The Frank Skinner Show - Toddling Town

Episode Date: May 21, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Sara Barron. The team discuss Frank’s trip to Ayrshire, ghetto blasters and Sara’s bin debacle.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Sarah Barron. Hello. Is with us this morning. More of her in a minute. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Good morning, Sarah. Good morning.uk. Good morning, Sarah. Good morning, Frank.

Good morning, Emily. Sarah's already changed my life. Oh, my God. That's great. How long have I been working here, Frank? 12, 13. I'm going to ask the producer. Has it been that long?

13 years. Yeah, get less for murder. Max Mygraves did that joke years ago. He'd been married something like 42 years and he said even the great train robbers didn't get there. I remember that was his thing. I laughed

even though I'd seen it 18 times on video clips. Sorry, carry on. 19 now. Sarah's just pointed out to me something. It's an absolute game changer. I didn't know that we have computers here. Apparently they're touchscreen. They might not have been touchscreen in the early days though when we started here.

I've been using a mouse. I think they were word processors when we started the show. I'm stressed. Yeah, exactly. Great news though. Yeah, thank you Sarah. Pleasure. As you may, not any regular readers will know, but Sarah may not. I don't actually have my screen switched on because I can't cope with criticism of any kind.

I completely understand, Frank. So I'm sorry if you have to deal with any. If you deal with any on my behalf, just keep it to yourself. That's all I'm saying. So on the way, I can't remember what the context was, but I said something. I referred to you, Sarah, and I said Sarah B. And then I thought, no, I can't say Sarah B because the producer is Sarah Bishop,

so that gains me nothing. Okay. And then, I'm going to ask you a question, Sarah. Are you aware of the phenomenon of nominative determinism? I feel like it means when you suddenly have an awareness of something and then it pops up everywhere, or is it about you behaving a certain way because of your name? That's what it is, yeah.

Okay, fine, I found it. So people, I like that first one. That's an interesting phenomenon as well. But, yeah, it's that your name has an effect on what you do in your life. Now, I was thinking Sarah B, Sarah B, and then started thinking about the whole team. And I thought about Faye Lawrence, who is the assistant producer. And I thought you wouldn't say Sarah B, you'd say Faye L. And then I thought, oh, that's Faye L. That's Faye L. Now, if you take nominative determinism,

you don't want to be called fail. No. So I'm not going to use that one. No, please don't. But if she does fail now, I think there'll be a tribunal in 20 years' time saying that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't made her aware of this.

She only has you to blame. Yeah. So what do you think? I've decided this is your jingle for the day, Sarah. Say what you think. It feels so obnoxious in a way to say, tell me why you chose it for me, Frank. Well, do you like it, first of all, in an abstract way?

In an abstract way, because it felt newsy, it felt professional, it felt informed. I am none of those things. It's from, you know you are, it's from a TV show in the 70s called The Baron. Which had starred a man called Steve Forrest, who was one of those white guys who starred in TV shows in the 70s who might have been a detective might have been

a private agent might have just been a rich guy okay swanning around exactly so anyway it's great to have you on

it's great to be here and people will know Sarah from you know stuff I'm trying to think will they though yeah

I mean they won't. You've done Mock the Week. I haven't done Mock the Week. Oh, I can't believe I brought up something you haven't done. No, no, no, it was fantastic. You should have. But much. I was on Would I Lie to You.

Oh, that's bigger than Mock the Week. I didn't want to say. Well. Didn't want to say. Were you a good liar? Yeah, I'm a fantastic liar. Do you consider yourself to be a good liar? No, I'm a very bad liar.

Why do you think that is? I think it might be the Catholic thing. Oh, that's interesting. I start to crumble mid-sentence. And do you have a guilt that comes with it? I don't call it guilt. I call it conscience. Oh, interesting.

He likes to call it conscience. Have you ever been caught out in a lie as an adult? I don't. This sounds weird, but I don't really lie. You don't lie. No, he doesn't lie. Which means this is why I've got no friends. Yeah.

Because when people say, do you want to come round tomorrow? And I say, no, I don't want to. I don't say, no, I've got A, and then make something up. I just say, no, I don't want to come. It's not a thing I want to do. And then I don't hear from them again. Just saying. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

I went to Auchinleck at the weekend. I will need to be told, despite living here almost a decade, exactly where that

is located. I'll be honest with you, there aren't that many people I think who would know where it was. Oh, okay, fine. So that's not just me.

I'll guess. It's in Ayrshire. Oh, okay. Ayrshire. Is that Scotland, isn't it? It is. Okay. And it's a Ayrshire. Oh, okay. Ayrshire. Is that Scotland, isn't it? It is.

Okay. And it's a long train journey and changes and all that. But anyway, I'd started the show today, for those of you listening on the Decade channels, with Shays Long by Wet Leg. On the Shays Long, on the Shays. And I was on the train from Carlisle to Oaken Lake and it was one of these very, there was six people on the train,

all over 70. First class? Always. No, there is no first class from Carlisle to Oaken Lake, yes. What the? Frank, how did you fare? You know what?

Sometimes I just, it's a bit like when George Orwell wrote Down and Out in London and Paris. I just, I live amongst them and they have no idea. I'm just frantically making notes. So anyway, it was, and then about eight women got on together in a real sort of way like that. And they had, I could see these, from where I could see two people staring in, because they were loud talking, and then they got the music out. And they played on the chaise lounge, on over and over, singing along with it. And to be honest, it was brilliant.

It really, they sung quite beautifully. Oh. And I really liked it, but I could feel a lot of hate in the room. And the train went to Glasgow, so I thought obviously they're going to Glasgow for a crazy night out. They all got out at Dom Fries. Who knew? Who did?

Party town. Anyway, it made me think. I don't know if you're aware of this. You must be if you use public transport. I'll bat out of this. I'm ready to step right in because I'm never not on a train. It used to be a headphones thing, didn't it? Until about five or six years ago.

And now people just play their music out loud. It's their world and we're just living in it. Exactly. Is the attitude. And I'm thinking it might be time for the old ghetto blaster to come back. Oh. Do you remember those babies? In case you're young. Yeah.

People carried them on their shoulder. On their shoulder handbags. Massive. But massive. What were they?bags. Mass, but massive. What were they? Were they cassette? Cassettes. This is so interesting to me because in a way that I fear is quite ethnocentric.

