The Frank Skinner Show - Travel Toothbrush

Episode Date: May 27, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. Frank and Emily are joined this time by Steve Hall. This week Frank has returned to the hardware store. The team also discuss excess baggage and custom kicks. And we have Jak Malone and Natasha Hodgson from Operation Mincemeat in the studio!

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. So this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and you may have guessed that Steve Hall is with us this morning. Have I got some sort of... Here we go for Steve Hall. Oh. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Frank, Steve looked really happy with his music.

I tell you what, because Steve, having known me quite a while, was expecting a twist in the title. I was expecting the final pop of the trumpet to be a... Yeah, I think he thought something unfair was coming. And then I just gave him praise and raised him up. That's the way to mess up comedians in general, is the love I never got from my dad. That's the way to mess with me. People in general are kind.

So, speaking of all things musical, weren't we? No. You generally are. I heard Thin Lizzy on the radio the other day. You know, the boys of Becantown, that song. And it's all about these testosterone-fuelled young men

returning to the town centre. To Birmingham. To wreak havoc. If the boys want to fight, you better let them. Are they from Birmingham, the boys are back in town? Well, he's Irish, isn't he? There's a big statue of him in Dublin. Yes.

And whose daughter did he marry? Leslie Crowther. Yes, fabulous. Look up Leslie Crowther. Yes, fabulous. Look up Leslie Crowther if you don't know him. He was a big entertainment figure and presented Cracker Jack.

And the price is right. And the price is right. Come on then. So, I was listening to it and it said, Friday night we'll be dressed to kill down at Dino's Bar and Grill.

And I thought, oldie, the boys are back in town, they're going for a sit-down meal. What kind of wildness is that? To grill. Down at Dino's Bar and Grill. That's fantastic.

I'm going plant-based. I think if they got it, they might have it, they will. And if the boys have truffle fries, you better let them. I mean, don't go to Dino's bar and grill. Go somewhere

wild and crazy. Is that why they're back in town? They've learnt from their previous mistakes. They'd like to apologise for their behaviour the last time they were in town. This time they're lining their stomachs before they go out. And if the boys want to fight, you better... If the boys want a dessert,

you better let them. Why do they go to... Anyone out there knows, because maybe there's some song, maybe it's a place in Dublin where hard men go to eat. Dino's Bar and Grill. Hard men, but not so hard

that they'll drink on an empty stomach. Not those kind of guys. I remember an old guy saying to me once, he got me a pint. He said, do you have a pint? And I said, I haven't actually eaten anything. He said,

it's only glottons what eat and drink. Great words of wisdom there on absolute radio well also when they start proceedings off the boys if i may call them that yes i find they're quite reasonable they're not aggressive they say guess who just got back today yeah exactly it's quite nice yeah my first is in fish but not in boats oh no the boys where have they been i mean the whole thing has changed for me. The boys want to fight. You better let them. They're not going to fight.

They're full on. I'm too full on. The boys have got an ex yet. We had a fantastic gap year. There might be a story. You know people know the stories behind songs. If anyone knows the story of Dino's Bar and Grill and the boys. Oh my God, guess who just got back today?

Who? Giles! Oh wow! Willie B and Dino's! Yeah! Anyway. Yes. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio

don't forget this morning's texting when your phone has got no service how come the clock still works at 12.15 we've got Jack Malone and Natasha Hodgson from the West End Smash musical Operation Mincemeat as guests today.

They're arriving at ten. We've actually got guests. Guests on this show are as rare as the excrement of the proverbial rocking horse, but we have got them today. That's a nice way to introduce them. Yeah, well, you know, I'm excited they're on. The three of us love the show.

Oh, we really do. So we're excited. Save him. Save him. You were wonderful, darling. Do you know, Frank once said to me, when I said something nice to him, he said, what's the point in telling me that off-air? What can I do with that? He had a point. Anyway.

Save it. I was back at the hardware store this week. You might not be aware of this, Steve, but I went to buy a penknife for my child. Yes, I was listening. A couple of weeks ago. God bless you for that. It's all good.

You're getting better at the whittling. Yes. I found a whittled stick that he brought back from camp, which looked, it was pointy. Anyway, I went back this week for other things. My last, I didn't buy anything last time. So we're having a sequel to the hardware store. But this is the happy ending to my disappointing

£49.99 Swiss Army knife refusal. So I went back this week and I said to the man, I'm looking for a scrubbing brush. And he said, yes, sir, come with me. And he took me to, you know when people have

those sort of wine cellars and they have little like squares with bottles of wine in there was a squares of about eight or not ten and each one had got a scrubbing brushing and I reached in and took out one of those you know spiky old scrub and it was exactly the same as my mother had when I was a child it's I love the idea that they thought that's it now we've got it right no more meetings guys yeah that's the scrubbing brush and nothing nothing has changed you know you must know comedians like this Steveve they get 20 minutes and they think that's it that's perfect yeah i'll stick with that for the rest of my career but it's exactly the same nothing

has happened to the scrubbing brush and has it got a wooden back oh yeah oh i don't even know what the bristles are made of like brown hard spiky nature there's none harder they're made of spiky nature i've never seen anything harder than that oh man give frank i carried it but i went into another shop and i put it on the counter and i said don't worry i'm not paying with that it looked like it was like a bank raid i said anyone moves and I'll scrub the skin off them with this baby. How much is a scrubbing brush?

You know what? It's £3.99. Not bad. I was pleased with it. What I think about it though is I found in my career, I don't know if you guys have found this, that the ascent is the exciting thing, you know, working on it. And when you plant the flag in the top of the mountain,

then you think, well, what now? And I bet there's a sad backstory about the designer of the scrubbing brush who got there and then thought, well, now what? What do I do yeah and he was just left you know you know at the end of when was it

was it 84 in was it Germany in 84 when Torval and Dean danced

Ravel's Ballera oh Sarajevo was it was it and they were absolutely they were perfect. They got loads of perfect scores.

They might as well have just, you know when they fall flat on the ice, they might as well have left them there, like the elderly relatives of Inuits. They might as well have just left them to die on the ice because after that, how do you top that? And likewise, the scrubbing brush designer. And did he have Ravel's Bolero playing while he was designing it? No, he was on a really rubbish ITV scrubbing brush show for celebrities he was later.

Frank, there's some important TCB that needs to be done. Matt Cutler has been in touch. Yeah. We were talking about the boys being back in town. Yes. And I had a weird feeling there might have been some Birmingham connection. Yes, you said that. Matt has confirmed this.

