The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Ronnie Wouldn't

Episode Date: July 21, 2018

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. Frank, Emily and Alun talk impressions, Trump's double negative and Frank's chart topper blues. The trio also play 'guess the listeners age'.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 8-12-15, follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio, email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Now we can talk like people. I was just muttering Fee Wable, it's a name, isn't it? It's a name. Look, it? It's a name. I'm not falling out over the tubes.

No. Frank? Yeah? I want to, if it's okay with you, I'd like to return briefly to last week's show. You were talking about how you'd received, I'm not sure what it was called. Was it a DME?

What is that? No, I can't remember what it was called. Was it a DME? What is that? I can't remember what it was called. When I was a child, I think I had a DME. No, ODE. It was the Order of the Domino's Empire. Yes, it was. It was an award for services to something like football oblique music.

Right. It was essentially a free pizza prize, wasn't it? It was a pizza side drink for a year. I've long maintained that the tastiest pizza in the world is free pizza. That's delicious. That does not surprise me, sir. Yeah. But what I liked about my telling...

Sorry, Frank. Can I say that I won't have a pizza that doesn't have anchovies on it. Won't you? Oh, well, that's limited your options. That's plain bizarro. I find that you can... It's not plain. I have said to people, I'd like the American hot,

but is there any way you could put a few anchovies on and off? And they will. They'll do it. Good for you. A little tip there, see? It's almost as if you're quite perverse or something. Oh. Well, let's not go into that idea no but frank re dominoes which you called you said i've had an email from domino pizza like it was an old mafia friend of yours uh a gentleman has got in touch with us his name is

paul mcvanners he says dear Frank, Emily and Lecoq Asthmatique which is a moniker I'm in favour of that's a reference to a character that Al played in Always and Everyone

a Granada television series A&E it was like a pun thing on A&E Always and Everyone which was not How Long It Lasted or Who It Was Watched By

good point ouch I haven't been to one episode free one, which was not how long it lasted or who it was watched by. Oh! Good point. Ouch! How much have you brought episodes? I don't have anything invested in it. And your character was? Jason the Asthmatic. Excellent. I mean, I love that. It's like Conan the Barbarian. A bit. Well, I say a bit like it.

It's a breathy version. Well, I like it. My mother would always be parts which would start woman in. So it was angry woman in shop. Furious official. Man in marquee. Wilfred Hyde-White. That kind of thing.

Anyway. Can I say, by the way, there's nothing funny whatsoever about asthma, blah, blah, blah. No. Carry on. Exactly. I enjoyed Frank's tale last week of receiving an email entitled congratulations and his dashed expectations to convey some exciting news. But that's actually not to do with Domino's, I should say. Just a quick repeat.

I wanted to use the jingle Congratulations, Cliff Richard. Actually, this week, could there be a more fitting jingle than this? Congratulations and jubilations

There might still be more damages to come So, um, yes. I think they actually played it outside the courtroom. They did. They didn't. No, I read that they played it. His fans played it.

Do you remember when Michael Jackson's fans released the doves for every every verdict that was that went with it Frank I don't wish to be unkind but I like to think

that maybe Cliff's fans maybe had like a a proper old fashioned tape recorder they were holding for the AC ghetto blaster yes yes

yeah so what have we got here oh yeah anyway Paul McManus has said sorry I didn't finish sorry so I said to Daisy, my producer,

could you get me that jingle for the show? Not for this week, not in anticipation of the court. Congratulations about something else. Can't really worry about it. And she, like, two days later, sent me an email that was entitled Congratulations.

And I thought, oh, I've won. I've won some sort of award again. Well, Paul says, My name is Paul, and I thought, oh, I've won. I've won some sort of award again. Well, Paul says, My name is Paul, and one day my boss sent an email to everyone in our department with the title Paul Day. I was very excited,

anticipating a whole day of celebrating me, my achievements, and everything I stand for. I thought maybe a boat trip down the Thames, free drinks, speeches about what a great guy I am for pool day. Can I just start? They have on Channel 5, they have cricket.

And you can often win a day at a test match or something like that. And it'll say you get to stay in this lovely hotel, which never looks very nice. And a three-course meal, it says. And a glass of champagne. Wow! A glass of champagne! Anyway, sorry.

Anyway. I think keep that. Yeah. And he's also saying, frankly, I thought Paul Day a little overdue. But no, it turned out the email was to inform us that our new head of division was to be a bloke called Paul Day. P.S. I saw the space shuttle fly over Coventry.

P.P.S. Emily, the best battered sausages are in my local chip shop in Richmond. That's a trap. It's a trap. I mean, we've all fought for that one. Oh, yeah, Savaloi. I'll be there. Savaloi-'ll be there Savaloi based ambush

Yeah This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio I don't know if you whatever happened to us Oh Did we finish that story or whatever it was?

Paul Day Yeah, Paul Day Yes, he suggested that I go to Richmond for the battered Savaloi Do you recall? Oh yes, of course He's going to be sad the battered Savaloi. Do you recall? Oh, yes, of course. He's going to be sad when I show up for it.

Oh, I don't know. In the modern age. Some people would consider that an upgrade. True. Whatever happened to, this is from Bill from Aberdeenshire. Good morning, gang. Whatever happened to the TV detector van? When did they disappear?

I mean, they're still there, I presume. What's that mean? I don't think... Did they ever exist? I always thought it was three blokes playing cards in the inside because it was like... Even the way the antennae moved on the advert looked like there was a bloke inside just turning it around.

I don't think it did exist. I think they just do what they do now. If you've got a licence, you haven't got a licence, they turn up at your house and assume everyone's got a telly. Okay. No, I think it's...

If there's anyone in it who worked... Oh, yeah. A technician from a detector... In the lab coat. Yeah, I just... That's where you need Donald McIntyre. Can you imagine him? A secret footage of him in the back of an empty van.

And the whole theory of the scanner tracking down TV waves. Completely bogus. Can you imagine? We was talking about him this morning. I don't know if you know Donald McIntyre. He used to do exposés on television. He was a 90s investigative journalist. Was it that

long ago? Yeah, I think it was 90s slash... Well, he did, and then he did Donald McIntyre investigates the fashion industry. And what did he find out, Frank? Well, the thing was that Donald McIntyre was a man who did enormous exposés about stuff to reveal stuff that everyone already knew. So he did stuff with football fans and saw these guys. I've discovered that they are racist and violent.

Oh, really? And then he discovered that they got tattoos. And then in the fashion industry, many of these models are on cocaine. Don't know, you don't say. And then Emily said to me in a shot that he did dancing, what's it called? Dancing on

ice. He did dancing on ice, yeah. And then he went to the papers and that ice is absolutely freezing. So yeah, we have a thing on this show called The Big Moment where people tell you things that everyone knows as if it's a massive revelation. He's the high priest of that.

Oh, man. Oh, Donald. Frank, would you like another quick Whatever Happened To? Yes. Whatever Happened To Cloud Cookie Land. Oh, that's something you don't know. Frank, would you like another quick whatever happened to? Yes. Whatever happened to Cloud Cuckoo Land? Oh, that's something you don't know. Well, I like to think I do dwell there. Okay.

Yeah, people used to say that, didn't they? Yeah. You're living in Cloud Cuckoo Land. Yeah. No, I haven't heard it for a while. Maybe we just all are, and now it doesn't need referencing. Yeah, more people are now. Yeah, nowadays.

There was a stark contrast in those days from how I lived. It was the sort of thing people would say along with, well that's your hard cheddar. It was those sort of people. Oh, tough cheddar I used to say. Oh, did you? Oh, we had hard cheddar in London. We had hard cheese in Yorkshire.

