The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Now Then, Davos

Episode Date: February 2, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. Frank has had an exciting delivery this week and had a Birthday surprise ruined. The team also discuss obscure crushes, Little Mix's losing faces and Richard E Grant's fan mail.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text us on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram, at Frank on the Radio, or email the show, you oldies. You can do that via the Absolute Radio website. Oh, I love you oldies. I've noticed that thing, if people say no... I was talking to someone the other night and they said,

oh, I saw that play, I wrote to him about it, said I thought it was great. Do they mean I sent an email? They don't mean I wrote to him as in a letter, do they? I like to think they did. Nobody does that. People don't write letters. Don't they?

When was the last letter you got? I got one this morning. Yeah, but who from? Well, I got one. This is just to prove it's not. He has in his hand a letter. Yes. It's actually...

The Chancellor. German Chancellor. It is from the German Chancellor, Herr Hitler. Weird. Sorry. Awful response. Apparently it's all going to be all right. It's going to be peace in our time.

Yeah. Now, it's from Guinness. Remember last week I kept on about the Guinness Book of Records? Do you remember that? Yes. And I said I don't think it was called that anymore. And sure enough. So it was sold.

I had a letter from Craig, the editor-in-chief and he was saying he got sold and they had to distinguish it from guinness the brewer and guinness the record keeper so there's no connection between these characters not anymore two different guinnae. So if you buy that book now you'd buy the Guinness World Records book. That's what you'd buy. But anyway I'll tell you what they sent me. I remember they said last week that as we'd had

the first whatever it was the song only song to be number one four times. Oh yes. They'd send me the official Guinness World Record certificate, and I said, well, do you think you could send me the one for the biggest drop from number one,

which we also hold, which is 96 places in one week. Yeah. And you know what? They come out on top and sent both. And in fact, we put a picture on the social media of me holding same. But there's a fabulous

thing. Craig, who obviously is Mr. Records. He's the editor-in-chief. Yeah. He says... I love his working day. He was on about the fact that it was my birthday on the 28th of January, as you may recall. And he

said, oh, interesting day, 28th of January as you may recall and he said oh interesting day 28th of January and then points out it was the day of the longest eyeball pop where Keith Smith popped his eyes out of their sockets for 53.01 seconds in

2009. I'm glad Keith Smith wasn't a friend of mine. I'm slightly sad he's not a friend of mine. Oh, I'm not. I'm slightly sad he's not a friend of mine. Also, the largest Agadou dance was on the 28th of January 2014. 393 people at Old Trafford.

I should have asked you to guess that. It was bad broadcasting. That's alright. There will be other opportunities for guessing games in the next three hours. This one I like. The fastest sheep to suit. Members of FH Munch and Gladbach turned a sheep into a three-piece suit. Oh, my God.

In 1999. How long? From sheep, from living animal to garment, how long? One hour 52. A week. One hour, two minutes, 36 seconds. That is good. I mean.

Come on. Is it good or is it awful? I don't know. I like it. Presumably they've got a whole suit out. When John Motsen says I need a new coat, he needs a new coat. Yeah. No, no, but that's it.

A sheep turned into a suit as well. A suit. A suit. Not a coat. What did the suit look like? Sheep-like, I imagine. A little bit of entrail on the inside pocket. It's the waistband that I worry about.

What, the cummerbund? Well, just the sheepy waistband. A bit weird. Sheepy waistband. Yeah. I think I used to go out with her. I had also a card from Elspeth in Twickenham who sent me a DVD for my...

Yeah, but we don't want to know about this on the radio. No, it's called... It's blackmail. Do you know it? I must have said I'd never heard of it. 1998. It's called, yeah, it's me and some people from...

Oh, I can't remember the name of the band, even. Anyway, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. Does that ring any bells film-wise to you? No. You know Mark Comeau, don't you, Em? I do. Text him. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone.

I don't know, but I look forward to discovering. Same. He's used it twice now, hasn't he? I don't know if I've ever used it before in my life. So it's nice that you guys were there at the beginning. Do you have anything to tell me, people? Well, I've just been in touch with Mark Kermode. Oh, yeah?

I was corrected when I interviewed him recently. Oh, were you? I called him Mark Kermode. No, yeah. I was corrected when I interviewed him recently. Oh, were you? I called him Mark Kermode. No, he's going to fight. He's going to fight that. Yeah. Obviously. We don't want him...

He said it's like Kermit. You have to think of Kermit. Mark Kermode. Okay, yeah. So I said, okay, fair enough, and then I did it again at the end. Oh, no. We don't want to lift the lid on that one.

No. So, um... Well, someone's remembered a quip you made. Yes. Not him. I'm just starting the Mark Kermode episode. This is of my podcast. Yes, Emily does a podcast when she takes a dog and a celebrity for a walk. You should listen to it.

What's it? It's called Walking the Dog. Yes, Walking the Dog. Check it out. It's a Times newspaper. Oh, thank you. Just starting the Mark Kermode episode, and I've already got the arthritic claw terrified

that he's going to hold Emily accountable for Frank's quip, I've marked a few commodes in my time. I mean, did you say that? I'm so embarrassed. I think that's fine. I wish I'd known before I interviewed him, though. Why don't you pick me up on the commode? It's absolutely fine, I'm so embarrassed. I think that's fine. I wish I'd known before I interviewed him though. No wonder he picked me up on the commode. It's absolutely fine, I'm sure. I bet

he loved it. I bet he chuckled. Yeah. I think I also said that if I was him, I'd have a small surfer hair grip which I wore on my crib so it looked like they were coming over a big breaker. You did. We've also heard from the outside world,

somebody's emailed asking if you are, they've been reminiscing about Frank's pavement racing days. Before you ask, I'm not the Messiah. No, no, it's not that. You need Russell Brand. It's not that. They've been reminiscing about your pavement racing days and couldn't help but wonder if there was still something

that you took seriously as a sport or was now an event that you were trying to raise buzz to be more than aware of? I think in case for new readers, I used to do a lot of pavement racing. So I'd see someone ahead of me and think I've got to catch them up

and overtake them, other fellow pedestrians. And I did it every time I walked anywhere i did it and i was never sure whether they knew it was a race or not but sometimes they would start turning it on a bit as i overtook yeah like they're doing f1 yeah um um so some of them i really think they knew what was going on but but some I just burned off, basically. But I have to say, in later life, I've lost my confidence. Have you, Frank?

I haven't... You've not taken anyone on recently? I haven't done any pedestrian racing for a long time. Maybe you should get back into it. The inquiry came from Mark in Hampshire, who adds a PS PS which is about myself I hope Alan has enjoyed his Friday night troll thus far that's where I look through the emails that we receive on a Friday night

and I look forward to his update on the latest motoring issues caused by the unprecedented weather this week and I trust it will be as comprehensive as an update as one should expect from a motoring correspondent of his experience lovely well I'm glad you've teed me up nicely here to to one of my bugbears mark gone i think in snowy weather people should take the extra minute to scrape the snow off the roof of their car and they never ever do i'm sure some of our readership will concur that it's in the highway code you're supposed to scrape the roof as well as you're there

it would be very dangerous I never do that because as soon as you brake it's all over your windscreen it can cause accidents well yeah think man whenever I brake

it's always my briefcase falling down Frank Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Absolute Radio 6-5-0 has texted in you know you were discussing the World Suit World Record yes from sheep to suit in just over an hour and I had concerns over the

sheepskin waistband yes well 6-5-0 texts over an hour. And I had concerns over the sheepskin waistband. Yes. Well, 650 texts obviously a bunch of townies running a radio station. Suits are made from wool which comes from sheep! Exclamation mark. They only need

to be shorn, not put to death! Two exclamation marks. Goodness. Colin from Suffolk. What's up? Sorry, Colin. Colin, weolk. What's up? Colin. Sorry, Colin. Colin, we love you. It's okay. Secondly, Colin, what I would say to you is I'm assuming there's some sort of complex process before it gets to that stage. Yeah.

