The Frank Skinner Show - White Trainers

Episode Date: March 16, 2024

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been to the Harry Potter Studios and went for a giftcard shopping trip with Emily. We also celebrate 15 years of The Frank Skinner Show - thank you to all our loyal Readers!

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. So, here's the thing. You know, I had a £100 Liberty voucher where you can buy the freedom of any prisoner in Britain for a month for £100. Now, that isn't how it works. There's a big posh shop in Liberty. That's at the beginning of a dramatic monologue. There's a green-eyed, yellow idol to the north of Kathmandu. I remember that. When he goes out after this diamond and he comes back and he says he returned again at dawn

with his shirt and tunic torn. Those were the days. Anyway, I went to Liberty's to spend my £100. I was corrected on this. The man said it isn't a voucher, it's a gift token. Oh, yes, he put you straight. He said you have to earn a voucher with loyalty points. All right.

All right. I don't know if he was talking about any his own personal thing. By the way, something I didn't do and should have done earlier is we're not live this week. You may have already guessed that from our relaxed tone. We're not live, so don't text us. You'll just be throwing money into an abyss. So we don't want your texts this week.

Normally I hanker for them, but not now. But you can follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio and email us via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. We don't want to take no money on false pretenses. That's my point. No. So we went in there. Emily was very helpful.

Ah. I accompanied Frank. A guide. Well, Emily knows about fashion and clothes and all that. So she would say, it's one of those shops where, you know, this thing, it's like a sort of market. You get a little bit that belongs to a designer. You know what I mean?

There's a little, there's a cove in it that's one designer's thing. I just worried that at some points, given that, you know, the gift voucher is £100, which, by the way, is a lot of money. Not in Liberty. I just felt you were wandering into areas that might be out of your price point. Well, I started off thinking, oh, that'd be a nice little light jacket for the summer. It's a bit flimsy, but £590.

What? Okay. For a flimsy jacket? Yeah, and I could have bought one sleeve of it, but they didn't sell it. It turned out piecemeal. My heart was in my mouth, yeah, because I saw him doing a lot of sleeve pulling,

as we call it in the trade. I love that. When you see a woman in a shop walk past her dress and just rub the material for half a second between index finger and thumb and then move on. No. Like it's a forensic trace. It's just looking for a bit of static.

Well, they call them, I think in retail, they refer to them as sleeve pullers, meaning they have no interest in purchasing. They've just come in to pull the sleeves. Yeah, okay. Go on. So I decided I was going to go for footwear. Okay.

Obviously, first pair I picked up was 380 quid or something like that. And the other shoe, I think, was even worse. That was just the left. Is it called Liberties because that's what they're taking? Yeah, exactly. They should have that as a slip. Liberties, we take them. Yes.

Anyway, this was a very nice man. Was he unctuous? No, he was very hipster. Very modern. Oh, okay. And Emily said to him, now look, this, my friend, has got a £100 gift token.

He doesn't really want to spend any more than that. Where should he be looking? And he basically said, another shop, madam. Where's your pedant corner? Exactly. For people who want to spend very precise amounts of money. Frank was treating it like he was at the petrol station filling up. Remember the last time I spent my Liberty vouchers with you

and I said to the woman, do you have less respect for someone who brings in vouchers because I haven't come to this shop by choice. I've been forced here by the gift that was given me. She said, I never thought about that. Having less respect. I suppose I do, really. Oh. Thank you.

Frank's Cale Skinner on Absolute Radio. And so We had a lovely time in Liberty, thank you. Yeah, it was a great thing. I won't name names, but Emily would say, don't even bother. If I headed towards a particular designer,

don't even bother. You won't be able to afford anything in that alcove. I physically restrained him at points. So you were like a sort of fashion sherpa. She gave me correct... It's too dangerous down that ravine. She gave me correct pronunciation on two of the designers. Oh.

Yeah? Which ones? It was some... Gucky? Do you remember Frank? There was a Spanish... There was one that I looked like one syllable word and it turned out I had three.

Frank said, oh, lo, and I said, no, it's loewe. I mean, who? Loewe. Loewe? How's that spelled? L-O-E-W-E. It's Spanish. Does that make sense?

I don't know. Loewe. But, you know, I think you learned an awful lot. I did. What did you learn? Well, I learned a new game, which we came up with, is that Emily, there was this shirt that was sort of, it was a sort of woolly, jumpery shirt,

and it had like a bit of pale blue and red on it. So it was garish, but it was... It was a bit Mad Men, wasn't it? Don Draper in Miami. And she said, who would wear that? It was a bit Mad Men, wasn't it? Don Draper in Miami. And she said, who would wear that? Or you had a suggestion. I said, is this John Thompson maybe?

Because it had that slight 50s look. And I said Rob Beckett. And then we went through a few other shirts that we hadn't known and any clothing and say which comedian would wear them. It was quite a nice game. You wander into one area, the Liberty shirt area, with the floral print. I mean, that's QI panelist heaven.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. But we didn't find anything Pierre Novelli because they hadn't got any leather sumo thongs. No. Well, they had, but they were out of my range. They were Luave. Yeah. They were a bit on the Luave side.

They could have been a bit higher if I'd had the choice. They were a bit sea mat. They're quite sea mat, the sumos. Sue mat, I call them. Sue mat, yeah. Frank ended up buying a lovely pair.

Do you know what? I was so proud of you for choosing those shoes. I never would have thought that possible. I liked them. And then the man said they were vegan. And I thought, oh. Pio, it was so embarrassing. The man said, these are vegan.

Even if you approve of veganism, which I do, and respect vegans for their willpower and their conviction. Someone says I was trained as a vegan. I still make that noise. Anyway, they were 120 quid, so it was decision time for me. I hate having to add to a gift token. Yeah. I did that.

I was in Waterstones the other week. I had to add 98p. I could have thrown it in her face. So I did. I paid 20 quid, basically, for a pair of trainers. I'll show them to you after this. Bring it in on Absolute Radio. So these are my...

You can't see this, but we'll put a photo up. I just want... Because Pierre hasn't seen them yet. Ah, very vegan. They're made of vegetables. You see the name on the back? Can you read that? Vella.

Does it say Vella? Or is it pronounced... I don't think it does. Valoon. It's pronounced don't touch meat-based products. Okay. So I went home and my 11-year-old boss said, wow, my dad's got white shoes.

Like it was a real... What's happened? What like you've come home with rainbow hair yeah exactly it was i think he thought i was i was having a midlife crisis i don't know if he's familiar with that phrase no i mean there was some pastel pink patent snaffle loafers. There was, yeah. If you'd have bought those, that would have been a bit NLC. There was a very nice pair of leather moccasins that had Japanese art works on them. Arigato, yeah. Yeah.