I thought that was quite a sort of like New York, like a very American, specifically kind of East Coast visual and thing. And you're telling me that the ghetto blaster, which feels bad coming out of my mouth

as a phrase permeated British culture as well absolutely in Birmingham there'd be loads of people wandering about with these giant and you think bring it back well I think if it came back now of course

it would have to be on wheels yeah because people don't carry anything over the weight of a set of car keys now i think in the future people will look back on the early 20th century they'll look back on carrying the way we look back on jousting, is something that people used to do in the olden days. Oh, and you used to carry your suitcase. Ha ha ha! Look at this picture of a guy carrying.

That's what it's going to be like. And the ghetto blaster, too heavy for them. Frank's Kitchen on Absolute Radio. So I went to, while I was in Ayrshire, I went to Bryg o Dún. Oh, yes. As in the musical? Well, the musical is, I think, named after it. You're talking about the original.

It means bridge over the dune, basically. So, you know, it's a bridge. over the dune, basically. So it's a bridge. But Robert Burns wrote a poem called Tamashanta about a drunken bloke who gets chased by witches and they chase him over Brigadoon. Well, they don't chase him because they can't cross water, obviously, as witches can't.

Classic witches. Yeah, but he gets over there. So I was really excited to be there and you can see the Burns Monument from there I'd been to the Birthplace Museum that morning, I felt so Burnsy like I was in a Burns unit in my head

I felt completely Burns'd and I'm there just soaking it up and thinking about remembering the poem and brilliant and a guy came up to me and said, I'm a singer-songwriter. Oh, was it 1974?

No. It was, didn't I mention that? It always is, apparently, in A.S. Chanel. And perfectly politely and everything. And I said, oh, you know, great. And he said, I'll play you a track. Oh, no. Oh, no.

And I thought, I'm sort of fine with it. I just wish I weren't on Brigadoon having my moment. So he played a track. And it was, you know, I said to him, well, you know, it's like a proper song with, you know, you've got a proper voice. One to ten, one to ten. Well, I was still a brick-a-doodle. He said how you do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you concerned he's listening? He might be. He might be listening, yeah. But it's not just that. Sorry, Minister, one more question. What style of music, what genre? Don't you feel there's only one genre if someone comes up to you and says I'm a singer-songwriter?

Yeah. We know what it is, Emily. It's that thing. It's singer-songwriter music. Yeah, it's singer-songwriter music. Yeah. You know that stuff. And it was absolutely...

I wouldn't have known it wasn't a professional song. It wasn't like, you know... Okay. It was fine. It was fine. And I said, yeah, I think... I said it sounds like a proper song, you know, with a proper singer. That's a nice compliment.

I said, anyway, I just want. I don't know. I don't know. I think if I was that dude and what Frank Skinner said to me was it sounds like a proper song. I'm not depressed, but I'm not elated. Can you imagine going up to like Sting and saying, you know, that sounds like a proper song. No, but Sting is a professional. Anyway, this guy, he played,

if you play someone your music, you're going to get what you get. Anyway, so I said, right, I'm going to go now. I said, you've got a lovely dog, by the way. Oh, no. And he said, oh, you like my dog, but you don't like my music. And I said, no, I never said. But you did, Frank. I didn't say it.

You implied it. What I should have said was it was a proper dog. Like a proper dog, that. Tail. Tail. One of those, you know, those noses that are a different colour from the rest of the dog. One of those dogs. You know, those noses are a different colour from the rest of the dog. One of those dogs. You know, those noses,

they're made from a different fabric to the rest of the dog. Oh, anyway. Look, it was fine, you know, and good luck to him. Who am I? I'm not Mickey Mouse. Do you think he thought

you could somehow give him his big break? I think he thought I was some, like I was, do you remember Mike, you wouldn't know Mike Mansfield. I'm thinking of these, or Simon Cowell, someone who's got, I haven't got connections in the music business. But he thinks you do. Well, I suppose, you know, you meet someone you recognise on Brigadoon, you take what you can get. He'd have probably said the same thing to Angela Rayner if she'd been on there there we go

yeah I think anyone you've had a number one single twice I've had four there you go whoa

four times and it was a proper song it was lovely it was and I like my dog so I've got everything. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You know, I'm sitting opposite you,

and we're talking about 70s TV. Do you remember The Persuaders? Have you ever heard of that, Sarah? No. The Persuaders, this was the premise. There was a sort of streetwise American played by Tony Curtis.

Great, okay, okay. Called Danny Wilde. And then there was an English aristocrat, Lord Brett Sinclair. Oh, I see where we're going. I see it, yeah, yeah. Played by Roger Moore. And it's like, I'm just watching that on loop with you two. Oh, between see where we're going. I see it, yeah, yeah. Played by Roger Moore. And it's like I'm just watching that on loop with you two. Oh, between the two of us.

Look, you are the persuaders. Fantastic. Can I be honest? I'm really chuffed with Roger. Oh, God. And I'm chuffed with Tony. Oh, Tony. I was in a green room once with Tony Curtis.

Can you share any anecdotes? Anything a little juicy? Remember that wig he used to wear that was like, we were talking about people who should live in High Barnet, and he had a wig, what it looked like, he'd tried four on in the shop, and he'd walked out with all of them stacked. He was toupee stacking.

Is that a thing, really? And I think, I tell you what it was. He was with this woman who was absolutely like, if you had to do an identikit of what a beautiful woman should look like. She was like six foot two, blonde, like, you know, amazing. And I think he didn't like being shorter than her, so he just kept adding the toupees. Oh, yes.

Because his eye level was at her chin level, but he was the same height as her. It was like being in a green room with a royal guardsman. Anyway, we were talking off air about that phenomenon. I think it was you. it you sarah brought it up or emily anyway of when you put your phone down and you think you've switched it off and you haven't and then you say something i've spoken to people and they've started talking about their partner or something like that and just as they start the first sentence, they take their phone out and make sure it's definitely off.

But there's an... I was saying I find it sort of equally terrifying and also it just lures me in. I can't not listen. I've had a seven-minute voicemail before. Well, I have. In which I was discussed. I have. Oh, my God. I had one seven minute voicemail before. Well, I have. In which I was discussed. I have.

Oh my God. I had one and I deleted it. Yes, I didn't. It's the same as the screen thing in it. I don't want to know. I don't mind people slagging me off as long as they just keep it from me. Nothing good comes from listening at closed doors.

