The Frank Skinner Show - The Silver Foil

Episode Date: September 26, 2020

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week the team discuss their favourite inventors, the Hollywood bid for Wrexham AFC and the houses that Aleister Crowley used to live at. Come on!

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show at 81215, that makes it interactive and vibrant. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the radio, that does likewise. And email the show via the Absolute Radio website, free. So, Morgan. Good morning. That bit was for my crowd, wasn't it? Well, I like to bring

everyone in. I have long arms. And they form a beautiful embrace. I find. Oh, we'll be seeing the Gareth Bale heart again soon, won't we? Oh, yeah. You know, he tried to, you know when you hold up your finger and thumb and make a heart?

Painting the picture for the radio audience. Lovely. I'm painting it, but he tried to patent it. Did you know that? I've heard that. He actually tried to patent that thing. I think he failed. You know those surprising things when Elvis, the word Elvis

got copyrighted. Did it? Is that right? Yeah. I think also the only something is something. You know, like the only way is Essex. I think that construct got paid. Was that to do with Brian? It's a construct. Well, Brian Bellow,

there was something. Do you remember him? Brian Bellow, I've worked with him. Yes. You've worked with them all. Who came, who had something to do with the original Only Way is I've worked with him. Yes. You've worked with them all. Who came... Who had something to do with the original Only Words Essex, I believe. Yes. You know my Brian Bellow story? Do you know that?

No. Can you tell us it loudly? I'm so envious of you being able to even say that sentence. I did a show with Brian Bellow and we had to... You know that game where you have to communicate something that's on your card to your partner but you can't say any word that's on the card? Yeah. It was British icons was the theme.

And he got his card and he started dancing quite provocatively. And I was thinking, God, who's that? It clearly wasn't Morris dancing. And I was, you know, Teddy Carr and Pearl Johnson. It was obscure, I guess. And then he played like a little guitar and I was, really? And he started sweating and he was dancing more and more. And I gave up.

I just couldn't get it, which I hate not getting in a game. And he said, oh, well, it was Hawaii. And I said, what Hawaii? Whoa, what way is that as a British? And then the producer come in and said, no, no, no, went over to him and it was the Haywain. And he'd misread it, the constable painting. So it was a confusing thing, but I did, I like him.

And I think, yeah, he said he invented. The only way is Essex. I had to give him, I think, a million quid for his idea. Good on him. Wow. Not bad. Good on him. And I think, yeah, he said he invented... The only way is Essex. I had to give him, I think, a million quid for his idea. Good on him. Wow. Not bad. Good on him. Nice little holiday in Suffolk.

I've always... Yeah. He thought it was Hawaii, but it got mixed up. I've always got jealous of people that have, like, big lucrative ideas, because my ideas are all very small. My ideas are more like, should we get takeaway tonight? like should we get takeaway tonight that's a good idea well I'm an ideas man but they're all at this level one thing one object I love that love velcro or something right that's great.

You know, I had an idea. You know, we'll get 200 texts now saying Velcro was NASA or something. I know. Or like Hans Rausing. Thank you. Bless you. And the flap on the milk carton, the modern milk carton. Well, I hate that.

Well, take it up with the Rausing family. Because I find when you pull it out... Tetra Pak, that's it. You know, when you pull it into a lip, I find often it doesn't completely separate and you get an unsatisfactory tear on the lip. I hate that. Whereas the silver foil on top of the old school milk bottle

was very satisfying to stick the thumb into. The silver foil? You know, the top of an old... The bottle top, milk bottle top. Oh, they meant David Taylor, the old snooker player. Oh, that was the thumb into. The silver foil. You know, the top of an old... The bottle top. Oh, they meant David Taylor, the old snooker player. Oh, that was the silver fox. The silver foil.

That would be like a veteran fencer known as the silver foil. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Can I say, you know, at the end of the... Let's not get nostalgic about the last link. Don't worry, I wasn't. At the end of it, I did a fabulous piece of wordplay

in which I suggested that a veteran fencer would be known as the silver foil. And then I... What you do is you punctuate on your own radio. You get the gag and then you hit the music. It's all done beautifully. It makes life feel smooth. And then I hit the music and Alan said,

that was an example of rapier wit. And I felt I'd hurt him in some way. But you hadn't? Not deliberately, obviously. But, you know, if I run someone over it's probably an accident but I still feel terrible I like the probably there just as an element of doubt

just so you know most people would have said that sentence without inserting the caveat of probably full disclosure I sometimes run people over on purpose normally I can imagine a situation where one would run someone over on purpose let's not dwell no let's not let's not list should we have that 12 15. people who've

run someone over on purpose oh gosh i get what you mean you felt uh there was a bit of regret. Well, I just, I'm very, I like comedy. I'm a comedy fan as well as a comedian. You're not on a date. It's a strange man. I like the fall and I like comedy. What do you like? I like curling up in front with a bottle of red wine. Oh, no, I don't like that.

No, but that's what they say, isn't it? A box set. I like a box set. What about in the old days? I've not done any dating for a long, but that's what they say, isn't it? A box set. I like a box set. What about in the old days? I've not done any dating for a long time. Is that what they say? You see, what about in the old days when the hobbies were very straightforward, Frank?

Reading, writing letters. The trouble is I used to like... Writing letters? I used to like curl it up in front of a wheelie bin with a bottle of red wine. It's a very different lifestyle. Writing letters. All those things interests at the end of a job application.

Walking. Film. Yeah. Well they said films in those days. If they said film obviously you thought they were off themselves. Yeah. Well Frank if it's any consolation thank you for bringing up my joke that I did off air.

And to be honest I'm fine with not having got it on in the last link, because I think I should have thought of it quicker and said it quicker. Well, I know. Live by the comedy sword, die by the comedy sword. If you'd have gone, just wave your hand at me if you feel one bubbling under. OK.

And I'll delay the music long enough. You're complicating the strategy. The trouble is, I was watching, I'll tell you this in a minute, but you know the idea about the courage it takes to do a gag in like a gag like get a load of this in company. I had a very fine example of it the other night. Friendship on Absolute Radio. So we were on about, because Al just did a tremendous joke

at the rapier pond that he did earlier, and I quashed it accidentally. Touché, Al. And I think if I said to Al, when he told it me, I said, why don't I fade down the music and you can do it then? But that is such a frame, it's a gold frame you'll put in there. And if you feel it hasn't gone well, that's it. And there are times when you deliver a gag

and it really needs, it needs to go well. And I was watching a documentary about Nora Ephron. Yes. I heard her write. Big fan of hers. One of the things she wrote was when Harry met Sally. And she said, you know, and do you know the bit that everyone remembers from that movie?

