The Frank Skinner Show - The Frank Skinner Show - Thing or Think

Episode Date: August 27, 2016

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. The team are reunited! Frank talks about a visit he made to his old flat and Cath's birthday present. The team talk 'traingate', words we dislike and Bolt being a legeeeend.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and guess what? Alan Cochran has finally returned. Everybody was going for a fight. Good morning. Good morning. Oh, he's back, Frank. Now, if you want to text the show, you can do it on 8-12-15.

You can follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio. At Frank on the Radio. You have to snarl out those ats. Yeah. Why not? Oh, lovely at on the print. It looks like a... It's the first time I've noticed that an at is a bit like a convalescent sausage.

It's so curly-whirly. If I made a meat version of our website, of our Twitter handle... The Cumberland... Is it a handle? Yes. Whoa, is it? Oh, you're so trendy, Frank. Just take a couple of handshakes, excuse me.

I'll high-five you. Yes, high-five you there you go you can hear that high five on the right yeah our twitter handle that's the strangest thing that ever happened ranked speech to cross and shook my hand I liked it if I made a meat version

it was a cumberland the at would already be there I could buy I don't have to have it bespoke I could get my at off the peg. Do you ever think... By the way, you can email us as well on the Absolute Radio website. On the email thingy.

But we don't have a meet version of that. You're right. It's very fine looking, the at design. And that's fortunate because who knew it was going to be such an integral part of our lives? Oh, I mean, where would we be? But I sometimes look at it and i think where did you get that at where did you get that out yes now we've got it yeah no it's

repeating this the next line okay don't ask me why there's a bit on the bottom i've got a i've got one of those apple smartphones oh yes and on when you're doing the keyboard thing, there's a globe. A globe of the world appears. Where's that, then? It's in a little square on the bottom, and it's a globe. It's a sort of see-through globe. Like the scaffolding of the world. Do you know what I mean?

No. Do you know that, Al? No. I'll show it here in a minute. That's just on your phone. No. Maybe he's got, like, an update or something. Has he got it from a man or line? I don't know. I'll show it here in a minute. That's just on your phone. No. Maybe he's got, like, an update or something. Has he got it from a man or line?

I don't know what this phone is. Dear my friend, I'm trying to get these telephones out the country. He got one of those. No, it's a real thing. I can't do it now. It doesn't seem right. I'm in the middle of a radio show. But, yeah, there's a...

Please help me, anyone out there. OK. 8, 12, 15. On the bottom of my smartphone keyboard, there's a key that's just got a globe on it, and it's sort of open plan. I'll tell you what it looks like. It looks like it might have something to do with Interpol.

Oh, yeah. It's got that kind of look to it. Is it the direct dial Interpol button? I wonder if it is. I wonder if I was attacked i if i was um if i was attacked i could call into plot now look what we haven't discussed is alan loads of stuff we got bogged down with cumberland sausages representing the action down he'll be in it about half past time frank what about the tan of the man? I mean, it's absolutely sensational. Oh, that's pleasing to me because I felt...

It's pleasing to me? I've been away for a month, but I felt like my tan was packing and leaving during the last week of my holiday, so I'm actually delighted. It's a gentle, golden... Gentle? I've been away a month. It reminds me of...

You know what he looks like, Frank? Stop looking at the phone for the globe. I saw you doing that. You know what he looks like, Frank? Stop looking at the phone for the globe. I saw you doing that. You know what he looks like? What does he look like? He looks nice. It's like he's one of Stefan Edberg's friends, cheering him on in Friends and Family Box at Wimbledon. Like a Swedish tennis player's friend.

I'd love that. I'm surprised, because Al's been in France for a month. Indeed. Is that right? Indeed. For a month, isn't it? right? Indeed. For a month. A month, indeed. Princess Margaret.

In Fouquet. But he has come back with a lovely tan, which surprises me. Why didn't you wear that burkini you bought just before you went away? I don't know. Someone just put me off wearing it. I don't know what that is. I thought you'd have had that on and you'd have come back looking quite, you know, goth. But no, you really look quite handsome, I'll be honest with you.

Oh, quite? Well, OK, I'm trying to tell the galley. That's staggering. You know, it's still a boy's thing. No, we would send you a picture, but I find tans don't travel very well. You know what I found you're a bit like with him this morning? Go on. I don't know. It's quite sweet, actually.

I think you're quite giggly and flirty around him because he looks so nice. All of us are in this room. You know when someone comes back and they're a bit of an exciting prospect? They're very brown, exotic, they've been away, man of mystery. None of us quite know how to handle him this morning. It reminds me a bit of when if you have a canary or some sort of exotic bird like that and it escapes

the garden birds are horrified by this colourful garish thing and I believe they tear them to pieces Well Frank I know what the glow button does, Jamie Wood has texted us Let's hear some music first because I love the idea know what the glow button does. Jamie Wood has texted us. Well, let's hear some music first, because I love the idea of turning the glow button into a teaser.

A cliffhanger. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. As I put my headphones on then, I let go of the right-hand one, and it sort of hit me quite hard in the side of the face. It's got that sort of training glove. You know those old pictures of Mahmoud Ali, you see, when he's got those black training gloves. It's like that.

It might have dislocated my jaw. I don't think so. Oh, well, that's a shame. Anyway, we've had some... I'm looking a bit Jeff Boycott. Al, haven't we had some, We've had a lot of texts in. Yeah, I mean, it's... We were talking about the mystery globe.

Yeah, you know we talked before about how you've lit up the switchboard. Oh, yeah. You've veritably lit up the switchboard with your question, what's this globe button on my phone? Yeah. I don't think I've got one. We've had some... I think some of these are lies but john heart is that the sort of thing in uia radio presenters say about

yeah frank the globe on your phone opens the keyboards for all languages of the world does he no i think it's a lie no it's true no it's a language thing so if i type type in something in english it'll translate it it's like that thing the tardis done with that last you know when you're when you get off the tardis and go into an alien planet they can still you can hear them in english and they can hear you in in their thing that's why james jamie's text that else the glow button is so you can change the keyboard language voila he says oh voila when you change the language yes yes you get accents and oh yeah yeah yeah all that stuff

however budgie from Beaconsfield has said, a globe is a poor description. It's more like an energy-saving lightbulb. Do you think so? I've never seen it. A globe of the world drawn, if one feature in the opening titles

of the Bionic Man, it's got that sort of see-through network type feel to it. Oh, OK. Or 274, Frank, it's for emojis and different language keyboards. See, that's what... See, Sarah, who works for us, said, Oh, the reason it doesn't work

is because you haven't got an emoji keyboard. Suggesting, you know, because of my age. And then the producer said to me, you know those emojis? It's like those faces. Yes! Did she really say that to you? She did say that. She said it was tense.

She started telling me what an emoji was. I mean... I can't believe that happened. For a man who's already used the phrase Twitter handle, have I not established my online credentials? Well, no, I'm afraid someone's written in about the Twitter handler and says, Frank Handel comes

from CB Radio. As old as the hills. Well, that is true. Of course. Okay. Just as you were feeling trendy and young. I wouldn't say okay. I'd say that's a big 10-10. Oh, man. So, CB. Oh, yeah.

I was once a child. Look, the people next door when I was a kid had got this enormous CB mast. I mean, it was like 20 feet in the garden. It was a piece of wood with a cable coming off the top of it. And I saw a man came round from the council to clean the windows or something and he hit it with his ladder and the cable come off it so a bit later that the woman of the house came out and said you've uh you've broken the cb you said no i haven't touched it and i'd watch the whole thing from my window and that was the

moment when i should have gone excuse me but I watched that and you did break it. But instead I just sat there because I thought he might sort of wait outside my house and kill me. And you did not speak up, Frank? I didn't speak up and, yes, we all know that's what went wrong with so many areas of the world in the past. Nevertheless, that little anecdote from my life I think will be available as an individual podcast

on the Absolute Radio website. We call it the cable guy, if you're looking for it. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. It was Kat's birthday this week, by the way. Well, I know, I got her a gift. Oh, you did, yes. Do you think it was a good choice?

