The Frank Skinner Show - Totally Tunnock's

Episode Date: December 10, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Steve Hall. This week Frank has a new game to try out and had his first Christmas hamper. The team also discuss inhalers, ASMR and mallow… oh, and is it coming home?!

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Steve Hall is with us today. Text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk If I sound a little ho horse it's because i've been ill and i listen this is my bag of pharmacy it includes um steroids antibiotics and two different inhalers i've never used an inhaler you're on the roids so i'm on the roids. So I'm on the... Thanks on the roids. The roids have given me...

Look at my hands. My hands haven't shaked like that since I shaked. Have you had... My only experience of roids is, A, the world's strongest men. Yes. That's a whole other show. Who are roids on legs.

Do you know what? I think... It's fair to say they're fond of a roid. Yeah, yeah. And then I remember a storyline in Brookside where, I'm afraid, one of the characters, that was when they introduced the concept of a roid. Yeah, yeah. And then I remember a storyline in Brookside where I'm afraid one of the characters, that was when they introduced the concept of roid rage. He got very angry because he took the roid,

so just be careful. He wasn't the one who ended up on the patio. No, that was Trevor. This was Mick. I think Mick got him to the roids. Was that one of the first examples of roid rage going big? I suppose the Hulk is the original roid rage. Well, that was...

Was he on roids? That was rye rage, wasn't it? Which doesn't sound as good. Was it gamma rise? Yeah, I think so. Okay. Yeah, rye rage is rubbish. Does your dog get rye rage?

He will now. Sorry, Steve. There's an element of ASMR to the rustling of the bag as well. I don't know what that means. You won't know what that is. I think I'm getting the letters right. It's that where they talk very silently

and it's meant to be soothing and therapeutic and you rustle things. Never heard of it. Do you not know ASMR? Oh, Frank, ASMR. Find out what it means, Steve. I don't know what that is. It sounds like what I believe they used to call a mumbo jumper.

That's so the sort of thing your dad would have said. ASMR? ASMR, what it is, the young people like it, Frank, and they go round to each other's houses, what you would have called dossing, and they say, um, hello, and the other one says hi.

So do you want to come round for some ASMR? And they say okay. They turn up, they plan these things. And they rustle their medication at each other. They rustle? What else do they do? They'll do, it's about, or they'll tap each other repeatedly. It's called, it's autonomous sensory meridian response.

OK. As I said, or MJ, as I call it. Bombo, jombo. MJ as I call him Bombo Jombo It describes a tingling static like or goose bump sensation in response to specific triggering

audio or visual stimuli There you go Frank There would be YouTube channels of someone rustling a bag like you rustle a bag for an hour It caused me some concern the last time I watched the original Dombo that the name over Dombo's It caused me some concern the last time I watched the original Dumbo, that the name over Dumbo's mom's enclosure is Mrs. Jumbo,

which means that Dumbo's full name is Dumbo Jumbo. So if Dumbo Jumbo, if Dumbo ever gets involved in any sort of spiritual thing, he starts talking about it to the press. You just know what the headlines are. OK, well, mate, look, I'm not knocking. I've never heard of it before. It might be this time next year. I'm saying, you know, I've just done my MS. What is it? ASMR. I've just done my ASMR and I've been rustled into oblivion. ASMR. I've just done my ASMR and I've been rustled into oblivion.

But I've got, so I've got the old, you know the inhaler that looks like a periscope, the traditional blue. I've got that and then I've got a thing that looks like Harry Potter might whip out of his uniform. Oh, what's that? Have you got a nice wand? No, it's a circular inhaler. Have you seen one of these? I want to show it to the people on the, just, look, it's a circular inhaler. Have you seen one of these? I want to show it to the people on the... Look, it's a circular inhaler that you slide around. I'm just saying that looks like something I might have in one of my bedside drawers. Oh, dear. And then...

Oh, God. I have to... I have to stop this. And then... Now, that's ASMR. That's my mouthpiece. And then... Now, that's ASMR. That's my mouthpiece, and then I pull that slide. Oh! And it fires white powder into my lungs.

Where did you get this? There's a bloke in Leicester Square, he sells them like crawling action men. Leicester Square sells them he sells them like crawling action men it's an interesting combo of stock I thought

I played Kate Bush I played Kate Bush earlier in the show on the main channel if you're on Decades you'd have heard

different things but there is a Kate Bush documentary on Absol absolute radio called the strangest thing on wednesday the 28th of december i don't have a time for it but it'll be you know check your schedules well i wouldn't be plugging it if i wasn't on it i'm on it with my partner, Kath, in fact, and we both got interviewed. Me because I'm famous when I work here and Kath because she really is a massive... She got some of her memorabilia out the other day, her Kate Bush stuff,

signed things and rare box sets and all sorts of stuff. Worth a fortune that's why we don't keep it at our house and that's on at 8pm on the 28th of December, I'm sure loads of Kate Bush fans speaking of fandom by the way

I got sent a book today which actually even in my illness made me go onto my toes, I went me go onto my toes. I went right up onto my toes with excitement. And it's a book about Doctor Who and the Daleks and a sequel, which was two films which were made, unofficial Doctor Who films,

with Peter Cushing as a man called Doctor Who is actually his surname. And they are brilliant. And it's a book about those and the pictures in it. I just want to say it's a beautiful thing. If you know anyone who likes Doctor Who, I would get them. And it was sent to me by John Walsh, who I think did the whole book and everything. It's, oh man, it's a stunner. It's an absolute stunner.

I've had some nice Christmas presents today come to the thing. But I'll stagger them, lest I should sound like some sort of Lord Bountiful. I was going to say, good for you. Yeah, sorry guys. As Christian Bale once said. Because normally when Doctor Who is raised, it infuriates Emily when I'm on. I don't.

We disappear down a cul-de-sac. No, I think it's fine. Look, if you and your friend want to share a ribald anecdote into the night, I'm quoting from a W.C. Fields film there, I apologise. I got my photo took with Jodie Whittaker and David Tennant. Fantastic. At the Winter Comic Con. That was pretty special.

