The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Newton's Cradle

Episode Date: June 25, 2016

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. Frank is joined by Divine Miss Em and The Cockerel. The team discuss the referendum, petty behaviour and Frank reaches out to the readers with a blue plaque enquiry.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio, email the show via the Absolute Radio website. And for your, what do you know about it it living in your cosy media world texts can you send those to Magic FM okay here we are

morning Frank I feel a bit like the band on the Titanic we're playing on I blame you personally for saying now get out at the end of every show. I think they've taken you a bit too literally, Frank. Subliminal messaging, I hadn't thought of that.

Yeah. Well made point. Oh, well. Well made point. In fact, pedantic... Can I just... Sorry, Al. I just thought that was such a Birmingham Nana response to the result. Oh, wow.

It's a bit more than, oh, well. What's that when you put the celly on in the morning? Oh, well. Like some kind of Wallace and Gromit figure I wish I had been that on sweary But hey I tell you what I feel sorry for, Nigel Farage

What's he going to do now? He woke up this morning and think, oh no, I'll go out and do a speech about, oh Oh yeah I don't know what he's going to, no, I'll go out and do a speech about... Oh. Oh, yeah. I don't know what he's going to do. Well, I think he already knew. He's going to go down the news page and get the ciggies. I think he already knew.

You know, he had a TV debate scheduled for Channel 4. I think it was, like, Wednesday or Tuesday night or something. And he pulled out of it to go for dinner with his son. I thought he had big family issues since then. Well, then they said in the paper the next day, actually, he just went for dinner with his son that he hasn't seen for nine months. And you go, hang on, you've campaigned for this

for your whole adult life, and then you suddenly went, actually, no, Nan does. That's what we're doing. We're going to go for Nan does. Yeah, I mean, I think it's fair that he hasn't seen him in nine months. Well, I think you always love your dad. I suppose, yeah. It reminds me of Paul Madeley, who was a Leeds United player who was called into the 1970 England football squad

and said he couldn't do it because he'd already booked a family holiday in Cornwall and they didn't do refunds, so he didn't go to the World Cup. Excellent. Reminds me, was it the snooker player or footballer, um, they didn't do refunds. So he didn't go to the World Cup. Excellent. Reminds me, was it the snooker player or, uh, footballer, Frank, who said, I don't have any fa- I don't have any fa- don't need friends. Oh, Peter Edmond, yeah. Don't need friends, I've got my family. Yes, exactly.

I wonder what Edmond's views on Brexit are. Probably. I can guess those. Please, yeah. Um, anyway, look. I was in Paris. Oh, were you? You were in Paris. When it all kicked off.

That was apt. I thought they weren't gonna let me back in. Pexit. Yeah. Paris exit. Yeah. That's what I'm doing. I'm thinking, uh, let's have a go at the smoking ban now. What, see if we can repeal it? Just reverse everything. Yeah. Crash helmets, do we really need them? Well-

I dunno, I-I think I hate hat hair more than major head injuries. Do you? I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You're with me on this. I apologise to room service and my hotel. What were they? For the result. Oh, did you? Did you? Oh, dear. I said, there's a lay. Look, it's going to be fine. Well, I'll tell you what's going to be fine because I've got euros. So where quid be fine because I've got Euros so we're quids in I've got Euros would be a good t-shirt Yeah I've got loads of them

Have you? Yes You wouldn't have sold many of those t-shirts say, three or four years ago Still, I should say it's pride in London this week which is a lovely antidote Yes

This is true People who voted out in a much more warm-hearted way they really have there was some controversy over the pencils that's right yeah but what a band they were i love that 60s do what well a pencil marking is quite an oddly archaic way to vote for historical change people said it was that just paranoia, that don't do it in pencil because it might get robbed out and changed. But it's the first time it's struck me that I have voted in pencil my whole life. And I've never thought, oh, somebody could rob this out.

I think because when I grew up, and I don't know, I'm going to do one of my, do these still exist? The ink robber was, it was just in its infancy and people were talking about it the way people now talk about microchip technology. 3D printing also.

You know what I mean? It was a big thing, the ink robber. Well, you can rob out ink. I remember people at school saying, ink you say. Do you remember them? They were hard as iron. Oh, were they? Oh, yes. I remember the dark blue bit on the end of a white rubber.

Blue and a pink. I had blue and pink. Yes, he used to get rubbers that did pencil one end and ink the other. But the ink rubber seems to have failed. Can I be honest? Look how much happier Frank is. They never really worked.

Look how much happier Frank is now that we're doing Do You Remember This? He's visibly lifted in mood. This is where I'm moving. He found it stressful talking about the other. Do people still use Tippex? Today's texting. 8, 12, 15. And who invented Tippex? Well you can't do- Who invented Tippex? Mike Nesbitt from the Monkees' mother. Nesmith. Nesmith, sorry.

Yeah. Mike Nesmith from the Monkeys. His mum invented it. Yeah. Come on! We're back! They can't keep us down. Oh, dear. So, um, yes. By the way, Scotland are so keen on the whole thing,

why have they vetoed the European Championships? Absolute. Absolute. Radio. Frank Skinner Championships? Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've had some lovely Tipex correspondents. Have we? Yeah.

Dino Casino has texted us. Morning, guys. I recently had a big argument with my girlfriend over Tipex as apparently it's now called correctional fluid. Oh. Yeah. As you can tell, we clearly have too much time on our hands, as we could have argued over the fact I forgot to pay a household bill.

All the best, Eno Casino. It is called that. Yeah, correctional fluid. But that's like, you know, people suddenly became window technicians and stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's part of that, that wave of grandness that people have. It'll always be Tippex to me, mother. More importantly.

That's my Michael Nesmith impression. I'm somewhat intrigued by Dino Casino's name. I feel like we're overlooking that. I'm proud that we're overlooking it. That's normal. Does he work on a cruise ship? I saw it as a lure. Oh, you think you don't want to take the bait?

I felt like a fish that was swimming past, and I saw this glittering thing, and I thought, no, I don't think so. It was a siren call, Frank, that you chose to ignore. Indeed. What about Marianne Biggs? Is that another name? No.

Oh, okay. She says, I'm a frequent Tippex user. I can't revise without a bottle nearby. Ugly notes, ugly results. That's a good motto for life. I'm writing that down. She goes on. Neatly.

She's actually sent another tweet. I'm writing that down. She goes on. Neatly. Another, she's actually sent another tweet. I live in fear that I become famous in my field and someone finds my shoddy notes and laughs at the crossings out. Oh, I think it's fine. Fine to cross out.

I'd refer her to Jacques Derrida, the French philosopher who used to have crossing outs printed in his book to make points of what he thought of using as a word before he used the word. Oh, nice. So you'd think about it a bit more. Very clever. I like the sound of him. Jack Derrida.

8.15, Absolute Radio. Yeah, on this of all weeks, we're doing Jack Derrida stuff. Mind your own business, you media git. The people have spoken. Magic FM. Can you send those, please? Told you once. I had a strange moment. Are we media gits?

You know that thing that you'll remember where you are on certain historic days? Oh, yes. I stayed in a hotel and on the day that the Brexit result was announced, I woke up in that hotel and I'd stayed up to watch the first few results did you have a um item of footwear against the door i did oh some things never

change um and uh and so i'd gone to sleep kind of like oh i'll see the results in the morning and you know that if you had this thing where sometimes you stay in a hotel room and a previous guest has set an early alarm and not unset it. So it went off at 6am. 6am. So I turned the telly on a bit of a huff. But then, the speech by Cameron when he came out to sort of resign, the hotel TV wasn't very good.

It was one of those ones with a weird connection where the sound would just drop out every few seconds. And so it sounded a bit like he was swearing but it was being censored you know like on songs on songs that concern swearing yeah yeah also big brother with the bird song but hearing cameron sounding like he was swearing i was watching it thinking he's taking this really badly he's really not happy about it i was staring at very much at sam camp thinking oh yes i was thinking or just think a life in stationary doesn't get any sexier than that absolute absolute radio frank skinner on absolute radio um we've had an email that uh i it's asking if we've seen a thing that I wish I had seen.