It's not actually Birmingham, but carry on. Phil was born in West Bromwich like Frank. He was christened in Selly Park and he moved to Dublin Young, so maybe it was about Birmingham Town Centre. How dare you call Birmingham a town? He was born in the

same hospital as me, I remember now. Hallam Hospital as as it was called then. Where my mum said she lay in bed with the cockroaches dropping off the ceiling onto the beds. But she might have been there. Paul Cashmore said it, Hallam Street Hospital. Yeah, I think it's just Hallam Hospital. And now it's, I think, West Bromwich District,

for those of you who are interested in that kind of... No, I'm on. And we've also had clarity on Dino's as well. Oh, yeah. We have. 468 says, Dino's is allegedly a restaurant in Maidstone, which is now the Mughal dynasty Indian restaurant,

which Phil saw after a gig there. Okay. Okay, and finally... It doesn't really explain why the boys are going there. Well, okay. Okay, and finally... It doesn't really explain why the boys are going there. Well, I'll tell you why. Bilbo Bakewell has come to our rescue. It was revealed that Dino's Bar and Grill

was modelled on Dean Martin's restaurant at 77 Sunset Strip, Los Angeles. I expect it was very similar. Yes, yeah. Yet still, nevertheless, it doesn't seem a place where the boys could say why you might want to go. The rat pack in Maidstone

may be an actual pack of rats. You can never be too sure. I can't believe you said that about Maidstone. Yeah. I'm having no part of it. Have we had an answer of why my clock still works when my phone has got no service? No, but there's something I want to share with you.

I thought of you. Sometimes I'll think of you, Frank. I must discuss this with Frank. He'll understand. I don't want to put pressure on you. You might think this is completely unreasonable. We'll see. One thing I struggle with in this lovely weather we're having

and i i didn't realize i had such a problem with it until i saw uh i came across this phenomenon yesterday first sighting of the season babies in sunglasses oh it makes absolutely ill I cannot bear it it feels unnatural it's sleazy I think you could argue it is unnatural they're lovely things and to put these sunglasses on them I saw one yesterday

it looked like Kurt Cobain this is in real life I associate it with the world of novelty postcards people put sunglasses on babies what do you two think? first of all can we clear up I sort of associate it with the world of novelty postcards. No, people put sunglasses on babies. What do you two think? Well, first of all, can we clear up? Remember, this is 2023, so we have to say,

of course, there will be some babies who need to wear sunglasses, blah, blah, blah. And we have full respect for them and their parents. As for the others, I think there is a thing of children... I'm talking about fashion glasses. Children as comedy accessories you get. I think I would associate it with those bumpers that people send in for Britain's Got Talent and stuff. So that offer, there'll be a child then in sunglasses.

Fashion wear in general. I sometimes struggle with high fashion. Is this in the cl climbs that you live? Is this in a sort of slightly more bohemian soaps? Have you moved to the Bahamas?

No, as Frank says, functional glasses, absolutely. I'm talking about overtly fashion statement glasses. Like the Kurt Cobain's I saw yesterday.

What about the ones that are actually drinking straws that fall off round and they go into a cup at one end and into the mouth or the ones that say 2023 i won't i won't be having that i don't think you can get the drinking straw one from the nhs but i saw another pair which looked a bit Gary Oldman Dracula. They had a fashion bent. I have to say, my son has taken to wearing sunglasses. He's 11. He was 11 this week. And he looks like Ian Hunter from Mott the Hooper.

I mean, he really does. Oh, by the way, some of you will remember last year, my partner, Kath, painted a birthday cake with Alice Cooper on it. And this year she did another one. So I think I might post a picture of that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, yes, so I put a picture of the cake decorated by my partner, Rob. It's a Kiss cake.

My son is obsessed with the band Kiss. I'm going to rock and roll all night. And he also got... Now, here's the thing. He got some Kiss, what we used to call basketball boots but you know the sort of high canvas

trainer high tops yes but canvas you know what I mean like they're still high tops yeah

do they not call them basketball boots anymore no okay anyway I think it best to be honest anyway he got a pair of those

with kiss on them now I was thinking customs i was thinking have i um have i ever had shoes with a picture of something or someone on it and i had some basquiat trainers you know basquiat the? Yeah. I didn't know who he was. I just saw these trainers, and I really liked them. I thought they were Corpse Bride merchandise because they had these sort of scars on the side. So I bought them.

I can't remember what they were. I love them, and I wore them literally until one of the soles dropped off, one of them. What era were you wearing these? Oh, 90s, mate. Yeah, into 2000s. And anyway, I looked them up. I thought I wouldn't mind getting another pair.

So I looked up and I found a pair on the internet, $475. Oh. So. Yeah, it's either that or the penknife. Yeah, exactly. But if anyone's listening ever worn or had got shoes with a picture of someone, I'd like,

because I think that's real. Do you mean custom kicks you're talking about? Well, I think whatever, because I think, even the biggest stars, you're going some to get on a pair of shoes,

I think. It's not regular merch. It's a bit like your point about fancy dress, Emily. The neglected thing is always the footwear. Yes, they always get it. Sorry. I once considered buying Gorillaz, the band,

did a shoe tie-in. Did they? And I was quite tempted and my wife, I think I was 38 and my wife went, you're 38. Okay, I hate it when people say that. We have to just continue, don't we? We can't say.

Well, not... I mean, I am a man who says you can't wear blue jeans after 50, so I suppose I'm equally guilty. Very recently, I haven't had a photograph of any sort, but I have had a quote customised. I've had trainers customised with a quote. Oh, OK.

Just like, what's that area called, Frank, just by where the ankle is? The heel. It's a coastal inlet, almost, right by the ankle area of the trainer. Do you know what I mean? The coastal inlet. Is it the bit below the ankle? Yes, I'm showing you now. Emily's showing me, not great radio. You can see see these trainers i

don't know if they have but i have i had trainers and they had a little quote well the basket the basketball boots i'm i speak of um i speak off i speak they used to have like they'd have a rubberized ankle um protect not ankle ankle, yeah, ankle. They'd have a protector over that bit of the shoe. I'll get you. Do you want to know what I had? I do. It was a few years ago.

It seemed like a good, fun idea at the time. Please, please say it was Cleopatra coming at you. No, it was a decade on from that, but it was the equivalent of that. Go on. It was 99 Problems. Oh. Oh. I won't tell you what was on the right. No.