Okay? If you just... I'm also, if it wasn't for townies, there wouldn't be any broadcasting. That's what I'm saying. Apart from... This is how you get your news in Suffolk. Oh, yes! Oh, yes! But, no, thanks for that. I'm glad you've pointed that out,

because I don't want any sheep to die for my lapels. They don't have to die, they can just be shorn. No, exactly. They've got to to die. They can just be shorn. He's right. No, exactly. They've got to be cut and fashioned in some way. You can't just drape the sheepskin over like a suit. Oh, no, they'll do all that. But the sheep, then, the sheep's back in the field by then.

You can't say to Karl Lagerfeld, do all that. No. No, I don't know if I'd even talk to Karl Lagerfeld. Well, I don't know if you'd have the choice. I think he'd be difficult. He's very strict. Imagine he'd be difficult. What gives you that idea?

Look, I haven't got the details on this world record. If Karl Lagerfeld's involved in this, I'll eat my hat. Can you imagine the call? Mr Lagerfeld, who is this? Yes, but we want you to take part in the fastest sheep to suit record. Was? Was is this? Where's Karl Lagerfeld? Sheep to suit?

It's German, that's fine. Was is this? Ach du liebe Gott! Oben die Stroh! Leave me, God! Open this throat! That's how it would have gone with Lagerfell. Lagerlaut, as I like to call it.

But when the money's... What about when he said to a friend of mine in fashion, someone said, oh, we can't do that, Carl. It's too expensive. It's impossible. And he said, how much is impossible? Oh. Okay, that's how Carl operates. So he might have said that about the sheepskin suit, Frank. You never know. That's how Carl operates. So he might have said that about the sheepskin suit, Frank.

You never know. I'll tell you something. Does he have someone to do that very tiny ponytail? Is he doing that every morning himself as part of his stretching? Because a little one like that, your shoulders as you get older,

that little tiny... He'd be really opening his chest up. He gets a credit like Mr. Lagerfeld's ponytail tyre. Oh, that'd be good. That little tiny. He'd be really opening his chest up. Yeah, he gets a credit like Mr Lagerfeld's ponytail tyre. That's your job. But I reckon Carl, because he's German and a bit no-nonsense, probably does his own. But I bet

he's very flexible around the shoulders for years of doing that. Little tip there from the KL. tip there from the KL. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. We were talking about Karl Lagerfeld

just quickly. I'd like to round up our Lagerfeld chat with one of my favourite KL quotes, Frank and Alan. Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life, so you bought some sweatpants. Karl Lagerfeld. All right.

I'm worried that's alienated about 98% of our listeners. Well, including me, because I love a sweatpants. Yeah. And I'm wearing a slipper today. Okay. Well, I'm wearing too much, I've decided, because I've been really hot since I've been in this studio. And I tell you my dilemma

is and I love a visual gag me but underneath this tracksuit top what I'm wearing oh yeah when I put my clothes on this morning I put on a long sleeved sweatshirt

thing and then I put a t-shirt over the top and I don't know you know that look sweatshirt thing and then I put a t-shirt over the top and I don't know do you know that look? I know that look it's very teenage dirt bag I quite like it

it's very teenage Wayne's World but when I looked in the mirror and this happens sometimes if it's dark sleeves on the long and a lighter one you do look like one of the chimpanzee in clothes. And so if I take it off... I'll take it off now.

Can you two talk? Because I'll have to step away from the microphone. Frankie's unzipping a tracksuit top now. I'm very excited about this. Emily seems to be getting ready to take the photographs. Oh, here we go. No, it's a dark enough t-shirt for you to... Do you see what I mean? I think you've

got away with it. Can you take a picture? I was going to read another Lagerfeld quote at that point, Al, which was, if you are cheap, nothing helps. Oh, dear. Rules to live by. I sometimes think you might be a difficult man. Anyway, you see what I mean by the chimp in T-shirt? But you know what?

You're kind of, it's okay. I think you've managed to make it work. Yeah. Thanks very much. I'm just sitting on one of those red noses that you used to have on the front of car grills to do the bomb. And it's a sort of terracotta

t-shirt. Yeah, thanks. How do I like that? Terracotton. How was your birthday, Frank? Well, my partner likes to take me out for a treat, a suitable treat.

If you remember, she took me to the Cosmonauts exhibition at the um science museum i remember you saying you thought it was out of this world it was brilliant uh and yeah so it's sort of it's always always based on one of my passions so this time it was um the anglo-son Kingdoms exhibition at the British Library. Excellent. Which I've got to tell you, people, you should go to. It's brilliant. But, now here's the thing.

Room 101 is dead in the water, as you know, but were I a guest on it? Where are you? So we looked at the exhibition and Kat said, right, we'll have lunch in the cafe. We went in the cafe there. I would say there was 40 tables. I didn't count them, but probably 40. It's quite a big cafe. It's not a little tucked away thing.

It's like a big, like a refectory thing. We were one, we just about managed to get a table. It was 1.30, you know. Right. But. Peak time. I would say, I think we were one of three people eating. Everyone else was on laptops.

Oh, come on. And there was one or two dirty cups that had been there for two, but some people hadn't even bothered with the initial drink thing that they do. Cheeky. So the whole place was taken out. I'm guessing that the reading room at the British Library was like a Viking feast with food all over it. But I couldn't believe it.

I mean, laptop. There's got to be priority for the eaters. But the clue's in the name, isn't it? Laptop. It should be on your priority for the eaters. But the clue's in the name, isn't it? Laptop. It should be on your lap, not on a table in a cafe. Yeah, it's not called tabletop, is it? And I'm just presuming that the British Library gets some of the proceeds from the cafe.

Yeah, there. It might be a private franchise. But they've got to get some of it. So these people are robbing the British Library. These people? I couldn't believe it. British trials. You think they're in there for the free Wi-Fi and they're not even buying

an Americano? Do you know what? That hadn't even occurred to me. But it did occur to you. I think you're right. We were three. Cats was whispering to you. But I think you're right. It was, we were three, I found out, we were,

Kat was whispering to me over the meal. I said, why are you whispering? I know it looks like we're in a library room but this is the cafe. We can talk.

Honestly, it really wound me. I blame JK Rowling. Oh, yes. She was the one who made it super cool to sit in a cafe on the laptop and everyone thinks they're going to...

Can you write in cafes? I can't. Harry Potter and the Catering Table of Work. I don't know if you read that. Mm-hm. One of my faves. But she must have closed down hundreds of cafes by filling them with people who were just typing and not eating and drinking.