I didn't write. And, of course, the bit everyone remembers is Meg Ryan getting excited in the restaurant. Lovely euphemism, thank you. It was, yeah. I tried it once and was thrown out. But anyway, so she does this performance and that was totally Meg Ryan's suggestion.

Meg Ryan in the read-through. Well, it would allude to it as the I'll have what she's having seen. Well, that is what we're getting to. Oh, sorry. No, it's fine. Pre-interview. So she did in the rehearsal room, she said, well, what about this?

And she did it. And they all not just laughed, but at the end they applauded. And she said, and then Billy Crystal Billy Crystal said yeah and then you can cut to a woman on an adjoining table saying

I'll have what she's having and I thought that takes guts a woman does that gets applause at the read through and then you do a topper what if that

and then and him going and then the woman at the table says wait for it wait for it I'll have what she's having and they all go...

Oh, man. The thought of it. So, well played, Billy Crystal, for your courage. Oh. In keeping with our late review element of this show. The courage of the male stand-off. Well, if anyone to be able to try and follow that I mean wow

it's true wow we've had some outside world correspondence you were talking about

well you mentioned can I just stop you there for a second have you ever been to the southern states of America I have you know

what I love there is if you thank someone like a white or a white or whatever, you know, in Italy, if you say

grazie, they go prego. They always do that thing. Hopefully not with as much contempt in their voice as that. Do you like the Italian language being referred to

as that thing? Yeah. Prego. No, it's just a bit of wind. But in the southern... Here, I suppose you'd say thank you. Well, you'd be lucky if you got anything back here, but you might get...

You're welcome. In the southern states of America, when you've ordered your biscuits and gravy and maybe some grits, and you say thank you, they go... Mm-hmmits. And you say, thank you. They go, mm-hmm. And I really like it. Yes.

I'm going to start using it, I think. Frank, you were talking, you mentioned earlier inventors. Yes. And I can't remember what it was in relation to now. I think we were just saying how great to invent one item that makes you. And then live off it. And then I mentioned Tetra Pak and Alan got very excited. Daydreamer has got in touch to say,

my go-to inventor in conversation is Percy Shaw. Inventor of cat's eye road markers. Oh, very good stuff. Great work, DD. That used to be one of the things that was cited as an invention. And you'd get an interview with Percy Shaw and he'd be in a shed. And just behind him, there'd be like a thing with like a bugle fitted to it, which is obviously an invention that hadn't worked out, but it's not referred to.

And you think, oh, I wonder what that is. But yeah, the cat's eyes. It was sort of the eccentric inventor I always saw. I mean, I knew very little about him, but now Dyson was briefly in that chair. And I don't, I think it's currently position vacant. Frank, just saying. Yeah, well, we'll see what I do. I've got my, you know,

my bath plug invention. You're alright, thanks. Stick around, I'll let you in on this one. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Yeah, so, what was, oh yeah, my invention. I must have told you my invention before. The idea

is like a foot, not a football, but a ball, a blown up ball. Oh yeah. On the end of a short chain, a chain of your length, you decide the length, and on the other end is a bath plug, which means the bath could never overflow. Because it would get to the point where the ball floating on the top of the water would pull the plug out. So if the water got too deep and the chain was fully extended, it would pull the plug out. What do you think? Not impressed, Al?

I'm surprised that hasn't gone to market, if it would work. Have you tested it in any way? I'm not surprised. Alpha or beta tested it in any way? I don't know what that means. What, have beta tested it in any way uh i i don't know what that means what have i tested it in greece yeah one of those places where the water goes down a different direction um no i haven't tested it but it seems surely it's all the logics there just you know this i i've only done it like twice in my life, but that moment when you realise you've left the bath on

and you go into the bathroom and it's literally... Oh, yeah. I think it happens in the first Paddington story. Yes. It's a horrible feeling, especially if you're in a flat... A well-known documentary movie. That's where you get all your scientific data.

Yeah, exactly. Ladies and gentlemen, I like you doing one of those Christmas speeches they always do at the Royal Scientific Society. Yeah. Beginning with... People in tweed. And you kick off with the Paddington film.

In films, whenever people do one of those speeches at the National Geographic Society, and then the experts geographic society and and then like the experts start shoving and smirking and laughing at that person oh yeah it happens they're a horrible crowd we've had an enjoyable text horrible crap go on yeah 644 has texted following up on your running people over comment you were mooting the idea that you might possibly run something i'm not writing off i could imagine a situation where I would deliberately run someone over. So it was, you know, this isn't coming unprovoked, this story.

It's just coming in. Following up on your running people over comment, I was run over by the road safety officer of Middlesbrough on my way to secondary school. Wow. She gave me her business card in case I was hurt and I kept it for years as my claim to fame. Irony.

That is one business card I would not for years as my claim to fame. Irony! That is one business card I would not have handed over. Yes. Wow. Physician heal thyself. That's what I say. We've also heard from James. Hi Frank and the gang. Whatever happened to Mensa?

The high IQ society. I'm sure they still get a mention now and again. Ikea who brings it up Carol Vorderman Well James continues to me the very notion of having an IQ seems to be a very turn of the millennium era phenomenon

there were also some great nominees for people who sat in the High IQ chair Frank you've just mentioned Vorders James mentions both Madonna and Marilyn Manson. None to mind. Dolph Lundgren. Madonna. Dolph Lundgren.

People used to talk about Dolph Lundgren. You know, he's a big martial artist guy, but he's also a brain box. Oh, I know. I only worked out recently what his actual name was. Oh? Who? Dolph Lundgren.

What is he? His birth name. It's short for...? Who? Adolf Lundgren. What is he? His birth name. It's short for... Dolphin? Adolf. Oh! Oh dear. You want to be short for Dolphin. You really want to be short for Dolphin. I mean it's no wonder he shortened it. That's all I'm saying.

