can't work out why it's not a joke. But it's good. But it's got all the bits. Which would be a great book title. Ashley Roberts, just FYI,

has two full football sticker albums from 1980 and 81. Okay. Well, well done, Ashley. But I want to know, did Ashley just collect them like that? Or did... Could be an Eeyore she

couldn't it or did Ashley or did Ashley have to in the end resort to what I resorted to you know go on the internet do all that I found a man was that what you did yes I found a man online can you help me out what that had specific stickers

just on the street corner two phones he had. Yeah. Yeah. Pervert. Yeah. When I went up to get my medal, my bared medal.

It wasn't that bad. Very good, I think. Lovely. Where was Keith sat for this? Was it like a sort of wedding set up? well we were on a table so he was next to me Adrian Charles presented

keep it in the family my award he always likes to be present at those things remember when you got the star on the walk of fame he came to that one he wanted to get the Walk of Fame himself. Very good.

And he inducted into the radio thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Inducted. What about inducted? It's the word, isn't it? It is inducted, yeah. It sounds ridiculous. How dare you?

That's outrageous. I was inducted anyway. Yeah, so Adrian presented it. Yeah, so when I went up, it was one of those, I hadn't really anticipated this, but it went a bit presented it. Yeah, so when I went up, it was one of those, I hadn't really anticipated this, but it went a bit Vanessa Redgrave. So when I went up, everyone stood up

for a standing ovation in the whole place. That's nice, Frank. It's quite, you know, it's lovely. And then I talked for about whatever it was, ten minutes or so. Did you write a speech or off the cuff? You know me. it was, ten minutes or so.

Did you write a speech or off the cuff? You know me. Nevertheless, did you write a speech or off the cuff? No, I gave it a few thoughts, but there was some off the cuffness based on things that had happened that evening. But then,

like I pointed out, that you can spend, I've spent 30 years writing jokes, but the funniest thing, the biggest laugh of the whole night was a sort of 30 second clip of two dogs walking over piles of steaming excrement. It's properly funny. But anyway, that's what they want. Yeah. But anyway, that's what they want. So when I came off at the end,

somebody said, so please be upstanding for Frank Skinner, and then they stood up again. But they didn't stand spontaneously. So however much they loved me before the speech, they loved me a bit less after. I understand. Not quite enough to stand. this is one of the things it's always puzzled me at west brahmi's that sometimes they get booed off at half time

but then cheered back on i think what is our half time someone saw you know what let's try and be a bit more open-minded about this yeah yeah anyway Anyway, it's a very, very nice evening. And, you know, I meddled, as they say, in the Olympics. Well, I'm very proud of you. Very well deserved. And not many middle-aged men on radio own up to that nowadays. No. No.

But I meddled. Yes. No, it was great. It was a great night out. It was great. It was a great night out. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. Can I ask you a question? Sure.

This was based on my time in Birmingham this week. Sure. When did the German fair become a thing in England? The Christmas market, essentially. It's a real puzzle, isn't it? The German market thing. When did... Well, we did. Didn't we say on the show,

I think we talked once about things that people pretended to like and didn't like, and I did cite the Christmas market as one of them. Did you? Yeah, because I don't... Great point. I don't get the Christmas market, Frank. No, but...

It's nice and crisp, you're eating garlic. It's not crisp on the radio. Sorry, sorry, everyone. Dentures advert. I forgot. Honestly, it was like a dentures advert on radio. It's horrible when you forget, though. It is, I just forgot.

Once it's in, you can't take it. This show is so on light work. Nicest thing you've ever said. Yeah. Yeah, but I like the German market. I like... Often I'm out, I think, oh, God, where can I get a Pinocchio?

Yeah. No, but you can get, like, big hot dog, you know, Frankfurters and stuff like that. I don't need a market. Frank's gonna furtive. But where did they... When I was on tour

about a couple of whatever it was, years ago, I was on tour around the Christmas period and every major town and city we went to, and they're the same. So someone's got

a brilliant franchise. Yeah, like a fold-out German market kit. Yeah. But where did it... 8, 12, 15. Yeah. Where a fold-out German market kit. Yeah. But where did it, when did it, 8, 12, 15? Yeah. Where did it all come from, the German market? And do they have them in Germany?