Was it? Do you think that this could be a new, like, we could get into the Financial Times or The Economist or something with the Frank's Liberty Card inflation measure. Because when you and I went. Yeah. In our day. Yes.

A man could go to Liberties and get two or three items. So I got sunglasses and a woolly hat and I hit the 100. Bang on. You know, there was that South American serial killer who killed 200 people. And I used to do a bit on the stage and I bet he was the sort of bloke 200 he killed he was the sort of bloke that stood on the garage

forecourt getting it exactly on zero he was sick of it at 180 yeah exactly thought I've got to level this up yeah but I'm happy with them I did that thing of the guys said, walk, I mean, you know,

try them on promptly, walk around the shop. And I was really doing, you know, you try and think of all the possible ways you walk. I don't know, what if I lean on a slight step? Yeah, what if there's a, what if the dog's trying to get at something? I'm digging my heels in. I tried them

on, tried cornering. He tried so many heels in. I tried them all. I tried cornering. He tried so many different scenarios. Yeah, I did. Ways I might walk in the next 10 years. It's a good book. I could tell as soon as you slipped into those, I could tell you'd found your look. They looked a bit...

Skinner pours himself into a new pair of vegan velas. They looked a bit young, not very good TV presenter. Oh, OK. You know when you get the wide shot of them and they've got very, very white trainers on. Oh, I think they're a bit more setting up my own brewery. Oh, do you? Yes, in East London.

I think that's OK. I'm happy with that. OK. Do you have any plans for keeping them obsessively white and clean? No, definitely not. No. To be honest, I've already been disillusioned. I said to the guy, so what is this? What is it made out of?

He said, oh, leather. I thought, I'm missing this vegan point. Hang on a minute. Yeah, so he said, yeah, but it's all, he said something like it's all ethically put together. No, hang on a minute. He said, Frank said, leather? I thought it was vegan.

And he went, it's very sustainably made. Yeah, exactly. He said, it's all roadkill. It's cattle who've strayed across at least, at the very least, eye roads. The first cow who've strayed across at least, at the very least, A roads. The first cow who learned to speak and he said, I want to be shoes.

So they had his permission. I want to be shoes. My greatest wish when I pass. Vella. So I'm, yeah, I was a bit, because the worst part, after I'd got over the initial, oh for goodness sake of them being vegan, I thought, well, I quite like having vegan. This fake leather texture is brilliant.

Let's be honest, Pierre. It wasn't anything to do with the vegan thing. It was the £20 that was killing you. Yeah, I know, yeah. Well, exactly. We've all got that. Everyone's got their price. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Oh, Frank, what about when I took Frank? It was like the tax that he accepted he had to pay, and I loved that. It was a real gift of friendship. He said, do you want to go into these areas before we go? And he gestured towards, slightly reluctantly, towards the beauty department. Yes, I find those departments, this is true, they get on my chest a bit when I'm in the perfume bit.

Yes, yes. There's a bit of a chemical warfare aspect to it. Yeah. And I, Emily put something on one wrist and I thought, what you have to do then, you do a circular movement with the other wrist. And she didn't. She just left it on one wrist. And I didn't see one woman fire it into the air

and walk through it, which is my favourite application of perfume ever. Yes, yes. Walk into the fragrance. Sprinting through a cloud. Yeah. You never see anyone do it with links in the... No, but... In Superdrug.

But you tried... Ah, Africa. What was that? Do you think he wears Lynx Africa of loyalty? Oh, maybe. Always representing. Papier was you. There was one that was called Papier

and I said, has it got paper in it? And you said, yes. Were you pulling my leg? No, there was a fragrance called Papier. And you said, does it smell of paper then? Yeah. And I said, absolutely. Because that's the point.

A lot of these fragrances, there's a story behind them. So it conjures up it. They're very Proustian. Mmm. Absolute radio. But they are. The idea is you smell something and it brings back millions of memories. So it does smell powdery.

It does smell of old manuscripts. Yeah. And frankly, that's what I want to smell of. Yeah, me neither. It was quite expensive. I think the A5 bottle was about 30 quid. I like Frank. You wouldn't want it bad.

If you went A3, you'd have to take it out of mortgage. Frank came up with a new slogan, a new catchphrase, whilst we were in Liberty, which was, it's quite expensive. It is. It's quite expensive. Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely shop if you've got loads of money. I like the idea of you offering Emily the chance with that phrasing. Perhaps you'd like to go to one of these places. These rooms sort of smells.

He did, and then I made him go in, and then we went to a booth called Hourglass. Do you remember that, Frank? No. Oh, okay. And you said to the lady, why is it all marbled? Oh, yes. It was very strange.

There was stuff that you rub on your face, like rouge. Right. And it was marbled. I might put a couple of raised varicose veins down the temples to suggest stress. Or deep concentration. Or a sort of long-time port habit. Yeah, so it was very confusing.

Was it supposed to be like that? Yes, it was. It hadn't gone off. Nothing goes off there. I said to the man who served me, I said, it's quiet, it's quiet. And I thought, he said, I think he said,

our customers don't really get up this early. It's about half eleven. He said, I like it better like this. He said, I don't know about you, I find Harrods too much. And I thought, well, I've never been in there, actually. But I find it too much as a concept. Yeah, from the outside. It's got to be worse on the inside.

Just thinking about it. Just the word. I just got to be worse on the inside. Just thinking about it. Just the word. I just found the Egyptian room overwhelming. Yeah, was there an Egyptian? See, I don't think I was paying enough attention. I think I'd inhaled far too much of the beauty section. I was going to say. I'd inhaled beauty so much I could barely...

I was a bit bilious. I'll be honest with you. Frank Skinner. Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. Oh, I'll tell you where else I went. I went to the studios in Watford, the Harry Potter studio tour. Oh, right.

You ever done that? What do you think? That was my third. I think you haven't. In Watford? Yeah, it's in Watford. I met a bloke from Watford. I said, what's happening in Watford nowadays?

He said, it's all the Harry Potter. He said, it's taken over. He said, there's a six-month waiting list. I do not associate Watford with magic. No? I have to admit that i had a friend who saw a psychic in um watford at the theater and he said it was one of those shows where you you couldn't it was so bad you could hardly look at it and there was a bit where he was he kept saying it's i'm getting uh james i'm getting James, I'm getting James,

anyone here with a friend, no one in the audience. And in the end he said, I'll get the letter D. I think, Dad? That is when you are desperate, desperate. But anyway, it's brilliant. I would say that the Harry Potter, if you like Harry Potter, it's brilliant, it's brilliantly done. And it's all. I would say that the Harry Potter, if you like Harry Potter, it's brilliant. It's brilliantly done.