I got very emotional at William Russell. Am I getting the name right? William Russell? Yes, William Russell. Popping up again. Be interesting. Yes. It's the longest gap ever between a character

appearing on TV. He broke a record. You'll be interested in this, Emily. Oh, yeah, sorry. What's that? I am listening. The biggest gap between a character

reappearing in a television programme. And it was something like 59 years. Oh, I love that. And he's still alive. He's 96. By all accounts, he's still sharp as a tack. Did I tell you? I don't know if I told you

has he still got the same I like it when gentlemen of a certain age they never really their style they fixed it in the 70s fair enough

and they've still got a sideburn a white sideburn yes it's do you like that Frank he's retained that certainly

did I tell you that on the 23rd of November... Did I tell you this, Em? I don't think Steve was on that week. On the 23rd of November at 5.16, which is when the first Doctor Who was broadcast, I sat and played the original theme to myself in my attic, just as Ron Gray in Adelia Derbyshire, that one. How lovely. Was it just you then on your just me on my own which is um did you have the heating on or is it just just i'll tell you

something though i'll tell you something about comic-con i've never known any place on earth where everyone of all interests and of whatever you are whoever you are are really properly embraced and welcome it's a beautiful beautiful i know you mock it um but it is so um accepting it started the accepting culture before it became a cool thing to talk about so what about that on absolute radio but that. Friendship on Absolute Radio. Oh, sorry. No, you were going to tell us someone from the outside world, which I'm always excited to hear.

Ruth Jordan, one of our regulars. Oh, cute. She's as regular as Christmas itself. It's one of the things I love about her is her regularity.

What else do you love about her? I like the fact that she... Oh, like. We're already down to like. We're down. We've gone past the red ink into the black ink. I'll stick with love. OK. I like Jordan.

I like Jordan as a surname. Do you? Well, do you like it as just a single name? No. I always thought it was a sad day when Katie Price dropped Jordan. Mainly because I first knew her as Jordan, but also I once went to the British Grand Prix which was a tedious experience

I like the helicopter ride but the loud cars it's very loud it was like trying to cross a road that you weren't trying that hard to cross anyway there was interesting things happened on it Christaburg in the pits.

Anyway, so I don't mean when we worked in the mining industry together. I mean at Silverstone. And Jordan had been invited to the Jordan tent because she was called Jordan. Oh, guest of Eddie. Yeah, and she said to me, I've got no interest in this at all, but, you know, it's because I'm called Jordan. Oh, guest of Eddie. Yeah, and she said to me, I've got no interest in this at all, but you know, it's because I'm called Jordan. Makes you think, what other names

could you use to get invited? Anyway, sorry. While she went back to Katie Pressure, you get an invite to Our Price, the old record store. Yeah, unfortunately, that was very bad planning. Oh, I know. She gets sent a lot of K-peanuts. She said, never underestimate the pricey.

Did she? That was one of her sayings. Never underestimate the pricey. It's good. It's not up there with Seneca's, the unexamined life is not worth living. But, you know. What about when one of my dad's friends sent me that when I had my ALAPS?

I mean, come on, keep it light, mate. Oh, your dad's friends or an intellectual group. Them and their mumbo jumbo. No, I love a bit of unexamined life, etc. Ruth Jordan says, I think the key to ASMR is doing something that would have caused your dad to threaten to turn this car around and go home.

If you and your siblings were doing it in the back seat... I'm already alienated because we never had a car. We just turn our feet round, my anecdote. But what she's saying, yeah, so if you and your siblings were doing something in the back seat on the way to a family holiday... And that would be it. Well, what she's suggesting is, like,

kicking the seat repeatedly or tapping, because there's a lot of repetitive movement involved. Am I right, Steve? Yeah, and she's suggesting is like kicking the seat repeatedly or tapping. Because there's a lot of repetitive movement involved. Am I right, Steve? Yeah, that's the right one. It's therapeutic. It doesn't champion that thing. At school, there was always those boys who had the bouncy leg. Do you know what I mean?

I don't think it's like that. It's more, I think it's meant to be the physical equivalent of putting mint and tea tree shampoo on your head. That tingle that you get. It's a sensory pleasure. You'll know about that with all your roid meds. Yeah, I don't really rub anything on me. Maybe I should.

I have a bit of moisturiser. Do you have a moisturiser? Oh, yeah. Do you put it on your face? Yeah, only my face. Okay. That's all anyone sees nowadays. And I don't do hand cream although a woman stopped me at, remember the religious lady from Chris Evans, she works on talk radio, talk sport. She stopped me and said the right gap, the right windows in the day to apply

hand cream. Because I was saying Steve, hand cream, I don't know when you put it, because you're always using your hands, hand cream is totally impractical. If it's on your fingers. Yes, of course. I once put it on in the bathroom and I couldn't get the door handle open. I thought I should be in there forever.

How much did you have on? I had to just pace up and down while it absorbed. I've had to shout to my wife for help to free me from the bathroom. Yeah, well, it was no good me shouting to your wife. You live in Oxford. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Mr Peter Vernon has been in touch. Maybe Dumbo's mum was Mumbo Jumbo.

Oh, yeah. I don't think she was ever called Mumbo, though, in the... She was called Mrs Jumbo. She was at one point, I think, sectioned under the Mental Health Act, if I remember when they... Was she? Well, the term they used was Mad Elephant on the sign. That's not very good.

You know when you watch Disney films and you think, oh, I don't like this bit. I wish they hadn't done this bit. You know, I know you get your warnings, but they come out of nowhere, those. And also, you don't want to stop kids watching Disney films. No. But the zombies...

Was there a man who owned the circus? I'm presuming he wasn't a popular character. Well, the human beings never really... They don't have a big say in the original Dumbo. Don't they? And then in the live-action remake, the animals are non-anthropomorphic. Oh.

So humans do all the talking. That's no good to man or beast. I'm nervous. I've got a six-year-old and an eight-year-old. I'm nervous about showing those older Disney ones. I feel like I should watch them again myself. Because even the Little Mermaid from 30 years ago, the kids weren't into that.

No. No, I remember reading Beatrix Potter, and there's a bit where I think it's the cousin Bonnie character. He's a bit naughty, so his dad just takes a branch down from a tree, strips it down, absolutely canes the fur off him. And meanwhile, Peter Rabbit's dad has not only been killed by the farmer, but eaten in a pie.

I thought, this is a lot of X. I'm doing too much explaining here. I'm like a human footnote and find your own plots I mean it's all gone a bit I'm having that Shakespeare so I had a first this week I got my first hamper arrived

oh nice and always an exciting moment especially as this one was totally tonics no way totally tonics no way that's amazing are those tea cake things well that's part of the tonics. No way. Totally tonics. No way. That's amazing.