Okay? No. Oh. What do you think, Frank? Because I felt that when someone got a flash of the 99 Problems, tantalising, I enjoyed that sometimes. Yeah. Don't say it Steve

I'm absolutely not going to I've learnt over the years it's taken me 11 years what I'd love is I'm thinking now is if I was working as a groundsman at a football club

I would have boots instead of got 99 problems and my peach I'd want if there's any groundsman listening you can have that yeah or session singers and my pitch I won oh if there's any groundsmen listening you can have that yeah

or session singers they're also allowed to have that any singers any singers yeah people who own campsites

yeah oh you've had to make your that's good that's good it's so glamorous briefly yeah

people who tar roast. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Ultra Magnus has been in touch. 99 problems but a pitch ain't one. It's surely made for the ice cream man. Oh, so that he can get his pitch. Yeah, or Bosca's, I that he can get his pitch. Yeah.

Or Bosca's, I guess. 99 Problems, exactly. Bosca's. Oh, 99 Problems as well. Yes, you see, it works on so many levels. Yeah, I saw a story about 99s this week. The people have been using broken flakes. What's this?

So they use half a flake. So you think you've got your full flake, but it's superficial. It's a way of saving money. When you say got your full flight but it's it's it's superficial it's a way of saving money you mean the ice cream vendors i mean i mean ice cream vendors yes do ice cream vendors still wear a white janitors a sort of uh evil professor now they wear a cloak of shame i remember butchers sort of white coat, didn't he? Yeah, the one I know, no, he doesn't dress it. The one I know?

Well, there's one that parks. You say the one I know. There's one that parks locally. I find by us, you don't get the music and you run out your house to get it. They just park for hours. Yeah, they park up these days. They park up.

They always park up. Do you know them by name, Frank? I think a lot of people have come from the Taliban countries where the music wasn't an option. So now they have to just park up. Sorry, Minister, I must push you on this. No, I don't know. Do you know his name?

I don't know his name. The one I know. Everyone who sells ice cream I've called Tony since I was eight. Regardless of where they come from. Do you have, you know when they say, do you want sauce on it? I hate that. When people have like red sauce and things on it.

Oh no, I love all that. Do you? Crushed nuts. Now I always walk like this. The kids love the ritual, the choice of sauces. The kids love it. Oh, the kids love the ritual. This is what my parish priests were saying to me just the other week.

You said the kids love the ritual, not this kid. I saw a biro, you know those biro written signs that you sometimes get on things. I saw one of those on an ice cream van years ago. van years ago and it said um it said corny um ice cream corny with chocolate flake 70p or whatever it was i said that's a 99 is you see we can't call we're not allowed to call it that legally i thought really your biro written side is some sort of loophole. And yet he was very serious about it. We're not allowed to call it that. Why not, then?

Like someone has copyrighted 99, the trademark. Rebecca Vardy. Oh, yeah? Exactly. I didn't realise that big ice cream was so litigious. There's a famous ice cream wars. One I know, you should see him. Remember the ice cream wars?

Was it in Glasgow? Yes. Quite a big, got heavy duty. Was it a slightly mafia? Well, yes. I believe, yes. Well, we don't want to make any aspersions. I get hay fever.

I can't have aspersions in the studio. Yes, it was, I think it got... Did it get a bit dark? A bit like the Elvis Wars, I think, in Streatham, when there was two restaurants that both had an Elvis impersonator, and I think then things got heavy. Oh, dear. Any other wars, non-military wars you could think of?

Ice cream and Elvis we've got. We don't want the 30 years war. We're on about those sort of domestic fights. Yeah, we've got Operation Men's Meat coming in later. It could be that. Yeah, they'll have a war they can talk about. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Steve Hall. You can text the show on 81215. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. And we have that rare thing on this show. We have guests today. We have Jack Malone and Natashaasha hodgson from operation mincemeat the west end smash musical and that we've all seen and all love so they're in for a

nice ride absolutely yeah it's lovely to be interviewed by people that actually like what you've done i know i know i've worked on the alternative side of things. It's a relief to have people in. Anyway, let's be honest, we lead quite a lonely existence here. But just feeling confident that we won't have to lie. Yeah, I'm a bit like the 1950s nuclear bonker Americans who think we should keep an axe at the door in case any intruders try to get in.

Yes, you do have something about you. Anyway, they'll be joining us from 10 o'clock. To be a guest on this show, most of the guests you have on here are genuine, like they're a high quality Tim Key or Ian Brody. We have six guests. And now Operation Mincemeat have joined us. We only have people who we love their work.

So we had Stephen Moffat and Neil Gaiman and Russell T. And Russell T was a one-off. And David Baddiel. David Baddiel. Yeah, well, there's an exception. No, no. No, no, no. I love him more than I love his work,

even though I love his work. You love both. We love them all. However, I have something I want to raise with you, Frank. Well, hold on. I've got a text from 743 that says, when the Thai cave boys went back to their town after they were rescued, the open top boss blasted out the boys back in town throughout the parade.

Yeah. I made that up. But they should... I'm just what they should have. Extraordinary. They should have done that. There was... I could sense the tension me and Emily had there

wondering where that was going. Well, I just never... Were they going to have their own personalised trainers or something like that? I also have a correctionrezione to make. I don't know if we've still got Correzione. Oh, here we go. Correzione, Correzione.

I love the mix on this. It seems ice cream vendors are not deliberately breaking flakes in half to make a flake go twice as far. What is it? There's some sort of flake fault at the moment, that they are very crumbly. Flakes? Very crumbly? I've never heard such talk.

Only the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate is very crumbly. When they bought it, they should have allowed for some... But they said it's crumbling so much they can't get a whole flake. Wait till you hear about crunch cheese. Is this a tactic from Twirl to try and usurp the flake market? Oh, my God, yeah, where it's enveloped. What is it with the onomatopoeic chocolate bars? What is the word?

Here's a question for you, and I know the answer to this, so it's a small quiz. What is the word that chocolate chocolatiers we'll call them use use when they completely cover something

in chocolate like that what is the verb they don't say covered they don't say encased they don't say

as I just said is it enrobed it's robed robed yeah robed like it's been like it's been elevated to the nobility oh Enrobed? It's robed. Robed. Yeah, we... Robed.

Like it's been elevated to the nobility. Oh, no. I don't like that. I think that's Alan Partridge in a travel lodge. Yes, I think of it in a hotel. I think of a belt. I think of de-robed and I don't like de-robed. My partner who used to wear a robe with a non-matching robe belt,

which used to which I've found agonising to look at. I'll tell you what I hate is when they mix mediums for the robe. So a partner will sometimes come in wearing a waffle robe with a toweling belt. No. Oh, no.