Um, it was, was it running trousers? Well, there weren't just any running trousers. I don't know. Don't make it sound like some Wallace and Gromit present. I'm sorry. It was Stella McCartney. Stella McCartney. Stella McCartney running trousers. Fantastic.

Running trousers. Those are leggings. That's a word. You don't get running trousers, Steve. Tracksuit bottoms. Just got us some Lonsdale from Sports Direct. He's making them sound like something you would buy at the back of the Sunday Express magazine. The elasticated ones.

Tracksuit bottoms. Would you call those trousers? No. They'd be officially trousers. I would call them pants. Get out. Workout pants. Michelle McCartney around the waistband.

I've never had to say pants on this show. Anyway, how is your... I've been in shorts all week this week, by the way. It's been a hot one in London. Have you been in shorts for a month? I didn't shave. I didn't shave for a week and I just wore shorts. I left the shirt off when I was around the house. Oh, yeah. That's a nice way to look. My look was what I would describe as Ben Gunn chic.

Do you know Ben Gunn? He's the castaway from Desert Island. Oh, yes, I know. Who asked for bread and cheese. That was the look I was after. Sounds a bit more Charles Bronson. Inmate, not actor. Can I ask you about this? I mean, this might be a very bad sign that, um, is some sort of great portent for my oncoming death, but yesterday I weighed myself, and I was, um, 12 stone one and a half pounds.

OK. Just run that down, sir. 12 stone one and a half pounds, OK. Just run that down, sir. 12 stone, one and a half pounds. OK. What do you think, Al? Because you know about weight. Well, I haven't finished yet. This morning I weighed myself on the same scales,

in the same place. I was 12 stone, five and three quarter pounds. Yeah. Oh, really? But that's more... I gained more than four pounds in 24 hours. It's bloating, love.

Yeah, it's... What do you mean? It's about the time of day, isn't it? But bloating is air, isn't it? That's the way it is. Water. No, you're retaining water. Oh, God, am I? Yeah. You know that sloshing that we talked about a long time ago? Am I just full?

You weren't doing that at the same time, were you? I suppose you reach an age where you're just full. Yeah, yeah, you're full. But it's fine. I found it absolutely bizarre gaining more than four pounds overnight. No, you didn't really gain that overnight. Well, you can't. Because as a dietician once said to a friend of mine,

well, no one ever put on weight from one meal. What happens is what you do the next day, you see. So you just have to be very careful today. Oh, well, I've already had one of the Cockerell's French sweets. What are they called? Cockylots. I've already had a cockylot. Oh, sorry, cocclicot.

I've had a cocclicot, yes, this morning. I love that you brought back themed gifts. Have you tasted the cock-a-cot? No, about to, though. I'm going to try one. If you had, say, a piece of celery in the same top-of-wear case as a strawberry, not touching, but maybe there was some spores, that's what it tasted like. Oh, OK.

The biscuits from Normandy are nice, though. Where did you get them, Al? Was it on the hypermarché? Yeah, somewhere. Somewhere on our travels. I don't think, whoa, I might wonder if you can get these online. That wasn't my first thought. No, that's a shame. But do try one. Okay. To me, it's an achievement because this represents joining

in with what normal people do. When they go away to work, when they go away on their holidays and they come back and they've brought the work like some biscuits, that's joining in. I've never done this before. No, I agree with that. It was lovely. I'm glad you did it. If you'd have bought an enclosed test tube with seven or eight different coloured layers of sand, I would have been over the moon. Oh, on a white styley.

Absolutely over the moon. I had one as well. It burst in the boot of the car. That's sad, isn't it? Instead it was a cocksure lot which... Hockley cot. Yes. Bless you. Is not very nice. But, you know,

we're all different. Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I'll give you a clue what I bought, Kath. Green pinstripe with red lining. Green pinstripe

with red lining. I think I've already got it. I think I've already got it, but I think it'll spoil it if I get it straight. No, go on. Watermelon. It was a watermelon. No, go on. Watermelon. It was a watermelon. Yeah, well done. Oh, that's clever.

I wouldn't have got that. I actually bought her a watermelon for her birthday. That's nice. Did you? Did you get something else, though? She does love a watermelon. Well, people that love watermelon love watermelon, I think. So if you get them a watermelon, then you've...

Not like a strawberry, but I want something else. Well, the thing is about if I'd got a straw, I think the sort of watermelon is you've carried, they're quite heavy. You carried a watermelon. So I carried it. So it's sort of love based on calories used up. Yes. I shouldn't have swallowed it like a lozenge before I went to bed last night.

Like a cocclicot. No, like I was taking a cock-a-cot. Anyway, for new listeners, this is a weird link already. Can I just say, if you're looking to get her another present, she did say to me in passing, she said, oh, I think I might get my haircut. Who's that bloke you go to? I said, what, that bloke?

The bloke who does Alexa Chung and Rosie Huntington Whiteley as well it's George Northwood she went I might go and see him can I go now it doesn't really work like that well Kat's got what her sister calls peanut butter hair which she's never really sorted out so

I avoid anything like that though you're safe a bit with a watermelon good for the forearm muscles as well oh yeah your grip training I thought if I went running carrying two watermelons, that would be a brilliant workout. I mean, I'd need a good sports bra. Now you know how I feel.

Yeah, but it would really... It's not often you can do this gesture without being sexist, but it really would work the upper body, carrying a couple of, let's call them WMs. OK. Any particular reason for that? Are you trying to get your weight down to 12 stone, one and a half pounds? I am.

Yeah, that was it. It was just flashed by me, that weight. Yeah. It was just there for one day, and the next day it was gone. But on your watermelon workout, you'll be back to it in no time. Something must have grown in me that weighs four pounds. How much watermelon did you eat yesterday? Was it that?

Oh, do you think that's what it was, Al? Yeah, he's had about three and a half pounds worth of WM. Yeah, but even so... No. That's ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous. of WM. No.

Don't be ridiculous. I am also, I tell you what I did this week, I went back, have you ever done this? Go back to somewhere you used to live. Oh, I've done that. I've done that. I went back to the house that I lived, the flat that I lived in with

David Baddiel. Oh, yes. But you were already adults then, so it's not like a childhood flat that you... No, but it was a special time. Oh, nice. A lot of fine work created there as well. And also, you know, I mean, living with a friend,

it's easier going. Is it? It is. I think there's a lot, too much, you know, there's a lot of emotional stress when you're in a proper physical relationship should we call it that? so I look back and it's a very

laid back time when Dave said he was leaving he offered me the flat he offered to sell it to me so I could, oh did he? too many memories but there's a well-known light entertainment figure lives there now. Is that right?

I don't know if I should name him. Okay. Will you tell us off air? Oh, yeah. Oh, good. Oh, great. But I went into my old bedroom... Sorry about that.

...which was quite special. Do I like him? Oh, it was John Coleshaw. Okay. Oh. And I went into my old bedroom, was there, and it was really weird. Partly because there was a grey velvet jacket

hanging on a coat hanger. And I thought that wouldn't have happened in my day. Not the way it collects the lint. No. But, yeah, so John... And did you say, did you think, like, what he'd done with the place? Well, whenever you go back anywhere, if it was smaller than I remembered, it's always the way, isn't it?

It's always the way. It's odd, whereas when you see an X, they're often bigger than you remember them. But, no, it was very, it was much neater than our day. And there was a weird bit where we sat on the sofa and he did an impression of David Baddiel and I thought, this is just too weird now. It's quite a good impression, though.

Oh, yeah, you can do that. Well, he's good at those. Yeah, he's good at that. The shtick, hasn't he? I mean, come on. No, that's his forte, if you ask me. Yeah. Gold sure.

I mean, I don't want to narrow him down, but to me, that's what he does best. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. So, yes, it was very weird going back to my old home. So, had he just invited you in? Did he call you up?

No, no, I do this exclusive iPlayer show where I interview people about what they've been watching on telly. That's good. Don't act like I'm on your chat show and I don't know what's going on in your life. OK, well, so I was interviewing him about his TV likes. Nice chap, though. And he he said come around to your nice chap nice flat yeah it was it was very weird i had to check the numbers as well to work out which one

it was i couldn't remember and did he know that he was living in your old gap oh yeah i bored him to death with stories of the old days about when dave used to wear a slightly too short and not as securely fastened as it could be toweling dressing gown in the mornings. But, I mean, he's got all new furniture, so he wasn't worried about it. Oh, good. Oh, that's fine. Can I ask a question, by the way, about that?