Oh, isn't that lovely? All different across the regions. But in the old days when poor people were properly poor and didn't have a telly in everyshire. Isn't that lovely? All different across the regions. But in the old days when poor people were properly poor and didn't have a telly in every room. Sounds so angry about that. Yes. When I was...

But... When you used to use belts as dog leads. We didn't have dog leads. We're talking about... String. Just let them out often. A friend of yours

used a belt as a dog lead. I remember that was an emergency. He wanted to take them out. Yeah. We just let them out the emergency once they came out. Yeah. We just let them out the door and they came back three days later with their hair sort of raised and looking, you know what I mean? They come back looking feral.

I bet they had some nights, those dogs. Okay, they didn't eat, but they had fun. They probably ate each other. That's how we kept the numbers down in those days. We didn't put it on the taxpayer. Oh, God. I'm going to love getting older. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio.

I've found a whatever happened to a WHT in the Friday night trawl. Hi, Frank, DME and Alan. Just thinking, whatever happened to that noise your radio or speakers used to make just before a text message came into your mobile phone? Yeah. I can't spell it, but we'll try. Bub-de-dub, bub-de-dub, bub-de-dub. Yeah, you're right.

You used to get it on microphones sometimes as well, if you're doing like a voiceover or something. Oh, yeah're right. You used to get it on microphones sometimes as well, if you're doing like a voiceover or something. Oh, yeah, yeah. Then strangely your phone would receive the text. It just doesn't happen anymore. Hashtag who knows, hashtag praise withheld. I don't know what happened to that. That's a technical question, but it's a very good point.

It's a mystery. I don't miss it. Maybe one of our boffins in lab coats here could find the answer. Like when you were going online, you just go... We'll get our people on it, John. The modem. Oh, dialogue. Oh, yeah, I miss those sounds.

We've also had correspondence in from a telecommunications engineer. We haven't. Oh. 104. I'm a telecommunications engineer. He haven't. Oh. 104. I'm a telecommunications engineer. He goes on, in fairness. He didn't get cut off. TV detecting is impossible off an aerial cable.

There you go. Okay. I'm giving him an accent here. I think you're giving the wrong accent. I'm a TV communication. It's Donal. Oh, TV communication. It's Donal. Oh, is it? It's Donal from the van.

And he's also said, whatever happened to sweatbands? All the rage in the 80s. Well, I didn't wear Twimbledon this year because there was another big sporting event on. But doesn't Rafa still wear a sweatband? Oh, does he? Okay.

8, 12, 15. Well, if he wears them, it's right by me yeah well he was he was a big sweat band guy wasn't he yeah oh yeah i don't that thing that um luke modrich wears which is just like an elastic band around his head you think a bloke with his career could get something a scrunchie at the very absolute minimum throw a bit of money at the problem, Luke. A lovely, a scrunchie in the colour of the team. A scrunchie,

a nice sort of Alice band or something. He'd probably get a branded one if he speaks to the makers of his boots, couldn't he? He would be allowed to wear one though.

I'll check the laws and get back to you next week. I've really gone off him anyway. Modrich? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, I didn't like what he said about us.

He was a bit rude about us. Oh no, I thought he had a point though he said the England pundits disrespected Croatia by saying how tired they'd be and that's a fact nobody ever responds well to being called tired, there's nobody

if I say oh you look tired today Emily you're just going to hate me for a bit aren't you you know what I say when people say that to me, if they say oh you you look really tired. I say, no, it's pretty much just my face now. I'm old. Quite right, too. I can't imagine anyone ever says that to you, Emily.

They do. And that's what you've got to say. I'm old. There's a thing in Doctor Who series two. I think two. When the Prime Minister does a bad thing and blows up some aliens,

which were on that were leaving, they were exiting, there was no need to blow them up. Oh, that's for sure. Sounds ridiculous. And in Revenge, the Tenth Doctor says to her, he goes up to one of her aides and says,

isn't the Prime Minister looking a bit tired. And then the next thing you know, she's been replaced. That's all you need to do. So, yes, it's a potent force. So Luke has right to nip it in the bud. Yeah. That's why he doesn't wear this crunchy, maybe. He looks like a wrinkled brow.

It's all making sense. Before you defend him too strongly I think he also inferred that we were being arrogant because we said it was coming home I think he was one of those bad people Okay? Okay

Gone off him now? He's vermin Skinner Dean and Cochran Together The Frank Skinner Show I was going to ask how your week had been, but before we do, it's just popped in and I've seen an email that I like the look of

because it's entitled Eggs. It says, I was just complaining to my wife that the boiled egg she was eating was too hard now i've got a couple of problems there already mind your own why are you complaining she said in her defense she not took the shell off she said in her defense that it has to be hard to fill you up. I think this is more of her nonsense. What do you think? I like her. It's interesting.

I like them both. Totally agree. Totally agree with her. But soup never fills me up. Because it's a liquid. It's a drink, isn't it? Yeah. So maybe there's something in that.

No, hard-boiled egg. She's absolutely right. I don't think it fills you up more than... I think it does. ...another egg. It sits in your stomach more. I mean, there's no science

behind this particularly. We don't know that. We get a lot of scientists listening to this. Any egg scientists, please get in touch. There's a whole lab coat section to our listeners. Because we get lots of people who get in touch and say quite complicated things.

Yeah, that we totally understand, yeah. Well, we sort of, you know, they often drip-feed us facts, which I like. Frank, I've been dying to ask you this morning. Look, are you still number one? Well, have I got news for you? Oh, have I got extra news for you? Have you? Here we go.

Congratulations and jubilations. You may remember that in going to number one for the fourth time with the same line-up, we broke a record last week. Do you remember that? Yeah. How often do you break a record in life? A proper official record that's in the Guinness Book of It singles type thing. Never is the answer you're after, mate.

Anyway, but this week... Extraordinary. Congratulations and jubilations. We have broken the record, me, David Baddiel, and the Lightning Seeds have broken the record for the biggest ever drop from number one. Honestly, I'm not making this up. We have dropped a...

What about this for a coincidence? We have dropped a record break in 96 places. 96? Come on. I know, 96. So in one week, we've gone from one to 97. I mean, that is... That's big time. Are you just as pleased by breaking this record as the previous one?

You know what? I think I am. When I heard about it, I just thought, that is... Because we knocked George Ezra off number one, and he went down to number two. Whereas we... I mean, it's absolutely... It's like being Steve Brookstein. If you remember him early.

I do remember Steve. Early X Factor winner. It is like that though. It's like you're a mega one week and the next week you are nothing. We're in the top 100. Let's not knock it. 96 places.

96 places. Come on. That is, people just didn't say, oh, I don't like it as much as they hate. They went from loving it to be spot on. Well, I don't know about that, but it just stopped. Sales stopped.

It's almost as if it was tied to the performance of the England football team in some way. Yeah, in a way they are you. Oh, so yeah. You ever meet any of those at an event? It's like the perfect ending to the whole adventure. The whole memes thing and all that. Then we end with a fabulous record-breaking swoop into the depths.

Treat those two imposters just the same, Frank. Truly we Icarus-like did fly too close to the sun. Beth has claimed that she's not an egg scientist, but she's always felt two boiled eggs fill her up more than two scrambled eggs. I'm glad to have some reassurance that I'm not the only one with this theory. I thought for a moment she was going to say that two hard-boiled eggs filter up more than one hard-boiled egg. And I thought, that is really science. Donald McIntyre investigates eggs.

Yeah. There's a yellow bit in the middle if you keep going. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. One reason, and there aren't many, that I'm glad that the Three Lion Singers died down a bit again, is that Buzz really got into it, my six-year-old, and I was actually on the train with him, and he was singing Three Lions.