You want to be... If you've got the choice, that's where you want to go with that. Oh my goodness gracious. Adolf Lundgren would have got nowhere, would he? Nowhere. We've had a text that I think

might be controversial that I found on my Friday night troll. Producer's just tensed up a bit. Not that controversial. Although she might think it's controversial. We'll see. Dear Frank et al, regarding Frank's adoption of coolsdon as a word meaning cool,

which you did last week. Yeah, and the week before I think all right it's really taking off yeah I've done it four times my friends and I have for a long time we've been referring to anything we dislike as Grimsby obvious reasons feel free to add this to your geography based vocabulary praise redacted and I wonder how the people of Grimsby feel about it. That's my problem. You see, I imagine the people of Coulsdon

are dancing in the streets to be associated with cool. You keep imagining that. Yeah, I bet they're thrilled. Yeah. With their Coulsdon postcodes dancing in the streets. Dancing in the street. I got a text from one of the senior puppet masters at Absolute Radio. Oh, did you?

This week. Did you? Our Absolute Radio overlords. That's the way to do it. Yeah, from Paul Sylvester who's one of the big cheeses and he was saying to me that he was with his partner and they had to take their shoes and socks off

for some reason and one of them referred to Zola Bod and he said I think she's still in the bare feet chair. You know, we have the idea of the chair that people go to, the beautiful woman chair, the handsome bloke chair, the drunken chair. And I said, God, I remember when Sandy Shaw was in that. Right, I don't know.

You see, my era would have been Bjork, I think she invented the cat's eyes. Bjork. Bjork? Bjork? Bjork? Oh, Beck? Is she a barefoot machine? I associated her a bit. I'm disappointed in you, Em. I hoped yours would be the pianist on the beach. That guy, the classical pianist,

who was found washed up in a suit, but no shoes and stuff. With a full, crumpled dinner suit. And then I'm afraid he turned out to be fraudulent. Oh, did he? Yeah, that is a shame. Sadly, yeah. That's a shame.

What about the people who have, something happens to their, they have some sort of oxygen to the brain stops, and then they start speaking a foreign language. Yeah. That's, I mean... Or like a Cornish accent or something. That's one of those fabulous things.

George Ordey happens quite regularly. Yeah, I love a recurring story in the press. You get one of those every maybe eight, nine... Yeah. Local news. On local news, I watch local news just every weekday as a kid. I never questioned that you just watch local news. And I'd say once a year there would be coverage of a gurning contest.

You know those things where people have to pull big faces looking through a horse collar? It's a really weird, obscure thing. But I've always got, oh, the gurning! Is the gurning? is the gurning. Yeah. Oh, man. Do people still gurn? 8, 12, 15.

Can you think of a recurring theme that crops up regularly on local news? I'd love to hear that. 8, 12, 15. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text us, I don't know if you heard that, on 81215, and then you are part of the show. It's an interactive, shared, you know, we lose that sort of us and them thing.

Do that. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio if you're more cyber world minded and email the show via the Absolute Radio website please just for the avoidance of doubt

I like please I felt you needed another word and I couldn't come up with one please, please I'll always fall back on politeness for the avoidance of doubt, I don't want to entirely lose the concept of us and them. I'd still like... I'm fine with the lines being a bit blurred

when people chip in. Okay. It's good, but, you know... Well, I'll do... I'm not sharing the cheque, is all I'm saying. Later in the link, I'll try and re-establish it. Okay. Some sort of velvet rope-based comment.

Yeah. This... Some intel here, Frank. Eddie from Coulsdon. One sort of velvet rope based comment. This, some intel here, Frank, Eddie from Coulsdon, one of your lot. Very good. One of your gang.

I've just checked, no sign of street dancing yet. Oh, well, it's early. Early, Eddie. As Eddie points out, we all get up late here

after partying all night. I'll let you know. Of course, Coulsdon. Oh, man. Frank, you'll get a, I'll let you know. Of course, Colston! Oh, man. Frank, do you think you'll get a hero's welcome if you drive through Colston? No.

No. In a word, I don't think they'd know who I was with this hairstyle. My hair is, as you know, as I've said before, it looks very like the uh the hair of the 19th century illustrator aubrey beardsley and um and emily very kindly today arrived arrived with styling gel as a gift you know that if that isn't a hint i don't know what is that's like giving someone deodorant as a Christmas present. Honestly, I was genuinely sent some goodies

and I just, you popped into my head. I fear that if I don't use the gel in two weeks' time, Emily will say, oh, I got you this. It'll be a balaclava. I think she'd probably go with another gel and then a balaclava. What do you probably go with another gel and then a balaclava do you think well we'll see we'll see what the process comedy rule of three just to switch the final one we've also had an email um uh overt recycling remember we talked about the upcycling

oh yeah when you can see what's been recycled in the new item, yes. Yes. I've been binge listening to your podcasts. I got a bit behind, so apologies. On your podcast, Frank asks for examples of overt recycling. I have one you may not believe. My mum's partner is very tight when it comes to money. Glass houses. A few years ago, on a visit, I noticed they had some new lampshades

on their dining room wall lights. They looked vaguely familiar and then it dawned on me that they bore a striking resemblance to the plastic trifle bowls that supermarket trifles come in. Guess what? They were.

I honestly don't know whether to be appalled at the stinginess or impressed by the inventiveness. They are still there to this day. On the subject of wedding dresses, oh, I can't actually see that bit. Anyway, they also asked, this is the bit that I'm interested in,

P.S. is Alistair Crowley, former owner of Brian May's house, the same Mr Crowley that Ozzy Osbourne sings about? Well, I think Alistair Crowley was an occultist. Oh, was he? And some feel a devil worshipper, but I don't know if that's been established. Apparently he used to have his Christmas tree upside down in the house, pointing down there

rather than up. Oh. Is it not Jimmy Page that... Well, I think a few rock stars have bought his houses because of that. There used to be a whole, you know, if there's a hustle in your hedgerow... They were all into that kind of stuff. I thought the Alistair Crowley house

was the Jimmy Page, Robbie Williams. Was it that one? I believe so. He probably had to move a lot. You can imagine the neighbours. Crowley? There's no relation to Gary Crowley, was he? Big pile of

headless chickens in the garden. They probably got fed up with that. Hoof marks on the lawn. Yeah. Oh no. Alistair, look mate. Live and let live. We've had some property confirmation through from Greg on 038. Not for any of our personal portfolios in some cases,

but Jimmy Page owned Crowley's Scottish Retreat, Bowlskin House. What's it called? Moleskin? Boleskin. I think Moleskin, but with a B. Oh, I wonder what... That's probably some dark reference or something. So I believe we were correct

in assuming it was Paige, not May. Tower House in Holland Park, where he had the issue with Williams, was owned by Richard Harris. Oh. You see, I... Always pre-loved the Celebrity House. Jimmy Page seems right in the home of some

devil worshipper guy, whereas Brian May doesn't. Brian May protects, you know... Badgers. Badgers. He likes badgers. He's got his clogs. He's got Anita Dobson. He's happy. He just got his clogs. He's got a neat adobson. He's happy.