No, I think they've got like Birmingham markets. Yeah. They're still recovering from the old Oktoberfest. Are they? Here's a question. I don't, I haven't yet watched any of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

I'm enjoying the yet yet well the thing is I'm about to start because I'm led to believe from a perusal of the tabloids that Noel Edmonds is going to join it so he's not on it yet he is in it

oh he's in it now oh he's in it my friend oh I thought he was only about to join it. So he's not on it yet? He is in it. Oh, he's in it now? Oh, he's in it, my friend. Oh, I thought he was only about to join. No, he arrived a couple of days ago. Parachute? Did he really? No, well, he's a helicopter pilot, of course. He is a helicopter pilot.

Oh, I'd forgotten that. He didn't risk it in the jungle. I mean, it'd be hard to land in there. I don't think they get the insurance. I just tied him to a Mr. Blobby parachute and had him float down in. I almost went to a pub once in... Big one.

Me and Cass was at a walking holiday and a bloke landed in the grounds of this country pub in a helicopter. And it's one of these blokes who are very tanned and with an with a an attractive woman and he he dyed his hair and all that he sounds lovely

but the way he landed it was quite a narrow little there was bits great big bits of twig flying across

yeah big chunks of wood flying about where he where the the what what do you call them the

propeller propeller things were catching the trees on the way those really seemed quite scary at the time. Not so much to him, but the people sitting there. Yeah, yeah.

You probably didn't have your woodchipping goggles on, did you? I didn't. No. So Noel Edmonds, he's been there a few days, but he entered as a Roman emperor figure. Did he? And what was interesting was that it was almost like he...

I felt he was casting... From zero to nero. Is that the headline? No, but that's lovely work, Frank. Trim on. I'm really... I wouldn't like to let that settle because I'm really proud of that.

No, really. He... What he did was he cast himself in a very... Which is a very Edmonds thing to do, I think, as the sort of third presenter. Did he? Do you know what I mean? I could tell he thought, well, this is very Edmund's thing to do, I think, as the sort of third presenter. Did he? Do you know what I mean?

I could tell he thought, well, this is a bit lowly for me. I'm not going to be one of these ones. I'm a bit different. So he was the emperor sort of dispensing justice, and he gets his own quarters. He's sharing a room with Harry Redknapp. Well, that's hardly your own quarters. He's had to choose a special assistant,

and he's chosen Harry. Who's Harry? Harry's the breakout star of the show. I mean, come on, he's amazing. I can imagine that, but I could also imagine him and Noel not seeing eye to eye. No, the only tension so far has been John Barrowman and Noel. Oh, has he?

I'm afraid I will always side with Barrowman. Will you? Well, Frank, he's already said to the lady from the chase, he got a bit tearful and he said, because she was having a tough time, and he said, oh, I think he said, I'll be your Captain Jack. What, he said to the Duchess?

He said, I'll be your Captain Jack. Oh, lovely. It's brilliant. I love John Barrowman. And then he said, who's your favourite Doctor Who? And she said, well, I've always had a soft spot for David Tennant. And he welled up and they high-fived. Oh, Frank.

I'd like to. I must tune in. I think I might start watching now. He's brilliant. I mean, yeah, I'd like him and Noel to have a hand-to-hand combat thing. Yeah. Imagine the pleasure of seeing John Barrowman absolutely physically hammered.

Do you know when you get him in an armlock and punch him in the face? Do that over and over till Noel's all matted blood in his beard. Anyway, we shouldn't be talking like this. Can I say, if there's any children listening, violence is a terrible, terrible thing. In almost every context.

This is Frank Skinner of Slip Radio. Frank, what I'm loving about The Jungle this time round is that they put in this guy from Hollyoaks, Malik, I think it is, and a man from The Vamps to appeal to, you know, as eye candy, if I'm honest, to appeal to the young ladies. But no, no. The breakout hotties are Nick Knoll's Harry Redknapp and a little bit noel edmonds as well i'm gonna go yes yes the middle-aged men this is their martin mccutchen moment

they are the stars well he noel is a bloke who has barely changed since about 19 I mean I can't think of a celebrity off the top of my head who looks you know he is he provides continuity in an ever changing world he has barely changed at all

and I don't know if he's got a very very ugly portrait in his attic but I always think with those blokes that it is fear of not being recognised. Right. So that's why they keep exactly the same look. If he got rid of his beard, like... Yeah, yeah. Did you ever tell someone...

David Baddiel wrote a short film about an incident, partly about an incident that had happened with me and him. So he said, well, you come and play yourself, but you need to play yourself in 1996 or whatever it was. So I put on some clothes from that era and I combed my hair pretty much like it was then. And I lived quite near then to London Studios, so I walked along the river to the studios on the way in.