You know those dressing gowns that are made of toweling material? Yeah. I believe they're called toweling robes. Yeah, well, it's the idea that you don't have to dry yourself, that you get out to the show and you put that on, and then it just... That's what I do. It absorbs. So there's no robbing with the towel.

You just put that on, and then when you take it off, it takes the moisture with it. Wow. Sorry, Al. I'll be honest, I never thought that was the idea. I thought you dried, and then you put the robe on. But then why is it toweling? Good question.

I have never dried in my life. OK? That's next week's promo. If this was a conversation about washing up, I could have believed that. But really, you've never dried yourself with a towel? I would get a... I don't like...

I don't like... I'm not going to get some towel... Nobody likes drying. Oh, I do. With a really scratchy towel, I like that kind of... That was a whole towel. ...take a layer of skin off.

I bet Alan does that quite macho thing of taking the towel by both hands and giving his back a little rub down side to side. And going underneath with it as well. I do that, yeah. Hold on now. We have to get a new towel every week. That's part of the trouble with that.

It's better than washing it. Yeah, exactly. I step out. I mean, often I have some oils on me as well. So I step out. She's a mechanic, you know. No, I want to keep them intact, the oils. I think they've had a bath.

So I step out straight into the toweling robe. And then how long does it take for the toweling robe to absorb all of the moisture? I would say four to five hours. So you're in the robe for five hours? I've had for a long time. No, sometimes I would say, realistically,

probably only fourteen minutes I'd say, to sixteen. Do you have a stopwatch in the house? Could we pick this up next week? That's not practical as a morning activity, is it? Well, just stay in the robe until you leave the house. But I don't get up five hours before I leave the house. Oh, I'd never have noticed.

This is Frank Skinner of Slip Radio. Well, it's interesting because it only just struck me this week. I thought, am I using this to its full capacity? As I do it, as you do, I dried and then I... I basically dried with a towel and then I wore a towel. Ridiculous. Well, another thing that seems to be coming to the fore is that I noticed on holiday my daughter has some, has a towel poncho with a hood.

Oh yeah. So when she's been in the sea or like in the swimming pool or whatever we were just putting the poncho over her and then she was walking around campsites and whatever and I said to my wife, I'd like one of those. Next campsite we're at I saw an adult with a towel poncho with a hood. Like a surf brand. Yeah. And I went, gotta get in on that. I think it might be the end of the dressing gown. The terry towel dressing gown.

Just stay there, don't be ridiculous. Go poncho. I think the dressing gown's a stayer. Do you? Yeah. That's my view. I'd like to look at one of those. I want one for an adult. Something else I did this week was, speaking of children as you were, the great thing about having kids

don't you find, is that you can introduce them to things that everyone else in the world knows about. Oh yeah. So I introduced Buzz to a game this week and he was blown away by it. Absolute, it was like

I'd shown him the wheel, you know. Oh, what was it? Heads or tails. Oh, excellent game. He was so... I'd forgotten that you could get that keen. We weren't playing for anything. Just the joy of calling correctly.

And, like, if you got it wrong, you'd go, Oh! Heads and tails! and then he said then i i picked up a um a coaster and i said right shiny or cork and i threw that in the air and then we were off he picked up a newspaper and he said he had a look at he, he said, lady or footballer? And threw it in the air. It didn't quite land correctly. That's a choice so many of us have had over the years. But what about this?

I know everyone... I once managed to combine the two, but that is another story. Well... But anyway, what a cigarette that was afterwards. Talking about formations. But I... I started playing with them. I'm distracted with the memory now.

Oh, no, it's because of Lady or Footballer, which is going to be... Lady or Footballer is going to be volume three of the autobiography. So he came up with a variation on this. Because first of all, he asked me, why do you say tails? Yeah. And I just said, just play it. I love that side to you.

Yeah, but then what was marvellous is he was looking then for other things to do it with. You know my Michael Winner ball? Oh, I do. I've got a michael winner ball and if you if you throw it hard enough against the wall his voice says calm down dear calm down dear um so it's it's a dead man's voice in an orb perfect and he went and got that and said like voice or no voice and threw it against the wall. And you had to guess from the velocity whether the winner would speak or not. That sounds fun.

Oh, man, that is... I tell you, there's so many variations on Heads or Tails. I feel I can exploit this fiscally. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner, by the way, on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean. And Alan Cochran's back. Lovely.

You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter, Cumberland Sausage, Frank on the Radio. Or you can email the show via the Absolute Radio website. If you just tuned in, I was pointing out that the at that we all use in, you know, at Frank on the radio, really does look like a cumberland sausage to me. Yeah. I mean, the I in radio

is also easy to make. It could be a tadpole doing yoga. I suppose. Tadpole doing yoga, I know, I know, it's serious. Well, I've only just got back off my holidays and I've avoided a lot of news, not on purpose,

just there wasn't a lot of phone signal in bits of France that we were in. It's quite nice to have a little break, isn't it? I enjoyed it. But I've returned to what I'm going to call train gates. Jeremy Corbyn has apparently complained that there are no seats on trains and then Richard Branson has said, well, there was seats on this. Here's some footage of you sitting down and then going and doing your little film on the floor

and then going back to your seat. I suspect they did call it your little film as well. Exactly. I think that's exactly what it was, Al. And now Jeremy Corbyn said, that's my privacy, you can't do that. And actually I wanted to sit with my wife. You said that he did have a ticket.

We all want to sit with your wife, love. Well, depends how long you've been together. No, I meant we all want to sit with Jeremy Corbyn's wife. Just have five weeks with mine, to be honest. Well, I mean, I love my partner very much, but I think we'd both jump at the chance to sit separately on a train for two or three hours

just to have, you know, some meat time. Exactly, yeah. But I think his wife is 20 years his junior, and I think I've been out with younger women, and I think there is an element of tight leash that you fall into. Right. Oh, I see.

It becomes... Needs masks. One becomes very insecure. Yeah. I love that they wanted to sit together, though. It's nice. They wanted to sit together on the London to Glasgow. It's not like the Orient Express or anything,

but they booked a ticket for two. I think they were prepping his speech or something like that. Oh, they're prepping their speeches together. Oh, that's cute. I think she's sort of, the way that... I think she's got one of those rubbers, white and blue. I hope so. No, white and red.

He was asked about it afterwards. Well, one thing I liked was that he referred to it. Did you see him at the press conference afterwards? Because he got quite angry. He did get angry. He wouldn't stop going on about it. He's got angrier. He does get... He's very get... He's an angry man.

Before he became leader, he was genial. You can be an angry young man, you've got to be a calm old man. It's not a good look. Wow. He said, um, vestibule, which I liked. Oh, oh yeah. Is that what he said? He said, I was seated in the vestibule. That's fabulous.

It was so George Pickles. I don't think I've heard that used publicly since my dingaling by chop berry when he talks about leaving school and he says i stopped off in the vestibule and i remember thinking what is that and there was no google in them days obviously just had to ask loads of people yeah books were still handwritten it doesn't look good for him though because you know that's one of the signs of lying if someone starts using overly formal language in their defense oh is that right yes and i'm just saying i have to remember that yeah vestibule okay okay and then the sky news reporter got in trouble because he asked him about it. Did you see him snap at him?

I did, yeah. He refused to answer, refused to answer, refused to answer, and then he answered. What I like about Jeremy Corbyn, though, is, you know, one thing that I'd say my guilty pleasure is... You know when people are asked... Celebrities get asked about their guilty pleasure. It's always stuff like Boney M.

Mine is Cold War nostalgia. I really miss the cold war yes and i feel that jeremy's reintroduce a sort of politburo feel to i i feel like here we are now being light-hearted about him i i wouldn't be astonished if i was bundled into a into a jalopy in a couple of days' time by some of his aides. He's got that kind of feel. And I kind of like that, because I think the right wing have monopolised this sort of menacing henchman thing for too long in this country.