Hello all, I meant to email this in time for Alan's FNT, that's Friday Night Troll, as I don't think it has any relevance for the show. That's never really stopped us. But I've been so discombobulated by recent events that I forgot. Anyway, from the days when things were funny, just wanted to check if you heard friend of the show, Adrian Childs, during Tim Peake's interview. Tim Peake, of course, the recently returned from space gentleman.

Oh, yeah, they come over here from space. Is he one of them media gits? Peaky out. Adrian seemed quite excited that someone was about to ask Tim about his views on Brexit and headed live to the interview. As you'd expect, Tim was very diplomatic and said he believed voting was a private matter, so managed to duck the issue beautifully.

We know what that means. Back to Adrian, and almost with a harumph, said Tim Peake from sitting in a space shuttle to sitting on the fence. Very good. Excellent. Oh, 80. 10 out of 10. He says, brilliant in his accent,

long-time readers Brian and Tracy. The Hagley lad has done well. Yes. That would be my favourite bit of commentary sitting on... Well, actually, it's not. My favourite bit of commentary was last year's Wimbledon and Tom Dubeck and Graham Lasso. Yacking.

They were just having a really animated chat and laughing their head. I liked it once Bob Wilson saying, and later the thoughts of Paul Elliot. That kept me tuned. There was a weird moment for the second Wales game in the Euros

where the woman who was interviewing Chris Coleman, the Wales manager had quite a strong Welsh accent and I heard her say to him where the woman who was interviewing Chris Coleman, the Wales manager, had quite a strong Welsh accent. And I heard her say to him, three gingers in your squad, what have you got to say about that? That's one of Frank's songs. And then I realised that she'd said three changes in your squad.

What have you got to say about that? What about my favourite bit of commentary? It was one of those three in the morning that no one else would have heard, but I've never forgotten. It was Alistair Burnett, God rest his soul, and it was during the election results, and he said about a Conservative win, well, that doesn't surprise me. That place is, it's the nice people in the nice houses.

Oh. We've been aspiring to that ever since. My favourite ever Wimbledon close-up of the crowd was Woody Allen with his lovely oriental wife who was eating an enormous big ice cream cone which made her look about 12. And you could see Woody going, for God's sake, you're ruining my repute.

So, yeah. A bit late for that. It is a bit. Yes. I would have ruining my record. So, yeah. A bit late for that. It is a bit. Yes. I would have talked her out of that, though. I mean, let's not rub their noses in it. What a lovely man. Anyway.

Oh, I like that Bananas film. Funny films. Susan Boyle, One Direction. What? They got that wrong. They both didn't win their respective programmes. Anyway, sorry, carry on.

I thought something dreadful had happened there. Oh yeah, I just read a list of this morning's deaths. Do we have a this morning's deaths list at Absolute Radio? No, I don't know if people would find that entertaining over there. Nugget's got in touch, Frank. We do list at Absolute Radio. No, I don't know if people would find that entertaining over there. Nugget's got in touch, Frank.

We do informative as well as entertaining. Frank, Nugget got in touch. What do we do? Infotainment. Infotainment, that's what we're doing. Nugget's been in touch, Frank. Oh, yes. Read Dino Casino's message about Tippex.

Just another victory for the political correctional brigade. Very good. Thank you, Nugget. If this was at a dinner, we'd do this. message about tippex just another victory for the political correctional brigade very good thank you nugget this is if this was at a dinner we'd do this if i've been to one of those posh dinners if somebody says something funny they all hit the table like that oh no yeah we've not seen that i mean i've spoken at posh dinners but obviously i've never said something funny but it's like the snoop you know what snooker plays But they never found it. It's like the snook.

You know what snooker players do for a good shot? Oh, I like that. It's the same. And they do that when someone leaves a newspaper. It's called banging out. Is that right? Yes, you bang like that until they leave and no one says goodbye. There you go. I think that's what banging out is anyway.

Yeah. Well, it sounds, well, you know. Different this week. It's usually around farewells. But, yeah, I like, maybe we should start doing it on it. I don't know how it sounds at home. Yeah. Sounds like there's building

work next door, I think, more. Yeah. It sounds like, you know that moment when you think there could possibly be someone in your boot? Have you ever had that feeling? I hate that when that happens. frank frank skinner on absolute radio absolute radio now i um i was wandering down um well it's a road in um london uh in north london called the finchley road oh yes and uh sorry I just realised I put the wrong mic up. I couldn't hear Al.

Don't turn me on. I only just lost your right. Yeah. Apart from that. We've got everything else. I'm not sure that's what I said. We'll make sure it's available to podcast listeners, Alan saying, right. Well, we can just move me doing it then.

Good idea, Frank. Right. It'd be seamless. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Um, I was walking down, walking down the Finchley Road, and I, do you know what I noticed through the trees? Oh, Kirsty McColl song.

I noticed a blue plaque. Oh, yeah. Now, I cannot, I cannot pass a blue plaque without having a read. On the bus sometimes, you know, when you, oh, so exciting. You see one because you're on the top date, you haven't seen before. Brilliant. So it was um thomas hood

oh yeah no yep i don't what do you know the inventor of the hood no he was no he really he was until then jackets just stopped at a collar he was he was he was who was he? He was. That was Simon Cowell. He, well, he wrote a book called Hoods, Whims and Oddities, which was, when I lived with David Baddiel, it was our toilet book. I don't think it was, but that's another story. No, it really was. That I've heard about those years. We only had two books in the toilet.

We had that one and Apologia Pro Vita Sua Volume 1 by Cardinal Henry Newman. Really? Those were our two toilet books. And you guys were poster boys for the lads. I know. It's all gone wrong. But... What did Jo Guest say when she came round? I, um... Oh, it's her.

So... It's all her voices. It's not just me. What I liked about Joe Guest is that she used to wear spectacles sometimes to sort of say you know don't judge a book by its what is it they put spectacles on

and maybe a lab coat over a bikini for a shoot that's a great look anyway sorry Frank back to yours and David Baddiel's toilet it made me really nostalgic, because I think you get very attached to a toilet book. I don't mean things like books from the humour section about being in the toilet.

But I've never quite worked out what the classification, why a book becomes a toilet book. I think with Hood's Whims and Oddities, it was because it was it was lots of little short bits you know yeah so which is it's just about the right duration you can dip in that's what you want a dipper yes exactly I decided against it yeah exactly I jumped over it, left it to the midfielder behind me. But it really made me think about, I'd like to know what defines a toilet book.

That's something I'd like to know. But then anyway, this led to another blue plaque. Now, this is actually a bit of detective work, because often things happen, and I think one of the readers will know. They're really knowledgeable, our readers. People of discernment. I was, I'm certain this has got a bit London, but

People have spoken. Yeah, exactly. But I was going down Marleybone High Street on a bus and I saw a plaque on a wall and the bus was just going that bit fast. It looked like it was on a sort of public building.

So if you live there, I'd really like to know. You might be more specific. No, I'll tell you what's confused me about it. I tried to have a read and at that speed it looked like Linda Ronstadt. Now that's unlikely, isn't it? I'll tell you who it is. Linda Ronstadt. Oh. Now, that's unlikely, isn't it? I'll tell you who it is.

Linda Robson. No. Do you think Linda Robson would get a... Would Linda Ronstadt get a plaque? I don't know who that is. Well, exactly. Oh, I do. You've got one.

Famous singer from the 70s. You've got your own. I've got one you bought me, but, I mean, I don't qualify. But I can't believe Linda Ronstadt. So, if anyone knows, please let me know. Well, if any houseman's got one. If anyone's got... me, but I mean, I don't qualify. But I can't believe Linda Ronstadt. So if anyone knows, please let me know. Also, if anyone's got... Oh, you know what you've done

now, don't you? Well, it's just stopped the road from me in Highgate Village. Here we go. Oh, my goodness. Everybody out. Too late. I might shout that when we walk back through Pride. That'd be a good one. Oh, is Pride today lovely, isn't it?