And I've never had so many people recognise me. Because that's how they, that's, you know, I'm still that bloke from fantasy football to most people. Right, yeah. So if I'd have kept that exact look, I could, you know, I could still be... You could have lots more people taking selfies. So that's what it is. You could have loads more chats about football

than you currently do. That's why Willie Thorne, the snooker player, has kept the moustache and dyes it black so people think, oh, look, there's Willie Thorne. Yeah. Well, the good thing about Noel is he's nearly 70. What is the good thing about Noel? I'll tell you exactly, Alan Cochran.

Shouldn't tell. His hair is still lovely and blonde. Even though he's 70, it's a beautiful blonde colour, Frank. It's still sunning, I think. You think? If you put sun in before you have like a month in Australia, it's going to really come off I think he still talks about Son

He's still going to come off Taking off the mark No, he's one of those blokes, Noel Who, there are three ways to do well in telly You can be funny, interesting Let's write this down Okay Well, you know, I've got my notepad

Here's the three categories you can be to do well. Funny. No, I haven't got that. Number one, funny. Number two, interesting. Number three, lucky. Right. Lucky, you're a leader.

Another word for lucky is a broadcaster. If you're ever described as a broadcaster, that means... That's how I describe myself, I think. I'm happy to go with the lucky. I think lucky's good. No, no, but you're a quotable person. Quotability is the test. How many Noel Edmonds one-liners can you come up with?

None. But I do have some challenges on things Noel has said. Frank is getting a cool 600k. No respect. That's a lot of Cuban heel. Yeah that is. But you know my view, get a robot. Skinner, Dean

and Cochran. Together the Frank Skinner Show. So you said that number two on your list for success in television is to be interesting. Well, you can do it with that. It's an ingredient. I think Noel Edmonds is interesting, but he's really... Offstage, though, really.

Yeah, I think he's in danger of not being as interesting as he really is in some of these interviews that he's done. I wish he was weirder on telly like he is off. That would be more interesting. He said that he's prepared to retire from television if he wins, and he said that the British

public might have had enough, and he said something like that he's like Marmite and I thought that's a bit uninteresting it comparing yourself to Marmite because people are from a distance looks like X-Crumbs and he's got a chromium yellow top yeah he said I said exactly what he said how I've had a fantastic relationship with the British public I may be Mar public. I may be Marmite. So have I. One at a time, mate. I may be Marmite, but there's a hell of a lot of people

that seem to like Noel's version of Marmite. Alan likes it when Noel talks about himself in the third person. Alan's just going to say, great third person work there. I don't know if there's a hell of a lot, but I always... Very 70s TV presenter, hell of a lot as well I don't people I see I think with Noel that people I

don't think people mind him being on telly I don't know if they feel strongly about it like that I don't know if the next thing you say I don't mind

him being on I don't I mean he's more Nesquik than Marmite but when he was a bit massive in the 70s but I don't mind the fact you can still get it

so straight after the cliche of comparing himself to Marmite in a love or hate way, he then goes, 50 years is long enough. The British public might have had enough. I mean, we've got enough problems with Brexit. And I was like, oh, that's another... He's two in a row. I will forgive him if he just really wants to talk about Brexit.

If he spends the whole time in the jungle just discussing Brexit. I don't think he'll win it, though. How is he in the locusts? Never mind that. I really want to know what Claude Juncker has said to Theresa May. But he does. It's interesting, because when he was saying that thing about if I win the crown, I'll quit TV for good.

I mean, are you on TV? I mean, you're not on, so you can't. It's like Pete Best saying, I'm leaving the Beatles. Or Andrew Cole retiring from international football. That decision is somewhat out of your hands. Also, it won't pass. If he wins it and gets a phone call the following week saying, we want you to host this game show,

do you think he's going to say no because he's done a deal with the British public? No deal, that's what that'll be. Oh, lovely. But if someone says I'm like Marmite, they suggest that some people really love them. And I don't know if that's... Who have you heard anyone say,

I tell you, I love that Noel Edmonds? Well, it's funny you should say that. This is going to be the Jonathan Ross story. No, this is... He was one of my first crushes when I was a child. Was he really? I really was quite obsessed by him. And he was on a show called Saturday Swap Shop,

which you'll be familiar with. Oh, yeah. And I just used to look at the telly, and I thought, if I just had a man like that, everything would be okay. It was a swingers telly, didn't it? Like Channel 4. I remember it, yeah.