I think you're right. We will end up, if you knew him and you fell out with him, you would meet your maker by means of an umbrella with a poison tip, perhaps. I thinkath would be standing in trafalgar square holding a big picture of me and i'd be classed as one of the missing i think i i think he's got it he didn't he didn't have that also i would lay a thousand pounds that he rolls his own cigarettes i can smell them just off the telly. Yes. Yeah. But so I think he has been a breath of, well, certainly a breath of tobacco.

But I like the bit of the sort of Russian-ness about him. And slightly cantankerous. You know, in the old days, if you were even slightly left-wing, some people would say, well, why don't you go back to Russia then? And I think he'd be happy there. You know, all those cornfields and ballet in the evening. Absolute Radio.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Do you quite like, though, talking of Corbyn and, you know, the whole train thing, you were saying, you know, he's quite angry. Mr Corbyn and, you know, the whole train thing, you were saying, you know, he's quite angry. Oh, Mr Corbyn! I think I quite... I find his anger quite refreshing, though, as well. Because he's not very Andy Burnham, is he?

He's not one of these, you know, ones in a nice suit who's all had the life spun out of him. And I quite like that about him. He's a normal man. No, but, you know, he gets into this controversy and two days later, Richard Branson's involved in a serious bicycle crash. I'm not... I do hope he's OK. But, yeah, it is a bit umbrella in the leg.

But, hey... 326 has texted, OMG, you guys, stop Jezza-bashing. Angry emoji face. It started. It started. Three through six seems to be quite proud. We're not Jezza bashing.

Jezza. Look, you know, it's in the public eye. They all have to take their turn, I'm afraid. Agreed. I mean, he took his turn on the floor. We've got to be fair on this show. I mean, I know he's a man of the people, and that's lovely. Yeah.

But the fact is, you know, I remember being poor. It's not that long ago. And if somebody had offered me first class, I wouldn't have said, no, no, no, I won't. Thank you very much. I think that's wrong. And then took a photo of me on the floor. The photo would have been of me in first class

holding up a plastic glass of champagne. I agree. Going, come on! Oi! He's sort of done it in reverse. I've been on overcrowded trains and when I see people sat on the floor, I always think, I'm going to try and blag my way into first class because this train's so busy that if I sit in first class and look a bit like I'm meant to be there and then they go, can you get into, I can then go, well there isn't any seats in standard is there? And I might get away with it.

But he's done the reverse. He's seen empty seats in first class and thought, I'm going on the floor with those people. Weird. I think he's slightly missed that, what your ordinary bloke would do. I mean, I've got to say, Pope Francis... But he can't do that. Pope Francis has got to be the same, you know.

Pope Francis says, I just have an ordinary car. Well, thank you. At Pontifex, as I call it. I'll have a bit of the same. Pope Francis says I just have an ordinary car. Well, thank you. At Pontifex, as I call it. I'll have a bottle of green tea registration, Hillman Imp, instead of the saloon. I think it's a tempting thing to do. You're doing well. You want people to not hate you for doing well,

so you want to look like you're doing less well. OK, so just to get this clear, you think... Can you imagine what they'd have said to him if he'd have had those first thoughts? He's doing well. He's got power and stuff. Well, we know exactly how well he's doing because his salary was released the other day. Yeah, but apart from that, he's the leader of the Labour Party.

It's pretty good. £138,000, FYI. Is that right? That's what he earns. £600,000 house. These are all official figures. Mm-hmm. Well, good on him. I tend to, you know,

he's earning it. But I, I mean, I don't know. Well, I'm a fan, as you know. So I think you're all worried now, because you're thinking, oh, God. I mean, you ride a bike, I don't know how they're going to get me. You ride a horse, that's going to be shot from under you. Like in a cowboy show.

Shot from under you. But you know what I mean? So we used to worry about right-wing figures like this. I think it's about time things have balanced up a bit. Yeah. God bless him. That's the equality we were after. Fear on both sides. What he did wasn't that bad jessica he i would say he's an exaggerator rather than a criminale wouldn't you yeah i think you

know i think dickie's gone a bit mad i think the cctv releasing the footage a little bit dodgy that do you think well you're not allowed. Really? He's in trouble now. Well, you're meant to only release it to the police, aren't you? Oh. You're not allowed. That's flouting various privacy laws. Oh, yeah.

Sorry, it's got to be crime watch in this section. How did they get Mary Bale, then, when she put the cat in the wheelie bin? Was that via the police? That's criminal. Oh, yeah, maybe. Well. It's criminal damage.

Just a bit of fun, wasn't it? I mean, we get so serious nowadays about things. You know we talked earlier about the switchboard lighting up. I think I might be able to say cat. Already time. The cat is perfectly safe. To say Mary Bale was innocent. No, I don't think it was.

Really? Mary Bale. Mary Bale, I think. I said Mary Bale. Yeah, no, you said Mary Bale. I didn't. Who I believe was a child murderer. Can you text him, I said Bale. Are you two okay? Has it said Mary Bale. No, you said Mary Bell. I didn't. Who I believe was a child murderer. Can you text him, I said Bale.

Are you two OK? Has it been like this all the time I've been with you? Excuse me, I said Bale. It's been like George and Mildred. Did Emily say Bale or Bale? I said Bale. I have a North London twang. I said Bale.

8.12.15. Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Did ye see, whilst we're in political corner, I'd like to discuss Nigel Farage, well, there's only one Nigel, who went over to the Trump rally this week.

Did you see that? I did see that. It was, in a way, marvellous. Sans tache. Yeah, sans Union Jack shoes. I'm slightly sad about the removal of the tache. That was something that I enjoyed periodically. Well, I was hoping

that he would present Donald Trump with some Stars and Stripes shoes. Yes. He may have. That would have been the perfect gif, wouldn't it? Yes. If Farage could afford it. I don't know if Farage got any money. Yeah.

Oh, he was in the city, wasn't he? He was in the city. He'd be all right. He's a millionaire. Is he? Yeah. A large percentage of the crowd apparently had no idea who he was. No, well, that's fair enough.

Yeah. I mean, I've done gigs like that. They just thought he was a man in a very, very bad suit. Well. Did you see the suit? I've done gigs like that. They just thought he was a man in a very, very bad suit. Well. Did you see the suit? I've done gigs like that. What about the suit? I realise that, I appreciate that's not the most important thing,

but for me, I mean, it's not often you see the old Pebble Mill at One being recycled. But I think politicians often wear terrible suits. I mean, that's why they invented the podium yes not anymore because they have all wardrobe advisors now the andy bernham barack obama looks good good only wears blue and black something like a phenomenon i've never seen anything like it jeremy corbyn is and the new the guy he's up against, Owen... Smith? No. Oh, God, where's that leader? Oh, this is terrible.

Owen Jones. Jones? No, I don't think so. He went to my university. I think it is Owen Smith. Anyway, him and... You've got a thing with names today. You contradict people that are in the right. Him and Corbyn,

they're both doing that East European Parliament thing of not wearing a tie. Yes. You know that? You look like you've just been driving the bus and then you've come in. So I hope that's not going to be what happens in the Houses of Parliament. I think it might. Short-sleeved shirts as well.

No, I don't. Underneath suit jackets. And fights. That's the other thing we call it. East European Parliament. Well, foreign parliaments in general, whenever you see a clip on the news, it's a proper argy-bargy punching fight. Some of my favourite clips.

Yeah. But no, I don't want that to happen here. No. Well, he did say... So how did you... Did you see any of his performance? I did. I saw...

I saw that speech. Not Jeremy Nigel. I picked Nigel and Jeremy. It's like being in Flashman. Yeah, Owen. Eddie Smith. But Nigel, I think he's doing... I don't know if you did this at school,

but people used to hang around with a much less attractive mate so that if you went out together, you'd get the first pick. I know, because I was the less... Do people really do that? I was the less attractive mate. I've just said, do people really do that? Does that mean, if you have to ask, you were the less attractive mate? Maybe I was. This is terrible news.