You're right. Unintended consequences. Yeah, that'd be a good texting. to cafes by filling them with people who were just typing and not eating and drinking. You're right. You're right. Unintended consequences. Yeah. That'd be a good texting. They should have

a laptop area. That'd be a dark texting. What are the unintended consequences? And the way they looked they looked at us

like oh look at those we're surfing the information highway and these people are just stuffing their faces with plebs. This is the cafe! It's the cafe!

Really? This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. So your birthday... Oh, no, the cafe we were in. Yes, well, that was..., oh I had another birthday. No, here, here. Here you. Do you remember when, it was Alan's birthday once,

and you bought him some fashionable slippers? Yes. Me, Alan Cochran, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What were they? They were called Mahabis.

Yeah. And what was it? I don't know what. They had a distinctive look to them. They're cool, aren't they? They've got quite a bright yellow soul, the ones that I got. Well, we all have, darling.

Oh, have we? You have, and actually yours is. Mine's quite dark, aren't they? Yours is sort of a metallic grey. The idea behind them, Alan, is that they're sort of indoor outwear. Yeah. Do you wear them much, Al? I occasionally go out in them.

I sometimes pad around the house in them, yeah. I thought they'd got a kung fu feel. I felt that. It's a bit Kill Bill as well. Anyway, so after you got them, I started getting lots of adverts for

them on my internet. Did you? And I've heard this theory that, you know they send, if you look up stuff, they send you adverts for it. Yes. I'm glad that didn't work in the old days. Good point. Look up stuff. They send you adverts for it. Yes, yes. It's called targeted marketing. I'm glad that didn't work in the old days. Yeah.

Good point. But also, apparently, if you're in regular contact with a person, like if I'm regularly texting or whatever the producer of the show, and then she organises, or he organises those slippers, then I start getting those. No way. Well, the rumour was also the conversations as well you have. Oh, yeah.

Well, I don't know if that's true. I've always thought, and some people say to me, this is a terrible invasion of privacy. And this is like 1984. And some people love it. East Germany and all that. And I think, this is brilliant. I didn't know that Doctor Who thing was out.

Obviously, that doesn't happen very often, but you know what I mean. I like to be kept in touch with stuff I might want to purchase. But then, this last couple of weeks, I'll do this briefly, but when I was was two years ago my partner bought me a bracelet which had got a very personal

to us loving message on it which meant a lot to me and when I got pneumonia this year in all the foffle of all that I lost it in in Inverness I lost it in Inverness.

I lost it in Inverness. It's official. In fact, I've still got the receipt somewhere. Anyway, so I was really upset about that. And then the other week I was looking at news near West Bromwich Albion. It's the transfer window, so I'm looking

at it every day to see what's happening. And by a strange coincidence there was an advert for one of these neck bracelets and I thought you know what I could um I could buy I could replace it I could I could get it hadn't occurred to me because I was still looking really and I thought that's a good idea the next day there was another advert for it and I thought, wow, that's really weird. So at my birthday, Kath gives me the replacement bracelet. I was with Monica Venarder,

I believe. So it actually spoiled this method, which I haven't heard it criticised for this. It spoiled the surprise of my birthday gift by sending me an advert for a romantic bracelet in the middle of news now West Bromwich Albion update. Absolutely.

I mean, God damn it! I was... You don't want the surprise spoil. You know how it works. It's like if your partner's having an affair and you get Tinder ads suddenly. You spoil the surprise. It's somewhat fabulously sci-fi about it.

Yeah. I don't like it. It's not because... It's not comingulously sci-fi about it. Yeah. I don't like it. It's not because it's not coming from your computer. You haven't searched for the bracelet thing. Your address, your internet, home address, as it were. The pipe that it's coming in. It makes me wonder what some female partners must be getting coming through, though. Well, this is what I mean.

I know, but I mean, I don't look for anything I wouldn't want. But buying someone else a present, this is the first time I've realised it's not such a great idea. And then I got property in Liverpool advert this week. Oh, yeah. I am doing a couple of gigs in Liverpool soon, and I booked a hotel, so I've had texts about the hotel and emails about what hotel I'm at and that in Liverpool.

And now I've got a buying property in Liverpool. I mean, they're closing in, guys. You're going to have to go incognito browsing. If I get a sheepskin suit advert this week, I'll know it's gone too far. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio

with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215. You can follow the show on Twitter and indeed Instagram, at Frank on the Radio. Or, alternatively, you can email the show on Twitter and indeed Instagram, at Frank on the Radio. Or, alternatively, you can email the show via, I say via, the Absolute Radio

website. And we've had some tweets in, Frank. Tweets, you say? One from David Gruenvegen. Oh, yeah? He's referring to your Guinness record breaking achievements. Okay. Or we should say framed certificates this morning,

if one of these records is broken, does Frank have to give the certificate back or does it just shred itself, Banksy style? I hope it doesn't shred itself. I think they... You're going to say Banksy style as if it's a phrase. As if it's a thing. I think they inflame. going to say Banksy style as if it's a phrase. As if it's a thing. I think they enflame.

What if they did that? Well, I've got... Can you... This dates everything. I have a certificate for the biggest solo stand-up gig in the world. Wow. And it's 6,000 people in the audience

which now Russell Howard would regard you get that for a signing like a warm-up gig but at the time that was a massive gig it was at Battersea Power Station so they haven't made me give it back

even though it's woefully out of date. No, you hang on to that, darling. It just was a moment. It's like when you say former world record holder Paula Radcliffe. That being X Miss World. You still did it. Yeah, exactly. Come on.

Yeah. David Haggart has been in touch as well. Davo. Hi, Fang. Haggart. Davos. That's what in Yorkshire they used to call David's Davos. You sound like this terrible pop friend. I saw a bloke doing, he was a performance poet from Yorkshire and he said that he was

selling something and this bloke phoned up and And every time he phoned, he lived in a student house. Every time he phoned up, a different person had answered the phone to the bloke who was trying to buy this thing. So when he finally got through to this performance poet to ask him, the girl on the other end of the line said, Now then, Davos, does the living a commune? And he'd written this performance poem in which he was just going

now then Davos, now then Davos now then Davos does the live in a commune now then Davos, over and over It was, it was. Very Marky Smith. Of course when I moved in with David Baddiel at any hint of a guest or a phone call

or anything, I said, now then, Davos, does the live in a commune? Oh, I love your chimpanzee look today. It's very sweet.

Oh, thank you. So David, now then, Davos, David Haggart, has said, hi Frank,

and this is in reference to your targeted advertising you were talking about with your bracelet. Oh, yes. Lovely bracelet, Cath.

Can I say also I wrote also this week in that same advert things I've had

a King Crimson gig oh yeah so that must be just that could be from Apple Music or whatever

maybe and also a walk in shower enclosure oh yeah it wasn't a bath at first I thought it's a bath it's a walk-in shower enclosure. Oh. Yeah, it wasn't a bath. At first I thought it's a bath.

It's a walk-in bath. But, yeah, walk-in shower enclosure. I should have been Googling that for you. Yeah. Stanislav. Oh, wow. I want one of those. How early can you get them? I've always, the walk-in bath, I don't even know.

Does it work like a lock on a canal? It's amazing, isn't it? Yeah. It's like. That's what I think. I think you have to wind down the door and then only half of it has got water and then you go into the dry end.

Yeah. One of our science nerds that's listening will explain how that can happen. It feels like a risky proposition. You surely don't just sit there while the bath fills. Surely not. No. That would be boring.