That's a bit embarrassing. But worst of all, he was saying, the bit that you sing, how does it go? Everyone, what is it, everyone? And I was in a toilet, so he was at one urinal and I was at the next, and I was saying, everyone seems to know the score. And he said, everyone, I was going, everyone... I realised there was a bloke in there.

It was like I was really pommelling the lyrics into this child. Like some terrible indoctrination. He asked me. I've told you, Jules Rimet. Did you watch the final, though? I did. Yeah. I did. Yeah. I did.

I was a bit... The final. I was slightly appalled that the closing ceremony was on red button. Oh. Yeah, Gary Lineker said, and if anyone's interested, because they were talking about football, so obviously assumed that we'd prefer that. And they said, if you're interested in the closing ceremony,

you can get it on the red button. And I thought, whoa. Has the closing ceremony been... I mean, red button, I don't know, but red button to me is a bit like invited to the evening do, but not to the ceremony and the reception. Yeah. In which case, don't go.

Also, when I'm thinking of Russia, I don't want to think about the red button. Oh, lovely, Al. Come on. I was shocked by that, though. What about, did you see Vlad in the umbrella gate? Oh, God, that was great. Well, Frank, do you care to explain what happened? Well, when they presented

the World Cup, there was... The downpour. They said there was major delays. So it took ages to get the trophy. In the old days, you won it. One of John Motsen's best ever bits of commentary was Man United won it and the captain was Martin Buchan.

And he said, and Martin Buchan will climb the 39 steps up to receive. Which is a John Buchan, wrote the 39 steps. I mean, it was, I don't know how many people got it, but I thought, wow.

And he had checked, but it was, someone had told him, he was asking things and they said, oh, there's 39 steps up to the thing and he thought, hold it, Buchan.

I bet he couldn't wait to get it out there. You don't get that these days. No, you wouldn't even try it now. Those days would raise them up. We wouldn't go down there with them. But anyway... Yeah, so it took forever. And it started raining.

If they'd done it straight away. And when I say it rained, it rained. Was it bucketing down? It was four weddings and a funeral I hadn't noticed type rain. I've never seen four weddings and a funeral. Oh, it's good. Hashtag their review.

I've never seen Star Wars. Yeah, I've never seen four weddings and a funeral. Okay. Anyway, go on. As you were. It started raining on all these dignitaries and everyone who was there. Macron. The female president of Croatia

was in a lovely Croatian outfit and stuff. Yeah, white trousers. And it rained really heavily and one person appeared with an umbrella and held it over Putin. And everyone else was getting drenched. Oh, it was brilliant. Yeah?

It was someone who absolutely knew where to put the umbrella. There was no hesitation. Great. But it was great. Even he got wet in the end. The umbrella wasn't enough. I love the chaos of the rain. They just got drenched.

Oh, I just watched the game. It's worth a look for that. No opening ceremony, no closing ceremony. Well, to me, that was the closing ceremony, was watching people. The manager of France had already had champagne, Miss Marcel Duchamp. Yeah.

He was, he literally looked like that suit would he just have to throw away after. I mean, he... Well, he'd have been all right as the water carrier can I say Macron looked great in the rain though did he Macron very expensive

hair they do they do well he just looks phenomenal hmm no no no no no no no do Sean look like he'd arrived by

sewer it was it was a great it's a great way to end the World Cup though, with some massive, it's like an Ibiza type shower party

type feel to it. I don't know if you've ever been to one of those. Yeah, it's there all the time. Do they even exist? Oh, the foam parties?

No, the foam parties exist. They must have to rinse after the foam parties. They don't go home like that, do they? A bit like being in

a massive car wash for a party. People walking around looking like snowmen. A phone party is the definition of absolute scenes. That's what that phrase was invented for. Was it? I've got a frog in my throat. I bet you there are people that live in Ibiza

and basically that's how they keep clean. They go to phone parties. I bet you that's it. They don't think, why do I want to buy gel and stuff? If I lived in Australia, I'd just keep clean by surfing. I wouldn't bother with other stuff.

Wouldn't everyone do that? Well, I mean, Marcel, the shop that night, did he think, I'll have a shower before I go to bed? No need. Yeah. What a day he had.

A free shower. World Cup. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can 8-12-15 us on text. Oh, I love it. Oh, I've made a mistake. Oh, I thought you were trying to be trendy.

No, I like to be trendy, I've made a mistake. Oh, I thought you were trying to be trendy and young. I like to. I was just going to be Yoda. On 8-12-15, you can text us. On at Frank on the radio. You can on Twitter. We follow her on Twitter. Oh, it's gone so wrong. 8-12-15, text us.

Follow us on at Frank on the radio. Email the show on the Absolute Radio website. I should have rehearsed this. I've only said it eight million times. 8, 12, 15 million. Yeah. Oh.

I like using 8, 12, 15 as a sort of verb. Yeah. 8, 12, 15 it? Yeah. Why not? Oh, I think that's good. Yeah.

It took us a while to work that out. How long have we been doing this show? By the way, have we had any correctiones? No, but we've had a bit of gossip. Can I do my own correction? Wow.

Can I just say, you've really got away with that one. I am. Can I say, I feel the audience has somewhat let us down. But anyway, I'm going to do my own. For the first time ever, I'm going to do auto-correctione. Auto-correctione. Auto-correctione.

Ole, ole, ole. Ole. I spent the whole thing talking about the rain in the World Cup final, calling the French manager, who is Didier Duchamp, Marcel Duchamp, and no one corrected it. Come on, guys.

What a mistake to make, as they say in Italy. Can I say that? That's very frank. Can I say to rebuke everyone? It's like when he told that joke incorrectly and everyone laughed. Why didn't you all tell me off? That sort of stuff.

I got it wrong. He's angry because we didn't correct him. No, because I'll be honest with you If you're going to make a mistake The fact that you accidentally used the name of an avant-garde artist I mean, that's the kind of mistake you're after, isn't it? Yeah Lift them up to us

Don't go down there all the time So, that's my motto Yeah We were talking, I don't know, we got on to it now. We were talking about David Bellamy who is still alive, ladies and gentlemen. That's what we never get

on the news. It's too late. I love that. Still alive this week. I don't like leaving things to the last minute. I think still alive this week would be a good regular feature. I don't like leaving things to the last minute. I think Still Alive this week would be a good regular feature. I really do. Yeah.

So, Still Alive and 85? Still Alive and 85! That'd be good. Yeah, that'd be good. If we had a track by him, that'd be a good idea. Obviously, there'd be some sadness for podcasters listening

a year later. Well, yeah. Let's just keep doing 85-year-olds. Still Alive and 85. Come on. It's a great... What about... Come on, find a 95. Still Alive and 95. We could do... it's a great what about I find a 95

still alive in 95 producers writing it down I've got an idea I've got an idea the British actor Michael Medwin I think might have been 95 oh I've worked with him

really have you really yeah oh lovely in case you don't know by the way David Bellamy was

he was a naturalist well he still is it turns out let's not put him in past tense still alive in 85 he's a naturalist

the thing is I have a clear memory of his death being announced I don't know what that is do you perhaps he's yeah but perhaps

he's the whole point of still alive in 85 is that they've got to be alive he might be like those trees. Maybe he dies and then comes back again in the spring. He's so into the naturalism.

That's the word I was after. Thank you so much. He was a real celeb, though. Bigger than Attenborough. I mean, this was back in the days. I suppose popular-wise. Attenborough was still very much an office-based... Oh, no, he'd just launched that book,

but he was running areas of the BBC at that point. And the great thing about Bellamy, he didn't film animals getting killed by other animals that he could have saved with a warning shout. Not that we know. He had a catchphrase as well. If he did, he didn't broadcast it. What was his catchphrase?