And it's all actual sets and actual props. Not, you know, when you go to like, I don't know, a Charles Dickens house that he lived in. And they say, yeah, this, and this chair is a chair that Charles Dickens might have seen a drawing of. It's exactly the sort of chair he could have had. Yeah, exactly. Get out.

Yeah, you just think, I'd rather not have a chair. I'd rather not have a chair. Have an empty room and say, was it here? Anyway, it's not like that. You even get the Weasley twins come on a video and say look this is the proper stuff there's no there's no hoax in here this is the real

costumes the real stuff nice payday for the Weasley twins I wonder how far down the cast list they went before they got to the Weasley twins did they have to bring in the owl? that's very hard I mean I can't imagine how much Did they have to bring in the owl? That's very hard.

But, you know, I mean, I can't imagine how much you'd have to pay Radcliffe. No, they did have a video with the big three on as well. Is there animatronic owls anywhere? There is animatronic owls. Oh, okay. Well, then I'd only go for the owl. Can you hear the hinges of the animatronic owls creaking over the audio? Not over the sound of their screeching. Good, good.

No. It's very, very fine. If I had a complaint... And you will. It's a lot about the behind-the-scenes people. You know, a guy saying, well, my team, you know, we like to think

any challenge we can take it's a visual effects and you think mate you chose behind the scenes stay there and also there's a whole display about

you see how shiny the brass fixtures are in that feast scene yeah but they were saying we want to do this but we don't want to do it with CGI we want to do it real and you don't want to do it with CGI. We want to do it real. And me and Paul, we had a meeting.

I don't want to know all that. We are in the scenes. Well, you know, that's Frank's worst thing is when he hears someone being interviewed and they say, yeah, well, I came up with the idea when I spoke to the script editor, you know, Paula Carter. And Frank's like, I don't want to know about that.

No, I just do it all the time. We're working with a fabulous sound man, Paul Frazier. Yeah. Paul Frazier belongs in the shadows. That was his choice. Not on the Graham Norton show. In the shadows. No, it's, I don't, also,

when I went backstage to see Derren Brown, the first thing, I told you I went backstage to see Derren Brown, the first thing I told you when I got backstage, Derren Brown had obviously heard I was coming because when I went in there, he had his head in his hands sitting in a chair, like his fingers on his forehead listening to opera. I thought, you don't always do that, Derren. That's funny.

Come off it. You get back in, get the Pringles out normally. Did he acknowledge it was a joke? No. No. That's funny. Come off it. You get back in, get the Pringles out normally. Did he acknowledge it was a joke? No. No. That's funny. But the first thing I said to him was, don't tell me. Don't tell me.

I don't want to know how anything's done. He said, I'm not going to tell you. I said, no, but please, I'm not one of those people who want to know how it's done. And I felt the same with Henry Potts. Don't tell me how you did that effect. I just want, you know, the films are brilliant. I love the films. I don't want to know how the cake floated.

I don't, obviously, some part of me doesn't believe it was magic, but I don't want, you know, Ray Erickson. Wearing a North Face jacket. Yeah, exactly. Wearing a North Face fleece. Tell exactly. Wearing a North Face fleece. Telling me how him and the team... Well done, guys. We worked with a great floating cake guy, Ray Parker. Yeah, exactly.

And he... Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't want any of that. But it's brilliant. It's brilliant, but you know what? Less of the BTS. Yeah, what is that? Behind the scenes. That's what it's called. Yeah, the of the BTS. Yeah, what is that? Behind the scenes.

That's what it's called. Yeah, the Bat Room Boys. Yeah. There's a reason they're called that, and it's to do with where they should dwell. Well, let's hope so. This is Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli look we're not live today I'm going to be straight with you we're not live and can you still say I'm going to be straight with you as if that's a positive thing

anyway it's true what we don't want you to do is text in and just waste your money because it's 50 pence a text I believe and we love them normally but we don't want them just going into the stratosphere you can still follow us for free on x and instagram at frank on the radio

or email us via frank at absolute radio dot co dot uk and we will get to those nothing wasted no every part of the animal we'll treat them like uh frank's liberty voucher yes yes exactly

they'll be put to good use. By the way, while I was at Harry Potter, I had a southern fried chicken burger. Did you? Just like in Harry Potter. Did they have one? No. Hang on.

Southern fried chicken burger. So is that like one of these Dixie fried chicken? It's not quite Kentucky. Well, it was lovely, but I did have some guilt because I'm so loyal to Colonel Harlan Sanders. You swore an oath. I went to his grave. I've actually visited his grave.

In the same way I've got a Liberty loyalty card, Frank has a Colonel loyalty card. And me and my brother-in-law and our two sons, we have KFC nights where we gather, as you know, and we've actually made KFC adverts in which I play the colonel with white tape on my chin. KFC nights and dehydrated days. And say stuff like, you know, and you get a free bottle of Sprite. I say stuff like that.

bottle of sprite. I say stuff like that. KFC nights sounds like, remember when they did Hollyoaks nights which was a slightly racier version of the kids early evenings I hope. Or a nicer version of Frankie Frankie goes.

No, Frankie Boyle's terrifying tramadol nights which traumatised me. Yes, because they killed that. Oh no, don't even remind me of the rabbit, the magic rabbit. Stop it. Awful. Anyway, while I was eating it, I could feel the Colonel looking at me. You know when the Lorax, and this is a film I quote more and more,

when he looks at the results of deforestation, it was like that look. You thought that's what the Colonel was doing? You remember Deforestation? He played Dr. McCoy in Star Trek. So you had Colonel Sanders sort of Obi-Wan style above you. Yeah, exactly, looking at me saying, you're eating a southern fried chicken.

There ain't my chicken, boy. Yeah. You swore an oath. Was he slightly sort of, was he twisting his little shoelace tie? Well, you know he was buried in that outfit. Was he? In the white suit and the black thing, yeah.

It's not very practical. I know. I anticipated that he would have been battered. Buried in a big bucket. Five pieces. Frank. Sorry. Five pieces. Frank. Sorry. God save.

But as it was, he was in a white dress for haunting. He was already, already haunted. Yeah, box fresh. Oh, my God. That would be a great thing to say to someone dressed in white. Dress for haunting. Yeah, exactly. Well, I've got the shoes.

Very considerate ghost. I love that. He was, yeah. Don't have to dress me up and go through all the prose powdering. Go through all the ghost prose, Nicole. Afterlife powdering. I'll just dress for it. Yeah.

Oh, man. We miss him. Dress for the job you want. Sorry. We miss him. Well, he's in some of the adverts. Because usually when we have a KFC night, we watch about literally two hours of KFC adverts.