It's so interesting, Emily, because I'm like you. It's pure fear, Emily, because I'm like you, it's pure fear. Pure fear. I can't imagine anything that won't hurt me, won't be said. But you think there might be

a trickle of, she is fabulous. Which, listen, I think is probably what's said about you behind closed doors. I think it's worth the risk of hearing people say

terrible things about me for the potential 1% chance that I might hear something. That's a great attitude. And I think, Frank, you and I are much more vulnerable, I think, and easily influenced by someone else's negativity. Whereas there's a core self-belief, Emily, that you have. You know what? I was going to say what my partner and I, my partner knows, Emily, and what we say about you behind closed doors is if we're talking about someone and you're like,

they're lovely, they're lovely. We're not talking an Emily Dean level of charisma. It's a thing. We're not talking Emily Dean level charisma. That's nice. I'm really happy about this. After this break, we're going to get a pricey of that seven-minute voice message that Emily received.

Looking forward to it. Frank, we've had this in from Murray Bothwell. Like the sound of that. So do I. Frank on the radio, I enjoyed seeing you. Frank on the radio, I'm actually a character in an Oscar Wilde short story. I enjoyed seeing you at the Boswell Book Festival and your thoughts on Smiling Buddhas, etc.

Oh, yes. I like his thoughts on Smiling Buddhas, etc. Oh, yes. I like his thoughts on Smiling Buddhas, etc. Yes, we were going... Basically, I think Christianity is missing a trick. Because I was in Ikea, and they had a Buddha section in Ikea. I don't know how many Buddhas... But, you know, people use Buddhas as sort of garden ornaments,

apart from people who are actually Buddhists. And there was Smiling Budd and properly laughing Buddhas. There was reclining, reclining Buddhas. And I just said I felt Christianity. I think the crucifixion, it doesn't draw everyone. It doesn't draw in sort of people who are on the fence, if you know what I mean, the way the reclining Buddha. It's problematic aesthetically, isn't it?

Yes, it doesn't have a casualness the way that the Buddha. No, not the reclining. The reclining Buddha was, you know, he was right down there. Also, the reclining Buddha can be fashioned in a pink suede, in a gold. Got to be careful with the crucifix. There was a head, head of the Buddha as well, and the hair was absolute, like someone who'd really took care of their hair. I don't think I've ever paid attention to a Buddha hair before.

Yeah. Can you describe it in more detail? It was like, what do they call them? Cornrows. It was that kind of very, very tight. Oh, lovely. Yeah. A tight braid.

Yeah. He looked so jolly. Whereas Jesus is a bit more that guy who's the UK's representative in the Eurovision Song Contest. He's a bit more sort of fashion thin. Don't get me wrong. Christ's body is fashion thin. I follow the Nazarene, as you know.

I'm just saying, I'm always looking to bring more people in, and I think we need a softer entrance than the crucifixion. And someone said to me, angels, there's your secret weapon. Oh, or is it cherub? People don't like cherubs now, Not in the age of child obesity. No, okay. That's frowned on. Okay, sure, sure.

But angels, I think people do have angel cufflinks and an angel on my whatever. Can I just say Murray has... Murray's kicked off a whole debate here. Well, Murray has also included a picture of... He's saying this is something I saw in York Minster, Murray has also included a picture of, he's saying this is something I saw in York Minster, which is moving towards the potential you offered on another religion.

And it's a beautiful stone statue of what appears to be, what would you say that is a reclining bishop? Oh, yeah. But what's interesting is Twitter... As in dead? Twitter, no. Okay. It's more like he's watching the television. He's got his hands on his head.

A pensive, pensive. Yeah. Thoughtful. But it says... Oh, like... OK. Twitter has flagged this as potentially sensitive content. Oh, OK.

Maybe it's about religion. Oh, I see. OK. I mean, there might be people who think this. I'm all right, I think, so I'm in there. It's my team. Yeah. It's a lovely statue, though. Yeah, I'll check it out in a minute.

As you know, I don't have my screen switched on because I can't cope with criticism of any kind, just in case anyone forgot that. By the way, we were talking about that thing of leaving the phone on accidentally. If anyone... I don't believe it's ever happened. What do you mean? I don't think anyone has ever said anything truly embarrassing or difficult accidentally on a left-on phone they thought was switched off. We will, if anyone has been on either side of that equation.

And emails as well. Emails as well. Don't you think like an email where you're somehow accidentally CC'd into something about you or someone hasn't edited out a line regarding you that perhaps they should have done? Yeah. And I still get charity requests that say things like, dear Stephen. Oh. Stephen for all that. Do I help them?

No. No, you don't. Let them burn. Let that charity suffer. Okay. So, yeah, text or email if you've had an experience like that. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Sarah Barron is with us this morning. You can text the show on 8-12-15. Follow the show. Sorry, I went sort of all method actor. It wasn't as though

you were trying to remember my name, I felt. No, no. I actually know Sarah personally. This is what I hoped. Text the show 8-12-15. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram.

I was trying to remember my name. Okay, much better. Never pick me up on that. I'm old. I'll just, I've ruined this. Text the show

on 8-12-15. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk And yes,

Sarah Barron is with us this morning. Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin' town. Wonderful. You are from Chicago. Yes, great toddlin' town Wonderful. You are from Chicago. Yes, great, fantastic.

Can I say about that song, if I was going to write a song about Chicago, obviously I'd be looking for some adjectives for Chicago. And you're saying toddlin' wouldn't have been your go-to? I might have got verse four. I might have said Chicago, that toddling town. But I don't think I would have opened with it. I'd have been like fabulous, you know, windy.

Oh, I also thought it was wonderful town. No, it's toddling town. I thought it was toddlin. Is it toddling? That toddling town. It's toddling. It would have been with a G, but it's got, you know, that thing like rock-un-roll. Yeah, rock-un-roll.

Yeah, or rocking. It's cool. So toddling, in what way does it toddle? Toddling towel. I do not know the definition of the word toddling. Well, taking it from a toddler, I think it means to walk shakily. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's T-O-D-D.

I was picturing, probably incorrectly, T-A-U-D-L-I-N-G. A toddling town. What does that mean? I don't, I have no idea. I don't think it's a word. I think it probably is toddling. I love people that...

I mean, I've heard of wrong song lyric things, but never anyone guessing with words that aren't words. That's brave. It's T-O-D-D-L-I-N-G. Toddling town. It's like a toddler. Toddler. What does that mean?

If anyone out there knows why Chicago is a toddling town. Can I make a guess I already don't stand behind? Go on. Is it something about the second city? Like, you know, New York is swaggering. Swaggering town. And Chicago coming up on it is toddling. He should have done a series of those ones.