I think his buttocks have healed. Didn't he tear his... Oh, yeah, he tore both his buttocks. He tore both his buttocks. Gardening. Ouchy. That was a horrible... A whole excuse.

223 has said, I think Eddie must reside in Old Coulsdon. We're dancing lower down the hill. Oh, here you go. Hero's Welcome would certainly be on the cards in either locale. Fabulous. I'm enjoying an orange twirl. I'm not dancing with Ryland Clark.

I've been given... Emily brought in these. I didn't know there was an orange version. This was quite a bit of a cult thing, do you remember? Of taking already extant chocolate bars and then oranging them up. Yes. Do you know, I saw them in the petrol station

and I thought, I think my colleagues would like those. Did you? I felt like Daddy Warbucks. I really did. I said, I'll have five, please. Five? I said, five. Well, money to burn.

I'll tell you what. Do you remember when Boris Becker had a liaison in a broom cupboard in a London restaurant? Yes. I do. I believe it was Nobu. No, boo. If instead of Boris Becker and the lady in question, it had been a Terry's chocolate orange and a flake, this would have been the child. I see, yeah.

Yeah. I think that the child was orange. Wasn't that the problem? The child was orange, which kind of gave the game away. By the way, we were talking about, was it lights that were trifle cases? Yes. I remember when I bought my first ever flat, I went into a B&Q in Wolverhampton to get some things,

and they had some of those lights, you know those lights, ceiling lights with like a sort of things you know things for a new house did you have that on your shopping list you know when you move into a place you need things that you didn't have before and they had those lights that have like they're in a cage you know those lights that you get on ceilings that have like, they're in a cage. You know those lights that you get on ceilings? Oh, exactly.

And I bought, I thought I loved that. I said, I want to put those in the flat. So I bought four. I had them in my trolley like you do at B&Q. And the guy looked at them and I said, I was talking to the person I was with, I said, I can have two in the living room, two in the bedroom.

And he said, them for a garage. I said, I can have two in the living room, two in the bedroom. And he said, them for a garage. I said, I know, but I thought they'd work well in this flat. And he said, them for a garage. I mean, completely. I mean, this far and no further. He let me purchase them, I really, I really felt a sense of having done something wrong. If you're listening, mate, they look lovely.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've, sorry, we've been sitting, I haven't really been joining in because I haven't seen the documentary, but we're forming a sort of a doc club where we say you've got to watch that documentary about blah blah. And Emily's contribution this week is a Lance Armstrong documentary.

Lance, yeah. Lance or Lance. Lance. Sorry. No, no, you pay us your money. And during it, I was thinking, I've had some contact about writing a further memoir. Oh, yeah? I'm not sure about that.

No, why not? Because I'm worried about multi-memoir. I don't know if you've ever read The Life and Opinions of Tristram Sheldon. Lauren Stern, I have. But in that, he says, I've decided on what I'm going to do is write two volumes every year

and just keep bringing out my memoirs and live off that. And I thought that was a ridiculous joke in the 18th century. But anyway, you were talking about Lance Armstrong and I thought if I bring out another one, you were talking about Lance Armstrong. And I thought, if I bring out another one, you know, it's about my life, my mind, whatever a biography, autobiography is about.

I could call it Tour de Francis. What do you think? Didn't go that well. So that's how it could have gone for Billy Crystal. And that's what courage is all about. Like getting it out there. Phew. Well, I'd be very happy if you would dip your toe in the water again, because I very much enjoyed your poetry book,

and what I thought is I've missed your writing. Thank you, good day. I do like a bit of prose. Yeah? You like a bit of praise. I'll tell you that. Not read out on air, though. Frank, you were talking...

Oh, sorry. We were discussing Emily's... Hey, come on, come on. Emily's gift of some orange twirl bars for the whole... When my mum says twirl, because she's Glaswegian, she puts an extra vowel in it, so it becomes twirl. Twirl, yeah. That's nice, isn't it?

Oh, yes, that's like Richard Madden of Bodyguard fame. I'm going to name drop. Prepare, everyone. Gather ye hoovers while ye may. He said to me once, do you like a curly whirly? Wowie. What about you having confectionery chat with film stars?

I thought he'd spotted one on the duvet. Aye. And after he'd said that, did he then look into the distance for about two minutes with a lot of intense music playing? My name is David Budd. I can't imagine having a sort of light-hearted chat with him. It feels like a man whose intensity could make him explode at any moment.

Madden has an extraordinary sense of humour, I find. Does he? Extraordinary. But does he then look away and go... With him still looking. Oh, man. Anyway, we've had a recommendation from 341 has texted. Hello, this is Mark from Plymouth. Shout out to Plymouth. Hi, Frank and the team.

You should go into the pound shop because they have lemon Turkish delight. It sounds wrong, but just yes. No, no, it doesn't sound wrong. Let me just write this down. You should go into the pound shop. Just leave that with me. Yeah, there's a lot to take in for you there, isn't there? I was thrown by the lemon Turkish delight,

but Emily, it's the pound shop. No, I love my favourite. For me, the queen of the desserts is the lemon meringue. What? A lemon meringue? And it sounds like a lemon meringue a sort of lemon meringue spin-off. It's just usually

I hear the queen of the desert not the queen of the desserts. So lemon meringue Turkish delight is like George and Mildred, what's the matter about the house. So, Leve-Morak Turkish Delight is like George and Mildred, what's the man about the house? You know what I mean? I'm going to try that.

Do you like Sarah Lee? Do I like? Sarah Lee. Legato. What, those little, oh, I thought you meant those little triangular cheeses. Sarah Lee. I've never heard of that.