Well, Jonathan Ross told me, and you must know this story, that he once sat next to Princess Diana, and she said, I'm very envious of you because you meet so many famous people. And he said, well, you know, you meet more famous. She said, oh, yeah, but I meet sort of statesmen and stuff like that. But I'd like to meet more, you know, celebrities.

He said, well, who would you most like to meet? And she said, Noel Edmonds. And he said, I'm sure someone could. It was like when Lucy Pinder said to me that her ambition was to hold a chimpanzee. I said to her, surely your agent

can sort that out. It's a very similar ambition in many ways. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. Someone said it sounds like Frank has had a rhyme with Noel in the dim and distant past. Hashtag a problem shared.

Care to share why? A grudge exists. I have no... I don't have a problem with null. I think it could happen. Oh, it could. But no, I think he wrote to me once, actually. Did he? Yeah.

Love letter. I asked him to be on the chat show and he wrote quite a long letter. Saying he wasn't up for it? I'm talking about television I think. Just talking about, you know. Oh really? In a sort of, you know we know, don't we?

Oh that's nice. Okay. I'll tell you what though, he did a bad thing. What, Noella? Yeah, he did a thing which I cannot excuse. I'd like his calendar, Noella? Yeah, he did a thing which I cannot excuse. I'd like his calendar, Noella. I would as well, I hope he could. I wonder what he'd wear for December.

Big jumper? Probably. Anyway. He started the ironic Christmas jumper, of course. Anyway, as you say. Was it ironic? Well, you're right, it wasn't when he passed away. Don't you think?

Okay, hashtag a problem shared. What happened? Crinkly bottom, that's all I have to say on the comedy front. OK. He said, I can barely bring myself to repeat this, but he said, so in the shower, do people wear their swimming costumes or do they go in naked, he said, because I don't think the British public

are ready for Mr. Happy and the Twins. He did say that. And now, for a start off, if I had any sort of share in the Mr. Men franchise, my legal people would have been in like a shot. What about Jedward? They'd have something to say as well. Oh, no, please, Mr. Happy and the twins.

I think Noel is like, you know the mandrill ape? Yes. Whose private part look exactly like their faces. So they can be attractive from both sides. That's what I suspect. Bit of sodding. I think Noel is the type of man, I think he calls his life partner, my lady.

Oh, maybe. I think he does. I don't mind that, but Mr Happy and the twins. What did Hitler call his? A single parent. A single parent. Hitler called is the exclamation mark

please please stop this is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean

and Alan Cochran follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio or email the showner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I don't feel like we've had much outside world contact. Well, Roger Cook's been in touch. Oh, OK. I mean, not that cookie. No.

He's on the doorstep. Do you remember him? He made doorstepping famous. Oh, Roger Cook. He used to get threatened and stuff. Oh, and hit. Yeah. to get threatened and stuff. Oh, and hits. No, this one is just saying he's been watching videos of your speech

at the RTS Midlands Awards. Brilliant, apparently. Keep up the good work. Was this the award you went to? This is me medal. Oh, this is your medal. Yes. The bed.

I sort of got the bed. We've had other outside worlds. Well, this is your medal, yes. The bed. That's what I got, the bed. Oh, yeah. We've had other outside worlds. Adrian did a lovely speech, actually. Did he? What did he do? It was about my favourite subject. Oh, you?

Yeah. What did he say? It was really... Yeah, it was lovely. I was very moved by it. That's great. Adrian spoke before you receive awards quite often. I wonder if he's just got like a boilerplate letter

that he can just read out. I've got to do Frank's award ceremony. I'll pull out speech number five. Yeah, it's about time I did one for him. Nice. Oh, with a backhand to compliment that one. 848 has texted, frank and the gang whatever happened to celebrity shoplifters that does seem to have gone away don't you know that has who were there is it that's all right richard madley not that's the spirit not, but I mean... Absent-minded. Who's just absent-minded? Not convicted.

He'd be in the Venn diagram. Yeah. Exonerated. Winona Ryder, wasn't it? Winona Ryder. I don't know if she is exonerated. Not exonerated. Done and done.

And there was the woman of What's My Line. What was she called? Lady Somebody. That ended tragically. I don't know. Anthony Warrell Thompson. Anthony Warrell Thompson. Anthony Warrell Thompson. Was he one?