He was really rummaging around. He was one of those people. All that lovely soil. All that lovely soil. And this was the thing everybody could do, David Bellamy. Who is the current? If you put David Bellamy in the impression everyone can do chair, which is what he was,

everyone would say, well, here we are in this wonderful undergrowth. And everybody would do it. Who is it now? Who is the modern person who everyone can do an impression of? Danny Dyer is up there. I'd say in a fragmented media world,

it's very difficult to have one person that everybody can impersonate. Everyone's watching the same programmes. Some people are really into Netflix and some people are into terrestrial television. Who's this character? I like him. I thought that was an impression of someone that everybody could do.

I'm really racking my brain. They were my own thoughts in a silly voice. When I rack my brains, do I stretch them as in on a torture? Or do I put them into... You know when you rack the balls at snooker or do I put them into like you know when you rack the balls at snooker do I put my brain

into into that triangle as if it's pointing forward trying to think of the right thing good question well that's a very complicated idea

okay but anyway if you're listening well done on still being alive yeah gives me because he's had a lot of fresh air who yes Bellamy so what's he up did you say Anyway, if you're listening, well done on still being alive. Mexie's had a lot of fresh air. Who?

Yes, Bellamy. So what's he up to? Did you say he was... I'll tell you what he's up to. Really rummaging around in the undergrowth. Yes, really rummaging around somewhere. There'll be someone listening who... Who knows what he's up to. Who knows, yeah, who lives in his road.

If he lives in a road, I imagine he lives in a box somewhere in a field. Country lane. Yeah, camp. I bet he camps a lot. I didn't know about that. Oh, I can't. I can't do the impression in a camp. Why, those days are gone. Those days are gone, kids. The Frank Skinner Show. Listen live every Saturday morning from 8 on Absolute Radio.

Now. Now, 444 did spot your error. Sorry, I thought you were doing a very aristocratic laugh. No, that's my latest suitor surname. Oh, OK. Frank, I spotted the Marcel Duchamp error. Ah, OK. Frank, I spotted the Marcel Duchamp error. Ah, yes. But I thought it was churlish to pick you up

on it. Oh, it's easy to say that after, isn't it? But, since you've now invited error recognition... Yes, always. I thought I ought to point out that it's Deschamps, not Duchamp. Oh, you mean the French manager is Deschamps and Marcel is Duchamp. Exactly, you mean the French manager is Deschamps and Marcel is Duchamp.

Exactly. I got it wrong on both counts. Well done. See, that's good. Well done. Yeah. And that is an observation that hasn't just been made by that individual.

I just want it also. 207, Grant in Edinburgh, not only is Frank Miss called Didier Deschamps as Marcel, but he's still pronouncing his surname Duchamp when it is in fact Deschamps. A bientôt. What does that mean? A bientôt. See you soon. Oh, is it a bientôt? Didier Deschamps as Marcel, but he's still pronouncing his surname Duchamp when it is in fact Deschamps. Abiant-to. What does that mean? Abiant-to.

See you soon. Oh, is it Abiant-to? Oh, he's coming. He's coming here. He's coming home. That seems unnecessary. That's their version of it's coming home. Abiant-to.

Oh, is it? Yes, I did. I missed the target, which is ironic as Marcel Duchamp's major work was urinal. OK. Good point. Let me have a little Google of that one. Good point.

106, Frank. Back in the 70s, everyone, my whole family, had an impression repertoire of Frank Spencer. Oh, yeah. David Bellamy and Dame Edna. Oh, Dame Edna. Remember that one? But we've also got...

But what about this thing? But who are they now? Who do people do now? 697, Frank Butcher was a great example of a voice that everybody could do. Wallop! Yes, but who now? Who does everyone do now?

As I say, there's a fragmented media landscape. It's very difficult. It'll be someone like Bruno Mars, and I won't even know they're doing it. I can't do Bruno Mars. If Bruno Mars did Bruno Mars, I wouldn't know. If Bruno Mars came in here now, carrying, I don't know, some toilet cleaner,

I'd say a toilet dock and some toilet rolls, if he worked here. I wouldn't think, wow, that's Bruno Mars. God bless him. Me neither. I'd think, they're in the wrong room. Put them in the bathroom, mate. We don't need toilet cleaner in here.

Exactly. What are you doing? I wouldn't think it's Bruno Mars. You're doing Marzo. Marzo. 658 has pointed out on Tiswalls, which this sounds a bit borderline, this phrase, but this was a children's programme. Oh, you could just say

that that should go down the toilet pan. You could say, Marzi pan. That was rubbish. Don't correct me on that. Sorry. Bellamy's catchphrase was grapple me great nuts, which was on a kids' TV programme. No, but that wasn't that Lenny Henry doing Bellamy.

It was Bellamy by way of Henry, sure. Yes, I think Henry added that. Bellamy, I think, wouldn't have said that. Someone's pointed out that it sounds a bit like Jonathan Ross. You need to try and say, you've got more in your mouth. But yeah, it's hard to do that W.R.'s thing without sounding a little bit like Jonathan, I suppose. And can I just

say Jenny worked with David Bellamy and I was lucky enough for my school class to be chosen to do a BBC TV show in the 80s with Mr. Bellamy. I remember him being the kindest, most lovely man ever and I'm so happy that he is 85 and

still alive! This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Speaking of impressions Yeah Do you know in Samantha's nightclub I think it was in Birmingham

I won a John Wayne I don't think I ever went there John Wayne impression competition You have to get up on stage and do an impression of John Wayne impression competition. You have to get up on stage and do an impression of John Wayne. Oh, yeah. Do it. Come on. And mine was sort of... Well, you have to talk like that or a sort of slow draw, pilgrim.

And everything has to be kind of forced out. So it was all right. It's not bad at all. The other two blokes, one of them, we had to get up on stage and do it, so I got that, got a good round of applause. Next bloke got up and just shouted, Birmingham City, kings of Europe.

As anyone. Which they actually weren't at that point, I'm confident in saying. And it wasn't exactly an Ostra Dormus moment either, the message still coming up. And then the other bloke just got up and took his trousers down and showed his bare bottom. You see, that's my kind of guy.

But whatever you think of my John Warren, it was better. It was more like it. That's the competition you faced. I bet you I've seen... Oh. Well, I don't want to finish that sentence after you've said

whatever you think of my John Wayne. Let's not go into, you know, over-eggony. Over 40, anyway, John Wayne films. And I've never heard him

shout Birmingham City Kings New York. No. I mean, it might be one of those early shorts that he did. Did he ever pull his chaps down? The hell he did.

So we've had a lovely message about David Bellamy. 454, Professor Bellamy. Oh, yeah. Minor corrects, the only there. Probo. Pro-B. Pro-Bell. Pro-Bell. More of a point of order. Pro-Bell, I quite like. Yeah, okay. Are correxione there. Pro-bo. Pro-be. Pro-bell. Pro-bell.

More of a point of order. Pro-bell, I quite like. Yeah, OK. Are you happy with that? I studied botany in the early 80s. What a great guy. His lectures were a joy to attend. Often went way off script, but no one cared.

Good. Yeah. That's nice, isn't it? I like that. I hope he's still working. I don't know if they all did impressions of him after the lectures. Did the lights just go off and on? No, no.

What happened was an aeroplane flew over. Is that right? Yeah. I'm not kidding. All the sun just blocked out on that side. Okay. I'm serious. I was watching it.

I'm not certain it makes great radio. No, no. I think it was. It proves it's live. It is live. I'm not certain it makes great radio. It's all because of my life. I think it was. It proves it's live. It is live. Unless you're listening on the podcast later. How does it prove that? Good point.