El Paso, El Paso, that rather undernourished town. Yeah, and stuff like that. And then more Cleveland, that industrial town. Yeah, I'm just thinking about places I've been. Listen, you've got another hit in you, Frank. Yes. You've got another hit in you, Frank. Yes.

We were on, I was on a road trip with Adrian Childs. We call it the Wallace and Gromit trip. Oh. I do. And his mate, my mate now, Bryn, who was a Sky Sports News presenter. And we decided, and this is wrong of us I know but at the last stop off

we decided we'd go to Hooters for lunch give me a year what year am I in what year am I in not five six years ago

sorry about that oh shoot okay no maybe longer for a hoot maybe longer you're going for a hoot Hooters in case you don't know

it's like you know it's not I'm going to say it's it's not String'm going to say it's... It's not Stringfellows, but it's, you know. Anyway, we got there and it was an empty... We followed, you know, looked it up on the map and we got there, it was an empty lot.

And it had been blown away by a racing hurricane. It had been completely removed by a hurricane. There was, honestly, you could see the shape. It was like a blueprint. You could see the floor plan. Oh, my God. But there was nothing. Well, that's what I was thinking.

That was on my book of, my list of, yes, maybe he does exist. Maybe he does. We've been talking a bit about unhung up phone calls. Yes. Or people leaving, talking about you on voicemails, etc. John Hopkins, who's one of our regulars, Sarah.

Great, great. Frank refers to him as... Well, I always say Hopkins because I saw a one-man play about Gerard Manley Hopkins, who was a poet, in case anyone doesn't know. And it starts with him saying his own name because he quite likes the sound of it. I mean it's quite

a niche reference. A niche reference and a fascinating quality in a person. Yeah. Hopkins he was going. Anyway.

My elderly mother does this on a regular basis when she's juggling being on her mobile to me and the landline to her friend Joan. Right. Can I just say I'm already very into Joan. Yeah. I love the sound friend Joan. Right. Can I just say, I'm already

very into Joan. Yeah. I love the sound of Joan. Yeah, I like the sound of Joan as well. Anyone called Joan is alright by me. The other week, I clearly heard her say, Jonathan, this is Hopkins, Jonathan started one of his fitness regimes again.

It won't last. It gets worse. Do you want to know the killer lie? Yeah, I want to hear it. He's got his dad's chubby legs. Oh. Brutal. That is...

You don't want to hear that. Dad's chubby legs. And there's also... I'll tell you what, there's a sort of a life sentence tone to that. Yeah. You do what you like, mate. Yeah.

But once you've got your dad's chubby legs, you've got them forever. Them legs are staying. Can I tell you what I find more damning in some ways than he's got his dad's

chubby legs? Sorry, John, if you're at home and this is quite triggering. Well, he did send it in. He did send it in. It's your own fault. One of his...

One of his... Fitness regimes. Yeah. Come on. It's your own fault. One of his One of his fitness regimens. Yeah. Come on. It's it's it's not going to possibly

work for him. Sorry Hopkins. Hopkins. Sorry mate. Yeah. We've also got some clarification on

the total. Have you seen this show? I have. It turns out I'm a hundred percent wrong which is not the first time that's happened to me. on the total. Have you seen this show? I have. It turns out I'm 100% wrong, which is not the first time that's happened to me. So here we've got it.

813 has written in, Hey up, you three. Re-Chicago, the toddlin' town. In the 30s, toddlin' was a slang term used to mean something was hip. Sort of the in thing. So rather than applying a bow-legged baby cautiously making its way around on foot,

it has more to do with a James Cagney sort of strut. Andy Wood, Bronte country, West Yorkshire. Well, controversially... Do you know Andy Wood? No, but thanks for the tip. Controversially, the grifter, he sounds like my kind of man, the toddle was a style of dancing used, I know, with the jazz music of the 20s when this song was written.

It was popular in Chicago. Do you like the way I say Chicago? I do like it. It's really nice okay and a variation of the style was even called the chicago the chicago wow i love to learn i love to learn i love a little fact well i never got um that when chicago the musical starts. Oh, yeah. Oh, fabulous. And she talks about rouging her knees. Rouge my knees. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. Rouge being what we used to call blusher in the old days.

So why would you rouge your knees? And is it rouge in that sense, or does rouge have a different definition? Oh, I always wondered about that. I'm going to rouge my knees and roll my stockings down. All right, all right. Now, you need to roll your stockings down before you rouge your knees

or you're going to get blushing all over your stockings. Yeah, why do you want pink knees? But is it rouge in that sense or is it something about like glossing? Is it about something that... What can it mean? You don't want to put blushing because have they forgot what the special said?

Oh no, me nah want no more pink niece When you remember my real childhood fear, you know you have that Sarah, the monster you fear when you're younger. Mine was Blue Reed. Blue Reed was your monster. That is a great monster.

I'm terrified of him. Can you go back to your childhood self and remember what was doing it to you? The cover of Transformer. Okay. Terrifying. Yeah, sort of panda-esque. I had that with

A kiss cover I think Like with Gene Simmons And the tongue And just As a child Felt terrified By that visual Yeah

And live I saw them At the Birmingham Odeon And like You know Blood would drip From that massive tongue Oh terrible

I mean But also They had those Tongues of fire Which are very popular now. And I don't think they're quite, they haven't quite. Very popular now.

The juxtaposition of tongue of fire and very popular now. I'm on a tongue theme. But you know the things that fire up at the front of the stage, those like big jets of fire. And I'm thinking of tongs of fire. Again, it's my Catholic thing. I was going to say, yeah. Yes, I'm thinking of tongs of fire. Again, it's my Catholic

thing. I was going to say, yeah. I was thinking of the apostles. Anyway, so in those days, they hadn't quite got the ferocity right. They were stage fire pioneers and honestly, my eyebrows

and I felt my eyebrows start to crackle with the heat. It was real. It was like a hot air balloon. So they're in the middle of, you know, I was made for... And it was like... And then all back in. The mosh pit was...

Oh, man, we were smouldering. I love the excitement of slightly amateur pyrotechnics. Yes. I'd like to share something with you both. I'd like to clear up Rouge My Knees. Oh, yes. Yes. I do have a bit of a problem with that.

Because Rouge My Knees, normally when it's sung, it contains my worst thing ever in any sort of song is rouge my knee when they get a gravity oh don't oh don't sarah please i can't actually compare it is it like the try hardness of it is it overperformed it's also sounds like cringy for you sure do you understand yeah it sounds like an exclamation doesn't it sort of well rouge my knees. I've never noticed that before and now I see it. It's whenever people put a gravelly voice on.