Oh, no. Fascinating, though. I'm going to be Googling that and guess what I'll be getting pop-up ads for. Oh, that's a trouble, Oh, no. Fascinating, though. I'm going to be Googling that, and guess what I'll be getting pop-up ads for. Oh, that's a trouble, yeah, if you Google it. And you don't want some date-seeing walking baths come up on your phone. I mean, come on.

No, it's a good point. Can we go back to Davos, please? Oh, yeah. We've still got to read this. Yes, yes, OK. David Haggart. Hi, Frank. I just bought a marble pastry slab.

Big wow. Oh, yeah. I just bought a marble pastry slab. Big wow. Oh, yeah. Today's random advert on Facebook is for 500 grams of French baker's yeast. Oh. Wow. There you go. That's brilliant. That's how they get you.

He's probably on the lookout for yeast. Well, we all are. Yeah. Yeah, what's tomorrow's advert going to be for? Phil, it's killing me. And I'd also just finally like to round off with Kate Griffiths, one of our regulars, I think, Frank. Oh, yes.

Do you remember we were talking about the sheepskin suit and we had someone from Suffolk referring to us as townies, I believe. Yeah, because he said you don't have to kill a sheep to get a sheepskin suit. Just wool, to get the wool. Kate says, I only just caught the tail end of the sheepskin suit thing. If it's a wool suit, that would be okay. But if it's sheepskin suit, of course the sheep would have to be dead. Hashtag not from Suffolk.

Well, I don't know. Maybe you could replace it with a series of grafts on a sheep. Skin grafts. Oh, yeah? Yeah. So I think maybe you could do a sheepskin and keep it alive, as long as you had to have something around it to stop it falling apart, obviously.

As you took it off, you could feed it into a rubber glove. Anyway. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, do you remember when you went to the Brits? I mean, as an audience member.

Yes. I think you've been a couple of times now. Yes. I never speak at the other times. It never ever comes up. I think you've brought that up. No, I didn't. I remember being quite surprised, pleasantly surprised,

that you became a fan of the pop group Little Mix. Well, let's not go over the top, but they did do... I think that Little Mix Who Knew became the big thing, because they did a fabulous performance. A great turn. Was it Shout Out To My Ex or Black Magic? Absolute banger. I don't know if it was, it rocked the joint.

Shout Out To My Ex I think it was. Producer thinks it's Black Magic and you know what, I trust her on this. Yeah. I think it was Tuesday Envelope. No, that's album track of theirs. But she gets a letter on a Tuesday morning and it's dumping her.

Yeah. And it turns out it's been there all across the weekend, but tucked under the mat. It was tucked under the mat. And they'd actually been together over the weekend and he was still carrying on with her. It's great. I got your Tuesday envelope

When I was filled with hope She was filled with hope But now I know That you're gonna go You're gonna go Oh yeah, you're gonna go That one, you remember yeah yeah

one of the rarities of Little Mix for any fans without wishing to put Little Mix down I think you're sort of

imposing an almost Beatles like narrative structure on their work it felt a bit Lennon McCartney that composition

of yours I don't think they should balk at that I think they've cited them as an influence Emily oh okay alright in many interviews Little Mix have said well I would say I don't think they should balk at that. I think they've cited them as an influence, Emily.

Oh, OK. In many interviews, Little Mix have said... Well, I would say, shout out to my exes, the sort of hey Jude of their era. I would say. Yeah, OK. The reason I raised them is because they were... I never knew you raised them.

Do you know, I look a bit odd there. You were very modest about that. Well, do you know, I look good on them. You've been very modest about that. Well, do you know, it's funny you should say that. They were feral before. They were feral, just running around. They were feral. Not even like fostered, just completely feral. Totally feral.

They were wild, actually. Wow, wait. I have to say, I think I look a bit like I could be their sort of manager. You know, like a maternal figure, like a mum. I think you could have raised them. I think I could have raised them. I think I could have raised them. I think I could have. I've seen one of those newspaper stories that they'd been kept

in a cupboard for like 15 or 16 years. In basks. Stilettos in basks. Only given food water in basks. That was the only thing that ever came through the letterbox. Christmas, a lip liner.

Well, Perry Edwards, one of them. Oh, yes. I remember him. Played for Arsenal in the 70s. She was talking about award ceremonies recently because the Brits are coming up again, Frank. Sorry about that. Yeah.

And she said she likes to practise a losing face because none of them like to lose. She said it hurts the soul. It hurts the soul. I liked her for that, Frank. Shouldn't the headline should have been Little Mix acknowledge the existence of the immortal soul? Yeah, yeah.

Scientists still haven't proven that there is one, though, have they? No, but I'm just saying a little mix. They're part of that school of thought. Yeah. Because she also said, when you're having to smile inside, you're thinking, damn it. Yeah. And I thought, existence of hell, also acknowledged.

I mean, it's quite a deep theological interview she's done. But of course the papers have picked up on quite the wrong thing. Like the Sun today said a bloke had found a Bronze Age chariot on the ground. Headlines, it could get up to a million quid. And you think, oh, let's reduce it to that, guys. And then they got a picture of a woman in like a stone bikini sitting in a field. They haven't. She said it was the

time on the X Factor that had made them pros. Of course because day after you have to wear your heart on your sleeve on the X Factor. Every week. On the call out to my X Factor. Is that what the film was called?

Shout out to My Ex. Oh, Shout Out. It was also Goodbye My LAX by Rachel Stevens, first song of her solo career. Oh, was it? Wow, well done. Well done, everyone. Good stuff.

But I liked her honesty. Yeah. It was a bit of what I call FT, Frank Truth. Oh, yeah. She went there. No, it's... But at the moment, they're getting more wins than loses, I would have thought, Little Mix.

Which is surprising, given that they're spending some of their... I wonder what you were going to say. They're surprising, considering they're robbed. No, no, no. I was going to say, given that they're spending some of what must be scarce and precious practice time, because they've got a lot of moves and stuff, haven't they? Like, they dance. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of moves and stuff, haven't they? Like, they dance.

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of moves. A lot of practice involved. Oh, they're... I don't know any words for attractive kids. What's the kids' word? Scenic. They're well scenic. But they're taking some of that practice time

to do loser face practice. Surely that's coming out of the budget of actual practice. Well, they might be practicing on their own. I just hope it's not in a rear view mirror. Well, it might be in agriculture of pulling out of a side road. Yeah, you don't want that, do you? They're getting some expert in,

like, I don't know, Tim Henman. And he'll give them a masterclass on the losing face. Yeah. I should think you could get an hour of Henman for, say, four grand. Probably. That would be my guess. I don't know if Henman's agent is, but I'd say an hour, four grand. There's no tennis playing.

Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio. There's no tennis playing Talking about Perry Edwards of Little Mix fame Perry Edwards The group as a whole Did you know Perry Edwards? Could you name them? Yeah, I'm going to try Perry Edwards No prompting from the producer No, I'm not to try. Perry Edwards. No prompting from the producer. No, I'm not looking there.

Jesse Nelson. Okay. Lee Ann Edwards. I've just made that up. Another Edward. I don't know if that's right. Oh, no, not Edwards. Pinnock.

I've just made that up. Neil Pinnock. And the third one. Fourth one. Fourth one. Is Pinnock a surname? I don't know. I've just made it up.