Because there's only that aeroplane that goes over on Saturday mornings. I can't think of another one. I mean, if we'd planned it, we might not have kept this in. Planned it? That'd be the day. You know, we were talking about artists, and we've had botanists, and we've had a telecommunications engineer,

and we've talked about another science thing. Did I say artists? I meant scientists. Okay. Oh, I've had a very mistake-ridden morning. Yeah. What with Didier and Marcel and Duchamp and Deschamps. Anyway.

All my French exchanges. Emily Dean, you may know, has a very popular podcast in which she, which is called... Walking the Dog. Walkie Talkies is what I think it's called. Yeah, he likes Walkie Talkies, yeah. But Walking the Dog,

in which she speaks to different celebrities whilst taking a dog for a walk. Yeah. And I did it. Check it out. Still out there. Heard it, enjoyed it. And thanks.

Strong work, guys. Strong work. And Emily bought me a bottle of non-alcoholic... Rosé? Pink champagne? Yeah, sort of pink champagne. I don't say there's booze in it no so um so i i had it the other i had i had off of it the other night and um in one go off of it in one go yeah yeah and uh and then can i just say i'm feeling sick at this

point but i couldn't no i couldn't find the cork you know I fired the cork out and it bounced around the kitchen. Quite exciting. Yeah. Quite exciting. Formula One winner. Oh, it was. It was a bit like Didier Marcel Duchamp. Duchamp.

Duchamp. The water carrier. Yeah, the water carrier, except I was with champagne. And I fired it out. Oh, it was like the competition on Five Live Cricket. Not Five Live, Channel 5. Shut up. And I fired it out. So when I'd had the drinks out of it, it was lovely, can I say. Cricket. Not Five Live, Channel 5. Shut up! And I fired it.

So when I'd had the drinks out of it, it was lovely, can I say. Was it nice? Thank you so much. Oh, beautiful. Can I just say, not just the one bottle. No, well, I said one bottle, because I don't know what you get your other guests

trying to cover your back. Oh, I got them six. Okay. Whoa. Yeah, I'm just thinking, though, if they get a souvenir key ring, there might be a bit of a myth that I

got six bottles of non-alcoholic curds. David Baddiel got a few cat streets. But I got it, I remembered,

Sandy Mason told me, this is my, my open inverted commas, mother-in-law closing inverted commas, and that if you

put a fizzy drink and you can't find the cork, and this is a stuff she does a lot because she drinks Prosecco, is her... Oh, right, yeah. Tipple.

Is her tipple of choice. She said just put a spoon in the top of the bottle. Oh, yes! And I thought, now, that's got to be rubbish. So I did it two nights ago. Last night... And? Last night, I thought,

it'll be all right flat, I thought, you know. Anyway, took the spoon out the top, pulled it out, fizzy. Amazing, isn't it? How on earth, how on earth does that happen? Do you know what, that's my kind of science. Yeah. I love it. Do you actually want an answer, 8, 12, 15?

I want a simple answer, please. I don't want an answer that's going to just set a little, like a tiny trail of blood from my left ear. I don't want one of those answers. Can I say very briefly, I think Peter Vernon has come up with two current impressions. What should we call them? Well, they're impressions that everyone can do.

Can we hold this? Because the fez is getting hot at my side. I'll explain that to new readers later. But I'm intrigued by this because I would love to know. We've ate 12, 15 really. I feel we've all lost touch. We live in cloud cuckoo land and ivory towers. That's a good one.

I don't think I know who the street impressions are, who people are doing in the pub. I don't know. It's not David Bellamy and Frank Spencer anymore. It's not Alan Hansen. Let's hold you because I am keen to find out who is in the people's impression chair. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio.

Oh, you've watched some of the Jane Fonda work out. Have you really? I have watched. And would you say you're a Yorkshireman? Not really, no. But I present as a Yorkshireman, to use a medical term. OK. Do you identify as a Yorkshireman?

No. You're born in Yorkshire, aren't you? No, born in Glasgow. OK. Lived in Yorkshire? No. You're born in Yorkshire, aren't you? No, born in Glasgow. Okay. Lived in Yorkshire? Yeah, I grew up in Yorkshire. What's going on? I don't think I'm a Yorkshireman. Well, I have a Yorkshire joke about Jane Fonda.

I thought I could marry two sides. Do you remember it? Do you want to do it? It's not my joke. You might know it. You have to be from Yorkshire to hear it, though. Go on, then. It's an old joke. It came out at the time when Jane Fonda was big for doing these VHS things.

In the 80s, yeah. Yeah, before she pinted... After she pinted the Hong Kong heavy artillery to American planes. Okay, okay. Let's do the joke, yeah? I bet Mad Lizzie never did that. Or the Green Goddess. So anyway...

Oh, that's Susanna Reid. Good point. All the 80s fitness stars... Am I the radio Susanna Reid? The story was, and I say many of you will have heard this before, but it just reminded me of it, the Jane Fonda thing. Go on. And she was doing an outdoor aerobics session

somewhere in Yorkshire. What's a good Yorkshire place? Harrogate? No, that's Leeds. Geysley. Geysley? She was in Geysley. In Geysley.

And so she was shouting all the instructions at the front and she said, right, hands on thighs. And this woman said, but we'll be able to see now. That's all right, I like it. Yeah, I like that. I don't think you have to be a Yorkshireman to get it. No, I quite like it. It's not like playing cricket for them.

I think you can just get it. I loved your joke. But can we get on to... It wasn't my joke. Oh, OK. It was a joke from the great pool of communal jokes. Oh, OK. Yeah.

What about impressions that most people can currently do? OK? You did a bit of a shout-out. Peter Vernon has been in touch. I was going to say, I can't do him, not sure. Wow. Do you want to hear his suggestions? Len Goodman, seven.

Oh, yes, that's that one number. Yeah. Seven! That's good. I interviewed Len Goodman, and I said I thought he was the only person I could think of whose catchphrase was a number. Yeah. I can't think of any. Well, I would say it's quite an achievement.

He's responsible for transforming the identity of the word seven. Yes. Because very few people say that without saying... Oh, yeah. Seven! I would say him and number Johnny Five from the robot thing remember the robot film

Short Circuit oh yeah so what did he show when he said number Johnny Five yeah but he had words in it as well yeah you're right well the word was number

it's hardly Len was a purist and he also cites I mean he would have killed that Brad Pitt film if it had been popular before that. Go on, carry on.

Who else have we got? He also cites Bianca from EastEnders saying... Rickag! Yeah. That's good. But is that modern? Well, maybe we're only capable of the one-word impression now. I know, but Ricky, that's got to be 30 years ago.

Yeah. I don't think people get that now. Peter Vernon might be 85 and still alive. Oh no, but Ricky, that's got to be 30 years ago. Peter Vernon might be 85 and still alive. Even Len Goodman isn't still on, strictly. Peter, are you 85 and still alive? I don't think he will be. I'm going to go 55. I'm going to say he's 51.

How old do you think Peter Vernon is? Age 12, 63. 63. 51. How old do you think Peter Vernon is? 63. 63. What about if we had a texting based on how old Peter Vernon is? Let's do it. That would be, we'd finally, our scorched earth policy has finally reached its zenith.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. 366 has texted, I'll give it five and a question mark. Do you think that's a guess? No, no. I'll give it five and a question mark. Do you think that's a guess? No, no. I know what it is. He's talking about, or she's talking about, people who have numbers as catchphrases. Oh.

Yeah. And that was... Duke Rock's jury, I believe it was called. And her name, she was from Birmingham. Yeah. Because she said, I'll give it five. Yeah. And was she called Janice Nichols? Very good, Frank.

I think it might be. I thought it was a guess at Peter Vernon's age. Nah. No, but we do have a guess at Peter Vernon's age. No way. Oh, go on. Well, it's not really a guess. I hope it's not. I think it's someone that knows it. I'll be disappointed if it's from Len Goodman, because

he won't be anywhere near, will he? Emily says, I was at primary school with a Peter Vernon. Oh, okay. So we don't know if it's from Len Goodman, because he won't be anywhere near, will he? Emily says, I was at primary school with a Peter Vernon. Oh, OK. So we don't know if it's the same one. Could be. So I'm going for 45. OK. OK.