Oh, I can't bear it. Anyway, hey up again. Louis, Clara Bow. This is the same person. It's a musical theatre expert. Yeah, Andy Wood. Great. Where's Yorkshire?

Hey up again. Clara Bow. Hey up. Yeah, Andy Wood. Great. Where's Yorkshire? Hey up again. Clara Bow. Oh, sorry. I didn't say that. I said, hey up again. Hey up. I think it's hey up. Hey up again.

He's playing his Bronte. I said, hey up again. You're saying, hey up. Tennis, anyone? So, go on. What's the answer? Great. Great. great.

OK, hey up again. Clara Bow, Louise Brooks, etc. used to put rouge on their knees before putting on their stockings in the roaring 20s to make their knees more noticeable as an odd kind of way to accentuate their gams. Wow! That is weird.uate their gams. Wow! That is weird. What's gams?

Legs. Good gams. That is, there must be better ways of getting your knees red. Oh, God. I was thinking of prayer. Sorry, Sarah. When is he not? It's a great, that's, they were very, very beautiful women,

Clara Bow and Louise Brooks as well. Frank's got quite niche taste. Yeah, as Alice Cooper said, I love the dead. We're going to see him this week. Me and my son's going to see Alice Cooper, the other two. No, my son is obsessed with him. You're kidding me, my son is obsessed with him. He's obsessed with Alice Cooper at the O2. No! Yeah. My son is obsessed with him. You're kidding me. My son is obsessed with him.

He's obsessed with Alice Cooper. He's playing in London this week? Yeah, he's at the O2. To be continued. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. So we're with, as I've said a few times,

with Sarah Barron this morning. Sarah, what's up? I'm going to tell you this thing that happened to me this week. And what I want, I like to be very intentional with what I want out of sharing this story with you, is what I'm supposed to do. Okay. We like to give advice. I'm solicited. My favorite thing that can ever happen to me is someone being like, listen, I need some advice. And I'm like to do. Okay. By the time it all wraps up. We like to give advice. I'm solicited. My favorite thing that can ever happen to me

is someone being like, listen, I need some advice. And I'm like, oh, yes. Solicited opinions. So, what happened was this. In the backstory here is, I'm a lady who's desperate to be liked, so I never get into confrontation,

but then I walk around with a lot of internal rage. Love it. Constant internal anger. I feel very sane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen you in this capacity as well. And then the other logistic that's important is that I live in a terraced house.

We have neighbors who I'm going to refer to as the Joneses. And sort of on the pavement, in front of both our houses, but a little more in front of the Joneses. There's a tree on a little patch of gravel. Yeah. Right. Fine. I'm leaving the house the other day and sort of in a tizzy trying to get my son to school

and I take a bag of rubbish and I open up the bin and in my bin someone has put a horrific pillow. Like there's fleas in this pillow. It's, it's got a disgusting masticated fabric. It's grotesque. And I'm like, who put this, who put this pillow in my rub? This is, I didn't, someone put this pillow in my rubbish. I get angry. Forget about it. Fine. Then two days later, the exact same thing happens. I have another bag of rubbish. I open my bin and someone not in my family has put a huge bit of like deliveroo rubbish in my rubbish. I really wanted that to be another pillow. A second one.

I know, but... And then a quilt the next day. Yes, exactly. That would have been the more interesting story. No, it's still interesting. I'm tense. I'm feeling tense. Are you feeling tense okay so so what happened was having spotted the the bag of rubbish the second deposit

into my rubbish bin i have a rage spike and i just take everything out i'm like that in my head and i was like this is not my business this is my problem. I go into the brown rubbish bin and I just put it on the road. But on the little square of land that the tree is in. Oh, no man's land. Yeah. That's how I'm thinking about it in my head. You're putting it in Switzerland. I've put it in Switzerland.

Yeah. The next day, raccoons have gotten into it, or a fox or something. Raccoons? That was very American. I think sometimes I've lived here 10 years, but sometimes in Americanism. What else was there?

Coyotes? There were always raccoons. I lived in New York and Chicago and constant raccoons, but it must have been a fox. We get squirrels, just FYI. No, but it's mainly foxes in the vices. It was a fox, but in my heart, it was a raccoon.

I love that. It was a raccoon in my heart, probably in reality a fox. So it's strewn everywhere, and I see this, and I start to feel some guilt, and I start to feel some shame, and I do what I always feel

when I feel guilt and shame, which is I have to get it out. So I say to my husband, Jeff, I go, I think I maybe did a bad thing. And I point to it. We leave the house. I was like, that's my fault because someone and I tell him what happened. And he's like, you've basically put all our rubbish in the Jones's front yard.

I said, that's not quite what I did. No, that's common. He's like allowing for neutrality. No, no, no. He said he's looking at he's seeing it. He's going. It's basically now in their front area. So I then, of course, clean it up.

This is all happening in broad daylight. I then clean it up. My question becomes, what I know about the Joneses is they've got security cameras. Did they see the whole thing? Do I apologize and be like, I just want a flag. I didn't have a great moment. Please know that I know it will never happen again. We have a good relationship, these neighbors and I.

Or, not anymore, she says, do I lock it down and pretend the whole thing never happened? Frank, we want to hear your answer. We'll discuss this after the break, but I want to be there if you're going to tell them you were looking out your bedroom window that night and you saw raccoons doing it. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. I have to say, I feel that Frank and I

both like to take any opportunity to sing a little something something. And I mean, Frank, I picked up on it in minutes of being sat across from you. And I was like, oh, I like to do that too. I can't help it. Virtually every phrase triggers a song lyric.

Do you feel that there is something deep inside you? You know, you've been around for a while. People know who you are. Is some part of you thinking West End? Frank Skinner. Such and such starring Frank Skinner. Is that what you're gunning for every time you sing a little note? I turned down Mr. Cellophane. Yeah.

Did you know that? In Chicago. You turned it down. It's one of the greatest tragedies of all time. I know. And I turned down an operatic role. But wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Why would you? clearly the song is inside you. I know. I thought I think being in Chicago the stage show is a bit like doing Strictly. I think Kath would be DNA testing me when I got in

every night. Fair enough. I'm with Kath on that. I'm not I think it's the greatest thing that could happen to be in Chicago in the West End no? I wasn't prepared

she stands alone no no I mean I love it I love it I wasn't prepared to rouge my knees you weren't going to rouge them knees

you just have to lean when you're Mr. Cellophane so Darius ended up doing it though oh yes yeah he did it well there's been a few but you would have been You just have to lean when you're Mr. Cellophane. So, Darius ended up doing it, though. Oh, yes. Yeah, he did it. Well, there's been a few, but... But you would have been a good Mr. C.