How many knots do you do in your belt? I never wear a robe, ever. The only time I ever wear a belt is when I'm doing Axl Rose impressions. Do you wear a robe? I do. I let it hang loose like I'm the Big Lebowski. I don't want to hear about this.

I don't want to hear about Steve's Big Lebowski. I mean, I wear things underneath. I wear things underneath. Dear God. I just don't want to hear about it. We're entering a world of pain. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. There was a story, wasn't there, this week?

There's been all sorts going on. There was a story that I noticed particularly about two young Australian shills. I still call them shills, mate. Sorry about that. Fliming mongrel. There was a story about two ladies, diddly-diddy-diddy.

Diddly-diddy-diddy. Yes, two ladies. They like it. And they were, they had an issue with what I imagine they would call excess bag out. Yes. I've never really been very aware of excess baggage. I pack so light.

Do you? No, I've never checked excess baggage or anything. No one's ever questioned it. I really go with the minimum what a stress-free life you lead yes i mean i every time i'm i do not pack light may not surprise you okay i went to birmingham once oh come off it one of the uh members of this team team was shocked because we'd been there for a night, I think,

and I had three pairs of shoes and I think three foundation brushes. You never know what's going to happen on Broad Street. Well, three foundation brushes are not going to work that much. But these girls, I'm going to call them girls. These girls? They were 19. They were students. I'm old enough to call them girls. They were 19. They were students. I'm old enough to call them girls.

I call them girls with full respect. So they went away for a weekend. A weekend. And still couldn't make the wait. They went from, yeah. Well, they were returning from Melbourne to Adelaide. Right, okay. I've seen an interview where they'd basically gone a bit...

Adventurous. They got excited and did too much shopping in Melbourne. Oh, they shopped, of course, when you're in Melbourne. Well, if you live in Adelaide... The shops that they dropped. I did the Adelaide Festival, and apart from being in the actual Wild West of America, it's the most like the Wild west i've known a town anyway

i wonder what happened to the goat prince when i was there it was organized by a guy called the goat prince oh and his dad was the goat king and he had it would fall it would follow yeah he'd made his money by i think angora goats or something like that he didn't call it the chartucho he was he was the goat millionaire he was the goat of goats yeah he was so i yeah i wonder if the goat prince is still operational if anyone's listening from adelaide go to bed prince is listening call me if the goat yeah he was a handsome boy, the goat prince. Was he? Apart from the horns. Anyway.

My wife was actually born in Adelaide and they made it to Melbourne when she was a kid, which was an unintentional follow-on from the goat there, using the word kid. Oh, I see. My wife's gone to Indonesia. She can't. She can't.

No, she went on an aeroplane. Now then. So these young women couldn't make the seven kilogram limit. Hand luggage allowance, that is. That's for your carry-on. I've got to tell you this. It still means nothing to me. Seven kilograms could be Steve Hall's weight

or it could be the weight of a penguin biscuit. Really? I have no idea. What they should do, for the elderly like myself, whenever they put any of those measures, the metric measures, they should have an animal in brackets after it. So let's say if a tapir weighs roughly about seven kilogram, then they should say the seven kilogram brackets tapir weight allowance. And then that would help people like me.

How much does Frank weigh in kilograms, would you say? Well, I weigh, I'm a little bit overweight. What animal do I weigh... I'm a little bit overweight. What animal? What animal do I weigh? Yeah. Well, it'd have to be a rare animal. I'm going to say a unicorn. No.

Just in honour of your... No, he's not as big as a unicorn. No, I have got a growth on my forehead, which I've been picking at, which has worried me. I've got a growth... This is another thing when you get older. Lumps come up.

Where have they been? Where have they been, those lumps? What took you so long? Just sitting around waiting until I didn't care. I remember you said one of your books you talk about, you're ganglion. Yes, but I mean... Yeah, but he doesn't do the blue stuff anymore.

No, exactly. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So we were discussing these Australian teenagers. We should explain really what they did. Yes. In order to beat the white allowance. Yeah. Of seven kilograms. Yeah, they basically put all the clothes in their bags on themselves.

So I think there was a list. One of them had, like, four pairs of trousers on. They wore their entire collection. Yeah. One of them managed to get on 15 separate garments. One of them put an iPad down the front of her trousers. Absolute Radio does not endorse or recommend that. No, i think it

probably generates a killer ray doesn't it like the microwaves it was amazing the pictures they put that went viral she looked a bit like david byrne in the stop making sense video on a sort of more on a smart casual yeah well i um i remember seeing seeing what I might call, it was something like an Angler's G-Lay. And it was a thing that was sold as a travel waistcoat, as we used to call them. And it had multiple pockets like the Angler likes, but at the back it had one enormous zip pocket for the laptop.

So it was encouraged and sold as that, as a travel waistcoat. A waistcoat? Yeah. See, I'm not sure. When I watch people with hand luggage on wheels, I'm not sure if the concept of the travel item, travel sized, still exists. What do you mean? Well, I mean, a phone, surely, is a travel laptop. Why do you need a laptop if you've got your phone? Why do you need a laptop if you've got your phone?

Like I toured with a travel iron, which was a tiny iron, like a hobby iron that I used to have to iron my shirts and that before I went. That's adorable. Yeah, but I didn't want to take a big home iron. But if I'm travelling, people would see. You know how people take, I don't know, travel scrabble? It's a little light thing. Does that still happen? You have like the travel toothbrush.

Well, travel... Yeah, because that's a big, heavy, bulky thing to be carrying about in its original form. I can't get this monster in my blotches. All the travel toothbrush is, is they provide you with a little cocoon. They do. But what's the point of a travel toothbrush? It was fine living its own independent, free spirit life. Did it need a bed?

It had to fold into itself like a snail. It made a life of compromise it lives, the travel toothbrush. I'll tell you Frank, the travel, if I may say may say in the cosmetics in the world of beauty which you know is a terrain i'm familiar with yeah it's not a train i've been anywhere near for a long time no comment what i would say is that the there are infinite possibilities well in the area of travel i used to like there used to be an area in the in the area of travel? I used to like, there used to be an area in the airport, Boots, that would have like travel items

and tiny little bottles of shampoo and stuff. Little things you could, you could wear in a breast pocket. Yeah. I don't know if that exists now. I think people just,

really, you'll be telling me next that you don't get the halfway house between a paperback and a hardback novel. What, 1099? What do they call those?