Still alive at 45? He could be at the older or the younger end of the school year from her. No, no, but she's got info there. She doesn't have to give us the full. She's not going to send in a photocopy of the register. I should say at this point, I hold in my hand a piece of paper from... Have you been speaking to the German Chancellor Hitler? Almost.

I was communicating with Peter Vernon, who has confirmed his actual age. Can I just say the producer gasped? I mean, imagine if she worked on The X Factor. I said 51, I think. What did I say? 60-something. I've forgotten already. Go on, do what we want.

It's all right. Do what now. I just got 63. I thought I'd guessed already in the last link. Okay, I went 55. Did you? Do you want to know the answer now? Yeah?

Yes. Okay. You want to e know the answer now? Yeah? Yes. Okay. You want to eke it out into some suspense? This is all I got. Mr. Pete. It's not exactly who wants to be a millionaire, is it? Suspense management. Have you won a million quid?

How old is Peter Vernon? I mean, if you put those on a scales of suspense. Go on. We need the Benedictine monks singing. Peter Vernon. I'll do it. Oh. Come on now.

What is this? Oh. Who wants to be a millionaire? Oh, yeah, yeah. What's the one that goes... And that's Count Downy now. So I'll do that. I'll do that and you do it.

Peter Vernon is... That's a countdown, you know. So I'll do that. I'll do that and you do it. Peter Vernon is... I was born in 65 and still alive. Oh. Making him... I didn't know we'd have to do math.

We've got to do math. I'm adding. That makes him 53. 54. 55. 53. Doesn't say the month, so... Let's say he's 53.

I just... All I'm hearing is, I got it wrong. I must say, he looks... He looks well for 53. He does, he does. So, do you win, don't you? Yeah. You're two off and I was...

Oh, I was two off, though. Well, it depends when his birthday is. So, actually, the tension is rising. Wow, because we're homing in. Come on. We're both two years. So if he's in the first half of the year, I win. And if he's in the second half of 65, then you win.

I'm going to go and sing a chorus of Block Be A Lady tonight. Oh, man. Peter Vernon has turned. It's like, I think since the penalty shootout against Colombia, I can't remember this feeling. It's exciting. What a feeling! Oh, man, we are...

What month? Peter Vernon was born in. But really, we're getting to the month. If it's June, July, we might have to get the day. What if it's the 30th of June? We'll have to get the time. Oh, man. I mean, there's nothing stopping us doing this to a listener every week.

Think of the fun we could have. Well, I think only falling numbers on the radio is the only thing. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio... Does he say website if he says radio?

He didn't have websites in his day. No, that's true. Absolute Radio website. OK. 710 has just texted Frank saying, Hi, Frank and Emily and Alan. Surely the ultimate number catchphrase is the darts fella hailing 180.

Yeah, that actually, that is a good, that is a number catchphrase. He then adds in brackets, or any other number between one and 180. Well, sometimes if they have a... He had a different tone because that's obviously celebratory. 180! But sometimes if they have a bad one, he whispers it.

Oh. 25. Yeah, yeah. And that text is from John. Which is funny because I find the tone reverses as you get older when you're announcing your age. The higher it gets, the more you whisper it. Yeah, exactly.

Talking of which... Yeah, 28! 50. So... Who invented that thing of doing the football results? So there's a different tune for a home victory and a away victory and a draw. Yeah.

West Bromwich Albion three, Leeds United nil. You just know. You don't need to listen to the end. It's the rise and fall. What I'd like to do is the next time I watch the football results if they say West Bromwich Albion three, I'm going to shout spoilers straight away before they've given the other score.

They're telling us too much with their tone. Too much! Tone alert. We've had news in from Peter Vernon. Would you like to explain who he is, in case anyone's just tuning in now? We're guessing this week's competition is guest Peter Vernon's age. What did you say, competition?

Peter Vernon, he just texts us randomly. I can't even remember what he texted us about now. I can't remember. But for some reason, I don't know, we got into what his age might be, and we've had guesses. Alan's fallen out of it, but I guessed 51, and...

55, I guess. And you guessed 55. And he was, we've worked out, he was born in 1965, so it depends when in... If he's in the first half, then I win, the lower end, and if he's in the first half, then I win the lower end, and if he's in the second half, then Emily wins. So ladies and gentlemen, hold on,

I must, here we go. I can't keep the country on the edge of their seats any longer. My birthday is in June. Hold on, so I win. So to save Frank having to work it out, I'm 53. Well, do you win?

If his birthday's on June the 30th, my friend, you don't win. Oh, my goodness. Don't I? Oh, no. Still the first six months, surely. Okay. Okay.

You win. It's a huge inquiry. Can we go to VAR, please? Well, that won't help, in my experience. I'm going to let you have this. I think if it's in the first six months, Julie, I win. OK, fine. I can only say...

Congratulations, I won the court case. I wish you'd bring that out with a song about winning the court case. I wish he'd bring that out with a song about winning the court case. I had a group of journalists standing by my window. And all that. It'd be brilliant. Why shouldn't he celebrate?

Yeah? Can I say, by the way, that you know this idea of guessing someone's age every week, which obviously we're not going to do. Yeah, I'm not sure I want to keep that one going. No, because we'd lose millions. You'd lose me. We did have, you probably forgot, even the people on the show, I think, will have forgotten

that we had an idea about four weeks ago for a regular weekly quiz thing. And I haven't even, I got the producer to make a jingle for it. And I haven't even I got Diancy the producer to make a jingle for it and I haven't even heard the jingle and this is what we thought we were

going to do every week right Oh Cristiano Ronaldo Oh Cristiano Ronaldo Oh Cristiano Ronaldo You ain't seen nothing yet What was this?

It was Cristiano Ronaldo in which every week there is a question about Cristiano Ronaldo. We never even did it once I don't think. When we did it

that must have been that first week. It's a lovely jingle though. We did it once, yeah. It is a lovely jingle. I feel it's wasted. Well, I have got a Cristiano Ronaldo.

Where did the you ain't said nothing yet come from? Oh, the man singing that? No, why did I do that at the end? Is that me at the end? Ronald Reagan. Oh, yeah.

Oh, because his name's... Oh, well done, because he's named after Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan. He's named after Ronald Reagan, yeah. Oh, that's good, Dave. Very good. Wow.

I've got a question on Ronaldo. Oh, yeah. I've always got one in my head. No, not the question on Ronaldo. That's something I'm afraid we cannot discuss. Somebody knows someone who got

Legionella at a firm party in Ibiza. Is that the female version of Legionella's disease? Yeah.

Oh, I wonder how that differs. Or maybe it's just a Spanish of Legionnaire's disease. Yeah. Oh, I wonder how that differs. Or maybe it's just a Spanish version. How does it differ? It takes hours to get ready. No, maybe to... Hi. Hi.

Hi. It's like salmonella and Legionnaire's disease in a fabulous... Hybrid. What are you saying, fabulous? Fabulous pandemic cocktail. Yeah. I wonder if you put a spoon in the top.

We've got some breaking science news, actually. Oh, yeah. On exactly that. You were discussing earlier that a teaspoon in the top of a bottle of... Well, actually, I used a dessert spoon. Oh, did you? Because it's a big drink. I'm not sure that...

Pink champagne. I'm not sure that should have worked, according to my science... Uh-oh. Your lab coat, friends. pink champagne. I'm not sure that should have worked according to my science. Uh oh. 050 has texted the handle of the teaspoon concentrates colder air over the top of the liquid thus retaining the bubbles in the liquid.