There's been a lot of stunt casting in the States. I think Frank does have the potential for musical theatre. Oh, he bleeds it. There's such a readiness there. You know what? We sound like very pretty talent agents. I think. The thing about Frank is he is a wonderful twin with Frank.

Don't you think I'd be more of a, I've grown accustomed to her face. Yes, you could do that. You've grown accustomed to her. When he's going to sing, he's going to sing. Like breathing out. Like breathing out. And you think he's going to sing,

and then he goes, I'm breathing in. And you think, oh, I thought you were going to sing, you cheeky monkey. Okay. Okay. So what, the bins? I would like to share this with you, because it relates to both of you. Ruth Jordan, who's one of our regulars. OK. OK. So what, the bins? I just would like to share this with you, because it relates to both of you.

Ruth Jordan, who's one of our regulars. Great. The morning sun shone down upon the eyes of Ruth Jordan. It's so close to the surface. He's doing it again. Go on. Ruth Jordan, Sarah's story about her bin problems made me wonder if Frank has resolved the bin issues

he was having with his new neighbour who greeted him with, we need to talk about your bins. Did he take my advice to borrow the Tipton Slashers monkey, I know Sarah, a lot to unpack but we'll get to it, and put it in the neighbour's bin? That question to Frank Skinner. Well, I didn't do that. You know, people, a lot to unpack, but we'll get to it. And put it in the neighbour's bin. That question to Frank Skinner. Well, I didn't do that. You know, people put animals in bins.

It's caught on CCTV and their lives are destroyed. Next thing you know, there's a raccoon in there. Or Mary Bale. Remember Mary Bale who put a cat in a bin? Do you remember that, Sarah? No, I'm sorry. It was a scandal about, what, ten years ago? Well, I moved nine and a half, so just missed this little moment.

You just missed bail gate. You didn't get bail. But that neighbour hasn't moved in yet. She was just... I wonder why that is. She was just wrecking. So I'll tell you what I have done. When the bin men come and they leave the bins out on the pavement... Can you briefly tell Sarah what happened? Well, we've got... We can't now, but I'll tell you what I have done. When the bin men come and they leave the bins out on the pavement...

Can you briefly tell Sarah what happened? Well, we can't now, but I'll come back with it. I'm at the edge of my seat. Coming up later, Frank's bin story. Yeah. That's what we need, a bin hanger. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute. Is that what I say?

Yes. Okay, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Sarah Barron. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. The words became chewing gum towards the end.

Absolute radio. We left the nation slightly on the edge of their seats because I trailed Frank's bin story. Yes. Which you were going to share with Sarah. Our new neighbour said that we got too many bins. We'd over binbinned the pudding.

And that's truly, that's a yes or, that's a factual thing. I've never, no. It can either you do or you don't. It's an aesthetic opinion. But you do or you don't, right? Like there's a certain number of bins you can have. Well, I compared it with that moment in Amadeus when the crown prince says,

too many notes, Mozart. The human here can only accept so many notes. I'm right, am I not, Salieri? Yes, your majesty. And she felt that we had too many bins. We just sort of, I don't know, we'd acquired bins. What's her tone? Can you do an

impression? Can you act her tone right now? The problem is she's American. Shoot. Okay. And what's the Do you want to give me a note and I can try and do it and be her? Have you ever heard where does it come from

originally that your dad used to say or something? No I believe it was how I saw it as sort of characters posh nasty English characters in films would say? Yeah. Or was it... No, I believe it was how I saw it as sort of characters, posh, nasty English characters in films, would say. Yeah. When someone from...

You know, they would introduce someone who'd come over from the States and they would say, an American. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. So she was that. Yeah. And I went to...

Her door was ajar and I thought that some... she hadn't moved in yet, I thought they'd got squatters or intruders or something. So I went up and said, you know, you know when hello becomes quite a lot, hello, like, I can phone the police, you know, with this hello. It was like that.

And she emerged and she said oh don't worry i'm personally and i said oh hello welcome and all that and i said it's a really nice area if we need to help you with anything she said yeah well there is we need to talk about your bins like third sentence so i said what about them and she said you've got, there's too many. She said, you know, I asked the previous lady why you've got so many and she didn't know either. So already I'm being talked about behind my back. Oh, God. And I said, well, this couldn't have started any worse.

He said that to her face. Listen, I'm 100% on your side and not just to try to make you like me more. I'm not saying I'm not on his side, but I vomited when you told me that. Okay, that was too much for you. But anyway, so I haven't seen her since because she hasn't actually moved in. This was like a couple of months ago. She's not going to move in. She will move in, yeah.

And I will still be a good neighbor. I think that's important. But what happens is when the bin men come come they empty bins and they leave them all over the pavement so hers are all over the pavement now normally with the previous neighbors i used to put theirs back into place or they would put mine back into place but i'm not these are so loaded these bins oh my god the unloaded bins are so loaded i can't touch them. So they're just around. How many bins do your other neighbours have? Three. How many do you have? I think

six. Interesting, Sarah, that he immediately knew the neighbour's bin count and not his own. Oh, Frank. You think it is too many bins? That's ridiculous. I don't like how she spoke to you. Right. But I think you might have too many bins. Can I be honest?

Go on. I feel I can speak openly now that I have you here. Yep. I have to agree. I'm here for backup. It's too many. It's outrageous.

Well, look, I didn't get them. They just arrived. I was given six bins by the local council. You're gifted. Gifted. Six bins. Gifted six bins. You're gifted. Gifted. Six bins. Gifted six bins. They're the bin calculators.

It just feels... I don't do bin maths. There'll be a person at the council who does bin allocation maths, and that's what he's come up with. Six for me, three for them. Here's the thing. As is often the case with everything in life,

everyone has a point. This lady's got a tone issue and Frank Skinner has too many bins. There you go. Fair summary. Wait till we get round to your rubbish debate. Oh God. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Oh, I'd like to share this from Nick McFerrin. OK. Finding it strangely surreal... He said, don't worry. No. That was Bobby McFerrin, wasn't it? Oh, it was, wasn't it? As an avatar, he has a little Pac-Man.