It is, yes. I'm still worried about the fact we go to a gay restaurant and we're taking up seats that shouldn't... It's fine. This is their special day. Excuse me, you're with me, you're fine. I know, but it's their... These are my people. It's their special day. Excuse me, you're with me, you're fine. These are my people. It's their special day.

I just feel wrong about it. Anyway, I'd love to know if anyone's got a blue plaque on their house or near them. Because often they're very obscure. Having one on your house must be brilliant. Yeah. I tried to buy Peter Cushing's house in Whitstable. Did you?

And what had happened, this is the horror of it, he had a big house on the front, but after he died, they split it into two houses. And half of the house I was looking at didn't have the plaque. Oh, forget it. You don't want Peter Cushing's house. Forget it.

I like the fact you said that's the horror of it. Oh, yeah. Peter Cushing's house and... Forget it. I like the fact you said that's the horror of it. Oh, yeah. Peter Cushing's house. Absolutely perfect. I'm going to stop doing that at work. You've lit up the switchboard, as they say. Well, actually, only me says that these days. Clive Silas,

Torrington Park, N12. There's a plaque on an ordinary semi from Eric Morecambe, where he lived with his in-laws, who owned a pub. He lived with his in-laws? Who owned a pub? I'll say it again. Who owned a pub? I'm going to mime that drinking thing he did when he raised his arm.

Excellent. People have spoken. It doesn't work on the radio. Karen says, My friend owns a house with a blue plaque for Wallace Hartley, the band leader on the Titanic. Wow. We just mentioned the band on the Titanic.

That's our role today, as you say. The more world. Hi, Frank and team. Do you think it's true that they carried on playing? Yeah. Well, you would. If you were doing a stand-up gig in that scenario, you'd carry Hi, Frank and team. Do you think it's true that they carried on playing? Yeah. Well, you would. If you were doing a stand-up gig in that scenario, you'd carry on, Frank, I know you.

I would, you, Al. I've had stand-up gigs that feel like I'm on the track. Well, the Brits was one. Yeah, I can see the fish going past the windows. Hi, Frank and team at 298 has texted you. Sorry, what's he called? Wallace? Hartley. Oh, OK. Why are you writing it down? texted you Sorry, what's he called? Wallace? Hartley

Why are you writing it down? You're going to give him a call He's not around anymore I have a feeling that that will crop up again in my life I'm feeling a bit Wallace Hartley Alright So you've made a note of it? Yeah Isn't that lovely that he does that?

Isn't it sweet? Hey, ugly ugly notes ugly results you're right i feel bad now hi frank and team rio ferdinand has a blue plaque in peckham i'm pretty i'm pretty sure it's peckham park road michael from peckham do you think he's trying to text more peckhams than anybody else has ever texted to? He was in my hotel in Paris. Who? Michael from Peckham.

No, Rio. He is that bloke from Peckham. He's could have gone early with the Rio Ferdinand plaque. Yeah, they really have. Well, good. Good for him. Blue plaques. My wife's favourite blue plaque is in Bruce Grove, Tottenham.

It says, Luke Howard, Namer of Clouds. I absolutely love that. What does that mean? Well, he's invented the cloud name, Frank. He must be some sort of scientist. What is it, like Nimbulus? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Aren't they all Latino names?

They are, yeah. Cirrus and... Oh, that's Harry Potter, isn't it? Fl are, yeah. Cirrus and... Oh, that's Harry Potter, isn't it? Fluffy. Oh. Yeah. Fluffy. You cannot be serious.

That was what I was told at the audition. Oh, another opposite piece of music. This is Frank Skinner absolute radio morning guys and gal this isn't me speaking by the way i'm uh i'm reading that was a bit formal morning guys and gal re-blue plaque locale i like that i think this might be a beatnik poet that's just texting in now uh morning guys and gal re-blue plaque locale i lived in new cross years back and it's not a poem by the way it's london it is new cross for people listening outside of the very london today's showing it so what do you expect from us media

gets yeah i lived in new cross years sage mentality two doors down you say that two doors down from a blue plaque dedicated to none other than Barnes Wallace. I felt ever so safe, Gregor in Lewisham. Bouncing bomb, Barnes Wallace, Dambusters, etc, etc. And in fact, John491 has also texted, there's a blue plaque dedicated to Barnes Wallace in New Cross. Everyone's going to the New Cross bus garage. I wonder why that one has been singled out. What, New Cross? Why singled out. Well... New Cross.

If I singled out, it covered twice, I suppose, is another way of looking at it. Yeah, but if you consider how many blue plaques there are... And I do, frequently. How many are there? Would it make you buy a house? There's more than eight. I went to look at a house with a blue plaque once, and it was a pokey little place, I won't lie,

but the fact that it had a Peter Sellers plaque... Oh, yeah, that made me think, it was on a main road. I believe Mackenzie Crook might have been the previous owner. But it nearly pushed me over the edge. I thought, no, I'm going to get this because it's very cool to have the Peter Sellers

plaque. I might have gone for the Peter Cushing had the plaque been on my side of the house. But, you know, regrets. I've had a few. There's something wrong with my throat. Den Wilkinson, on another matter, has tweeted as saying, will Brexit become a noun to describe people's inclinations?

E.g., are you coming to Nan's? No, she's a bit too Brexit. Oh, it could be. It could be. people's inclinations eg are you coming to nan's nah she's a bit too brexit i'm thinking that if next time i leave a job will it be a fraxit no lovely frank why leave it why leave it a fraxit oh yeah yeah come with me yeah i'm following now if anyone's got any good ideas on that, why not text it? So, um... I mean, this isn't true. I think they've done a bit of a Photoshop thing here. There is a blue plaque they've sent in saying, Brian Harvey, boy band member,

ran himself over with his own car at this spot after eating three tuna mayo jacket potatoes. That's got to be... May 2005. That can't be real. I don't think that would have got through the heritage thingy, whatever they're called. What are they called, the people? English Heritage.

Yes. English Heritage. Come on! People have spoken, Frank. Like I say, Magic FM, not me. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter, at Frank on the Radio, email the show via the absolute radio website oh i'll tell you what i wanted to discuss was you know the virals frank yes i'm sorry about that that's why he's on the natural yogurt yeah i mean i had a temperature

i didn't really think no no they were they were invented by the namer of clouds anyway there's been a rather curious incident with a driving instructor. And it went viral. Oh, yes. Because it was a bizarro exchange of texts from this character. He's an 18-year-old lad from Lancaster. He decided to have lessons with another driving instructor, presumably due to lack of availability.

He had his test coming up. I don't know the details of these people's lives. It was exactly that. It was exactly that. It was exactly that. He had a test coming up and his instructor was too busy. Yeah, so he texted him and said, I've got some lessons with Kath from Black Cat. Mm-hmm.

Oh, reputable. He said, after that, he said, you know, hope you don't mind. And the instructor, he went a bit postal, didn't he, Al? He did. He did. He sent him some texts saying, you've wound me up, let's say, in more broadcastable language. I'll tell you exactly what he said. He said, just go with Kath then. Not the first time you've heard that. No.

Just go with Kath then. I don first time you've heard that. No. Just go with Kath then. I don't share pupils, Matt. Not happy. Well, I have to say, I'm with the driving instructor on this. Oh, what a surprise. Knew it. No, I think, you know,

if you, there's no loyalty left in the world. And, you know, we've all thought when a relationship, you know, breaks up, the equivalent of what's Catherine Black Cat got that I haven't. Mm.

And I can absolutely imagine... No self-respect. ..sending that, oh, if you want to go with Catherine Black Cat, so be it. Yeah, really, though. Well, really, as a driving instructor, but you're not having the physicals with the Catherine Black Cat. Well, no, but if you're a driving instructor...

Physicals changes it all. No, but it's a similar experience. Is it? Yeah, I think so. I don't know if I was loyal to Keith. Keith, your driving instructor? Lovely man. Lovely man. My driving instructor? Lovely man. Lovely man.

My driving instructor, of course, is dead. Not in a RTA, road traffic accident. No, old age. Oh, OK, that's fine then, isn't it? How's the horse? What were I exactly? Oh, dear. I remember reading...