They're all on YouTube. And in some of the earlier ones, the Colonel is actually in them. What, is there footage of him? I've only ever seen him as a cartoon figure. No, there's footage of him handing out chicken in parks. That sounds savoury. We didn't know then. We didn't know.

You think? There's a picture of him meeting Alice Cooper. Is there? Brilliant. Was he on his own in the park handing out the chicken? Wow, that's the true contrast. I know. Who says some people just see things as black and white?

Yeah, there it is. Alice Cooper and Colonel Sanders hanging out. There it is, one of the great radio moments. There it is. Well, I hope you all enjoyed that. Yeah, that was worth hearing about. We'll time a tweet. We'll time a tweet for the actual day.

Yeah, but are we allowed to tweet? Do we have to copyright? Well, are you worried about the Colonel. You're so desperate to keep him with him. He's not even here anymore. Yeah, at least he's still here. Trying to get free tickets for Hammersmith. I was talking to my child the other day.

My child, we went to, last Saturday night, we went and saw Fairport Convention. Do you know them rock? They're sort of the inventors of folk rock. Oh, yeah. And, oh, man, we was in the front row. It was like watching incredible musicians close up. Anyway, he was sitting talking to the violinist, Rick Sanders,

before the show, and they were honestly talking about the minor pentatonic scale. Oh, wow. I thought, what's happened? I'm out of this. He said, yeah, I think as a basic thing, Buzz was saying, I think the mind of Pentatonic is, you know, I think that's a good basis to, and he was saying, yeah, I still use that.

Rick was saying, I still use that now, you know. And I thought, what on earth? What on earth? Anyway, speaking of other things I didn't get, you remember when we were debating on here once about what's a millennial and what's a Gen Z and all that? And Boz had been involved in some sort of, someone in his class had done a project on this whole thing.

And he said, do you know what you are? And I said, I'm a baby boomer. And he said, oh, yeah, you are. Yeah, that's right. And I said, I'm a baby boomer. And he said, oh, yeah, you are. Yeah, that's right. And he said, I'm Gen Z. I said, okay. He said, bar. And I hadn't even heard.

Stop me if you've heard this. I generation? No. No. He said, anyone born from 2013 is generation alpha. Oh, yes, I have heard of this. I'd never heard of that before yeah

it's starting again what a strange time to bring in alpha when men have never been more wimpish oh

yeah we're at the new what's going on they're just starting the alphabet again okay so then they'll be generating beta when were alpha bought?

Because iGeneration... 2013 onwards he told me. Really? He was very specific. Yeah, something like that. Okay. He said you only get about 10, 12 years, something like that actually, and then it's a new gen. 10 to 15, yeah. That's what they say about showbiz. Look at us,

still here. I mean, it's all utterly made. You know, who says? Yeah, it's all utterly made up. You know, who says? Yeah, it's all just vague patterns. They sort of go, well, what was going on in the world when this started or that started? Which generation is Pierre? Can we just check? Because I think we're representing all the generations.

You're Boomer, I'm X, you are... And a young millennial. So there you go. Yeah. Well done, Frank. What about our producer, Sarah Spracklin? I know I don't like backroom boys. I must admit, I got genuinely upset at the Brits when they said,

and now the reward for best, the award, not reward, the award for best producer. What? Frank, I turned it off. What? Yeah. I actually turned it off at that point. You know the technical, you know,

when they have like the BAFTA technical awards and all that. I have it off. Yeah. I actually turned it off at that point. You know the technical, you know, when they have like the BAFTA technical awards and all that. I have to admit. Not on the telly, ofs. I'll tell you what's insulting when they suddenly say, and we'll show highlights now from some of the craft awards. Exactly. And two people in fleeces, come on. I have to admit, I like finding out how things were done.

Do you? I do. There's always one lady with some statement jewellery as well. Not Frank. I just want the result. You're to the point where you don't like it when people know who the director was of a film. No, exactly.

Worst of all is when people, instead saying films say film where do you really interested in film which film which film is it back to the future what if it's the substance frank how far do you take the the back room so for example best costume designer a lady's gonna come on in green tights yeah yeah how do you feel with a fabulous haircut and big spectacles and i think she looks like a really interesting colourful person I'd like but this is not her

this is not her place they choose she could have those people you think she could have been an actress but I like when you watch a fashion show

and I don't want to teach my grandmother to stock eggs here but when you watch a fashion show lovely often when the designer

charming when the designer comes on yes they're like dirty old jeans and a t-shirt and they're quite a humble um it's like this is not about me i'm a bathroom person oh yeah carl lagerfeld well carl lagerfeld's a bit different but now what do you feel about it's a celebrity they're an actor they're one of the main characters in the film, but it's animated. So they were doing a voice in a little room. They weren't performing themselves. I think they're still performers. I can live with that.

That doesn't become backroom in your mind? No. No, I think they are part of the character on camera in my eye. Okay. As for Karl Lagerfeld, I found from behind. As for Karl Lagerfeld, I found from behind... That's for Karl Lagerfeld. His hair, his ponytail was so small

that from behind he looked like a white balloon. He looked like one of those tiny difficult knots you put in a balloon. Like you could pop Karl Lagerfeld. And now his cat's claws, he always had the cat with him.

I don't know how he got away with it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I meant to ask, Frank, did you see what Miriam Margulies said about Harry Potter just in the last few days? No. She said, it was 25 years ago and it's for children. Oh, wow.

Have you got her number? Because I'd like to call her. I think we'd get on well. Yeah. She's getting a bit of a stick for it. I was with Robbie Coltrane when a bloke asked him for an autograph for Harry Potter fan and I can't tell you what he said. Wow.

You're a bleep, Harry. I was a bit taken aback. Wow. You're a bleep, Harry. I was a bit taken aback. Frank, I would like to show, I know we're not live this morning, but... Yes, don't forget that. Don't text us or you'll be throwing money down the drain. Just so you know, our clients have been in touch. Oh, yeah.

Customers. They're not really customers. We call them readers. Have they been in previously to today, do you mean? Yes. So, yes, don't be fooled. If you're going to contact us today, you've got to go X or Insta or email. Or back in time.

Or back in time. I would like to share this with you. Heather from Stockport has contacted us. Do you remember we were discussing... That's lucky. Do you remember we were discussing... Heather. Yes, I know.

All right. We were discussing shoes recently. Well, we were discussing them this morning. My new daddy's got white shoes. That could be an old blues number, couldn't it? Daddy's got white shoes. It's one of the first things people learn. Of course, I got the guitar and I started out on daddy's got white shoes.

Yeah. So Heather says, hello, Frank, Pierre and Emily. Just listening to your shoe chat, that would have been from last week, and I thought you'd like this shoe-based fact. Shoes did not differentiate between left and right until 1817. Both shoes were

identical up until that date. Heather from Stockport, brackets, home of the I like that that's a tradition continued by the hotel slipper. Pre-1817 design. Perhaps they had them all made.