Aeroplane novels. Airport novels. Airport novels. Who sits in the chair of the airport novel, would you both say? Grisham? Yeah. Ludlam for a while, but Grisham, you're right. I think I was saying...

Who are you going for? The most recent one I encountered, Quentin Tarantino's book adaptation of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was shamelessly marketed as an airport read. I think you're getting a bit arthouse on it. Also, who reads them at the airport? Why isn't it called an aeroplane read? I think there was a whole lot of hijackings

and people thought that with a hard-back book you could probably take down a member of staff and so they had to take the sharp corners off that's what happened Okay, that's nice Yeah, that's why they don't play snooker on planes because they can't have that pyramid to gather the reds.

We were speaking of the Sheilas, the Alva-dressed Sheilas. Yeah. They reminded me of, I saw a woman at an airport. I may have told you this before. I saw a woman at an airport who was really, she'd opened a suitcase for something. And it was a packed suitcase. And she just could not. I should hope it was at the airport.

She could not reclose. She just couldn't. She was sitting on it and everything. And she was really struggling. And I thought I could do that. I'm much heavier than her. I could sort this. But she's too attractive to be helped.

Right. Because if I go and help this woman, neither she nor any observers will think I'm doing it as an act of kindness. They'll think I've got some dark amount of... I see, yeah. So I had to let her struggle. So this is the opposite of a knight's move. It is, yeah.

Do you know what I mean? I don't want to be that grey-haired guy who thinks, yeah, I'll helped this babe. Who knows where it might lead? No, so I just left her struggling, close to tears. And there's always the danger that you could get papped in that moment as well. Yeah, everything about it, you know. Well, you don't have to start rummaging around.

No, it wasn't. Just everything about her was too attractive to some people it might have yeah i understand yeah exactly i mean the idea of if any smalls fell out the suitcase i'd have to kill her and then turn the gun on myself would you um yes it's interesting in terms of helping a lady with her case would you balk at at that? I have to say, I love it when someone does that. I love help with baggage.

I'll always be paranoid about when they say, did you pack this suitcase yourself? And then the kids go, no, Frank Skinner packed this for me. And so any contraband. Yeah, but I think

Emily's talking about carrying. I'm not saying, oh dear, you appear to have some Dalek with William Hartnell's face on carrying. I'm not saying, oh dear, you appear to have some Dalek with William Hartnell's face on it. Do you remember that Alec Guinness story, that a man saw Alec Guinness at an airport railway station and went, oh man, Alec Guinness, you're a genius,

I absolutely love your stuff. Can I have your autograph? And he said, if you help me with my luggage to the train, yes, you can. And the bloke said, yeah, fine. help me with my luggage to the train, yes, you can. And the bloke said, yeah, fine. So he got his autograph. The bloke went on about, you know, he loved him in Star Wars

and he loved him all through the movies. And then he left and he forgot to help him with his suitcase. So he was just stood there. Poor Alan Giddens. This is what I did like about Travelling With The World's Strongest Men. Because there's none of these complexities or niceties or concerns.

They just pick up the cases. They understand that's the contract. That's who you want to be travelling with if you can't reclose your suitcase. Frank, one of them picked up my... They just pick up your cases for you. Well, they picked up you. I've seen the photograph of you raised in the air by them. I feel one of them...

I don't know this. I think even Phil Pfister might have went slightly and picked up my case. Really? And the guy was about to pull a plane that afternoon. Would they make that one of the events? Instead of lifting those massive Viking stones, they'd lift different luggage of different sizes.

My cosmetics case. Well, with the shot of them lifting Emily, they were so casual about lifting a fully grown woman. We might have to reshare. I think it's time. It looked like they were looking for something and they thought she might be standing on it, so they just lifted her off out the way casually. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We were discussing personalised trainers and sneakers earlier. Yeah, I mean, these... My son's Kiss trainers, they were bought. You can buy them with the band on. Someone didn't customise them for him. Kiss like money. And so you can get kiss almost everything. As you said, you can see on that picture we posted, you can get kiss like birthday stuff,

stuff to stick in your cake and a thing on the wall that says, happy kiss birthday they really they are up for it we've had 577 said I have a pair

of Converse trainers with a motif of the Who on the side of one and a drawing of Pete Townsend on the other I bought them in London when I was 48 years old

really? I think that's fine but what age was Daltrey on the what about when I interviewed Daltrey on the... What about when I interviewed Daltrey and asked him about his trout farm?

What did he say? He said, the trouble is, it's very... The way trout... The whole trout business is treated in this... And did a little fabulous speech, an insider's speech, on why breeding trout isn't, just isn't what the government made it so difficult. Who expected that in the adultery interview? Yeah. And at the end

of it, he swung a fishing rod round, but just by the twine. Is twine still a word that people use for fishing life? People try to put them down. They do, yeah. I won't have it, the trout farmers. Is trout, was that quite, because I loved Altree. I was there, live aid with the shirt and all sorts. What I will say is trout farming, it feels like it was from a certain era. That's what you did in retirement.

Rockstar started to get country estates there's a famous story about I can't remember which rockstar it was but he bought a place with this sort of Tudor oak paneling he ripped the ad all out but anyway he used to get features in

the NME or Melody Maker or Sounds. These was the three music magazines I had every week. They were like music newspapers, really. And you would get Squire Daltry, as he was called, and it would have him in a tweed jacket and wellingtons. Walking next to his trout waters. And you had to have a Swedish cabin crew wife.

Yes. An air hostess, as they called it back then. And then also... Called Ingrid. There's a certain end of the rock market where you had to have a house that Alistair Crowley had formerly owned. Someone needed to have worshipped the devil in there at some point. Yeah.

It's the one that Jimmy Page owned? Jimmy Page. I mentioned that house. It's been the source of a lot of problems. Is that the house that Robbie Williams... There's been a huge fallout. That was a war. That was one of the wars.

That was a big war, yes. Yeah. Pop versus rock, that war was. Where Jimmy Page said that Robbie Williams was making too much noise with his building wood. Well, no, he was pre-empting the noise and he wouldn't tolerate it even before he'd heard it. So what's happened now? Yes, I know a lot about this. They've had to come to a compromise where the basement or whatever has to be dug out, essentially using a travel toothbrush.

Oh, I see. It has to be tools that will not make noise to upset Jimmy Page. It's interesting that the lead guitarist from Led Zeppelin is averse to loud noise. Misophonia. I suppose he's just had enough of it over the years. Yeah, we all reach that point. Jack Tartt.