Hang on, are those tea cake things? Well, that's part of the tonics empire. There's the tonics waifu. There's the tonics snowball. What's the tonics snowball? Well, I don't know. You know the stuff that's in the tea cakes? It's like a white, squidgy...

It's sort of like sugar snow. Oh, it's a... Slosh. If you imagine slosh tasted really nice. I don't know what it is. It's very, I think, it's definitely on speaking terms with the walnut whip innards. Oh, it is. I think they might be related, yeah. I think they might even be bedfellows. So the snow ball is like a coconut ball full of that stuff.

Wow. This sounds absolutely sublime. And there's even like some of the classic tonics, like the wafers and stuff, have become a dark chocolate thing. More sophisticated. I've only had a dark chocolate tonic caramel wafer once, and it's like seeing... What's the phrase that you sometimes use?

What will they talk about down on the farm now that they've seen Paris? Yes. Yes, it's true. Are you going to keep them down on the farm? Question for Steve and Frank. Is the dark tunics wafer... I mean, dark chocolate in general,

is this for the dads, really? Let's be honest. Well, I've always found dark chocolate... They's Wayfair. I mean, dark chocolate in general. Is this for the dads, really? Let's be honest. Well, I've always found dark chocolate a bit grown up. Yeah, because they think, oh, I'll eat this horrible thing like figs while everyone else is eating nice things. Yeah.

Because I'm hard. Because it's Christmas, instead of buying conveniently already shelled nuts, I'm going to buy ones with shells on. Is this, what, Chris? Why? I'm going to buy ones with shells on. Is this, what Chris, why? My wife's a bit

I'm going to try and blind someone with a shard, a shell shard. Shell shard. Why do you do it Steve? My wife's quite a chocolate snob.

So she thinks that here in the UK we're used to low chocolate percentages in our chocolate bars. We grow up not being that fussed about it. She lived in Switzerland

for a while where it's massive high high percentage of the chocolate. Yeah. So she's dark all the way. Do you ever get a fondue at home? We very occasionally. When she visits her sister in Switzerland, we always do a fondue.

She loves a fondue. What ever happened to the steamboats? You remember that? I can't. Fondue. I had a very bad experience with a fondue in Jouan Lepin

and I burned my lip. Easily done on a fondue. But I don't know why you've sidestepped my steamboat question. This is some terrible attachment. Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't know.

I will talk later. So look, I'm going to do, I think I've invented, I've decided that I've invented a Christmas game for all the family. And I'm going to experiment with Steve Hall and Emily Dean and see how it works. So you need a sheet of paper and a pen, okay? And this is going to be a very quick game. It's going to last seconds. And it might be one of these.

It might be not a non-event. I'm going to warn you about this. I tried it on myself and found it perhaps the most difficult game I've ever played, including Otello, which I found impossible. Oh, Otello is awful. I'm nervous. So what you have to do is, from memory, as quick as you can,

you have to draw an ampersand. My goodness. Oh, I can't... Are we done? I've stuck with my first one. Oh, you've got to stick with your first one I know what I wanted but I couldn't draw it We're going to put that video online

I haven't seen them yet but I think it's a genuine challenge memory and intellect wise and of course auto thingy skills, whatever they're called All the things I don't have We'll see how they turn out I felt quite frightened when you said it,

I'll be honest. I'm guessing that whatever you do will be beautifully, it will look like it's come from a stationery shop. And I think Steve Hall is the sort of bloke who might use an ampersand in his everyday correspondence. It gave me a flashback to a traumatic moment from my childhood. What, another one?

Yes, because I used to love Dungeons & Dragons. Oh, yeah. And when I was a kid, I couldn't draw an ampersand, so on my character sheet, I'd written Dungeons plus Dragons. Okay. And I was ruthlessly mocked. I like that that sounds like Dungeons had been invited to a party and took some dragons as a kind of a plus one,

which probably has happened. Question. Is this the end of the game? That's the end of the game. And then I shall decide who's done the best episode. Well, I think we know that, because I was genuine, and I stopped, I suddenly couldn't remember, and it's half done, but I like it.

Okay. Can I say, i tried this myself and i i couldn't i came up with some terrible hybrid um hands across the sea dollar sign meets pounds i never use an ampersand in my normal correspondence yeah well you've got international representation no i prefer the uh the German word. I had a moment where I thought it was the at sign. That was my brief panic. I'll tell you, I had an experience recently

where I honestly thought something supernatural had happened to me. And what happened was this. As David Baddiel and I were leaving the Royal Variety performance. He said, oh, no, I've lost my phone. Can you call my phone, Frank? So he's standing in front of me, so I call his phone, and he answers and says, hello, Frank. And it sounds exactly like David.

And I'm looking at David, and it really got, I felt like a great wobble go through me. And what had happened is Al Moria took Dave's phone, and he'd answered, and for some reason, he sounded exactly like Dave. But there was like 40, there was a period of 15 seconds I didn't tell anyone what had happened because I was so frightened to share in case I was dragged to the ground.

That's terrifying. It was. I didn't want to end up with Mrs Jumbo. But then I fessed up and everyone was looking at each other like, is it Frank or did that really happen? And then, oh, man, that was, that's my scary story for Christmas. This is Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean. And Steve Hall is with us today. You can text the show on 8-12-15, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, email the show...

Don't email the show, because I don't know what it is. I like. Via frankatabs at radio.co.uk. I've examined the ampersand competition. I would describe your role as an invigilator. I have, I've invigilated. The producer, Sarah, also took part. She did what I would call a sort of Scandinavian ampersand,

which had some extra lines on it, like the seven. The Scandinavian seven, and sometimes, you know, you know the no-entry O that you get in Scandinavian writing that looks at something like an ancient Roman might play an instrument? So the winner, I'm going to say, and I'm doing this purely on accuracy, not on artistic content, was Steve Hall. By country mile. Virtually perfect ampersand. Of course he did. purely on accuracy not on artistic content was Steve Hall who did a virtually perfect

ampersand of course he did this is the trauma of my Dungeons and Dragons experience that I remember it's basically my underdog

comeback story that I remember I would have been 13 and I must have tried it a hundred times and there was a real I'm going to win that pageant like I'd been

I'd lost in the first act I'd been defeated this is one of the great underdog combat stories. Then he comes back years later and wins the absolute ampersand. I was running up town hall steps in Philadelphia and drawing an ampersand at the top of the stairs.