Back then? Yeah. I can believe that. Heather says her sign-off is home of the recently built, not yet open, tissue box-shaped bus station. I'm not familiar with that. It's not been built yet, but it's obviously being much discussed in the local area.

The pyramids of Stockport. But if it's a tissue box, isn't that just like a flat rectangular thing? There's a big hole in the top for the buses to go in and out of. It's going to be like the Pantheon. Will it make a little sound? Like the tissue dolls

when it emerges from the centralised area. Yeah. But I've never heard of it. The central reservation of the tissue box. I remember I was with a comedian called Tim Clark. Do you know him? We were driving through Liverpool and he said to me,

what is that over there? And I said, what do you mean? He said, what is that thing, that building? What is it? I said, it's a bus stop, isn't it? He said, said yeah but on what's it standing on do you ever see a bus stop like that and it was on like a uh a traffic roundabout instead of on a street yeah and um and the point he was trying to get to was it that in Penny lane there is a what is it on a roundabout there is a shelter on a roundabout and it was that one that was it yeah it was an actual uh

sort of stop on a walking tour yeah oh wow quite exciting yeah well he didn't do uh it didn't he didn't do the shortest route to tell you that that's why it was worth looking at no well i think he'd done a bit of teaching and, you know, you've got to let them find it themselves. Okay. That's the secret. Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Now, what's going on? I would like to return to the subject of previous correspondence we've had from our readers on this show. For example, Chris Page in Swansea writes. That's very sort of 80s consumer programming. Yeah, right.

That's something Esther Ransom would have said on That's Life. What were her helpers called? She had two helpers. Yes. Anyway. She had... Chris Searle and someone else. The more passive-aggressive.

Chris Page and Swansea lets us know. Yeah. Let's us know his thoughts. There was Cyril Fletcher. Yeah. Yes. Very old performer. Sort of musical. Used to do monologues.

This is the tale of Billy Bulls who went around neglecting tools. And he wore a non-ironic Piano Valley smoking jacket. He did, yeah. He was wearing the velvet before you were born. He was an OG. Was it tipping the velvet? Yes were born. He was an OG. Touching the velvet. Was it tipping the velvet? Yes. Moving on, Frank.

Okay. Chris Page from Swansea. It's a great, great series. Okay. I love Rachel Sterling. Okay. Can we get back to Chris Page? Okay. Minister, I really must press you on.

I mean, as an actress, don't seed me out. I don't need a seed awareness course. Oh, my God. Off we go. Chris Page in Swansea? Chris Page. Let's turn back to Chris Page. Yes.

Okay, let me go back to a previous birthday of mine when I think we were last talking about this. On my commute on Monday Monday your discussion of asking for celebrity hairstyles had me cringing yes what I was thinking about is people used to go into hairdressers and they'd say I'll have a Tony Curtis or I'll have a a Les McKeown. Yeah, Princess Leia. Princess Diana. No one said that. Princess Diana, however, yes. Yes, Les McKeown. Do you remember him? He was from Bay City Rollers.

As a young smitten man in the late 90s, I once took a picture of H from Steps as the object of my affection was a fan of the band, the curtains didn't suit me. No.

As a result, she ended up dating a friend of mine. Praise redacted, yours an embarrassment, Chris Page from Swansea. Oh, that's a bit sad. That's a very misunderstanding sort of thing to do for a young man, isn't it? To sort of go, well, she likes that music, so what if I had the same hair as one of the people in the band?

I wonder if Anne Boleyn stepping out of the four-poster bed said the curtains didn't suit me. It reminds me of when I was at a nightclub, N-I-T-E, in Greece on holiday, and a local man had a Cure T-shirt. And I thought, I really, I used to go to this nightclub and stand like the wallflower and look at him every night and I'm thinking, I'm going to pluck up the courage. And I went up to him on night, I think it was night nine

of the 10-day holiday. God, hold it, night nine, he still had the same T-shirt on. He wore every sort of, it was pretty much regularly frank he might have had two but there was always cure t-shirts okay always cure he might have had two but did he have a eyeshadow oh he had black eyeliner okay spiky hair and he had what we'd now call emo vibes and he started talking to me in broken english and And he said, what music do you like? That's what I said. The Cure?

Yeah. Of course. He kind of, that was it. I don't think he ever spoke to me again. No, it was, you'd gone Route 1. I wake up every night and cringe at that. No. Why did I say The Cure, Frank?

Oh, I could have said something a little bit different. You wanted something in the ballpark, but not on the nose. Then Jericho. Oh, I know, Frank. I know I got it wrong. I don't even remember what that stuff was like. Yeah, the wedding present or something. But then he might have thought that was a hint.

So difficult, these conversations, aren't they? First time around. I always used to say you smell nice. And everything was fine after that. Is that what you said? Yeah, I used to say, oh, you smell nice. That was my, you know, that's the closest I ever had to a chat-up line. Essentially, you went for the Labrador chat-up line.

Well, you know, to be honest, in West Bromwich, it wasn't as common as you might think. You couldn't fly in the face of public opinion. And there were flies. Frank, you've had a fan letter. Oh, it's been a while. What do you think about this, Pierre? I know we don't normally allow praise on this show.

I think we can make an exception for this, do you? I do, yes. Okay, over to you, Pierre Novelli. Dear Frankenteam, I'm teaching English in Morocco. Oh. And a couple of weeks ago... Is it Kenneth Williams? Thanks.

Yes, I mean mean they're not learning the right sounds are they no I met a man from Morocco the other day do you know who he sounded like

but I was told that this is how I had to speak the language Mr. Kenneth insisted Mr. Kenneth said all the best men

in England sound like this are you Moroccan stop messing about imagine people coming through passports please oh excuse me like this. He says, are you Moroccan? Stop messing about. Imagine people coming through passports, please. Oh, excuse me.

Anyway, enough. Yeah. I've never been to Morocco, actually. Do you know it's lovely? I've been a number of times.

We'll discuss. I'm teaching English in Morocco and a couple of weeks ago I asked my students to pick a poem to read and analyse. They also had to explain why they picked that one. One of them chose The Lady of Charlotte.

Oh yes. Do you know what I wasn't a fan of hers for obvious reasons. Of course you don't like any of the Onion family. I know the Lord of Onion I won't go near that. Yes of course. So it would be a unique interpretation of the poem. This disgusting woman. When I asked her why this one, it's quite long and complicated for a 15-year-old after all, she said that she fell in love with it after listening to a podcast where, quote, a man analysed it. Oh, wow. At first I thought it was a BBC podcast,

but then she said Frank Skinner's poetry podcast, and I resisted the urge to high-five her. This was a Moroccan figure of a mountain child. A Moroccan teen. Continue with this. Impeccable taste in podcasts. Thank you for inspiring the younger generation to enjoy poetry.