He can turn, Jimmy Page. Thanks for getting that Steve well done Steve go on go on I was just going to say Jack Tarl says Ree the boys are back in town

one theory says the song is about the Quality Street Gang who apparently not as fun as their name implies they should have been oh ok

I thought I thought that was remember that was the chocolate family that used to be on sponsoring Coronation Street. And they were all little chocolate people. It was all lovely.

And then you eat them. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Okay, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean. And Steve Hall is sitting in today. What a joy it always is to have Steve. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. It's one of those weeks we've got guests.

I know it doesn't happen very often, but several months ago, i can't remember how long ago i went to southwark playhouse and i spoke about this on the show to see a musical which someone had told me was good called operation mincemeat and by golly it was wonderful and now we have two of the stars of that show sitting here today we've got jack malone and nat Natasha Hodson. Now, if this was Steve Wright in the afternoon, we'd go, wee! And then you guys would thicken it. Like adding stock. But for now, it's great to see you,

although it's always a worry if you've seen people in character and you meet them for the first time out of character. We're not very interesting out of character, unfortunately. Would you like me to be the character? This is a big mistake. Well, we'll give it a couple of links and then maybe you can just swirl into it.

Frank likes to start by making quite awkward. No, no, no. Yes, you are amongst friends here because we've all seen it. And I'm not exaggerating. It's honestly one... And I've been to the theatre a. And I'm not exaggerating. It's honestly one... And I've been to the theatre a lot. I'm old.

I've seen a lot of... You've been to the amphitheatre. Yeah. I've seen a lot of... I went to some of the competitions in ancient Greek. The frogs, you were a huge fan of. Oh, I remember when Aeschylus came second. Anyway, it's honestly one of the best things I've ever seen

and is life-affirming and joyous and thank you. I've seen it three times now. It's a mega fan. And I expect to see it more. It's brilliant. So we've got that out of the way. Thank you so much. Yeah, it's magnificent.

So how is it work-wise? Because I should say that these guys, they all play. It's one of those, my favourite kind of theatre, where you're in a nightclub and you put a hat on and you're on a submarine. It's that kind of theatre. I love that kind of theatre. You see, I mean, you both look young and strong.

God bless you, thank you. It's a lot of makeup. Yeah. Potions. But how is it with the actual strenuousness? It's a pretty crazy ride, isn't it? It's one of those shows where, because there's only five of us in it,

and as you say, it's a lot of hat work, sort of deep hat work, coming from the hat school of acting, really. And you sort of, the show begins, and you kind of go, okay, and then a mad whirlwind of noise and sort of sweat and other people's limbs sort of happen to you in whatever capacity you can imagine.

And then before you know it, it's finished, and hopefully people are clapping. But it is, it's very physical and pretty strenuous, but incredibly fun. I've never not done the show, and at the end of it, thought, somehow I've done it. I'm never like, yeah, I at the end of it thought somehow I've done it I'm never like yeah I did it

because of this this and this it's always a little bit of magic at the end I'm like wow yeah I kind of finished it there I don't know how

we did that and then on the two show days and two today yeah two today at the end of the first one of the matinee days

you think to yourself well it's just simply someone's going to have to ring the police and say it can't be done but no one does. And we do it again.

And somehow, yeah, you finish the second show thinking, oh, you know, it was all right in the end, wasn't it? Could do another one, really. Come on, it's my show. For those who don't know, could you, between you, give a brief resume of what Operation Mincemeat is about? Absolutely. about. Absolutely. So it's a World War II spy story based on a true story about a crazy MI5

mission that took place during the mid-World War II. So picture the scene, as my character likes to say quite a lot. It's 1943. The Allies are losing the war. Hitler's men have taken mainland Europe and the only way we can get back in is via the islands to the

south of the mainland. So we want to invade Sicily. But unfortunately, Hitler knows that. And he's put all his best guys on Sicily. So the MI5's job is to kind of bring his what Churchill called his corkscrew thinkers to come up with crazy plans to try and make the Germans move their troops over to somewhere else, such as Sardinia. And they came up with a small group, including Ian Fleming of James Bond fame, and the sort of heroes of our story, came up with an idea to dress a corpse

as a... Well, maybe don't tell us the idea. Okay, so that's the what happens then? So it's, yes, so I have to say, and don't take this the wrong way, but if I'd known it was a World War II military thing when I first saw it

I might not have gone. I know, it's dreadful isn't it? I went as a completely blank page. I had no idea what it... It could have been about the meat industry for all I know. You weren't familiar with the film?

No, the film wasn't out when I first saw it. Oh, he was early doors. When I came across the story it was such a crazy, amazing story. The only downside I could see was that it was set in World War II. And I text the other guys who I wrote it with going, I'm so sorry, guys.

I think we're going to have to write a musical set in World War II. They're like, no, we're not. Absolutely not. Because I am of an age where I should just be watching Hitler documentaries every night. I'm not interested, but this changes everything more soon. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Can I say

by the way I was a bit worried because I saw you at Soddart Players and then I saw you at Riverside Studios and then I heard the news that you were moving to the West End and I thought, oh God, they're going to get a bodgy and all the wonderful things that they just make up

with hats. They're going to build us something. I'll give you the exact... Solid gold hats. I don't know if you saw War Horse live. I actually didn't see it, but I've seen it. Yeah. You saw War Horse and then someone had an idea. What if we make a film? Then we can have real horses. Yes, but people are only going for the puppets. No, no, people will love it. Of course, it's rubbish.

And I was worried. Do you know what I mean? That we would lose the labour-intensive nature. But can I say, it's great. It works. Thank you. I hoped that we would lose the labour-intensive nature. And they were like, no, no, here's a box of hats.

We're not doing any of that. How nice is the box now? Oh, it's a lovely box. Jack, are you a sort of an employee in this? That's what I like to refer to. Because there is an entity called Split Lip. Yes. Which I really want to call Split Lip every time I say it.

It's the biggest mistake we ever made it should be called split lip because everyone gets it wrong but it's too late now well i lick my lips every time i read it you know when you um when you're gonna sneeze and you think i might split my lip so you lick your lips you ever do that i'm looking at me like no one else does that doesn't matter we'll just let that pass so you uh natasha you wrote and came up with the art and all that. It was me, the guy who plays, there's two of the people in it, so David Cumming and Zoe Roberts, who were on stage with me, and then we teamed up with a pal of mine that I was in a band with,

Felix Hagen, who's also a composer. So we all wrote it together, the four of us. Okay. And then, Jack, were you a fan of the... Tell us. Okay. And then Jack, were you a fan of the... Tell us about that. So I was a big fan of these guys. So Tash, Zoe and David were in another company called Kill the Beast

that did these weird horror comedy plays which just spoke to me on such a deep level that I immediately became obsessed with them and made them my entire personality. And he's not stopped. No. I'm getting edgy, Natasha. Yeah, I'm cool now.