I remember seeing an advert in a paper. It was encouraging. It was a place that trained you to be driving instructors. Oh, yeah. And it was called something like... I mean, it was something so obvious, like Teach Drive Limited. And they had these testimonials from people,

and one of them was a bloke saying, I did a course at Teach Drive, and I've never looked back. It's a terrible, terrible example you're setting your pupils. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Meanwhile, over in Lancaster...

Oh, yeah, Frank. ...Cath from Black Cat... Yeah. ...who's caused quite an incident, really. You can't blame Cath from Black Cat. No, you've got to blame the lad or the driving instructor... Can't blame Cath. First time you've ever said that. The driving instructor was absolutely green with envy.

And then he was amber with envy. And then he was amber with envy. And then he... Oh, God, I think I prefer your blue stuff. Very good. Traffic light jokes on Absolute Radio. That's what it's come to. He's seen traffic light jokes, Al. I liked it.

I liked it. Not easy. He's right, though. Anything Frank says. I think it's a shame, but also I think it's brave of this young man to go on the... I thought you were going to say for him to do his traffic light material. I think it's a shame that they've fallen out, him and his first driving instructor, but it's quite brave that he's gone on the social media and mocked him,

because, like, there's probably only ten driving instructors in Lancaster, isn't there? There's not that densely populated... There's Cath. Well, I have... Because, like, there's probably only ten driving instructors in Lancaster, isn't there? There's not that densely populated. There's Kath. Well, I have... Kath from Black Cat. I can only name one. Kath from Black Cat. Yeah.

And the other guy. This has been a great advert for Black Cat. I know. I thought it was bad luck. Isn't it bad luck if a Black Cat goes back and forth? Well, that's what I mean. I don't think they've thought this through, Black Cat. Yeah, I'm worried about that. Maybe it's good luck.

Or maybe it means that it's you get to practice your emergency stop quite a lot because you're often seen. I used to love that. The old rolled up whatever they had, their notes and the A to Z that they just suddenly did that. Oh, for emergency stop. Do they not do that anymore?

I don't think they do do it anymore. They have to do a special test as well. Like a theory test. They do parking there. that anymore? I don't think they do do it anymore. They have to do a special test as well. They do parking. Like a theory test. They do parking there. Do they, the millennials? God, if they'd done parking in my day, I'd still be on the bus. Can I just say, we've got a millennial here in the studio.

I'm going over to her live. Sarah says you don't do parking. You don't do parking? No. No, I'm saying you didn't have to do parking. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. Oh, I see. You do do parking. Do you do, yeah. Oh, I see. But you do do parking.

Do you do emergency stop, Sarah? What is this? Some weird interview outside the House of Parliament. It is. Oh, excellent. 631 has texted, traffic light gags, that makes a change. Excellent, very good.

Excellent. I think at this junction it was worth trying. Very good, very good. I think we should reverse out of this, though. I really do. Do you know, I like the pause as he said that, and you waited to come up with your reverse one. And remember soon we'll all be driving British cars!

Sadly, an industry that no longer exists. With a British industry. They'll respond. The EU will respond. Yeah, probably the industry. We haven't got any anymore. No, but the EU will respond like this instructor. We'll say, you know, do you want to buy some of our cars?

Oh, no, why don't you sell them to your new friends? I'll tell you what, the EU is the ex you don't want to mess with. Have you guys had this? And I should know. No, no, the ex I don't want to mess with, I'll tell you after. Have you had a version of this with a customer service provider that you feel like you've cheated on? Because I have, I'll put my hand up now. Because you're quite a reasonable type,

so I'm surprised. Well, I... My family and I are trying to eat the best quality meat that we can. Like David Mellor, to have a hand in a fair. I love this. If we eat meat,

we want it to be from, like, high-end, like, good butchers. From the high end. You know, the animal husbandry. Yeah, never eat meat from the low end. That's my advice. So, um... Now you tell me.

So I started going to... I started going to a butcher that was a little bit of a drive away from me, but it was a very good butcher and the guy started to get to know me and I gave him some tickets for his show. Sounds a bit dodgy. The guy started to get to know me.

I think he listens to the show as well on the way back do you have the meat in the car with you or in the boot um i i either whichever would uh work for me but also he don't put it in the also he delivers which is good because then you get the chance to say do you deliver and him say i deliver i do sausages i love those jokes you know. Love those jokes. I'll tell you, he goes home to his wife and says, I've had to make these terrible jokes again. I know, I feel bad because, um, he, uh, he has my phone number because, uh, I... Your butcher's got your phone number?

My butcher had my phone number because he was delivering the Christmas meat, like, and he wanted to know what time I'd be in at. But now, I've started to use another butcher just because it's in a place that I'm more frequently in. Steve, Steve. Oh, dear. So I don't have to drive to him. Oh, I know that one. And I don't have to arrange a delivery. And then he texted me saying, Oh. Are you alright, Alan? Tell me you haven't gone vegetarian. Oh. And I had to text back saying, I've just

been getting it from somewhere that I go more often. Oh, no. What did he say? I think he's alright with it. You've given him the chop. Ricky and Steve laugh I'm sorry I mean what's going on with this show Ian Angel

Angle who texts the show regularly has texted saying that my butcher's going to give me the cold shoulder now. Excellent work. It is good, isn't it? Oh, lovely. The thing is, it's all right sitting at home, moulding it over during the song,

but to come out with it like that, that's why I'm sitting here. And the angle's on his... I imagine he's on a tea chest. Why has he become some strange professional rival of yours? Obviously an angle would tell us whether he's called angle or angel. He has. Is he angel? But he was unable to tell us. I'm loving angels instead. Yeah. I love an angel. I think it's angel, is it?

I think he probably told us in the form of a pun and we couldn't quite... Well, we assumed... I'll tell you what it is. When we were in the EU, it was angle, like angler. Now it's angel. We don't do the hard G anymore. Okay, fair enough. Okay, thank you. Bit of politics, thank you. I haven't done any hard G for years.

Anyway, you know, you were talking about feeling like you cheated on your butcher. Yes. That's the promo for the show done good i get that same sensation with my uh hairdresser because when i go to the salon you normally have a hairdresser a stylist as we call it that you use now if i can't get in with him one day, needs must. Very similar to the Catherine Black Cat scenario. If I have an event coming up, etc. Yeah, can't wait. I will need to get the hair done pronto.

I'm the same with lamb chops. It's exactly the same. Well, yeah. I've got an event. But when you go in and you make the appointment, and what will happen, I've had this with some stylists, they'll come over and it's so passive-aggressive, the atmosphere. Oh. They'll say, didn't know you were in today.

Oh, yes. Oh, I can feel my stomach tightening at the thought of that. They're missing out on a big tip from me as well. I'm known as a big tipper. That does not surprise me. I went and bought some, I needed some sunglasses. Oh. Oh, Frank, what about when you bought the glasses?

So I was with... You bought some? Yeah, so I've been talking about it for ages. Basically, I was given a load of free ones years ago, so I haven't bought any for a long time. He was given it because he went with Jeff Brazier. Let's get slightly more forensic than that. Weren't you given the run of a sunglasses shop

when you came out with 17 pairs? I was given, well remembered, 17 pairs and two for my personal assistant. And which celebrity were you with? Jeff Brazier had 14. No, he had 12 pairs. And I was not going to be outdone by Jeff Brazier. Well, he'll need them this morning.

I suspect he's celebrating this morning, let's just say. So I've worn them. That was probably 12 years ago. And I've worn them all out, sat on them, done all the things one does. It's almost like they were poor quality. No, they weren't. And they didn't last forever. They weren't.

They were all the brands. Two of them were diesel. Wow. So, but I got rid of them because there's ruining the environment. Loads of jokes today, isn't it? Like you're testing an opportunity now. But I thought, I came to, but I need some new ones, basically.

And I asked someone, I said, where do you get sunglasses? I had no idea. And they said... Where do you get sunglasses? Like, California man just landed. No, I really had no idea. Where do you get sunglasses in this place? But if you haven't bought them for you, I kind of forgot where you get them.