Is he still with us? Can I just say, is he still with us? He only took a pinch of turmeric. I just want to check he's still with us. It's more expensive. But you're right, though. It's a good question. They're not as fashionable as they were.

What's the first thing you ever stole from a shop? I stole, and I'm not proud of this... I'm not suggesting you're proud of it. ...erasers that went on the top of pencils. Good choice of word. Yes, thank you. The troll one. One of those troll ones with the hair.

I've avoided robbers for some time there. Was it? Yeah, there were little sort of figure-y ones. I can't remember what the figure was. Did they have long hair, though? Yeah, the original troll. You remember those. Not that.

That was the first. What was the first thing you stole from a show? Well, mine was two things. And mine was actually, I think, I might have had kleptomania without realising it. I'm not over-diagnosing myself, but they were so weird. It wasn't things I could benefit from. It was a small tube of glue from a hardware store in Australia.

Don't like the sound of that. Well, not do I. Why did I steal it? And a plastic bag. No, the other thing was really weird. It was from an off-licence. It was from an off-licence and it was a sort of a miniature bottle of something like Campari or something like that.

And I don't know why I took it. Glue and Campari, my favourite. Yeah, these are a few of my favourite things. And of course, my mother made me take them back to each shop and apologise, and it was a very middle-class thing to do. Yeah. What about you, Frank Skinner?

Mine was the Kinks album uh moswell hillbillies and i remember i hung my jacket oh it's a proper vinyl album i hung my jacket so it was like a coat hanger and carried it out it must have looked why i thought that would not so the jacket was like sitting on the top of the album as I carried it out. A square-headed friend. No one stopped me. Did you get away with it? I did.

Congratulations, but we don't... I had many hours of pleasure from that album, but can we say officially that shoplifting's a very bad thing? Yeah. Obviously. Theft of any kind. Tune in next week to the Moral Maze. Exactly, yeah, where we talk about doing something and then say

it's bad. You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. I was just reading about people who've been sending from the outside world other celebrity thefts. Oh yeah. No, but then it turned out to be a joke.

Yeah, it's a joke, joke. Yeah. Okay. We don't want jokes on this show. 007, you know we used the last three letters of three numbers of someone's phone number to identify the person that sent a message. Someone was asking why that is... Oh, come on.

It's just easier. Well, we do their names if they put their names, don't we? But they don't always put their names. Well, Liz has texted, but her phone number ends in 007, so it seems wrong to not use that. 007 has texted, Peach Melba equals peaches, ice cream and raspberry sauce. She's right.

We were missing one of the three key ingredients. There's a drizzle of raspberry on the scoop. She said it's on my menu at work and popular with my old folks. I think she probably... That's embarrassing that I knew. Thanks for that, love.

What about going back to Noel Edmonds? He said he'd been eating worms from his garden. Hashtag a problem shared. Was that a joke? I think he might be serious. And this is the Noel that we want on the television, the guy who eats worms in his garden.

That's to get him used to I'm a celebrity. Yeah, he got it ready. He said... Couldn't he reach Mr Happen? He got it ready. He said... Couldn't he reach Mr Happen? He said there are now no worms in our garden, and it says in the paper he joked,

but I don't know for certain that we've got proof that he was joking. Well, Ian has been in touch to say, Guten Morgen, Herr Frankengang. Guten Morgen. Surely Noel Edmonds can't be discussed without mentioning his belief that his deceased parents are encased in orbs floating at his shoulders. That's true.

So we should say if he believes in the parental orbs that shoulder height, then it's not too much of a stretch to imagine he'd eat worms. Well, I mean, the whole cosmic order, and I heard him talking about that. And he said you literally write a list of what you want and say it out loud and then the cosmos delivers

it to you. Sounds like Christmas. Even a cardo doesn't bring you exactly what's on the list. You get some sort of substitute stuff. I think there's a Cosmic Ordering substitutes list. I mean,

how could anything go wrong for Noel Edmonds if that's what of substitute stuff. Do you think there's a Cosmic Ordering substitutes list? No, I mean, it just sounds, how could anything go wrong for Noel Edmonds if that's what Cosmic Ordering is? Well, you say that there was an example. I think someone might have put it on Twitter this week, Frank, where he'd been interviewed by the journalist John Ronson, I believe. Oh, yes. And he'd said in the course of this interview,

you know, Cosmic Ordering works. I asked for a wonderful lady to come into my life for an uncomplicated, stress-free relationship. And three weeks later, she did. And John Watson said, is that the one who just sold her story to the Sunday People? And Noel Edmonds said yes. Oh, brilliant. So there you go. So cosmic ordering, I'm just saying there's sometimes a tax to pay on the order.