I can't remember the fourth one. I'm really sorry. What about... I've done all right. Three. Fourth one. Fourth one. Is Pinnaker surname? I don't know, I've just made it up. Could be, isn't it? I can't remember the fourth one, I'm really sorry. What about... I'm done, all right, three. Fourth one, please. Me and my child built a family of snowmen yesterday, and he named them as Ellie was the wife, the dad was Jupiter, and the dog, I thought Jupiter,

how do you top that? Dog was snowy. I thought you couldn't get a more aptly named dog than that. Well, look, let's not go into the names. I just thought you might know. I might have been impressed by that. Well, Perry dates Alex Oxo Chamberlain. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I hope it's not her that's caused him his major injury. You think? No, I don't know. Who knows what goes on nowadays? He said the best thing ever. She's well scenic. She is well scenic. I don't know what she looks like,

but I'm guessing she's well scenic. No, she is. She used to go out with Harry Styles, I think. Did she? No, the other one, Zayn. Zayn. Zayn Styles. Zayn Styles.

I wish she used to go out with Nobby Styles. That would have been a bit of news, wouldn't it? I'd say that'd be a good... Terrible age gap. Nobby dancing, I'll say. Let's have a proper radio texting. Oh, yeah, go on then, what is it? What is it?

What is it? No, like a... Would you rather? What about Unusual Crush? Oh, that's good. What, Nobby Styles? Well, mine... No, when I say Unusual Crush,

are mine... Do you know Ray from Star Wars? Well, mine... Now, when I say unusual crush, are mine... Do you know Ray from Star Wars? Oh, yeah. Daisy. Yeah. I think... Oh, I know exactly who he is. Yeah, I know.

Yeah. Well, not actually her. Not actually Ridley. Not actually her, but there's a... I saw a Lego version of her in Hanley's and I thought

wow, that's amazing. Yeah, and I felt a little uneasy around it and I thought I'm going to have to get out of it. It's life size. Oh, was it? Daisy Ridley don't get me wrong, it's a very attractive one but it's never really, she's never let's say floated my boat

but I think she's brilliant in the film yeah she's scenic I'm not denying that she's scenic but there was something about her Lego version

the doll okay Frank that is up there I'm going to can I say one other one please do that I picked up quite recently

and this might mean nothing to you it's obscure crushes obscure crushes yeah come on the tiger in Kung Fu Panda. Something really sort of slinky and... It's very hard to say.

Obviously slightly feline, but very... Words I can't use. But, you know, sensual. I don't like this. Kat's going to start seeing ads popping up. Tiger sanctuary. It gives me a chance to actually sing. Words I can't use. But, you know, sensual. I don't like this. Kat's going to start seeing ads popping up. Tiger Sanctuary. It gives me a chance to actually sing, oh, that tiger,

oh, that with real venom. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. Strange moment off air just then. We were just looking up pictures of this tiger character. From Kung Fu Panda. In Kung Fu Panda that Frank has a crush on. And what happened, Al?

Someone suggested putting a photo up and Frank got oddly sort of defensive. I'm going to go a bit upset. You don't really get the sense without the movement. You don't really get a sense of what it's like didn't you? I didn't think it was a very flattering shot of the tiger

I was saying to Emily as I found myself watching the Kung Fu Panda films looking forward to the next scene that she's in you said oh dear I was really looking forward to it you said you really need to see her moving see that she's here. You said... Oh, dear.

That's what you're looking forward to. You said, yeah, you really need to see her moving. Is there like a sort of a hip wiggle or something? I don't think we should describe it on breakfast television. Oh, really? We're not on breakfast television, incidentally. Terrible flashback moment there.

It was a bit of Sunset Boulevard. Oh. 062 has informed us, Hi Frank and Company, the tiger in Kung Fu Panda is voiced by Angelina Jolie, so it's meant to be sexy and slinky. Oh, well, I've fallen for the Jolie spell. It's absolutely appropriate what you're doing.

Of course. I don't know about that, Al. No, it's absolutely appropriate. It's what appropriate what you're doing. Of course. I don't know about that Al. No it's absolutely appropriate. It's what the filmmakers want. Yeah. Yeah.

What about my surely you remember one of my obscure crushes. I can remember your obscure crush. Oh Vince Cable. Vince Cable.

Oh I'd hardly call that obscure. Oh and Henry VIII. I think you're forgetting the third one. Who's that? Son of Canoe Man John Darwin. Oh yes of course. I've only're forgetting the third one. Who's that? Son of canoe man John Darwin.

Oh, yes, of course. I've only ever seen one photograph of him. Excellent work. In a Sunday Times supplement, there was a photograph of him. It's based on one photo alone, but I just thought he looked attractive. Well, people have met on that basis, of course, in the modern world. The Darwins are hard to track down. Well, exactly.

Where do you park your kayak when you're meeting? Yeah, my one's difficult. It's never going to be realised. Never. What is it? I don't tiger in Kung Fu Panda. It's got to come off. That's a good point.

You make a very good point. Do you know the TV, the Netflix television series, Making a Murderer? Theresa May? Do you know the Making a Murderer series? Yes. The victim, Theresa Holbeck. I fancy Theresa Holbeck.

Oh, goodness me. She's pretty. I haven't seen this. Do you mean she's... She's no longer with us. She's no longer with us. She's no longer with us. Oh, no longer with us. But there's quite a few

pictures of her as a nice, happy young woman. She's pretty. Like, obscure crush. Her memory lives on. Yeah. Lovely. Have you seen her in Lego?

No, not yet. Not yet. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. We've had a lot of people sending in their strange crushes. Good. Lauren, Aladdin is a dreamboat. Aladdin? Mm.

The cartoon one, she's meaning, I'm presuming. Yeah, Lauren, could you please elaborate? I'm assuming so. Elaborate. Yeah. No, it'll be that one, yeah. soon one she's meaning I'm presuming yeah Lauren could you please elaborate I'm assuming so elaborate yeah no it'll be that one yeah the doggy network

likes Bob the Builder really friendly reliable always willing to lend a hand and he wears a tool belt I like a tool belt

I see that I can see that as an element of Batman in a tool belt or Chippendale sort of thing. Yeah, of course.

Or village people. Yes. Something for everyone. Absolutely for everyone. We were discussing obscure crushes off air as well. And Faye, one of our team members, said she liked Simba, didn't she, Frank? Simba. But in a fabulous 2018,

people being very careful. She said, I really fancied Simba. But not young Simba. Simba when he grew up. You all right? Nothing weird. Just a lion, a fully grown lion. Yeah.

Sarah, the producer, was a fan of The Beast. Yeah, The Beast. On The Chase That's who you meant isn't it I'm a Governess fan myself And we also had Robin Hood In Fox form

Yes we did And I suggested that the Cadbury's Caramel Bonnie Was somewhat basic Straight forward Always worried me's Caramel Bonnie was somewhat basic. Yeah, exactly. One choice across. Straightforward. Always worried me, the Caramel Bonnie, because it got quite a lot of make-up on. It was suggested it had escaped from some sort of laboratory. I thought it was a dark edge to the whole thing

because it was an advert for confectionery. Anyway, whoever sprung the... Eagle companion. What was it called? Sprung the bunny. Whoever sprung... Whoever sprung him from the moor, like one of the greys.