So anyway, they said, well, your most obvious bet is sunglasses hot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So I was walking through Covent Garden with Emily. Just looking for a hot. They had a lovely wall. Well, I wasn't looking for anything. We were just talking.

He was looking for a hot. I think he thought it would be like a tiki hot with all sort of raffia on it. We were shooting the breeze. It was a cheese tasting and um i saw i had no idea it was there i saw a sunglasses hot so we went in but i made the mistake of going in with emily dean who says things like you get what you pay for and all that i ended up i don't know how this, but I bought a pair of sunglasses for 125 pounds.

Whoa! Good God. They're stunning, though. How nice do you look in them? No, but I'd rather look a bit less nice for less money. Oh, well, that can be arranged. No, but... Just put those old ones on. I just, I, never occurred to me they'd have glasses of that price in a place that's, you know, a hot.

Yeah. You don't spend that sort of money in a hot, normally. What sort of hot were you expecting? A hot in a covered garden. I think you took it too literally. Well. Do you know what, Frank? On the plus side.

Okay, Jabba the Hot can be expensive, but, you know, a hot, I thought, it says cheapness, doesn't it? It's like tie, rack, sunglasses, hot. They sound a bit pop-up well i didn't know how to break it to you but then i've got to be honest you put those on you look absolutely magnifique but everybody looks good in sunglasses no some people look some people look like close protection some people look like air traffic controllers you look like a lovely handsome middle-aged man in sunglasses. That's nearly perfect. Description.

Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I tell you, this week I was on a train. I know I'm often on the train. And I went to... Before I was on a train, I know I'm often on a train, and um, I went to, before I got on the train, I went to the first class lounge at Euston. Okay.

Hey, if any of you are thinking he's one of those media lovers, he booked it in advance and he got it for about 36 quid, didn't you? Was that what happened? I didn't, I didn't buy it. No, I'm only kidding. I didn't think for a second you would have. I was on... No, can I say this now?

I don't... I'm in nobody's pay. But if you're going to go first class, it's virgin first class on the train you want. Because the other first class... Because you get things like a hot meal and freedom i've been on a lot of first classes on trains you wouldn't even you get a slightly more stylish anti-macasa this is very relatable material but just for people who have this at this moment profoundly

resentful yes they go first class pay for by other people. Apart from Virgin first class, you wouldn't know the difference. That's it, it's the Antimacatharine, that's it. I agree. So, anyway, I was excited to be travelling Virgin and I went to the Virgin first class and there was a man who was in the midst of complaining at the canter. I mean, he was absolutely furious. Was he incandescent?

He was. His name was Ian Condescent. Imagine if that was someone's name. Apparently he's got a bit of a short fuse. But he was going on to these two women to the point where I thought, oh, I've got to get away from this bloke. What was he saying then?

Oh, he was talking about something that hadn't happened and something that should have happened. I didn't really... Thursday morning, by any chance. Friday morning. No, it was... Anyway, Tuesday. So, as I left, he said,

I want to see someone superior. I thought, well, you are someone superior. But he said, no, I need to see someone who's in a management level above you. I mean, he was really patronising. Oh, I don't like that. So, as I was leaving, a person had turned up. This man had turned up with, he'd got a laminate on and stuff like that. Oh, I like him already. A bit customer service-y.

And this bloke had got one of those camera phones. Oh, yeah. Have you seen them? Yeah, yeah, I've heard of them. Yeah. And he was, this bloke was, he was filming him from six inches from his face.

He was asking him questions and the man was saying um if you could stop filming me sir um i am he said i am trying to deal with your concerns it was like he looked like he was filming an episode of creature conference oh this poor bloke was saying um no you know i'm trying to help you sir, but it would help if you weren't filming me. It was being all polite and stuff. Oh. And obviously it was funny as well. It was hilarious. They do that more, these people.

I did think, what a poor piece of footage that would be to have on your phone. You know when you sit with your phone and say, oh, this is, look at this, oh, look at this. Have you looked for it on YouTube yet? I wonder if it is on YouTube. Well, Frank, I'd like to interject at this point because I've seen this happen before.

I saw a cyclist have an altercation with a, I think he was a cab driver, and he was standing over the car bonnet filming him, obviously furious. Yeah. And I heard him say at one point, yep, I've got you here, and what a very handsome

man you are because the man wasn't handsome oh i was being ironic but why did they do they do it as a threatening gesture or something i think it's partly that and partly if it goes legal you've got i don't know if it's if you can use it in court i don't think so maybe they just would be a nice thing to watch it's just all sorts how the world has changed that people are standing filming each other. Yeah. Oh, I think my time here is... LAUGHTER ..more or less done.

This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. Frank, we were talking about circus music just now. Yeah, we were. You know you talk about circus music. I think it's called March of the Gladiators. It goes. I could be wrong. It goes.

I can't stop laughing. Sorry. We were talking about that. Well known. And I said the mid-late of that is one of the great mid lights of all which goes bank that is you know what's stirring even now i like there's a slight melancholia yeah and that's what i like about it it's a bit like in the live and let die bit when they go a bit reggae do you know the bit I mean why does it matter to you yeah and it's like no we've gone somewhere weird we're calling it a mid light there might be musicians to say that's wrong but it's basically that that different

bit is it a cheaper based bit like the bit in the conga that goes da na na na na na na na na na na na na I was saying to Frank, he's already done Desert Island Discs but I really wish you'd picked that and Kirsty would have asked you, so Frank why have you picked this? Yeah what I should have picked on Desert Island Discs

is the music from Desert Island Discs I think if you're on a Desert Island you want to be a bit self-dramatising. I don't know what the... There's probably a mid-late to that. Yeah, but it's no... Anyway. Oh, Absolute Radio, where real music matters.

We're discussing... What's your favourite mid-late? Entrance of the Gladiators. What's your favourite circus tune? No, I'd love to know what the... Who composed that, Entrance to the Gladiators? It's Entrance i'd love to know what the the entrance to the gladiators it's entrance is it rather than march i don't know i don't know if you have it's all gone a bit um if you have answers to any of the above questions text 8 12 15 they will

i've built this thing it's like a sort of a barrel organ, but it's powered by solar energy, and it's a bit sluggish. But here we go. WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP

WHOOP WHOOP That was my solar-powered... I like the colour you've painted it. It's nice. Thanks. Well, I thought I'd go a bit circus-y with it. I mean, I know it represents the modern age, but I like a heart back.

We've had an email entitled Butcher. On my first week in London, I went to a local butcher and ordered loudly some mice meat instead of minced. Everybody in there looked in total shock. It's funny now, but back then was terribly embarrassing. I don't know you could do that. I think I'd have got myself out of it by saying, I'll kill that typist.

It's your only chance. Go back in and try that. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. We should discuss the story of a gentleman in Texas. Now, I remember years ago you doing some stand-up about, uh, the two words that make any story believable being, in America. Indeed.

And I've always liked that. Um, there's a gentleman in Texas. Thank you, Alan. It's, uh, I'm fond of some of your stuff, you know. Cheers, I appreciate it. I'm fond of a lot of yours. Oh, that's very kind of you. Uh, this guy in Texas got a $212

speeding fine, which is £147. I don't know how it's that much. It's weird, isn't it? It must be done by how many miles an hour you're doing. That's not the end of the story, by the way. Okay. So he was listening going, right, they're doing links about how speeding fines

are high in America. But he was so miffed, he decided to pay it in pennies. So he went in and paid $212. What are pennies in America? Cents. Is it one cent? Is it the same as a cent? So that would have been...

Well, not anymore. That would have been a lot of cents. I mean, I'm not a maths expert. I know I'm sometimes called Al-Addin on the show, but that sounds like it would be... One of the best names you I'm sometimes called Al-Addin on the show but that sounds like it would be would that be 200 it'd be 21,200 pennies would it

I don't know is it he sounds like a smart aleck he does to me it's an awful lot and it says apparently that it's gone viral and it says everything's gone viral, and it says... Everything's gone viral, isn't it? True enough.

Rubbish. He finishes it by saying, just mail me the receipts. You got my address. You know what I hope? I hope the clerk, whose job it is to do, I hope he sends him a receipt, but in one of those giant lottery winners' cheques, like... Yes. Well, he overpaid, didn't he?