No laughing cow Oh no I remember there was a story in I think the Son newspaper When someone saw Elvis' face in a piece of cake And the headline was in the gatto Frank you've been asking people. You haven't been asking, but people have been sending in their favourite inventors.

Oh, yeah. On Twitter. Annabelle Grant has said, Prof Pat Pending in Wacky Races. Oh, yeah. What a great name as well, Pat Pending. That's good. I mean, I like that.

He was a big... Faber stuff. I would say he was a man... Faber stuff! He was big on telescopics. Oh, yeah. Pat Pending. He had lots of...

The wheels would go into big, long legs. I think he sold a lot of that stuff to Inspector Gadget. Oh, maybe he did. Yeah, there was similarities. Do you think pending was ripped off? No, I don't think so. Surely he would have covered his rights with a name like that. OK.

We have had some others, but Joseph Shivers, inventor of Lycra. Oh, I don't... Is that a joke? Well, this is what I was waiting... I don't that's not a joke well this is what i was waiting i i i spent several minutes thinking about the permutations the lewd permutations and i couldn't come up with any so it might be genuine of course my favorite inventor is william uh wilfred make peace lon he used to be like a tv inventor who would like an eccentric um used to have like one lens of his sunglasses was red and the other one blue and he had a wax mustache and a straw bow tie what's my line or call my bluff i think he did um he did that sort of seven o'clock

sort of this is fun type television i liked him i think he did genuine i'd love to know if anyone knows a real actual invention that wilfred make peace lon you know if we found out that he invented i don't know the biro something that would make me very happy i was once comparing at the comedy store and there was a gentleman on the front row with, you know those sort of moustaches that twiddle up? Oh, yeah. And, like, out, flamboyant clothing. And as I was chatting to him, I realised he had a watch on each wrist. And I went, have you got a watch on each wrist? And he went, I like watches.

And I thought, can't argue with that. Fair enough. That's a great answer. He could have been a football referee as well. There used to be a story I knew a West Brom player I knew I met him a few times called Johnny on the spot

Nicholls oh yeah oh it was a handy birth name yeah the middle of it was a nickname okay but I always

used to call him Johnny on the spot I met him about three times and he told a story there was a referee a one armedarmed referee, because this was quite near to the World War II.

Right. That was not like an unusual thing. And he was a one-armed referee. And he used to have his watch on the very short, you know, what was remaining of the arm that he'd lost in the war. And Johnny on the spot said to her, how long to go, ref? And he said he had to really struggle to read this,

the watch on the remains of his arm. And Johnny on the spot said, why don't you wear it on the other arm? He said, I can't wind it up. Makes so much sense, doesn't it? We've just had a text in. It's an odd text in that we're running now. Houses that Alistair Crowley

used to own. I don't know who Alistair Crowley is, really. I'll tell you what worries me about her. I think Bush and Richie did the same texting last week. Anyway, 653 has said to Frank, Alistair Crowley also had a house in Cefaloo, Sicily, which is now condemned.

I returned from Sicily last week and no luck in seeing it. Also, an iconic picture of Bowie as an Egyptian was inspired by Crowley. And that's from Paul in Bath. Did he come from money, Crowley? Because he's got all these

houses. I'm telling you, he was a celebrity diabolist. He was. He was sort of... I don't mean he did the diabolo. He had circus skills. Yes. Six, five, three ads.

To add, Mussolini expelled him for satanic practices. A bit rich. Well, everyone's got a ceiling. Too far now. You've gone too far now. Imagine getting that from Mussolini. What are you, some sort of extremist? I have a feeling Al Crowley.

You know how you like to call Cristiano Ronaldo Chris? Don't mention it, but same initials as someone not too far away. Al Cochran. The AC. The AC, yeah. The OG AC, the original AC. I think he was quite posh. I have a feeling, which interests me because I often see your devil worshipper as, I wouldn't describe them as posh normally.

Dye black hair and piercings. Yeah, that could be right. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know that I know any, but I mean, we might all know one, of course. A devil worshipper? Yeah, we might do that. They're quite open these days, aren't they?

Devil worshippers? Maybe, I don't know. Obviously, they wouldn't be around our house. Or if they was, it's only in groups of six. It's the eyebrows. The eyebrows? They have very high plucked eyebrows, I find. What's the eyebrows. The eyebrows? They have very high-plucked eyebrows, I find. What, the men as well?

The men, yeah. You're thinking of The Only Way is Essex again now. The Only Way is Hades. Because you couldn't say that because the construct has been patented, of course. It would be great if Alistair Crowley had had a TV show called

The Only Way Is A Hades oh man I'd have watched that round the horn 722 has responded as far as I can tell the only one

to respond to this text in that you started running hello Frank and team on the topic of recurring local news stories oh yes

border news covers the murmuration of starlings at Gretna every year since before I can remember. What is a murmuration? I'd like to know what a murmuration of starlings is, please. Is that the collective noun or is it something that they do? I guess it's their arrival. Is it a verb of some sort?

I don't want to find out that murmurate is something disgusting that they do and Ibanded on breakfast. Or something sad. Oh, do you think? I think it's probably something good. It sounds... Self-harm related. No, murmurate. It sounds something. It's got murmur in it. It sounds something done not with

great gusto by the Starlings. It'd be good if we were to now play Elbow Starling, but I don't think we are going to, are we? That'd be... We can't do requests on this show. Absolute Radio are very clear about that rule. Oh, that would be good if we were to now play Elbow Starling, but I don't think we are going to, are we? We can't do requests on this show. Absolute Radio are very clear about that rule. Oh, that would be, yeah. And I don't think we've got anything with Murmurite in it. Regulate.

Regulate Warren G. That's the best we can do. But that's it with Murmurite. You either love it or you hate it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 8-12-15. A lot of people have to.

I've got to say, you've been on top form today, guys. I love it. Guys, it's like a team talk. Is this half-time or something? I'll sub a sec, because I'm breaking down the us and them again. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. I'm very proud of our readership.

I just think we've got some smart, funny people, OK? Well, we've actually had some information. We all seem to get it right. We need to convey this before 100 more people send us a version of it. We asked what a murmuration... The bosses of Absolute are going, no, no, it's £50 a tape. Let's hold it to the next link.

We didn't know what a murmuration of Starlings was. Do you remember a couple of weeks ago, somebody called us townies? We're such townies. You get Starlings in townies. Here's further evidence that we don't know the animal kingdom. Why were we called townies? I think it's because we didn't know how an animal corpse was dispersed off Bagley.