Does he really? Which I rather like. Finding it strangely surreal, hearing English words like rubbish and pavement uttered by the charming, now I hope you're okay with this, comma, yet American, Sarah Barron. Sarah Barron, how do you feel about that? I feel fantastic because what it's saying is I had to do a little work to win this guy

over. That's always good, isn't it? It's always positive. He didn't want to like me. He heard the voice. He thought she's going to be a bit much And I am, but I'm still adorable. I did a gig once. I was interviewed at Latitude.

Sure. And when they went to the Q&A, a woman said, her question was, I used to really not like you. Oh, there we go. And now I like you a lot. Have you changed or have I? Do you know what? What a great question. What a great question. What a great question.

You took me on a roller coaster with that one, Frank. But in the end, what a great... It was a great question. Because there was an accountability there. Yeah. That saved her likability in the very end. And what was your... How did you respond?

Well, I said it was a great question, first of all. And I said it's very hard for me to estimate your change. Sure. But I said I also... How old was this woman, by the way, when you said that? Because that hard for me to estimate your change. Sure. But I said, I also... How old was this woman, by the way, when you said that? Because that could have gone one of two ways. No, well, she might have been at that. Okay, okay.

She might have been at that. I felt a bit of a kiss front row. A heat storm coming off her at one point. No, she wore dungarees, I remember. Do you know, I'm really warming to her. Garish dungarees. Yeah, I like her. Yeah, we talked about how as you get into the public eye,

that you start bringing up your dials, all of them to ten, not just the ones that is sellable, but all the other things about you all come up to the surface. So when you first say you just want to be Jack the Lad football fan, then you're thinking of what? Well, interestingly, I were... I mean, I say it's interestingly, you'll be the judge of that. I was staying with a friend in Suffolk.

That's not interesting. Well, I like it so far. OK. staying with a friend in Suffolk. That's not interesting. Well, I like it so far. Okay. His wife, Georgia, she I caught her

watching a video on her phone of Frank on Songs of Praise. Oh, yeah. I think that's had like 18 million hits. She ordered the Comedian's Prayer Book by Frank Skinner. So what I love is that my friend Georgia has a very niche interest in you,

which is entirely an ecclesiastical walk. Can I say, I could get, I could see myself, I don't really, I know that side of you exists, but I don't know that side of you, but I can see myself getting quite into it because I get really, I would say almost excited by people I respect

who I consider to be sort of, you know, brains who are quite religious. I'm loving this sentence. Oh yeah. I mean, it's sincere and again, always wanting someone to like me. But because I would like to become a bit religious as I get older. Really?

Because as death looms ever more present. Absolutely. I want to feel the possibilities. Well, I think you are there. When you said, I'm saying all these nice things because I like people to like me. Obviously, that does change the whole. But Frank, it's not insincere. Okay.

I just have two motives. But Thomas Hobbes. I don't know who that is. Yeah, the 18th century philosopher. Oh. Said that he gave money to poor people because he couldn't cope with the pain he felt about feeling bad that he hadn't given money to poor people. He didn't actually care about them. He cared about him and the way he felt.

Yes, I think I actually probably only care about how I feel. Yeah, I think that Hobbes would be with you 100. Okay. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We never got round to... We were asked for advice from Sarah about the raccoon gate

and in case you just tuned in Sarah found two things in her bin which she didn't put there and I still find things I found like a door panel from a car really in my bin how dare they exactly too much anyway sarah um put the

stuff that the last lot she found on a neutral territory in that square that surrounds trees on pavements and then the raccoons or some other creature got it and it was all over the neighbor's thing and she cleaned it up. That's a fair summary. Yes. Should you go around? But do they even know it happened? They probably do. And the thing is, subsequently since telling the story, I've now been thinking about it more as tends to happen.

And I think there's no way. My fear was because they have a camera that they would somehow. But they're not watching the footage. I shouldn't think so. Like if they saw something was stolen, then you go, you watch the footage. Can I be honest? I've got some terrible news for you.

Oh God. I have friends with a lot of CCTV cameras and they watch the footage endlessly. Do they? And so do I. Wow. What do they do? They sit down at night.

But this is so interesting. My pick tonight. Should we say Wednesday between 9.30 and 11 o'clock? You got it. Rear garden door. Wait a second. It is my favourite.

Rear garden door. I am obsessed by it. Oh, I love it. I'm obsessed by it. Do you think this is typical of people who have CCTV stuff in their home or this is unique to your friends in particular? No, I think we would all do it if we had the CCTV.

Let me just... It's like watching an Andy Warhol movie. Nothing happens. Oh, that's a bad thing, is it? I think, so the reason that my neighbours got it, I think, is that there's just a lot of crime on our street. Like, we're very near a high street where there that there's just a lot of crime on our street. Like, we're very near a high street

where there's like a lot of bars and stuff and I just think drunk people are always coming up and down on the weekends and they got it because like

three streets on our road, three houses on our road were burgled multiple times. Why did your friends get it? Can I just say Sarah's family are at home today?

Yes, they are. Just in case. With their pit bull terrier. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to say, I think it's so entertaining. It's like the Beatles get back or the brother or just watching the comings and goings. Do you watch it on Fast Forward? No, but I think that's a great idea.

Thanks for that tip. Yeah, top tip. Do you watch it on Fast Forward? No, but I think that's a great idea. Thanks for that tip. Yeah, top tip. I will do it. Can I, we've had, we've heard from six. That's it? Yeah. That's the ending of the Watch It CCTV. What else do you want to know?

I mean, I have got details. Watch It, I don't think Sarah needs to talk to the neighbours. No, no, no. Even if they watched it, they'd have like ten minutes of saying, look what she's done. She caused this. And then they would see her cleaning it up and think, you know what? We were wrong about Sarah.

And can you imagine if that was your experience? And then this lady who sounds this way and lives next to you knocks on the door and says, hi, guys, I just want to get into a little something to make sure that the air is clear between us. hi guys, I just want to get into a little something to make sure that the air is clear between us. No, it would be the insult added to the injury of what I already did. Well, this, we had a... And then you hear the woman saying to her husband,

it's the American. Yes, well, I had a debate about if you ran over the neighbor's cat, what would you do about it? Would you just... Well, Frank, we know you and your little pure heart, you'd have to be honest. My idea was to go around, knock on the door,

and open with, you know that Nine Lives thing? Oh, God. That's so great. Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. 601. Morning, team. I'm wondering if perhaps the neighbours secretly have been envy. 601. Morning, team.