You're doing the Lords, brackets Tennyson, close brackets work. The Alfred Lords. Yes. God bless. Why did Tennyson, why was he Alfred Lord Tennyson? Is that how you do it? You don't say Lord Alfred Tennyson.

It should just be the surname or the toponymic, like the place you're the Lord of. No, Frank, you're absolutely right. He mixed everything up. He had Lord in the middle. For me, he was in the same ballpark as H. Samuel. I think it's a bit... Maybe there were so many Alfreds.

You know Alfred, Lord Tennyson. I know what it is, Pierre. It's faux humility. It's like, look, I don't like to talk about this. That's my middle name. So I don't want to put it... I just can't think of another lord in the middle. No.

Can we say... I'd say that was from Zara in Sunny Agad that was from Zara and Sonny Agadir. That's brilliant, though. Agadir, dear, dear, dear, crushed pineapple. Anyway. I don't think they'll be sharing that in their Moroccan lessons. You've ruined everything now. Thank you for inspiring the younger generation.

To listen to Black Lace. Was it Black Lace? Of course it was. Of course oh yeah so i don't want to blame anyone else for it but yeah how do you feel about being big in morocco no but that's that is actually brilliant that made me slightly tingle the idea of a some a moroccan person listening to it and thinking i love this poem yeah And then you went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like Agadou. I know, but I have to say something stupid. That's my day job.

It's a contractual obligation. Yeah, exactly. The poetry is a little extra. But the main thing is Agadou. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We're not... Okay, I'm with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli.

But the most important thing is we're not live, so please don't text us, because we don't want you wasting your money. That 50 pence you could spend on a brain liquor. Probably a bit more than that. Have you ever had a brain licker? What is it? It's a very dangerous looking sweet.

It comes in a sort of aerosol and you lick the ball. Really? And it's like blue, bright blue. Yes. Yeah, I don't believe it's good for you. And that's why I never get it for my child. Kath might be listening. Oh, yeah.

So, yes, so don't text us. You can follow us on X and Instagram, though, at frankontheradio, or you can email us at frankatabsoluteradio.co.uk. Okay. They're all fine. Now, there's a special surprise that's been arranged for you, Frank, an hour. Not a cake. Well, we should for you, Frank. Another cake.

Well, we should say actually about the cake. Yeah, we just ate. It's a sort of a rainbow cake. Lovely. It's got rainbow layers. The layers of colour are sort of the flag of a short-lived Eastern European republic. Yeah, okay.

I was thinking a sign of God's covenant with Noah. Or both. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I was thinking a sign of God's covenant with Noah. Or both. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, very nice cake. And it's to celebrate the fact that this week the show is 15 years old. Yeah. It's old enough to move to Morocco and listen to a podcast. It is.

So are Frank and I, really. Yeah. So, yeah, so me and Emily have been here from the beginning. You've made it this far. Yeah. Thanks for that phrase. I have to say. You've done it again.

A joyous experience. It has. And is. There can't be many shows that have achieved anywhere near the same. Yeah, but don't draw attention. No. Because I think Absolute have genuinely forgotten us 15 years. And I don't think we should draw attention to it.

Well, judging by the fact we had to buy our own cake, I would say yes, they have. From Sainsbury's. They have forgotten that. So it's more like we're just in the attic. But they leave us to it. Yeah. Okay, that's what we like about it.

That is the joy of it. We are the kids who just, we get the matches out and no one knows. And somehow we make it through to adulthood. Yes. Over to you. Anyway, can I say, everyone who's listened through that period, on any sort of regular basis, thank you so much. Without you, it would be like a pre-record really like this.

Yes. Every week. We wouldn't want that. No. Sorry, Pierre. Carry on. Well, the surprise. Our very own Angela Barnes got in touch. Oh, Angela, friend of the show. Yeah. Love AB.

And has sent us something saying, I'm sure a million people have sent this to Frank, but I couldn't resist. Much love to you all. And she either underestimates herself or overestimates the rest of the world. Yeah, all my popularity. She was the only one who sent us this, I think. Okay. I should say for the listener,

it's an audio clip and Frank has not heard it yet. All I've got on my jingles board. Yes, I've got a jingles board. Me and Santa. And it just says Angela clip again. You know, I'm looking for a new stage name. Here we go. It's 22 seconds.

Don't panic. And this is it. Oh, I'm a Gabby bird. Yes, I'm a Gabby bird. 22 seconds, don't panic. And this is it. What is he saying? I'm a gummy bear. He's doing that with his armpit. Gummy, gummy, gummy. He's doing a bit of that. He's doing some characterisation.

Who is this? It's a Polish classical orchestra. Played gummy bear. Playing gummy bear. Does it mean something else in Polish? I assumed it was the terrible bloke from the... The adverts. Go compare.

Do you know what? I don't think he was available. No. He's got a lot of welcome now. It actually works. It works really well. And if you watch the clip, he's hopping,

the opera singer's hopping up and down the spot. He's really going for it. I will call me Bob. I will call me Bob. Is he doing it tongue in cheek? He looks pretty serious about it. And there's a full orchestra doing it, and they all seem pretty dedicated.

One thing that makes me sad is even the orchestra, even they're not immune to having to go for the likes now. Really? Even classical orchestras have to get thirsty on the gram. Thirsty on the gram? By playing the gummy bear song? They've got to think of bear TikTok in mind. Well, if they weren't too lazy to learn their parts,

I might give them a bit more support. I'll just read. Can I just read my... No, I'd like you to learn. Oh, I'm not learning. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, we've had in some correspondence and it's regarding, do you remember your bin situation? Yes

Which you've discussed previously on this show Well what happened is when the lady moved in next door she said at some point, well the first conversation I had she said at some point we're going to have to talk about your bins. I don't know why you've got so many. Yeah, as an intro. It was really off on the wrong foot. I have since made friends with her

and she, I'm sure, is delighted to know that one of my bins got stolen and so it's less crowded. Oh. Okay. Garden waste as well. Really? Yeah, beautiful tan collar bin.

Well, one of our readers has got in touch to share a message, saying, I wanted to share a message my brother sent me just yesterday. In other news, Cardiff has started a new recycling scheme and we now have five separate indoor bins. Wow. Well, me and Pierre are in Cardiff soon on tour. Yeah, this is good local gear. Yeah.

We've done a fabulous light and dark. We've done an evening show. We'd sold like hot cakes. Marvellous. And they said, oh, you should put a matinee on. So we put a matinee on. Six people are going. Frank, that's not true.