Oh, yeah, yeah. A murmuration is something fascinating, says 393. It's the way that a flock of starlings swoops and turns in the sky. Oh, lovely. Yeah, that sort of tea leaves thing that starlings do. Cheers. Long-time reader, first-time commentator. Congratulations, Kitty.

It's a good start. I've watched it many times over the West Pier at Brighton. You get them swirling like tea leaves in the sky. It's a beautiful thing. I love the way you said that. You sounded... Poetic. Well, I mean, it's very apt,

being the poetry czar, the nation's current poetry czar. I call him the poetry czar. What about my son? You said, I've watched them many times, Frank, and I loved it. It was very Kubla Khan. My son, who's eight,

said to me on Sunday night when I put him to bed, he said, I've got to go to school again tomorrow morning. And I said, oh, no, but that's life, you know. He said, the weekend goes so quickly. It's like when you put a sheet of paper in a fire. And I thought, poetry everywhere. Everywhere?

Everywhere. I don't like the idea of a poetry czar, though. I mean, we're living in dystopian times as it is but anyway can I say at this point now that it's cropped up

I have tremendous news for the nation oh yeah oh no they all think I've had a vaccine news flash no Frank Skinner how to enjoy poetry 2

no but Frank Skinner's poetry podcast series 2 is available from this Monday the 28th. Oh, excellent. I got the trailer through.

I'm on it. I'm on it, dear. Oh, are you? Oh, yes, I'm on it. Splendid. I'm back. I got a poetry news update, frankly. Wow, I didn't think they existed.

That's tremendous news. So, yeah so I'm excited I'm genuinely excited about it that's good I'd like to talk to you guys about Wrexham Football Club oh

bring it down why don't you I thought it was a step up actually but I maybe I misread the room I misread the room it's been a glamorous

perhaps their most glamorous week ever I would yes I think so can we preface this by saying I it sounded so like Can we preface this by saying,

it sounded so like the plot line, this story, of a feel-good British film with national lottery funding. Another job for Toby Jones. Reesit fans as the comedy goalkeeper. Yes. Max Beasley, local reporter. And as Ryan Reynolds. Michael Sheen of course We should explain

Alan Cochran Hollywood stars Ryan Reynolds and a guy, what's his name? Hold on, you can't say Hollywood stars and the second one begins and a guy, what's his name? I don't know this other guy His name is Rob McElhaney Rob McElhaney and a guy, what's his name? I don't know this other guy. You said stars. Yeah, well, apparently there are big stars.

His name is Rob McElhaney. Yeah. Or Henny. Rob McElhaney from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which I've never seen. Me neither. No, I've never seen. I think it's something,

one thing I know about Rob McElhaney is he did that thing that actors do of putting on like four stone for a part. Did he? Yeah, Daniel Day-Lewis. I don't know if Daniel Day-Lewis has actually ever put on weight, but he's done everything else. Well, Brandon always said he didn't know. He just ate Haagen-Dazs

and then he could only get the parts that he had to be big for. Daniel Day-Lewis, what I would like to do is pretend to be a major Hollywood producer and offer Daniel Day-L I would like to do is pretend to be a major Hollywood producer and offer Daniel Day-Lewis Long John Silver and see if he's prepared to go. To go the full Armstrong, as they call it. Exactly.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were discussing Rob McElhenney. Rob McElhenney. McElhenney, let's call him. And Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds floor. Rob McElhenney. That'll be the Wrexham song now.

It will. It absolutely will. Yeah. Well, they're possibly going to invest £2 million into Wrexham Football Club. I mean, this is... This is... This is like a story that you're going to wake up from, isn't it? Yeah.

To Hollywood. A Hollywood star and a friend of his who's also in the business approach Wrexham and not even a league team. He's a bit older than that. Not even a league team, though, and says we want to put two million quid in. Yeah. How? I've never really heard a how from this story.

Well, Rob McEl... Rob McElhenney. He, he, as we're not, we don't watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, none of us, I think. No, I don't know. However, it is huge. And he's not just the star of it. He's the creator and showrunner.

So he's worth a fortune. Ryan Reynolds sold his aviation gin company for a huge amount of money. There were rumours that they have a combined worth of over £1.5 billion, someone said. Can we just say that the Aviation Gin

is capital A, it's called Aviation, it's not gin for pilots. That's just normal gin. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think they're probably, I don't know what kind of wages there are.

I think it depends what's on the optics in the cockpit. Oh, God. But why did this? I mean, it felt like a bet to me, and I mean that seriously. Oh, do you think so? Do you? If you're worth £1.2 billion, would you just think,

£2 million, you know, we can write that off as a tax thing. Yes. What shall we do? And maybe think football club and just look at a list of British football clubs and just go ping. Maybe. He's got previous Reynolds.

Has he? I'm not sure about... McCahenny. Thank you. However, Reynolds has been spotted at various European clubs. Just as a fan. I think he's a football fan.

A Socher fan. He likes soccer? Yeah. He's the Green Lantern as well. He should have bought Plymouth. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Well, Deadpool.

You see, he was the star of Deadpool, wasn't he? Which you two made me watch. Great recommendation. Really funny. Very funny. I'm swearing if there's kids watching oh um superhero superhero relax any millennials that are like really politically correct it's got jokes in it so you might not love it oh he's got you know the moment for me superhero relaxes in crocs oh yeah oh man yeah so, man. Yeah. So it's fan-owned currently, isn't it, Wrexham?

Yes. And they had to vote, is that right? What I liked is that in some places it said 95%, some places 97%, but it was overwhelmingly in favour of... You do the math. I would like to meet the 3% of people. Can you imagine what they're like, these people? I bet it was a sort of anti-Mac or anything.

Never heard of him. Sonny in Philadelphia? Never heard of it, man. Come round here, train away, Rexham. We're going to get texts saying that's a South Wales accent. I know we are. He's allowed. Is he? Is he? Just telling you what people are going to get texts saying that's a South Wales accent. I know we are. He's allowed. Is he?

Is he? Is it like... Just telling you what people are going to say. Is it like... Do you remember the famously the Americans, American very rich bloke bought London Bridge and thought he was going to get the one that opened up in the middle and London Bridge was just a bridge?