It's been years. I'm really cool. The doors do lock, don't they? But yeah, I was just relentlessly a fan of theirs. They knew me from social media, just from popping up constantly. I feel like I have to say, he did make fan art for us, but it was incredibly good. It was like better than our posters. Oh, I love did you ship any of them no no it didn't quite get to that level not publicly what i like is you're basically frank in terms of being a fan except he got the part

i just remained in the distance i think i look too much like Churchill nowadays. It's just going to confuse things. So Jack, you then auditioned to be in it. I mean, that's like when I was in Doctor Who. It's like, it's sort of exciting but terrifying because you never want to be bad, but you don't want to be bad in something you love. It's even worse. It was also, the stakes for me were so,

I was so convinced going in that I was like, you have to let me play. I am completely what you need. I promise. I know that I am. And getting them to also know that was like... It was such high stakes. I was like, we really need to work together and you guys have no idea.

You think I'm a weird fan, but I'm not. It's true. Brian Bank on the other hand is a weird fan. I'm going through a similar thing with This Morning at the moment. I don't think they really believe me Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Now I'm with Natasha Hodgson and

Jack Malone from Operation Mincemeat. One thing we haven't touched on is that a lot of the time Jack you're playing a woman and most of the time, Natasha, you're playing a man. How did that come about? It's one of those things where we've always sort of, you know, we've been making sort of mad comedy together for a long time, me and the other writers. And we always just sort of threw parts to whoever felt like it, whoever had the good voice, whoever did a funny walk. Like, it was like, oh, yeah, you'll play them.

So we never sort of saw gender or sex or whatever as, like, a particularly interesting thing to kind of stick to. Because, like, you know, when you go and see, you know, our plays were about werewolves and tentacles. Well, if you can get on board with the fact there's a werewolf prowling the streets on this bit of stage, me putting a wig on and saying I'm a man is not particularly, you know, exciting or worrying, worrisome. So when we got to to this we just thought we'd carry on with that really and also so that

was the first basis and then when we're doing a story about essentially a load of old Etonians cooking up cooking up a plan you know for the establishment to fill it full of men doing exactly that just didn't feel that exciting to us whereas if we could kind of flip it a little bit have have women come in and and and satirise it a little bit, it just seemed a bit more fun. And on the same thing, yeah, Jack plays a middle-aged woman, Hester, and it's a similar thing.

We just thought there's not that many parts for people like us that are like that, that sort of flip those sort of gender roles on their head, and it's just a bit more fun. I think it's, for the audience, I think because the character that you play, Natasha, is not wholly likeable. I mean, I disagree.

I think when a character is saying, for example, sexist things, but it's played by a woman, it sort of takes, it changes, all sorts of weird dynamics go off. Yeah, it's meat by a woman it sort of takes it changed all sorts of weird dynamics yeah it makes it more interesting and less um unpleasant yeah and i have to say jack there is a jack um plays um a hester who is um what would her official job title be she works for the intelligence yeah she's sort of the the big bosses uh right hand woman and she's sort of the head of who is, what would her official job title be? She works for the intelligence. Yeah, she's sort of the big bosses right-hand woman and she's sort of the head of the secretarial pool. A bit like a PA or something.

She's real. She does look like she was. Yeah, no, I've seen the programme. I know she was real. I've seen the pictures. Of course he's read the programme. But if you stand back, and this is what I mean by a theatre

where you don't need loads other than talent to make you believe something, is that I've seen it three times now, and Jack does a song in it, and Jack becomes Esther, and let me get this right, there's a slight frill on the shirt cuffs. Yeah, just little sleeves.

And a sort of slightly garish pair of spectacles. Yeah. Pearl lanyard. With lanyard. That's it. And every time I see this woman Hester do that I have cried all

three times. And I don't mean cry, I mean cried like you're getting shushed by people nearby. And the third time I saw it which was quite recently I started crying before it happened because I thought here comes that thing I cry it's like Pavlov's dog you stood in one corner and I thought oh no and that is what I love about I totally totally believe that this is a woman

opening her heart on stage I don't care how I've been made to believe that but I think that's genius really

well done you we're loving this honestly but it was such an important thing that it was the first thing we did in Jack's

first day of rehearsal was we made him because he didn't know what the casting was going to be we had you know this team but it was very fluid important thing that it was the first thing we did in Jack's first day of rehearsal was we made him because he didn't know what the casting was going to be we had this team but it was very fluid and we didn't know oh you didn't know

who was playing who no and by the time he came in we didn't know so the first thing he did in the first day of rehearsal was sing Dear Bill and he didn't know but the whole casting

was based around whether he could pull it off or not and he sang it we all cried and that was it I cried Steve I'm honestly getting a bit tired of you I was crying and I looked at you crying.

Steve cried Frank. Well I cry, you know, I cry. I'm a crier but oh my god. The third time, I mean come on. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. One thing I should say about Operation Mincemeat is

at the top of the pyramid is a man called John Foday, who is my manager. Oh. And I have never felt more neglected by him than I do since Mincemeat has gone to the West End. Really? I see him every day. Yeah, I bet you do. I never get even a text.

Really? I've been forgotten. He's our king, John, yeah. No one has believed in this show more than John Thode. He came and saw it back in 2019. We did it first in a tiny 80-seater, amazing theatre called The New Diorama, who championed new work. Because I'm also managed by the same the same company and he came and saw it when it was literally just five or fifty peas worth of hats it was it was such a tiny you know little

production and he was the only person in terms of the sort of West Endy world who was like I think this could be something so yeah we do we do owe a lot to working with John he'll be loving this he'll be at home counting up a friend of his came over on his calculator

in fact the choreographer came over to me at the party and said oh yeah oh John is so happy he said this is the most exciting thing

that's ever happened to him in show business and I said thank you very much I remember when you used to get flowers for the three lions oh I used to get in show business and I said, thank you very much. I remember when you used to get flowers for the three lions

at anniversaries. Oh, I used to get bird tanking. He bought me a piano. He loves all his children equally. The millennium, he bought me an upright piano.