Yeah. Somebody has emailed saying, Rachel Johnson knocks me bandy, which is a lovely turn of phrase. That is. And it creeps him out because she looks a lot like her brother Boris, which, you know, that's fine.

Yeah, I can see that you get, again, a bit of... That's why Nick Cage was a massive Elvis fan and he married Lisa Marie. Yeah, that's not creepy. That must make her feel special. Creepy much? If I went out with Lisa Marie Marie how long before I said, you wouldn't put the white jumpsuit on?

Oh, Frank. What about this one, Frank? This is a bit strange, guys. Someone said Zola Bard, obviously. I mean, I won't name and shame them because they may have personal reasons for this. And then they deleted the tweet. Maybe they got cold feet.

Very funny. Oh! Of course, she was one of my... I actually wrote to Zola Bard. Did you? Yes, I mean, that was a strange time in my life. I was just coming off the drink, and I was discombobulated. I think it's fair.

Discombobulate, the build-up. Yeah, but I did, I wrote to her saying what a great admirer I was of her and stuff like that. And if ever she'd like to meet, I mean, you know, it didn't go into darkness, but it was overcast,

to put it that way. I always think she's one of the people who got me off the drink. She did? Because I started running following her inspiration. Oh, really? That's nice. Yeah, but weird. You don't get this on Capital. Skinner, Dean and Cochran.

Together, The Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran text the show on 8 12 15 you can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email the show via the Absolute Radio website. We appreciate them all. We've had a load, Al, haven't we? We have, and a little correction as well.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. Correction, correction, Olé, olé, olé. Long-time reader, the tiger in Kung Fu Panda was actually played by Ian McShane, Olly, olly, olly, olly. Long time reader. The tiger in Kung Fu Panda was actually played by Ian McShane, but I would guess that it's... Isn't that who Frank Gallagher was? I would guess it's Tigress who floats Frank's freaky boat,

who is played by Angelina Jolie. I hope her autobiography is I, Tigress. I'm assuming... Come on. Come on. Come on. I'm assuming that as people now say actor instead of actress and stuff like that, that they're all tigers.

Tiger and tiger. That's wrong. Al, imagine if Frank had found out it was Ian McShane after all these years. He's got something about him. He's very good in Deadwood. I asked my son his favourite animal at the zoo and he said the lion, the men lion.

Oh, yeah. It was all to do with the mane. And, you know, there is that thing. When you think lion, you think mane. Yeah. Come on, girl. Fair enough, I'm sorry. Come on, girls.

You'll have to get a piece if it's not going to grow naturally. Lovely waist, though, we've got. What about 189, whose crush, odd crush when I was a boy, Marina from Stingray? I know. You see, I don't want to cast aspersions. Before I moved on to Lulu, sorry. I get hay fever.

And I liked Atlanta from... Okay, well, something for everyone in that show. Atlanta Shore. All the names were like ponds on sea type things. So Atlanta Shore. Now, people who like Marina, I was always a bit wary of, because Marina, I don't know what the politically correct term is nowadays, but she was a mute.

Oh. And I think someone who, they're like the mute woman. I thought, I'm not sure. I mean, she was beautiful. I'm not saying she wasn't and could swim like a fish. Yeah. But, yeah, because... Again, very defensive about his crushes.

No room for any other... Phones would say something. I think Marina's trying to tell us something, Troy. And I think she had a bit of telepathy or stuff like that. Right. Yeah, I think she came from the Aquaphibian kingdom, so had some connection with Titan. Right.

Anyway, let's not get too far into this thing, right? I've got to say, Man from Atlantis was one of mine. Remember him? Oh, Doffy, yeah. I loved his swimming style. Oh, so did I. I mean, hands at the sides. Beautiful. Swimming, you don't see that

very often. The only man I knew who had swimming trunks were pockets. Useful. Because he could just keep his hands in there. I didn't know there were pockets. 829, my strange crush is Frank. That is weird. I don't think it's that strange.

I think that's so kind. I'm 62. What is she, an Egyptologist? I'm saying she, who knows? Yeah. 408, my partner has a thing about the body from The Cube. Now, what is that? I don't know that.

So in The Cube, the ITV show The Cube, they get people on who have to perform various sort of stunts and feats. Yeah. And there's somebody in a white all-over morph suit... Oh, right. ..who goes through it first, who does the stuff first and shows them how they do it.

And Philip Schofield says, and then the clock will tick down and you see the body who looks a bit like White Power Ranger. It's like a sort of a version of the Stig but doing these movements.

You got it in one. Got you. Again, the anonymity, the facelessness obviously appeals. And they haven't been exposed in the press as to who the body is

it's been exposed on the telly in a way it's quite tight yeah but we don't know do we know who the body is we don't know

who the body is wow it could be somebody well known imagine if it was imagine if it was John McQuarrick oh yeah

it's the only way you can get work now is there any on the tight it's on the head piece of the suit is there a get work now is there any on the head piece of the suit is there a slight bulging around the sides of the face where

he hadn't folded the sideburns properly before he put that thing on and it's like the outline of a actually if you had the outline of a deerstalker, the whole thing would look obscene. And the glasses on the lanyard.

You can just see them bursting through. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were discussing this Little Mix revelation that they practise having the right facial expression for being losers. Can you name any of Little Mix, Al? No, I don't really know their work at all.

Jean Wilson. Oh, yeah. Stephanie Harris. Jean! Stephanie Harris is my favourite, I think. I know Sue. Sue Mills. Not such a big fan. You get so many Je is my favourite, I think. I know Sue. Sue Mills. Not such a big fan.

You get so many Jeans, Frank, these days. Madge Henderson. Madge. Yeah. The brains behind the outfit, of course. Exactly. Well, I don't know if the brains behind the outfit. Didn't take much thinking.

What about when Alex... Well scenic. Well scenic. Well scenic. Trying to get that to catch on, isn't it? What about if it became a youth phrase? That would be great. I think it will. Like Dench.

I think she might be pneumatic, but that could be that. I've just read Brave New World. Showing off. You know that thing you said last week? Follow the dictionary for breakfast. You know last week you said that you were trying your best not to interrupt other people,

but some of them aren't that interested in it. Some people need interrupting. Well, I have a problem with my face that is dour. And it's not really my fault. Yes, it is. I'm glad you brought it up. I was born in Scotland and brought up in Yorkshire. Now then, it is. It is dour. I'm glad you brought it up. I was born in Scotland and brought up in Yorkshire. Like, it's...

Now then, Davos. Does that mean I'm coming home? If you wanted ingredients for a dour facial expression, that's... You've got them all. So I have to practise, like, looking interested and light-hearted and, you know... When are you going to bring it into public? Exactly. It's really difficult. You've got a dour resting face. Yeah, I think I public? Exactly, it's really difficult. You've got that arresting face.

Yeah, I think I have. I don't know. Sometimes I... You know, you walk around and you see other people. Sometimes I'll pass someone in the street that they look like they're walking to work or they're going to buy a sandwich, and they're grinning.

Yeah, that's a worry, that. Because sometimes people say to me, ooh, cheer up, Frank. And I think, but if I walked around smiling, people would think I had problems. No, we got an email the other day saying that someone's seen you jogging and chuckling at yourself.