Yeah. Do you think they've got... Was it like West Ham? Yes. West Ham, a bit of a misheard. Frank, maybe they were having a Zoom call and the connection broke. No, they have been doing Zoom meetings. Well, this is the problem.

Yeah, maybe that's it. They thought they were buying West Ham. West Ham? Yeah. Or maybe they thought they bought the rights to Tom Jones' hit Sex Bob. I think R could be the worst single of all time. I mean... Well, you just got put off because he came out and you felt...

Did he come out? No, no, he came out on stage and Frank said he looked like a bear that had been tranquilised, I believe. Well, that is true. Actually, and also the only one vying for worst single of all time is You Can Keep Your Hat On, which is almost from the same breath of Tom Jones' sex. Oh, I hate that.

Two of the... I honestly phone the police to stop that being played. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Meanwhile, over in Wrexham, Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhaney... Yeah, they said that they're ready to put forward their vision at a special general meeting.

I think they might have a 2020 vision, you know, because that's what year it is. Oh, that's good, yeah. He's on fire today. The big man today the big man the big man that's me apparently but we don't

there's been nothing about what their vision I think he's body shaving me because I've bulked up during lockdown you have bulked up I know but you've bulked up in a good way

you haven't bulked up no it's lovely lovely and sort of Deadpool yeah we don't know what their vision is, though. What about, it would be great if they bought the club and just demolished it,

built a Hooters on the land. They've got no interest in it. I mean, we're all trusting them on this. That's right. I mean, what if it is, they want it in a card game, as you say, as a drunken joke. It'd be great, though, if it is a bet,

but the Wrexham get the money and it's, you know... Oh, I love the fact that Wrexham are going to get the money. In fact, I actually think this is, you know, way better than when celebrities use their money for all that sickening charity work. Like, this is much better, isn't it? Ben do-gooders, as I believe. No, I didn't call them do-gooders, but I believe? No, I didn't call them do-gooders.

But I like this, that Ryan Reynolds and that other fella are buying a football club. I like that you're distinguishing buying Wrexham FC from charity work. It's a very fine line. Some would say that was the most generous charitable donation ever given. Yeah, I mean, it could just turn out, you know, beautifully. Yeah, but Frank, that movie, I mean, it's got it. Do you think it will be a movie? Of course it will.

And like I say, Ryan Reynolds won't get the part because Michael Sheen will beat him at the audition of himself. They were going to make a film of Leicester City winning the premiership. What happened to that? Well, I think there was some you know events but they couldn't cut out

before you want to end with that you know the champagne shooting around that's the

sort of distance put it on hold a bit I think everyone got excited and then thought

no we don't want to make a film about that what are you talking about you know what happened to that Paul Potts film?

Oh, yeah, do you remember that? Yeah, it's some films, most unbelievable thing. Did you say Paul Potts? Wasn't his name, Paul Potts? Yes, Paul Potts, who won... I don't think there's been a Paul Potts warm-hearted British movie. That's what I was wondering. Yeah.

Yeah, Year Zero, it's a That's what I was wondering. Yeah. Yeah, Year Zero. It's a really pop-up. I love that. I wrote a tearjerker that Year Zero. A double bill with the penis-shaped biopic. Oh, man, can you imagine? How do you make a warm-hearted movie out of that? With difficulty, I think.

Yes, great difficulty. Look, it's a fantastic story. I mean, I'm. Yes, great difficulty. Look, it's a fantastic story. I mean, I'm not one of these people who gets angry about, you know, oligarchs buying clubs. For me, clubs like my own, West Bromwich Albion, you sort of live in that dream that the fairy godmother is going to tell you to make you Manchester City. Otherwise, how could you possibly do it?

Yeah, we all need a Daddy War box in our lives. I tell you what, I've got a tense early evening in store. I'm going round David Baddiel's to watch Chelsea West Brom. That's going to be tough. Oh, that'll be tough. That's going to test our friendship to the absolute limit. Oh, man. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We've had an email titled Football Club Buyouts. Morning all. I'm guessing you aren't aware that Mindy Kaling from the US version of The Office is a part owner of Swansea City. I am, am I? I did not know that. I did not know that.

Oh, so it's a thing then. What is it with whales? It's American stars doing West End plays. Do you remember when that was the thing? Oh, that was a thing, yeah. That was from Noel and Paul Talbot, by the way. And Moving Gear. A few of them moved here as well, didn't they?

Yes. Clooney's here, isn't he? No, I mean, Clooney does have a... Although, yeah. He's there for the coffee or something. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got a machine for that, though. Has he?

Yeah, I think so. Do you think he got it free? But bear in mind, Amal Clo he? Yeah, I think so. Do you think he got it free? But bear in mind, Amal Clooney is British, isn't she? I believe. Is she? I think she might be. I don't know.

There's a few of them who've ended up here. Oh, yeah. But Ryan Reynolds, I would be very... I mean, if he got involved with West Brom, I'd be quite excited. Yeah. Green Lantern. I'm sure you... I mean, if he got involved with West Brom, I'd be quite excited. Yeah. Green Lantern. I'm sure you would. Yeah, come on.

That'd be good. I'm not aware of his Green Lantern work, but his Deadpool work, I think, is fantastic. Might be time for a last... What's the rashest purchase you've ever made? Because I'm thinking this might be a drunk thing. I got drunk once. Luckily, me getting drunk and me having money didn't coincide.

Otherwise, I worry I might have done something like this. Yeah, it could have gone really badly, couldn't it? I don't want to phone Rexum FC from a central reservation at five o'clock on a Sunday morning saying I want to buy you two million. What is your rashest purchase? Now, this doesn't sound, but I bought, I don't know why, I bought a T-shirt, like a designer T-shirt that was about 20 quid,

which for me then was, you know, a lot of, yeah. For a T-shirt, I wouldn't put, spend that on a T-shirt now. We know. And it had an enormous face of Frank Sinatra. That sounds quite nice. I'm not an enthusiast

of Frank Sinatra. I had no idea. The next day it was just there. It had a bit of wee on the hem but it was that kind of a night. But yeah but if you're Ryan Reynolds and you get that drunk, you're not going to buy a t-shirt, you're going to buy a football club.