Wow. But it's good that he took it that well. What if Noel Edmonds had ate a worm and died? Just all those years of being a fairly middle-of-the-road broadcaster and then going out on the most amazing worm-based finale. What a story that would have been. I mean,

you don't know for sure. I wouldn't be safe, I wouldn't feel safe eating an earthworm. I'm worried. It's the fashion that reports

with you on the gist. I know. What if it went the other way? What would the headline be? What would the headline be? 8-12-15 if Noel Edmonds

ate a worm and died. Okay, let's see how that goes. This is Frank Skinner of Snoop Radio. OK. Can we talk about Snoop Doggy? Dog. What's my name, what's my name?

Keep it clean. Well, he's had, he's sort of reinvented himself a bit. Snoop Doggy Dog. Many times. Hasn't he? Didn't he at one point reinvent himself as Snoop Lion? Well, he's reinvented himself from many roles in his previous. Yes. He's the man who once said.

I'm sorry. Imagine if Frank passed away in the mid Snoop Doggy Dog anecdote. That would be worse than worms. He once said he gave up Pimpin' so he could spend more time with his family. That was my favourite thing.

Oh, man. Like the Tory MP did at the moment. I mean, he gives good quotes. He does. I mean, he's had a checkered dirt. He's had a checkered dirt and I like, well, there's much to say about Snoop Doggy Dog this morning, but...

I'll tell you what the thing about, you know, I used to be, I don't really listen to rap now but i used to be mega into it if you remember you went through what i call a bit of a west coast phase he was um well i did both the coasts okay but he he gang trouble don't want any trainers hanging he has got. He's got a great voice for rapping. His voice sounds like some back alley in the middle of the night with steam coming up from the grid and two people talking. It's got all that in it.

I mean, he was blessed with the right voice. There was a softness which I like. He doesn't shout as much as some of the others. They're very shouty, a lot of them. Dre likes to shout. A lot of the time when I hear hardcore rap, I find myself saying language, Timothy, often, which is not in the spirit of the off-hang.

That became a problem when my personal assistant used to come in for a meeting and I'd have it on in the background. I'd see suddenly on in the background. I'd see suddenly her eyes going, oh, my God. Because some of it was very rude. Yeah. Some of it very clever, of course. Yeah.

Which is why Frank liked it. He's a lyrical poet. Yeah. We should say why he's in the news. Yes. He's got his star on the Walk of Fame. Isn't outside Flair's nightclub. Oh, OK. We've established it's not't outside Flair's nightclub. We've established it's not actually outside Flair's nightclub because that no longer exists.

But yours is. It's around, just FYI, if anyone wants to see Frank's star, I'm going to say it's about 55 Broad Street. Okay? It's about the number. That's good to know. Snoops is the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He should have had a paw print, really, let's be honest.

Yeah, that would have been good. But he did something rather unusual. I don't know if you gentlemen saw this. What about if Noel Edmonds gets a mount? Mr Happy and the Twin in cement. Sorry, Carrier. He did something rather unusual at the awards ceremony. Oh, when he lifted his leg and urinated on a star.

In full dog mode. He thanked himself. He said, I want to thank me for believing in me. I want to thank me for doing this hard work. I want to thank me for having no days off. Can you believe that Snoop Dogg doesn't have any days off? That can't be true. No.

But you know what? I want to see his diary. Can you believe that Snoop Dogg doesn't have any days off? That can't be true. No. Yeah. But you know what? I want to see his diary. Quincy Jones, sorry, Frank. No, carry on. I was going to say, Quincy Jones, quite a controversial figure himself, he was there and he said something lovely. He said, thank you for making doggy style a way of life.

Yeah. Which is a lovely thing to say. It is really nice. Really nice. Yeah. way of life. Yeah. Which is a lovely thing to say. It is really nice. He also said I remember

that Snoop and about ten of his friends were at my house in Malibu or whatever. He said I wasn't there at the time but I was okay with it. Why is that? Burglary? Or what? But anyway

I can honestly say I was quite moved by Snoop Dogg's speech. It was empowering, wasn't it? Yeah. Well, also, everyone who gets an award, take the bed. Sweet. Yeah. If you was to stop and think about it, the person who you are really thinking, you know what, he did a great job, is you.