Oh, no, but that was, I probably just thought of one of my marvellous jokes. I think if it comes to losing faces, which is what Little Mix are after, probably the best template is Mussolini. Unfortunately, we only ever see it upside down. Extraordinary comparison. But it's a striking expression of loss,

which if they could maintain that. How are you at award ceremonies when you lose? I mean, I say that, I think I've probably... Have I been with you when we've lost? Well, yeah, we did. We got a silver one here. I don't think I can repeat on commercial radio what you said. Those old ladies beat us.

Do you remember that? There was two very old ladies who did a radio show somewhere in the north. A whole or something, wasn't it? Oh, yes. Yeah, they beat us. So if you're going to lose, it was a night. It was like when Leicester won the premiership.

Exactly. It had that kind of feel to us. I don't think both of them are still with us, actually, but God bless them. No, so losing to them was not so bad. I got nominated in nine consecutive years. I got nominated for 11 comedy awards. Is that right?

And never won any of them. Oh, wow. And then eventually, I think I won one then in an O for goodness. In fact, the year I won one, which was something like ITV personality or something my manager was on the panel so that's what I had to do I had to I had to get the enemy within thing going on to get in there at all so it was my favorite loser moment was when do you remember there was an Oscars and I think Michael Keaton was up against Eddie Redmayne and when Eddie Redmayne got up he just

saw, it was awful he got caught doing this, him putting the speech back into his jacket pocket. I've got a few old speeches from, I mean nominations Have you? I can't use jokes about the minus stripe.

Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I think A Town Called Malice is based on A Town Called Alice. Is that right? Is it? Oh, yes.

That sounds right, yeah. I think that's right. Is that a film called A Town Called Alice? Yes. I think of this because we used to have a thing on the show called Idiotic Eureka Moments when you realised things that everyone else knew. Yes. And we had one in today.

We haven't had one for ages. We did. 515 has texted, Morning to Le Monde. I don't had one for ages. We did. 515 has texted morning to Le Monde. I don't know what that means, but went to the flicks to see...

To Le Monde. Well, everything, really. Went to the flicks to see Vice last night. Said to my missus this morning, I don't get the title, though,

because Dick Cheney was vice president, she replied, concerned. I'm sure you used to have a section for these eureka moments. Feeling stupid, Lenny. I mean, that's a good one. Br she replied, concerned. I'm sure you used to have a section for these eureka moments. Feeling stupid, Lenny.

I mean, that's a good one. Brackets the block. I must admit, I knew about that film and I hadn't put... Really? I mean, I'd been to see it, but I hadn't put the two together. Oh, really? Extraordinary. Of course, Dick Cheney had a connection with Prince Albert,

I think, of Monica. Goodness me. Did you find, because I always did, on Big Brother, that was always one of my worst things, when they would pretend they were happy to leave. Because I think, you know, there was one, do you remember that? And I always wanted them to be upset, that's the point. And why did they pretend every time?

There was a man, Stuart. Yes, I remember all the names of every contestant. Okay. It was series one or two and he was like, Stuart, you have been evicted. Was he a slightly older guy? Yes, yes.

Yes, I remember. He was like a businessman. I remember. Blue eyes. Yes. Slight element of shotgun blast in the face. This is why we're friends. Yeah.

Okay. And he punched the air first to leave the house. Not third, not even second, first. Then he went, yes, I'm coming home.

And I thought, you idiot. Nonsense. You're not happy. Yeah. That's not good. No, that's a very good example

of the losing face, actually. Come on. And also when he went, yes, I'm coming home. If a camera could go right across Britain,

there'd be nobody going yay they'll just be cut to an empty house where he'd be going home to like a flat not quite you know he's left it quite tidy and stuff few envelopes by the door but nothing that's my view it's difficult because i have been I've been on the losing end of a few of those things. And you end up just trying to smile and pretend it's okay. It is... What can you do? I think you can go Elton John.

Oh, he would do that. He does loads. And Madonna won some award. And he said, best live act. Did he? A little joke, isn't it? You're not meant to lip sync if you lie. Like, oh, he went for it.

I think that's probably better. Of course, this is the advantage. I don't know if you've ever been at an awards ceremony with the man in the iron mask. But it's easy for him. Oh, yeah. Good company at those, isn't he? Oh, he is, yeah.

Stoic. Right laugh. Very stoic. And if yeah. Good company at those, isn't he? Oh, he is, yeah. Stoic. Right laugh. Very stoic. And if you need to stroke a match. Of course, you can't do it anymore. I'm on about when he used to go to them regularly. Yeah. Then again, if he needs to go up to the stage,

he's very quickly galvanised. Very good. Pablo's been in touch. A town like ours. Pablo? Yeah. Neville Shoot. Ah. There you go. Do you know Neville Shoot? No. A town like ours. Pablo? Yeah. Neville Shoot. Ah.

There you go. Do you know Neville Shoot? No. Thanks for the tip. Oh, Neville Shoot. That's good. Good note, that. I know.

I love that. I'm just seeing, would you like to know any more? I mean, someone says they like the Laughing Cow. Crazy Horse style likes the Laughing Cow. Oh, yeah. I think that's quite a popular one, Laughing Cow. Who is the Laughing Cow? Is it on an advert?

On the cheeses. Oh, that's a relief. I thought it was going to be some popular celebrity. Well, it was me for a minute. Somebody a bit under-constructed. That's what I get called on this show. There was a... I don't mind.

Never. There was, you know the little squares, they're not squares, what are they? The little triangles. Derelict triangles. Oh, yes. Joe Banks,

Scott Tracy from Thunderbirds. Who wouldn't? No, Scott Tracy, who was Thunderbird 1. Okay. I remember reading an interview in TV21 when I was a child with Sylvia Anderson, the wife of Jerry.

Yeah. And she did a lot of the puppet designs and costumes and stuff. I met Sylvia Anderson. I was really, really excited. Yes, I would have been excited. Really excited to meet her. You remember when she we died, we played. I wish I were a spaceman as our opening track? Anyway, so she said in the interview, they said, where do you get the idea for the faces from? And she says, well, Scott Tracy is based on James Garner from the Rockford Files. No. Woo!

Little, little, little, little, little, little. Yeah. How? Oh, little, little. Yeah. How? Oh, I like that. Interesting bit of background there on the Thunderbirds. Finally, Julie Prunes says, I have a total puppet crush on... Judy Prunes?

Julie Prunes, yeah. Oh, okay. I have a total puppet crush on Sweep from Sooty and Sweep. And for that reason, have an intense hatred towards Sue the Panda, puppet love rival. Yes. Well, Sue is an...

Is Sue the girlfriend of Sweep? Well, Sue... There was a time when Sue had a voice and then it sort of... She had a voice, but it used to be, oh, Mr Corbett. Uh-huh. And then they made it just a normal woman's voice.

They thought that wasn't they've obviously got a different person in oh I see sorry kids you know what I love about Fanky

he knows all the puppet implements but I also think Sweep was I think liking Sweep is a bit like fancying Sweep

is a bit like fancying David Baddiel in Newman and Baddiel you feel you've gone the extra the extra mile. Wow. No, well, you know, you know I love him.

But, I mean, Rob Newman was a very, you know, beautiful man. And he'd be like the... But you know when people go for the kind of one, people are like Ringo in the Beatles. Right, yeah. Yeah. I was going for my phone to... No, no, come on.

He wouldn't say... Dave wouldn't say he was better looking than Rob Newman, I'm sure. So I think going for sweep is the obvious one. He's so... Oh, no. Actually, I like the slightly rebellious saxophone-voiced one. Yeah. Go for the drummer.