No, it's not terrible news, because I was the less attractive mate. Maybe I was. This is terrible news. No, it's not terrible news, because I was a less attractive mate. And they don't go too far. You're less attractive. They don't go for absolute ogre. Otherwise, the woman that you fancy... That's too obvious. Well, her mate will say,

Oh, look, I like you, Lindsay. But, you know, enough is enough. So you want someone who's bearable for a night at least. You think that's why I'm bearable? Oh, my God. Well, that's why I think I was in there on the bearable for a night at least you think that's why i'm there well that's what i i think i was in there on the bearable tiki but i i i think he's doing a similar thing because if he

hangs around with donald trump he doesn't seem too bad i it's the first time i've ever seen nigel farage i thought he's actually he's not that bad next to trump his skin tone's quite normal hair's not bad you think I don't find him as horrible as Trump so I think it's a good I think I would call it it's the Mussolini approach to public popularity

you find someone who's madder and more dislikable than you and then you get photographed with them and suddenly you don't seem too bad. Anyway, again, thank you for being my co-hosts. This is Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. Do you think he's somebody that you would choose to endorse your brand now? Because, you see, I know they, you know,

essentially the vote was victorious, but in this country he's seen as someone who I think is a bit synonymous with failure and running away and escape. I don't think his people think that. No, I think they think... Whose people? Faraday's people.

What people? He's an unemployed man on his own. No, no, but... He hasn't got any people. I think he's still got people. Don't make me feel sorry for him. I think he's got... This is what I don't understand. There's no one...

Do you think he's lied and said... Because he kept saying he's emerged triumphant, he's this great character, he's a winner. He's just... He doesn't do anything now. I think that's... His job will be supporting horrible people in there. He's going to be like...

Well, we've all got to do it, darling. That's not true. He's going to be like the minions. Oh, yeah. He'll seek out some evil doer and then worship them. He's got a bit of that in him. I could see that. Yeah. I wish he'd appear with just, like, a pair of goggles on.

With one big eye oh nigel farage is a minion that's what he is made my day i mean do you think he got paid to go there oh i would imagine so i don't i don't know it could be one of those like it's a hazy they would have paid for his flight he would he would not have balked at first class, I don't think. Oh, not have balked at it, I suspect. He would have insisted on it. Yeah, I bet he got a few quid. I bet he got a sort of after-dinner speaking.

His corporate fee. Well, you know what he would have got? Two nights at that Scottish hotel that Trump owns. Something like that. He would have been paid in contra. Contra, yeah. Cont Oh, the golf one. Something like that. Yeah. Who would have been paid in Contra? Contra. Contra, nice, yeah. I just think, I'm not sure travelling to hot countries is for Farage.

He's a man whose face gets sweaty in the Midlands of the UK. I didn't think... He went to America. There was one thing I thought, Farage. Where was he, Mississippi? No. Somewhere like that. Minnesota, one of the minis. One of the minions. He's in the one thing I thought... Where was he? Mississippi? No. Somewhere like that. Minnesota. One of the minis. One of the minions.

He's in the one thing. Oh, he only goes to places beginning with min. That's all starting from. Oh, I can't believe you. No, but isn't one thing that he really doesn't like abroad? Yeah. He's anti-abroad. I don't think he's going to become the sort of flip side of Tony Blair touring.

I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't end up doing talk radio. Yeah. He's so talk radio. Yeah, that's what he'll be doing. He'll be on... What about when he said, I wouldn't vote for Hillary Clinton if you paid me? That's a crime, isn't it?

To pay people to vote. Straight away. Is it a crime? Also, I don't think he's legible to vote. Already, it is a bit whatever happened to the phrase, if you paid me. I mean, who says that anymore? I know, I like that.

I mean, it's up there with the vestibule, surely. I wouldn't do that if you paid me. It's like when people say, I've heard of blah, blah, blah, but this is ridiculous. It's one of those phrases. Or, you've got another think coming is it thing think what is that i never really quite got that i think it's thing isn't it but i like the other oh i thought it was think i like the idea of you thought it was thing well if you

think i'm gonna do that you've got another thing come too many things too many things 12 15 is it thing or think i think it's thing can i just say i've wanted this to be you didn I thought it was thing. At 12.15 is it thing or think? I think it's thing. Can I just say I've wanted this to be a text in for about five years. Welcome back, Anne. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. Well, you know we were having some

sort of debate. Can I say, I've for my whole life, I've said, on the occasions i've said it which is not often nowadays they've got another thing coming yeah i've always always said that and i've said you've always got another think coming and you know i think my mum has always said think as in there's another thought on its way because you're about to change your mind. It works. I just never even... Well, don't patronise us and tell us it works. We know it works because it's right.

In recent years, I've thought, is my mum wrong and it's actually another thing coming? Well, our producer had a fabulous education, thinks it's thing. Well, I had not a bad education and i think it's think well i had a education oh but you know i've i've um i've bounced back you've made up for it would you like to hear what our readers think yes 606 that's theresa from cornwall says think think another think coming okay 470 says think oh, don't just read out the ones in think, think.

068, it's definitely thing. Well, that's the phrase I've been using all my talking days. That's James and Finch. Can I just say respect to all my talking days? I like that. That's true. 484, long-time reader, first-time messaging. I think Frank has it right.

But I find that a lot of English folks, they think at the end of the word everything, so I could be wrong. That's Brian from Glasgow. They say everything. Oh, this is getting a bit... Well, actually... What about people who say chimbley instead of chimney?

Do you know that? Who says that? That's a common thing, chimbley. Maybe it's a Birmingham thing. I've never heard that in my life. And Skellington. Oh, no. That's just, that's adults deliberately infantilising themselves.

No, no, I don't think it is. I don't like that. I'm not having it. Is that, adults deliberately infantilising themselves, is that a bit, er, Hollybobs as well? Yeah, Milkbuckle. Oh, come on. Oh, no, Milkbuckle.

Oh, Ickle, ickle. It's making me feel sick, actually. Have you gone on the hollywogs? I work with a sound man. You know what, you have to stop recording if an aeroplane goes over. Oh, yeah. Because it's obviously... So he'd say, oh, can't you just stop a minute?

There's an airy plane, he always used to say. I mean, come on! Hopital. Do people say hopital? See, that's hardly an appropriate time to be talking about. To go over to someone crumpled in a gutter and say,

you need to get this man to a hopital. They can't help it, these people. The need to be found endearing. Okay. Well, it's not working apparently if they think that's endearing they got another thing coming helen from bristol i think has the last word okay she says it's think as in you're going to have to think again make another plan etc if you think it's thing you've got another thing coming yes

there we go that's my uh sign on the trombone we've had votes for both but i would say think i think i agree that was the last word. There's people at home saying, shut up about this! No, I think think is the one. Well, they're not, actually. They're listening to Nigel Farage on LBC. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

This reminds me, when we were in France, I've just been in France, I don't know if I've mentioned it. For four weeks. I tell you what, they love bread. I i mean that's not what this reminded me of love a bit of pan well pan's people they call them you should say pan because they love the carbs don't they we've been ordering un baguette i've probably eaten as much bread in the last 31 days as i did in the previous two years i'm not exaggerating i don't eat much bread, is it? I don't eat much bread. Bread's feminine. I never knew that. Is it?

Bread's feminine? Well, you've just said oune. That's feminine. Oh, that doesn't make sense. Those French steaks. No, I don't think it's that feminine. No, you'd think they'd admit that was masculine, shouldn't they?

But I've been ordering a... The bagel? A baguette. I'm with them. No, bread's masculine. Le pain. OK. No, maybe pan's masculine and baguette's feminine.

Oh, okay. Pan's masculine. I didn't like that dance troupe. But then on the last day that I was there, I thought, why don't we get a pan? Because it's more bread and less jaggedy crust. Okay. That's what a baguette is, isn't it? It's a lot of crust.

Yeah, I'm not- More jaggedy crust. Why don't you like- do you not like a baguette is isn't it it's a lot of crust yeah i'm not jagged why don't you like it do you not like a baguette it's all right it's harder on the teeth as we it is i like an osherette i like a skinnerette do you like flannelette do you remember a lot of toweling. I know, it is. There's a lot of that this morning. Very fabric-based show today. It is.

I'm sorry if I've let anyone down. I'm going on to Terry Towling at any moment. Anyway. He was a good player. He's talking about his French bread. Hold on, I'm going to... We can come back. We can come back to...