Yeah. And I think he's right to thank himself. It's one of the few genuinely sincere acceptance speeches I've ever heard. It's great. Because at first people laughed and thought he was joking. Then they thought, oh, well. Yes, he means it, yeah. Yeah, he really means it.

He's genuinely thanking himself for working so hard and being so good. Yeah, and all his friends. He had Dre was there, Pharrell, Warren G. Whatever happened to Warren G? Regulate. Well, if he was there, that's answering its own thing. That's two appearances, isn't it? But I think it went down well.

I think people like the speech Frank yeah I think I'd probably be more British and thank everyone but me I'd be like

oh thank you all for coming thank you thank you I mean it's not about me it's about you guys I think that'd be

not as good it's much better no I'm I wonder if it'll catch on there with people thanking themselves

we'll see if Noel gets king of the job. This is Frank Skinner of Snoop Radio. So, we're talking about Snoop Doggy Dog. Yeah, or Snoop Dogg. He's not called that anymore, Snoop Dogg. He's got all sorts of... He'll always be Snoop Doggy Dog to me.

To me too, yeah. Snoop Doggy Dog to me because of Snoop Doggy Dog. That's my name. He has released a cookbook. Have you seen this? It's called From Crook to Cook. Clever. It's a lovely play on words.

I also like that he refers to himself rather sweetly as a crook. He wasn't a Crips, I think, at one point. He denies that, I think. Oh, OK, OK. Does he? But he denies quite a lot of things. Your witness. How old is he?

He's new. 47, I think. I'm going to say a bit older, maybe. Is that dog years? Yeah. Oh, lovely. But yeah, he paints himself as more of a sort of Hamburglar character. But he did a show with

martha stewart oh yeah didn't he which is a sort of cookery show the cooking og i think but the oh yes well some of the recipes are fabulous are they yes i've seen some of them he has one called um well he says no bland chicken i believe that's what it's called. No bland. Chicken, yeah. Because he doesn't like bland chicken, apparently. Fussy. Baby got back ribs.

It's not often that. Oh, nice. Baby got back ribs, Frank. It's not often they name things about what they don't want. Yeah. No salt and vinegar chips. Baby got back ribs. do you like that? Am I supposed to get that as a reference?

Back Ribs. Baby Got Back. So mix a lot? Oh, I get it. Okay. I get it. Who did you say you did it with? Martha Stewart.

Oh, okay. Okay. Well, the bit I read was that he wants to work with Gordon Ramsay. He does, yeah. That won't go well, will it? You don't think? Imagine the language in that kitchen. Ooh.

Ramsay and dog. Yes. There's going to be a lot of bleeps on that television. I worked with the Big Nasty this week. Oh, yeah. And this is why I think... Worked with them all? Yeah.

John Logie Bear. Big Nasty. Big Nasty. Big think... Work with them all. This is, yeah. John Logie Baird. Big nasty. Korea spanning from John Logie Baird to big nasty. And, um... God bless him, I couldn't understand most of the things he said

and I don't think he could understand. It was like two people trying to talk through plate glass. We could see each other's mouths moving but we had no idea what was coming out and I suspect Snoop Dogg and Gordon Ramsay would be a similar set-up. You reckon?

Yeah, I think... Well, he was on the F word. You know, the language has changed a lot. Yeah, although I don't know, I saw him... He had no idea who Mr Happy was. Actually, I seem to remember david dickinson of um oh yeah bargain hunt fame david dickinson he did the jungle didn't he he had a character in his house called mr happy some i'm seeing that in a whole new light strange figure that he'd bought that he said

that i'd always bought him like it could have been Mr. Lucky, actually. Oh, maybe. Oh, man. Yesterday when I was young so many, many songs were waiting to be sung. This has gone a bit... Well, get a robot. Absolute.

My advice. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Snoop Dogg has declared himself a big fan of the Sunday roast, the UK dish. That's one of the reasons he wants to work with Gordon Ramsay, to be taught how to do a great Sunday roast. I don't think I'd trust a Snoop Dogg

do you imagine I'm going to start opening his restaurant it's going to be fabulous but imagine you have the stuffing and then you have an enormous

laughing fit about half way through do you remember that bloke grew a giant marrow somewhere in the north of England he's contacted

by Snoop Dogg out the blue. Was he? Because he was growing stuff in his greenhouse. And he wanted to know if he could get it bigger. Well, in his recipe book, From Crook to Cook, he does suggest, his brownies recipe, he does suggest a sprinkle of snoops, herbs and spices.