I like that the pageant he was longing to win was an ampersand. It was ampersand based. I feel what it demonstrates, it's a great thing and I do recommend people do it. I mean, I would describe it as a brief game. It is a brief game. But Christmas, I think, you know, you're lolloping around. You don't want to be...

I mean, when the Monopoly comes out, I reach for my revolver, I think. I think Joseph Goebbels, was he who said that? Yeah. When I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver. It's a bit of an odd game, isn't it, Minerva? It's like, let's all sit around and pretend we work at Foxton's. Yeah.

Why would you want to do that? Yeah, I'll pretend I've got a new Mini with a grass design on it. Get one of those big purple modern chairs and some fizzy water and a clear fridge. I don't like Monopoly. But Frank... Anyway, can I say that Sarah, the producer, was second with her Scandinavian ampersand. I'm afraid, Emily.

And like I say, I couldn't say this because I found it myself. Yours was a non-recognisable ampersand. It's not as easy as it sounds. I'm looking to move into the European competitions we debated yeah we debated during the music break whether everyone knows what an ampersand is

but I feel that I have steadily winnowed the listeners to this show down to a tiny number which all know what an ampersand is. That's where I feel we are. It's a cross-off with the Frey Bentos from a few weeks ago.

The thing about this is that, and I believe you experienced this, Frank, we know what it is, but when you're put on the spot, the drawing of it is what matters. You think you know what it is. I did a sort of slightly Victorian currency sign. Yeah, it looked like a currency sign.

How was yours? Mine, as I said, fell into somewhere between a dollar and a pound. But there was no plus or and element to it. I'm wondering if Canberra Sands has ever made use of its proximity to Ampersand. Oh, yeah. The graphic design. I've been to Canberra Sands. You have to be careful with Canberraands has ever made use of its proximity to Ampersand. Oh, yeah. The graphic design. I've been to CanberSands. You have to be careful with CanberSands.

It's got some nasty undercurrents, like Ampersands, I find. Ah. Yeah. Can I just, just some news I'd like to share, a couple of things quickly. Maybe CanberSands could make this competition some sort of big public event. With, like, large screens like they do on the chest. Large screens? Yeah, like at the Darts,

so you can be part of what is actually quite a small thing. Yeah, I was just going to say, I think if you're going to organise it, Frank, I really want to encourage you, because I think it's lovely you've had this idea but just how much how do you think how many people would come and given that it only lasts about 12 seconds the problem with it as well

is that once it's out there people are going to practice the ampersand they're going to look one on it's the thing you have to start roiding yeah you have to spring you have to spring it on people if you're going to do it this Christmas, don't tell them the day before.

Or just don't tell them. Or they'll just be on the internet. I think it could be one of the sporting crown jewels that stay on terrestrial TV. The cambersands ampersands. Yeah. The final is over very quickly and then the judge just goes,

and? No, it'll only be... What about Steve? Hosted by? Hosted by? Oh, yeah. What will you wear, Frank? Who would host it?

I don't think I should host it. Why? Because it should be someone like Victoria Cora Mitchell or something like that. No, I see you as sort of William G. Stewart. People are still not happy with me doing the highbrow stuff. They find the accent great in those discussions. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. the highbrow stuff. They find the accent great in those discussions. I had another present sent me.

I got a book sent me by Peter Ulrich who wrote the book and it's called Drumming with Dead can dance and parallel adventures a memoir are you familiar with dead can dance are they a 480 band are they what does that mean record label 480 oh i don't know that the lisa lisa girard is the um lead vocalist who's got a voice i was i once heard a singer described in a review

saying that she had a voice like an angel giving an account of the Holocaust. And Lisa Gerard, it really does sound like he's coming from somewhere different. And Peter Ulrich, as it said, was drummed with Dead Can Dance, and it's all about that. This is exactly, you know, there's a lot of mad musos

listening to Absolute Radio. You should try this out. I'm looking forward to dipping into this. So thank you, Peter. I sent it personally, as far as I can tell, and I look forward to finding out the inside story i saw them uh when was it national festival hall couple years ago i think anyway of course it was on the uh on the subject of musicians we've actually had a request uh from josephine who said it's been far too long since

frank gave us his brian ferry oh okay well Well, the voice is not what it was, but my Brian Ferry consists of... I love Roxy Music very much, and then I sort of followed him, but I was less interested in the cover versions, though I did like A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall, which was Ferry at his most Ferry-esque, which sort of went...

which was Ferry of His Mouse Ferry-esque which sort of went I like him when he said this at his mouse staccato Could you give us a Is it We Are Flying Down To Rio? He doesn't do requests. No, no, I think you've mixed me up. Have I gone too specific? It's not John Coleshaw on Capital Radio now. Here's the thing.

Down to Rio. He does it. It's a bit like Ray with Tricks. He'll do it in his own time. Yes. Danny Tolhurst oh yeah I remember Danny

is it just the same people that text us every week I think we've got the numbers down to about 12 yeah I hope so it's a good number for followers yeah of course what do Frank M and Steve

think will be tomorrow's tabloid headlines relating to the England v France match presumably puns aplenty okay I think we can let that marinate have a think about that boys Steve think will be tomorrow's tabloid headlines relating to the England v France match. Presumably puns are plenty. OK, I think we can let that marinate. Have a think about that, boys.

It doesn't have the level of excitement of the Ampersand game, but it might be fun. France get caned. Oh. Will there be a Macron? I don't know if they can. That might be a bit posh for them to weave, that's it. Holy Macron. Oh, lovely.

Now, a smoked Macron, if they're absolutely destroyed. That's good. But I don't know what he's got to do with it. That might be more like the New Statesman headline or something. I don't know if they'll make it into the top. OK, well, there's always a Zutelor, isn't there? Or they try and incorporate one of those. A Lomze.

Yeah. Oh, lovely. Yeah, that would be good we also have well there's a few here we've got Barefoot Blogger Frank

I gotta say you're looking in fine fetal on the new Three Lions video really I thought that I thought you were

I think he's scrubbed up well he's just standing next to Dave, who's gone into a decline. Au contraire. What did your partner say when we were watching it together? What did she say? She said, Dave looks great. And you said, oh, thanks.