Did you see that? Did he? Well, they ran out afterwards. Sir, sir, trying to give him his change. he overpaid didn't he did you see that did he well they ran out after him and sir sir trying to give him his change he overpaid by i believe he said keep your change 70 that was his pay off what was the thing he said at the end al did he say keep the change uh just mail me the receipt you got my address no i noticed that because he said it twice and that really ruined his whole thing because he thought his killer line frank and then he was worried that they hadn't heard it so he went back when people do that thing he said

mail me the receipt and there was a pause and he went yeah mail me the receipt that's terrible i must have been i've done that when you do it you think well they must have they couldn't have heard that or they would have laughed and then you do it again and they did hear it. Yeah. And then you've done it again. Just been a decision taker, but it wasn't funny. Oh, no, it was terrible. Yeah. He ends, states his video, he says at the end, Frank, he says, end the police state. Well, it's not really

a miscarriage of justice. No, it's speeding, fine. And you were caught. Yeah, I think, I like the old basketball tradition of if you foul someone, you have to hold your hand up and acknowledge that you've done the foul. Why don't we all do that in society? Yeah. Instead of being like, what's he called, Brett Sanders.

Yeah, Brett Sanders. Brett Sanders and his terrible life. Apparently he's... He's an IT consultant. He's posted several other videos on the internet of him paying fines with small change. Oh, no. I mean, you don't want that to be your thing. Oh, that's Brett. He's the small change fine.

Paying fines in pennies guy. Although imagine if Absolute Radio paid us in that way. I'd quite like it. You'd just have to take buckets home. Well, speak for yourself. I could get mine in my breast pocket. But, you know, I don't do it for the money. I do it for love. That's what I make them tell me. I do it. Yeah. For my love of both

of you. Aww. I do it for love and money, guys. And money. I do it for love, money, and just to get out of the house. Yeah. You're listening to the Frank Skinner Podcast from Absolute Radio. Want your Frank fix a little sooner? Listen live every Saturday from 8am on Absolute Radio.

Across the UK on digital radio, mobile apps, and in London and the South East on 105.8 FM. Absolute Radio. This is Frank8 FM. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter at frankontheradio, email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

On the subject of the emails, we could spend a little time in the corner. Let me... Oh, I'll tell the corner. Let me, um... Oh, I'll tell you what. Let you find your food. Oh! Taking you back. Oh, do you know, I'd forgotten how good that was.

Yeah. That's my moment. I say that most mornings. It's from absolute 90s, that one. Dear Frank, Emily... Cornflakes. I love you. I love them.

Anyway. Dear Frank, Alan and Emily, your correspondent last week was quite right to suggest that Sir Isaac Newton invented the cat flap. Yeah. That's what we covered last week. Yeah. Of his many achievements, that was what we covered.

Not flat caps, that would be not true. No, and the person who told us said he was a bit of a git as well. That's it. Oh, yeah. We had an inquest, didn't we? We had an on-air inquest into whether or not Sir Isaac Newton was a bit of a git. Hashtag late review. However, as Alan suggested at the time, Frank is...

I think I said he was miserable as sin. Sir Isaac Newton. Oh, that's right. I think I called him a nasty piece of work. Are we just going to relive last week's show? Is this absolute last week? Well, now I'm not sure I did say that. Maybe that's...

Well, I'm feeling nostalgic for last week. Maybe that's a brilliant joke. If you'll forgive me, I wish it was last week. Anyway... So people say miserable as sin. They mean miserable as Sir Isaacaac newton yeah oh i didn't get that at the time but that's first class i'm not sure i said it last week i mean they just drop off me like windfall fruit i know but i've given you something what a lovely turn of phrase

um however as alan suggested at the time frank is very free and easy giving respect to mondo at the time, Frank is very free and easy giving respect to Mondo without being in possession of all the facts. What the previous writer didn't mention, I hope this is true, because I love this. Al, I'm sorry to interrupt, but he says I wouldn't say that. He gave respect to Mondo to Slavon Bilic for smoking last week. Well, yeah, and I mean, absolute radio policy, of course, is don't smoke.

But there's something about if you look like an East European bloke, ex-footballer made out of granite, you kind of feel like you should have a little bit of a smoke. OK, over to you, Al. He has been a revelation, hasn't he? Slavin Bilic as a pundit has been a real breath of fresh air, ironically. Oh, really? Yeah.

Something he is not for me. Is he on the ITVs? Yes. Oh, I only watch the BBCs. What the previous writer didn't mention was that when his cat had a kitten, Newton cut a second, smaller hole in his door so that the kitten could also come and go freely. The kitten promptly followed its mother through the larger hole.

Proves again that you can be academically clever, but you can't beat good old-fashioned common sense. Yours, unpraisingly, Bill Badger. I wonder if that's a nondiplume from Bill Badger. It might not be. I think I knew someone called Badger. Did you? Actually, it was a badger. What about Ruth Badger from The Apprentice?

Good. Good point. Thank you. I mean, I didn't want this to become an inquest into whether or not the name Badger is real. Yeah, I think Bill Badger might be, yeah. I love the idea that... I bet he's got through a few cat flaps looking for milk. name Badger is real. Yeah, I think Bill Badger might be, yeah. But I love the idea that Sir Isaac... I bet he's got through a few cat flaps looking for milk. Bill Badger. But in a way, we give Sir Isaac Newton the credit for many things,

but we don't give him the credit for being the inventor of the cat flap, or, as indeed he was, the inventor of the kitten flap. The kit flap. One of his failed inventions. Kit flap sounds like a celebrity couple's uh portmanteau doesn't it kit flap for if uh kit harrington meets um someone called flap yeah you know all those people you make called flap and also kits from a very rarefied circles he's not with anyone called Flatt. Is he?

It's a lovely story. I mean, you can see the logic. He was a logician, wasn't he? Partly. I think he invented calculus. I don't know what that means. Do you? Sin was.

Sin was. Pardon? Sir Isaac Newton. Yeah. But he thought... I tell you what, we're told he's not a nice bloke, but the fact that he had cut a separate flap for the kitten... It seems really kind. It also says a lot about security in those days.

Imagine having two cat flaps now. Smallest man in the world, no longer with us, sadly, but Kendra Tapamaga, do you remember him? Well, then, you mean the ex-smallest man in the world? Well, I'm sorry, I do apologise. It moves quickly. And I can't keep up with him. However, he was no he-ping-ping, but Kendra Tapamaga, there was a photo

of him next to her. The cat flap. To prove that he could use it to go in and out. He went in and out of a cat flap? Yeah. Could have. Please, Black and Black did that. Well. He couldn't have done that if it wasn't for... Oh, my God, actually, there's something I want to ask you about, Sir Isaac Newton.

OK. I'm your woman. I like to use these teasers to hold on to the audience. It's like Big Brother. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You had some topical material on Isaac Newton. When you've done that, I've got some blue plaque news as well.

What about if we combine the two? And I was going to sing Entrance to the March of the Gladiators. What a lovely day we're having. We've gone a bit brexit today did isaac newton um did he invent newton's cradle do you remember newton's cradle what the uh the steel balls that yeah it was every it was the one of the most businessman toy businessmen's toys my son has some. Do they still, uh... They do still exist, Frank. I know you'll be pleased. The first person to show me his Newton's Cradle was Sheridan Morley.

That wasn't euphemism, was it? I, I associate, uh, did you show him your kit flap? Oh, my God. I associate him with yuppies. Oh, yeah. Yuppies. Yeah, I remember them. And blokes be sitting in the office all day in the city

and they just start the old... Do you know what I'm talking about, Sarah? You absolutely don't. She does. She does. I didn't know they were called Newton's Cradle, though, Frank. I believe they're called that. Am I right that they

symbolised, or they demonstrated, perpetual motion? So if there's any science-type people listening, if I let the ball go on my Newton's Cradle, would it go forever? Well, I was told by a therapist, yes, I've had therapy, I'm sorry, that they represent, there's a bit of game theory there as well, so the further away you get from someone, the more they will come back to you, you see. There you go.