I'm sure you're all... It's very close. It's an old Cardiff tradition. We've just got all... I can't believe Frank fell for the old hat paper. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, he's doing it. He's only doing it.

Yeah, so that'll be cosy. Yeah, we can talk to them about the bins. So can somebody buy a ticket? It's embarrassing. We used to do... I was in art in the West End, a very successful play. And we used to do eight shows a week. We used to do a matinees on Wednesday and Saturday.

And it was a great play to be in because it lasted 75 minutes, no interval. Oh, great. So straight through and it's a really good play. it's no interval oh great so straight through and it's really good play and um i was in it and uh this is a three-hander and if anyone said oh how long is it we'd always say oh it's uh 75 minutes or um 60 on a wednesday matinee because there's like 50 uh people in and we didn't leave any of the gaps for laughs. In a way, it was better. There was no gaps for laughs.

It was very real. It's always tricky that on stage. Well, it's not for comics. You're used to it. But how long do you leave for the laugh? I went to see all the praise. I went to see Cabaret recently. Oh, yeah.

And standing ovation mid-show for self-esteem who was quite superb. Wow, mid-show for self-esteem, who was quite superb. Wow, mid-show. After, not maybe this, it was Cabaret, people literally screaming, whooping, hollering. It went on for, I'm going to say without exaggeration, I'd say two to three minutes mid-show. Wow.

How did P.E. Cupboard's performance go down? As the MC. MC P.E. Cupboard. I don't know, but I think Cass is dead. It's taking over. Sorry to hear that. How do you cope with it? I thought with his family.

How do you... Is this how you break the news to us, Cass? How do you deal with that? If you get a standing ovation or cheering mid-show, do you leave the pause? I don't really get it. I noticed in the West End I started getting standing ovations at the end and I didn't know the etiquette.

So I thought, can I still walk off? Do I have to wait for them to sit down? Yeah. Well, when I went to see you guys, you had a standing ovation and my goddaughter was like, well, is there encore they're coming on again it's um i think it's just people leaving and other people having to stand up yeah it's a it's a theater thing well we're playing in theaters you're talking as if we're doing waste ground yeah but in comedy it's difficult because if you've got material that you know normally takes 20 minutes and you have a really tough gig. I've done my 20 minutes of material in 12 minutes.

Oh, God. Yeah, well, that's there for. That can happen. Can we get back to the bins? Yes, certainly. Yeah? Please. In other news, this is an email.

Hold on, I might have to stop you there. Why? Because the producers waving the fares two inches from my face to the point where one of the black fringes caught the corner of my eye. Well, you're very big in Morocco, as we know. Exactly. Yes, it might have just been just arrived by Deliveroo. Yes.

We'll come back with your part. Hold on to that point now. Okay. Bookmarking. Oh, I wish I'd had that for the bloke called Paige. Too late. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

Can I return to the subject of bins? Yes, of course. This is correspondence we've had, I should say, from Sam in Essex. Sam, pick up thy musket. He knocked it down so he'll pick it up. Sam. Sam is from Hassex.

Okay. Scotland? Essex. Oh. Were you just saying Essex in a strange way? It's from Hassex. Is ith people say Essex no

Haseks in Essex that's fast I didn't know there was a Haseks in Essex anyway Sam says

I will keep Sam says yeah but I'll repeat this in case people are just you know joining us no I just the reason I repeat

that is there used to be there used to be a thing called the Watchtower, I think it was called. Maybe that's the Jehovah's Witnesses. That's from the Jehovah's Witnesses. No, no, this one was the Salvation Army newspaper. They used to give out in pubs on Fridays.

I can't remember what that one was called. I must have missed that one. Something like the Bugle. And anyway, there was a thing in it called Sam Spodekin Says and it was a potato-faced individual who said some words of moral wisdom every week. I know a few people like that. That's such a...

What are people in pubs like? Potatoes? I think they respect the talking potato. I didn't read it. I was on the Atkins. potatoes? I think they respect the talking potato. I didn't read it, I was on the Atkins. Do you remember there was a

character who used to do a column in the News of the World, Woodrow White, the voice of reason. Oh yes. And there was one in, there was a woman's thing called The People's Friend, and can you believe this? There was a column it's called The Man Who Knows.

Can you believe this? There's a columnist called The Man Who Knows. Oh, there's plenty of them about love. Anyway, let's return to Sam's. Yes. Sam's brother was telling us about the bin situation in Cardiff. Five bins in Cardiff. We now have five separate indoor bins and four external caddies. Goodness.

It's an absolute nightmare. It's political correctness gone mad. Nine bins. We're going to hell in a handcart. Nine bin bowling. Yeah. As I heard Jim Davidson once say when I went to see him live in Edinburgh. Yeah.

More of that later. Well, I don't know what the old PC brigade would say if I went to see him live in Edinburgh. Yeah. More of that later. Well, I don't know what the old PC brigade would say if I came tonight. PC brigade. What about when I had... That takes us back. I had dinner with...

With... With Jim Davidson. In St. Paul de Vos. What? Yeah. With Jim Davidson? With Jim Davidson in Saint-Paul-de-Vence. What? Yeah. Oh, yes, I know it well. Is that in the south of France? It is.

We just happened to be staying at the same house. Is he okay with south of France? Yeah? No, he was looking for a home there, as he put it, in case Labour got in. Was he one of those people that said I will leave the country a blame it is

no he exactly did that and he was actually I have to say it was a very enjoyable meal and he was very charming and interesting didn't say anything

that alarmed me but at one point he was talking about his marriages of which he'd had four and the lady who he was with who he wasn't married to, said,

I don't know why you marry them all, Jim. And he said, well, you know, it's a day out, isn't it? All the girls have a bath. That's fabulous reasoning. Constantly divorced. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. How long have I been reading this email out? But that's all right. It's a programme that thrives on digression.

As I say, I'm just keeping track of the birthdays that have passed. Okay, so back to Sam. Sam had a question after telling us all about the recycling scheme in Cardiff. Sam wants to know, does this now take first place against Frank's bin situation and more importantly has Frank

ever talked to his neighbour since the incident? Over to you Frank Skinner. We have made friends and in fact we even discussed the initial conversation obviously I brought it up. Do you want to remind people?

I said, we've come on a bit since you started having a moan about my bins when we first spoke. What did the neighbour say to you again? They were cross because... She said, you've got too many bins. We need to talk about that. Right. And what did she say when you brought it up again?

It was fine. But did she say when you brought it up again i was it was fine but did she sort of go oh now she said yeah i don't know why i uh brought that off why i did that yeah exactly but um but like i say i've had i think since then at least one been stolen so um she's got a lot more garden waste on her hands than she used to. Oh, I wonder. No, I don't think she... So, yeah, it's a bit of... It's natural reduction. Yeah, survival of the fittest. Exactly.