Okay. Do you feel better for that? So I could put any cold thing in there, theoretically. I think so. 952 was texted. It's all to do with the shape of the bottle, which isn't as comprehensive.

It was a crazy cocktails bottle, one of those that got an angle on it. There used to be a thing when I was a kid, my sister used to have a thing called crazy cocktails. And it was a bottle that was sort of bent in the middle and the label was made with a tear in it as if someone had bent the bottle. Oh, that's good.

Wow. Do you know, I love the sound of that. Yeah, I wonder why that faded. Those drinks from yesteryear. Cherry B. Cherry Brandy, yeah. Now, we're getting some impressions from the 70s, but I want my currents.

I want to know who people... Me and David Baddiel did a pilot many years ago. You know, our flight was delayed. We got talking to him. We had a few drinks. No, no, we did a pilot. Or her. We got a pilot.

Well, it's worse if it's her. I don't like if it's her. But she took hours to get ready as well. Yeah. I didn't. I. Tell me a funny story. And now I've lost my thread.

You and David Baddiel did a pilot for a TV show should we just say. Was it an impressions show? That's my guess. Did people on text or Twitter say I've lost my thread?

I don't think so. Okay. Okay. So yeah, so we did a thing called, I think it was called First Impressions. Right. Was it you two doing impressions? No.

Because this I want to see. No, this was interesting. David was in mogul mode, so he wasn't in it. He was like behind the scenes mastermind for the show. Oh, right. I was the smiley front front man shiny floor front man hello everyone yeah and i came on i came on to music i think i sang at the beginning in a series of

impressions frank can we establish briefly at this point david does admit he cannot he's incapable of doing impressions yeah we were he wasn't doing it i think i was a sort of Svengali he was a Svengali he did a Svengali impression which is less popular did he do a Simon Cowell was he like well look

well he was it was very it was interesting to have someone working behind the scenes who knew what they were talking about so anyway

I like that they so the idea is that everyone can do one impression at least everybody so I went out and vox

popped people and said you know can you do an impression they all did frank spencer and all that but we're talking it's probably been 20 years ago that show right and i went if i went out into the street now and went up to some um millennial people which is what age group is that millennial is up to i would say 35. Okay, well let's say if I went into some people in their 20s and said do an impression, who are they going to do? That's what I want to know.

8, 12, 15. I want to know 8, 12, 15. We've had a Stacey Solomon as a sentient. Is that a staple? I don't even know who she is. Yeah, she's isn't she the one who know who she is. Yeah, she's... Isn't she the one who was on Big Brother? Yeah, she was originally on Big Brother.

She gets to do an impression. She's got all her nose. X Factor. Can't really do. Jen said in Millennial, we're going, X Factor. It's great when you do impressions of people that no one's heard of. Like, I did Johnny Ray. Is that someone taught like that?

That's my first go at it. I did Johnny Ray is that so I'm taught like that as much as I was going there I did I did Johnny Ray on Stars in the Rise and no I'm sure no one in the audience or hardly anyone

knew who he was he was like a 50s heartthrob there's quite specialist interest there it's a great impression as well

do you want to do it now for the people put you on the spot there just to walk in in the rain people? Put you on the spot there. Just walking in the rain getting

soaking wet. One for Didier Deschamps. I think that's my favourite. Johnny Ray. Yeah, it's a great Johnny Ray. It's the best I've ever heard on commercial radio on a Saturday morning, that's for sure. Johnny Ray, I don't know if I've ever mentioned this,

is the guy who used to... He wore a deaf aid, but when he was on stage, he wore an extra big one so they could see in the cheap seats because he thought he got quite a lot of audience sympathy. Frank, is he mentioning Adexi's Midnight Run or something? Poor old Johnny Ray! That's what I know him for. He is. He is. He honestly is. Poor old Johnny Ray. That's what I know him for. Brilliant.

He is. He honestly is. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. 554 has texted, the spoon in the bottle thing has been scientifically tested. The spoon has no effect. 554 has texted, the spoon in the bottle thing has been scientifically tested.

The spoon has no effect. Leaving the bottle open was found to keep the liquid more fizzy than either the spoon method or reclosing the bottle. Leaving it open makes it fizzier than reclosing the bottle. What are you talking about, Willis? I just don't understand science. Well, you know who we need on board here is someone who was also a favoured impression in the 70s. Do you know who I'm talking about, Willis?

Patrick Moore. No. I think it's him. Is it Professor Dr Julius Pike or something like that? Oh, really, Frank? Magnus Pike. Yes! Magnus Pike, yeah.

Oh, congratulations. Well done. Wow. In case you're guessing, guessing yes he was a fish but people were more accepting in those times you you know you young people

you think you've cornered the market on diversity but we had actual creatures running TV shows animal hospital yeah

that meant people winning and were operated on by I saw an Alsatian take somebody's gallbladder out the scalpel and that was just

sellotape to their paws. It was absolutely unweak. To be fair, that was Blondie. Seems, Blondie was trained. Those were the days. 489, I consider myself the David Bowie of the one impression world having constantly involved with the times. Evolved, I should say.

Where once I had only one Ian McCaskill in my repertoire, then Joe Swash, I'm say. Where once I had only one Ian McCaskill in my repertoire, then Joe Swash, I'm currently staying out of the limelight until I identify the next figure with which to surf the impressional zeitgeist. So that suggests that he or she also can't find a current figure. Well, we've had suggestions from our resident young person.

Yeah. Our young person correspondent, Sarah. The youth offensive. And Sarah suggested Danny D person. Yeah. Our young person correspondent, Sarah. The youth offensive. And Sarah suggested Danny Dyer. Yeah. And Alan Carr. Okay. I'm surprised by that.

I mean, a few people have texted about Donald Trump being the current guy, but I don't know many people doing good impressions of Trump. We should talk about Donald Trump, actually, because he did a fabulous... What's he been up to? Trump thing. When I was on that bus and somebody in front of me Goog about Donald Trump, actually, because he did a fabulous... What's he been up to? Trump thing. When I was on that bus and somebody in front of me Googled Donald Trump. Do you think they're still doing that every now and again? Did I tell you I was on a train the other week?

Puted. There was a guy sitting with his laptop and head fountain watching this thing very, very intently. And I'd been watching it for like a couple of hours. And I thought, before I get off this train, I've got to know what he's... He's looking with such... I mean, he was just absolutely focused, very stern-faced.

And when I looked, it was Seinfeld. Oh? I thought it was going to be like a documentary about the Vietnam War. I thought, if anybody ever watches anything by me on public transport with a face like that.

Yes, not a great review, is it? That's the end for me. It was like he was really studying Seinfeld. I don't want that.

Scandal. So, yeah, so... Crumple Stiltzkin. Yes. I mean, he keeps those moments coming, to be fair. Yeah. He's good on the material front.

He is the gift that keeps on giving. He does seem to affect the news cycle a lot, doesn't he? Yes. Yeah. So, let me get this right. Yeah, go on then. He misspoke. Yeah, he misspoke.

That's the phrase he used when he was speaking properly. I don't think he was misspeaking when he said misspoke. I think he meant that bit. Do you? Well, that's indirect contravention of what he said. Are you calling the President of the United States a liar? No, I mean, when he said I misspoke, I think that's what he meant. Like, next week he might come out and say,

when I said I misspoke, I meant to say spoke. What I liked! It is a handy technique. Very useful. I'm so there now. This is all I'm ever using. Yeah, when I said it's coming home, I meant the golden boot. Actually, can I stop you there?