So I can see that. They are available, sweep. Sweep. And you're are available, sweet. Sweet. And you're in control, so to speak. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. I think we should change the topic to admin news now. Okay. No, not really.

It's fan mail news. Richard E. Grant has been in the papers this week. I hope someone calls him Reg. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a good thing. He'd like to think his friends would call him. I don't know if he'd like it. I don't know what he is to friends.

What I like about him is... I call him E. If I stand next to Richard E. Graham, which I have done a couple of times, it makes me look like I have quite a low hairline. Me and him look like the future. It's incredible, isn't it? We look like what people will look like

in the year 22,000. Vast brains. He has got an otherworldly look about him, I think. In a good way. Yeah, but he's the great intelligence in Doctor Who has been one of his roles. Oh, has it? I thought there'd be some Whovian connection.

In fact, there was an anime... Passed me by slightly there. An animated him was actually the Doctor. No way. I think I'm right about that, yeah. I seem to remember seeing... If you're wrong, we'll get the corrections. Frank said earlier how he wrote to Zola Bard.

He's not alone. Well, yeah. Because... Richard E. Grant sent a letter to Barbara Streisand. You don't bring me flowers. It's had a remix. In the 1970s, he sent her a letter inviting her to his home because she was having a difficult time.

Does that mean... So how old would he have been then? He was 14. He was 14. Nice of him. Two-week holiday, wasn't it? I think it was, yeah. She was a crush of mine.

Was she? Oh, yeah. She was fabulous. Sounds like she was a crush of his. What's up, Doc? That boxing movie. Oh, final event or main event. He said, I read in the paper...

That's what the lionesses need. I read in the paper that you're feeling very tired and pressurised by your fame and failed romance with Mr Ryan O'Neill. Oh, come on. Oh, from the moment that he... He was 14. though. He was 14. I also like Mr.

Mr. It's like when I did mainstream clubs in my very early days, that was how people... You know, there was a thing of saying, and now, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Shirley Bassey. Oh, right. I don't know why they did that. No.

He said, I would like to offer you a two-week holiday or longer at our house with a pool. I've had offers like that. With a pool? But the worst. He said, I would like to offer you a two week holiday or longer at our house with a pool. I've had offers like that. With a pool? But the worst thing he said, here you can rest and no one will trouble you. Hmm. I assure you, you will not be mobbed in the street as your film's only showing one cinema, so

no one will know who you are. Yes. I'm not sure that is the worst thing he said. What do you think it is? I think it gets a bit beggy at the end. Go on. In anticipation of a hasty reply. It's the hasty. I think Richard E. Grant, as he's grown up and become a celebrity himself, will know that the last thing a celebrity wants is no one will know who you are. Whatever they say in interviews and stuff.

they say in interviews and stuff. Barbara Streisand would shrivel up and die if she spent two weeks in a place where no one knew who she was. As would Richard E. Grant and as would I. Let's make it completely clear. Bit of FT there.

Can you hear the strange sort of hominess? Yeah, it's my stomach. Oh, no. It's somehow stomach. Oh. No. It's somehow outdoor thrilling. This is Frank Skinner of Slip Radio. Barbara Streisand replied to Richard E. Grant, we should say, which was lovely. Well, what he did is he revisited this, didn't he, on Twitter?

On the socials. He posted the letter. Let's hope Zola doesn't get any ideas about it. What about when I wrote to Tim Roth? Did you? I was about 12, I think, 13. He'd been in a Mike Lee TV movie. It was called Made in Britain.

Yeah. Remember that? Okay, yes. And I sent him a letter, and I remember saying to my mum, I really want to write to him. Yeah. And she said, okay, darling, I think he's with Markham and Froggatt, you know them.

They're agents. So I wrote him the letter. I think I said he was very gifted. Imagine a 12 year old, so arrogant. You are wonderfully gifted. Did you get a reply? No, of course I didn't. I really went off him after that. Give it 40 years, you might

well get one. I went to see that amazing Nicholas Atow Nicholas Nickleby at the Royal Shakespeare Company and it blew me away I remember and I thought

I'll write but I won't write to Threlfall or someone I'll write to someone I'll go half way down the cast list and then I'll

opt my chances of getting her you went I'll fancy David Baddiel yeah so I wrote, so I went halfway down the list, wrote to this bloke, mainly because the actors came into the audience and he just happened

to be the one who was standing near to me. Oh, this is poor! No, he had a innkeeper. Reasonable part. Anyway, he didn't reply, so. Oh. I know, can you believe it? Frank, can we just quickly say on the David Baddiel front, he has replied, how very dare, Frank, firstly. But there's a kiss afterwards, which I think makes it OK.

He goes on, although to be fair, I sometimes do get female Newman and Baddiel fans, now in their 40s, saying, and the thing is, I actually fancied you more, with the stress on the eye, making it clear how much of an outlier this made her. There you go. I always thought you were the best looking, but there you go. Did of an outlier this made her. There you go. I always thought you were the best looking,

but there you go. Did you? Yes. Oh, well, there you go. Sorry, takes all sorts. One of the things about this story, by the way, is the Twitterati were incredibly moved by it. Very moved by it.

People saying this is a really beautiful story. It's a beautiful story. Arbiter Streisand completely ignored a 14-year-old boy living in Africa, but then wrote to him when he got nominated for an Oscar. It is a moving story. Very moving. It is, it's lovely.

I'm a frank on this. Shows her in a fabulous light. And also Reg, who... Reg! Richard E. Grant. Who puts a picture of himself literally crying when he saw the Twitter. So he reads this tweet from Barbara Streisand

after all these years. He cries and in the midst of his tears, Martha, I'm crying, can you take a photo? I mean, humanity does not come out of this story that well, I don't think. But that's why I love it. I liked when Shane Ritchie, he ruined it slightly, which I like. He replied and said, I wrote to Sheena Easton when I was your age.

She told me to, and he used an explanation. Well, what did he write to her? One can only imagine. What did he write to her? Poor Sheena, she must have got some... Yeah. Yes. I wonder if now some... Yeah. Yes. I wonder if now that Richard E. Grant has been nominated for an Oscar,

the actor that I used to work with, who always referred to him as Richard E. Can't, in a sort of sledge of his acting ability. Oh. Acting, Richard E. Can't. He might have to rephrase that. That's it. Just calling him Reg.

Can we also say, he's nominated for an Oscar, as you say, Barbara Streisand on the Academy. Is she really? Good timing. It's like when you had your agent on the Brits panel. Not the Brits, the Comedy Awards. Well, her finally getting in touch with him because he's nominated,

reminding me, I left a well-known city. It's Barclays. I left Barclays Bank. I've been with them about 13 years. And the manager found up my personal assistant and said, just tell us what the problem was. If it's a member of staff upset him, I can deal with it. We don't want him to go.

And she said, no, he said he's been with Barley since he was a student and he's never been very happy with the service. And the bloke said, yes, but we didn't know who he was then. Whoa! I thought, oh, well, I will rejoin the back then. Anyway, one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch. Girl, give it one more chance before you give up on love. So I'm sure there's some lovely people at Barclays.

There you go. Strange. That's what's going on in the show. What a pro, eh? We'll be glad of that little bit when it goes to court. So, and if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week