It'll keep, the bread. Oh, not for long in France. But I think you have to put it in a plastic bag, not a paper one. By about four o'clock, it's gone. Very few preservatives in there. That's a good sign, though, Al. It's a great sign. You know when you buy a French stick?

I've bought four in my life. It really annoys me that the bag is not long enough for the whole French stick. It always emerges. It really annoys me is that the bag is not long enough for the whole it always emerges really annoys me I like that it's like they're saying show off your bread show your neighbours that you've bought our bread it's the same principle as the calipo lolly

save on paper what did you not say? but I'm not keen on that you don't like anything emerging. I don't want my bread in a sort of pop sock. Get a longer bag. That's my motto. Absolute, Absolute Radio.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text thener on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter, Cumberland Sausage Frank on the radio, and

or Tad Paulder in yoga. Yeah. At is the other word for it, Frank on the radio, and you can email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I'm enjoying listening to Al's French tales. We're briefly discussing that. Bread-based French tales.

Yeah, but can I just break off quickly, break off a bit of your baguette? Yes. Just to tell you that Sid has tweeted us with photographic proof of whether it's think or thing coming, which we've been debating all show, is that you've got another think coming, you've got another thing coming. And he has tweeted as a photograph of a Judas Priest album cover, I believe it is, with the

words, you've got another thing coming. Yes. I mean, he might have got that from a website called www.errors on albumcovers.com. He might have. I mean, I don't know if I would necessarily go to heavy metal for my linguistic advice. I was asking, we were talking about this. What if you went to Slade on how to spell?

And also, Judas Priest Birminghamites, aren't they? So, why everyone heavy metal at Birmingham? I suppose if not geographically, at least spiritually. If I can drag the chat back to Francais, we've had an email from Brett, entitled Baguette. From Brecht? No. Yeah, what's a German eating French bread for?

Is it re-theatre of alienation? No. I think he's saying that he's enjoying the radio of alienation by talking about thing and think for an hour and a quarter. Our show is so rectian. It is.

Yeah, that's part of its problem and, you know, kudos. Yeah. Brett has emailed bought baguette from local supermarket

and checkout lady bent it in half without asking me, stuffed it in carrier bag and that was that. No! Well, it's only a baguette. Bent it in half! I think that wonderfully illustrates the difference between how we see bread as not very serious

and the French see it as so serious they cannot contain it in a paper bag. They have to show it off. Frank mean you just said it's only bread if someone did that with a flake would you say that oh no but it's not it's not bendable is it a flake well no it's a bread of course bread will bend no clearly not it's broken too i don't have any any credit in taking bread seriously. I have never eaten a bano chocolat without at first doing a pig snout impression.

Well, aren't you fun to be around? Yeah, I am. I've eaten about 30 of them in the last 31 days. I've never had savoline chips in a... Well, you can be a full stop on the end of that sentence for me. We'll just leave that there anyway. Al, don't...

But the French, we need to discuss the French. What is it with them and the pharmacies? Every square has got three pharmacies. No Tanninsalons or Ladbrokes or, like, you know... You're right. It's totally different over there. How ill are those people that they have a pharmacy everywhere? It's a good point.

There's often... They're obsessed with the point. They're obsessed with the pharmacy. They're obsessed with the pharmacy. And dogs, they love their dogs, but they will not pick up their poo. I find the French dog slightly odd. They won't pick up their poo. I've got a theory that they've got the same population about as the UK, but twice the land mass. I think they're thinking, we'll just walk round it.

Yeah. I think that's what they think. Keep your feet in the way. Maybe. Yeah. But anyway, we visited... I didn't know that they didn't pick up dog poo in the French. Oh, we walked round a lot of dog poo. Did you?

Yeah. But that's, hey, it's their thing. We visited some friends of ours who were also in france at the same time as we were and uh well you can ask a question were you in a caravan no did you just say we i did so yeah he's picked up the lingo frank that's about as much as i've got to be honest but yeah we were in a caravan yeah we were in houses. On that course. We were in some, we were in some tents, I suppose you'd call them. Oh. Yeah, not quite proper tents.

So isn't it sort of bypass protesters? A mixture. No, no, it was more like Euro campy type things. I get it. I've become one of those guys that's got a GB sticker and a top box on his car. Have you? That's what I've become. Why do people have those stickers?

Because if you're, uh, allow me to just step into my role as motoring correspondent momentarily. There's something else I wanted to ask you about motor, but we'll come to that later. Okay. If your licence plate doesn't have GB on it, you put GB sticker on there. I think it might be a EU thing, much to the chagrin

of Farage and Co. But why? No, it's been around when I was a kid, they had it. Well, a lot of cars now have GB on the licence plate, so you don't need to put a sticker on. In Look and Learn, they used to have, which is like a comic for kids who had aspirations, there used to be a load of those car stickers, and you had to say...

Which country? Because it would have NL, for example. Netherlands. Yeah, but no-one said Netherlands then. No-one said Netherlands. I remember that was a bit have NL, for example. Netherlands. Yeah, but no one said Netherlands then. No one said Netherlands. I remember that was a bit of a game, guessing them. Yeah, it was. It was a fun game.

We've been playing that a lot. Maybe I'll do that with Bosnian. Heads and Tails went so well. That could be next. Frank. Frank Skinner. On Absolute Radio On Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.

What were we doing? We were just destroying someone's reputation. We were on France. Oh, on air. We were on air. Yes. And we went to visit a family that we know from Manchester and they were in France in a nice big house.

Times have changed. What do you mean? Families from Manchester didn't used to have big houses in France. Why do you sound sad about it? They hadn't got it. They'd rented it. They'd rented it. You know, holidays. You know when people used to go to Blackpool and stuff like that? That's where people from Manchester went.

I'm going to send them an email saying, Frank says from now on, could you holiday in Blackpool? Because he's resistant to this change. Know your place in British life. Maybe I'm getting old. I don't know. I tell you what, I had a thought. And it is a bit Brexit, this.

But this week. Oh, here we go. I did think. I hate to say it, but I'm going to be honest. I did think at one point. I was watching Match of the Day and I thought, oh, we still have a small British players in the Premier League. I used to like it when they used to say

these blokes from Preston and stuff like that. I like that sort of green domesticity. It's all gone very bland. There's a good solution to that. Maybe we should build a wall. Apparently that's all the rage. I think just watch some lower league football and you'll find out.

Surely we'd have to bring people in from other countries to build the rage. I think just watch some lower league football and you'll find out. Surely we'd have to bring people in from other countries to build the wall. Yeah, but Frank, we're not good enough, are we, to just play football now? Well, we could play at a lesser standard. Oh, do you think? It's somewhat nice about people from Dudley being in the Premier League. Well, there wasn't a Premier League. Anyway,

I am sounding like an old fascista. Well, we know you're not, though. So you're, It's fine. I'll tell you something that surprised me when we were visiting this family. It was brought to my attention that I overuse a particular word, and I would not guess that I was guilty of this. Is this something you can say on the radio? It is, very much so.

Apparently, I say awesome a lot. Do you? Yeah! I don't think I've ever heard you... Apparently, I do.... or be ever adopted mood which would make it appropriate well i think it might have been that i was speaking to juniors and trying to sound enthusiastic i think there might have been a little bit of yes so in what context would you say and well things, awesome, you're doing that, great, good for you, you know, that kind of thing.

I think that might... Come on, somebody had said to me... Very on you word. Give me some names that Alan Cochran wouldn't use in alphabetical order. Yeah. Awesome might have been the first one. Yeah, I'm surprised too, but I'm loathe to get rid of it, because I think it might be one of the few flashes of upbeat in my semantic field, isn't it?

Yeah, exactly, I would hold on to it, certainly. You think so? You think I should keep awesome? No, you've got to be careful with the word awesome, haven't you? Well, I mean, I didn't mean it to mean giving of awe. Well, this is what I mean, though, is that it is overused. It is. People will say, oh, I'll meet you at 10 o'clock, awesome. Well, it's not really awesome, is it? Yeah.

It doesn't actually fill you with awe that you're going to see them at 10 o'clock. awesome. Well, it's not really awesome, is it? Yeah. It doesn't actually fill you with awe that you're going to see them at 10 o'clock. You're absolutely right. But, it is one of my few upbeat bits of vocabulary, so maybe I should just accept that trade. Yeah, I think also it's one of those words that almost doesn't mean anything anymore.