I'm wondering if perhaps the neighbours secretly have bin envy. Are you being shown favouritism here? Now, I don't know if he's suggesting or she's... Sorry, this is a celebrity-based thing. But I'll continue. While six bins is overkill and possibly unsightly... Yeah. They went unsightly. We've gone that far.

Might it be the principle of the matter here? Oh, I love it when people say that, because you know what? It never is the principle. No. Why should you get six bins when they have to make do with three? Because they're new.

Wait. It's a good payoff that you're lying. Okay. I think. They're just jealous. But they're new. Wait. It's a good payoff that you're lying. Okay. I think. They're just jealous. But they're new. They'll get six bins if they hang around as long as I do. I don't think it's jealousy.

I think she finds your bins unsightly. Why didn't she mention my six cars? You don't have six cars. What if I had six kids? What would I expect from her then? What if you had a six pack? Do you need that many kids? You have got a six pack.

I haven't got a six pack. There's one in there somewhere. You're very trim. Oh, he's lovely. He's so trim. Do you know, he's always kept his figure. He has always kept his figure. Please.

Yes. Please. Can I tell you something? You know, I was talking about my trip to Ayrshire to the Boswell Book Festival. At the end of it, me and Denise Miner, who I make TV things with,

who's a very fabulous person, we did a sort of session together. It was the last session of the festival and the penultimate one was um was martin jarvis and rosalind there's who are actors so there was just us left everyone else had gone home so that it was like the people who worked on the um thing and us four and we sat in this baronial hall have you got a baronial hall? I'm sad to say I don't

and I just told comedy anecdotes and Martin and Ross told theatrical anecdotes and no one else spoke, it was like a sort of rap battle for the elderly

and you know so and no one else spoke. It was like a sort of rap battle for the elderly. So Roswell said, well, I was directed by Laurence Olivier. Oh, lovely. And I'd say, well. Oh, my God. Yes. I was doing a gig at Battersea Power Station. It was all like that. It was great.

Do you think you won? You know what? I'm not sure I did. Can you be? When I was directed by Laurence Olivier. No, you probably can't. That's really right up there. That's good, isn't it?

But it was joyous, but no one else spoke. And we should have said, anyway, we're talking too much. But I don't think the thought crossed any of our minds. Fair enough. It was brilliant. I had a great, I met Bonnie Langford, who I love. You'll like him. Him?

Her? Yes. You'll be a fan of hers, because Frank likes Doctor Who, Sarah. Do you know about this? That Frank has a Doctor Who... Can I say obsession? Is it an obsession?

Yeah, it's an obsession. Okay, yeah. It is an obsession. Yes. And she was a companion. To two Doctors. Yes. But she did one of the best theatrical anecdotes ever.

She said to me, she said, well, I got a terrible review when I was seven from Noel Coward Darling. I mean, that's good. But I don't know if it's up there with Emily's own

childhood tantrum, I don't want to go to Doris Lessing's house. Oh! we've been talking about bins and cctv oh haven't we they're all getting very sponsored by the council this week ultra madness has got in touch he's one of our regular he's been hanging around this week just caught us at the last second. Yeah. Some CCTV cameras record highlights that make notes of when there's movement on the camera. Oh. Okay?

It's a bit like Match of the Day. Why do they do that? Do you feel that anyone who would get CCTV cameras in their house to begin with would then, if they know that that exists exists would just immediately defer to that method well listen to this it depends it depends whether you like the test match or the one day game sometimes you might say you know what i'm really i don't have i don't have much in me tonight can we watch the cctv highlights package instead of the you know what i just want to see the raccoon appearances and and that's it.

Yeah, exactly. So, listen to this. You can put that in, raccoon only, and you just get that. Oh, yeah, I do Google searches all the time for that. So, you get the bits where Sarah is fly-tipping, but not endless hours of just motionless street view. Dream.

I would like that for my 50th birthday. Well, we get... I birthday. Well, we get, I have to say, we get random bin things, people putting stuff in the bins. What is going on? If you had CCTV, you could solve that in a short period of time. But the thing is, is that you

sort of, you know, it's a person having a strange moment. It's not going to be your neighbour. It's going to be someone you've never seen before. Can I just say something? You know, you just said you wanted that for your birthday. Yeah. Sarah told me off-air a brilliant thing

she got for her birthday from her husband. Her husband got her a stylist for her birthday. There's a criticism nestled in there somewhere. How do you feel about that, Frank Skinner, if you got that for Kath? I don't know if I'd have the courage to get that for Kath. I interviewed Kenny Rogers once. Do you know Kenny Rogers?

No, but thanks for the tip. And he used to buy, he said for Christmas and birthday, he would buy friends, wait for it, liposuction vouchers. No! Wait for it. Liposuction vouchers. No! Liposuction vouchers so that they can get fat removed. Oh, my God.

Oh, Katy Perry buys her friend's therapy. How nice. Yes. No. No, no, no, no, no. I need to buy my friend's therapy. Whatever therapist allows that. The voucher system.

The voucher is null and void as a decent therapist, right? Do you have to tell them up front you've got the voucher so they don't put it into their ledger? I think it's more a therapeutic retreat she gifts them. I think therapy voucher. I mean, I've never had a voucher. Does it come in guineas? I always imagined therapists charging guineas,

but maybe that's incorrect. I don't know. Kenny Rogers, though. Oh, the liposuction. I mean, that is... And I said, aren't you worried you'll offend them? He said, man, I get liposuction all the time. It's great.

Yeah. He said, I like to just eat what I want. Oh, my God. And then I go, he's dead now. I was going to say, what I've heard about that is that if you start getting really into the lipo, but the diet and exercise doesn't sort of complement that thing, that what happens is, like, let's say you suck all this fat out of your belly, it then starts growing up out of your back.

It needs to find a place to go. Well, I think he's now on sale at the Country Western Museum in the form of candles. A Kenny Rogers candle? Made from his... from his liposuction fat. Anyway, we can't end like this. The people are about to have their lunch. Look, Sarah,

thank you so much for joining us this morning. Oh my God, a pleasure. Thank you guys for having me. It's been a joy. And I think if the neighbours have heard this, you might have had an extra bonding thing you might not have anticipated. Do you know what they'll say?

They'll say, you know, I'm warming to the American. Yeah, exactly. So thank you as well, Emily. But, you know, you're here every week, so I can't be thanking you. I'm a comfortable old perislipper. Exactly. It's a bit like that, and so am I.

Thank you so much for listening to us. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week now get out this is Frank Skinner this is Absolute Radio