No, I waited a little for the rest of the sentence, but there wasn't any. I was sure Sir Geoff looks great in the brief moment he's in. Sir Geoff is... He has tasted of the forbidden waters. That's my view, Sir Geoff looks great in the brief moment he's in. Sir Geoff is, he has tasted of the forbidden waters. That's my view of Sir Geoff. I think he met the devil at the crossroads and the devil said you can live forever if you want to and look great. I think that is the reward.

No one else has tried it. If you score a hat trick in a World Cup final, you basically have eternal youth. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. final. You basically have eternal youth. Frank, John Hopkins has been in touch and I'm afraid it's a rather damning review of my efforts. So I feel the need to

share this with the group. Steve's absolutely nailed it. Oh, this is the ampersand challenge. Sorry, I should have said. Steve's absolutely nailed it. Oh, this is the ampersand challenge. Sorry, I should have said. Steve's absolutely nailed it. What if this took over from the ice bucket? Frank, it's not going to take over from anything. Oh, OK.

Bosch, done. Next symbol, please. OK, yeah, Steve did absolutely nail it. But he's gone to Oxfordshire, Cambridge United and things. He knows he's clever. It says a lot about my life that I'm genuinely thrilled by this win. He's a very clever man. Yeah, but you've got ampersand scars from your D&D's day. For me, Sarah's added an unnecessary flourish, but still passable.

Yeah. And for you? Thanks for that. And as much as I respect Emily, now nothing good ever comes after that. No. Let's be honest. Any respect preamble. Yeah.

With the greatest respect. Whoa, here it comes. It's up there with the best will in the world. Which is why we prefer saying, with slightly less respect. Yeah. And as much as I respect Emily, comma, here it comes. That's just a pound sign. Then there's an emoji, and I don't quite know,

do you know the emoji man with the sort of like, it's like he's got teeth chattering or something. He's got all his teeth bared. Oh, yeah. Grimacing. What does he mean? I think, yeah, he's sort of someone who's experiencing a squirm. What does it mean?

Does it mean I'm stressed? I think it means it's the face you pull when a doctor puts a stethoscope on your chest. Okay. The cold. Frank will know about that. Yeah, I had one this week. Did you have that as well? I did, yeah.

What haven't you had? Well, it's not going to happen. It's early days, yeah. We've had an excellent... Hold on, so what did he say about yours then? It's just a pen time. It gets worse. Then we have TC.

What about TC, tone control? Steve, arms on desk, smoking a cigarette, knows he's got it right. Nine out of ten. Sarah, unexpected serif additions. Seven out of ten. Emily, wait for it. It's a great moment for you, Steve.

I'm going to let you have it. Unmitigated hieroglyphic disaster. Oh, wow. I love that album. Two out of ten. The only change I'd make to that description is I think Steve would be smoking a herbal cigarette.

I do. Just for health reasons. It's really got me down. It's given me another of my great business ideas which I like to share with my readers. I've met some people very rich out there. Yeah. What about if the idea of yours being just like a pound sign

what if there was a shop that you know like pound land everything's a pound what about if there's a shop where everything was a buy one get one free and it could be called ampersand land because you always there's always an and you always get something and something else. What about that? Hello. I like it. No comment at this time. Okay.

Thank you. I thought that was great. It's a slightly long sign. Oh, I know you did. It's a slightly long sign. And you know the way they have the books at Argos, the catalogues on a chain.

You need a Roger's thesaurus hanging outside the shop but I think that could catch on Frank Skinner Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Okay, Steve we haven't really talked about what you've been up to

forgive me, I got so wrapped up in my own world. It's all good, it's a totally tonics world, that's more important It's been the start of christmas gig season oh of course for comedians and i did a gig in birmingham on thursday night uh in a in a lovely venue but the heating had broken down uh and uh it was absolutely freezing uh and they lots of lots of christmas dues they'd all come in their christmas jumpers varying degrees of wacky christmas jumper but they were so cold they all had to wear coats i've never had a gig like it where they i could see the audience they looked like they were laughing

because they were genuinely shivering well i once went i once went to a record of the David Letterman show. I never actually made the show, but I just went to watch. And he deliberately kept the studio, like the whole audience was in their proper winter coats. And his theory is that that keeps people alert and focused. And at every commercial break, the first thing he did was take his jacket off and stuff. And at every commercial break, the first thing he did was take his jacket off and stuff. Wow. It was to keep himself cold as well.

The logic of that, I mean, the audience were, they were complaining to the staff, they were saying this is, you know, it's not the comedian's fault. To the staff? To the staff, sorry. And I'd say, if that's how you view the people that work with Brendan.

My teeth were genuinely chattering on stage. Wow okay that's it that's how you view the people that work with my teeth were genuinely chattering on stage it was wow hey that's could you see your own jokes yeah i could see i could see breath coming off i would have just walked out no but it's an interesting theory because if you i have done gigs in places that were super hot like in the hot weather and without air conditioning and they can slightly start to slumber a bit so um i i think it's an interesting idea to keep them cold and they'll be bold and then i also this week i had a um i was reminded of this because you talked about the supernatural moment with uh david baddiel's phone yeah i had a i. Yeah. I had a late blooming phobia of dentists. I'd never had a problem with a dentist ever. And then my previous one,

I still lived in London. I had a full on panic attack. It was wriggling like I was being waterboarded and the dentist openly laughed in my face at how pathetic I was being. That's not the right approach. And so it stayed with me almost more than a Dungeons and Dragons ampersand that had stayed with me so I finally

plucked up the courage now we've moved to Oxford I've got a new dentist and they they're fantastic and it was my first I knew I was aware it'd probably need quite a lot of work she took so long to calm me down she was talking me through everything that was going to happen uh there was classical music playing in the background one of the classical radio stations was playing. And I was ready for the process to begin. And at the very moment she launched in on me, the classical music went... Oh, man.

It was Beethoven's Fifth. Of course. I guess that. It started at the very moment. I don't trust my own musical performance. And it sort of weirdly helped because I laughed and she laughed and it sort of helped me get through. But it felt like there was some sort of divine spectator wanting to mark the drama.

One of my favourite jokes, I think it was a Ross Abbott joke, was Beethoven arguing with his wife, they're having a massive row, and she says, I'm leaving you, Beethoven, I can't live like this. And he says, you can't leave me, you're my inspiration. She says, me? Your inspiration? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I just thought it's a joke, this guy, everything. If it was Ross Abbott, much I respect him. Can I say I watched the second trailer for Harry and Meghan this week and I found myself croaking at the television because there's a bit where he says, no one knows the whole truth. We know the whole truth. And I said, you said no one.