A piano? Yeah. Oh, I'm not sure He was trying to nudge you into making musicals. Yeah, I think he probably was. Yeah, but why didn't he buy me that World War II

British Army uniform? Oh, yeah. That's very rude. Yeah, but why didn't you buy me that World War II British Army uniform? Oh, man. Jack, I want to talk about your bus stop. Oh, my bus stop? Have you got a buzz stop where buses stop? Have you got a bus stop outside your house that stops you from getting into your flat? Yeah. How do you know?

How do you know? Do you know? Because I'm fashion... Has it only just occurred to you that you're something of a mega fan? Because I used to have... I used to live in a house with a bus stop outside. So people lean against my front door. People sat on my wall.

Yeah. Did they? I didn't like it. But they lean against my front door and I go over and I have to tell them to move because that's my front door and I act like it's a big annoyance to me. But secretly, I love it.

I see them leaning there and I go, this is the one bit of control I have in life because you have to move because I live there. Yeah, but I didn't have one. My key is in my hand. The key is either going to penetrate you or penetrate that lock. You better get out of the way.

If the key still fits after they've been leaning on that lock. Do you have a speech prepared when you greet them then? No, it's all hand gestures. It's all just a little point, a little nod, a little key in my hand.

Let them know. I would get... What would you do? I'd get the sort of hat that a bus inspector might. Never say I actually... I think that's legal. I went to the home of a well-known,

I think I can say this, you won't mind, Holly Walsh, who's presented the show and is a comedian writer, very, very funny person indeed. And I went to their house and they, you know when you're at a bus stop and there's those digital things that says when the next bus is coming,

like one, six, eight, two minutes. Absolutely. They've got one of them in their house for the bus stop outside. What? Yeah, so they can be just finishing a cup of tea and say, I'm just going to get the 23 or just arrive in, and they go out and get it. What a dream.

What a dream. Eh? Which room in their house do they have it in? Well, we dined under it. Wow. By the light of the bus stop schedule. I don't understand. Are they positioned so near the bus stop

that it's shining in through their house? No, they have bought one of those message centres from London Transport. You've got to respect that. I didn't even know that was possible. Well, exactly. The wind is a magical place.

I once ate at the Column Door, a French hotel restaurant. It was very posh and you used to have a lot of artists live there and I drank, I ate a meal

under a Picasso and a Matisse and I was less impressed than I was by eating under that digital bus timetable. I mean you guys have got all this to look forward to. Frank Skinner

on Absolute Radio Frank, Angie has been in touch. Oh my god, It's not mine. You're all in the clear. It's good news. Great news. And says, my car is named after Jack.

Hester. Hester the Fiesta. Oh, lovely. That's a legacy. Yeah, we had a lady who had a litter of puppies and called them Monty, Chumley, Hester, Jean and Spillsbury. You really... I mean, there are people who don't know about Operation Mincemeat,

but I know it's hard to imagine. And my manager might even contact me now that I've said that the first time for months. But it's... Those who know, it's become this i mean i do suggest anyone listening to this if you even if you don't like musicals whatever you don't like you'll like this that's my prediction frank guaranteed to me that i would like it that's a ball and i don't offer many guarantees at my age. Even of waking tomorrow.

Sorry. And it turned out Jack was a fan of Frank's. There was a super fan element there. Well. Which I enjoyed. Frank was in a wonderful TV movie called The Flint Street Nativity in the 90s. And I watch it every Christmas. It's really, really brilliant.

Yes, I play a strange child who's obsessed with football. It acts like he's on Match of the Day at all times. Like he has two guests next to him. It's very, very funny. Yes. Thank you for that. I can't face it anymore.

Well, you know, your young face looking back at you. Anyway, this has gone darker than I had planned. I thought you'd be very good in musicals. No, you know what? I've turned down musicals. I don't want to poison the well. What if we wrote one for you? Yeah, what would it be?

Oh, that manager's going to be at home. Imagine John Thode I know yeah imagine John Thode getting the phone call and saying who

anyway yes I one of the things I noticed in the souvenir program was that you were saying if anyone's got

any ideas for a musical let us know. Is that a serious thing? Yeah, it's in there. Ideas for a musical, let us know. Oh, improbably, yeah, it sounds like that kind of thing. We need the next one now, don't we?

I interviewed Andrew Lloyd Webber once, and he said that on the show. Well, it's hard. I don't know what we're doing. He means it. And a woman contacted our office and said, I've written a musical. The songs aren't right, but I've written Woman in White, the Wilkie Collins Victorian detective. And it happened.

It became a musical on the strength of that interview. Well, if you've got any good ideas, don't give them to Andrew. Give them to us. We need them more than needed. Don't let Andrew destroy them. We're going to do Bad Pinocchio Pinocchio breaks bad I think

Guillaume Odell Toro might be upset about that he'll be into it, we'll get him in we'll give him a part Frank Skinner and Guillaume Odell Toro I saw him do a talk recently and he spent the whole thing about saying it was a very communal enterprise I saw him do a talk recently. Oh, you fell out? He spent the whole thing about saying

it was a very communal enterprise and everyone involved deserves the awards he gets and all that for the film. And he said, so yes, that's what I think about Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio. And I thought, well, you didn't have to put your name in it. Guillermo. Well, well. Anyway, very quickly, can you tell us where it's at and when?

We sure can. So it's at the Fortune Theatre in London's lovely West End and it's playing till the 19th of August. Please do come along. We need you. It's only playing till the 19th of August? It is, yeah. It must be going somewhere bigger.

It's going to the O2. I shouldn't say that. It's quite right so last time you said that my nan texted me and was like what is it going to the O2 and I was like no

come on don't ever say never I might go again Frank should we go again yeah I'm sure I'll go again you need to get your crying out I can't stop

can I say I did more laughing than crying yeah and I am walking around the house going, some were born to follow. That's not bad. And some were born in Leeds. So, you were born in Leeds.

I'm not saying that's a negative thing. I'm saying you're a positive leader of men and women. It's so hard in the 21st century for an old white guy. Okay. Natasha and Jack, it's been such a joy to have you on. Thank you so much. Thank you. A lot of people in this business

never even get a smell of a hit and you're in the very midst of one. It is, honestly. We're so grateful, we're so excited, we're so tired. I'm excited and I'm nothing. All it's lost me is a manager. Steve, it's always great to have you on.

We love you. Obviously, I love you, Emily, it's always great to have you on. We love you. Obviously, I love you, Emily, but I'm not telling you that every week. Look, if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.