It's a bit like... Awesome. It's like... Awesome. It's a bit like that. You know that? It's a bit like... Sorry, I can't keep on using it. It's like... Awesome. It's a bit like that. You know that? It's just that, isn't it? It's just the sound. You know, people sometimes think, oh, I'll just make a sound.

I don't have anything to say. Although you do clear your throat occasionally and we go, have you got something to say? Yeah. I clear my throat quite a lot. Once you start thinking about cleaning your throat, you can't do anything else. True enough.

But it's... So you've been... I say beautiful too much, I think. Oh, you can never say that too much. No, I do. Not in my presence. I think it's because I find things beautiful. I mean, things that...

Not things often that other people find beautiful. But, like, sometimes people can make a fool of themselves on a chat show or something, and I sum it beautiful about it because it's so human and frail, and I do find myself saying it a lot. I think that's a good word to overuse. You also use get in a lot, don't you? I don't use that a lot. Oh, you do!

That's two words. I don't use get in a lot. I don't use that a lot. You do. That's two words. I don't use get in a lot. You definitely do get in. I say, Al, I say extraordinary. You do. As a sign of disapproval. And sure. Oh, yes, you do say extraordinary. No, but I use sure in an odd way. So, for example,

someone, Sarah on the show, will say, would you like a cup of tea, Emily? And I'll go, sure. As if I'm doing the favour. No, but I like that. I like that. I think it's awesome. You use a word that I don't know anybody else uses. Which is what?

You use the word respectamundo, which I don't think anybody else says, to be honest. I think that's just you. Well, I think Jimmy Young... Respectamundo. Which, can think Jimmy Young. Respect to Mundo. Which, can I just say, he used when it was revealed that Slaven Billich liked a cigarette. He said, Respect to Mundo. Yeah.

Well, if I find that Jeremy Corbyn does indeed roll his own, I shall be saying it once more. Yeah. Especially if he's got an ornate back-eating like an ex-con. That would be brilliant. But we'll find out. This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. Yeah, we were talking, yeah, there was a thing, wasn't there, about hated words?

I was quite surprised by this. I know what that is. The OED, so they're coming up with a list. They're on a global hunt, Frank, for the worst words. The Oxford English Dictionary. Yes. For the most disliked words. And this is an internet, well, it's global.

I go to Judas Priest before I go to the OED. Me too. This makes the most sense. Why wouldn't you? So, yeah, it's an interesting phenomenon, the hated word, isn't it? The most hated English word. And so because it's global, obviously there are people,

I mean, I think in Spain, they've said they don't like the English word hello. Oh. Hmm. Because they like, they say hola. It probably sounds like an anagram. I said that a couple of times at the start of my French trip and then realised I'm in the wrong place for hola it probably sounds like an anagram said that a couple of times at the start of my french trip and then realized i'm in the wrong place for hola went back to bonjour a lot

of them speak uh spanish as well you'll probably be all right yeah the most not me the most hated english word so far in england is moist that's weird't it? I thought moist is quite a nice word. Also comes up on people's favourite word list. So, you know, we're all different. It's quite Mary Berry, isn't it? I associate it with cake, but that's me. Yeah, soggy bottoms and all that stuff. I think there are far worse offenders than that.

I don't mind moist. Awesome. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if awesome is on the hated list yes i think it would far worse than moist surely is slacks my worth one of my worst slacks oh don't say it slacks it's so sunday express supplement isn't it? But I think that's why I like it, I think. Yeah, nice pair of slacks. Oh, darn. I actually put it in my mind there.

It's an absolute deal-breaker. I'll tell you what I've always really hated. Ginormous. Oh, I don't like that. Oh, no. Ginormous. I really hate it. When people say it, I think they're trying to be a bit funny. They think I'll Oh. Ginormous. Oh, no. I really hate it. You don't like it?

When people say it, I think they're trying to be a bit funny. They think I'll cover this sentence up a bit. I'll say ginormous, and then he'll think, actually, it's quite a funny bloke, this bloke. Yeah. I won't be thinking that. Yeah. I know that.

I prefer ickle to ginormous. Do you? No, not at all. I've got to say, I went out with someone who used to say, like, you know, do that baby talk thing. It's difficult. You sure you want to reveal

any more than that? Well, what is it? You know, when they start going, oh, my baby, my little baby. Oh, I thought you were going to say... You know Frank's worst thing? I was like, I was like Shep with his bowl.

And someone touched our dog's bowl and he'd just go... I was like that. Ooh, he's a mate, he called Baby. Didn't last long. Yeah, I don't like... I'll tell you what I don't like, are those funny words

that you don't hear that often, obviously, in this country, but those funny words associated with American elections. I don't like them. I think they're made up. Oh, caucus. Caucus. It sounds like cactus gone wrong. I don't like caucus. It sounds like a foot, oh no, I don't like caucus.

Or what about gubernatorial? Yeah. Oh, I don't know what that was. That's quite Germanic as well. Oh, I don't like that. See, I love those big long German compound words. Like what? Like, you know, Obergruppenführer.

Oh, yeah. Just off the top of my head. That was impressive, Frank. Yeah, when people, they'll put together about five bits into one long word. That's great. We should do more of that.

Someone's got to do... What have we got? Jedwood. It's not much of an effort, is it? Jed would. It's not much of an effort, is it? This is Frank Skinner Absolute Radio. Oh, someone called Ross has just texted in and referred to me as your assistant.

Oh, lovely. Very 1974 generation game. You've got that sort of spectacle. I quite like it. Take a letter, Miss D. I'm happy generation came. You've got that sort of spectacle. I quite like it. Take a letter, Miss D. I'm happy with it. So, we've also had communication from 999. Wow.

Who says, not for the first time in my life, things that the lovely team say a lot. Uh-oh. Emily, can I just say, but not sure if I should put a question mark after that i think it's more of a statement thanks is um or in my drinking days yes that's true and al appears to be associated with the word wow oh i just said it as well yeah again i don't think it was a wow or an awesome person. Just literally said a wow. He does say it.

I don't know if this is a word or if it's two words, but one thing that has become such a personal thing now is I sort of dismiss a person completely if they say. If I say, oh, I've got a bit of a

throat, have you got any lamb chips? And they'll go, it'll be a woman oh i've got a bit of a throat or something have you got any lem sips and they'll go it'll be a woman i've got to tell you oh man flu oh come on come on what do you object to it well i don't think emily davison jumped onto the king's horse so that women could be disparaging about men's hypochondria or whatever you know we should think about equality we should all be working together i don't object to it on those grounds political grounds i object to it on the account of it because it's a little bit basic yeah it's why i don't like it it's it's the suggestion isn't it obviously that men make an enormous fuss but women just get on with it but it's lazy stereotyping in the keep calm and drink prosecco and cupcakes sort of people i mean if i went into the same place the same person and said Pigs not very well. Where they go, Swine flu.

It's a... Oh, please stop. I'm begging you. Where do we stand on obs? I think I say obs quite a lot. Totes. I'm fine with that. Totes you're fine with? I'll tell you what else I know.

Like sad-o. Sad-o? People say he's a sad-o. I don't think anyone said that. Yeah. You hate that. You're in a time machine. He says that.

I hate it. Well well they still say rodney local urchins still shouting at me i sometimes i wish i hadn't bought that penny farthing i'm more 70s yobbos shouted at me 974 has said awesome is a bit old fashioned for children nowadays Alan my 9 year old and friends go with sick and epic, that's from Howard from the Halifax ads they go with sick

man flu 360 has texted as a child we were told GB on a car stood for gone abroad gone abroad that's from Rosie As a child, we were told GB on a car stood for Ghana Broad. Ghana Broad. Oh, OK, it's good. That's from Rosie. I like that. And then somebody else, to swim against the tide,

has said the GB on the cars has nothing to do with the EU. It's to do with the UN, apparently. No, is it? Well, we've had someone else text us to object to us being rude about Nigel Farage because he was successful. He got the result his party was set up for. He's a hero. No, he did do that. Yeah.