That's what, you know. Any drunks out there, what's your rashest effort for purchase? Yeah. I always think we're sort of a hangover medicine on this show. It's part of our role. Whenever we do these stories about people with a sideline business, I always get a bit jealous. Like, I'd love a business so that I could

say to people, yeah, I'm a stand-up, but I've also got a share in whatever. See, I wouldn't. Frank, I told you, Frank, I told you when I interviewed you recently, you've got your side hustle now. Poetry. I know, but it's not, I've always, when people say, why don't you start your own production company?

Because I went into a job where I could just be a child and mess about. I don't want to be in a business meeting about profits. Well, that's part of the... Shut up. My fantasy is it's already done and I've got the side hustle, but the reality is that you have to go to meetings and I don't really have any, especially not now.

I was wondering if when I go for a dog walk, if I bump into a neighbour, does that count as a meeting? Because when I get back home, I say, oh, I met Susan on the dog walk. That's not a meeting. I've got to tell you, I don't think it does. And if you walk fast, is that a Zoom meeting? Oh, God.

No? I wish, it'd be great if you had someone with you, an attractive woman in spectacles and hair pulled back, who took notes when you had those kind of meetings, took minutes, that would really unsettle people. Yeah, like in the rom-com, when the new president gets

hired, and the woman running alongside him, making notes furiously. It's very West Wing. Yes, very West Wing. A walk and talk. Frank, I'm glad you don't have a production company, because I just I would hate you having to get let ahead with sort of taunting, Omo, Sherry productions. I don't want to be in a first class carriage saying, yeah, I've been talking to Guy about the Rennington deal.

Rettons, are we going to have to run it about 11k? I don't want to be. I don't mind, you know, those people, they live there. But if I can get away from that, I'd rather have less money. Simple as that. I can't see you sitting in a train carriage saying, yeah, I wanted to chat to you about the overnights. Look, you know, you get to a point where you think, I've probably got enough money now

I'm all right. That's why I turned down the savage advert. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Al, what about 680? Come on.

680? Oh, yeah, that is a good message. Oh, Paul and Leightonston. I'm a bit jealous of this story. In fact, it's so you. There's a lot to like here. Yeah. I'll read it.

I'll read it. Or did you want to? It'd be terrible if we just talked about it. And then when? That was the end of the show? Yeah. Oh, that'd be... Never actually read it.

Just told us. It'd be like Gillette Soccer Saturday. We don't actually get anything, but we just hear what they thought about it well you know what else Frank when the the non the channels that don't have

access to the Oscars when they have to do the Oscars coverage and we're not seeing it and they just announce the winners over to you worst thing is

football this is going to happen now you get football things and there'll be a football documentary it's really exciting and then they'll say and then, you get football things, and it'd be a football documentary, it's really exciting, and then they'll say,

and then they play it in the World Cup, and it's photos instead of footage. Oh, no. I was thinking, you cheapos. Anyway, Al, sorry. Frank, I once woke up after a heavy bank holiday of drinking to find I'd bid on and won an old BMW 3 Series on eBay. After getting over the initial shock,

I followed through with the £650 purchase, as you should if you're bidding on eBay, you're bidding to actually have the item, it's not, anyway, turned out to be a bargain and I kept it for about five years, cheers, Paul Leightonstone, that sort of stuff never happens. If that had happened to me, it would have then turned out to need a new head gasket and I'd have been... It would have been a nail. Yeah. What is a gasket?

I don't know. It's just a phrase. Whatever happened to that when you used... I don't know what a gasket is, but... Blow a gasket. For years, I remember I had an old 1967 Vauxhall Viva. This was in probably the 80s. Oh, big man.

And I was driving down the motorway with this guy I knew, and I was eating probably, I don't know, obviously 70 max. But it was shaking. And this guy was a bit nervous, and he said, I think you're Conrods. I don't even know, what are they? Well, I remember someone saying, I think your alternator may have gone. And I't even know what is it what are they? Well sometimes I remember someone saying I think your alternator

may have gone and I didn't know what that was I still don't. I knew one thing about cars and that was if you heard a car going

what does that mean? Sorry a fan belt. Oh. Oh God I haven't said that for 30 years. I remember being in a car once and we saw someone ahead

with smoke coming out and someone said I think your oil wants checking mate and I dropped it so with smoke coming out and someone said I think your oil wants checking mate and I adopted lovely work I wasn't Vatican City at the time

and I adopted that phrase and I still don't quite understand what it meant but I think it makes me sound knowledgeable about cars, if ever I see smoke coming out of a car, to this day or so I think he wants his oil need checking. And I don't understand it. The fan belt, this

was the thing that people used to say, that when the fan belt went, you could use ladies' tights or stockings to fix it. That's all gone, of course. There was even an ad, Frank, where I think someone's car broke down for Pretty Polytypes.

Oh, wow. Pretty Polytypes sponsored my behind when I won Rear of the Year. Really? Yeah, of course they did. Extraordinary. I don't like to name drop. Extraordinary branding exercise.

Very quickly, drunk buying email, Stephen said, went to Selfridges in London drunk, bought a Burberry duffel cup for £1,000. Walked out the store wearing it like Liam Gallagher. Woke up next morning sobbing. Been in the wardrobe for two years.

I take it out and look at it now and again. Oh, no. I would wear that if it looked terrible. Oh, yeah. You'd have to wear it loads to get the cost per wear down, wouldn't you? Oh, God, you'd have to wear it for the rest of your life every day. Now, Frank, I have a question for you. Also, Catherine McCulloch, Trevor Bayliss,

used to love his segment on The Big Breakfast in the inventor's chair. Oh, OK. But I'd like to ask you, the special day is on Monday. I've got it waiting to download my podcast, Frank Skinner's poetry podcast, season two. Season two, hooray.

Could you trail some of your, who are your greatest tears? Well, I'm going from... Who's going to be on the show? I'm going from contemporary poets like the fabulous Liz Berry, who comes from my, as they say, neck of the woods. Yeah.

But I go as far back as 1735 to Alexander Pope. Ah. And that's an hour-long special. Is it really? Because it means a bit of history. A Pope special. Yeah, Pope Deluxe Alexander Pope. I'm unsurprised you could talk about Pope for an hour.

Bit of Wordsworth we've got this year. Oh, excellent. And Rita Dove, Tadeusz Dobrowski. You're going to be on the syllabus soon. Oh. Well, yeah. Honestly. I might be on the syllabubs when I get home,

if we've got any in the fridge. And thank you for listening to us. And if the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out!