Oh, right. I doubt if Sir Isaac Newton was thinking that. Well, he was a nasty piece of work, so you never know. Nice piece of work. He took time out from his studies to make a special hole for a kitten. So, come on. You were telling earlier about how you went past a blue plaque in Marleybone, London. But you didn't get the chance to read.

And it could have been Linda Ronstadt. Yeah. Oh, have we had news here now? Yeah. Have we got the answer? Oh! I'm not sure it will. I mean, I'll have a go at making you happy with it, but I don't think it will work.

Dear Frank, there are 65 blue plaques in Marleyburn. None of them are for Linda Robson. Be specific, man. What bus were you on? I was on a 46. He was on a 46, emailer. Yeah, I was on my way to Lord's Cricket Ground. Yeah.

Well. And this was on a big public building. We'll continue the search. I know it's gripping for everyone else. I tell you what, whatever happened to the... Whatever happened to... The third world's shortest man, Chandra Dahadrabaghi? No.

No. The Rubik's Tetrahedron. Remember that? No. Rubik's Cube? Rubik's Tetrahedron. Oh,? No. Rubik's Cube? Rubik's Tetrahedron. What, was that after the cube? Yes. Oh. It was the one that didn't quite catch on.

I don't know. It was like a pyramid shaped. Do you not remember that? Was it not tetrahedron shaped? Well, that's what a pyramid is, isn't it? Okay, fair enough. Think. Well, I remember it being... Strangest thing two people have ever fallen out over. I wouldn't say fallen out.

Didn't really catch on. It wasn't that bad. It was like every Disney film sequel that's ever been made. Oh, not quite as good. Oh, Toy Story's an exception to that rule, Frank. Well, yeah, but I still think Pixar is a bit different. Well, do you know what? Keep that to yourself out in pride.

If you watch Disney films, though, I mean, the classics, you'll often find there's a two that you didn't even know about. Yeah. Like, you know, a Jungle Book 2 or a... Yeah. And, oh, no, they're a bit Rubik's tetrahedron.

Yeah. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've got some more blue plaque news. And I must say that most... Was it 1812? Most texters have gone for various spellings of blue plaque, including CK at the end, blue plaque.

Oh, OK. Which is uncommon., blue plaque. Oh, okay. Which is uncommon. We don't judge on this show. But Linda Rothwell from Ernst & Sons texted. Oh, yeah, we do. Morning, there is a blue plague. Linda who? Linda Rothwell.

That could be the woman who's on the plaque in Marley Van Ryn. Maybe she knows that. But one of the reasons I like it is that her autocorrect has gone for blue plague. Oh. It's morning, there is a blue plague at the Trafford Centre. Oh, God. Yeah. But one of the reasons I like it is that her autocorrect has gone for Blue Plague. It's morning, there is a blue plague at the Trafford Centre. Oh, God. Yeah. That's not a newsflash, by the way. I'm going to have to text my family saying, don't go shopping this afternoon.

There's a blue plague at Trafford Centre for Ford Motor Company building the Model T Ford cars in Trafford Park in 1911. I like that. That is wonderful. I like the ones that aren't a person. Because let me tell you, an experience at the Trafford Park in 1911. I like that. That is wonderful. I like the ones that aren't a person. Because let me tell you, an experience at the Trafford Centre involves almost no history. It is one of the most modern, gaudy kind of...

You know, it's really kind of bright and... Oh, I've been there. Yeah. I'm saying I've been there. It's not got, like, history to it. I'm glad to hear that that's there. The king of them, Charles Dickens. I've seen Charles Dickens' blue plaques.

Oh, there's a lovely one in Highgate. Just everywhere. He must have just stopped at a lot of places. He must have had a lot of one-night stands. Legend! That's why he was called Charles Dickens. Anyway, what did you say? Wherever he laid his hat was his home.

Yeah, wherever he laid his hat. I don't think I've ever seen him in a hat. There was a lot of Charles Dickens. Everywhere. Well, no, but they sometimes, you know know they they push it they stretch it a bit they say charles dickens once walked past her and said nice garden you've got nice you know or they spent charles dickens once spent an hour here the reasons that will not be disclosed due to his family i had a friend who bought a flat and she got contacted to say that they wanted that benjamin britain had composed a couple of important things there and they'd like to put um that on

that on the flat but you have to get their permission oh yeah but they said it usually puts between like 10 25 grand on your house it right. Well, what about if they had three lines was written here? Yes. Why is it complicated? Did you not write it in the road? The music was written in Liverpool by Ian Brodie, so you can't have a thing saying the lyrics to three lines. You could have a big plaque saying the music was partly written here.

The lyrics were written here, but the music were written here but that's more of a proclamation yeah you may as well just get a motorway road sign in blue and just have it all written out on thursday this is an email by the way not me on thursday after a short shopping spree in birmingham i caught the bus back to aston cross where my van was parked and noticed a blue plaque curiosity got the better of me and i crossed the road to have a look at it next to the old bomb building. Oh no, BRMB building. Oh, BRMB.

Yeah. BRMB. That'll confuse people who's just tuned in. And was surprised... Okay. Okay. That's Tony Butler, BRMB sport. I was surprised to find the name of Arthur Conan Doyle, who lived there for about three years.

In Aston? In Aston. I'm currently working on Four Dwellings School, where Daniel Sturridge went. I remember Four Dwellings. Oh! Didn't know Daniel Sturridge was from there. It was quite rough in my day, Four Dwellings School.

Was it? I hope it's picked up. I hope it's improved. Didn't want to walk past there in your Catholic blazer. Oh, is that right? Just a general rule, anyone listening. Frank. Frank Skinner.

On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Shall we go to email too, Frank? As I like to call it. Yes. Let me find... Are we going back? We'll just get a suitable tune. We'll need to get new ones done, I think.

What about this one? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's Email Corner from Absolute Radio here in Golden Square, London. It's Pride this weekend. Imagine the frivolities all around us. So, actually giving that a round of applause because it was so good. Thank you so much. A round of applause for the police, ladies and gentlemen. This is from Robin from London.

Hi all. Plenty of that. People have been robbing from London for years. During the 2010 World Cup, Oh, yes. Frank made a suggestion about determining who came first in a qualifying group when the top two teams were tied on points. Oh, you and your alliteration, Robin.

Mm-hm. Instead of drawing lots, Frank asked why the two teams couldn't have a penalty shootout. I don't even remember suggesting that, but it's a rattling good idea. Lots of things you don't remember, Frank, from back then. He'll be pleased to hear that UEFA have taken up his idea for the 2016 European Championship. Presumably they didn't give him credit and simply said, we're having that. That's outrageous.

I knew when Joe Pasquale became UEFA president... He's going to start stealing your ideas. Yeah. Well, it sounds like we got out of there just in time, that Europe thing. I didn't know they stole jokes. I mean, that changes everything. But you weren't joking.

Were you joking back then? I thought it was a good idea. And they've happened to do it. I'm guessing next year in the premiership we'll be playing with a brown leather ball with laces in it. Oh, yeah. And future Wimbledons will have no advertising on the clothes. No advertising on it.

I'd like that. Wooden rackets? Yeah. Would you go as far back as wooden rackets? Back to ugly partners. In the friends and family. Then was the glory days. Oh, I love the ugly partners in the friends and family. Yeah, when you looked up to the friends and family. Then was the glory days. Oh, I love the ugly partners in the friends and family.

Yeah, when you looked up to the friends and family, and there was just, like, very plain people. Well, we'll test it out, Frank, when we have our day at Wimbledon. And now even the snooker players haven't got ugly partners, and you think, these are men that don't go outdoors. Like, they've not seen sunshine, but they've managed to meet an attractive partner. There's more beautiful people than there used to be.

I'll tell you who I like, the darts partners. The dags. Some of my favourites. I've never seen any of those. Oh, they're worth a look. They're often obscured by their partners. Oh, no. No, they take up quite a bit of real estate, some of them.