I'm not... He did. He did that. Best car... If you had a best car sticker of all time, there's only one possible winner, isn't there? My other car is a Porsche. It's the only possible winner. It's so... What is it? My other car's a Porsche. It's so far ahead of the field, that one, in the funny car stickers. Yeah.

I mean, it wipes the floor. It's very good. It is the Usain Bolt of the comedy car stickers. Oh, I want to talk about him. Wait! Wait! Absolute, absolute radio to talk about him. Wait. Absolute Radio.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You two all right? Yeah, I'm all right, thanks. You mentioned Usain Bolt, Emily Dean. You mentioned Usain Bolt. Oh, I love... You want to talk about him finding sorry the hardest word. Let's just say that while the

cockerel's been away the bolt's been playing i well he's been running hasn't he's done well i think you might go so far as to call him something of a legend he has been uh he's been legendary in his partying hasn't he i'd go so far to say he's gone absolutely crazy pants i mean there's been no stopping him apparently we don't know do we we don't we don't know what goes on in that photographic evidence well there's photography he took like six women back to his hotel eight okay hang on you've got two different nights though. No, there's eight and five. Maybe he's a Topperware representative. Maybe. And he's old in parties too.

He skipped the closing ceremony. We know that much. Did he? Yes. He decided... That's not a euphemism, is it? No. Okay. And then he was pictured in a nightclub. Oh, he never said thank you. Yeah, he just ran out. I bet he was there at the opening ceremony. Thank you. Yeah, he just ran out.

I bet he was there at the opening ceremony. The closing ceremony, or as I like to call it, aftercare. I'll call you, is what the closing ceremony is. No, he was photographed in the Olympic accommodation with a lady called J.D. Duarte. in the Olympic accommodation with a lady called J.D. Duarte. And what I liked about this was that she uploaded some selfies of them onto her Instagram. I'm looking at the young people for confirmation. And what was interesting was that you could see the Olympic accommodation.

She was on a single bed with the Olympic duvet and the Angle Boys lamp over her so he could was she the one who was the gangster's mole drugs kingpin girlfriend i mean i love that now that's the word i love kingpin yeah that is you don't hear that enough and she went out with a drugs kingpin oh marvelous but balty he knows how to make a quick getaway. That is true. It's not going to be a problem. No, I've heard that.

But he might just like the company of women. We don't know what goes on in his hotel room, do we? Monopoly. Oh, for goodness sake. Do you think that was what happened? He went back and he was like, this is too many for backgowns. Come on. Do you know what he...

Frank sounds like one of his representatives who said he's a talkative and lively man and that's what people do sometimes. He certainly is. Just invite people back if the party is finished. He twerked, didn't he? Yes. Did he?

He did. He twerked with a young woman. You know that one? That was a sort of two-person conga. He did one he twerked with a young woman. You know that one, that was a sort of two-person conga. He did one of those. I wonder if she got bowled up right. Good point. J.D. Duarte, the girlfriend of the drugs kingpin,

who I believe is no longer with us. Oh, really? The drugs kingpin. I thought with his family. Yes. Well, they are, we're talking about her. But J.D. Du duarte she exclaimed and you're right we should say claimed frank because we don't know what went on however according to

her she says she didn't recognize him at first whatever yeah okay could have happened i suppose okay she didn't i didn't even know he played football. Yeah, exactly. I couldn't believe it. He was a footballer. Anyway, she said she didn't know. So what he did to prove who he was, his identity, as a form of ID, he apparently lifted up his shirt and showed his eight-pack. Well, that doesn't prove his identity, does it? No, and then he did the lightning bolt.

Oh, OK. I mean, that's as good as a fingerprint, isn't it? If you can stand like that... I mean, that's as good as a fingerprint, isn't it? If you can stand like that, like, I mean, that is definitely him. I like how indiscreet he is on the seduction front. He's extremely indiscreet. He just tells the lightning bolt. No, but at least he's up front, isn't he, about why they're going to be with...

Although, to be honest, he's a handsome man in great shape. Yes. And as I say, I wouldn't say he's a laugh a minute, but he's a smile. Yeah, but what about when she had to get the bus back to the Olympic Village with him? Did she? He didn't even stump up for a driver.

Yeah, she needs an Uber or a taxi. No, that's all right. And one of the women standing outside the hotel room also doing the lightning bolt. Now, that is someone who's seen him do it and thought, I'm having that. Yeah. But that was the worst thing. It's like, if you had a one, I mean, I'm sure this

wouldn't happen, but if you had a one night stand with Bernie Clifton, don't be photographed leaving the hotel room on an ostrich. You know, that's his thing. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

He gave 100 euros for the taxi. Who did? Usain Bolt. That's a lot, isn't it? Seems generous, doesn't it? Lovely. Thought it would turn up for the books, that one. In London?

No, in Rio. Oh. He gave a euro? Yeah. To spend on the taxi? Well, I don't know, that's what apparently... I mean, I'm no currency trader, but... Well, that's what he had on him. You're not a currency trader?

I'm not a currency trader. Oh, I thought you... Just providing some doubt. I thought you smelt of the bureau. I thought that was nice, though. The taxi's a nice touch. Bit of aftercare. Oh, that was nice, though. The taxi's a nice touch. Bit of aftercare. Oh, that is nice.

They tend to keep quiet when you do that. I mean, I don't think he comes out of this badly, does he? I don't. We don't know when I'm in the... You're not his girlfriend, are you? So, like, he's got a girlfriend. Well, yeah, actually, I am his girlfriend. Oh, I'm sorry.

I am on sea voyages. Cassie Bennet. Just that's our arrangement. On sea voyages. Yeah, on long sea voyages. I'm Bennet? Just splats our arrangement. On sea voyages? Yeah, on long sea voyages. I'm what they call his sea wife. In a way, we're all his girlfriends. He's got a lot of love to give.

Would you have, if you'd met him and he'd said, do you want to come back for a party, would you have gone? Well, as we all know, I think, regular readers will know, I was given a similar proposition by Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah. So it's not the first sportsman-related proposition. But I don't think you were doing the radio show then, were you? No. What does that mean?

Well, I think you're suggesting there's some sort of currency. I'd like to think for the benefit of the radio show. Yeah. If a certain balt said, well, you want to come back to my hotel, you'd have gone just for material. Yeah. Of course I would have. I would have recorded the entire thing for your special podcast. I'd have gone. you'd have gone just for material yeah of course i would have recorded for your special podcast i'd have gone i would have gone i think when a behavior's on that scale i'm gonna go look behavior because we don't know if he's cheated i think it's almost okay because it's so hilarious yeah i mean it's an epidemic it's not like a sleazy little you know

or one night here underhand it's great they it's not underhand. No, it's not underhand. That's what I like about him. They're all photographed. He's completely upfront about it. He's fine. Yes. I mean, the only way he could lie his way out of this is to say it's a lookalike. It's a Usain Bolt lookalike with an Olympic bedspread.

Well, the girlfriend hasn't said much, Cassie Bennett. I know all the players in this. Yeah. She said... She liked a tweet or an Instagram post which said, when you girl is Selfridges and you cheat with Primark. But we all cheat with

Primark now and again. I don't mean in this way, I mean literally. I bought a t-shirt, a blue t-shirt with chilling on it. And I thought, it's from Primark, it'll fall apart. I'm wearing it three years later. And I thought it wouldn't last. So, you know, I thought, it's from Primark, it'll fall apart. I'm wearing it three years later. And I thought it wouldn't last. So, you know, I mean, it's a bit like playing roulette.

Occasionally you lift something out of Primark, which is durable stuff. And who knew it was a keeper? I love that T-shirt. Yes! It's a goodie. A chilling T-shirt. And that can be the case, you know. You're on the road and these women are coming and going

and then suddenly there's a little spark lovely so who knows where um who's saying we'll find love you saying even where do you call him you Usain what's the same thing it's the same thing anyway I'd take a picture if I went to a hotel with him would you? yeah I'd make sure I'd shot my bolt

so anyway that's enough of that thank you so much for listening by the way if there's anyone still out there after the thing and think section. And if the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out.

The Frank Skinner Show on Absolute Radio. Back Saturday morning from 8. Tune in live for the full Frank experience. Absolute Radio.