Yeah, well, I mean, like, you know, no one, no one, but sort of we do. Well, that doesn't make any sense, does it? No, I think we do, we do know. Well, the doesn't make any sense, does it? No, I think we do. We do know. Well, the royal family must have their own truth you couldn't possibly conceive of. Oh, God.

God. Oh, we don't have it. Oh. Did you see in that trailer they've used fake footage as well? I know they used footage of, was it Katie Price? Katie Price, second. Do you know what? Never underestimate Pricey.

No, who'd have thought she'd have gone into that? And also, I think it's also a Harry Potter premiere. Yes, yeah, yeah. And Michael Cohen, Trump's old lawyer. Look, I'm not taking sides here. I don't know who's right and who's wrong, but you can't say no one knows the whole truth, we know the whole truth.

There must have been a massive edit in between in which he did all the qualifiers and blah, blah, blah. Frank, are we going to win the football tonight? Well, what I like about the way the football's been talked about is all about Mbappe, the great French striker, who is brilliant. But I firmly believe that Harry Kane is the best striker in the world,

having watched so much of him when, you know, watching the Black Cockerel with my child. And I'm thinking, if it comes to a sort of head-to-head, that the complete cane will triumph. That's what I think will happen. By the way, we talked about Christ Hospital the other week. And as I remember, it cropped up. But I remember talking about...

Sorry, it's the idea of any other commercial breakfast radio show. It's a school rather than... By the way, we talked about Christ's Hospital. It's a school where the kids wear robes and long yellow socks. Angela Barnes had done a gig there. That's her. Oh, that's her, yeah. Thank God you're here, Steve.

And our official record keeper. Yeah, I love it. And we were talking about the fact that the kids wear robes and also that Gene Simmons, the Kiss bass guitarist, had done a reality TV show version of School of Rock there. And I made the point that it is a very posh school. They dress in robes. But in fact, most of the kids there are on bursaries and stuff

and are not posh kids. They're kids who are getting a chance for a really good education. And Christ, I was very grateful I'd made that point're kids who are getting a chance for a really good education. And Christ's last people were very grateful I'd made that point and they sent me a teddy bear in full robes and two massive pairs of yellow socks for me to wear

which was very exciting. Was it from Medieval Times? You've done a gig there? It's stunning. How was the heating? The heating was good. The gig was in the round. They had a little theatre space. It's one of the few places it's not a theater in the round that's not what you want with the ball patches i've accepted that long ago i like that it's very flattering beautiful patch i know exactly what i'm very flattering i'm a very supportive kind of a

guy um by the way there was a christmas i know we have we run out of time but we, there was a Christmas, I know we run out of time, but there was a Christmas concert at my son's school this week and he played bass and he couldn't resist doing the Gene Simmons crouch with the tongue sticking out. In the middle of a once in Royal David's City. It was actually Sparkle and Shine, which just did it. But anyway, it was enjoyable. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, marvellous.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Steve Hall. You can text the show at 81215. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Oh, and here's another inhale another inhale oh we had a good message about my circular inhaler that fires white powder into me we did it was from uh two three four

he said frank may be interested to know that i'm going to start again my mic i'd slightly i know i was i thought i'd gone you know when you go deaf and you've got some blocked teeth? Full disclosure, I was showing off and I was wrapping my scarf around myself in a flamboyant manner to try and make you laugh. During the Kravitz. During the Kravitz. And I knocked my mic, I made a bit of a fool of myself. It's alright. Okay, let's start again.

all of myself it's all right okay let's start again two three four frank may be interested to know that medics are trying to get asthmatics to use only powder driven inhalers these have to be sucked on hard rather than gas driven they're these this is to cut down on greenhouse gases and that's from jim gibson who describes himself as a fellow asthmatic. Well, I'm not actually asthmatic. I've just got something at the moment. And that's interesting news. Whoever thought... See, I've always seen those blue-green inhaler periscope things as a symbol of peace and kindness and goodness.

Turns out they would destroy the planet. Like the wood-burning stove, which is my new obsession. If you've got one of those, get rid of it. Yeah, they're bad. Disgusting. Bad, bad, bad. Wood-burning stove.

Oh, terrible things. I mean, don't get me started on them. I am becoming that old lady who writes to the council. The particulates that they launch into the atmosphere. Selfish things. Of course, we've gone very

environmental. Very Georges Monbiot. Taxi Joe. I don't know who that is.ges Monbiot Taxi Joe I don't know who that is Taxi Joe Taxi Joe The Green Badger Yeah

Oh hi Morning says Taxi Joe The Green Badger Right Respond Frank Morning Taxi Joe The Green Badger

Yeah Daddy Cool Cat Taxi Joe The Green Badger says Didn't that Mbappe used to be in EastEnders? What a transformation.

Come on, England. Yes, I think he's referring to Mbappe. Mbappe. Who was Sir Michael Greco, of course. Lovely, Frank. Who used to do, be advertised in the telly, you could go and play golf in, enjoy the Marbella Sun with Michael Greco.

It's like a golfing weekend. Do you know, I feel Michael Greco probably does a lot of Enjoy the Marbella Sun, and good on him. Yeah, good on him. He's earned it. Meanwhile, JTL, Jackie Bunnett, he's taken issue, Frank, with some of your, whilst we're on the subject of the England team... Yes. Frank Skinner just said on Absolute Radio

that Harry Kane is the best striker in the world. Now, what follows is a suggestion that you've perhaps been imbibing at an early time in the morning in order to say something like that. Well, I have my white powder save-the-planet inhaler. Essentially, he strongly disagrees. OK, well, you know, it's a game of opinions. But I've watched him a lot

and I feel he's the complete footballer in many ways. You could play Harry Kane in midfield and he would still devastate the opposition. I think we'd agree here. We've all got World Cup fever. It might be the World Cup fever talking. I don't think it is that, though. Harry Kane, I think the problem is

for a lot of people, is Harry Kane, he doesn't have peroxide blonde mohawk and tattoos and hasn't been photographed with a supermodel. That's why the nightclub. He's a proper, solid, professional footballer,

but a genius. That's my opinion. I stand not, I'm no Tottenham fan. I don't stand to gain anything from this. No, exactly. But you know,

alright JT. We'll see who does best tonight. We'll see at JT. Beppe. Beppe. Beppe from EastEnders. Michael Greco.