In bin world. Yeah, I don't know what's... Where that bin's gone, who would steal a bin? What? I mean, nine bins. Steely bins, maybe that's what they are, instead of wheelie bins. Good cover band name. Yeah. Steely bin. Yeah that's what they are, instead of wheelie bins. Good cover band name. Yeah.

Steely bin. Yeah. You know what I hate is things placed next to the bin. Steely bin. Steely bin. Yeah. I don't like things placed next to the bin. I don't like things.

For example, my neighbour's daughter had an 18th. Sounded like everyone had a very good time. Okay. Nothing passive aggressive there. No. Just saying. Great DJs. And I work late now.

They wore DJs? That's a posh party. No, they played good music actually. I didn't mind. Two? Two. Okay. What do you think of that?

I think that's that was okay i could live with it but what i noticed some of the rev the revelers did it's more the leaving when they leave the young people you're all right mate yeah haven't they seen that sign please leave quietly because of local residents you're getting pobs and clubs they propped up uh a lot of bottles against their bin as they left because you know youths leave you only need one person to put a bottle somewhere and soon there'll be 12 yeah people go that's where bottles live yeah because nowadays it's all right to put bottles there yeah a lot of energy drinks as well they love that for youth well that they better

make the most of it because i understand the bad news for Jim Davidson, but if Labour get in, they're going to make the selling of those energy drinks to under-16s illegal. Well, we've left the south of France to get my hands on me monster. Exactly. My hands are monster and they're a bull.

I'll tell you what, I can get my prime over there. I know I'm not wanted. Yeah, you've done all right with your girlfriend. Oh, my God, Frank. Anyway. Okay. So, what was the question again from Sam? Sam wants to know, have you talked to your neighbour since the incident?

Yes, I have. We're friends now. And as I say, the bins have been a natural sort of reduction. Do you know, that's lovely of somewhat disappointing news. Yeah, but you know, I'd rather live in harmony. Really? And have one fewer bin. Yeah, exactly. I don't mean Harmony, the 1970s adult magazine,

if that's what you're thinking. It was. No. Can I just clear that up? All the brassiere. Is there a... Oh, I didn't even know that. We'll talk about it.

Yeah. That was out of my clasp. Oh, God. Oh, God, rubbish. It's not live. We can cut it out. We won't. You know why?

What? Can't be bothered. We were discussing brassieres off the air. We were. And I asked if you remembered, I don't know why you would, but there used to be a bra, Pierre, called the Cross Your Heart bra. Was it Playtex? Great information.

Where were you when I needed you on the wheel? Specialist subject bras. Yeah, exactly. Sorry, I'll let you down. Frank Skinner on bras. What if I'd gone on bras? All right, bra. Okay, Frank, can you answer this? What if I went on? Anyway. Okay, so. This right, bra. Okay, Frank, can you answer this?

What if I went on? Anyway. Okay, so... This is a bra question. Well, no, it's not a bra. You're not actually on the wheel. What is Playtex? Playtex, Frank, you will know this.

This is your area. You said you were on bras. Well, what happened is the clasp was at the front, as I recall. Right. To make it easier for the lady. You know, they're doing that twisting thing around when they twist their bra around to fasten the back bit. Hello, there, I'm here.

Oh, sorry. I'll tell you, Frank. Did you ever do that? Is that a personal question? There was a terrible moment before your time, Pierre, when we used to be on camera all the time. You could watch it on the internet. Oh, right.

And Emily had come on in a top and didn't like the top, was going to change it. So she changed it. I turned around and closed my eyes. And then we remembered. We started getting texts saying, oh, that wasn't expecting that. Frank suddenly said,

like the end of Kind Hearts and Coronets, the webcam. Yeah, exactly. It was like my memoirs. It was too late. The webcam. It was too late. I hope all of those,

I don't know how many of them are still with us, let's be honest. No, well, that is true. Anyway. But yeah, so the class was at the front. So cross your heart, Brad. So you'd be snogging someone and going, where on earth?

The world turned upside down. Do you know, it was how we sort of deron-browned. Yes. We deron-browned our dates. They didn't know. Do you know who the first Cross Your Heart Bra model was? I do know this. This is your real question.

What year? What year? Queen Victoria. Well, I think it would have been around 1970. the first Cross Your Heart bra model was? I do know this. This is your wheel question. What year, roughly? Well, I think it would have been around 1970. I'm going to say... Clue, she was not young at this point. Oh, Sophia Loren. No, close.

Gina Lola Brigida. No. You've got one more guess. Think of the woman I would say most associated cinematically. Oh, not... Yes. Jane Russell. Oh, Jane Russell.

Okay. I met Jane Russell when she was 80. How was she? Where was her bra? She was... No, I think... I didn't ask. She was friendly in a I'm a big star kind of a way.

I was at Liza Minnelli's first wedding anniversary party. You met Guest as well? Yeah, David Guest was obviously, he was there. He was married to her. Yes. Okay. I also would like to say we were discussing various television puppets the other day. Oh, yes.

What was the rabbit's name? Pipkins. Pipkins. Hartley Hare. And Hartley Hare as well. Horrible, revolting. And what was the pig again, Frank? Anyway. My name's Pig and I like food. Yeah, that's right.

Pig was called Pig and I like food. Yeah, let's stick to the subject. Sorry. Oh, my God. I saw the cake and I got distracted. Very nice cake, I must say. And you bemoaned the dearth of modern-day puppets on TV, and I pointed out that there was a very funny puppet by the name of Hackety Dog that I'm a big fan of.

And I got a DM. Hackety Dog slid into my DMs. It's the first time a puppet has DMed me, I will say that. A hackety dog slid into my DMs. It's the first time a puppet has DMed me, I will say that. Can I say... Hopefully not the last. I don't want to spoil this, but I knew about this because my son follows him. Really?

So he said, are you upset? When I got in, he said, are you upset, hacker? Did hacker address it as well, directly? Yeah, so he said it has a sound thing of what we said on the show, yeah. I like a sound thing of what we said. I think, yeah.

I love that. To describe an audio. Some sort of sound. I thought, who is he? Alexander Graham Paul? There's a thing called Martian poetry. It's called an audiograph. Where people write as if they are Martians.

Oh, and what did Hacker say? I think he was a bit upset. Well, he sent me his good wishes. Oh, okay. Because I am aware of his fantastic work. Yeah. Unfortunately, he put some of his excrement through my letterbox.

Anyway, listen, thank you for listening to us today. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. I think we're live. Are we live next week? No.

No, we're not live next week. Save your money. Oh, think of the brain liquor. Okay. Get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.