But I like the dags, because they're down to earth. estate, some of them. But they're, I like the dags, because they're down to earth. I have thought in the past that instead of sending people off for a red card, you should give a penalty. Oof. Hang on a sec. Controversial. Oh, really? That's quite good.

It's more of an incentive, almost. I think people would be a bit more careful about crippling people if there was a, if that was... I mean, it's a theory. I think you're right. I did try to think...

There's no excuse. The problem, it struck me, was that if you were 4-1 up, you could think, oh, here's an opportunity to cripple that midfielder I've hated for years, because you wouldn't get sent off, it'd be a penalty, you're 4-1 up, so what does it matter? That would be a danger. But I like it generally. Frank, I have a genuine inquiry.

Can you hold it? Yeah, it's about Isaac Newton, so yeah. OK. We could string the whole show together. Another Isaac Newton trail. With Newtonian segues. Newtonian segues the third, I think, is a character in... That's my next husband, I hope.

The Raccoon Trousered Philanthropist. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. I caught our cockerel, our very own cockerel, on Corrie. Oh, yes. It was so exciting. That, I haven't seen it yet, but it'll be on Cow Chop. I assume so, yes. I imagine.

He was marvellous. Oh, thank you. He really was. I was really proud of him oh that's very kind it was i didn't watch it i watched a nil-nil football match you didn't watch it yeah i don't really like watching me because i know but if you're on coronation oh it was a big moment for me that watching you on carrie well you don't do the social medias i don't so i got all the praise. You had some lovely comments. Oh, that's nice.

I'll take that. In fact, I'm so non-self-publicising that I actually had to go on the ITV website to read the description of the programme to make sure that it was my episode. So that I could then text my mum saying, oh, it's my episode tonight. You want to watch that? It's quite a thing, though. Yeah. I mean, it's Coronation Street. Yeah.

Well, somewhat. I got texted by Tina, who said, stole the show. I, uh, well, good. I'll take, uh, I'll take stole the show. Nathan said, it's no Jason the Asthmatic, but a confident performance nevertheless. Confident performance nevertheless. I'll take that. Um, my friend Leroy texted me, smug husband, solid performance.

Four words, I'll take that. That's whateroy texted me, smug husband, solid performance. Four words, I'll take that. That's what you played, smug husband. Yeah, I don't think he was saying that I am one, off camera, although I am. And York said, boy can act. Wow. Boy can act. That's all good. I'll tell you that as well. If there's any casting directors listening, I'm available.

Of course, my great love of Cori Sonset was Julie Goodyear. Oh, yeah. Who I met. Really? I met. Strange love rival for Kath. I love Julie Goodyear. Extraordinary. No, she's one of those grand dame that you get in soap opera.

Pat Phoenix, you know. Yes. And, I don't know, I've never seen it, but she said, she said that someone told me it was on Coronation Street, that when, do you remember she returned

for a spell many years later. They all return. Like boxers. And this actress, young actress, just being nice, said, so how long are you staying there, Julie? She said, not as long as you want me to, cock.

Oh, fabulous. What a monster. What a monster. No, but that was what was brilliant about her, that she was slightly... You want 3% monstrous in you do with a star you do frank yeah i did the um raw variety performance with dame shirley bassey he's worked

with them all hasn't he and that's how many of his anecdotes start we arrived about the same time she completely ignored me of course and we i stopped to chat to the man at the stage door. Common touch, there you go. He's very good-looking. He never forgets his roots. People have spoken. I spoke to him. And if you can't beat him, join him. And as I was speaking to the bloke,

Dame Shirley Bassey come out the other way. We'd only just got there. She'd gone into her dressing room. She has a rule that it has to be painted four weeks before she arrives, exactly. Really? Long enough to be nice. Oh, yeah.

Near enough to be nice, but far enough away to not smell of paint. Paint you. But she smelled paint, she was straight out of there. Oh, good rule. Dame, are you fine? Yes, I am fine. That's what she said to me.

I said, you all right, David? She said, I went to see her live once, and you know when they introduce people in the audience and they stand up and there's a spotlight? She said, ladies and gentlemen, I've got a very good friend here tonight, Larry Grayson. It's without doubt the gayest moment of my entire life. Sticking out this afternoon.

Oh, and then she sang I Am What I Am. And I'll admit we all cried. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. So did the Cockrell family watch the Corrie broadcast? I think my brother's probably switched in between a nil-nil draw on the football on one side and Coronation Street looking for me on the other.

I think the extended family. But it wasn't just Coronation Street that I was in this week. Technically speaking, I was in one of Frank's little ventures. Were you? Yep, I was in Room 101. Not the television programme. Sorry, I'll clean that up. Not the television programme. Oh! Sorry, I'll clean that up. Not the television programme. I checked into a hotel and the guy on reception

said, oh, I know you from the Frank Skinner show. And I was in Room 101. Oh! In the hotel. He did it on purpose. I don't know. I don't know. I did have a little look as if to go, er, but he, he had a poker face on as if to go, no. But I'm now worried, because, you know, I ordered room service, I used certain luggage. Am I allowed to use any of that stuff again?

You know, the old training show against the door is going to go. Yeah. You stay in a lot of hotels, Alan. I do, yeah. Are you on tour at the moment? No, I just work. No, this is Alan Partridge. But I had sweet potato fries, and I like them,

so does that mean that they're... Oh, no. What? You don I like them, so does that mean that they're... Oh, no. What? You don't like them? All right, Katy Perry. I feel like... That was the original draft of that song, wasn't it? I'm not a huge fan of them.

I think they always disappoint, don't you? Anything that isn't a proper crisp. You don't like sweet potato fries, guys? Well, it's not crisp, Frank. It's a chip. It's over. Really? Oh, yeah. You're right. I've met... You're's a chip. It's over. Really? Oh, yeah.

You're right. I've met- You've gone a bit American. What's happened to you? I've met the most terrible forward- I've met Donald Trump. I think now we have to look to America. So, as far as I-

They're potato chips. Well, I've, um, I've actually got a little bit of advice for you that's come in by email, um, and it says, uh, if you want to identify a blue plaque, use Google Maps and switch to Street View. That's a really good idea. That is. So you're talking about... So I can check out Linda Ronstadt. Do you know what?

I'm going to go on better than that. I'm going to walk up there today and have a little look-see. Shut up. How do you mean that that's better? Because that's going to cost you effort, whereas this is just... I do my own research, pal. This is just a flick of a mouse. Yes, I said pal. You used to be a journalist, remember? Yes, I said pal. Deal is just... I do my own research, pal. This is just a flick of a mouse.

You used to be a journalist, remember? Yes, I said, pal, deal with it. I suppose you still are a journalist. I don't say... Yeah. I used to occasionally, when Kevin Phillips played for West Bromwich Albion, I used to text him whenever he'd had a good game or scored, and he always texted back, thanks, pal. Oh, did he?

Exactly that, thanks, pal. No capitals. What's worse, pal or buddy? I was happy with thanks, pal, Oh, did he? Exactly that. Thanks, pal. Oh. No capitals. What's worse, pal or buddy? I was happy with thanks, pal, from Kevin Phillips. Oh, yeah. But, you know, it's the little things in life. I don't like men calling me mate. I don't think they should call the ladies mate.

I know it's old-fashioned, but come on. In a post-Brexit world, what are you going to do? If you will wear a work shirt. Yeah, exactly. It's going to happen. You're going to have to trust me on that, readers. Anyway. Now that the webcam's gone. Look, thank you so much for listening this morning and do

not despair. There have been a few tweets to suggest that the Creeks have indeed risen. But they haven't. No, it's alright. We're resilient. As you know, I'm pretty handy in a rowing boat. So, um... I'm an absolute disaster in one um martin lee is uh coming up next look at me i'm martin lee come on everybody oh so good for pride i don't know what he's lousy but i don't know him but if you know him it's gonna rhyme to rhyme with, well, Martin Lee.

So good luck to him and our thoughts are with his family. If the good Lord spares us and the cricks don't rise, they haven't, we'll be all right. We'll be back again this time next week. Now, get out. The Frank Skinner Show on Absolute Radio. Back Saturday morning from 8. Tune in live for the full Frank experience. Absolute Radio.