There must have been a Harry in EastEnders over the years. You see, if Mbappe had any humour about him, he would get Michael Greco to put a have been a Harry in EastEnders over the years. You see, if Mbappe had any humour about him, he would get Michael Greco to put a shirt on and come on, just for ten seconds to shake people up a bit. Yeah.

Come on, have a sense of humour. I think that would allow for a lot of international knowledge. I don't know if I could go on as a French soap opera character. That would take some doing. He's a great player, you know. One day he might even be as good as Harry Kane. soap opera character. That would take some doing. He's a great player, you know. One day,

he might even be as good as Harry Kay. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Do you remember we did that Ampersand Christmas game? Yeah. It's become

already a professionally made board game. Oh, what? ACG? ITV are bumping the quarterfinal tonight for life and percent. It's not on ITV, is it, tonight? I worry that it might be. No, they've broken the curse now.

OK. The curse is over. What's lovely is it had Sarah's other half, I don't know if I'm allowed to name, but Matt, he's liked the... as an act of support. He's liked Sarah's. Yeah, he's liked Sarah's. They say nothing about mine. Lovely, that's true love.

It must be interesting to be in a relationship like that. Kath would have said, liked Steve's probably. No, she'd have liked yours, Em. No, no one would have liked mine, let's be straight. But she would have said Steve's is amazing. I know, she would have done., let's be straight. But she would have said, Steve's is amazing. I know, she would have done. I didn't do one happily, so that got me off the hook.

You mentioned your totally tunics hamper earlier. And 245 has texted to say, the white goo is referred to as mallow. Oh, of course. Well, what's the marsh then? Is that mallow taken from some sort of damp area of ground in the early hours of the morning, gathered like cuckoos, B?

Maybe they've just been really friendly with marshmallow and it's... I mean, talk about bedfellows. Those two. Marsh? Are you all right? Why did Marsh get in on the action? There's got no business being there. What are the other kinds of Mallow?

They carry on. Swamp? Swamp Mallow? Bulk? Two, four, five carries on. Once at a birthday party when I was seven. The Argentine, they love the Pampas Mallow. Oh, well, you know what that means.

What's that? Do you not know what that means? If you put pampas mallow outside your house. Well, we know what that means. Do you know about that, Steve? I've heard about it, I think probably from this show. We won't say what it is, but it means that you're you like socialising with other couples a great deal.

Yes. Yes? Okay. Great use of the word socialising. Yes, lovely. Once at a birthday party when I was seven, I ate three Tonics snowballs, then went on the bouncy castle. You can guess the result. I've not eaten a snowball since I turned 42 yesterday.

Oh, wow. I mean, you over-did it. That's not Tonics' fault. Imagine, there's been a moment when he went on. You know when you make those volcanoes with baking powder? Have you seen those? And they suddenly, it all fires at the top. Must have been like that on the Bansky Castle.

It's Mallow. Mallow everywhere. Just Mallow. Who made? Mallow man. Who invented Mallow? Who invented Mallow... Who made... Mallow Man. Who invented Mallow? Who invented Mallow? 8, 12, 15.

What did you do? Oh, my grandfather invented Mallow. Oh, yeah, I've lived... Oh, you're the... The Malloware. You're the Malloware. My father was big in the Mallow industry. Yes.

The mysterious Malloware. He'd be called Mallow Man or something, wouldn't he? Oh, I'd love it. Like James Mallow-er. He'd be called Mallow-man or something, wouldn't he? Oh, I'd love it. Like James Mallow III. I don't know if it was named after him. How do we know? It might be. Well, it's part, I mean, I don't know enough of that. I've only just found out it's called Mallow. I haven't had time

to research. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. By the way, another friend of the show, Martin Cheek, who you may know, you may remember, is an illustrator who sent me his Christmas card this year. I mean, the one that he made. He says, Frank, it turns out that this card

is my equivalent of your Johnny Ray impersonation. I did Johnny Ray on Stars in the Rise and no one knows who he was. In that no one has heard of Sir Edwin Lansier, Aethel. That is incorrect. I have. Edwin Lansier, who you may be best known for the lions around Nelson's Column, which he's done a little drawing of. But also, the card is a little drawing of. But also he's

done a, the card is a mock version of Monarch of the Glen, not the TV show, but the painting of a stag which shows a stag rampant, so to speak. Not couchant. You rarely

see a painting of a stag couchant unless it's in a religious context, I find. I agree. Okay, thanks for agreeing with that. I thought I should. I would like to take us, we sometimes deal with, we call it previously on this show. Yeah, because I just heard the jingle for it.

Did you? For the first time a few weeks ago. Yeah, I wish I could find it and I'd play it for you. While you're looking for it, can I share this with you? Oh, no, I jingle for it. Did you? For the first time a few weeks ago. Yeah, I wish I could find it when I play it for you. While you're looking for it, can I share this with you? Oh, no, I've got it. All right. Previously on this show. The idea is that a lot of people listen to the show on podcast,

and obviously I'd rather you listen to it live because I don't want you to miss my fantastic music selections. Nevertheless, people have quite strong opinions about things that have been said, and I don't want them to be lost in the ether. And so that is why. No, it's nice. I remember back in the day, it used to be email corner.

Email corner, yeah, but times have changed. So I'll tell you what I really feel we need to return to. I thought you were going to do a bit of Spice Girls. Yeah, but I would have liked to if I'd have done it in that voice. I'll tell you what I really feel. I will tell you. Do you remember we had, we covered a topic, I'm calling it the worst nickname you've ever heard.

Yes. I can't remember what it, I discovered a nickname which I thought was really poor. I'm looking to Steve now, he's not on the show now, but it seems to have a really good memory. But I was talking about a very rubbish nickname I'd seen. And some nicknames, I don't know why people bother, they're so terrible. And we had some good examples, none of which I can remember. Yes. But I feel we've got some more. Oh.