I became slightly obsessed with the golden boot. In case you're not into football, the person who scores the most goals in a tournament gets the golden boot that's what they so they get because Gary Lineker got one of those

yeah he got one and Harry Kane just got it for him what size would you say it is who the golden boot let's ask Gary

what about an 8, 12, 15 I don't think it's either of those what size is the golden I think it would be a 10 it's Van Gogh and Ericsson size 4 so what size is the golden boot? Is it a left or a right?

Oh, I'm going to say right. I think it's a right boot. Would it be anything against Harry Kane wearing the golden boot this season on one of his feet? They might put him at a disadvantage having a metal boot on. Is it metal or is it a metal boot on. Is it metal? Or is it a spray boot? Can I ask a question? Isn't it filled in?

Yeah, I think it's filled in. I haven't seen one since 1986. I mean, yeah, I think you seem to think it's some old boot with a bit of spray paint on it. I thought it was a sprayed boot. Is it not? No, it's a lovely metal. I like the idea that he could win the next one and say I've already got a right one.

Yeah. Okay, but yes, he misspoke. We should talk about him misspeaking in a minute. Okay. When I come back and say, no, what I meant is that we shouldn't talk about him. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. So, yeah, we were talking about POTUS.

Yeah. So, did you see him actually apologising? Well, first of all, we should say he was in Helsinki and someone asked him, because he'd spoken to Putin, and after he was asked if he felt that the Russians had intervened in the American election. Yeah. And he said... He said, I don't see why they would.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't see any reason why they would. Yeah. And then a bit later he had to come out and say... And people said, that's really bad because the FBI have established that they did. And so you are siding with Russia against the American intelligence services. Yeah.

And so he then, what I like, he said, I got back. So I thought, well, I don't understand this. What's all the fuss about? He said, what's going on? What's the big deal? Which I liked. And then he realised, he said, I thought it would have been obvious, should have been obvious, so it still wasn't his fault.

He said, I misspoke, obviously. What I meant to say, why, what was it, I don't, wouldn't, wouldn't. I don't see why they wouldn't. I don't see why they wouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. He said kind of a double negative. Sort of a double negative.

I liked it as well when he said, when he talked about that, he said, so I've got a transcript. I actually went out and viewed it. Yeah, he said that. What, in the Chinese takeaway? Do you not have a telly?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I went out and viewed it. Love it. He meant on VAR. He had it on VAR. I'd like to have seen him walking over and watching it back and going, It's just a load of guys in the office in full

ref kits. So, yeah, so he meant to say... Wouldn't. Yeah, so what would that sentence have been? I don't see why they wouldn't. Yeah. Well, yeah, but he prefaced it, unfortunately, with a slightly sort of declamatory.

He said, let me just say this. So obviously, people who were analysing this, as if they would need to, but they suggested that you would not make a mistake after a statement like, let me just say this. Yeah, but at the end of this thing, he said, anyway, that's cleared that up now. It was a great, let's move on. He's very good at clearing things up I think. I thought it was the summit brilliant about it. I felt for him, he's had a tough

time. He actually said, I've been to Helsinki and back. Fantastic. The double negative thing sort of fits him because it's the office joker.oker is a big fan. You know, like Dave Swift from Sales will say stuff like,

wouldn't say no. Wouldn't say no. And the other one is, you're not wrong. So it all kind of fits with that. He should have just said, I forgot to say not at the end. Yeah.

Because you can get away with anything. He should have said, I was reviewing a copy of end. Yeah. Because you can get away with anything. He should have said, I was reviewing a copy of Friends. Yeah, excellent. I just think that's more believable. Very good. It's quite a big difference, I think. Yeah, what the would and wouldn't. If Ronnie Wood...

I don't know when someone tweeted this week, and it was, what sort of a world are we leaving for Keith Richards I enjoyed that normally but if Ronnie Wood had been called Ronnie Wooden wouldn't we have seen him in a whole different light we wouldn't have seen him as that crazy rock and roll wild man we'd see him as a more reticent conservative figure. It's quite a big difference.

Doctor No, he was a negative bloke. Very negative. I met him once. He meant Doctor Yes, that guy. I had a lunch once with Danny DeVito. And he quashed all my questions. Very good. I like it. And he quashed all my questions. Very good. Like it.

I like it. I was prepared to wait. I don't mind dead air. I'll wait. I waited. It took me about, I said about six seconds. But then when it hit,

it landed well. But it just means that anything, so anything you say on here, when I got Didier Deschamps name I could have said well I mean I suppose I missed I did misspoke yeah

I meant to say Didier Deschamps I like that I did misspoke I did misspoke it's wonderful I did misspeak we'll do our own work on that I did misspoke am I the first person to misspeak on misspoke?

It's only Chaucerian Where does it end? I've gone through the Helsinki Do you know the song The Wild Rover? I've been a wild rover for many a year No Okay

It's got a quadruple negative Oh wow And it's no nay never Oh yes Yeah I do know that Is a quadruple negative. Oh, wow. And it's no, nay, never. Oh, yes. Yeah, I do know that song. Is that quadruple or triple? No, nay, never, no more. No, never.

Quadruple. Come on! No, nay, never, no more. Yeah, it's a lot. It's falling away, this. I think I must have misjoked. What, this link? This is Frank Skinner

Absolute Radio Mirrors that don't steam up in hotel bathrooms I've never seen I've never come across one of those when I'm in front of one Amazing Do they exist, mirrors that don't steam up? Yeah, you have a hot shower and you get out and the mirror's just clear

I've never seen that in my life. Well, you need to improve your... Then again, I don't really notice mirrors like you do. Yep, I'm very vain. Everyone knows it about me. Extraordinary shade thrown. Also, let's be honest Al, he spends so long in that shower like a prisoner.

Prisoner. I've been listening to the prisoner audios again this week oh are you hiding it I get about oh god it's great isn't it I do

I find myself talking to people like this which they don't like that's a great impression that everyone does I don't mind it I enjoyed it

number one in the prisoner number two I apologise saying number what saying what doing the prisoner the prisoner impression number six

oh number six is him 042 is suggested. Oh, sorry, zero, four, two. I don't remember that character. Zero, four, two is suggested. An impression that we all do is the Churchill dog. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

See, there you go. Oh, yes. Now, he's much more... Alan, you haven't done your one. Oh, yes. See, much more positive than Doctor No. That dog. Yeah.

Oh, yes. I think thanks might be the better. Much more positive than Doctor No at dog. Yeah. Oh, yes. I put off him a bit when he seemed to be having a relationship with Melanie Sykes. Yeah, I remember that. And we were supposed to think that was all right. What happened to the Garland set? Was it a bit of a Nicole Kidman and Mia cat? It was. At the cinema?

Look, I've got nothing, you know, I don't know where. I was troubled by that. I've got nothing against, on basis, interspecies relationships. But... A bit. You can't help thinking it's a bulldog and Melanie Sykes. It's a bit like when I see Donald Trump with Melania. He can't...

He did well. Yeah. I mean, a bulldog. I'm suggesting the bulldog did well. Had it been a saluki or something he'd have thought well fair enough actually Donald Trump's got something of the saluki a bat combed

yeah yes I couldn't forgive him for leading Melanie Sykes astray the bulldog strange note I don't know if you saw the late night version of that advert. It was absolutely disgusting.

So, um, we, um... It's on the internet. I think I did misspoke. Yes. Um, is that what the British cyclists say when they get pulled off for taking various sprays and stuff? I misspoke. Yes.

Good. I'm glad. Yes. Good. I'm glad it is. Lovely cycling material. So, look, I think we've gone out with a bit of a whimper rather than a bang. But you know what? I don't want to say that. But, um, sir, I just did my catchphrase.

Thank you so much for listening this week and for listening all the time. But thanks. We love you. And be seeing you. You're listening to the Frank Skinner podcast from Absolute Radio. Want your Frank fix a little sooner?

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