Oh, yeah. I'm just saying. So what about this restaurant idea, then? Well, yeah, he's on about opening a celebrity restaurant, so this is my... My joy is to come up with names for things like this. I mean, this is a great moment for you. Like Just Sweet.

So, come on, I'm assuming you've gone down the dog road. Well, you can, I mean, there's a couple of obvious dog food. Oh, dog food, good. Did you get a doggy bag? No, that's not bad. Thank you. I went, depending on different times of the day, you could take dog's dinner and dog's breakfast.

Oh, I thought dog's diner. Oh, that's really good, you could change dog's dinner and dog's breakfast. Oh, I thought a dog's diner. Oh, that's really good. One on the dog's dinner. What is this? A countdown? Yeah. Oh, I had that as well, dog's breakfast. No, I didn't.

If he specialised in soup, it could just be called soup dog. Soup dog. You know what? I love that idea. The trouble is, though, Frank, with a lot of your restaurant names, you do get yourself into problems

with the menu restrictions. Yeah. Well, that's true. This was your sweet... Yeah. It's a great name. I have seen places that just sell soup, though. Yeah, yeah.

They do exist. So, we're going down the dog... They're the places that businessmen go to when I was homeless I used to go to them quite a lot yeah

he was my favourite for me the jewel in the crown go on dog in the manger I think that might be the winner come on

top end absolutely eh I mean a robot couldn't have come up with that. Who would you like to thank, Frank? It pops a leg against doggy bag. I'd like to thank me.

And all the hard work you've done. Yeah. But I think dog food probably is the most basic, simple thing. Yeah. But would it put people off? I think I prefer something like the dog bowl. I don't know, dog food. I think the dog in the

manger is the one. Dog breath. That's gross. I don't think so. Okay, okay. The trouble is that people wouldn't get the pronunciation on manger.

Manger. So they'd think, oh, it's called dog in the manger. Well, that's how I just said it. Although, of course, you do eat from a manger. That's what I mean. You could still, it could work. You could still get away with it. OK.

I don't know what I'm getting so anxious about. It's not going to happen. This is Frank Skinner of Snoop Radio. Frank, we've had some Snoop Dogg restaurant suggestions. Oh, yeah. Trinity Croydon alumni suggests Snoop Kitchen. Oh, we've had Snoop Kitchen from other sources as well. Snoop Kitchen is very popular.

And then Ada suggested, hi, Frank, how about doggy treats? Okay. Yeah. I'm happy with that. There's another Snoop Kitchen. Oh, there's a lot of Snoop Kitchens coming in. I'm thinking I might have Christmas lunch today. That'll be my second one of the year so far.

Oh, okay. That's a good start. I'd like to have at least, say, eight. Eight? In a year. Good for you. So I started early. So where did you have your Christmas lunch so far?

Well, I had one at the Freemasons pub in... Oh, didn't know you cared. In Hampstead. Didn't know you were one of them. No, it's not. There's no handshakes. Oh, okay. But I'll tell you what they did. It was on a

thin rectangular plate. Ah. And the food was in a so there's like turkey at one end and then next to it there's roast potato. It was like eating in single file. Like a queue. It was a queue. The food's queuing.

So you had to kind of decide. I felt I had to start at one end and work my way down. And work your way through. And I was stuffed after that because I tend to judge how much food's on a plate based on the circular plate. Right. Whereas when you see it in a line,

it's really hard to estimate how much there is. Yeah, how full you're going to be. Well, there's no integration either with the food. It looked like it was designed for Scooby-Doo to eat here. To pull the plait off and then just scrape it straight off. What did you do with the gravy, Sitchu? Because obviously, I mean, did you go peach melba with the raspberry? That was in a line.

It was just in a glass that you had to gulp down. No, that was in a line. In a in a glass that he had to gulp down no that was in a in a line in a jog no it was the jog was in the queue in the queue for the rest of the thing

but I ate a lot extraordinary if all the food I ate that lunchtime had been laid into it oh it was well anyway yeah so I've never

it's the strangest thing I'm not sure how I feel about that, because what happens if you want a bit of something with a bit of something else? It's great. A little something-something, you're suggesting. If I was eating through a cat flap,

I'd have been glad of it. Yeah. Well, that's what they're going to have at Snoop's restaurant. Anyway, thank you so much for listening this morning. Look, if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week be seeing you digital radio, mobile apps, and in London and the Southeast on 105.8 FM.