I mean, I think I'm going to go sensational. Okay. I'm enjoying, first of all, kick-off with Samantha. My daughter has been called Chicken Boy since she was a baby. Okay. I was cuddling her and calling her mommy's chicken pie mommy right a bit american my eldest daughter asked are you calling her chicken boy i said i wasn't but i am now she's now 21 and all christmas and birthday cards are addressed to chicken boy

we have emma i worked with a chap whose nickname was Figgy his real name was Graham a client rang and Graham answered it it was his first day the client asked who he was and then said I know everyone who works in this department and there's nobody called Graham you must be a figment of my imagination so he became figment which morphed into figgy yeah even the mother calls him figment everyone else calls him figure even the chairman of the bank we worked for calls him fig that's really remarkable a chicken boy i don't know how colonel harland sanders would feel about that surely there can I make a point now you said oh mommy

M-O-M-M-Y oh the American that's exactly what fat boy slim Norman Cook said to me after he read my autobiography did you grow up in America because you've written M-O-M for your mom but I don't know what the M-U-M thing is

I've never said mum in my life. I say mum. My mum. And so it's a real mystery to me, the M-U-M. I don't know. Would you say mum if you're mum? I guess it's a real... I wouldn't say mummy.

I would. I would. Hello, mum. You wouldn't say mum? Instead of, hello, John Gotton, you're murdering us. Maybe it's a black country thing. I think it is. But it's M-O-M for me all the way. Hello, Mum. You wouldn't say Mum. Instead of, hello, John Gotten, you're mentioning her. Maybe it's a black country thing, but it's M-O-M for me all the way. Okay, okay.

Just to clarify, Ruth, our regular, has confirmed Mum is a Brummie thing, Emily. We say it Mom, so we spell it mom, not mom. Oh, so that is a weird combination, the black country and America. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. No, that's good to know.

It's always good to know that. You're not alone. There have been a number of people. Tom as well. Mom is a wing. Tom, as they call him. Funnily enough, I did know Toms, who people used to call Tom and Tommy.

This is interesting. I remember a mate saying, I should Tommy Jones down Albury. It was a bloke called Tommy Jones. Tommy Jones. Sorry, carry on. Mum is old English. Oh.

So that explains why you're because that's what you were taught because I am both old and English yeah so it's a Torsarian spelling and used in the Midlands

mum is the modern spelling mum is used in the USA as the old English was taken over and didn't develop oh what an interesting oh I love our readers and then Tom says

bug up chase town do you know what that means bug up chase town I thought it was that means bug up chase town i thought it was a birmingham it might be but it's it's and also faye our assistant producer at the moment um has um pointed out that the nickname came from my discussion of being johnny ray on um stars in the rise and that johnny ray Ray had what I thought was a rubbish nickname. He was known as the Neighbob of Sob, because he used to cry on stage.

We talk about ampersand, but how many people know what a Neighbob is? And it's a sort of an eastern leader, but not generally. I only know it from the New York Times spelling bee. It's one of those obscure words that comes up in word games. But it makes me think of the theme tune to Neighbours. Neighbours. Everybody needs good...

I suppose you do need a good Neighbours. Sort of benevolent. A medieval Neighbours. We do have... But it is a worry unless you're... Unless you're someone like Kanye when nay-bobs become good friends. I think that's the problem.

We have a lot of Mallow content. But before we get to that, I just want to share quickly with you, let's round off previously, because I need to share this. Lauren, or Lauren, I'm going to call her. It looks French. A co-worker, this is nicknamed still, we're on the subject of. We have a co-worker called Hot Pants because the batteries for his vape

started smoking in his pockets. They could have gone so many ways with that, couldn't they? But they went for Hot Pants. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. We've had a plethora of Mallow-related outside world interaction. Okay.

Hell yeah. Milton Tweets 3 has said, Morning, folks. The Mallow plant from which the roots were used to make the confectionery grows along riverbanks and in marshes. Oh, wow. For some reason I always conflate it in my head with marsh-loving children's TV character Willow the Wisp.

Ah, yeah, as voiced by... Yes. Mallow the Wisp he should have been called. So I could go and pick mallow and make my own snowballs. I'm not going to. Giant Thinkhole says,

all I know is that I planted one when I was young. Yeah, all right. And something grew, but it turned out to be an onion. I'm still not quite sure how that happened. No. I mean, my thoughts and prayers. I think... But I suspect my mum, M-O-N, had something to do with it.

I think tonics would have been brought to its knees with its onion snowball. Steve Burgess says, a quick Google suggests the ancient Egyptians first started eating marshmallow reserved for royalties and gods, and the mallow plant was found in the marshes. The root of the plant soothes coughs and sore throats. So Frank can dispense with his inhaler.

No, I can get rid of the inhaler and hit the snowballs. I've got plenty. Not those snowballs. No. You know. I don't know what that means. No, it was avocado. Oh, avocado and...

Lemonade. Oh, lovely. Sounds lovely. No, it was Advo-car. Oh, Advo-car and... Lemonade. Oh, lovely. Sounds lovely. I know... Oh, Christmas. Even though I feel we've taken a left out of previously, I'd just like to dip briefly back in there. Okay.

Just a quick glance in the rearview mirror. My dad's boss at British Leyland in the late 70s... I mean, already I'm all like this. I like it so far. Our Keith worked at British Leyland in the 70s. I mean already I'm all like this Our Keith worked at British Leyland It's so our Keith this was called the frightened balloon. This is because

every Friday he'd go around asking you're not going to let me down for overtime on the Saturday Very fine Very fine. Very fine. That might be in my top 20 ever bits of correspondence.

The Frightened Balloon. That's a long nickname as well, but worth it. I'd love to know what RK thinks of that if he's listening. He might have even known the Frightened Balloon. Maybe he was the Frightened Balloon. Did he do Leyland? No. I told you Keith was actually photographed

in the most classic trade union pose outside of British Leyland. Not photographed, filmed on the news saying, thinking the management are not making this any better. And he was actually, as he spoke to the reporter, was warming his hands on a, wait for it, brazier. On a Jeff Brazier? On a Jeff Brazier who was on fire at the time. Did he have a donkey jacket on? He had all that.

He had a woolly hat. So look, thanks for joining us, Steve. It's always an absolute pleasure. Thanks for having me. Who knows what might happen tonight, but I do think we've got some exceptionally talented players. And I just think it's one of those moments of football. I know there's things wrong with this World Cup

but when football just like it feels like everybody except Faye who hates football and has said she's definitely

not watching everybody gets if England win you just know tomorrow there's going to be a glow in the air

which is beautiful and also the people there won't smash anything up because they can't get their hands on alcohol. It sounds like a great country in that one respect, certainly.

So look, thanks for listening to us this morning. The good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise. We'll be back again this time next week. Now get out.